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SCIILIFILETUW:4, "NilfAut , or 2, 18C8.
MISDER FODDER ADRAIWZ Deer
Sur : Yetz ewer ,gehna. amohl der katz
de hohr ouo. Alorya kummts druf acv ep
ich der negslit Posht Menshter fun
Sehliffletown gel), udder eb de office noel)
leer yohr:tiort Munich 'em Nitzelderfer
seinit drom si soli, for Wlll3ll der
Seimoyer r i ltummt, down, of course, bin
ich ousg'shpeelt. A:wer, morytx, we
g'sawt, gehna dor katz de holir ous, un
well ich ordlich bissy bin alleweil, will
ich desmohl wilder my breef korts
Ich will awer doch eh ding sawya tsu
deka flnf un tswansich dausend FODDER
ABRAHAM leaser, Uu sell is, das noch
der leekshun hab I. h im shin der olley
woch a rechter bully gooter breef
shreiva fun weaya allerleh sacha ; de
kit kenna mich wissa wtcr on
was ich bin ; der nawma fum Pit
Schwefflebrenner is yetz bekannt ivver
all on in ally shteadta ; in Barricks
county, in Heidelbarrick, in der Ohio, in
Yorrkk, in Ferginny, drous in Illinois
no in Kumberland, so wohl das in Lecha,
in Nordampton, in Shoolkill un in Mock
Chunk. Un de kit wissa aw was for a
roushicho gooty flaw das do Bevvy is ;
we se mich rum gecoax'd hot uf de re
publican side, un we de meeny demokrat
ishe shneek deeb mer my watch g'shtola
hen, we ich uf ehra kunvention war dort
in Nei Yorrick, un yetz huff ich aw das
a yeader moon widder shreibt for der
FODDER ABRAHAM, for we g'sawt, ich
un de Bevvy shticks dertsu, for WI hab
noch feel tsu shreiva fun allerleh. Wenn
de leckshun ferbei is, der Seimoyer ous
g'shpeelt, doat un fergrawa, dort om
owera end fum Sols Revver, dorm, of
course, bin ich ftertich mit ehm. Awer,
es sin genunk onnery subjects dais ich im
sinn hab tsu handle, no der wtorret firma
das kb all righCbin in ally swim. Any
how, de left missa net denka das tel an
old fogy bin, odder das de Bevvy nix
weas except yusht fun politics ; un was
se net weas, woes ich. Dc Bevvy hut
geshter g'sawt das ich set mich by all
means draw macha amohl so a shtory
shreiva fun we an gewisser moon doh in
unser nochbershaft gemanaged hut for
Melt a fraw tsu kreeya—we er als nous
is gongs unnich de nia , d, on de lodwar
rick frolics un uf de flying coacha, un we
er ale de circussa un shows noch geluffia
is ; un so ball das de leckshun bisness ,
amohl ferbei is, im de kupperkep recht
decf fergrawa sin, dorm will ich der
selly shtory iu foll ous shreiva.
Un wann ich on der circus under show
denk, donn g'mawnts much on der gross
Ellifont wu ich g'sea hab im show doh
fergonga. Ilusht du di lesiva shun an
Ellifont g'seana P Warm net, donn geh
by all means on sell clines wann widder
amohl der show ins shteddle kummt.
De Ellifonta sin about de g'shpossichta
krodoora in der welt. Seller wu se im
show g'hat hen der letslit summer, war
ufs wennichsht sivvatsay foos Koch un so
long das 'em Mose Miller si welshkorn
house. We der Ellifont shtill g'slitonna
is dort fin show, is er mer net yusht so
koryose fore kumma, un awer we er
amohl awfonga hut tett moofa, lab ich
by chinks lacha missa bis ich bench wea
krickt hab, un awer we des gross kred
door dort In ring rum gemarch'd is, un
so in de direction kumma is wu ich war,
dorm is mere lacha fergonga, un ich hab
mich aw so a wennich ous em weg
g'shafft. Ufa wenuichst a halb dutzend
moll hen se ehn dort in senate ring rum
gemarch'd, un gewockelt hut er yusht we
a load boy wanns om nmfolla wrer. Sei
bob sin so mud un dick, un hen mich
yusht g'mawnd on drei bushel seek foil
welshkorn, un fees hut er gor kenny—
yusht so dicky helm, un selly wahra grawd
shquare ob das wann se unna ob g'scagt
mesa g'west. Was mich awer om
terrichst ferwunnert hut, war das er de
gons Limit hinnerslat fedderslat geluffa is
mit seim grossa schwantz forna nous, un
de buwa hen ehm als kucha un grundniss
un allerleh so sacha gevva, un do krenk
will ich kreeya wanner se net ale go
grab'd hut mit Beim schwantz, un uf
seller weg hut er sich g'feedert, for mind,
de Ellifonta ehra meiler sin aw om bin
nereht end grawd unnich ehm schwentz.
