An Obituary Editor.
Two or three years ago I was attach
ed totlio Morning Argus, tho only pa
per published In onr vlllago, and, dur
ing my engagement, employed as an as
sistant editor nyoung man named Drlnk
,cr. When Drinker began his duties,
tho manager said to Mm:
'Sce liero, Drinker, among other
things I want you, whenever you see,
In exchanges or anywhero, a good bi
ographical sketch of any prominent man,
to clip It out and put It nway.so'a when
ho dies, you understand, wc can rush It
out as an obituary article, as It were.'
Drinker went to work, and about two
months afterward somo well-known
man died, and I examined tho obituary
bateau for the purpose of obtaining his
history. ft was not there; but I discov
ered that the Insidious Drinker had
stored away In that mortuary recept
acle, one biographical sketch of John
Wesley, a collection of anecdotes about
,G en. Putnam, .and an essay upon tho
'Life and Services of John Hancock.'
I commenced with Drinker upon tho
subjoct.
'Mr. Drinker,' I Bald, after calling
his attention to the .".rtlC'C bout tho
father of Methodism, 'you certainly
must be awaro that John Wesley died
fong before you came Into this office
N-n-noI exclaimed Drinker with a
look of pained surprise In his face.
'Wi-wltwhatl John Wesley dead; That
great and good man gone! Thunder I
Why its to bad! I had no Idea of such
a thing. What a shqck It musf havo
been to his famllyl'
'And as for Gun. Putnam, Drinker,
It Is perfectly absurd for you to pretend
that you thought he was alive, ypu
know. Come now, that'? too much.'
'Is he dead, too? We'l, well. Tho
fact fs, I've been llyjpg 4down In tho
c.ouptry for two or threo years, and
haven't kept the run of things. And
90 .old Putnam's dead. Strango,strange,
how we are passing away.'
'And, Drinker, you certainly can't
bo such an idiot as to have put away
this article about Hancock with the ex
pectation that ho would do again, you
Jfpow ho died once. Why, Drinker, he
died about 10,000 years ago,
'Come, nowl' exclaimed Drinker, ex
pjtlngly, ,1've got you thero. Ahl ahl
Pled 10,000 years ago, did he, smarty?
you know to much. You think every
body's a fool but yourself I Dead, Is be-?
2Tow( what's tho use of your trying to
stuff that down mo, when I know veil
enough that tho Democrats talked about
running Hancock for tho Presidency at
ijn late e'.eclloni Oh pshawl you ain't
fit to write for any paper that's got any
sense.'
Then Drlnkor was discharged. I
didn't enlighten him. He will probably
.go down to tho grave with tho firm con
vlctlon that Gen. Hancock Is tho man
who set copy for tho mlserablo penman
who signed tho Declaration of Indepen
dencce.
A horse car conductor who for sev
eral month past had been starving on a
solary of $2.25;perday, cxpectsto break
ground for tho erection of a row by
brownstone fronts In South Brooklyn
shortly.
iarry for love, young men, but
remember that It's as easy to lovo a
girl whose pip has a hundred thousand
In bank aa one whoso old man ts up
behind a pair qt mules and yells:
"Whoa) you Pete, or I'll tako your ear
offl"
The gallant secretary of a life In
surance company, being in command of a
platoon during tho ast onplposantnoss,
eirucic up ino gur pi one of Ills mon
about to flro on a staff officer with tho
exclamation, "Don't shoot at him,
wo'vo got a policy on hlml"
Lawyer "How do you Indentlfy
this bondkercblet"? Witness "By its
general appearance, and the fact that I
have others like It." Counsel (cute)y)
"inai's no proof, for 1 naye got one
just like it In my pocket." Witness
(Innocently) "I don't doubt that, as I
bad more than one of tho same sortstol
cn."
"My father was a farmer bofore
me, and I thank God that I am, a far
mer born." Such was the soap Por
ter expected to sooth tho grangers with
on Fourth of July last. It reminded
Col. Geo. Stanley of tho Illinois orator
who addressed a rural audlenco: "Gen
tlemen," said he, "I am proud to bo
one of you. My father was a farmer,
and I am a farmer borq. Yes, I may
truly say, I was born between two rows
of corn." At this Juncture a tlpBy og
rlculturallst at the further end of the
house hiccoughed out : "A (hlc) pum
kin, by ("Eldorado Ledger.
