12
PUBLIC LlDCW ttntTAN
&$&
yS.H. ,K. njBTlB.rwiiMrHT t
H. Im4Im(. Vice rreeKtenti John C.
etarv
Vnilanm
TTMovreri rnmp H.comnt,
rhn J. Spurtaon. Directors,
IDlTORUIi BOARDS
CMW C MAHTIN. ..general Bualneas Manager
dally at To tic Mmh Dulldlnr.
ndenc Rauare. Fhlladelnhla.
TSALk... Broad and Cheatnut StreeiB
ClTIfti.,,, ,, Prt9'Vnion Bulidlns
!...,..... T .SOU Met f-nnnlttan Tnwr
...i. m .-..403 Ford Rultdlnr
.4 1103 Trieste Dulldlnr
nicvra mtnciiia.
y kloSAn. .
tor. t-ennariTania. Ave, and ntn hi.
Bnun -. ..... .The Ann IlulMlm
ciD ...... ..MurconI Uguae. Htran.i
'in .. ..jt . . . jiue ixxus te uranu
StlltSCRtPTIOV TKHMB
nrnia rcnuo umii 1 aerved to eub.
ra i-nuaaeipnia ana surrounainc lowne
.4e ef twelve (121 -tote nee OTMlr. navahtM
aarrler.
StLJM'l o polnte outaldft -of Philadelphia. In
WM Stltet. Canada or United Mate po-
pottere free, flftr " rente per month.
all forelm countries una (ft) dollar per
!- Subecrlbera Telihlnr addrea rhanfred
f atye old at mil aa pew addreaa.
i i i
MM WALNUT KEYSTONE, MAIN SWO
tETAMrttt all tommunltaltont to Evnirio Public
,-Lager, Indeptndne Bquart, Philadttphla.
isniap at tiii rBnantirnn roT orrics is
StjQXP CUa Milt. VATTtH.
PkUJlrl.l,Tu.iJr. April :, 111
JAPAN KEEPING FAITII v
""Pi SLAVED accounts of the- address of
-' Foreign Minister Motono to the Japa-
Parliament on tho eve of Us adjourn
itient last Tuesday, which have Just reached
thi country, Justify the conclusion reached
Jast-week that tho Siberian complications
-were, unraveling themselves- Tho Foreign
Minister said:
It Is desired to mako It clear that tho
Imperial Government does not regard Rus
sia ms an enemy. Japan will not adopt an
aggressive policy toward Russia and docs
not hevltate -to declaro unreservedly and
sincerely the, deep and warm sympathy of
the nation for the' Russian people.
This declaration is made In tho camo
ptrit aa that which moved President "Wll-ae-n
to send a message of sympathy to tho
Moscow Congress of Soviets. Now It ro
mains for the nusslans to demonstrate thac
they are not enemies of Japan, France,
England and tho United States. They can
do this by organizing to prevent the Gcr
ionization of Russia.
Th Kaiser hasn't yet thanked God be
came his ,blg- gun accidentally hit a church
f Paris and tilled twenty persons. Hut
ts will.
GERMANS TALKING DUTCH
"DEFORB deciding what to think of tho
'-'Dutch protest against tho seizure of
the Dutch ships by tho United States ono
Should look at tho war map of Europe.
Cina will find Holland Is u little spot on
tha map, bordered by tho North Sea on
one side) and surrounded on all other sides
fey territory In the 'control of the German
tunnies. Holland has about as much lib
rtjr of action as a mouse between tho
front paws of a hungry cat.
So when tho Netherlands Government, In
Its Official Gazette, describes tho seizure
et tho ships as "an act of violence, which
Itwllt oppose with all the energy of Its
conviction and Its wounded national feel
ing," we know that tho Government is
peaking for the ears of Berlin, even If the
voc Is not tho voice of tho German
" Chancellor, Yet tho form In which tho
denunciation of the American policy la
couched suggests that tho German am
bassador at Tho Haguo has been using
tha Netherlands Foreign ortlce as his
mouthpiece and Is launching propaganda
through tho official channels of a nomi
nally neutral Government.
Tho protest will be put on file In Wash
ington and receive due consideration at tho
troper time.
Don't wait for the Liberty Loan ram.
-HH!8l''
Cat,.. I
MBK w
MX,
f. "" PUpx to open. Duy now.
