The Carbon advocate. (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, November 22, 1873, Image 1

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    iv, v. ntoRTiiiaici
TUltiiis :
One Dollar a Yoar In Advance.
Editor anil Proprietor.
VOL. II., No. 1.
Lehighton Directory
"W. C. Fredlrlfl, Singer Sowing MachiJU and In
surance, next to K. It. Snyder'i, Biol street.
R. B Wlddcw, Shaving, Hair Cutting and Sham
pooing, under Klchnnge Hotel, 1tpfc -flrge t.
Boot anil Shoe MnkcrJ
ChftrleR Yenner. nearly opposite theptuum Batik
utroot; alsof dealer tn Cbnfcctitmery, 4
Clinton Ilretney, in Tvan't building, Bar utreet.
All orders promptly jilled work icarranb-J.
Hansraaa A Kuhns, opposite Obert's itorl Bunk
Ktreet. All orders promptly Jilled.
Dry Goods and Groctrleil
7- II. Long, opp. L, A S. Depot, Hank t tftaUr in
Hardware, queensware, Ladies; Drm Goods, fc.
II. A. Bclb, iouckel's IMock, ltank Bt Dry! Goods,
Groceries, Queenttvare, Carpets, Oil GAh jf- Coal.
K. II. Snyder, Banli street, Dry Gontlt, JftfiVmi,
Drat Goods, Groceries, Queenswarc, Ilardwkre,dc.
Drugs and Medicine.
A. J Durllng, flr6t door above P. 0., 'ftank atreet.
Oils, Faints, Ftrfumery, Patent Medicinetfa.
F. P. Bemmel, nearly opp. Exchange Hotel, Bank
Qireet, vuutvaiors, vtts, jxunis, uuanntax,
Hotel. 1
Thorn ai Mantt, " Ilxchange," tpp, Puhltc Siqae,
Dank ft. Idronagt solicited. 1
Merchant Tailors. J
Clause 4 Bro., Bank ttreet, and dealers in Gmtt"
Furnishing Goods Boots, Shoes, Hats, Ctipi, Jc,
Thomaa 8l Heck, P. 0. building, Hank at., GtVs
Furnishing Goods, Hats, Gaps, School Pool I, tic. ,
Mrs. K. Fath, Bank street, 2nd door below the
J5. Utiurcn. vVOiums ana inmmxngs
Physicians and Surgeons. j
Sr. 0. 8. German, corner of Bank and Iron ttr i
Consultation in English and German.
Dr.N. B. Heber, next door to P. 0., Bank street.
Consultation in English and German.
Provisions. '
Jos. Obert, Bank st.. Packing, Curing and Smoling
Establishment. AU orders promptly Jilled.
J. Fatrrtiger'ASon; Bank st., dealers'in Flour and
lead, Qrocirits,'Fruitsand Vegetables.
'Watchmaker and Jeweler.
A. G. Pollenmayer, South street, above Bank nt.'
Dealer in Watches, Clocks', Jiingt, fc.
Railroad Guide.
Past Time and Sure Connections I
Five Bxpreii Tr-ilne Dally from
IlarrUPurg to tlie.Weat.
Pullman-Palace Cars through from Ilar
. burg to Chicago, Cincinnati, Louis
1 vllleand St. Louis.
The'number of miles operated and controlled by
this Company enable' It to run er through with
fewer changes than by any other line.
Passengerswill find this, In all respects,
Tlic Saf est, QuIcKcst & most
Comfortable Route!
J3& For" .Rates, Tickets and all In
formation.apply at all Principal Offices
on Lino of Lehigh Valley and Lehigh
& Susquehanna Railroads, and at, 1 .
It. R. Depot, Harrisburg, Pa.
A". J.'CASSATT, (leneral Manager.
B. M, BOYD, General Passeoper Ageut.
J. N. ABBEY, Eastern Traveling Agent,
March 8, 1873 901 Cheatnut St., Phllad'a.
KNTIIAL, Jl. n. OP N. J. .
LKIIIGII & SUSltUKllAfflNA AllVlo.U.s.
Gonimtnolng Nov. 17, 1873
Bowk Traixs.
No.l. No. 3. No.B. No. 7.
