Father Abraham. (Reading, Pa.) 1864-1873, October 23, 1868, Image 4
titnsplbanistli P'ritsc4. Brief luau Schweifiebrenner. SCHLIFFLETOAVN, der Dta, Uckdover, '1;8 MISTER FODDER ABRAHAM DRUCKER —Deer Snr—Sidder das ich an freier mon bin, un a true blue Republican, sin de Schliffletowner demokrata mer about shpiteful genunk mich Boat tsu un geshter hab ich amohl all ordlich por ter round shtanda, missa, un awer ich bin evva wilder ahead fun elmit, for ich kann der sauga, es nemmt a monn mich tsu handla wanes amohl on de rough-un-tum ble bisness geltt. Un now will ich tiers exactly shreiva we's war. We ich de shtrose nuf bin for my shifille flicka lussa, dort heim Bill Sola klupper, un yusht we ich dort om Sam Dinkop seim shmidt shop ferbei bin, is der Joe Muckafliggle under George Sen. sawetzer graved geaya mich kumma, un donn hut der George g'sawt : "Well, Pit, wu nous ?" "Ei, jell bin of 'em weg nut' tsum Sola klupper for my shtiflle tlieka lussa,'' hab is h g'sawt. "Now, Pit," secht er, "we des (limners tins welders kummts done das dudes shwartz 'publican dicket gevote husht Om letshta Dinshdog ?" "Ei, well ich nix meh mit a party tsu du hawa will we eire, wu tiler my watch g'shtola hen we ich dort in Nei Yorriek of der Seimoyers Kunvenshun war." "Kunun, Pit," secht der George, "sow sell nimmy, for %Tann du dusht Bonn gebts rupps." "Awes es is wohr, nu des is now a freics loud," hab ich g'sawt, "un ich sog de wohrat yusht graved so uft das ich will. Du kannsht midi anyhow net ob p•hrecka." "Awer du sagsht de demokrata hetta der di watch g'shtola, un sell kunsidder ich an insult of mich, for ich bin a demo krat un bleib aw ehn so long ich leab." "Yah, awer sell konn ich now net helfa we du's kunsiddersht, for ich cogs now un olly mohl das de demokrata hen mer my watch g'shtola." "Donn heasht mich a watcha, deeb," secht der George. "Well, nay, ich du net," hab ich g'sawt, "un awer wanu du a demokrat bisht, un gehsht ni for soddiche wu elan si watcha shteala, doun mogsht dich meind weaya aw an watcha deeb kunsiddera. Anyhow, mit so a party will ich now gor nix meh tsn du hawa." "Well, donn deatsht mich yusht so Boot aw an watsha deeb heasa." "Well," sog ich, "wann du es donn obsolut so hawa wit, donn geb ich nix drum. Ich deht deer anyhow aw net welder draua das ich an hull om shwantz .shmeisa kent." "Now, Pit," seek er, - geb acht was du sogsht, for wann du mich a deeb heasht, donn mach ich dich's aw proofa in der law." "Well," sog ich, "ich gcb net meh urn Bich das ennicher onnerer monn, un weil du now so orrig particular bisht, sog ich der ins g'sicht nei das du mer drei dahler un a holwer g'shtola husht, sellamohls we mer poker g'shpielt hen dort ons Kitzelderfer's, we se selly gross sow rouse g'husselt hen." "Waun du sell sogsht bislit an ligner," teeht der George. "Fleas mieh ken ligner," hab ich g'sawt. "Du bight a fertiomter ligner," B echt tier George "Un du bisht an deeb uu a meener fer loadelter kupperkeppicher demokrat," hab ich g'sawt. "Hens mieh ken deeb," seclit der George. "Du bisht an deeb," sog ich, "tut kelt moan wann'ds aw nemsht." We ich sell g'sawt hab, dorm hut der Joe Muckatliggle aw eel gross maul nei g'henkt, un sogt, secht er, "George, sell deht ich awer now net awnemma." Un dorm hut der George sei ruck ous, un iu de hend g'shpout un sogt, "now by de rushtus kruslitus, luss mich amohl on elm—den Pit konn ich k'noatcha in wen- Weber das drei minnutta." We er sell g'sawt hut, hab lob aver as ohl my shtiflie gedropt un in de feieht g'ehlawya, un sog, "yusht kumm ea, du feritomter kupperkeppieher deeb du—yusht nni on, for wanns ons k'noateha geht, Bonn is der Pit Schwettle brenner acv um de weg." Donn is der Hose lienkerhach aw der tsu konona, tin graved Iswisha uns nei, yusht we kb g'sliponnt hob What for 'cm George [wield so an sockdolager of si liukes aug tsu gevva. Awer we er g'sch but das der Henkerhach mich net on elm g'lust but, donn hetsht elm awer amohl heara sella kreisha on thicha ivver mich ! Awer er hut Boot acht gevva dos er ous der range fun nieina finf fingeriche tswivvella geblivva is. Under Joe dyer hut donn aw so holwer gedu das warm er mich fechta wet, on awer we ich eluu g'sawt hab das mit ehm wters tiler nor net derwturt aw tsu fonga, for de Bevvy, sog ich, hut dick yoh geleddert doh for gonga his du gebliert husht we a drei wochich hart kalp. We ich ehm fun sellam g'sawt hab, hut er awer sei maul g'halta. tin tier George, nochdeiu das er recht ous gedoabt war, is