Nannoglvanioch pritoch. BREEF FUN SCHWEITLEBRENNER. SCHLIFILETOWN, 1 Nuf,nibur (kr 24ta, MISTER FODDER A MIAIIAM 1)1111111Sht 1111111 (11, 4 1110111 t`Xcll'tll NVIUIII ich 110 w a wennich fun mer selwyr shred). \ctz hab ich shun for sex moonat Idly woch an breef \ - va for in dor FOD DER ABRAIIA)I S 1111 11:111 pleb kea rent .re cliarg'al derfire. i'fs nit tswansich tlotts:nnl 'wit lien 4)11y woeli Iny brei , fa geleasa_ lett nn 11e l'A. - rVV sin al,out so weit bekannt Ivarra das ennicher on- nerer iniain 1111 fraW. 4..X4•41)1. Ut Collrse, der - Mister (4rilllt uu de :M1:4).)c)-4 (41%1111.. ich kainis proof,t tint hutincrta fun lirecEL. iu schwartz int wcis. das ich tuelitier ! redu hab for dtr ;rant. si4ltl4 r ,I:is it b litleh ltU de Republican side gedrcat hab, das en nichtn nionn in S 411 1 .111104) NN u. wann ich (le Posta 011ico kriek, elonn bin ich tbr sell ._• It incr an grosser IlaNVllla. 1)11 4144i111 11011 ich lm shin ainohl au frisher shtart Isu twituna. un yotz will ich inch all wissa lussa was calculation is, De ll.evtry meant es trier an first rater plan, un doll is er: Ich hab a notion inich nlea particularly ob tsu gevva twit shreiva der FinwEtz ABIZAII.I3I, net yusht alleanieli fun wcaya politics. awer ollerlell annoy sa c ha. F o r instance. cans fun ineina alty NA:aunt:l hut on ntich g'shrivva. all do Weg 11111 01114) rci, 1111 or insist Waif, (las sithler ich yets so orrig goot bekonnl Liu in der ,rots United .-ilitates tut jnt ivvericha deal fun der welt—for oily It ii leasa iicr FoDDEit numl.t - m— set ich by all in, , ans a fully ..Q - sliicht fun uu nut h awa shrciva— on!rit is we ich iersht ohgeweatit bin war ra moincr : rul ich in de shoal gong.a. 'Vi hit als k•necht for yohra long ufdo bau,.rat g•shatrt hab tut we iner als in it sink shula, un on de lio warrick frt Nv4) jilt ) 4'1'4..4.41t bah tyr jells 1114)111 in menu lawn a ine;ullekorrisecrt hob, tin we lel: um•litler howl noch dent das ich aniold fersholinia hab- about oily Soinslidi , g owat nous bin unnich tie inw(l: we jolt's bckannt warra bin 11111 der Ili v un we ehner inich outs entta hut wella. tut we ors not hut huninia kenna. \Vann ich tsurick denk, un nny t illlgy uutrta, tin WI kb so by do secs. WI 11444'11 12:44r i lorri e lc s Kitzchlorters meets-houso 1111 d e r Bevt-c earn !rifler ferslitond tan (.11( greaslity tut popularslity 111(.11111.r iin gonsa Slitate bin wawa. dotal I•linints liter st.l wer fore das 1(•it wissa s(a la was flier olli.s iu ineim gonsa kawa fore kitinnia is. Now, Mister FooDEit tl tt mu ht uct aunkn. (las ich , (.Iwer uP de no tion kumma bin, for de wry proposition IS liter gemaeht warra ich kanns proolit iii seliwartz nu Weis by °Mild' hoeh gelarnty leit—by Law yers, tin Porra, no DUCkter, 1111 whe hit fun ! , rossy reshpeetability un kor roekter. We lersht mit der Bevv3 - g'shwetzt hal) derweay:t li;tb MI net voslit so orrig feel gedenkt fun so g'shieltto shreiwa fun wellya 111Ver selwer. Donn but awer amohl de Bevvy ultra meanung Aeeht so. •• skitter das du yetz a deeenter moult un a leading Republican MAI, nuts Ow tli _oases leawa in de FOD DER ALLAH 31 Tseitun“ - ni, uu neniond kons besser do dos du selwer. hut mich aw crinnert on de tact das (outcry grossy leit yusht of den very Nveg sick in der welt nuf shallit. For instance, seeld de Bevvy. wan a mums shaft of n ;rar werei, mmieh do shtinkiehe uxa belt un kee kernel., noun is es of course gor nix abbordichs; awer wand so a 11101111 IVC der General Grant tuuold draw goat oils uxa heit gterwa, done slainkts gor Manny we tsufore, un es that midi ow net wunnera wan de hoehmeediche shtadt ladies vets noeh gor de notion winma (leant an ivver ow fashionable Rohr cal inacha ors