t..".. 1
Pennsolbanisch
Pun Schiff-JP-town
SCHLIFFLETOWN, .lulw lli. I..ws
.M.L.DEP, FODDER ABRAILAY. DRUCKER
—Leer Sir: Denk amohl draw, doh for
geshder is selly alt hex, dem Sam Minka
miNer sei fraw on miser house ku un
hut amobl prowiert thy alty, de Bevry,
we is macha das my breefa wu der so
shlkk in eier roushiehe zeitung nei gedu
heat for inieh, net fit sin for zu publisha,
un das de left Illicit un de Bevvy yusht
ouslaeha dcrweaya. Un nosh elms hut de
Blinkamilkrissy g'sawt, un sell is, das all
de enplishy shticker ha FODDER ABRA
HAM nei gehna for tie 'publican's party
Iva obsolut haws wella classic neaver all
unser be,slity an shenshty demokratishy
imed heira missa. course, ich wells
das sell an keg is. De Bewy awer hut
chra :Imola de melanin; g'sawt, un wie
my Blinkamillerissy ous gefunna but das
se de Bevvy net humbugga 1,1:11111, doun is
se of un zum loch nous, un ich denk net
das de alt long-naasich retch in a hurry
widder kummt.
De ne , slit woch wella mer amohl unsra
demokratishe meeting halts doh im shted
dle, un mer expecta tsweh lawyer fun
Readingtown for spe.etches zu macha.
Donn look out, for es gebt an grossy wit
doh. 1:f course ich shreib on eich un geb
Bich all de particulars fun der meeting.
In conclusion will kit eich wissa lussa
das finer all g'sund sin alleweil, except
der kleh Johnny, for er hut de measles,
under eldsht, der 6anuny, du weasht, er
hut was se es dyfels fever heasa, uns
bubbaly but der bloba hooshtli. un de
Bevvy huts als 'loch so orrig im rick, tut
ich kann ach, sheer gor net iawfa fun
wea3 a dem ferdeihenkerta rununadicks.
Waun iclt yusht wist was Boot is derfore!
Der Bill Buffamoyer huts ach als kat doh
tie yohr, un so an demokratisher branch
duckder hut chin amohl a risseat gevva
derfore, un wann ich now net mistaken
bin done is ties der weg we er de medit
zeen gemacht hut : lui ershta plats hut:
er an grossa wasser kivvel gentunaut un
amohl an quart gin uei gedoo un clout! an
pint walfehler brandy ovva druf; donn a
halb tea cuply foil fun dem scheidam
schnapps un a halb fcertel ounce sehlauga
wartzel; drie quart alt monnygahela; au
fingerhoot Poll wasser gemixed mit roder
petfer tin shteh kohla esh un a tea leffally
foil kons-trouva wein 'un donn noch a
weanig gin un a bissel inch alter tummy
gahela. Fun seller meditzeen hut der
Bill als ally tswansiehnunnuta so an halb
pint tumbler foil genunima, un awer es
hut loch alles nix gebatt! Ich habsyets,
ach shun about fier wocha prowiert, tut
awer ich hab a notion es of zugevva un nix
nemma except yusht hooter monnygahela,
un no more at pressent.
PIT SCIIWEFFLEBEENICER
Risseet for Dentokrata Macha.
Weil es der Kupperkop party des yohr
()ranch on votes fehia weerd, gevva mer
doh an neie risseet for deinokrata zu
macl a
Nem a ftertie pund kalbtleash; an ounce
Limburger kces ; an essleffie Poll sour
kraut bree ; drei tswivella ; an bath pund
knityvelloch ; an ous gekauder chaw
duwack, an shtick alter sei-reesle, an
halb pint lager beer, un an loud schmak-,
ich hinkle oy, un donn du alles in a drossy
buttle, dus tight zu shtuppa un henks of
au Baum in de sun bis es ousgebreed is un
donu wcerd der ping demokrat shun rous
sbluppa. For ehn zum dicket shtieka
macha, gel) clan au pint nine-slitrike
whiskey sex mold der dog bis de leckshun
forbei is, un donn lusty elm droppa wie an
heasy krumbecr.
