Father Abraham. (Reading, Pa.) 1864-1873, December 04, 1868, Image 4
fennombeaniocit ptitoth. .3:ASakii:,ll:llll:_kliAl44 , olo',o4;ldPUSl SCHLIEFLETOWN, December 1, 1868. MISTER FODDER ABRAHAM: Ich ben now om end tsu der conclusion kumma for so a wennich my Leawas-lauf ous tsu shreiva, for ich fin das de leit de termined sin alles tsu wissa was ich we ich ufgebrocht bin warm, un we mers gongs is fun tseit tsu tseit bis of der heitich dog, for wann melt amold in der Posht Office bin, donn expect ich tsu bissy tsu si An my g'shicht tsu shreiva, wI dawrum will ich's yetz du. For mor awer a wennich of de shpoor tsu helps will ich (loch aw now un donn als ebbas so mit ni bring fum General Grant, un onnery grossy leit, weil in mea, das ea reshpect ich about an inonn bin we ter aw—ufgebrocht, unnich de commony leit. We der Grant so about sivva yohr alt war hut er skit fors tersht mohl in seim leawa a cent wart commony cigars ge kawft, un ich wens noch Boot das my mommy suer als fore g'slunissa but das ich yusht sivva yohr alt war we ich mer atnohl drei cent wart chaw-duwack gekawft hab, un sellamohls hab icli awfonga tsu chawa, under Generttl Grant hut aw sidder sellam ferleicht meaner cigars g'shmoked das ennicher onnercr mon in der United States. Kea wunner is der Grant yetz der greasht mon im loud, tin kea wunner welia all de kit in der Bons welt my deitshe breefa leasa, except, of course, soddiche wu se net leasa kenna. Fun seller tseit aw his ich elf yohr alt war is iner gor nix gliappend das der wtert is derfu tsu shreiva. My (Lowly hut sellamohls dort on der gross shtrose gewohnt, net welt fum blowa barrick, un er war aw cans fun denna rout gleedich lousy demokrata wu yusht der Adler leasa, tin oily yohr's solid dieket vota. De mommy hut hawa wella das ich in de shoot gea, set, un awer der daway hut g'ineant es ww net noatwendich un ichkennt noel' a paar yohr warda. Der hcam hab ich als ollerlea jobs g'shaflt, un weil ich so orrig uf sei war, lurb ich mich on a sei dreiver gedingt we HI tswelf yohr alt war, under pons summer bin ich als denna lop-oriche un kroll-shwensiehe sei nocli gedopt mit a geashle in der hond. Selly bisness hut mich about Boot g'suit, for nemond but niers noch sawya kenna das ich des sei dreiva bisness net fersh tonna hab, un es is an murk wrerdiche circumstance das on der very tseit we ich sei gedrivva hab war der General Grant om hondwarrick lrerna uf dcr gterwerei. Wane de leit yusht g'wist hetta doh des shpoat-yohr das der Pit Schweffiebrenner amohl an sei dreiver war, donn hetta, sc net yusht so Grant's tanner clubs in de processions gemarcli'd, awer aw gonsy Regiments fun Schweffiebrenner sei-dreiv er, un sell wter yusht's ding g'west for de demokrata tsu fetcha, for warm se unnich de sei sin donn sin se in ear= rcchta ele ment, un feel fun eana het mer seller weg rivver lucka kenna. Awer, was wrer de use g'west, for mer hen yogenunk g'hat ohnase. Fun dreitsea yohr alt his ich ochtsea war hab ich als sei gedrivva, in der hoyet un ternt g'shafft, welshkorn gebaslit, grumbeere, ous gemacht, shtea gebrocha un helfit kollich byenua. We kb ftertsea yobr alt war bin ich drei moonat in de shool gonga un im fuftseanshta yohr hab ich noch drei moonat shooling dertzu krickt, uu doun hab ich mich so tsu sawya ous glternt considderd. We ich awer amohi achtsea yohr alt war—uu ich fer gess es net so long ich leab—donu bin ich fora tershta mold ous geturnd for exatzeera uf 'em baddolya, for sell amohls hen se ale noch do militz baddolyas What, un do wu so alt warn we ich hen evva aw gea neissa odder a fine betzahla. Uf course, ich bin gonga, un bin mit uf cm baddolya rum gemarch'd un hob mich about so gross considderd das ennicher onnerer monn. Now der General Grant, sawya se, het aw si awfong in der millitz gemacht so about de neamlich tacit. Well, des ding war goot ; om baddolya wara gone cawich feel timed, un fors tersht mohl in meim leawa hab ich mien amohl aw gemaeht by eaner—sally Bensamacher war eara nawnia. Ich hab se amohl ge dreet uf shmall beer, lebkucha, tsucker each un drei cent mut grund-niss, un donn hab ich se g'froked eb ich mit ohm beam gea dserraft, un se wars aw grawd warns. Now, denk ich, wterd de very nacht amohl glshpserriekt, un we mer uf em weg ware hen mer so fun ollerlea rshwetzt--ftun baddolya, fun de sheeny geil, fun