tennomluanioch Pritoth.
ELM SCHWEFFLEBBENNER.
1)e Slit ory 11111 lier W w
Scit
Deccinbt.r 14I;S.
I ' l kl)1)El:
De Bev (lilt Brut' insista das well ea
olleweil fashionable is so shtory's tsu
..11reiva un se in de Tscitungani tsudrucka,
un well (le left yetz about genunk hen fun
wealia us Bawer-- we's in unser yungy
korriseer dawyalner gonga is - syt ichyetz
untold de shtory shreiva fun Nveaya dcr
Widfraw 1N" older wtl do out ow era end Wm
township woont. un weil es about an guty
Ithtory is. un olly wort derfu fthtricktly
wohr, will ich's yeti untold ShreiVa, 1111
( - 101111 luiaccL Cl'S a W reCht Shea un shtick
iu der F01)1)1',11 A M ni do. I)er
mich aver now net ous-lacha Nvann
'Joh in des shtory shreiva ni ge so a wen-
nich of an rontondishe shtvle. thr seller-
weg muses gedu waTr3 for an guter
iin
rression tsu
An ,heaves warnik lire lint gebrennt
iut gross:J. lireada lire-luert in der kith fun
tna alta der linka bond
aide tun lire-hart, 1111 dicht enunk tsum
tivo leuetlt d&itu tau kreeya, war do
kat z iuit caradrel yungy, tut tzrawd neava
draw war der alt Ba al ii u c Loud ttf canl
lonya. fete !_leayit 'em lire.
Dori odder 11 er slitinka un a pitar sliticker
slanoice-lieel lien int diortishtett g•litutka.
On vi.adain feuslater war au blununa
nti t i‘liettny rosa shteek, un a lot fun donna
L:rinn-un-long halsicho squaslia uu r«1
peliper tin tswivvella warn tsonin«
I ainua tin on ma nawyel giunika. Per
•itr *llea un elanwer un
shtawb odder dreck \NAV SU
Clll settee, uf cm dish odder uf de
_Etc:MIL-dog uhr dort int eck. tint
g'sieht lint ex:telly
gli;il;a un fort getickt das W:11111 se
4 , onmoner mensha-fershtond het
uu drat id:: du e:zeept earn ea . vene hiSIMSS
111' weft grossyawram-sliteel lieu
Miele ,`lll I:re-11Fert g'slitomm. Au Hein
itt shcana brass liehter-slitock, an licit],
an lot sheany rot y el)ble tut
a clearer frishes Nval,sor want
In eans run de awram-shleel
•tvirc ,t-guckiche tut blesseerliebe fraw
tin de war so an ut thif-un-fiert-
N olll. ;It. So but an sheany weise
haul ..Cht , ,t. nut roan, I , ,wka. dickey
selie,:cct - ty holirun schwarizy awya. Eara
elboitya \val. of (ll dish. dor kop wen
n:. '; of dcr hoiet it ; t nit in
position hut de l'raw eara glues
fire enjoyed. war de widfraw ,
fit!, Benner Wohler ltu :IL, :111 1;)IV
:fun der ktvrrich war. tin shun ivver
ferLrrawa. b•Drei toter," sogt
H.aw tsu sich solwer. •• we se doll
till ins tire. Ili Ul a hi. •• Es
11
tuct• mea ft ay da , , Ikn
p.lll. 1. till doill • Mich
much 111'i :11t. i'clii:11.111.
OM
i]
1.1 . ,•!1 tmlier I..it. tie
v,:ts Limier sin
hoci , .eht tie witlfraw tsttsicit
• t'ov klo,vi thy sliNvk_ sltt.ev
nth t seN le,r.\ - a his of cans
d,itt t , 11, , un vs is
boll lbmt. un
K~4~ tae;.'
