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SCHLIFFIETOWN, 011,!_.2.Siit der Vita, 1 6S
MISDER FODDER inn All : Dear
Sur : Ich hab net g'mehnt das ich de
woch shreiva, wet, nn awer ich bin widder
amohl im truvvel. De _Asia woch hab
ich so an holwy notion what dort nivver
moofa noch Dorkey Buzzard Valley, net
weit fum Lodwarrickshteddle, un awer
alleweil gookts das wane de Bevvy mer
seller truvvel g'shpaart het. Any how
se is fort, on warn do mich doht macho,
deatsht kennt MI der now net sauna wu
se onna gonga is odder el) se yea widder
heam kummt.
Un now will ich der amohl all de par
ticulars gevva fun weaya meer under ,
Bevvy. Doh om letshta Fridog owat is
der Joe. Muckatliggle tsu nits kumma un
hut mer g'sawt das er in der shtadt war
un das cr eppas gootas hut for tiler tsu
sauga, un sell is, das der alt Tat Shtevens
doht is. Sell war sheer tsu goot tsu glawa,
un awer we der Joe mer g'sawt hut das
es sure wohr is, well er um .idlers latch
shtore war we de news kununa is, dunn
hab ich uf course ordlich goot g'feeld der
weaya, un ich under Joe oh un nivver
ons Kitzelderfers tin &m hut der Joe
under Sam Dinkop nu der Fritz Longohr
amohl de rounds g'shtand. Well, dour
hen mer melt amohl an veader fun uns
elms gentumna, un donn hen mer unser
opinion fun dem Tat Shtevens ordlich
frei rouse expressed. Der Joe hut
g'sawt das es sei shald wier gwest das
mer de ferdeiheakerty frei-spool uf gel
awda krickt hell, un das seller weg sin de
doxa so hock wawa un de demokratish
party sheer gorly ufgeused. Well dunn
hut der Joe noch amohl gedreat, un don
hen mer widder sellam alt Tat Shtevens
fits gevva well er als - del party so feel
shawda gedu hut mit scum dumma frei
spool weasa, un donn hab ich drei mold
hinner !Jointer gedrunka, for de kterls hen
evva als widder gedreat, du weasht, well
se so orrig goot g'feelt hen fun weaya
sellam alta Tat, for ich kann der sauga
er kann unser party gets ken shawda
melt du. Un noch elms, ner hen ach so
an probosishen gemacht a meeting tsu
halta ons Kitelderfers for selma eb liter
nix du kann for des shoola shtuft un kter-
Helm ons 'ern wen. tsu shatia. So an meet-
ing kann anyhow ken shawda du, for
wanns any gebt (101111 uf course ktunma
de shmarty kterls fun der shtadt rouse,
tin plenty gouty drects gebts, uf course.]
un for sell gelina 'tier all nci.
Well, des ding war goot, weil mer so
oft gedrunka hen sin mer (loch a, wennich I
how-cum-yu-so warm, un ich bin net
heani his•noch de elf uhr, We de Bevvy
shun im bet war. Uf course, so is wid
der amohl in mieh nei gepitchd un hut
behawpt das ich g'sutfa bin, un awer sell
war net so, for ich hab nosh ordlich goot
noxigata kenna, except elnuohl bin ich k
obg'shlipt we ich de drep nuf hab wella
un bin manner un hab mci kop I
wennich fershunna. Der negsht morya
bin ich widder oh ons Kitzelderfers un
hab fier mohl gedrunka uf borricks, un
nochmiddogs bin ich nivver ons Schdeka
fongers wtertshouse un dort is evva
yusht about gedreat warm, for se wahra
ach all in tip-top gooter yoomer ivver
seller alt. Tat Shtevens. Ich wits awer
g'shtay das ieh amohl so ordlich in de
shaal krickt hab, m ich bin net healim
kumma, his shpoat om Sundog nacht.
Der negsht mooya bin ich net; wocker
warra his hall) nine uhr,un ich of un ons
cm bet, un awer de Bevvy war fort un
wu das se onna is kann ich net sauga.
