Newspaper Page Text
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Brief Fuis Schlijiletown.
Sc MA ETOW y, July 28, 1888
MISDER FODDER ABRAILOI DnucKER
—Deer Sur : Wain ich net fersprocha
het eich zu shreiva we es um Reddinger
Singerpesht gonga is de letsht Avoch,
done debt kb es glawb ich unnerwegs
lussa, for es is rater ebbas glappened das
net orrig aw!) - enehm war, un ich gab guns
weanich ous gilumot derfoo. Awer weil
kb es fersprocha bab,shreil) icll ach yetz
alles was ich derfoo wells. De lievvy
but obsolut hawa welly das ich derheam
I)leiva set, for se hot behawpt das waun
ich unnich de dentokrata, kunun dort in
der stadt, dour gebts widder amohl so an
whisky un lager beer stiff. Awer ich
kunsider mich an freier annul, un du
yusbt exactly we ich will. Rh gab ehra,
awer fershprocha das ich nix shtorkes
nemma will except wann fell in kumpanv
kumm oder by liter selver bin, on sell
hut se danu so halwer gisatislied.
Well, des ding war goat ; am Mush
dog morga bin it'll free abg'slitart on zu
fops an der Railroad Melia geloillt, on
0111 hall) elf fariniddags bin ich in der
stadt awkumma. Dart war :iwer amohl
an crowd ! Ich wchs net WV mid, on
awer ich set denka es wahra anyhow
about flirt' on neintsich dausand fun (lenna
Singerpeslif cc un about fiertsich dausand
ointery. so We iclt MI do kWI'IS fun Klapp
bOanilt MidlC, Seiko') Vallee. ;iichnitz
breeville. Ibilloabarrick, AlThiskyport un
Shofebocktawn. We kit amohl de slarase
nut' bin dort net welt lam Depo. wu nice
rims eck rum dreht, dart bin ich Jinx HEM-
ner un am morrickt lions forbid, on
111N - Vt'r fun sella sheana paslita un greeny
:linger d i nt' wit flags on so such wit se of
g'fixed hen far de Singerpesliter, dart
bin lib untold on a dish of g'slitept, on
desk ich, doll is es now net der wart das
mer mean acta (hit, for ich bin ]summa
for mich zu enjoya, un &lin hub hill
amohl linf cent wiert grundniss gokauft,
donn nei in a saloon un amohl a wea
nich in lager beer utl Limborricker kale
invest. Sell lager, lien se g'sawt, debt
fun Len)reshter kunona, utt veil es yusht
about gout war, hub ich noch ti glaws full
genwnma, till donn hub ich 111110111 mei
grundniss gessa, un biu noun in der
crowd. Awer es wedder war so orrig
wahram das ichs net hab shtanda kenna,
un dorm bin ich in an onnerer beer sa
loon nei. Sell war aver an ivver outs
sheaner platz, un picters hen se of henka
kat fum General Macklallin, dee Buck
=tin, der Brackanritch under Mister
Glimer. Ich Lab of course graved g'seh
das sell an soundes deiuokratishes house
is, tin das es itch gepatronized wterra
mus. Un jell hab itch als shun oft ge
leasa das diner so hock das sechtsich
'laws lager drinka kann un das es ehm
nix dtft, un doim hab ich gedenkt, doh
is now amohl an first raty chance nei zu
geh for sich sot drinka. Sivva glesser—
elms nosh am onner hab ich amohl der
hals nunner geh lussa, un awer, some
how, des ding hut doch awfonga, a wen
nich zu shaffit in MCI% Ich hab awer net
ufgevva, un eh glaivs twat cut onner lab
ich fersliteckelt. Zuletsht is niers doch
ivvel warra, un donn bin kb amohl nous 1
in de luft, un hab midi dort onna g'huckt
uf an keller deer. De auga sin mer shwear
warra, un ferbettled will ich sei warm ich
net eig'slidola bin. Dann hab ich awfong,a
amohl zu drawma, un hab gedrawmt ich
wr uf *ern weg ivver de Rocky Moun
tains for ins Mormon lond, un awer de
cars sin so immer un cawich hulperrich
geruunt das ich wacker bin warra, un wu
denksht das ich war i Du magsht es now
glawa oder net, un awer so gewiss das
my nawma Pit Schwetilebrenner is, war
ich ivver-tswarrich uf ma chub-konich un
tsweh kterls mit so bloke uniforms aw
hen midi abgelawda dort on. am cck
house, dort, was se der lock-up heasa,
du weasht. Des ding hut mer gor net
g'falla, un warms uf mich awkumma naer,
donn watr ich feel leever uf seller keller
deer lieya geblivva. Awer, was will nior
evva macha, wane mer in so 'a condition
is, un in de kluppa fun so krerls kummt,
abbordich soddiche we seller wu
"Dick" g'heasa hen, for er weegt ufs
weanigsht tsweh hunnert un fuftsich
pima ! Donn hen se midi in so an dun
k-che slitooli net gedoo tut de deer isu
un \veil ich net yuslit itt er
condition war for nb singerpeslit _eh.
