12
EVENING LEDftEBPHLABELPIIIA. SATURDAY, APRIL 29, 1916.
I - '- ' - i in. i i i - - i' - i i lir I m - TTT" Til II I I III 'I ' - - T ' ' - "II ' I ' " llf III!
IL
t
A . s
fit
HUGHES? WHO'S HUGHES?" ROOSEVELT IS REPORTED TO HAVE SAID
AT THE ROOT-BACON DINNER IN ZAPP'S ACCOUNT OE IT TO BIRSKY
The, Waist Manufac
turer Divulges the
Innermost Inside, of
the Political Situa
tion by Telling What
Happened When the
Colonel Received an
Invitation to Eat
With Senator Root
by This Here Bacon's
House
Birsky Is Rather Incredulous
During the Recital, bjt:
Doesn't Know Enough About
the Details to Refute His
Friend "If I Tl.-aght I
Could Get Appointed to Of
fice by Inviting Roosevelt to
Eat at My House,' Zapp
Concludes, "I Wouldn't Take
no Chances; I'd Borrow the
Furnituro and Dishes From
an Armchair Lunchroom"
"yES. BIRSKY," Burnett Zapp, thol
j- waist manufacturer, saia, u a pol
itician calls another politician a pol
itician, y'understand, it's llko you being
a real catator, Blraky, nnd some other
real estater Instead of calling you a real
eatater, -which Is pretty bad at that,
would call you at tho very least a
dirty crook, a highwayman, y'under
stand." 'M that so?" Louis Birsky retorted
with an Ironical emphasis of which
Zapp appeared to bo entirely njneon
sclous. "So you could easy Imagine that when
Mr. Roosevelt gets an Invitation to cat
with Senator Root by this hero Bacon's
houso on "the following1 Tuesday," Zapp
continued, "ho said to Mrs. Roosevelt
that If. them two cutthroats was going
without food till ho cat with them,
y'understand, they might Just so well
take the new Rockafeller Institute Curo
for Diabetes and bo dono with It. Also
he told her If she wanted to gtvo tho
girl a titty out on tho following Tuesday
all right, as ho was going to have lunch
at the Bacons on the following Tues
day, nnd when them two fellers finally
gets together at Bacon's home, Blraky,
you would, "think Mr. Roosovclt didn't
mls a single day down In the West
Indies sending Root a. sowvencer post
card. I Bet yer It took 'em twenfy
N
50,000!!!
x.
MOTHER NATURE TALKS-
Dearest Children It seems strange that human beings arc the only
living things which fail to take the best of caro of themselves. You do not
see a cat or a dog eating and eating and seeming never to get filled, but you
do see little boys and girls making pigs of themselves.
' When you. have nothing else to do, watch the little fly, hate him though
r you may, yet he "has 8000 eyes and all are separate points.
Did you ever notice how hard it is to KILL A FLY?
In fact, it is hard to kill anything, and that is why you keep on living no
matter what you put into your stomach and no matter what you do to
yourself.
Look at Mrs. Catl She Is always taking a bath and trying to keep
herself clean, and Rover, the dog, is trying to do the same thing nnd has
a hard time of it, while all you has to do 'is to walk into tho bathroom and
turn on the water and even then you hate to take a bath now, don't you?
Let us go back to the fly, See how busy the little fellow is, scrubbing
himself with his many little legs. He has so many becauso ho cannot turn
his head around fend he uses all his little legs for feelers.
Don't you think that when all he animals take such good caro of them
selves, you ought to take some little care of YOURSELF? ,
Don't forget that animals take tho proper time for rest, while many
children go TO bed "any old time."
Don't you thinkit too bad wo have to go to the animals to learn how to
take care of ourselves? I do. FARMER SMITH,
Children's Editor, Evening Ledger.
FARMER SMITH'S TURTLE BOOK
Tommy Turtle's Eyes
Mrs. Cat' was so excited when shecsaw
something moving in the tall grass -that
aha arched her back and began to spit.