Amer, we g'sawt, worm widder amohl
der show in de shtadt kummt, donn gel
yusht un gook, dich selwer, wanns aw
a holwer da t;for sell is es any
how wart i j „,i • , icher Ellifont tau
Awer ieb tnua ufbeara ahreiva,
amid nuf Own Jake Hulderbach, tor
un ich gehna don mitnonner tsum Joe
Winkeleisa, un gevva ehm a dicket, un
macha ehn fersprecha es aw tsu vota.
Wann mer se runner bringa kenna of
about sivvatseh desmohl, donn deck ich
set sich es gor net fehia weaya, der Posht
Office doh in Schlifiletown.
Dame Ocracy PhreHologleally
This note-orious old lady has a pump
kin shaped head, though the Bide view
looks very like one of the tlat-heatl tribe
of Missouri. One like her is ever anx
ious to do something in the world some
how, but she can See-more and do less
than most old women. Her conacoAL
ITY, or love of one, is big, and that one is
PARENTAL Lovs—Repudiates the doe
trines of the fathers.
ADENSITZNEII3—TO her bottle she
sticketh closer than a brother.
battuinvErrEss—Love of honor—
She likes to go ahead, (to vote), but since
Tuesday has retired to private lito.
CONTINUITY—One thing at a time—
Large : the one thing is lying and that
all the time.
VirsTrvarrEas—Love of life—very
large ; catches at straws already.
ConmenvENE.so—Glories iu a free
DESTRICCTIVENESS—Is large ; likes to
pull down what others build up.
been out of omco for some time, is aw
Acquisrrivrszw.--would like to ac
quire distinction but can't come it much.
SEcnrrivENzsts—Policy--Mul one not
liked by the majority of the people.
being too easily governed by Southern
too much for her own good—will have to
be content with a back seat.
any of this.
Futanzzas—Decision—Has none ; lost
it last Tuesday.
CoNsciENTlouswEss—Very deficient ;
should do everything to cultivate.
HOPE—Has not enough for continued
whiskey and everything else that is "con
BENEVOLENCE—Very benevolent to
children of Saloon Keepers ; shows it by
patronizing their fathers.
mechanical ingenuity in constructing
platforms, but they don't last long—not
over four months.
IDMALITY--Taste, purity—There is a
SUBLIMITY—Love of grandeur—fie
would like to be somebody iu the world
but Is too old and almost played out.
IMITATION—Tries to act like her an
cestors, but fails miserably.
IltrunFtrLNEas—Not much ; has an
anxious, serious look.
INDIVIDUALITY—Has none at all ;
can't be distinguished from a foreigner
Humax NATURE -- Not much, except
compare New York with Chicago—don't
appreciate the contrast.
Foam—Fat and plump.
Snit—Five feet three.
Wztour —Two hundred and fifty.
COLOR—Red—nose particularly red.
AGREZABLENESB—V ery lovely indeed.
CALCULATION—Sufficient for her own
wants when using Delmar's High Old
CAUSALITY—Very poor cause.
LOCALITY—` Nowhere" since Tues
LANotrAoz—Very profane and full of
Blairney. Frequently cries "Carpet
Bagger." " Carpet Bagger," but echo
only answers Carping Beggar, Carping
TUNE—In Dixie's Land, &c.
RUSSIA. leads the world on the woman
question. There the husband and the
wife are two persons entirely independ
ent of each other in the eyes of the civil
law. There is a complete political equal
ity between the two. It the wife pos
sesses the necessary property qualifica
tion, she can vote for members to the
provincial general councils, her sex being
no obstacle to the exercise of the right.
