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Brief Fum Schweifiairenner.
SCIILIFFLETOWN, Sept. 28, 1868
MLIDPIR FODDER ABRAHAM DRUCKER:
Ich bin bissy alleweil. According tsu
bromine, de Bevvy hut mer a neier hoot
un a paar neie hussa gekawft doh der
onner dog, we se in der shtadt war uf
em morrickt, un geshter war ich in der
krenich, un ich inns sawya, des ding but
mer ordlich Boot aw g'shtonna, for some
how, de leit wahra so ivver ous monneer
iich. Doh war seller 'shoohneashter wu
fun Chester County kumma is, seller but
mfr de tseit gebutta un sogt, "
doo Mistier Schweillebrenner" un sei fraw
—yusht about a finey lady—de hut mer
aw noch gor de tseit gebutta un hut gedu
das warm se mich an raler gentlemonn
cunsidera debt. Des is mer awer ordlich
koryose fore-humma, for du weasht, we
ich noch a deniokrat war un ons
derfers als drom g'sutla hab, Bonn war
ich evya als yusht der Pit. Yetz awer
heasts " Misder Schwefflebrenner" un we
gehts "Misder Schwefflebrenner" "fine
day Mr. Schwetillebrenner." Un de
lleyvy behawpt das sidder ich an Repub
lican bin gooka de leit niich aw we an
feiner gentlemonn, excepts Kitzelderfer's
loafers wu for der Seimoyer gelm. Alit
selly will jell anyhow nix mob tsu du
hawa, for ebra eagny party's leit hen mer
my watch g'shtola we MI uf der Demo
kratish Convention war dort sellamohis
in Nci Yorriek.
Awer, we g'sawt, ich bin bissy alle
weil, for morya free g,elma ich un (le
Bevvy noch Lengeshter uf de gross con
vention, un ich bin draw so a banner uf
tixa for de Schliffletowner delegation
(sell is mich un de Bevvy). Leh expect
aw in der gross persession geh, un wann
ich sell du, dour sogt de Bevvy se deht
mer elms fun denna Grant medics kawfa,
so an silver dingly, du weasht, wu se fun
()lei macha mit em Grant sei kop uf elmer
seit un ebbas fun weaya de publicans uf
der onner, un sell dut mer forna uf der
ruck fesht pinna, un sell macht elms a
gooter publican. Anyhow, mit seller
watcha deeb party will MI nix we tsu
du hawa, un um welly Kitzelderfer's
Kupperkeppiche loafers gel ich gor nix
Warm ich tseit krick done shreib icli
der aw noch we's on der 'needing her
SCII LI Fr L rowN, September 30, 1800
MIsDER DRUCKER : Now doh gehts
for my tswetter breef de woch. Geshter
war ich un de Bevvy of der Cunvention
drivva in Lengeshder, un so a crowd we
dort war hab ich in all meim leawa net
g'seh. Es war yusht about interesting,
for ich un de Bevvy hen aw so a bannerly
mit g'numma,,un dort war druf g'slitonna
das mear sin de Schliffietowner delega
tion, un yusht for de Bevvy tsu.satisfya,
hab ich aw druf du missa das "Ich bin
der Schweffiebrenner, un des doh is de
Bevvy, my alty." We mer dorrich de
shtadt g'fawra sin mit unserm banner,
un de Bevvy mit ehram schwartz seide
uer bonnet aw, un de line in caner hond
tin de wip in der onner, donn hetsht awer
de leit haehra sella lacha un hurraha for
mich un de Bevvy "Gook dort," secht
diner, "so gewiss ich leab dort is der Pit
un de Bevvy." un we mer dort om Rail
Road forbei sin, hen se eons eawich hur
rand. De Bevvy hut a paar mohl g'sawt
das yetz kennt ich sehna well de besht
party is, for so hoch war ich noch nee
aw g'seh in der demokratish party. Un
noch elms, desmohl is mer gor nix
warra, we in Nei Yorrick, we
de demokrata vier my watch genunnua
Fun der meeting kaun ich awes net
feel sawya, for mer hut se yo sheer net
sehna kenna for feely mensha. Es walu•a
anyhow, denk ich, so about a huunert
dousand—meh odder weanicher. Awer
de yungy mted of selly grossy weaya, wu
so neisty weiser klehder aw kot hen, un
de flags un bands un sheany weiver un
banners un alles, war about de shensht
meeting das ich noch erleabt hab. De
Bevvy hut aw g'sawt we mer heam
kumma sin, das desmohl deht ich gor net
nocll brotalywilie s.hthika. SO AVc icli als
hal) we ich Hoch a (I( inol:rat, war.
