(&o '- Particular attention paid to the extracting and filling of teeth in the most approved manner. nov.-6m Teeth Extracted Without Pain! By M. R. Thompson, D. D. S, By a NEW PROCESS, -> without the use of Ctiloro form, Etner. or Nitrous Ox jfiPpfgr. | ide, and is attended by no danger or bad effects. fk eNi Office west Market street, StjgUy near Eisenbise's hotel, V LEWISTOWN, whr-re he oan be found for professional consultation from the first Monday of each month until the fourth Monday, when he will be absent on professional busi ness one week. seplO-tx IKBo So ®0 DENTIST, OFFERS his professional services to the citizens of Lewistown and vicinity. All in want of good, neat work will do well to give him a call. He mav he found at all times at his office, three door" east of H. M. A K. Pratt's store. Valley street. apl9-ly* DENTAL CARD. IR,_ IVE_ KEEVER, BCRGEON IJ K X TI S T . j, -__ TEETH Extracted WITHOUT PAIN by the use of NITROUS OXIDE or ' Laughing Gas. Teeth inserted on all t h e different styles of bases. Teeth filled in the most approved manner. Special atten tion given to diseased gums. All work warranted. T'-rms reasonable. Office at Episcopal Parsonage, Corner of Main and Water Streets. jy*B NEW STOCK. The subscriber has just received and will f|B] keep on hand a select stock of Men s, Bovs fll and Youth's Boots, Ladies . Misses i And r of either Sex into Wavy and Glossy Ringlets or Heavy Massive Cur Is. BY using this article Ladies and Gentlemen can beau tify themselves a thousand fold. It is the only ar ticle in the world that will curl straight h&ir.and at the same time give it a beautiful, glossy appearance The Crisper Coma not only curls the hair, hut invigorates, beautifies and cleanses it; is highly and delightfully perfumed, and is the most complete article of t K e kind ever offered to the American public. The Cris per Coma will be sent to any address, sealed and post paid for 11. Address all orders to W.L.CLARK A CO.,Chemists, feb6-ly No. 3, West Fayette St., Syracuse. N. Y. EXCELSIOR ! EXCELSIOR !! CHASTELLAB'S HAIR EXTERMINATOR For Removing Superfluous Hair, TO THE ladies especially, this invaluable depilatory recommends itself as being an almost indispensi ble article to famale beauty, is easily applied, does not burn or injure the skin, but acts directly on the roots. It is warranted to remove superfluous hair front low foreheads, or from any part of the body, completely, totally and radically extirpating (lie same, leavingthe skin soft, smooth and natural. This is the only article used by the French, and is the only real effectual de pilatory in existence. Price 75 cents per package, sent post-paid, to anv address, on receipt of an order, bv BERGER. SHUTTS A Co.. Chemists, feb6-ly 285 River street, Troy, N. Y. REPARATOR CAPILLI. Throw away your false firlzr.es. your switches, your wig— And rejoice in yourewn luxuriant hair. Come aged, come youthful,come ugly and fair. Ami rejoice in your own luxuriant hair. T?OR restoring hair upon bald heads (from whatever L cause it may have fallen out) and forcing a growth of hair upon tiie face it hasnoequal. It will force the beard to grow upon the smoothest lace in from five to eight weeks, or hair upon bald heads in from two to three months. A few ignorant practitioners have as serted that there is nothing that will force or hasten the growth of the hair or beard Their assertions are false, as thousands of living witnessesffrom their own experience) can bear witness. But many will say. how are we to distinguish the genuine from "the spurious! It certainly is difficult, as nine-tenths of the different Preparations advertised for the hair and beard are en tirely worthless, and you may have already thrown away large amounts in their purchase. To such we would say. try the Reparator Capilli: it will cost you nothing unless it fully comes up to our representations. If your druggist does not keep it, send us one dollar and we will forward it postpaid, together with a receipt lor the money, which will be returned you on applica tion providing entire satisfaction is not given. Address W.L.CLARK A CO, Chemists, febo-ly No. 3 West Fayette st., Syracuse, N. Y. There cometh glad tidings of joy to all. To young and to old, to great and to small; The beauty which once was so precious and rare, Is free for all and all may be fair. By the use of CHASTELLAR'S WHITE LIQUID SITAIC2L-, F'or Improving and Beautifving the Complexion. THE most valuable and perfect preparation in use, for giving the skin a beautiful pearl-like tint that is only found in youth. Itquickly removes