13 tintsnlb anirirb, titscil.
~~ _
~~~~.
Brief Fun', Seltivefflebrenner.
SCHLIFFLETOWN, Ongsia der elft, 1868
MISDER FODDER ABRAHAM : Dear
Sur : Desmohl hab ich ordlich long kun
sidered eb ich widder amohl an breef in
der FODDER ABRAHAM nei shreiva wet
odder net, for es kummt mer fore das der
mich ordlich mean ge-used bend, un for
sell bin ich yetz ach a wennich down uf
eich. Ich hab eich doh fergonga noch
particular notice gevva das der kens meh
fun der Bevvy ehra breefa in eier zeitung
nei duhnet, un ich hab, uf course, ge
glawbt es wter all right, un awer doh soil
mich der Shinnerhonnes hohla wan se
net widder ehuer nei g'shlipt hut de
letsht woch, un sell hut mer grosser
shawda gedu in •der demokratish party.
De fact is, ich bin yetz so a wennich fer
huttelt fun weaya politics. Wanns uf de
Bevvy awkurnma deht, donn mist ich for
seller Grant vota des shpoat yohr, un
awer so gewiss das ich sell du debt, donn
dehts evva heasa der Pit Schwefflebren
'ner is ach an torn-coat warra. Un donn,
wann als gedreat wmrd dort ons Kitzel
derfer's, wann de lawyers un onnery
shmarty kterls als doh rouse kumma fun
der shtadt—selly wu als so runna for de
emtlin, du weasht, donn mist ich evva als
drucka shtay, yusht we so an alty ous
g'shpielty ku,un sell kann ich der sauga,
macht ordlich fiel ous in ma yohr, for ich
hab geshter amohl an calculation ge
macht, un bin tsu der conclusion kumma
das ich Bidder letsht shpoat yohr anyhow
ivver sivva hunnert drinks for nix krickt
hab dorrichs dreeta, un on tsehn cent der
droonk, deht sell anyhow sivvatsich dah
ler macha. Now, wann ich der Bevvy
ehra roat nemma deht, donn mist ich
evva. exactly sivvatsich dahler so goot
das week shmeisa ! Un noch ehns, ich
deht net so feel urn seller breef gevva
wann yusht de Bevvy nix g'sawt het fun
weaya we se mich dort in's Lock-up nei
gedoo hen sellamohls we's Singerpesht
dort in der shtadt war, for now duhna de
leit mich so black-garda, das ich mich
shemma mus ous em house nous tsu geh.
For instance, doh war der alt Dopfoos—
em Bill si dawdy, (her hut mers fore
g'shmissa das ich uf .der keller deer
g'shlofa hab, under Sam Muckafliggle
titer hut g'sawt ich wter net besser das an
commoner loafer, well se mich uf em
shoob-korrich nunner genumma hen, we
ich so a weanich in der shaal flab kat.
Weil ich yets om shreiva bin, will ich
noch eppas mentiona, un sell is, das
wann mer net ordlich dertsu shticks,
donn %Yana mer evva widder aznohl ge
butta des yohr. Dort is dor alt Sensa
wetzer, deer wu sei leawa ne ken onner
dicket gevote hut das demokratish, cher
hut rich ferflucht un fershwora das er
desmohl for Grant geht, un dort is ach
der George Hulderbach, cher hut doh fer
gongs de Maddedishta gejoind, un yets
will er ach nix meh mit der goot alt party
tsu du hawa. So gehts doh in unser noch
bershaft, un warns noch long so fort
macht, donn sin se boll all ivver der
fence. Warm es yusht net for de fer
delvelty feely shoola war, donn kennt
mer de party noch ufhalta, un awer des
feela bicher weasa, nu shoola un shtra
weller kzerricha, sell is genunk for unser
party gons entirely uf-usa. Warns net
boll besser geht, donn du ich ach nix
meh, for es bot doch nix. De Bevvy
gebt net uf, un mehnt evva ich mist uf
de 'publican seit geh, un awer, we
g'sawt, uf seller weg debt ich evva orrig
feel ferleera, well ich my drinks mist
selver betzahla, un sell deat ordlich tuff
geh.
