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X
THE LANCASTER DAILY INTEUJQEKCEB, BATtJCTAY; FEBRUARY 9. I8fc9.
JDHflTHflK 0HD
O'MELL
TnnliHVyltet Faal svteaat, CrrihUi fcy CmmM ft Ca, Hew Vara.
W MsNah tiM Ft Extract tea tat Boek by Special At-
wiul tat
PutlBleei(Katailil)litmnArtnb1r clerrr rraKhman, wbe hat (tareted his tal
,ms saeatiy te satirising te Aaglti2 race. Ha ba become widely known Mtbather
of "Jeit Bcu. am Hm Injurs," "Jew Bcix, Jr.," Ktc. Thl book is his latest pro pre
dactfaa, th ntatsrial for it Mag gathered (fedag hi reesat visit te America.
CKafTKR XXIV.
loaedayaifcaieBeef tasdererwt ladle
QfKew Turk whether aha had me CeL In-
"Ne," ate aarwered, "I never met him aad
de aet wish te make hk acquautaace."
"lteylasawbyrisald.
She replied! "Simply because I am told
that it I uspessible te knew him without ad
adriag aad leriag him."
"Wear
"Well, I dent want te odmire or lore
him."
I had the honor of making his acquaint acquaint
ance, and, Uke all theso who have appreacbed
and known htm, I toen admired him.
He la ene of the greatest figures of his
great country. In a book en contemporary
America ene must needs speak of this cele
brated advocate. He is a personality epart.
He has httle la common with the rest of his
countrymen but the title of colonel.
Once mero I say itt In this book of jottings
I de net tit ia judgment. I merely describe.
Impressions. It Is net necessary te lndorse a
man's theories in order te enjoy his society,
and this Is especially true In the case of Cel.
Ingersoll, who is many slded In his power!,
and who charms theologians aad agnostics
alike when the subject of religion U net te
the fore,
CeL Rebert Ingersoll Is a man of about 00,
six feet high and strongly built, a colossus
physically and Intellectually. The eyes
sporklewith wit and beam with the enjoy
ment of life; the mouth is humorous and
smiling; the head large and well planted ou
bread shoulders; the face shaven, the brain
bristling with humanitarian thoughts; a man
with the heart of a Hen te flght the battles of
life, but the heart of a woman In prca;nee of
human suffering.
He has substituted for the love of religion
the religion of lev and of the family. Ac
cording te him religion theuli havobuteno
aim te tcaeh us hew te ba happy la this life.
Ue repeats with Chri.t:- "Love ene another;
de net te ethers what you would net have
ethers de te you." And he adds: "A Ged
that Is represented as weaving webs te catch
the setus of men whom he has created is net
adorable." As te a future life, the colonel
does net commit himself. Ilesays: "We de
net knew; me cannot tell whether death is it
deer or a wall, a spreading of pinions te sear or
the folding of wings forever." In the eyes of
most pious people, his theories nre abomina
ble, and he is the Antichrist; but the Ameri
cans are unanimous in admitting his extra
ordinary talents, and among the dear frlcnd3
of the colonel and his family are many Pres
byterians, sorae of them ministers.
Antichrist If you will that is, if jeu can
imagine such a pcrsonage endowed with
every moral and intellectual faculty.
In his prcsence men feel themselves small,
and women put tLeir hands ever their eyes,
being careful te keep the Angers well apart
A decidedly dangerous Antichrist, this.
Mr. Ingenell's rellelen Is the religion et
humanity. He Gays: "Happiness b the only
geed, the tlme te be happy is new, and the
way te be happy Is te make etherj se." Live
te de geed, te love and be beloved by theso
around, and then lle down and sleep with the
consciousness et having dene your duty te
men. De net ask pardon of Ged for an in
jury dene te man. Ask pardon of the man
and make reparation te him for your offense.
"I rob Smith," exclaims Mr. Ingersoll in
the Ironical Ianguage he Is such a master of;
"Ged forgives me. Hew does that help
Smith?"
He maintains that the Christian religion
teaches less the leve et an infinitely just and
merciful Ged than the fear of ndemen thirst
ing for human Ictims. This charge is borne
out by a proverb used by the Scot, who is a
btudentef human nature:
"If the deil were deed, Ged wnd na be
served se weel."
The colonel maintains that if man has
had hands gh en him te feci, eyes te bee, cars
te hear, he has also a brain te think, a heart
te leve and intelligence, te reason with.
He does net attack se much the CatheHc
religion, which rests en faith, for n religion
which rcste purely en faith is net a matter
for reasoning and argument. But he rather
attacks a Protestantism which prides itself
ujxra rcstlngen reason as well as en faith.
"The theories of CeL Ingersoll aie the na
tural outcemo of the Introduction cf reason
ing into religious matters.
Things which nre felt only cannot be dis
cussed; things which are incomprcben&ible
are net matter for explanat Ien.
Protestantism is a mlxture of faith and
reason, agreeing pretty badly together, it
must be confessed. The Protestant takes the
Bible for a book every word of which is In
spired of Ged. He interprets it in his own
fashion, and proves out of it every dectrine
he requires te found a new sect The very
drunkard is net at a Iecs te find an excuse for
his drinking, and turning te Isaiah Oxv, Itt)
comforts himself with: "Beheld, my servant
shall drink."
As he leeks en at the Pietcstants tvquab
bllng ever the signification of biblical pas
sages, the colonel laughingly says: "It is te
be regretted that your deity did net express
himself mero clearly."
BNeedless te say that he leeks upon the
Bible net aa an Inspired book, but as a collec
tion of literatures something akin te the
"Arabian Rights," and this is what makes
discussion with him difficult, If uet out et
question. Hew is it possible te imagine a
discussion between faith and reason!
Gcerge Sand said that the fanatie loved
Ged te the exclusion of man. The theories
of CeL Ingersoll, lefty and noble as most of
Iheni are, verge ujen fanaticism In the sense
that they teach thg le e et mankind te tbe
exclusion of Him who 60 loved man. The
colonel reb3 the peer and sorrowing of that
which help3 them te endure their ills, a lllcf
in a better world te com".