"Why be so excited?" asked a strance
voice which seemed to come from the
moving thing.
"Oh, It's you! Well, Tommy Turtle. I
m glad to see you and also to wish you
fc. happy new spring."
"Thank you very much, my dear, I am
alighted to come out of my winter's quar
ters and see you once more. It mutt be
tery tiresome to have to live all theyear
found." Tommy came out of his house
Still farther and crawled over to -where
lira. Cat was sitting
He sat for a long time and then he
EaUl, "Do you know your eyes change?
Tfcey get larger or smaller as the light
shines Into them."
"I was Just thinking what wonderful
eyes you have." said Mrs. Cat. "You
haven't any yelashel as I have. I won
der hy thatisr
"X don't know myself, only J learn not
to ask a lot of questions about myself;
the more I ask, the more I get confused.
fliere la no dust in the water and, there
fore, do not need to have eyelashes to
Seep the dirt out of my eyes." Tommy
tried to look as if ha knew a great deal
about Mother Nature.
"Tour tyes are on the side of your head
and mine are straight in front," began
Mrs. C'-at when suddenly Tommy said,
"That's to you can see mice I"
"Who. said 'mice? " asked Mra. Cat, as
ahe scampered away.
That' Just ilk some people to run
before they know what they' are running
far," vald Tommy, as he crawled into his
siwll.
Notice
AU drawings wu d ,tt M Maek
lak aa whit uoculfij uaperl
AU UrU must be. written ) aa side
$ ks page!
JkH l(Ur mast h tw-eot stamp
(MB (fatal 1
, , . , . . i m-
Of 8 MMd OBJM?
ihirr.,.in a mi ins ,mu-1 ii ii in in1 lutii ' ii-i
By MONTAGUE
"He showed how the Germans could land 150,000 men on Long Island
with two $50 plates."
minutes to tell ono another how well
thoy was looking unberufen."
"And what's Bacon doing all this
time?" Birsky oskod.
"Bacon Is tho host and naturally ho
Is outsldo In tho kitchen malting an ap
propriate cocktail composed of equal
parts gin, vermouth and mathcmatlc
spirits of ammonia, whllo Mrs. Bacon
Is giving him final Instructions not to
start, in and talk about prcparcfulness
until all the dishes was off tho tablo, as
the last lunch Roosevelt was to, y'un
derstand, ho showed how the Germans
could land 160,000 men on Long Island
with two fifty-dollar place plates for
tho GcrmanB and thoy chased tho Now
Tork National Guard, consisting of
three gcnwlno Bohemian goblets and a
cut glass celery dish, right off tho tablo
Into tho fireplace"
"Abcr Roosevelt ain't drunk a cock
tall In years," Birsky said, "and what's
more, he won a case against an editor
In Michigan for accusing him of do
ing so."
"Don't I know it?" Zapp said. "But
a hospitable feller llko Bacon could run
ews an
T
Honor Roll Contest
Tim prises for the best tniwrrt to
"Tiling to Know and no" (or the week
ending- April 28 were won by the fol
lowlnr children t
Thomas Smith, Itush Hospital 11.00
Xiorenca Newlh, D042 Walnut
street .......,.,.,.. ,S0
Cella Berlin. N. Franklin st 33
William Kleper, N. Lambert st... .35
Bath Weiss, 11 Martin t 23
Bertha Chllds, DaurlUe, Ia..,.. .25
A Story About Birds
By EVA LOUISE THOMPSON
New Brunswick, N J.
Although I am but a little girl, I am
very much Interested In bird One day,
mother took me to Central Park to see
the pretty birds j another time I went to
a park In Trenton, and there a peacock
ate candy out of my hands. A peacock
looks like a rainbow, I think, don't you?
