©a to ifrj 1?18 , 2'5325S , ®2Sl£ a IFWHMISISIZSIBga
Whole No 2887.
Poor House Business.
The Directors of the Poor meet at the Poor
House on the 2d Tuesday of each month.
GEO. W. ELDER.,
Attorney at Latv,
Office Market Square, Lewistown, will at
tend to business in Mifflin. Centre and Hunting
don counties mv 26
H. J". CTJL3ER.TSCIT,
Attorney at Law,
LEWISTOWN, PA., ,
OFFERS his professional services to the citizens of
Mifflin county. Office with 0. W. Woods, esq.,
Main street, below National Hotel. my 2 .
DENTAL CARD.
IFt_ IVT_ KEEVER,
SHRUEON DEYTIST. I
TEETH Extracted WITHOUT PAIN
by the use of NITRQUB OXIDE or '
Laughing Gas. Teeth m-erted on ail l
lil~ the ditfereut styles of bases. Teeth i
filled in the most approved manner. Special atten- i
tion given to diseased gums. All work warranted.
Terms reasonable. ,
Office at Episcopal Parsonage, Corner of Main and .
Water Streets. jylß }
DENTIST. !
OFFERS his professional services to the citizens of !
Lewistown and vicinity. All in want of good, neat j
work will do well to give him a call.
He may be found at all times at his office, three
doors east of H. M. A R. Pratt's store, Valley street.
apl-ly* j •
M. R. THOMPSON, D. D. S.
HAVING permanently located in Lewistown. offers ;
his professional services to the ladies and gentle
. t ;. men of this place ana viein- 1
ity. Being in possession 1
of all the late linprove-
AgSBBC. | . —2** ments in the Dental Profes
sion. he Hatter- himselflhat (
Bf " -J •. , , f
lrTr*Trf ifc ' j r t ' on to ihose who may need ,
Hta? his services in all branches ,
of his profession. Refer- ,
ences—best families. * <
Office west Market street, near Eisenbise's hotel, .
where he can be found for professional consultation
Irotn the first Mouday of each month until the fourth ,
Monday, when he will be absent on professional busi- 5 ,
ness one week. mayio-tl j *
To Purchasers of Furniture.
R. H. McCLINTIC, |
AT HIS
FI ! RNITURE WAREROOMS,
West Market St., Lewistown,
HAS complete CHAMBER SUITS of Walnut, Var
nished and in Oil. Also,
3CTTA.GE & F/-R.LCR,
S7JITS,
together with a large assortment of Fashionable and
Plain Furniture,
CHAIRS, MATTRESSES, See.
Call and see his stock before purchasing elsewhere.
N. B. Metalic and Wood Burial Cases
on hand. Coffins also made to order, and Funerals
attended with a fine Hearse, at short notice.
Lewistown, June 27,1866-6mos
Lewistown Mills.
TIIE
HIGHEST CASH PRICES FOR WHEAT, AND
ALL KINDS OF GRAIN,
or received it on storage, at the option of those |
having it for the market.
They "hope, by giving due and personal at !
tention to business, to merit a liberal share of j
public patronage.
SALT and Limeburners
COAL always on hand
WM. B McATEE & SON.
Lewistown, Jan. 1, 18G5.—tf
Brown's Mills.
rpHE undersigned are prepared to
buy all kinds of Produce for cash, or receive on
store at Brown's Mills, Reedsville, Pa. We will have
on hand
Plaster. Salt and Coal.
We intend keeping the mill constantly running, and
have
SiuDil, LSii), A3,, A3,
for -ale at the lowest Market rates, at all times.
#ifr-The public are requested to give us a call.
sep27 tf H. ST RUN K 4 HOFFMAN'S.
WHAT'S ALL THIS ?
Why, the Grain Business Reviv
ed at McCoy's old Stand,
riIHE undersigned, having rented the large
| and commodious Warehouses formerly
occupied by Frank .VoCoy, esq., is now pre j
pared to purchase or receive and forward J
All Kinds of Grain,
for which he will pay market prices. Also, 1
he will keep for sale, Salt, Plaster, Coal &
Fish
He returns thanks to all his old customers
for their former patronage, and shall feel
grateful for a renewal of past business rela
tions. lie has also ac epted the agency for
the celebrated
3/erchants will find it to their advantage
to give him a call.
marl4-ly WM. WILLIS.