!tab iclt mich uf a honk ,cleat, un bin
hali sound 'T'sliloftt Lis der
wer \vie MI wacker bin warra, bah
iclt mich amohl in ()MIMI harter ktanpany
'Titania, for besides mich want drei
Eirishe un IMF Sengerpeshter dort rum
'Telen'Tit ! Tsweli fun elma hen blithe
auga tin elms fun de Sengerpesh
ter hut sei hoot ferlora un an qpnerer hut
an grosser shlitz fm buckle full seim ruck .
gerissa kat, de gong leitg film colter aw
bis ous unnersht end. Ich lab aver ous
gefunna das se all sooty demokrata sin
We ich ach, un sell war anyhow eh con
solation. Ivver a while hen se amohl de
deer uf g'shlussa,un ehns noch cm onner
in an onuery shtub genumma fore so an
grosser ding was se der Mare lieasa, dort
wu hinnich tun desk g'huckt hut, nit so
bahnishder fensly drum rum. Seller dick,
wu mich runner gebrocht hut uf em slmb
korrich, seller hut donn alles g'sawt fun
weaya we ich dort uf der keller deer
g'shloftt ]tub, under Mare but decide das
ich drei duller un a ftertle line betzahla
mus, un weil ich keh geld meh lab kat
except a paar tsehn cent stamps, hen se
mich widder dort in selly ski) nei
g'shpairt bis der negsht morya ! IVie mci
tseit uf war, huts evva g'heasa das des
Sengerpesht about ous g'shpielt war, nn
ich wtir so disgust mit, das ich zu foos ab
g'shtart bin under eons dog gelutlit
his noel' Schliffletown.
We ich derheam awkumma bin, dorm
war aver widder amobl der deihenker
lobs ! So we de Bevvy mer regular fits
gevva hut fergess ieh net so long ich
lea]), un se but deelared das se deht der
amohl au breef slm•eiva de negslit woch
for hi der FODDER Aur,AlL
Ich debt net so fief drum gevva wane
se yusht net so hurt w:er of de demo
kratish party, for ally 1110111 (las es ebbas
ebt so das mer a weanich zu liel drinkt,
(hm dot seals de party biennia der
derweaya. 101 wells boll net was zu du
for de Bevvy widder zurrick of de !;out
all demaratish seit eoaxa, for ehra
influence henna mer nothwendich braucha
des shpoat yohr.
Pr T SCIIIVEFF ENNER.
.':q , rterteb.
ADJOURNMENT OP TIER CONVENTION-HMV THE
NIININATIoNS WERE RECEIVE!) Aq."IIIE CORNERS.
POST 0 PEIS. CON PEI MIT X ROADS
(Mel' is in the State uv Kentueky,)
July 13, 1868.
I didn't stay in Noo York till the Conven
shen adjourned, for a most 'excellent reason,
to wit, viz: my money run out. The Mile-
Sian female with whom I wuz forst to board,
required payment in advance, and uv coorse
under rich an arrangement there wuz noth
ing left for me but to succum. The leuth uv
my stay redoost itself to a mere matter uv
money. I tried the borrowin dodge, and the
cheekin dodge, but good Lord! wat coed I
do with an entire Convenshen, all Ur 'em
more or less tryin to live in the same way?
I left and come home while I cood, and before
it was everlastingly tool late. When I left I
I spozed titer wuz no doubt uv the nominashen
! uv Pendleton. The "young eagle uv the
West" bed received 155 votes, and wuz again
! in and Seymour bed declined so often and so
' persistently that goin back on my yoosuel
disbeleef in these fellers, Kevin declined a
great many offices myself that I wanted, I
reely beleeved the cuss wuz in 'earnist, and
saw nothin that cood stand between Pendle
ton and success. Ez I left the Ohio river, I
got out of the reech uv railroads and telegraphs,
and I told the people all along that, Pendleton
bed bin nominated on the 16th ballot, and
that the country wuz ablaze with enthosiasm
for him and greenbax, so certain wuz I uv
On arrivin at the Corners I tbund that in
tense anxiety wuz manifested by the citizens
thereof. They were all gathered at Bascom's
discussin the matter when I hove in site on
a mule wick I bed borrored at Secessionville
to ride over onto.