de buwa un nued, ftm de soldawta un ollerlea. We mer one Bensamacher's house sin kumma don hen mer uns dort uf de porch onna g'huckt—de Sally uf ea side uu ich uf de onner, for sellamohls, du weasht, war ich noch yung tut feel tsu lilted for rechtshaffa in des shpterricka ni tsu gea. Was mer alley g'shwetzt hen kann ich now nimmy sawya, doch wens ich noch goot das Hier des ding orrig goot aw g'shtonna hut, un es war sheer gorly tswelf uhr in der nacht we• ich uf un ob bin, un doun glawb ich weer ich noch net fort wann net der alt monn de Sally ni ins house gerufa bet un mecr g'sawt es wwr twit heam tsu gea. Now, ieh kann net sawya eb der Gen eral Grant yusht about de neamlich tacit aw g'fonga hut unnich de lured tsu gea odder net, un awer I'll be bound wann mer yusht de wohrat wist, dents evva roes kumma das er aw about Belly tseit si fersh ter trip fun der art gemneht hut. Kea wunner is rer yeti Bresident, un ken wun ner wella se mich Posht bleashter macho, fun Sehliffletown. We niers weiter gonga is unnich de tined, un aw in onnery sacha, will ich der shreiva in menu negshta bred: PIT SCIIWEFFLEBRENNEII NASBY ON THE ELECTION. CONFEDERATE CROSS-ROADS, Ky., 1 November 12. Mr. Nasby gives the reason for the Democratic defeat and enumerates the ob stacles the party has been compelled to contend with as follows : "1. We shood hey succeeded hed the Republikins nominated a man who was considerably less popular than Gen. Grant and who woodent hey bin able to hold so many votes. Their aint no doubt uv this. Heti they nominated a man less in &vet with the people, we shood hey had an easier time uv it. 2. lied the Dimocrisy nominated more vopular men—the result wood hey been far better. Governor Seemore is an ad miral candidate, but somehow he dident strike the popular heart. He did all he mod to soot the masses, but the masses went back on him. lie made a speech agin repudiashun, and in favor of paying the bonds in gold ; and then, that there shood be no complaint from anybody, he accepted a nominashun at the hands uv repoodiators and payers 'in greenbax. Wat was really a desire to satisfy all kinds uv people wuz branded ez weaknis and vascilashun, and so he went down. "3. Ginral Blare hurt us. It is troo we bleeve in the sentiments enunciated in the Brodhed letter, and my admira shen for him on other accounts is un bounded. • I hey alluz loved him sence one memorable night, when I seed him take 18 drinks in 30 minutes, and walk off under it. "Here," thot I, "is my soope rior—to him I bow." I tried to surpass it, but I caved at the 17th. He is entirely acceptable to the South. His Brodhed letter reflex our views precisely. Deekin Pogram's brother, who lives in Alabama, knows where his niggers are a livin, and he ardently desires the abolishin uv the carpet-bag governments, that he may seeze, em and redoose cm to their normal Speer. Captain McPelter's old cavalry kin be rallied at a minit's notice, and he asks to lead em again among the rich farmers uv Southern Ohio and Injeany ; and we all desire that the Northern men which hey come down among us like lo custs with their shops and factories and stores, and mowin-machines and skool houses and sich, a tryin to elevate the nigger above us, slid be hung or sent packin out .uv the country, leavin us to manage things our' own way. But Blare shooden't hey sed so. He shooden't hey alarmed the week Dimocrisy uv them States with desire peace, and who are timed on the subjick uv revolooshen. Blare hurt us. His letter was correct but inconsiderate. "4. Our platform was agin us. lied it bin different in all partikiers, we shood hey polled more votes, pervided, uv course, that we lied lied different men standin onto it. This is deer. " 5. The Republikin platform was agin us. lied they made a different platform and put other men onto it—their platform and their men bein both more objection able to the people, and our platform and our men bein less objectionable to the peo ple—the result wood hey bin far different. This is deer. "A careful examinashen uv the reasons for nur defeat shows how neer we come to success, and how little stood in the way." A SCAFFOLD SCENE. A terrible scaffold scene recently took place at Tambow, in Russia. Young Gor ski, a pupil of the high-school of that place, and eighteen years of age, was to be exe cuted