PUBLISHED EVEBY FRIDAY, RAUCH & COCHRAN, No. 13, South Queen Street, Lancaster. rriot , -; or ..t:B:-(_:carTrox pg,onP nu' rnlJrc•.sv(.) 211 er,pir Art-1,i(1 w ( 1.1 - !!!!, !N PA( 1iA1,1!:,4 5 enpir .q, (Ni n,!^ «rho' re . -,) 4( 6,56 10 owieN " 12.00 15 c6pioi 6. " 16.50 '.lO c6pi,s " I. 20.00 A il 0, i•l.e9 fur cach addit 101101 subscriber. , 11.1).eript ionq nittz4 invariahly be paill 111 lt,!‘ el• i; pi: N 'Jr I N 1)1 cvery iiv rril,l in', totally anti promptly exe cute t], at short not tee, tool on the most n•a.sonable terms. it« if romls. pEN.NsY 1. VA NIA CENTRAL R. H Trains leave the Central Depot as follows EASTWARD. WEsTWARD. Cincin. Ex....12:17 a. DI. ErM Aiai3 1:50 a. in Plilla.Exiircss 5:12 " Exp... .2:10 " Fa,l Line 7:02 " flail 11:15 " Lane. Train.. 9:05 " ra , t 'ADV..— 2:35 p.m Day ExpresA. 1:15 p.m. Columbia Ac. 2:15 " Harrisb'g Ac..5:54 " Harrisb'g Ac. 5:51 " Lane. Train.. 7:29 " Ex....10:13 " 'l4 EADING RAILROAD. AA, WINTER ARRANGEMENT, MONDAY, DECE3IBER 14, 19.68 Teunk Lin( rom thc orth and Nortit ,Tst for Phil«d(lphia, Acre York, Read n,l, Pottsville, Tainoqu«, Ashland, Slut • mokin, I,cb niou ..Illtnlown, Easton, P.7ph eala, Litiz, Lane(' site, Columbia, Trains leave Harrisburg for New York as fol lows: At 3.50, 6.50, 8.10 a. in., 12.40 imon, 2.03 and 10.50 p. m , connect ing with similar trains on the Pennsylvania Railroad and arriving at New York at 11.00 a. in., 12.20 noon, 3.50, 7.00, 10.05 p. m., and 6.15 a. in. respectively. Sleeping Cars ac company the 3.50 a. tn. and 10.60 p. m. trains without change. Leave Harrisburg for Reading, Pottsville, Tamaqua, Millersville, Ashland, Shamokin, Pine Grove. Allentown and Philadelphia, at 8.10 u. m., 2.05 and 4.10 p. m., stopping at Leba non and principal Way Stations; the 4.10 p. in. train making connections for Philadelphia and Columbia only. For Pottsville Schuylkill Ha ven and Auburn, via Schuylkill and Snsque hanna Railroad, leave Harrisburg at 3.30 p. In. Returning: Leave New York at 9.00 a. in.,12.00 noon, 5.10 and 8.00 p. m., Philadelphia at 8.16 a. in. and 3.30 p. m.; sleeping cars accompany the 9.00 a. tn., 5.10 and 8.00 p. m. trains from New York, without change. Way Passenger Train leaves Philadelphia at 7.34 a. m., connecting with similartrain on East Penna. Railroad, returning from Reading at 6.35 p. in., stopping at all stations; leave Potts ville at 7.30, 45 a. In., and 2.45 p. in.; Shamokin at 5.25 a. ni.; Ashland at 7.00 a. ni., and 12.30 p. m.; Tamaqua at 8.30 a. m.; and 2.20 p. m., for Phila delphia. Leave Pottsville, via Schuylkill and Susque hanna Railroad at 7.10 a. in. for liarrisburg, and 11.30 a. in. for Pine Grove and Tremont. Reading Accommodation Train: Leaves heading at 7:30 a. in., returning leaves Phila delphia at 4:45 p. in. Pottstown Accommodation Train: Leaves Pottstown at 6.45 a in.; returning, leaves Phila delphia at 4.00 p. m. Columbia Railroad Trains leave Reading at 7.00 a. in. and 6.15 p. m. for Ephrata, Litt; Lan caster, Columbia, to. Perkiomen Railroad Trains leave Perkiomen Junction at 9.15 a In. and 5.30 p. in.; returning, leave Skip tack at 8.10 a. HI. and 12.45 p. iii., con necting with similar trains on Reading Rail road. On Sundays: Leave New York at 8.00 p. m., Philadelphia at 8.00 a. in. and 3.15 p. m., the 8.00 a. in. train running only to Reading; Potts ville 8.(A) a. m.; Harrisburg 5.50 a. m., 4.10 and 10.50 p. in. and Reading at 1.05, 3.00 and 7.15 a. in. For Harrfsburg, at 12.50, and 711 a. m. for New York; and at 4.25 p. m. for Philadelphia. Commutation, Mileage, Season, School and Excursion Tickets, to and from all points, at edurrireates.--- Baggage checked through; 100 pounds allowed each Passenger. _ _ G. A. NICOLLS, General Superintendent. REAWNO, Pa., Dee. 14, 1868 R EADING AND COLUMBIA R. R ON AND AFTER TIIIIIISDAY„kPRIL 15th, IR(if►, PASSENGER. TRAINS WILL BE RUN ON THIS ROAD, AS FOLLOWS LEAVE. ARRIVE. Lancaster..... 