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1,0 LEDCER COMPANY
PUBL1
V Irfihi.l . ..... .--
1'IH'PJltJ1 JU1411 ttO, r BHllPEaT
triMn. i.ujininon, vic n
irton. Vice I'fmldenti John C.
. Beeroierr ua iTceeurnri
try end Trceiureri I'hlllp H. Collins.
B. Wllllm. John J. Spuwon,
KDiTontAb board i
Crsts If. K. Ccitu. Chatrmm
E..BMILEt..w Editor
'JWTO
Tj.1
, , JOHN C. MARTIN,, .doneral Business Meniser
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rhlUdtlphlt, lurdijr. Mirth 3D. 111
WHAT TO DO WITH THE CLOCK
THU daylight-saving law goes Into effect
tit 2 o'clock tomorrow morning. At that
hour the clocks In all tho railroad stations
and tlio watches In the pocckts of till tho
railroad men on the trains are to ho set for
ward one hour. Householders are expected
to tet their clocks ahead an hour when
they.eo to hed tonlsht, In order that the'
may get up Sunday morning on the new
schedule.
SerUces in the churches will begin at
tho usual hour as indicated by tho clocks,
tout the timo will actually be an hour
earlier than they began last Sunday. Men
will go to business an hour earlier on Mon
day morning and schools will open sixty
minutes booncr than usual.
So remember to set the clock ahead to
night and adjust j out self on Sunday to
tho new time schedule.
T. Jt. hit tho nail on the head when he
aid that this Is the people's war.
PILING UP THE EVIDENCE
NO IXFOIUtnO person ut tho present
time doubts that this war was
planned by qcrmany for e.trh In adv.inco
and that it was Germany which brought It
about on tho date when It started.
But If any one Is still In uncertainty he
should read tho revelations of l'rlnce Llch-
. nowsky, lately "made public in Ilerlln and
cabled to this country. Tho l'rlnco was
the German Ambassador in London In
1914 and had been thero for some tlmo
previous. In his notes, mado for tho
benefit of his family and not for publica
tion, ho wrote that thero was a. chanco
for a peaceful settlement of tho differences
between Austria-Hungary and Serbia, that
Sir Edward Grey worked for that settlc
, ment, but that Germany "deliberately de
stroyed tho possibility" of sucli an out
come. She wanted war becauso Uussla
was unprepared. Sho was willing to run
thft risk of Rrltiali nctlnn becauso If sho
!$ wallet! until 191C. "when war would
mfl , tnmA nnvtrnv" Tliissla wnulil ltnvn hcen
V...V ....,,....4, .... .- ..... -..
ready. It was necessary to strike while
tho chances of victory seemed good.
Theso statements support tho evldenco
which has been accumulating for tho last
threo and a half years that this war Is
tho result of a great Gorman plot to con
trol tho world. It is medievalism, as
l'rlnco Llchnowsky says, and thus is out
of placo when tho autocratic theories of
princes have given placo to tho principles
'of democracy. It Is an attempt to set back
tho clock of time and will fait in theso
days when we are setting tho clock ahead
that'wc may make better use of tho light
of day to keep freedom alive.
Victory for Uerger In 'Wisconsin Is to
unthinkable that the 'Wisconsin oters aro
expected to rnal.e It Impossible nest Tuesdaj .
AN OMEN OF GASOLINE
ALX. tho rubber-tired world that regards
-gasoline as something more important
than .food or daylight or virtuo Itself will
experience an unpleasant thrill at tho sug
gestion of tho president of tho Standard
OH Company, who has proposed, with tho
na'lvcto peculiar to tho times, that tho
Government put up tho prico of crude oil
to encourage production.
Big business studying at tho feet of
farmers Is a new marvel in these mart cl
ous days. High prices should bo a logical
enough Ionic to the aspirations of wheat
growers. But oil doesn't havo to b;
planted; it flows from tho ground without
hesitation. Doubtless Mr. Bedford 'con
siders refinement and transportation and
storage and all that sort of tiling under
tho general term of production. That
cannot be helped. The fact remains that
oil is being produced and used In aftt
quantities and that the present prices are
rather high. Crudo oil as It Is utilized In
countless war Industries gives up gasollno
as ono of Its most valuablo by-products.
Gasoline is said to be accumulating in
tast quantities. Can It be that tho oil men
are merely making excuses In advance for
an upward Jump In the prico of gasoline?
', One of the results of the German drlvo
y ie likely" to be the consolidation of the
. ft'".NM'.l i a i ml. Intft n olnvl. ,inl. In V.n n..t1
'.'to hammer sense into heads lacking it.