A Good Livelihood
Can bo uiado by selling Tto Graphic
Steel Engravings. reDroduced bv the
wonderf ul G raph Ic Process I torn f amou s
works of art. 100 per cent on every
sale. Send $3 for Folio, convenient to
exhibit from, containing 10 of our Quest
mgravings, which is ail ttie capital ana
hock In trade uecessary to commence
ouMuess Willi, niurces,
UlE UltAI'llIU COMPANY
41 Park Placv, New Yoik.
lieierfiuv, tailor nt this Publication.
Vet. 21 uil
A. S Jfc Cryaver,
BANK Street, LEniGnTOlT, are
now offering Fall and Winter
Dress Goods.
comprising DeLalnes, Alpacas, .Satlncs,
Empress Cloths, &c., and, a fujj Jlno of
PRY GOODS,
NOTIONS,
CARPETS,
OIL CLOTHS,
&c, at POPULAR PR1C7ES.
They also call particular attention to
their immense stock of Ladles', Gent's,
Misses' and Children's
Hoots, $liocs9
Gaiters & Rubbers,
manufactured especially for tho trado
of this secttou, at Low Frlcos.
Our stock of Grpperlca, Flour.
Provisions, Quccnswarc and
Wood and Willow Ware, &c,
Is full and complete in every depatt-
tnont, and goods and prices aro sure to
suit. A trial Is respectfully sollpjfpu,
aug
Dlcieliaut Tailor,
And Dealer In
Gent's Furnishing Goods,
LEniGHTON, PA.
Constantly on hand a splendid stock of
NEW GOOPS,
Consisting of Plain and Fancy Cloths,
Casslmeres and Vestlngs,for Men's and
oys' Wear, which 1 am prepared to
lake up to Order In tho most Fashion
able Styles, at short notice.
Ladies', Misses and Children's
HoQts&$Lioe$
A well selected stock of French and
Turkey Morocco, Glove Kid, Lasting,
Kid, Pebble and Grain Leather Boots
and Shoes on hand, or
itfqrlo to Order.
Hats Caws
Of the Latest Styles always ouhand, at
the Lowest i'r)ce.
Also, Agent 'or tho
American & G rover & Baker
Swing Jfiacliiiics.
Only One Prlco for Everybody.
January 11, 1878-yl
"7'elssport Abend)
Tho unders'gned would respectfully
tniorm uuuuers, contractors ana ino puo
11c In general, that they liave opened a
Irtimber Yard
In connection wth their
Near the L. & S. Depot,
TX7T71TaaT3fT! HP Tln-nria
nu mat iiiey nave now on uanu uu im
mense stock of thorqughly Seasoned
iwumDer, sucn as
ItRugh Flnp Boards,
burracea fine xfoarua,
Flooring, Hemlock and Pine,
Sidings, of all kinds,
Shingles, an Immense stock,
Bpofing and Ceiling Lath,
Scantling,
and, In fact, Lumber of every descrip
tion at uw very lowest market prtcos.
Wp are also prepared to furnish Build
ers and others with a very lino article- of
Nana, cpitauio iqr masonry
worn, 1'iasicrnig, &c, at ito-
matkaDly LQW figures.
We havo constantly on band a largo
lot of Wood suitable for Firewood,
which we will sell, In largo or small
quantities, at prices to suit your Pockets
Oue Motto-honest count low prigzs.
Ycakel & Albright,
Weissport,
aug 23-yl OSrbon county, Pa
W. It. BM,
PUILDER & CONTRACTOR
BANK STltEET, LEUIOUTON,l'A.
Respectfully announces to the citizens
of Lehighton and vicinity that ho Is
now prepared to contract for the eree
tion oi dweiungs, cnurcues, scnool
houses, and otner nuildings. Also, that
he keeps constantly on hand a full as
sortment of evfty description of
consisting of flooring, Biding, doors,
sash, blinds, shutters, moldlnes. &c.,-
wnicn nu is prepared to rurnisu at tliu
very lowest maiket ratps.
patronage respectiuiiy solicited.
W. R. .REX,
Lehighton, May 17, 1373. ly
IJ W. EACHES,
Oontraotor & Builder,
LEIIIQUION, PEN'i.
I'Inns and SpcclOcntlons
For all kinds of Buildings made nt the
shortest notice.
NO CHARGES
Made for Plans and Specifications when
the contract Is awarded to the under
slgued. A. W. EACHES.