HA\ ING bought the right and license to use and I
sell 9oth S. Drew's improvement in mode of cut- I
ting boots, which patent consist* of cutting with but
one seam, and without crimping, we therefore cau
tion all against using or selling boots of this make
in the county of Mifflin. J. v . S. Smith and S. D.
Byram. Agents for Pennsylvania and assignor- to P.
F. Foop. Shop and Township Rights Will Tie sold bv
P. F. Loop. All wishing to avail themselves of this
new and desirable Loot, which is at least twenty-five
per cent, of an advantage to the wearer over the old,
•an do so, bv writing to P. F. Loop. Call and see.
June 13, 1566..
LtJMBEH.
TUST received, at the Lumber Yard of Wm B. Hoff
• " man k Sons, a full supply of Drv Lumber, inclu
ding
PLASTERING LATH. PALING.
BOARDS, PLANK. JOISTS
AND SCANTLING.
Itoors and Sash always on hand. Also. 25.000 two-foot
awed Shingles, ali of which will be sold for cash,
vard back of East Third street, Lewistown. jel3-y
Pennsylvania Railroad.
Trains leave Lewistown Station as follows:
Wesiward. Eastward.
Philadelphia Express, 425a. m. 12 17 a. ni.
Baltimore " (2) 5 35 a. m.
New York Express. (1) 6 IS a. m.
Day Express, (5—2) 400 p.m. 1106 a.m.
Fast Line, (2) 6 15 p. in. (3) 6 16 a. m.
Way Passenger, (2) 9 34 a.m.
Local Accommodation, (2) 5 52 p. m.
Mail, (2) 5 03 p. m.
Cincinnati Express, (2) 6 22 p.m.
Emigrant, (3) 10 27 a.m.
FREIGHT TRAINS.
N. Y. Stock Freight, 3 45 a. m.
Ihrough Freight, 10 30 p.m. 111 a. in.
last ylsa. m. 702 a. in.
Express 12 20 p.m. 12 42 p. m
, 100 , 125 p. in. 700 p. m.
g oc , a ' . " 735 a.m. 305 p.m.
Coal Tram, 12 55 p. m. 940a. m.
L nion Line, 9 05 p. m.
1 daily; 2 daily except Sundav; 3 daily except Mon
day: n does not stop at Lewi-town ; Philadelphia fix
press Eastward, daily except Monday.
Fare to Harnsburg $210; to Philadelphia 5 85; to
Altoona 2 50; to Pittsburgh 6 60; to Baltimore 5 20 ; to
York 3 20.
9st' I'hc ticket office will be open 20 minutes before
the arrival of each passenger train.
D. E. ROBESON, Agent.
Galbraith & Conner's omnibusses connect with all
tile passenger trains, and take up and set down pas
sengers at all points within the borough. Orders are
requested to be left at the National House.
The Trains on the Mifflin & Centre Co. Branch road
leave Lewistown tor Reedsville at 7 45 a. m., 11 23 a.
m.. 1 00 p. m. and 5 16 p.m.. arriving from Reedsville
at 8 57 a. m.. 12 27 p. m., 2 17 p. in. and 6 17 p. m., stop
ping at the intermediate stations both ways.
DR.. JCHH J. D AHIEU,
Practicing Physician,
ilellevillc, >1 i rti in County, Pa.
DR. DAHLEN has been appointed an Examining
Surgeon for Pensions. .Soldiers requiring exam
ination will find him at his office in Belleville.
Belleville, August 22, 1566.-y
REMOVED.
J A. & W. R. McKEE
H AVE removed tlieir Leather Store to Odd Fel
low*' Hall, where they will constantly keep
on hand, l-ole Leather. Harness. Skirting and Upper
Leather, Kips, American and French Gulf Skins, Mo
roccos. Linings and Bindings, and a general assort
ment of Shoe Findings, which they will sell cheap for
cash. Highest market price paid in cash for hides,
Calf Skins and Sheep Skins.
wanted, for which the highest market price will be
paid in Cash. ap4tf
MRS. M. E. STEWART,
te P/.ITCTJ STCPwP,
West Market sf., Lewistown,
LADIES A GENTLEMEN'S FURNISHING GOODS,
Sacks. Cloaks, Hats, Bonnets, Ladies Fine DRESS
GOODS and Trimmings.