Leave Ai at. A. M. A. M, P. M.
flreen Kldce 7.30 10i') 1.23
Seranton ?M 10,10 1.3U
l'lttaton 8.(12 10.57 4.53
VVIlkeillarre 8J0 11.15 2.20
White IlaiBD DM iiM 3.V)
l'onn lla'n June ....... 10JI7 1 39 4.19
ilauch Chunk...., 7J0 11.U0 4.W
Cataiauiua ' 8.3S 11.(3 3.17 6.19
All61lto )...... 8.43 ' I2.0H 3.20 S.47
Bethlehem O.otl 1: 17 3.17 0,(0
Arrive KalMB 0.27 12.43 4.U3 G.25
Up Trains,
No. 10. No. 4. No. 0, No.14.
Lent a. u. a. m. r. m. i, m,
EantOn.. 8J0 11.60 35 7.15
llethlehein.j..,, 8A1 12.13 4.27 7.45
Allentown D.lfl l'iy t .,t
CaUiauiu 9,24 12.3i 4.45 8.00
Slauch Chunk in,23
Al.25 A5.4
Ll.4. tAln
1'cnn Haren J'u. 10.45 2.02 0 29
White UtTeu.. nxi 2 40 710 ......
Wllkee;llarre.... 124U, 4.00 3i ....
l'lttaton ..; 1.U3 4i 8.55
Bcranton 1J0 4A5 9.25
Air, Oreeullldge 5.00 0.30
JVcwucAonlnj Vallty R.R-Vovin tralniNoa.3
t and 7, and Up tralni Nos. 10 and 4 connect at
Maueh Chunk,
North Jtnn'a R. 7?. Down tralna No. 1, 3, 6 4
7 connectatBethlehemtor Philadelphia. Up tralni
Noe. 10 i 4 connect at Bethlehem for I'lilladelphla.
Iteturntng leave rhlladelpbla at 7.10 a. in, for Kai.
ton, Mauch Chunk, Bath, IVIIkea Uarre, Tamitqua,
8cranton, Sbarcn, icj at 9.45 a. m. for Katton,
Mauch Chunk, Tamaqua, M'llilainiport, Wllkea
Barre and Scranton; at 2.10 p. ni. frr Scrauton,
Wllkea Barre and Intermediate atatlona; at 3J0 p,
m. for Hath and Jiaitou 1 at 5.15 p. in, fir Mauch
Tamaqua Branch. Vf tralui Nc. 10 It 4, and
Down trains Nos, 3, 5 A 7 counect at Mauch Chunk
to and from Tamaqua.,
Lehigh Lackawanna R. R Down trains Koa.
1 Jt 7, and Up tralna Nos. 10 A 0 conuect at Beth,
lehem for Bath and Chapman Quarries. Jleturn.
Ing leave Chapman's at 7.40 a. in. and 2.15 p. m.
denim! Railroad of,NiioJeriy-Ml tralna make
clos. connectlon'at Latton'wlth traluaon Central
llallroadof New Jersey.
JJeividere-Delawart R. 7?-Down trains Nos. 3
A 6, and Up trains Nos. 4 4 H connect at l'hilllps.
burg with BelDel. It. It. to and from Trenton,
l'blladelphla and Belvlderei
I'hUaaelphia tJt Reading RaClroaa.'lho Depots
of the Csst Penn It. B. and the U. A 8. Division
ore connected by Ktreet Cars.
. U. 1. BALDWIN, Gen, IXuienaer Agent.
Not. 22, 1873- '
u. iv. n. iiKuicn,
Office, Uaki Sired, next door above the PoitofBce,
Lehlshton, Pa. Omce Hours Parrjvllle each dsy
rom 10 u (2 o'clock, remainder of day at ofllce iu
Lshlghto. Nov W, '72.
Railroad Guide.
Wlsiin Arran(iement.
Passengers for Philadelphia will leave Lehlghton
at follows'.:
5.(19 a. m , via L. V arrive at Flilla at
7.37 n, m. via I.. 8. " "
R.W a.m
11.10 a.m.
11.10 p.m.
2.13 p.m.
2.15 p.m.
5.35 p.m.
8.20 p.m.
8.20 p. ni.
7.39 a.m. via L. V
11.07 p. in. via L.A-8.
li.u p. m, via i. v.
2.27 n. m. via L. S. "
4 47 p. mi via L. A 8. "
4.44 p. m. via. I,. V. '
7.38 p. m. TlaL.V. "
10 .10 p.m,
Beturnlntr, leave depot at Berks and Amerlran
Streets. Phlla., at 7.10, 8.10 and 0.45 a. 111.; 2.10
3.30, and 5.15 p. in.
