[Copyright applied for.]
IJtnitstilbititisrb t)titstil.
J •
Brief Fun Schliffietown.
SCHLI P;TOW July 21, 18(18
MISDER FODDER ABRAHAM DRUCKER
—Deer Sir: Now shreib ich amohl an
plainer brief, so this ach ally leit my
inehnung exactly fersthtay kenna.
Im wrslitit platz hiss ich dish WiSSfl das
wane my alty, do Ilevvy, yeamohls wid
der so au brief shreibt das der elm net
in tier zeitung nei drucka duhnet. Dc
weibsleit hen keh bissness zu mixa in
politics oder religion. Ich erlawbs any
how net, un now geb ich eich public
notice, this warm es wilder happened
das an brief in der FODDER ABRAHAM
nei geht flirt rneiner fraw, de Bevvy
Schwettlebrenner, done geh ich graved
zum Shreef un luss eieh reshta of an writ
of exifacias in der law, for de Bevvy is
my fraw, my property, un is uunich inei
ner choorisdickshun.
Ich debt net yusht so liel drum gevva
wann se sick net of de 'publicans ehra
side gedreht het. I✓n according zu was
se sagt, bin jell yob net besser das an
commoner loafer, un sell is ordlich hort
*atm liter sell awnemma anus fun seiner
cagily fraw im FODDER ABRAHAM
Now, de fact is—wann ich es ach sol
ver sauga ums—ieh shtay ordlich Koch iu
der demokratish party, uu for fear das
der Bevvy ehra brief an shlechter im
pression ivver mich gemacht hut, will ich
en amolil answera.
De Bevvy sagt se mus derheam se i un
hart shalfa, uu das ich ally owat unnich
denna demokratishe loafers es geld fer
sauf dort ons Kitzelderfers. Now sell is
net wohr. Un awer suppose es ester so ?
Ich behaupt das sell nemand nix aw geht
except mich. De Bevvy shaft goot, sell
is wohr, un se geht acli als of der mor
rickt un macht geld, un awer all sell is
yusht my cagily bissness, forove g'sawt,
de Bevvy is my fraw, my property, un
unnich meiner choorisdiekshun.
Un de Bevvy sagt so liel das wain se
calculate debt mich noch in de kterricha
nei zu coaxa,uu mich ach
.nivver draya
of de 'publican seit. Not exactly ! Sc
muss net deuka das se mich seller weg
rum foola kanu. Se is an shniarty fraw
warms ons shah geht, sell is wohr, un
somehow, se kann itch als hunter de
beshta prices kriega for ehra sach of em
morrickt, un awer se is net shmart ge
nunk mich fun der demokratish party ab
zu draya, for an demokrat hab ich im shin
zu bleiva so long kb leab, for my dandy
war an demokrat, un my gross-daudy war
an demokrat, wu net is gongs for de Con-
stitution yusht exactly we der General
Jackson se gemacht hut dort iu Nei Or
leans. An turncoat zu sci is anyhow gar
net my shtyle.
Now de letsht mooch war ich amohl on
der gross camp meeting. Int awfong
[By otu. Special Artist.]
Frank Blair's new Rebellion—One of
his Brigadiers from Old Berks.
lusts tiler gout Wfalla dolt un awer we
ich amohl dorshdich bin warm, on my
tlosh ous em sock for ehns nemnta, donn
kummt so an long-belmicher deillenker,
wu so an shwartz ribbon tun der hoot hut,
un a shtarn of der brusht, un a shtock in
der hood, un grabbed mich out auram, un
hut 'lnch mocha der bush ferlussa. Ich
hab nochderhond ous gefunna dos seller
wit midi nous gedu hut, tier Bully Lyon
war, wu doh for a pater yohr selly
Ilei
delberger dallier society fun Barricks
county ufgebrocha hut. Un noch elms,
de porra under Bons crowd uf der camp
meeting sin all mitnonner fun Glenna
'publican party leit. 17f course, ich bah
mich gor net long in Afonheim uf ge
hallo. Awer den owat hab ich im sin
noch Reading zu gill uf sell senger fesht,
for dort sauga se is es inch demokratish,
un titer kann so fiel brondywine un lager
beer dort drinka das tiler will. Want
titer •ix welders happened, dome expect
MI der de negsht woch alles sauga we's
om Readinger senger fesht bier geht.
Awer now mind was ich der g'sawt hab
fun weaga der Bevvy—yusht kens melt
fun ehra breefa in eier zeituug uei e•e
druckt, for, we g'sawt, ich erlawbs net,
for de Bevvy is my fraw, toy property,
un entirely unnich meiner choorisdick
shun.