THERE ISNT ANY SECRET
TT IS being said of Dr. Samuel G. Dixon,
late Commissioner of Health In Penn
rlvanla. that tho secret of combating In
fantile paralysis, a scourge to which ho
devoted much study, died with him K
4 Imagmablo statement could be more mis.
' leading. Doctor Dixon had unusual op-
' ' yortunltles to study Infantile paralysis
awing, the, epidemics In this city, and he
a4vno secret of tho m6ans or Itsellml.
natteflj Ho urged consistent and almost
rttlgtew attention to cleanliness In streets
ml alleys. Such simple precautions, an.
plied throughout the State wherever the
Authority of the Department of Health was
adequate, did much to cut the death rato
in Pennsylvania in the courm r,t nni.
lr-Uton's able administration of his office.
77 xuviwr ui.wn uiive now ne would
teuetjess. havo something to add to the
ment already mado in relation to tho
eetion of Philadelphia's streets and
aUUy. A mail with .his knowledge and
xiMffanco could . be- tocallarly eloquent
p In Vfeys of the dirt that has been permitted
to V and depay and form breeding, naats
for 'alt sorts of 'contagions In the crowded
etitMis of the city.
It ioesn't appear as if the Kaiser would
ever tt that dinner In Paris.
MCiNG BACKWARD AT IT
. Jswst of mankind that larger arjd
ler pan or tne population that
atb not 'In ntitnmrih1t b.i i .
JfosBin, get the ' week-end-away habit-
Sunday "lias Its more Jubilant cele-
on Monday, whonr It ts possible to
ut it (n the newspapers and per-
uw manner in wiilcn reverent multl
rctd to the occasion. This ob-
i always tends to restore a waning
Iff th collective spirit of the com-
Vara celebrated Easte? Sunday by
taat SSecretary, Daniels was
to- dethroim him In South
with a vpUey of lies. "Wis.
trying to determine whether
to America or to Qernunv.
s City th sacrlllclal lobster was
I In mlllflULU nnA .a4a . .1..
IHsmI Wi tk jHK W? an4 the liberty
pilieutt aUtffea iht. .religious spirit pt
fro luteins; rat crowds slept plousjy
tn intihurd table at, th' crowded, hotels.
STr 'wai e t illy llva seHbun tnntm- !.
. jj .'..j,- .i t .. r. 7
prw uu : o roda oout i 'iitdelpJiU,
mi. ").! 'i'...m . petween machines
khiot; . nowhere W-patlcular in vv-
tlirtttlon
ttr Ik:., chey -art growiaa
t& c'.. viift l9 M it
THE TRIANGLE OF DEATH
nHAT great red trianglo forty miles
long which Hindcnburjr has thrust
into tho breast of civilization points at
tho heart and soul of all wo hold dear.
For thirteen days that bleeding fang
has crept closer and closer. Spiritually
speaking, it is as close to Philadelphia as
it is to Paris or Amiens. What threat
ens them threatens us. And it is well
for every man to realize the truth that
confronts us.
For thirteen days history has been on
the anvil. Our souls havo been tonso
with something not far from dread. Wo
have scon what we thought was impos
sible: tho iron battering ram of the
enemy thrust back again over tho Jand
so dearly ransomed from the battalions
of death.
Germany is not beaten. Amid
innumorablo profitless argumentations
and disputes as to what wo have or havo
not accomplished, how many airplanes
we have sent over, how many ships we
havo built, there looms the ono indis
putable fact. The German army stands
today within gunflre of Paris, and at the
very suburbs of Amiens. " It is busily
digging itself in, and unless our counter
stroke falls suddenly and soon it will be
too late.
It is a tragic circumslanco that not
until tho ninth day of the world's great
est battle were tho Allies able to agree
upon tho appointment of a supreme com
mander for all tho armies of resistance.
Although it seems as though that
should havo been done long ago, this is
not the timo to mourn past errors, but
to profit by them. The thing to empha
size now is that the generalissimo lias
indeed been named. Our prayer is that
he may be able, disposing his armies
from ono all-seeing nerve center, to
slash through tho deadly salient.
It is indeed the voico of the nation
thnt echoes tho wish that Pershing had
a million men under him to hurl into
tyio reeling lines. Our hundred thou
sand, who arc said to be singing their
way on to the field, arc valiant in spirit
and they will acquit themselves with tho
gallantry of their blood. But wo shall
need many more; we shall need every
heart and hand and soul in this country
before th6 smoke rolls away.
Germany has not broken through, and
for her the great and bloody advance is
indecisive enough; but it is no less a
serious check to the Allies. Now is tho
time fo? every American to nerve him
self for greater and greater efforts.
God knows that England and Franco
have done their share. From now on wo
shall bo baptized blood brothers with
them in the most gallant cause ever
allotted to men.