Last winter I went to Florida, and saw
all kinds of birds down there. Some
looked like canaries. One little red bird
used to come to our window, hop In and
eat the bread crumbs off the table. I
could tell of many other things about
birds and some other time I wtlL Maybe
some other Rainbows could tell me about
some birds that live near their homes.
I would Just love to hear about them.
AN ILLUSTRATED LETTER
DerF'Aer Svwjf ,
f. vnttT eu.t to
VJtit PJviai.
o.-l4y qavt
tub as-
fTrtfetfitTsn
bretft "wj
IV, yy t.Qit
T1H1 ,
a -tht e5
Hf vcr Kmafl
dV
V. t .7
yvi mf V
r.wnvv i . fjr. -V r
fOBsm
m. shti.a bbbh
WZi'i ,1
4r"rifFB
SBKIoPh
GLASS
a chance of getting a 6-cent verdict
ngalnst him as long ns ho could make
Roosovclt feel good by saying ho never
touched tho stuff but don't let that
provont them from enjoying theirs.
Most men when they l of use a drink
but don't object to others having ono,
ralso such a temperature over being en
tirely unprejudiced about It that thoy
get to feeling tho samo way ns a bigoted
man with a quart of schnapps Inside
of him. Well, everything goes nil right
up to and through tho soup. Mr. Roo.sc
.volt tells them about a fish ho scon
whllo taking a swim near Trinidad,
which looked very similar llko a salmon
except It had bluo tall feathers and
made its nest of grnsses nnd pieces of
bark on the ground at the foot of a
stump of tree or beside a rock and lays
four or flvo eggs, whlto with small
brown spots, .75x.G5. Ho was going
to show how tho natives killed It with
a sterling silver ollvo fork when Mr
Bacon choked him off by nslcing him
had he read "Eat and Lose Flesh," and
winks nt Mr. Root, who pushes tho ollvo
dish to his end of tho table. Tho roast
lews a
THE
Mwecc lam am ru?u mspjpt
JWO lOG- C7BN THY BUIT
Our PostolTice Box
What do you think we have three mem
bers in Council Bluffs, la I (Take out
your geographies right thU minute and
find out where Council Bluffs Is ) Their
names are Ruth, Esther and Winifred
Cole, and they ore real true active mem
bers who read the club news every single
night.
If you don't believe It, listen to their
little letters, First comes Ruth's; she
writes: "I have been reading about your
Rainbow Club and'l like It ery much. I
am going to be In a play nt fechool. I am
Sleeping Beauty, and Ksther. my twin sis
ter, Is to be Snqw White Andrew Lind
say has the measles He Is my little cousin,
Some of our tulips are In bloom, I wish
you could have some." Little Ksther
says; "I like the stories very much. Wini
fred has a doll like tho one In the paper.
Ruth and I just love to read ; we are In
the second grade. Yesterday we went to
the library with Ethel, a little girl we
know, and we were caught In a bad storm
and we had to call up Ethel's mother to
come and take us home. Good-by, Farmer
Smith " Lastly. Winifred puts in her lit
tle messagcr "We like 'News and Views
of Farmer Smith's Rainbow Club" very
much. Aa you are too far away for me
to see you, I will tell you about myself. I
am ten years old and am In the fifth
grade. My teacher's name Is Kathryn
Morehouse. X had to teach school for al
most half an hour for the class below me.
I Iqve to cook and can bake pretty good
bread Love to Philadelphia Rainbows."
Wo think these lovely little letters deserve
some pretty postal card answers from our
Eastern Rainbows. Who wants to seid
a message to Council Bluffs?
w
The Boy Who Disobeyed
By HANNAH SALKOWJTZ. ParksWe Ave.
There was a little boy whose name was
Henry and who was about 10 years old.
