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EVENING LEDGER PHILADELPHIA, FRIDAY, DECEMBER 24, 1915.
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AS A FINISHER, BIRSKY, COLONEL GOTTHEIL AIN'T EVEN
"If Instead of Water
It's Got Rocks and
Sand in It, It Ain't a
Canal no Longer; It's
Just Vacant Lots,"
He Adds
"But if Gottheil Was Such a
Poor Success in Panama,
Why Is It He Turns Down an
Offer of $15,000 a Year to
Itun the City of Dayton,
Ohio 7" Asks Birsky
"They Offer Gotthoil Money He
Should Kun n City?" Zapp In
quire s Incredulously. "Why,
There's Plenty Experienced Fellers
Which Woula Handle the Proposi
tion on n GO-60 Basis, and Pay the
City of Dayton $15,000 Not Even
ns an Advance, but as a Bonus"
TTTHAT makes n canal is the water
W jn it," said Barnett Zapp, the
waist manufacturer, "and if instead
of water its got rocks and sand in it,
Birsky, then it ain't a canal no longer;
it's just vacant lots, and even if they
would be partly excavated, y'under
stand, Panama lots is too far from
the end of the Bronx subway to have
much of a future."
"In a few days they would clear up
that land-slip and have the canal open
again," Louis Birsky, the real cstatcr,
declared.
"That's what they said last sum
mer," Zapp retorted. "Seemingly
they think n canal is like the millinery
trade two grand openings a year and
the rest of the time business is dead."
"Never mind, Zapp," Birsky said;
"them boys done wonders down there.
Look at this here Colonel Gorgas,
which ho made the discovery that from
mosquitoes biting a guinea pig comes
malaria and yellow fever, and while in
former times already the death claims
from yellow fever in Panama was
worse than the old industrial insur
ance days, now it's more healthy down
thero than Rockaway Beach. And
how did Gorgas do it?"
"I don't kntow," Zapp said. "Shot
all the guinea pigs, maybe."
"Say, ltroky here, Zapp; mach kei'
Jlfeisea," Birsky said indignantly. "If
ft wouldn't be that Gorgas uses them
fly screens on the mosquitoes, Zapp,
Gottheil woul never finish the canal."
"Finish it!" Zapp exclaimed. "If I
would finish waists the way Gottheil
CHRISTMAS MUSIC
IN THE CITY CHURCHES
TO BE OF HIGH ORDER
Special Programs Arranged for
Services Tomorrow, Begin
ning in Early Morning and
to Be Repeated Sunday
CAROLS BEFORE DAWN
Christmas music has been the most
enjoyable feature of the annual holiday
observances In the churches of Philadel
phia for many years. And the programs
announced for services to be held to
morrow and Sunday Indicate that the
lovers of good music are to enjoy an un
usual treat this year.
Throughout the city Protestant and
Catholic churches will begin tho birthday
of the Lord with celebrations of song,
prajer and thanksgiving. As early as
E o'clock tomorrow morning, before the
first ray of sunshine glitters on Old
"Billy" Penn's broad-brimmed hat on tho
City Hall tower, the Quaker City will
welcome the greatest holiday of the jear
with the sweet music of the chimes and
the loud ringing of the big bells on man)
Bcores of churches. Tor In Philadelphia
thero are a great number of churches in
which daybreak services are always luld
on Christmas morn.
r And from that tlmo until nearly mid
night on Sunday hardly an hour will
pass during which there will not be some
special services in the churches and. of
course. In Philadelphia special services
mean exceptionally fine programs of
music.
Musical programs have been announced
to be given tomorrow at 5 a. m. In the
Church of Our Lady of Mercy, Broad
street and Susquehanna avenue; the Cath
olic Church of St. John the Evangelist.
XJth and Chestnut streets; the Church of
the Gesu and St. Ludivs's and other
churches In the central part of the city.
At the 11 o'clock Masses In St, John's and
Our Lady of Mercy Churches there will
also bo special music, and In hundreds of
Protestant churches there will be
preaching services, with special music,
at 10:39, 10:45 and U o'clock a. m.
In the majority of the churches the en
tertainments, in which the children will
take part and at which Christmas carols
and songs will be sung, will be. held to
morrow evening.
At all the regular services of the
churches, Sunday schools and young
people's organizations on Sunday Christ
mas music will be given and Christmas
hymns will be sung. The programs this
year make "peace" songs popular as a
result of the death struggle between the
nations across the sea.
