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EVENING LEDGER -PHILADELPHIA, WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 17, 1917
: pj
ATVO iCT TALE OP
AN AUTO THAT OUGHT
TO BUT DIDI.T
JOE 111
G . COLL1HJ
jjrgaBtilKs
noii (;iu;i;.
aiAVwiiiTi:
(io(iGr.i:s ....
HUN
CAST
. . A careless votith
. ItomnlttU' Mini tletcrniiiu'ri
A garrulous garagcr
A multiline Hulcatmin
ACT I
SCENE A tired-hokinf outomabilt rtiel.' in the mud in a
country routl. It is raining. Nearby in a dilapidated feiwr. The
wind m blowing fiercely. Man and Dob discovered on front rnt
of au'o. II. .' is struggling ibi'h nt?erinn who!.
MAY If you had done what I snld, vu wouldn't htue boon liere. '
BOH (trying to turn tin trhvrl) No, wo would linvc been nt tlltt bottom of
that ravine wo just passed.
MAY Humor doesn't go in n place like thir.
ItOH It's not the only thing that won't go just now.
MAY You shouldn't have taken mo out on such a day.
BOH (ttrrtshaiUy) Yes. 1 admit that I overpowered you, forced your auto
mobile hat anil veil on, dragged you from tho houso nnil.mmlQ you gut in
the car. I'm glad the police didn't hear you cry for help.
MAY Well you eh you called nt tho Iioufo with the car.
Whcls of iiutn start to turn suddenly. It coughs anil milieu,
but doesn't more.
BOH Now, what
MAY What kind of nn old tin pan of a car is i. anyway?
BOH (jumps to the yumud and wilehei whet Is) Why, it's what they call a
locomotor ataxi.
MAY Aren't you going to do anything about it? Aru you going to lot me
perish here in the rain? Haven't you uiiv ideas?
BOB I can't i it with ideas. 1 need a wienilt.
MAY And you're letting the car get all soaking wot.
BOH That won't hurt the car; it has rubber siloes.
MAY dolling hirsclf in the only robe) How can you U'ltlo this way.' You
know that tnnding here in'tlic cold won't do tho car any good.
BOB iirriiiyiny out his luin-sunkcd lint) Well, the ear always ear n-.
mufllcr.
MAY I base a mind to get out anil leave you and the old thing here.
BOB I wouldn't do that. It's wetter in tho rain than it is in the car.
MAY I know it's wet in the rain. You wouldn't talk that wuy to a man.
You're a coward. You you you (bursts into ten's).
BOB Yes, I'll admit Im a biulc for getting out hero in tho rain so that mi
can have the whole car. But still I ought to bo grateful. Things could
be woie. ,
Hob criurlH under the cur.
MAY- -Are you going away nml leave mo here?
BOB I'm under the car.
MAY It seems terribly dreary sitting hero alone with no one in sight. Can't
you fix the thing somehow so that I can watch you working?
BOB Watch mo woiking. eh? That neoms to bo woman's chief oxcicKc.
MAY Oh, you're so biutaH It would servo you right if I cried for help.
, BOH Why don't you? Maybe it would bring some ono who would 'help mo 11
the dunged .hing.
Wheels ;n lu.ttrr mill splash mud in all directions. Hub
iiiniiii up, tul;es unihrclln from under seat in car. Puts it. up to
protect hmttelf from hail of flyin.' mud.
MAY The car evidently wanti to go oh, if jou only had brains!
BOB Why talk about the impjisbitlo? If I had brains I wouldn't havo left
home on such a day.
MAY You should h.ivo known more about tho ear before you tool; it out.
BOB No. no I should have known more about you.
MAY iiii(jrily) Oh, if 1 were only a man!
BOB I didn't got a chance to know the car. I started to flilt with it when you
were with mo and you made me buy it without an introduction.
JM AY That isn't so. You weio completely carried away with it.
BOB (closes uinbrilla and naivls under cur iifuin) And now we're both
carried away with it.
MAY Don't you think it wquld bo well to try to find out whom we nro?
BOB What's the u-u1? The name of the placo won't do nay guoil.
