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O. B. OOODLANDKR,
jj w. SMITH,
-M:7.1 Clearfield, Pa.
T J. LINGLE,
4TTORSKT -AT - LAW,
1:1 Phlllpaburg. Ceutre Co., Pi. y:pd
OLAND D. SWOOPE,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Curwen.rille, Clearfield eouoty, Pa.
oot. , T8-ir.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
rrr-uince IQ me opera tluuaa. oettl, 78. tf.
It. A W. BAHKETf,
Attorneys and Counselors at Law,
January SO, 1878. ,
ATTOBSKY AT LAW,
MrOffir. one door cut of Shaw Hon.
yW M. McCULLOUV.IT,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
OfTI In Mainnle bnilding. Second itreet, op.
:,.,itc the Court Houm. je26,'7S-tf.
yy C. ARNOLD,
LAW & COLLECTION OFFICE,
-1' Clearfield Count., Pcna'a. tby
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Office in Opera Home, ap 15,77-ly
JM1T1I V. WILSON,
CLEARFIELD, - . PKNN'A
rT-Offlce to th M.aonle Building, orer the
luumy .-National liana. ImerZI-SO,
l!.I.UH a. wit.i.Aca.
HARRY 9. WALLAl B.
DAYm l. KNaaa.
JOHN w. waiaLir.
XlALLACE k KREBS,
I V (rlu.Mjaiaura to Wallaot a FialdiBff,)
i"l'77 I'leartield, P.
J l' SNYDER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
I'iii.-e uv,-r ilia O iuntjr Natlooil Bink.
June I), 7tr.
rlTfiR. R. Ml'BN.r
IURRAY 4 GORDON,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW,
09Offlee la Ple'a Opera lloaao, aooond floor.
yiLLIAM A. IIA&ERTY,
til' I'll K over T. A. Plcrk t o.'. Store,
C4r-WIII attead lo all leal bulla... with
rim.lueia and fidelity. . rebllStf-tf.
i'.sRIB B. ll'BNALI.T. PARIBL W. N'CORDT.
IcENALLY & JIcCURDY
TLetKl baaineaa attended to pronptlj witbj
. m-mij. vuiu. vm ovoooa a.roei, aaoTo tea rtrat
Natinnal Bank. Jan:l:7e
Y G. KitAMER, "
"a T T O R N E Y - A T - L A W ,
Real B.tate and Colleetloa Agcat,
H'ill prompt attend to all legal butlaaaa aa
tru.teil tu hia eara.
ffet-OBo. la Pie'a Opera Hubh. Janl'7..
J P. McKEN RICK,
All legal btialaeai entrusted to bia eare will ra.
ccire pmmpt attention.
TOffire in the Court Ilouae.
N L. CUTTLR,
ATTORNEY AT LAW.
tin) heal l-'atala Aent, Clearfield, Pa.
iffflft on Tblrd itraat, bet.Ch.mj A Wajnot,
ft RoHptctfollj offera hit rvlflai In lllnf
arid baying lands la Glaarlald and adjalning
'tuntlta and with aa aspariaaea ot orartwantT
." aa a farvayor, flat tart htmialf that ha oma
randar tatlifaotlon. Pah. SMS:tf,
J-R K. M". SCHEURER,
Offlea In reiidroea oa Flrat it.
April 4, 11171. Clearleld, Pa.
jyt. W. A. MEANS,
IMIYSICIAN A SURGEON,
DUBOIS CITY, PA.
Will attend proreatloaal calla promptly, av.gl.7l
JR. T. J. ItOYER,
OSaa on Market 8tnat, Clearfield, Pa.
ft"0fflra bonrai S to II a. ., aad I to I p.
JJK. J. KAY WRIGLEY,
"0Aino ailjnlning tbe realdenea of Jamef
F.e,., oa 8Moad St., Clearleld, Pa.
i J)R. II. n. VAN VAI.ZAH,
i CLUARflKMI, PKNR'A.
I. "f Hl'K IN l(EllENi;E, PORNKR OF FIRST
AND IMNK 8THEKTS.
JB- 00 ne bnnrt Fraai It ta I P. M.