One of the notable musical programs to
ha heard In the city will be that of the
4 o'clock services In the Episcopal Church
of St, Luke and the Epiphany. 13th street
below Spruce, on Sunday afternoon. A
choir of 40 persons, supplemented by
organ, harp, violin and 'cello Instrumental
number,, will furnish the extremely
pleasing program of Christmas carols.
A similar piogram will be given at the
same hour on Sunda, afternoon. Jan
uary The programs will be made up of
early ("rj-nch carols Russian carols and
aDCJSUl caiwi p r c or ir i:ev ut
CaVUl U. Steste wd fake an address at 1
each service
" 3"he ftav Or Robert HaKmll will give
A BASTER," SAYS
By
?
&
'They got big professors to
finished the Panama Canal, Birsky, I
would got to buy a filing cabinet to
keep track of my cancellations. As
a finisher, Birsky, Gottheil ain't even
a baster."
"It ain't Gottheil's fault the canal
ain't finished," Birsky said. "In this
here who's this cut they got big pro
fessors to come and decide why is it J
she slides down and fills up the canal.
Some says build a wall to hold it.
Others says: 'An idea! Don't do
nothing of the kind!' Still another I
one says: 'Listen, Gottheil! Stopped
up canals them fellers arc trying to
fix it! I bet you between them they
wouldn't clear the coffee grounds out
of n kitchen waste pipe.'- And then
he tells Gottheil just what the trouble
is, and that's the way it goes."
"Sure, that's the way it goes with
Government ownership a lot of talk I
and nothing done about it," Zapp said.
"Now, if it would m anybody like
this here C. L. Schwab which owns it,
Birsky, he would be on the job at 8
o'clock, y'understand, and before he
takes off his coat, even, he says:
'Where's Gottheil? Ain't down yet, I
suppose. Sits up till all hours of the
night with a lot of lowlife professors,
y'understand, and expects to hold his
job yet!' And then when Gottheil
comes in nnd says, 'Did you want to
see me, Mr. Schwab?' the boss an
a special Christmas address at the North
Branch Y. M. C. A. on Sunday, Decem
ber M, at 4 p. m.. on "The Prince of
Peace In a World of War."
Chrlstmns will be ushered In at mid
night tonight by a .nnfaro of trumpets
with appropriate selections In the lire
touer of tho North Hranch building. At
the same time a large choruB from St.
John's Evangelical Church will assemble
on the pavement In front of the building
and sing a number of Christmas carols.
DIDDLE'S CELEBRATION.
The annual Christmas celebration of
the Drexel Illddle Bible classes will take
place tomorrow afternoon at the Bible
Class Home. 1917 Mt. Vernon street. In
addition to the toeial features of tho day,
a number of classed have distributed
batkets of food In their respective neigh
borhoods. The ladies' class of Holy Trinity has
provided 40 members to be nt the Inas
much Mission during the day to assist in
serving the dinner.
The men's class of Holy Trnlty will
have Its usual Christmas celebration Sun
day morning In the parish house, 217
South 20th street, at 9:30 o'clock. Jesse
S. Anderson will lend and tho address of
the day will bo made by A. J. Drexell
Diddle, who has chosen for his subject
"The Fourth "Wise Man." Judson J
Adams, one of the threo original mem
bers of tho class, will speak. A special
program of Christmas music will be given.
"World-wide Peace" will be tho topic
of the lev. Dr. James II. El nt the
special Christmas service of tho Lemon
Hill Association In the Uarrick Theatre
on Sunday eveting. In harmony with this
theme, an elaborate program of ChrlstmaB
music has been arranged, including se
lections from the works of French, Ger
man, English and American composers.
RICK BOOTY SAVED BY COP
FROM (5EXTLKMAX BURGLAR
Attempt to Blow Insurance Company's
Safe Frustrated
A gentleman burglar, preparing early
today to blow up a 6afe in the office or
the John Hancock Insurance Company,
on the southeast corner of 19th street and
Montgomery avenue, was frightened
away, leaving behind dynamite, tools, a
walking-stick and a handkerchief.
Several thousand dollars, the receipts
of the day before, were In the safe, un
touched. The burglar evidently had Just
prepared to "crack" the safe when the
rattling of a door warned him that Po
liceman Dugan, of the Ith and Oxford
streets station, was coming.