3:05 a. ni. Reading 10:3J a. m 3:10 p. in. " ..... 5:30 p. m Columbia .....800 R. ut. I " 10:20 a. m. 3:00 p.m. ..... 5:30 p. m It ET1.713.1411NU: t.b:AVIS. ARRIVE. Reading 7:00 a. in. Lancaster.... Jas a. m ..... 6:15 p. in. .....E:2.5 p.m " 7:00 a. in. Columbia .....9:25 a. m 6:15 p. m Trains leaving Lancaster and Columbia as above, make close connection at Reading with Trains North and South• on Philadelphia and Reading Railroad, and N = est on Lebanon Valley Road. Train leaving Lancasterat 8:05 A. M. and Columbia at 8 A. M. connects closely at Reading with Train for New York. Tickets can he obtained at the Offices of the New Jersey Central Railroad, foot of Liberty street New York; and Philadelphia and Reading Railroad, 13th and Callowhill streets, Phila. Through tickets to New York and Philadel phia sold at all the Principal Stations, and Bag gage Checked Through. It? Mileage Ticket Books for 500 or 1000 miles, Season and Excursion Tickets, to and from all points, at reduced rates. Trains are run by Philadelphia and Reading Railroad Time which is 10 minutes faster than Pennsylvaniaßailroad Time. apl 16-094 f] GEO. F. GAGE, Supt. IVO RT II ERN CENTRAL RAIL- N'IAY. Trains leave York for Wrightsville and Co- lumbia, at 6:20 and 11:40 a. m., and 3:30 p. m. Leave Wrightsville for York, at 6:03 a.m., and 1:00 and 0:50 p. m. Leave York for Baltimore, at 5:00 and 7:16 a. M., 1:05 p. in.; and 12 midnight. Leave - York for HarriSburg, at 1:30, 6= and 11:35 a. m- and 2:39 and 10:16 p. m. TRAINS LEAVE HARRISBURG. 0011.4 G WORTH. At 3:25 a. m., and 1:20 and 4:20 p. M. 0011.0 SOUTH. At 3:45 and 5:25 a. m., and 12:30 and 10:45 p. m deell-tfd Photographs, &c. GOLDEN GIFTS. Parents to Fund/leg, Father to Daughter, Mother to Son GENTLEMEN TO LADIES When the light bee left the house, memoria such as these compound their interest. GILL'S SUPERB PHOTO. Miniature or Opal Pictures, admitted to be the best ha .the city and no superior in the State Constantly increasing demand and great expe rience in this style of miniature give us greater facilities and better results than any establish ment outside of large cities. STEREOGRAPIIS ON UOME VIEWS for the Centre Table. Also, prinniatie instruments. Large Colored Work by some of the bent Ar tists in Philadelphia and elsewhere in the high, eat style of the art. India Ink, Pastille, Craybn and colors, at GILL'S CITY GALLERY, Jan I-Iyr] No. 90 East King-st. Hotels. U a HOTEL, • OPPOSITE PENNA. R. R. DEPOT, HARRISBURG, PA. W. H. EMMINGER & CO., 211111%.1y1 proprietors. ; 1 51 7.00 1:;.111! 1 .00 Vol,. 11. JAILS _BLACK, MILITARY AND NAVAL CLAIM AGENT, No. 5G East King-st., Lancaster, Pa. Being duly licensed as a Claim Agent, and having a large experience, prompt attention will be given to the following Musses of claims: )I*NT IC and PAY due discharged soldiers and Sailors. BOUNTY (additional) to Soldiers who enlisted for not less than 2 or 3 years, or were honora bly discharged for wounds received. roe NT.); (additional) to Widows, Children, or Parents of Soldiers who died from wounds re- reit:et' or disease contracted in said service. PENSION s for invalid Soldiers and Sailors, or to their widows or children. PENSIONS for fathers and mothers, brothers or sisters of deceased soldiers, upon whom the'y were dependent. PENSIONS and t7IIATUITIES for Soldiers or their Widows from Pennsylvania, in the War of 1812. PAY tine Teamsters, Artificers and Civil em ployees of the Government. PAY dim for horses lost in the United States CZ= CHARGER.—Fees fair and moderate, and in no case will charges be made until the money is collected. [dec 25-Iyr* THE OLD PENN MUTUAL LIFE INSURANCE COMPANY ACCUMULATED CAPITAL, $2,000,000, After paying Losses to the amount of *1,120,000 An the Surplus Dividend amongst the Policy THE ONLY TRULY MUTUAL COMPANY IN THE CITY OR STATE. For further Information apply to JOHN J. COCHRAN, Agent, P. 0., Lancaster, Pa. no2o-tf I F I r ,. %; 0 4 .i to -> ni - 8 0 0 43 ~' 2 a t. g " 0 0.4 i ~.s elk , It ;2 7..7 ..i '-' "' f (gig ri '- t: r, 44 PA „ A t' x 4 - ,^...4 L, 03 v p A, E,i 0 I-'• :4 - 124 0 p.l E 4 4 2 7 41 ...... 