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THE EVEWNG'TELEGRAPH
PUBLIC LEDGER COMPANY
.."i "..l-ualnitton. Vice Preaidrnt; John C.
Martin. SFerftary Bnt Treaaurer: PhlllpH.Colllni.
John a. Williams, John J. Spuraeon, Director!.
. KDTTOntAL nOAUD:
. Ctb It. K. CcaTis. Chairman
f DAVID H. SJIILKT Editor
JOHNC. MAnTIN....afncral Uualneia Manager
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PkUiJI.hl., Thur.d.r. January 16, 1011
LABOR'S PROGRAM
TN THE report Just Issued by the recon
' structlon committees of the American
Federation of Labor, to Indicate the policy
of trades unionism In this country during
the period of Industrial readjustment, the
principle, of political Independence Is con
spicuously stressed. American labor will
not co-operate In any effort to form a new
party dedicated to clasi Interest,
By formal Implication the American Fed
eration maintains Its opposition to move
ments now current In other countries
which are aimed to form all workers Into
political bloc of their own. The wisdom
of this course is obvious. Labor In the
United States maintains Its freedom us
a balance of power. It will continue as a.
critical and constructive force In politics
after the fads nnd passions actuating newly
formed parties elsewhere have ended In
futility, failure and diminished Influence.
Elsewhere the l-'eder.itlon reconstruction
program sounds more radical In the letter
than It can be In spirit. It cceks Govern
ment "ownership or regulation" of public
utilities nnd a working week of five and a
half eight-hour days, and demands that
' workers be permitted to fix their own
hours of labor. The litter provision is
Impossible slnco It leaves out the other end
of the equation the employer.
But In the main the 1'eder.itlon retains
the conservative viewpoint that It has held
Ince the beginning of tho war. 'It Is the
one labor organisation in the world that
has not completely lost Its head.
Ludendorff
hunters.
has now joined tho alibi
s PENALIZE TIIL STREET SNAIL
fTIROLLEV passengers wear) ot watchful
waiting or congested streets will bo in
clined to hail with featlsfaction the efforts
of the Department of Public Safety to
Induce the Legislature to pats an uct
authorizing Councils to pas-, punitive
ordinances regulating tralllc. 'Words, how
ever pyrotechnic, seldom fall to move the
serenely obstruetionary coal wagon driver
or tho self-aBsured potentate of a snail
like vehicle on the car track At pio-ent,
though offenders may be lined, there Is no
method of enforcing the penalty have
through the usual means of collecting it
debt. A trat'V ordinance with a Jail sentence
sting nVght be moie s-alutaiy
In framing 1 emulations, for the better
ment of all aspects of the transit problem,
botil freight and passenger, In Philadelphia.
however. It Is not only threats, but alto
constructive remedies, that are needful,
Drays mid trolleys alike art Immpued by
a street system which, though hjiuethlng
of a model In Penn'a day, la now one of tha
most embai raising of any from which an
American city sufcrs.
The rigidity of the plan Imitated by
torpid municipal legislators far be.oud the
original Vine and South street limits has
resulted in a constricted cliecket board mid
a transport problem of formidable dllll
culty. Artistically, It is eifeetive that Huch
wide new streets as tho Parkway and the
Northeast Boulevard should be void ot
car tracks. But on the congestion rlililu
they have little bearing. The "one wa"
rule on nanow thoioughfares is pet haps
tho best expedient that has been adopted,
but the city has growji too fast for th it
arrangement to bring moie thin partial
lelief. The P. R TVs alleged plan buggi st
ing the confinement of vehicular trnlllc to
certain streets while others would be to
served exclusively for tho cars might bo
advantageous If discriminatingly applied.
Coupled with laws which the police could
enforce against blockade, parking and
loading and unloading offenses, some Im
provement of transit tempo might be at
tained. Sympathy with the traction com
pany on all Its alleged grievances is hardly
Justified. But Its complaints against nar
row streets and the wn they are us-ed aie
unquestionable found
Through n Nult of his own liuy Stan
nard Baker has been given an excellent op
portunity to get himself thoroughly disliked.