Patterns of latest styles always on hand. .
Millinery and Dress-Making
executed in the most approved style.
Lewistown, April IS, 1866.tf
COACH MANUFACTORY.
tsntf, H A RTM AN PHIL
3gWWtr== LIPS continues to manufacture
<'"aches. Carriage-, Buggies,
at his old stand, in Veugcrtown,
on the Beilefonte and Lewistown Turnpike, 3 mites
from Lewistovfn, of a quality superior, and at prices i
lower than elsewhere in the county. A varied stock j
of neat and durable work is always kept oil baud,
from which purchasers may select, and any article in
his line will be made to order at the shortest notice.
All work warranted to be of first quality and of the
most approved and recent patterns.
Repairing done with neatness and dispatch.
Veagertown, May 23, ISBtWSm
EMPIRE SHUTTLE SEWING MACHINES.
Are superior to all others for
FAMILY AND MANUFACTURING PURPOSES.
Contain all the latest improvements; are speedy;
noiseless; durable; and easy to work.
Illustrated Circulars free. Agents wanted. Liberal
disount allowed. No consignments made.
Address EMPIRE S. M. CO., 616 Broadway, New
Y'ork. seps'6o-ly
628. HOOP SKIRTS, 628.
Hopkin's "Own Make."
NEW FALL STYLES!
Are in every respect first class. and embrace a com
plete assortment for Ladies. Misses, and Children, of
the Newest styles, every length and Siaes of Waist.
Our Skirts, wherever known, are more universally
popular than any cithers before the public. They re
tain their shape better, art- lighter, more elastic, more
durable, and teallv Cheaper, than any other Hoop
Skirt in the market. The spring* and fastenings are
warranted perfect. Evt.itY LADY should TRY THEM!—
They are now being extensively sold by Merchants,
throughout the Country, and at Wholesale tf- Retail, at
Manufactory and Sales Room.
NO. 628 AKt U STREET. BKbotV 7th, PHILADELPHIA.
Ask for HOPKIN'S "own make."—buy no other.
Caution . —None genuine unless Stamped ou each
Kid Fad—"Hopk in.* Hoop Skirt Manufactory, No. j
62S Arch Street Philadelphia.
Also, constantly on hand full line of NevV York
made Skirts, at very low prices.
TERMS NET CASH ONE PRICE ONLY. au2D-4m
; NEW BRANCH STORE, j
gpStraw Goods & Millinery,
WT WHOLESALE AND RETAIL.
TO MILLINERS I can offer the tnost favorable
terms, lis all mv goods are shipped directly (ri>m the
factory fci Massachusetts. We are selling goods low
er than can be bought in New York by the duacn or
package. Give us a call. Save yourself of the need
less expense. None but the latest styles kept on
hand. All orders taken by our agents promptly nlled.
1 would most respectfully invite the attention of the
| Ladies of this town and vicinity to our stock of Miss
ies and Ladies Hats and Bonnets, which we will sell
1 lower than ever offered before at retail.
H. E. STONE,
| Agent for STONE, DANIELS * Co.. Wholesale Manu
, facturers of Imported and Domestic Straw Goods,
j Lewistown, April 18,1866.
S. S. CAMPBELL & CO.
Manufacturing Confectioners,
AN'l> WHOLESALE DEALERS IN
FOREIGN FRUITS, NUTS,&C.
No. 303, RACE STREET,
PHILADELPHIA.
ALSO, MANIPACTUBXRS OF ALL KINDS OR
y>yr- Molasses Candy and Oocoanut Work.
septl2"66-ly.
P. P. GUSTINE,
FURNITURE WARE ROOMS,
N. E. Cor. of Second A Itacc Streets,
PHILADELPHIA,
Is now Selling off his L.irg • Stock Cheap for
Cash. sept!2'66 3m.