ally kee shwentz, un eollone wasser fun der bree oils de grerwers' gruva. ( 7 n, scent de Bevvy, warm elms wasser-mellona od der so saeha, fress'd, donn frisked nentond nix dernoell, till aIPCP wann Si) caner we der Sehnoyer amohl an raley sow fun sielt macht, un fress'd a gonsy wasser-mellone of amold, clone duna anyhow de copper heads aw ni sea for wasser-mellona, pro viding es tint net interfera mit ehram whiskey. De Bevvy hut widder meld. Eskunitut net druf aw was cans dot for de duwt wiehtich tsu macha, awer y Lista esters dot. tin so, Mr. FODDER Apo AII 31.—t slvitilot nicer un deer—kununts liter fore is es ow a wennieh mit breefa shreiwa. Wann yusht so commony leit shreiva, Bonn least s nemond, tin awer warn ieh under ail Just as our jolly job was dono, un so kit AZlv,t,letelerwilliewnitzvoco.arntoils,groct,lreeted; Krecly on der 4iteekslipcer °mon guns, amohl de fedder in de hood nemma, done That Grant and Colfax were elected. look out, for es gebt sure chbus t s u kasa das aw derwlert is. Now. ieli 11a1) lily mind noeli net lidlens of ! , enitleht t.l) ich nochdem my cayney gevva set odder net. Ferleielit tltt fiu• im I\lll <las Icl+ amoltl cans fun denna dog runny set, for Kungress, oder noeh gor for in (le Scully, mists anyhow gedu wa.rra. hit will ewer doch noeh pair dog Ist' sea derweaya, un drivver kunsidera. nun—Hullo. Joe, was hut (hell ! , esliter so ferdullt shruart Otis 'cm Squire Sesy lwas seine huuse kiln) ma ma elm ? War ebbas letz? .I(w—Nix abbordichs; leh hal) yuslit a wennieli mit der 13etsey :.(shparicked, un done is so gulls unferbuila der alt monn dertzu kumma un hut mer tsu ferslitea gevva dam :er Beats net gleieha. Dun--Arco we hut er den: tstt ferslitea gevva—uf an guterodaeran gruvvcr wed? Joe-- Ei mica, cr but .gor kea wart e'sliwetzt. Oro((---W(.11, we but crs nut gentacht ? Ei cr but cvvit ytislit (leer of (•"\v-slikin run 411. r w:111,1 krickt, min (lonn bah ieli tsti nu r selwer re(lenkt er eicicitts 1101 11:4 HI (It' Betsey so sliparrick, mill hut tsu (lcr con clusion kunitua midi so a wennichnus 'cm sittatth Ist! ntaeha , tut critirse.biti ich yttsilt sn fort ! , (ing:t. (lit w( min (It ) war (101111 Mks. D(o)- -Y rt but (r (licit. min lu bisht net s(4 fort on a" (lit sogsht. :mot. e-sliprtuni:a hisht (las wann a (lons:Awl hlo(,(1-leminl1 hinnich (ler limit tv:-ra NVi 11, ilerrit tilt )ils-illcllll 14. r Dan hut ( an( f:•rshprollm si maul t , -tt halta (lcrwraN :INVI•1', ;...r ii,•how, (1. 11115 (loch forshnoppt halva. sun ht Vs ;I llt't kinania (las ich c. Vrtz o,l(sliroiN I,,ain 1;)r-- in (1(•r 1'4t1(1. r llva ham ni tit hi. The „,, s , I ,_ ,)r extant. Any une \Tilt( It all acrw , tiC. all(' 1010 ltaS fill the l'1111):11T:1 , 111(`Ilt - 01 to particlllar Ictter, ran. :ippreciate the ingenuity demanded the fullowne , . 1111,Tc the tt hnit alphallt't illtllolllol, ',Mil (1(11 WA , III iu cu h ling. eXactS its proper initial:- "An Austrian army, awfully arrayed, Boldly, by battery, besieged Beltrrade, cossa c k commanders cannonading come, Dealing destruction's devastating doom. Every (.1141eay.r engineers essay, For fame, for furtune—tighting furious fray, Generals 'gainst generals grapple;—great God! How honors Heaven heroic hardihood ! Infuriate—indiserimiate in ill, - Kinsmen hill kinsmen—kindred, kindred hill! Lahor low levels loftiest longest lines Men march 'mid mounds, 'mid nodes, 'mid murderous mines. Ntrw noisy nut - therm Imtive 11.