Tan. Freck les, Pimples, Blotches. Moth Patches, Sallowness, Eruptions, and all impurities of the skin, kindly heal ing the same, leaving.the skin white and clear as ala baster. Its use can not be detected by the closest scrutiny, and being a vegetable preparation is per fectly harmless. It is the only article of the kind used by Hie French, and is considered by the Parisian as indispensable to a perfect toilet. Upwards of 30,(j00 bottles were sold during the past year, a sufficient guarantee of its efficacy. Price only 75 cents. Sent by mail, post-paid- on receipt "f an order, hv BERGER, SHUTTS A- CO., Chemists, fe6-ly , 285 River St., Troy, N. Y. jlaODi D U I > The World Astonished AT THE WOXDERFUL REVELATIONS MADE BY THE GREAT ASTROLOGIST MADAME H A. PERRIGO. SHE reveals secrets no mortal ever knew. She re stores to happiness those who, from doleful events, catastrophes, crosses in love, loss of relations and frieods, loss of money. Ac., have become despondent. She brings together those long separated, gives infor mation concerning absent friends or lovers, restores lost or stolen property, tells you the business you are best qualified to pursue aud in what you will he most successful, causes speedy marriages and tells you the verv day you will marry, gives you the name, likeness and characteristic of the person. She reads your very thoughts, and by ber almost supernatural powers un veils the dark and hidden mysteries of the future— From the stars we see in the firmanent—the malefic stars that overcome or predominate in the configura tion—from the aspects and positions of the planets and the fixed stars in the heavensat the time of birth, she deduces the future destiny of man. Fail not to consult the greatest Astrologist on earth. It costs you but a trifle, and you may never again have so favorable an opportunity. Consultation fee. with likeness and a desired information.*!. Parties livitig at.a distance can consult the Madame by matt with equal safety and satisfaction to themselves, as if in person. A foil and explicit chart, written out, with all inqu.nesanswered ana likeness enclosed, sent by mail on receipt of price above mentioned. The strictest secrecy wtfl be main tained and all correspondence returned or destroyed. References of the highest order furnished those de- SSS. Write plainly the day of the month and year in which you were born, enclosing a small lock of hair. Address MADAME H-A.PER RIG , jeb6-ly p. 0. DRAWER 293. BUFFALO, N. Y. RUSHES at Hoffman's. CEDAR-WARE at Hoffman's. CORDAGE at Hoffman's. SHOE FINDINGS at Hoffman's. SOLE LEATHER at Hoffman's. POCKET CUTLERY at Hoffman's. TABLE CUTLERY at Hoffman's. BUILDING HARDWARE at Hoffman'a. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 20, 1867. MIHO9 ill'JM MMB, THE NEW YORK MICA ROOFING COMPANY, (established 1865) are manufacturing under Letters Patent the Rest Article of Comnosition Roofing ever Otfered to the Public. It is adapted to everv style of Roof, steep or flat, and can be readily applied bv any one. The U. S. Government, after a thorough test of its utility, have adapted its use in the Navy Yards, and upon Public. Buildings. The Roofing is put up in rolls, and lias only to be nailed to the Roof to make a Durable Kire and Water-Proof Covering. We particularly recommend its use upon Buildings, Stores, Churches, Factories. Machine Slioj s, Steamboat Becks. &e. MICA ROOFING PAINT, !■ or coating TIN, IKON, or SHINGLE ROOFS. It forms a - Body Equal to Three Coats of Ordinary Paint. No Roof can rust under it. and old leaky Roofs may be made permanently water-proof and durable by its use. The Paint requires NO MIXING, but is ready to be ap plied with the ordinary paint brush. Priced $ \ per gab lon, which will cover two huudred square feet. Also manufacturers of Black Lustre Varnish, Tarred Felt and Roofing Fitch. Discount to the Trade. Circulars and Price List fur nished. Rights for counties sold at low rates. Address THE MICA ROOFING COMPANY, 104 Broadway,JJr.