Der Joe. Muckatliggle mehut ich set se .
adferdeisa, un now geb lel' notice das
warn ennich ebber mit meiner flaw fort
is ge'loped donn do ich elm brosecuta in
der law uf cm Court House in tier shtadt
mit em shreef, for so ebbas .shtand ich
net weil de Beyvy my property is. Se
hut ehra neier frock aw gedoo spit hoops
uu ehra Soondogs unner-ruck un ally
cent geld, un yets hab ich nimmy ao feel
d ti shmaller odder an shtick chaw
('‘;t wad: kawft. Ich geb ach yetz notice
%las well se Ind bet un board ferlussa hut
du ich kenns tun ehra shulda hetzahla,
for sell kenut ich yusht alleweil anyhow
net du well icli entirely (Ins weasel bin. ,
Elms fun ineina noelbera is of der
melmung das de Bevvy yusht noel Len
kesliter 6 - onga is for sellani nil; Tat "Vi
Teich tenda. un das se ferleicht den owat
odder morya free widder fun selvert
leant kummt. \Vann sc of so an monn
sei Melt geht donn gebts itch an fuss
derweaya, for icl kunsider das sell an in
sult is of an true blue denu we lel
bin, 'W ann se der Ilookanan noel amoll
fergrawa delta, done dolt ieh solver
noel amoll ! , elt, for donn delta ach de
reelty klass leit tsamma kumma, soddiche
wu ach demokratish sin un de dreets
sltanda. Awer yusht week met sellam
Tat Shtevens. So ball das ich oustin was
ous der 13evvy warra is du kb noel
amohl shreiva.
PIT SCIIIVEFFLEBIZENNEII
Deg• _lit Dan.
Sog, du, Lewie, du woonsht dort de
negsht deer, un HOW Sog mer amohl, geht
der alt Dan Sole ach for der Sei-Moyer ?
Ei ich kann gwiss now net sauga. Ich
glawb aver net das or dut, for seller
E iI)ER ABRAHAM is widder un de weg,
un ich suspect das der Dan se ach widder
nernnit. Ich denk der Ike Wornelsdorf
kennts eh►n sauga.
" Well, ich hab selwer a notion for der
Grant tsu geh."
Was ! We shwetslit done du ?
Ei denksht MI debt for so (diner geb
we seller Sei-Moyer ? No sir-ree, for MI
kenn ehn, un welis das er net lit is.
Was wtersht ehn dorm kenna—we bisht
ehn donn behannt warm ?
Ei weaslit done net doh for a paar
yohr we vier om Kutztowner Baddolya
wahra, Mort hen mer elm g'seh of der
frolic we er de geig g'shpiclt hut.
Sis (loch now net seller neanilidl Sci-
Moyer wu als de geig g'shpield hut oni
Kutztowner Baddolya!
Be sure is es—der very 'noun.
Wanu sell so is donn g,eh ich ach for
der Grant.
Yah un ich ach, un doh 'nag der Frank
T-wrby un all scaly kterls sauna was se
w ell a.
Put Ery-,SI tuff t.
Dan--Denksht titer setta wilder pro
went selly paupers out Poor House on de
leekshun kreeva?
Jake—Well, MI mane evva (loch es is
net recht day so leit slitinnna.
Dan—Z ah, sell is wohr, es is net reeld,
un awer ich kanu der sauga, mer missy
'se evva hawa—des your abbordich ken-
na mer se braneha
Jake—Fah, sell is so un mer inissa se
dorm rouse kreeya, nn doll snags koshta
was es will
*titrttb.
.lush Blinn r/S
Josh sets up for a moralist as well as a
humorist. and his wise sayings are often
better than his jokes. We give a little '
handfill of plumbs from his pudding : "
maid up mi mindonore than a month ago,
that this world wa'n't made lor phoels;
and when i see a man determined tew go
to the devil, i generly let him went."
" Crippels ar always cross ; thay ar na
ture's libels. I konsidder mar . ying for
money no better than stealing it." I
hay seen sum awful bad throte diseases
completely cured in 3 days by simply
jineing a. temprauce society." " A pun,
tew be irresistable, don't ought to flavor
ov malls aforethought, but wants tew
cum sudden and apt, like a rat out ov his
hole." "How menu men thare is who
argy, just as a bull dus, chained tew a
post ; they beller and paw, but they kant
git away from the post." " The 'happy
man iz alwus married or expects tew be. 1
He'don't beleaf in ghosts or ghostesses,
nor raleroad acksidenee before they oc
cur. He lives upon milk, and pays az he
goes. 'He hivs evry boddy, and but fu
luv him. He lairs when he ;its wet, and
only takes pills tew pleaze other folks."