De ne ,, slit woch gill MI der amohl
shreiva fun weaya so an coat-keppiche
demokratishe retch doh hn shteddle—
elmy de sich orris bissy macht ivver
mich an de ]3evvy tsu leeya an retcha
sidder das ich an 'Publican bin. Ich kann
der ordlich feel fun dun, sauga, an wann
se net Boot acht gebt dons do ich aw.
P. S.—(Des mehnt Pit Schwefflebren
ner nochamohl.) Wa ich in der stadt
war geshter, dorm is elms fun denna
demokratishe drucker ufg'shtept, un hut
obsolut hawa wells das ich ehm a dallier
note wecksel, un ich hab shun tsweh
fiertle un eh holwer ous em sock, un ich
bets ohm aw gevva, un awer de Bevvy
war tsu wide awake, for we se der dahler
g'seh hut, hohls mich der deihenker
wann's net elms fun derma demokratishe
counterfeits war, so ehns we se pro
weert hen uf de Bevvy tsu passa, we se
uf em morrickt war. We er g'seh hut
das de Bevvy tsu shmart war for ehn,
donn is er shkedaddled in a Lager Beer
shop, un sidder hab ich elm nirnmy
g'seh. P. S.
LENHEslipEtt, 01111), Sept. *2O, ISIIS
On der Bully FODDER ABRAHAM in
derlich: Doh hous in Ohio sin mer an
abbordiche set left, un of eh mohl kumt
an kterl, ehner Shtolsfoos, fun Nei Hul
loud, un geht uns a copy fun a Tseitung
was se FODDER ABRAHAM heasa, un
dort war a shtick drip g'shtonua fum
" Shool House on der Krick." We tiler
sell geleasa hen sin uns de draina tsu de
bocka nunner geltfflit, can mer hen ous
geniach tsu shicka for a dutzend copies,
awer, somehow, es is net gedu warra, can
well mer der FODDER ABABHAM pawn
missa, musht uns yetz ally woch a dutzend
shicka. Doh wooiit (Amer Frank
mention, der feldmesser fun dent county :
er is a demokrat, can awer er sogt er
kennt seller Schwarts Rauch wu se
druckt, can er sogt er is a first rater laud,
tin negsht besht tsum Aleck - Hood under
lawyer Dickey can der fershtor metier
brinier Tat Shtefens. Du shicksht de
Tseitung tsum Charley Weisman, unser
Posht Meashter do. Es sin ordlich feel
alty Benusylfawny Lengeshtrer doh, for
instance, der John Kauffman wu's Wesht
Hotel halt—es besht house in Ohio.
Uu sog 'em Pit Schwefflebrenner das ich
elm goot ken, can war ach goot bekannt
mit seiner fraw, de Bevvy, we se noch
leddich war, for sellamohls bin ich als
mit ehra in de sing spool gonga un ach
on de lodwarrick frolics. ewer my bob
bier is foll. Ich will yusht noch mentiona
das Ohio sure is for der Sehnoyer, pro
vided er krickt votes genunk. Ich sus
pect awer der (rant kummt nei, anyhow
wanu a majority for elm gelm. Sell
kummt so a wennich druf aw we de left
vota. Anyhow ehner odder der onuer
kriekts, un doll wet MI druf.
N. B.—Sog 'em Pit Schwetfflebrenner
er set sich a neie cop krecya. Selly alt
shteat em ,or net aw.
What's the Matter With th«t Nose
Snyder kept a beer saloon sonic years
ago "over the Rhine." Snyder was a
ponderous Teuton of very irascible tem
per—"sudden and quick in quarrel"—
;rot mad in a minute.—Nevertheless his
saloon was a good resort for the boys—
partly because of the excellence of his
beer, and partly because they liked to
chafe "old Snyder," as they called him ;
for although Ins bark was terrible, experi
ence had taught them that he wouldn't
One day Snyder was missing, and it
was explained by his "frau" who "jerked"
the beer that day, that "he had gone fish
ing mit ter goys." The next (lay one of
the boys who was particularly fond of
"roasting" Snyder, dropped in to get a
glass of beer, discovered tinyder's nose,
which was a big one at any time, swollen
and blistered by the sun, until it looked
'like a dead ripe tomato.