Brief Fun Klappboard.sitteddle.
XL A PPBOA RUtiIiTEDDL E, June 19, 1868
MISDER ITOCROELORTER UN BOOMER
,ABLISII GOOT-GELIERNDEE BI UNDER :
Deer Sur : Yetz lUDs ich ack amohl on
dish schreiva, aver ich maths kartz,
yusht long genunk for zu sauga das ich an
ten dallier greenback doh in den brief nei
shteck for tswansich subscribers for dein
ivver ORS bully FODDER AIIRAILAM ,zeit
ung. Geb yusht denna Kupperkep hail
Columbia, ttn rechtshaffa shteh-shleggle
fitz. GEORGE BOCKFOOS.
I E ItEsPONDENI'E.
Ted(lt , Rtifitti . ..; Epp/ y to Pit
1',11,1,111 the
i:onl;tv 11,i.in..1„
TULLY7 , :AIO
FATHER AD 11.111201—;'4/0' :It is yant
HIV
comprahinslains how I Foca ved vere
paper so airy - after its publikashin, from
the place t call lancather—but iu
hlentiiication wid a friend of' mine—one
Mick Soo-han. who knows me well, ant I
as good a crature too as iver supped
whishkey out of an Ogg-shell—he ex
plained iu his most inexplicable manner
and appologetical style, wid that innef
fecuality which always distinguishes the
jAinus of inoddhern days, that the Tile
raph was the manes by which I am now
a reeepiendum (that's (reek. you know,
which manes a rower) of your paper and
its contints.
Now, Sur, I was always thinkiu' how,
and in what way I could work my way
into Abraham's lwr,oni. thried hard
for 'ninny a day, and its divlish hard to
tell how I'll succeed. In lookin' over the
contints, I saw minny a thing that tuck
me attintion, but none none than the
'nether of a baste—a nameless baste
called impaehement, winch occui2ies the
best spot in the boosom of EATHER
ABRAHAM. ` , taking of bastes—l've
seen all the bastes in the Matiagaries, the
llyppv-potty-tiamus, the Iti-no-carius—
I've seen the Illephant—l've seen a
Sour-Kraut Gorilla, and all other quad
hrupeds of the animalcutirsldecie, but the
one in FATHER ABRAHAM'S boosom
bates them all intirely. The only thing
that sthruch me as ("nave and um:one:we
able was that the Gorilla wasn't the first to
show his face in the place where the
Bull is, (savin your presmee)*lnit maybe,
after all, ver'e right, as they say the
the sour 'Kraut, Gorilla kem out at
the tail end, but still, I think the Goril
la should be substantiated for the Bull,
or whativer other baste ye call him,
which to me is inexplic-able. The pie
ther's a good one
Passing from that, II mane the pit tiler)
I kern to ex - amine with a ciassick eve the
demerits of your jainius as an edithur,
and how the matther sellicted could be so
adjudged. I rind, Sur. a letther from one
Pit Swefflebrenner, which manes in the
Irish vocabulary that he was made to
schmell brimstone or some other vege
table substance ; and so he ought, bekase
the divil a word iii his whole letther is
spelt right, harrin the thing they call
LOTTWARRICH," and that's the thing
that bothers me from beginnin' to ind.
Luk at the schpellin'—luk at the Ortho
graffy and the other Eclioms of the Ho
mopheric classicks, sick as I was ede
cated to, and it'll make the blush on your
cheek turn pale.
Where did that chap git his school
in' ?" sez I to a frind that was standiu'
forninst me at the time.
What raison hey ye tor axin me
that ?" sez he.
Bekase," sez I, " its inconcaveable
that in the varnicular Edioms of the Ho
mopheric classicks, rich as my infamuous
predicators tached unto me—there should
always be in the varnicular something
that we can undherstaud with a mailing
to it. But, Sur," sez I, whin sicl
quare words as Lottwarri4 presint them
selves to my classick eye, it bates me out
intirely."
In what way sez he.
In minny ways," sez I.
" They're aisily undherstood," sez he,
if ye only take the thrubble of finding out
the manin' of them," sez he.