" Them hosses who ackt just az though
they waz agoin to run away awl the time
hardly ever do, but the dozy ones, when
they do get started, kant run fast enough
to suit them. It is sum so with the hu
man critters.'' "Iu my honest opinyun,
whiskee is seckund only tew original sin ;
it is the mill stun, hung upon the neck ov
poor degraded humin nature, and if the
devil was allowed leave ov absence for
six months, tew visit this earth, the fust
thing he would do, would be to lobby our
Legislatures for a repeal ov the excise
laws, and then invest his pile in gin
mills." " Alethusila lived a 1000 years,
but i serpose he could hay seen aul he
saw, and dun awl he did in 5 years, if he
had lived in New York city." "I had
rather be a good natured man than tew
hay a seat in the New York Legislature ;
thare may not be as 'mach money in it,
but thare is twice the means ov grace."
" I always advise short sermons, espesh
ily on a hot Sunday. If a minister kant
strike ile in boring 40 minutes, he has
either got a poor gimlet, or else he is a
boring in the Tong plase."
ON Monday two weeks two Copper
head Irish . Seymourites were forcibly
ejected from the Lancaqer train, between
Penningtonville and Parkesburg k on the
Pennsylvania Railroad, for persistently
smoking in the ladies car. They were
both drunk and refused to behave them
selves, when conductor Hambright stop
ped the train and put them off.
F_A_THEE,ABP HAM
GENEPAL (!..\ Wit"; l‘tViit iu Alit luny towns - hip, Sitmerset county, Pa., on the 20th
day of Novemb e r, 15:2 consequently. he will la. forty - -seven years old next November. At an
early n,,e he was :Ipplotaiced printll:g business, in Somerset, Pa. After mastering the
" art," he emigrated to Pittsburg, Wll.ll ho case" lug some time. Ile next tined
his way to Now Oth :no( :nil into :moll wr printing office. 'flied of the composing stick and
rule," la. tried his hand at sleanik (at hcz. st :,5 a deck blunt, anti subsequently as clerk, mate
:tact part owner of a vessel. in Ist - ;. it (• lend 'hint in the iron business, at Brady's Bend. lit I
he f(illowed the tide of enii:42 . ation to CaliforMit, remaining there but a short time, In
11 4 :i:; ' we find him in Johnstown, Pa.. assisting in the construction of the mammoth Cambria
Iron Works, with tt Welt establishment he was connected tip to nt. breaking out of the war. In
he was among the first to enroll 'himself as a volunteer, to defiant the flag of his country,
0101 bel,,,,gcd to thclirst eour h trity fly," p,if , reql ('Unip Cr!rlin. Ile was mustered out of service
on the 35th of July. 1.56 I, and On the 80th of the same month, was commissioned by Gov. Cur
tin to raise a regiment. On the :::»th of March, Colonel Campbell was ordered to occupy
the line of the Baltimore & Ohio Bail Road from North Mountain Station, tifty-six miles westward
to the is'Amth Branch of the Potomac, witll the :;.-1411 Penna. Begiment. How well he performed
his arduous and multitudinous duties in this tryi»g position, the officers of the B. & 0. If. IL as
well as his superiors in the military service do not hesitate to testify. On the fah of March. 1 isil:l,
lie was assigned to the command of the 4th Brigade, Ist Division, Silt Army Corps. Ills ieginatia
took an active part in the battle of New Market, Ca., occupying the left of the line, and staffed
severely, being the last to leave the field. In Gen. Sigel's official report of the battle, he ac
knowledged the valuable services (if Gen. Campbell in very flattering terms. The Colonel and
his regiment took a prominent part in the battle of Piedmont, under (.jolt. I limier, and 50011 idler
brevetted a Brigadier General for lnavery and —fitness to c(anmand," in this battle. Ile also
took an, active part in Hunter's celebrated Lynchburg raid, his command sullitring heavily in
the attack upon Lynchburg. Ile also participated in the engagements iu the Shenandoah under
the gallant. Phil. Sheridan. Gen. Campbell was mustered out of the service in the till of Lti4,
having hom the army almost three years and a half. Ile was never absent from his coin
mat al, except three weeks. sadly,' as, a member of a Court of Inquiry at Wheeling. Va., and had
but two "leaves of aliselice" (luring his whole period of service, one tine ten and the other for
twenty days. On the 17th of August, 1503, Gen. Campbell was nominated l'or Surveyor Gen
oral by the llepublican party, and in October of the same year was elected over Col. Linum, his
competitor, by a large majority. For ovi.r two years he has administered the duties of his
office with recognized ability and to the satisthetion of all parties ; and has brought up a large
amount of unfinished and intricate business. In Alarf:li last, Ito was imeninitnprly wool/dilated
by the Republk it,..'State Convention, Mr the office he now so ably and satisfactorily tills.
