EVENING LEDGER-PHILADELPHIA', gATTTEDAY, JANUARY 29, 1916
I
i.
"IT'S 1 HE
.
"If the Name Ain't
Kept Before the Pub
lic the People Don't
Ask for It Again," He
Continues
Yes,' but the President Not
Only Has Got One Boss, but
He's Got a Hundred Million
Bosses," Answers Birsky, the
Real Estater, and Every
Four Years He Has to Turn
to Help Wanted Males
Zapp ami Birsky Enter Into a Hot
Discussion Over the Merits of
Henry Ford as a Possible Presi
dential Candidate, and Then Con
sider the Numerous Trials and
Tribulations "Which Beset the
President of the United States
Whilo in Office
"TSEE where they consider putting
A up Mr. Ford for President," Bar
nett Zapp, the waist manufacturer,
said as ho reached for a dill pickle in
Wasscrbaucr's restaurant.
"Is he a Republican or a Demo
crat?" Louis Birsky, the real estater,
asked.
"He's a runabout," Zapp replied.
"It seems like the day before yester
day when ho takes a steamer for
Norway; the next thing you know,
he's got the grip in Copenhagen; a
couple days later ho won't let re
porters talk to him on the dock in
Hobokcn; an hour nfterward he talks
'cm to death in the Waldorf; the fol
lowing morning he arrives, so to
speak, home in Detroit, and yesterday
he turns up right here in New York
at the Grand Central Palace. His
friend Bryan makes an awful Gcsch
rci about the cost of running a big
army, but before we go to work nnd
elect Henry Ford President of the
United States, with a salary and
traveling expenses, Birsky, it would
be a whole lot cheaper to buy a
couple million uniforms and give the
clothing business a look-in instead of
the railroads and the Pullman Com
pany." "Might if the feller should Gott
toll kueten become President, he
would settle down maybe," Birsky
suggested.
"A feller which has got the travel
bug couldn't settle down by becoming
a President any more than a ahilckcrer
could swear off by becoming a bar
tender," Zapp said. "You take the
13,000 going" on 14,000
members ! ! !
Are you a Rainbow?
N
Spend a Few Moments With Our Young" Authors
Mol lie's Lesson
(By Rose Fisher, South 4th street.)
Mollie jumped out of bed that
morning with a gay heart. She ran
to tho window, where the sun threw
its warm rays, and looked out into
tho wide, flowered meadow. Butter
flics danced everywhere and her lit
tle dog barked in tho barn. But then
the smile left her face and still
thoughts flitted in her brain. She
must go to school and sit in tho hot
room and study. No, she would not
go, for she felt sick nnd wondered if
she were pale. She ran to the mirror
and peeped in, but to her disgust,
her cheeks had two blooming roses in
them. "But I don't care," she said
half aloud, "I am sick, anyway."
She kept up a desolate fnce all
morning and when her mamma asked
her what the matter was, she. said
her head ached and she could not go
to school that morning. When the
jam was passed around mother said,
"Mollie must not hnvc any jam if she
. is sick." Though Mollie hated mush
and milk, she ate it for the sake of
staying homo from school and play
ing in the meadows. But after brcrk
fast mother said, "You must go to
bed, Mollie, if you aio ill." So she
had to stay in bed and when dinner
time came and she asked for Ned and
Anne to come up, mamma said, "No,
you must be kept quiet." She was
even refused when she asked for her
paints to pass the time. So little
Mollie had to stay in bed all day, and
when bedtime came and mamma came
up o hear her prayers, Mollie con
fessed, between sobs, her deception
and promised that sho would never
Wl a lie for tho sake of staying home
from school, When mother went
downstairs sho smiled and said, "I
think my little Mollie has learned a
lesson."
Star Money
(By Millie Zerillo, South 13th st.)