MAY -Well, it wouldn't hurt to nsk somebody.
BOB (tuts J) oui vwler ear and looks down completely deserted road) All
right; call some ono fiom that big ciowd over there.
MAY' Can't you forget your sarcasm?
BOB Or ask that cow over there in the field which hasn't enough aonso to got
in out of the rain.
MAY We don't know whether we're bound for north, east, south or west,
BOH I think wo'j-e just about duo for nowhere.
Cur starts to i-plutter.
MAY Mercv, what's wiong now?
BOH The hlnmed thing's getting tho usthmu.
MAY Wouldn't it be awful if it would explode?
BOB No, it might blow us into somo fnrmhouau in front of a hot dish of
ham and cabbage.
MAY' We're using up gasoline and tho wheols aro moving without going any
where. BOB Yes; just liko a woman's tongue.
MAY' (angrily) From now on wo are strangers.
BOB-j-But we've got to stick together just tho same.
Hob in desperation stoop3 and crtinJts the ear. It starts slid'
denly. throws him aside and runs off with May,
MAY Oh, Bob, dear! Save mo! Save me!
BOB (running after car) Steer! Steer! Look out for that cowl
QUICK CURTAIN
GOGGLES An' yew better stop stoppin' after this,
BOH glaring at Goggles) Of course, I'll forgive you, May. I know you
couldn't help it.
GOGGLES Say, where in the deuce dew I cum in on this here matter"'
HOB -Oh, shut up! "Your lires nre flat.
GOGGLES (angrily) Is that so? Now jiit look here, young feller, 1 think
yew are carryin' too much gas an' yer liable tor git punctured.
HOB If it wasn't for tho fnct that you're an 180,") model I'd step on your
spark plug.
(it)(i(il,KS (pulling off liis cortf) Well, yew jist switch yer gear or some-
thtn'n a goin' tor collide with yer tank and put yer ertgihe but of blahissl
MOW And you better put your brake on or you'll need your shock nusorber
right nwav.
M Y- I think you've both lo3t your bearing.'.
Enter Hen at left when Hob and Goggles nre about to finhl.
HEN Hello, Gogg. How's biz?
BOB (to iicv)Xa it's you, eh? Jusl tho man wo want.
MAY- Why, it's tho man who sold us the carl
HOB (to Mai) -Don't insult tho automobile industry by catling Ilia thing
we got a tar.
HEN You're like all newcomers, (t.ooke over the mniUenvtritl ecus) What
have you been doing to it?
BOB Ak it what it's dona to us. It's tho worst tin Can 1 over saw".
HEN How long have you hml this car?
HOB You sold mo the dnnged old unit collar n week ngo.
HEN Have you ever filled the groaso cups?
HOB- No.
HEN- Or put oil in the engine?
BOH No. I'm not nn engineer,
GOGGLES What duw yew know about that?
BEN Did you over put water in the rndfutor or oil the beuTftitfS ?
BOH -No.
GOGGLES By the great horn waggle!
M Y (to Goggles) Oh, you shut Up!
BEN (to lob) Have vou ever pumpod your tires?
BOB Certainly not.
HEN Havo you given the car any rest?
HOB 1 didn't buy it to rest. I bought it to g-
BEN' How long would you go without food and rest? ,
BOB I'm not an nuto. The blamed old tank pulls new things on mo everyday.
It stops and pilaris at mo, coughs in my fice and wibblr.
BEN H complnlna because you've tt: tfuited it I'ifvi- Toil let It go hungry
anil gave it no food. When it w.is. tire i you gnve it no rest. When it was
ill you refused it a remedy and you have fought it nt every turn and
(undo its young life miserable.
Goggles wipes away tears.
.MAY (places iter hand on Hob's should 1) Oh. Bob, f guess he's right.
BEN Of course, I am. (To llab) Now. get this into your head and let
it slay there: UK Tltl'K TO YOUIl CAB AND YOUK CAB WILL BE
TRUE TO YOU.
Goggles noils his hi nil in nppiornl. Hob embraces May.