1 .).• Nut iii it L atmthl f,pple
1.(71ui111113 tin ay..l;;:ig I:"1 1,,11 lionn
fiat Qt. o:1 vr clinic!! an h,fp.,,, , r °dam
U t-ti a It ,Hwt r
\\*:;!, drum tic'. Ilenner
t lAA% 'ca . a wram mum'
BEI
1:111 . : ilea, 161' 11 11 R.l* onna is
sash das epple.
s gi,ot das uann's gesliter
w‘er, Nye i 1 3.1 noeli a imadle war
‘,ls tipple shawl t ivver der kup
thr Isa seana NVell ich im sin
helm. un hob
wann ae soul der budda !,e
a, net der Im6lulawb s a l a c ha. for
an sign g'wrst 4
.4: Sam Simpler,
n 7 der Heuner but courso ols i)us
for nu W. ,,
widfraw ivver eara yittg(.lY dawya
[mkt hut, Bonn sin aw cant ge
donka wilder of der SamShnyder kumma.
"Er war als so an feiner 'noun, un is fort,
yetz shun yohra long, tin nemond weas
wu onn; Wanu , s now net Mr seller un
sinnich 14.. a flies war g"tvi.st wu ich un
der Sam rititnonner g'hot hen, donn alter
ich un ter K.rleicht vans °Hewed, ich
Wier net so lonesome we ich bin. Any
-11-Ow, holidler Sam ols orrig geglicha,
tux ich welts das er atvnuchgeglicha hut."
Donn but se wilder ins fire geguckt, un
tatsipott selw ivver de olty sacha noels
fgaitaikt. tin Bonn hut Sc amohl an longes
k opplc shawlivver eara kop g'shmis-
Sat 13, 411011101*14 sat so follt das es wid
der an busmawb asaaht. Donn, denkt
•
M
se tsu rich selwer: was deata aver now
de nochbers kit ivver ouch denka wann se
ntich seana deata so eafeltich tsu acta?
lwer—us seats neniond das der hood on
de kat z. tin do sawya anyhow nemond nix
&rill. I . l' Course, hut se aw tsu sich sel
wer gedenkt. ich ;;latch drum net on de
epple shawl lmslulawa clumheita- (loch
will ich es nun noch amohl prowera." nn
done hut se nosh a shtick tipple-shawl
ivyer der kup g'shmissa. tut w runt
guckt war es tylerklich dort geleaya ui ge
krollt v unlit exactly we an grosser S.
Urea mold kluppt cl)lwr O 1 der dvcr.
nn der 111111(1 i ui gPtslitumpt lm awl'ouga
orrig SaVage tsu gouka, nn de Nvidfraw
lint in a grossl - hurry do p/obl t , shaivln
gepickt.
hunt. hum,
tut a louth inonu';-•
loo.'
Donn SO (lc doer un roon: " Wlci
1) . n.111. 1111 W 14 IS di 13 . 151 i t . :, 11011?••
'• Icli 1)111 a frvnulor."
,• A wer was wid doh— was isdi hiSneSS?
6• Ei es is an kolty, dunkely nada, un
tell deal gleicha mich tsu wterina, for ich
weas net wu ieh sunsht onna gem set.•'
)oml so g t do w id-fraw : " • Es is au house
yushi a holb mile doh der we. 4 nuf. nn
Mort kenna se dick aceommodata ''—
‘• Awer,'• secht der monn, "hit bin noss
of de pout, for c•s reayert tut der «•en is
dreekieb uu icL feel aw net able welder
tsu gea; hiss mich anyhow ni nil mich
wterma."
Ei reayerts &mu," scat se, tut mad
110 deer uf, id) hub not g'wist das es so
orrig rvayerl, Inl dvr m nii iS iiei, in tlo,
kick un Init si , ll anlold so a w e nni c h o b
g'shiddlei
Alt," secht er, 6• doh gookts aw com
fortable—anyhow ordlich feel besser feelts
dolt Inn das Brous in sellam reaya shtorm,•
uu de widfraw hut skit graved bissy ge
maeht un mea holtz ufs lire gedu. so das
der moan sigh aw obdriekla kent. for si
ruck war dorrichnoss. Donn is east
das earn fersht4)rwenit moult si feitter
rock-- a sort fun a dressing-gown---
'loch dort in kleader shonk henkt. un
well es (1001 tstt orrig wler den locum dart
pucka lussa mit sciva nosse kl e a,l,• r
un fiTleicht Hoch !;or a kalt krecya tut si
dual hohla, hut se der ruck kriekt un tam
cu gevya aw du. Donn is Si ay; avga
for :t pair fun earam ferslitorwena monn ,
st ina shlippyr , , un sagt:
[eh 11 , A11: de:it:4ll : , w
tsocya un de : , hlipper6 :(11 .