Once upon a time there was a poor
Eirl who had a kind heart and her
father and mother died. One day
thjs little girl went out, she had a
piece of bread, which a kind man had
given her. An old man came by and
aid: "Oh I please, give me that piece
of bread? I am, hungry."
And the poor little girl gave him
SAME WAY WITH PRESIDENTS AS IT IS WITH SOAP,
TOOTH POWDER AND POPULAR PRICE CLOTHING,"
By
President of the United States, nnd
if he hns a mind to go running round
the country, y'undci stand, every day
of liis life, he's got n choice between
the wind-up dinner of the Sixth An
nual Convention of the Knee Pants
Manufacturers of North America in
Detroit, Mich.; the First Anmint
Banquet of the CyprU3 (Prima.)
Business Men's Association, of Cy
pius, Pa.; tho wedding of Miss Sadie
I Goldfinch, daughter of Alderman
c Max Goldflsch, of tho 80th Alder
I manic District, Borough of Bronx, to
ex-Assemblyman Charles J. Sliein, at
New Riga Hall, Wcndovor nvenue
near 203th street; the Grand Opening
of the Exhibition of Fine Arts and
Fnlr of Hnrmony Lodge 123, Inde
pendent Order Sons nnd Daughters of
Mannsseh at the Armory, Sncra
mento, Cal., and Memorial Service
for the Chief Justice of the Court of
Common Pleas of Eastport, Me."
"But the President always turns
down such invitations, ain't it?" Bir
sky said.
"Zoitenly ho turns 'em down,"
Zapp replied, "because as it is, with
out accepting a single invitation no
wheres, when it comes to showing
just why a tariff bill wasn't up to
the specifications or explaining that
when the Democrats made a platform
about Panama Canal rates they didn't
do nothing of the kind, and vice
versa, y'understand, tho only differ
ence between the life of a President
and the life of a Pullman porter is
that the President don't have to make
up no berths and the Pullman porter
don't have to get off no speeches.
Otherwise they both spend the same
amount of time with their families."
"Then what is the aimcha about be
ing President?" Birsky inquired. "
"Well, for one thing, tho President
is the balabaax," Zapp explained.
"Fiom every other job a feller could
work his way up to be something
better. An Assemblyman could work
his way up to be State Senator; a
State Senator could watch out and
get to be a Congressman ; a Congress
man could make opportunities so
that he could be a Governor; a Gov
ernor tries hard and docs his best,
y'understand, and some day he is
Vice President; abcr the President,
when he gets to be President, no one
could say to him: 'Now, Iooky-hcre;
you are a young feller with a big
future if you want to take the trou
ble. Don't run around nights. Be a
good feller, but not too much of a
good feller, y'understand. Save your
money, join a couple good lodges, nnd
there ain't no reason why you ain't
ews an
the bread. As she was walking on
sho met a boy and he said, "Oh.
please give me that coat, I am dying
of cold." And the poor girl gave the
coat to tho poor boy. Now she was
so cold that she nearly froze to death.
She lay down under a tree and at
last fell asleep.
While sho was sleeping an angel
came and brought new clothing, and
the angel threw gold and diamonds on
her. When she woke up sho was like
a princess. A horse camo along and
a prince on it and when he saw her
ho fell in love with her. And they
were married and lived happy for a
hundred years. God pays the kind
heart.
Family Troubles
(By Urban Quirk, Addison street.)
Mr. Rooster was contented with
all his family, with one exception.
This was a small, yellow chick, who
instead of being fat liko his brothers
and sisters, was thin and bony. Ho
seemed very discontented and would
never eat what his mother had for
him.
One day, when the mother counted
over her brood to see if they were
all there, she found him missing. She
began a search and found his pros
trate form lying on the ground be
side a small bird, whilo a severe bite
m the neck repealed itself, im
mediately she knew why he was not
as healthy as his urotners. tie nan
brought hi3 food to this poor little
bird.