\ r . Y. Frank Humphreys, 61 Royal St.. N. O.; Schofield Williams A Co., Augusta, Ga.; Baldwin H. Woods Montgomery. Ala.; '1 hos. S. Coates. Raleigh, N. C.; E. A. Tucker. Richmond, Va.; Henry Wilson, Petersburg, Va., Agents. jan23 TEAS! Teas for the People. iVo more Enormous Profits for Consumers to Pay. Fifty Cents to One Dollar per Pound Sav ed by Buying your Teas direct from the Importers. T. Y. KELLEY A CO., Importers of Teas. In connection with their lurjie wholesale business, have determined to Introduce their Teas directly to consumers at Importers' prices, thus effecting a saving to the consumer ol 40 to 00 per cent. Families can now club together for any kind or qualities of Teas, in packages of sue pound and upwards, and we will send them a superior article of Tea at 5 per cent, above the cost of importation. Let some energetic lady or other person i!) each neighborhood call upon her acquaintances and take their orders for any of the follow ing named Teas, and when a club of ten. twenty, or more I- obtained, send to us and we will send the Teas put up in s-parate packages, with the Dame of each person marked on It. all enclosed in one box. As a FURTHER INDUCEMENT to the person getting up the club we will send for his or her services, an extra complimentary package on all or ders ol 53J and upward. It Is perhaps not well understood WHY we can sell teas so very low; but when it Is taken Into consideration that, besides ttie original cost of Impor tation, the Broker, Speculator, Jobber, Wholesale Dealer a id Retailor, has each to reap a large profit and the Innu merable Cartages, Cooperages, Insurances, Storages. Ac., which teas have to pass through hefore they reach the consumer, will readily explain this. We propose to do away with seven-eights of these profits and expenses, and it now remains with the PEOPLE to say whether they shall save 30 cents to SI.OO per pound on every pound of Tea they purchase, or be compelled to give their earnings to a host of useless go-betweens. PEDLARS ami SMALL DEALERS wishing Teas to sell again, can be accommodated with small packages to suit their trade, but no reduction can be made, as these are our wholesale prices. PRICE LIST. Oolong. (Black) 70, 80. 90. $1 00, sl.lO, best $1 25, per pound. English Breakfast. (Black) 80, 00. SI.OO, best $1 25, per lb. Young Hyson. (Ureen) 85,93, SI.OO, extra $1.25, superior $1 50, per pound. Mixed. [Green and BUcW] 70, 80, 90, best SI.OO, per pound. Imperial, [Green] $1.30, best tier pound. Japan, SI.OO, SI.IO, $1 25. beat per pound. Gunpowder. (Green) $1.30, best $1 GO per pound. COFFEE DEPARTMENT. We have lately added a Coffee Department to our estab lishment, and although we cannot promise the consumer as great a saving as we can on Teas, (the margin for profit on Coffees being very small,) yet we can sell Coffees fully 25 per cent, cheaper than retailers charge. Our Coffees come direct from the Custom House and we roast and grind them perfectly pure, put up In I or more pound packages, at an advance of 2 cents pet pound. Our Wholesale Price—Ground Coffees—Pure Rio, 25, 30 cents per pound. Best Old Government Java, 40 cts. Best Ceylon, 40 cts. ■SENDI NO MONEY.—Parties sending orders for less than S3O for Teas or Coffees should send with their order a P. O. Draft or the money, to save the expense of collecting bv Express. But large orderswe will forward by Kxpressand collect on delivery. We shall be happy at all times to receives call at our Warehouse from persons visiting the city, whether deal ers or not. T. Y. KELLEY & CO., Late Kellev t Vought. jMttSa 56 VJSBBT BTKBET. NKW YORK, THE BEST IN THE WORLD • mHE UNDERSIGNED IS AGENT FOR THE IMPROVED SINGER SEWING MACHINE, which will he placed upon trial with any other now in use. He invites eompetion. It can bo tested ■JD co ->■'* * Q£> JO. & ELi with any other machine to enable purchers to choose THE BEST. TERMS LIBERAL. Give him a call. [sepl2-6mj WM. LIND. Drew's Patent FOR CTJTmTS BOOTS raiftrj miiiumm OR SIDE SEAMS. THE greatest improvement of the age, in this line of trade. Ist. It does away with the wrinkles on the instep, also, with the welted side seam which has injured so tnanv feet and ankles. 2d. It makes the easiest sitting a'nd best fitting boot ever worn. This boot is now tnanafuctttred by P. F. Loop, who holds the right of use for the county, and is prepared to furnish all who wish to wear this boot. A liberal dis count to dealers who wish to deal in these boots. Or ders filled at short notice. Prices greatly reduced on all goods at P. F. Loop's Shoe Store. febfi 20,000 MAJORITY! To the Voters of Central Penna I? LECTION is over and it has been decided by about U 20,000 majority that the Tobacco and Cigars sold at Frysinger's Tobacco and Scgar Store cannot be surpassed, either in Quality or Price. Look at the Prices, get some of the goods, and com pare with all others, and you will be satisfied that you get the worth of your money at Frysinger's. Fry dinger' B Spun Roll only SI.OO per pound. Frysinger's Navy " " " " Frysinger's Congress " " " " Frysinger's Flounder Willett Navy " " " " Oronoko Twist *' " " " And other Plug Tobacco at 40 and 60 cts. per lb. Cut and Dry, 40 nd 60 cts. Granulated Tobaccos at 60 cts.. 60 cts . 