+11;41“ tat' outward VA)staolvs, opposimz ought; Poor ptitriots,partly purelmsedotortly t - t‘ssetl, Quite quakiug,quiekly um t•ropirtcr 'quost. Ileason retunis; redountb, Suwarrow stops such sangniii;try sonn.k. Truett to the Turk—triumph to thy train ! Unjust, unwise, unniervitul Ekrane Vanish vain victory, vanish vk•tory vain ! Why wish we warfare'.' wherefore welemm, ram= XerXeS, Xi X;1111111,115 4 , yo youths ! yv 3-4•0171 , 11, yit.lll p.m. yell! Zf.llO . S Zarpater'S ZuroaStf•l'', And all at tract ing--against arms appeal." Me•. PARTINOTON ON MA:MI.I44E. lik4. (,) Partin , jon. from out OEMS EDE placed the Hack bonnet in the Hug-pre served lunilhox : I young people vonte together with tlw promise tit' love- cherish and nourish cayli other. \vhat a solemn urin e is twitrininy- - a very solemn thin;. AVllcre the l'o111(•:-• into (11:111cerV With -., 111:11111S, gews throWi'll the cvn.tamiy or ittahiwr them malt Fold \v it . ,. It oa,ht to lie tt,- c " rlt isn ' t that turns mit to he a nmn. 1 declare I never shall forget When Paul put the nup tial ring on my linger. awl said. • with worldly goods I thcc enth)w.' Ile tit•vil to k evi) (I d r y ; , 4 ,), ( 1 s ,lore then. :111(1 I Illtffielit lie\Vas ale the whole there was in it. I was voung :mil simple and did not know, till afterlvart s. that it meant one calico g..wtt a .‘.‘ ii. It is a i iive i v s i g ht to sye young . people 'plight ing their trough,' as the song; says, anil etnnin-g up to collsilitio their VOWS." wo g'saN% A lady was reading to her live-year 01,1 boy the story of It little fellow \VIII tsi' Ih titer Nvas taken ill and died. after which the youngster set himself diligently to work to support himself ilial his mother. IN'hen she hail finished the story she said: " Now, 'Tommy, if pa were to die, wouldn't you work to help mamma ?" •• Why, nut. — said the little fellow, not relishing the idea of work, ••What for .1 in't We got a pill house to live in, and everything so nice'?" •• U. yes, my child," said the mother, "but we can't eat the house, you know ?" `•aint we ! , of plenty of things in the pantry ?'' said the young hopeful. "Certainly my dear." replied the mo ther. but they grill 11(4 1:N1 long;—and what then ?" •• ma." said the little inconioible, '• ain't tiler'. vitott! ,. ll to last till you get :Mother husband'.''' Mit tiavt‘ it tip TILE BURIAL OF SIR JOHN (Sey)-M01:11. Not a sigh was heard, nor a funeral groan, As up Salt River we scurried; But we longed to leave the cold corpus alone, For we heartily wished lie was buried. We buried him deeply on election day, (All our votes for Ulysses casting, ) And smiled when we thought how his New York " friends " Would pray for his rest e,verhtsling. No Star Spangled Banner enclosed his breast, Tint in a wet blaN ATI we bound him; And he lay like a gray-back taking his rest With a secesh slag around him. l'rr SCHWEFFLEBEENNEIt DER JOE UN DE BETSEY. N CROST EC. IiMIE3 PATHETIC. HY A. LONGFELLOW, JR HON. ISAAC B. CUBA, Deputy Secretary of the Commonwealth of Peuusylvaula. Altiected. OUR "GAL." 1 imist writ 4, it; if evor reitil a lino of it, I must, \\lido it is all ni.w iti ntt mind, Ivriii• not tlic liistnry iit tit last tw,i Avoi•ks, awl the (It ••niti• as I iarry tall. loco. U~u al first iniulc hprappcaranco in 1110 house ttsu w, kS LISt :‘11111(111V. 111111 I luT hrattil Carp attil stout figure with hearty Nvvicoine. Little dill I realizA , hut lw:ritt at the ho , intiii , . I was. I ani it V, r•: vo',lllg, yvt S.lwlm•th•ally, I ,h ) lo o ns , iinctliing or the arts and sci ctit.o,4 thervunlo appvetaininLr. I IVOS nut - rie,l two vt ago; hilt we 11:1Ve al tcass Irl3r,lod 11111;1110W, and when I start nit. pro t - huu,r, ‘vith Itwogirls. ;oral n ever ii v. I flincicil clock v• - ork \Voillii 14 . ' a nu•ro watillerhu , varmalit comparoil with tlik , ro , ..!:ularity or my pro- (vetl;lll4s. .TIV:IS on a Sunday morning, — as the sow , say , . (hat my troubles h(.O - an. I 'was ilres , ing for churvh, when my di:miller maid came up Ivith a rueful countenance. "If you please. Mrs. Ilarvey. I'm ••( king ' \\Awry?" '• lyilvo. ma'am. lonw. I'vA , got, It :Toil of ip.ttral2ia comin , ,r, on, and ['in going holm. to lay In-," But pill (:au lie dmvit lien., if you aro IMO \l'cll. ma'am. 1 ain't to -RV sa.k, lnd For a turn. — A turn?'