The clergyman who Buggcitcd that all
vice bo swept out of the city to points be
yond the limits of a ten-mile zone obviously
doesn't own any suburban real estate.
WAR GARDEN ADVENTURERS
TTCTAR gardening. If one Is to accept tho
solemn word of many who lndulgo in
that fashionable sport. Is a far moro thrill
ing gamble than poker or horse racing.
Tho suspense is moro prolonged. You never
know what Is to happen next or whether
anything will happen.
A pessimist at Ambler, thrilled by the
appeals of the food experts, went fervidly
to work last summer and wrung a crop
of potatoes from the bashful soil of his
domain. Tho potatoes cost htra SI 2 a
bushel and ho writes plaintively to say
that there was not ono potuto In all his
harvest that couldn't have been swalloued
whole without tho least discomfort.
A group of gentlemen farmers banded
together In Bucks County to do the thing
scientifically. They hired an expert, se
lected tho ground carefully, preparod to
grow potatoes by tho ton and lost $40,000
In the course of the season.
This Is tho dark side of tho picture.
The little war gardens havo been suc
cessful In tho main. It is tho common error
of the amateur to suppose that you can
grow anything anywhere by merely plant
ing seed and playing a hose at decent In
tervals. War gardeners will profit by
taking the serious advice of the seedsman
and by reading the slmplo Instructions of
tha Department of Agriculture, before
launching the seeds Into the willing but
not always adequate earth. Crops must
be planned according to the nature of the
soil. And even If nothing grows in them
war gardens ( provide exercise that Is as
good or better than golf or tennis.
It la now planned to sweep all the idlers
from New York'3 Broadway. Few will be
left but tho policemen, and they may be
taken soon.
WHAT A CENTURY HAS WROUGHT
THE announcement that the hundredth
annlyersary of tho establishment of tho
presentH)iubllc-school system In this city
Is to bp" celebrated this week Is mislead
ing. "
Tha school system that was established
by the act of 1818 bore so little rcscm
blanco to the present system that its de
scent from the earlier system Is difficult
to trace. The principles on which public
education is based have been radically
changed in a century. Tho act of 1818
merely established schools for tho free
education of tha poor. It was based on
the iheory of the Constitution, which prljr
to 1790 directed that schools should bo
maintained in which the teachers should
be paid such salaries as should "enable
them to teach at low prices." This action
was amended lit that year so that the Legis
lature was directed to provide, schpols "In
such o. manner that the poor may be
taught gratis." This remained the only
provision for free public education In the
Commonwealth until the Constitution was
revised in 1873. ,
Free publlo educatltn for all who de
sire It is a. comparatively modern thins
hero. In alt the early years of tha city
and of the Stats it was assumed that
tho well-to-do would send their children
to private schools. The publlo schools havo
grown, however, under this handicap until
now they provide free education fpr the
children .of the. rich as well as tf the
poor. They train oung men for college
entrance and they give td those who do
pot core, or cannot afford, to enter col-
a good practical education, In many
aaaa Wtter thaa- that which tha graduates
at ,4 revd a j,undra
fctfi iir .is
J!" ? 1
EVENING PUBLIC LEDGER PHILADELPHIA,
from tho conreptlon that public schools
should be maintained for the poor alono
Into the belief that If democracy Is to be
maintained tho State must offer to alt
alike tho sarno kind of education under
tho samo conditions. The change has como
about so gradually that wo are in danger
of missing Its significance.
Tho nolshevlkt nro forming an army.
Look out for the new horror of the eiplostve
adjoctlve.
A FUTURE ROLE FOR MR. TAFT
TUB qualities of mind that Mr. Taft sup
plied to tho Federal labor planning
board to Insplro what Is believed to bo tho
most adequate working arrangement yet
devised for employers and their employes
were neither new, nor strange, nor mystical.
Mr. Taft's common sense, his perceptions
of Justice and tho humane philosophy that
characterizes his more familiar reactions
are reflected in tho terms of tho agreement
devised to prevent strikes and lockouts
during tho war.
Tho most amiable of our former Pi Mi
dents appears to have carried Into the
KCbslons of the labor planning board noth
ing but n larger conception of the labor
Issuo aa it affects tho country ns a whole.
Ho nppllcd to tho problem n llttlo of con
structive Imagination and the unselfish and
disinterested view of tho third party the
nation itself.
With such an altitude of mind there Is no
placo for tho harsh prejudices and mis
understandings that usually mako labor
contests so painful and expensive. Tho
commission In which Mr. T.ift was a mem
ber was ablo to percelvo that tho essential
need In every caso of bcrlous labor trouble
Is sympathetic nntl intelligent interpreta
tion of nlms for both sides.
