Priinsotbaniscb Deitsc4.
r;
Brief Fula Sckwefflebrenner.
SCIILIFFLETOWN, ITCMOVer der sta, 18615
MLSDER FODDER ABRAHAM DRUCKER
—Deer Sur : De letsht woch hab ich
eich g'shrivva das in meim negshta breef,
des mehnt yets Bier doh, wet ich eppas
sauga fun so a roat-keppiche demokrat
ishe retch doh im shteddle, un awer de
Bevvy mehnt es si net derwtert, for se is
nix nutz wu se de hout awreagt, un warm
mer so leit handled donn krickt mer gcern
dreckichy hend. Ich will yusht sauga
das selly Sal Breadfoos—for sell is ehra
nawma—is nix das an ferlogeny retch,
for se hut g'sawt tsu der Bevvy Bidder
das jell a 'Publican bin, dos ich on ma
shlechta platz g'west war we ich my
watch ferlora hab dort in Nei Yorrick,
uu uf seller weg hut se calculate, wet se
de Bevvy down uf rich kreeya, un donn
debt se mich widcler ferlussa, un uf course
debt ich wilder awfonga fun sellam Kit
zelderfer's nine-shtrike wiskev saufa un
demokratish vota. Now, wane de Sal
indult das ich on ma shlechta platz war
sellamolds, so elm, du weasht, wu de
leading demokrata als for common onna
gehn in de slitedt, un shlechty sacha
driva, clown sog ich es is a leeg, un awer
warm se mehnt das der platz shleeht war
well de Seitnoyer's demokratish Conven
tion dort war sellamohls, donn will ich
weiders nix dergeaya sauga, for donn hut
se gons reeht. 'l.7f course es mus a shleeh
ter platz si wann se elan se i watch shteala,
we se meer's gemacht hen.
Ich gels anyhow nimmy unnich so leit,
un for a watch deeb party vote ich immer
un eawich ninuny.
Now will ich awer amohl shreiva fun
weaya der leckshun om negshta Dinsh
dog. De fact is, mer missa, se now amohl
beeta. We ich noel' a demokrat war, sin
mer als sheer ally mohl gebutta warm,
un now, sidder das ich de alt kupperkep
pich seierei ferlussa hob, will ich amohl
sehna eb mers net besser geht.
Der weg for se tsu beeta is rechtshaffa,
votes ni du fors 'Publican dicket, un ac
cording tsu meiner calculation, wann mer
de meanshty votes kreeya, donn beeta
mer se aw. Awer ich kenn de demokrata,
un fershtay ehra dricks, un ich geb yetz
aw public notice das se gewatched wterra
inissa, odder se vota leit fun de orma
heiser, jails, un uf folshy bobbeera, for
sell is ehra shtyle. Der weg for se recht
tsu beeta is wann an yeader sei duty dut.
My plawn is for a yeader 'Publican free
of tsu shtay om Dinshdog, un donn grawd
noch 'em morya essa fort uf de leckshun.
Donn missa plenty um de weg si for de
polls watcha, so das de demokrata wu
mer my watch g'shtola hen, ken folshy
votes nei duhn. A yeader 'norm dyer a
foor hut, mus eishponna un de 'Publi
cans on de leckshun fahra. For alty leit,
un cripples, un kronky misset 'er car
riages nemma. Un a yeader monn mus
sober bleiva, anyhow so long das noch
eppas tsu du is for votes rous shaffa, un
wann's obsolut sei mus das der trinket,
donn du's wann de leckshun ferbei is, un
donn—beheaft eich. Wann ehns fun
donna kupperkep awfongt tsu shwetza
fun fetty sei, oder welshkorn bashta,
donn luss elm yusht shwetza, un awer du
mindsht di leckshun bisness, un machsht
das de votes in de box nei gehn ; wanu
ehner broposed do ronnds shtanda, donn
geb acht das se dich net g'suffa macha,
so das du unfit bisht for leckshuneera ;
wann a kupperkop dich froked for bensa
pitcha, odder a game sivva uf shpeela for
de drinks, donn sog ohm du husht bessery
bisness om leckshun dog, un for tsu
proofs das du a fershtendicher 'noun, un
a true blue Republican bisht, dorm shtick
tsu de leckshun bisness. Un watch di
tickets, so das es ken mistake gebt.