Fare from lhlghton to Philadelphia . . $2.M
Xov. 22, 1873. Ebl.IS CLARK, Agent.
Jk .
win Tint TiMn TAnr.K.
On and after SUNDAY. NOV. 2t. 1873. Train.
on the Phlla. A Erie Bnllrond Division will run as
BcrrALO ExrRiss leaves Philadelphia, 12.55 p.m.
" ." " Ilarrlnburg . 6.O.-, p.m.
" " tVilllamsport 0.10 p.m.
" " " Emporium . 1.45 a.m.
" " arrive at Rnftaln . 0 00 run
Erie Mial leaves Philadelphia . . . 10.20 p.m.
" " " Harrhburir . . 3.(1". a.m,
" " " Wllllamsport . 7.15 a.m.
" " " Lock Haven . . 850 a.m.
" " " Bcnnva . . 10 16 a.m.
" " arrive at Kris . . . 7.4U p.m.
Elvira Mail leaves Philadelphia . . 8.00 a.m.
" " " nrrlburk- . 1:30 p.m.
" " " Wllllamsport . 0.20 p.m.
' " arrive at Lock Ilaven 75 p.m.
Bisoya Accom'k leaves Ilarrlihurg . 8.23 a.m.
" " " Wllllamsport . 1.10 p.m.
" " arrive at Benova . . 3.15 p.m.
Buepalo Express leaves BntTato . 230 pm.
" ' Emporium . 8.33 p.m,
" " " Williamtport . 1.03 am.
arrive at llarrhhorg . 4.V) a.m.
" " " Philadelphia . 11.10 a.m,
Elhira MaiL leaves Erie t - . 9,13 a.m.
" " " Lock Haven . 8 30 p.m.
" ' " Wllllamsport . p.m.
" " arr. at Uarrlsburg . 2i0 a.m.
' " arr at Philadelphia . . 8 00 a.m.
Kluira Mail leaves l.rcK Haven . 8.00 a.m.
" " " Wlllianuport . . OJOam.
" arr. at Harrlsbur . 1 60 p.m.
" " arr. at Philadelphia . 0 60 p.m.
lUnRissi'Ra Accom'n leaves Benova . I.00 p.m.
" " ' Wllllamsport. .1.30 p.m.
" " arr. at Harrisburs . 7.60 p.m.
" " arr at Philadelphia . 20 a.m
Mall Kast connoots east and west at Erie with
L. S.'i M. S, B. W. and at Uorry and Irvloeton
with Oil Creek A Allegheny 1L P.. W.
Mall Weat with east west trains on L. S. A M.
P. It. W. and at (Jorry and Irvineton with Oil
Croek A Allegheny B. It. W.
Llmlra Mall aud Buffalo Express make close
connections at Wllllamsport with N. C. It. W.
trains north, and at Harrisburg with N. C It. W.
tralna south.
Not.22,1873. GErl'LSupt.
Klliail VALLEY 11.11;
8UUMEK Arranqeuent.
Paisenger trains leave Lehlghton as follawss
NORin 7.40 a. in., for M'h Chunk, White Haven,
J?.",'010'1' Mahanoy City, Jit. Carmel, l'lttaton,
llkes-Barre, and all stations.
11:3(1 a n. for Mauch Chunk, Glen Onoko, White
Haven, Ilaileton, Mahanoy City, Wllkes-barre,
Mount Carmel, l'lttaton, Tunkhannock, Tow.
anda, Klmlra, BulTalo and Niagara Falls.
I. 20 p. m, for Mauch Chunk, Plttston, Waver
ly and Intermediate statlona.
6.35 p. m.for Mauch Chunk, Olen Onoko,
White Haven, llasleton. Mabanoy City, Wllkes
liarre, and l'lttaton.
Bouill 5.09 a. m. for Allentown, Bethlehem, Eas
ton, Philadelphia. New York and all stations.
7.39 a. m.for Allentown, Beading, Bethlehem,
PottsWlle, Harrisburg, llastou. Phlladelphla, N.
Y ork city and all stations.
II. 02 a. m.for Allentown, Bethlehem, Beading,
Harrisburg, Easton, Philadelphia and N. York,
4.44 p. in. for Allentown, Bethlehem, Easton,
Philadelphia, New York and all stations.