THE PEOPLE'S CHOICE!
President, U. S. GRANT.
MR....CASEY GIVES HIS VIEWS ON TEE SI
JEC:T OF TUE COMING ELECTIN-UIS
HOPES AND FEARS.
POST OFFIS, CONFEDERIT X ROADS;
(Which is in the State uv Kentucky), Oct,.
13, 1868.-1 am sometimes gloomy, an.
despondent, and never more 6'o than now.
To me the skies is dark ; to me the cloud;
is lowering, and the prospect_gloomv.
First. the crops is agm us. Wat wt)
wantid to make ashoorance doubly shoor
wuz a jolly failyoor uv crops. lied the
wheat failed in Ohio, Injianny and
inoy—hed ther potatoes rotted in ther
fields, and the corn come to naught, we'
cood hey them States easy. For it's th
uacher uv men to charge up everythin
from a theevin postmaster to the failyoot
uv corn—the first the most triflin and the
latter (l view uv its effeck on the price
uv liker) the most stupeojua evils with
kin atleck mankind—they charge every
thing uv this kind up to the account uv'
the party in power, and they vote agin -
em. When mistorcloon waves her red
slag in ther facestthey charge agin it like
the bull, never thinkin uv the draw.
steel wich is behind to receive em. M
otlishal existence is a drawd sword.
But Providence is agin us now, e 1
the past. Providence hez a most aggra
vatin knack uv comb in jest at the pro
per time for the Republikin party. Here
.vuz a presher in money matters, in con
sekeuco uv short crops for years—we
stept in and offered a cure in the shape
us , a unlimited ishoo of greenbax, but
alas! jest ez the dose wuz hem sweltered,
the crops interfered, givin everybody all
the greenbax they wanted, and makin it
to the interest uv everybody not to hey
any more afloat for feet twood deproshate
them wieh they hed, and at one stroke
this plank wuz knocked from under us.
It is my opinion that we'd better drop
our financial policy. At all events, we
had better let the Pendleton ijee die out
in the west and substitute Seymour's for
it in that section. It don't make much
difference wat we do iu the east, ez ther
ain't none uv us ther anyhow, with is
forchinit, ez it mite complicate matters.
Its my opinyun that Pendleton isn't
much uv a statesman anyhow.
Another thing theta working agin us
is Blare.—ltis rednis UN' face and cheer
ful conviviality does much for us in Ken
tucky, wher we don't want help, but good
Hevins how it tells agin us in the close
States wher we do need help. 'His
Brodhed letter soots us uv Kentucky;
but in Noo York wher our people hey
business and want peace, it hez made
It is my opinion that we'd better drop
Ez to reconstruckshun, that isn't jest
ez good a keerd ez we thought it wood
be. Wat's the use of howlin that the
Ratlikels don't want a restorashen uv the
St:tits, when they've admitted all uv em
but two or three? Wat's the use uv
whistlin in the face uv sich a North wind?
It is my opinion that we'd better drop
The extravagance of the Radikels wuz
a keerd wick I bed hopes uv, but it didn't
amount to anything. Somehow the peo
ple would ask us wich uv our leaders we
proposed to put in the places uv the
Ablishuists, and when we answered Val
landigham, Fernaudy Wood and his
brother Ben, Dan Voorhees and Jesse
D. Brite, they'd lair derisively, and say,
" Lord save us, of these hungry and
thirsty theeves get their jaws into the
.Nashnel carkis. IVe'druther keep them
wich we hey."
It's my opinion we'd better drop ex
Taxes hed a joocy look, but good Lord,
the people answered us, sayin, "Ef the
debt is to be paid, won't we hey to be
taxed to pay it P It's payin ,the taxes
that hurts—not the politics uv the party
wieh taxes us—and ez our people clon't
pay taxes ez a rool, they don't thrill
much over taxes."
It's my opinion that we'd better drop
"katal taxashun" wuz ruthor hefty at
the beginning, till the poor men and far
mers diskivered that they were payin
scarcely nothin on their horses, wagons
cows, while the rich cusses wuz carryiu
the load. Ez soon ez they made the die
kivery they conclooded they didn't want
ekal taxashun so much, and they turned
It's my opinion we had better drop
liepudiashau looked well snuff, but
Ar SB Y
Vice President, SCHUYLER COLFAX.
that wan't no go. We started out with
it, but alars, we found most everybody
hed greenbax. The bondholders woodn't
consent to repudiatin the bonds, and the
greeback holders sed : " Ef we commence
at bonds why shb,d we not come to
greenbax ?" And so that split.
