. 'Kvcry farmer should nt leltsl hnvo one ' unty paper, and tlint paper should ba tho AdvuOath, which contains nil tlio latest io vcal news. Only $1 00 a year. r ,. t. .... r t . r .- t.-- una lawyer in li.'S aiumes, lowa, uas secured lit!) divore s timing Ilia pastycor. A woman In Charleston, S. 0., can show ft $1,000 let offals tutli when tiio - gets angry, f "My wife," remnrUd Fitstbooillo, "Is fairly nrizyovct tho Wnller fashions. She's pit the delirium trimming." BKINHY U3H. "Wells' Health Ui-newer" restores health tail vigor, cures Dyspepsia, ImiU;ncc,8cx ual liability. M. Brlijandl have carried olT the Jluy. r anil Aldermen nf u Mfxv.ui city. I it sotm Amoriean cities the people wonlil feel like pensioning the bandlta who would accum pi lull eueh a Teat. It Iia3 :eoiied to U3 (but a true lef-jmi In tlio civil cf rvto of the uvf rument i to he sftnpht for, first of nil, In tho displurc inent of every eniplnjeol tbe government Wlimo services are not rci'iircd. 'fumi "I wmiilcr tf beasts think?" Charley (learnedly)! "1 hey ' can't think without tho power of nieeehl" Tunis ' Oh. can't tliey( th"iiglil I think without the jviwer of speech when I'm l to hold my tjmifiio ut dinncrl',' "SOOTH Oil HATS." Cl -ari out rat, mice, roaches, flies, nut' bed-bui;", skunks, chipmunk, gojihur. He Druggists. A living couple In Iowa were, tnys the lo'nl chronicler, ee.iirvtcd by A ixM cloud nf frozen realism." It is evident it was net tlo hali qucstino that dnltirb"d tli' m. However colli or fr zen h sh may be, it has never been described as n realism. India h s 211,000 schools, civer f 0 col leges, and nearly- 3,000,000 scholars, A ,larjo part of the education .jlvcn by them Is puroly secular; but tho cstablishim-nt el nearly nil tlio schools is duo direi My or in directly to tho labots of the missionaries there. TJ-Pre re), cloak", coat-, stockim;" on nl H'lrui.'liM can bo c lo "d toioc-'ull. W th the P n ivmd lives. lWiioiiable i-ii-irs. Only 1J r. JeTemon J.iclis -n.of fmng Inland, inn" ried'a 'woman who h.i-1 tiro oldhlivn, nr tool: ono to livo will) her. J ictiMin want to pet rid ol the hitler, ntoi hail lite child ir r sled f 'Hi-; n-8 on the pnmie" T'.i matter 1 ne Into Court. .K.-k-on eonfpml cd that a man ij not nUged to snpj ort st children, and tne Couit i 0 Jul in I. vor cf tlic defendant. CHAS. M. SWEENY & SON Arc offering oxhaordinary inducements to nil Buyers of Choice Groceries and Proyisions, DRESS AND DRY GOODS, NOTIONS, OIL CIJDTIIS, Qucenswaro, Wood and Willlow Ware, Sec, (ST BUEWG THE HOLIDAYS ! Remember tho Place, Old Post-Office Building, Bank St., Lehighton. n. HysF3 H.qKfaatr n ra BOA!J-PA"v;tarinirrMr.ni.a Condition I'oMUPijt. la valuable. Notni tO 1 pi 111 lOOd, Hiiim on prtrtli Ullnul.e lie tin my like Shoriitan Ko)d e crywtn.ro, ur snt by uull W6iut(ei'-sl Chemist, nnw most oi tna tnimniitrl v t)n.c. 1 tniKtiftntinil stamps. 1. tf. Jim.tK)s & Co., Iiusiox, Mas FARMERS' COLUMN. nasi IT m'fit 31 fill I Cures all tliaoaocs of ths Stomach, Liver, Bow els, Kidneys, Skin and Elocd. Millions testi fy to it3 elficaoy in healing tho afoovo named A diseases, and pronounco it to ba tho. liiilll. J't ny.Mi'uUi lUNUHw n main. Guaranteed to Cure Dyspepsia. iggT A O E N T S W A N T E llJJ Laboratory 77 West 3d St., New York City, Druggists sell it. J.YJCr.NS, UAcriits Co.. Pa. Iin. Ci.auk .Tonpov.; Mv lio.lv was llterntlv rovrrpit with Teller, tor wTiteh I eouM prt no relief until I took your 1KUIA.N