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EVENING LEDGER PHILADELPHIA, FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 11. 1P1?.
.
.y ""' ( uwe,-15 "W
'" ' 'M
PUBLtG LEDCER COMPANY
crnus u. K cup-tib, raxsieiNi.
"Charles H Ludlniston.VlcerreeldentS John C. Martin,
te'i1"1 Treaaurerl rhlllp 8. Colllm, John B.
IVlUlama, Directors
EDITORIAL nOAUD:
Crave II. K. cctita, Chairman.
P. H. WHALET, ..... Executive lMlter
JOHN C. MARTIN General Business Manager
Published tally at PcbUc Linn Building,
Independence Square, Philadelphia.
Ltnora OevraAt., .,,.,,, .Bread and Chestnut Streeta
AtmxiIo Cur i.... JYr.M. Union nulldlns;
yr.v TosK. ...... .170-A. Metropolitan Tower
DtI0IT. ..,,... ...... ,... ...ti... 8S(I l'or.l nulldln
St. Lot mo,, ,......,, 409 Olotf Democrat Ilullilln
Clllcaao .,.,..,..,.. 1SU2 Trtbunt Ilulldlnf
NEWS nUHBAtlS!
W.(ni5nT0M rjcatun Hints TlulMlne
Nlrtr VoK Oiiimn The Timn Itulldln
Beaux Htmrio, ,,,,......... no Prledrlchstrasse
Losmoie nuREAD Mnrronl Home, Strand
l'isi Uuntio, .............. ..32 ituo Loula la Grand
suDgcniPTiOiV terms
By carrier. six cents por neek. Ily mall, postpalj
outside of Philadelphia, eacept where forelin posters
I required, on month, twenty-five cental one year,
three dollara. Alt mall subscriptions payable In
advance.
NoTicBT-Buberlbera wlshtne sddresa changed must
Civ old aa well aa new address.
BEIX, JOM WALNUT KFYSTONE. MAW J000
fO" Addreti all eommfinlcrtflons to Kvrntnp
J.edgir, Independence Soudrr, ritllodelphln.
HtotKo at tub rnit.APrtritiA romorrica as second-
CLASS UAIL MATTia
THE AVEHAOE NE1 PAID DAILY CIRCULA
TION OP THE ."SVENI.V3 LEDOnil
FOR JANUARY WAS 80,214
PHILADELPHIA, FitlDAY, FtBItUAnY 11, 1M
Government is a trutt, and the officers oj
the government arc trustees. Henry Clay.
Whatever has becomo of Sir Edward Orcy?
Bryan out for Governor. News Item.
Never mind. It's only his brother.
Senator Cummins can qualify as a native,
yen If he la not accepted as a favorlto son
of Pennsylvania.
Senator McNIchol might run for the Vice.
Presidency on a ticket with Colonel Roosevelt
on an antl-raco sulcldo platform.
Hoke Smith, In an effort to got tho Govern
ment to protest more vigorously ngalnst tho
Ily British embargo on cotton, Is telling the Sen
ate that cotton Is no longer used In making
explosives In Germany, but that celluloso
has takon Its place. Tho German chemists
are apparently equal to nny emergency.
Tho National Association of Merchant
Tailors has dccldnd that no American can be
a gentleman unless ho has at least 14 suits of
clothes and 10 overcoats. Now wo know what
n narrow and unrepreientatlvo thing a "gen
tleman's agreement" Is, and do not wonder
that nil the men with only a single pair of
trousers and ono suspender are opposed to
tho trusts.
If the taxpayers of Philadelphia are dis
satisfied with tlie management of the schools
the taxpayers of Philadelphia are Justified In
showing their dissatisfaction. If tho school
children of tho city grow peevish about tho
school system their parents, and not them
selves, aro the proper authorities to protest.
Teaching Is by no means so pleasant a pro
fession that the added burden of pupll-ccn-sorshlp
cap be added to It.
A1- bridge across tho Delaware which the
Camden people nro demanding would trans
forrn that part of tho city between the river
and the bridge terminus, half a mile lnlnnd,
bo that you would not know It, If Camden
people want to know what effect a bridge has
Upon real estate values In the district from
Which tho ferry traffic Is diverted they might
ask the owners of property along lower Ful
ton street In Brooklyn. But we all want the
bridge.
Among the, persona who will regret that the
hearings on Mr. Brandels are public will bo
some of the gentlemen who have rushed to
Washington jto testify against the nominee.