. —lrts. I have twuralgitt in •,i)(.11 s, autl I altvac;- G t 1 'tau coming." 11 oril, , \vii . ,. vain. t:o gho would, and dirt. 1 \vciit int.) the liitchon to ex plain to thy' cook that must do double duty for a sva-: a prrtoct nod to lily utter attiazcinent shy round with the cry: "I ione! Jane _one! Will you ct an- "To-d:ty? . ' How (lin i!rct irl On Sunday? " .I.nd to-mi,rrow is Ivasli day! It'ell, I'm not going to ><tav to do all tlo work. eiilier alto a her girl early to-mor- row or I'll leave!" " You'll lea Ve 11U1V, in the shortest space of Bute it takes to ” . 0 from here to the door," cried !Earn - from the sitting-room, 1111 Pro he had overheard us. With many insolent speeches she de parted, and inconvt :dent as it was, I wars glad to see her !..o. ( course there Was 110 church, and I began to get dinner. Harry, like a nms entitle angel as he was, took off his coat and came, down to hip me, with an as surance that he actually could not sit still and hear the cook use the tone she did one instant leiiger. It was a merry day. Har ry raked the lire till his glossy brown curls were powdered with gray, which prema ture sign of age was produced, he assured me, by " care, and not the weight of years." Ile peeled potatoes so beautifully thatthey were about as big as bullets, after he had taken otY the Skill an 1111'11 thick all round. Pies were the only article of cookery with which I was particularly acquainted, so I made a meat pie, two apple pies, and short cake thy supper, which we ate with the dinner at six o'clock. It was late enough when we cleared up, but at last all was done hat one thing. Harry was in the bath-room refreshing himself, when I dis- covered that the coal was all gone. I hated to call him down, for he had worked hard all day, so I took the scuttle and went down in the cellar myself, laughing to think how he would scold when l►e knewit. I am a weak woman, and not very strong, but I tilled the big scuttle, and tugging away with both hands, started up stairs. I was at the top, my labor nearly over. when somehow, I can not tell how, I lost n►v balance. I reeled over, and the heavy thing came with me, down to the bottom a the stairs. I felt it crushing my foot. I heard Harry's call, and then fainted. I kicor now, though I did not then, how he lifted u►e in his strong arms, and carried me up stairs, and the touch of the cold water which he poured over me is thenext thing I rem►e►uber. As soon as I was con seiims and able to speak, 1 let him go for the doctor, lamenting that mother and Lou were both out of town for the sala m.. Well, well; it was a weary night ; no time to scold, Harry said, so he petted, nursed, and banded me, till my heartnehed with its tallness of love and gratitude. Morning found me, my fractured ankle in a box. lying helpless in lied, and Harry promised to send me a girl immediately. Ito, after this long prelude, I come to "our " 0! I must tell you how I tarry made inc a slice Of buttered toast for breakfast by buttering the bread on both sides and then toasting it. It was about nine o'c•lock when my new girl rune. Ilariw had given her a dead- Latch key, so she entered and came up to my door. Her knock was the first pecu liarity that startled me; one rap. halt( as a pistol-shot, and as abrupt. ('OM(' in: With a sweep the door flow hack, and in th e space stood my 11CW acquisition. flop a moment. 