s*fy> s&t a 4tfWsfa.su -hr s I' . < •■>, - j:-'.t‘^ ; ‘-'' r* - ■ Ujiitfr*.;;? m ?; ir?-ii&.£i,r .; .. *• * t V> >-••• (i v VOL. LXTTT. THE LANCASTER INTELLIGENCER. MIBHIPITOT TPIBPAT, AT HO. 8 HOSTS DUX* SZSUT| BY GEO. SASDEESOK. ' T 8 B U 8 • SUBSCRIPTION.—-Two Dollars per annum, payable In ad vance. No subscription discontinued ootll all arrear ages are paid, nnlrs* at tbe option of the Editor. AhVtsTmMSirrs.—Advertisements, not exceeding one square, (1/Hoes.) will be Inserted three times for one dollar, and twenty-five cents for each additional inser tion. Those of greater length in proportion. Job Printing—Such as Hand Bills, Posters, Pamphlets, Blanks, Labels, Ac., Ac,, executed with accuracy and on the shortest Dotice. * SUNSET A.ETER A SHOWER, Over the hill-tops, fold upon fold. Like blood-stained banners within the sky, Braided with crimson, and fring' d with gold, In a sea of amber, the spent clouds lie. Down in the valley tbe slnmbrouß trees Droop, heavily jewelled with falling rain; And a spicy-scented tremulous breeze In ripples cross the bending grain. Tbe winding liver like silver gleams Through dreamy vistas that melt and fade; And tbe sunlight, falling in slanting beams, Strikes deep in the heart of the forest’s shade. On distant uplands tbe lonely pine Is.fringed with purple, and bound with fire : The stones in tbe oburcbyurd glance and shine, And tbe weather-vane is gilded wire. Tbe tapering cedar, like a spear, Shoots out of tbe cliff where stands revealed The rocky ledge; and tbe herd appear Like spots of color within the field. And the braided banner of clouds are seen To fiercer burn as with sudden shame; ■ \ While the bills below, and tbe vales between, \ Are drowned in a yellow mist of flame. And a fanner’s boy, all aglare with light, Looks over the oliff where the oedars grow, And shades with bis hand the dazzled sight, And calls to his comrades down below. Then the brazen woodlands eoho and ring, And the earth and sky seem to shout with him ; A pearly arch is tbe hawk’s fleet wing ; And the sweltering iaodsoape seems to swim. On yonder hill-side a cottage shines— . The window westward flashes and glows— It nestles amid its sheltering vines Of glistening ivy like a rose. And there in tbe porch two lovers woo— Her slender figure his arms enfold; While two doves in tbe dove-cot kiss and 000, And raffle their necks of green and gold. THE BOAT OF LIFE BT TEOHAB MOORE. Let’s take this world as some wide scene, Through which, in frail but buoyant boat, With skies now rude and now serene, Together I and thou must float; Beholding oft, on either shore, Bright spots where we should love to stay, But Time plies swift his flying oar, And on we speed—away, away. Should chilling winds and rains come on, We’ll raise our awning ’gainst the shower — Sit closer till tbe storm is gone. And smiling wait a sunnier hour. Aod if that sunnier hour should shine, We’ll know its brightness cannot stay, And, happy while ’tis ibinc and mine, Complain not when it fades away. Thus reaoh we both, at last, that full, Down Which life’s currents all must go — The dark, tbe brilliant, destined all To sink into the void below; Nor e’en that hour shall want its charms, If side by side still fond we keep, And calmly in each other’s arms, Together linked, go down the steep. A BONNET SONNET, Here’s a tipsy little sonnet on a jaunty little bon- net, With a myrtle-wreath upon it, that I saw at church to-day; With a wealth of curls below, in many a golden ringlet flowing, On the lightest breeze outflowing, in wavy ’wilder ing play; ’Twas a sweet, bewitching face in it, with wondrous charming grace in it, And not the faintest trace in it of—-anything un pleasant; Pale tbe forehead was, and fair, under two soft waves of h.tir, Not too hijjb, and not too fair; just arched like a crescent; (Ah! I’m half afraid they know it, by their merry glanoing wiles!) Cheeks with ruse and lily blended, mouth like Cu pid’s bow unbended, Or like dewy tulips rended, when it parted in her smiles; All within that little bonnet, With the myrtle-wreath upon it. ALL COUSINS TOGETHER. BY PRANCES LEE. The Cobb family were at breakfast. * A little more gravy, if you please,’ said Mrs. Cobb. As she raised her plate there was a loud, siogls knock at the door, which opened instantly, apparently of itself. ‘Ho! it’s Mr. Wiggin, 5 said Mr. Cobb to himself in a disappointed tone, as though he had expected to see the Secre tary of War—or at least a contraband. * Good morning, Mr. Wiggin, 5 said he affably aloud. 4 Your servant, Sir ! Good Morning!' returndd the visitor, stamping the snow from his boots in the same emphatic man ner that he spoke. He was so large a man that he seemed exaggerated, with hair that had once been red, and whiskers that still were. 4 Help yourself to a chair, Mr. Wiggin, 5 said Mrs. Cobb, who had forgotten all about wanting gravy. But he preferred the corner of the wood box, where he sat with an old hat .on his head and his brawny hands clasped about one knee, as fearing it might, in its energy, walk away of itself. 4 1 may as well be brief, and come right to the point. lam a plain man, as you know, neighbor Cobb, and when I have anything to Bay, speak out a.leetle—blu7it, we’ll »ay, without the ceremony and pala ver that certain ones of our have—l won’t call no names on this oc casion, you understand whom I mean well enough.’ Of course he Colonel Dempster, to whom he was opposed in every thing, simply because it was his nature and life to be opposed to some body. Having given the inevitable bit at the urbane Colonel, he proceeded : 4 My business, and the reason why l called so early this morning, is to have some talk with you about buying youDg critters. It is my purpose and intention to take a fair start to-morrow morn ng for Vermont, to look for some. 1 believe lam not mistaken in thinking you want more stock, and therefore 1 called in to say if you want to join me in an expedition of this kind, be ready to step aboard my craft at precisely half-past five o'clock to-morrow morning. 1 am a man of few words, what do you say, neighbor Cobb, jes or no V Neighbor Cobb took a moment to con sider, and then assenting to his need of inore stock, didn’t know but he could ar* range to leave home to-morrow as well as any time. 4 Half-past five o’clock preoißely ! I. have told you just how it is; I want to get an early start, 5 reiterated Mr. Wiggin, and releasing his knee from durance, With out the fashionable superfluity of adminis tering the oath of allegiance, he followed it actively through the door-way. At half-past five precisely, on the next morning, the mercury stood at a discoura ging distance below zero, but Mr. W iggin’u blue puug aud gray horse drew up before Mr. Cobb’s gate, with all the more zest, for he had an espeoial relish for out-gen eraling the weather, and never yielded ,hip plans a whit for its rigor or inolemen- Ofi. - *s*w» f !?v> ••>. ’: •> ! I The travelers were leagues away from their pig-sties and milk-pails when the sun came baob from China, and showed with what opals and diamonds the prodigal fro.-t king had been decorating even the humblest way-side bnsh and tree; and before nightfall they were near an old and aristocratic town, where Mrs. Cobb’s oonsin, Mrs. Doctor Danvers, resided. ‘ What do yon say to giving oonsin Dan vers a call ?’ said Mr. Cobb. ‘ I am agreed to that,’ returned Mr. Wiggin. ‘ Bat how is it, have your folks straw and provender enough ?’ ‘ Yes! 1 expect they are very fore handed people, and Dootor Danvers is quite j a likely soit of a mao, I should judge by ' what little I have seen of him. They vis ited us once, some years ago, but it has ] so happened we have never returned their , call.’ • After some inquiry as to the way, the gray horse antLblue pung stopped in front of Dootor Danvers’ stately mansion just as the sun started off baok to China again. ‘ I’ll run in and see if the folks are at home,’ said Mr. Cobb, while Mr. Wiggin held in the gray horse with all his might, shouting : ‘ Whoa, whirr ! whoa, whirr 1’ which had the effect of making him prance and rear, thus showing his mettle to the passers-by. A pert-eolored girl answered the door Wl, with her head thrown baok as though taking an observation of the planetary system, and, saying, ‘ Doctor Danvers isn’t at home, nor Missis either, was and about shutting the door in Mr. Cobb’s face. ‘ Won’t they be back to-night?’ asked he, before she had time. ‘ ’Spects likely they will,’ answered she indifferently. ‘ Then 1 guess I will go in and wait till they come. 1 suppose lam some connec tion of Mrs. Danvers,’ returned Mr. Cobb, beckoning with his hand to Mr. Wiggin to tie the spirited gray and follow him in. , Miss Geraldine ushered them into the parlor, somewhat against her will, as was manifested by slamming the door when she made her exit. ‘ This ’ere looks comfortable’’ ejaculated Mr. Wiggin, depositing his huge bulk in a velvet auc-chair in front of a blazing coal fire, and drawing an embroidered ottoman for his feet. ‘ Though I won’t say, but the old ki.chen and the old kitchen fireplace at home, suit my notions just as well.’ The dainty embroidery agreed with him in that, as the snow began to melt from his heavy boots, and tinge its delicate colors with a dash of yellow ochre. Very possible Mrs. Danvers thought so when she came in, but she showed no an noyance, welcoming her cousin’s husband with graceful ease. Mr. Cobb made her acquainted with an old neighbor of his Mr Wiggin ; at least he said he did, and Mrs. Danvers acknowl edged it by bowing formally, with elegant dignity. ‘ A very fine figure of a woman, and dressed out like a poppet ; but give me my Poily with a clean calico gown on after all!’ said Mr. Wiggin to himself. ‘ Do you enjoy good health, Mrs. Dm vers V asked Mr. Cobb by way of opening conversation. 1 Usually not,’ replied the lady languid ly. ‘lndeed for a few days I have been really ill, and was trying to sleep when you rang.” ‘ I unders'ood the black girl that you had gone away,’ said Mr. Cobb in aston ishment. ‘ She only meant that I was not at home to company,’ returned Mr 3. Danvers with composure. ‘Oh! ho!’ soliloquized Mr. Wiggin, making another mental comparison in favor of Polly and her hospitality. ‘Do you always keep help?’ inquired Mr. Oobb, gtill bent on sociability. ‘ Certainly. We employ two servants, a colored and an Irith girl besides the Doctor’s office boy, who takes care of the horses.’ At the word horses Mr. Wiggin glanced uneasily toward the window, and Mr. Oobb said : ‘ Then the Doctor has a barn ? We ve got a horse out here that 1 expect thinks it is about foddering-time ’ ‘.I mistrust a little hay wouldn’t taste bad to him,’ said Mr. Wiggin going to ward the door. ‘ I shall be obliged to ask you to take your horse to one of the hotels, as the Doctor has no extra stalls in his barn,’ observed Mrs. Danvers in a courteous tone, as though she were accustomed to sugar coat her hnsband’s pi.ls. Mr. Wiggin strode off, shocked at what seemed like inhospitality, to him ; he would have made a stable of his bed room, if he had no other accommodations for ihe horse of a guest, but out of respect to Mr. Cobb he made no sign of discom fiture, excepting by a sudden weakening of the muscles of his ueck and eyelids, which would have been expressive enough to bis faithful Polly. When he returned with Mr. Cobb from caring for the horse, Mrs. Danvers was not in the parlor, and did not appear until tea-time, wbioh seemed a tedious while coming to men who had faced the north wind all day ; and, breakfasting at five in the morning, had eaten nothing but cold doughnuts aud oheese since. The table, covered with elegant damask, was glittering with si*ver and cut-glass ; but alas ! the slices of bread were so gen teelly thin, that after taking f'Mr , Mr. Wiggin found himself with unabated ap petite, yet ashamed to take another. A bit ol jelly and a slice of fruit-cake with tea from cups as delicate and not much larger than a robin’s egg—what was this to a man who could have devoured a quart of baked-beans, with pork to match, as yon and I would eat a saucer of straw berries ? Doctor Danvers must be excused before tea was well over, for every minute was a diamond to him, and his time was so taken up that really he had seldom au hour to call his own, but they would find Mrs. Danvers much better oompauy. So per haps they might, if she had not left them to order some more coal, and forgotten to return. Biddy came in with the coal-hod directly, (Geraldine was above such coarse work ;) and Mr. Cobb, who was a man of friendly, social feelings, with a weakness for all who had come from beyond the sea, commenced conversation with her in this wise:— ‘ How long have you been in the coun try ?’ ‘ And what is it ye’ll be afther spakin’ about thin to the likes of me.?’ returned the girl, turning about and spilling a qnan- rfi 7f r, “THAT OOtntTRT IS TOT HOST PBOBMROUB WOTM LABOB 0010CAHD8 TOT BIWABD.”- BBCHAHAU. LANCASTER CTTY. PA... TUESDAY MORNTTO. AUGUST 5. 1862. tity of coal on the carpet,! justin the cen tre of a bunch of white roses. ‘1 say, how long is it sinoe you left Ireland?’ ‘ Tin weeks, yer honor. And sure and it’s longer by that much than I’m wishing it was! Ooh ! but it would be luck to me if it was niver a day since I left the blis sed ould country, the holy Virgin forgive me for doing that same !’ ‘ Then you don’t like it as well here as you did in Ireland ?’ ‘ Indade and it’s the trnth ye are spa kin,’ to be sure. I’d. give more for one spair of grass that "grew in ould Ireland than for ivery tree in Ameriky. It’s no thing but hard work that I gets over here, and plinty of it, but when it was at home that 1 was, 1 niver had to lift me little finger at anything, but lived just like a born leddy of theTand, as Patrick O’Fian nigan’s daughter was, to be sure ’.’ ‘ Biddy ! Biddy ! I should like to know who do you thinks is doing your work in the kitchen while you are entertaining company in. the parlor ?’ -said Geraldine, poking her black face through the door. Alter this Mr. Cobb and Mr. Wiggin dozed before the fire, until- the musical clock on the mantel mentioned that it was nine of the night, when they were aroused by Mrs. Danvers, who came in dressed for a party, and looking ‘ as though she had been done up at a laundry,’ Mr. Wiggin told Polly. _ . ‘I hope you are entertaining your selves,’ said she. ‘ The Doctor and I have an engagement this evening, so I trust you will excuse us, and make your selves comfortable. If you would like to retire before we return, Geraldine will show you your room.’ ‘ I reckon these ere folks would suit Colonel Dempster’s taste to a T, but give me good, plain farmer living, and farmer manners,’ remarked Mr. Wiggin, as he blew out the gas in his bed ohamber. I will not waste your time describing the state of the atmosphere in the house, by the time Geraldine had discovered which gas pipe was leaking, except to say with Mr. Wiggin that ‘it scented most killingly.’ ‘ We must try to get off as early as we can this morning,’ said he, sometime be fore cook-orowiog, in a hopeless tone. But not half hopeless enough, being aeoustomed as be was to the thrifty housewifery of Mistress Polly. It was quite nine o’clock before break fast was served, and it consisted of waffles and omelets. ‘ If you ever come our way, you will always fiod the latoh-striog out, with me and my wife ready tf to return this favor, after our plain, poor, homespun Btyle,’ said Mr. Wiggin in his whole-souled, hearty fashion, by way of taking leave. As he spoke, he leaned back so heavily in the light dining chair, that its frail frame work gave audible expression of dissatis faction with its huge burden; and when he sprang suddenly up it fell broken at his feet. ‘ If they do come, they will find chairs that wa’n’t made merely to look at., and that are stout enough to bear up a mos quito I’ said he in monologue. When he found himself and Mr. Cobb fairly outside the door of Doctor Danvers, he gave a grunt of relief, saying : ‘ I don’t never desire to set foot among your fash ionable gentry again, as long as my name is Nehemiah Wiggin! 1 had rather for the pleasure of it be pot to breaking stones on the highway. Now that sso I And I’ll tell you one thing more, the first tavern we come to, after leaving this, fa mine place, 1 shall stop and take a bite of something or other to stay my stomaoh.’ You would have thought so to have seen him eat. Sausages, ham, potatoes, cab bage and browu bread, disappeared like vegetation at the time of the plague of locusts in Egypt, until he had made ample amends for all past omission. It was snowing when they left tho hotel, and snowed thicker and faster as the day wore away, but the travelers kept on go ing hither and thither, as they heard of farmer Dobson’s fat two-year old, and far mer somebody else’s likely yearlings. ‘l’ve a proposition to make to you,’ said Mr. Wiggin, as daylight began to fail. ‘ I put up at your cousin’s last night, what do you say to putting up at my cousin’s to-night, neighbor Cobb ?’ Neighbor Oobb didn’t know aB he had any objection, but preferred to leave the matter altogether with him. ‘ Then it is settled in a few words ! We will go,’ returned Mr. Wiggin. ‘ I don’t know exactly for positive where cousin Otis lives, but it’s somewhere among these ere hills ; and one thiDg I am certain about, we shan’t be bothered with any of that ’are nasty smelling' stuff for to light up the rooms with, and there won’t be more cloth and silver ware on the table than is need ed, I’ll warrant you that. Cousin Otis’ folks an’t none of your stuok up gentry, or I am'mistaken, though I han’t seen noDe of them these twenty years.’ Tho chase for cousin Otis* house was a long and treacherous one ; but after losing the way several times, and buffeting a fierce north-easter till far into the evening, they came in sight of a dim light, which was supposed to show the haven they sought. ' Mr. Wiggin jumped from the sleigh, and, groping Lis way to the door, rapped loudly with his w.hp stalK. This call was answered directly by a woman and. two large dogs. The man of few words was not long in making himself known. ‘ Most obedient madam! does Otis Wiggin live here? If so, his cousin Nehemiah has come to see him from Massachusetts, and I am the man.’ Before he had finished speaking, the joy of the welcome began. 1 Sure enough, Otis! It’ your cousin Nehemiah come from the old. Bay State in this storm a purpose to see us ; only think on’t!’ Otis had already retired for the night, but his bed room and kitchen being one, he did not wait to dress before joining his welcoming with his wife’s. ‘ Well now, I never did! This is better than a gold diamond, an’t it, Hepsy ? Who’d a be lieved it ? Clean from the old Bay State. We han’t had such a treat as a cousin to sec us these ten years, diave we Hepsy V Even Mr. Wiggin, with all his power of lnng, was overpowered for a while, but he took advantage of the first lull to say he had a friend in his sleigh at the door. This intelligence inoreased the delight. ‘Think of that, Otis!. Another oonsin come to see us! Two on ’em in: one night! Here, wake up, children, we’ve got oousins from abroad come to,see ns.’ While trundle-beds Aid bonks gave up an incredible number of white-headed, barefoot occupants, cousin Otis was atthe sleigh welcoming Mr. Cobb." ‘ Walk right in 1 walk right in ! don’t Btop to knock off the snow ; I am powerful glad to see you, and so is Hepsy.’ ‘ So I be, and proud to know you took the pains to come and see poor folks like us,’ said Hepsy, ooming forward with a coarse, shabby dress, banging in disorder about her gaunt form, 1 and not a bit of grace or polish in' her manner ; yet with such cordiality and warmth of heart light, ing up her hard, care-worn face, that she seemed almost comely to the wear; travelers. The poor room, too, with its uneven floor and soanty furniture, looked cheerful and attractive, as the biggest boy raked open the coals in the great stone fire-place, and heaped on wood, whioh sprang into flames, and spirkled and roared up the blackened chimney. Cousin Otig put the horse in his oow shed, turning the cow in for a night’s lodg. ing with the pig; tipped up the sleigh to protect it from the the snow, and brought in the buffaloes to dry by the fire. ‘He is a oonsin too, isn’t he ?’ said Hepsy, looking at Mr. Cobb, as she pro ceeded to stir up a jobnny cake for their supper. ‘ Notra cousin exaotly, but a nigh neigh bor of mine, and a most excellent one, I oan assure you !’ replied Mr. Wiggin. ‘ I thought we were all oousins together, but he’s just as weloome, I’m sure; and it is all the kinder in him to come out of the way to see poor folks like us that an’t no blood relation to him,’ replied Hepsy, putting the cake beforo the fire to bake, in a spider. When done, it was served with milk, and eaten with relish; while cousin Otis and his admiring family looked on, con sidering every mouthful eaten an especial favor and compliment-to themselves. When the meal was over, with ready thoughtfulness, Hepsy reokoned they must be tired, an! wouldn’t feel like visiting any more that night. ‘ I am going to have you turn into our bed,’ said she hospitably. ‘ We oan get aloug well enough to oamp down among the children. It would be kinder handy to have another room, but l hope you will put up with it, seeing as we are all oousins together, as it were.’ Weariness of body and a dear con science brought untroubled sleep to guests and hosts, although a wild storm of wind and snow bowled in at the broken windows, and down the wide chimney, until, at the proper time, morning came, bringing with it fair weather, and a breakfast of potatoes roasted in the ashes, and garnished with salt. In honor to the visitors, the riokety table was covered with a sheet, taken from the bed; and Hepsy ate her breakfast with a large butchbr’s knife and unalloyed satis faction. ‘ I want you to grant me the favor and privilege of giving my n-ime to this ’ere little chap of yourn, if he isn’t already provided with one,’ said Mr. Wiggin, who had been pondering on some delicate method of recompensing his entertainers. ‘ It’s a her,’ replied Hepsy, 1 ioking at the scrawny monthling with affectionate pride, ‘ and we laid out to call her Hepsy after me, but it don’t make no odds, we had jost as lief save it for the next one. ‘ Call her Polly, then, after my wife ; and you couldn’t name her after a better woman, though 1 say it, and here’s a little present for her from me and my Polly.’ Mr. Wiggin threw a golden half-eagle in the lap of the mother, as he spoke, whioh brought the children swarmiDg about her, like flies around a cup of molasses. ‘ Now what is it, marm V ‘ Let me see it ?’ ‘ You get away aDd let me look !’ ‘Oh ! ’tan’t nothin’ only a yeller cent!’ ‘ It’s the yeller gold and it’s worth more than forty cents, I reckon,’ said the mother in her superior wisdom, patting itcareful ly away in a broken cup on the top-shelf of the dresser. When the travelers left, cousin Otis went aloug with’ the ‘ fire-sliee,’ to help them through the drifts, until they reached the main road ; then, giving encourage ment that if he could get Mr. Gipson’s old mare and wagon, he would visit them after berry-time,with Hepsy and the children, he took a friendly farewell, and returned to his home and its joys. ‘ Well, neighbor Cobb,’ said Mr. Wig gin, after plunging through the drifted snow for a while in silence, ‘ I don’t know how it may be with you, or what your thonghts may be, but my mind and opinion is, that for true, hearty, friendly, thorough hospitality and cordiality, give me the poor rather than the rioh in this world’s goods !’ After another pause, and another drift conquered, he continued : ‘ But, however, and furthermore, I have been thinking, if you are agreed, we will pat up at the tavern during the remainder of our tour, and not ‘ cousin ’ any more.’ About Repartees. A repartee, we presume to be an immedi ate and appropriate reply to an observa tion, depending npon the rapidity of the working of the mental powers, which seem to work rather faster with some people than others. We were once riding in an old stage coach,wuh a worthy farmer; the mud was very deep, and our progress at the rato of 2.40 miles per hour. To our impatient inquiries as to when we should reach oar destination, the old man replied in a slow tone, which did not belie his words, ‘ I never allow my mind to travel any faster than my body.’ Some persons, however, seem to have an eleotrio current of wit, which flashes the moment it meets an opposing one ; and it is our purpose here to give from memory a few specimens of this sort of wit, for whioh we would give the authors proper oredit if we knew their names ; be ginning with the two of Lamb’s, which oan | not be left oat of snob a oatalogne, familiar as they are. First, his reply when he was 1 rebuked for coming in to business at the , India House so very late in the morning i —‘ Yon know I always go away very early ! in the afternoon ;’ and the still older one to the anxious passenger’s qnery on entering a crowded omnibus—‘AH full in side V ‘ I don’t know how ’tis with the other passengers, but that last piece of oyster pie did the business for me.’ It is related of some-friends of Campbell, the author of Hobenlinden, in leaving his room . after a gay supper, that cue of the number had the misfortune to fall down a long ; flight of stairs. The.poet, alarmed at the , noise, opened his door and inquired— l ‘ What’a that?’ ‘ ’Tia /, sir, rolling ra- pidly,’ was the immediate reply of his fal len friend. Sheridan is said to have re marked on entering a crowded committee room, in parliamentary language—‘ Will some member move that I may take a seat?’ Also on being asked how the sen sitive Fox woujd take a salary provided for him by his charitable friends, replied, ‘Quarterly.’ A poor poet, desiring a compliment, asked Curran (referring to his recently published poem of that name,) * Have you read my Descent into Hell ?’ ‘No ; 1 should like to see it,’ replied the wit. A prosy ihember 0# Parliament having asked him—‘ Have you read my last speech V he replied, ‘ I hope I have.’ Two old New England ministers were riding byia gallows, when the older one asked the other—‘ Where would you be if that tree bore its proper fruit ?’ ‘ Riding alone, sir,’ was the immediate reply. An Irish girl at play on Sunday was accosted by the priest—‘Good morning, daughter of the devil,’ and meekly replied, «Good morning, father.’ Two friends meeting, one remarked— l l have just met a man who told me I looked exaotly like you.’ ‘ Tell me who it was, that I may knock him .down, replied his friend. Don’t trouble yourself,’ said he, ‘ I did that my self at onoe.’ The oelebrated David Crockett, on visiting a menagarie, was comparing the countenance of a monkey to. that of one of his fellow members of Con gress. Turning, he saw the gentleman had overheard bis remarks ; so, to make matters pleasant, be said—‘ Ido not know which to apologize to—you or the* monkey.’ Two deaoons were|onoe disputing about the proposed site for a new graveyard, when the first remarked— ‘ I’ll never be buried in that ground as long as I live.’ ‘ What an obstinate man,’ said the seoond. ‘lf my life is spared, I will.’ Laughter. It iB an old proverb that langhter is akin to tears; and) according to Dootor L«m priere, the one seems to have grown very naturally out of the other. When Momus was born he filled all Olympus with his lusty eries; all the goddesses hastened to appease the terrible ehild ; and Jupiter, who could not look without inextinguish able laughter at his last oreature —Man— at once dedioated to him the weeping clown. Laughter draws backward the oorners of the mouth, draws up tbe upper lip— especially in young women who have pretty teeth—wrinkles the cheeks, smooths the brow, causes the eyes to sparkle, and draws down the corners of the eye-brows, while the cheeks swell so that, in those fat per sons who are given to laughter, one soarce sees the eyes. At the same time the veins of the neck swell, and the blood rushes with pleasant violence to the head, the heart, and the lungs. These are the phe nomena of laughter, which, if unduly in creased, are capable of endangering life. It is curious that we read only among the anoients and the French of people laugh ing themselves to death. We Americans have either more jokes, or a poorer ap preciation of wit. Zeuxis is said to have died of laughing at a painting of an old woman, his own handiwork. Philemon ex pired of a donkey who so oontentedly ate the philosopher’s figs, that with his last articulate breath, he sent out a glass of wine to the beast,"who drank it with equal enjoyment, and thus proved himself, it seems to me, not such a donkey after all. Pomponious Mela has a story of a blessed island in which were two springs, at one of which mortals could imbibe till they laugh ed themselves to death, when a swallow of the other restored them to life again. In an essay in the Guardian laughing is defined to be ‘ an agreeable kind of con vulsion, a symptom of inward satisfaolion ; and those who practice it are divided into dimpleri, smilers, laughers, grinners, horse laughers, and sneerers. This is to lay down a science of laughing, for whieh there might be need if General McClellan or General Beauregard should take up the idea of old Bulow, who proposed to form troops, in tbe face of the ecemy, in line of battle, and order them to advance with their aims at a shoulderand.salute the foe with ringing bursts of laughter. ‘Be sure,’ said Bulow ‘ that your opponents, surprised and dismayed at this astonishing salute, would turn about and run off.’ This plan, perhaps, would not do so well while the present long-range artillery is used ; but as nothing is too absurd to suc ceed once, it is related as a matter of fact that the Mamelukes once turned tail from an assault upon the Frenoh in Egypt, on hearing the roar of laughter with which Napoleon’s veterans greeted the command ‘ Un quarre, les ones et les lavans au mil lieu—Form in square, asses and men of science in the centre.’ Since Adam, who invented laughter— doubtlesß when he awoke and saw Eve by his side—no two men have laughed alike. The laugh is as distinct as the voice; per haps more so, for the laugh of a full bearded man is very different from that which he laughs , when he has been clean shaven by a barber. Women laugh differ ently from men, ohildren from women, and some writers even profess to detect nation al peculiarities in the laugh; as for in stance, say they, the Frenchman laughs with his teeth, like the apes. The Abbe Damasceni thought he had discovered, in the various enunciations of laughter, a sure guide to the temperaments of the laughers. Thus he said Ha ha ha belonged to a choleric man, He he he to the phleg matic, Hi hi hi to the melanoholic, and Ho ho ho to the sanguine. It is true that men laugh commonly in Ji and 0, and women in E and I, and it is singular that with all people, even the cockneys, the as pirate, H, preoedes the vowel. The old theologians held laughter to be one of the consequences of the first sin, and believed that Adam did not laugh till he was driven; out of Paradise. Great men have often fancied it a part of greatness to refrain from hilarity.— Philip IV. of Spain is said to have laughed outright but once in his life, when bis bride, Anne of Austria, wept at hearing that the Queens of Spain had no feet.— .She took with German literalness an old pieoe of over-wrought Spanish oourtesy. — As she was journeying toward Spain some German nuns met her, and desired to pre sent some stockings of their own knitting. The worthy princess was about to aocept the gift when a Spanish grabdee of her suite interfered, with the remark that it would be'against etiquette, as the Queens of Spain were not supposed to have any use for stockings'. whereat the princess began to weep—understanding, poor lady, that on her arrival in Madrid her feet would be oat off. Lord Chesterfield said: "i. ; ‘ Nobody has seen me laugh sinoe I have come to use my reason;’ and Congreve makes his Lord Froth, in the Double Dealer say, ‘ .When I laugh I always, laugh alone.’ Nevertheless, the singer Robert gave lessons in laughter in Paris' and London in 1805, and with considerable suooess— so far as filling his own purse went. He held that men and women Could not laugh < deoently and systematically ’ without proper training; and said' that a person who oould laugh in but one tone seemed to him like one who oould say only out and nonj but that a trained laughter oould express many things without words, and would often thus be spared the utterance of unpleasant words. A Clergyman’s Joke. I was spending'the night in a hotel.in Freeport, Illinois. After breakfast I oarne into the sitting-room, when 1 met a plea sant, chatty, good-humored traveller, who, like myself was waiting for the morning train from Galena. We conversed freely and pleasantly on several topios, until seeing two young ladles meet and kiss eaoh other in the street, the conversation turned on kissing, just about the time the train, was approaebing. ‘ Comq/’said he, taking up his carpet bag, ‘sinoe we are on so sweet a subjeot, let us have a practical application. I’ll make a proposition to you. I’ll agree to kiss the most beautiful lady in the cars from Galena, you being the judge, if you will kiss the next prettiest, I being the jubge.’ The proposition stag gered me a little, and 1 could hardly tell wheiher he was in earnest or in fun; but as he would be as deep in it as i oould possibly be, 1 agreed, provided he would do the first kissing, though my heart failed somewhat as I saw his blaok eye fairly sparkle with daring. ‘ Yes,’ said he, ‘ I’ll try it first. You take the baok oar, and go in from the front end, where you can see the faees of the ladies, and you stand by the one you think the hand somest, and I’ll come in from behind aDd kiss her.’ I had hardly stepped inside the oar when I saw at the fiist glanoe one of the loveliest looking women my eye ever fell on; A beautiful blonde, with aubuin hair, and a bright sunny-face, full of love and sweetness, and as radiant and glowing as the morning. Any further search was totally unnecessary. I imme diately took my stand in the aisle of the car by her side. She was looking out of the window earnestly, as if expeoting some ono. The baok door of the car opened, and in stepped my hotel friend. I pointed my finger slyly to her never dreaming that he would dare to carry out his pledge ; and you may imagine my horror and amazement when he stepped up quickly behind her, and stooping over kissed her with a relish that made ‘ my mouth water, from end to end. I expeoted, of course, a shriek of terror and then a row generally, and a knock-.down; but astonishment succeeded astonishment when I saw her return the kisses with Compound interest. Quick as a flash he turned to me and said, ‘ Now, sir, it is your turn ;’ pointing to a hideously ugly, old woman who sat in the seat behind. ‘ Oh, you must excuse me. you must exouse me 1’ I exclaimed. **lt ia always ready; this commends it to everybody.”— N. Y. Independent. “ We have tried It, and find it as usefbllh: our boose as water."— Wilkes’ Spirit. q f the Times. PRIOR TWRNXX-IfIVE UENTS FEB BOTTLE. Tory Liberal Reductions to Wholesale Dealers. . . TEEMS CASH. 49“ For sale by all Druggists and Storekeepers generally throughout the country. 'JOHN# AO BOSLEY, (dole Manufacturers,) 78 WILLIAM ST., (Corner ol Liberty dt.,) NEW YORK, joly 9 lyiid t *'HIS ST. I*o VIS, OUEBTMJT STREET i _ _ JiUUdK Bktwuk Third and Fourth, Philadelphia. The undesigned, having leased) for a term of years, this popalar house, hare the pleasure of umuuoci&g to their irleuds and the travelling commuuity that it is now open, for the reception of guests. The house since: the'first of March last, has been entirely renovated and refitted in a superior manner; the apartments are large, a ell ventilated and furnished in modern style. It is centrally located, convenient to all the depot aud steamboat landings and in the immediate vicinity of the Custom House, Post Office and Corn rxjtchaoge. Connected with the Hotel is a Restaurant for the accom modation of those preferring the European plan. Prices of Rooms.from Three to Seven Dollars per week, according to location. Board $1.50 per day. Table d’Hote cfbr merchants and business men from 1 to S P. M. apr 8 ly 13J Howard association. PHILADELPHIA. irur the Belief of the Sick aod Distressed, afflicted Kith Viru ent and Chronic Diseases, and especially for the Core of Diseases of the sexual Organs. MEDICAL ADVICE given gratis, by the Aotlng Burgeon. VALUABLE REPORTS ou Spermatorrhoea or Seminal Weakness, and other Diseases of the Sexual Organs, and on the NEW BESIEDIK3 employed in the Dispensary, sent to the afflicted in sealed letter envelopes, free of charge. Two or three Stamps for postage will be acceptable. Addiess, DB. J.SKILLIN HOUGHTON, Acting Bnrgeon, Howard Association, No. 2 South Ninth St., Philadelphia jane 10 ' iy DRESSLEB'B BAIR JEWELRY STORE, No. 206 North Bth Strut abov* oaox, PHILADELPHIA. On hand and for sale, a choice assortment of superior patterns, and will plait to order BRACELETS, EAR RINGS, FINGER RINGS, BREAST PINS, CROSSES, NECKLACES, GUARD AND/ VEST CHAINS. 