Father Abraham. (Reading, Pa.) 1864-1873, April 30, 1869, Image 1

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No. 18, South Queen Street, Lancaster.
CVII, one sear, 4 1.80
copjoi s (each 4 I Statue addressed,)
13. 7.00
13 =i 0 1# it 00
20 copies " it 22.00
And $l.lO for each additional subscriber.
10 copies, (le jots address,)
IS airs " 14
24 eoptea 44 4 : 4 4 . 9/4.00
And p. 150 for Oita additional subscriber.
nf ad
rAnuve ouboodpfifisa =Met invariably be paid
Of every decor ion, sad promptly *tw
eeted, ut ti ort u ou Oa moot
The time of the arrival and departure of the
trains on the Pennsylvania Railroad, at Lan
caster, has been changed, as follows :
(.1nein.Ex....12:07 a. m.lPittabign Ex. 1:27 a. m
Phila.leSpress4 2 / 1 1 " !Phila. Exp... 2:39 "
Past Line 8:33 " 11:15 "
Lane. Train.. 8:119 " [Met Line.— 2:35p.m
Day Express. 1:40 p.m;Columbia Ae. 2:45 "
flarrislOg Ae..5:54 " rrrisb'g Ae. 554 "
Southern Ex. A:O9 " Ana. Train.. Taa "
Uncial. Ex.... "
MONDAY, APRIL 26, 1188.
Groat Trunk LinefrongtheNorth,and North
west for Philadeiphia, New York, Bead
ing}, Pottsville, Tamaqua, Ashland, Ma
tokin, Lebanon, Allentown, Easton, Eph
rata, Litiz, Lancaster, Columbia, Ibe.
Trains leave Harrisburg for New York as fol
lows: At 2.85, 5.20, 8.10 a. in., 12.25 noon 2.00 and
10.55 p. m., eonneeting with similar trains on the
Pennsylvania Railroad, and arriving at New
York at 9.45 a. m.,11.45 a. m., 3.50, 6:45, 9.30 p. M.,
and 6,00 a. in. respectively. Sleeping Cars _ac
company the 2.35,5.':0 a. m. and 10.55 p.m. trains
without change.
Leave Harrisburg for Reading, Pottsville,
Tamaqua. Minersville, Ashland, SlTamokin;
Pine Grove. Allentown and Philadelphia, at
5.19 a. in., 2.00 asitit.tu p. in., stopping at. Lebo,
non and priudipal Way Station»; the i.lO p. m.
train making connections for Philadelphia,
Pottsville and Columbia only. For Pottsville,
Haven and Auburn, via Schuylkill
and Susquehanna Railroad, leave Harrisburg
at 3.30 p. in.
Returning: Leave New 'Fork at 9.00 a. m.,12.00
noon, 5.05 and 8.00 p. in., Philadelphia at 8.15 a.
in. and 3.80 p. m ;_sleeping cars accompany the
9.00 a. in., 5.05 and 8.00 p. m. trains from New
York, without change.
Way Passenger Train leaves Philadelphia at
7.30 a. M. connecting with similartrain on East
Penna. Railroad, returning from Reading at
6.30 p. m., stopping at all stations; leave Potts
vine at 7:30, 845 a. ra. and 2.45 p. in.; Shamokin
at 6.26 and 10.35 a.m.; Lhland at 7.00 a.m., and 12.30
noon, Tamaqua at 8.30 a. in.; and 2.20 p. m., for
Philadelphia and New York.
Leave Pottsville, via Schuylkill and Susque
hanna Railroad at 7.0) a. in. for Harrisburg, and
11.90 a. in. for Pine Grove and Tremont.
Reading Accommodation Train : Leaves
Reading at 7:30 a. m., returning leaves Phila
delphia at 5:16 p. m.
Pottstown Accommodation Train: Leaves
Pottstown at 6.25 n. in.; returning, leaves Phila
delphia at 4.30 p. in.
Columbia Railroad Trains leave Reading at
7.00 a. in. and 6.15 p. m. for Ephrata, Litiz, Lan
.'aster, Columbia &c.