RED Sole Leather :m 1 Shoe Findings,
in good supply, and low. ,c. HOFFMAN'S
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 19, 1866.
EDUCATIOMAL.
J. K. HARTZLKR, BdltvMe, Mifflin County, EHtor
A School's (Greatest Accd.
Viewing a school from every point
of view, we conceive the most needful !
ingredient in a rightly organized school
is religion—the pure love of Christ—
the spiritual, inspiring taith of heaven
born religion. We say it, as the con
viction ot our soul; we say it as they
who have felt its need and benefits;
we have made the statement; philoso- I
pbic minds will ask the why.
As mortals engaged in a divine work, j
we need divine help. Truly, when we
consider ourselves, we must confess
that we are weak, ignorant beings; ut
terly incapable of ourselves to rear im
mortal plants fit to present to the Mas
ter. But to feel that we have ever at
command a source from which we may
derive help in every case, is certainly
a soul cheering truth —one command- ;
ing the regard of every earnest work- >
er in the cause of education How of- !
ten has every teacher met with instan
ces in school government, for which he I
has felt himself insufficient; when he
has felt he needed guidance; when he 1
has felt the questions arising in his own j
mind, What shall I do? How shall I
do? Then, then, how needful is tho 10 j
ligion which assures us i hat " Lo lam J
with you always." What a treasure !
to have within our constant reach a j
guide that can not go wrong —a teach- ;
or who professes ali wisdom. Every
one of us has felt, at times, like sink- !
ing under the burden of care. O, ye i
of little faith, would you but stretch j
out your hand of faith, you might feel
the arm of everlasting love ready to
encircle and bear you up.
Not only is Christ's love essential to
the teacher, as strength in his weak
ness, and as wisdom in his ignorance; j
hut to make him a fit pattern for the
imitation of his scholars it is doubly
necessary. There is a power from
which no teacher can divest himself— j
example—more effective than any i
other method of instruction, and which t
no caveat can cancel. You might as j
well put a child in the fire and pray
that he may not be burnt, as put him
under the care of a vicious master and
hope that he will not be vicious. The I
contagion of example, like the malaria j
of cholera, works silently, insensibly, I
constantly, widely. Even men can
scarce resist it, how then shall chil
dren ? Think not a few cautions will
save them. Behind their little eyes
are active brains; and, little its you
think of it, they are capable of going
through the most complicated process
es of reasoning without knowing any
thing of logic. They read countenan
ces, they trace thoughts, they scent i
inconsistencies as the war-horse snuffs 1
the'battle from afar. What one Ro
man once said to another, we may say
to the tea"her, "Thou shalt live so be- j
set, so surrounded, so scrutinized by
vigilant guard that thou canst not stir j
a foot without their knowledge. There j
shall be eyes to detect thy- slightest |
movement, and ears to catch thy low- j
est whisper;" and we may add, if thou
art evil, thy careless look, or move
ment, or whisper may telegraph lies
in immortal souls or fire trains upon
the track of distant magazines. But
if thou art actuated by holy principles >
thy every movement may be a cord
drawing them gently, invisibly on in
the paths of goodness. No district
would put the small pox in the school
house; yet vaccination is some protoc
tion against it; but there in no prophy
lactic against the virus of a had exam
ple Equally operative is a good ex
ample. As well suppose that children
can gambol and sing upon the bosom
of BOine flowery mountain without
breathing its fragrance and enjoying
its beauty, as that they may sit at the
feet of a good man, day- by day, with
out receiving the impress of his soul.
E.
An Important Card from Mr.
Greeley.
The Advice he gave President Johnson on
Reconstruction.
The persistent efforts of Mr. Beech
er to cast blame 011 the Republican
majority of the present Congress as—
at least equally with President John
son —responsible for the grave existing
difference between thorn, impels me,
in the interest of truth and justice, to
make a statement of facts.