Weil es mer awfongs ferleat is doh in
Schliffletown, hab ich a notion fort tsu
tseeva ous em shteddle, for ich hab alle
weil an gooty chance for sex acker lond
lehna, un a frame house un shtall druf,
dort about an mile of der onner side dem
Mose Krappafonger seim shmidtshop,
dicht om bloha barrick, dort net weit fum
platz wu se Dorkeybuzzerd walley heasa,
eh mile fum Lodwarrickshteddle. Ich
kaun der exactly sauga weller weg das
mer onna geht : Doh geht mer evva do
grawd shtrose nuf bis mer ons Bill
Schwartza, Meel kummt, un dorm der
hayrick nut nil graved fort his mer on a
hishly kununt, nu (loan geht mer links
der fence noch minuet- lmis mer oils Kel
symon's welshkorn fell kununt, mm done
rechts an hivvel nunner, un noun ivver a
trickly, un am Hentterha/.11 sm i shaky
ferbei, un rvver do felder under harriek
nuf om grossa law-stock ferbei, un dorm
so a weanich Jinx dorrich a kleh wissly,
uu dorm krurunt mer nous of de gross
shtrose 1111 fun LodwarrHtshteddle niv
ver on de alt Cemehshaftlieher kaaTich
gehtom fun dort dreht mer ob liux his
mer wielder on a bishly kummt, nu dorm
rechts om grossa kesida bawm feiihei his
mer on der platz kommt vu se de yohr
amohl an camp meeting kat hen, un
donn whiskr Jinx un grawd ivver de
felder under barrick nut' un dorm konn
mers lions sehna, un es is ach gor nimmy
weft. De Bevvy will obsolut hawa das
ich der platz lehn, un awer was mieh net
suta dut, is weil es so weft oh is funs
Kitzelderfers, for a moocher dreet debt
mer Bons ferlora geh. Se sauga awer,
der do; weer nimmy so Koch of wiskey
we er als war, un wann sell so is, donn
kennt mer ferleicht afforda en selver tau
kamfa, bei der quart. Anyhow, ich hab
im sin noch frogs derweya, un no more at
present,
PIT SCIIWEFFLEBREI3NER
Brief Fain Sei-Schwam in.
Sicl-SCUWA ?dm, Aug. 12, 1868
Hochgelobter un wohrhafter Drucker :
Now will ich dich un deina leaser eppas
wissa lussa fun unserm shteddle wu doh
kunna im eck shteckt, ohna telegraphs
odder railroads. Awer wanns ons sheany
lured, shmarty bubbalin uu gooty geil
geht, donn sin mer ach derbei. lin so
long das der FODDER A.BRAIIAM Urn de
weg is, finna mer doch ous we's in der
welt her geht, un wann mer wissa will
we's in politics geht, branch mer yusht
als de breefa leasa fum Pit Schweffle
brenner un seiner alty, de Bevvy. Es
deht mich awer gor net wunnera warm
de Bevvy ordlich jealous deht wterra
ivver der Pit, well er so in ally ecka rum
shleaft, un geht in fremty pletz, un
shloaft uf de keller deera, un in Lock
ups. Anyhow, wann ich de Bevvy wter,
donn deht ich sellam Pit amohl dorrich
an course fun corporal punishment nem
ma. Der Pit mag ferleicht denka ich
hab ken bisness der Bevvy ehra bort tsu
nemma,un awer unnich de circumstances
mus ichs du, for es kummt mer fore der
Pit kennt sei kumpany improofa wanner
de 'Publicans joina debt. Ich war ach
als an demokrat, un awer de auga sin
mer uf gonga, so das ich der gons pano
rama fun der demokratish party hab seh
kenna, un we mehner das mer fun ehna
ousfinnt we mehner kutnmts ehm fore das
se nix sin das an grossy seierei.