May It, 1171.
yv J. r. BURCUKIKLD,
Surgaoa of the tad Regleaeat. P.Baiyl.anla
oiaateera, hating rotBrntd frea taa Amy,
hli prufei.i.n.l aerrleal ta Ikaeitiaaaj
"I Clearleld e.ientj.
fi-l'r'jf.iileo.l aalli promptly atUadad ta.
1 in Seooad Itreet, formerlyMoapied by
' 'oo.li. (aprt.'ll U
I'll YSICIAN t- SUROKOX,
The Dt aotlag moally loaat-a la CUarSeU,
bia arnieae lo tbo pooplo or thia oklalty.
' Ofcoa a Read Mnat, earae-U.B-
' Uotn .
GEO. B. QOODLAUDEE, Editor & Proprietor. . ' PRINCIPLES, NOT MEN. - ' TEEMS-J2 per annum In Advanoe.
VOL. 55-WHOLE NO. 2,703. CLEARFIELD, PA., WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 5, 1881. NEW SERIES-VOL 22, NO. 1,
1 OR PRINTING Of EVERY UESCRIP
fl Una aaattr .laootad el tbie efiiao
TIJHTICK" CONTABLEH PEE
Wo havo printed a Una .amber of lb.
PEE BILL, ud will oo too reoeipl of tw.nl.
oonta. mall a nop In n addreae. avis
WILLIAM M. HKNRY, Justiob
" FACB iidSoituii, Lt'MUER
CITY. Colloetlona made and money promptly
paid ot.p. Artlol.l ( agreement and deedi ol
eoaieyene. aeatly eioeuted end warranted oor.
root or io oharca
JOHN D. THOMPSON,
Jiutlaa of the Poaao aad Serlr.nar,
tefA.Collectiona aaada and nooar prompt!
JUSTICE OF THE PEACE
Mj , 1S781j
Square Timber & Timber Lands,
Jll'7 CLEARFIELD, PA.
Land Surveyor and Civil Engineer,
-AII kaeiaeaa will bo attaado I ta prnmptl.
Dm. IS, 1S80-1T.
House and Sign Painter and Paper
VolWiii ik. i. bi. ii .,. ...
la a workmanlike manae. ar4.fi7
WILLIAM I). B1GLKR,
N. nth. i8no.tr.
JOHN A. KTADLER,
BAKER, Market St., Cleartnld. Pa.
Freih Bread. Rnak. Rnlla. PI. ..J r.h..
un nana or mane to order. A genera aaiortment
of Confection. rle., Fruit, aad Nate la itoek
.oa ream and Uyatore In aeaaoo. Salooa nearly
..'.loujoo. rrieoa raoarraie.
WEAVER. & BETTS,
Real Estate, Square Timber, Saw Logs,
AND LUMBER OF ALL KINDS.
-crOffino oa Kooond atreat, la roar of itor
room of George Wearer A Co. f Jnn, '78-lf.
JUSTICE OF TUB PEACE
Oaoeola Mllla P. 0.
All offiolal buainaaa aBtraated to him will be
promptly attended lo. mchzv, '71,
l-L BARBER AND HAIRDRESSER.
Shop ob Market St., oppo.lt. Court Ilou.e.
A oleaa towel for every eaitomer.
Alio dealer lo
Boet Ilranda of Tobarro and Clirara.
fl.artli.ld. P.. ma II, 71
JAMES H. TURNER,
JU8TICB OP THB PIACB,
H allaceton, Pa,
Mt-U baa pMparad hi dim If wiib all lha
noflal . alrw ViUtib Fi.rmi a.,i. ii D...l. J
BuBDty law, aa wall aa blank liaada, at. All
aHH MBiHii otiuuiHra V all mrv Will FMiaiTa
prompt attantiQO. May 7th, 187V-U.
Market Hlreet, Clearfield, Pa.,
AHPfACTOnin Ann malbr in
Harness, Bridles, Saddles, Collars, and
afAH hiada of repairing promptly attaadnd
to. Haddlcra' Uardwar. Horta Uraahaa. Carrv
Oombi, Aa., alwayi on hand and for aala at tba
lowrrt oaab pnaa. March IV, 1871.