Juno 14, 1873-yl
"OU CATV
Save 20 For Oet.
By getting jour
JOB PftJNTING
Dono at tho Offlco of the
Cariioji Advocate,
IN IIEINTZELMAN'S BUILDING
rut the P. O. and L. V. R. It. Depot,
f.clijiilpu,; Cnruon Co., Ja
We havo Just received a large and cle
gant assortment of
KISW TYPE,
Of the latest styles ; together with
supeilor stock of
CABDS, BILLHEADS,
ENVELOPES, NOTE PAPER,
And a variety of other
PRINTING MATERIAL,
A nd can now glvp our patrons first-
class work at prices at least
20 Per Cent Lower
Than any other Office In this soctton.
Give V a Trial, and be Convinced,
ISTThe patronage of the publlo Is
rospcotiuiiy solicited.
ran CAItpOIV ADVOCATE,
A 34.oolumn Local Paper, and the only
newspaper
Sritlrtly Printed n (lie County,
Is published every Saturday mornlq ga
&1 n "VoriT in A rlwanno
" -
Or $1.E0 If not paid la advance. The
ApvooATB, with its largo and In
ereaslnir circulation, la ope
Pf the very
Bet Meainmi fop AdvrrlUlqfC
In this Section,
application.
Bates furnished
-
n. v. MOBTniMEn,
Lehighton, Carbon Ooanty,
AT COST!
in .oraor to cioso out present, biuck,
tho undersigned respectfully announces
io the cltUens of. fijilgjitofl vitipk
Marked Down Prices
pi all kinds of Goods to about cost,
nnd will Sell
for Casli Only
Ho has In stock a largo assortment of
Dry ftoods,
Groceries,
Provisions,
queenswnre,
Ilardivnre,
and a variety of other articles too puuv
erous to enumerate.
If you deslro to securo
JBAJfcCJ-AIJST
Now Is your Time A Small Sum (if
Money will Buy a Largo Quantity of
(Goods I
Store, Opposite L. & S. Depot,
BANK-street, lehighton, Penna.
Z. II. LONG, .dgent.
TtLOiiiiAN ArtED, Assignee.
F K. U1CKGRT,
' Opposite L. & S. Depot,
On tho East Weissport Canal Bank,
Respectfully Informs tho citizens of this
vicinity tunc no Keeps constantly on
hand, and Is selling at tho very lowest
Market Prices, tuo'very Dist Uranus or.
ALSO, DEALER IN
For -Building and other purposes, which
ho guarantees to uo
Thoroughly Seasoned
And to Sell at tho
VERY LOWEST RATES.
Coal! Coal 1 1
Wholesale and Ritall at the very Low
est. Cash Prices.
Ho has also a number of very eligibly
located
In RICKERTSTOWN, Franklin Twp.,
wnicli lie will sell on very Easy Terms.
aug. 0, '73.yl J. K. RICKERT.
WILLIAM KEMERER,
Corner of
Bank & South Sts., Lehighton, Pa.,
Keeps a full line of
3iy Coocl9
Comprising Ladles' Dress Goods, Black
nnd colored Alpacas, uingnams,
Prints, Shirtings Sheetings, &c.
of every grade and price.
CARPETS AfZToiIi CLOTHS,
In great variety.
riocerie$ and
ProTisioiiii9
i Teas, Coffees, Sugars, Spices, Fruits,
Hams, Shoulders, Side-Meat, &:.
j'gf
!Proluce
Bought, Sold or Exchauged
HARDWARE
For Building and other purposes In
great variety of the best quality.
All coods warranted as represented
and prices fully as low as eisewuere.
April 0, 187a-yi
IS.'
KIiCIJLI.GEK
Would respectful
ly nnnounce tof
his friends nnd
the publlo In general, that ho has open
ed a (irsp-ciass
Livery & Sale Stable,
and that ho can furnish Horses, Buggies
and Carriages of tue best description,
for Pleasure Business or Funeral pur
poses, at very Reasonable unarges.
and on short notice. HAULINM dono
at short notlco and on short notice In
connection he will also contlnuo his
Cn-wintre. TVTnrmfnntorv
, , .0 - v j
where tho people can get their Carriages
Juggles, Wagons, etc., made to order,
or KKfAiiusu on snort notice ana at
reasonable prices.
The undersigned respectfully
nounees that ho has been appointed nllullll UUnlllU, lliaUUlUb UU.