. 7.38 p. m. for Slatingtou, Catasauqua, Allen,
town, Bethlehem, Easton, PhUadelphia, Haiti
tnore and Washington,
f une 30, 1872. Supt. and Engineer,
ontractor & Builder,
I'laiis and .Spcolllcntlons
1'ot all kinds of llulldlngs made at the
stortcst notice.
Male for Plans and Specifications when
til contract U awarded to the under
sized. A. W. EACIIES.
nne 14, 1873-yl
Rtyectfully .announces to the citizens
of Lchishton and vicinity that ho Is
von prepared to contract for tho erec
tloi of dwellings, churches, school
hoites, and other buildings. Also, tlmt
he leeps constantly on hand a full as.
soraneut of ovciy description of
conijstlng of flooring, siding, doors,
sasl blinds, shutters, moldings, &o
wuiih he Is prepared to furnish at the
veryllowi'st tnaiket rates.
Purouage respectfully solicited,
I W. R. REX.
Lehlghton, May 17, 1U73, ly
Arohitect and Superintendent,
No, 143 N. 7th Street, Allentown, Pa.,
furnishes Plans. 'Specifications and Esti
mates for Publlo and Private buildings.
Stairs, Ralls. &e.. Cnnotiuotpri nnii
Set-Up by.thj most approved method,
...... oiiwn iiuiicc. A utruuanu is res
pectfully Bollclted. aud satisfaction
guaranteed. nnr. 2Cyl
ssswaswM.1 .iwi.ii ro.
THE WEEKLY SUN Is tcowldely known to re.
quire any extended recommendation; butthe rea
sons which hava already clven It fifty thousand
subscribers, and which will, we hope, give It niauy
thousand more, are briefly as follows:
It Is a first-rate newspaper. All tho news of the
day will bo found In It, condensed when nn1tnpsr
tant, at full length when of moment, and always
presented In a clear. Intelligible and Interesting
It I. a flrst-rato family paper, full of entertain
lng nnd instructive rending of every kind, but con.
talning nothing that cau offend the most delicate
and scrupulous tas'o.
It Is a first rate story paper. The best tales and
romances of current literature aro carefuUy selec
ted and legibly printed In its pages.
It Is a flrat-rnte agricultural paper. The most
fresh and Instructlvearticeson agricultural topics
regularly appear In thlstlepartment
It 1. an independent political paper, lttlonglng
to no party and wearing no collar. It fights for
principle, and for the election of the be"t men to
ofllce. It especially dovptes Its energies to the ex
por.ureofthe great corruptions that now weaken
and disgrace our country, aud thi eaten to under
mine republican Institutions altogether. It has no
fear of knaros, and asks no favors from their sup
porters. It reports the fashions for tho ladles and the
markets for the men. especially thncattlo-markets,
to which it pays particular attention.
Finally, It is the cheipest paper published. One
(1olar a )ear will secure It for any subscriber. It
I. not necessary to get Up a clah In order to have
Till: WEEKLY BUN nt this rate. Any one who
sends a single dollar wl1 get the paper for a year.
1 o have no traveling agenta.
The Weekly Sun, Klght. pages, fifty-she
rolumos only 91.00 a year No discount from
this rate.
The Sei'il-Weekly Sun. Same size as
the D.illy.Sun SU.OO a joar. A discount of 20
per rent, to clubs of 1 0 or over.
The llntly Sun, A large four-psgo news
paper of twenty-eight cohunus. Daily circulation
over 120,000. All the newsfor cents. Sub
scription price 50 cents a month, or 90.00 a
year. To clubs of 10 or over, of 20
percent. ADDKEiS,
TUB SUN," New YorU'CUy
Nov. 15, 187J.-wO
J-- iicil and Combination
OF WE1SSPORT, has been appointed
ylgent for Lchlgl'ton, Welsspnrt and
vicinity to glvo our citizens a chance to
see nnd test the merits of the arrange
ment of springs. He Is willing to put
them on trial for any person lor one
week, nnd If they do not paove supe
rior to tho Woven Wire Mattress, Put
nam, Yankee, Norfolk, Wright, Spring
field, Howe, Tucker, Eureka, Junroe,
Imperial, United States, Walker, Con
necticut, Eaglo, Salem or any of tho
ouo thousand and ona Spring Rods that
have been put upon the market, you
aro not asked to buy It. Tho abovo
named beds have been discarded to
make room for tho improved. It has
no hiding place for bugs, has no slats
on top of the springs, but heavy duck
canvas, hooking at the baso of tho
spring, that may be taken off and tho
slats removed (for cleaning or other
wise,) by anybody in five minutes and
replaced at pleasure The springs may
be changed to oilier portions of the bed
with very little trouble. Tho springs
are watranted to keep place and last
longer than any other in use. For In
valids it cannot be surpassed. He fits
Ihem to any bedstead or different weight
of persons, the largest number under
tho heaviest part of the body, aud with
i light covering of husks, cotton, straw
bed. or hair mattress, they adapt them
selves completely to tho body. Tho
ladles should call and see the arrange
ment of springs for the cradle, and not
have to use feathers In warm weather.