donn aw oh un ons Kitzelderfer's nei, un dort hut er uf course a drunk nine shtrike g'numma of borrieks, un ich hab donn aw my shtiflle widder uf gepickt tin bin ob un nuf tsum Solaklupper for se flicka lussa. We ich uf 'em lieam weg war, donn is vier der Jake Hnlderbach so nosh gelufla kumma, tin we mer urns eck rum sin, secht der Jake : "Well, Pit, du under George hend so an °Maher hullabaloo g'hat mitnonner." "Yah," hab ich g'sawt, "er mus ned denka das er mich of so a weg ob bluffa konn." "Ich mus sauga," Becht der Jake, "(las du recht husht g'hat, for ich war dort un shmidt shop, un hab alles g'seh in a'heert " Now, fershtay, der Jake is aw a demo krat, un we er iner recht gevva hut, hab ich mich ordlich ferwunnert ivver ehn, for ehra rule is als for common tsonuna tsu shticka. Donn hab icli g'saWt, "Yale, Jake, now shwetsht we an ehrlicher nionn, for ich wells das ich recht hab of meiner side." We mer on unser house kumma hab ich der Jake g'froked eb er net mit mer ni geh wet, un er wars agreed ; un donn sin mer mitnonner in de kith, weil ken fire in der fuddera shtoob war ; un we mer om MTh g'huckt hen, donn hen liter awfonga fun weaya politics tsu shwetza, un du kannsht denka das ich mich ferwunnert hab we der Jake mer g'sawt hut das er so a halwy notion het aw noch for der Grant tsu vota un unser party tsu joina. Dorm is de Bevvy awer amohl hinnich ehn, un hut ehm alles ex plained we de sacha sin. Se hut ehm aw g'sawt das "der Pit, (sell is mich du weasht;)wter yetz goes an ounerer moon sidder er de demokratish party ferlussa hut. We er noch a demokrat war," secht se, "hut der Pit, (mich hut se gemehnt,) als all si geld fersuffa dort ons Kitzelder fer's, un awer yetz," secht se, "gook amohl doh," un krickt ehra pocket buch rous un weist dun drei nu sivvatsich dah ler in louder greenbacks,"tm doh kannsht sehna," secht se, "is es aw derwtert das a mono sich dreht fun der loafers' party, tin shafft sich unnich decenty leit." Donn hab ich 'em Jake aw all de par ticulars explained fun weaya we se mer my watch g'shtola hen ; un we er fort is, hut er fersprocha das wanner heam geht donn wet er amohl mit seiner alty shwetza, un wann se ken fuss macht der. weaya, don wet er aw for der Grant vota. We er tsu der deer drous war, hut de Bevvy g'sawt "Der Jake is all right." "Yah," sog ich, "according tsu was er sogt, kummts evya so a wennich of si alty aw." "Drunk sog ich," secht de Bevvy, "er is all right, for si fraw hut mer doh der onner dog selwer g'sawt se winsht ehra Jake deht aw de ferlumpty demokrata ferlussa we du husht, un donn deht er aw noch an deeenter gentlemonn wterra we mein Pit." "Well," sog ich, "demnoch is si fraw an sounder Republican." "Uf course is se, un now wtersht aw seh das der Jake rum kummt un for der Grant vote," secht de Bevvy: Un now, bis morya oder ivver morya war ich wohl wissa for sure we der Jake geht, un dorm will ich dich es aw wissa lussa. PIT SCHWEFFLEBRENIZER -.--..1r.--.IINO. SHOENECK, Uekdover Ista, 1868 FODDER ADRAnAM—Dear Sir : Now musht mer aw muohl a breef in di roush iche uu bully gooty tseitang nei drucka. De Kangaroo rebels sin shtorrick ousge torn'd, awer net gong genunk for uns tsu beeta on Dinshdog. We se ehra proces sion doh g'hat hen, sin se awkumma mit ma grossa hoy wauya, un om ower end fum shteddle hen se de foor awgebunna, dort dicht om shool house wu der Lewy Weesht shool halt, un dorm sin se in de ranks g'shtept we brawfy soldahta. Der Col. Dicksock, wu about a mile fun Rein holdsvills ua tier mile fun Fritatown FOAII I I-1 - ER I R it IN kA SECRETARY (fl" TIIE COMMONWEALTH OF PENY,YLVANIA woont, hut der procession gelcad, under eh beanich Aby is in de ranks geu►arch'd mita drom bottle ho sock, un or war ut' course gekawft. Elmer war forna draw mit a drom bottle in der hood, un of seller weg der procession noel► ge luckt. A dehl hen am rings mit bliona urn der hols henka un of den weg sin se of gemarch'd ons ballot-box loch, un lien ehra dickets ni g'showa, un hur rah'd for de leit wu der dox betzahla. Awer alles war for nix. Der Schwamm kanu net alsfort ahead si. Der Ilartranft un Campbell sin old ionga end rous kumma, mit acht un twansich majority doh in West Cocalico, on ich contend das mer entitled sin tsum flag. De Kupperkep sin anyhow amohl dorrich no dorrich loxiert warm, lui negsht mohl gevva mer ehna nochamohl shtuft for de wierrani. BROATWURSIIT. [For • • FA TII EU A BRAILA 31." . 