Sen of a Protestant minister, Rebert Inger
soll early thewed special aptltude for the dis
cussion of theological questions. By the age
10, he had thoroughly studied the Old Testa
ment, and would reason upon it like a doctor
of dlvhiity. The father in vain drew Rebert's
attention te the beauties of the Bible; the
son could sce little in it but absurdities and
inconsistencies. The old minister was heard
te say: "It grieves me te hear my Robble
talk se, but I declare he is tee much for me;
I cannot answer him." '
Who can answer Ingersoll! Is a question
often asked. Apparently uet the ministers
of the hundreds of different Protestant secta
that flourish in America; net Mr. Gladstone,
student of the Blble and profound reaener
though he be.
Fer mero than a year, the president of the
Nineteenth Century club cf New Yerk was
trying te get a Protestant minister te break
a lance with this redoubtaUe agnostic in
public, but without avail Net one felt equal
te the task,
That which makes this man se formidable
is net se much bis eloquence, his quick repar
tee, his sarcasm, his pathos, his humor, it is
abeve afl the Ufa he leads, the example ha
sets et all the domestic virtues. One must
have the privilege of knowing htm intimately,
of penetrating into that sanctuary of conju cenju
gal happiness, his home, bef croons (en form
HIS CONTINENT.
AHD JACK ALLYW.
AacricM Prat AtMctetlM.
asiee or tee reep-cctaat no tnat itieqn
even in these who abhor his doctrines. His
houIthhemeof the purest joys; it held
four hearts that beat as ene.
Mr. IngeneU Uvea in ene of the handsome
houses en Fifth avenue.. Hi family consists
of his wife and two lovely daughters, Athens
and Venice, as aa American wnem I met at
CeL IngcrselTa used te call them. Indeed
ene reminds you of the beautiful creations of
Titian. The ether sterns tlke a mythological
vision, a nymph from the banks et fryman?
thus. As you leek at her, while she speaks
te you with her eyes modestly lowered, al
most seeming te apologize for being se lovely,
you involuntarily think of "Le Jcune Ma Ma Ma
lede" of Andre Cbenler, that last of th
Greek poets, as Edmend About called him.
Authers, artists, journalists, members of
the thinking world of New Yerk may be met
at the colonel's charming Sunday evenings.
About 11 at night, when all bat the Intimate
friends et tbe family have left, these latter
draw around their host, and cntice htm te
talk upon ene of his favorlte subjects, poetry,
music, or may be the "Mistakes of Moses,"
while they listen with avidity, no knows'
his Shakespeare as thoreugldy as the Bible,
only he speaks of htm with far mere respect
and admiration. He adorer Wagner, -.bem
he sets even abeve Beethoven. I mention
this te preve ence mero that we have all our
little faults, and that CeL Ingersoll, In com
nun with his fellow mortals, is net perfect
Between midnight and 1 In the morning, th
last visitors reluctantly depart On the way
nema, you think of all th witty things that
have been said, the arrows of satlre that
have been shot at hypocrisy and busJrug,
th ennobling humanitarian opinions that
have been advanced; and though you may
net feel converted, or diverted, or perverted
te IngerseUlsm, you are sunt te leave that
house feeling fuller of" geed will toward all
men, and saying te yeurself: "What a de
lightful evening I have passed!"
I was present one evening at a meeting of
the Nineteenth Century club te hear a dis
cussion en "The Poetry of the Future." CeL
Ingersoll was te have taken part In It, but,
being retained professionally at Washington,
he was obliged te excuse himself at the
eleventh hour. The president Immediately
telegraphed te a well known minister asking
him te take the colonel's place. (
"I distinctly dccllne te take CeL IngerselTs
place in this world or the next," exclaimed
the recipient of the telegram aa seen as he
had read it The reverend gentleman never
theless took part In tbe evening's debate, and
when he repeated his repartee te the audi
ence was greeted with hearty laughter and
applause.
CHAPTER XXV.
I had.just roturned from America, and
was sitting in the smoking room of the North
Western Hetel, LivorpeoL I was chatting
with an American fellow passenger en the
Atlantic voyage, while admiring St Geergo's
hall, which stands opposite This magnifi
cent building, which serves as a palace et jus
tice, ia the finest modern edifice of the En
glish provinces.
All at ence we heard a blast of trumpets.
A crowd rushed toward the hall, and lined
the flight of steps leading te the grand en
trance. Heraldsand lackeys, all bedizened
with scarlet and geld, presently descended
the steps, followed by pollce officers. Sov Sev
era! carriages then drove up. Frem ene of
them there alighted a man arrayed in a scar
let rebeand ermine tippet and wcarlngapow wcarlngapew
dered wig. The scarlet robe, followed by
the cortege which had formed, solemnly
mounted the steps between the crowd, which
steed gazing nitb open mouthed and wide
eyed admiration.
"What show Is thcre gelns en oppesitor
asked the AracWcan, In the easy going tene
that se distinguishes the Yankee
He was an "innocent abroad."
"My dear sir," 1 said te him, "it is simply
a judge going te try a thief or tw e. England
honors her criminals with n great deal of
parade, as you soe."
My American as silent for a few minutes,
no was probably adding up the salaries of
the judge, the pollce officers, herald and
ushers, the lawyers' fees, the cost of the
building, carriages and show generally, and
no doubt comparing the total with the pound
or two stolen from bis employers by a dis
honest clerk, for whom all this grand repre
sentation was taking place.
Nothing Is mom simple than an American
court of justice. Four walls Innocent of dec
oration of any kind, a few plain chairs or
benches. Ne uniforms, no robes, no wigs, no
trumpets, no liveried ushers. The judge and
the barristers are in black frock coats. Tbe
ushers net quite se well dressed as tbe barris
ters (as a rule), and that Is alL
In France, we pay a legion, a host rather,
of judges and pollce officers, te leek after
our security, and never should we dream of
helping thorn In the exercise of their func
tions. If a crime remain wrapped In mys
tery, we ssy te eurselves: "I pay tbe police;
it is for them te discover the criminal; it is
net my business, nnd, besides, tbe profession
et detect Ue Is net in my line or te my taste."
It is net the same in the United States.
Tbere public safety concerns every one.
The population of a town foci dishonored
by the perpetration et a crime in their midst
Every one is en the nlcrt te catch the crim
inal; men organize themselves into bends te
search the ceuatry round. An assassin is
tracked in the weeds with bloodhounds and
guns, like a wild beast; if be Is discov
ered and offers a very obstinate resistance, a
bullet is ledged In bis body, and tbe hunters
go tranquilly home again.