for havin murdered a family of seven persons. The young criminal was conveyed to the place of execution on a wagon which was escorted by a company of dragoons. The gallows was surround ed by a crowd of ten thousand persons. After the doomed lad had alighted from the wagon, the sentence of death was read to him. He was deadly pale, and fainted before. the warrant was read through. The executioner then branded him, after he had been restored to consciousness; the boy struggled violently and uttered heart rendering screams when the red hot iron was applied to his forehead. lle was then whipped, receiving about thirty lashes. The executioner thereupon undressed him and wrapped him in a long white blanket, tied his feet together, fixed the rope to his neck, and drew the blanket over his head. He then lifted him on top of a stepladder and was about to push him from it, when the secretary of the criminal court stepped forward and told the executioner to stop. The excitement of the crowd had reached the highest pitch by this time ri and it seemed - as if all the ten thousand persons around the gallows were holding their breath. The executioner lifted the lad from the step-ladder, removed the blanket from his face, which was livid and dis torted with fear, and then the secretary read to him a letter from the Emperor, changing his sentence to hard labor for life. The executioner then untied his feet, gave him thirty more lashes—the sentence having ordered that he should receive sixty lashes—and then clad him in the convict dress and chained his legs. He was thereupon taken back to his cell, and two days afterward sent to Siberia. MAJ. MARIS HOOPES, Presidential Elector, Ninth District (Lancaster County) of 'Pennsylvania. *tinted. 1 : Civilisation in Delaware—How Criminals are Punished. A correspondent sends to the Philadel phia Bulletin an account of the exhibition of barbarism in Delaware on Saturday week. We quote : THE PILLORY AND WHIPPING-POST There were seven persons whipped here to-day, and the ancient instrument of tor ture' trembled again, as it has done for half a century, in the terrible embrace of its victims. It is a curious old relic of a semi-civilization that is forgotten every where else but here. It consists of a sturdy post a foot square. Three feet from the ground it pierces a small platform ; and five feet above this there is a cross piece, which contains, in each of its arms, a hole for the neck and two holes for the wrists of the miserable wretch who is to suffer its torture. The upper half of the arm lifts to admit the victim, and then closes sufficiently tight upon him to im pede the circulation of the blood. It is fastened down with a wooden wedge-shaped key, shot into the centre post. The whole machine looks like a gigantic cross, with a platform half way down its length. THE NRWCASTLE PILLORY Stands in the jail yard. A few years ago it boldly faced the world upon the public common. It is a happy omen of its final destruction that its devotees were so much ashamed of it that they hid it in this enclosure. Across the street stands a church, and behind the jail there is an other. THE FIRST VICTIM The ponderous gates of the jail yard swung open this morning at 10 o'clock precisely, and admitted a crowd of men and children. By actual count there were one hundred and twenty-five little girls and boys present, some of them not more than four or five years of age. This was the saddest sight of all. The entertainment began by the intro duction of William Jones to the audience. Mr. Jones had stolen store goods worth thirty-eight dollars, and he was sentenced to return that amount of money, stand in the pillory for one hour, be whipped with twenty lashes, be imprisoned for six months, and wear a convict's dress for six months after his release. The first thing in order was the pillory. William ascended the long ladder rather sadly, and the jailor, having placed his neck and hands in the holes, fastened the top bar upon them and came down to the ground. The criminal was taller than the stock, and he was compelled to bend down just enough to make his position intensely painful. A keen, piercing northeast wind swept in from the broad expanse of the river and compelled the spectators to blow warmth upon their fingers. Mr. Jones had his circulation stopped, but