0 p., 'g l 0 !-2 '5 t 4 .04 ..... p 4 F-- 0 1 0 6 j ;i =SD 44 '.# '' - ...! A' Lu E-4 § ` 8 t.. , : 2, 10.4 z ; ... 1 ~..4 . 14 _a 0 4 41 Z r=4 i 1:1 kg g 0 0— c• rlo, r, g . 5 1 0 ",--). ,' . -1 E 4 ex, . i- , x •is .. 0 dell .! -I S lit '- lo 0 7 - 4.1 ••A • 0 , a ~, .4 ,4 QC-4 4 , --', .. K . 1 .... c , . '..-.) E 4 ' g .. 76; i=;= l Li. 71 ti , 44 M 1 STi 010 l'' P-4 *...) 0 E, 0 t - , 3', CC ' O, ? 13 . ,' iet P. 4 , 2 .-' 0 E - 4 .:F. N F 4 - r , c r+ Erni ... ~, ..,„.... 7:4 41 gri f==) cz 1 -,2.7,,' a C.... 3 04 ,L 5 a c' D.... 4 :::-. 71 .11 - _to.: •,.. fisor ,---.4 pi.• , 1N... Pmlmmo; -immose, aimm1,,,...11 [deolB-Itchtw b , Mva: Emil .. a oxl F, C. 2 41 e6 , r6 . 7, =EMI -., . . , .05u 1 "d f, 0 c' -,,,,. o •-• I' cb —,=t— o F, ^ I=g , ,s), ' 0 a) ? `2 a) wt. 4 Pc -: .v ..&I MEM WORLD MUTUAL LIFE INS. CO J. F. FRUEAUFF, General Agent for Fenn% NORTH QUEEN STREET, (Above J. F. Long & Son's Drug Store.) This Company offers more SOLID and REAL inducements than any other Life Insurance Company in the country. Send or call and get a Circular. Active solicitors, male or female, wanted in every township in the State. (Jan 14me WE HAVE NO TRAVELING AGENTS. Farmers and Dealers who send their orders direct to us, can avail themselves of the LOWEST PRICES And save the Commission. Early orders will be advantageous to buyers. ALLEN & NEEDLES, Manufacturers of IMPROVED SUPER PHOSPHATE Of' LIME, AND THE AMMONIATED FERTILIZER. PERUVIAN GUANO. We sell only No. I—received direct from the Goveniraent. FISH GUANO. A splendid Manure packed in barrels. We also otter for sale PURR LARD PLASTID', HYDRAULIC OILKILST and, a full assortment of OILSSIId CANDLYS. A DISCOUNT TO DEALERS. ALLEN & NEEDLES, 42 SOUTH DELAWARE AVENUE, PHILAD'A. ESTABLISHED IN 1818. GEO. M. STEINMAN & CO., fel:lll24m] Sole Agents at Lancaster. CAUTION. - —.- Whereas my wife CATHARINR ht. has left my home without any just cause or provoca tion, all persons are hereby cautioned not to trust her on my amount, as I will pay no debts which she may contract. DAVID H. HICINRY. Manic township, April 914, 111119-4 to hJ With malice towards none, with char n'ith firmness in the right, as God gi to see the right, let us strive on to finish M ire are in; to bind zap the nations woun • Claim _fgeney. ATTORNEY AT LAW, ME lus►rruuee. OF PHILADELPHIA CHARTER PERPETUAT Holders every year OF NEW YORK, NO. 160 BROADWAY Fertilizers. _ _ - 1 ..-I. gr .'-' ,-; -: --.. :, ik, / i.: --- e A maiden is merely a gushing young thing, Who can waltz, play duets, even possibly sing A green little fool, either awkward or pert, Who has learnr.d lots of nonsense, but not how to dirt. She's pretty to 'look at, but don't let her speak; If you make an allusion, she'll fancy it's Greek, And when you are wise will just give her a cursory Glance, and regret that she's come from the nursery. A wife is a slave, you may say what you will, But 'tis bitter to swallow the conjugal pill : And the girl uninstructed, is always a martyr, For every man is by nature a Tartar. Imagine her, fresh from the boarding-school, rich in The science of bills and the art of the kitchen! For men, you'll observe, are such gluttonous sinuers, They're a:4 savage as bears it' they don't get good dinners. a 'widow— I e ~*;., -74 plenty ~. toney— ,," hat's l i ' -Ws learn 1 • free; Wergeneral t ild egad, the-1 er 'J perilous; If your rent-roll is good, and your youth in its blOom, Ware widow, my friend—er prepare for your doom. The widow her holiday fully enjoys; She effaces the girls, and is followed by boys: Fair visions she forms of a future divine, But tlainks all the while—" All the Present is mine!" Still at last comes a day when it certainly seems Something real should replace her delectable dreams, So