Wann awer a kupperkop shwetzt fun
wetta uf Bennsylfawny—wann er wetta
will das se uns beets om Dinshdog, donn
deatsht elm awer yusht so goot ufnemma
un ehn's geld ufsocka macha odder sei
maul halta. Des is about my opinion fun
weaya we mer nei geht for de copper
heads tsu beeta.
De Bevvy is yusht about of getuned.
Se hut im sin pies un kucha backa, un
ehunka &ash kocha, un coffee macha, for
a gootee Republican middog essa, un dorm
sin all de Grant lyit shit solver
hella nm leek , law d o :r. Nier hen kW s()
a holwy notion a weind, h puller tsu fer
brenna omit Mit woe!' morya warm
de redurns bin sin fun dent 011\ - reanv,
un Chester, tin Lenkeshder, un Belly on
nery - Republican - whoppers. In der Ohio
duna se glawb an leckshun halta omit
Dinshdo ,, , for kb barb a breef krickt for
geshter fun meim shwoger, dier wu dort
net weit fun Canton woont, un er sogt
dort sin se sheer all gooty Publicans, un
das se int sin hen denna gross-meiliche
kupperkep amohl rechtshalla shtuft tsu
gevva for de wrerram. Anyhow, desmohl
gookts das wane ich amohl of der shtor
rick side bin. Hurrah ! Yusht shtick
dertsu. De Bevvy lust dich greesa.
PIT SeIIIVEFFLEBBENNEII
tlccxeb.
N I SB
THE RECEPTION OF THE NEWS OF THE MAINE
ELECTION IN KENTUCKY-A MOIST JOLLIFI
CATION AND A DAMP TIME GENE
RALLY AT TILE CORNERS.
POST OFFIS, CONFIEDRIT X lIOADS
(wich is in the State uv Kentucky,)
S S
September 20, 1868.
The glorious news of the Maine elec
tion reached the Corners promptly on
the fourth day after it occurred. So an
xious wuz we to hey the earliest intelli
gence uv the overthrow uv the Ablish
nists uv the Pine Tree State, that
Baseum's mule wuz kept bridled and
saddled, Issaker Gavitt's little brother,
Jethro, onto him, at Secessionville, the
neerest stashun to us, for three days and
Bites. But ez no tranes stop ther onless
ther is a bail uv whisky to roll orf for
Bascom, it wuz a long time afore we
cood git a paper. That paper wuz fin
ally thrown off to him, mid he rode into
the Corners wavin it over his hed in tri
umph. It wuz a World, but hed it been
a Triboon it wood hey made no difference.
Ez the precious child can't reed, all
papers is alike to him.
I opened it in fcvrish eagerness, and
my sole dilated ez I saw the bed lines.
How is it?" shreekt Dekin Pogram,
Elder Pennibacker and Bascom - in a
eath.
"See them roosters! . Observe them
lied lines! We hey carried the State uv
course!"
"'for!" shouted the entire assem
blage.
"Three cheers!" sed I, for Maine.
The tidel wave of Democrisy hez coin
mensed movin. Maine hez succumbed;
let the other States do ez well and Sey
mour is elected. Three cheers for
Maine !"
They gave em with a will, and then
demanded the partikelers.
" I will reed," says I " Listen."
" We hey the pleasure uv announcing
to our reeders the most glorious victory
ever acheeved by the Dimocrisy uv any
State."
" 'for!" sung they out altogether.
"Maine hez spoken. The Ablishnists
who expected to carry the State by 23,-
000 majority at leest, and who hed based
their hopes thereupon, hey bin—"
" 'for!"
"Disappinted. After a hard-fought
battle, in wich money was yoosed with
out stint, they hev—"
" 'Ror 1"
" CARRIED THE STATE BY ONLY 22,-
000!" •
The vast aujence by this time gather
ed didn't cheer at this. On the contrary,
there wuz a most ominous silence perva
din uv em, wich I acknoledge affected me.
"Is this reely and trooly a victory ?"
askt the Deekin in a husky whisper.
" So the paper sez," returned I.
" How much did they carry the State
by last fall ?" askt he, bustin into teers.
'Eleven thousand and some odd hun
dreds," replied I, wipin my eyes in a
vane attempt to restrane the teers wich
started unbidden.