&? ' . . '
TiX& "OE AT BUSTLETON
V,5STiVROM this distance it is Impossible to
if -p perceive the esact nature of tho sinister-
Ct ; seems to have upon Bustleton. But that
' the' ell purposes jf the mall authorities
, pr deep-rooted and, determined is plainly
trident In the announcement that ' Mr.
Wrfeson 1 vvllllng to spoil the most 1m
'faksnt experiment' yet planned. in his
Nj4rtraent by bringing his air mall ma
'oirte do"vin af .Bustleton and thus throw-
rvjpff jwayt' th'e hour which he had saved In
Rftny the, new! letter scneauie oeiween
; Tsrlc and Philadelphia.
iew time will reveal the reasons
.Meanwhile It appears that Bus-
. kavliwivolded for e. lfundrod years
&V realisation of the dreadful lm-
f Hj name, will now Da drawn
US aua.'rvnirj oj, niouem ui-
ta-thrsat oiuitima aau pre
' &A ovarrua irlthj.vlsl-
llM
EVENING
tAe tenth day
AMIENC, tho heart and key of tho
present Allied position in France,
appears to havo been tho central objective
of the German drive. The advance upon
Amiens has been stopped. Instead of
advancing their activo line at tho mlddte,
as they appear to havo Intended, the
Germans are now battling furiously at,
its ends and floundering upon the edge
of n catastrophe that may develop in u
few hours with n great counter offensive.
The ten days of tho greatest battle of
history have been for the Allied com
manders the grimmest test of humnn
patience ever inflicted upon men. Tho
staffs have time nnd again seen tho fate
of the world swing upon the decision of
a flying minute. Against every tempta
tion, sometimes ut appalling risks, they
appear to have held all their maj'or re
serves behind while the opposing armies
beat themselves to denth ngnfnst the re
tit ing line.
Amiens is a city of about 100,000 popu
lation. It might be described loughly at
lying nt the intersection of the thiee
aims of a letter Y. The line lcpresented
by tho base of the letter is an elaborate
water and lail tiansport system that
runs in almost a straight line to Calais
and Boulogne. The flaring arms of tho
letter represent a continuation of theso
lines which feed the Allied armies over
hundreds of miles. An interruption ut
Amiens would probably necessitate the
immedLito letirement of the French,
Ilritish and Amciican aimics from the
north of France and Belgium to defensive
positions along the "Paris line" of 191 1.
The German forces thrust themselves
between the two flying arms of the trans
poit lines running out from Amiens, but
every effort at a decisive advance in that
direction was stopped. Their advance
lines might now bo illustrated by the
diagram of a list, or that of an inflated
balloon projecting far forwaid into the
Allied position. The French, waiting
patiently, attacked experimentally at
tho lower angle, whete the German
lines leave their old position, and appear
to bo feeling their way for u move which
shall cut through at the point wheic the
lino grew weakest in the outwaid flaie.
If anything like pity for a German
commander is possible it must be felt
now for the man who must attack the
British position to the north near Arras.
There Marshal Halg has withdrawn his
men to the high hills, and the terrain is
such that to follow the only course open
to them and try to double around tho
Biitish the Germans must pass through
a veritable inferno, where the ad
vantages aro all against them. And yet,
tired out at the middle of the line and
unaware of what is to happen at either
end, the Germans must face it out, con
tinue their advance or prepnie for retire
ment. Onco again they must take Vimy
Ridge or fail.
The present advance, thercfoic, is not
to be compared to the advance which
carried the Germans almost to Paris in
1914, At one point, in the lower salient
where tho French aro holding the line,
the Germans advanced even further than
they did in 1914. but later developments
made it appear that they were permitted
to move forward for reasons best known
to the Allied command. Now the first
force of their attack seems to be spent,
and they have not advanced a third of
the distance which they coveied in the
lunge of 1914. They can go little further
till the defensive lines are broken. And
it is reasonably sure now that tho de
fensive lines ate not going to break.
Every pronouncement from Allied
headquarters, the movement of General
Foch, tho most brilliant of the Fiench
strategists, to tho first command, make
jt appear that new operations on a vast
scale are in pieparation against the Ger
mans, lo prophesy or guess about such
movements is idle. The expected thing
docs not happen in military stiategy.
The strength of the Allied forces has
been revealed now and then, in flashes,
whenever the central advance of the
Germans seemed to impel il the main
lines from Amiens. The decisive action
may be amazing when it develops. Tho
Germans are weakened, that much is
apparent on tho face of the situation.
And the Allied reserves aren't.