WAR ON THE YARDSTICK
B1
EFORE the might of sentiment and
custom the most flawless logic stands
abashed. Like many another reformer,
Senator Shafroth has evidently been ob
livious of that fact in Introducing Into
Congress his bill compelling tho use of the
metric system of weights nnd mensurcs
..throughout the United Htites. His inten
sions wero excellent, for It cannot be denied
that rods, poles, perches, drams, quintals,
SjSsiearats and pennyweights bristle with com-
"JplexltJea. The decimal measuring system
is really 'complete, comprehensive and
avlmpla.
Tha preliminary bother of mnstering the
Stem would be Incommensurate to the
dfs trained. But there is something
g about perfection, while fallibility
nesa, when, entrenched by trodl
M'tWdaarins -ppeal.
JC . " . 4 . W1...- I
f HIS COfllUBIUU ait tut. 11 -u 1
to 23 o'clock than to 11 p. m for some
times tho key Initials are omitted In con
versation nnd letters. Italy's railways cm
ploy tho clearer scheme, nnd yet most of
tho Itoman clock faces still conform to
the twclvo-hour arrangement,
Tho upheaval caused by tho French
Revolution must Indeed have been titanic
to have enabled Its cockaded savants suc
cessfully to Introduce tho metric system.
Anglophobia In America must have been
rampant when wo abandoned the unwieldy
pounds, shillings nnd pence for the sim
pler dollar stnndard.
It will ho a keen Index of the power of
Innovation In these momentous days If tho
Senator from Colorado cun put over his
obviously commendable reform. Thero nro
precedents, however, for believing that,
measuring by his chances of success, ho
has a bigger Job on his hands than Presi
dent Wilson. ,
CITY HALL BOLSHEVISM
FIGHTS A NEW CHARTER
The Vara Machine Is Revealing S)inptoms of
the Dull Unreason That Always Pre
cedes Deserved Clia'tisemcnt by
the Public
TT IS plain that the Urothcrs Vare nnd
their trained Councilmcn have quite
forgotten the roaring dny in 1905, when
crowds marched to City Hull and sat in
both chumbcrs with ropes in their hands
and chipped in to buy tar nnd feathers.
The gas-lease extension project was
voted down though the ways had been
greased for it. A system of betrayal nnd
debasement even more conscienceless and
more flagrant than that which flowered
in the lUOo jobbery is culminating in
open warfare against the plan for a new
city charter. The first big attack has
been rehearsed for today's meeting of
Council.
The chaste spirits comprising tho Vare
machine arc prepared to nppcar in solid
formation as defenders of tho city's
welfare as guardians of its integrity 1
Uncle Dave Lano is tho stage manager
of the odd melodrama. And wc used to
think that Uncle Dave had cunning!
No outcome of the political confusion
in Philadelphia could be happier for tho
city at large than the sort of campaign
that is being organized against the
charter-revision scheme. Tho Vare
machine is in a sort of delirium. It 13
running wild. A fetid system of organ
ized anarchy is entrenched at City Hall.
The sooner that system is compelled to
drag itself out into the light tho sooner
it will be fully understood by an easy
going public. And the sooner its motives
can be understood.
Mayor Smith and Director Wilson and
tho Vares themselves aie doing a service
to tho city by making their organization
appear daily more detestable. And we
are appioaching just that much more
swiftly to the smash that always follows
the ovcrconfidenco of a beggar 6n horse
back. "Let us," suy Uncle Dave and Brother
Ed and Brother Bill in effect, "have all
the city one happy Frog Hollow! Do
not put profane hands on established
institut'ons! Things arc good enough as
they arc!"
Things are good enough behind the
barbed who of the City Hall machine.
But the champions of political prostitu
tion in Councils haven't been trained to
complain of any actual fault with the
plans for a new city charter. Who, in
these days of practical politics, considers
tho utility or decency of anything? The
war is to- be waged upon grounds of
patriotism and civic pi idol
Scouts for Uncle Dave and Brother
Bill turned up tho shocking information
that some of the gentlemen engaged in
tho plans for charter revision do not
reside in Philadelphia, but in the sub
urbs! Biot'ier I'd ambles in from his
feudal castle at Ambler to cry out in
rightcou- indignation against the pre
sumption hero indicated. He will not, of
course, suggest that his criticism is
aimed at men whoso enterprise and
industry have been adequate to sustain
such prestige as the city is able to
achieve against all the handicaps of a
rotten political administration. When
advice is needed to keep the municipul
affairs out of the hands of suburbanites,
John R. K. Scott may easily bo sum
moned from Bala or is it Cynvvyd?