Perkiomen Railroad Trains leave Perklornen
•T unction at 9.00 a. in. and 6.00 p. m.; returning,
leave Skippack at 8.15 a. in. and 1.00 p. ' con
necting with similar trains on Reading Rail
On Spadayin Leave New York at 8.10 p. m.,
Philadelphia at 8.00 a. m. and 8.15 p. in., the
$.OO n. in. train running only to Reading; Potts
ville 8.00 a. m.; Il a rrisburg I'oo a. in., 4.10 and
1.55 p. m., and Reading at 12.55, midnight, 2.5 i
and 7.15 a. in. For Harrisburg, at 12.55 midnight,
and ir.sa a. m. for New York; and at 9.40 a. in. and
4.25 p. m. for Philadelphia.
Commutation, Mileage, Season, School and
ICaeursion Tickets, to and from all points, at
educed rates.
Baggage checked through; 100 pounds allowed
ach Paissenger.
General Superintendent.
RSIOIIII4O, PA., April 24,1E68. [aprlll4-It,d&w
THURSDAY, APRIL 15th, 1869,
Lancaster 8835 a. m. Reading .....100 a. in.
.....3:10 p. m. " ..... 5:30 p. m.
t ol nuabia .....8:00 a. m. " 10/0 a. m.
.....8:00 p. m. " ..... 5:30 p. in.
MANI. *Ram:.
Reading .... 7:00 a. in. .Lan0aa10r.....11:15 a. in
" .
6:15 p. m. " ....AU p.m
" . 111 7:00 a. m. Colmnbin .....9:25 a. m
11111 0:15 p. p. m
Trains leaving Lancaster and Columbia its
above,make close sonneotion at leading with
Trata North and South ; • on Philadelphia and
Readiw Railroad, and West on Labium Valley
Road. Train leaving Lancaster at 8:05 A. M. atm
I 2olumbia at 8 A. H. ecOnnects closely at Reading
with Trani for New York.
te rol
Tielceta esia berobta at the 011ieee Of the
New Jersey Capisiµ ,
_root of i rberty
..treet,Rew Yorkislul eA phi aa izil eliding
Railroad, 0%1 Ca h streets, Da.
Througli t to - New St atio n, Philadel
phia midst all 'Prikeipal and Bag
61SWFtlitonks far 510 or 100 0 miles.
Season' n.. 0 Moil Tickets, to and tro all
point% at realised rates. •
Tflosmitre milky rhiladalphia and leading
Rallraid Tim% which is 10 minutes Ruder than
Pennsylvania Railroad Time.
apt 14494 fl GEO. P. GAGE. Stmt.
Trains leave York for Wrightsville and Co
lumbia, at VA and 11:40 a. in., and 3:30 p. tn.
Leave Wrightsville for York, at 8:0,1 a. in., and
1:00 and 6:50 p. m.
Leave York for Baltimore, at 5:00 and 7:15 a.
in,. 1:05 p. m.; and la midnight.
Leave York for klarrisburg, at 1:39, 6:23 and 11:35
a. m., and 2:39 and 19:15 p. m.
At 8:26 a. m., amid It2o and 4 p. m
At 8:45 and 5:25 a. m., and 12:30 and 10:15 p. in
• Photographs, &e.
rartnts to Folnilics,
11(ther to lhaighter,
Mother to Son.
When tho light has left the house, zneworta
such as these oomgatuid their interest.
Miniature or Opal Pictures, admitted to be
the beet in:the city, and no superior in the State
Constantly Mereashtg demand and great expe
dients in this style of miniature give us greater
facilities and better results than any establish
ment outside of large cities.
Centre Table. Also, prismatic instruments.
Large Colored Work by some of the beat Ar•
Lista In Philtyulipbla and elsewhere, n the high,
est style of the art. India Ink, Pastille, Crayon
and colorant
jan I.lyr] No. 90 East ling-st.
e 6.61
No. 66 East King-et., Lancaster, Pa.
Being duly licensed as a Claim *Clint, and
baying a large experience, prompt. attenticm
will be given to the following climes of claims:
BOUNTY* and PAY due discharged Soldiers and
BOUNTY (additional) to Soldiers who enlisted
for not leas than 2 or 3 years, or were honora
(adfdieledlia.r) to Nis' recei ved .,
Cildren, or
Parents of Soldiers who died from wounds-re
cetred or disease ecmtraeted 111 said service.
PENSIONS for invalid Soldiers and Sailors, or
to their widows or children.
PENSIONS for fatherland mothers, brothers or
sister' of deceased soldiers, upon whom they
were dependent.
PENSIONS and GRATUITIES for Soldiers or
512 Widows from Pennsylvania, in the War
PAY due Teamsters, Artidoerti and Civil dm
plcoyees of the Government.