Tho big battle in Ticardy Is likely to
make the Kaiser wonder for more than nlno
dajs why he did not win
THE HOMEWARD SWORD
W1
'ILHCLM Or GERMANY" still comfotts
himself Willi reiterations of his famil
iar proiniso that tho sword shall bring
peace. Ho has some Justification for tho
belief. Within tho last ten days the
Kaiser's bword has brought lasting peace
to probably 100,000 German soldiers, who,
being dead, aro free forever from tho mul
titudinous agonies which this singular
monarch has called down upon the heads
of his people
There can be no finer Induction Into
citizenship of the young men who havo
becomo of age since tho draft law was passed
than registration as cllglbles for military
service.
INTERNATIONALIZING LABOR
THERE has been a conspicuous lack of
enthusiasm In American trades union
ism for tho program of sublimated Inter
nationalism promulgated in London re
cently by the Inter-Allied Labor and So
cialist Conferenco dominated by Arthur
Henderson, of England, and Emtio Vander
vclde, of Belgium. The reserve maintained
In this country under tho influence of tho
American Federation of Labor Is imposed
upon the delegation of prominent labor
representatives who are about to sta'rt for
Europe with the message of American
workers to the workers abroad.
Organized labor In America has for tho
present at least withheld completely Its
support from a project for the establish'
ment of a labor empire
dories. Even the udmlra
Mr. Henderson's program di
havp atoned In the Americi
the radical departures from
method suggested elsewhejro 1
era! plan.
Advanced and' altogether humane as the
general schtme appeared wjen outlined
on paper atltliq Jnter-Allled Conference In
London, It iievertheleee proposed, a labor
Vt WOaF-4 MIPflfcHlflSft Wtz . Tl T
anwun-
1VK of
HOR:o
kPeSoRrvyfor
wfiHSfono
nfttna gen-
LEDGER-
ments and rights suggestive of a distinct
new nationalism.
liven though tho general program of tho
conferenco often paralleled tho alms of tho
Allied nations in tho war, tho suggestion
tcmalned of a new political and economic
entity of stupendous lnflucnco and pro
portions, Tho general plan was such as
to lcavo doubts In such minds as aro oon
caned with a program of universal Justlco
to tho rich and tho poor alike
The conferenco aimed to solidify all labor
lnflucnco in aid of a war to tho end. It
declared against secret diplomacy, against
economic watfnre under any circumstances
and for a treaty of peaco i-o drawn as to
leave nias opinion cver where dominant
beyond doubt. Tho term labor was to
defined to lncludo every person who pio
duced anything of worth In any foim. In
a word, the UnglNh labor leader and his
associates aimed to leap nil gups and re
organise tho world so that In tho futuro
It will bo governed cclulvely by thoio
who produce.
Tho experiment is in many teipects ex
traordinary. It has a romantic appeal
And ytt tho aloofness of American labor
was Justifiable becauso of the dlsiittlttlng
effect that such n program might bo ex
pected to hao upon the delicate mid c-traordln-irv
processes which mim opeiate
after tho war lo icstoro tho life of all na
tions to a not mai balance.
Tho mes'age to bo carried abroad by (he
American labor men and women wilt in
form lluropcan labor merely that all tho
trndes unionists in this countiy aro united
to stand behind America and her Allies to
tho successful end of tho war. The solu
tion of all attendant problems lias been
wiselj left to tho future.
War EJidontrs can make a profit of
$100 ono. Ono this summer if the clioo'fc.
uicoidlni; to tho Department of Agilcultuie.
They ai tpoitrd to rhoos-r.
SHIPBUILDING AS A SPOU1
"DlwIIIXD tlie runner of Maiathon time
- was u heroic urgo that ha' rved to
glorify and perpetuate one phaso of Held
sports for all time. Aro we le-s Imagina
tive than tho ancients" Aro wo to turn
a deaf car to the almost but not qulto in
articulate spirits of thoso modern cham
pions who would give to prowess some
thing of its old significance?
Somewhero in the deeps of tho Ho
Island organization there Is an efficient
captain of pilo drivers, who sneered tho
other day when ho heard tho boasts of
another captain of pllo dilvcrs at tho
Newark plant of the Submarine Boat Com
pany and promptly turned lo nnd broke
all existing woild's iccotds for pllo driving.
Then lie challenged Newark. Ho lias had
no answer. Xo ono offered a silver cup,
though plle-diiving is man's size work, re
quiting far more skill, strength and clcvc:
ness than tuotball or tennis or towing lit
u shell.
Now the voice of Captain BUI Barkci
I goes up defiantly at the plant of tho New
I York Shipbuilding Company at Glouces
ter to uecinim tlie achievements or a
lltctlng crew that has sent all records for
that difficult work sky-high In tatters.