Well," sez I, " that's raisonable,
but as ye appear to be so knowlagable,
tell me, if ye plaze, the mania' of one
word?" sez I.
" What is it ?'' sez he.
Lottwarrick!" sez I.
I will," sez he. "It manes in the
plane varnicular Applebutther " sez he.
" Maybe ye mistake the Ediom of the
vartrienter ; " sez 1.-a" -for I take it 'liar
Butthermilk—the de-re-vi-ashun bein
from the Greek in the Homopheric class
icks, to wit, as follows : Butt—all as one
a ram, a goat, or a cow—aither one Of
which is called Butthers, bekase they
but wid their heads," sez I, "and have
the milk of human kindness deeply im
planted in their affecshunate boosoms,"
sez I,—"that manes butthermilk," sez I.
" You'r right," sez he, and no more
was said for two minutes—till I kern to
the prognostication uv the Promo
theau vocabulary, which, iu consithera
tion of its inflexible volubility towards
the varnicular, became boistherous, and
all remained in silent oblivion—except
the Pies snether , - whisk mss=eryterg itt
the corner, for the loss of one of its
young ones. I bekem 80 infected that I
immediately sat meself to poethry, and
compromised the following elegy on the
pig's mother—to wit, as follows :
The pig that was at Auglnim,
Was dhrtiv to foreign parts ;
And whin he was goin on the road,
It broke the owid sow's heart.
Oh," says she, "my country's ruin'd.
And desalted now by all,
And the rise of pigs in England,
Will insure the counthry's
By giving this grandiloquent produc
tion a place inABRAHAM'S boosom, you
will favour the Homopherie classicks, and
deeply favour
Your obedient friud,
TEDDY •It A*GAir
P. S.—Direct your letter to me by tile
graph, to Tullymagooly, forninst the hog
in Ireland, and sehtop there.
NASB Y.
THE DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDEN
CY—MU. RAMIE' ROUSTS THE 'NAME OF A DEMO
CRAT OF HIS ACIWAINTANCE IN SOUTHERN IL
LINOIS.
POST OFFIS, CONFEDRIT X ROADS,
(Which is in the State uv Kentucky,
June 1, 1868.
The matter uv a Presidenshal candi
date hez opprest me, and hez also exer
cised the gigantic intellex who congre
gate at the Corners. We hey decided
that Cheef lust's Chase won't do. We
kin support him chearfully, for his meth
od of conduktin the impeachment trial
-V 11) 1' VITTANI.
COMAIINDER
hez satisfied us uv his hankerin for a
standin in our party. Besides this, Navin
made a start, we consider hint safe, any
bow. The man which kin take a nonn
nashen at our hands, or identify hisself
with us, may alluz be countid onto. The
Ablishnists never forgive sich, and ther
ain't no other place to go.. When John
son and Doolittle and that crowd left the
Ablishnist, I knew wher they would
land better than they did. Facilis de
covius avant *, which hein translated into
the vulgar tongue, means, the road to
hell is ruecadatnized. Hancock won't
do, becoz our Southern brethren hey a
prejoodis again the Hag he drawd his
sword under. Pendleton wood anser
the west hut the east, is opposed to him;
Seymour• wood do the east, but the west
is opposed to him. I therefore, after
giving the matter uiatoor considerashen,
hey desided to propose for the posishn,
the name uv Jethro L. Kippins, uv Alex
ander county, Illinoy.
I hey the folleriu reasons for insistin
on his uominashen :
1. He's geographically level. By look
: in on the map, it will be seen that that
county in Illinoy, is the extreme south
westerly part of the State. IL is a
Northern country with Southern ideas.
Across the river is Kentucky, west is
south-eastern Missouri and east is lower
Injeany. They grow tobacco there, and
yearn after slave labor ez intensely ez
we do across the river.
2. Nobody knows him. The name uv
Jethro L. Kippins hez never filled the
soundin trump uv fame. With him on
our tikit several pints wood be gained.
On all the questions on which there
is a doubt in the minds uv the Democra
cy Jethro L. Kippins is uncommitted.