Ilia mother had warned him over and per
again not to go near the pond on the
edge of the woods. But, as some boys do
(and girls, too), be thought he knew more
than his mother So he went, after school,
to the pond and started playing In the
water Pretty soon a strong wind came
up. lie lost lils footing and fell into the
pond, and would have probably been
drowned sad not his school fellows pulled
WmsouL
When hm got bom he vowed ha would
neycr disobey W mothtr again, Ha had
i . w m. .nr tm 3xcv
chicken passes off pleasantly In knock
lng La Follette, nnd thoy got down to
tho coffee with nothing more serious
than the milk Ju- being Columbus, N.
M., and getting upset in the direction
of tho ash tray In front of Mr. Root
representing two days' march boyond
Chihuahua City, some of tho milk going
ono day's march farther or partly on
Mr. Root's pants nnd partly on tho rug;
so Mr. Bacon suggests they should finish
their coffee In tho sun parlor where It
Is furnished with wicker furniture and
mnttlng, and as they let Mr. Roosevelt
go ahead, Root says, 'I told you wo
should of took him to a restaurant.
When It comes.to breakfast, two lunch
eons with that feller 13 equivalent to a
removal.' And Mr. Bacon says, 'Remind
me I Bhould clvo you somo Carbona
befoio you go.'
" 'Yes, gentlemen,' Mr. Roosevelt says,
'supposing that window fhcro to bo tho
Rio Grande Rlvor and this here chair is
ni Paso' when Root interrupts him and
says was ho seasick coming from Trini
dad. '"That's nil right, Root,' Bacon says,
'lot him go on. I carry plato glass Insur
ance.' "'Sure, I know,' Root says, 'but I
didn't como hero to got Information
about Mexico which during tho past
two months a feller could find out for
himself by reading tho headlines going
homo In tho subway, without Investing
a cent for tho newspapers themselves.
Yes, Mr Bacon, thero Is somo poople
which was nover no nearer Madison
Square Garden than tho bulletin board
of the San Francisco Chronicle, nnd it
you would glvo 'cm a show thoy would
back Tex Richard Into a cornor nnd do
scrlbo to him round by round tho Wll-lard-Moran
fight. If Mr. Roosovclt
uants to toll mo about tho Mexican
trouble ho would havo lots of oppor
tunity ns Sectetary for War In my
cabinet.'
" 'YOUR cabinet?' Mr. Roosevelt
shouted.
"That's what I said,' Mr. Root tells
him, and right thero Mr. Roosevelt
laughs threo dollars and twcnty-flvo
cents' worth of nccessaiy repairs into
tho wicker chair ho Is sitting on.
"'What's tho Joko?' Mr. Root nsk?.
" 'Listen, Rooti' Mr. Roosevelt says,
you was a pretty good Secretary of
State when you was working for mo.
I don't know no ono that could cut out,
baste and finish a treaty better aB you,
nnd not even tho worst of your' 6,111,.
614 enemies couldn't say nny different.
As a Senator you wasn't so bad neither,
because no matter what the nowspapers
says rotten about a Senator, y'under
stand, tho Lcutc Is going to say, "Well,
what could you expect from a Senator?"
Abcr as a President '
"Hero Mr. Roosevelt waved his arms
In ono of them can-you-bcat-lt motions
M O " 1 n Yi I I 1
r r armer vjmitn s xvainDow vjjlud
CALL OF THE CAMERA
ZDITH
CITHPINE COAVOPS AND BUNNY
April Raindrops
A Favorite poem of R. Specktor. nidge Ave.
I heard a tapping on the pane,
I thought. "What can It be"
And thero a little fairy aualnt
Was looking In at me!
She had a tiny pretty house
All made of silver light.
It traveled slowly down the glass.
And filled me with delight.
I looked It made me feel B0 glad
Until her house rolled by, j
On rainy days ou'll see It, too,
If you will only try!
The Question Box
Dear Farmer Smith Kindly give me
the following Information: (a) Where can
1 find my birth certificate? (b) May a
boy of 15 years leave school?
LEON BROWN, Parrlsh street.