he could not blow upon his hands. The jagged, splintered edge of the wooden collar rasped his neck until it tore the skin, and whenever he attempted to move his head to make his position more easy, the bar would catch the upper part of his jaw-bone and give him exquisite torture. "Jailor, isn't that pretty severe ?" " Well, yes, it's a very uncomfortable position, and then his fingers and face get numb, you see." While Jones stood in durance to-day, the jailor busied himself preparing for the flogging. This is done beneath the plat form of the pillory. The prisoner stands close to the post, and has his arms hand cuffed above his head. The jailor experi mented upon the eager boys with the handcuffs, in order to ascertain if the vic tims could slip their hands through them readily. The manacles were too high, so an empty soap-box was placed at the foot of the post for the prisoners to stand on. By this time the man in the pillory began to show Symptoms of faintness. The jailor, a tender-hearted fellow—merciful even in executing merciless laws—ascended the ladder, and began to comfort the poor wretch, whose hands were livid with cold, and whose face was purple. At the first stroke of the clock in the church steeple, the jailor quickly lifted the bar; helped the man down the ladder, and supported him while he staggered to his cell. He had a lashing to bear yet. THE WHIPPING. The Sheriff came out with the " cat" in his hand. This venerable weapon con sists of a stout handle about two feet long, with nine lashes of somewhat greater length. The thongs are made of thick leatler, twisted together, and as hard as wire. They have been soaked with blood' before this, and it has dried upon them, until their edges are as sharp as knives. The Sheriff has just begun hi. term of office, and this was his first whipping. Ile looked as if he was ashamed and dis gusted. " I would almost as leave hang a man as this," said he. The first candidate for the lash was the boy alluded to above, who stole seventy cents' worth of pig iron. The jailor brought him out, fastened him to the post, and removed a rough blanket from his shoulders. He was na ked to the waist. The thermometer was at thirty-five degrees. " Twenty lashes, Sheriff;" said the The Sheriff swung his "cat" up slowly, I and it descended on the bare skin. "One," said the jailor, "two," "three,'' &c., as the Sheriff, tenderly, and with not half his seeming strength, struck twenty blows. The skin was not broken, and the boy. looking very sad, was hurried off. This officer is too humane for the law. Other Sheriffs that I know of used to stand off and eye the victim as a Western drover would a fly upon hie ox, and then measure the distance so nicely that the ends of the thongs would cut bits of skin from the prisoner's back, and bring the blood forth in crimson streams. That was what law and Chief Justices had calculated upon. Out came the jailor with another boy— a boy of fourteen, who was surrounded by running children gazing curiously upon him. He had twenty - lashes also, and, as each blow descended, his muscles con tracted, and he tried to dodge to avoid it. "Why don't the Sheriffmake it `swish?'" asked an impatient Delawarean spectator. " He ain't half a doin' it, " said another. "He ought to cut into him," observed another man who seemed to take it to heart that "the outraged majesty of the law" was not better vindicated. Mt. Win. Mulloney was the next star actor in this ugly drama. He wanted drawers, and stole a pair, worth a couple of dollars. His sentence was, restitution money, costs, 20 lashes, 6 months impri sonment and 6 months convict's costume. Mr. Mulloney seemed calm, and when the lash fell upon his white shoulders, lie only shrugged them and drew himself up. He went away shivering with cold and with welts of a finger's thickness on his back. Then there was a piteous sight. An old man of seventy years, decrepid, feeble and very lame, hobbling out, his gray hairs streaming in the wind. He wanted a shirt, heaven knows badly enough this bitter winter weather, and he had very wickedly stolen it. He had none on now. The jailor fastened him to the post, and snatched the blanket from his back. His skin was yellow and wrinkled, and it had scars upon it. The lashes fell, and the old man's whole frame was convulsed with