He is unembarrassed with views, and on
troublesome questions hez narry an
opinyun. The trouble Pendleton hez
with the greenbax wood not affect him,
neither wood any uv them other ques
tion which are ruther embarrassin than
otherwise. He hez but one political
principle, which he holds is enuff for any
one man. and that is Democracy, ez it
hez bin, ez it is, and ez it may be. He
beleeves-tiverly in the cues -nr43inumert;.
he holds close to Onesimus and Hagar,
and hez sworn a solemn oath that - no
nigger shel ever marry a daughter uv
lizzen. This noble sentiment Inch alluz
strikes a responsive cord in evry Demo
cratic buzzum wood be emblazoned on
the Kippins banner.
3. Jethro L. Kippinses posishen on 1
the war question is happy. He opposed
all the steps wich led to it, and when it
finally broke out he proposed the only
troo Demokratic way uv stoppin it. It
was his opinyun that we hed no rite to
coerce the South—that there wuz no
warrant in the Constooshen for any Bich
perceedin. "Ef Boregard fires onto
Major Anderson," sed he, "let Major
Anderson go afore the nearest Justice
uv the Peace and hey him bound over to
Xeeptitiertiew. — ^LeThir wbu L is 141 The
peece, and the Justis can't enforce his
warrant, why that ends it. We can't go
beyond the Constooshen." After hos
tilities actooally begun, his posishen
wuz eminently satisfactory to both sides.
He wuz in favor uv the war, but opposed
to its prosekooshen. He remarkt that
the south hed committed a indimereshen,
but were he in Congris he shoodent
vote for nary man nor dollar for carryin
on a war agiu em. His two sons served
in the war—one in the Confedrit service
and one in the Fedrel—both ez sutlers.
The war bore heavy on him—he made
great sacrifices. Three other sons he
supported in Canada doorin the contin
uooance uv the unnachrel strife.
4. - Irrevrtr . v. - Nrristrirrermrvirree s t
inents uv popularity. ' was born in
a log cabin—he studied Daboll's arithme
tic by the lite uv a pine knot, held for
the purpoce by his mother—he drove
hoss on the canal, wuz a salt boiler in I
Southriu Ohio, a wagon boy on the
Nashnel road, wuz left an orphan boy
when six weeks old, swept a store in his
early yooth, went down the Mississippi
on a.flat boat, wuz in the Mexikin war,
and hez a consoomiu pashen for horses.
He lieariniOnertheiminmegrew4Prenrer,
ez his pashen wuz so comp** ilmt it THIIRLOW WEND recommends Ear.
got him into a temporary difficulty, wich
ye Greeley as a candidate for Vice
required 12 men, a Judge and two law
yers to settle, one uv the lawyers bein President on the Democratic Chase tick.
the States ttorney nv the county. i et, in order to catch the. Southern vote,
These facts in his biography Igot from he having been in favor of secession and
his own lips. Ef there's any discrepan- universal amnesty, and acted as Jeff.
cies, uv course the committee on biogra- I Davis bail.
GENERAL JOHN A. LOGAN.
IN-CHIEF, GRAND ARMY OF THE REPUBLIC--.-THE gOLDIER,
STATESMAN AKE) PATRIOT.
play will reconcile em. It may be that
he may hey done too much—wich is to
say, et all he sez is troo, he would be two
or three hundred years old. Ef so, it
will hey to be pared down. He hez been
,justis uv the peece ten years in his
native township, wick gives him a splen
did knowledge uv constooshuel law.
5. He's trooly nashnel in his views.
He knows no north, no south, no east,
no west, no uothin. That lastqualisca
shen mite prejudis some agin him, but to
inc its his chief holt. For with sick a
man iu the Presidential chair I wood be
safe. We hey au abundance uv sich men
ez Wood, Seymour, Vallandyguin, et set
try, who kin manage a President, but
who are too odorous to be electid very
much to that posishen themselves.
Therefore, its nessary that precisely sich
a man ez I hey described be electid ;
and the fact that Chase knows too much
is the ebjection I hey to hini. Polk wuz
manageable, Pierce eminently so, and
poor old Bookaunon wuz wonderfully
pliable.