PAY due for horses lost in the United States
CHAIMES.—lrees fair and moderate, and in
no ease will charges be made until the money
is collected. (dee 411.1yr*
After paying Losses to the amount of $1,120,000
All the Surplus Dividend amongs the Policy
For further information apply to
P. 0., Lancaster, Pm- .
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J. F. FRUEAUFF, General Agss4 for Pallea..
(Above J. F. Long & Son , . Drug tore
This Company Conbrs more SILIDAnd REAL
inducements Oro any other 'ph) Insuratice
Comystny in the Country.
Send or midland get a Circa
Active solielSors i male or fe e. wanted in
every township in The State. t Van 1414•
Farmers and Dealers who send their orders
diktat to us, can avail themselves of the
And save the Commission. gayly orders 'will
ba advantageous to ogees.
We sell only No. I—roeeivecl dlieel. from the
A splendid Manure paeked in barrels.
We also Ogler for sale Pens LAUD PLAVICX,I4
iintaAutTo Cramer and a full assortment of
labtl24mi Bole Agents •t Lanoattar
Whereas my wife C i riABINIS H. bag left
isit icemie without an tat air or presooa•
all parsons are by tismd not to
her on myemownigt, as I pay no debts
w she may emblem.
DAVID H. /1311WST.
Martin township, April 9th, 1140-414,
to roe the riont, let x> otrire on to finale the work
we are in; to bind tica : Ms nations anosonde; to
Holders every year
Manufaoturorti of
Not tbrever we are chastened
By the might of sorrow's hand,
Not forever pass we sighing
Through the stranger's weeping land,
There shall come a time of gladness,
When the heart may e'en forget,
In the melody of pleasure,
All the ills that grieve it yet.
Not forever in the valley,
With the yawning gulf below,
Not forever 'mid the briars
Zion's pilgrim band shall got
They shall tread with cheerful footsteps
On the pleasant sunny kills!
They shall march with mirth and music,
While their song the sweet air fills.
Not forever shall the darkness
Of the midnight's lonely hour,
Overwhelm the timid spirit
With the terrors of its power.
There shall come the light of morning
To the weary, waiting heart,
And, amid the joy of daybreak,
Tears and sorrow shall depart.
Not forever have they left us,
Those for whom we shed our teirs?
Not forever shall our mourning
Darken long and weary years.
There shall be a joyous meeting
When the trier of evariti breFer— k-N. l
In the house where all is happy,
In the land of evermore.
And forever shall the tear-drops
Vanish from each faoe away,
And forever is the darkness
Banished where 'tie endless day;
And forever death and sickness,
Sorrow, pining, pain and woe,
Still be kuowu no more tior looked for
In the house to which we go.
" Charles! Charles! you won't forget to
meet my Aunt Stephanie at the depot, at
twelve preeis.ly!"
Mrs. Early had followed her tall broth
er-in-law to the front door steps, with the
fresh wind blowing her bright air about
her face, and a scarlet Shetland shawl
drawn picturesquely round her delicate
shoulders— a pretty woman, with son*
thing of matronly dignity subduing the
arch mischief that sparkled in her ens.
Mr. Charles Early was a staiwar
handsome young man, .with blue mast •
light brown hair, shadowing a fafr, o• 11,
forehead. It was a pleasant face to 1' k
into, with nothing of irresolution or effem
inacy about it, and consequently Charles
Early had many friends,—aye, and loyal
ones, too.
lie turned round at the sound of his
sister-in-law's voice. Josephine was one
of his most useful and constant allies.
"No, I'll not forget, Josephine, but I'm
sorry her godfathers and godmothers in
baptism gave her the name of Stephanie:"
" Why?"
"Because I know a Stephanie; the pret
tiest fairy you ever saw. It was when we
were all at Woodgrove. Beach, last month
—and—if you'll promise not to tell lay
sober brother Bob, I'll confide to you, a
momentous secret, Josephine. Havel I
your pledge of secrecy?"
" I promise."
" Well, then, I lost my heart to that,
beautiful little Stephanie, with her flossy
yellow curls, and her rose-mouth with its
tiny pearls of teeth, and her pink and
white complexion, Just like your great
oleander in the drawing room."
" Did you propose to her, Mingle?"
questioned his sisterin-law, with sat the
eager earnestness of a woman's .. . .