she chooses her second—l pity the child; May her temper be sweet, and her tyranny mild! =V A RAILROAD FLIRTATION. "Katonahl ,, shouted the brakeman, opening the car door as the train stopped before a pleasant lit*. station on the Ifar lett ltallroad. • " A 3 I do not know as I should have partic ularly noticed that we stopped at all, for I had been napping it for some miles; but just as I was casting an inquiring, sleepy look out of the window, and settling my self for another sicsto, my attention was attracted by the entrance of a young lady, a way passenger, who perceiving the car well tilled, paused before one in evident embarrassment. I scarcely wish the reader to infer from this that there were no vacant seats; on the contrary, the chair I occupied, was selfishly monopolized by my shawl and valise which had excluded many an appli cant, and so the moment I observed the car door opened, I mentally resolved not to budge an inch; but a glance at the new comer changed my mind. She was a young lady of exceeding beauty, dressed in the rich and tasty style of the present fashion. Whether it was her genteel aspect, or the melancholy of her dark impressive eyes, I cannot say, but when she ventured almost timidly, to inquire if the half seat at my side "was engaged, I gallantly arose and proffered it to hier at once. I must acknowledge I felt somewhat flattered by her preference, for though a young man and tolerably good looking, I had the sense to perceive there were far better men around, who like me, might have shared their chair with the handsome lady stranger. I fancied they envied me too, as the fair girl sat plump down, and her dainty form nestled close to my side. "I fear I have disturbed you," said my companion, in a low, sweet voice, that thrilled me with its soft cadence. "Not at all, Mies," I rejoined with stereotyped politeness. "I am too happy to ohliL 4 e you." She bowed and smiled in reply, and a short pause ensued, as is usual upon such sudden acquaintanceship. In the mean while, the train had started, and we rattled swiftly through the fields and woods, now decked in the lovely tints of Spring. The conductor came in, and went through his customary routine of examining the tick ets. I perceived hers was marked for New York, and after some healillion, I said, "You go to the city?" "Yes," she replied with a smile of win ning candor, "that I presume you have already found out." "I shall keep your company then," I ob served pleasantly. "Thank you, sir." There was a slight dignity, I thought, in her tone which repelled further familiar ity, so, as I am a very modest man, I drew back and said nothing further. On rushed the steam horse upon its iron pathway. One more station had been passed and I was fast relapsing into my former apathy, when m lady friend, to my surprise, lean ed towa ?ds me and whispered. "I am so very timid on the cars." "Indeed," said I, quite charmed with her abruptness. "You surely are well ac customed to traveling?" "Perfectly," she replied, with some non chalance, "but that is not it exactly. There are so many dreadful accidents on the railroad." "Dreadful, indeed!" echoed I. "And," added my companion with naivette, "It is so unpleasant to travel unattended. I usually have my brother Charley with me; he is a splendid escort." LANCASTER, Pk., BETA APRIL 23, 1869. No Org. W !DOW HOOD. pretty, and witty—with few years over twenty 1 iii for a woman to be— le secret, she's perfectly J sad, but not querulous: ,reature's confoundedly pioallauteux „ _ _ ; ; , 'Vf-c” t~~s ~.%=`' care for him who shall have borne /he ballle„ and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may ache/eye and cherish a fast and a lasting peace amona ourselves and with till nations."—.4. L. "If you will allow ino." will I quite gallantly, "I will occupy that pi:•ii tion." "I am much libli!flql to you, sir," replied the puny. , lady, with a grateful glance from hCr dark orbs, —yet I alit half' fright ened to think I am accepting the eseurt lit a stranger, nut that I ti•ar you, sir; but alas! I iiav a ;II alous father." jealon, father!" 