Our Pet Column
Here's our mascot! Whistle and
see him prick up his ears! Poor dog,
ji e ' a lonesome
won't you please
send pictures of
YOUR pets to
keep him com
pany? Our mas
cot's name is
"Bunny" Lukes
and he lives, well,
you walk about
seven miles from
the City Hall and
then turn to your
.'!y. .. itnrra rieht and there
you are in Oak Lane, where "Bunny"
lives. How do you like his sweater?
MONTAGUE GLASS
"The people kicks that they got to
got just so big a chance to get on as
the next one.' No, Birsky, no one
could advise the President he should
try to mnkc a hit with the boss, Bir
sky, because the President ain't got
no boss."
"Ain't he?" Birsky rciortcd. "Well,
that's where you make a big mistake.
The President not only has got one
boss, but he's got a hundred million
bosses. He is working for the entire
United States, Zapp, because if he
wasn't, what is the reason when Mr.
Taft was President, as you yourself
said, ho goes round asking everybody
they should excuse him that he balled
up the tariff business? Why, right
now, Zapp, Mr. Wilson is holding up
his friends and saying, 'Listen, did
you boys hear something that the
bosses intends to make a change in
my department tit the end of the
year?' and the friends says: 'Why,
no, we ain't heard nothing. What
makes you think that?' and Mr. Wil
son says, 'Well, I understand they
ain't satisfied the way I handled that
iViews of Farmer Sm:
FARMER SMITH'S
GOOD-NIGHT TALKS
Dear Children I wish we could get more HUMOR into our club. It is
a good idea to laugh once in a while it starts all the telephone bells in our
mind ringing nnd makes tho little wires of our bodies called nerves tingle
with high glee.
Don't try to be funny. Good humor is unconscious it is never "put on."
Most of tho funny things in life are those which hurt some one or upset
them. When we see a deacon walking slowly to church with a "stove pipe"
hat on, and some boys hit tho hat with snowballs, it is not funny to the deacon,
but very, very funny to those' who see it.
Anything to be funny must have a point to it, and the best point i3 one
which the reader sees through and thinks ho is very smart to see it.
A little girl once "made up" a conumdrum ns follows: Why is a dog liko
a tree and an elephant?
No one could answer, so she said: "A dog and a tree have a bark."
"How about the elephant?" tho little miss was asked.
"I just put that in to make it harder," she replied.
Think of somo funny saying of children or some jokes nnd send them
along, but tell us whether you "made them up" or copied them from some
book.
Oh, yes! We can always find room for funny pictures. Address
FARMER SMITH,
Children's Editor, Evening Ledgoi.
THE RAINBOW
PHOTOGRAPH GALLERY
NANCY Hi AN
North 11th Strict
Who Is chairman of
the "Jefferson Rain-
bOHS "
shiula HOSSKAM
Wlldnood Cret, N J.
Who U Just half-putt
seen
THOU A 8 MOROAN
WILLIAMS. Jit
Parrish. street
Won prints a, newspaper
of his very own every
Jay (or bis mother.
' MAVniCK LANO
Ste Harbor. N J.
W ho would Ilka to ex-
ih&nge postals with
soa Rainbow boy
fir j
put up 50 cents to hear him lecture."
business with Frantz Joseph, Inc.,
and the German-American House
wrecking Company,' and the friends
tells him, 'Well, say, with a big con
cern like you are working for, you
couldn't expect to please everybody.'
And the next morning Mr. Wilson
turns first thing to the Help Wanted
Males, and before he could find it he
runs acioss the six columns of Situ
ations Wanted Male, and right at
tho top of the third column he is hit
in the eye with:
I'linsinnNT
YoutiK man (I9J, besinnrr. oppor
tunity wanted to dPinonstrntp ability;
nmbltimis; college education; linoml
cIrc UpewritlitK, ntcnoKrniihy anil
bookkeeping; atHanceineiit object, not
K.ilni), best references, two jears'
oxpot lenco Governor, three years Dis
trict Attornoy. C. S. W, Albany,
N. Y.
Then underneath he sees also:
PIlUSiniJNT Thoroughly experienced.