Something which Is much te be blamed, I
think, is the procrastination of American
justice. By going the right way te work, n
condemned criminal may often succeed in
getting bb case te be tried again and again.
In ceses of murder, what geed can it de te
keep a peer wretch, that it is decided te bang,
In prison for a year or mero! It Is adding
torture te death penalty.
If that were only alL
Jonathan is such a philanthropist that he
with difficulty makes up his mind te execute
a fellow creature even legally. Se, when he
has kept a year In prison a criminal, whom
he Is at last forced te hang, be leads him te
the scaffold, puts a repe round his neck,
jerks htm up In the air, and manages te Uke
twelve or sixteen minutes dispatching him.
I This is philanthropy with a vengeance, and
It is te be hoped that execution by electricity,
which has just been adopted by tbe governor
et New Yerk state, will put an end te such
sickening proceedings.
I It Is te be hoped also that the Americans
trill some day de better than that 1, for my
part, de net doubt that they will abolish
death sentences before very long. They are
tee intelligent net te understand that the
death sentence deters no criminal, and thb
for a very slmple reason. A crime Is com
mitted under the impulse of passion, or it has
been premeditated. In the first case, the
criminal never thinks of tbe punishment te
come, he is blinded by passion; In the second,
ba always believes he has planned hU crime
In such a manner as net te be found eat
Te lighten this rather lugubrious subject, I
will terminate with a little anecdote, which
has never seen the light, and which I thinkjs
ten
aBewd te rwh
Tk was
room of the.
avatlahtlraile.
A notorious crkaiaat had tern hanged In
taasMrahaf. gsvsraliisahers of the dub
r talking of th aaTsJr, aad each one de-
ited what his fiiHf wiil I be If hwen
I te th trasTeM te b haaged.
Duriag this convstmuea aa actor, well
tt te wheat wwsiwi, 1 scarcely
why, amr fctrust aay but secondary
arts, tat silent lata arm chair, seeding up
saagpaffsef smek scaring te ths ceiling.
"HiUe, then I N., who ha set given his
phdea," said en of th group, suddenly no ne
Mesagth actor; "I say, If., tell t hew you
would f 1 If you wer being led te thescaf-
Ta aeter raised hk eyes te th ceiling and,
ftofaaethrpgH t hi cigar, said quietly
"Wall, boys, I should fl that at last 1 was
trusts with a Isadiag uart."
CHAPTER XX VL
Lynch law Is a summary justice which, la
several of th stats, 1 constantly being
dealt out te criminals who, either from the
lasufBclBBcyef th ordinary laws, or because
of tueabsenoeefa Judicial authority In the
neighborhood, might escape punishment
Netth least semblance et a trial or even
of examination, as a rule; the populace has
taken It Inte It head that a certain Indi
vidual Is guilty et a crime, that suffices; he
fa sought out, tern from his family, led te the
spot fixed upon for his execution, and there,
without questioning or shrift, he la hanged,
burned or shot, according te the fancy of his
executioners. Sometimes the criminal is in
prison, but th process et th law is slew and
uncertain, and the people fear that he may
escape Justice. Again, there may be a chance
et the malefactor convincing th Jury that
he Is Innocent; this does net suit the humor
et th enraged populace. They attack the
prison, and demand that tuVlr prey be de
livered ever te them. It the governor of the
prison refuses, the doers are burst cfen,
and the prisoner is seized and forthwith led
te execution.
It Is te be hoped, for the credit of Amer
ican civilization, that this blot will seen be
removed.
Lynch law has its humors, as the western
ers express it in the cynical language which
is se natural te themt tt Is when thcre has
been a mistake made in the victim, and tbe
whole thing has te be gene ever again, be be bo
cause tbe wrong man has been lynched.
Again I leave an American nowspaper, The
Chicago Herald, te speak:
"The little town of St Helens Is in a fer
ment A party of lynchers entered It this
morning, and went straight te the house et
Mrs. Williams te apprise her that ber hus
band had been lynched by mistake during
the night After having expressed their re
grets, the men left te go in search et the real
culprit We de net attempt te describe the
anguish et the peer woman. It is feared that
she will lese her reason."
This took place In the year of disgrace 18S3.
In the days of the "geld fever" in Cali
fornia San Francisce was overrun by scoun sceun scoun
drelism of the most virulent type. Twice
was the infant city reduced te ashes by In
cendiary hands. Then tbe leading citizens
rese in their wrath, banded themselves to
gether in the nam. et the "Vigilance Com
mittee," and seen from every avallable lamp
pest dangled the body of a ruSJan. By such
treatment was the city purged of crime and
the reign of law and order for the first time
established.
CHAPTER XXVIL
As I have said elsewhere, each state of the
Union makes its own laws. The result Is
that a thing which Is legal in ene state Is net
necessarily legal in the ethers.
Tbe most curious, and these which differ
most, are the laws upon marriage and di
vorce. If It Is easy te get married In the United
States, it is still mere easy te get unmarried.
In the state of New-Yerk, for Instance; if
you go te a hotel with a woman, and , put
down "Mr. Se and Se and wife" en the regis
ter, tbe law leeks upon you as legally mar
ried te that woman, but tbe marrlage is net
recognized as valid in some ether states. Te
obtain ndivorce tuthe state of New Yerk
jeu must pnne infidelity en the part of your
wife; but just across the Hudsen, In tbe
state of New Jersey, it Is te be obtained en a
proof of cruelty or incompatibility of char
acter. If this Is net cesy enough for you,
take the train te Chicago, where divorce Is
te be had for tbe asking, almost
The court of dlvorce In Chicago, called by
the Americans "the dlvorce mlli," decided
CS1 cases during the year 1887.
This institution is Just as flourishing In the
state et Indiana as in Illinois. The easterners
jokingly pretend that, as the trains roll into
the capital of Indiana, the porters cry out,
"Indianapolis, twenty minutes for divorce!"
se that couples who may have fallen out en
the jeurney can part company for geed.
ft Docs the husband snere or chew; has he a
disagreeable breath, or a clumsy manner et
kissing his wifel Dees that lady wear false
hair or teeth, ghe her tengue tee froe play,
or habitually take up the uewspaper as seen
as her husband shows signs of dropping into
sentiment! All these offenses are serious ones
before the aforesaid tribunals.