They aro bolter than soothing syrup or,
cordials for the little ones. Tho springs
aro made from tho very best cast steel
from the celebrated Sheffield wokrs of
England. Come one and all nnd seo
them. Thcso beds have been fully es.
tabllshcd In twelve different States.
The Furniture men aro especially in
vited to call and examine these beds.
Reds put upon trial and no ono asked
to purchase until after a fair trial.
nov8 '73-tf Agent, Welssport.
oi-tli and Meauty!
Wood's Household Magazine
And the Chromo
Yo Semite I
Having control of the magnificent
Oil Chromo, YO SEMITE, we are able
to offer n combination of literary and
artistic work of gcnuluo worth, and at
prices unprecedented. This fine copy
of a piece of Nature's grandest work, Is
not presented In the usual limited style,
its dimensions, 14x20, making a picture
of very deslrablo size, In Itself
An Ornament to the Itootn
graced by Its presence But few copies
of tills beautiful Chromo will be allowed
to go to the retail stores, and those will
be sold at their
Actual lletail Price, 80,00,
while If ordered In connection with our
Jlagazino, botlt will bo fdrnlshed for (
As a Premium the picture may be ob
tained by smiling Two Subscriptions
for the Magazine at $1,00 each, or by
subscribing for the Mogazlue two years
In advanco, at $1.00 per annum, Ad
dress, " Wojd's Household Magazine,"
Newburgh, N. Y. '
X. E. SHUTES, Publisher.
j5U. c. nmiMioK,
district attobnky; attobney at law.
Otlice, on llROAOWAr, first door below American
Hotel, MsuchChunk,l'onn'ai Collections prompt.
xad. Nur, 21.
Mrs. Jones' Pirate.
A sanguinary pirate sailed upon tho
Spanish main, in a rakish looking schoo
ner which was called the -Mary Jane j
she carried lots of howitzers and deadly
rilled guns, with shot nnd shell and
powder, and percussion caps In tons.
The pi rate was a homely man, and
sh irt and grim and fat, ho wore a wild
ofd awful scowl beneath his slouching
hat ; swoids, pistols and sttllettocs wero
arranged upon his thighs, and demonia
cal glaring was quite common with his
His heavy black rnustacho curled
away beneath his nose, and dropped In
elegant festoons about Ills very toes ; he
hardly every spoke atall, but when such
was tho case, his voice, 'twas easy to
perceive, was nutto a heavy bass.
He was uot a serious pirate, and de
spite his anxious cares, he rarely went
to Sunday school, and 'seldom ealil his
prayers j he worshipped lovely women,
and his hope In life was this : to calm
his wild, tumultuous soul in pure do
mestic bliss.
When conversing with his shipmates
he very often sworo, that he.longed to
give up piracy and settle down on shore.
He tired of blood and plunder, of tho
Joys that they could bring ; he sighed to
win the love of some affectionate young
Ono morning, as tho Mary Jane went
bounding o'er the sea, tho plrato saw a
merchant bark far off upon his lee. He
ordered a pursuit, and spread sail thnt
hocould spare, nnd then went down, In
hopeful mood, to shave and curl his
lie blacked his boots nnd pared his
nails, aud tied a fresli cravat ; he cleaned
his teeth, pulled down his cuffs, and
polished up his hat ; he dimmed with
Hour tho radiance of his fiery jed nose,
for, hanging with that vessel's wash,
he spied some ladles' hose.