1 repeated, some whatimzzled and surprised. "Ah, yes,.. sighed the young lady. "It = health, and almost everything that tile ,J.K.,..prt van wish, to be under the tyranieal codtr/0 of an old step-ffither, who treats me oftentimes ill the most cruel manner; and debars Inc front the society of your sex, shuts me up in the gloomy confines of my chamber, and treats me with pitiless rigor, if I do so much as speak to or look at a man." "What a monster!" I ejaculated with a face of melodramatic sympathy. "That is the reason," site continued, lookin, , ?, around her half fearfully as she spoke, "that is the reason why I am so diffident about entrusting myself to your care, hut I do it on one condition." "Negate it," I rejoined, charmed and de lighted with the strange confidence the _young lady reposed in Me.. "That you leave me the instant the cars reach New York." I was so bewitched by the beauty and. charming , ensousiance of my quondam friend, that I readily gave the required pledge; apparently quite relieved,the young lady threw aside all reserve, and talked and chatted with the most pleasant man ner possible. It is needless to say that in an hour's time I had so far advanced in her good graces, as to venture to press her land, and the sweet, half-coquettish smile that played around the corners of her cherry lips, did not seem to disapprove of the liberty I had taken. "Do you know," said she, as we sat hattitag confidentially together, "that I liked your face the first moment I saw it." "It was sympathetic on both sides then," I whispered, drawing so near to her that I could feel her hot breath fan my check. "Yes," she murmered, gently withdraw ing herself from my glowing embrace, for we Nut passed through the tunnel, and I had taken a lover's advantage and snatch ed a hasty kiss, ,You area naughty man, the naughti e,st min I ever saw," she said, in a low • d tmolow,_tone. "If papa could be in the train What would he say.* "Never fear, sweet creature," rejoined earnestly, "your cross old fater is miles away, and let us improve the present op portunity." "Are you aware?" she observed, half mischievously, "that there is another tun nel beyond, a great deal darker than the one we have left?" `•I know it," said I with a tender glance at my fair enslaver. "We are drawing near to it very fast." Once more I placed my arm around the waist of the young lady, and wrapped in the gloom of the tunnel, took sweet pledges from her lips. It was very gratifying to my vanity—all good looking young men are vain, you know—to perceive that my lovely companion clung more affectionate ly to me than before, indeed, I had scarcely time to tear myself from her arms when we emerged once more into broad daylight. She had let her veil drop over her face, but I could detect the crimson flush through the fine net work of lace. Her voice betrayed much emotion as she whis pered: "I have gone too far with you, sir; alas, you have ceased to respect me." "My sweet charmer," I rejoined, "let us ever be friends; give me your name and address?" "My name and address," she responded "you must never know; I already feel frightened to think how far I have per mitted myself to venture with a stranger. Forgive and forget me." "A flirt, a coquette!" "No, no," she returned hurriedly, press ing my hand, "I am not a flirt, but I dare not—as much as I think of you, I dare not let the acquaintance proceed further; have pity upon me! have pity." She looked so pleadingly so intreatingly with those soft dark eyes gleaming through tie-silken meshes of her veil, that I could not persuade myself to be offended with her. At last she reluctantly consented to give her name, and handing me a prettily embossed card, I read "Kate Darrel, No. University place." The