"Not just then, but—another Seelig.
Josephine—l proposed by letter, darbethre
"And you have received no answer?"
"Not yet; I suppose it is too soon, but
I'm on thorns and nettles until one does
reach me. Josephine, if alas don't have
me, I'll drown myself:l)r . . - i ..,
"No, Charles, you won't; • what abd.
nonsense!". -
"Then I'll do worst; " VII subsid nto
a cross-grained, gdgetty old ~_haelngor,
grumbling incessantly as everYthingrnd
everybody, for all the rest of my na ral
liib; just see if I don't."
"Charles, you're a,moosel”
"So are all young men who have the
misfortune be, in love. It's their normal
condition. What thus ,do you say the
train arrives? Twelve? , I shall hate to
get a carriage, I suppose, to trans the
fl it
rheumatic old lady here, withou any
breakage of bones. Does she walk h a
;old -headed cane?"
"Yes, and she wears a wig and spesta-•
dies, and talks through her nose, and takes
snuff from a tortoise-shell box!"
“Angels and ministers of grace:defend
us! Josephine, how did you ever untie to
have such an aunt? and how did e
happen to be Stephanie, instead . alt
or Tyyphosa ?
"We used to call her Aunt Pent' for
shortl” said Mrs. Early, mischiev,uily,
and her brother-in-law Ftrode don the
street, whistling (but not for lack of
thought) as he. went.
"I. wish Aunt Fetty war in the Red
Sea," he thouwht, a little vindictively,
"but I suppose I must oblige Josephine."
So, at twelve o'clock precisely, Mr.
Charles Early stood on the platform, at
the 11. Depot, watching the long train, as
it slowly glided in like a Lire throa ted.
"There comes your authlilttilit old
hag, Charlie,l , said Guy St. Everil, With
a' laugh, as a brisk, but somewhat bent
figure, wrapped from head to foot in a
voluminous cloak of snuff-colored bomba
zine, with a huge circular cape of the
care for him who shall hare borne the balle;anid
for his widow Ma MS *maggot, to do alt trate* Ma : "
achiere and cherish a fast and a tasting peace
among of rseiree and ariith all iniestions."-4. Z.
same, stepped out of one of the last cars,
by the aid ofan iron-headed cane. Her
bonnet, curiously bent and crumpled,
barely covereda huge frilled cap; she wore
a bright brown wig, set a little away over
her forehead, and massive green specta
cles sat astride of her nose, while brown
cotton gloves adorned her hands, and a
gram umbrella, carried under the arm,
threatened with its ferule, the eyes of who
soever was rash enough to crowd her
movements in the rear.
" Aunt Fent% self, as I live and
breaths!" echoed Bruce Montmartin.—
" Charlie, if I were you, Pd run for it. )1
"Drop itcr in the gutter and make off
with mutat, It enifgested another young
exquisite, superciliously stroking down
his moustache.
But Charles Early had too many gen
tlemanly instincts to pay any heed to the
waggish hints of his companions. He
stepped forward, chivalrously.
Allow me to carry your basket for
you, ma'am. lam the brothet-in-law of
your Wpm, Mrs. Early.
" Oh, you be, ch?" creaked a feeb
voice, from under the cap 'frills. " Well,
you may take my umberil, and my basket,
and WW a paper o' gingerbread I fAched
lunch, and a bottle o' root 'beer f bi
• '
r pimples and' sich—an • have got a
stripid carpet-bag, some'ers, with the key
tied on with a bit o' red tape—and here's
the brass tickets for the trunks. ' checks, the
feller called 'em, if I remember rightly."
"It's all right, ma'am, I assure you,"
said Mr. Early. Step into the carriage; I
will see that your things are brought here
"What be them fellers laughin' at?"
demanded Aunt Feny, stopping short,
with one foot on the carriage step, and
Oaring at Messrs. St. Everil, Montmartin
C1i40., through the green spectacle glass
es. I guess I'm as good NI they be, if I
ain't dressed in the last agony of fashion.
Iv'e got ten dollars up in my flan
nel .waist over and aboyemy traveling ex
penses, and I'll go• bail it's more than
they've got."'
A suppressed laugh here ran through
the little crowd gathered on the platform.
"Do not let their folly annoy you,
ma'am, said Early, pleasantly. Let me
assist you into the carriage.