1 must deserihe her. She MIS very tall, very robust, and very ugly. I ter thick hair grew low on her forehead, and her complexion was uniformly red. 1 fer features were very large, and her mouth full of (her only beauty) white, even teeth. Still, the thee was far from stupid. The mouth, though largo, was flexible and expressive. and the 1)1 , Hack eyes promised intelligonce. l'lt 1)11! how can I describe her "ways," as Harry calls them:? She stood for an instant perfectly motionless, then she swept down in a low and really not ungraceful courtesy. " Madam, ,, she said ill a deep voice, your most obedient." " You are--" I said, questionably " Your humble servant." This WaS not `• getting on " said-- " You are the girl Mr. Harvey sent from the office? '' "I am that woman," she said, with a flourish of her shawl; "and here is my certificate of merit ; " and she took a paper from her pocket. Advancing with a long step, a stop, anotlwr step and stop, u n til she reached my bedside, she handed me the paper with a low bow, and then step ping back three steps she stood waiting for me to read it, with hands clasped and drooping, and her head pent as if it were her death-warrant. It was a well-written, properly-worded note from her former mistress, certifying that she was honest and capable, and I really had no choice but to keep her, so I told Tier to lied her room, lay ow her 1.11- net, and then comp me a g ain. I was; half afraid of h. r. She W:IS 110 t (111111 k, With those hiaek eyes shining so brightly, hut Ilia. inounc.r itctually savored of insanity. However, I. was helpless, itnd then --Harry would come as early as he could, and I. could endure to wait. •"Tell me your name," I said, as she came in with the stride and stop. '• funny I•arv," she said, in a tone so deep that it seemed to come from the vITs - toes of her " 11, Nlary, first intt tho r) , )111 in or der borore thr doctur comus. Oh, if words el add picture that scene! Fancy this tall. large, ugly woman, amt.(' (l use the word in its full sense) with a duster, charging at the furniture as if she were stabling her mortal enemy to the heart. She stuck the conch into the brush as if she were saying " Die, traitor! " and piled up the books as if they were faggots tin• a funeral Nance. She gave the curtains a sweep with her bands as if she were put ting back tapestry for a royal procession, and dashed the chairs down in their places like a magnificant bandit spurning a ty rant in his power. But when she came to the invalid she was gentle, almost caressing in her man ner, propping me up comfortably, making the hod at once easy and handsome, and arranging my hair and dress with a perfect perception of my sore condition. And when she dashed out of the room, I fin•- gave the air with which she returned and presented a tray to me for the sake of its contents. Such delicious tea and toast, and such perfection of poached eggs, were an apology for an eccentricity of manner. I was thinking gratefully of my own com tbrt and watching her hang up my clothes in the closet in her own style, when the door-bell rang. Like lightning she closed the closet door, caught up the tray, and rushed down stairs. From my open door I could hear the following conversation, which I must say rather astonished even me, already prepared for any eccentricity. Dr. Holbrook was my visitor, and of course his first question was— " llow is Mrs. Harvey this morning? '7 In a voice that was the concentrated essence of about one dozen tragedies, my extraordinary servant replied— " What man art thou?" " Is the woman crazy? cried the doe- Lay- not that flattering unction to your soul? " cried Mary. " ll'm—yes—" said