It is easy to believe that Mr. Taft was
tho inspiration of the recent agreement.
And it Is to bo hoped that he may not be
too busy in tho future to carry this work
a iittlo further and to apply himself to
the largor problems which arc certain to
spring up In tho future, when, after the
war, tho country will demand a basis of
permanent protection against the losses
and discomforts of strikes and walkouts,
on tho one hand, and lockouts on yio other.
BEEF, IRON AND WINE
Dying
Confession of an Advertising
Man
T.N' MY day I was a genuine alvc in-hcad,
shock-abiorblng human dynamo. I was
tho subject of that famous article in one
of the efficiency magazines, "Forging Be
hind In Business, or How One Man Fought
a Long Fight and Lost." I invented pep,
punch und paprika. My copy was always
a big thing to look for, a small thing to
find. I wore Ulppcnhelmer clothes, btnohed
senslblo cigarettes, brushed my teeth up
and down, obeyed that Impulse, had tho
skin you love to touch and always asked
the mail who owned one. I never omitted
to Include tho words supreme, obligate and
ultimate in every pleco of iopy. I could
split an infinitive at fifty jardj und always
used to say how much moro forcefully tho
Old Testament could havo been written by
Orison Swett Maiden. I Invented tho dou
ble page spritul. I never neglected to cay
uJiom. for who.
Then some ono said that ads ought to
be written in good English.
That killed me.
But I have filed application for preferred
position, next to pure reading matter,
among the obits.
FUrtOrt GRAMMATICUS.
Dovo Dulcet has never had much pub
lic recognition as a poet, and tha fact that
wo liavj printed several of his verses lately
seems to have gone to his head! Ho sent
us a long telegram last night from his
homo at Oboslty, N. J., (collect) suggesting
that ho should do a dally poem for us,
dealing in a light-hearted manner with the
events of tho day. And as an evidence of
good faith he Inclosed the following:
Ode to a Quartermaster
"U. S. Quartermaster in France mis
takes foot powder for flour." News
Item.
Quartermaster, save that powder
For the weary feet:
It was" never meant for chowder,
And net designed lo cat.
Powder to relieve forced marches
Made against the Hans,
Meant for corns and not cornstarches,
For bunions, not for buns!
You to degradation shall como
If you do not know
Undo Sam sent you that talcum
For doughboys, not for Cough.
DOVE DULCET.
The Agony Column of the London Times
Is always delightful reading. Not long
ago we clipped from It the following "per.
sonal":i
ALFRED Send the disguise to the usual
place. Leave the parrot with Aunty: it
will cheer her up. Will see you Friday
as arranged. jj. w.
Wo love to speculate about that meet
ing on Friday and wonder whether X W.
had brown eyes and what her disguise was
and how Aunty got along with Polyanna!
the glad parrot.
Some years ago an anthology of the
Tlmcs's Acony Column was published, re
printing the choicest bits culled from' the
years 18Q0-1S70. Wo have tried for a long
tlmo to get our hands on that book. For
any flctloneer or playwright It would bo
better than a hundred years of corre
spondence courses. Wo told Earl Derr
Diggers, the author of "Seven Keys to
Baldplate," about the book and he said,
','If I had a copy I would never have to
think again."
The volume Is called "The Agony Col
umn of tho Times, 1800-70," and It was
published in London by Chatto & Windus,
about twenty years ago. Has any one In
Philadelphia a copy he will lend us7
A friend of ours was asked what scenes
he enjoyed most in the movies. "Tho
windy ones," he replied, '
How much easier It seems to spend a
quarter on tobacco for (ourselves than a
dlma on milk chocolate for Xantlppe.
Xantlppo fejls us that ice cream sodas
r sunaaes haye gone up to twelve cents
a&ja Wrtkcn paarawcy fX'RATJHaV,
WEEMSTS WASHINGTON
IN PHILADELPHIA
mills publication of a new edition of
Wcems's life of Washington, by the
J. B. Llpplncott Company, whose office U
around the corner from Independence Hall,
recalls the fact hat this most popular biog
raphy over Issued on this continent has been
connected with this city almost from the
beginning.