In successive days Mr. Brandels has been
Accused of blng too friendly to capital and
of being too hostile to capital. One eager to
testify considered himself fit because he had
read edltorialston the subject. Another, whose
testimony received unhappy publicity, found
himself vigorously and convincingly denied
within !4 houts. The only ones who wu
emerge from jho ordeal clean will be tho
Senators who are Insisting for a fair trial
and possibly Mr. Brandels.
The decision of Judge Barratt, that "with
the well-understood aversion of tho American
people to the unlimited and unrestrained ad
ministrative power, It is most natural to read
the statute as conferring Judicial power upon
the courts to review and examine the regula
tion of this enormous motion-picture Indus
try" Is a triumph for Americanism and that
freedom of publicity which has been an
essential feature of our institutions since tho
Union was formed. As the Judge declares,
the Mayor and the Director of Public Safety
have ample power and authority to protect
the public If they deem a motion plcturo Im
proper or Immoral. The board of censors
will be a far more capable body and will
command far more respect when It Is under
stood that Its decisions are subject to review
by the courts, for this will tend to make the
board more careful In Its consideration of
offerings. It Is undemocratic that a few per
sons should be able to decide absolutely what
millions of others should or should not sec.
GARRISON HAS PRICKED THE DUBDLE
WHEN statesmanship and efficiency run
Into the mire of politics and Inefficiency;
when experts find themselves bound hand
and foot by a coterie of popularity hunters;
when pacifism, bemoaning the expenditures
for preparedness, yields to public sentiment
but insists on shaving the money through
ihe Urge end of a pork barrel; when men
who have the substance tn their hands are
asked to give It up for .the shadow; when
qplnelessness attains the supremacy over
backbone, then It Is time for a Secretary of
War to resign.
There has been no stronger member of
the Cabinet than Mr. Garrison, none in whom
the public has had more confidence. Yet his
services to his country glow In his resigna
tion as never before. Ills act throws a
calcium light on the utter uselessnesa of the
kind of preparedness Democratic leaders in
Congress want and opens the eyes of the
poumry. in a way otherwise Impossible, to
the foolhardlneaa of preparing by pot pre
paring. Want of confidence in the Administration
plana win be immediate and lasting. -There
was tut one way to euchre Mr. Hay and his
associates!, and that was to expose the hollo w
p4t ot their program. This Mr. Garrison
fc4 mae with telling effect. He deserves
sj4 win get the thanks at millions of bis
snyJSV". who have set their hearts oa
Mm fwufstr cMeaM at U4s eountry .and feel
that to him Is due tn a very large measure
credit for pricking the bubble In tho program
of "plenty of money for preparedness, but no
preparedness."
QUIT JUGGLING: SETTLE
THE TAX QUESTION
In proportion to vrhnt Plillndelpliln
might hnte hern, It la n city ot vrnatrd
opportunities It tins ninny reminded
me of (Jiilllver tiniind itcmn liy the I.llll
nutlnitn. It tnlnlit tinte remained the
cnpllnl nf the nation hnd not It pelly
patltlrlnns of (lint ilny aolit the Mrlh
rljtht of till historic elty of Amerlcn for
n me nf pottnne. Till opportunity,
which would hnte mnde II one of the four
Brent cnpltnl of the world, wns lot for
ever, n no many other opportunities
hnc nlnce been lout, It j the Nhnmefnl
nny In which the future nf the city hn
nt time hern anld for pernnnnt fldtnn
time, From the nddrenx of l.ime M,
Heck nt the nntelllnK of the Mcltcnvle
Htntue of I-'rnnklln, .tunc, 1(111.
TDHlLiADnLPHIA, It is true, has been the
X victim of politics, but never yet has poli
tics successfully hobbled a community where
business man hnd bone in their spines and a
vision of the future In their brains. What
tho politicians of their own accord do Is
of comparntlvel little Importance, for their
purposes nro generally petty. What they
fall to do, what the leaders of Industry fall
to compel them to do, Is tho barometer of
prosperity.
Tqday the city Is staggered by a bogey.
Purposes wilt before It.
Tho tax question hangs like it swoid of
Damocles ocr the necks of the lawmakers.
"Unit!" says the bogey, and Councils
presents arms.
These fartu aro apparent:
The elty fnrrn nn minimi delicti,
'the in-n-)ou-Ki" net of I7li I lielnit
Ignored nnd there I n heny flnntlnir. In
delitrdiiea. reprerntcd Inrm'lj li innn
dnniiiHCN nlilcli hear tl per cent. Imercst.