Sich is the candidate wich I present.
There are many pints in his favor. Our
people wood to-wunst exclaim, "Who'n
thunder is Kippins ?" and before they
cood find out the day uv election wood
be on em, and they'd vote him. His hevin
no record is also in his favor. Wat wood
Pendleton, Vallandygum, Seymour and
Wood give of they lied no . record I A
record is like a tin kittle to a dog's tale
—it's a noisy appendage wick makes the
dog conspicuous, and invites everybody
to shy a brick at him.
I hevent menshund in. this, nor shel I,
who wood be a proper man for the neck
; and place on the ticket. I hey my opin
ion. Kentucky is deservin uv recog
nishuu—that's all I shel sky. The modes
ty wich is characteristic uv me prevents
me from segestin the partickeler citizen
uv Kentucky who ought to be thus hon
ored. We shel see ashether or not re
publics is ongrateful.
prraoisem V. NABBY, P. M.,
(wick is Postmaster.)
P. S.—The fact that Jethro L. Kippins
holds my note for $18.63, with interest
tor two years, hez no intiooence in my
segestin his name. lam intlooenced by
no mercenary considerashuns.
The Presidential Vote.
The following table of the popular and
electoral vote for the Presidency since
the first election for President, will
prove interesting to all persons inter
este, ' • • • ' •
Pop- Elee-
Ry what ular torsi
Year. Candidates. Party. Vote. Vote.
1788. Gen. Washington.. Tinanim..
1792. Oen. Washington.. Unanim.. ~ .. 132
.
7196. John Adams Federal .. ... 71
1496. Thos. Jefferson— . Repub....
1800. Thos. Jefferson.... Repub....
1800. John Adams Federal ..
1804. Thos. Jefferson Democrat .... 162
1804. C. C. Pinckney..... Federal.. .... 14
1808. James Madison.... Repub.... .... 132
48P8. C. U. Pinckney Federal .. 43
1512. James Madison.... Repub....
1812. De Witt Clinton.... ---------
1816. James Monroe Repub.... .... 183
E 6.
4. Andrew Jackson... f11300r4 • 1 1 809 60
1824. John Q. Adams.... Federal .. 10 ,321 84
1824. W. H. Crawford.... Cau.Dem. 47,268 41
1824. Henry Clay Repub...." 47,037 87
1828. Andrew Jackson... Democrat 650,028 178
1828. John Q. Adams.— Federal .. 512,138 83
1632. Andrew Jackson... DemoCrat 687,502 219
1832. Henry Clay Whig..... 550,189 49
1632. John /- 1 oyil Whig .... 11
1132. William Wirt Whig
1836. Martin Van Buren, Democrat 771,968 170
1886. W. H. Harrison.... Whig..... 73
1836. Hugh L. White..... Whig..... 760,350 I' 26
1836. Daniel Webster .... Whig..... 14
1836. W. P. slangnm.... Whig..... 1 11
1840. Martin Van Buren, Democrat 1,128,303 60
1840. W. H. Harrison.... Whig..... 1,174,203 234
1840. J. G. Birney Liberty... 7,609 ...
11+444. James K. P01k..... Democrat 1,329,013 170
. Henry Clay Whig..... 1,21,643 105
. James G. Birney... Liberty.. 66,304 ...
1848. • •
1848. Lewis ass Denuoprat 1,223,795 12 7
1846. Martin Van Buren, Free Boil. 291,378
31162. Winfield Scott Whig..... 1,883,537 42
1852. Franklin Pierce.... Democrat 1,585,345 254
1852. John P. Hale Free Soil. 157,206
1856. John C. Fremont.. Repub.... 1,341,812 114
18.56.. Tames Buchanan.. Democrat 1,834,337 174
1856. Millard Fillmore... "Amer.". 873,055 8
1860. Abraham Lincoln.. Repub.... 1;957,610 180
1800. S. A. Doughy; Democrat 1,365,978 12
1860. J. C. Breekinridge • . Democrat 841,953 12
1860. John Bell "Union.". 590,631 89
1864. Abraham Lincoln.. Repub.... 2,223,085 216
1864. G. R. McClellan... Democrat 1,811,754 21
Our tittle Io
•
KiSShiff
• ~k 1 . 1: kis , . 11.