Mayor Smith, refreshed by the vernal
peace of his Glenoids home, writes
ungramrnatical tirades , to Secretary
Daniels assuring the world that Phila
delphia is clean.
But the lesidence of these gentlemen
is different. Whereas the charter commit
tee suburbanites vote where they live in
tho suburbs, Brother Ed and His Honor
and Mr. Scott do not. They keep "voting
addresses" in the wards where they first
rose to political power, but which are no
longer good enough for them really to
live in. That is tho difference!
The plight of the Mayor and of tho
whole Vare machine i3 perfectly obvious.
It has had plenty of rope and it is making
the traditional use of it. A sane and
presumably normal-minded population is
asked to believe that a servile 'jtr,
bought and paid for, is more desirabl.-,
than the system provided for in evciy
ordinance of freo government ; that the
taxpayers should applaud and support a
state of affairs under which their money
is used to corrupt the affairs of tho
municipality; that wo have reached tho
ideal state of city government when
money is taken out of tho treasury and
used in vast quantities to maintain a
system of bossism which defeats the
city's best ambitions.
Uncle Davo and the Brothers Ed and
Bill nnd those of their Councilmcn who
can think at all know that they have a
difficult case to maintain. So, If the
program already outlined for future
sessions of the City Council is followed,
tho facts of ithe matter will be grandly
set aside and' the attack .on the charter-
-.''tn,
EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER
revision plan will bo centered not on tho
theory involved, but on ths personalities
of tho men who have outlined a new
order of municipal administration that is
decent and scientific.
Floods of cigar store oratory, nil the
ndjectives available In limited vocabu
laries, shouts and cries, tho spurious and
detestable pretensions of ward politicians
will be mobilized at future sessions of
Council to show that men who live In the
suburbs nnd work In tho city should not
hnvo an interest In tho city's affairs.
Well, nt nny rate, it will be worth n good
laugh.
If disregard of law, class interest
violently maintained nnd a dominance by
inefficient nnd backward minds go with
Bolshevism, then wo have a Bolshevist
city administration in Philadelphia.
Keeping convicted felons on tho police
force is a good example of It.
Sooner of later there will bo a revision
of the city charter and n reform in the
ward system of representation where a
lnrge part of the present corruption
begins. The buying and selling, the dirt
nnd dishonor of the present system will
go. Tho times are changing nnd the
bosses don't know It. The hnrder they
fight the charter-revision plan tho more
clearly their selfishness and futility and
viciousnes3 will be revealed And for
that reason nlone the campaign for a
new charter is more than welcome.
If Colonel IIoufo has nny regird for prec
edent ho will now quote Mark Twain on
exaggerated reports.
WIIKRE THE LEAGUE MUST BIND
rpiIE sound principle of International law
-- underlying tho doctrine that a blockade
to bo binding must be effective Is Inher
ently Indispensable to the logic of n lcague-of-nat!ons
plan. Covenants, such ns those
outlined by General Smuts and Lord Rob
ert Cecil, while admirable In certain re
spects, aro apparently timorous of uni
versal coercive meisures in a crisis. Regu
lations providing for a postponement of
war hut shy of proscribing It when an
obstinate nitlon remains bellicose after a
lapse of a jenr or more are Inconsistent
with what should bo tho fundamental prin
ciple of an international association.
.1 league of nations tchlch, tehen haid
picsscd, Icgalkes inir, is really an alliance
on the old tlisastiotts sense, capable of
Oiling rise to combination and groupings
of J'oicers containing the perilous germs
of iicneial conjltct.
America cannot bo true to her traditions
and Ideals and tako up membership In an
alllanco which In any way authorizes war
even as a last resort. Such an alllllatlon
would mean entanglement. A universal
league, with the utter repudiation of war
as the caidlnal element of Its structute,
Involves no compiomlse with Washing
tonian and Monrovian principles, but
rather their perfectly legitimate extension,
The President summarized our attitude
In his pregnant phrases at Manchester.
A universal and binding league wo can
consistently Join. Any incomplete mani
festation of it would have the alarming
attributes of an alliance of great Powers
and our participation therein would Justify
criticism. There must be no trilling with
fundamentals. They must bind In order
to warrant acceptance.