HLOOD SYltUP, nlilch has cITcetunlly cured me. I recommend It liluhly. i:nouu nr.KOEn. Farniera ami uliuid iln-irini; n gen teel, lucrative ajeney husiio:rhy which ' to20 n dny c-iu be camel, send ud Ite.ia lit once, on postal, to II'. C. Wii.kinj"N & Co., 105 and 109 Ful on auret, New York. E,AOIME5 WIS., WE MAKE EVEItY YAItlETY OP r-l ! n cotninoti fallacy oniony the een eral pull e that, it mint ho n very dillieo! matter to find news to fill each day's pnpi'i. Bo far r 'n th.a h'np tho case, tlip ingenu ity of editors und sub edilors is conlinually on tlio Etreteh to find rosea for even n f lection of v'm limit impoit.nit new at tlieii dispoeal. Ill tlio oilier of a leuing dnih newspaper tln-re isoden nnre matter thrnwi. into the waste-basket, or struc!: out i inanujvripta, than would sulliee to fill tin jiapcr. o On thirty Days Trial. The Voltaic Hki.t On., Marslmll, Mich.. will s:nil Dr. Dyn's IVicbintod Kleelro Vol iqo limits und Il'ectllo Appliiincej on trial lor ihirTy dnvs to men (vouti : or old) who Hr? iiillirlfii wllh m-rvou dt'bitilv. lost yi tlmly nnd loiidnd tiouldes, Hiiar.iiituin ppeHy and foiordetp restoration ofloalth and iinnly vipor. N. II. So rik ii incur led, ua tblity days' trial u ullowul. j.ly Robert Monif, the negro lawyer, w! o lntely died in IV'! Inn, lefi property worn $.100,001). There w somethins singular abonl hij piotitiihlc'cticntio. Ilo went t tho bar when prejudiiM oaimt I114 eol-.i was very stronu, nnd ret 1 1 i s elieula wei ora long timo aluiont entirely ntnoni: Ut Irish jeoplo, who hid punt fuit'i in hih legal mH-rj. Oil the other huiiil, the hp. grocs of the city were rather ehy ol liini,uiiil ho never gained much pnetico fiom tlum In ptewnlins to tho public a mole o re tinent fertile cure nfanvoi llni5e ter rible disease that allliet mankind, it !h bui jittt and propr that tho priuciphs upon wlileh it is I'onilwl rIioijI,! bo wt forth In ai clear a light as pojsible. Tlio time for .so erecy in eueh mailers Is past, and any plan ol treatment or leniedy, that will net bear the ihwst seiullny of seieiitlfii! iuvetli;a tion must be regarded with (uipicioii. It is uircly in tho history of medicine that nil the iHilieitiions of dise.ise oavo been uirt by a s ii e renie lyor eo:n bur.it ion of leiueii !cs Hut rier n continued and nccurato olisor Vat an ofjill the phenomena Attending the courw nf on almost couutlesj number ot rasei if U iluio, and e;:Uinliiii!overu long ferm of r -ars, a prejMi'ation Iijb been grad- n' v li ''"-"te 1, ivh.eb, in a most ini-prislni; Mil ii iciory mtntn r uiijels tlm exi.ct r fi'i- v ..eni3 lor the - rio.imnil liellff ami C I ' t It ipturo, even in its moi.t nbaliuitte toi ni'. I . ii tlie li'Menl ol Ihosu ofour ivmi er who have nut bid the opportunity jS lwtini; I no ni'TU. ol J.t.vlfior Jklplum Treati;il for tlie'iimHo, we a!( ttiot you fanJ to f. M. Mrtrrlei', Ojt lonsbur. N. Y.f tor ins i i .u uwi on itui ture. "mil l neiiii! 