Q. H. HALL,
PRACTICAL PUMP MAKER,
NKAR CLKARFIKLD, FKNN'A.
Pampt alwayt on hand and made to order
on tbort notlee. Pipet bored oa raatoaabla term a.
ah wort warranted to render lat.ifection, aad
aaurered u aeairea. yla:lypd
rffHK nnderiigned bega leave to Inform tbapnh
JL "0 iaai ne la now iuiiy prepaTM-t accommo
date all la the way of f smithing Hv.aaa, fiugglaa,
addict and liarnaaa, oa tba ihortett aotiea and
an re ton able tertna. Ratidanoa oa Loaaat ttreet,
aoiwaaa taire itt ronria.
OKO. W. OEARIIART
"Uarflnld. Feb. 4. 1074
OLRN nOPR, PENN'A.
fpilB aadertigncd, having lea ted thlt aom
JL modluat Ui'tel, la tba village of Olaa Uopa,
it now prepared to aooommodate -all who may
call. My tahle and bar tball be aapplied with
the bait tbe market afford..
OKOKOR W. D0TT8, Jr.
Olen Hope, Pa., March 1, I879-U.
THOM A8 H. FORCEE,
Allo.eiteBil. maaufaetarar and dealer la flqaara
itmaor ano oawoa lamaoroi all Btoda.
dr-Orden aolleltad and all bllla promptly
8. I. 8 N Y D E R ,
ABB BBALBB IB
,Watcbo, Clocki and Jawolry,
Srotoa'e Aom, Afarlol cTlreef,
All klnda of ropalrlBg la ay Ha. promptly at
aaded ta. Job. lit, 1171.
'IrnrHrld lntmanct .Igrnry.
jambb Baaa. caaaaLL a. biobli.
Kl'RR a HIIHU.E, Aftnt$,
Repreaoat tho Followlag aad athar Int-olaaa Co'f
Lleernoal Loadoa A Oloba-TT. S. Br. tl.SOI.HI
Lreomiag oa m.tBal A euh plaal.... I,lo0(lfftf
Pborall, of Hartnrd, Cobb i.134.083
laearaana Ca. af North Amerlra (,411,174
North Brltl.h A Meroaatlla 11.1. Br. I,7l,ll.1
Rmltl.h Commorolal-U.l. Braah.... 171,141
Travolora ( Ltfa A Amkleall 4,ll.44
llffire ao Market ft., a.p O.art Hooao, Clear
leld, Pa. Joaa 1, 1 tf
West End Drug Store,
ra IN ORARAM fi ROW,
(Half way helwaea Moaeop'iaad Fle'e
TUI enwertlgted bat opeaed ap a Drug Stare,
with a tall eapply ef parmetly para aad
ireh Draft, Mpdleta-e, Cbetaleale aad Tetiei
Artlelea. Taeea Drag hate beat, itlectad with
gtael tare and are gwaraateotl te be perfetlj
pare aad reliablo. 1 wtfl gtve my ptraaatl atten
dee to tkt tlaeaitiaeat. aad UI eeaerfelly give
eay edM aW taltrmatme In regard te medleiaet
1 CleaseJ4, Pa., t). I, llwt'tf.
ffM mt tBHirM. UK. T. al . BO IK PL.
GOOD-BYE, OLD YEAR.
Oh, goad onujpanion, it and band hit awhllaj
Wa'ra walked tutbar man; a ftlaiaant mi la.
And I would ratnh thy Uit, faiat parting .mile,
And iaj, "Oood-ba, old jraar."
Kara at tba glowing baartb lat a a ratmna
Tba plan did token, of thy flatting graoa.
Tbj arar pan band and imtlinv faca,
And iay, "Uood bt, old yaar."
Tba January belli an J gift tba now,
Tba flying tlrigha, tht ikattr all aglow,
Tba glancing fjtt, tba wblrpen aufi and low
Ab, wall 1 gvod byt.old yaar.