There Is slgnltli-uiico In
Dlttutri of the fact that represen-
lleurt and .Mind tatiou at the Peace
Conference is In pro
portion to the extent of the Interest of each
nation In the peace s ttleinent and not
merely In accordance with the part plajtd
by eaUi nation In the war. The plan adopted
Is the American and Dritlsh plan. That
Piani-t thould favor the other Is easily un
dtistandabk. She was cloter to the vtar than
her blggtr neighbors. Hut because strong
fetllng sometimes Inti'rferts with clear think
ing there Is possibility that tho course
adopted la the. vvlter oil".
The l'tssliiilsttc Tup
(.roeruphlriil er tajs ho reads the
Anutomleul? newspapers with fear
and trembling these
iLiju. He never knows the mlnuto that ho
will hear that that t'ovu of Peace has been
phot in tho Balkans.
How Philadelphia
would boll with Indlg.
nation were the Ptace
IlruniN and Mote,
Mom unit J'orelen
Conference to consume
ns much time In getting started as she hao
done before trying Thomas II .Smith!
It begins to look as
though the real "Em
peror of Sahara" will
bo President Wilson
vote of the Nebraska
1 he IVrfiM I
lhlrlj-Mv
after Juno 20, Th"
Legislature now assures the piospect of a
perfectly "coiltlng" time
Tho Sphinx had a nut to ciaek. Direc
tor Wilton says he is a Sphinx. Some nut.
Skaters are not having much luck now
adays. Tho tcmperatuie is rising and grog
stock falling
There is no brtad In Petiograd. No
liovernincnt can walk upright without the
support ot the staff of life.
Petrograd citizens have nothlngto eat
but unground oats. That's a poor substltuto
for a decent meal.
Attendants at the Nobru trial are hum
ming n modern version of the old song: "Oh,
Vare, and oh, Vare has that little doggone
$7000 gone?"
Here's hoping that the Paris delegates
will promoto a society affair not tainted by
exclU'dvimsH
When the peace commlsHloners begin to
tncklo the tjuestlon of boundaries they will
understand something of the feelings of
shock troops going through barbed wire In
Mo Man's Land
Another Increase In tho prlco of Hall
cakes coming' Lack of fertilizer is causing
Maine potato raisers to plant their acres In
wheat.
The Allies are going to send a mission
of Investigation to Russia, They will learn
how much terrorism tux empty bread basket
will hold.
IHIL'ADELrHIA, THURSDAY, JANUARY
THE GOWNSMAN
What Is the Mttter "Willi Philadelphia?
UNLIKR Shakespcaro and several other
remarkable personages, It shall not be
said of the Gownsman that he'never repeats.
Its knows the value of a refrain, a song In
w-hlch all can Join In the chorus! a slogan,
on advertisement, the "damned Iteration" of
which compels attention nnd a resting place
at Inst In the memory, Wherefore, once
more tho question that will not down: What
Is the matter with Philadelphia?
We seem to have reached a stoiro at least
In which pretty much everybody, except tho
Mayor, Is dissatisfied. For while most of us
sincerely wish that wo might be cleaner phy
sically, morally, clvlcally, there appear to be
those among us who would like us to be even
dirtier 'than we are and who do their part to
make us so. When a man Is acknowledged
to be III, at least wo need treat him no longer
as In perfect health. The Issue Is drawn be
tween thoso who would cure him and those
who would kill him, or ot any rate continue
to bleed him. It is a battle between a con
stitution, good, bad or Impaired, and the
microbe, Jones, Smith and noblnson. For
tho political microbes have been fattening;
on poor old Philadelphia now for many a
year. .
LIKH other patient?, the dear old chap Is
Jbcset with many doctors who, true to
their kind, are deeply Interested In diagnosis
Involving, os diagnosis always does, the call
ing of many very simple things by very hard
names. For example. Dr. Harrison S. Morris,
expert In civic symptomatology and a very
daring eclectic practitioner, finds the condi
tion of the patient not only chronic, and now
precarious, but really congenital. "What can
you expect," ho asks, "of a constitution the
basis of which Is non-resistant Quakerism
Infused with a dour Btreak of Presbytcrlan-
Ism?" Other practitioners find the trouble
In the name "Germantown," In tho refusal
of busybodles to let tho "100 per cent pure"
Philadelphia police alone. In the absence of
Mr. Wilson In Kurope or In the presence of
Mr. Daniels In Washington. Dr. John Archi
bald MacCallum suggests, with creditable
originality, that the trouble lies largely In
the low- palarles which we pay our teachers.