PIT SCIIWEFFLEDRENNER
Brief burr Allenstowwittleddle.
City or Allenstownsliteddle,
Leelia Goundy, Fpifd Ward
July der Nita, 1868.
MR. FODDER ABRAHAM : We ich un
der Shtiles un de kterls heam kumma sin
fun der Nei Yorricker Convention hen
titer amohl an demokratishe gradification
wetting kalto doh in unserm Court
House, un ich will der ach yetz shreiva
derweaya. Im arshta platz urns ich
psauga das de kterls gor net orrig gepleased
sin mit 'cm dickens. Der nurresh Sei
moyer debt tins goof, genunk suta, uu awer
seller ferhenkert Blair hinna draw, sell
will evva net nemma doh in Lecha
Gounty. De fact is se wella dens Sei
moyer sei shwartz abolition shwentzly
gor net vota—" not muddy" sauga de
Englishe. Awer au dehi sauga wane
mer yusht der schwantz übshueida debt
(101112 weer de sow loot. Sell wterdrunolri
prowiert des shpoat-yohr, un ich glawb
anyhow das der Seimoyer welt ivver der
Blair lawft. Doh is der Nelsy wu amohl
de yohr im llarrisborricker Kungress war,
un der Shdiles wu dort in Washingtown
uf der 'Sennuly g'huckt hut doh de yohr,
de sauga allo bcht das tiler kennt vota
yusht for der Seimoyer uu breicht gar net
for seller shtink-feesich Blair geh, un
weil der Sam nix furl Blair g'sawt hut so
bin ich zu der conclusion kumma das er ach
uf seller mehnung is. Awer der Sam huts
amohl in de kterls gelust. Er hut
g'sawt er deht all de Generawla kenna,
un awer cr hut net explained uf weller
seit.
Now, so ball das mer der Sehnoyer
amohl nei gevote hen donn hen mer im
sine wielder amohl unser baddolyas zu
hawa, de frei shoola abshailit un all de
shtrawcllers karricha zu confiseata. Un
noel► elms, seller Mashy mus ous soil=
posht emtly, un no nore at bressent,
JACOB BR ENE ASLE Jll
*tltctel).
2VASBY.
NASEY 001114 TO NEW YORK-MIS ADVENTURES
WITH A NltiOllll. DELBOATB )PROM TENNESSEE.
Naw Youu. (at a cheap boadin-house,)
July 4, 1868
Ef I hed knowd just 'what I lied to go
through with, I never wood hey figgered
for the posishen I now okkepy. Ned I
' knowd the troubles wich wa.R to beset
me, the corners might hey gone onrepre
sentid, and the Democricy might hey
nominated a candidate without my help.
I am at a cheap boardin-house, wich is
salubrusly sitooated on an alley, the
landlady bein one ov the anshent Kings
of Ireland, wich her name is O'Shaugh
, nessy. I coodent get rooms at the Aster,
nor the St. Nicholas, ez I coodent get a
clerk to lookat me for an hour, and when
I did succeed in rivitin the attenshen uv
one, lie flew into a pashen and ordered
me to move on, with the onfeeling re
mark that he lied no room for rich 1
And that insult mite be added to injoory,
the onieelin woman who presides over
the manshen I inhabit, peremptorily
refoosed to reseeve me ontil I pale in
advance. I tried several places, but ez
I hadn't no baggage, the prevailin opin
yun seemed to be that advance payment
wood be better, and I wuz forst to
return to her.
My advenchers on the route were noo
merous if not pleasant.
At some pint in Ingiany, where we
changed cars, I found the trane we had
to take full uv delegates. In looking
around for a seet, I diskivered but one
that hadn't two in it, and that one lied
m it a disgustin nigger who had the im
poodence to be well Brest, and hed a
carpet-sack beside him. My Demokratic
blood riz to wunst. Seein that in a car
filled with Democratic delegates, any
thing I shood do to a nigger wood be
safe, I stawift proudly up to him holdin
my nose. •
Good Lord!" sez I, "wat a smell!"
AT3RAHA_A. L.
" Good Lord !" echoed the delegates
which got on at the stashen, " wat a
terrible smell."
"My gentle Afrikin trend," sed
seezin him by the collar, " I regret the
necessity uv sayin disagreeable things,
and still uv doin em, but the fact is, yoor
impudence in gettin into a car uv white
gentlemen, with the disgustin odor in
seperable from and part uv the Afrikin
race, is rathar too much. And more es
pecially do I wonder at yoor keepin yoor
sect, while I and these other white
gentlemen are standin."
