titnsplbanistli P'ritsc4.
Brief luau Schweifiebrenner.
SCHLIFFLETOAVN, der Dta, Uckdover, '1;8
MISTER FODDER ABRAHAM DRUCKER
—Deer Snr—Sidder das ich an freier mon
bin, un a true blue Republican, sin de
Schliffletowner demokrata mer about
shpiteful genunk mich Boat tsu
un geshter hab ich amohl all ordlich por
ter round shtanda, missa, un awer ich bin
evva wilder ahead fun elmit, for ich kann
der sauga, es nemmt a monn mich tsu
handla wanes amohl on de rough-un-tum
ble bisness geltt. Un now will ich tiers
exactly shreiva we's war.
We ich de shtrose nuf bin for my
shifille flicka lussa, dort heim Bill Sola
klupper, un yusht we ich dort om Sam
Dinkop seim shmidt shop ferbei bin, is
der Joe Muckafliggle under George Sen.
sawetzer graved geaya mich kumma, un
donn hut der George g'sawt :
"Well, Pit, wu nous ?"
"Ei, jell bin of 'em weg nut' tsum Sola
klupper for my shtiflle tlieka lussa,'' hab
is h g'sawt.
"Now, Pit," secht er, "we des (limners
tins welders kummts done das dudes
shwartz 'publican dicket gevote husht Om
letshta Dinshdog ?"
"Ei, well ich nix meh mit a party tsu
du hawa will we eire, wu tiler my watch
g'shtola hen we ich dort in Nei Yorriek
of der Seimoyers Kunvenshun war."
"Kunun, Pit," secht der George, "sow
sell nimmy, for %Tann du dusht Bonn gebts
rupps."
"Awes es is wohr, nu des is now a
freics loud," hab ich g'sawt, "un ich sog
de wohrat yusht graved so uft das ich
will. Du kannsht midi anyhow net ob
p•hrecka."
"Awer du sagsht de demokrata hetta
der di watch g'shtola, un sell kunsidder
ich an insult of mich, for ich bin a demo
krat un bleib aw ehn so long ich leab."
"Yah, awer sell konn ich now net helfa
we du's kunsiddersht, for ich cogs now
un olly mohl das de demokrata hen mer
my watch g'shtola."
"Donn heasht mich a watcha, deeb,"
secht der George.
"Well, nay, ich du net," hab ich g'sawt,
"un awer wanu du a demokrat bisht, un
gehsht ni for soddiche wu elan si watcha
shteala, doun mogsht dich meind weaya
aw an watcha deeb kunsiddera. Anyhow,
mit so a party will ich now gor nix meh
tsn du hawa."
"Well, donn deatsht mich yusht so
Boot aw an watsha deeb heasa."
"Well," sog ich, "wann du es donn
obsolut so hawa wit, donn geb ich nix
drum. Ich deht deer anyhow aw net
welder draua das ich an hull om shwantz
.shmeisa kent."
"Now, Pit," seek er, - geb acht was
du sogsht, for wann du mich a deeb
heasht, donn mach ich dich's aw proofa
in der law."
"Well," sog ich, "ich gcb net meh urn
Bich das ennicher onnerer monn, un weil
du now so orrig particular bisht, sog ich
der ins g'sicht nei das du mer drei dahler
un a holwer g'shtola husht, sellamohls
we mer poker g'shpielt hen dort ons
Kitzelderfer's, we se selly gross sow
rouse g'husselt hen."
"Waun du sell sogsht bislit an ligner,"
teeht der George.
"Fleas mieh ken ligner," hab ich
g'sawt.
"Du bight a fertiomter ligner," B echt
tier George
"Un du bisht an deeb uu a meener fer
loadelter kupperkeppicher demokrat,"
hab ich g'sawt.
"Hens mieh ken deeb," seclit der
George.
"Du bisht an deeb," sog ich, "tut kelt
moan wann'ds aw nemsht."