" St. Evert!, stand back," said Early,
sternly, "If you have no reverence for old
age or womanhood, I will teach you to
respect my right hand. This lady is under
my protection, you will please remember."
Evoillattreated somewhat dis
comfited, upon Ms companion's toes, and
the old lady climbed into the carriage.
"Young man," she began, when the
umbrella, lunch-paper, basket and bottle
were all safely stowed away and they were
rolling rapidly over the city streets, ou , -
ve got a deal of moral courage. 'Tain't
every city sprig would be as polite to an
old ereetur as you've been, with all them
noisy feklers pokin' fun at you."
Our hero was somewhat embarrassed at
this plainly spoken compliment.
"I hope, madam," he said, "I shall
never be found lacking iu the essential
qualities of a gentleman, in whatever cir
cuwatances I may be placed."
The antique dame nodded her cap-frills,
and held silently on to her umbrella,
without venturing ß
any other remark, un
til they reached Xtrs.obert Early's man
Josephine was waltiug for them on the
threshhord ; she clasped tier ancient relative
closely In her arms, and there was a sort
of triumphal procession up to her apart
ment, which Charles was rather at a loss
to understand.
"One would think that Josephine never
;•• 't- • an aunt, fresh out of Noah's ark
before, l . he muttered to himself, as he took
up a newspaper, and went out to the vine
shaded back piazza, there to while away
the time until Stioih period as lunch should
be announce 4,
11e.had esitatusteil the paper long ago,
and nearly fallen into
. a doze; but at his
on l it-14.4' . s a gi e n ii i i i te io r n e Tt h v e o l ic lo c 6 h e e start
4 4 hint phanie wants to thank. you
40119in* dness to her this morning,"
MI • ine, quietly. •
"Oonfound Aunt Stephanie," thought
Mi. Early, advancing drowsily towards
the front room, . where, in an arti fi cial twi
light prodriceby satin curtains and vene
tian lblinds, he could dimly descry a figure.
Suddenly Josephine drew back the shad
owy draperies, and there, instead of a bent
and crooked old woman, stood a lovely
girl of eighteen, with deep blue eyes and
golden curls, set off by a white muslin
dress, with an abundance of floating blue
ribbon nicely . looped and knotted about it.
44 8tepharae Osborne!" he ejaculated in
stantly recognizing his fair enchantress of
the seaside.
"No—my Aunt Stephaniell , interrupted
Josephine, demurely.
"What .mystery is this? 7. demanded
Early, hihkitig with a puzzled face from
one to the other. "Are you ,7
"I am the veritable old lady of the rail
road traiall) laughed the golden haired
lassie, with
• a becoming glow of color in
her cheeks.
"Do not look so astonished Charles.
Josephine really is wly niece, only as her
mother, my sister, was married before I
was born, she is just ten years older than
I am."
"Yes, but why—"
"Why did I assume that odious disguise,
you would say? Just to try your stealing
worth and native chivalry, Charles. I
somehow fancied that the young man who
was polite and attentive to a bent old wo
man would have in him the stuff for a
good and noble husband, and—”
"And may I be your husband, Steph-
anie," demanded Mr. Charlie, promptly
deducing a favorable inference.
think of it!" said Stephanie,
laughing and blushing. "At all events,
Charlie, I like you ten thousand times
better since I have seen how devoted you
were to the poor old woman in the snuff
colored cloak."
"Upon my word, Stephanie; you ought
to have been an actressill said Mrs. Early,
"All the world's a stage," quoted Ste
phanie, "and I barb only acted my part!
Henceforth I relinquish the professionl”
"So you are going to marry my Aunt
Stephanie, eh?" Stkid Josephine, as ebe met
her brother-in-law in the hall, after a
le thened interview with his fair-haired
the • .
en? els. "And you will be my uncle
“I don't care if I am your grand-father,
now that she has said yes,” was Mr.
Charles Early's exultant reply.
Girls, you want to get married, of
you? Ali, what a natural thing it is for
you young ladies to have such a hankering
for the sterner sax? It is a weakness that
woman has, and for this reason she is
esillai,thentsaker seal Well, if you want
to get Married, don't, for conscience sake,
act like fools about it. Don't go into a fit
every time you see a hat and a pair of
whiskers. Don't get the idea into your
heads that you must put yourselves into
the way of every young man in the neigh
borhood, in order to attract notice; for if
you don't run after them they will run
after you. Mark that!