" Who is it ?" asks Dekin Pogram, ketchin
the mule by the bridle. " Who is it, and wat
principles hey we got to support this fall?"
"Pendleton and greenbax," shouted I.
"Pendleton the young eagle uv the west,
who is opposed to the bloated aristocratic
bondholders, which wood crush us labrin
men into the dust. Pendleton, who beleeves
that of greenbax is good enutf for us honest
loborin men, they are good enuff for the
aristocrat, who like the King in the -nursery
rhyme, sits 'in his parlor countin his money.
" Enutf!" sed Bascom, "emit!. Save that
speech, Parson, till we hey our ratificashun.
In the meantime, get off and take suthin. So
1 good do I feel over the result, that I am
willin to stand treet for the crowd. Come
one, come all."
hese few remarks of Bascom's wuz hailed
with satisfaction. Ez one man the entire
j crowd moved into his place, and as one man
they all asswaged their thirst. Bascom can
move the Corners quicker than any man in
it. `'Vat a happy posishen is hizzin.
The next it wuz desided to hey a ratifica
shen, that the Corners mite contribbit her
mite towards swellin the enthoosiasm on the
buzzum uv mlch Pendleton wuz to sweep to
glory. We met in the open air, in front of
Bascom's, and the inpashent crowd called
upon me to give an account of my steward
I opened by statin that I went to Noo York
under pekoolyerly embarrasin circumstances.
The whole money power uv the east wuz ar
rayed agin us. The aristocratic Belmont,
which is the agent uv the Rothschilds, the
money-king uv the world, wux determined
to hoist onto the Dimocrisy either Chase the
1-4 1 ATF Z I ; _A_ El A AI.
The Democracy, after forcing their " choice" upon poor Horatio, hang a
mill-stone around his nech•.
accursed Abolitionist, or Seymour the pekool
yer pet uv Wall street, wicli street is, 1 may
sling in here for the benefit iv my hearers,
where the money biziniss is mostly done,
and where they sleep on Government bowls
and spend the heft uv their time a clippie oil
the et nil : ions."
" What is coopons?" asked Dekin Poram.
I explained to the bessid old saint wat er coo
polls wuz, and went on.
-This Wall street inflooence wood, my
brethren, hey corrupted the Dinmerisy.
Wall street came into Tammany Dail and
wanted to control our act:shell. But we.
NVllZelli to be purchist• The more Wall street
offered to enslave the Democrisy, the more
your representatives, gloryin hi their man
hood, spurned their proffered bribes. We
I went their determined to emancipate tile
yeomanry uv the country front the bondige
uv the bloated bondholder—we went Hair
pledged to Pendleton, the young eagle uv the
Wt.tit—pledged to tender the bloated bond
holder, if we pade them anything, greenbacks
for his bloated bonds or nothin. went
titer determined to allllihilate this yet Seemore
and his bloated supporters."
"Bah for Pendleton!" sung out the crowd.
" Thi.ee groans for Seputtur, the bloated
Both cheers and groans were given with a
will, and I proceeded.
"My friends, you nevelt know wat we,
the people's defenders, lied to contend with.
The bloated bondholders lied money—we lied
none. They were determined to fasten the
yoke on yoor necks—we were determined to
hist it off. They Will determined to hey Sey
mour, with all Wall street at his back, fast
ened on to you to grind you into dust, but
feeliu that et' he should be nominated we
cool never support, him, we riz in our mite
and manfully compelled em to withdraw this
man and give us the people's choice, Geo. 11.
Pendleton, the eagle of the—"
At this pint Deckin Pogram's son Gamaliel
wuz seen puttin down the hill ez fast ez his
mule coed git. Joe Bigler midst hint fast
and rusht out uv the crowd to intercept
him. The boy lied a noospaper in his hand
with Josep took from him and rushed to
where I wuz standin on the lied uv a barl.
"Here's the last Louisville paper," sed
Josef), unfolding it. "Steel I reed it ?"
"Reed! reed'!" yelled the crowd'. "Giv
us the uooze nil the downfall uv the boated
" Before I reed," sed Josep, who lied
glanced at the headings ttv the telegraft
un, "give three more cheers for Pendleton
and greenbacks. Hip, flip—"
" Rah !" chbered the crowd.
" Now-three groans, and let them be good
ones, for Seymour and his cussed doctrine
wick will grind us into dust under the heels
of Belmont, and aid the furrin capitalists by
pay in the bonds in gold!"