Holh look til the cur apologetically as Goggles starts to clean it,
SLOW CURTAIN
EFFICIENT MARKETING
REALIZED BY
Tfr0 1 Z rai
ll 1 1 fr7 VTk 1
II I Av vi i v
1 I v We virfll J V 1 v
No "Saturation" Yet, but Sales
Organization Vital, Says
Chalmers
By HUGH CHALMERS
l'roiltlmi I'hnlmcrn Mntot Comtinns
Tho grerUcat mlilevemenl of ttio nuto
rtiobito intlustr in totfi. If it may ' cnlleil
by that name. Is the Rroulntf nhtiffclatloii
of motorcar manufactures ttiat Ilia imluMn
Tina snltlPtl ilnn n In U'hnt will eventually
prove to I, we think, iti Gallic ami nct
innnent form
TllH incluilpi' n KIloliB npliwlntlnii of the
fact thai nn Hip pllliteril m (Saturation nf the
Belling cml of Hip lmsllie ilclielMS In n
small tlcirrnr. ilio ultimate oiipcpm of niiv
maiiiifaei'iri-r ' nt nn p.ir What li nlit'lv
called Hip point of Bntuallnti" Is tn tn
mini! no far Hi the future Hml wr "pi
et lime hail nrt a KltmpM of It '
have, however, nrilved nl n point where m
Canlzrttlori unit men Imnil'fnB t"ih on the
pnit of Hie in iniifiu Hirer mill of the ilH
trlhiitnr. l virtually neceissary.
Virtually all run 1'iilnv are Rooil cai l
tile exiMii Hi H llie Rive lo Hie imrclinser
esnetl wh.it he ia for The "lilt-anil-mlHS'
prlin ho nt, chip Toilav the in
exurnlilii law .f motoreai supply nml "
ttmnil reRulnlei the prire No one iimritifnr
tuier Iihk anv ntlvnntiiRe over iitmlhri In
imlnt or havltii? it lmlnf, niaterlnl.
ur 1 rains or nt other im. irmu puweii it
taliea Jint niurh steel, nlnmlniim ami
ruiibet lo make a mototvir T"iep Inwt he
put IciKetlier li ii eeitan ilpRtce of Inlelll
Ifeltce Til" inarUet Is open t all ami Hip
price level tint In reacheil 111 the lltilslied
proiliu'l l thetefnre, proportlonalely the
same
lleteln. however entets the "he factor
of variation th-il affeelH the priei That Is
volume iirciilui'lloii If I hullil an noo cai
while my iielRliliur Imlhls nlilv II) nun. It Im
manifest th.it I will lie ahle t produce n
liettcr car nl a lower price than he will.
This Is the haslc reaon for larce ep.inf.lon
of pioiliietlnn which has ehai artel l7ed the
last twelve months The effort i (instantly
i In Rle m the puhlle hlKhei value nt u
lower price, and lieeause of the premises I
have nil end v xet forth nil mnnuf.ielureiH
uioRiiizp that the onlv variant Is this ipies
lion of ptniliitllon 'if course, we all have
Briiic piv ilee)il Into the iiiiesllou of inar
Ui" .mil iletiilllld liefnre lleilillllB nil lltl c
paiiiion of prnilm Hon. and It Is n very
Ki.itirvltiR condition ih.it ewiy maimfae
liner Ii.ih arrived at nihiilnnlinll.v the same
ijom liiMinn, that I lie demand In still ahead
of Tin. "iippl.. even In the face of the In
( rp.ispd pMidin.tloiiH scheduled for ne.t scn-
moii
. tn tin- prnhahle trend of the autiimo
lille Industry in 1!HT. I can Hee little mate
rial chatiKP In iIcmirii or inechaiileal enn
Mriictlnn nf the popular motorcar. At
leniilB nre made from time tn lime tn IuIiir
nut bnmethiiiR himlctlly new. hut. after nil.
tho Rasollne enRlne as we aie tmitiB It today
Is Kiihstatitlally the same as II vvaa some
cars ai;o The advance h.ia lieen In the
wn.v nf refinement rather than nf Invention
I helievc that the market of the faim
and tural community is roIhr to he the
dominant factor for 13", And I hclleye
the car that most fully meets tho require
ments of the rural buyer Is R-olnR to be the
car that will prove most profitable to Its
builder nnd to Its dcalcrn Speed contests,
hill rllnib. endurance runs and stunts of
mis nnuue nre ut alu. not r. ...... .
trlnslc merit entirely i,ih i '"'r. ."X
demonstrato the correctness of de,ta, tK iS
strenRth of materials and careful con,! W
IS" ?l f"nS..?lw. SVK
i.n-r .!.- .i iiiuaii-, luuicr man nn enrl "kT
VAL
The Apperson Roadaplane
introduces a new thrill
into the joys of motoring.