1 Prom Shiremanstown. JENTEL REDER : You & i air mortals, least ways, i am, & i v erso= to e r a you air. The tact is, most evry buddy is mortal, & sum is mortal big fools. This rellexyun cam upon me a fu daze a„,(Yow, as i wuz visitin my gran parients, (desidudley thu best frens i hav) hu reside not fur off. The won of the mail pur swashun hez lost moust ov his teth, so that he no moare takes delite in knaweu "rene korn off the ere, but cuts it off with a nife. He wuz vvunst ez yung & boyant as enny buddy, but he ant wun hate as yung as he ust to wuz au evry fu daze he gits older. Hiz wife (hiz wife wuz my gran muther) is about as oald as he is, and its a good thing she is, becoz she wuz a yung gun' wen he married her, and if she hed staid yung wile he groat] ole, thar wooden't be no afinity atween them. But as it is, thay both bein old, makes it about even. So that thayre about as nigh a match as enny pare of kattle you will 'find in the same yoke. My gran father thinks the ole fashuns is the best, so he talks his t without shoogar, an sez shanghigh chickens is a noosence, and watter foils on the garls heds is a inven shun ov the devile. But the wust fee chure i see about the ole man is he's a dimykrat. He sez the laws izzent as good as thay used to wuz, fur wen he wuz a boy, you cud git awl the appals you wanted fur a shillin a booshel, an now you kant get a duzzen fur that. He's a leetle sot onto his waze, and kant be in jooced to beleve enny buddy kin make as good a prezedent ez jenrrel jaczun, an every five yeers he votes fur him. He note (thrii sum mejum) that Seemore wants hiz vote this fall. He sez Seemore i node wen a boy, and i never node enny thing good about him. He wuzzent as good a boy as he mite hev been wen he wuz yung. He cud bate enny buddy lyin over seed, i remember (sez that vener able man) a moll nanackdoat wich i will relate just hear: about that kompanyun or my boyhood daze, and enny boy hu phooled his daddy as that boy did is mean enuf to—not be Frezedent. His daddy hed a pease of corn growin sum waze frum the hour,an promised yung Horasho three cents itday at hed kepe the crone oft. So he went and stud on a stump oil day, holdin hiz arms out, and the ole man wuz much pleased with his figh dellity, an after that day he stuck sum old close on a stick on'the stump, an then went an hunted burds nests, an tho he didnt phool the croze enny, he did his daddy, an got hiz 8 gents a da• STEVE HAIM M 1) with the m . d it *tans fur mool driver An exchange says that one hundred Hoosiers in Chicago who were Demo crate up to the nomination of Seymour and Blair by the Yew York Convention, have come out for Grant and Colfax, and joined the Tanner Clubs. PRESIDENT JOHNSON' axes and sets apart Thursday, November 26, as a day of national thanksgiving. By that time the nation will have Grant and Peace, and a thankful people will attest their gratitude. COL. FRANK JORDAN, titritb. John Brown. At the lonely log cabin where we spent the night in the winter of 1857-8, old John Brown, with twelve fugitive slaves whom he was conducting to Canada, had waited four days for the ereek to fall. Stephens and Whipple were his only white com panions. Six men from Lecompton came prowling suspiciously about, when Ste phens went out and asked: "What are you looking for ?" " Six fugitive slaves." " Well, gentlemen, we have not your negroes, but we have twelve others up at the house. Come and see them." This invitation was accompanied by the click of his cocking rifle. The Le comptonites were armed to the teeth, but five wheeled their horses and fled, while the sixth at whom the rifle was pointed, tremblingly remained. Ste phens made him dismount; give up his arms, and follow him to the dwelling. " Mr Brown, this man came here hunt ing negroes, do what you please with him." After searching him for concealed wea pons, Brown took a rope from his pocket, tied the prisoner's hands and feet, and then requested him to take a seat. He kept him confined four days, reasoning with hint about slavery and the wicked ness of negro.hunting. When set at lib erty, the discomfited foe seemed thoroughly converted, and manifested genuine regard for the wonderful old man. Here came the United States Marshal with a posse of thirty, to arrest Brown's party. The three dauntless pilots waited at the windows with leveled rifles to re ceive them, and Stephens called out cheer fully. "Come on gentlemen, we are ready whenever you are." Their proirerbial daring was as terrible as an army with banners. The negro hunters were fully persuaded that dwell ings, out-buildings and hay-lofts swarmed with fighting men. So they left without firing a shot; and when the creek fell, the negroes continued ovi unmolested to ward the North star.