Once more on deck, tho stranger's
hull he riddled with a .ball, aud yelled :
" Ahoy, what boat is that?" In answer
to his call, the skipper on tho other boat
answered iu thunder tones : "This is
tho bark Matilda, and her captain's
name Is Jones."
The pirate told hlsbold corsairs toman
tho Jolly boats, to boatd tho bark and
seize thocrow,aud silt their tarry throats.
and then to give his compliments to
Captain Jones nnd say, he wished that
ne itnu jurs. Jones would como and
ept-.ul tho day,
They reached tho bark, they killed tho
crew, they threw them In the sea j and
then they sought the captain, who was
mad as he could be, because his wifo
who saw the whole sad tragedy, It seems
mado all tho ship vociferous with her
outrageous screams.
Rut when tho pirate's message came,
sho dried her stieamiug tears, and said,
nlthough she'd like to come, she had
unpleasant fears, that his social status
being very evidently low, sho might
meet some common people, whom sho
wouldn't care to know.
Her husband's aged father, sho ad
mitted dealt In bones, but tho family
descended from the famous Duke do
Jones ; and such blue-blooded people,
that tho rabble might bo checked, had
to make their social circle excessively
Before she visited him In tho ship sho
wanted him to say, tho Smythes had re
cognized film In a social, friendly way ;
did tho Jonsons ever ask him round to
their aucestral hall? Was he noticed
by the Thomsons? Was he asked to
Slniuis' ball ?
The pirate wrote that Thomson was
his bost and oldest friend ; that be bad
stopped at Jonson's when he bad a week
to spend. As for the Smythes, they
worried him with their luteisant calls,
his very legs wero weary with the dance
at SI ni ins' balls,
Tho scouudrel fibbed most Bhanie
lessly, In fact he only knew a lot of
Smiths without a y a most plebian
crowr Ills Jonsons used a vulgar h, hie
Thomsons spelled with p, his Simmies
had but one m, and they wero common
as could be.
Then Mrs. Jones mussed up her hair
nnd donned her best delaine, nnd went
with Captain Joues aboard the schooner
Mary Jane. The pirate won her heart
at once, by saying, with a smile, ho
never saw a woman dressed In such ex
qulstto style.
The pirate's claim to status she saw
was very Just, when sho noticed how
familiar the Jonson's ho discussed. Her
aristocratic scruples then were quickly
laid aside, aud when the plrato smiled
on her, reciprocally sho sighed.
No sooner was the newer love within
her bosom born, than Jones was looked
upon by her with hatred and with scorn.
She bald 'twas true his ancestor was
famous Duko do, Jones, but site shud
dered to remember that his father dealt
In bones.
So then they got at Captain Jones and
backed him with a sword, aud chopped
him Into little bits and tossed him over
board. The chaplain read th service,
and the captain of, the bark, before the
widow's weeping eyes, was gobbled by
a 6hark.
Tho chaplain turned the prayer-book
o'er, the bride took off her glove, they
swore to honor, to obey, to cherish and
to love. And freighted full of happi
ness, across tho ocean's foam, the
schooner glided rapidly, toward the pi
rate's home.
" 4nd when of ecstacy and Joy their
hearts could 'hold no more, that. pirate
dropped Ills anchor down aud rowed his
wife ashore. And as they sauntered up
the street, he gavo his bride a poke and
said, " In them thoro mansions lire the
friends of whom I spoke."
Sho glanced her eyo upon tho plates
of brass upou each door, and then her
anger roso as It had never done before,
" That Johnson has n h I That Thomp
son has a p I That Smith that spells
without a y Is not tho Smith for mo."
And darkly scowled she then upon
that rover of the'wavo : "Falsel falsel"
slo shrieked, and spoko of him ns "mon
stcr, traitor, slavel" Andthen sho wept
nnd tore her hair, nnd filled tho nlrwlth
groans, and cursed with littterness the
day sho let thetn cut up Jones.
And when she had spent on him tho
venom of her tongue, sho seized her
pongee parasol and stabbed him In tho
lung. A few energetic stabs wero at liN
heart required, and then this scand'lous
buccaneer rolled over and expired.
Still brandishing her parasol, she
sought the pirate's boat ; shn loaded up
a gun and jammed her head Into Its
throat; and fixing fast tho trigger, then,
with string tied to her toe, she breathed
"Mother!" through the touch-hole, and
kicked and let her go.