Is open for Immediate position ulth
country that will appreciate reliable,
anil tneiKetlc teivlec. Addicss T. It,
Ojster Ilay, I.. I,
And tho next one is:
MADKLINU Cl'NEO
baiter street CATHCRINB IlOSE.N-
Who lua teen on the RKIIUKR
"Honor IIoll" (our Hall it Spring City. I'll
times I Who Is gong to work
hard (or the club
IIOWAIID FOSTER
Hosewood street
Who beloncs to the
llotiwood branih (
the Rainbow Club
DAVID STAPLEU
South 4lb street.
Who says. "If I sea
a boy without the
ItaJnbow button 1 tell
bJtu nil about the
club. '
". ilr8 tv
laW- st m
rnnStnnNT-Marrled, 62, broad, prac
tical, experienced, sober, honest; ex
cellent reason for leaving last place;
good penman, unquestionable refer
ences. Write- W. II. T., Lock Hox M,
New Haven, Conn
"With that, Mr. Wilson sees enouch.
Zapp, so he sends out tho girl to tho
drug store she should get for 16
cents essence of pepsin, n bottle of
soda mint tnblets and some Bromo
Uhubarb, nnd then ho telephones
down to the Trunk Line Association
they should ship him right away one
case assorted milcngc books on ac
count he is going to accept invitations
to speak at 10 dinners to be given by
10 Chambers of Commerce, and that's
the way it goes."
"Ain't Bryan advertising, too?"
Zapp asked.
"Bryan don't got to advertise," Bir
sky said. "Everybody knows ho is
looking for a job as President since
180G already. He makes his living
that way."
"What do you mean makes his
living that way?" Zapp demanded.
"I menn, before he runs for Presi
dent in 1896, nobody henrs of the
fdlcr which won a six-day bicycle
after he gets beat, it's like a lady gets
olT from murder and they want her to
go on the stage, y'understand; only
as Mr. Bryan ain't no actor and
couldn't sing, understand me, he de
livers lectures instead. H'aftcrwards
when the people kicks that they got
"Turns first thing to Help Wnntcd
Males."
Ltn s Rainbow
RAINBOW CLUB
Willie Hop-Toad's Penny
"Mother," began Willie Hop-toad
one morning. "I have been saving
and saving, and now I have a penny."
"How in the world could you save
up to get a penny when the smallest
piece of money you can get is a
penny," replied his mother.
"But I began saving up in my
head," said Willie.
His mother laughed until Willie
said: "I don't think you ought to
laugh at me that way. I'm going to
be n banker."
"You'll be a great banker with a
penny," replied his mother.
"Never mind, you will want to bor
row from me somo day," persisted
Willie.
A few days after this Mrs. nop-toad
was sitting in the dining room, mend
ing Willie's rompers when her son
came in and said.
"Mother, dear, I have two pennies
now."
"My goodness!" exclaimed the good
woman, "where did you get the other
penny?"
"I bought a marble for a cent and
sold it for two cents. It takes money
to make money, mother, dear."
Then his mother put down her knit
ting and, looking lovingly at her son,
said:
"Willie, just go down to the store
and get a yeast cako with that two
cents. What a wonderful banker you
are."
When Willie Hop-toad returned
with the yeast cako his mother gave
him three cents and said: "It takes
money to make money, my dear son."
Bouquets
Elmer Smith, Snyder avenue "If
the nations at war would form a
Rainbow Club, the world would be
much better than it is. Kings can do
as children, I'm sure, and the Rain
bow Club is for peace."
Arthur Weiss, Penbryn, N. J.
"Mother and I are going to make a
file of all the Rainbow Club news, so
that I can always have it. Then
when I want to answer the questions
of, 'Do You Know TMs?' I will have
them all together," A splendid plan,
Arthur.