80 cts.. SI.OO, $1.20, and $1.50 per lb. Fine-Cut chewing, at $1.40 and $1 20. Cigars at 1, 2, 8, 5 and 10 cts. each. Pipes in great variety; also Cigar Cases, Tobacco Pouches ana Boxes, Match Safes, and all articles usually kept in a firsfcclass Tobacco and Cigar Store. To Merchants, I offer the above goods at prices that will enable them to retail at the same prices that I • FRTS.NOER. Why Shiver With Cold, When you can Buy Knit Undershirts and Drawers SO CHEAP jan3o At BKISBIN'S. 3? O E T IR "52" _ WEIGHING THE BABY. BY ETHEL LINN. "H° w man y pounds does the baby weigh— Baby who came but a month ago? Hew many pounds from the crowning curl To the rosy point of the restless toe?" Grandfather ties the 'kerchiefs knot, Tenderly guides the swinging weight, And carefully over his glasses peers To read the record "only eight." Softly the echo goes around: The father laughs at the tiny girl: The lair young mother sings the words While grandmother smooths the golden curl; And stooping above the precious thing, Nestles a kiss within a praver, Murmuring softly, "Little one, Grandfather did not weigh you fair." Nobody weighed the baby's smile, Or the love that eame with the helpless one; Nobody weighed the threads of care Front which a woman's life is spun. No index tells the mighty worth Of a little baby's quiet breath— A soft, unceasing metronome. Patient and faithful until death. Nobody weighed the baby's soul. For here on earth no weight there be That could avail; God only knows Its value in eternity. Only eight pounds to hold a soul That seeks no angel's silver wing, But shrines it in this human guise, Within so fair and young a thing. Oh I mother, laugh your merry note; Be gay and glad hut don't forget From baby's eyes look out a soul That claims a home in Eden yet. iMnscEnL.iL.A.ixrY .IAC K SPROUT'S C OWERSIOV. A Life Sketch. Jack Sprout swore a terrible oath. In fact ho swore quite a number of oaths, for he was very angry. It was nothing wonderful for Jack Sprout to swear, even in the presence of his wife, for he was sadly given to the habit of using profane language And yet Jack was a good husband; an indulgent father; an honest, industrious man; and he possessed many other excellen cies of character which might have made him a valuable member of socie ty, had it not been for certain loose habits which had marked his course from childhood, llis parents had been careless and profane before him; his father had been a tough, rough custo mor; so Jack naturally enough came up in the same track. But he was good looking, and kind hearted, and genial and social, and so he had gained for a wife one of the very best maidens of our town, as well as one of the hand somest. Mastor Freddy Sprout, aged five years, stood by his mother's side, with a sadly begrimmed and tear-streaked face, and his story was, that Solomon Gordon had whipped him with a stick, and the boy's legs still bore a tew slight tokens of the castigation. Two other boys had come home with Master Freddy, and their testimony corrobo rated that which the sufferer had giv en. Freddy, with some of his play mates, had been throwing stones at Mr. Gordon's dog, and one of tho mis siles hurled by Freddy had hit the an imal and caused him to howl with pain. Of course, the stone thrown by such a tiny hand could not have inflicted much injury upon tho canine brute; but Solorron Gordon loved his dog, and when he saw what had been done he caught Master Freddy and gave him a thrashing; for be it known, Sol omon Gordon was just such another man as Jack Sprout, warm-hearted, generous, and neighborly; but rough, uneducated, strong-willed, and impul sive Jack Sprout put on his bat and pre pared to sally forth. His lips were pale and tightly compressed, and tho huge muscles in his arms worked like bundles of ropes. ' Dear Jack,'pleaded his wife, 'don't go out now.' ' Let me alone, Abby. No man shall strike a child of mine without having a chance to strike mo. I shall go and see Sol. Gordon, and I'll give him such a licking as he won't forget in a hur ry !' And Jack closed the sentence with a terrible oath. 'No, no, Jack—don't go. What good will it do? Wait until you are more cool!' 