Mer hen doh der onner owat awer
yusht about an grossy Republican meet
ing kat doh im Sei-Schwamm, dort beim
Jim Gontzfoos, un unser shpeakers ben
ehna amohl particular fits gevva, un de
mitleidiche kupperkep wu um de weg
wara hens awer net shtanda kerma - , for
se hen de kep g'shittled un fort ous 'em
shtaab. Un de meeting war ach goot ge
tend, un ich bin g'satisfied das wann de
kupperkep alles was se in drei downehips
hen tsamma dreiva dehta, kennta se keh
so grossa meeting raisa. Se shwetza
awer es tau prowiera for an Sei-moyer
meeting of drumma doh, un wann •se
duhn, donn geh ich noch Monheim, un
fun dort du ich tau eich telegrapha, un
donn kennt er ach kumma de fun sehna,
for an kupperkop meeting is yusht so
goot des an circus odder an monkey-show.
JAKE DENFLIGGLE.
#electtb.
NASBY.
A MEETING AT THE - CORNERS-ELDER PEN
NIBACKEIt GOES BACK ON THE NOMINA
TIONS.
[From the Toledo Blade.]
POST OFFICE, CONPSDSRIT X ROADS,
(Which le in the Stait uv Kentucky,
July 27, 1868.
We hed a meetin at the Corners nite
afore last for the purpus uv organizin a
Seymore and Blare Club. Ther wuz
ruther a spectable show uv enthoosiasm
at the beginnin. Deekin Pogram, who
hez an ambishun uv of becomin the col
lecter uv the Deestrik, wuz reely affected
ez he spoke uv the many good qualities
uv our noble standard-bearer, Seymour;
and Kernel McPelter, who hez his beam
in eye onto the Assessorship, wuz simi
larly bold and outspoken in his admira
shun uv their grate qualities. The Ker
nel wuz espeshly elokent, ez he spoke uv
the gratems uv Ginral Frank Blare, wich
he felt that he had a rite to admire.
Ther wuz suthin about him so noble, so
grand, so patriotic, and so troo, that he
felt that he must weave one little orator
icle chaplet for his classikle brow. Ez a
solier, he shood cheerly support a soljer.
Uv coorso I made the regular sppech
which is alluz expectid up me. I slung
slitely into the biography uv our chief
tains, I tribootid meekly to ther good
qualities uv head and heart, discussed the
platform and commendid it, and wound
up with an impressive appeal to the Dim
ocrisy to rally to their support without
division or hesitancy.
GEN. JOHN F. HARTRANFT,
REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FUR AUDiTou GENEIzAL OF PENNSYLVANIA.
GEN. lIARTRANFT was t citizen of Norristown, Montgomery county, and his first
engagements in life were in connection with the construction of some of the im
provements in that part of the State, he then acting in the capacity of a civil en
gineer. Later in life, young Hartranft devoted himself to the study of the law, to
the practice of which profession he was admitted with great honor. After pursuing
the law for some years, the war of the rebellion was precipitated, when the lawyer
immediately became a soldier, and was called to the command of one of the first
" Three Months' Regiments." In this connection it will be remembered that the
Fourth regiment refused to go into a fight, because its time had expired while the
battle was in progress. COLONEL HARTRANFT REMAINED ON THE FIELD WHEN
HIS REGIMENT MARCHED OFF, AND WAS PLACED ON GEN. FRANKLIN'S STAFF,
WHO COMPLIMENTED HIM FOR HIS BRAVERY. The conduct which distinguished
our candidate for Auditor General, thus early in the war, has characterized his
career during the entire struggle. He has been engaged in all parts of the country
as a soldier in the defense of the Government—has fought bravely in very many
battles, and has to-day a record as glorious as that of any man in the nation. His
capacity for civil station is as great, too, as was his ability as a soldier.