We ich sell g'sawt hab, dorm hut der
Joe Muckatliggle aw eel gross maul nei
g'henkt, un sogt, secht er, "George, sell
deht ich awer now net awnemma." Un
dorm hut der George sei ruck ous, un iu
de hend g'shpout un sogt, "now by de
rushtus kruslitus, luss mich amohl on
elm—den Pit konn ich k'noatcha in wen-
Weber das drei minnutta."
We er sell g'sawt hut, hab lob aver
as ohl my shtiflie gedropt un in de
feieht g'ehlawya, un sog, "yusht kumm
ea, du feritomter kupperkeppieher deeb
du—yusht nni on, for wanns ons
k'noateha geht, Bonn is der Pit Schwettle
brenner acv um de weg."
Donn is der Hose lienkerhach aw der
tsu konona, tin graved Iswisha uns nei,
yusht we kb g'sliponnt hob What for 'cm
George [wield so an sockdolager of si
liukes aug tsu gevva. Awer we er g'sch
but das der Henkerhach mich net on
elm g'lust but, donn hetsht elm awer
amohl heara sella kreisha on thicha ivver
mich ! Awer er hut Boot acht gevva dos
er ous der range fun nieina finf fingeriche
tswivvella geblivva is. Under Joe dyer
hut donn aw so holwer gedu das warm er
mich fechta wet, on awer we ich eluu
g'sawt hab das mit ehm wters tiler nor
net derwturt aw tsu fonga, for de Bevvy,
sog ich, hut dick yoh geleddert doh for
gonga his du gebliert husht we a drei
wochich hart kalp.
We ich ehm fun sellam g'sawt hab, hut
er awer sei maul g'halta. tin tier George,
nochdeiu das er recht ous gedoabt war,
is donn aw oh un ons Kitzelderfer's nei,
un dort hut er uf course a drunk nine
shtrike g'numma of borrieks, un ich hab
donn aw my shtiflle widder uf gepickt tin
bin ob un nuf tsum Solaklupper for se
flicka lussa.
We ich uf 'em lieam weg war, donn is
vier der Jake Hnlderbach so nosh gelufla
kumma, tin we mer urns eck rum sin,
secht der Jake :
"Well, Pit, du under George hend so
an °Maher hullabaloo g'hat mitnonner."
"Yah," hab ich g'sawt, "er mus ned
denka das er mich of so a weg ob bluffa
konn."
"Ich mus sauga," Becht der Jake, "(las
du recht husht g'hat, for ich war dort un
shmidt shop, un hab alles g'seh in
a'heert "
Now, fershtay, der Jake is aw a demo
krat, un we er iner recht gevva hut, hab
ich mich ordlich ferwunnert ivver ehn,
for ehra rule is als for common tsonuna
tsu shticka.
Donn hab icli g'saWt, "Yale, Jake, now
shwetsht we an ehrlicher nionn, for ich
wells das ich recht hab of meiner side."
We mer on unser house kumma
hab ich der Jake g'froked eb er net mit
mer ni geh wet, un er wars agreed ; un
donn sin mer mitnonner in de kith, weil
ken fire in der fuddera shtoob war ; un
we mer om MTh g'huckt hen, donn hen
liter awfonga fun weaya politics tsu
shwetza, un du kannsht denka das ich
mich ferwunnert hab we der Jake mer
g'sawt hut das er so a halwy notion het
aw noch for der Grant tsu vota un unser
party tsu joina. Dorm is de Bevvy awer
amohl hinnich ehn, un hut ehm alles ex
plained we de sacha sin. Se hut ehm aw
g'sawt das "der Pit, (sell is mich du
weasht;)wter yetz goes an ounerer moon
sidder er de demokratish party ferlussa
hut. We er noch a demokrat war," secht
se, "hut der Pit, (mich hut se gemehnt,)
als all si geld fersuffa dort ons Kitzelder
fer's, un awer yetz," secht se, "gook
amohl doh," un krickt ehra pocket buch
rous un weist dun drei nu sivvatsich dah
ler in louder greenbacks,"tm doh kannsht
sehna," secht se, "is es aw derwtert das
a mono sich dreht fun der loafers' party,
tin shafft sich unnich decenty leit."