It's my opinion we bed better drop re
" But," sez one Dimocrot, " of wo drop
all these what will we hey left?"
My ingenious friends, we hey all left
that we ever lied. We hey the nigger,
and from him we never ought to hey de
partid. The minnit we let go uv him,
that minnit we lost strength. On all
these other questions there may be some
difference uv opinion—;-on nigger ther kin
be none. The Dimocrisy are grounded
in this. He is ther Alpha and Omega,
ther beginnin and end. We don't nun
us want to marry niggers—no matter
ow near we may come to it—we don't
un of us want to sleep with em,eat with
em, vote with em or drink with em (on
-less thej poy for the, , -likker,) and we
wont. long ez we hey the nigger we
hey a rallyin pint.
Leejest, therefore, that we drnp ail
these other complicatin 'shoes, with are
too hefty for us anyhow and fall back,
for the November eleckshun i pn the nig.
m—one and indivisible.„4l we can't
.jadolwe can't win :on aything,,
mil ex well Wray up the' sponge..
en the Democratic heart won't thrill
at nigger, our coz is lost indeed. Ken
tucky kin send 200 to the North as Frite
ful Examples, of they are needed ; for
we hey jest about that number in this
vicinity that we hey lied in trainin for a
year, and hew got em down to one level.
They are pizenin themselves reglerly,
and hang about the groceries jest ez we
do, wich, in a nigger, is too awful to be
endoored. Whether we yoose. them or
not, the nigger is our only holt, and on
him we must cheefly depend.
PETROLEUM I'. NASBY, P. M
You would not permit a man to con
trol his own labor who had once been a
slave, or was the child of a slave.
You would not allow a man to dispose
of his own property on equal terms with
his neighbor, because his color differed.
You would sell the labor of a colored .
man on the auction block, as a punish
ment for not working when you would
not give him employment.
You avowed a policy of repudiation.
You turn out Inspectors of election,
forge naturalization papers, and issue
them criminally, and by violence seek to
pervert the voice of the people.
The fact that a Republican meeting was
to be held in many of the States of the
Union, was deemed by you of sufficient
reason for shooting down those who at
And the jury of the people, on No
vember 3d found Democracy guilty and
sentenced t to death.
JOSH BILLINGS ON liirLx.—l want to
I want to say sumthing in reference
to milk az a fertilizer.
There are various kinds ov milk.—
There iz sweet milk,sour milk, skin milk,
butter milk, cow milk, and the milk ov
human kindness, but the mostest best
milk is the milk that hazzent the moat
water in it. Butter milk izzent the best
Milk is spontaneous and has done more
to encourage the growth of human folks
than enny other likwid.
Milk is lacteal ; it iz also acquatic,
while under the patronage of milk yen- .
Milk iz misterious. Cokernut milk has
never been solved yet.
Milk iz also another name for human
Milk and bred iz a pleasant mixtur.
Sometimes if milk is aloud to stand too
long, a scum rises to the surface, which
is apt to skare fokes that live in cities,
but it duzzent fuller that the milk is nasty.
This scum is called kreme by fokes who
inhabit the kuntry.
Kreme is the parent of butter, and but
iz 70 cents a pound.
The most kommom milk in use, with
out doubt is skim milk ' • skim milk is
made by skimming the milk, which is
considered sharp practise.
Milk is obtained from cows, hogs,
woodchux, rats, sheep, squirrels, and all
other animals that have hair. Snaix and
geese don't give milk.
I forgot to state, in conclusion, that
cow,millt,if well•watered, brings ten cents
Hall's Journal of Health says :
First—To think that the more a man
eats the fatter and stronger he will be
Second—To believe that the more
hours children study at school the faster
Thi rd—T o conclude that if exercise is
good for the health, the more violent and
exhausting it is the more good is done.
Fourth—To imagine that every hour
taken from sleep is an hour gained.
Fifth—To act on the presumption that
the smallest room iu the house is large
enough to sleep in.