A husband hunter is the most detestable
of all young ladies. She is full of starch
and puckers, she puts on so ninny false
airs, and she is so nice, that she appears
ridiculous in the eyes of every decent per
son. She may generally be found at church
or meeting, coming in, of course, about
the last one, always at social parties, and
invariably takes the front seat at concerts.
She tries to be the belle of the place, and
thinks she is. Poor girl! You are fitting
yourself for an old maid, just as sure as
the Sabbath comes on Sunday. Men will
flirt with you, simply because tli.y love to
do it; but they have no more idea of
making you a wife than they have of c un
inittin„e• suicide. If I were a youivg man
I would have no more to do with such
fancy women than I would with a viper.
Now, girls, let Nelly give you a piece of
her advice, and she knows from experience
that if you practice it you will gain the
reputation of being wooly girls, and stead
a air eliatwe of getting respectable hus
bands. It is all well enough to finger
the piano, etc., but don't neglect to let
grandmanuna or mother teach you how to
make pies and puddings, and get a meal
of victuals good enough for a king. No
part of a housekeeper's duties should be
neglected; if you do not marry a wealthy
husband you will need to know how to do
such work, and if you do it will be no dis
advantage to you to know how to instruct
a servant girl to do these things as you
would have them done.
In the next place, don't pretend to be
what you are not. Affectation hallo most
despicable of "accomplishments," and will
only cause sensible people to laugh at you.
No one but a ibol will be caught by affec
tation; it has a transparent skin, easily to
be seen - through. Dress a plain, but neatly.
Remember that nothing gives a girl so
modest, becoming, and lovely an appear
aece a neat andi plain dress. All the
mummery and tinsel work of the dress
maker and milliner are unnecessary. If
you are really handsome, they do not add
to your beauty one particle, if you arc
homely, they only mice you look worse.
Men don't court your ftce and jewelry,
taut your own dear selves.
Finger rings and folderols May do to
look at, but they add nothing to the value
of a wife—all young men may know that.
If you know how to talk, do it naturally,
and not be so distressingly polite as to
spoil all yousay. If your hair is straight,
don't put on the curling tongs to make
believe it -is tteta - ,If your neck is dark,
wear a face collik but don't be so foolish
as to daub on paint, thinking that people
are so blind as not to see it; and it your
cheeks aro not rosy, don't apply pink
saucers, for the deception will ba detected,
and you will be laughed at.
Finally, girls, listen to the counsel of
your mothers, and ask their advice in
everything. Think less of fashion than
you do of home duties, less of romances
than you do of the realities of life; and
instead of trying to catch beaux, strve to
make yourself worth bring caught by
There is wimmin who are az easy to
court az lint.
"Luv, at fust sight," iz like eating
honey. Itdoes seem Itz tho yo never could
git enuf uv it.
This kind ov lov iz apt to make blunders
and iz az hard tew back out ov az a well.
But there ain't no 8101 thing az pare
mathumaticks in courtin. It' it iz awl
nature, it iz tew mulch like a job.
Perhaps the best way to court iz to be
gin without mulch ofeuny plan whare you
ure going tew fetch up, and see how you
and she likes it, and then let the thing
kind ov worry along kareks3, like throw
ing stones into a mill-pond.
You will find one thins ten' be strictly
true; the more advice yon undertake to
follow the less amount of good courting
you will do.
A cat-fish measuring nineteen and a
half inches in length and five inches be
tween the eyes, was caught in the Juniatta,
a few days ago, by Col. Hartzell.
Ten lines Of Naoo4llol eoestatilitei ISgpire.
era 8
lllft 1
2 uol iOl 2 102 3'00 200 26 1
00 OO OO
111 IMO - NOO
2 4 6 10 00
20 20 00
A.:I 80 9 6 3000
, 7 11 00. le lO
12 00' le) 00 pt. tre
1 week...
2 weeks..
1 month..
2 months.
a months.
6 months.
1 sear..
_• •
Ezeautors , Notice . 0 0
A/taints •
Nola,. i ...... I le
eal , ', awe I le
=ors' Notice r 7
~... ,ir• .... I S.
SPICCIAL NOITC6O-Ten 2ebelt 616:10r the
11801-••••••herrommi erne awe Harilortimir
altrmukt tain4oo.
ateiri a tl=r• MMmutes Get*
Me t •
for oath addLttiotud huertlon.
OW Pik
—How to get at the real complexion of
some ladies—Take a little soap and water.