train had reached thirty-second street, and I could easily perceive that my fair inamorata grew every moment more restless and disturbed. First her head peered out of the window, than she would half rise and cast hurried and fearful glances behind. Already 1 was beginning to share the uncomfortable feelings of my companion, as visions of angry papa flourishing a cane over my head rose vividly before my mind's eye, when suddenly Miss Darrel uttered an exclamation, rose from her scat, and unceremoniously darted from the car. I wondered at the ease and dexterity with which she descended, though the car was propelled quite rapidly by horse pow er, but my wonder and surprise was des tined to be considerably increased, when a few minutes afterwards a thick set, stern looking gentleman entered from the other side, his eyes inquisitively scanning the face of each lady passenger. "Bono!" said he rather gruffly, passing before me, "has a young lady been occu pying this seat?" "I es, sir, ,, I replied, somewhat discon certed, and quite abashed. "Light jockey, maroon colored silk and grey traveling cloak," pursued the gentle man interrogatively. 14 1 , - , ; 1 ) ."41 that NV:IS 11(T co,tl.llllt':' I le- VII, (I she's given meth,. slip again!" cri(.ll the slappin4 - his href pocket. much emphasis. ytm. tho rcimAtteil: zt sudden and awrul lie - lit breaking upon Inc. the jade is :is sharp as a needle." "Pray sir," said I, with a slight s.at,a tion stttliwation. "itiav I Ise s() tHittl as to (an' ttiri. if you arc t littlter of the young ladv?" -' Father delevtive!•' -the devil no, sir---I ani "Then," continued 1 with desperate calmness, "who is the young lady?" "Bless your soul, she is Nancy Decors, the Ilishionable female pickpocket. By Gad, sir, has she I.),•en playing her points on von?" The detective grinned, and the passen gers, gradually comprehendin! , the "situ ation,” smiled provokingly. I did not reply—the itltelligenee was stunning and mortifying in the highest degree, my beautiful companion was nothing more than a member of the "swell mob," and I, while flattering myself upon having made a conquest, In reality had been the victim of a cunning and•designing deceiv er, and well had she duped me, for even while I was snatching those dear bought kisses, she had dextrously relieved me of my watch and purse, and, as I never saw her or my valuables again, it may be read ily believed that my adventure was not without its moral, or that I was, thereaf ter, quite as eager for a railroad flirtation AN EXACTING HUSBAND. Wycherly, the comedian, married a girl of eighteen when he was verging on eigh ty. Shortly after, Providence was pleased in his mercy to the young woman, to call the old man to another and better world. But ere lie took his final departure from this, he summoned his young wife to his bedside and announced to her .he was dy ing, whereupon she wept bitterly. Wy cherly lifted himself up in the bed, and gazine; with tender emotion on his weep ing wife, said: "My dearest love, I have a solemn promise to exact from you before I quit your side forever here below. Will you assure me my wishes will be attended to by you, however great the sacrifice you will be called on to make?" Horrid ideas of suttees, of poor Indian widows being called on to expire on fu neral Pyres, With the bodies of their de ceased lords and masters, flashed across the brain of the poor woman. With a convulsive effort and a desperate resolution she gasped out an assurance that his com mands, however dreadful they might be, should be obeyed. Then Wycherly, with a ghastly smile, said, in a low and solemn voice: "My beloved wife, the parting request I have to make of you is—that when I am gone (here the poor woman sobbed and cried most vehemently), when I am in my grave—(Mrs. Wycherly tore her hair)—when I am laid low—(the discon solate wife roared with grief.)