Donn hab ich 'em Jake aw all de par
ticulars explained fun weaya we se mer
my watch g'shtola hen ; un we er fort is,
hut er fersprocha das wanner heam geht
donn wet er amohl mit seiner alty
shwetza, un wann se ken fuss macht der.
weaya, don wet er aw for der Grant
vota.
We er tsu der deer drous war, hut de
Bevvy g'sawt "Der Jake is all right."
"Yah," sog ich, "according tsu was er
sogt, kummts evya so a wennich of si
alty aw."
"Drunk sog ich," secht de Bevvy, "er
is all right, for si fraw hut mer doh der
onner dog selwer g'sawt se winsht ehra
Jake deht aw de ferlumpty demokrata
ferlussa we du husht, un donn deht er aw
noch an deeenter gentlemonn wterra we
mein Pit."
"Well," sog ich, "demnoch is si fraw
an sounder Republican."
"Uf course is se, un now wtersht aw
seh das der Jake rum kummt un for der
Grant vote," secht de Bevvy:
Un now, bis morya oder ivver morya
war ich wohl wissa for sure we der Jake
geht, un dorm will ich dich es aw wissa
lussa.
PIT SCHWEFFLEBRENIZER
-.--..1r.--.IINO.
SHOENECK, Uekdover Ista, 1868
FODDER ADRAnAM—Dear Sir : Now
musht mer aw muohl a breef in di roush
iche uu bully gooty tseitang nei drucka.
De Kangaroo rebels sin shtorrick ousge
torn'd, awer net gong genunk for uns tsu
beeta on Dinshdog. We se ehra proces
sion doh g'hat hen, sin se awkumma mit
ma grossa hoy wauya, un om ower end
fum shteddle hen se de foor awgebunna,
dort dicht om shool house wu der Lewy
Weesht shool halt, un dorm sin se in de
ranks g'shtept we brawfy soldahta. Der
Col. Dicksock, wu about a mile fun Rein
holdsvills ua tier mile fun Fritatown
FOAII I I-1 - ER I R it IN kA
SECRETARY (fl" TIIE COMMONWEALTH OF PENY,YLVANIA
woont, hut der procession gelcad, under
eh beanich Aby is in de ranks geu►arch'd
mita drom bottle ho sock, un or war ut'
course gekawft. Elmer war forna draw
mit a drom bottle in der hood, un of
seller weg der procession noel► ge
luckt. A dehl hen am rings mit bliona
urn der hols henka un of den weg
sin se of gemarch'd ons ballot-box loch,
un lien ehra dickets ni g'showa, un hur
rah'd for de leit wu der dox betzahla.
Awer alles war for nix. Der Schwamm
kanu net alsfort ahead si. Der Ilartranft
un Campbell sin old ionga end rous
kumma, mit acht un twansich majority
doh in West Cocalico, on ich contend das
mer entitled sin tsum flag. De Kupperkep
sin anyhow amohl dorrich no dorrich
loxiert warm, lui negsht mohl gevva mer
ehna nochamohl shtuft for de wierrani.
BROATWURSIIT.
[For • • FA TII EU A BRAILA 31." . 1
Prom Shiremanstown.
JENTEL REDER :
You & i air mortals, least
ways, i am, & i v erso= to e r a you air.
The tact is, most evry buddy is mortal, &
sum is mortal big fools.
This rellexyun cam upon me a fu daze
a„,(Yow, as i wuz visitin my gran parients,
(desidudley thu best frens i hav) hu reside
not fur off. The won of the mail pur
swashun hez lost moust ov his teth, so
that he no moare takes delite in knaweu
"rene korn off the ere, but cuts it off with
a nife. He wuz vvunst ez yung & boyant
as enny buddy, but he ant wun hate as
yung as he ust to wuz au evry fu daze
he gits older.
Hiz wife (hiz wife wuz my gran muther)
is about as oald as he is, and its a good
thing she is, becoz she wuz a yung gun'
wen he married her, and if she hed staid
yung wile he groat] ole, thar wooden't be
no afinity atween them.