"Why, Snyder, what's the matter with
your nose?" said the caller.
" I. peen out fishing mit der pot's," re
plied Snyder laying - his finger tenderly
against his proboscis, " the sun it pese
hot like ash der tifel, unt I purrs my
nose. Nice nose, don't it?" And Snyder
viewed it with comical sadness, in the
little mirror back of his bar. It entered
at once into the head of the mischievous
fellow in front of the bar to play a joke
upon Snyder, so he went out and collect
ed some half a dozen of his comrades,
with whom he arranged that they should
drop into the saloon and ask Snyder
" What's the matter with that nose" to
see how long he would stand it. The
man who put up the job went in first
with a companion, and seating them
selves at a table called for beer.—
Snyder brought it to them and the new
comer exclaimed, as he saw him :
" Spyder, what's the matter with your
" I yust dell your freint here I peen
out fishin mit der poys, unt der sun he
purnt 'em—zwi lager—den cents--all
.Another boy rushes in, "Hallo, boys.
COL. J. W. FORNEY,
EDITOR OE THE PHILADELPHIA Pr
y ♦ou are ahead of me this time, 'spose I'm
in, though. Here, Snyder, bring me a
glass of lager and a pret—(appears to
catch a blimps of Snyder's nose, looks
wonderingly a moment, and then bursts
out laughing)—ha!—hat—ha? Why Sn 3--
der—hal—hal—ha! what's the matter
with that nose ?"
Snyder of course, can't see any fu❑ in
having a burnt nose, or having it laughed
at, and he says, in a tone sternly em
" I've peen out fishin mit der pot's, tint
der sun vas oust ash hot like ash der
tifel, unt I punt my nose ; that ish all
Another tormenter comes in and insists
on "setting 'em up" for the whole house.
—" Snyder," says he, " till up the boy's
glasses, and take a drink yourse—ho !
ho! ho ! ha ! ha! ha! Snyder, wha—ha!
ha!—at's the matter with your nose?"
Snyder's brow darkens with wrath by
this time, and his voice grows deeper and
I peen out fishin mit der boys on der
leedle Maimi. I)er sun pese hot as hail
unt I punt my bugle. Now, that is more
vot I don't got to say. Vot gind of pese
ness? That ish all right I porn my own
nose, don't it?"
" Burn your nose,—burn all the hair
off your 'head, for what I care ; you
needn't get mad about it ?"
It was evident that Snyder wouldn't
stand more than one more tweak at the
nose, for he was tramping about behind
his bar and growling like an exasperated
old bear in his cage.
Another of h s tormenters walks in.
Some one sings out to him. " Have a
glass of beer, Billy ?"
Don't care about any beer," says
Billy, but Snyder, you may give me
one of your best eiga—lla-arlm! ha!
ha! ho ho! ho! her he ! ah-b-h-ha!
1V I iy—wl iy—Snyde r—who—wha—ha-a-a
ha! ha !--11Thara the Mattel' with that
Snyder was absolutly fearful to behold
by this time. Ilis face was purple with
rage, all except the nose which glowed
like a ball of fire. " Leaning his ponder
ous figure far over the bar, and raising
his arm aloft to emphasize his words, he
fairly roared :
" peen out fishin mit der poys.
Der sun pose hot ash hail-tamuation. I
purnt my nose. Now you no like' dose
nose, you yost take dose nose tint wr-wr
wring your tam American fingers mit
'em ! That's the kind of man vot I am !"
And Snyder was right.
A Specimen Copperhead.
The following letter was actually writ
ten by a Maine Democrat :
Mi DEER NEFFU i receeved you kind
letture today and taik my pen in hand to
let you kno we air all wel and enjoyin
the blessing of helth and we have as much
of provisions as wil last us threw the
winter. Thare aint mutch news to rite at
present. politix is gettin excitable and
evry body is hollerin fur grant eolfacks
with sum exsepsluons. I think grant is a
good soijer, but i think he hurt hisself
popelarly speekin when he captcherd
general lee at appermattux. smn people
think it was verry unconstitooshinal to
be a fitin our brethring while tha want
too doo jest as tha air a mine too in a
free land o liberty & if grant hadent beet
gen lee ide be willin to vote fur him.
leer nefu, how doo yew stall on the grate
perliticle kwestion of the da.
let me hoer from yew soon and give my
respecks to all inquirin friends. no more
Allecktionnuttly your uncle.