'the man who tn w. mm H Loll r liow to rutin t.ewpper tbi.n i n i pronrio'or lie is ofary n here, hut r ini neiv sane is eonalauily ap;n'arins I l hi in that tliinkotli tho tusk m nav go lid try it hiiniietf; 01 be who thinks the t in '-ir.l of a country pjor not lng!i rnoii'li, Make tiio d s nal pri it sh ip a do. ration of a couplo of Ibn'i.audi, nnd we'll warunt thit pnjhir to iniprovcl This tame ritizen who is oainipr. sent, usually ciu trjbilles nuthliin, or yry little, lo .iy t' o leaf t, la iho wsy of ripp,nl, but oonstjntly finds fault because the editor ilujsu'l do more. Farm, Freight and Spring Wagons, And by conflnln? onrselves btrictly to one class ot work; by employing nono tint the !E3ost of WORKIHI5N, ttslnjr nothing but l'lItST-CLASS IMPKOVhl) MACIIINEIIY nnd the VKKY BEST ot SELKOTED TlMBIiU, and by a TUOUOUQ1I KNOWLEDGE ol ths business, we have Justly carnea ino rcpncation oi rnaKing Manufacturers havo abolished tlio warranty, but Azcnta may. on their own responsibility, glyo tlic lonowinj warranty wun cacn wagon, ii so ngrccu: TV itfimhv iVnrmnt iho FISTT nuns. WAfiilK 'n to hn well made In every nartlc uiar ami oi gooct material, ana mat ino etrengin oi ino same is oiiiucieut tor an worn wuu iir usage, snouiu any nreanago occur witnin ono year irom mis uato oy reason oi ticicciivo noovnui or workmanshln. rcnalra for the same will bo furnished at nlaco of sale, free of cbarze. or tho price of said repairs, as per agent's price list, will lie paid lu cash by tho purchaser producing a eauinlo of the broken or dcfectlvo parts an evidence Knowing w. can ;ult you, wo solicit patronago from every section of tho United States. Send for Prices and Terms, and for a copy of THE ltAUNH AGRICULTURIST, to MS 11 ULIOS. Sc CO., Kncluc, Wl. J'uimfncnueecf and neater in stoves, mm and heaters, fin and MM Ware ai'i General JSCuS. WHO IB UNACQUAINTCO WITH THt OCOORAPHV OF THIS COUN TRVWltLSEC BV EXAMINING THIS MAP THAT THE itons1:?;.; ami i-i'nii'rixi dor.- ni sho-t notice ami at Lowest Caili Prices. r -The most olutinato c ises of Calariff.iixl Uaj Fever am cured by tlm use ol Klv's f'reahi Jtilm tho only agioeablo leiuoilr. Trie 50 cU. Apply luto nostills with little finger. Tmiu ilu Down. Militiiy Initruclor, Mt. I'Jei-jui Am l ny, SinVii,., . i, II mng l'i. very iuld woalber I was ultwr 1 ig wi h C.ileirli. My hei.,1 nnd Ibroul relied s i verly that I wai nblljo I In c.lve vpvert'i'iij and keep niiiet, Klv's Cie.ni Id! n w is fo-jesipil. .W It Mil mi (wtnr from t io Q -t ti.ip.ioiiion I tell illve.,lhp mm Ip5 n I i sii'mIp. in (wo d ys wus eulire Jveurel. W. A, D .was. Fli. 13, ISRI. My n. . niim jeers, wi nftliHnl w n I'd n nil, Hie iiKo! Ulr's Cream llilm rTrl d inupletrtpuie. W. K llaiuman, J' ujj -I, Kii'lini, i'u, r-The (Kietieal au i the prae I, al -fentl. in n.t I dinr: "Kul a lrl.l liUke of one 1 1 then, i ring sonsten t heo reu's gUI I vml.l hi (,ac rat u liymid" liaeticat f lend: Y a., never touch small blrdl they all fod on worms " I verrl.lnrt -if SIOVI! d'HTIH and TlttJ. Iir.lt ilHkipic.iaititullruu in ml. STOim on SOUTH Street, fiw il.ijrs ebovo llank Et., I.KUinmo.. I Bfon 'en iajitit:-u,tuiw nn g tai.-Mei it. Out. Ml A. IJ. M0S6l.lt. I F. HALBACH, MusiO BealeU ASP Instructor hi Music LT3KIO-IITON, Pcnna. A full Hue of nil kinds of MUSICAL IlTRUMEHTi tSUeeS Music, MUSIC BOOKS, &c, CBICAGOJiOCKISLaND&PACIFICR' Tiy tho oentrnl position of Ha line, connects tho Haat and tlio west by tho ehortcst routo, and car rion passengers, without chance or can. between Chicago ana Kansas City, Council 13lufls, Leaven vrorth. Atchison, Minneapolis and Bt. 1'aul. It panrG(ti in Unlnn 1VrmtB urith nil lha nnnnltul Imea ot road between tho Atlantic and tho Pacifto Oceans. Us equipment Is unrivaled and magnitt cent, being composed ol Moat Comfortable and Keautirul l)ay Coaches, Maffniflcent Ilorton Ue clininc Chair Cars, Iullman'a Trottlest Falace Slceplncj Cars, and tho Jicat Lino or Dining Cars In tha