Captain Bill' crew v. Ill challenge any
crew in an American shipyard.
Some urge under the Jackets of riveteis
and pllo drivers is making up for such
mlstake-j as thero havo been higher up.
And jet no ono lias so far recognized the
sporting spirit of tho shipbuilders with
the formal suggestion of a tournament or
tho offer of a cup for the champions!
Old gems can bo put to no better usn
than tiansforniatlon Into "smokes" for tho
soldiers.
Tho police aro being kept out nf polities
by Fending out a saloon squad to "get" tho
men opposed to tho Varcs.
Pershing's offer of the entire American
army In I-'runcu for tiro on tho threatened
front Is not surprising. That Is what tho
army is thero for.
A student once wrote in an examination
papei, "Hrownlns died In 1SS0, the same
jear that I was born." It hatdly soems a
fair exchange.
Government oiders
Stop the War for a cessation of
municipal contract
work will cut JIajor Smith's bond profits'.
The agonies of this war aro vndle.
TRUTH ABOUT THRIFT
WE ARE asked to say something on tho
subject of thrift.
Very well.
If the lady in tho thlid row will remove
lur hat wo will begin.
We beg your pardon. Madam wo thought
It was a hat
IT IS gradually getting through to a good
many persons that it Is going to tako every
kind of effoit on the part of everybody to
make the neiessary dent on tho Hohenzol
lerns. This nation has got to learn to be
thrifty If it takes ten jeais
Thrift does not mean stopping all pur
chases, forgoing all "luxuries" nnd closing
in cry Fliop that does not sell shrapnel.
Thrift does not mean a dislocation of all
commerco and a devastation of all legitimate
recreation. What sort of thrift would it bo
that would closo a public library becauso it
needed ten tons of coal a month to heat it?
What sort of thrift would It be that would
deny a woman a spring bonnet If that bonnet
would make her a happier and more efficient
member of soclctj ?
f Applause fioni the third row.)
Thrift means tho abolition of waste.
(Uneasiness In the third row.)
We mean waste: W-A-S-T-li
THE FRENCH are tho thriftiest people In
the world. They havo borno the greatest
agony and strain of the war. nut they havo
not shut down their music, their theatres,
all the spiritual safety valves that help to
foitlfy men's souls. They havo husbanded all
their resources, resources of every kind
moral, material and spiritual and sharpened
them against the enemy.
ONE of our own favorite habits has been,
when bored, or weary, or not certain
Just what to do wjth ourself, to go down
to tlie pantry and see what was lying round
loose. We lavo decided to abjure that habit
Perhaps abjure Is too strong a word. We
w 111 modify our habit anyway. Whenever we
eat a slice of bread from the bread box we
will also eat a slice of some substitute for
bread", such as cake.
W'e have been trying to cut down ton
smoking, too. Several times we have sat In
the day coach Instead of In the smoking car,
but we always seem to get somewhere near
tha flappers from the boarding school out
our way, and they do talk such rot about
the matinees they have been to that It drives
us back to the smoking car,
, r
THE moral pt It all is, buy war-savings
stamps tip to the limit of your proper
capacity to absorb them. And today is the
last day xou (can, get them for i,tl, Why
notjmy. t
ta rowh
jp,yr- way; tiomtt nd give t
taJBrt.irtH. . , .-,..',
PUBBIO
ir'jfi'
Philadelphia; Saturday, march jiv
SOCIAL PRATTLE FOR
MEN
Perry Shallow Reveals Dire Secret,
Mr. Albacorc Washes the Dishes.
Mr. Adiposes Tractor Boots
w
rELI my dears, t wonder If you Haw
Cliauncey l'ettlbob on Chestnut street
tho other day? He was smoking a cigar with
a red and gold band, and realty ho looked
too sweet to bo human. Tfcoic long pcrfectos
suit Cliauncey's Mabi Lino tjpo of features
so admirably. Cliauncey's brother Wlnesap,
you know, Is the ono who spent seven years
nt Hatvard without getting a degree. They
t,iy that Cliauncey's grandfather used up all
tho brains In the family. Wo shall havo to
wait another generation for some moro to
accumlatc. It's a long tlmo to wait.