'Pshaw! Go away, Abby. There is not power enough on earth to save Sol. Gordon from a drubbing; and I'll give it to him before the sun goes down!' And as Jack Sprout looked at that moment he gave awful evidence that he was physically able to make good his word; for a more magnificent struc ture of frame work and muscles was not to be found in the town. ' Dear Jack,' cried his wife, taking her husband by the arm, ' Oh, do listen to me one moment, Freddy is not much hurt, and ho ought not to have thrown stones at Gordon's dog. You know* both Solomon and his wife set every thing by the little animal, aod he would not bark at the boys if they did not plague him. If you go and find Gor don as you are now, you will only make matters worse. Oh, I wish you would drop it.' Jack only shook his head, and smiled one of those smiles which are terrible upon the face of an angry man. MEwnBTOWSJa anuMKtfiHsj ®®usyw7r 8 IPHHSIO ' Oh, Jack, if you would only try the effect of kindness upon Solomon ! He is a good man at heart—' Jack interrupted his wife with a de risivo sneer. 'Don't laugh at me, Jack. I tell you it would be better to do so than resort to blows. If you were attacked I should not blame you for fighting to protect yourself; but this is not a case that calls for your strength of muscle. There is a higher and nobler strength that you can use now.' ' Ono!' uttered Jaok, 'you are preach ing. You are giving mo some of your Sunday School lessons. But I don't want 'em. You may experience reli gion as much as you please; but you musn't preach the stuff to me.' 'Jack,' spoke the wife, with stern solemnity, ' have I been any worse since I began to have an interest in re ligious things?' ' No, Abby—you were good always.' ' Then why will you not listen to me? If you will stay with me now— if you will wait until your anger is cooled—and then go and speak kindly to Solomon Gordon, I give you my sol emn pledge that you will feel a thou sand times better than you will if you—' But Jack would not hear his wife out. ile had sworn that he would thrash Solomon Gordon, and he would keep his word. His temper was at the boiling point, and he was fairly aching to get his hands upon the man who had dared to strike his boy; for Fred dy was his pet, and every blow that was laid upon tho child's body had made a mark of fire upon his own heart. So he put his wife away from him and hurried from the house, slam ming the door after him. Away went Jack Sprout with rapid, heavy strides; and had Solomon Gor don fallen in his way just then he would have most assuredly been beat en ; for though Solomon was a stout, bold man, yet Jack was a very Her cules. But Jack was destined to get pretty thoroughly cooled off before ho met the object of his wrath. As he ap proached the bridge that spanned the river just below the falls, he heard loud cries of alarm, and upon hurrying forward he found that a boy had fal len from one of the projecting timbers into the water. He looked over the railing, and saw the little fellow just coming to the surface of the foaming, boiling flood —a curly-headed boy,just about the age of his own darling Fred dy—stretching forth his tiny hands in agony of despair. It was a terrible place, that seething, roaring pool, where the waters of the great river came pouring down from over the high dam ; but Jack did not hesitate. He torgot his enemy—forgot everything but the danger of the little one—and only stopping to kick off his boots, and throw aside his coat, ho leaped down into the angry flood. He caught the boy in his arras, and then struck for the shore. It was a mighty conflict, but the strong man persevered. More than once those who had gathered upon tho bridge and upon the rocks had rea son to fear that neither the man nor the boy would come forth alive; but Jack held his own against the mad torrent, and finally reached tho shore where many hands were ready to help him. As for himself, a few minutes action assured hyn that he was able to walk; and he had sustained no injury save a few trifling bruises. And as lor the boy, he had come forth in safe ty, for Jack had held bim high above the water during all the time of his struggle. And when Jack Sprout had regain ed his breath, and was able to speak, ho looked to see the boy that he bad saved, and ho saw that it was Andy Gordon, a bright-eyed, curlv-haired, fair faced boy, not a year older than was his son Freddy. ! Where's papa?' asked the dripping child. ' He's coming,' answered some one in the crowd. Jack looked tip, and saw Solomon Gordon coming—Solomon, pal(f and terror stricken—and with all possible haste he seized his coat and boots, and hurried away. He could not meet Sol omon Gordon then. ' Mercy! What is it, Jack ?' Mrs. Sprout was alarmed. Her hus band was dripping wet, his step was tottering, his breathing was labored, and there was a livid mark upon his forehead as though ho had received a heavy blow. ' It is nothing, Abby.' ' Has Solomon —' 'Pshaw! D'ye think Sol. Gordon could have done this ? I have been in tho river. A little boy had fallen from tho bridge right into the flood beneath the falls. I jumped in and brought him out.' ' Alive ?' 