Without troubling te go and settie in Utah,
an American may set up a harem of legiti
mate wives. Each lawful tpouse might be a
concublne outside the state she was married
in, but by carefully studying the laws of the
different states Jonathan could, if he pleased,
tndulge in polygamy without fear of being
prosecuted for it
I have read in American papers divorce
cases that were really most comic.
When a will has te be administered mat
ters often bocemo very mixed up, as you may
cosily imagine. Wbe are the legitimate
children!
Of ceurse all these confusions make work
for the men of law, who naturally think
American legislation the finest in the world.
The city of Chicago alone possesses seven
teen hundred and sixty-eight lawyers, all
thriving.
What a capital subject for en opera bcuffe
might be get from some of theso Chicago di
vorce cases! What merry quld-pro-quesl
What amusing scenes! Choruses of lawyers
choruses et lawful wives, with tbe refrain:
"We are Mrs. Jonathan, tra Ul"
"datpei vs. DArrEw."
I extracted from a Chicago paer the fol
lowing evidence, full of originality and
humor. The plaintiff is at the bar, being
examined:
"What U your husband's occupation!'
asked the ceumeL
"Habitual drunkenness, sir," told Mrs.
Dappcn.
"I refer te your husband's prcfeulen."
"He mode cigars."
"Geed cigars!"
"Occasionally."
Here counsel drew a cigar from his pocket
"This, your honor, U one of the defendant's
cigars."
"Mark it 'Exhibit A, " said the Judge.
"Had Mr. Dappen any ether professieur
continued the lawyer.
"Net te my knew ledge," said Mr, Dappen's
wife.
"Never practiced aa a dentist !''
"Net professionally."
"New, Mrs. Dappcn, en your oath, did net
your husband extract six of your teeth!"
Mrs. Happen looked timidly areuud. Mr.
Dappen being evidently out of bearing, she
whirr red, "He did."
"DU1 he administer gas, or cthtr, or any
anaesthetic V
"Ne, sir."
"Did h) extract the teeth one after the
ether!"
"He extracted them all together."
"Had your husband any license te practice
asadcntUtl"
"I never heard of It He used te cay; 'I
will allow you a dollar a da v. Brine me the
sjceeuat very week, and tt I ever Bad a
coat eaMag I will kaeek your teeth out "
"DM h Had aay desklt la your accounts!
"Om Saturday alght t could net balance
the boeka I was 13 cents short Without a
word my husband struck me la th mouth.
Bis of aay teeth wer knocked out I swal
lowed two."
"Have you the ether four In court!"
"Yes, sir,"
"Mark them 'Exhibit B,'" said the judge.
Eventually the dlvorce was granted.
CHAPTER XXVIII.
The president is the most acccasible citizen
In th great Republle of the New World.
Three times a week he descends te the
ground Boer drawing room and psanca an
hour shaking hand with-all who wish te
make his acqualntaace. There cannot be a
'man in the world wbe does se much hand
shaking as this president 6f the United States.
Yeu enter the Whit Heuse at the hour of
the publle reception as you enter a church at
service time. I saw there negrees, market
women who had left their baskets In the ante
chamber, all sorts and conditions of men. It
fc the most drmocraHe sight Imaginable.
Mr. G rover Cleveland, already respected
and looked up te, three years age, for his
talents, his seal and his Integrity, has seen his
popularity grew greater every day since he
united his destiny with that of the most
charming of America's daughters.
Mrs. Cleveland Is a lady of scarcely flve-and-twenty
summers, whose beauty has been
se often described that It would be tedious te
dwell longer en the subject Whether Re
publicans or Democrats, all the Americans
leek upon Mrs. Clevcland with the eyes of
the president.
I remember having seen ene day In a comle
paper a caricature representing Mrs. Clove Cleve
land bringing back ber husband en her
shoulders te the White Heuso. A caricature
has no value except wben founded upon
reality. At that time every one was unani
mous in saying that, it Mr. Cleveland were
re-elected president, he would In a large
measure ewo the honor te his wife
Mrs. Cleveland calls her husband "Mr.
President" Her own name Is Frances Fol Fel Fol
sem, which, it is said, her husband shortens
Inte "Frank" in private. There appears te be
no ctiquotte en this subject Martha Wash
ington called tha founder of the great Amer
ican republle "GenernL" Mrs. Hayes called
the presldent "Mr. Hayes," whilst Mrs. Lin
coln and Mrs. Garfield called their rcspoctive
husbands "Abram" and "Jim."
CHAPTER XXIX.
In America the pursuit of poll Ilea is a
liberal profession very liberal for theso who
take It up.
In America, as In England, there are two
great political parties ; instead of being called
Conservatives and Liberals, they are called
Republicans and Democrats. The difference
which exists between theso two parties is this:
One is In power and tries te stay in, the ether,
is out of It and tries te get In.
All that is dene byone is condemned in ad ad
vance by the ether, whlcbevcr the ether may
be. It is parti-etism.
Geal society keeps prudently aloof from
politics and politicians. When a servant an
nounces a politician his master whispers In
his cart "Jehn, lock up tbe plate and take
care tbere Is nothing lying, about" Jehn,
faithful te orders, stands scntjncl in the hall,
and while hels showing out the politician,
keeps en eye en the umbrellas and overcoats.
Fer that matter, the American democracy
is no exception te the rule. Te bocemo a
chemist, you must study chemistry; te be be bo
eomo a lawyer, you must study law; but, In
a democracy, te be a politician you noed only
study your Interests. Enlightened, educated,
well bredpeople have nodesire te be con
founded with tbe heroes et the stump, and
stand back ; the rich financiers and merchants
are tee busy te take up politics; the senators
and congressmen are, mero or less the chosen
of the common pcople, and geed society says:
"Ne, thank you, I prefer te stay at home."
Thus It Is that the ground remains clear for
the noisy mediocrities, and that a gentleman
lias only te mix himself up lnlpelitics te be be bo
eomo a doclasse. He must reach the White
Heuso te Inspire a little respect The Ameri
can gentleman has net the least ambition te
sce his fair name dragged In the mud, te hear
himself nicknamed "Honest Jehn," "Jelly
Reger," or what-net Ue takes a jeke as
well as another, but If you were te call blm
"Senater" or "Congressman," he would have
you up ter defamation of character. The
president himself, capable and upright as he
is, docs net altogether cscape tbe contempt
which the politician InsptraTin the man et
of refinement
Contemporary America is governed by the
Irish.