PROCESSOR MANDRAKE, out In Verbena
College (ou know b married Amaryllis
Ankle, and they had seven sons all with hare
lip It Is never mentioned, my dears, no don't
tepeat It) has tlie most charming hublt. He
always carries a Latin ulctlonary with him,
nnd If any one uses a word of Latin origin In
conversation, oh all of us must sometimes
even without meaning to, the profcsor Insists
on explaining the hapltss word's true and
etymological meaning That sort of thing Is
so Instructive, oon t you think? Ot course It s
embarrassing nt times, becauso many of us
havo forgotten our Latin, We've known men
to drive In town In their motors Just to avoid I
inciting tho professor on tho train, but that
seems rather cowaidlj.
rplIE smoking car Is the Jolllcst placo to i
L pick up trifles of conversation. Of course j
we don't bello,vo In gossip, but Innocent com- I
ment on one's fellow men is bo exhilarating
don't you think? Mr. Henry Longboncs wa i
on the train comlrg In from Marathon (be l
looked very rmart In his new cutaway and '
leopard skin waistcoat) when wo heard him
say: "Why on earth does Barbecue wear those
shell goggles? They make him look Just like
a chimpanzee " Ho was referring to Ted Bar- i
becue, and every one doei know that Ted's
features ore well, rather prognathous and I
simian. (You remember, my dears, that Mrs
Uarlecue was a De CJnlncr, and when they j
wcio ergaged her father, old Judge Dd
yulncey, always used lo refer to his prospec
tive son-in-law as "That joung prehensile."'
lie had a rather caustic tongue, the old Jurist,
and w-as famous for his amethst cuff but
ton). Well, mv dears, wo aro wandering. What
we Btarted to say was this: Wo told Ted
Barbecue wli.it Henry Longboncs had bald.
and to our chagrin he was much annoyed.
Of course, we thought the Joko was such an
old one that he wasn't sensitive about it, and
Intimated as much, but he uttered an oath
jes, my dearp, an oath and went off very
angry. And now wo are much put out, be
causo wo do hato a mischief maker, don't
you?
Or COURSE In these scrvantless tlajs
many of the vei- nicest people are doing
their own kitchen chores, but it was rather
a. surprise to us to team that the custom
had spread as far as Caiaway r.irk. which
after all Is ono of our very most exclusive
suburb". But over a cigar at tho Hotel Hat
Ransom Jerry Thlmbletrot told us that Mr.
Albemarle Atbacore, tlie prerident of the Uen
;:lue National Bank, aluavs washes tho dishes
after dinner ut his magnificent Louis Vlngt-ct-Un
mansion In Caraway 1'ark. Mrs. Alba-
core, jou know. Is tremendously Interested In
Russian liteiature, and sho Just has to have
the hour after dinner free for reading Trot
sky and sorno of the other Slav novelists;
and so Albemailc Jut whirls in and does
the dishwashing. I think It's v'ery noblo of
him. He told Jerry that sometimes, when tho
dishes ale greasy. It's rather a bore, but ho
Just fixes his mind firmly on Mr. McAdoo and
the third Liberty Loan, and that helps him
through. We all have to do our bit as best
wo can.
SPEAKING of the Albaeores still, Jerry says
they were fearfully sold over tho "Minia
ture In Yellow" bv Whistler that Mr. Albacore
bought at a picture auction In New York.
You know Mr. Albaroio fancies himself a
good deal as a collector, and was very proud
of having picked up a Whistler rarity that
no one had ever heard of before. But the
old gentleman Is very short-slgh'ted. as every
ono knows, and It seems that on tha day he
bought this "Miniature In Yellow" he had
left his glasrcs at home. When he got the
treasure back to Ills gallery, and Mrs. Alba
core looked at it. they found It was a twenty
dollar bill that had been beautifully framed.
And ho paid $3000 for It It docs seem as
though a banker ought to havo recognized
tho hoax-, but they do sav that Mr. Alba
core is so accustomed to tho bills of larger
denomination that ho hardly knows what
the smaller ones look like. It may all bo a
twit, but that's what Jerry toM me.
But Jerry Thlmbletrot himself may havo
trouble with his ejes. We were sitting at the
Hat-Ransom, spoofing each other over a
glass of beer, and the waiter laid the check
on the table In plain view. Jerry didn't reem
to sc It at all, even when with a dexterous
motion we pushed it right under his face. In
the end we had to pay It out self.
TIILY told us in tho club the other day
that old Mr. Convex Adlposo bad to get
a, special permit from the United States cloth
administration to have his new overcoat
made. You see, my dears, the Government
needs all tho cloth In the country for uni
forms, and dear Mr, Adipose uses so much at
a time that thero is a teal danger of short
age. Not even tho satisfaction of seeing
him on Chestnut street In Ills new surtout
would compensate us If the boys In Franco
had to do without, do you think? Mr. Adi
pose has a new Idea In footwear. He has all
his boots mado with the caterpillar tread,
Just like a tractor. He says it helps him
to get around. VERCY SHALLOW.