The bluecoat, tryirg doors, found the
door of the Insurance company open.
Entering cautlonsly, he heard seurrylng
footsteps. With drawn revolver the po
liceman searched the offices, but found no
one. In front of the safe, In a front of
fice, were a steel brace-and-blt, electric
wires attached to two nitroglycerin caps,
a stick of dynamite, a cane and a hand
kerchief, whose tine texture causes the
police to believe that the burglar was no
ordinary "yeggman."
Not "B. V. DV Only Like Them
A news Item Iq a recent Issue of the
Evenino Ledger credited J. D. Cunning
ham, manager of a West Philadelphia
theatre, with being the Inventor of the
Justly celebrated men's underwear known
as "B. V. D.b." The B. V p Company,
of New York, manufacturers of these
garments, point out that although Mr
Cunningham may have originated some
thing with abbreviated legs, and there
fore m one particular like the II V D
he could not have Invented the "real 1
thins, which la a product of their fax- '
tory and was orljlcated by them.
MONTAGUE GLASS
?'
come and decide why it is she slides d
swers: 'I don't care if I never see you.
What's tho matter the canal nin't
opened yet? Well, go and open it.
What are you standing?' And Got
theil don't even say: 'Could I help it
if she slides on me? Expect me to
perform miracles for thirty dollars a
week!' No, Birsky, he turns right
round and goes to work and gets it
open quick, Birsky, because when you
are working for a private owner,
Birsky, you get paid for results and
lircd for excuses."
"Anybody can speak a criticism,
Zapp," Birsky responded, "but if Got
theil was such a poor success in
Panama, why is it ho turns down an
offer of $15,000 n year to go to work
in Dayton, Ohio?"
"Well, some people is funny about
leaving New York," Zapp retorted.
"I've stood on State street, Chicago,
opposite Marshall Field's, at 3 o'clock
in the afternoon, and heard traveling
salesmen pass a remark how dead it
is after New York, which when them
fellers was at home they lived so far
up in The Bronx that they got to
transfer twice to reach the nearest
delicatessen store. And, besides, it
depends on what company out in Day
ton offers him the job, Birsky. Every
body in Dayton don't do n business
like the National Cash Register Com
pany, y'understand, There's a couple
"DOC" STEARN SAYS PEACE LEADER
HAS FORDITIS AND THINKS HE'S "IT"
"Instead of Taking a Dove Along They Should Have
Taken a Pair of Kilkenny Cats," Says
Man Who Was Left Behind
Who's loony now?
Dr. Moses Stcnrn unleashed his broadest
smile as he asked the question. 'Now ou
can see," he said as he turned nn egg,
"why I didn't go with the peaceless peace
makers " And tho doctor chuckled like a
cuckoo clock
"They scoffed nt old Doc Stearn," he
added, "because one of the alleged promi
nent refoimers wired over and told them
I was not In their class. Instead of tak
ing a dove along I think the Ford party
should havo taken along a pair of Kll
kenny cats."
A sigh of satisfaction escaped the "Doc"
ns he peppered the eggs.
"Ford Is sick," he said. "T'ney say Its
Norwegian grip, but I think Its rotdltia.
Don't you know what Fordltls Is? I'll
tell ou. It's a disease of which one of
the symptoms Is nn Idea to constantly
try to do something foolish. The disease
Is dtrhed from the word It In the
case In questlcn a man thought he was
It. and traveled many thousand miles to
find that lie wasn't. Then he decided it
would be a good Idea to become 111, and
his fellow pilgrims went along without
him, although he foots the board bill and
the transportation Another symptom of
Fordltls Is to labor under the delusion
that the public will believe anything you
tell it. For instance, Mr. Ford said
something about having certain per
sons removed from certain trenches on
December 25. But they're still digging
like a lot of McNlchol constructors. But
Police Court Chronicles
It's easy to bring about peace through
out the world If sou pursue the proper
course. At least George' Johnson thinks
so. He Is a sailor and halls from Copen
hagen and numerous other places John
son decided that It would be a good Idea
to start his peace propaganda In the
northeast. He went to the neighborhood
of Frankford avenue and York street
to get a line on the people He tirst
visited a few saloons where, he got a
good insight Into human nature.
Then the peacemaker started out to
study the faces of the people. He stared
many almost out of countenance, and
when they questioned him George told
them confidently that he was simply
trying to size up followers for his pros
pective peace army.