Tha Pebiuary Jayi.tba iplendid play,
Tha watching oprra, and tba ballroom gay;
Tbe -hopping, and tha flirting we lladay 1
Oood bya, good bja, old year.
Tha plettant ahlea that earne with March again.
Tha park't gay drtra. tba tat Inn In tha lana.
Tba planning aud tba dreaming ! 1 would fain
laive orer tbem, oIuvwhu-.
But, ob, tba April hoar I when hantT traaa
Draw grtan with gladoai in tba warm tuuth
And all tha bird, eama ulnglngo'tr tha teat,
Bmging for joy, uldyaar.
The glory of tha May, tba warm, wblta thowari,
Tba orchard bloom., the tolden-tinted flower
Tha butldlog neett In all tba woodland bo pert
n aat uamortea, old yar !
And than tha row in tbo month of J ana,
The balmy fraihneu of tba buy noon,
Tha silver tpiemlor of tba young rprlog moon
All thtie were tbina old year.
At were tha July tklta, tha loan ted hay,
ina area my languor ol lat tumuier day,
Tba drittlng boat upon the salm blua bay (
Can I forget, old year t
Or hnp to bear again a aong aa tweet
At whan, ona nigbt, with alow, contenting feat,
I walked with love among tba Augutt wheat f
Ob, Ioto'i tweet tong, old year,
III eoboai haunt tha ihady, aeantad place
Where brown Septemhor me face to faoo
And crowned ui with tbe eineyard't parple graoa
Ob, grapet I ob. lova! old ytar 1
Oh, wlna, and corn, and fruit, and little tight !
Oh, mi it j tplendor of October thiea !
Ob, Indian tnmmtr caught In )ivtr'i tyet !
Oh, iweot itill dayi, old year !
Oh, bitting hearth ! oh, horn ! oh, ootnfort rart
m dt-ar Aoetnbar with itt pleataat eara,
Of grateful Ihnb-giviog and dainty fart,
And heart of lore, old year.
That did we dwell totetbar. tbun rood veer.
'Till bile December brought tbe Chrietmae cheer.
Apt tnall we part f Old in end. there la ao fear
Tlioa tbalt tby ttreogtb renew.
Yet ere thia chartuM elrola pam away.
i urn toe laminar taoa ona moment ttay
While lova and gratitude And .pace to eay.
uiiouTiye, qiq year, gooa-oja.
DEFINING THE ISSUE.
the Missioy of the demo
CRA TIC PARTY.
Tbe following article from tbe pen
of Senator ullaco fippcura in the Jan
nary number of the ifortA American
Tho ovents and piocosnus of more
than a irunt'ralion have tiikon tbe eon
trol of eofornmontttl atrairs awnv from
tho intelligent rulo of tbo mmsttoii and
vested it in a power ae yet lormativo
and undefiiir d. Among these wore tho
civil war, tho creation and poctiliar
manipulation ot tbe publta debt, re
construction outside the Constitution.
universal negro suffrage, a plethora of.
jiufivr luune, iuuhu puuttu Ilioratfi,
enormous growth of privuto fortunes,
and close connection of tho Govern
ment with tho banking intcrmt. Each
had its weight ill gapping the founda
tions of a Government by tbe masses,
and in ahaping ntir course toward a
different rulo. Whether that rule in
to be euffrago, qualified and rarifiud, or
atiifrngo controlled by tho power of
aggregated wealth monopoly, or
Senatorial oligarchy, or hereditary
uoTornment, la nesuio the present in
quiry'aavo as they each and all show
distrust of the pcoplo, and build their
foundations npon universal suffrngo,
debased, corrnpted and do,ninatcd.
Tho tendency towarj a So-called
stronger government is as manifest as
are the causes that have given it form.
It is In tho nature of things for govern
ment to grow stronger al tho expense
of the governed ; but tho plain proof
oi mo existence oi this tendency is
found in the opinions of the ledoral
jutliciury, in federal legislation over
matters uereloloro within tho control
of tbe people of the Slato-i, in tho modes
oi oxucuuon oi mono statutes, by
which, local rule, local courts and nor-
sonal liberty aro overthrown, and in
that ramification of executive patron
ago which sends its mnndutos to the
extremities, and at will gathers in a
unscrupulous obedionee from ninety
thousand paid officials. "Kxoontive
patronago will bring us to a master."