1 was one of tho many who early
apprehended and anxiously deprecated
a breach between Congress and the
President. Soon after our last State
election, and before the assembling of
the present Congres, I went, not unin
vited, to Washington, expressly to
guard against such a difference. Be
ing admitted to-an interview with the
President, I urged him to call to Wash
ington three of the most eminent and
trusted expositors of Northern anti
! slavery sentiment., and three equally
eminent and representative Southern
ox rebels, and ask them to take up
their residence at the White House
for a week, a fortnight, so long as they
might find necessary, while they by
free and friendly conference and dis
cussion, should earnestly endeavor to
find a common ground whereon the
North and the South should lie not
merely reconciled, but. made evermore
lraternal and harmonious. I suggested
that the President should occasionally,
as he could find the time, drop in 011
these conferences and offer, such sug
gestions as he should deem fit—rather
as a moderator or common friend,
than as a party to the discussion.
A suggestion of names being invited,
I proposed those of Governor Andrew
of Massachusetts, Gerrit Smith of
New York, and Judge R. P. Spauiding
of Ohio, as three who seemed to be
fair representatives of thoanti slavery
sentiment ol the North, while neither
specially obnoxious to nor disposed
to deal harshly with the South; and 1
added that 1 hoped they would be met
by men like General Robert E. Lee,
Alexander II Stephens, &c., who would
be recognized and heeded by the South
as men in whose hands her honor and
true interests would be safe. But 1
added that I had no special desire that
these or any particular men should be
selected, wishing only that those cho
son from either section should be such
as to command their people's eonfi
donee and support. And I pledged
myself to support, to the extent of ray
power, any adjustment that should thus
be matured and agreed upon.
Some two months later, after the
meeting of Congress, and when the
political sky had become darker, I
went again to Washington, 011 the
assurance of a mutual friend that the
President desired 10 see me. The
Joint Committee on Reconstruction
had-then been appointed. At an in
terview promptly accorded. 1 urged
tho President to invite this committee
to the White House, and discuss with
them, from evening to evening, as
friend with friends, all the phases of
the grave problem of reconstruction,
with a fixed resolve to find a basis of
agreement, if possible. I urged such
considerations as occurred to me in
favor of the feasibility of such agree
ment if it were earnestly sought, as I
felt sure it would be 011 the side of
Congucss.
The vast patronage in the Presi
dent's hands—the reluctance of the
majority 1 n Congress to see their friends,
supporters and nominees expelled by
wholesale from office, and their places
supplied by bitter adversaries —the
natural anxiety of every party in pow
er to maintain cordial relations with
the head of the Government chosen
by its votes —these, and a thousand
kindred considerations rendered mor
ally certain an agreement between
Congress and the President without a
sacri ce of principle on either hand, if
the latter should sincerely seek it.
T speak only of what 1 said and pro
posed, because 1 have 110 permission
and no right to speak furl her. That
my suggestions were not followed, nor
anything akin to them, the public
sadly knows. And the conclusion to
which I have been most reluctantly
forced is, that the President did not
want harmony with Congress —that
he had already made up his mind to
break with the party which had elect
ed him, and seek a further lease of
power through the favor and support
of its implacable enemies.
HORACE GREELEY.
The Eye ol an Eagle.
The eyes of all birds have a peculi- ;
arity of structure whie# enables them
to see near or distant objects equally
well, and this wonderful power is car
ried to the greatest perfection in the
bird of prey. When we recollect that
an eagle will ascend more than a mile
in perpendicular height, and from that
enormous distance will perceive its un
suspecting prey, and pounce on it with
unerring certainty; and when we see
the same bird scrutinizing with almost
microscopic nicety, an object close at
hand, we at once perceive that he pos
sesses a power of accommodating his
sight to distance in a manner to which
our eye is unfitted and of which it is
totally incapable. If we take a print
ed page, we shall find that there is
eorue particular distance, probstbly ten
inches, at which we Can read the words
and see oach letter with perfect dis
tinctnogs; but if we move the page to
a distance of forty inches, we shall find
it impossible to read at all; a scientific
man would, therefore, call .ten inches
the focus or focal distance of our eyes.
We cannot alter this focus except by
the aid of spectacles.