lii: Sc drucka sin. for so nosse fecs k, nta
livr rummadis cAlt'r fuvvr
I )cr locum hut skit ()nig politely be
donlit, ill) hilt ous tut tie shlip
pers atv godu, 1111 111)1111 but er skit onita
~ 22httekt, fores tire, hi) awrant-slitool- (ler
rrrti sittool )Nll ols: tier witifraw eara frr
shtorwena Ilt•uner .:11ttekt hut. Er tear
ordlich uwsealieher inonn. twit nut
gress;.. Lund. tin de it - ver gut y accont-
laudations 11(91 can arch; aw g'shtouna.
• • I ham lint dr \ 'N'ltlfraw prk)pused aw elibas
tsu essa ameba," nu deweil se loissy war
hut t.r t-,11 sich
/1( s Wall now ainolil au urdlich
:11ma11 V frav, - . 1111 alt by chucks di) bin
ill l'anllll fursittorwona 11101111 scim
tirsinps t.town, in spina shlippors. in schn
anr,un-slitool. i 1 seiner alla kith. foru
still) gross:t alta fire-hairt, tin si :titer housc:
hunt' tut si katz, sowohl das si 12.:oot
gm:I:iotr wid-rraw, dona michslityr gorly
glawa inacha tins it h not yushr wilcom,
awor at derhcam bin doh. I but or
sick alt anuthl hokonnt gem:Lehi. 11111. 4 (111
hunk, tin hut eon tsu sich goluckt, ttn or
is lotnumt tut yusht so creind-
Hob (las wann :.0 alto bekonnta wrera.
si!cht de will-fraw, ••cs wunnt rt
mioll (14)(41 now this dcr lututi creintllich
. tr common goutst or, 1111 I 5 litcs walxl
01115 . 1' tr,ortya eau kummt ••()h,"
socht th 1* 1111)1111, '• cs is yllsilt we mor tint
do hunt lunge:lt obse gout odder loos sin."
We's ossa ficrtich war hut sc can cit4o
lalt•da slob onna tsu huckel nn sick selwor
w e n e te r ; :litory tsu long is for se
all of Va. 1110111 Ism shreiva nn drucka, will
in,•ll dcr 11c nalance tlerfu govva, in nwini
ntagslita iwcof.
S( II WEITLIMIENNEIt
OLLERLEA.
IVe 11 full de tSWea in de monnity—des
hinkle wtt's oV ous-breed, odder sell vu's
off• liagt? [user Jonny behawpt das de
}duck wit's oy ous-breed is de mommy fum
yunra ltinkle, aver der Sammy sogt, now
suppose awer• a kiuck haat sieh of an lot
curia over un breed St! MIS, war se dorm
de mummy fun a true yungy enda? Der
Sammy is ahead, under Jonnv geb ul.
__Es is an I)eddlemonn (1 OF de rounds
;;eat in Kentucky; dclaill WU cam nix gev
va dut er de slitell awshtecka, nu denim
wu eani mit belfit slitoalt er olles was er
krecya lomn.
—An batehelor is miter dar all si le.awa
of 0111 grossa welt's railroad travelled olma
connevtions tsu Mai ha, So caner is iSti
iwdauvra.
-- Der Duckt , r IlargreaN es hut tin nuie
temperance ts: , itung wslitart, itt
un Least, "The Good Idea." Se kum
mt rouse oily moututt, un kosht a holwer
(Lath , r's 3 - 0111..
--Des is; der Iveg we suer Fasinteht's
kucha bockt: Tswea euplin full trucker;
ca euply dye' eyes; a shtlek
butter about so gross das an hinkle oy:
tea-letlly full soda, tut a wennich mush
kawta nos un (lona yusht ins
meal tin mach tier thug uu bock de kueha.
Cheemany tires, was sin se awer so goot!
—Es sin MTV 50,000 sci g'shlacht war
ra in Indiana im yoht• 1868. Kea wuuner
das der Sehnoyer es net hut kumma kenna
in Indiana.
—For dreckiehe kiuner goot gueka
imam, use plenty warme seafa bree.