The Germans, the Scandinavians, all theso
crowds of foreigners that, year by year, fleck
te the New World te find a livelihood, and
which America gradually assimilates, go
west te foil forests and reclaim the land.
Bat the Irish pitch their tents, for the most
part, In the large cities, where they congre
gate together and turn their attention te
politics. The city of New Yerk, for instance,
v, hlcb has been successively conquered by the
Dutch, the English, and the Yankees, is to
day In the hands of the Irish. New Yerk is
tbe real capital of Ireland.
I was In America en the 17th of Mnrch, St
Patrick's day. I remember that the Irish de
manded te have the day officially colebrated
in New Yerk, and the mayor was requested
te heist the green flag ever the City HalL
This gentleman, for refusing te comply, was
next day pronounced a "folio patriot" and a
"traitor."
The English are id nays wondering why
Americans all seem te be in favor of home
rule, and ready te back up the cauie with
their dollars. Why! I will tell you. Bo Be
causo they are in hopes that, when the Irish
get Ireland, theywill all go home.
Upen the strength of a six months' stay ia
America, ene would hardly attempt te de
liver a verdict en the political system of the
country.
I think, howevcr, that tt may safely be
affirmed that the English are a freer pcople
than the Americans; that the constitutional
-I bad almost said republican monarchy of
England is preferable te the authoritative
democracy of America.
Tbe American constitution was copied from
that of the England et 1770, and the presi
dent of the United States was invested with
a power about equal te that of Gcerge III.
Stace that date the English have advanced,
and the Americans have net politically.
The English of the year of grace ISS3 would
seen glv e the Queen notice te quit, if she took
it into her bead te ask for power equal te
that pesteseed by the picsldcnt of the United
States; it would take less time, perhaps, than
the Americans would need te get rid of a
troublesome president
The position et this president et the United
States is very curious. Imagine te yourself
a king who, after four years' service, disap
pears Inte the obscurity of private life, is no
mere heard of unless he Is assassinated, and
whose very features are forgotten unless
they have been perpetuated upon dollar bills
and postage stamps.
The presidential election, which takes
place every fourth year, Is the most fercrish
phase of the fererish American Ufa The
whole nation becomes delirious. Several
months before the day flxed, every mind Is
preoccupied with but ene thing, the election.
The newspapers are full et it, conversation
has no ether subject Passions ere let loose,
intrigues are en feet, tbe most odious calum
nies are circulated, men step at nothing that
may glve the victory te their party- Fer
three or four necks prier te the election, the
country is given ever te precessions, moot meot moet
inrs, banners, stump speeches, torchlight
marches, etc As seen as Fate has pro
nounced between the candidates, calm Is ro re
knrcd, th fray ceases, aruu are extended
enlr In Landshaklnss. the vanauished accent
their defeat with as much bravery as they
had displayed la the ttruggte, and every en
gees once mere about bis business.
Th English hare the habit of miking
themselves at home everywhere, but above
all in places where they pay- Netuing Is se
repugnant te thorn as these thousand and
one little tyrannies that go by the names of
regulations, restrictions, rules, by laws, eta,
tt you would be unhampered by such. If ten
would enjoy perfect freedom, live In EnglamL
Ne ene doubts that England tt the freest
country en earth, net even our stanchett
French republicans.
A tew months before his election te the
presidency et the French Republic, M. Jules
Grevy was present one evening at a political
dinner la the beautiful mansion et the Vlcom Vlcem
Use de Ratnnevllle. At this epoch, things
scarcely seemed te point te the future eleva
tion of M. Grevy, and it the Orleans princes
had displayed a little mere resolution, M.
Grevy would probably never have known
any ether palace than the ene In which his
pleadings failed te kop the maglstrates
awake.
After dinner, In the elegant smoking room,
ene of the guests drew M. Grevy aside and
said te htm:
"Well, sir, seeing the turn things are tak
ing, have you net enough of tbe republic!"
"On the contrary, 1 have Just returned
from a country where I have learned te ap
preciate tt mera"
"Where Is It you have been! te Switzer
land!" "Ne, a little further."
"Net America I"
"Oh, nel"
"In what country can you Inve strength
ened se much your republican ideas!"
"I have Just returned from England," re
plied M. Grevy.
CHAPTER XXX.
Nothing la ordinary In America.
The ordinary American himself Is extra
ordinarily ordinary.
He takes liberties with hti fellow creature
and with the English grammar. He murders
your ears and the mother tengue of Shake
speare. Ue chews, hawks and spits; but he has n
certain geed hunored brag and liveliness
which Invite further acquaintanca
Ills fingers, cravat and shirt front sparkle
with diamonds.
In conversation be attacks all subjects im
aginable with complete assurance He talks
tall and through the nese, Ue does net raise
his voice much. He buzzes rather than
speaks; at a certain distance you think you
hear the droning of bagpipes.
This man, whom you began by taking for
some Ignorant babbler, presently gives te
his conversation a turn that astonishes you.
He speaks te you et France In a way which
shows you that he is conversant with all that
la going en there. Tbe sayings and delugs of
Gen. "Bolangero" are familiar te him. Ue
.knows the names of the chief miunbers of the
French ministry. He Is Interested In M.
Pasteur's researches; he has read a review
and an account of M. Ernest Renan's last
book and of M. Victorian Sardeu's latest
play. He has judicious remarks te make
upon literature. Ue knows bis Sbokespoaro,
as net ene Frenchman of his class knows Cor Cer Cor
nellle, Racine, Mellere, or Victer Huga Yeu
discover that he is well read, this man who
says I ceme for I came, you was, you didn't
ought, I don't knew as I de, etc. He can
glv you information about his country, as
tuxsf ul as It Is exact
This same American talks thoolegy. He
discusses the Bible, He reads the writings of
CeL Ingersoll, refuting that gentleman's Ideas
or accepting bis conclusions.
In a word, you thought you were In the
company et an Ignorant bore et a bagman,
and you have had ene or two hours' talk with
an intelligent and Interesting man.