City fliinnclrrliiK ti n linplmaiird Jilm
hlr, rhnrncterlaed ! Inrk of eo-ordlnn-tlnn
nnd reprrncntlnic Inelllcleney nt It
innYlmtim.
I'm talon mut he mnde for ndniiinte
Teienue,
Ihe Imposition of turner nxc on niunll
rrnl eatnte owner, on 1'lillndelphln' trro
Mtory hnmen, would he Intnlernhle mid
detrlmentnl to the heat Interest of (be
cltj.
'Ihe Trny out I throiiRh the levying ot
prclnl tiixc, the InrrenaliiK of eertnln
fer, etc, A ciinimlalon ahould lie ap
pointed to eonalder them.
A hlle nen Noiirce of revenue nre he
Ihk tupped, wine MtiiteNmnnnlilp rriiilre
the nholltlon of the -.". per cent, tnv on
run, n tnx vrhlch I exorhltnnt as well
n ImJiiMt.
There I no rennon why lonna for per
mnnrnt Improvement Nhould lie held
up pending the solution of the revenue
problem.
The Administration, with some Justifica
tion, hesitates to tackle the revenuo problem.
Now taxes nro unpopular und the party re
sponsible for them generally suffers. But
tho point hns been reached when something
must be done. This bogey of now taxes 1ms
paralyzed our statesmanship nnd threatens
now seriously to Impede the progress of tho
city. If not to hog-tle It for years to come.
Thero aro thousands of Mnall-houso owners
In the community, many of whoso equities
nre small nt present nnd to whom the Im
position of new taxes on real estnto would be
ruinous. They must bo protected, not only
for their own silkes, but for tho sake of the
city at large, of which they are tho great
stabilizing factor. This must nlwnys be a
city In which the man of moderate means
can own his own home nt .small cost of
upkeep. It may as well be understood from
the beginning that the integrity of the two
story homo must not bo attacked.
An incrense In the yield from real estate
Is possible, nevertheless, through equalization
of assessments.
The most feasible method of procedure, we
may suggest, Is the appointment of a com
mission of experts to study tho flnnnces of
the city In their entirety nnd report back to
Councils1 a recommendation as to tho proper
course to be pursued. Such a commission
could give hearings to all citizens Interested
In any particular method being considered
nnd would bo able, nfter exhaustive Inquiry
into nil phases of the situation, to arrive nt
a solution acceptable to the city.
It Is time to stop trifling with the situation
and to get to work.
If tho bogey of unpopularity which stag
gers the authorities and has staggered them
for years were productive only of nn un
businesslike situation In referenco to current
outlay, further neglect might possibly bo
tolerated. Tho Injury to the city, which is
really Incalculable, Is, however, of another
character.
Tho people of the whole, Stnte, realizing
that an ample capital Investment wns
needed at once to put Philadelphia on a
parity with competing cities, authorized tho
borrowing of large sums for two specific
purposes, to wit:
1. The utlulnment of proper trnnalt
fnellltle.
S. The Improvement of the port.
On these two projects the future of the city
rests. The need for both of them Is Imme
diate. Tho port must be ready when peace
again releases ocean fleolH and the new
and Inevitable battles for trade begin. Nor is
the distribution of our products over tho
world more Important than quick pas
senger distribution within the city Itself.
Vet the financial bogey has bo fright
ened lawmakero and others that they
hesitate to make use of the authoriza
tion granted by the State. One section, and
no other, of the Broad street subway la In
process of construction. The rest of the
undertaking must wait a supply of funds,
and port improvements are held up for the
sume reason.
The Mayor Is earnestly desirous of going
ahead without waste of time, as he announced
yesterday.
We suggest to him the propriety of taking
the bull by the horns, of settling this tax
rate situation once and for all, of moving
ahead vigorously on the loan. Let him see
to it that whatever the lost opportunities of
the past, there shall be no lost opportunities
now. Let him help to disillusion those citi
zens who "view with alarm" any proposal
to move forward. Two hundred years ago
England was said to be on the verge of
bankruptcy because she owed a few million
dollars. Today her debt is in billions. Credit
is the lever that moves the world, and we
scarcely comprehend yet the possibilities of
it, tho principles back of it, its healing vlr.
tues when rightly used.
Citizens roust get Jt into their heads that
they are not going to jnake this city theTs
great metropolis n uutrm io do without
spending money. The way to make money
is to spend It on permanent investments.
They constitute the machinery of prosperity.
They must b got.
Controller Walton's report, instead of caus
ing a retreat, should make the city take the
bit in It teeth. If we roust have more
revenues, let u set them. And we need not
stand stU i t,ha meantime. The way to go
afcea. d is to. go ahead.