COLONEL JOSEPH W. CAKE,
Colonel Cake is one of the " self-made "
men of Pennsylvania, whose history, if writ
ten, would be not only highly interesting, but
profitable also to all who are about stepping
from youth to manhood to assume the various
responsibilities of citizenship.
Colonel Cake is a native of Northumber
land. In 1830 he became engaged as an ap
prentice to the ehairmaking trade, with An
drew Keifer, of Harrisburg, and afterwards,
in 1837, read law, and was admitted to prac
tice lin the courts of Lycorning county. In
1847 he located at Pottsville, and soon became
extensively engaged in the development of the
wealth of the Schuylkill region. He also ex
tended his business affairs to Sunbury, in his
native county, his present place of residence.
Politieall3', be was a democrat, until 1860,
when he favored the nomination of Douglas
for the Presidency. But, the insolence of the
Southern slave-driving democracy, and the
threats made to rebel against, and defy the
national authority, induced Col. C., with
thousands of others of his political faith, to
come to the hearty support of AnnAN:lyt
LINCOLN and the whole Republican ticket.
When the President issued his first, call for
troops to defend the National Capitol, in 181;1,
Col. C., with his brother, organized the Regi
ment which left Pottsville for Washington,
which, with a small force from Reading, and
a company fr on Allentown, were first in
Washington—even before the fatuous Sixth
Massachusetts met with it:: bloody reception
at Baltimore.
In the spring of 1887 Col. Cake's name was
presented to the Senate, in the course of a
series of nominations, for the vacant post of
Collector of the Port of Philadelphia. lle
was lin:my:By coutirtuel, to rho gratitioathit
.elected.
(I.'roht the '1',101,,
NASIIII.
Mr. Nasby Casts About for a City of Refuge
and 'Decides upon New York its a Proper
Field upon Wbicl► to Graze.
()Jrre- , , rwtri.:i.Nei I . X 1:4).1e-.,
Which 14 in the :.;tait et . Kenteekv,)
December 5,1 s •-i.
The eltscshun tic grant hez lied a most
delu•essiu etleck ulgou the undersined. The
fact is hecomin painfully e•viclent that
cannot very long, remain here. I'v course.
Grant 1611 give the ollis with I now hold
to Pollock, and 11V course Joe Bigler will
Is his delay. This will end me; ur ruther
it hez ended me. Baseom last into per
onitorilv retbozed to give ale credit fie• lik
ker ()Mess I c•ood in some way sekoot• him
in the matter itv pay. Sic•lt is life! Bas
com is rapashus, but my bowels ate more
so, and 1 wuz compelled to give him a
mail hag fin• enuti to last me two days.
It don't require much ligovrin for me to
ascertain just how long I kin subsist on
\vat government property I hey in my
p,ssus s ion. The two mail bags will buy
(quill' whiskey for two days; the lucks be
lontin to em one day more; the boxes, I
spose I kin sell for villa to run (ma week;
and thcn there is the tabl es , c h a i v „,,
and a few other artkelys wich I. kin dispose
11V. TO rec ahiculate :
mail hag ,
2 locks
10 boxes fropils, ez gimp]
ez new, he yin never bin yonsetl... fp
2 chaiN
1 table
1 stove W itb place to heat water for
whiskey punch.
EMI
There is the stamp with wick dates are
put onto letters, the eancellin stamp, and
one Or two other pieces tiv government
property, wick may possibly be made
available for one or two more days. Then
there is a possibility—a bare possibility—
that sonic US our people may send a letter
containin a remittance to a gift enterprise;
or sonic one abroad may_ send money by
mail to some one at the Comers, in wich
ease I steel hey supplies for a long period.
But this is a mere straw to ketch at. Ez
our people don't read they are not apt to
send money On the strength uv advertise
ments, and besides they ain't got the mo
ney to send. Bascom hez it all.
Prom this time out my life is prolonged
misery. Du like a man in a boat in the
rapids uv Niagary; the plunge over the
falls must come.
In cleanin out the Government property
I hey in my possession, I ant only lollerin
lthnoeratic precedent. Wat was left, let
me ask, when Buchanan's people went
out of place? It's my misforchoon and A.