But an eagle has tho power ot alter
ing the focus of his eye just as he pleas
es; he has only to look at an object at
the distance ot two feet or two miles
in order to see it with perfect distinct
ness. Of course the eagle knows noth
ing oftho wonderful contrivance which
God has supplied for bis accommoda-
Ljl&'X/V ipmsysyo
tion ; he employs it instinctively- and
because 110 cannot help it. The ball
of his eye is surrounded l>y- fifteen lit
tle plates, called sclerotic bones; they
form a complete ring, and their edges
slightly overlap each other. Wdien he
looks at a dist :ni ' joct this little cir
cle of bones expanus, ami tho ball of
the eye being relieved liom the pres
sure, becomes flatter; and when he
looks at a very near object the little
bones press together, and the ball of
the eye is thus squeezed into a round
er or more convex form ; the effect is
familiar to every body; a person with
very round eyes is near sighted, and
only sees clearly an object that is close
to him ; and a person with fiat eyes, as
in old age, can see nothing clearly ex
cept at a distance; the eagle, by mere
will, can make his eyes round or flat,
and see with equal clearness at any
distance.
Sam Suiiiton'B Speculation.
Sam Swinton was a rascal, dyed in
the wool. Everybody acknowledged
this—at least everybody that knew
him—while those who did not know
him were tho very ones upon whom he
mostly operated. He was naturally
keen and shrewd, and had away of
getting out of all his scrapes that al
most invariably brought a smile to the
face of his victim, no matter how badly
he bad been gulled in the transaction.
Some years ago Sam's funds got very
low, and he was almost at a loss to find
a method of replenishing them. At
last he hit upon the following rather
ingenious plan, and we cannot do bet
ter than to give his operations in his
own language, as ho afterwards told
them to us amidst shouts ol' laghter.
"1 had carried on my operations
about home" said Sam, "until I had no
one else to work on, and so I conclu
ded that for the future I would have
to change my base, and go farther to
the west. I thought I would go as far
as my money would carry me, anil be
fore long found myself in tho village
of C ,on the Wabash River. I
had not been there long before I no
ticed a large unoccupied warehouse, on
the bank of the river, and immediate
ly conceived a rather hazardous, but
as it afterwards proved, profitable idea.
I found that the building could be had
for a few months, and after a delay of
a few days J found myself pleasantly
fixed up in a small office connected
with the warehouse, while immense
posters announced the fact that Sam
Swinton hud rented the largest house
011 the river, and was now prepared to
attend to all Commission business en
trusted to his care. I paid special at
tention to the corn busine&s, and before
a month I had received and sold sev
eral lots of corn, making a very good
percentage on handling it. But this
did not come up to my idea of making
money. At last the opportunity fur
which I had long been waiting arrived.
An old.fellow, about seventy miles up
the river wrote me that he had that
day- shipped five large flat-boat loads
of prime corn. 1 immediately made
preparations to receive it, and before
a week had it all safely stored away.
Corn was retailing at that time at 40
cents at the different stores through
out the town, and dull sale at that.—
Things moved slowly 011 for two or
three weeks, when the old man wrote
me that he needed money very badly,
and to make a forced sale of the corn
at once, putting it at 35 cents a bushel.
I immediately commenced selling, not
at 35 but at 30 cents. The way the
I other corn dealers stared and wonder
!ed was a caution. But I kept slash
j ing it out at 30 cents; and at last put
it at 25. The old man kept writing
for money, and I kept putting him off.
In about a month I closed out the last
bushel of corn, and the same day a let
ter came from tho old man, say 7 ing if
he did not receive some money by re
turn mail he would come down and
see about the matter. I seen the crisis
had now came, and I sat down and
made out the following statement, arrd
forwarded it to him :
DEAR SIR. —On the 7th of Nov. I
received from you 5000 bushels corn,
i for which* I have given you a credit
of 51250,00.
On the above amount 1 claim the
following credits and deductions:
Commission 500,10
Storage 300,07
Cartage 125,02
Wheelago 125,03
Ratage 175,08
1225,30
Leaving a balauce duo you of 824,70
—for which amount you will please
draw on me at sight.
The same boat which took my letter
to the old gentleman bore me from the
scene of my speculation to a more con
genial clime.
The old. man must have got vory
wrathy on the receipt of my letter, for
a few* weeks afterwards I received an
answer to my* statement, the letter be
ing forwarded to me by a friend. The
letter ruu thus: "You infernal villain'.
Vol. LVI, No. 37.