. TgAtclty wants a, -po'Somethlng" Admin-
utH?
Tom Daly's Column
NOBODY known where the new slang or
the new stories como from. A few
years ago, several readers will remember,
Everybody's Magazine published this Jokes
Kfremlnnte young man eaya to drii(t clerk: "A two
cent atarnp, pieaae." In pasting the atamp on hla
letter he a;oe through n deal of mancmerlnit to get
It Just en. The curious rlerk nakas "Whafa all that
you're doing?" "My goodness1 don't you know?
"No." "Why, sou nee, I'm n graduate of a Cor
repondence School and that' our college yell "
The editor of Everybody's Bent a check for
a couple nf dollars to the contributor O.
Henry we believe It was and ho Indorsed
the check over to tho fellow who hnd told
him the story. This one, In turn, Indorsed
It over to his Informant, and It wasn't long
beforo the check carried a rider with BO or
60 names on It. Then they ran up ngalnst
n stone wall. Tho check was signed over
to Itnlph Tllton, who had died some months
before.
VMttATWXB OAf A VASE
"A loely woman In nn eenlng gown nlwaya
remind me of a henutlful bouquet ruing out of
n vase."- I. Inn Cnvnllerl.
r.orrjj tromnn in nn evening yawn,
Nhtninp toast of an admit In town,
At you 1 mint italic u-.lth great amaze,
You, like roics rhlng from a vascl
I.ovelu it'omnii in ttccaltcte,
Itcally, truly, there's no other tcay,
You 1 hall rulth many tctltt huzxnhi,
You, like roses rising from a vascl
l.ovcly woman rohed in shimmering silk.
Handsomer than others of your ilk;
Only once to mc your eyes abase,
You, like roses rising from a vatel
Lovely woman, butterfly of night,
Happy were I if I only might
Calrh you in my shining net of gauze,
You, like roses rising from a vascl
WILL LOU.
The a1ioe, cnlllng to memory James Jeffrey Rnrhe'a
famous poem on tho Vase, reminds ua to ask If nny
render knows where we can get hold of that genial
author's "Her .Majesty the King."
Revision Wouldn't Hurt
Blr Just a casual glnnce caught this: "A
more lorniiuniiic expedition, 10,000 strong, under
General T. W. Slicrmnn," In tho article on
"Confederate States" In Applcton's Universal
nncclopedln. t didn't look for more, but at
the end of the article Is thin note: "The above
account was compiled for the most part from
the author's (Horace Greeley's) 'American Con
flict' ond Is generally m freo from errors that
It hns not been thought necessary to give it
nny revision whatever." Bookworm.
Gee! He Knew Thos. E. Hill
(Continued from yesterday.)
I Wns then the editor of tho llttlo local evening
paper. Thomas 13. lived In rooms over a store
directly ncross tho Btreot from my office. Once
or twice a week lie would come oer late at
night (tho light of much midnight oil was re
llected In my editorial) with n shenf of fresh
manuscript In his trembling hand. At such
times he wns pink with enthusiasm Ho Just
HAD to rend his Inte.st ehnpter to homebody. Ho
miki no wnmcu my criticism, out ne aiun i; tor
when I sometimes mid what I always thought
that nobody on earth would buy such a book
he straightway became n wellsprlng of Imminent
tears nnd wasted large segments of the circling
night trying to convince mo that 1 was wrong.
When tho compilation was complete ho told
mo that Moses Warren X. Company were to puh
llRh It, that tho frontispiece was to be a portrait
of the author and that If ho were elected Mayor
of our city ho could write "Tho Hon. Thos. E.
Hill" under tho picture He said I could elect
him If I would, and believed Hint, for I knew,
and had sometimes encouraged, the fondness of
our electorate for practical Joking.
Some of our boys were for putting up nn
opposing ticket headed by "Crazy Jhri," a noto
rious half-witted darky, but the finer sense of
humor prevailed and Thomas E. was elected
without opposition.' Of course, the most natural
thing In the world followed. He made tho vain
est, most energetic and In many respects the
most useful mayor wo over hnu. For some
reason, known perhaps to his publishers, he
signed tho portrait simply, though llourlshfully,
"Y's Respectfully, Thos. E. Hill." And for rea
sons which I hate to contemplate the book sold
by the million at from JB tn $7 a copy, according
to binding, bringing so much money to the author
that he bought whole townships and beautified
them nfter tho most approved manner ot free
hand nourishing.