St 'WESTER S-.
-- ► •~ __
—A noted divine was lecturing on the
sufficiency of human testimony to estab
lish the truth of miracles, when a pupil
suggested a practical application of the
doctrine. What wouldsou say, sir, if I
stated that, as I was corning up College
street, I saw the lamp-post at the corner
dance ?" "I should ask you where you
had been, my son l" was the reply, in the
instructor's gravest manner.
—"When men break their hearts," re
marks a cynical female writer, "it is the
same as when a lobster breaks one of his
claws—another sprouting immediately
and growing in its place."
State of Maine
September the 15th 1868.
ESS AND WASHINGTON CHRONICLE
A Model Lore Letter
The following "billet doux" was re
ceived by one of our subscribers a few
days since.. AVe give it to our readers
for what it is worth:
sr.torf.E. Sept. 41st,
fief Precious Darling --- Merchant:
Having long felt the most ardent adora
tion for you, and been secretly pining be
neath this weary yet secret burden of
love suppressed, I now find myself unable
longer to conceal these vast oceans of
deepest affection, and must ease my pal
pitating organ of vitality by confessing to
you, my idol; thou art my star, my moon,
my sun-ny. I think of you by day and
dream of you by night.
My well-beloved, if my heart's wish
could be gratified it would be to live for
ever in your presence, for I only live
when basking in the sunshine of your
bewitching smile. Ne'er shall I forget
the first time we met ; 'twas on a dark
and dreary night, the moon and stars
were shining bright, as dark as forty
thousand concentrated midnights in a
barrel of pitch at the bottom of the Black
Sea. 'Twas then those beautiful expres
sionless eyes shone forth with the lustre
of a pewter dollar in a mud hole, and
that charming form, 'twould melt to tears
the eyes of a marble statue, bowed grace
fully before me.
'Tis not alone for thy bewitching smile
I love thee, but for thy carroty hair,
radishy cheeks, turnipy nose, corny ears,
Jerusalem pickley chin, potatory eyes,
and the greatest honor to your sex, a
cabbagey head. Oh ! how I long for veg
etable soup ! I would say more, very
much more, of my love, but alas ! alas !!
it is in vain, another smile bath won thee,
and thy heart is hers alone. I must
strive to quiet this troubled heart of
mine. Oh ! come back, come back, and
love me as you used to did, and see this
throbbing heart that it may quit stopping
aching no longer. joy of my life, didn't
you receive that missive of love I did not
write to you, once before the first time ?
Quintoscence of love, do not keep me in
suspense, but respond soon if not sooner.
y is the boy for nie,
never have another;
If y die to-morrow night,
111 surely have his lamber.
Your adoring and devoted
P. S.—Next door to the people who
have no geese.
We Want Peace!
We clip the following from a recent
speech of our candidate for Vice-Presi
dent, the eloquent Colfax :
" We, who wage this contest desire no pros
cription, no persecution, not one word of wrath,
not one act of vengeance. We merely want
this Union to be ruled by the men who have
shown devotion to the Union. We want no
war, we want no blood, we want no poverty,
we want no desolation, we want no drafts ; we
want peace and only peace; peace in the
North, and in the South, peace in the East and
in the \Vest, peace in the White House, and no
more endless sessions of Congress in expecta
tion of Presidential violence, peace between
Congress and the Executive, peace all over the
land, to all the dwellers in the land, between
the Atlantic and the Pacific, with peace ex
ending its glorious vista, bringing with it sta
bility, and with stability prosperity, anti with
prosperity progress, and with progress peace."
GENERAL Dix has been true to his
motto : " Shoot the first man on the spot
who wonld haul down the American Hag."
And in selecting Seymour as the standat d
bearer of the new rebellion he as certain
1y brought down his men.
IT is intimated that the next Demo
cratic demonstration will be an attack
upon Horatio Seymour by Frank Blair.