A snap, a fizz, a rumble, some stupen
dous roaring tones, and whereon earth's
surface was the recent irs. Joues ? Go
ask tho moaning winds, the sky, tho
mists, the murmuring sen ; go ask tho
fish, the coroner, the clams but don't
ask me.
by on. JosErn cuoss.
What Is murder? Must thero be
"malice pretenso," with an Intention to
kilt ? No. Tho sacrifice of human lifo
from a sordid love of gain, Is often mur-
ucr in me nignest uegree. oo says
Blackstone and all the best expounders
of tho law. Who then is guilty of
blood, If not the rumseller ? Does ho
not vend death for dimes, and perdition
for picayunes? Is ho sure that the
dram ho is now measuring out will not
prompt to the murder of a wifo or a
child, and result In the drinker's sui
cide? What cares he, while ho cai,
accumulate filthy lucre, how many
hopes ho blights, how many hearts he
breaks, how many homes ho desolates,
how many cemeteries ho peoples with
the loathsome victims of his cupidity.
What, though there bo no "malice pre
tence," we challengo the rumseller to
show a better motive than often Impels
the midnight assassin 1
Tho rumseller is actuated by mcro
love of gain ; so Is the assassin I The
rumseller declares ho does not llko his
business ; so does tho assassin. Tho
rumseller would change his course, had
lie any other prospect for a living ; so
would tho assassin. ".But," says tho
rumseller, " I do not stoal to my neigh
bor's bed and kill him in his sleep."
True : but If you did, the act would bo
less criminal and less calamitous. Then
his victim would die Innocently, but
now he puts tho Instrument into his
hand and makes him his own murderer.
Better than the assassin I The assassin
Is an angel of mercy In the comparison!
The assassin can kill only the body ;
tho rumseller destroys both soul nnd
body, In hell. All the heroes whose
deeds are recorded In the annals of
persecution could not invent a ruin so
complicated and dreadful ; a ruin which
Satan himself could not achieve with
out tho agency of tho rumseller. Oh I
class him not with men I Ho belles
every attribute of his species.
Better rank him with wolves, hyenas,
alligators and boa-constrictors. Money
Is the goal of his wishes and the god
of his worship. Money he will have,
though ho get It by vending poison,
ruin and despair.
Ho wants but tho toleration of law,
and the fascination of the coin, and ho
would vend vipers to your children by
the bushel and scorpions by the score.
Such Is the rumseller, nnd such Is his
A woman who is able to systematize
and carry on smoothly tlto work of an
ordinary family, Illustrates higher saga
city than Is called for by seven-tenths
of tho tasks done by man. Men take
one trade, and work at It ; a mutter's
and housekeeper's work requires a
touch from all trades. A man has his
work hours, and his definite task ; n
woman has work at all hours, aud an
Incessant confusion of tasks.
Let any man do a woman's work for
a single day wash and dresi the child
ren, having provided their clothes the
night before ; see that breakfast is un
derway to suit a fault-flndlug husband;
the wash boiler on with water for tho
wash, and the clothes assorted ready
for the washing ; the dish-water heating
aud tho luncheon brought out ready
for tho school children ; a nice dinner
for the father's dinner pall ; the beds
made and the home put to rights ; sew-
ng. mendimr, &e., occupy tne uay until
the children return home, when thero
are questions to answer, the supper to
be laid and cleared away, and the child
reu to be put to bed. Verily, tho scribe
was right, when no said :
" A man's work, lastn from sun to sun,
A woman's work Is novor ilouo."
Response to prayers aud sermons
may bo good If thoy come In at tliu
right place. Not so, however, came In
a response recently to a minister In an
African church. He had como down
from the pulpit to Invite a stranger In
one of tho pews to preach for him, but
was unsuccessful, "llrelliren, earn
he, 4'I Invited Brother S to preach,
but ho declines." "Thank God!" roar
ed out a man frox tho middle of tho
An exemplary but Impecunious
member of the church rollltantln Hous
ton, Toxas, put his revolver Into tho
contribution-box a few Sabbaths slnco.
A Lady who was not n Shakespear
ian scholar hearing tho "Merry Wives
of Windsor" highly praised, Inquired
how many wives Mr. Windsor had.
The most bashful girl we ever heard
of was tho young lady who blushed
when sho was asked it sho had not beon
courting sleep.
Tho story that a man died from In
juries received from falling on the fork
of a country road Is now denied.