—when I am no longer a heavy burden and a tie on you—(`Oh, for heaven's sake,' howled Mrs. W., ' what am I to do? ')--I com mand you my dear, young wife—(yes, y-e-s, love, sobbed Mrs. W.,)—on pain of incurring my malediction—(y-c-s dear, groaned the horror-stricken wife)--never to marry an old man again! Mrs. Wycherly dried her tears, and in the most fervent manner, promised that she never would—and that faithful wo man kept her word for life. GOT NO FRIEND. We were traveling through Canada, in the winter of 1839, and after a long days ride, stopped at the Lion Inn, and the contents of the stage, numbering nine persons; soon gathered round the cheerful tire. Among the occupants of the room, we observed an ill-looking cur, who had shown his wit by taking up his quarters in so comfortable an apartment. After a few minutes the landlord entered, and, observing the specimen of the canine species, remarked. "Fine dog that! Is he yours, sir?" ap pealing to one of the passengers. "No, sir." "Beautiful dog! Yours sir?" addressing himself to a second. "No," was the blunt reply. "Como here, pup! Perhaps he is yours, sir?" "No," was the reply. "Very sagacious animal! Belongs to you, I suppose, sir?" "No he doesn't," was the reply. "Then he is yours, and you have a treasure," throwing the animal a cracker. "Nothing of the kind." "Oh!"—with a smile—"he belongs to you, as a matter of course?" addressing himself to the last passenger. "Wouldn't take him as a gift." "Then, you internal, dirty, mean, con temptible whelp, get out!" With that, the host gave the dog such a kick as sent the animal yelling into the street, amid the roar of the company. —The following conversation between a colored prisoner and a temperance lecturer who was in search of facts to fortify his positions and illustrate his subject, ex plains itself : " What brought you to prison, my col ored friend!" " Two constables, sah." "Yes, but I mean had intemperance anything to do with it?" " Yes, sah; dey wus bofe of , em drunk, sah." —Examiner—" Who was the strongest man? " Smart boy—" Jonah." " Why so?" "'Cause the whale couldn't hold him after he got him down." No. cAsii nATEs OF ADI EETISING JN l'i.TliElt Al3l:.VEr.t`l. 11 lim f a ~j ~.are ME I \ h... ‘‘( 1.- 1 in ILI. 1,, rnr 3 11 50 I •211 I • 70 4 O( 14 . 00 ;,0 2 :, 20 I; 10 pi 17 00 IWI ... 00 700 12 00 '2.0 00 . 7 - ) 4 I. 1). 10 %AI 71> 0, , :21 50 940 :5 oh .n 110 55 00 7n 11 ll> 1 ,- ",0 :5 00 40 (I 0 70 00 h.) :0 Lq 40 1:0 I) 00 120 00 ffir tt I 1 EN(" . 11( 4, •- • , PI:( 1.11. Non( c. nt a En.• for the •- , ,•Ncil Icr each 1:1.:.‘ I, I: . T.\ n cent:3 a line fot 11) , 11r-111, , ,rtion.itint iivt• for ont•ltadditional inw rt ion. •ALL KIN! PILI,NTI NI; Nrented Nvith IMO 11 , - pal h. ,f tutee . vbraititin'o, (r.;hipo. \ NNA i ( ;:. or2jl, :1 have a haby ,-()1()w (al ti first Of _May. 1 1 1(( ju(l - to In' yiaing% tmluarric(l 111(.11. Nortlicrn Mral Railroad Com pany will, 11111 .. 111'4 . the c0n1 . 11114 ~n nmer, oilitinw of t 1 tionlY'. , track from Itarri , lourr S11111)111..1'. Ass PAcKrut, conscious of the impossi bility of the Democratic party to elect any rnan Governor of Pennsylvania, r e fuses to accept its nomination for that position. Nnythumborland and Chester coun ties, ladies arc candidates for School Su perintendents. Why not? A lady is as capable of superintending as of teaching a public school. THREE or four gold fish, which were introduced into the Patrunle from the fountain of the Capitol ounds a lew years since, arc said to he rapidly populating that river. A bridal dross at a recent New York wedditur was trimmed with 60,000 worth of lace. A lace merchant in the city has enou"11 d'Alencon to trim a dress which he will sell for ..e.2,0,000. Tim St. Louis Demo rot of Tuesday says: There is now enough grain atloat for this city from Minnesota alone to load a thousand cars! So much for the grain movement. IT will be observed that no soonor does the new administration get fairly