—Beyond the .MlBBl.B - - IF you vote for Seymour, you vote for General Preston, a bitter rebel, one of the men who went to Europe especially to get England and France to take part in the war. IF you vote for Seymour, you vote for Governor Vance who told his rebel troops to "pile hell so full of Yankees that their feet will stick out of the windows." ur"ttle (vats. - —" Sam, why don't you talk to v sir massa, and tell him to lay up treasure in heaven ?" " What for? What de of him layin' up treasures dar. when fp! neber get dar to enjoy dem?" —A New York tradesman having tinn.(' customers, a father and two sons by the name of Wheeler, and fearing a contu sion of accounts from their different orders, solved his difficulty by styling the stern parent "Stern Wheeler," the eldest son "Side Wheeler," the youngest, rather a thst youth, " Propeller." —A sensitiyo fast young lady in Chi cago, we think, called an officer to scare away a curtailed poodle, that was using only two of his legs on the street. The officer asked her " wherefore, why," etc., she said the ugly little thing was mock ing her. She had a chronic attack ofthe Grecian bend. —A wag at a hotel recently ordered eleven beds for his own exclusive use, because he had been eleven nights with out decent sleep, and wanted to make up the loss! —ONE of the deacons of a vertaiu church, asked the bishop if he usually kissed the bride at weddings. '`Always," was the reply. And how do you manage when the happy pair are negroes ?" was the deacons next ques tion. In all sueh cases," replied the Bishop, " the duty of kissing is appointed to the deacon." -REV. DE. BEND, of Baltimore, reports that when in Boston he went to church where he " heard music which made him wonder how he got in without a ticket." —" !row is your husband this after noon,Mrs. Quiggs ?" "Why, the doctor says as how if he lives till mornin' he shall have some hopes of him, but if lu don't he must give him up." —IT is said that the Englishmen in Canada patriotically avoid placing green spectacles on their noses, lest it be con strued into hoisting the green above the red." TOBY, what did the Israelites do when they crossed the Red Sea ?" •• dunno, but I gueth they dried themsely —GENTLEMAN (to boatillan)—You must often, I should think, get wet, (I() you not? Artless boatman—Yes, ver honor, we does get werry wet indeed; but I am werry dry .just no yer honor and no mis take. —IN reply to the compliment, " give the world for her fingers," said by a gentleman in the hearing of a brilliant lady pianist, of Great Barrington, Mass., she retorted, " You may have the whole, hand for your own." "ARE you fond of Hogg's Tales ?" asked a city lady of her country lover. "Yes I like them roasted, with salt on them," was the response. "No I mean have you read Hogg's Tales ?" " No, our hogs are white and black. don't think there's a red one among them." " EVERYTHING has itk use," said a philosophical professor to his class. "Of what use is a drunkard's fiery red nose ?" asked one of the pupils. " Its like a lighthouse," answered the professor, " to warn us of the little water that passes underneath it, and reminds us of the shoals of appetite on which we might otherwise be wrecked." --NEVER chase your hat'when itblows off in a gale of wind ; just stand still and you will presentlysee half-a-dozen per sons in persuit of it. When one has cap tured it, walk leisurely toward him, receive it with grateful acknowledgment and place it on your head ; he will in variably act as it you had done him a favor. Try it. —A worthy deacon, in a town some where in North America, gave notice at a prayer meeting, the other night, of a church meeting that was to be held im mediately after, and unconsciously added : " There is no objection to the female brethren remaining!" This was equaled by a clergyman who told, hi his sermon last Sunday, of a very affectlng scene, where " there wasn't a dry tear in the house." ---‘l , fouder what makes papa tell such stories," said a youngster, "about hiding the schoolmaster's rattan when he went to school, and about his running away from the schoolmistress when she was going to whip him ; then shut we up all day in the dark room because I tried just once to be as smart as he was?"