Agent tor tno
Universal wrinerer
AND
T- 114-T,TTT-U
These are undoubtedly tho best Wash
ers and Wringers In tho market,
pn
our ladles ere invited to can ana
them.
L. P. Kleppinger,
Cor. BANK, and WON Streets,
Fa.
Feb, 22, 1S7S.J imguton, i a
A New Idea!
-SHUTTLE-
Sewing MacMne
50 Dollars ! !
FARMEES,
MERCHANTS,
MECHANICS,
AND
EVERYBODY
Buy the World-Renowned
Wife
If
THE
BEST IN THE WORLD!
ETTIio nighest rrcmlum
was
awarded to it at
vnEnsrnsT-A.;
Ohio Stato Fair;
Northorn Ohio Fair;
Amer. Institute N. Y.
Cincinnati Exposition;
Indianapolis Exposition
St. Louis Fair;
Louisiana Stato Fair)
Mississippi Stato Fair;
nnd Qoorgla Stato Fair;
FOR BEING THE
BEST SEWING MACHINES,
and doing tho largest and best
range or work. All other
Machines in tho Market
vrero in direct
COMPETITION ! !
tT For Hemming, Fell
ing, Stitching, Cording,
Binding, Braiding,
Embroidering, Quilt
ing and Stitehing pie
or heavy goods it is
unsurpassed.
Where we have no Agents
wo -will deliver a Machine
for the price named above,
at tho nearest Rail Road
Station of Purchasers.
Needles for all Sewing Ma
chines for Sale.
Old Machines taken In Exchange.
Send for Circulars, Price
List, ?c, and Copy of tho
"Wilson Reflector, one of the
best Periodicals of tho day,
devoted to Sewing Ma
chines, Fashions, General
News and Miscellany,
A fffmT.S W tUiLOU
an - UTilnnn Onim'nn- Monhl'no ffi
i
clkveland, ohio.
1 OUHHCHIUIC FOR
Tlie Carbon Artvocate,
and
see
Ths Qhtifeit Paper la thi Lohljh Vtllfjr
Only One Dollar a Year.
till
,f u,i V J
Dr. J. Walker's California
Vinegar Bitters aro rt puroly Vg
otabloproparntion,mado chiefly from
tho nativo horbs found on tho lower
ranges of tho Sierra Novada moun
tains of California, tho medicinal
jiroportlcs of which nro extracted
therefrom without tho uso of Alcohol.
Tho question is nlmost daily naked,
"What is tho cattso of tho unpar
alleled success of Vinegar, bit
ters 1" Our answer is, that thoy
romovo tho causo of disease, ana
tho pntieut recovers his health. Thqy
aro tho Brcal; blood purifier and .a
lifo-giving princlplo, a perfect Reno
vator nnd Invigorator of tho Bystom'.
Never beforo in tho history of tho world
has a mediciuo been compnundod po
sossing tho romarkablo qualitlos of Yl
EaAit BtrrEns in healing tho sick ef
overy discaso mnn'is hoir to. Tbor rp
a contlo Purgntlvo "as well as a Tonli
rchoviug Congostion or Inllamnmtion 'M
tho Liver nud Visceral Organs, In Bilious
Discuses. )
Tho properties of Dn. Walk
Ea'sVtNEOAU Bitters aro Aporiont, DIa
phorotic, Carminative, Nutritions, Lax
tlvo, Biuretic, Sodativo, CouDter-Irrltant,
Sudorific, Alterativo, nud Anti-;Bilioui,
Grateful Thousands proclaim
Vinegar Bitters tho roost wonder
ful Invigorunt that over sustained
tho sinking system.
No Person cau tako tkeso Bit
ters according to directions, andrcV
main long unwell, providod the'ln
bonc3 aro notdestroyed, by mlnoral
poison or other moans, and vital or
gans wasted beyond repair.