. The first edition, the dedication of which
to Martha Washington bears the date of
February 22, 1800, was publlthed In George
town. There is a copy of this edition In the
library of the Pennsylvania Historical So
ciety, In Locust btrcet. The society nlso has
copies of the necond and third editions. After
the first edition had been sold Wcems mad
arrangements with a Philadelphia printer to
Dring out another one. This becond edition
bears this announcement at tho foot of the
title page:
Reprinted by
JOHN BROIEN. No. S3 Chestnut Street
For the Author
Wecms enlarged his book and changed tlm
wording of the title betcral limes. Thorn Is
a peculiar Interest, therefore, In the compo
sition nnd arrangement of the page as It first
camo from the printers. Hero It Is, copied
from tho Historical Society's precious vol
ume: A
HISTORY
Of the Life und Death, Virtues
and Exploits
of
GENERAL GEORGE WASHINGTON
Dedicated
to
Miis. WAsittxarox
And containing a great many curious and
aluable anecdotes, tending to throw
much light on the prhate as well ns
tho public life and character of
THAT VERY EXTHAORDLVARY MAN
The Whole
Happily calculated to furnish a feast of true.
Washington Entertainment and
Improvement
Both to ourselves and our children
A U- b feather, ami a chief's a rod;
An honest inan'a lh noblctt work of Ool.
Who noble ends by noble meani obtains
r fallinc. amllea In ctIIc or In chains:
.Ike nooil Alirellus let him rekn or bleed,
l-lko Socrates, that man ts Brest. Indeed.
PRINTED FOR THE REV. M. J.. WEEMS
Of Lodge No. 50, Dumfries
By
aiw.x .( v.vaumt, geohoe-towx
(Trice 2s. 3d. only.)
"llTANY other editions were printed here
" after John lirolen brought out his re
print. I have a copy of an edition bcarlnj
the date of 1837 and the Imprint:
PUBLISHED BY JOSEPH ALLEN
AND SOLD BY ORIOG & ELLIOT
No n. North Fourth Street
On the back of the title page Is the copy
right notice, announcing that on September
2t, 1S24, II. ('. Carey and I. Lea bad de
posited In the office of the clerk of the Dis
trict of Pennslvanla "Tho title of a book
the right whereof they claim as proprietors.
In tho words following, to wit: 'Tho Life of
George Washington, with curious anecdotes,
especially honorable to himself and exemplary
to his jountr coutrymon.' " Tho tltlo page
romains rurtner the announcement that this
1824 edition was the"tnentv-seventh nrentlv
lmproed." At tho bottom of the page Is a
note announcing that the copyright has been
purchased by Joseph Allen und transferred
lo him. It Is probable, though I hae not
been ablo to verify It, that Matthew Carey,
the predecessor of Carey & Lea. published
the book nt ono time. But there Is no doubt
whatet er that It has been published In this city
continuously slnco John Brolen first brought
It out. The Llrplucotts purchased the plates
from a local publisher years ago, and they
have had the book on their list ever since.
in fact. It has neer been out of print slnco
Weems first hired a Georgetown printer to
put his story In a book 118 years ago. More
than eighty editions haie appeared thus far,
and no one knoua how many more will bo
demanded before Its popularity wanes.
THE new edition Is Illustrated with repro
ductions of the old wood cuts which
appear In my edition of 1837. It is not
known who made these engralngs, but some
of them are signed In the left-hand corner
by a roman Hallo "A." If they resembled
more closely the work of Alexander Ander
son, the first American wood engraver,-: they
could safely be ascribed to hhn. But Ander
son, whose work Is familiar to those who
havo looked over the publications of the
American Tract Society, issued in the first
half of the last century, was fond of a finer
line than Is used In the Wcems engravings.
Benson J. Losslng, howeer. In his admirable
appreciation of Anderson, reproduces some
Anderson engravings, and one of them li
signed with an "A" Identical with the letter
used by the man who made the Weems
blocks. It might afford a pleasant occupation
for some antiquarian to find out whether
Anderson did really make the engravings,
or whether they were made by some other
early wood engraver whoso name began
with the samo Initial. Anderson was a New
Yorker, and most of his work was done for
New York publishers, but us Philadelphia
was the publishing center of the country
when (the Weems Washington was In Its
early popularity It would have been most
natural for tho local publishers to employ
the best-known engraer In the country to
lllustrato the book. G. W, D.
Mayor Smith was in
llurnln- Atlantic City quite
.shame? near the place where
the big fire started
yesterday when, the news of Secretary Dan-
lels'o charges reached him.- No one ever
had an adequate notion of the Mayor's
capacity to blush.
My Soul Is Across the Sea
0 my beloved, I cannot sleep;
The roses whisper and I awake.
The still small voices that pulse and roll
Make awful thunder within my soul.