under way than a decrease of about ten millions in the national debt is announced by Treasurer Bout well. Copperheads and their newspapers, please take notice! A LADY was telling a young man of a child, a few weeks old, whose grandmoth er was only thirty-eight years old. The young man replied that that was nothing. lie knew a young lady whose grand chil dren were not born yet, TEXAS has now within her borders more than 3,000,000 head of cattle, and can ex port annually 1,000,000 beeves. With the proper packing establishments, Texas can send to the cities of the world better beef, and at lower figures, than can be obtained in any other part of the United States. TEE Boston joitinat says: "Mr. Joab Whipple, of Squawkboro', does not see the use of building school houses and pay ing teachers to educate a parcel of boys and girls who know a darned sight more than their parents do already."Joab relatives in nearly every community. ANDREW JOHNSON, as a Union man was a hypocrite. He spoke his real senti ments in a recent speech at Knoxville, Tenn., when he said:—"l lc‘mhi to God that the Gorcenment had not had thr credit to borrow a (bOllO r to co rry on the war. ,, JACOB BARKER, the veteran Banker and financier, late of New Orleans, has re turned to Philadelphia, at the age of nine ty years, with faculties unimpaired, but almost without capital, and intends to en ter into mercantile business in that city._ Spunky 01(1 chap! TAKE the whites of four eggs and ten cents worth of quicksilver; pqt them in a bowl and beat to a perfect frog: Take a feather and dip into the preparation and apply to every part of your bedstead where bugs conceal themselves; do this once a year, and you will never see a bed bug in your house. A CURIOUS puzzle has been whittled out with a penknife by a man in Norwich Conn. Ile has taken an eight-ounce vial and set up in its interior a perfect keg about two inches long, with four hoops on it and both heads in ; and he has stopped the bottle with a wooden plug which fits perfectly tight and is keyed inside, the keit dinned and the pin toggled. To remove warts and corns, take a small piece of raw beef; steep it all night in vinegar, cut as much from it as will cover the wart, tie it on, or if the excres cence is on the forehead, fasten it on with strips of sticking plaster. It may be re moved in the day and put on every night. In two weeks the wart or corn will die and peel oft; and no scar left. IN one of the rural towns in Rhode Is land, through which swept a recent reviv al, there dwells a father and three sons, all of whom had long voted the Demo cratic ticket. But at the last election, the father brought but one son with him and to queries about the others said, with a mournful head shake, "They don't vote with us any more; they've experienced religion." Tim new postage stamps are now in use. The three cent stamps are smaller than the old "sorrel " stamp, square in stead of oblong, blue, finely engraved, and have the picture of a locomotive under full headway. On the whole, we don't see where the improvement on the old style comes in, unless itconsists in the "divvy" made by Johnson's P. M. Gen. It is said that Randall lives in great style at Elmi ra, New York. We guess that was what was the matter with the old stamps. TILE other day, says an exchange, a lady called at the house of a friend, and seeing a couple of not large sized pin cushions lying upon a table, which, upon inquiry, she found bad been in use for five years, suggested to the lady of the house that it would be a good idea to rip them open and get the needles. At this the lady laughed, and replied that she thought it would hardly pay; but upon the other insisting that she would find as many as 300, the experiment was finally tried, when to the astonishment of all, 1,- 500 needles were counted outl We don't charge the ladies anything for this bit of information. :J G U 4 , 2 60 2 60 2 50 160