"A rival of the aeroplane,"
as we describe it, is not a
mere figure of speech or a clever slogan. We
say to those who ask us tuiy the name " Roada
plane," to find the true answer in a ride in one. Sixes
and Eights Seven, five, and "Chummy Road
ster" ("four passenger) bodies -$1,690 to $2,000
f. o. b. Kokomo.
mMmmrjr
mmm
j&- . ' s-az&ztfi:vt3avM)
ttfrMzy?'-
tismmm?:'
I -JVJ jT niJ1AXrf. .rSr s
'yfSSMw ZzmvMrZir SfS -Tr1:
aarRoad
5ee the Appenon
Exhibit at the
Show Sav
&
rs
jsr-w'
ier,.
Retail Dealera
Fiat Motor Co.
of Pcnna.
1827 Chestnut Street
Caitern ,7pr,lor
William t Taylor
Droad nnd Race St.
Apntfon Ilroa. Automobile Co,
Kokoma, Indiana U.S.A.
Apperson
apiasieJ
Ii
ires
mi Hotill i
fflcMaiil! Tire Corp0
809 North Broad Street
BOTH PHONES
ACT II
SCENE Exterior of Goggles's Garane. May i' disheveled
condition discovered in cur, which is standing in trout of garage.
Enter Goggles from garage.
GOGGLES Been bavin' a littlo troublu, eh?
MAY It's nothing but trouble I don't Itnow wlioru to begin. The spark iilug
hasn't nny spark, tho engine has fallen into the tank, tho shoes nceil balf-
sohni; and as for tht dutch well, it simply won't.
GOGGLES Yew wouhln' 'a' been able tor Kit hero if all that hml happened
ter yew.
MAY But, yAu see, the ear ran away,
GOGGLES (laokwi orer the ear) Cars can't run away 'less they havo
Bomopin tor run with.
MAY (aliihtimi from cur) Stupid, don't they havo wheels.
GOGGLES (aside) it looks as if ther dangeil ear ain't thor only thing
thit's got wheels. (To May) What kind of nn old sarUino is It, anyway?
MAY It's a Mione.
GOGGLES Didn' think 'twas enybody else's.
MAY It isn't anybody else's.
GOGGLES That's what I expected.
MAY What do you mean?
GOGGLES I wuz only askin yer wot kind of a seer yer ksse was.
MAY (with emphasis) And I'm telliiiK you It's a oliane.
GOGGLES I knew 'twas your'n.
MAY I don't mean that,
GOGGLES So it's nof your'n, eh?
MAY Of course, it's mine.
GOGGLES Why do yew lie about it?
MAY (anarily) I'm not lying. ,-
GOGGLES Dane: it first yew said 'twas yourtjj tlieu ygji' gajd it 'twasn't
MAY I never said that.
GOGGLES Never said what?
MAY -That I said it wasn't mi
GOGGLES Didn' vew say yew wuzn sure thlt It 'twas your'n. What's ther
matter? Did they git on yer trail after yew pinched it?
MAY Don't you dare call mo a thief!
GOGGLES Gosh hang it yew ain't .had the old keer long enough ter knQW its
right name.
MAY It's my own Mione car and it ran off while we were fixing it.
GOGGLES (aside) Just plain bugs. (To May) Where's yewer keeper at?
MAY (crying) If I were a man you wouldn't
En'ir Dob at right, 'splashed with mud.
HOB So here you are, eh?
GOGGLES Yes, I caught her fer-yew. When did she break out? v.
MAY Iwalkinn close to Dob) Oh, Bob, will jou permit . .