If you were born In Philadelphia you
will find your birth certificate In Room
5S1, City Hall. If you were born outside
of Philadelphia write to the Bureau of
Statistics in the city in which you were
born and you will undoubtedly get the
desired Information, (b) A boy of 15 years
may leave school, provided that he has
completed his fifth year In school. He
is, however, obliged to attend eight hours
a week of "continuation classes" until he
tins comDleted his 16th year. Information
about these classes may be obtained at.
any school, l may aaa inai j. were a
boy 15 years old I would make every pos
sible effort to stay In school as long as
possible.
Things to Know and Po
1 Make one word out of these two
words Hid EARTH.
2 Name tna 4ve sense,
3. IVfcftt UUa bed has that a, pin haa?
P'ojr.JitUsIsUes-i j
4
and Mr. Bacon rang for tho English
butler to sweep up two lampshades.
'"That's all right,' Mr. Root says.
'Do you know who Is Indorsing mo?'
" 'I seen tho names In tho paper be
ginning with J. P. Morgan & Co.,'
Mr. Roosovelt says, 'and If you was
running for President of tho National
Model Llconso Society, nnd was in
dorsed by a lot of citizens headed by
Bishop Vincent and footed by W. J.
Bryan, you wuuld Btand Just so good a
Bhow to got elected.'
" 'Well, tell ino ono thing,' Root says.
'Who Is Indorsing you?'
" 'I am,' Mr. 'Roosevelt says, 'and I
ain't got no second choice neither.'
"lleio Mr. Bacon gets busy.
"'For my part, ho says, 'I got only
tho Interest of you two follcrs at heart,
and I don't glvo a whoop which ono of
you gets licked. I'm entirely disinter
ested and I think I show It, because, be
Hove mo, I ain't no fonder of getting
my house broko ns anybody else.'
"Mr. Roosovelt nodded sympathet
ically and tho effects down In tho
kitchen was felt Instantly by a buttor
dish nnd six soup plates In an open set
of 126 dishes.
" 'So what I say Is,' Bacon went on,
'one poker hand between you and draw
to tho cards.'
"Mr. Roosevelt shakes his head and
tho open set becomes 122-71 dishes.
" 'I nover touch cards,' ho said.
" 'Then how about dlco?' Mr. Root
suggests, but with no better results
than boforo by two. cups and saucers
and a vegotablo dish.
" 'I might. Just as well lend you a
million dollais,' Mr. Roosovclt said, 'and
match you to see whether you pay mo
back oiler not. Ono thing you could bo
suro of, Mr. Root, if I loso this here
nomination to anybody by playing cards
it will bo Candcur solitaire.'
" 'Then I'll tell you what I'll do with
you,' Root says. 'I'll match you to seo
whether wo both lcslgn In favor of
Hughes.' t
" 'Hughes?' Roosevelt says. 'Who's
Hughes?'
"And (Men ho laughs so hard that
from tho vibrations of tho mechanical
earthquake detector In the observatory
of La Salic University, St. Louis, it was
estimated by tho professor of astron
omy that tho ccutro of tho disturbance,
was no further nwny as Alaska.
" 'Listen, Root,' Mr. Roosevelt says
when ho can get his breath again, 'Mach
mlr kcl bluflsl Mr. Wilson Inys awake
nights worrying that tho Republicans
ain't going to resurrect that feller
Hughes olav hasltalcm from the Su
premo Court. I wouldn't Indulge In no
post-mortems with you about Hughes,
but I'll say this much: you arbMho only
Republican presidential possibility In
sight
AND LILY B7ILY ftNO
THEK PONY JVOW WWTS
"When Grandma Was a Girl"
Sent In by Itosa Fisher, B. 4th st.
When grandma was a little girl she nnd
her sister lived In tho country. They
played In a sunny meadow. Grandma and
her sister would ofton take off their shoes
and stockings and wade In the brook, It
was great fun to feel the rippling water
on their feet They tried to catch the
silver minnows with bent pins, but they
neer caught one. They sent chips loaded
with pebbles sailing down the brook
Sometimes Ihey played that the leases
floating down the brook were fairy ships
sailing to sea In the meadows were old
tree stumps with velvety moss cushions at
the roots These were fine playhouses,
One side of the stump was the kitchen, the
other side was the parlor. The mosstcush.
tons mad, beautiful beds for their dolls.