Do you happen to know anybody who would
pay, say, $4. OS a week for the services of an old
and experienced prophet with bis band upon the
public pulse? If so will you kindly, nny charita
bly, tell him to address W. B. H.
"EVIL ASSOCIATIONS COItHUrT GOOI1
MANNKItS"
In spite of all wo have said nnd done, our
own dear paper goes and catches that malady
from the P. Ij. A few nights ngo we read:
Mlaa Frances Starr, who playa the part ot
the novitiate, ate.
Some Mcthusclnh
In tho Axis, or Upper Burlnl Ground of Gcr
mnntown, there Is n tombstone which gives
the uge of him who lies beneath it, ono John
Ad.un, a 865 years. The records, I believe,
show that his uge was rightly 69, and the
explanation given is that the stone cutter cut
his nlno first and then found ha had no room
for his six; so he filled In tho nine with cement
and cut behind his first markings. Time having
worn out tho cement reveals apparently the
tomb of an ancient, fit to be classed with those
mentioned In CJeneals. Morris.
WHO ft ANTS TO ANHWKK HlSt?
This clipping was abstracted from a Phila
delphia evening newspaper:
Cummins la OS years old. Ha waa born on a
farm near Carmlchaela llta mother was
Ueotch-Irlsh. hla father Scotch.
Is a Scotch-Irelander related In any way to
the Banshee family, which, I understand, emi
grated to Ireland from Loch Lomond? What Is
a Banshee? WIHie Wilson.
Dear Sir Your reference to an amusing inci
dent In an elevator In the Land Title Building
reminds me of another In the same building sev
eral years ago:
A gentlemanly farmer person, with umbrella
strapped to suitcase, entered an elevator and
named "eighth floor" as his destination. Arriv
ed there, he stepped out of the car, set down
the suitcase, drew a purse from his pooket and
said to the operator: "How much do I owe
you?" Hugh Merr.
WOMAN has always been much of a
mystery to us. It strikes us as not at
all strange, therefore, that a poem upon her
should be 'hard to understand, too. fcJuph a
poem comes to us from Joseph W, Skill. We
can't give all the ten stanzas, but these,
while throwing no great light upon the
mystery, will serve;
"WOMAN"
Woman ou(d be ADgello
If here tongua but voiced her heart
Her bodar a nugget of gold ' ,
It from Juitlc ah would navtr part,
Her tongue la but a weapon
Conlrcled by the thought of mind
Bearing noi ner Heart ol junw
Leaving not (ha truth dnn
Her causa la without a, founder
Her logto without a start
A she thrust br award-Ilk tongue
Along life beytened path
.
8ha smiles then with da thought of ptly
For (he heart left wounded and blind
That bleada with the unjust messag
Tbjit ah Intended for the mind
sea
But In truth for her that glv comfort
And irrew at her will
Hi tot la unllk a. (lower
Evsy to pluck and y te kill
eseee
y h view you In your paaalng
Aod look beneath the 3(aa -To
tvfcu fc kiwua lja womsai
?fc sfH like hla BivUsra brtMt.
MARK TWAIN A
HELP TO ENGLAND
His Services in the Present War
Are Greatly Underestimated.
Some Achievements of Humor
in Other Times an9 Places
THE encyclopedia offers no aid to n defini
tion of humor. The encyclopedia Is much
concerned over Its own sonso of proportion,
It doesn't consider tho subject of humor
worth an article. There's proportion for you.
Tho consequence Is that wlmtovcr humor
you may find In tho encyclopedia Is dry and
not at all nqucous.
Proportion Is only another name for tho
fitness of things. Violating all tho rules of
tho fitness or things wns Marl: Twnln's
method. If Mark Twain had written nn
encyclopedia It would havo been a very Inter
esting encyclopedia.
Mark Twain's peculiar senso of the unfit
ness of things didn't always pan out as ho
Intended nnd hoped. Ho confessed as much
in his autobiography. In 1877 a company of
tho leading geniuses of Now England gath
ered to celebrate tho birthday of tho poet
Whlttler. Thero was a banquet. Mark Twain
was ono ot tho speakers. When his turn
camo ho aroso and entered upon a rcmlnls
ccntlal tale. According to this talc, ho had
knocked at a miner's cabin In southern Cali
fornia nnd announced himself as a literary
man. With marked ill humor tho miner re
plied that ho had Just got rid of three of
them "Mr. Longfellow, Mr. Emerson, Mr.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, confound tho lot!