Such in brief, is a hurried sketch of the life and services of one of Pennsylvania's nuttiest
sOllB. Ile is first fitful(' a "printer's. devil." a "join.," a deck hand" on a steamboat, a
•• clerk," ...mate" and "part owner of a vessel." Ile is next found in the iron business. then in
California, and finally in the gigantic enterprise of the celebrated Cambria Iron Mills, whets his
great experience added lar;ely to the success of that stupendous undertaking. At the breaking
out (if the War, he was lieutenant of at militia company, entered the army, and atter a hrilliant
•campaign of three long, weary years, he was honored with a Brevet Brigadier General's Com
mission, a posii ion long and doubly earned in command of a brigade and division, and by gal-,
tautly, - in the field. Thus it trill he' seen, that General Campbell comes front a witrking class,
and is emphatically a working man. His social characteristics never fail to create the warmest
friendships, and a lasting impression. Ile is a genial elanpanion, a clever, whole-sonled honest
man, strictly temperate ht his habits, and that lie will be re-elected by an increased majority, is
already beyond a peradventure.
When from my room I chance to stray,
to spend an hour at close of day, I ever
find a place most dear, where sonic friend
treats to lager beer.--Sacramento Age.
Ah ! yes my friend of city life, such a
treat cures such a strife, but better than
such dose, by far, are the pleasures of a
fine cigar.--Placer Herald.
Such pleasures may suit baser minds,
but with the good no favor finds ; we
think the purest joy in life, is making
love to one's own wife.— Volcano Ledger.
Most wise your choice, my worthy
friend, in Hymen's joys your cares must
end ; but we, though tired of single life,
can't boast of having our own wife ; and
so when 'neath our cares we faint, we
fly to kiss song.! gal that aint—yet.—
Napa Reporter.
That lager beer will bile provoke,
while "fine Ilavanas" end hi smoke.
To court one's wife is better far, than
lager beer or vile cigar. Kisses the
dew of love's young morn, break on the
lips as soon as born. These are all
nought to that greatest joy—the first
born boy ! —Evening Ledger.
'Tis true a boy's a wished for blessing,
but then suppose the first's a girl !
dear sweet child, with ways caressing,
with pouting lips and flaxen curls, with
dimpled cheeks and laughing eyes, to
come and bid "papa" good-bye ? So
whether boy or whether t'other, embrace
the babe and then the mother.—San
Francisco Globe.
• THE Pittsburg Chronicle says : "We
saw the man last night who don't believe
lager beer will intoxicate. lie stopped
us on Vine Street to say, Mos' harm'ss
bev'ege in er 'mid. Man can drink tif'y
glasses 'n never feel it more'n (hie) I
am this min't. A man drinks whisky,
ail' he shows it. Drink lage' beer 'n
don't sh-sh-show 't, an' al'ys did! Look
at t' noble Germ' pop'pop'lash'n. Never
see 'ni tos-tos cated, don't ye, so am 11
Lager Beer has no more 'feet on die 'n
so much wa'er. Can walk (hic) hole
through la'er or see crack in 'er side'alk
well 's an' ov'er man. But ye two dol
'nr'n half titan. My house'n find his
way home with ( hic) 'hole keg beer out
si'f US. Y' say beer 'stroys mem'ry.
'Slie. 'Member better to-day than I
ever did to-mor'r. 'Rah for—who's that
ge'm'n we nom'na'd at—where was our
Conve'tion held? What tun I—who are
you, fallow? Please tell me' f Sevel
Street runs down &re& ra'road can get a
(hic) hack'n go my way. If don't who
has?' We left him, satisfied that he was
right; lager beer is not intoxicating.
On no."
GENERAL JACOB M. CAMPBELL,
itEpußLicAN CANDIDATE FOR SURVEYOR GENERAL
California l'oWt►
_ T ... ~--
Cl=
Loafers who sit down in an editor's
sanctum and read newspapers to him.
Mothers who force disinterested peo
ple to notice their children.
Ladies who crowd you out of your seat
in the stage or cars.
Squalling babies in railroad cars.
A young gentleman fresh from college.
A. man that reads his poetry to you
A pair of lovers
A man that wants to borrow money
from you.
Creditors of every description.