They made mud pies In the kitchen. The
dlshej were pretty pieces of broken china.
Grandma washed them" In the brook.
What happy times she had when she
was a girl I
Grandma Is old now. Her hair is white.
'''She cannot run and play. She sits in her
big chair much of the time. I like to sit
wlthjier, I often say, "Please tell me a
story, grandma." I love to hear about
what! she did when she was a little girl.
She told me the story I haye told you.
Do you not think she had happy times?
FARMER SMITH,
Evenino Ledger:
I wish to become a member of your
Rainbow Club. Please send me a beau.
tlful Rainbow Button free. I agree
to DO A LITTLE KINDNESS EACH
AND EVERY DAY SPREAD A
LITTLE SUNSHINE ALL ALONG
THE WAY;
Name
Addreas ,.,,.,,,,,,,,,1,,,.,,,,,,,,
Age .,..,..,.,,......,............
School I attend ,..-,, .,......,....,.,
THE BEST DRAWINGS pF THE WEEK
f Jf T- 3yWsRa Awy. n tinj fl
S$4m ByVvWrdCo&.Cou.f J3Lus,pw. nv' . ' l
MT" J..M,U I.... ... Win I - ' kf -
Illustrations by BRIGGS
"Hughes? Who's Hughes?"
a-
" 'Much obliged,' Root said. -
" 'Not nt all,' Mr. Roosevelt tolls htm.
'In fact I wouldn't mention it if I was
you, becauso this "year a Republican
presidential possibility ain't ehough.
What tho Republican party wants Is a
ptcstdcntlal probability, Root, If not a
certainty, and I nm sure I enjoyed your
luncheon very much Indeed, Mr. Bacon.'
"Toll mo, Zapp, ain't you got this
wrong?" Birsky said. 'JI understand
Senator Lodgo and General Wood was
also at this here lunch."
"Thoy came In lator, Just as Mr.
Rooso- It was going," Zapp said; "and
when Mr. Roosovclt told Gonoral Wood
that he wa3 glad to fioo him again it
cracked tho lacquor cabinet, two lectrlc
light bulbs and tho glass in a framed
enlargement over tho piano.
" 'S'cnough,' Bacon says to Root,
'Ring up a taxi nnd we'll take him and
his friends to tho Harvard Club.'
" 'Why tho Harvard Club?' Root says.
'They Just got tho furniture dono over
and things fixed up fresh over there.
Tako 'em to tho Metropolitan Club.
Them millionaires over there can stand
It, and they're going to move lntoxa now
clubhouso soon anyway.'
"And that's tho wholo truth from tho
luncheon party, Birsky," Zapp con
tinued, "which It wouldn't of mado no
difference If thoy had tho lunch odcr
not, Root and Hughes ain't got a look
in. Compared to them two boys tho
United States Mortgago and Tr 'st Com
pany has got a winning personality and
a public following equal to Goraldlne
Tarrar's. They ain't red-blooded enough.
For Instance, If .ludgo Hughes some
Easter Sunday should Gott soil hutcn
cut an nrtcry on account ho gets out of
practice from year to year trimming his
beard, y'understand, before they could
stop tho flow of stenographer's minutes
JUNIOR BASEBALL SCORES
R. H. B.
Gcrmantown Rainbows 0000132 0 f 7 12 5
Oiney Juniors 0 2 0 0 12 0 0 05 8 8
Batteries Hanvllle nnd Cordeaux; Jones and Hettrlck. Captains, Farsytho
and Miller. ;
R. H. B.
Spr(ice Street Winners v 00100300 01 6? 5
Baltlmoro Avenue AH Stars 0 0 0 2 0 0 0 0 02 5 8
Batteries Donaghy and Jamison; Brlnton and Turner. Captains, Sullivan
and "Wade.