43* Orders enclosing the hair to be plaited may be sent by mail. Give a drawing as near as. yon can on paper, and enclose such amount as yon may choose to pay. Costs os follows: Ear Kings $2 to s 6— Breast Pins $3 to $7 —Finger Rings 75 cents to s3.6o—Vest Chainss6 to 17- Necklaces $2 to $lO. 43* Hair pat into Medalions, Box Breast Pins, Rings, Ac. OLD GOLD AND BILVKR BOUGHT AT PAIR RATES, apr 16 i y 14 Biotina roofing. MANUFACTURED BT THE UNITED STATES BIOTINA ROOFING COMPANY. No. 9 Go&b Bi/>ck, cobweb Greek and Pitts Sts. BOSTON, MASS. This Portable Roofing is the only article ever offered to tho public, which is ready prepared to go on the roof without any finishing operation. It is light, handsome, and easily applied, and cau be safely and cheaply tr nsported to any part of the world. It will not taint or discolor water run* Ding over, or lying on it, and Is in ail reepeots a very de* slrable article. Its noncondnctlng properties adapt It especially to covering manufactories of various kinds, and it is confidently offered to the public after a test of four years in all varieties of climate and temperature, for covering ail kiuds of roofs, flat or pitched, together with cars, steam* boats, &c. It is both cheap and durable. Agents wanted, to whom liberal inducements are offered. Send for sample, circular, Ac., with particulars, -to “ U. a. ROOFING CO., No. 9 Gobs Block, Boston.” r apr29 Bml6 . DR. J. T. BAKER, * HOMEOPATHIC PHYSICIAN, Or Langastbb Citt, may be consulted professionally, at his Office, at Henry Bear’s Hotel, in the Borough of Strasburg, on Thursday of each weok, from 10 o’clock in the morning to three in the afternoon. An opportunity is thus afforded to residents of Strasburg and vicinity to avail themselves of Hrmceopathio treatment, and females suffering from-chronlo diseases may enjoy the advico of one who has made this class of diseases a speciality.. J. T. BAKER, M. D., Homoeopathic Physician, oct 22 tf 41J East King street, above Lime, Lancaster A BOOK FOR THE TIH&Si GET IT 1! RE AD. ITIII JULIETTE MOORE; OB PASSION AND REALITY A TALC OP TUB BOOTH. BY WILLIE WAKE, Well known as a contributor to the following first*class publications: Peterson’s National Magazine, Godey’s Lady’s Book, New York Weekly, New York Saturday Courier. New York Dispatch, New York Sunday Times, Fltg of Our Union, Trne Flag, American Union, Literary Companion, Life Iliastrated. Ac.. Ac. He is also well known as tbe original of Doesticks, Bweet William; in tbe Diversions of that celebrated writer. And the author of Driftwood, The Little Brown House, Estelle Graham, (a prize story ) The Choice, etc. 49~ Tiie usual discount to trade. Please send your orders immediately to -WILLIE WAttE, Monroe, Mich. 43- PRICE OF BOOK—IS Cents. |fcb 11 tf 6 Horse and c attle powder TATTERSAL’S HORSE POWDEB, HEAVE POWDEB, BOSIN, FENNUGREEK SULPHUR, GEUBIAN, CREAM TARTAR, COPPERAS, For sale at THOMAS ELLMAKEB’S Drug A Chemical Store, West King street, Lanc’r. feb 9 tf 4 Fishing tackle. Rods, Limerick and Kirby Hooks, Net-Twine, Sea Grass, Cotton and Linen Lines, Floats, Snoods. Ac. For sale at THOMAS ELLMAKER’B . Drug A Chemical Store, opposite Cross-Keys Hotel, W King street, Lancaster. . fmay IT tf 18 BC I L D 1 5 G S JL A T K THE BEBT QUALITIES IN THE MARKET. The undersigned, having made arrangements with Mr. R JONES, for all his beet quality of PEACH BOTTOM SLATE, for this market; and a similar arrangement with the proprietors of six of the principal and best quarries la York county, be has jnst received a large lot of these snperirr quantities of Building Blate, which' will be put on by the square, or sold by the ton, on the most reason able terms Also, constantly on hand, an EXTRA'L’GHT PEACH BOTTOM BLATE, intended for Slating on Shingle Roofs. As these qualitW of Slate are THE BEST IN THE MARKET, Builders and others will find it to their iDterest to call and examine samples, at my office' in-. WM. D. BPRKCHER’S, New Agricultural and Betd Ware-rooms- GEO D.SPRKCHKB, No. 28 East King St., 2 doors West of the Court House. 49“ This is to certify that I do not sell my best quality of Peacb Bottom Gnaged Slate to any other person in Lancaster) than Geo. D. Spree her, as above stated. R. JONES, Manufacturer of Feaeh Bottom Roofing Slate. Ij 7 THE AMERICAN ANNUAL CYCLO PEDIA ANDREGISTEROP IMPORTANT EVENTS —OF THE YEAR 1861. Embracing Political, Civil, Military and Boclal Affairs? Publio Documents; Biography, Statistics* Com* merce, Finance, Literature, Science, Agri culture and Mechanical Industry. The volume will be in tbe style of the Near American Cyclopedia, having not less than 760 pages, royal Svo. The work will be published exclusively by subscription, and its exterior appearance will beat one©' elegant and sub* stantial. D. APPLETON * CO, Nev York. ELIAS BARK k CO-,. v No. 6 East King Streep . : Agt’s for Lancaster City and Co. apr 15 tf 14] Boot asq bhosuakers takb NOTICE.—J. F. COMBS. Carrier aod Leather Dealer* 1130 Market Btreet below 12tb, Philadelphia, baa the most extensive assortment of SOLE AND UPPER LEATHER of all descriptions: Red and Oak Sole Skirting*'ffifflti Slaughter, French and. City Cal(Bkios, Kips, Wax- Kvlv Upper Morocco, Linings, Lacings, Leather Apron r pL Skins, Bho© Tools, Lasts, Findings, Ac., and every article requisite for Boot and Shoemaklng, Wholesale 1 and Retail* at the lowest prices, to which be lqvites the; attention of the trade. fapr’22 6m16 Baskins house of seed, ben- DKRBON k CO.—On.the 88th of MARCH, instant, the undersigned, under the Arm of HEED, HENDERSON, k (XX, will commence the Bankng Business*- In. its usual branches at the offlee hitherto oecupledby i ,John.iL. Seed k Co, at the corner of East King and be tween the Court House and Sprecherfr Hotel. Lancaster, Pa; . They will pay Interest on deposits at the following rates. oUpercent.for 6 monthsfchdlonger, uj-i 6 a “ 80 days and longer. They will buy and sell Stocka ahd Real Ertatif bn com mission, negotiate Loans for others; purchase Bills of Exchange, Promissory Notes, Drafts,'**?'* o ** 1 Theunderalghed wilJ be indhriduallyllable tothS extent Of their means, for aU . deposits, aod; other obUaatioM. o' Bu>> Onsnacv k 06. '— - 1 - AMOa fc fIWgaBBPH Taaanwi r ■ mjiSOtfloJ NO. 30, HENRY NEIL, Isaac l. devoe.