"Ef we keep on gainin at the same
rate in Ohio, Injeany and Pennsylvany
will it certainy elect Seymore ?" askt the
blessed old lamb.
"So the World sez 1" sed I.
" Then lets jollity," sed he and pro
ceeded to do it.
A procession was formed, and a more
glorious one it hez never been my lot to
ornament. It wuz organized in the fol
lowing order:
1. The Deekin and me with handker
chers at our eyes, weepin perfoosely.
2. Military band, conststm uv one bass
drum playin the Ded march in Saul, the
performer okkepyin one hand with his
handkercher, and the other a holdin up
the drum in consekence of the strap be
ing in yoosd ez a circingle on Bascom's
mule.
3. Bascom with a handkercher at his
eyes, engaged in calkelatin of I kep on
payin my heker bill at his bar at the same
rate the Democrasy hed won victrys in
Maine how long he cood stand it if my
stumick held out.
4. Elder Pennibacker and Issaker
Gavit, both with handkerchers.
5. Capt. McPelter and Elder Punt, with
handkerchers.
6. The populis generally, with hand
kerchers.
7. Joe Bigler and Pollok, the Illinoy
storekeeper, arm in arm, without hand
kerchers, and wearin a most disgustin ex
pression uv levity on their countenances.
8. A dozen or more niggers, all with
handkerchers—in their pockets—and
showin ther ivories furiously.
This cheerful procession reached the
church, wich it entered, all the members
thereof holdin they beds down jubilantly,
ceptin Pollock, Bigler, and the niggers.
We marched slowly uir the aisles, I takin
the cheer without the formality uv a vote.
After settln decorously for perhaps
three minits, each with his head bowed
in high glee onto the seet afore him,
Deekin Po arose, and wipin his eyes,
remarked that the occasion wuz one uv
great exhilerashun ; we herd from Maine
HER. Al 3 AM.
kil_A_
(pensive cheers from the aujence), and
we bed g a thered together to jollity there
over. He moved, therefore, that we
jollity, and sot down overcome with his
feel ins.
Another interval uv three intuits elaps
ed, wich wus spent by the populis in the
most exhileratin meditation with their
heads bowed. Elder Pennibacker then
arose, and puttin his damp handkercher
in his pocket, blithely askt of it woodcut
be well to read the votes by counties.
Issaker Gavitt, spreadin his handker
cher on the back uv the seat afore him to
dry, and usin his coat-tails in its place,
vivaciously observed that it wood height
en the interest uv the occasion of the
sed vote wuz compared with the vote uv
the precedin years, and he sat down jubi
lantly, his eyes suffused with tears.
Bascom, with an animashen born uv
high hopes, remarkt that the result
would doubtless have an eireck upon Ohio
and Pennsylvany, at wick the aujence ez
wun man, sprightfully exclaimed: " God
forbid !"
After sitting in cheerful, buoyant
silence for perhaps ten min its, Deacon
Pogram moved that ez we bed jollified
long °null*, perhaps it wood be well to
adjourn, at wich the aujence moved with
decorous slowness out of the church, and
each went to his own home peacefully and
without any uv that levity and noisiness
wich hez marked other occasions uv the
kind. Bascom remembered at a little
past ten, ez him, Pogram and me sot in
his bar, that we hed forgotten in our ex
citement to give any cheers for Seymour
and Blare, but it wuz too late to git em
together agin, and so we let it go.
I notist, however, as I passed Pollock's
store, that a party athered there felt
well. Bigler, Pollock, the free niggers
uv the Corners, and a parcel of Northern
men who have settled on the Run west uv
the town, hed gathered together, and ther
cheers for Grant, and ther hip, hip, hur
rahs for Maine, grated harshly on my
feelins. Kin it be that Se more is to be
beaten, after all? Kin it be that in my
old age I shel be turned out uv my haven
of rest, that Pollock will hey my place,
and that the place wich knows me now
will shortly know me no more forever?
Convulsively kissin the stamp and with
a lovin look at the mail bags, I sunk
sobbin onto my couch. Thus ended this
most auspishus day.
How the Old Veterans Talk.
The Hartford Post says: " Our Demo
cratic friends have not hesitated to claim
the vote of the soldiers for Seymour,
absurd as it may appear. Incidents are
occurring every day that show how false
and slanderous is the charge that the
men who fought for the Union have de
serted their great leader to support a
Rebel sympathizer. There was one such
at the reunion of the 10th Connecticut
at Savin Rock, Wednesday afternoon.