While the roses bow and tho lilies nod,
1 sco great billows that pound and shake
Tho very walls of the world and break
In crimson foam at the feet of God.
0 my beloved, I cannot sleep.
The ravens are crying In yonder pine,
Tiie robins call from the linden tree;
Their voices drown in the roaring flood
Of that great river of Are and blood
Where tho hope of tyrants shall fall and
dlo.
Ten thousand cannon across the sea
Are calling my toul; I fly to thee.
There till tho shadow of Death pass by,
1 clasp, O beloved, thy hand in mine.
I watch the war eagles wheel and soar
Over the rivers of PIcardy;
Where tyrants have sown, I stand and
weep
In jhat red whirlwind tho nations reap.
Tho wide world shrinks to a lurid line;
In the dread shadow, the souls to be
And the vanished ages are set to see
Whether the monster beyond the Rhine,
Or freedom, shall perish forevermora.
Asleep while tha world I crucified?
Think not, beloved, think n,otof me
Wrapped In the bliss of peaceful dream,
Mid bursting shells, In the lightning's
gleam,
I walk In the horror of No Man's Land.
For I send my soul across the sea;
There In tho shadow of Death with thee,
See, O beloved, I touch thy hand
I weep while tho world Is crucified,
AL0N3O BKOWN,
TUESDAY, APRIL' 2,
-"UNLESS
INTERVIEWS
MRS.
I HAD always wanted to have a private talk
with tho wife of a professional humorist
and greatly welcomed the assignment that
sent me out to Licorice Hill, the BUburb mado
famous by Meredith McSkltt, the noted whim
hurlcr. The drolleries of this talented wit
have convulsed three hemispheres and In
numerable continents nnd archipelagoes and
peninsulas. His book, "Tho Sardonic Sar
dine," Is even mentioned in Baedeker's
United States as one of the things that must
be read by every traveler who wishes to
underhtand the saturnine and fantastlo
gayety of America.
I FOUND Mrs. McSkltt busy sewing but
tons on a large acreage of cloth that I
at first thought was a horse blanket, but sho
explained that It was her husband's waist
coat. She had not expected me. and at first
It was difficult to persuade her that I wanted
to Interview her and not her husband. "Mr.
McSkltt Is In bed," she said, "recuperating
from an afternoon reading at the Women's
Athenaeum. He is Un great demand at tho
women's clubs and finds them very exhaust
ing. He always comes home dreadfully dis
heveled, too. i Every time he makes a Joke
he, laughs bo (tempestuously that his waist
coat buttons get loosened. And then tho
women rush up afterward and seize them as
souvenirs. Loosened as they are. they como
off easily. I. have to keep an extra supply,
and though I sew them on with number 8
thread" sho held up a spool of strong cable
"It doesn't seem to do much good. Mr.
McSkltt laughs so very powerfully."
Being In a humorist's house, I thought I
might venture on a small pun. "What you
need Is u haw-hawser," I said.
To my dismay she turned quite white.
"I must beg you not to say anything liko
that,' she whispered, "We never allow any
Jokes around the house. There are dreadful
scenes If Mr. McSkltt overhears them. Ho
will not permit any one else to poach on his
presenes. He Is very benslthe about such
matters."
1yrRS. McSKITT," I said, "I am 'ery
1V1 anxious to learn from you what It
feels like to be the wlfo of a humorist. It
must be an uproarious existence. I have
read 'The Sardonic Sardine," and 'The Par
son Who Stuttered' and all Mr. McSkltt's
other books, and I have often envied those
who live in the samo house with so. mar
velous a man. Won't you tell me a little
about it?"
"Mr. McSkltt was born In 18,70," she said,
In a mechanical sort of way; "he attended
school, was trained for the ministry, married
Henrietta Jones"
"I beg your pardon," I said. "Am I to
understand that Mr. McSkltt has been mar
ried before V
"Yes," Bhe murmured. "She died of mel
ancholia," "You amaze me," I replied. "Living with
such a man, bubbling over continually with
laughter and "
From upstairs I heard an imperious voice
bellowing something Indistinguishable, Mrs.
McSkltt breathed a hasty apology and ran
from the room. Presently I heard the bass
rumble of a masculine voice, followed by
shrill screams of hysterical laughter from
Mrs. McSkltt. Her mirth was piercing and
vibrated through the house so that the vases
on the mantelpiece trembled.
"Not much melancholia there," I thought.
"But why does she seem so depressed!"
MRS. McSKITT returned to the room, her
face a little flushed.