"Hear.! Hear!" With Doctor Garbcr's sal
ary raised to a hundred thousand a year and
Governor Brumbnugh, when he returns to
teaching, given a living wage of say fifty
thousand Instead of his paltry pittance as
historian of the Commonwealth, tho Gowns
man doubts not that Philadelphia will be at
onco restored to civic salubrity and a
flourish of all the arts.
TO BH a doctor Is to disagree not only with
other doctors, but as a diet with most
patients. Dr. John D. Mcllhenny, a practi
tioner of long standing not invariably pat
at Harrlsburg, appears to have mistaken the
hectic flush of tho war posters which recently
glowed on tho countenance of Philadelphia
for the health of real art. And Dr. John
McLuro Hamilton, tho noted facial special
ist, so lost control of himself for the moment
ns to laugh outright at Doctor Mcllhenny.
This was very reprehensible, for when an
admiring constituency sends a doctor to Har
rlsburg to attend on a Governor who is sick.
It must be assumed that he knows a circus
poster from a Murillo. Perhaps tho most
convenient of the several nostrums which
havo been offered to save poor oltl Philadel
phia Is first to deprive the old boy of the
potations semi-polltlco-reformatory that he
so loves nnd then turn over the remains to
tho women. When the women get tho vote
but who Is the Gownsman to forecast time,
tide or what women will do, might do, could
do to Philadelphia, to the vote or to any
thing else7
AS TO Quakers, the Gownsman has
opinions of his own. Comfort and no very
great surfeit of thinking has done Its work
upon them. They are tho safest pcoplo In
the world nnd will sit In Btatu quo for gen
erations. Your veritable Quaker Is often
admirable when the spirit moves within him;
but his engine is set In the reverse and when
It starts, is as likely 03 not to move back
ward, liesides, this Is not the age for any
great agitation, at least of the Quaker spirit,
except against fighting. Doctor Morris may
be right In attributing poor old Philadelphia's
lack of a healthy appetite for anything dif
ferent, bis home-loving unacqualntanco with
anything he has not always known, his
apathetic, senile spirit, to the Quaker blood
in us. For, like many another good thing.
It Is better to have had a grandfather In
trade, or a buccaneer, or n Quaker, than to
be one yourself.
The Prcsbstcrlans nre not so enslly dis
poned of they never arc. In fact, recovery
fiom Presbyterlanlsm Is often slow and
sometimes of an alarming character, Scotch
In origin, there remains to tho end a kind of
Scotchincss In them, n recalcitrancy to accept
nn thing that other people accept. They have
chosen a hard way for themselves ami like
to see to It that nobody else Is easier. Being
themselves of the elect, they prefer a cer
tainty to the choosing of people of whom they
are not so sure. They aro a stllT-necked gen
eration, bearing tho voko with fortitude and
exacting the same of other cattle. They
would rather listen to bad music In their own
churches on Sunday than allow others to
listen to good music outside. They aro a
strenuous, not a relaxed fiber, In the body
politic, and tho Gownsman Is of opinion that
Doctor Morris In this aspect of his diagnosis
Is wrong. It is a tonic not always palatable
but a tonic It is to live with the Presby
terians mHR Gownsman has been doctored many
-L times, always wisely If sometimes none
too well; but ho Is not the right kind of
doctor at least any other doctor will tell
you so. However, he yields to the weak
ness of his kind In presenting his diagnosis
of tho caso of William Penn Philadelphia.
Hsq , gentleman (though still much in trade),
aged 237, tho trouble apparently senile
anemia popularly called dry rot aggra
vated by several unskilled surgical operations
of reform, none of them radical enough.
Symptoms: Pulse weak, gait slow, will
flabby, no appetite except for drugs, sight
dim, forcBlglit almost completely atrophied,
memory still tenacious, hearing good for the
clink of gold. And yet a constitution natural
ly robust, a good heart and, take the old
fellow all In all, quite worth the saving.