CHAPTER XXXL
That which strikes the European most in
his first walk through New Yerk streets is
the absonce of stupid faces. All are net
handseme, but all are Intelligent looking and
full of Ufa Tbe next thing that strikes him
is tbe well grown leek et tbe puepla Tew or
ue deformities. Ha doc net soe ene halt or
hunchbacked person out of the ten thousand
he may meet With the exception et the old
people, few have defoctlve sight Apart
from the comploxien, which Is iale, every
thing seems te ludicate an actlve, strong,
healthy wepla Tlie constant crossing of
rnccs must dally tend te the Improving of
the Americans, physically and Intellectually.
Yeu sce se many thin men and se many
stout women that you almost Immediately
couclude that tbe former lire,ln a furaace of
activity, and the latter In cotton woeL This
impression grows jipen you, and seen takes
the form of a conviction.
Tbe Americans de net walk muclu It Is
net that they are Indolent Far from it It
is boeauso their legs will net carry them fast
eneugli.
The faces of the men you meet leek ab
sorbed Ip thought. Their bats are well down
en their heads. This again Is a sign of Intel
ligence; De net smile, Tbe feel perches his
hat en his bend, tbe man with a well u!d
brain puts Ids bead Inte its covering.
These same focus are pale, and you soe
many prematurely gray beads. The want of
open air oxcrcise, tha dryness of the atmos
phere, the suffocating heat of the rooms, the
vitiated air la the beuses, which seem te have
windows only for the purpose of letting In a
little light, easily explain this double phe
nomenon. The women cf every country are unani
mous In proueunciug tbe American men
handsome, and an thcre nre few men who de
net think the American women lovely, thcre
can be but ene opinion en the subject: tbe
American race Is a geed looking race. But
that which makes the charm of the men's
faces is net regularity of feature; It is, as I
have already wild, the intelligence written en
them, the wonderful activity which animates
them.
This activity you find In all stations of life,
in the financial world, the literary world, the
world of politics, everywhere. It is a fever
with which the whele nation Is smitten.
In the ces of tbe worthy, peaceful French
man who lias net traveled, mi American is a
lunatic, who docs nothing Uke ether people.
After all, eccentricity is but an exaggerated
form of activity, but for certain pcople with
narrow idea, eccentricity and madness ere
but ene and tbe same thing.
Let us take a little leek at Americans at
home, and see it I was wrong in calling
American life pure phantasmagoria.
We will begin by the private houses.
In a well apiielnted heuse you will find In a
little room en tbe ground fleer a brass plate
fitted with sevcral buttons. Yeu touch the
first and immediately a cab drives up te your
deer. If you press it tivlce it Is a two bone
cab that comes. Yeu touch the second and
ia a inlnute or two thcre appears a messenger
from the telegraph office te take your tele
gram or carry a parcel or mossage for you te
any part et the city. Yeu teflcb the third
and a policeman presents himself, as if by en en
chantment, te knew If you suspect the pres
ence of burglars. Yeu touch the fourth, and
hey, presto I up daihes tbe flre brigade with
eugtne, flre cscape and the rest of their life
saving apparatus, and this In about the time
that It took Cinderella's godmother te turn
the pumpkin into a coach.
Jonathan will net step here. Before long
we shall tee the architects of all first class
houses laying en net euly gas, water, tbe tele
phone and tbe clcctrie light, but the opera
and church sen lea. A landlord will adver
tise u heuse te let: "The opera and church
service laid en the premises."
Already tha ladles of Chicago are aLla te
de their marketing at bema
The housekeeper gees te litr lelephone and
rings.
' lUZit" responds the central office.
"Put me in communication with 2,48s" (her
butcher's number).
In another Instant the bell rings.
"Hellel"
"Helle!"
"Is it the butcher!"
"Yes."
"Send me two pounds et fillet of beef and
a leg of mutton by 13 o'clock."
"Very geed! Is that all!"
"Yes."
"All right"
Upen this the lady rings again.
"Holle I" from the central office, where this
kind et thing gees ea all day long.
"Send me 1,967" (the fruiterer this time).
Again th bell rings.
"Hellel"
"Hellel"
"Is thU the fruiterer I"
"Yes."
And the scene Is repeated and se en with
the baker, the grocer, and all the lady's
tradespeeple.
There b a great effort being made new in
New Yerk, Chicago and ether towns te And
out a plan te accelerate the service In restau
rant and de awaywith waiters. It Is very
simple, and tha Americans w ill net be baffled
for such a small matter.
This ts hew the thing Is te be dene I
Tbe restaurant is provided with small
numbered tables. Each table Is In direct
communication with the kitchen by means of
ralla Clese at hand are a certain number of
clcctrie buttons upea which th customer sees
written "beef," "mutton," "chop," "vegeta
bles," "tart," eta no touches tltrea, four,
flre buttons according te his appetite, and the
cook receives his order.
"Steak and potatoes, tomato, salad, choco
late cream for Na C3-A11 right, ready I"
In an Instant a tray bearing the meal ap
pears upon the table, placed there without
hands. When the customer has, disposed of
his feed, be touches lbs button marked "bilL"
In a twinkling the bill appears en his plate,
and the assuaged American settles It at the
desk as he gees out The whole thing Is as
slmple as possible.
The American complains that It Is Impossi
ble te lunch or dine tn less than ten mlnutea
This evil win be remedied shortly,
It you want a really striking sight, go te
one of the great restaurants of Chicago or
New Yerk at lunch time. Theso Americans
using tbelr knife nd fork will make your
head swim. At a little distance, they leek as
If they were all playing the dulcimer.
Theso Americans are never still, never at
rest Even when they are sitting, they must
been the move; witness the rocking chair
habit
Ne repewf f or them i their Ufa Is a perpetual
motion, a f f antle raca
Opposite my windows, at the Richelieu
hotel in Chicago, there was a raUway station.
Every ten minutes or se the local trains came
and went Each time the bell announced the
approach of a train, I saw a crowd tear along
tbe path of the station and leap Inte the car
riages, taking them by storm. By leaving
their offices half a minute earller, these geed
people might have walked comfortably te the
station, and saved themselves this breathless
cbaae.
Ge te the Brooklyn brldge car terminus,
New Yerk, about 6 o'clock In the afternoon.