the doctor, musing ly; then in his own cheery, brisk tones he added: "you are the new servant, I sup pose? " "Sir, I will serve my mistress till chill death shall part us from each other." " Well now, in plain English, go tell her I am here." I go, and it is done! " was the reply 2 and with the slow stride and halt I heard her cross the entry. She was soon at my . door. " Madam, the doctor waits!" she said, standing with one arm out in a grand attitude. " Let him come up," I said, choking with laughter. She went down again. "Sir, from my mistress I have lately come, to bid von welcome, and implore you to ascend. She waits within you chamber for your coming.” Is it to be wondered at that the doctor found his patient in perfect convulsions of laughter, or that he joined her in her mer riment? "Where did you find that treasure?" he asked. "Harry sent her from the,office." " Stage-struck evidently, though where she picked up the fifth-cut actress manner remains to be seen." The professional part of his visit over, the doctor stayed for a chat. We were warmly discussing the news of the day, when—whew! the door flew open, and in stalked Mary, and announced, with a swing of her arm— " The butcher, madam!" I saw the doctor's eyes twinkle, but he began to write in his memoiandun►-book with intense gravity. " Well, Mary," I said, he is not wait ing? " 7 ` The dinner waits!" she replied. "Shall I prepare the viands as my own judgment shall direct, or will your inclination dictate to me." "Cook them as you will, but have a good dinner for Mr. ilarvey at twoo'clock. " "Between the strokes 'twill wait his ap petite." And with anothersweeping cour tesy she left the room, the door, as usual after her exit, standing wide open. She was as good as her word. Without any orders front me, she took it for granted that llarri would dine up stairs and set the table in my room. I was beginning to let my keen sense of the ludicrous tri umph over pain and weariness and I watched her, strangling the laugh till she was down stairs. To see her stab the po tatoes aml behead the celery was a perfect treat, and the air of a martyr preparing poison, with which she poured out the water, lints perfect. Harry was evidently prepared f,n. fun, for he watched her as keenly as I did. Not one ontnthful would she bring to me, till she made it as dainty as could be: mashing my potatoes with the movement of a saint crushing vipers, and buttering my bread in a manner that thirty trans formed the knife into a dagger. Vet the moment she brought it to me, all her af feetati(m dropped, and Ito mother could have I/Vell more naturally hauler. Evi dently, with all her nonsense, she was kindhearted. It took but one day to find we had se c•ured a pert', et treasure, I ter cooking was exquisite enough file the palate of• an epi cure: she WaS neat to a nicety. and I soon flaunt her punctual and trustworthy. Iler attentions to myself were touchin;* in their watchful kindness, Sometimes when the pain was very severe, and I could only lie sulferin! , and helpless, her large hands would smooth my hair softly, and her voice lx?came almost musical in its low murmur ings of " Poor child! porn• little child!" I think her large strong frame, and con sciousness of physical superiority to me in my tiny form and helpless state, roused all the motherly tenderness in her nature, and site lavished it upon me freely. I often questioned her about her limiter places. and discovered to my utter amaze ment that she lower was in a theater, never saw or read a play, and was entirely inno cent of• novel rt.adiuw . . I had become so used to her manner, and no longer feared she was insano. when one evening my gravity gave