Three years ago, after the close of the war, the Republicans, knowing his worth,
elected him to the important office of Auditor General, and the numerous duties of
that office have been discharged by him in such a satisfactory manner that his po
litical opponents have not even dared to charge him with partiality or incompetency.
The interests Of the State have been judiciously guarded, and notwithstanding the
extraordinary expences incurred by the war, the State debt has been reduced more
than FIVE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS during the administration of General Hartranft.
It is universally conceded that a clearer-headed lawyer, a closer business man, and
a more conscientious gentleman in all his actions, or fairer or safer official, could not
be selected to guard the interests of the people in the Auditor General's office of Penn
sylvania, than John F. Hartranft, and we feel satisfied that the people of this State
will re-electliim to his present position by a largely increased majority.
I wuz about gittiu fairly launched into
my perorashen, when Elder I'ennibacker
arose. He remarkt he hed a word with
he must say. " Certinly, Elder," said I,
" say your say. We want all the faithful
to speak. Free yoor •mind. Gush onto
us."
" I shel," sed the Elder, " trust me for
that. To begin with I pronounce this
entire biznis a most onmitigatad swindle.
I may possibly vote the Seymour ticket,
but I don't like it. A man who et a crow
wunst remarkt that while he cood eat
crow, he coodent conshienshusly say that
he hankered arter it. Even so with the
nominashun. I wuz and am a Pendleto
nian ; I am a beleever in the doctrin uv
greenback payments uv the bonds. I
haint no bonds myself, but I hate the
bloated bond holders. Ez I don't pay no
taxes myself, I, in common with the heft
uv the Dimocracy, hate and loath the
party with is grindin us into dust with
taxashen for the payment uv the uncon
stitooshnel debt. I wuz a Pendleto
tonian, for it wuz the fist step toward
repoodiashen, and repoodiashen is a balm
for all Dimocratic wounds. " Now wat
did the delegates which assembled at
Noo York mean when they put sick a
man ez Seymour on the track? Wat
did they mean when they throwd over
board the Young Eagle uv the West and
put in charge uv our banner the hooked
beaked vulcher, Seymour, to prey onto
our vitals? I don't fancy the style uv
Dimocracy we are having now-a-days.
During the war I opposed war vishously.
I wuz format bean dragged into the ser
vis uv a Government which I detested,
and to fitin for a coz which I hated. I
hed my rifle put in order, and I shot Fed
ril pickets at nite regulerly for months,
and jined John Morgan's excursion into
Ohio. Our convenshun at Shecago de
clared the war a failyoor and the Dimoc
racy opposed to it, but what follered?
Why they nominated to wunst a Bolger
whose sword was a drippin in gore, and
who wuz ez fierce for continyooin the
war on ez the old gorriller Linkin hisself.
Is this Dimocricy? I askt myself. Ef
so count me out.
" Wat different is the sitooashen now?
We declared agin the non-payment uv
the bonds in anything but greenbax, wich
is equivalent to not paying uv 'em at all,
and forthwith went to Noo York, where
I, yoor speeker, was enticed by a strange
woman, and lost m3r watch and black satin
vest, my boots and eight dollars avd six
teen cents, all the money I hed, which it
would hey bin the same had it bin more
similarly, and put into nominashen a man
wich sleeps onto bonds and spends the
heft of his time in cuttin off coopons I
Brethren, if I hey to pay the debt, wat
difference does it make who levies the
tax? I kin stand it as long under Grant
ez I kin under Seymour. It ain't the
person wich levies the tax wich I objeck
to, so much ez it is in the levvying uv the
ti&, If I hey to pay gold why not ez
well under Grant ez Seymore ?
" Likewise is my sole vexed at another
thing, which I can't nor won't git over.
On my way to Noo. York, where I was so
vilely yoosed, I was compelled for twenty
miles either to stand up or set down in
the same seat with a dirty nigger, Joe.