" Out with the nigger!" yelled the
lately arrived delegates, hustle the stink
in cuss."
" Merciful heveus, watt a smell !" Fling
Out others uv them, " hist him!" " hist
him !"
Seenin myself thus backed, and feelin a
little zeal wood be safe, ez niggers can't
vote, I knockt his hat out uv the winder,
and follered up that demonstration with
a serious attempt at liftm him out uv the
sect. I wood hey succeeded, but the
nigger resisted, and resisted vigorously,
to wit : lle knockt three uv my front
teeth down my throte, pulled out wat
little there wuz left uv the hare that
hangs in scanty festoons about my vener
able temples, and blackt both my eyes.
I wuz lyin on my back in the passage,
somewhat astonisht the nigger standin
over my face when some gentlemen
came in from another car and restrained I
him.
" Mr. Williams." sed they, " let him
up He's poor white trash, and not wurth
wastin yoor indignashen onto. Let him
up, Mr. Williams, let him up."
" Sirs," sed I, risin to my feet, tremu
lous with rage, "iz this the treatment I
am to expect awl the way to Noo York ?
Am I to be pounded to a jelly by a nigger
—a stinkin nigger, sirs, whose oder even
now makes the car ontenable to gentle
men uv refined sensibilities—and to beer
the nigger addresst az 'Mister,' after
that, instid uv bein tored to pieces by
infuryated specktators ! 0, shame, wher
iz thy blush !"
" You mizrable cuss," sed one uv these
gentlemen," apologize at wunst to this
gentlemen fur yoor insultin roodness, or
we'll chuck yoo out uv the cars. Apolo
gize, sir, to Mr. Josef Williams, delegate
at large for the State uv Tennessee."
I almost fainted. This nigger then wuz
a delegate I He wuz a regular delegate.
armed and equipped with regular creden
shels to the Demokratic NashuelConven
shen, and I hed been guilty in my zeel
uv assultin uv him ! Gladly I apologized,
and further I humbly begged permission
to sit beaide him, wich he accordid with
a graciousnis I never saw ekalled.
It wus astonishin the change that
crept over the Injeany delegates. They
crowded around us and shook him by the
hand—they didn't smell any oder at all
any more ; on they contrary they seemed
to like him. They addressed him as
" Mistur," and several uv them in intro
&win him to their friends who got on at
various stashens, yoosed the prefix
" Honorable." It's wonderful wat a
difference it makes with a nigger to hey
a vote, and also how he votes ! 11 ed that
Williams bin infected with Ablishnism,
I make no doubt that the stench wich I
reely fancied I smelt when I lust under
took to subjeogate him, wood hey contin
yood to the end uv the trip. In olden
time it wuz observed that slave niggers
didn't smell—it wuz only the
. free ones.
It is a settled fact now that Dimekratic
Diggers are inodorous 1 I mite hey known,
however, that the nigger wuz a free
nigger. by the way be pitched into me.
No nigger in a state uv servitood wood
ever hey did sich a thing. That much
they owe to the war, anyhow-
My principal objeck in goin to Noe
York wuz to do wat I cood toward se
cooring the nomination uv Jethro L.
Kippins. . I found the delegates badly
sore up. The offers made fur votes wuz
so redikulously low that there wuz much
disgust manifestid. The trouble wnz
that the marker wuz overstockt. Hed
MAJOR GENERAL JOHN W. GEARY,
GoVERNOIt OF PENNSYLVANIA,
the Convenshion been pretty ekally
devided, and ballance uv power held by
a few clost mouthed souls, they could
hey made a good thing uv it. But where
a whole Convensheu is in the markit,
and all their inflooenshel friends, no
candidate kin afford to buy. I withdrew
Mr. Kippins towunst. liz he hez but a
small farm, and that mortgaged to a gros
sery keeper, the delegates I approacht
laft me to skorn.
wuz on the Committee on Resoloo
shells, or ruther wnz in the room ez
sort uv advisory committee while the
resolooshens was being drafted. Gen
eral Forrest, uv Tennessee, wuz pertik
lerly anxshus that a resoloonshen shood
be adopted denouncin the Radicals, who
wuz, with unholy hands' a strivin to
destroy the best Government the sun
ever shone upon, and the destruction
uv wich wood be a calamity wich unborn
millions wood shed teers over. Ile de
sired a resolooshen pledgin the Democri
sy to stan by the old stars and stripes,
wich flag had braved a thousand breezes,
and wuz synonomous,
et settry. Mr.