way utterly, and fOr the first tittle I laughed in her thee. She had been arranging my bed and self for the night, and was just leaving the room, !whine ., in one hand an empty pitch er, and in the other my wrapper. Sud denly a drunken man in the street called out with a yell that really was startling, though by no means mysterious. Like a flash, ALtry struck an attitude. One lion advanced, her body thrown sli , lttly for ward, the pitcher held out, and the wrap per waved andt she cried out in 0 voice of perfect terror-- a bit; so —Gracious 'leavings'. What hideous screams is those? Gravity was gone. scroamed with hiughter, and her motionless attitude and wonderin!r thee only increased the fun. `•(;ro down, Mary, or you will kill ine!" I gasped at last. To see her brandish a dust-brush would strike terror to the heart of the most daring spider; and no words of mine can describe the frantic energy with which she punches pillows, or the grim satisfaction on her lace at the expiring agonies of a spot of dirt she rubs out of existence. The fun niest part of all is her perfect unconscious ness or doing anything out of the way. harry tinted out the explanation. She had lived for ten years with a retired ac tress and actor, who wished to bury the knowledge of their past life, and who never mentioned the stage. Retaiuingin private life the attitude and tones of their old pro fession, they made it a kind of sport to burlesque the passions they so often imita ted, and poor Mary had unconsciously fallen into the habit of copying their pe culiarities. When they left for Europe, she found her way into the Intelligence Office, where ITarry secured her. Long, long may she remain "Our Gal." HOW HOOD FARMERS SAVE MONEY. • They take good papers, and read them. They keep accounts of &nu operations. They do not leave their implements scat tered over the farm, exposed to rain, snow, or heat. They repair their tools and buildings at the proper time, and do not suffer a subse quent three-fold expenditure of time and money. They use their money judiciously, and do not attend auction-sales to purchase :ill kinds of trumpery because it is "cheap." They see that their fences arc well re paired, and their cattle are not found grazing in the meadows, or grain-liehis, or orchards. They do not refuse to make experiments in a small way of many new things. They plant fruit-trees well, rare for them, and of course gut good crops. They practice economy by giving their stock good shelter during the winter, also good food, taking out all that is unsound, half-rotten, or mouldy. They do not keep • tribes of cats and snarling dogs around their premises, who eat up inure in a month than they are worth in a life-time. Lastly, they read the advertisements, know what is going on, and frequently save money b it. Successful farming is made up by attPu tion to little //days. The farmer who does it beet earns his money with best appreci ation, and uses it with best results. Sttelt men are the " salt of the earth.” gititt Ooh o. —The requests to the carrier— pray. „ —The spring of domestic, happiness— Offspring. --The sweetest girls in the West— MO-lasses. —The salad of the solitary man is, let tuce alone. —A drunken hackinam's motto: " H ick hack hock.'' —A man, to speak his mind, must have one to speak. —Can the bakers on astrike be properly termed loafers? —The storm king is hard to "bear" when he is a-bruin'. —Men, like bullets, go farthest when they are smoothest. _unsatisfactory chop for hungry men --A chop of the sea. —What do cats have which no other animal has? Kittens. --What is Worse than raining pitch forks? Hailing omnibuses. —What roof covers the most noisy ten ant? The roof of