World. Three Trains between Chicaeo and iliBBouri lllver Points. Two Trains between Chi Qi39 and Minucapolis and St. Paul, via tho famous "ALBERT LEA 30UTE." A New and Direct Lice, via Seneca and Kanka kee, Mas recently been opened between Jllchmond. liorfolK, Newport News, Chettanooea, Atlanta, Au- fiuta, Nashville, Louisville, LciiiiKioa.Cinolnuatl, ndlannpolifiaud Latayette, and Omaua, Jllnneop oils and tit. Paul aud lutermcdltto points. All Through Passengeru Travel ou fast Express Trains. Tickets for sale at all principal Ticket Offices in tha United States and Canada. Bacgage checked through and rates of fare al, ways oa low as competltorj that olfcr less advan tages. for detailed lnformatlon.cct the Maps and Fold ers of tho GREAT ROCK ISLAND ROUTE, At your noarest Ticket Office, or address H. . CABLE, E. ST. JOHN, Vloo-l'rcs. Oea'l H'g 'r, (ca'inu&rut.Jl$U CHICAGO. American Agriculturist for February,) Farm Work for February. SitKna of all kinds should be procured now, that they may bo on hand as soon as spring opens. Dealers are overruu with orders Just at sowing tjme, and lliey do not then givo the quickest and most careful at tention. It is nf the greatest importance that only tho best seed of tho choicest sorts nro used. Canvass tbe whole subject of seeds with much care, and it will be timo well spent. There is no economy in sowing cheap seeds, nndwhen Ihero are weed seeds present it Is n great mistake and a sourco of iMirh I'lllll'O trouble. Manurk. Tho making nnd saving of manure are among the most important la bors on the farm in winter. Thevaliiool this product depends upon the character of tha food given to the animals; the kind, age nnd caro of tho stock, and the attention that It receives alter it is dropped. Manure frooi the stables may bo put in fquare,eom pact piles, which will letain suflicient heat to keep nut the frost nnd rut rapidly. Dy lidding tho fresh manure to tho top, nnd forking in the sides, the whole heap will bo in fine condition for use In the spring, end will givo quick returns on any field ciop. Tho wont arrangement is lo have tho dlop- pings scattered overa large open yard, to be frozen and trampled into the mud. Farm Animals should bo kept neat and clean. Examine young cattlo for licejthcse pests may be found; along tho back and neck of the nnlinal. nub the Infested tails with kerosene oil, diluted with unequal quantity nf sweet oil or lard. Horses that lire idle may '.be kept In yord with an open shed for shelter, ond If fid with a lew ears of corn for their grain, will keep In good condition. "Work borses t:o'd good stables olid an abundunco of nbolcsomo food. Use tho currycomb and brush dally, thus keeping tho surfaco of the skin in a vigorous and healthful condition A sharp currycomb is in bo uvoided, as It irritates the animal. The keen points may bo filed d wn. Tins thrivo in dry, warm, and well ven- idnled prns. A largo portion of tho swine troubles come Irom too much dampness und filth. Thobrool sows need special atten tion, nnd should bo provided with a large, warm room, with line litter. Givo them a mixed diet I'oui.tiiy. To do well in wintor, fowls need sunny place wheio lliey may have suf licient exercise. Brood hens need n warm and quiet place to bring forth their early ehi ks. These will bo ready for the curly market, und bring good prices. At Wiaiernraia's BOfTOM Price Store ! A full line of Fall and Winter Goods at LOWER PRICES THAN EVER. I liaye just added a nice line of Men's, Youths' and Boys' to my stock, and at xrices that are away 1ST Ti-SES UT! Vg havo stores In (5 leading Cltlos, from which our agent, obtain their niri lies quickly, our l?'nctnrie. aiut i'rliieiiml (fillet's ore t llrie, heuJ lor our ficw Cululujjuo aud tcriui to iw.ow Addrew M, PJ. LOVELL s,lcTwoar?.ngr V..