A not-work of olllco holders bound
each to tbo other, wielding time and
money and iower of pluoo to pack
primaries, dictate nominations, crush
independent thought and action and
suhtirdinato local control to tho will of
an Executive who governs in the
name of party, points the road with
unerring certainty to the end that
Franklin, the wise man, predicted.
Further guide-hoards on that road are
socu in largo donations of money by
corporations, monopolists and wealthy
men to supplement tbe power of tbe
Executive, and carry elections in
the interest of an aristocratic class
who disliko and distrust the peoplo ;
in the domination of employe by em
ployer; in the marked ballot; in the
third-term candidacy and pilgrimage on
tha slump ; in tbe National and La
bor organisations, which nrn but over
xealous protests against this tendency,
mid in that ill eoncoaled demand fur
enurgetio government which has boon
the fundamental thought of the op
ponents of Nomocracy sinco tho days
of John Adams.
The issues of 1709 and 1800 again
confront tho pooplo. Tho theories of
that any are again to strugglo Tor the
mastery. Thogovornmont of the ro
publio is already centralised. The
canvas of 1HH0 teaches this. The
federal Executive has been felt from
the ward caucus to the vaults of the
treasury ; from the primary to tho
Presidential election. A high Federal
official quits bis place to take a nom
ination for Governor of the pivotal
Stato, and al once the Executive ar.n
is extondud to bis support. Marshals,
detectives, collectors, secretaries, and
all clso that waa needed, locato them
selves within the Slate, and its suffrage
is debauched and its nndoubtcd will
revorsud. . A suffrage, first debased,
then corrupted, then obedient, is cen
tralization in its worst form.' This is
but ono means to the end sought. The
mtss.on of trio Democratic party u de
centralization. Its duty is to restore
tbe liovornment of the repuhlio to the
intelligent rulo ol tho msase of the
people. It must toaoh and practice)
tho doctrine! of its illustrious (bunder.
It must appeal to the noople them
selves in thuir own interest. It must
preach the eternal truth that the in
dividual oiUieu is the unit in Govern
ment, from whom proceeds all power,
in whom is VS-rtod all rights save those
which an granted br him for tba brood
of taiewhotej, Tin, people al the base,'
tae otauw ana the rtvierat uovoro
metit eaoh supram. wilbia its apber.
ia tu aysbam to which it look lor
liberty, and It must teach that bi who
looks to paternal govern ment.to centra
lization or to empi re, looks to despotism.
Care for and perfect tho government,
and it will protect tho liberties of the
penplo, was tha thought of Hamilton
Give intelligence and information to
thh pooplo, teach them that it is their
Government, and their interest to
preserve law and ortttr, was tho
thought of JoiToreoii. Paternal gov
ernment and vigor in the federal
head on the one hand, information to
tho masses and energy Irom tho ox
tremities on the other. The former
gave tho republic alien and sedition
laws, direct taxation, federal Marshals
and eeiitrulized rule in 1791). The lat
ter swept these out of existence in
1800 ; curried us successfully through
two foreign wars ; acquired un empire
of territory, and governed tho country
for sixty years. We must choose
between theso two now. Tho Democ
racy must again plant itself upon the
axiom, "Governments are made fur
men, not men for Governments." It
must strike with mailed hand the ten
dency to strong Government. It must
be truo to the peoplo and ngt;ressivo
in its fealty. Dominated labor must
bo taught its rights and its interests.