54•1 , ..c. ! 1•0;t1,, , 1
won le;. t hadlV,
•!: '
1=
kiss amote.t . , th , tus-I.\ os,
It's 9 - oil !Am.' thoy rot: i 7
TIW 1)1‘t.`1• do, vo.s: Ih, m :,g)
They tio'oc wini
—Dui nig the war, a soldier. who was
residing for a few days in Philadelphia
to spend an extensive bounty, became
slightly intoxicated with his task, and
while perambulating the streets of the
Quaker City, fell in with a crowd of col
ored people on their way to chinch, and
as they arrived at the meeting house, li
went in with the rest, supposing it to be
a theatre, or some place of amusement.
After waiting some time for the curtain
to raise, the minister appeared and pro
ceeded as follows
"My bruddering, in (lat last great day
when de trump off) de Lord shall blow,
and de sheep shall go to de right and de
goats to de left, who wants to be de
goats ?"
After a short pause lie said rais
ing his voice, " I say who'll be de goat ?"
The soldier suppo..fing the performance
delayed for a person to represent a goat
in some play, exclaimed :
"Look here, old fellow, rather than to
have this thing play Out, I'll he a goat!"
—A traveler stopped at a public
house in Maine for the purpose of get
ting dinner, knocked, but received no
answer. Going in, he found a little
white-headed man in the embrace of
his wife, who had his head under her
arm, while with the other she was giving
her little lord a pounding. Wishing to
put an end to the fight. - our traveler
knocked on the table, and cried out iu a
loud voice, " Halloa, here ! who keeps
this house ?" The husband, though much
out of breath , answered : " Stranger, that's
what we are trying to decide." ,
—" Bridget! Bridget ! why don't you
bring up the lemonade ?" said Mrs.
S., on the forth of July, from the
top of the kitchen stairs. " Why,
marm," said Bridget, wiping the sweat
front her red face with her checked apron,
as she put her head round the staircase
partition, " why, marm, you see the ice I
put in the lemonade is so hard that it
hasn't melted yet, though it's stirring it
over the fire I've been for the last fifteen
minutes or more.
—Two street sweepers were overheard
discussing the merits of a new hand, who
had that day joined their gang : " Well,
EiII, what do you think of the new com
er?" " Oh, don't reckon much of him,
he's all very well for a bit of up and
down sweeping, but," shaking his head,
" let him try a bit of fancy work around
a post, you'll sce he will make a poor
hand of.it."
—A little girl was lately reproved for
playing out of doors with the boys, and
informed that, being seven years old, she
was too big for that now. Why, grand
ma, the bigger we grow, the better we
like 'em."
You ought to lay up something for
a rainy day," said an anxious father to
his profligate son. " And so I have," re
plied the youth. " What?" "An um
brella!"
—Different sounds travel with different
degrees of velocity; a call for dinner will
run over a ten acre lot instantly, while a
summons to work will take from five to
ten minutes.
—A poor fellow rescued, halt' drowned,
from a river, was asked to take some
spirits and water. "No I thank you,"
replied he, " I have had water enough
already; I'll take the spirits alone."
—The following rules are posted in a
New Jersey school house : "No kissing
the girls hi school hours ; no lickin the
master during holidays."
-" SAM are you one of the Southern
•
rivalry?" " No, niassa, I'se one of the
Southern shoveiry. I shoveled dirt at
Dutch Gap Canal."
—What is the difference between a
young lady and a night cap? One is
born to wed, and the other's worn to
bed.
—A man who courts a young woman
in the starlight probably expects to get a
wife in a twiukhug.
—How sweet to recline in the lapse of
ages—say about eighteen.
—Some fishermen use cotton for bait;
so do some women.
—Misery loves company—Bo does a
marriageable young woman.
[By Our Special Artist.]
A DEMOCRATIC ORATOR.