There you will see a sight very like the storm
ing of a fort
An American ene day wrote me a note of a
few lines, end thus excused himself for bis
brevity: "A word In haste, 1 have hardly
tlme te wink." Peer fellow! only think of
It, net e von time te wink; It makes ene giddy.
Outslde certain Anglomaniae sets, te be
found In New Yerk, Bosten and Phlladelphia,
no ero beast of living en his property.
In England, a man wbe docs nothing gees
by the name of "gentleman ;" In Chicago, ha
gees by tbe uame of "loafer."
In fifty years' time, when America has
300,000,000 inhabitants, perhaps she will lav
ppse her, ideas upon tbe Old World. Thee,
maybe, society will have no contempt except
for the ignorant and tbe Idla
A young man, with a very Intelligent look
ing face, was pointed outte me ene evening
In a Chicago drawing room.
"Ue is very rich," said my hostess te ra
softly, " Fer a year or two after be Inherited
the property he did no work, and people be
gan te rather shun him. Buthobasjustgen
Inte partnership with a friend. In business,
and se he Is quite reinstated In every one's
esteem."
Net only Is work rcspcctable In America,
but In certain states It Is compulsory. In th
state of Missouri, for Instance, any Idle, Im
provident fellow who neglects bis family or,
through shiftless habits, is likely te be a
burden te tbe state, may be sold at euctiea
te tbe highest bidder for a term of aU
months. This Is a law passed twenty year
aga It provide also that, after the vagrant
has worked eat the purchase money, any
ether sum earned by him, at a fair cempenav
tien, Is te be applied by his purchaser te tha
payment of his debts or the maintenance of
bis family. If, when he Is frce again, he re
turns te his bail habits, bis fellow townsmen
take the law Inte their own hands. They es
cort him te some publle place and flog him,
and if that docs net euro blm, his wlfe run
tbe risk of teeing him ene flne day hanging
from soine neighboring trca The peep!
will tell you, as the most simple thing In the
world, that by acting thus they economize
tbe cost of a pollce force. Rather primitive
this reason, It must be admitted; but, in new
societies, idlciictts Is a crime, and the bee
ought te have a right te drlve the drones out
of the hlva
I was looking ene day at the list of engage
ments, which my manager bad Just soot me
for the following week. Te my stupefaction
I read:
"Monday New Yerk.
"Tuesday Youngstown.
"Wednesday Indianapolis."
I ran te the ofllce of this Imperturbable
Yankee and asked blm:
"Is It pessible that I con reach these towns
se far apart In tlme te give my lectures!"
"Nothing easier," he replied, seizing th
roil way guide. "Your New Yerk lectur
comes off at 3 In the afternoon. At 6, you
have a train which gets te Youngstown by
neon next day. Thcre you locture at & Pay
your blU and scud your luggage te the sta
tion before going te the opera heuse where
you have te speak. As scen as your lectur
is ever, Jump Inte a cab and you will catch
the 10 o'clock train, which will set you down
at Indianapolis In tlme for your uezt day's
engagement"
"What I go te tbe train In evcnlng drcsil"
I cxclalmcxL
"And hy net! Yeu undress In the sleep
ing car, I suppese."
What a life I I thought theso Yankees beat
everything I
Oh I that map of the United States! If
you would has e an idea of a geed lecturing
tour In America, just Imagine yeurself ap
pearing in publle ene day In Londen, tha
next in Paris, the day after in Berlin, then
in Vienna, St Petersburg, and Constantino
ple, te finish up the nook. Then teke Tehe
ran, and the chief cities of Asia, and you
have a fair idea of the Jeurneys.
Nere Is a Uttle sccne et American Ufa It
was told me, net only without beast, but aa
the most natural thing hi the world, by Mr.
L. a Metcalf, the a!" r of The Forum.
Mr, Metcalf wished te have en article en
the subject of the Mormons for his review;
net ene of theso papers written by a man who
had posed through the territory of Utah,
but a serious study. Fer several weeks b
bad been In correspondence with one of th
elders et the Mermen church.
"All this letter writing" does net advane
matters much," thought Mr, Metcalf te him
self; "ene or two hours' conversation would
settie the thing."
Twe hours later he was in the train for
Salt Lake City. JU probably reckoned this
way i "It is only five days' Journey jajhf
cars, and waat ts that wn a Ml
It a geed talk In tbe Interest at th i
Mr. Metcalf set out, arrlvsd, saw, I
cuat, took the car acaln. aad east I
"But," 1 timidly advanced, "what I
qr me review during all this thwet"
"Ohl it suffered nothlafreai ssy s
said It editor. "1 installed taysstf
taei tn ids car, where I was abl te l
my work at my ease. When jr i
th stations, I posted my letters, end
received telegrams with a MM
In New Yerk."
"But could you really work -hi j
trainr 'J
lift... ...!. LiA-A M. 4 mit'm
fun, iuuvu lvikt lean vmj
desk, my dear sir; tbera wm as) t
and disturb ma"
I was one day relating this ceav
an American Journalist t "
"Yeu are simply wonderful, tn
leans," I said te him; "you would Ml
Bandwlch Islands te fetch new of th1!
at Honolulu."
"Just se," he replied-"! ha v de ft '
This "1 bave den It" was th
touch.
A fellow passenger ea my last trb tail
ucrmanie was a New Yerker who, i
morning of th day th beat was te I
home without the least Intention of
the Attantla Having mad up hi i
neon, he talcflTAnhml tA hU wAtma
wait dinner, am off te Europbeutfci 1
ana a few necessaries for th tot
calmly embarked at half past I feri
American wives are used te thb tort.'
Mn mtA ISilnW MMStiM a IA J
..0, uuu. vun m n. ,i
CHAPTER XXTTT.
Te show th point te which
activity gees In America, I oauaet de 1
than speak et th Nineteenth Century elals
Twe or tore years age Mr. Ckaarstaai
Talmer, one of the leading liissllsj sJMj
New xerk a gentleman a risk J
leueciuai attainments as in
tetved the happy Idea of tnvtttaf
friends te meet twle a month la
drawing room for th purnes of
big the Important questions of tbeMay.
invitation was accepted with alacrity, asst
thus tbe club, which consists of lady ssV
bers as well as gentlemen, was formal. f',
sue association proceeds in a
simple as It Is practical ,?i:l
Is It decided, for Instance, te pas aa
tng In discussing socialism! Thiprsslilwtlts',
viteaawell knows socialist te oeaw aad "
Dlatn hi views before th member JM
dub; be Invites, also, aa swHsesUMt jfM
latest te answer bias. v
Oa evening last wfatar wj dsrotel te I
discussion of sectarianism. Th i
th club Invited a CatheUe priest, aa
psllanand a Presbyterian minister, a Ubjs
run and, unless my memory misleads asss'sal
agnostic AU wer listened te altuttvis
and each bad bb harvest of appleus.