(tf fiesfl authofttattve comments en ?nacuW!
roctrtv meet tle airoi'al of our readers wc tkhall
le vlad to open our columns to JLTr. Bnallovi from
time to time. Ldltor, i;lmm 1'vm.iy Llsjeb.)
We appreciate the
ItencJerJnc klndllnoss of our cor-
Unto Caeur respondent who com
pliments us on having
dubbed the Kaiser "William the Damned" In
a recent editorial on this page ; but credit
for having originated the phrase should bo
given, wo believe, to Colonel George Harvey,
It's a good one.
"Think of the flerco
Ills h energy concentrated in
;. -plosives an acorn," cries Hor-
nard Shaw. "You bury
it In the ground, and It explodes Into a giant
oak." We. aro glad Mr. Shaw did not per
versely omit the a from accrn. In the super
cgetarianlsm, the bunion may be almost as
grievous as the onion.
Paradise Deprecated
When tho faucets all stop dripping
Ami the bathtub never leaks;
When the house has weatherstrlpping
Against the blizzard weeks;
When the piping never freozes
And plumbers cease to plumb,
When every prospect pleases
And we clean by vacuum
When wallpaper never blisters
And plaster docs not fall,
When larcenous laundry sisters
Plunder us not at all; ,
When kitchen maids don't mutter
Anil tablecloths show no stain,
And husbands never utter
A single, word profane
When the rugs are never faded
And eggs go down in price;
When pantries are not raided
By children or by mice
Then wives wlU never be weary,
Commuters will all grow fat:
But. heavens 1 Ufwou(d be dreary
A "
KAISER REVISES
A Personal Interview With an Eminent Reviewer From Our Special I
Correspondent at the Rear
I LEFT the battlefield early In the morning,
and, traveling four hours In a swift motor
car In tho direction of least resistance, ar
rived at the barred zone occupied by tho
Kaiser. It was a matter ot some dllTlculty
to gain access to this area, as an hour be
fore one of tho imperial dachshunds had ex
pired of a plethora of (deleted by censor),
but, on showing my credentials as a book
reviewer, 1 was admitted. Some 5 earn ago
I wrote a very glowing review of tho Kaisers
book of verses, and consequently 1 am
persona gratlsslma.
I found the Emperor In his pavilion, toying
Willi a volume of Walt Mason's poems. I
think this was merely a pose, however, as
underneath tho tablo I noticed a Baedeker
of St. Helena, evidently thrust thero hur
riedly. I think tho All-Highest was making
up his mind to take a Uttlo sight-seeing tour
after tho outbreak of peace. However, that
Is besldj tho point.
-tTOUR MAJESTY," I said, "my paper
JL has sent me here to get jou to do for
us a. review- of Mr. Gerard's famous book,
"My I'our Years In Germany,"
"Was It only four jears?' he said dole
fully. "It Ecemed much longer."
I waited a moment, not wishing to Intrude
upon painful momorles.
"Your Majesty has read tho volume?" I
asked.
His mustache flashed nnd his ejes
bristled. "I have," ho said. "And as a con
noisseur of literature. I must tell jou
fmnitiv that Mr. Gerard Is no stylist. Even
coming to me purgod by several translations,
I must confess that tho author's treatment
of hlB subject Is sadly amateurish. Tho
edition I read bad been translated from tho
American Into Danish, thence Into Japanese,
then Into Hindustani, and from that Into
Bolshevik and Turkish. The German edition
came from tho Turkish. Even with all thoso
chances for Improvement I must say that I
was distressed by the lack of beauty of Mr.
Gerard's phrasing. I cannot permit tho
literary taste of my people to be stultified
bv such wi etched writing. I havo had tho
German edition suppressed, and am rew rlting
it myself. That may seem arbitrary, but
my deep reverence for culturo Insists that
the German people descrvo only tho best."
"But, jour Majesty," I demurred, "Even
granting that Mr. Gerard is no stylist,
surely tho question Is whether he tells tho
truth V
The Emperor's fist pounded the table.
"Who is the book reviewer here, yod or
I?' he snapped.
I acknowledged my Indiscretion
1TR- GERARD was a very troublesome
1V.JL fellow," said tho Imperial book re
viewer. "I cannot persuade myself that he
Is a man of any breeding. Surely It Is the
height of bad taste to render oneself so
obnoxious to one's hosts? He kept Berlin
In an uproar continually, Ho was always
casting doubt, upon our treatment of
prisoners of war. He crjtlcized our statu
ary. When I took Irlm out to shoot ho
bagged moro game than I did. I cannot
permit gross breaches of etlquetto like that.
A very great rtsponsiDimy nas ueeu ueie
gated to me by un extremely high authority.