Several passersby informed Johnjon
that he was starting the wrong way for
peace and he was emphatically reminded
by a number of corner loungers that he
was taking the most direct route to
trouble. Instead of replying. Johnson
wrote everything they said In a note
book.
He found It necessary from time to
time to take a few drinks in order
to keep up enthusiasm. When he reached
the neighborhood of Second and York:
be was somewhat puzzled as to hia
courea and found, something wrens with
i
ZAPP DISCUSSING THE PANAMA CANA
,e
sr
own and fills up the canal."
of merchants out there, Birsky, which
I figure the first meeting of creditors
at the latest, four weeks from tho day
after Christmas."
"What are you talking nonsense;
a concern offer him the job!" Birsky
exclaimed. "The people of Dayton,
I Ohio, offers Gottheil a job he should
run the city for them."
I "They offer Gottheil money he
i should run a city?" Zapp inquired.
j "Why, there's plenty experienced
' fellers right here in New York who
have worked for years by one con
cern alone on 14th street which would
handle the proposition on a 50-50
bosis, and instead tho people of Day-
ton pays them for runnning the city,
they would pay the city of Dnyton
$15,000, not even ns an advance, but
ns a bonus."
"Sure they would," Birsky ngrccd,
"and that's why the people of Dayton
want Gottheil for tho job."
"Well, they can have him," Zapp
said; "I'm sick of him."
"Sick of him!" Birsky cried. "Is
that a way to talk about a big
Melammed like Colonel Gottheil? The
feller is a great man, Zapp." i
"Don't I know it?" Zapp said, "I am
just through getting my teeth fixed
for $75 by Doctor Plotnik which he
guaranteed absolutely painless dentis
try, but not in writing mit a surety
Mr. Ford did get somthing for his trou
ble. He gave a Christian Institution
$10,000. and they presented a lovely set
of resolutions to him on real fool's cap
paper."
The doctor paused to pour out his coffee.
"Do you know," he said, confidentially,
"any of the business men's associations
here would have adopted a set of resolu
tions much cheaper.
"And to think Ford's secretary' thought
I wasn't good enough to go. Now he's
making addresses Just like the rest of
them. If jou notice, they've all been
blabbing so much that they've frightened
the newspapermen off the ship. McClure
and a bunch of them, who have listened
to all sorts of stuff, can't stund for these
Fordltes."
The doctor buttered a brutal pleco of
bread with vigor.
"And to think." the "Doc" chuckled,
"Ford's got one of tho most expensive
doctors in the world with hlm-and he's
sick. He couldn't lmo done any worse
if he had bi ought old "Doc" Stern along.
' The trouble is tney eat heavy meals
and then listen all day to heavy thoughts.
It's too much een for the sea But Eu
rope needs Ford. They need some more
new Institutions and they might as well
get the coin out of him as have him
vprlukle It over the Atlantic helping to
feed the sea lions and tho goldfish.
"Will you havo a cup of coffee?
"No, well, Merry Clulstmas to ou."
his navigation It was also evident that
his vision was clouded, for It appears
that he mistook a turkey which was sus
pended in front of a butcher's shop for
a bird of peace and tucked It under his
coat by way of being consistent Hut
the turk was rather a droopy sort and
Its long head hung down below the line
of Johnson's coat.
Detectives Bob Duff: and Bob Dunbar
saw Johnson steering- unsteadily and also
discovered the protruding bird
They convinced the sailor that It would
be well to steam Into the Trenton avenue
and Dauphin street station. He told
Judge Dletz that he had read much
about peace and happiness and desired
to spread sunshine wherever he went.
The prisoner failed to give good reasons
for possession of the bird, however.
When he was searched a number of
detective stories and books on peace were
found In his pockets. He also had a
copy of a book called "The Log of the
Ark." Johnson explained that he read
this book dally because it revived mem
ories of his thrilling days at sea. But
even this did not explain why he had
the turkey TJje proprietor of the bird
finally arrived and identified It while the
sailor watt endeavoring to prove how he
and the bird had met. In view of his
ambitions In regard to peace Judge Dletz
thought the prisoner deserved another
chance for liberty and he was allowed
freedom over the holidays.