NOW, what to do? First, get the politics
out of him ; It Is the "dope" that Is kill
ing him. Try to rid him of the hallucination
that he is the only real gentleman or old and
respectable family In tho brotherhood of
cities. Get him to see that the age of the
patron Is past and that money may make
tho mayor go, but that thero are some motors
that need another power. Lastly, take the
old fellow north of Market street, some fair
day, and let him see for himself that people
live there. You may later Increase the
lengths of his Journeys Into the world, and
perhaps some time show him a real city, F
A HIGHLY IMPORTANT FACTOR IN RECONSTRUCTION
-"eir.;.;
-.;-ri-
"" -sggMansawRVfl. ? jgrjaeaiBfoiiwfaMi?rr: ..-"::
.... " .-;
THE CHAFFING DISH
Latest News From Amerongen
yOU are old, Kaiser Wilhclm, Count Ben--
tlnck said,
And even your heir has gone white;
And of course while we never will grudge
you a bed,
When food Is so high, Is It right'.'
Your nice little visit has lasted nine weeks,
Wo're beginning to feel overtraining;
If you push It too hard hospitality creaks,
So you need not Insist on icmalnlng.
Our servants hnve threatened to go on a
strike.
It's a choice between you and tho cook:
My chnuffeur will take you whoover you
like,
So Just write In the visitors' book!
After his distressing experience at Co
blcnz, the Trlnce of AVnles will undoubt
edly nsk tho league of nations to do some
thing about the American practico (and a
poor practico It is) ot cutting In at dances.
Important Notice
We wish to Inform those who call on us
that tho elevator boy has been Instructed
to remove from visitors nil manuscript
plans for tho formation of tho league of
nations. Thcso will be carefully returned
when tho caller departs. Wo have had to
tako thlH drastic step because we And that
no discussion of the league cn be con
ducted under fifteen minutes of talking on
tho other man's part and nt leaBt Ave
minutes listening on our own.
An old, old newspaper correspondent was
assisted down the gangplank o nn ocean
liner,
"Whore have sou been thcso last thirty
years?" he was asked.
"In Paris," ho said, "writing articles
about the preliminary meetings of tho
Peace Conference,"
Cauterizing 'Wilhelm
O that a Hums wcro hero today
To sing the song of the Kaleer,
How ho and Nick came Into France
And thought tho world his prize, sir;
Hut Joffro gied him n tousle rare,
And Foch has handled him with care;
He heard tho Hleland bagpipes hlnrc,
And avva went the envied prize, sir.
And now to Holland see him run,
A humbled man and wiser,
A cownrd knave, a wily Hun,
Xo longer known as Kaiser;
A braggart fool, a "superman,"
Defeated nt the Yser.
Tho iloughboys gave his pride the sting,
His arrogance has taken wing,
And all tho world delights to sins
The downfall of the Kaiser,
JOHN McMASTKR.
Tomorrow Is Den Franklin's birthday,
and If lie were among us he would celo
brato It by buying thrift stamps.
" t
"Live lonu my son," sold a Russian
mother to her son when he was called to
the colors, "but live so that your life may
not seem lone to any one else."
How long the KaUer'a life seems 1 ,
It only tht, nations would sign up the
16, 199
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league of nations as fast as the States are
romping into prohibition!
Germany should bo admitted to the
lengue of nations yes, but on the pay-as-you-enter
principle.
On Doing Up a Pucknge of Laundry
There comes a time In all men's lives
When laundry must be sent;
When shirts and cuffs are somewhat soiled
And collars badly bent.
The only set of underwear
Is right upon your back.
And you must flash a fancy front
Or clso you'll get tho sack.
Of course tho things must be wrapped up
To go 'round to tho Chink's,
Because unwrapped they'd draw a crowd
Thoso vivid greens nnd pinks.
You find some paper near at hand
That looks 'bout large enough
To go around those shirts and things
In that big pllo of stuff.
Intrepidly you make a start
And roll up everything
Into a nice neat parcel,
But what about tho string?
Now by the time; a piece Is found
Tho bundle Is undone;
Also, tho paper's torn a bit;
Thats Its Idea of fun.
The ftnnl knot has Just been made,
When there upon tho floor
Is ono lone sock which got left out.
Say, don't that make you sore?
The strlns then sticks In such u snarl
That It must needs bo cut,
And when you tie It up again
It's long enough all but!