"I suppose I may as well tell you," she
said. "It Is very trying living with a humor
ist, because he Insists on practicing all his
Jokes on his wife beforehand. Whenever Mr.
McSkltt thinks of anything funny he sum
mons me and repeats It to me. It I don't
yell with laughter he gets so depressed that
he becomes ill. I have had to practice arti
ficial laughter until I can screaln wth ap
parent mirth at a second's notice. Often he
wakes up In the middle of the night to tell
mo some quip and I burst Into roars of ap
proval at once. It I didn't he would keep
roe awake all night explaining why It was so
funny. Humorists are remorseless, you
know; It you don't laugh at them they will
murder you.
"One of my greatest troubles," she went
on, "1 the women who are always calling
me up to make appointments for Mr. Mc
Skltt to go and stIvb humorous recitations
to them at clubs and other plce. They say
Jww Jolly It mut !a to live wMK'sweh a man,
aaat Uy fea't real! it ia IwanasHile for us
i , i , . '
1918
YOU WANT ME TO DO
WITH WIVES
McSKITT
to keep a cook because Mr. McSkltt stays In
bed all day to read the newspapers and bits
up nil night laughing at his own Jokes. I
haxe to go to the hotel to sleep the night
before he goes on a lecturing tour. When he
gets an Idea in his head he is quite unman
ageable. Ho wanted to burn down the house
tho other evening becaute he said It would
bo a good Joke on tho cook to come home
nnd find the house gone and us screaming
with laughter In the ruins. He goes away
on u trip and sends postal cards to the W.
C. T. U. saylnr, 'There's a very good bar at
the So and So hotel.' And when wo go out
together he does the most humiliating things.
He went up to tho clerk of the Laequer-Gllt
Hotel In New York and asked It It was the
Bowery Mission. He ordered a dozen sets of
cocktail glasses sent to our minister und
hUd them engraved with the bartender's
pracr. He Keeps me busy apologizing all
tho time."
T CAN quite see that jour life must be
1 Interesting," I said, busily making
notes.
"Ear too Interesting," she said sadly. "One
afternoon T camo home and found that ho
had Invited the synod of Methodist bishops
here to tea, 'Just to see what they looked
like' Ho laughed so at the Idea of their
coming that he had forgot to tell mo
about It. Wo only hud one box of biscuits
In the house. While they were here a truck
load of porcelain bathtubs droo up and a
dozen tubs were delivered on tho lawn. He
had arranged that 'to entertain tho bishops,'
ho said. The bathtdbs are all down In the
cellar now. He uses them to keep goldfish
in. And he is always playing tricks on mo,
such aw advertising that free meals for red
headed men will be served here on such and
such a date, or something of that sort."
I HEARD n door open upstairs und a
heavy tread.
"For heaven's bake." she whispered, "don't
let him And you here. He might crack a
Joke and If you didn't laugh he would assas
sinate you. He Is dreadfully savage today;
he was at the Women's Athenaeum today
and lost six buttons."
I fled, nnd as I closed the front door
I heard Mrs. McSkltt burst into falsetto
screams of laughter.
It seems a hard life. s, v.
The True Voice of Russia
Everybody Is saying now that you cannot
make the Russians out, that they are a na
tlon of riddles. The reactions at Odessa, the
whimsical warfare of the Bolshevtkl help
to make all Russian definitions obscure and
all Russian principles elusive at the moment.
It Is a peculiar coincidence which has
suddenly forced opera and concert goers to
a better acquaintance with Russlin muslo In
a, time like this, when no one seems to know
what Russia Is trying to say with all her
other voices. The prejudice -against German
muslo may have one beneficent reaction
under the circumstances, since tho work of
Russians, heretofore but little known. Is often
substituted by the Philadelphia Orchestra
and similar organizations. And the muslo of
modern Russia has Its own message for a
sensitive car. It Is, In Its origin, a little like
the recent literature of the country. Tides
of aspiration common to all the people were
in the books of the last decade because, even
though the mass of the Russians cannot
read or write, they had the good fortune to
have sympathetic and sincere and talented
Interpreters among them. It would not be too
much tb say of tho later Russian music that
It Is the one true expression of the national
spirit. And It is the muslo of a people of
glowing faiths, of Ingenuousness of heart
of v sion and imagination, and tenderness and
an Inherent love of beautiful and lend"?
Captain Archie
Roosevelt, when he
was bombarded fn
But German Aim
U Bad
fourteen hours hy
German guns, must have realized how' some
of his papas enemies used to feel in the
old days, . "
Victory has been
won. but nobody cab
foresco what will re-
LudendorO
Ileludes Him. elf
Ludendorlt Which XSS LVL
mjapo VMU U3 lrom'
IT FOR YOU!"