Wooley, Mr. Cobb (Mrs. Cobbs' bus
band), and Perry Fuller peritkelerly,
desired a resolooshen demandin the turn
in out uv oflis uv corrupt men, that the
Government might be administered with
suthin like the purity with distinguished
it doorin the administhrashen uv the la
mented Bookanon, at the menshun uv
whose name every delegate present held
a haudkercher to his eyes for five con
secutive ruinits, ez tho a grate greef bed
fallen onto him.
Vallaudygum insisted that a plank be
inserted wich recognized nigger suffer
age ; but that wuz withheld ontil it cool
be definitely ascertained whether Missis
sippi wuz reely carried by nigger votes
or not. Ef a majority uv the niggers did
reely vote the Demokratic ticket, it wuz
desided that they snood be recognized
ez our ekals—ef not, we'd see 'em
fust.
Cheef Justice Chase wuz especially
anxyus for a resolooshen denounsin in
the severest terms them onprincipled fa
natical Radikels, who for years hed been
laborin to subvert the government by
interferin with the persons and property
uv citizens, and also pledgin the Con
venshun to that wise conservatism with-
POOR HORATIO !
Mother Democracy insists Upon her favorite 8021 taking a dose against his will.
out which ther cood be no permanence
in our government.
I dropt into the Sobers' and Sailors'
Convenshen, but I didn'n stay long.
Them whose noses wuzn't red all want
ed to be President or Cabinet ortisers ;
and uv the balanse 11y em, the leastest
and sed the better. My sole indignated
ez I saw seated among em on the very
sutler who refoosed me credit when I
wuz servin ez a drafted man in 1862 ;
and also a claim agent who got ten dol
uv me on the promisuv gettin my bounty,
which, when he got it, he absorbed in
fees, costs and commissions. There wuz
uv coorse some troo men. There wuz
soliers titer wich resigned early in the
war on account uv its heirs a Ablish
in war, and others wlto left becoz Lin
kin wuznt rapid enuff in makin uv em
major generals. There wuz no limit to
their speekin. Every one had the speck
in Every one had the speech winch he
delivered at the Cleveland Convenshun
in 1860 carefully preserved, and they all
insisted on deliverin em, which, ez I left
they were doin, all to themselves. Ef
they kin Stan I am willin. We are
goin to hey a Soldiers Convenshun in
Richmond to ratify the nominations,
which will amount to suthin. We shall
hey Forrest there, and Boreg,ard and
Breckinridge, and their speeches will
count. We will hey the flag uv the two
governments entwined, and we will hey
the moosie uv both sections played.
Sich a Convenshen will amount to
sushin.
\Vat the platform will be, or who the
candidates will be, the Lord only knows.
I am prepared for anything and so are
the delegates. Ef its Pendleton on a
repoodiashun platform, well and good—
ef its Seymour, on a Nashnel Bank plat
form, jest ez good. I shood be happy to
see Breckenridge the choice uv the party,
and delighted of Hancock shood be
chosen. I kin hurrak for Chase, and
with ekal vigger kin swing my hat for
Vallandygum, and I find all the dele
gates similerly affected. The Post Oflis
is the lean kine with mailers up all
the others. We are willin to sink every
thing in Post Otlis. That my sincerity
may not be doubted, let it be remember
ed that I hey rid with a nigger from In
geany to Zoo York ; hey been whaled
by one and hey felt good over it, hey
bin hurrahin for an old line Abolitionist,
and swearin the while I liked it. Ef any
other evidence uv flexibility is needed, I
feel ekal to the task. Politically I am
ekal to all emergencies.
PETWAEUM V. NASBY, P. M..
(Wick is Postmaster.)
u r Ottic Aales.
—A grinding tax—Mill tax.
—A public square—A street light
—The world's weapon—The earth's
EMI
—Bridal envelopes—night gowns
—When is a man like a horse When
he's broke.
- - Used up—an umbrella—when its
rartun.z
—Dull business—Shaving with a poor
EOM
—Generally observed—Tilting skirts,
waterfhlls and other people's business.
-WANTED.--A cover for a bare suspi
.
MO
—A veil for the face of nature.
—A cement for broken engagements.
—Buttons for breaches of privilege.
—Binding for a volume of smoke.
—The following queer epitaph is to be
seen at Sparta Diggins, Cal.:
Some writer expresses the belief that
a certain miser would take the beam out
of his own eye if he knew he could sell
the timber.
—lf you want to see a pretty tolerable
specimen of vanity, consult your own
looking glass.
Mrs. Jones, a farmer's wife in Kent,
says I believe Iv'e got the tenderest
hearted boys in the world. I can't tell
one of them to bring a pail of water but
he'll burst right out a crying."