agony. He writhed under each blow as if it was unendurable, and at last, he put his head down, and cried like a child. Most of the spectators were affected. I would like to have had the unjust judges and the Delaware law-makers look that poor bro , ken-down old wretch in the face then. I think they were the great criminals, not he. The jailor whispered in his ear very hurriedly : "It wasn't so very bad, George, was it ?" and then helped him to limp away to his six months' home. The next was a foppish worshipper at St. Pillory's shrine. He wore fashionable trousers, tucked into aristocratic top-boots of patent leather. But the upper portion of his fine figure was en deshabille. Chas. Wheatley was his name, and the annexa tion of those identical patent-leather boots, his crime. He wore a forced smile upon his face, and tried to assume a satisfied air ; but when the "cat " furrowed his back into ugly crimson ridges, he squirm ed and twisted as if lie did not enjoy it hugely. He danced off with affected gaiety, and the boys and girls rewarded him with cheers and laughter. There was no cheerfulness about the next man. He had stolen a carpet-bag in the cars at Wilmington, and had been sentenced as severely as the rest. He looked sick and very sad. A plaster was stretched across his bare cheat, and . he walked with fl3eble and hesitating. step. The jailor said he was very ill. We stood up to the post with his teeth clenched, and his breath coming hard ; and as the Sher scored his back into swelling cords, he, shuddered, as if suffering excruciating pain and overwhelmhw disgrace. The last actor in this hideous tragedy was the man who had stood in the pillory for an hour. He seemed hardly recovered from his first torture, and his face indi cated keen suffering. He walked to the post with an air of melancholy resignation, placed his blue hands through the mana cles, and received his punishment without au utterance but a suppressed moan. As he passed through the grated door of the prison the crowd began slowly to dis perse, and to discuss as they went the ex cellence of the system, the behavior of the sufferer and the lenity of the Sheriff. POPULAR OPINION in Delaware Is, I find, strongly in favor of this mode of punishment. There seems to be an idea here that the man who com mits the smallest crime places himself in stantly beyond the reach of sympathy, considerations of humanity, and the de mands of simple justice. He is an out law and a vagabond, upon whom sinless society may wreak its most terrible ven geance, even to the extent of mutilating his body, and utterly ruining his moral nature. Fallen angels in Delaware never rise again. Law clips their wings and stamps upon them with its heel, and soci ety shakes off the dust of its feet upon them and curses them in their degrada tion. The gates of mercy are shut upon them, hopelessly and forever, and they walk abroad with the story of their shame blazoned upon them, as the women (lid who wore the Scarlet Letter, in the old Puritan times in NOW England, that all the world may know it. They know that their punishment has been fierce and ter rible, and out of all proportion to their offence, and realizing this, they rightly feel that they have been dealt with unjust ly and iniquitously, and they curse their oppressors and hate them and all mankind with a bitter, unrelenting hatred. They know they will not be allowed to reform. acid that the law which should have led them to a better future has cut them off from fellowship with their race, robbed them of their common humanity, and made pariahs and outcasts of them. They are turned to stone, and they come out of their prisons confirmed, hopeless criminals. Let the reader remember that Delaware is an intensely ``Democratic" State 1 It is a fair representative of the civilization of the party. Its Legislature is unani mously "Democratic," and keeps an hab itual drunkard in the U. S. Senate. A FEARFUL TRAGEDY. The Crochet (Texas) Sentinel, of Sep tember 22, gives the details of a fearful tragedy enacted on the previous Sunday night, at Calhoun Ferry, on Trinity river. Mr. Charles Hall, the ferryman, Ins wife, Miss Hall, a girl about thirteen years of age, the sister-in-law of Mr. Hall, and an unknown stranger, were all brutally mur dered. The instrument was an ax, and all the