And they groaned ez heartily ez they
" We, ea Democrats," continued Josep,
"hey sworn by our alters and our fires, never
to support for any °Ms any man who wood
pay a debt inkurred by a unconstitooshnel
government in a unconstitooshnel war in
anything but the debased currency with that
unconstitooshnel government ishood."
" Never ! never we sware !"
" Very good," said Josep, " This paper
wich I hold in my band conveys the afflictin
intelligence that on the twenty-second ballot
Governor lierasho Seymore, ttv New York,
wuz nominated, and that Frank Blair wuz
nominated tbr Vice President by acclamation.
Ez Seymore is opposed bitterly to Pendleton's
greenback policy, I spose, uv coarse, the
Corners will repoodiate the ackshen uv the
And with a laff with wuz devilish in the
extreme Josef left the stand.
The meetin broke up in a row. The Cor
ners felt, that they bed been imposed upon
and hed I not got out uv the way I might
hey been personally injoored.
The Deekin, Bascom, Kernal McPelter,
Issaker Gavitt, and I met in the Postoths
after the excited crowd bed dispersed and
consulted. We was in a railer a tite place.
Ralyin on the strength Iry our candidate, we
bed gone to far in denouncin the others, tho
for that matter wat cood we do? The two
policies is so cussed opposite, that we can't
support the one without denouncin the other.
It wuz desided that we support the ticket.
We felt it wuz sate. Seymore, if he is electid,
can't discriminate between his supporters in
the distribooshen uv the Postoftices, and after
all that is the real question at ishoo. After
givin the subjick a more matoor considerashen,
we come to the conclooshen that the credit
and standin uv the Government demanded
.~,~ ; ~ -a-,.,~.
" Sam me from, my friends!"
the payment ttv the Nashnel indebtedness in
gold, and that anything snort of that wood
I wonder" said " that any hones" man
—any man \ vho heleeves in maintaining un
impaired the credit of the Government,
shood think for a moment uv pityin the debt
in anything but Wet wnz contemplated—
honest, hard gold 1" At a meetin the next
cite to ratify St•yIIIMICS nominashen, I said
this over agin, and asked cm of any Dinmerat
who rennin - 114 Iva the glotious lite Jackson
made (Or hard inowiy, wood consent for a
moment to multiply a irreedeemahle paper
currency? N,i! Let its, ez our glorious
standarl li.ntrer Seymour her so boldly pro
claimed, let IS pay ottr debts in Dentekratie
money—gold—hard, shinm, caller
Three chutes for :Stymottr !"
And thay cheered ez vigrously ez I ever
heered melt cheer. Titer ;tint no trouble hi
managin the Dimocrisy. All they want is to
hey it settled wat. they :tre to hurrah fr, and
then they hurrah for it. Notwithstanding
the fn jut e I nuttle the first trite, - ,‘e shell pull
the yousual vote, fur '...4.yniore, and possibly
more. Yet, the experhnent was a leetle risky.
I will never ratify agin till I know wat I ant
ratifying and for whom.
PETROLEUM V. NASBY, P. M.,
(Wieh is Postmaster.)
The corner grocery not bein very at,
tractiv tother afternoon, on account of a
scarcity ov change among the regular sit
ters, I tho't I would go hum and enjoy
the society ov my wife. When I got
thare, I found the children playin Ingun
Waffler to the life, thru the house. It
wuz evident the femail lied of the family
wus absent, so sez I, sumwhat vext,
" Wares yore muther?" The stern vois
ov thare parent cauzed a 1111 in thare
sport, and lookers up, thay exclaimed in
" She's down in the back yard a play
ing Krow K."
I notist that the round tops ov the bed
posts had been sawed orf, and the han
dles rudely torn from a bushel barsket
that wuz sized to contain dirty kloes.
comprehended the situation ov things in
a moment. Two daze before I had re
foozed to purchase Mrs. K. a Krow K.
outfit, as she stiled it, and now she had
improfised one and wuz making a fule ov
herself in voo of adjacent nabors.
I tho't I wood go down and look on.
Thare she wuz, with four or live ov her
femal cronies, among hoom wuz an old
maid hoom I knu bi the reputashun she
enjoied ov being the cheepest nusepaper
in the country. However, she didn't
kno me. I quietly sot down on conve
nient saw buck, and after watching the
game intently a fu seconds I remarkt :
" Elizy, amt you most to well up in
years to be pirootin around in the grass
like a thing of sixteen ?"
Frivolus woman, she lied on mi old
straw hat tied down clost over her eers,
and her dress wuz so short that when she
stooped one mite have saw her garters
from a five story windo.