Rosoto Rainbows Called on account of wet grounds.
Lono Scouts Managers Flnelll-Smith.
MERCY ANNE PERKINS
On the Train,
Dear Megsle;
WELL, it's true ! I'm .on my way to
boarding schqol, nnd for tho first time
In my life I'm tucked up In n sleeping carl
Oh. I know you'ro dying to know what I
did with my clothes Well. I left them
hanging on me, for I kept thinking of tho
wreck we read about and then I couldn't
manage on account of either bumping my
head or tailing down every time I tried
to stand up .
Megsle, the most awful "thing happened.
You'd never guess. I fell out of the
uppor berth I (Daddy had to buy it when
we got on the train because there weren't
any first-floor ones left.) I got Into It
all right and then I remembered I left
my hat In the seat where I'd been sitting
while the porter man was pulling my
bed out of the wall (that's where they
keep them).' I kind of like that hat (the
brown one with the green quill), so I
wanted to be suro no one took It, I put
one foot out and bump! the next thing
I knew I was kerplunk on the floor with a
lot of people around saying nice things to
me, and then one lady just made me take
her lower berth, so she wouldn't have to
worry all night for fear I'd fall out again.
That's whero I am now,
Megsle, there was one person who
didn't say nice things. She was a girl
with tangled yellow hair and fancy clothes
and she laughed right Bnuara In my face.
Just now, Megi I'm wishing and wishing
that Murosle hadn't died, that daddy didn't
have to break up our little home In Peace,
ful Valley and go away out West, and that
I wasn't traveling miles and miles a min
ute to a boarding school where I won't
know any anybody but mo m.
Right now( peeked out my window,
and way up in the Bky Is our fairy star,
and she's kind of smiling and telling me
not to care ; so I'm, going to Bnuggle down
in my pillow and watch her and watch her
until I fall asleep and dream that Megala,
is coming, tool
With lots of love and lonesomenesa,
MERCY ANNE.
P. S. Will write as soon as ever I get
to Miss Stone's. l
En Route.
Darllngest EHse:
Say, I can't believe Easter vacation Is
oer and that I'm traveling back to the
ho might loso as much as 1600 folios.
Bellevo me7, Birsky, Mr. Hughes Is
where bo belongs, becauso there's only
two fellers coutd mako a living by hav
lng their faces disguise their feelings,
and that's a Judgo and a waiter, y'un
derstand, abcr a waiter neblch must got
to do It without whiskers."
"Say I" Birsky said, "this is a freo
country nnd nobody need got to shave If
ho don't want to."
"You'ro right, Birsky," Zapp Bald,
"and whiskers wouldn't be a handicap
if a man could becomo Prcsldont by In
junction, mandamus, certiorari or quo
warranto proceedings, abcr when he has
got to mako a personal appeal and get
tho sympathy of several million voters,
and the only moans ho has of Bhowing
love, lahochlcs, sorrow, almcha, despair
nr.'i rachmonos Is a couple of cubic feet
human hair whero his facial expression
ought to' be, no's up against It like a
one-nrmed fiddler." ,
"Well, when It comes to facial expres
sion, Zapp," Birsky said, "I seen pic
tures In the Sunday supplements of Mr.
Roosovclt speaking from tho back plat
form of a railroad train, and you can tell
from tho way his face looks that what
ho Is saying would miko what tho Pater
son, N, J., pollco says quintan said sound
so revolutionary llko 'Curfew Wouldn't
Ring Tonight.'"