victims had their skulls terribly chopped to pieces. Mr. Hall seems to have been called down to the ferryboat and was murdered immediately on the river bank. his arms were badly bruised, from which it appears that he had made some effort to defend himself; but the defense was useless. The assassin's ax was bu ried deep in the top of the skull. His wife seems to have gone to his rescue, and was met about half way between thei house and boat. The ax was buried in her cheek and temple, producing instant death. The assassins next rushed upon a strange man who was spending the night with the fam ily. The little girl was struck on the side of the head, and the whole scalp was raised and the brains knocked out. The stran ger's head and face were shockingly muti lated. The signs about the place indicated the presence of six or seven persons. It is believed that both revenge and booty actuated the fiends to the perpetration of this bloody deed. MISSPENT EVENINGS. The boy who spends an hour of each evening lounging idly on a street corner, wastes in the course of a single year three hundred and sixty-five precious hours, which, if applied to study, would familiar ize him with the rudiments, at least, of almost any .of the familiar sciences. If, hi addition to the wasting of an hour each evening, he spends five cents for a cigar, which is usually the ease, the amount thus worse than wasted' would pay for four of the leading magazines of the country. Boys, think of these things. Think how much precious time and good money you are wasting, and for what? The gratifica tion afforded by, the lounge on the corner or by the cigar is not only temporary, but positively hurtful. You cannot indulge in these practices without seriously injur ing yourselves. You acquire idle and wasteful habits, which -will cling to you with each succeeding year. You may in after life shake them off; but the proba bilities are that habits thus formed in early life will remain with you to your dying day. Be cautioned, then, in time, and re solve that as the hour spent in idleness is gone forever, you will improve each pass ing one, and thereby fit yourselves for use fulness and happiness. LINCOLN. In his late speech at Carlisle, Ohio, Mr. Stanton said: " I have been told by those who visited their friends in Europe, short ly after the close of the war, that in every household, in every place, by every fire side, there hung the portrait, more or less rude, of Abraham Lincoln." Mr. Lin coln's portrait is found in Asia, as well as in Europe—and in Nuts of Asia where Americans are rarely seen. Mr. Thomas W. Knox, in his journey through Siberia, two years ago, frequently saw portraits of our martyred President hanging on the walls of the wayside stations and in the hands of the wealthy citizens. At Eyater lnburg, in the Ural Mountains, he was shown a bust of Mr. Lincoln, that was being made to the order of a wealth Rus sian. The bust was five or six inches in height, and cut in topaz, from a model procured from America, for the purpose. rrr-ww:wl7o7l''TP:M What a place for sportsmen some por tions of California must be ! A gentle man writing from San Bueneventura says that the rabbits, hares, quails, ground squirrels, and other birds and animals are to be counted there by thousands 2 and that he shot a buggy-load of them in an hour or two without leaving his seat. He killed on one occasion, two rabbits at one shot, and three at another. In the last instance he only saw one; but when he went to pick it up from the side of a bush he found two others kicking their death throes alongside I Indeed, game is so plentiful there that farmers are obliged to kill it off with poison in order to save their crops from being eaten up. Puoir, the copperhead Judge of Frank lin county, Ohio, has been held in $5,000 bail, for issuing fraudulent naturalization papers. What is to be done with Snow den, the clerk of the Pennsylvania Su preme Court? Turn him out, or quit talking about naturalization frauds, and the purity of the Judiciary, Ohsr Pint ialto. —Advice to old bachelors who dye their hair—Keep it dark. "Nat, what are you leaning over that empty cask for?" 1 ‘ I'm mourning over departed rpirits." Why is a horse half way through a gate like a cent? Because he is head at one side and tail at the other. —Why are women extravagant in clothes? 