J Lut in Stealage, and keep the whole of
4 Chapter i>i run.
Why is u tender-hearted philan
thropist like a horse? Because hia
steps are arrested by the cry of woe.
Bs%. Sentimental Youth.—" Will you
share my lot of life ?" Practical Girl.
—" How many acres are there in your
j lot, sir?"
, .4 Brute. —One asked his friend why
he married so little a wife ?—" Why,"
said he, " I thought you had known
that of all ovils we should choose the
j least!"
j
gale of wind, says: "A white dog,
while attempting to weather the gale,
was caught with his mouth open, and
turned completely inside out.
"My friend has a groat rever
! cnce for truth," said one gentleman to
j another. u So I have observed," re
plied the other, " for ho always keeps
a respectable distance from it."
"Of what use are forms?" ex-
I claimed a petulent legislator to Dr.
j Franklin; " you cannot deily.that they
are often empty things !" . " Well, my
friend, and so are barrels, but never
theless they have their use," quietly
replied the Doctor.
8®."Oh! mamma, mamma," said a
tow-headed little urchin in a tone of
mingled fright and penitence, "Oh!
mamma, I've been th wearing!" "Been
swearing, my child! What did you
say?" "Oh! mamma," (beginning to
sob,) " I thed Old Dan Tucker."
tor* Bassompierro, the French Am
■ bassador to Spain,"was telling Henri
Ouatre how he entered Madrid. " I
was mounted on the smallest mule in
the world." "Ah," said Henri, "what
an amusing sight—the biggest ass on
the smallest mule!" " I was your ma
■ jesty's representative ?" was the re
! joinder.
A quaint writer says:—"l havo
seen women so delicate that they were
afraid to ride for fear of the horse run
ning away ; afraid to sail, for fear the
j boat might upset; afraid to walk, for
fear the dew might fail; but I never
I saw one afraid to bo married, which is
far more riskful than all three put to
gether,
j ®
An "emigrant," who had been
somewhat roughly dealt with by the
1 " wildcat" gentry of Virginia City,
thus expresses his opinion of that live
ly town : " If Gabriel happens to light
at Virginia City, there'll be no resur
rection, for they'll swindle him out of
his horn before he can mako a single
| hoot-a-toot."
ftajr A printer not long since, having
I been " tiurg" by his sweetheart, went
to the office to commit suicide with the
" shooting stick." The thing wouldn't
go off. The " devil," wishing to paci
fy him, told him to go into the sanc
tum, where the editor was writing
j duns to delinquent subscribers. He
says that picture of despair reconciled
I him to his fate.
A plain-spoken Western preach
er delivered the following from his
desk : " I would announce to the con
gregation that probably b} T mistake,
there was left at this meeting-house,
this morning, a small cotton umbrella,
much damaged by time and tear, and
of exceeding pale blue color, in the
place whereof was taken a very large
biack silk umbrella, and of great beau
ty. Blunders of this sort, brethren
and sisters, are getting a little too
common."
Sis*. " Daddy," said a hopeful urchin
to his paternal relative, *" why don't
; our schoolmaster send the editor of the
newspaper an account of the lickings
he gives the boys ?"
" I don't know, my son," replied the'
fond parent: ".but why do you ask
such a question ?"
'• Why, this paper says that Mr. B.
has tanned three thousand bides at hit
establishment during the past year,
and I know old Grimes has tanned our
i hides mor'n twice that often !"
Hard on Parkersburg. —The editor of
the Wheeling Intelligencer was told
the following story a few days ago by
a gentleman who had just returne<l
from Parkersburg: He bad hardly got
to sleep when he was awakened by a *
! " bite " Upon lighting a match he
found a bedbug about half an inch in
! diameter. He threw the bug with the
match, into a basin of water which
stood at the head of the bed. This
process was repeated several times.—
At last he was awakened from a sound
sleep by what he thought was some
person singing. He threw up his win
dow but could not find the course of
the sweet sounds, but at last he hap
pened to look in the basin, when ne
found that the bugs bad constructed a
raft out of the matches he had thrown
in, and were towing it around the ba
sin, singing— .
" Life on the ocean wave,
A home on the rolling deep," Ac.