BOB What's it all about? '
MAY This brute of a man says I escaped from a lunatic asylum and stole
the car.
BOB tto Goggles) You blooming idiot, do you think they keep cars like
this in lunatic asylums ?
GOGGLES Cum ter think of it. I don't think they'd have 'em.
Bob moves as though to strike Goggles. May runs between
them.
IYPlease don't kill him flow, Bob. Think! Think'of me and what we have
teen inrougn louay.
fc-fiQGGDES (aside) I'll jist bet. they're both dotty now.
JQB Is your insurance paid up? If not, ypu'd better see about it.
TOGGLES That's wot I wuz goin' ter tell yew.
JIAY-Oh Bob' (palls him awau from Goggles) Visas don't. Listen.
When the car ran away I kent steering the best I could and I stopped when
I taroe tn thw garage. I tnd to stop before, but couldn't. Will you ior-
MOTHERS INFLUENCE
AUTO MANUFACTURER
Elimination of Chain Drive First
Feminine Victory Over
Mechanics
By CI I A ISLES W. MEAItS
Ailifrt.iinlnv Miinn'r inton rnmiian.
Woman In uei fectlng thr ivorlc lliiin man
Kliiilcil wlif.ii In. invontcil tho motorcar.
Vim will not (1ml Iiit In fiu-toricB inxtruet
inc rnirliu'erH iiml i!oh Kiiorx, hut hor In
flurtit'P Ih l hew juot the smite, nnd en
Kineere nml ilex gnpm nic vvorliiilir for her,
whether they l;novv it or lint.
V.'liPii iiM.twurx vvhip noisy, smelly,
Bitaxy, jeiky nnd uncertain iih to tholr
ntartlni; nml theli xluiiini:. the tmloiuolille
uuh ver iiteiiill.v a man's machine. Anil
In n iimni superior manner, when the pur
chiiHo of a ear nun- ui for fumily con
xidernlion, man hum aecuflnmeil 1 1 mnUo
a xicech xomelhliig Ilki thix
".Vow. mothpr. ou Uniivv the moloirnr
it. a ileee ( UUKliiner.v nnd a hnovvledBO
of niui'hlnRry Ix necexxury in order in pur
chase IntelllRentlv So just leave llilx mat
ter to me and I'll xee that we Kel a saf
and HUllafartory cm."
So mutliei .--te)ii.U uhhIc ami let father
have hlx way
Ilut the time rami' when fnthir euulil
no luner rliic In that inachiuer) hlurf.
Kor. in addition Ui heins u pieee of ma
I'hinery. the mton!.ir wax also a family
lioxiicMiton, blather and tha ehllilreu and
their friendx fuund it a e-inveiiient vehlele
for their traiixportation and their hit ei est
In the "thinB sleadily hureased. Tltey
posHlblhtlex In It. Alsu they
: mine.
could see
could see defects
The simple jo of beins iiiopellml hither
und wn hy u waeuii tliut had nn horses
out ahead soon lost its novelt. However
pi oud father might he of whUziiiff throwcli
the streets on Baxnllne, mother had nu dlf
Acuity in dlfccuveniu; that father's ma
chhior liK vvas m- noisy as a ilrop-foige
shop nt work on war munitions, And to
noise she objected She continued to obiect
unlil father earned the news to the man
win, made iHotmi'ir. upd at lenBlh that
man tuined Ui. alieniiot) to tha cllminnllun
of noise,
It was in lo; that the chain drive finally
went into the discard That was mother's
notahlo vlctor number uue The elimina
tion of the chain drive and the Installation
of the bevel gear suTtenetl down the force
dlssymphony.
Mcanwhllo mother had also discovered
that instead of rolling smoothly olons. the
motorcar progressed along the hlghwusa
and byways by a series of jerks. The
loud chus-chus of early models was m
.-uniiiiuiieu oy a seriej of jolts that mmoyeil
everybody whose nerved were not deml,
Father thought this objection vvas fairly
removed wheajnotorcars reached the four.
c Under stage, hut mother held otherwise.