-",-.t-''' 'V. ' ' -' !' I 11 J J 771 x n?v-'s ( U ennslanlly kept on ban I nl tbe Ware Room, near tho Ij. 1- S. l)p i'. Sole Agent in the I.hlgh Valley for Boliuino,1 Pianos ! Call and tm theni) tliey have no iurir Aim, Agent fur Wobsr, Docker, Connor anil J. P. Kal8 Plqnos, 1t.iLiM, A'lb tjr tiift'-uf-irUsl ii r li u t. ui rt-iri4i tat let r ii"'.; mm uv-Bflct.fr tJ (UUtf lt.lj,l Hg ' in' "iwl .4 to- i' 1 n - iirt- ! li U; hi. A ll 1 ' Aua various Mate of ORCIA'NS We wll wnd tin C'arkox AnvooiTnto."4 . r, ,. lh r w. h tbe 7V.'..V,w TTi-y Atr" I"1"'"'" r'v'n Topil's rcidem-e oi r one yesr for l.'.OO I Piano, Organ, V..U1 mi.l Tbei iy. .: Jur onr Why? Because I bought them low and for cash on1 Tvr-sll --li rii t vtt- if1v 11 .1 i 1 i cw-iva. u iu ouit miciix JjU . Xjllll ilUU UXttllllue StOCJC DG fore you purchasing- elsewhere. NTo trouble to show vjtuuus ciuu g-ivu x-rices. VV. WIIN I hlilVIU I L. A Bisertath Oa Man. W A W II (Farm Laadi la tho ''How Oolorndo.' The pioneering element in the West is agress vo in tho exlreino. In Augu3t, 1881, tlio Ute Indians weio in possession of oyer 18,00a; square inilej of territory lying in Western Unionise, reaching fiooi the nun ng rojion of San Juan 'to Utah. In Sei tcuiber of tlio same year the footprints nf civilization followed fH?t upon tho retire ment of tho red men to other reservations further West. Tlio best watered portions ol Colorado are in this new farming country, fund in the .illc)s of tho Gunnison, tlio Grand, the Udmes aud their numerous tribiitiuies. Ono million ceres of good funning land a vml oit!cincut when canals for irilfpitiou h vo lieu constructed. Land in Colurado is oflittlu valuo to tlio farmer unlcsf water is assure. I; a quarter section (lflll acres) b' uoiiics worth nl least $10 ier tierc when an irrigating canal lias been built. Water has a eoiiimcrciul vn4uoof$15 per acre, when in the shape of a Water Iligbt, which is a perpetual claim upon u canal for a certain amount of water eaeli year. When Hater is rented by corpoiatious to consumers it has a yeaily average vulua of$l per ineh, running continuously through the growing season, which amount U capable of irrigat .iig oneucro of grain land. In New Colorado, there is a territoty wica as large us the Stale or Massachusetts, abouniiin in the precious metals und aim having deKisit3 of iron and cuil of unknown extent aud of yaryiuggrades; there are also within its limits vast areas of dense forests of yellow and wbito pine and cedar. Tho water supply is far beyond what can he utilized lor irrigation, and in this respect ih I region is superior to the eastern slope f tiiu ltorky Mountain range. Only one-third of what is consumed in Colorado is pioduocd there; hence high prices pievall tndu ready market is always at haiiil. Last )enr two million bushels of wheal, on,, und a half million bushels nf oatc, six hundred thousand bushels ol corn, seven bund nil thousand bushels of potatoes, three million pounds of butter, one million pounds of cheese, and other household eoiumoditlea in liko proportion (in all over $12,000,000 worth ol food) weioehipped