Bilious, ltcniittcnt, and In
termittent Fevers, which aro
provalont in tho valleys of our great
rivers throughout tho Unltod States,
especially thoso of tho Mississippi,
Ohio, Missouri, Illinois, Tennossoe,
Cumberland, Arkansas, Red, Colo
rado, Brazos, Eio Grando, Pearl,
Alabama, Mobilo, Savannah, Bo
anoko, James, and many qthen,.
with (heir. vast tributaries, through,
out our e'ntiro country during the
Summer and Autumn, nnd remarka
bly so during 'seasons of unusual
Scat and dryness, aro Invariably ae
pompanlcd by cstonslvo dorango
mcnts of tho stomach and Hvor, and
other abdominal viscora. In their
treatment, a purgativo, oxortlng n
powerful inlluouco upon thoso rati,
ous orcans. i3 cssontlally necossarr-
Thero is no cathartic for' tho purpose
equal to Dr. J, Walker's Vinkoab
Bitters, as thoy will speedily romovn
tho dark-colored viscid matter with whloh
tho bowels aro loaded, at tho samo tlm
stimulating tho secretions of tho livr,
and genorally restoring tho healthy func
tions of tho dicostivo organs.
Fortify tno body against dia
case by purifying all its fluids with
Vineqaii Bitters. No cpldemlo cas
tako hold of a system thus loro-armed,
Pysnopsirt or Indigestion, Head
ache, Tain in tho Shouldors. Coughs,
Tightness of tho Chest, Blzzinoas, Sour
Eructations of tho Stomach, Bad Tasta
in tho Mouth, Bilious Attacks, PalpitAt
tion of tho Heart, Inflammation of th
Lungs, Tain in tho region of tho Kidney ti
and a hundred other painful symptoms,
aro tho offsprings of Dyspepsia. Onobot
tlo will provo a better guaranteo of its
morits than a lengthy advortisomont.
Scrofula, or King's Evil, Wnita
Swollings, Ulcers, Erysinolas, Swelled
Neck, Qoitro, Scrofulous Inflammations,
Indolent Inflammations. Mercurial affec
tions, Old Soros, Eruptions of tho Skin,
Soro Eyes, etc. In thoso, as in all other
constitutional Pisoasos, Walkkr's VlK
KoAaBiTTERflhavo shown their great euri'
ativo powers in tho most obstlnatd. an
introctablo cases.
For Iuilamniatory and Clii-ouio
Rlieumatism, Gout, BUlous, Itomlt
tent and Intermittent Fevers, Disoasea
of tho Blood, Livor, Kidneys and Bladdtf,
theso Bitters navo no onuai. oucn uf
oases aro caused by vitiated Blood,
MMlinnical Diseases. Persons
engaged In Paints ana ittuorais, sucn
llnmiifini. Trno-sotters. Gold-beaters i
Plumbers, Typo-setters, Gold-beaters and
Miners, as tuey advanco in Ufo, are sub
ject to paralysis of tho Bowels. To guard
against img, iuku m uu&o w
VfNEQAti litTTERa occasionally.
For Skiu Diseases, Eruptions,
t tnr. Salt.Hhcum.Blotches. Snots. Pim
ples, Pustules, Boils, Cavbuucfos. Bingt
worm 3, Bcaiu-ucau, tsoro Jyos, jiryeiue-
las, Itch, Scmfa, IMscoloratinns of th
Skin, Humors and uiseasos ot ino&Ktnoi
whatovor narao or naturo, aro litorally
dug up and carried out of tho system in
Bhort tlmo by tho uso of (hoso Bittors.
I'm, Tape, anu oinor uorras,
furklng in tho system of so many thou
sands, aro effectually destroyed and to.
moved. No system of rncdicino, no Tor
mifugos, no anthclminltics will frco th
system from worms like thoso Bitters.
For Fomalo Complaints, inyonna
or old, married or singlo, at the dawn of
womanhood, ortho turn of life, these Ton?
lo Bitters display so decided an. iufluonoo
that Improvement is soon porcoptlblp,
Cleanse tho Vitiated Blood
whonevcr you find its Impuritlesbursting"
through tho skiu in Pimplos, Eruptions,
or Soros j clcanno it when you find Itob
pUucted and sluggish In tho veins J tleanse
it when H U foul; your feelings wW 'f11
you whon. Keep tho blood pure, ana tlo
hoalth of tho system will follow.
R. II. McDO.VAI.D CO.,
Dnift'latt Si Ocn. Agta, San Francisco. Califor
nia, it cor. of WatfUInKtoa und Cliaritoa Sli.N.V.
holil lj- nil IIi iikkI'" ""'1 l"lr.
Tf OQK BEAUTIFUL L O O R
-nOSYI A Bottlo of nURLING'S
HOSE GLYOElllNE for Roughness of
tho Skin. Chapped Hands, ic, only 2S
cents a bottle,
may