Well, anyhow, you take In slack
And cinch her up some way.
Then start In getting ready
For the labors of the day.
Suddenly you gulp and stop!
Where are thoso new pearl etuils?
Ye little gods nnd fishes I
Wrapped up In them thero duds!
In opening up tho package
Tho paper feels tho wear,
So when you do It up again
Things fall out everywhere.
N6 more paper; no more string.
You give It up disgusted.
Go forth and buy a new outfit?
You would but you are busted.
WALTER S. FOGG.
A philosopher says, speaking of tho
present ern, "Never was tho human mind
master of so many facts and sure of sn
few principles." But thero Is one.prliv
clple that humanity now seems very sure
of. It Is this: That aa the common people
will have to think about a war for a long
time nfter It Is over, It Is well to give
them plenty of time to think about It be
for starting ono. SOCRATES.
Doctor Dernburg has expressed belief
that America, at the Peace Conference, will
eventually side with the Teutons against the
Allies. This would seem to prove that we
etlll havo to deal with an Impudent and un
repentant Germa'ny, j -
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My Little Kid Sister
WHEN I think of my little kid sister
(I never thought much of her then)
I don't even remember I kissed her,
I certainly can't think when.
I used to tease her all that I could;
I was glad that I made her cry,
I didn't act Just like a brother should:
We weren't quite pals, she and I.
I remember she asked me to go to a show
A picture, "The Call of the Wild"
I remember her look when I told her No:
I sure was mean to that child.
I remember I gave Dad and Mother a kiss
As I left taem to go off and flght,
But I never paid any attention to Sis;
I had cried her to sleep that night.
It was Over There, at a place called Lille,
That I got a letter from Dad:
It told me tho kid was dangerously 111
Tho shock nearly drove me mad.
Like a flash I went over the days gon by:
How mean I had been to that kid
I prayed that night she wouldn't die;
I cried, I admit I did.
The crisis is over; sho's going to get well;
God knows how much I have missed her,
God taught me a lesson, I'll remember it
well,
For He gave me my little kid sister.
SGT. J. V. BERRE (discharged),
Hog Island Shipyard.
The prominence given to Brazil In the
Peace Conference recalls the appropriateness
of her ofllclal motto at the present Juncture.
It Is "Order and Progress."
i:dwln H. Vare, having been unfavorably
viewed by John M, Nobre, seems Inclined to
deny that tho latter Is "monarch of all he
surveys."
What Do You Know?
QUIZ
1. Hew rrnnr rrmldrnto nt the Tolled fltnte
hve been of Butch paternal nncr.trr and
who were ther?
i, tlint elans or tills does tradition prescribe
for a fortieth wedding nnnlrtrsarr?
3. What I the lonft river In the I'nllrd
htutri aftrr the Mlmiourl-Mliilaalpitl;
4. From what political pnrtj- office litis Vance
MH'ormuck Juht reiileiird? -E.
Yvhut In the forrprak of it shin?
0. Where nre the Atlas Mountatnn?
7. What Is the (Irtek name for Greece?
8. What la the annual nalar af the I'rcolJfnl
ol the United Htato?
0. Whit vtrote the celebrated noyel. "Tm
Jonta"? "m
10. In what etnturr did Mohammed live?
Answers to Yesterday's Quiz
1. Two renrwala of the nruilttlce with U-
tnanr hate beta mnde.
2. There have been alx cabinet rlianies thaa
far In Wllnon'a ailmlnl.lratlon..
3. (Iranl'n Democratic opponent at the tiro of
hU flrat election to the Prcnldcncy wai
llorutlo C. rioniour.
4. The Vnllcd Stain paid Denmark S23,O00 0C0
for tho Vlraln Inland., In the wat Indies.
5. Mr Charlca Wrndham, nnc popular on th
London atr. nnd John Maaon, aaioclated
with manjr Important productions In h.
theatre, died this week. " "
fl. Unit chamnaana eantolna the addition ot 1
w m ,... ..... v, niiurur,
7. A marabou U a larto Wcat African itorfc,
s. .. ii. Monua ror "nota Una" (note well).
0. "Spare the rod and apoll the child" see.,.
In Samuel Uutlcr'a satirical poem, "Hufil
brat." ' "
phere l Aronriraa, a cU. ita altltoX.1
1
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