Capital must see its safety in tho in
tulligeuceand justico of individual rule,
und not in the exerciso of arbitrary
will. Honest performance of every
governmental contract now in exist
once, but a change of policy dy which
tho debt shall bo managed in the in
terest of tho peoplo and not of the
creditor; equal taxation on every form
of property; thorough inquiry into tax
ation for revenuo and its readjustment
upon a basis just to every interest and
to all tho pooplo ; no monopolies ;
forfeiture of the franchise of corpora
tions and punishment of aggregated
wealth, or individuals lor coercion of
employes, or tbo use of money in oleo
lions; our own carrying trade made to
be our own preserve, and a divorce
between Government and banks, aro
thought which find place in such an
issue, lbccryol a "Solid South is ex
liaustcd and impotent at lust. It has
served its purpose. Divided councils
uiiuu tiucsuunv ui atiiiiitustrniion nave
kept the Democracy a inero party ol
opposition, and concealed the silent
approaches of tho enemy to strong
Government. It will conliutio to be a
party in opposition, nntriiHlcd and
untried, until it defiantly asserts its
anciont theories and goes to the people
lor tocir vindication.
Tho Democratic party is not dead.
Amicus liko, after each defeat it arises
from mother earth stronger than lie
lore. It cannot die whilst it teaches
and believe in the rights of tho masses:
1 ho hour lor its triumph will have
come when it boldly asserts its truo
theories and ignores the blandishments
of monoy, monopoly aud corrupt
power, llo whoso interests, judg
ment or teachings are ndverso to tho
rulo of the masses will join its enemies.
but in his room it will recruit scores of
those in whose interests it strikes or
who respect its attitiMo and detest
strong Government. Tho future of
the Democratic party Is tho luture of
William A. Wallace.
THE BEAUTIFUL 8X0 H'.
A FEW INFLECTIONS INDrXZD BY THE
A snow storm ia always an event of
interest in city or country. Ihe laugh
ing babe and the wrinkled old man
watch tbo tailing flakes with pleasure.
because each is incapable of little else
than wondering and remembering.
1 et pe ple ol all ages and classos ad
mire tbe varying motives and coin
miryding of the delicate crystals, and
thousands of pairs of oyes follow the
airy wanderers in their tortuous journey
lo the surlace ol the earth. A heavy
fall of enow brings ia its train pleasure,
pain, profit, loss, joy, sorrow and wot
feel. It is safe lo say that eight oul
of ton persons are glad to see ibo-snow
come : tho minority either being dis
pleased because of pecuniary loss or
inconvenience, or, bavins been born
mature, never knowing the delights of
youth. I be person who viows tbe
storm from his house, in the perfection
of eomlort, cannot imagine tho vary
ing emotions which it oreatoa outside.
The fire barns brighter and the room
is more cheery and pleasant wbon wo
know the snow Is falling and drilling
outside ; reminiscences of happy days
spent under the parental roof come
floating back to us as gently as tho
flukes glido by the window ; and tbe
storm always brings vividly to mind
the grids ol childhood and disappoint
ments of manhood, sumo of which wo
laugh at, while others have left sears
too deep ever to bo forgotten. The
persons who are compelled to be out
doors lor hours at a umo have no such
pleasing visions during the storm. The
street cur driver and Ireight brakemun,
though mu tiled close, must yol be to a
certain extent exposed to tbo cold and
dampness. Tbe lot of the latter is es
pecially a bard one, wading kneo deep
through the snow, coupling cars under
circumstances that rentier a misstep
equivalent to Ihe loss of life, and rid
ing on tbo tops of cars in a blinding
storm, every moment fearful that inat
tention or numbness may procpilato
them under the cruel wheels, there to
be crushed to death. Yet the snow is
far prelerable to the biting cold, and
ihe brakeman tborelore regards tho
formor in a philosophical manner, while
he endures the latter with such resig
nation and lortitudo as be can com
mand. A man can exist several days
with damp clothing and an empty
stomach, but without a certain degree
of warmth be cannot livo. The suffer
ing It) the poor during a snow storm is
greatly exaggerated ; and this is in
pari due to the army of beggars who
ply their vocation in tbo streets. Many
of those are unworthy and work great
injury to the really feocdy and duaorr-
ng. v ery low persons evor starve or
freeze to death, except as a result of
their own iiaprudenoe ; and when an
oxtrom case la actually discovered
thousands of hosrta are vouched and aa
many purses opened to roliove the
tnisory of tbe unfortunate. Pittsburgh
Sncbbip. Tbe New York Star says
that tbe Washington Tow path Club,
an organization composed chiefly ol de
partment clerks, has been terribly
snubbed by Garfield. Un his recent
visit to that city bfi was tendered a r
ception by the club, and returned an
answer intimating that that sort of
thing waa good onough neroro election,
but no use afterward. Tbe members
are now mad enough lo swear. The
General don't want lo be reminded loo
much ol boat lile, and need not spend
his time in listening to the stale stories
these Uleraa would nave rehearsed.