Illustrations by BRIGGS
' - i - m m
"He goes tottnd nsking everybody they should excuse him."
to put up 50 cents to hear him lecture
on account they couldn't remember
whether he is an cx-basebnll player
odcr one of them North Pole fellers,
y'understand, he runs for President
again and gets licked again, under
stand me, and he's good for another
four years lecturing. He's been keep
ing that up now for going on twenty
year3."
"Might if he runs this time and
gets licked again," Zapp suggested,
"he would get offers to go into mov
ing pictures, which I am seeing only
last week a fillum by the name, 'The
Governor's Daughter,' and if people
pays 10 cents to see a Governor, it
stands to reason they lvould pay a
little more to see 'The President's
Daughter,' especially If Bryan does
the Piesidcnt and they get some one
to do the daughter like Mary Pickford
or this here Anita Stewart."
"Well, you've gpt to give Mr.
Bryan credit, Zapp, thnt he ain't like
a lot of other fellers which run for
Cjlub
Can You Draw as Well as Rainbow Artists?
v--Zk -" N
DRAWN nv nARHY MeGUIGAN
South 3d strcot.
-prtj
in.
Apologies to tl'r!lii0fot
DRAWN I1Y IIAIIRY AXON
Culllngawood, N. J
Honor Roll
The children whose names ap
pear hero gave the neatest and best
answers to the questions "Do You
Know This?" for the week ending
January 15:
Elsie Knecht, East Ontario st.
Georgo Tanguay, Arch st.
Bessie Presswine, Barring st.,
Camden, N. J.
Kitty Stokesberg, North 37th st.
Evans Duemler, Sanger st,
Crcscentvillc, Pa.
Helen Cullaton, North Hutchin
son 'st.
Anthony Colantuno, Dickinson st.
Anna Grass, South 22d st.
Lida Paulino, South 12th st,
Hannah Do Maison, Howell st.
Pin Money
Those who wish to earn money
after school and on Saturdays should
write a letter to Farmer Smith, Room
418, the Evening Ledges.
'(- 1 J Geit-Fntftue fi) LA
s
fsfk
SAYS ZAPP
.
t
President and got licked, y'under
stand, and for all you hear what be
come of 'em, Zapp, they might just so
well be dead and buried and the ceme
tery taken over by the Bureau ot
Street Openings for a grand con
course and boulevard. Yes, Zapp,
compared with a feller which, lost a
Presidential election 10 years ago, a
feller at all," Birsky explained, "but
race 20 years ago is a household
name already."
"You're right, Birsky," Zapp, said;
"so after all, Birsky, you couldn't
blame Mr. Bryan that he lectures
and Mr. Roosevelt that he explores
and Mr. Wilson that he goes to work
running around the country and get
ting stomach trouble at Chambers of
Commerce dinners, Birsky, because
it's the same way with Presidents as
it is with soap, collars, tooth powders
and popular-price clothing: if tho
name ain't kept before the public,
y'understand, the people don't ask for
it again."
THE WEATHER
The sun always shines
somehm; on Saturdays
Ever notice it?
Apotogirs to C. A. VofffM.
DUAWN BT WILLIAM BLUMEN8TEIN
South 13th street.
4?
i
3
rw
ABRfXEBOr
DRAWN HV
1SADOIIU FCKSEL
Dudley street.
Tn k w! nv
ANTHONY Dl 8ANTI
Carpenter street.
Do You Know This?
1. What State is an island? (Fivo
credits.)
2. Why is it better to have green
grass than blue grass? (Five credits.)
3. What street grows in Fairmount
Park? (Five credits.)
wmm itmmmmm&m
Announcement
The one word which
spells Farmer Smith's
Rainbow Club is
SERVICE. If you want
work, or need ANY
THING, let us try to
help you.
FARMER SMITH
Children' Editor
Tho Evening Ledger
&
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