But as it is, thay both bein old, makes
it about even. So that thayre about as
nigh a match as enny pare of kattle you
will 'find in the same yoke. My gran
father thinks the ole fashuns is the best,
so he talks his t without shoogar, an sez
shanghigh chickens is a noosence, and
watter foils on the garls heds is a inven
shun ov the devile. But the wust fee
chure i see about the ole man is he's a
dimykrat. He sez the laws izzent as
good as thay used to wuz, fur wen he wuz
a boy, you cud git awl the appals you
wanted fur a shillin a booshel, an now
you kant get a duzzen fur that. He's a
leetle sot onto his waze, and kant be in
jooced to beleve enny buddy kin make
as good a prezedent ez jenrrel jaczun, an
every five yeers he votes fur him. He
note (thrii sum mejum) that Seemore
wants hiz vote this fall. He sez Seemore
i node wen a boy, and i never node enny
thing good about him. He wuzzent as
good a boy as he mite hev been wen he
wuz yung. He cud bate enny buddy lyin
over seed, i remember (sez that vener
able man) a moll nanackdoat wich i will
relate just hear: about that kompanyun
or my boyhood daze, and enny boy hu
phooled his daddy as that boy did is mean
enuf to—not be Frezedent. His daddy
hed a pease of corn growin sum waze
frum the hour,an promised yung Horasho
three cents itday at hed kepe the crone
oft. So he went and stud on a stump oil
day, holdin hiz arms out, and the ole
man wuz much pleased with his figh
dellity, an after that day he stuck sum old
close on a stick on'the stump, an then
went an hunted burds nests, an tho he
didnt phool the croze enny, he did his
daddy, an got hiz 8 gents a da•
STEVE HAIM M 1)
with the m . d it *tans
fur mool driver
An exchange says that one hundred
Hoosiers in Chicago who were Demo
crate up to the nomination of Seymour
and Blair by the Yew York Convention,
have come out for Grant and Colfax, and
joined the Tanner Clubs.
PRESIDENT JOHNSON' axes and sets
apart Thursday, November 26, as a day
of national thanksgiving. By that time
the nation will have Grant and Peace,
and a thankful people will attest their
gratitude.
COL. FRANK JORDAN,
titritb.
John Brown.
At the lonely log cabin where we spent
the night in the winter of 1857-8, old John
Brown, with twelve fugitive slaves whom
he was conducting to Canada, had waited
four days for the ereek to fall. Stephens
and Whipple were his only white com
panions. Six men from Lecompton came
prowling suspiciously about, when Ste
phens went out and asked:
"What are you looking for ?"
" Six fugitive slaves."
" Well, gentlemen, we have not your
negroes, but we have twelve others up at
the house. Come and see them."
This invitation was accompanied by
the click of his cocking rifle. The Le
comptonites were armed to the teeth,
but five wheeled their horses and fled,
while the sixth at whom the rifle was
pointed, tremblingly remained. Ste
phens made him dismount; give up his
arms, and follow him to the dwelling.
" Mr Brown, this man came here hunt
ing negroes, do what you please with
him."
After searching him for concealed wea
pons, Brown took a rope from his pocket,
tied the prisoner's hands and feet, and
then requested him to take a seat. He
kept him confined four days, reasoning
with hint about slavery and the wicked
ness of negro.hunting. When set at lib
erty, the discomfited foe seemed
thoroughly converted, and manifested
genuine regard for the wonderful old
man.
Here came the United States Marshal
with a posse of thirty, to arrest Brown's
party. The three dauntless pilots waited
at the windows with leveled rifles to re
ceive them, and Stephens called out cheer
fully.
"Come on gentlemen, we are ready
whenever you are."
Their proirerbial daring was as terrible
as an army with banners. The negro
hunters were fully persuaded that dwell
ings, out-buildings and hay-lofts swarmed
with fighting men. So they left without
firing a shot; and when the creek fell,
the negroes continued ovi unmolested to
ward the North star.—Beyond the .MlBBl.B
-
-
IF you vote for Seymour, you vote for
General Preston, a bitter rebel, one of
the men who went to Europe especially
to get England and France to take part in
the war.
IF you vote for Seymour, you vote for
Governor Vance who told his rebel
troops to "pile hell so full of Yankees
that their feet will stick out of the
windows."
ur"ttle (vats.
-
—" Sam, why don't you talk to v sir
massa, and tell him to lay up treasure in
heaven ?" " What for? What de
of him layin' up treasures dar. when fp!
neber get dar to enjoy dem?"
—A New York tradesman having tinn.('
customers, a father and two sons by the
name of Wheeler, and fearing a contu
sion of accounts from their different
orders, solved his difficulty by styling
the stern parent "Stern Wheeler," the
eldest son "Side Wheeler," the youngest,
rather a thst youth, " Propeller."
—A sensitiyo fast young lady in Chi
cago, we think, called an officer to scare
away a curtailed poodle, that was using
only two of his legs on the street. The
officer asked her " wherefore, why," etc.,
she said the ugly little thing was mock
ing her. She had a chronic attack ofthe
Grecian bend.
—A wag at a hotel recently ordered
eleven beds for his own exclusive use,
because he had been eleven nights with
out decent sleep, and wanted to make up
the loss!
—ONE of the deacons of a vertaiu
church, asked the bishop if he usually
kissed the bride at weddings. '`Always,"
was the reply. And how do you
manage when the happy pair are
negroes ?" was the deacons next ques
tion. In all sueh cases," replied the
Bishop, " the duty of kissing is appointed
to the deacon."
-REV. DE. BEND, of Baltimore, reports
that when in Boston he went to church
where he " heard music which made him
wonder how he got in without a ticket."
—" !row is your husband this after
noon,Mrs. Quiggs ?" "Why, the doctor
says as how if he lives till mornin' he
shall have some hopes of him, but if lu
don't he must give him up."
—IT is said that the Englishmen in
Canada patriotically avoid placing green
spectacles on their noses, lest it be con
strued into hoisting the green above the
red."
TOBY, what did the Israelites do
when they crossed the Red Sea ?" ••
dunno, but I gueth they dried themsely
—GENTLEMAN (to boatillan)—You
must often, I should think, get wet, (I()
you not? Artless boatman—Yes, ver
honor, we does get werry wet indeed;
but I am werry dry
.just no yer honor
and no mis take.
—IN reply to the compliment, "
give the world for her fingers," said by a
gentleman in the hearing of a brilliant
lady pianist, of Great Barrington, Mass.,
she retorted, " You may have the whole,
hand for your own."
"ARE you fond of Hogg's Tales ?"
asked a city lady of her country lover.
"Yes I like them roasted, with salt on
them," was the response. "No I mean
have you read Hogg's Tales ?" " No,
our hogs are white and black. don't
think there's a red one among them."
" EVERYTHING has itk use," said a
philosophical professor to his class. "Of
what use is a drunkard's fiery red nose ?"
asked one of the pupils. " Its like a
lighthouse," answered the professor, " to
warn us of the little water that passes
underneath it, and reminds us of the
shoals of appetite on which we might
otherwise be wrecked."
--NEVER chase your hat'when itblows
off in a gale of wind ; just stand still and
you will presentlysee half-a-dozen per
sons in persuit of it. When one has cap
tured it, walk leisurely toward him,
receive it with grateful acknowledgment
and place it on your head ; he will in
variably act as it you had done him a
favor. Try it.
—A worthy deacon, in a town some
where in North America, gave notice at
a prayer meeting, the other night, of a
church meeting that was to be held im
mediately after, and unconsciously added :
" There is no objection to the female
brethren remaining!" This was equaled
by a clergyman who told, hi his sermon
last Sunday, of a very affectlng scene,
where " there wasn't a dry tear in the
house."
---‘l , fouder what makes papa tell such
stories," said a youngster, "about hiding
the schoolmaster's rattan when he went
to school, and about his running away
from the schoolmistress when she was
going to whip him ; then shut we up all
day in the dark room because I tried just
once to be as smart as he was?"