'Yes, alive and unhurt..' ' Oh, thank God I Whose child was it, Jack V Vol. LVII. No. 12. ' Don't stop to ask questions now, Abby, but make me a cup of hot tea, while I get on some dry clothes. My soul! 1 think I had a narrow dodge of it!' Jack put on somo dry garments, and when ho had rested awhile he drank his tea, and in the course of an hour all traces of exhaustion had passed away. 1 1 tell you, Abby, I have had a good many tough jobs in my day, but I never had one like that beforo. A weaker man than I could never have brought out that child alive.' ' Oh, how grand it is, Jack, to use ono's strength in such a cause! But whose child was it? Do you not know?' Before Jack could answer, the outer door was unceremoniously opened, and Solomon Gordon entered the apart ment. Abby shrank back in alarm when she saw how pale and excited the man looked, and how ho trembled, for she did not notice the moist brim ming light that shone in his swollen eyes. 'Jack!' spoke the new comer, in a gasping manner, at the same time hold ing out both his hands. He choked and stammered, but presently gained strength to add : ' Ob, ray God ! what can I say? Jack! Jack!' Here the stout man broke fairly down, and burst into tears. Jack, almost as much affected as was his visitor, arose aud took the ex tended hand. ' Never mind, Sol. It's all right.' ' No, no,' cried Gordon, 1 it isn't right. It never can bo right. Oh, what can I do? Jack, if I could only go back to where I was this morning 1 Sly God! I beat your child for a trifling thing, and you have saved mine from a terri ble death, saved him almost at the ex pense of your own life. Kill me if you will. Beat me Jack. Do anything you like, but only forgive me for what I did to your little Freddy—forgive me, so that this saving aqt of yours shan't bo always like a heap of coals upon my head!' And then with sudden impulse—un der the influence of such an emotion as he had never before experienced, Jack Sprout said: ' SolomoD, I tell you it's all right.— You have more reason to thank God that I saved your child than I have. When I went forth from my house I was full of wrath and madness, and curses were upon my lips and in my heart. I should have sought such re venge as the wild beast seeks. Is it not better that I found your little Andy in the flood ? and is it not better that my great strength was used in saving his life? I forgive you, Sol. from the bottom of my heart. And now, I say, IT'S ALL RIGHT !' And so was cemented a friendship holy and lasting. Seemingly slight perturbations in the current of a man's life sometimes work marvelous changes for good or ill. 'Abby,' said Jack Sprout—it was late in the evening, and they had been sitting for some time without speaking —< I believe I am converted.' 1 Jack!' ' Yes, Abby, I am converted. Saul of Tarsus, that you read to Freddy about last Sunday, was not more sud denly brought to light than I have been. Really and truly, there is more virtue in kindness than in enmity; it blesses everything and everybody. He who bestows it is as much blessed as he who receives it.' And then the wife with her arm placed gently around her husband's neck, gently, kindly said: 'Dear Jack wouldn't we both be happier if we would try to live by the j blessed rules laid down by the Saviour? 1 Oh, I know that they were given by One who sought our highest good, and I think we should find much joy in trying to square our lives by the gold en rule.' And Jack with a kiss, made answer: ' My darling, we will try.' Nightmare is now politely termed the 'nocturnal horse, feminine gender/ "How does that look?" said Mr. Cramp, holding out his brawny hand. "That, said Ames, "looks as if you were out of soap." A country schoolmaster thus de scribes a money-lender: He serves you in the present tense; he lends you in conditional mood; keeps you in the subjective; and ruins you in the future. "Why does a dog waggle his tail? Lord Dundreary tells his friend the solution of this difficult riddle: "Be cause a dog is stronger than the tail; if he wasn't, the tail would waggle the dog." Lorenzo Dow was once preaching a sermou on the duty of wives, and said, "I see opposite me in this congregation a woman who has been guilty of diso beying her husband; and in order to point her out for condemnation, ! am going to throw my hymnbook at her head." He lifted his book, and instant ly every female head was ducked.