"What do von dm yoar Anger Kir
wkOD tea kin. voor ntMoT" aakad a
gentleman ot a bootblack:. "Do ver
ox pool nva to blow any nan with my
THE COirS CUD.
From tba Mobil. Keglator.
A gentleman lately slopped us on
the streot with, "I want you to answor
me one question : What Is a cow's
"Cortainly," was our reply. "A
cow's cud is simply the food that the
cow swallowed in basio al tbe time ot
her feeding; brought .'back to bo re
chewed or remaslicated at leisure"
"I know it," said fcc, "and now I'll
tell you why 1 arked tho question.
This morning I saw ihreo great strap
ping follows holding down a calf and
forcingsomothingintohis mouth which
they called a new cud. Un asking an
explanation thoy wont on to state that
tho calf waa sick in consequence of
having lost its cud, which placed tbcm
under tho necessity of supplying it
with a new one. 1 ... not ask fur in
formation, but merely that 1 might
hear what you had to any about it."
Nothing in our opinion could be
more ridiculous than this idea oi a
cow's having "lost her cud," and yotil
prevails to an amazing extent. Possi
bly tho fault docs not all lio at the
doors ot tbo parties ontortaining the
ridiculous notion, and stimulated by
snch a thought wo shall proceed to
offer a paper on the subject of the di
gestive apparatus of ruminants; that
is, all animals Uiat chow tho cud.
It Is generally known that cattle are
natural cud chewors, and have no front
teeth in the upper jaw, but in place of
them a hard, insensible, gristly pad,
against which the teeth ot tbe lower
jaw fit closely. With the help ot tho
tongue in gathering berbago, they feed
very rapidly, and the food is scarcely
chewed at that time more than is suf
ficient to gather it Into a wad for swal
lowing, when il was immediately re
ceived into the paunch, afterwards to be
cost up by mouutuls into tbo mouth
and rechowed, when it is for tho sec
ond timo swullowed, and passes' at
onco into the stomach.
We will describo as briefly and
simply as possible the manner in which
the successive portions of tho food from
tho paunch are thrown back into'lbo
mouth to bo ro chowed.
Jt must bo understood that chewing
tho cud is, In a largo degree, a volun
tary process, and can be susponded
and resumed at the pleasure of tho
When tho paunch is full, tho animal
ceases to graze, and seeking a comforla
blo place and position, usually lying
down, it proceeds to chow its cud
that is, to belch up by mouthfuls the
food it swallowed hurriedly in grazing,
and ro chow it thorougly, to be swal
lowed a second time when it flows over
tbo surfaco of the uncbowed mass into
the paunch and honey-comb cavity,
and goes the only place else it can go
that is to say, into the third stomach
or apartment, whence it cannot return,
and must needs pass on into the stom
ach or dam and pack in botwocn the
leaves of the manifold, which it not in
frequently doe in a strange and ex
traordinary manner.. It used to be
generally supposed, and it is still
thought by many physiologists, that
tho honey -comb, which is a smallish,
sphoroidal cavity, and has its opening
opposite the fold of the oesophagus,
above described, was mainly instru
mental, and provided, indeed, for the
food as it came out of tho paunob into
mouthfuls, to be cast back into tbe oeso
phagus through tho opening bolweon
tho everted edge of the slit portion of
the tube ; but this does not scorn to be
well established ; indeed, the process
of rumination goes on, though those
edges be sowed up with silver wire, If
an animal be observed when chowing
tho end, k will be seen that by tho
action ot the abdominal muscles and
the diaphragm, aided also by tho in
tercostal nmnclee, that portion of the
food which lies next to tho opening of
'the oesophagus is thrust with no incon
siderable lore against tho lower end
ot that tube, when that portion of it
engaged in tho lowor part of it by this
decided upward thrust, ia quickly car
ried up to the mouth by a reverse ao
lion of tho muscular walls of Iho oeso
phagus. Then the animal begins chew
ing by a singlo stroke of tho lowor jaw
from left to right; and all those which
follow are made in tho opposite direc
tion, or from right to lull, and when
the re chowing is complote tho food is
swallowed again, and in a few seconds
another bolus is thrown op into the
mouth, and so the process continues
until the animal is satisfied, but the
paunch and honey -comb are Dover en
tirely emptied, even thongh the animal
die of starvation.