Williams, a delegate to the Convenshun,
whose mother I wunst owned. That he
is a mulatto don't help the matter. That
delegate on the train fancied they saw on
his face my feathers reflected, don't
make it any better. He is a nigger, and
my politikle faith is based upon the en
doorin rock that a nigger aint as good ez
a white man. This is Dimocratic doc
trine. I took it in with my mother's
milk and I can't get rid of it. And yit I
was compelled to associate with this nig
ger on terms uv ekality all the way down
to Noo York, where I lost my vest, et
settry, and his seat in the Convenshun
wuz next to mine. I stood this, but at
our boardin house, only two squares from
where I lost my boots, &c., with the
American flag floatin over our heads I
wuz compelled, in consekence uv the
house born crowded, to sleep with him !
Then the iron entered my soul. Then I
felt that the Dimocrisy wuz truly a suck
led egg —a shell without any meat in it.
"When I saw that nigger in that con
yenshun, I felt that the pillers uv the
Republic wuz a totterin, that the choas
was come agin. I felt that Amerikybein
no longer for white men wuz no place
for me. I felt that Republikin institoo
shuns wuz forever destroyed and that
henceforth and forever there wuz no
place for me in my native land."
And the teem rolled down the Elder's
nose, the pearly white thereof formin
pendents which glittered like diamonds
in contrast with the red nose at the end
of with they hung.
" Now wat is to be done ? Am I to
accept niggers ez my ekals ? Am I to
vote beside uv the Joe Williames uv
Kentucky? Am I to ride with em, and
eat with em, and sleep with em, and all
this at the biddin of Dimocrisy? Why
this very thing is wat Dimocrisy hez al
luz opposed. Opposishen to this is the
corner stun uv the party. Take out
nigger-hatin and repoodiashen, and what
is ther left to die for? With Seymour
payin gold, and Joe Williams sleepin
with me, wat compensashen hey I for
the loss uv my vest my boots, my eight
dollars and my watch. Wat better are
we than Ablishinists ? The hey gained
ther pint, for this is wat they went into
the bizness fur. When I git ready to do
ity jine em. I hey done !"
The Deekin, McPelter and Issaker
Gavitt wuz bilin over in a minute. They
denounced the poor old man as a disor
ganizer and a bolter, and ez one who
hedn't that faith which shood animate all
troo Democrats. Wat of we coodent un
derstand it, wat then ? sed the Deekin.
Kin you understand the mysteries of na
cher 1 Kin you understand why one
tree bears sour apples and 'one sweet ?
But you eat the apples, askin no ques-'
lions, for conscience sake. Even so.
W;dcver the Convenshun sez in Demtic
racv—take it and thank the. Lord. Bas
com stnod hatkin on serenely. lle knows
perfecklv well thitt watever any uv us
reeeeve front the Cover:intent will even
chooally fiml its way into his till. You
can't enthoozo a man 11111) 11:111 wood
on a good thing, no matter how the cat
jumps.
I riz and remarkt that I shood not set
the Corners onto the Elder, out uv res
peek for his gray hares, tho his infidelity
and contumacy richly deserved it. Ile
mistakes the nacher of Dimicrisy. Its a
accommodatin politic. Like a wire
bridge, it swims to and fro with every
wind, but the two ends are sekoorly an
kered. One abutment is votes, and leadin
from that to the other is Post Of To
make these pints, what difference is it
how the bridge bends and sways? Just
now it sweeps down the stream to nigger
ekality, and twists so ez to inclood Sey
mour and his gold, but halleloogy, at the
other end uv the devious path is Post
" To continue the in this orfis,"
sed I , " aint yu willin to sleep with Joe
Williams or any other nigger? Wood
you hey Deekin Pogram's m paper distribu
ted by an Ablishst? Wood yoo hey
anigger-lover in this place ez a nucleus
for a settlement of nigger -lovers ? Wood
yoo"
Joe Bigler rose and remarkt that sich
a consummation wuz most devoutly not
to be wished. He hatid the Northern
character, and wanted no more uv it here.
Ef the niggeas must be mixed with the
white race he wanted em mixed only
with the proud shrivelry uv the South,
ez it alluz hed been done. He—"
" Josef !" sed I in agony, " please dont
interrupt this discussion."
" I wont," sed he, "I'm only takin
part in it. I want, ef the nigger must
fade out under missegenasheii, that the
white blood that is in em shall be as it
alluz has bin. Southern white blood.
Lovin Deekin Pogram, reverencin the
memory of Squire Gavitt, and respectin
Kernel McPelter, dont I rejoice to see
about me on every side their faces re
peated over and over again ? It dont
matter to me that they'r shaded. The
sons uv Pogram, Gavitt and McPelter
will take their places and carry forrard
the good work. They wuz a puttin down
nigger ekality by bleachin out the nigger,
and ef this community kin be kept free
from northern men who hey a projoodis
agin the nigger in any shape, in four
generashuns ther won't be a show uv
black blood here to vex us. Ez to bonds
and greenbax I quite agree with the El
der. Never hevin paid a cent uv taxes
in my life, wich results from my never
havin any property to tax, I feel that I
am bein pounded into dust by the bloated
hondholder. To maintain these leeches
in luxury, Bascom hez to charge ten
lasted uv five cents for drinks, wick hez
doubled the mortgages on Elder Penni
backer's farm within two years. This is
what the Elder objecks to ; at this rate
his farm will fail him in his old age, and
then wat is he to do ? No niggers to
work it, constooshnelly opposed to work
in hisseif, and no likker cept for money
wich he hezu't and can't git. Wat a
dreery prospeck I weep, and that we
may hey more time to weep, I adjourned
this meetin. We'll organize this club at
some fucher period, ez I'm too much af
fected to go on with bizness now."
And we wuz compelled to adjourn. I
will organize yit.
PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M,
(Which is Postmaster.)
@ur Ixtic ohm
—" Genius will work its way through z "
as the poet said, when he saw a hole in
the elbow of his coat.
Time works wonders," as the lady
said when she married after a thirteen
year's courtship.
—Pat thinks it very good for a man to
sometimes be alone, especially if he has
his sweetheart along with him.
—ln one of Josh Billings' late papers he
says : " The sun WAS a-goin tew bed ! and
the hevirks fur and near was a blushin at
the performance."
—" Well Alick, how's • your brother
Ike getting along I"' "Oh, first rate--
got a good start in the world: married a
widow who has got nine children."
—A western editor cautious his readers
against kissing short girls, because this
habit has made him round shouldered.
Send all such girls to us—we'll risk our
back and shoulders.
—Who ever heard of a woman with
pretty ankles and whole stockings, com
plain of wet sidewalks, or muddy cross
ings ?
—One of Josh Billings' maxims : "Rise
early work hard an' late, live on what
you ican't sell; give nothing away; and
if you don't die rich, and go to the devil
you may sue me for damages."
—" Are you near-sighted, miss ?" said
an impudent fellow to a young lady who
did not at once choose to notice him.
"Yes • at this distance I can hardly tell
whether you are a pig or a puppy."
—Matrimony is hot buckwheat cakes,
warm beds, comfortable slippers, smok
iag coffee, round arms,
red lips, kind
words, shirts exulting in buttons, redeem
ed stockings, boot-jacks, happiness, etc.
Hurrah 1
—lt is a singular fact that ladies who
know how to preserve everything else,
can't preserve their tempers. Yet it
may easily be done on the self4ealing
principle. It is only to keep the mouth
of the vessel tightly closed.
—" Humble as I ani," said a bullying
spouter to a meeting of the unterrified
Copperheads, " I still remember that I
am a fraction of this magnificent repub
lic." " You are, indeed," said a bystand
er ; "and a vulgar one at that."