About 75 officers and men were present.
After dinner several of them were com
pelled to leave. Among them was Lieut.
Frank Otis, who lost an arm in one of
the last enga"ements„, of the war. As he
opened the door, he turned and wished
to say good bye to his old comrades.
do not know,' said he 'but I have a curi
os.ty to know how the old 10th feels poli
tically.' He then called for a standing
vote, when every man rose and voted for
Ulysses S. Grant. When the
,unammity
appeared, there was an exciting demon
stration, in which cheer upon cheer was
given for Grant and Colfax. 'lt's the
same old fight.' said Otis, as he waved
his empty sleeve, for the good cause.”
Out of 44,882 Union soldiers confined
in the Andersonville prison 12,303 died
from sickness and starvation in one year.
This is more than one thousand per
month ; over 250 per week ; over 35 per
day. Think of it. 'This is a greater
number than was lost by the British gov
ernment in its Crimean oampaign. And
yet we are asked to sustain the inhuman
wretches who (lid this work, by voting
for Seymour and Blair.
—" I have just met your old acquaint
ance, Daly," - said an Irishman to his
friend, " and wag sorry to see he has
shrunk away to nothing. You are thin,
and I am thin, but he is thinner than
both of us put together."
/-
GEN. W. W. IRWIN,
STATE TREASURER OF PENNSYLVANIA
PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M.,
Mich Is Postmaster.)
Aitaersonville.
ME
Spicy Dialogue.
The Augusta Republican is responsible
for the following :
A day or two since a somewhat retired
local Democratic politician stopped an
old colored man, formerly his servant,
when the following dialogue occurred :
Democrat—rude Billy, what have you
against me ? Was I not always kina to
you
Uncle Billy—l've nothing agin you.
Oh course, you wus tillers good to me.
Democrat—Then why don't you vote
with me ?
Uncle Billy—(Scratching his head.)
Mr. what you got agin me ? Weren't
alleys a faithful servant ?
Democrat—Why, Billy, I have nothing
in the world against you. I am your
friend.
Uncle Billy—Then why don't you vote
with me ?
" Wnv is it, John," asked a lady of one
of a primary class in botany, "that the
flower of a daisy is always on the top of
a stalk looking up ?"
"I can't tell," was the decisive an
swer.
" Next ?" said the teacher.
I don't know," replied the second.
"I guess I've got it," said an urchin at
the foot of the class.
" Well, what do you say, Ralph?"
" I think," said the boy, looking down
upon the floor, " it's for the same reason
that the school-marm's waterfall is always
on the top of a stalk looking up—' cause
it's the fashion.
A witness in court who had been cau
tioned to give a precise answer to every
question, and not to talk about what he
might think the question meant, was in
terrogated as follows:
" Yon drive a wagon?"
" No, sir I do not."
" Why, man, did you not tell my learn
ed friend so this moment ?"
"Now,sir, I put it to you on your oath,
do you not drive a wagon ?"
"No, sir."
" What is your occupation, then ?"
" I drive a horse, sir."
ur gittit c/oftes.
When lovely woman stoops to frolic,
And rues the ruse, alas! too late,
What balm shall soothe hermeloncolic ?
What art shall set her back up straight ?
The only thing for her disaster--
The only way her woe to end—
Is to apply a mustard plaster :
If she won't do it, let her bend.
—An eminent artist lately painted a
snow-storm so naturally that he caught
a bad cold by sitting too near it with his
coat oft
—What length ought a lady's crinoline
to be? A little above two feet.
-AEAGO once confidently announced
that a big comet that was approaching the
earth would not destroy it. "How do
you know ?" he was asked. " I don't
know," he replied, "but in either case I
am safe. If it does not knock the world
to pieces, I shall be considered a prophet;
if it does, they can't blow me up in the
newspapers."
—A young man of great gallantry re
cently rescued a beautiful woman who
was in danger of drowning. She stood
in high tied shoes, surrounded by forty
springs under a watered silk, with a cat
aract in her eye, a waterfall on the back
of her head, and a notion in her brain.
—We suppose everybody has heard of
the Irishman rho said : " The most elo
quent feature of a dog's face was his tail."