Johnson's crime, that I'm in a place where
there is so little to steal. A. Johnson hez
in this yoosed me most vilely. I hev la
bored for hint; 1 hey supported hint—and
this is the beggarly reward for a sacrifice
so great! There are hundreds which never
did the half I hey for hint, who hey places
with. el they hey ordinary skill, will yield
em hundreds uv thousands when they go
out, while I hey only enutT Government
property in my hands to furnish me
sus
tenance for less titan a month! And this
is wat A. Johnson wood call gratitood!
This is the reward uv virchoo!
Upon the whole I don't know but that
it is ez well that I shoold leave the Cross
Collector of the Port of Philadelphia.
of the Republicans everywhere. From that
time forward he has held a position of singu
lar difficulty, and one in which a less firm and
well balanced mind could not have succeeded
in baffling and defeating the efforts made to
betray and entrap him. The political import
ance of the position was too great to permit
those who hoped to manage the President, and
every item of patronage within his reach, to
rest tin• a moment after Col. Cake's true inde
pendence of position was disclosed. He at
once took a bold stand on the merits of his
appointees as officers first, and next on the
soundness of their political views—neither of •
which principle of conducting the office suited
the democratic hangers on of the Treasury
Department. The contest against him was
remarkable fur the persistency and bitterness
with which it was waged by " My Policy,"
until the election of Gen. Grant hushed it,
though not entirely. The bold and manly
stand taken by Col. Cake in the administra
tion of his official affairs, was characteristic
of the man who was among the very first to
put loyal soldiers in motion at the call of the
country—in April, Mil. The rage and hatred
of those whose efforts to unseat him were baf
tied, and probably tinallydefietted, has scarce
ly a parallel in similar political warfare. But,
no man ever sustained such a controversy
with more apparent equanimity on his own
part, or evinced a cooler determination to do
his entire duty, than Cot. Cake. Throwing his
whole influence into the canvass in aid of the
election of Grant, he may now have the grafi-
Heat ion to find the difficulties by winch lie has
been !surrounded break away and disappear
by such slow but certain degrees as the refrac
tory persons lie has yet, for a little while to
deal with, will permit.
Itoads. Tit, fact is a connntinity made
up entirely ov Demokr:tts ain't a ptk,asallt
place for sich ez me to livo into. Es I
hey to live onto the people its rather thin
livin where the people hey within thent
solves. I'v wat yoose is it to hold otlis
Avhyr Cher ain't nothing to tax? El I
WHY. a Whiskey lnspeetor, or Collector,
or Assessor, I might possibly wrench a
tolerable •;tilisistelice from our distillers
here, Elder Pennibaeker and Capt. Mc-
Pelter. But A. Johnson made Elder
Pennibacker Whiskey Inspector, Captain
AlcPelter Assessor, and Bascom, who hez
an interest in both distilleries, Collector.
In consekence of this ingenious arrange
ment the Internal Revenue isn't ditlbosed
very much. The intelligent citizens are
averse to labor, so ye wat they hey to do
to pervide eta with sustenance, and they
keep it so hot for the niggers, who are the
only ones who will work, that they don't
accumulate anything. 1 wuz Justis by
the l'cecc 'lore one veer, but uv wat a vale
WU% it? I bed collections cilia put into
my hands, and the defewlants wood come
up with the utmost cheerfulness and con
fess
,judrinent. but :burs: the defendant
never hed within that rood be attached,
and the plaintiff wuz never good for the
costs.
•4
1
DMZ
20 "
Financially I know that it is all right.
In Noo York there is fifteen millions per
year to be stolen, and the facilities are so
magnificent ez to make liyin off the city
nothin but luxurious idlenis. When I
wuz there last and saw how easy it wuz I
reely blushed for my sex.
Politically it coodent be no better. The
Dimocrisy uy all the rest uv the country
can be tetched, but our Irish fellow citi
zens uv Noo York are invulnerable. They
are splendid men and most consistent in
their Dinioerisy. There is no people in
the world wich so loge liberty—none which
hey sich a determinashen that all men
sled be free—ceptin, uv course, niggers
and others wich don't agree with them.