the mouth. ---Why is a thief in agarret like rui honest man? Ile is above doing a wrung action. —lt may be a fair question whethi r loan can be said to be wedded to celibacy. —Many 111(.11 and wonwn have ha(' ()e -clsi4,ll to know that two tlo not necessarily make a pair. I\'IICII a dog insists upon lying on the, mat, would you consider hint dog-n.ati callv inclined? --A Gentleman asked a friend if he ( ver saw a cat tish. "No, — was the l'OSpf •fl,e, •• hut I have seen a rope walk.'' __R o y. 1)r. Chapin says that a man in the activities of the nineteenth c-n -tory is a condensed —We frequently see it stanal tlwi seheine is en foot. NV - 0111411'ft a selierde advanced taster it' it could I got hack? --The man who — cannot find \void:, to express his grathule " is adviseil to pur chase rollit t Of Webster's:lnd Worvesit.CB dictionaries. ••11 - ow shall I stir the tiro 13, at a musical party, "without interrupt ing the music? .. "1,;(11Cl(11 Fe plied his friend. --A disagreeable old bachelor s;iys that Adam's wife was called Eve because, w she appeared, man's day of h a ppi lwss was drawing to a close. —A frantic thin correspondent says that the ladies are beginning togive up society, because they encounter nothing but sp,in, boys and prematurely old men. —Many a man thinks it is virtue that keeps him from turning a rascal, when it is a full stomach. (Me should be careful and n o t mistake pkitoes for principle , . -- Never be I listurhcd by trifles. They are beneath your notice. Look at 1114. ele phant and rhinoceros during mosquito time, and learn composure :Mil piliV phy. —A \wag. house !,:11 1) , 4 . 11 ahilost 1111111in'd IN"11()..40 it NV:IS. 130111,4' 1)111 that ii era , hal ((A's, — l)h," .ail he. — 111(11 thu I ,-s IR`ftl/: a lacow111:1 • tho ol)jvct ()I' his a(l«rtati. nt, and, Attar Way, " 1)1) not Ict :lily 111111i/10 it. •• •• Nil, (Lai'," will thin " L Will lakr it ail. .11)y, licaritiLt• it stahal hal thing of ht'nutY is it .;' 4 )/ calls tievlartql that shit Ivits tila(l : , I1(• a•-; not ;1 thin , (d . beauty. borattso (lhitt't to remain Joy rur " y ot i antl viatt. Dili 04h«11111 one, — said a 1111;11(11y :11.1Viscr In a L. n pcked husband. Become (al , '— claimed henpeel;e(l. ••1 1 ,:hy tvt. al., i,,n now : , Ilntt sor , "She's I, and I'm I.!" ---An exchange says: A \vh :s iihNv in jail in this city ihr havhez, Nvives hail the audacity to ask will No. to tvasli a Ivhite vest fin' him to wear (in riii!r the cereni:iny with the third \I-moan. —The of it conlyst nI wit, tweet' a police justice at the Tombs and a sauce !tirl \vim was :irraigned tier steaku2; makes a four-line verse " TllO brass upon your face," he sail, " Woulcl male a four heart skillet." " Your llonor's head," the: girl replicil, " 11as sal) enough to fill it." —On a recent trip of one of tlw river packets - a light draught one, as tlwro was only two feet of water in the channel —the passengers were startled by the (Ty of "Man overboard!" The steamer NV:t.i stopped, and preparations made to save him, when lie was heard exclaiming: "tio ahead with your darned old steamho.tt! I'll walk behind you!" --A Western exchange gives vent torts poetical phrenzy in tlk! following beauti ful stanzas: " I would not dy in Ortum, With peaches tit for eatin', When the wavy korn is gettin' wripe, And the candidates are treatin When sassadge meat is pltryin', & hickory nuts is thick, Ow! who wud think of dyin', Or even gettin' sick?" E &Were you advertise for af i ents who could make ten dollars a day ALe vEit vattat-- Yes ? of gentlemanly and pleasing address, and et will be n+ecessar•y tv depnsite a hundred "Letters, lIEel ~.~
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers