[Copyright applied for.] tnnsplbanistb pritscb. Brief Fun Der Berry. SCHLIFFLETOWN, Ougslit der Brit, 1868 211f3DER ABRAHAM BRINTERS : Now awer duhnet er widder amohl so an briefly in eier zeitung nei drucka ,for mich. Ich wehs woll das der Pit eich notice gevva hut doh de woch for der letsht das er eich der Shreef shicka will wann der noch amohl an brief publishd for mich, un awer 'MUM ich net mistaken bin is des an freies loud, un wann du an freier monn bisht, Misder FODDER ABRA HAM, donn lusht dish net seller weg obshrecka. Anyhow yetz shreib ich amohl, un sag ach, yusht nei mit, for wanns amohl ons shreefa geht hab ich ach ebbas dertsu zu sauga. De fact is der Pit, sidder das er so fiel unnich den na demokrata rumm loaf'd dort ons Kitz elderfers, is bol gor nix meh nutz. Shal dut er de halb tseit net, un awer yusht doh im shteddle rum hucka un brawla we das er als so gooty demokratishe briefa in der FODDER ABRAHAM nei dut, un donn duhna se ale dreeta un kawrta shpiela un drom saufa un bensa pitcha un flucha so des es an realy Aloud is. Now der Pit war als so an decenter monn das ehn zu finna war doh in Schiff fletown, un awer de hochmeediche, long behniche un halb ferhungerty demokrat ishe leaders wu ale doh rouse kumma fun der shtadt wann se ale for de emtlin run na, de macho, elm ale weis das er der slunartsht monn im county is, un uf sel ler weg lust er sich rum foola un dut ehra, meeny terwat shaffa un sei geld shpenda yusht for de meensht party uf zu halta das yea im lond war. Ich kennt der ordlich fiel sauga fun derma ferlumpty, ferloageny un fersuffeny demokrata doh in Schliffietown, un awer ich hab net de geduld es zu du. 'Armin yusht mein Pit amohl de ding ei-seh kennt das se so an norr ous ehm macha un das wanner noch long so fort macht das er ivver a weil an realer fer lumpter suffer is, donn bin ich sure das er mei roat nemma deht un sich uf de re publican ehra seit shaffa, un donn wt2r er boll widder an decenter monn. Weil ich yets om shreiva bin will ich der amohl an specimen fun demokratishe dummheit gevva. Doh is ehner Bill Dopfoos im shteddle, seller wu als rum geht on de fairs un baddolyas mit de flying concha, deer is doh der onuer dog amohl on unser house kumma grawd noch am middog essa, yusht we ich noch om g'shtnrr wesha war, un huckt sick onna uf der gross shackle shtool un fongt grawd aw politics shwetza mit 'em Pit, un now will ich kordullish wierra wann er net de dumshty sacha gebobbled hut das ich in all meim leawa nock g'hart hab. Er hut behawpt das der Grant an schwartzer neayer is un das de 'publi cans an law macha wella so das an yea der neayer ufs wennigsht fiat weise wei ver helm soil un das wann ennich ehny net willens is an neayer zu heira wann er se hawa will, dos se ferkawt wterra soil for noch Mexico. Er hut ach be hawpt das tier General Jackson het de Beevel gemacht, un das der General Washington weer der gross-dawdy gwest fum mono wu der Readinger Adler rouse gebt. Ich hab dem ding mit gooter gedult zu g'horricht bis das er widder awg'fouga hut fun de neayer un donn hut er so a wennich on mich gewunka un sagt, secht er, " now suppose so duhna glen neayer Grant nei vota un macha so an law, we se im sin hen, so das se unser ehns doat macha an donn mista unser weiver ach noch schwartzy neayer helm, un sell, Becht er, bin ich sure deht der Bevvy doh gor not awshtay." Ich Nabs awer uiramy shtanda kenua, un donn hab ich ehm amohl mei meh nung g'sawt uf plain deitsch. Sag ich, " now du dummer easle du—denksht now es is noch eh utensil in der Bons welt deer halb so dumm is we du ? Wanns amohl ons heira geh deht wet ich noch feel leever an schwartzer neayer heira das so an mitleidiches bite kalb we du, for' wann ders net noddeerlich kumma deht zu shriaufa donn wtersht in drei minnutta so doht das an dohter mack erel, un wann ich dich vier donn deht THE " GREAT COMMONER " IGNORANCE AND SLIVERY-THE TERROR OF TRAITORS AND COPPERHEADS. id' mich graved prowiera obshwappa for an bull-hund, odder and peas-buck, odder an long-ohricher easle odder ennieh ep pas sunsht weer an improofment of so an ungeweshener tun ung,ekeniter kupper keripieher Mipfoos we du." Rh inns aver dock sauga das er genunk fershtond hut What for sich ous em shtaab macha, for ich kann der sauga ich hob yusht about so halwer hitinunor f.efeelt for chin noch a paar gooty ohrfeiya zu gevva in der burry a, for sell is about der elnitsich weg das mer so kmrls ideas g,ebt we's in der welt her geht. Mein Pit var ewer shtill—kenn wort hut er zu situp, g'hat, for er hut good genunk gewist we ex ous macha deht warm ich amohl awgebrenut bin. Er hut ach kenn wart zu sauga What fun weaya shreefa wann ich widder au brief in der FODDER ADRAIIA3I nei du, un fun sellam suff in der shtadt we sell Rinderpesht dort war de woch fore der letsht weer ius lock-up gedoo is warra hut er ach nix zu sauga g'hat. De fact is der Pit mus mer noch an decenter mono gevva we er als war, un awer for sell zu du mus er sell demokratish lumperei en tirely ufgevva. Ich geb net uf, un doh wags now geh we's will. Grant un Col fax is my dicket, un ich sag, geh nei Fodder, shtick dertzu, un luss yushtmich zum Pit Schweffletrenner tenda. Ich will ehm shun der kup tsurecht setza. BEVVY SCIIIVEFFLEDRENNER, Wife of Pit Schwefflebrenner. tlettb. General Grant. At a soldier's reunion at Blanchester, Ohio, Judge Sloan said: Nor since the war has he become a dabbler iu politics. Possessing a high command iu the army, and liable at any time to be called upon, in his military capacity, to enforce the laws of Congress, he has perceived how grossly improper it would be for him to announce to the country his opinions as to the policy or constitutionality of the laws either passed or proposed. He has preserved a dis creet silence. Judge Sloan maintained : First—That while Grant was not the most learned man in the country, he was, by far, the most suitable man for President in the present condition of the country, and in view of the troubles threatened in the future, because he is a man in whom all parties have the most unbounded confidence. Second—He is not a genius, but pos sesses a great amount of practical,useful, trustworthy common sense. Third—He is not au orator, has never made any great speeches, but has clone great deeds. We don't need au orator for President ; indeed, it is better to have one who does not speak than a word monger or slang-whanger. Fourth—He is not a politician. Fifth—Ho is prominently a prudent man, as illustrated in his keeping out of politics, both during and since the war. Sixth—He is a shrewed observer ; a 1 1 man of great quickness of perception and prompt action. Seventh—He is a man of sound judg ment and great pertinacity of purpose. Eight—He is a man of great energy and activity. Ninth—He is an honest man. Tenth—He is a man of liberal educa tion. A_BRA_H_AAT. HON. THADDEUS STEVENS, —THE F EN D or EDUCATION AND LIBERTY—TI I E DETERMINED FOE OF Eleventh—He is an honest man. Twelfth—He is a man of good stock. He concluded his analysis of Grant's character as follows : Such, gentlemen, as I have described him, is Ulysses S. Grant, a man of good, solid sense, and useful and thorough ac quirements—a man of plain and direct, but shrewd and far seeing mind--a quiet and taciturn man, but one who speaks, when called upon to speak, directly to the point, in clear, forcible, and fitting language—a modest and retiring man, who never thrusts himself upon the pub lic attention, but one who, being called upon to act, acts with promptitude and vigor, "asking no favors, and shrinking from no responsibilities ;" a man of activity and energy, without bluster or parade ; of firmness, without obstinacy ; of self-reliance, without vanity or pre sumptuousness ; a man of quick percep tions, rapid reasoning powers, sound judgment, and prompt decision—a man who owes nothing to favoritism, but who, "by dint of merit," has "achieved great ness," and who, notwithstanding the eminence to which he has risen, has not become dizzy-brained, but is the same simple mannered, "level-headed" man he was before, and who walks the top pling mountain heights of fame with the same firm step, undazzled eye, calm, clear, steady mind, and modest bearing, for which he was noted in the humble and obscure lowlands of life. Josh Billings thus discourseth about hogs: llov are generally quadruped. The extreme length of their antiquity has never been fully discovered ; they ex isted a long time before the flood, and hey existed some time since. There is a great deal of internal rev enue in a hog ; there ain't much more waste in them than an oyster. Even their tales can be worked intew whissels. Hogs are good, quiet borders ; they alwuz oat what is set before 'em and don't ask any foolish questions. They never hev any diseaze but the measels, and they never hey it but once ; once seems to satify 'em. There is a great menny breeds amongst them. Some are a close corporation breed, and agin some are built more apart, like a hemlock slab. • They used to hey a breed in New Eng land a few years ago, which they called the striped hog breed; this breed, was in high 'repute with the landlords ; almost every tavern keeper had one which he used to show to travelers, and brag on him. Some are full in the face like a town clock, and some are as long and lean as a cow-catcher, with a steel-pointed nose on them. They ltan all rute well; a hog which kan't rute well hez been made in vain. The hog can be learnt a great menny cunning things, such as hoisting the front gate off from its hinges, tipping over the swill barrel, and finding a hole in the fence tew git into a corn -geld ; but thar aint enny length to their memory ; it is awful hard work for them to find the same hole tew git out, especially if you are euny ways,anxious they should. Hogs are very contrary, and seldom drive well the way you are going ; they drive mostly the contrary way. This has never been fully explained, but speaks volumes for the hog. —An editor out West, who had served four days as a juryman, says: "I am so full of law, thait Is with great.difilculty I refrain from cheating somebody." Chapter on Hog& A Sermon Worth Remembering. o , wo, tu the man that kisseth his nabur's wife. 1;• • Sich. freus and brethrin' is the words uv our text. and vu will find 'em writin' on tu the heart uv enny man that luvs his wife—and sum that don't. In the words nv our text : Wo, wo, to the man that kisseth his nabur's wife, be she white or black, publikin or christin, fur he shel he tried, and Satan shel be his trier, and he shel tri hard. Frens and brethrin', this is rc.ng ; yu may relish the smack xceedingly, but it is this same smack that will reek yu and yure hopes of Kevin forever. Sich conduct'll often bring its owu punishment. Once I knu a man that wuz in the habit of kissin' his nabur's wife, and one nite, jist at dusk, he observed a female form standin in the hall; he rushed tu the spot and clasped it tu hiz bnzzum, and imprinted an un holy kis. Lo, and behold the head uv the family was sittin in the next room, and upon hearin the busin, opened the door and diskivered a man huggin and kisin his—wel, he diskivered a feller a huggili a deloshnn, and a black wun at that—he was bestoin his careses on the culerd watur gurl. Stolin pleshurs ma be sweet, but that feller wuz never dis kivered kisin anebudy elces female agin. 'Tis strange that men'll du so, in fact 'tis a pussul, and when the wife kises back 'tis a re-Lice —Tis a bus that'll take you where there's walin and nashin uv teeth. There 4 brethrin be careful where yu puts yure lips, fur there's a da cumin when yu'll be called tu anser fur these short minim, and yu will have no xeuse—sich xcuses as kisin her fur her mother, won't go down about them daz. In conclushun I would sa tu yu awl, get yure• kisin like yu du yure meals, at hUm, for if yu don't, as sure as my name is Elder Plug, you'll go where it ain't tu be got. The good book sez there ain't enny water there, and there 4 I'll bet there ain't enny water falls. That's awl! Amen I Hints to• Political Meetings. As the season for political meetings ap proaches, it may be well to reproduce the following excellent advise given by Horace Greely some years ago, which Republicans might do well to heed : 1. Do not fix the day of your meeting and then look up your speakers—they will already, perhaps, have been en gaged elsewhere for that very day—but secure your speakers. Let them fix •the day. 2. Two prominent speakers, with the aid at your command, are amply sufficient for any one mass-meeting. Let the peo ple understand these can be relied on, and do not load your bill with an array of great names only to disappoint your audience. Have your meetings, if possible, in doors. One indoor meeting, even if packed, is worth half a dozen outdoor gatherings. The former is comparatively easy, and the the latter difficult for a speaker to control. 4. If you must have outdoor gatherings, then seek the grove or woods, and fail not to erect a stand for your speakers, and cover it with boards, and nothing else. Canvas absorbs and deadens the voice, while with nothing above the speaker's head, the voice will waste in the air above, and in five cases out of six he will break down. 5. Always put down upon your plat form, whether in or out of doors, a piece of coarse carpet to stand upon. Never cover with oil cloth, unless you expect your speaker to be lifeless and dull. G. Consume as little time as possible in preliminaries, in marching and coun ter-marching. Get your procession upon the ground with dispatch and proceed at once to the business of the meeting. 7. Remember your speakers, especially the more prominent ones, have families to support. Their time is valuable, and it costs them money to travel on rail roads and stop at hotels. "Thou shalt not muzzle the • mouth of the ox that treadeth out the corn." or ittle BETWEEN' . MISS SEYMOUR AND TILE DEM- Blushing, twiddling, head averted, Coy, coquettish, Seymour stood, Vowing be should kiss her never, While she really hoped he would Kiss the other pretty maiden, Said the modest Marcy belle, While she whispered o'er her shoulder, Kiss me-1 will never tell l" " Do not kiss me," cried Miss Seymour To her democratic swain, Down whose red and flustered visage Sweat-drops poured like Summer rain "Do not kiss me"—round his waistband Slipped Miss Seymour's pretty aim, While she softly, sweetly murmured, " Kiss me, if it costs a farm.' —The hog may not be thoroughly posted in arithmetic, but when you come to square root he is there—the hog is. —The song of the repentant husband, after knocking his wife down—" Come rest on this bosom, my own stricken dear." —A wealthy widow, advertising for an agent, was overwhelmed with applica tions. The printer made it "a gent." —A juryman was asked whether he had been charged by the presiding Judge. " Well, Squire," said he, " the little fellow that sits up in the pulpit, and kinder bosses it over the crowd, gin us a talk, but I don't know whether he charged anything or not." —Philosophy says that shutting the eyes makes the sense of hearing more acute. A wag suggests that this accounts 'for the many closed eyes which are seen in orkr churches every Sabbath. —There is a story of a celebrated French preacher, who, on delivering a sermon on the duty of wives, said: "I see opposite me in this congregation, a woman who has been guilty of the sin of disobedience to her husband; and in order to point her out to universal con demnation, I will fling my breviary at her head." He lifted his book, and every female head was instantly ducked. —lsn't a woman wet enough with a cataract in her eye, a waterfall on her head, a creak in her back, forty springs in her skirt, high tied shoes, and a nation in her head ? —A little Birkshire five-year old, who was hungry one night recently, just at bed-time, but didn't wish to ask directly for something to eat, put it in this way : " Mother, are little children who starve to death happy after they die ?" A good big slice of bread and butter was the an swer. " Nancy," said a girl to her compan ion, " which railroad do you like the best P" " That one," replied Nancy, " which furnishes a spark catcher." —An Irish glazier was putting in a pane of glass , when a groom standing by beganjoking him, telling him to put in plenty of putty. The Irishman bore the banner for some time,but at last'silenced his tormentor by, " Arrah, now, be off wid ye, or else .1. 1 11 put a pain in yer head without any putty.," —An Irishman, a short time in this country, was eating boiled green corn. After eating off all the corn, he passed the cob back to 'the• lady, who sat at the head of the table, saying: "Would you plase be so kind as to put some more banes on the stick ?" —A white poodle'is now essential' in a fashionable family. [By our Bpecial Artist.] DEMOCRACY. Got the BLA.RES. A Courting Scene OCRATIC SWAIN
Significant historical Pennsylvania newspapers