AS READERS VIEW IT
To the Editor of the Kvcning Public Ledger:
Sir The proposal that war saving stamps
should bo used as tips suggests to me a nlan
that would help our Government to Bell mor'i
thrift Btamps.
Not every ono can afford to pay out twenty-flve-cent
tips, nnd I would like to make as a
suggestion to the right parties the following
To mako up books containing twenty five
cent stamps.
To make up books containing twenty ten
cent stamps.
These to be used as tip money and these
stamps to be exchanged for $5 stamps when
enough of the five nnd ten cent stamps art
saved up.
Instead of giving tips in coin, I would sug
gest that we give lips In stamps. In this
way I believe that we can secure more money
for our Government.
LOUIS B. HOWITZ.
Philadelphia, March 3U. $M
Likes "Social Prattle"
To the Editirof the Evening Publlo Ledger
Sir I read Mr. Percy Shallow's "Social
Prattle for Men" with considerable pleasure,
even at the expense of some perbonal humili
ation because Mr. Shallow reveals the fact,
hitherto unknown, that I am doing the dish
washing myself In the evenings and that the J
Whistler "Miniature In Yellow," for which I "
paid several thousand dollars, turned out to
be a twenty-dollar bill. I am shortsighted,
It Is true, and often make grotesque mis
takes, as, for Instance, when I tried to wash
Mrs. Albacore's pet alligator, thinking It was
a cheese fork.
But I can forgive Mr. Shallow for making
public some of tho secrets of my menage,
because the "Social Prattle for (Men" seems
to tne such a Jolly Idea, and I 'have always
thought It grossly unfair that the ladles
should be so entertained by newspaper
small-talk while we men are comparatively
neglected: It you will send your Mr. Shal
low out Ao call on mo In Caraway Park I
will (In the vulgar phrase) put him wise to
a great many curious and quaint little Inci
dents that occur In this suburb. There are
a number of 'anecdotes about our mutual
friend, Gerald Thlmbletrot, that would amuse .
your readers, I feel sure.
I hope that "Social Prattle for Men" will
be contlaued as a feature In your valuable
paper, for I am Bure that It will glvo rise to.
a great many amusing embarrassments and
prevent many of us from taking ourselves
too seriously. ALBEMARLE ALBACORE.
Caraway Park, April 1,
Dispatches say the,'
No Niiri Irish regiments won
In ThU over heavy odds on
the west front. That
Is a habit of Irish regiments.
"Politeness 3rst" is
For Conductors the new slogan fash
Toot loned for trolley pas
sengers by the P. bV
T. We would suggest to the management -i
that it Is never polite to let a lady stand.
QUIZ
1. Where la Alalenaf
S, Who wrote "The Illltliedaln Romance"?
3. What American rllr l knowrt aa "the tit of
Ilrotherlr Loo" and wbjT
. Uhat la humiii?
5. How manr rreeldenla of the Hnlted ' State
were bom In New York MaUf
6. Identify "Uio Oil Man Eloquent."
7. What Is bullion
S, What la meant'br mueot;
9. Who la Amelita GaUl-Curcl?
10, Name tha rompoaer of "The Buttle Weduini"
rraphonr. , ,
Answers to Yesterday's Quiz
1, rennarlranla la called the Kerttane Stale o
Mcoiint of ll central or "Wei tone" por
tion in the thirteen original gtatca.
2, Kin Honir VIII of Kntland waa railed "lllcin
Klnc Hal" on account of his routb-undV
ready manncri.
3, Th Dobrudja la an Important pronr of
Kojnaala. It waa nrerrnn or tha flertiwn
and Ruliarlans. and lis separation from the
-'!? ,!BV- raen'ed of IlumanU a ao
f Betlln'a txaca terms.
i.
"'fr'!;1". .,""?, "alng ana (III. voem vt
tho Ortt collection publlthed by Mcar Allan
1 Oi.
B, 8la iliard la n beet, bat the root l net rd
Me, The If "701 are uted lks tuinack anj
popular with American sardenera.
S, New York lt Is colloquial! railed Gotham.
1. -Altte -alti arriarerul and wilt, touches. In
qualities Athena Ulnr (he capital of AMka.
neyori ii nt, la rrance. m lk.ni-4 kler t-
&!? n? "
FiKrh Im peaei a caster la Ma vCaeobr
m
m
vausertntiit&iiuK
,i . -J .j ,-
. I
Jn
i