13ecause when they buy a new dress they wear it out on the first day. re —An Edinburgh paper says: We regret to find that the announcement of the death of Mr. W— is a malicious fabrication. —A county exchange speaking of the inefficiency of its police remarks: "If everybody were to stand in the streets, how could anybody get by?" —An eccentric clergyman lately said in one of his sermons, that " about the com monest proof we have that man is made of clay, is the brick so often found in his hat." —There is a landlord in Boston who is in the habit of placing an extra fork beside the plate of such boarders as have not paid promptly—being an intimation to " ork over." —The principal of a school advertises the opening session thus: "Dear Boys: Trouble begins September 13." It is evi dent that this man has not forgotten his schoolboy days. —An editor describing a church in Min nesota says: "No velvet cushions in our pews; we don't go in for style. The fat test person has the softest seat, and takes it out with him at the close of the service." —" I say, boy, stop that ox." " haven't got no stopper, sir." " Well, head him, then." " He's already headed, sir." "Confound your impertinence— turn him." "He's right side out already, sir." "Speak to him, you rascal you." "Good morning, Mr. Ox." —At a masked ball of the Grand Opera, Paris, a domino said to a gentleman, "Do try to squeeze into my box." "I should like to squeeze into your heart, madanie." "My dear boy, 'tie impossible, for 'tie as full as an omnibus on a rainy day." " Make somebody get out." "1. can't ; they have all paid their fare." —So loner as children, whetheryoung , men or maidens, ever come with unhesi tating confidence to their parents, and tell them all their troubles and temptation.?, the parents can keep them under a guiding and coutroling hand; but as soon as they begin to conceal their offences, and espe cially their temptations, from their parents, the devil gets the inside track and is sure to win the race.—Olirer Deer, in Pack ard's Monthly. —Fred. Douglass said at the Equal Rights Convention, a few years ago, the only luxury he enjoyed, was a whole seat in a car. Even that luxury he did not have now. The other night he was riding muffled up in his blanket, when somebody asked him for half his seat. lie stuck his head out and replied, "I'm a nigger." "I don't care who the d-1 you are, I want a seat." —A gentleman riding, came to the edge of a morass which he considered not safe, Seeing a peasant lad, he asked whether the boo. was hard at the bottom. "0, yes, quite hard," replied the youth. The gentleman rode on, but his horse began to sink. " You rascal," shouted he, " did you not say it was hard at the bottom ?" "So it is, rejoined the rogue, "but you're not half way to it yet." —A farmer who had employed a green Emeralder ordered him to give the mule, some corn in the ear. On his coining in, the farmer asked : " Well, Pat, did you give the mule some corn ?" " To be sure I did." " How did you give it ?" " And sure, as you told me, in the ear.'' " But how much did you give ?" "Well, ye see, the crayter wouldn't hould still, and kept switching his ears about so, I couldn't get but a fist full in both ears." —Au amusing anecdote is told of an old gentleman who . ministered at the altar years ago, which is too good to be lost. It was customary then to wear buckskin breeches in cold weather. One Sunday morning Father H— brought his breeches down from the garret, but the wasps had taken possession of them during the sum mer, and were having a nice time in their comfortable quarters. By dint of effort the old gentleman got out the intruders and dressed for meeting. After reaching the church he commenced the ceremonies, and while reading the Scriptures to the congregation he felt a dagger from one of the small-waisted fellows, and jumped around his pulpit, slapping his thighs ; but the more he slapped and danced the more they stung. The people thought their pastor had gone crazy, and some of them started up the aisle to take charge of him, fearing that he mi i ght do himself bodily injury, but he explained the matter by saying. " Brethren, take your seats ; don't be alarmed ; the word of the Lord is in my mouth ;" (feeling another sharp sting) " but but but the devil is in my breeches."