&:
Thank te the vivacity of thaw i
American have a special talent feri
th most arid subject Interesting. AB I
debates are enUvsned with humorous) MJ
marks, anecdotes, flashes et wit
repartees. Needless te ay that Ussy ar i
ducted with th utmost courtesy. Thai
trenchant weapon employed atthtens :
meat ar sarcasm and banter, aasiVsV':
Americans are adept la th us of both. ,'
In America, such is th rsapist for as .
opinion of ethers, that th wildest, i
congruous tdea did net rata "
Th audience would anil and ssatel
"What a droll Ideal" and It ts fecit I
was expressed wittily th orator war3
plauded,
I saw nothing mpr etriUqg
tay In America, nothing whleh
fnmer hopeful forth future of th
than th sight of thaw crowd et tour or t
hundred peat,sam CM
girl aad matrons, all fa f sahleuahl
drees, met together te Isara
te hasp thsavwlvs posted la all thai
efthaday. I have heard ywag la1
papas ei meir sws caspmne at
tnceungs,sdthIrcusoeurHWr)at '
uthoMeftbirgatlasnsutfJfc .
ia snort, what struts ea 1 fat an m
vadlng activity, th IntaUecteal Hf ltd -
women of geed society hwcUmbme. :,t-
In a country where there I nch a aeui
light
'z,.
CHAPTER twill -V
ii.Aikvii.t i i t if.ii.i nrufiMiii '
AV m W MM tMlgUV, MKUf W4HHMV M WM
America that the activity, aad usxjJat
prosperity, et Jonathan hi talalyteha
tributed.
K
Tbe dry, mvljreratiralr laduossaetlvlir
and you con de things la America whleh M"
would never enter your mind te attempt lr 1
Europe. - r
wmm uuui itff mj uiy WOTWJH
& anAPAM mil AS. ,a .hi .1 .m4i T HH.a.A. '
uceaifc nisasunuu cow wateaoeaiaM -
penetrate, and against which It lsy te pra '
tcct one's self. It I dry, bracing, heaMafal,
excite th circulation of th bleed, aaft''
make eae feci full of life. t ' f
The air Is charged with osene aad eletri
Ity. Sereral times, In touching thahaatsaff
pipse ana gucuent uau uaj eiseiM bj spsiiw
Oath from my fingers' ad, la frMsJ
your hair you will often bear th crackaag of
th eloctrle spark produced by th fricttea'
of th brush. ;
Th American sky is bright, of a levsljr
blue. It Is never clouded for mev tbaa two"
or three day together. Yeu Uv la a clear, t ,.
smiling atmosphere which shed Jey la th.; .,
heart It Is net wonderful lhattM AjDjrv r
cans are se bright and Uvely. Man. every-1
where, is influenced by tbe climate in which '-.
be Uvea "S
Stimulants are net needed, water suffices, k
and few American drink anything but watarlf .
at meal tlme en ordinary occasion. Jawe-j
hoUe drinks are almost forbidden bytaechV-5
mate. A bettle of wine gees te th bd"
sooner in America than half a desen would x'
sua rfUjfrsaauu v mv v vi biw.
I When I was in America, though It wa -; i
winter tjme (this Include the spring, which M', g
only exists in American almanacs), J wa al- ';' 1
way thirsty; tbe dryness et the tmespfar
made my tengue constantly feel like a grater.
nmnlr-nnpfi- fa nnfe a. nation! vfa fee V.
1m..Iiu it.. Attn AAntwam. 1 Ia waaa aa.
among the lower classes, and doe net exist tt t"'
fcn M-liir ' r:
The nir is se drv In tha north of tha fatassa 'l' :
4Tlf. fvhn tlf.ntA,l a(; IliAlfMI NWMft MmA J
.-.. -, -, - , A- ,- j
balls, ene breathes witu difficulty, ana U r m
often causes the breath te be ditagreesbl. vJ '
I repeat it, the cold is healthy, aad th for-.; ;
clgncr who visits America during tht whstsir;.;
ml. mffrM fmm 4m mffnAill. Kaa4 a Saia,
VU.J U.V.AMWU. .A, AAA-,--, AAA, fj
rooms. With fur wraps aad tha mvd;
vvwvl S.A hn nnthfntyfl fl.nitukAlA. aam, i
- l - - O - -A. AAA AA. , AA -
less it be his nose, which I would advis hi -f
te keep an eye upon. , O-
! The Americans, who cook themsslres with ;V
doers, fear the cold se Uttle when thyra ('
motion, that in the state of IuiBeK WrW
Vnrfc- Cthln. Wlvnniln. rvl ethers fit aVsTV
a v. , v., .. , - ' -r U
north, when the thermometer I dewa la
thtrtv ! helear sere. theV sdv tft-t -
preference te open carriage. In CUoage, A
Buffalo. Milwaukee, one ha almost a dhtV -.-.I
culty in finding a covered sleigh or cab te f
out in at wguE. ss is ue una tu
In Terente, Ottawa, Montreal and
.t-t ,... nnH alnl.V. ThAilMWA I
en,. In fair. Yenr feet and hedv ar MRS. '"
t 1 .L 1,t !. 4. a 'ama - f1 '.
glowing, UUU .UO VU1U llA VUl JVWA -M I
seems te help te make your bleed elrwils,p
end is quite enjoyable. ,
1 went te soe the Niagara Fall (-greaV v-
est spectacle It was ever glvea te bums te ).
held! In the early part of February. WMa--
out sutTerlng from me com, i wa bum ssj ..
drlve for three (hours in aa open slh,'
through thickly snow laden air. ,Tehartha
snow beating In one's face was net egrisahts, ,
but the storm added, if" possible, te tts:.
grandeur of the scenery. On Biifc.UagJs
,-1
.
nv .
S. -
- -
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