Reason—While Frank is telling his fol
lowers to be of good heart, Horatio ex
claims I am " plunged into a sea of
The reason why Northern Republi
cans who go South are called carpet-bag
gers, is to distinguish them from the
Democrats, who generally carry their
clothes in a red handkerchief.
HORATIO SEYMOUR boasts that he
never loaned a dollar to the Government
during the war, while many a loyal woman
save not only her husband and son, but
invested her little earnings in her coun
Our itittie ohts.
--A fellow stole a dog, and upon being
detected by the owner promised to return
the animal next day. The individual
received a package at the appointed
hour, on which was written. " This is
your dog." On opening it, the astonish
ed man discovered ten pounds of fresh
—Jonah wrote to his father, after the
whale first swallowed him, stating that
he had found a good opening for a young
man going into the oil business—but
afterwards wrote for money to bring him
home, stating that he had been 'sucked
—Art Ohio boy tried to see how near he
could stand to a passing railway train.
He never knew.
—A lawyer is something of a carpenter.
He can file a bill, split a hair, make an
entry, get up a case, frame an indictment,
impanel a jury, put them in a box, nail a
witness, hammer a judge, bore a court,
and other like things.
—"Rachel, my daughter, why don't
you learn as fast as your sister 'Hannah ?"
—"Why don't every stock of clover bear
four leaves, mother ?" "Go bring in a
basket of chips, child."
—Jonathan presented himself and his
intended to the minister for the purpose
of being married. Being questioned if
they had been published: "0, I guess
so, for I told it to Uncle Ben, and he •
his wife more 'an a week ago."
—Vermont is famous for the pro. -
tiou of four great staples, namely, men,
women, maple sugar and horses.
The first are strirng the last are fleet:
The second and third ;t•e exceedingly sweet ;
And all are exceedingly hard to heat."
—The young lady who was recommend
ed to take exercise to improve her health,
says that she " will jump at au offer and
run her own risk."
—" What is the difference 'twist a
watch and a fedder bed, Sam ?" "Dunn° -
gin it up." " Because de tickin' of de
watch is on the inside, and the bed 'is on
—When a gentleman steps on a lady's
train the lady should turn round and say
politely, ``l beg your pardon, sir;" and
the gentleman should bow and say, "I
accept your apology, Madam."
—When you see a young man and
woman walking down the street, leanin! ,
against each other like a pair of baliy
matched oxen, it is a pretty good sign
that they are bent on consolidation.
—A llun!qtrian desiring to remark on
the domestic habits of a young lady,
"Oh, miss, how homely you are."
A. gentleman once asked a little
an only child, how many sisters she had,
and was told " three or four." Her
mother asked Mary, when they were
alone, what induced her to tell such an
untruth. '• Why, mamma," cried Mary,
" I didn't want him to think you were so
poor that you hadn't lint one child.
Wouldn't he thought we were dreadful
—A Sabbath-school superintendent
asked his scholars if any of them could
quote a passaxe of scripture which for
bade a man's having two wives, where
upon nearly the whole school cried out,
" No man can serve two masters."
--A young lady in New York has got
such a perfect " Grecian Bend" that she
has earned the title of beau instead of
--A considerate tavern-keeper, adver
tising his " Burton XXX," concludes
thus : " B.—Parties drinking more
than four glasses of this potent beverage
at one sitting carefully sent home gratis
in a wheelbarrow, if required."
—" Dr. wants to know if you'll
please pay this bill now ?" Oil :_rentle
man looks at the items, and replies:
" Tell Dr. I'll pay him for the med
icine and return his.v.isits."
"Daughter," said a fond mother, whom
oil speculations had made aristocratic,
" has Mr. Brown proposed to you?"
"Yes, mam," replied the daughter; "he
proposes that we go out this evening and
get some oysters.' 5
—A country gentlemen advertises for
"a small black tan leather collar, through
which was the head of a black tan terrier
dog." We trust he will recover the lost
—A Mobile paper says of a guitar play
er in that city, that "his playing would
give any well conducted saw mill the
—A wag on hearing that a man had
given up the chimney sweeping, ex
pressed surprise as he thought that busi
[By our special Artist.]
The Individual Who Devoured the
D:TRocr.77 at ,flx .11:4tqc Potion.