."Sure I know," Zapp said, "and th
chances Is he Is only saying that ho Is
glad to bo once more among his old
friends In Snodekorvllle, tho home of
the Snedeker Farm Implement and
Buggy Company, y'understand, and ho
is making em dcuovo ii, 100, wnorcaa
If Hughes was on tho back end of Ihat
train tho chances Is ho would call" It
Steubenvllle, and when his secretary"
nudges him ho would try to square him
self by calling it 'Steubenvllle or Snedo
korvllle, as tho case may bo, or words
to that effect.'"
"And what would Mr. Root say?"
Birsky askod.
"Ho wouldn't go thero at all," Znpp
ropllod. "What does Mr. .Root caro
about the pcoplo of Snedekorvlllo when
ho Is Indorsed by tho presidents and
boards of director's of every Interna,
tlonal, national and American company
In tho corporation directory from Inter
national Architectural lion to Inter
national Zinc Buckets? Yes, Birsky, If
Mr. Root's Indorsers filled so much
spaco In tho registry of voters ns they
do In tho Directory of Directors, y'under.
stand, ho would havo tho same walk
over as Mr. Roosovelt has got."
"Then you think Mr. Roosevelt would
be elected?" Birsky said.
"I certainly do," Zapp replied, "but
If I thought I could get appointed to
offlco by jnvltlng him to eat at my
house, Birsky, I wouldn't tako no
chances; I'd borrow tho furniture and
dishes from an armchair lunchroom."
ARK! Who
knocks? "TJs I,
MISS MAY!
OES TO BOARDING SCHOOL,
Catskllls. It's 10 now and I'm still up,
I sent the maid to get me a book, but she
said. "No bookB for children. Missy," I
rwnT furious, for as soon as father left
me-on the train I put my hair up. or
course I look awfully old IE at loaBtv You
bet she'll get none of tho 50 cents father
gave me to tip her with.
Say, what do you think? Some girl fell
out of nn upper berth.
A girl about our size She looked so
queer I laughed right In her face," Say,
she was funny -enough looking without
having to fall out of an upper berth. Her
hair was combed straight back and her
eyes looked like saucers, She had on an
old-fashioned brown dressand she had
red hair Oh, you'd a-laugped if you'd n
Been her. Well, nothing more now, so so
long for tonight. When I get to Btonles'
I'll write. Love to the kids. Yours eter
nally, MAY BELLE IDELLE SMITIL
P. S. We just passed Syracuse.
How Johnny Pig Got His Blaclt Spots
By HARRY BECKER
Johnny was a good and c!e4n little
pig, but always getting into mischief.
One day, while he was walking, he saw
Borne other pigs playing, and went over
and asked them if ho could play, and
they said es. All the pigs were good
but one. and he was alwaya up to tricks.
His name was Sam. Sam was standing
by the lake when he thought of a plan
which was to push Johnny In the lake.
So when Johnny came atong Sam pushed
him into the lake, and when he got out
he had all tjack spots on his white coat,
and that Is how Johnny got his blaclt
spots. '
The Fairy and Policeman
Catharine Murray, Danville, Pa.
There was a .policeman ,who was very
poor. He was too old to work any more,
and he, therefore, had very little money,
yet he was happy, for every night
"Fairy" came to see him and every night
he shed Just ona tear of Joy for having
the pleasure of seeing "the fairy" Ona
day he did not have even enough to eat.
When "the fairy" came in that night she
brought a beautiful string of glistening;
diamonds. She told him to sell these dia
monds and he would become a rich man
She told ntm also that these very stones
wera but the tears that he had shod He
sold all lils diamtnda but one, and thla
he always kept aS a remembrance of hla
Talry Pleasure," aa he had called her
Baseball Challenged
''The Gray's Ferry Rainbows want Sat
crday games away with teams, of 10-year-old
boys. Address John Hlggins, la
care of Farmer Smith, Evbninq LacaEiU.
The Philadelphia All-Stars, of ParrWi
street, want Saturday samea &vav -wlefc
I teams of 1 4 -16-y car-old boya WJU pay
'half expenses. Address Leon Brown- la
caro Farmer smitb. v.sNiNO. Leuoek.
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