Sixth—To argue that whatovei remedy
causes one to feel immedidately better is
" good for" the system, with, ge regard
to ulterior effects. The "sootbift sirup,"
for example, does not stop the cough of
children, and does arrest diarrhoea, only
to cause, a little later, alarming convul
sions, or the more fatal inflammation of
the brain, or water on the brain, at least,
always protracts the disease.
Seventh—To commit an act which is
felt in itself to be prejudicial,toping that
somehow or other it may be done in your
case with impunity.
Eighth—To advise another to take a
remedy which you have not tried
yourself, or without makiog special
quirstwbather alt the eoaditbtue we al , •
Ninth—To eat without an appetite, or
continue to eat after it has been satisfied,
merely to gratify the taste.
Tenth—To eat a hearty supper for the
pleasure experienced during the brief
time it is passing down the throat, at the
expense of a whole night of disturbed
sleep, and a weary waking in the morning.
Eleventh—To remove a portion of the
clothing immediately after exercise, when
the most stupid drayman in New York
knows that if he does not put cover on
his horse the moment he ceases work in
winter, he will lose him in a few days by
Twelfth—To contend that because the
dirtiest children in the street, or on the
highway, are hearty and healthy, there
fore it is healthy to be dirty; forgetting
'that continuous daily exposure to the
pure out-door air in joyous, unrestrain
ed activities, is such a powerful agency
for health that those Who live thus are
well, in spite of rags and filth.
Thirteenth—To presume to repeat,
later in life, without injury, the indiscre
tions, exposures and intemperances
which, in the flush of youth, were prac
ticed with impunity.
Fourteenth—To believe that warm air
is necessarily impure, or that pure, cold
air is necessarily more healthy than the
confined air of close and crowded vehi
cles ; the latter, at the most, can only
cause fainting and nausea, while entering
a conveyance after walking briskly, lower
ing a window thus while still exposed to
a draft will give a cold infallibly, or an
attack of pleurisy or pneumonia which
will cause weeks and months of suffering,
if not actual death within four days.
Fifteenth—To "remember the Sabbath
day" by working harder and later on
Saturday than on any other day in the
week, with a view to sleep late next
morning, and staying at home all day to
rest, efeaseienee being quieted by the
plea of not feeling very well.
To be free from debire is money; to be
free from the rage of perpetually buying
something new is a certain revenue ; to
be content with what we possess consti
tutes the greatest and most certain of
—"Ah 1" said old
"learning is a great thing, I've often felt.
the need aft: Why; would you believe
it Y I'm now sixty years old, and only
know the names of three months in the
year ; and them's spring, fall and au
tumn ; I larnt the names of them when
I was a little bit of a gal 1"
- —A Philadelphia sausage manufacturer
gives the following receipt for making
bologna sausage : "Take an eel-skin and
stuff it with ground cat or dog, season it
with Scotch snuff and persimmon oil ;
lay it on a hog-pen to dry, and hang it in
a grocery store for three months for the
flies to give it the trade marks."
—Somebody says the first thing that
turned his attention to matrimony was
the neat and skillful manner in which a
pretty girl handled a broom. Yes, says
the Printer's Devil, he may see the time
when the manner in which that broom
will be handled will not afford him so
Batch:lor Ministers Beware.
We yesterday heard rather a good
story of one of our city ministers.—
During last winter a revival was in
progress in one of the country churches
near the city. Among the attendants
of the meeting was a beautiful and es
timable, bu tlrat her unsophistica t ed, young
lady, whose friends were very anxious
to have her unite with the church.--
She seemed, however, reluctant to do so,
and the minister in question was request
ed to "talk to her." This he did several
times, on one occasion saying, in a jocu
lar manner," Miss if you'll join
the church I'll marry you," meaning he
would perform the ceremony. The girl
seemed pleased with the proposition, and
a few evenings after came up to the
altar and united with the church. Sev
eral weeks after this the minister pmch
ed at the church, and after services met.
the young lady. "Brother —," said
she, YOU know you promised to marry
me if I'd join the church. Are you going
to do so ? I don't, want to wait any lon
ger." The minister saw his dilemma,
and attempted to " I meant 1
would perform the ceremony,'• he said,
" that's all. I can't marry you myself,
for I am already married, and lovesmy
wife too much to swap her off for anoth
er." The young lady became indignant,
declared that she'd leave the church, and
that she "never had much faith in these
town preachers." Our ministerial friend
declares that he will never Wraill use any
other Than Scriptural arguments to in
duce a young lady to join the church.—
Protesto tit Cow.