"Lot tho toast be, Dear womanl"
as tho man said to his wife, when ho
wanted to eat It all himself.
The meanest man on record Is a
Vcrmonter who refused to pay his first
wife the money which ho borrowed from
her to buy an Indiana divorce and cover
the expense of his wedding tour with
another lady.
Tho wife of a Louisvilo lawyer made
a bustlo of some Impoitant legal docu
ments, nnd court had to adjourn until
she could go homo nnd return' with
them In proper shape.
An Irish lady once declared that
sho could not understand how gentle
men could smoke. "It certainly short
ens their lives," said she. "I don't
know that!" exclaimed n gentleman.
"There's my father who smokes every
blessed day, nnd ho Is seventy years
old." "Well," was tho reply, "if ho
had never smoked, ho might havo been
eighty by this time."
Six feet In his bootsl" exclaimed
Mrs. .Beeswax. "What will the Impu
denco of this world come to, I wonder?
Why, they might as well tell me that a
a man had six heads In his hat."
A Doctor went out for a day's
sport, and complained of having killed
nothing. "That's tho consequence of
having neglected your business," ob
served his wife. f
When a man's income Is llko his
umbrella, only large enough forhlmself,
ho will be wrong If he sliaro It with a
lady: both will get nothing but drip
pings, wo; through, and in a mess.
Tho melancholy days are come, tho'
saddest of the year, when piercing
winds and drifting snows tempt loving
wives to remark: "Oh, what a
b-c-a-u-t-i-f-u-l set of furs Mrs. Jones
has got. Only two hundred and fifty
dollars -dirt cheap; aud mine, you
know, aro hardly decent."
. An exchange puts it truly, although,
in a facetious manner as follows: A fel
low, who has actually tried It, says that
although thero aro threo scruples In a
dram, tho more drains you take, tho
less scruples you have.
A country editor reports money
"close but not closo enough to bo
Tho woman who never wntched her
neighbors, is said to be a cousin to tho
woman who didn't know how many
dresses her sister-in-law had,
"I'm not In mourning," said n
young lady frankly to a young lady
querist, "but ns the widows are getting
nil tho offers nowadays, wo poor girls
havo to resort to artifice."
A young man, tho other night
sought to secure hissweetheartby strat-
i.frv. fin Iim tnnV lipr nut fnr n linnt vMKn
J , - - - .1. w
on the romantic Wissahickon, and
lureaieucu to jump overooara it alio
wouldn't marry him. It did not work.
She offered to bet him a dollar that he
daren't dlvo In.
A young man whoenjoys tho sobri
quet of Frank, parting wilh a young
lady the other night, up town endeavor
ed to Impress his cust.imary kiss, when
she forcibly pushed back his head, and
said, "No, sir, you don't the franking
privilege Is abolished." That fellow
got the "sack," we'd bet,
A nlco old man a vegetable gard
ener, recently called at our ofllce aud
Inquired very anxiously If tho editor
had been anything in the papers recent
ly about n worm that was doing much
damage celery. "I Intended," said lie,
"to have raised a good deal of celery
this year, but durn me, If I thing It'll
pay If that durned celery grub that
btarted at Washington a while since,
about what 1'vo been hcorn so much on,
Is coming this way," Doubtless ho
meant the "Salary grab."
A Quaker lately popped tho. ques
tion to a fair Quakeress, ns follows:
"Huttil yea and verily, Penelope, tho
spirit urgeth aud movelh mo wonder
fully tn licseech theu to cleavo unto me,
tlesli of my llesh aud bone of my bone."
"Hum! truly, Obadlah, thou hast wisely
said. Inasmuch as It Is written that It
is pot good for man tu o alone, lo, I
will sojourn with thee."
Two ladles weie In conversation tho
other day. One lady remarked that
sparrows were useful In ridding certain
cities of canker worms. Tne other lady
said sho would rather bo tormeuted by
the latter than sparrows. Just then a
youth approached and was appealed to,
"Mr. , which do you think the
woist, tho sparrows or worms?" He
blushed a little and said, "I don't
know, I never had sparrows."
"Do you suppose that you can do
tho landlord in tho "Lady of Lyons?"
said a manager to a seedy actor In quest
ot an ongaOement. "I should thin); so, I
have done a great many landlords.," .
,The alp causes many (tilings: whUo
beer brings many to tho beir,