Mr. Emerson was a seedy llttlo bit of a chap,
red-headed; Mr. Holmes was as fat an a
balloon; ho weighed as much as three hun
dred, nnd had double chins all the way down
to hla stomach. Mr. Longfellow was built
like n prize fighter. They had been
drinking, I could see that!" The story was a
dismal failure. Not a smile, not a flicker of
a smile, from Mr. Holmes or Mr. Longfellow
or nny of the company. Just a hard Now
England frost. It took years for tho author
to recover from tho shame of It. But after
a while ho himself wroto of that speech:
Refuses to "Crawl"
"I havo read It twice, and unless I am an
Idiot, It hasn't n single defect In It from tho
first word to the last. It la just as good as
can be. It Is smart; it Is snturated with
humor. There Isn't a suggestion of coarse
ness or vulgarity In It nnywhere. What
could havo been tho matter with that
house? If I had thoso beloved and
revered old literary Immortals back hero I
would molt them till they'd run nil over the
stage."
He fared better with his remark that tho
reports of his death had been greatly exag
gerated. And about the same with the
Pudd'nhcad Wilson story, wherein Wilson
says, "I wish I owned half of that dog,"
"Why?" he was asked. "Because I would
kill my half."
The humor of Artemus Ward wbb also that
of a funster, a Jokester. Ills will was re
garded by many as his greatest Joke. Some
body looked it up n little while ago r.nd found
that Its most Interesting parts are aa follows;
I desire that my body may be burled In
Waterfall. Me. I give the library of books
bequeathed to me by my late uncle, Calvin
Fariar, and those that have been added by
me to the boy or girl who at an examination
to be held between the first day of January
and the first day of April Immedtat.ly suc
ceeding my decease shall be declared to be
the best scholar In Waterford Upper Village,
such scholar to be a native of that last men
tioned place and under the age ot IS years.
I bequeath the residua of my estate
toward forming a fund for the founding of
an asylum for worn-out printers In the
United States, and I direct that the same be
paid to Mr, Horace Greeley, of New York.
Humor in War and Peace
But we were speaking of Mark Twain,
Mark Twain Is helping the Allies win this
war. Mark Twain Is the favorite author in
the British trenches.
The story of the New England banquet
shows that Mark wasn't afraid of being vu.
gar. The defense which he afterward made
shows that he refused to see any vulgarity
in his own humor. In his defense he scorned
defense. Until recently that was the very
opposite of the Englishman's attitude toward
humor, but Mark has conquered England,
It's a mighty good thing for England. Heaven
knows it has taken the country long enough
to wake up, but it would have taken longer if
Mark's influence hadn't helped break the
awful respect supposedly due bishops and
butlers, even In he comic papers.
So, In the trenches, the books of Mark
Twain are the bible of real business. in the
common, everyday walks of life. In times of
peace, humor is helpful. Sewell Ford tells a
story to illustrate this point; "l remember
WELli? j
ifft 1
s : . : . . . n
nn expressman struggling with a wide bnrrel
In a narrow doorway. It was a sugar barrel
full of something or other. Tho man was in
sula tho dootwny trying to get tho barrel out,
and It stuck. But ho was a persevering chap.
Ho hnd forced It almost through, when along
1 came a stranger who meant well. Perhaps
ho had promised some one to do a little deed
of kindness each day. Anywny, ho stepped
up promptly, kicked tho barrel through tho
wrong way, and went cnlmly nnd righteously
down the street. Whereat the expressman
looked ncross nt me nnd grinned. He had tho
humorous sense. And how It helped' Just
then!"
Ford, however, underestimates tho Impor
tance of humor. This Is his summing. up:
"Always a senso of humor helps. It Is ono of
life's little compensations and that Is nbout
nil. For, In this valo of sobs, humor, like
virtue, must In most cases bo Its own re
ward. It Is n case of majority rule, you
know. Tho unsmiling, humorless three-fifths
deal out tho high places and tho rich rewnrds
to the solemn-faced sobersides nmong us.
Isn't that so? What Chief Executive can
you name, other than Lincoln, who had a
well-developed senso of humor? What trust
mngnate, railroad head, bank president? No,
wo 'vVnnt our great ones to bo serious, and a
bit pompous. That grlnnlns expressman will
never get to bo a Director. He will contlnuo
to drive tho wngon."