in- o tho Stato. Only a rich ttlate can stand s tub drain upon ils iesouiic9. Its yearly production of twenty-three million, of bul lion tells ho v it is being dono. Thegreut Coiiinioiineulth in the heart of the Iloeky Mountains is looking forward to a future, in which manufacturing, as well as mining, will in ike her nu iinortant factor in tho n lustriiil wealth of the country. When to tliis is added llioullruiilions of a fculicr- ly hea'lliy clluute.n vurylrg altltudo of Irom S.500 to 8.0U0 IV et, the diverre I re dacts of the soil, unl Iho iievcreh.ying mountain rcenery, n bote luagnltiienre m t even Switiorh.ini call t urpisi, we uic pre wuto 1 with a Variety of attmctmna hard to li-a pulled by other portions of tlio Great West. linrlng ho put fiflceii yers, the plains legliu ofKutleru Colorado lias been changed from barren prairie lauds into prosrnus binning communities. No largo areas re main, cabbie of being brought into culti. vatioii by irrigation now being so extens ively practised. Tublm attention is boing rapidly drawn lothispoclin.f our.n.iuutrv, whirl', though two thousand miles Irom the Atlantic seuboaid, and half this dhlanee from the warm waters of the IVrific. still haidirtct communicitlon with each by a railway system that brings it un the high, way of travel urioss the Continent. OPJENTAL JOURNAL ! ! l'ublislied by J.um A- MnnsE, Ohirngn, III. per )eur. IMiled by Stki'iiks i). Tkht. ilevoted to Classical, Orienliil Eu ropean nnd American Arebrc.ilogy. Il lustrated. This Jonrnal elves informahon on discover iesiiud explorations in all l.iiols.and iser VHiiiidilo to Ihoo who are following Aiiti i quarihii subjects as u-oll as to the common t euder. a)r8-tf j i IS A SURE CURE I for all diseases of the Kidneys and I ! 'LIVER' i i uiw n'si uiu t-uu kuia tuus b iui JJ(Ji UJi t ! 9 oran, enabling It to throw off torpidity and of tho jji:q, and ty tecpiaj the bowels la freo ' aro L.iiua, uyujcpuo, o? comupaiea, iuu- ono should tato a tUoroxU course of 'it. Ol)- SCLD CY DRUGGISTS. Prlco 81. By the Combined Treatment of EXCELSIOR RUPTURE PLASTER AND HEALING COMPOUND ! Fosllive evidence of Wonderful Cures sent on receipt. of 2e. stamp. July IS yl Address, F. II. MEISIUCK, Ogdensburg, N. Y. are lUw EBABY for FIE WINTER OE-C0TE, T. L. Miller Co., Hausins iho Iaror.itts or HEREFORD CATTLE COTSWOLD SHEEP BERKSiHRE SWINE. Bescheu, Will Co., Iinifois. "I guess theiu is ni) neeil nf my iinming tho value uf litis parcel," mid a shsrp countryman to the clerk of the express or. 11 'ej "if it is lost you have enough provisos on the back of this leoelpt to hinder a doien law)ers from recovering anything from the oomjiaiiy.11 J. G. Mitmtek, IWdfvrd, Ta., says: "Ilrown's Iron Hitters relieved me of s seri ous att.rk of heartburn." Subseri ,e for tbe AnvoCATi, only fl ft snuum. Persons wishing to buy Woolen and Cotton Goods Cheap for Cash this Fail, will do. well by visiting our place of business; our store is filled with a large stock of Silks, plain and bro cade Satins, Plushes, Cashmeres, plain and brocade Yclvets, Henrietta and Ladies' Cloth ; a full line of Cheap i Ladles' and Children's COATS & DOLMANS a specialty; Skirts, Table Linens, Sheetings, Pillow Casings, Tickings, Flannels, Muslins, a ful! line of Blankets, Bed Quilts, Table and Floor Oil Cloths, and in short everything usually to be found in a Eirst-class Dry Goods Store. In our stock is one of the largest in the county, comprising