Paddy Murphy and his wife, Bridget,
after many years of hard labor ditching
and washing, had accumulated a suffi
ciency (beside supporting themselves and
the "childers”) to purchase a cow, (of
course they had pigs!) which they did, at
the first opportunity. As it was bought
of a Protestant neighbor, Paddy stopped
on his way home at the house of the
priest, and procured a bottle of holy
water with which to exercise the false
faith out of her.
" Isn't she a foine creature ?" asked
Pat, of the admiring Bridget. "Jest
hould her till I fix the shed."
To save the precious fiuid from/harm,
he took it into the house and sat it up in
a cupboard until he had " fixed" things.
Then he returned and brought the bottle
back again, and while Bridget was hold
ing the rope, proceeded to pour it upon
But poor Paddy had made a :Right mis
take. Standing within the sanie closet
was a battle of aqua fortis, that bad been
procured for a far different purpose, and,
as it drooped upon the back of the poor
cow, and the hair began to smoke and
the flesh burn, she exhibited decided ap
pearances of restlessness.
" Pour on more, Paddy," shouted
Bridget, a s she tugged at the rope.
"I'll give her enough, now," quoth
Paddy, and he emptied the bottle.
Up went the heels of the cow, down
went her head, over went Bridget and
half a dozen of the "childers" and away
dashed the infuriated bovine down the
street, to the terror of all the mothers
and theMirt of the dogs.
podi yiteedft.l.llllf6thent 'Wreath
less with astonishment, and then clap
ping his hands upon his hips looked
sorrowfully, and exclaimed :
" Be jabbers, Bridget, but isn't the
Protestant strong in her—the baste'"
nr * Mk Aokts.
—A Western editor, in response to a
subscriber who grumbles that his morn
ing paper was tolerably damp, says,
"that it is because there is so much due
—A young lady who teaches music in
an academy iu Western New York, sent
an order to a publisher, recently, in
which she had spelled the words very
poorly. She apologized by adding a
postscript, as follows : "You must ex
kews this letter, as 1 pla bi noat, but
spel bi ear."
—An editor, sneering at the stupidity
of a cotemporary, says—
" The best thing he has got off this
week was a dirty shirt."
—Jennie June thinks so far as
women's clothing is concerned, the art
of not making anything they want, in
the way that they want it, has been
brought to perfection.
—A professor was explaining in a
young ladies' school in France the theory
according to which the body is entirety
renewed every six years : "Thus, Made
moiselle F.," said he, addressing a pretty
blond a wide-awake face, "in six years
yon will be no longer Mademoiselle F.".
"I hope so," replied the unsophisticated,
casting down her eyes.
—"Are a man and his wife both one ?"
asked the wife of a certain gentleman,
holding his aching head in both her
"Yes, I suppose so," was the reply.
"Well, then," said she, "I came home
drunk last night, and ought to he ashamed
of myself." •
—A German tinner sent a bill to a
captain for "Ein Scheidirtims of bibe."
The captain puzzled over it long. The
German finally explained his meaning to
be, " One sheet-iron stove pipe."
"Did you know," said a Gentile to a
Jew, "that they hang Jews and Jack
asses together in Portland's" " Indeed 1"
retorted the Jew, " den it !eh veil dat you
and I bsh not dere."
—A harmless death—Drowning in tears.
—A pert little girl boasted to one of
her little friends that her father kept
carriage. "Ah, but," was the triumphant
reply, "my father drives an omnibus l"
—At a Methodist meeting the singer
who led the psalm tune,
finding that his
concluding word, which was Jacob, had
not syllables enough to fill up the music
adequately, ended thus :
—A "down-east" Yankee has recently
invented a rat exterinluator, cunsisting
of a sort of powder-snuff The animal
Jerks his head olfat the third sneeze I
—"Father," sail a roguish boy, "I
hope you won't bqkfty Mere gunpowder
tea for mother." "Why not ?"
ealP4 every time she denim it she blows
es ap." "Go to bed immediately."