—Excited Frenchman at Niagara Falls :
" dis is de grand specktakel I Su
barb Mag,nefique ! By gar ! he is come
down first-rate 1"
—The following is probably the worst
conundrum ever perpetrated : Why is a
dog's tail like'an old man ? Because it
is in-firm.
—Josh Billings says : "If you trade
with a Yankee steal Ins jackkilife ; for if
he gets tew whittling, you are gone in
spite of thunder."
—Mrs. Persimmons regards with con
cern the increase of the cattle plague ;
and sympathetically wonders if her hus
band will escape it.
Philaqelphia policeman :t
fast youth of twcnty-one
,tlr again:4 a lamp-post the otin.r even
idg, and, on asking him what he wa-:
tlw happy man replied :
(hie) Fin don't you know, ion nig'ramus
I'm prau'ising the Grecian bend, I :MI."
- - My Sou," said an anxious father
Once, " what makes you use that na ,, ty
tobacco ?" Now the son was a very lit
eral sort of person, and, declining to con
sider the question in the spirit in which
it was asked, replied, "To get the juice,
old codger."
—PRINTERSIDEVILs' are generally great
ladies men, notwithstanding they have
a very hard name. Some time ago, one
of these hard named fellows and his lady
love were taking a stroll, and as they
were walking along', chatting briskly
upon the numerous questions of the day,
she suddenly caught his hand and look
ing smilingly in his face, asked : "Do
you know why I cannot get religion ?"
"No, my dear,l do not''' It is be
cause I love the devil !"
—A poor emaciated Irishman having
called a physician in forlorn hope, the
latter spread a large mustard plaster, and
immediately clapped it on the poor fel
low's lean breast. Pat, who, with tear
ful eye looked down on it, said: "Docther,
it strikes me its a dale •f mustard for so
little mate."
—A German out west being required
to give a receipt in full, produced the
following, after much mental effort :
" Ish full. I vants no more monish. John
Swakhamnier."
—A little girl of three years old was
saying her prayers not long since, when
her little brother, about four years old,
came shyly up behind and pulled her
hair. Without moving her head she
paused, and said : " Please, Lord, excuse
me a minute, while I lick Herby."
—The Louisville Journal ungallantly
says that woman, with all her beauty and
worth, should remember that man was
the chief matter considered at the crea
tion. She was only a side issue.
Maim, Steward,'' exclaimed' a fel
low in a steamboat, after he had retired
to his bed. "What is it massa ?" "Bring
me the boat register." " What for
massa ?" " I want to see if these bed
bffgs put their names down for this berth
before I (lid mine. If they didn't, I want
them turned out.''
—Bov what is your father doing to
day ? Well, I s'pose he's failin. I herd
him tell mother yesterday, to go round
to all the shops an get trusted all she
could—an do it right off, too,—for he'd
(*ot everything ready to fail up to noth
ceptin' that.
—At Dieppe, in France, the following
notice has been issued by the police :
" The bathing police are requested,when
a lady is in danger of drowning, to seize
her by the dress, and not by the hair,
which oftentimes remains in their grasp.
Newfoundland dogs will govern them
selves accordingly"
—" If you can't keep awake without,"
said a preacher to one of his hearers,
"when you feel drowsy, why don't you
take a pinch of snuff?" I think" was
the shrewd reply, " the snuff should be
put in the sermon."
exchangs says : "A girl in Top
ham, M., died from her heart turning to
sugar. Our devil says this must be a mis
take, for he knows a girl who, if sweet
ness is fatal to mortality, could not live
a minute."
—Does the dentist kiss you when he
pulls your teeth, pa ?" No, my son,
why ?" " Oh, nothing, only he kissed
ma, and she said it took the ache all
away ; and I guess it did, for she laughed
all the way home."
—AN old lady on hearing of a pedes
train's " great feat" wondered why they
did not interfere with his fast walking.
—The ldve of a cross woman, it is said,
is stronger than the love of any other
female individual. Like vinegar, the
affections of a high-strung woman never
—To quiet a crying baby, prop it up
with pillows if it can not sit alone, and
smear its fingers with thick molasses ;
then put half a dozen feathers into its
hands, and it will sit and pick the feath
ers from one hand to the other until it
fans asleep. As soon as it wakes again—
more molasses and feathers.
[By our Special Artist.)
West Ward Conservative as• be ar.-
pea ral in the Copperhead Procession.