Men's, Youth's, Boy's and Children's SUITS, OVERCOATS for all-large and small, Skating Coats, Cardigan Jackets, HATS, CAPS, Hosiery, Collars, Cuffs, a full line of Neckwear, &c. Our celebrated WHITE SHIRT has no equal at 85 cents. anai JOSEPH JOSAS, April 29, 1882 ED. W. FEIST, Manager. Man was made in dry wcother. Mini was made of dust. Quite a number have never recovered from their creation, they are still dry. It is a man's nature to be discontented. Adam had a monopoly, but ho could not bo happy without some one to crow over. For a while he knocked around over the garden of Eden, and then went to the house, but he had to cook his own supper, no stove wood chopped, and things were in a bad state generally. The next morning it was the same way. He had to make his own bed and sweep out. His socks were dirty, arm would run through a hole in his sleeve. So he was dis satisfied. Tho next night when he went to sleep the Creator punished him by making one of his ribs into a woman a great misfortune to the race. It has been six thousand years since that rib was lost, and yet man continues feeling for it. This is x very feeling sub ject. Pursuit in this case is said to be sweeter than possession. After Eve got acquainted with herniate, she vowed that all the men in the world were not worth Adam. Goliath was a man. He was a bigger man than old Grant, but lie could not stand so many slings. A fop is a male who is ashamed of his sex, and at tempts to conceal the fact that he is a man. Concci'iment in such cases is attended with but little trouble. It is only necessii y lo part his hair in the miu dle. The family man rcst-mblcs an oyster on the half-shell. The shell is known at home, the solt side abroad. Home men carry this re semblance in their faces. A great many men have coun tenances like oysters. Job is said to have been a very patient man. He had boils all over him. Many a man now boils all o er himself when the preach er readies thiitee.il hly on a hot summer day, and never tli nk of the grandeur of Job's example. It is natural for a man too disregard good examples. RIB TICKLE its. A slip of the pen lets the pig out. Told to tho mariners The ship's bell. Tho landlady's epitaph Peace to her hashes. A cornet is nothing more nor less than a waste-basket. A humbug often creates a big buzz in business circles. One of the few immortal names that was not born to dye Bald head. More especially is the the atrical manager known by the company ho keeps. Two heads are better than one on a copper at toss-penny when it is your toss. A modern philosopher thinks that early rising is well enough as far as bread is con cerncid. "Like master, liko man," may be all "very well; but snp poss you don't happen to lil o either what then. Nothing like being well up in arithmatic. A college girl has gone into half-mourning. It was for a half-brother. A physician says an obsti nate sick headache can be cured bv wearing a pair of spectacles. "We can't see through the remedy. "Washington has "comet parties." "A good idea, by Jupiter !" says young Spink "for the boys can now planet to got tho girls away from their Mars." A Philadelphia girl refused to marry a young man until sho accidentally discovered that his hair and mustache were dyed. Then she blush ingly consented. She knew she could throw that up to him if he ever found out she had a glass eye. lie loving and you will nev er want Tor love ; be humble and you will never wnnt for guiding.