—The first part of married life is the
shine of the honeymoon; the rest, too often
Motto for discontented husbands:
how to make home happy—go away some
—Josh Billings says he w ill never patre
nize a lottery so long as he can hire any
body else to rob him at reasonable viallat.
—"I thought you told me, doctor, that
Smith's fever - bad gone ofr.” "Oh, yes;
but it and hilt weft off together."
—A prisoner was examined in court,
and contradicted himself. "Why do you
lie so?" asked the judge; "haven't you a
—A smart young lady in reply to an la
why she didn.•t get married, said It
use she was unable to support a
—"Excuse me, madam, but I would
like to ask why you look at me so savage
ly?" "Ohl I b*pliedOXl, air! I took you
for my husband."
—"What are you doing with my micro
scope, George?" "I've been shaving,
father, and I want to see if there are any
hairs in the lather.'"
—Some say the quickest way to destroy
weeds is to marry a widow. It is, tlis
doubt, a most agreeable species of hus
—The following typographical error
shows the vast importance of the comma:
"At a banquet this toast was given:
"Woman—without her man, is a brute.
—A sweet young lady says that maks
are of no account from the time the 'allies
stop kissing them as infants till they oom
mence kissing them as lovers.
—A correspondeilt says there are no
daily papers published in his town, but
there is a ladies' sewing meeting, which
answers the very same purpose.
—A gentleman was talking to a friend,
in the presence of his attorney, about the
value of honesty. "Honesty:" said the
attorney, • • what is tboitc.ity " Whet is
that to you f" retorted the gentleman;
"don't meddle with things which do not
concern you."
—A leader of music in a church whew
congregational singing was generally raaa
tised, selected a tune in the wrong metre,
to be sung to the words: "With by
purge my soul, 0 LordP l He tried It
twice, when some old lady cried out:
"Mister, you had better try some other
—A three-year old youngster saw
drunken man "tacking" through .the
street. " Mother," said he, "did God
make that man ?" She replied in the
mail ve. The little fellow reflected for a
moment, and theb exclaimed, "1 wouldn't
have done it."
—"Come heri-,you young Ecanap, and got
a sound spanking." Scholar—" You ballet
got no right to spank me, and the copy
you set sez so." Teacher—"l should fte
to hear you read that copy." Scholar
(reads)—"Let all the mpg thou almost at
be thy country's."
—A bashful young man escorted home
an equally basktltl young lady. As thee
were approaching the dwelling of -the
damsel, she said entreatingly, "Zekiel,
now don't tell anybody you beau'd me
home." "Sary," said he emphatically,
"don't you mind; I am as much ashamed
of it as you arc."
—A Sunday School teacher was not a
little surprised one day to find a counter
feit sharing among the coppers; the donor
was pointed out to him. "Didn't you
know that it was good for nothing?" said
the teacher. "Yes," answered the boy.
"I didn't Wpose the heathens would know
the difference."
—A promising young shaver of five or
six years was reading his lesson at school
one day, In that deliberate manner for
which urchins of that age are somewhat
remarkable. As he proceeded with the
task he came upon the passage, " Keep
thy tongue from evil, and thy lips frog►
guile." Master Hopeful drawled out,
"Keep —thy—tongue —frora—ev il—and—
thy—lips rls.
--Josh Billings was asked, "How ittst
does sound travel?" and his opinion is
that it depends a good deal upon the noise
you are talking about. "The sound of a
dinner horn, for instance, tray.els half a
mile in a second, while an invitation to
get up in the morning I have known to be
3 quarters uv an hour goin up 2 pair of
stairs, and then not her strength left to
be heard."
—Mr. Fuller, a Methodist preacher,
found it necessary to eke out a scanty
living by selling books. He called on
lady in a parish where he once labored.
As he announced his errand, the lady ex
pressed her horror and surprise. "What,
Mr. Fuller, I thought you labored for
souls, and not for money." Fuller
" A minister cannot live on souls,
and if he could he'd soon depopulate such
a region as this."
—To keep out of debt, acquire the rep
utation of a rascal. and no one will trust
.d—When is money damp? When it be
comes dew in the morning awl mist in the
—When does the rain become too famil
iar to a lady? When it begins to pat b
(patter) on her back.
—Velocipede candy is the newest thing
oeit•in Boston. The 'lraveller hopes it is
not worked by the feet.
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