The hatred wick the oppressed O'Murphy
Dears to his English oppressors is only
ekelled by his desire to hey a nigger wich
he kin smash into the dust. There is in
the Irish character an invincible hatred
tty slavery—onless they kin be the mas
ters; and a undy in love 'iv ekality till they
git on top. The nigger is, however, their
specialty. Ez there is thousands uv nig
ners in Noo York, and ez Dimocrisy in
this city means killin a nigger, there ain't
no danger of our ever losing that vote.
Shood the nigger race run out our party
wood languish, but it wood only be for a
time. So important is this idea to us that
the leaders uv the Dimocrisy wood search
the earth from the North pole to the South,
to find some race wick the Noo York Di
mocrisy could reasonably claim to be soo
perior to. I don't know whether there is
such a race on the face uv the globe, or
not, but of there is, it wood be found and
iniportid, for sich a race we must hey.
The Post ()ilk Was Worth suthin, for it
gave trio credit. I Witz Fedral offiser,
and hein one, I inspil the people with
awe. m Ez no one takes papers here or re
eve V 1 .5. or sends letters, the perkisits ain't
but then I hew posisheni.
I (dal go to Noo York. In Noo York
is a field pekoolyerly adapted to me. In
oo York aldermen and city otlishels go
ez mourners at the funerals uv prize light
ers; in Noo York they elect gentlemen on
skool boards wick are unable to write their
names; in Noo York ,John .Morrisey Wm:
elected to Congress, and in Noo York little
Sammy Cox got into posishen. In oo
York lien Wood is a power, and Fernandy
hez inflooonee. Lookin at these things I
feel that their is hope for me,
tio long ez there's a nigger there'll be a
Democrat.
At the Cross Roads there ain't nobody
I to tax— in Noo York the elements are bet
ter mixed. The opulent merchants and
bizness men us' that charmin city make a
million a year apeeee, and consent like
' , mile lambs to be sheered uv two-thirds
uv it to support some thousands uv gen
tlemen who pay !within. In Non York
we her sunlit' solid to go onto. Our ma
jority Calll, be disturbed, and those wieb
don't pay taxes don't care how much them
Ch do are taxed, and half uv them with
don't pay taxes don't care how much them
with do are taxed, and half uv them wick
don't are directly interested in taxin them
wieh do. The Captins of the tens git,
their share---the Captins 11V the fifties and
hundreds likewise, only more so. And ez
their force makes the majority, ther ain't
no appeal from this.
In Kentucky Lam dependent upon the
General Government. In Noo York they
wood like to hey the Fedral otlisis, for they
can't get too much; but et' they don't hey
them they don't care very much. They
only put the suction closer on the city trea
sury. The only reason why any biznis
men voted for Seymour wuz, that vf the
Rings got the Fedral oflisis, they might
possibly be easier on the city treasury, and
let them off with less. That is, they want
hl the whole country to assist ill supportin
the Rings, instid Ely twin compelled to do
it theirselves alone.
The only thing that stand in the way
uv my acquirin politikle intlooence in Noo
York, is the lack uv suffishent capital to
start a grocery with. Ef I kin get that
capital I shel start it—on a corner, of pos
sible. I shel get control uv ten votes,
with by joodishus repeatin, kin be made
to count fifty. Then I hey staid!' positive.
With these votes bank uv me I kM insist
upon a share—with money I kin get more
votes--with more votes, more money; and
with money I kin buy posishen. In Noo
York the startin pint is a few votes; and
votes is got by whiskey. DID pint is to nit
control uv a trifle more whiskey than I can
consoom myself.
Thank the Lord for Noo York! It's not
the only place where there's Dimocrisy—
but it's W her Dimocrisy kin be made the
most profitable. I shel, to tines, go to
Cmigris I steel I n ce contntx to Meen
streets --I slid furnish armories with black
walnut silver-mounted gun racks; and I
may possibly hey ten or twenty Veers on
the nen' Cllllll,
t count• when I go to ti;);) York, I
shel elmnge my name to O'Nasby, ale! my
first name to Michael.
l'ETitor,Erm V. NAsily, P. \I..
(AVJeli is Postinit-h.r.)
A (THE FOR THE GRECIAN BEND.