Practical Results of Humor
This is Inadequate. Martin Glynn stated
tho caso better: "Carlylo says Humor Is the
finest perfection of pathetic genius, nnd
Thackeray calls it n combination of love and
of wit. Tho magic sisters, Philosophy and
Science, analyze life Into seven elemental
colors of tho spectrum. Their humane
brother. Humor, mixes and mingles and
synthesizes theso seven elementnl tints Into
the glorious effulgence of life's sunshine and
Into the rollicking sunbeams of pleasure and
of Joy from tho unassorted relations of life
that muddlo and befuddle tho Intellect,
Humor distills the pure Joy of living and ex
tracts tho essence of tho truth that 'the
things that aro" nre better than 'tho things
that aro not'; and that the 'things that
might be' could not be half as good as tho
'things that are.'"
Glynn comes down to simpler language, as
follows: "Tho most effective way In tho
world to knock a man down Is to knock him
down with a smile. With a smile Charles
Dickens knocked more of tho evils of Eng
land Into a cocked hat than all the preachers
of his day with their sermons. A humorist can
bo the greatest reformer In the world, for
men as well as institutions fear prick of tho
pen.
"Humor Is a collision of two Ideas marching
In opposite directions. Washington Irving,
Oliver Wendell Holmes, James Russell Lowell
and Mark Twain were- full of such collisions
nnd so Is Irvln Cobb.
"Washington, Franklin and Lincoln aro the
shining lights of Americanism. Of theso
throe, two were humorists. Washington wns
great, but ho never laughed; Franklin
laughed at everybody and everything nnd
was human; Lincoln laufb.-d at nobody, but
ho laughed at everything with everybody nnd
he was lovable. I would like to be great, but
If I had to be great without a sense of humor
I would rather be human and lovable."
COST OF CITY GOVERNMENT
The per capita cost of government In New
York city, according to statistics gathered by
the Brown legislative Committee, which has
been Investigating this city's finances, Is $13,
which Is considerably larger thaj the per capita
cost In other large cities. City government in
Boston coats 3S per capita. In Albany the
figure Is 25: Philadelphia, Jll; Rochester, IIS;
St. Lous, 19; Buffalo, 121; Chicago, J21, accord
ing to the committee's experts. New York
Press.
AMERICANISMS AND LOCALISMS '
Many words and phrases are used by Ameri
cans with significations different from those at
tached to the same words and phrases by Eng
lishmen, "Corn" means wheat In England, pats
In Scotland and barley In Ireland. A "hack"" in
England Is a tired horse; "homely" means
homelike or unadorned; "lumber" means timber
"notify." to make known; "pond." an artificial
pool; "ugly," lll-natured "venlaon," the meat
of any wild animal. The Englishman speak of
a guard, not a conductor; a leader, not an edl
torlal; a lift, not an elevator.
Some New England localisms are, "I should
admire to go," meaning, "I should like to go''
"blob." for blossom: "blowth fnr hin..n,i
'blob.
for blossom; "blowth," for blossomlnit
time;
uuntriown conper." lor a rnnni.,r.u.
"to fay," for "to fit"; "long-favored," for tall
"pewcart." for a boxlike carriaa-e: 'Tin. . .'
whetstone for scythes; "slip." for pew: tad
dle," for sapling.
Some New York State localisms are
"Bpckey," for gourd-dipper; "hoople." for i
child's hoop: "pile," for "arrow"; i scud." tor
a swine. The West has brought into Its vo.
cabulary many peculiar words and expresaion
as "Arkansas toothpick." for a kind of bowl,
knife: "to buas," for "to strike"; "doggery
for grogahop; "locoed," for "frenzied"; "aun.
up," for sunrise, "tenderfoot," for newcomer
"to raise," for "to obtain", "to pack," for 'to
carry In the southwest they "pack" the baby
down street The Eastern paper-bag la the Weal
em sack and the scuttle or pail t a bucket Tha
hired girt of tbe country U the maid 0f the city
and suburbs. " aiy
.
What Dp You Know?
Queries of general interest iclll le onnctrd
in this column. Ten questions, he annttr't
to which every well-informed person thiM
know, arc aiKcd dally.
1. Mhnt Secretary of Wnr resigned ns a molt el
iniliiu existing during the Spanish-Ann.
lean Wnr? ,
2. How mail) iIimh In It liy evpress steamship fron
Han I'rnnclntn tn Clilnn?
Who lx the Ooternnr of California? I
4, ltow intiny member of
TexiiH?
the Cabinet are'froa
15. How did Germany ncmilre Helgoland?
(I. Nnmc three irrrnt American college presWitlt?
7. Which 1h nearer the open sea by rlr, TUi-l
dclpliln or New Orleans? jt
S. IWint Is me.int lj Miiruinlsm In Great BrM
Ulll .