The old maia givo me a eontempuous
glans, and arskt in a lo tone, " Mrs.
ICringle, who is that depraved looin man
sittin on the saw buck ?"
" He's mi husband," sed Mrs. K., and
blusht. Blusht to own her lord
" Why, yu don't tell me so," sed this
vurgun, o'er hoom not less than 40 stun
One of the unterrified taking a free ride to Democratic Headquarters.
nuns Ltd part. •• Why I w(mdent hav
taken him to be vure husk-Ind!"
and bow in purty:-:iylish, I sec]:
- No. von never tuk anybody to be yure
lin,loan, did you? .Ind nobody tuk yn
too be biz wife. did he Well, after sertt
tinizin all over, I kant say I blame
she .:1 - piirined under this brillyunt re
partee, and T chuckled and made sit,
a t'im seekonds in nth - an:ov the saw buck,
which caught up to me direckly and sent
me to grass.
don't kno much about the pints oil
Krow K•, hut it is a !raine at tvhiclt many
a foolkh young man haz lorst hiz hart a
watching the ankles ov a hartless cokay.
It is played in the !miss. Which leads
me to think it wus invented bi a grass
Our 2Cittlc 41;oitts.
The _Mosquito Hunt.
Not a sound N% as heard but a terrihle hum,
As around the ehamber we hurried,
ln search of the mosquito whose trumpet and
01lr deleVtable SlMllberS had worried
'We sought it darkly at detul of night,
(tr coverlet carefully turning,
By the struggling moonbeam's misty light,
t.tal the candle dimly lnu•ning.
No useless garments confined our breast,
But in simple night-dress and slippers,
We Wandered about like spirits distressed,
Or the sails of piratical skippers.
tiliort and a few were the words we let fall,
, 1-'Lest the sound should molest the mosquito,
But we steadily gazed on the white-washed
And thought bow we had been bit, Oh !
But hall an hour seemed to elapse
Ere we met with the wretch that had bit us,
And raising our boots, gave some terrible slaps,
Amid made the mosquito quietus. '
Quickly mid gladly we tuniedfro4gs -
And left him allsmablsedeadapfy;
And blew out the wells atilrd.hito *O,
Determined to toll the
—The View to Distance lent
Enchantment, is requested to return it at
once to prevent mistakes.
- - We kno w g
when she has nothing elso,toAle, she sits
and knits her brow.
—.An irritable gardener, seeing a boy
stealing fruit, swore if he caught him there
again, he'd lock him in the ice-house and
Ivarm his jacket.
lady caught her husband breaking
her hoops. Two hours afterwards, the
unfortunate man was secu at a drl.l ,
store purchasing hair restorative.
—A inarriare license issued in 'Wash
ington was retut•ned with the endorse
ment, " She )vouhln't have mu." Poor
—it no moment of difficulty does a
husband, knowing his own utter help
lessness, draw so closely to his wife's
side for comfort and assistance, as when
he wants a button sewed on his shirt col
—The following queer epitaph is to be
seen at Sparta Diggins, Cal.:
In memory - of
Who. met violent Beth near this spot,
18 hundred 40 too.
Ile was shot by his own pistil.
It was not one of the new kind,
but a old fasherned brass bail, of such
is the kingdom of heaven
—The difference between a sexton and
a miller is that one tolls for a living and
the other for a death.
—A bald man made merry at the ex
pense of another man who covered up
his partial baldness with a wig, adding,
as a clincher, " You see how bald I am
and I don't wear a wig." " True," was
the retort, " but an empty barn needs no
certain lady had a custom of say
ing to a favorite puppy, to make him
follow her : " Come along, sir." A would
be wag stepped up to her with : " Is it
me, 3,adam, you called ?" " Oh, no,
sir," said she with great composure, " it
was another puppy I spoke to." •
—A clergyman, who was sadly annoyed
by incessant coughing among his con
gregation, paused in his discourse and re
marked that "if ladies would wear their
bonnets on theirheads, and tie the strings,
coughs would not be so prevalent."
—Little Bobby.—" I say, ma, is it true
that we are made out of oust ?" Ma.—
" Yes, my boy ; so we are told." . Bobby.
—" Well I'll be hanged if I can believe
it; cause if we was, when we sweat
wouldn't It be mud P"
—A girl who had become tired of sin
gle blessedness thus wrote to her intend
ed husband: " Dear Bill: Come right
off, if you're coming at all ; Edward
Kelderman is insistin' that I shall have
him, and he hugs and kisses me so con
tinually that I can't hold out much lon