The Munition (Canada),‘ , "peetti , (a teilts the
following story, which should be a lair •varn
ing to smugglers and Grecian benders par
ticularly : A Grecian bend was put to a novel
use on the Buffalo and Lake Ilurant Uailwny
a few days since. In one of the first-class
cars sat a handsome young lady, dressed in
the height of fashion, who appeared to he
suffering under a rather painful attack (if
Grecian bend. As is usual on the train's
arrival on the American side, the tiag .t .i:age of
the passengers was examined by the United
States Custom officer '' Have you any bag
gage Miss," inquired the officer of tle•
afore
said young lady. "Nothing except this,"
replied she, producing it small valise. The
officer examined and returned it, at the
same time scanning the person of the young
lady in a manner that almost amounted to
rudeness. " Will you follow me to the Cus
tom office, Miss?" said the official. The
corners of his month were almost drawn
into a smile, and a mischevious twinkle was
perceptible in his eyes as he led the way to
the searching room. Arrived in the office,
the lady's face, whii.di had previously been
of a marble whiteness, assumed a crimson
hue. " What is here, madame?" said the
officer, passing his hand over the hack of her
dress. " That is my Grecian bend," re
plied she, meekly casting down her eyes.
" 1 did nut know there is any duty to pay on
it; if there is, tell me how much, and I will
pay it." "There is no duty to pay on it,
but we must examine it," replied the obsti
nate officer. A female searcher was pro
duced, and, after strong protests on the part
of the young lady, the mystery of the "Gre
cian bend," alias the "Montreal wriggle,"
was unravelled, and found to contain twelve
yards of black silk velvet, six pair of French
kid gloves, forty yards of rich lace, four
white ostrich feathers, and a bottle of Gil
bert's magic hair restorer. The United States
customs are now convinced of the reason
why the Grecian bend has had such a rage,
and they intend to give their particular atten
tion to any cases of this infectious disease that
may come tinder their notice fur the future.
All cases of Grecian bend will he in: In Cdi a Idy
pet under quarantine, on their arrival across
the border.
THE GAME OF YEWKE.R.
prof...Aitta
This ill bred game of keards is about 27
years of age.
It was first discovered by the deck hands
on a Laik Ery steamboat an handed down
by them to posterity in awl its juvenile
buty.
It is generally plaid by personsand owes
much of its ohsorbinguess to the iitkt that
you can talk, and drink, and thaw, and
cheat while the game is advaucin.
I have seen it plaid on the Hudson river
railroad, iu the smoking car, with more
immaculate skill than anywhere else.
If yu play there yu will often hold a
hand that will astonishyu, quite oft'n 4
queens and a 10 spot, which .will inflame
yu to bet 7 or 8 dollars that it is a good
hand to play poker with; but yu will be
more astonished when yu see the other
fellah's hand, which invariably consists of
4 kings and a 1 spot.
Yewker is a mulatto game, and don't
compare to old sledge in majesty enny more
than a game of push pins to a squar church
raffle.
I never play yewker.
I never would learn how out of priuei
ple.
I was originally created cluss to the
Connektikut line in New England, whar
the ~ ,aint of ; tip or sledge was horn, and
exists now in all its pristine virginity.
I play old sledge to this day in all its
Datil' fierceness.
But 1 won't play enny gaim, if I know
mi charackter, whar jack will talk an ase,
and a 10 spot won't count for gaim.
I won't play no such kind of gaim out
of respekt old to Connektikut, mi natifl
State.
—"Shall I cut this loin of mutton sad
diewiso?" said a gentleman. " No," said
one of his guests; "cut it bridlewise, for
then I may get a bit in my mouth."
Our Xititt
—" Matutna,” said a promising youth
of four or five Summers, `• if all peopie are
made of dust, ain't colored men made of
eoal dust?"
—A young Nvoman being asked by a
boring politician which party she was in
favor of. replied that she was in favor of
a wedding party.
--A young physician, asking permis
sion of a lady to kiss her, she replied,
"No, sir, 1 never like to have a doctor's
bill thrust in 111 V face."
_An editor has placed over his marri
ages a cut representing a large trap.
sprung, with this motto: '"lhe trap
down—another ninny caught: ,
—Whir are young ladies at the break
ing up of a party like arrows? Because
they can't !ro off without a bow, and art•
all in a quiver till they get one.
—An indignant orator, at a recent po
litical meeting, in refuting an opponent.
thundered: “Mr. Chairman, I scorn the
allegation, and I defy the alligator."