And again she had her way. So, In 1807,
the same ear that saw the last of the
chain drive, along came the six-cylinder
motor wltli Us btreain of continuous power
nnd Its freedom from the objecttouaiilo
Jerks of previous tjpes.
Jinn thought something had been accoin'
pllsheij in body building when the rear
entrance louneau vvas discarded for the
slde-door car The newer design had at
least the advantage the door would not sud
denly and unexpectedly open and flepos t
ono or mure of the passengers into the road
way; but those who recollect the first side
door bodies will have no dllHculty In re
calling thai passengers generally bulged
over the sides and back, and came home
from their tours In need of liniments and
spothlug ointments for weary muscles and
bruises.
A few experiences of this kind should
have taught designers the need of car
bod'es contributing to human comfort,
bodies to be wit in and not on, but the his
torical fact Is that development toward
comfort was slow, und it Is safo to say that
solid comfort was not to be found In motor
cars until about 1!12 And it vvas woman's
constant demand for the Improvement that
finally brought thlsj-hange.
The present-day demand for closed cars
Is also due to women, father and brother
might ha happy drfrd up like locomotive
r engineers or'glnally In leather togs ami
later In full-length austere but the femi
nine part of the family never enjoyed duet,
nor cuttlog winds, uut disarranged coiffure.
And sq.Uk closed car has come Woman de
manded it, end of cuurse woman" Invariably
persist until Ur wishes cgu true.
llfl)HllgE
Good Vaf ye-ASwiys Growing braiter
As the improvements are made in Dodge
Brothers car nothing is said to Dodge
Brothers dealers, or to the public, about
them.
This is in pursuance of a policy inaugura
ted by Dodge Brothers at the very outset.
They look upon the progressive improve
ment of the car as a matter of course.
It is a plain duty they owe to themselves
and to the public.
There is no necessity of heralding these
improvements in advance.
The public finds out about them in due
time, and expresses appreciation and
approval.
And so, while the process of betterment
goes on every day, nothing is said of it
until after it is accomplished.
The car is basically the same car as it was
two years ago.
Yet there isn't a bit of doubt but that it
is a better car.
The car of today is worth more money
than the car of two years ago.
The price is the same, but the car is a
better car.
Not because the costs of materials have
increased although they have.
But especially because the standards of
construction have been steadily raised
the shop practice made steadily finer.
And still, the buyers of the first cars, and
every subsequent car, received full value.
That is proven by the fact that all of the
cars, no matter how long ago they were
built, are giving good service today.
It is still further proven by the high price
they command when sold at second hand.
Any car built by Dodge Brothers com
mands a high price whether it was built
twenty-two months, or twelve months, or
two months ago.
This high valuation on any car bearing
Dodge Brothers name, has been fixed,
not by them, but by the public.
Dodge Brothers have had few market
problems to bother them, and practically
nothing to do but make the car better.
They are their own severest critics, and
they will never vait for the public to ask
for a better car from them.
They try to anticipate to travel ahead
to give even more than is expected.
No material, no part, and no accessory is
barred from Dodge Brothers car because
it is too high priced.
The only question asked, the only proof
demanded, is of its goodness.
When the car was designed, its parts were
chdrted and chosen according to quality,
and with a total disregard' of price.
That policy still prevails, only it has been
intensified.
No source of supply can have too high
a standard for Dodge Brothers nothing
too good can be offered for Dodge
Brothers car.
That policy, plus a process of research,'
test, refinement and proof, make-for con
tinuous progress.
That is why it is still the same car, and
yet a much finer car.
That is why it is worth more money than
ever, though still sold at the same price.
That is why its value is always growing
greater.
- It will bo well worth your whtlo to examino this car at the show
Thornton -Fuller Automobile Co. .
2041-43 MARKET STREET
PHILADELPHIA, PA,
BOOTHS 39 & 51 AT THE AUTOMOBILE SHOW
Touring Car or Rosditcr, J75t Bedui. SU8J w y
Winter Touring Ctr u- RoetUter, 50 The g.ioline coiuumpuon la unu.uslly loir
Alt ptictM f. o. b. Dttioit ' t The tire mllesgo 1, unuul!y blh
1
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IBM
ife