Camden Birth Rate Breaks Record
Statistics in Camden show that 24SI
children have been born during the last
year in that city It is said that during
the last 10 years the birth rate has in-
r,nRfM th,rt nut rtf ncm...!.... -,,,.-
------- - -. w --- j-i mr cities T
of Its size- General prosperity u giveu '
as the cause of the. record-breaking num.
bee of children bom this jar.
&
company bond, nor anywheres near
it, believe me."
"What's all this got to do with
Colonel Gottheil?" Birsky demanded.
"It's got just so much to do with it
as gotting my hair cut once in a while,
or paying a doctor $25 to find out
that an operation ain't necessary as
yet, Birsky, because in Plotnlk's of
fice not only do I got to dread what
that murderer will do to me, but I
must also' anticipate reading that
Colonel Gottheil is a great man by n
magazine without a back and the
dentists thumbmark in butter on tho
first page; also, in tho barber shop
Colonel Gottheil is a great man by a
Sunday supplement with poetry about
him, like he would be a breakfast
food or the Lackawanna Railroad, and
in tho doctor's office it ain't enough
that tho Lcute is got to como there
three times n week with diabetes oder
Magcnbcschwcrden, but on tho table
in the waiting room is Gottheil aftor
Gottheil, with covers, without covers,
and dating anywheres from January,
1011, to last April at the latest Yes,
Birsky, I don't care if it would bo the
biggest txadck that ever lived; peoplo
would soon get sore at him if thoy see
his picture too often."
"Is that sol" Birsky exclaimed.
"Well, bo far I ain't met many peoplo
that kicks about seeing too often Mr.
Harrison's sclig on a five-dollar bill."
"Sure, I know, but you take them
fellers whose pictures is on fifty and
hundred dollar bills, and while for all
that most of us know what thoy done,
it could have been time in tho peni
tentiary or something, we're only
sorry that we see so little of them."
"That's what you think, Zapp,"
?-'
"Tho public will say, 'Well, it's
about time.' "
LID ON SHORE GAYETY
SLAMS SHUT GOOD AND
HARD AT STROKE OF 12
Christmas Celebrants at Atlan
tic City Must End Their Fes
tivities Strictly at Mid
night Tomorrow
PHILADELPHIANS THERE
ATLANTIC CITY, Dec. SI. Much ns
hospitable ofllclals and shore bonlfaces,
not to mention a great many cafe-keepers,
would lil.e to have It otherwise, At
lantic City's record-breaking throng of
holiday visitors will have to wind up Its
Christmas celebration on Christmas Day.
In other words, while New York may
lawfully make Saturday night last three
hours more Into Sunday morning. New
Jersey's tight nnd fast evclso laws have
no such flexible characteristics.
Consequently, the lid on cafedom will
be applied, It was officially announced to
day, at 1- o'clock sharp tomoriow night.
City officials might be willing to uc
caid at least an hour's grace, when
wutters are rushing and minutes are
golden. But that would require the con
sent of the county Judge and prosecutor,
which is a horse of another color. So,
nobody will take chances.
Every ono of the big hotels will be a
little bit of Manhattan tomorrow night
when the lights and music get going.
At the Traymore, la Mrs. William E.
Corey, formerly Mabel Gil man', singer.
Her furs are sable and cost a fortune.
With Mrs. Corey Is her friend, the Count
ess de Bille, who Is middle-aged and ex
ceedingly well dressed.
For the big crowd, however, the figure
of greatest interest heie Is Llndley SI.
Garrison, Secretary of War, who arrived
late jesterday from Washington with
Mis, Garrison They will remain at the
MarHjorough-Blenhelm over New Year's
Da, and while here the Secretary will
endeavor to renew his acquaintance with
golf, He has not had a great deal of
time for the links lately with the papers
eo full of war news and Colonel Roose
velt on the warpath.
George Harding, Philadelphia artist,
has been hero for some time.
Mr, and Mrs. William Bice Taylor, of
Philadelphia, are making an extended
stay at the Marlborough-BIenhelm. There
also s Mrs, Justice Plerson, Miss Bessie
Pierson and Miss Shoemaker, of German
town. HI, Tried to Reach Hospital; Dead
William C Slack, $3 years old, who lived
a hermit life In a house along Newton
Creek, tried to walk to the West Jersey
Homeopathic Hospital, Camden, last right
while suffering from pneumonia and fell
unconscious on 11 1. Ephraim avenue,
about four blocks from tho hospital. He
was found and removed to the institu
tion, where he died soon after being ad
mitted. i
wZ
TyriwrHC
1J3 CHEbTNlTT ST.