0. Hon- ninth In cuali did the United Slates to
for the Philippines?
10. Vtlint itrent city of the world has had III nsai
vi.iK'Kii, win, in mc iui me curs
Answers to Yesterday's Quiz-
1. About S3.O0O.ODt). (I. Iletsy Hum.
2. tUllluin It. I)n. 7. e. On 600.
R. Munstcr mm used by X. The first,
the Cernuini. V. One quarter.
-I. KxtrimiRiuuc. 10. No.
S. Cluudo Kill hill.
i
i
1
Pukka
IUlttor of "What Do You Know" Whit T
pukka? , It 0. P. ?
i-UKiia is me real, ngni tning, genuine, im
preferred spelling Is puckn and pakka Is ato
given. It Is an Indian uord Introduced lnt1
England, and wns considered smart at one tlmii
Alaska
Editor of "ll'Aat Do You Know"t am think.
Ing It would be a good thing foV me to pull
stakes and go away from hero. My Idea tl
Alaska, but I don't know any too much abort
that country. Can you give mo some inforav'
tlon? SETTLER, i
Statistics would hardly bo of much value tt
you and aro not very Interesting For Informs
tlon which explains the facts write to the Pe,
.partment of tho Interior for Secretary Lam'l
pamphlet "General Information Regarding ill
Territory of Alaska." It Is considered torcH
uable for prospective settlers, J
Order of the Blue Goose - J
Editor of "What Do You Know" CM, JM
tell me whether there Is any such society u til
Order of tho Blue Goohc to which I heard asH
rafAi, In tlm atrnnt pnp? 1 thniiellt he WSA JOkUX
but somo one says he wns not. SKEPTI&J J
The Order ot tho Blue Goose Is a natteu
social organization of fire Insurance Mew
Each State organization Is known aa a sum
pond" nnd tho general organization U ciun
tho "Grand Nest." J
"ThB Wnrld Wmild he the Better For It" 4
Editor of "What Do You Know" In last etw,
Ing's Evenino LEDOBn Mr. John Lum of w U".
downe, asks who wrote -ino worm ""'
tho Better For It." The inquiry brlnW WJ
der remembrance M. II. Cobb, for nearly mj
a century connected with the Mint In thlj cw.
who died nbout two years ago, a man wiu
soul of a poet, an author of ability, whowrouw
his own pleasure and that of hla. '','!
wns a living exemplincauon 01 nw "- $
close a copy of It received from the present cw(
lor ot mo vteuauuru ns''i '.',,. M.n?
Cobb was editor of when he wrote tho pott
Mr. Boy writes: .. J
"I have heard M. H. Cobb tell more tbane
how he came to write 'The World WouM U
Better Fur It.' It came to him f'h'g'
den on a December morning in ll. n
lived on tho hill near the old academy. J
In bed nnd thought out the whole Pn,:.
he got up and. in dressing gown and mv"
wrote It out. He sent It to the New Ttfjgi
bune. where It was first published early j
and It soon became a famous V0'- "of jjsi
Cobb came to Wellsboro in the wmer
from Honesdale, where he printed a jjapi ,.
the New Dawm of which I have a tt$V
He took the Wellaboro Advert! er of tj.
Bailey and changed the name iu x
in tne nrat eea in "'": nnAVIS
NELLIE BACHE OnA'A-,
Philadelphia, reoruary . -
THE WORLD WOULD BE THE BETTy
If u n.
If men cared less for wealth ana I fa.
And less for battlefields and glory,
If writ in human hearts a name
Seemed better than In song and story,
If men. Instead of nursing pride
Would learn to hate it and abhor it.
Jtmoro relied
On Leva to guide
The world would be the better for .
I
' men dealt less in stocks and lanaj.
And more In bonds ana oi -"
to una inia worm "" z ',, m
If men stored up Love's oil and wtaj. J
And on bruised human hearts wu,u rm
If "yours" and "mine
Would once contaa
The world would be the better fer u-
If more would act the play of life
And fewer spoil, Tt in "harai.
If bigotry wppld sheathe its knll
Till good became mpre universal,
It cuatom, gray with ages 8Pwn,
Had fewer blind men to adore .
U talent ehone
In truth alone t
The wotld would be the better lr
I'
If men were wise in little thlnc
Affectlng less in all their dealing,
if hearts had fewer ruated.n""1"
t
To isolate their kindly '"""; rf
If men. whew wrong beats down u
wouia siriaa iuemcv w " Z
4? npi w -
Jn every PSf ... tof &
The world. wouW b b
I