When "matters of culture and. Intellect are
In question, upstarts and counlerjumpers
must be eliminated. They have no right to
express an opinion. I am sorry, but it is my
decliton that Gerard's book is a wantonly
bad book. Until It has been rewritten I
cannot give you a favorable review. I
think I had better write a book of ttty own
called 'My Four Years With Mr. Gerard."
perhaps your paper would like to mako me an
oiler for the transatlantic rights?"
I told him that we would pay nt least
(deleted by the censor) for such a volume.
"You are sure It was only four years?"
he said thoughtfully. "It seems .to me as
though I had known that man all my life.
Sometimes ' I have nightmares about him.
He was Impossible 1 YOU would hardly be
hove the monstrous things he did. In the
first place, he was totally lacking In humor,
when I wrote that memorandum to the
President In August, ).9H, he pok It serl
'WtiXi 4l aye ll t0 him '.because., I. thought
iik a.seuyenv wmfwow
jMflUaa
iois
BOUGHT AND PAID FOR
GERARD'S BOOK
that was an ntroclous thing to do. And he
docs not realize the first principles of diplo
matic etiquette. When a statement Is 10
pudlatcd, that Is all thero Is to It. AH my
friends understand that. But this Gerald
why ho did not even wear a uniform.
Think of the humiliation Involved for me;
nu ambassador coming to call on me dressed
llko a waiter."
I ADMITTED that this was n serious thing.
"The book has been put in tho movies
jour Majesty," I said. "You will bo pleased
to hear. Sire, that you ourself play a very
leading rolo iu the film, and ono of tho
most competent actors in Ameiica has been
can to Impersonate jou"
To my surprlso ho was very angry.
"Why didn't tlicy let mo know?" he cried.
"Another breach of courtesy! Really you
Americans aro Intolerable. Kindly cable nt
onco and havo tho plcturo withdrawn until
I can get over to take tho part mj-self. You
should havo known that rather than havo
any canalllo represent mo I would havo come
across peisotmlly to act the pait. I nm ex
ceedingly Interested In tho movies, and
selzo every opportunity to get Into them.
If necesury I will sign an- armistice until
tho matter has been successfully attended
to. What Is tho name of tho actor who
takes my part? Has ho a fine physical
presence" It Is gross presumption on his
part to thrust himself forward In that way.
Of courso he Is totally inadequato to tho
role."
I agreed that this was probably true.
it ANOTHER thing." he said, "I have
xi-not been approached on tho subject of
roj-altles. Certainly I shall have to bo com
pensated fur my part In the film: Will you
please tako up tho matter with the proper
parties? I am not unreasonable. I am will
ing to consider a fair offer."
"But, jour Majestj-," I said, "my paper
pent mo hero at enormous expense to secure
from j-ou a review of Mr. Gerard's book.
Am I to understand that jou condemn it
In toto? This wilt bo a serious blow to tho
American people. And It may undermine
Mr. Gerard's health and seriously weaken
him at n tlmo when ho needs nil his endur
ance. Ho Is doing a great deal of publlo
speaking, and that Is very taxing, as j-ou
know."
"Pooh," he said. "I enn speak all day
long without fatlguo. As for tho review,
jou will have to wait until tho book has been
rewritten. In tho revised version. I douht
If Sir. Gerard's name will oven bo Mentioned.
And now you will havo to excust. me, I
have to give Ludcndorff a llttlo coaching In
stratcgj'. Poor Ludj', ho is such .i good
fellow, but he leans on mo drcadfullj-,"
I
WAS just leaving, when he called me
back. "Perhaps ' I have been a little
severe." he said. "Of courso, jou have not
much literature In America, and I don't want
to bo too severe on Mr, Gerard for the primi
tive uncouth ness of his style. When j-ou see
him Just assure him that' fitter I havo
polished It up a bit It will be all right. The
next time he gets out a book he had better
let me look over the proofs beforehand.
And, of course, jou have sorno very prom
ising writers in America, alve my compli
ments to that fellow Nearlng."
Hog Island appears
lint Tliere It to bo rapidly living
Lots of Rooting down the horrid sue-
gstlun ot its naino
which recently was so general.
Tlie priority of ma.
1'Uee ux terials board has de-
llnfentt elded that manufac
turing of baby car
riages Is not a "nonessential Industry." Just
so they don't call them perambulators!
OBITS WE COVET
1IKBN8T0RK1'
When. tKm.torir died
And went below
Hell nun out signboards.
And Htn. Irk of derail) inlet,
i ' , k .. ?..