BU FaoM, Wlnut St.
&
lffGsaKJtJJ&lEJjJjft3tt3lBB vl
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IVf1" i,7.....
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"Reading that Colonol Gottheil
Birsky said. "You are one of them
fellers which if you don't know what
a feller done to got his picture before
tho public you are willing to take n
chance that it was anyhow larceny in
tho first degree."
"I am only Baying, Birsky I" Znpp
protested. "I am willing to take n
chnnce that wo elect onco in a while
a Congressman oder a judgo or even'
a President who dono something some
time that somebody has got the goods
on him for. But we can't do it if
wo put pictures in the paper only of
fellers which no one could say they
ever seen 'em playing for as much ns
two cents a hundred settling 25 cents
on the dollar. Believe me, Birsky, if
we paid Mr. Taft a hundred thousand
dollars 'a yenr for being President,
thero's plenty fellers we could afford
to pay two hundred thousand, not in
cluding commissions and traveling ex
penses, so much smarter they arc than
Mr. Taft; the difference being that if
they got their picture in magazines
tho wny Mr. Taft does, by the next
mail comes a letter reading: 'Dear
Friend Max: I seen your picture in
the Friday Evening Post and T am
glnd to see you are getting on so well,
which the same I wish I could say
about myself, ns I am two weeks be
hind in my room rent here and am
sick and everything. Why not come
over to see me? As ever,
GOLDIE HOWARD.
" 'P, S. I found a couple more of
your old letters yesterday. G. H.'
"Then the reason why you don't
like to see Gottheil's picture is because
ASHMAN. GARRAOTCMAN AND TTTTCTR
ALLIES IN CITY-WIDE "DRIVE" TODAY!
1
Thinning Pocketbooks Tremble as Army of Men andj
Women Who Do Your So
to Be .Remembered in Christmas Spirit of Giving
Wallets are getting thinner.
Yellow bncked notes nie succeeded by
lonely "ones " Even tho small change
Is looking skimpy.
Yet, despite this, the ashman and the
garbage man and tho private watchman
who (says he) watches your house, and
the washwoman nnd the grocer's boy and
the milkman were around today for their
annual Christmas raid
AVhlle their pleas appeared humble
enough, they confronted housekeepers
with a spirit of self-assurance, showing
that they regarded the gift as little less
than u legal right.
Thoy had little patience with the
woman who paused at giving a half dol
lar or quarter, nnd dimes were taken ns
though the ashman regarded their ac
ceptance as a special favor.
And by way of reminding you of his
martyrdom, he of the ash cart pushed
this effusion under doors In a West
Philadelphia nelghb rhood before he
came around:
nemembcr now the poor Rihnun.
Who tolli all through the ear.
And Kle whatever cmiIi jou ran
Toward hi Christmas rheor.
To make matters worse It was learned
that some houses were lslted by two or
three ashmen. The Imposition was prac
ticed by negroes, who called before the
GRIP LOSING ITS HOLD
ON VICTIMS IN CITY
Pneumonia Cases Also Show
Falling Off Fewer Patients
at the Hospitals
The epidemic of grip and pneumonia
which has swept this city Is at Its height
and will soon begin to subside. In the
opinion of health authorities who havo
followed the situation closely.
Only 18 new cases of grip and S of
pneumonia were received at the hospitals
of the city yesterday, and although t is
admitted that there were probably many
new cases of both diseases which were
not brought to the attention of the ho.-i.
pltals or physicians, it Is thought the de
crease will continue steadily.
The diseases have been especially severe
when old persons contracted them. Of
US deaths recorded yesterday three of the
Victims were more than 90 years old, 11
$150,000
TO PLACE
Active man of ripe experience will
invest above sum in high-grade
commercial proposition, with ex
ecutive position. Highest of refer
ences furnished and required. No
brokers.
M 224, Ledger Office
7i
Illustrations by BRIGGS
4)
is a great man by a magazln8.w
ho used to was a respectablo mm isjl
not a loaierf" uirsky asked.
"Say," Zapp protested, 'Wgttiii
respectanio man."