I hope, my little daughter," said a
mother one day, " that you will be able to
control your little temper to-day." "Yes.
mantilla, and I hope you will be able to
control your big temper."
--A young lady having bought a pair
of shoes a number too small, sent them to
a second hand store to have them sold :
whereupon the Teutonic shop-keeper ad
vertised them in his window as follows :
" For sale—a tight lady's shoes."
—A clergyman had just united in mar
riage a couple whose Christian names
were Bettjamin and Ann. "How did they
appear during the ceremony?" inquired a
friend. They appeared both aiii,notol
and bot if/fed, - was the ready reply.
--A lady having the misfortune to havt ,
her husband hang himself to an apple tree.
the wife of a neighbor immediately came
to beg a branch of that tree to have it
grafted into one in her orchard, for who
knows," says she, `• but it may bear the
same kind of fruit."
couple of children wore knisting of
their mspeetive relatives, when one 01
them, a little girl of Jive years. bei»R. hard
prcsseil, rolli•tc(1 a tuniwnt and thyn tri
tunphantly exchtimcd, "lVell, anyhow.
nly Aunt Stt , an can take all her tuuth out
and put 'ela back again, and that's more'n
anv of tofu• relations can tlo'"
- After much training or quit , a young
stur to keep him still at the table lonn
enough for " the blessing," he sat Very
quint one day till near the close of the ser
vice. his' mother beginning inwardly to
congratulate herself that for once lie had
kept still. when he suddenly called out:
"At'll do. papa; pass plates wlNr."
little boy and girl had been cau
tioned never to take the nest u.: - !_t when
they gathered the eggs; but one evening
the girl reached the nest first, seized an
egg. and started for the house, Her
disappointed brother f dlowed, crying.
Mother! mother ! Susy, she's been anti
got the egg the old hen measures by !"
A emmtry aptitheeary, not a little
fin! his impudence, in the hOre
of nu•ertiuga a young (clergyman Ns loan
ho 1:11 , 'W to he a man or sin :4 lit it r;,lii t li- s t.
asked hint in the hearing (if larg,. com
pany at a public assembly: Why did the
Patriarchs of old live to such an extreme
ag,e?" " I suppose the ineient Patriarch
physir'••
elirrespiimiont at Gctty.latr , r tlriced
a Imtol-Itut•ppi• how by thy
ttre:ll.
out %yell r I italvskir,:.--
Hack (trivin• :m.111441.1 het nin: arc a hi:
more coutotraLrin*. It \vas ttillictlit to
Wirtit l ' O , VitiOrie . tilt its at W( . l . ii Itto iirt.!.
fOr. but Oil lookitt' into (mr cas.ll:tr , ount.-
wo totttor,nont it ail."
A 1,14 i;1 no-4.):). who wa, ;timid giV
ing a party to the tit,anbers or tho Protes
tant Episcopal Convention. r , .'llL tin Mr.
cattir‘T. to assist in thti prepara
tions.. Ile asked it' site intended io givu
danciii2; party. silo that it was to
be mainly eouipiiseil of tlt t is n . - Itt
that east% inadanie.- ho. -.I would
titlvise you to provide I ,, iiiitirtdd:,
pious cat. tireadrul
- When a lady condescends to a prac
tical joke, it is generally a very neat one.
A rich bankf'r in New York enc. who
sometimes lends 4111 collateral security, is
very stingy to his Wit:. in the matter of
pin -money. Out. day last sve k, a lady.
closely veiled. ry anxious not to bt ,
recognized, called tat him and !furrowed
a largo sum, leaving her diamonds as a
pledge, It turned out to he his wife, and
the jewels her uWtt.
—The next morning the
s iad%;e or the
pdiee vourt sent for tlown and
he received me cordially; said IV' had heard
of the wonderful tiling accomplished
by knocking down tiv o , persons and as
saulting six others, and was proud or nle.
I was a promising young man, and all
that. Then he offered a toast: " Guilty
or not guilty?" I r, spondcd in a brief but
eloquent speech, setting forth the impor
tance of the wcasion that had brought us
together. After the usual ceremonies, I
was requested to lend the city ten dollars.
[ IJy our Special Artist.]
BIG THING ON ICE.
Thum