Wives who make you go to church with
them.
Mosquitoes and newsboys.
The man who sits down at your desk.
The man who reads all the newspapers
but never buys one.
TILE Ohio Statesman, a leading Cop
perhead paper, recently received a club
of thirty new subscribers, which is pro
nounced the largest list ever raised (for
said paper) in one district, and the "in
ference is," says the Stato-hut», that
the Democracy is looking up." _FATHER
ABRAHAM has now at least twenty
clubs in Ohio, the least of which is over
thirty, and the inference is that Democ
racy will continue to " look up." •
Bo res.
Our tittle *oitts.
crog
Tito I W;tS With 'A:O
t'te htwo v,'tts light titotty.ll lit by day;
Iviii,lows l lookyti to Croquet.
)t mallets and lolls tho usual
Th, r a ll st,),.(i in arch array.
I said Soon we'll
the mallets and kills untheoled lay,
And tlw maid and the youth, side by side sat they,
And I said to myself; Is that Croquet?
I saw the seamp—as it was light as day—
Put his arin 'round her waist in a loving way,
And he SI jueezed her band. 'Was that Croquet ?
While the red rover rolled for4oiten away,
lie whispered all a lover should say,
And he kissed her lips. What a queer Croquet !
Silent they sat 'wadi the moon of May,
And 1 knew by her hluslies she said not nay,
And 1 thought in my heart, Now that's Croquet
THE BONNET.—Shalispehre must have
had a vision of the modern bonnet when,
in The Taming of the Shrew," he wrote
the following :
I'clruckio.—" Why, this was moulded on a
porringer,
A velvet dish ;—fie, tie !
Why, 'tis a cockle or a walnut shell,
A knack, a toy, a trick ; a baby's cap ; •
Away with it; come let me have a bigger!
led/urine.—" I'll have no bigger ; this (loth
lit the time;
And gentlewomen (loth wear such caps as
these."
—A traveler stopping at a western
hotel exclaimed one morning to the
waiter, " what are you about, you black
rascal? You have roused inc twice from
my sleep by telling me breakfast is ready,
and now you are attempting to strip off
the bed clothes." "Why, replied Pom
pey. "If you is'nt swine to get up I
must hab de sheet anyhow, cause dey am
waiting for de table-elof."
—A lady who had read of the exten
sive manufacture of odometers •to tell
how far a carriage had been run, said
she wished some Connecticut genius
would invent an instrument to tell how
far husbands had been in the evening
when they just step down to the post
office.
—An orator perspiring freely, in a loud
I
voice said : " n short, ladies and gentle
men, I can only say that I wish I had a
window in my bosom, that you might
see the emotions of my heart." . The
newspapers printed the speech, leaving
" n '' out of window.
—Artemus Ward was fond of telegraph
and studied it for amusement. Ile
was a very good " sender." To the tele
gram of a California lecture committee,
"What will you take for 100 nights ?"
Artemus Ward reeled : " Brandy and
water."
—A talking match is on the tapis be
tween two women of Boston. Amount
of wager not stated. Time, twenty-four
hours without sleep; no stoppages for
food or drink. The husbands of the
amiables are anxious to have the time ex
tended to a week.
—A man on Cape Cod having adver
tised his wife as having left his bed and
board, she retorts that she went away
for a couple of weeks to earn her board,
and that the bed belongs to her mother.
—The old lady who used to dry her
clothes on the equinoctial line, has gone
to Greenland to get the North Pole to
draw her cistern water with.
—Farmers in 1776—man at plow, wife
at cow, girl at yarn, boy at barn, and all
dues settled. Farmers in 1867—man at
show, girl at piano, wife in satin, boy at
Latin, and dues unsettled.
—Ladies generally shop in couples.
When a lady has any money to spend,
she dearly loves taking a friend with her
to see her spend it.
I • —The feast of imagination is as follows :
G 6 When your stomach is empty 4nd your
pocket ditto, sit down and read a cookery
book."
—A . voung Mall in New York fright
ened his wife into ,suspending a certain
lecture by taking a seidlitz powder which
he informed her was arsenic.
—A Western fanner recently hung up
a hoop skirt in his cornfield to frighten
away the crows. The crows went off,
but the field was full of boys.
—Why, are young widows like a band
of Ethiopian ministrels? Because they
do not stay long in black.
—To be born with a 'silver spoon in
your mouth is lucky, but twice lucky is he
who can open his mouth without betraying
the spoon.