"Then what's the objection?" Binri
UBKCll
"Tho objection Is that I couldn't nt
no sympathy with pictures which Uij
undor 'era 'Colonel Gottheil, who btrUll
the Panama Canal,' or 'Colonel Got !
thcil, who finished the Panama Cam,"
whereas If tho picture says, 'Coloiel
Gottheil, who had nn idee that ho fa.iV
ished tho Pannma Canal, when iM
slides down on him and he's got to
do a whole lot more work on ftiji
vcrfluchtc Bobkc,' y'undcrstana'-. 1
then I would got sympathy for tfct ''
feller, and I would say, 'Never mini
he'll finish it yet you seo If hi
don't. " j
"And so he will," Birsky declared, "
"in a few months more."
"Did I say he wouldn't?" Zapjf
naked. "And when ho does, and tiej
put his picture in the paper witl'j
'Colonel Gotthoil, who finished tkj
Pnnama Canal,' under it, the public!
will say: 'Well, it's about time, l
thought that schlcmicl would newi',,
get through.' " ft
"They wouldn't say no such thtnj, 1
Zapp," Birsky said "Colonel Got-
thcil is too popular for that." j
"Maybe you're right, Birsky," Zipp ,j
concluded, "but if vou was in thedtfi.'-i
catessen business and run an nutafr,.;
... ... .. .1,.
Due delivery you would unaerwr.Q
that too much popularity is liketM
much carbon you enn always tell it
by the knocks."
(fopyrlxlit UIV t. The Tribune AisocUlKtl
- Called "Dirty Work" Ask i
"official" ashman of the tlfstnct arrlVti
Ho was covciel with n hci", una
average housekeeper, to whom all art.
men look alike, csne hl a Utile CMh
for Christmas hen the real aihmM"3
arrived he wan Indignant, and It l pos-ij
sible that he will ti to net the pseuMl
uah-haulcr Jailed fpr ob'alnlns moneffl
uimcr lui&e iJieieubi't at
Afthmpn wUn uiio turned down It'tV
door steps with ominous frowns, and !t
Is possible that housekeepers wno m
filled will llnd man oroKen an ""
on their sidewalks dtirlni the followlrll
i eai . M
The gatbago man nas emially InsM'J'l
today He al-o spread some poetry "f
.. 1 11- - II. .! .nta hllflnMI'l
iiuvuiire, nu w.ts a i''c ui
like, however, and had lis rhme type
written on little euwlupes. It '
follow a:
In unililne or utorm ih iarta m
Uorko rroni da in da
So Blve him iu whate'er jou f
Kor a mirrj C'lirlatman oir .'
The letter lurrier Is being "n"'"1",.
by thousands because lie uocsn i - -
.. ,. . - ...-.... e ft Jls
IIIUUK" n even CAjjt.-i.-n-u n-" , . , -
just as pleasant nnd generally at'0' '
. low ut till tlnus He Kiotts thai "'":,
brings bud news us well as eooa, nj
that othcis Imvo buidens to carrj j
, are far gientcr than his.
over SO. 11 aboe 70 and 15 had P""l
Uep'orts from other parts of the ?jjjjj
una country snow i" """ - ,.,'
. ., ...ithmtf HtiDreclD'? i
lueuiiiuintt cumulus "'""":, Y,i mm- 1
signs of abatement. State Hll-V
mlssloner Dixon has caneii uv- - j.
lens 01 reiiusiituiuu. " y? -'i..m
stamping out the diseases ' aula. 4
the Isolation of the stricken. tha"
fectlns of handkerchiefs na wwvBn.
rary stopping oKklsslns. 5f.df$t.
and getting too near telephone tnu"
ters.
r. ., .. .!. ' tn Homes
car nam to une nu .- --- .
The old trolley car barn at " ' btI
and Lancaster avenue has Wen " 'jm
by Martin Moloney, who will ou" - -i
...iii.. i.n.i..j nn the site inwy' -s
waa not disclosed. The property ,
sessed at 1100,000.
Wonderful Lunches
toHMnlrfogH
and perfect and the Am
wholesomej and pa'fA'Yiofc
It Is already an Institution-
BREAKFAST ' J
I. a revelation to those PgjM
who have tried It "v
CLUB BREAKFASTS. S3.
LUNCHEON ..,,!.. ol
offers you the retet cholee"
well -prepared dishes and
wiches.
DINNER ...- ' Z
Is the very beat """;jj
meal that has ever been ott
in Philadelphia at OOe.
LenArd'i
Let's
L'atat
ToUj
0U CMEST.VV' T'