KSUKl'' " S't -
a .,"". . . ,,- A ,jc
WHAT R. h. S. SAW AT
NOYON
-
mW'O j oung men once trav eled bj canoedowf
-- mo ffaniDre nun ino ense, iigiu-nearm
enough, Jesting with lovo and death. LlrlM
did they think that forty jears later thd
sweet and quiet country would bo the an
of tho world's greatest death struggle."
thought of war, to bo sure, for a red
had swept through the land not many ytii
befoio their paddles flashed In those brig
waters. But not In their wildest momeW
did they dream of what tho future heldia
Ihe two joung men were Koueri uw
Stevenson and his friend fair Walter Simp
tho book In which tliey told their idw
turo was "Tho Inland VoaE0." Anew
teems ono of tho Ironies of fate that tl)ftfjl
fascinating chronicle. should become f or tlffl
moment the authoritative textbook orUtbJ
legion of carnage. Nono of the war con
Fpondcnts tell us as much of the countrj
where Destlnv haims In tho balance as wi
can learn from tho boyish log-book ell
R. L. S. ffV
It was at Orlunv. not far from St Quenlirl
fwheio the Geimnn general staff Is quartMeli
nt present), that Stevenson and Simpson ibk
tho three younc ladles to charm!nhf W
scribed as "the graces ot Origity." It vrii t?
La l'erc "La Fere ot cursed memory"-;
that they wero turned out of an Inn. Ana I
was at Noj-on, now the storm center oi
southern wing of the German inrusi, y
R. L. S. fell in lovo with tho cathedrsl.
ever I Join tho Church of Rome," he cfl
nt .i.ii .nni.t. ,n h. hl.hnn of AM
.1.- M. '"T
KlpviM-innn-n rliqr-rlnt!nn of NoVOn CIUIW
.i ... .I.. i , fl,irlv thfc f
inuiies onu piny liiuv .fc iiij -. - -
and the earthquako that rago about ttVJi
navo beiuoin louiteu. 11c niuco, ..
.nri nt n i-imrnh eiiih more complet i
n.itiiv. As it nances out in three vridt
races and settles down broadly on
catth It looks like tho poop of some .m
old battleship. Hollow-backed buttr
carry vases, which usum u, ...v -.-. -,-.
r i .. wii it, tim trround. 1
iC'ruB. iiieic i-s v .v.. - . i
tho towers Just appear above the Pjj
the roof, as though tno gooa soip "" TJ
lng lazily, over an Atlantic swell. Aijj
moment It migni do u uu'S" .H
...,. .... .linihtntr tlm next blllOVV. Al.1
- .. i.wIa... ,iAli-lit nne.n and son
admiral thrust forth n cocked hat Ml
.1 rt iel-n tin nhRrV.ltlOn. .THO Old J
v-Ctltl iw imw ut - -- - .
inirnia trill thn sea no longer, tn 010
i..n. - nii ivmion nn and llV6 OH
pictures; hut this, that was a chywpg
t.- -- l.rti.frKt tmnn. is still a CW
and makes as bravo an appearance .oy
Ono prays that It may st be a churc I
outrldo the sea of bloody aeain n --
as tho oiu vessel 10 which
pared.lt.
QUIZ
2. vi,t Interest will the third U""Kl
'ear? , . Afjl
X Mho wrote "Sartor He.arlu. 'f 3
4' "Ya'an'a'lncV br the 1-n.lUH fMf
5. Identify "Hie Knee of Montleello.
0. Mint It tsploea? CJ
- ..l- ,.. li-WI-l. nmlitl.3d0r 10 IB T.
,, vvnn ii ij,m m-.- .rial
States? , Mj
8. Where la Albert? jM
10, wi,lh American cltr, l i"' '"?
.-M
Answers to Yesterdays MUWS
. . -....,. .... r i.nlnr t) WW""
-. ! ' V"".'iV::"in i Fh llol.hen w
, Ef'&ASSff&JJi
111 reiroKmu. ..
Admiral ..on Tirol" '''""V," " " ,
""7.S '"..i.V.-.rfr,
KnlrLerbofUeri referrlns tooJ i"Kl
lifli'ii
lllex In .N" York, rrom '.",. i
1L..1,.... lllktary of VT or. if
Xr- I!-.mV Cathedral of A
nr.. Trwl H the o!el W!3.
"-- --.-' .1,. tifift or tBM'""" ,
cUmmYl'teeoiVpuKil. "'""h'W"(
Th. Julian calendar. f." .?0.!.I ..w
J;"w,""":.4v;;.i,i." .i
.trT.firciorrlnlW
Tim Merer Icltcn u ttiti ?W
Meld, In the mropaUn of "',,.:
A'liifl
dl. of the ! ;'f,BiaSe'l
Ml 1 I 11 ' '. '
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. A ' ."
AJ ,
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