Fbom a Throne to a "Heli.." I'm
afraid that tho marriage of Monsieur
lioland Bonaparte aud Miss. Hlano is
likely to lead to Iho suppression, be
fore long, of the gambling tables at
Monaco. Tho young lady is the
daughter ol tho proprietress of theso
tables and it Is hardly likely that the
French Government will, if it can
binder il, allow millions to bo gained
annually al (rente rf quartnte anddevo
tmi lo a Kenapartisi propaganda.
Wbon tho Empire tell the Empress
spout a good deal of monoy in aunsid
izing French newspapers. Tho editors
were well aware that Prince Napoleon
was not likely lo allow them to tool
bim out ol his money, and this was
mainly why thoy urged that Princo
Victor should be recognized as the
Emperor in partibut, instead of his
father, lor tbe subsidiOsof tho Empress
would then have continued. Already
numerous petitions have born signed
by the inhabitants of the Itiviora ask
ing that the Monaco bell be suppressed,
and the marriage would give them ad
ditional weight. But il ia not in ao
onrdaitce with the fitness of things
that an r.mpire wnicn was tho clvsium
of broken down gamblors aud of the
riff raff of Europe should find rosouroeei
for it re-establishment in a publio
Pick I no at Utiiehs' Fault. What
s the good of spying boles in people's
coals when wo can't mend thorn f Talk
of my debts if you mean to pay them ;
if not keep your red rag behind your
ivory ridge. A friend' faults should
not be advertised, and even slranirora
should not be published. He who brays
at an ass ( an ass himself, and be who
make a tool ol anouior is a tool him
self. Don't get into Iho habit of laugh
ing at people, for the old saying is
"Hanging, stretching and utocking's
catching." Jesting ts too apt to turn
into Jeering, and wnai was meant to
licklo makes a wound. It ia a pity
when my mirth 1 anotbor man' mis
or'. Ilelore a man cracks a joke be
shpuld consider bow ho would like it
himself; for many who givo ruugh
blows have very tbinakins. Give only
what you would b willing to take:
sotn men throw aa.lt on other but
they smart if a pinch of it fall on their
own raw plaoo. When tbey got a
Uolantl tor thoir uuvor.or a til lor tbetr
tat, tbsy don't like It ) yet nothing ia
more just. Biter deserve to be Ultten.
OUR FOREIGX COMMERCE.
A VAI.t AUl.t ECI'OItT FROM THE BUREAU
Tho Chief ol tho Bureau of Statistics,
Joseph Nimmo, Jr., has presented to
Iho Secretary ot tho Treasury his an
nual report in regard to the shipping
intorosts of the United States. With
reference to the export trado of Iho
country, Mr. Nimmo say that tho five
leading articles of export during tho
year ending June 30, 1880, Were as
follows : .
Bread and bread.tuna
Tobaooo and manufacture of..
Tho value of tho export of products
ofdomestio agriculture amounted to
(l8,010,97G, and constituted 82.9 per
cent, of tho total value ot exports of
domestic merchandise from the I titled
States. Tbe exports of cotton amount
ed to only about twenty-six per cent,
of the total valuo of tbo exports of do
mostio merchandise. From tho year
ihzi io iritiu the exports ot raw cotton
wore filly threo per cent, of tho total
export. This is duo not to uny falling
oft in the value ol Ibo exports ot cotton,
but to tho rapid increase in the exports
ol breadstulla, provisions and minora!
nils. During the last three yearn the
value ot the exports ot brcadstufts bus
exceeded tho valuo ot the exports of
In regard to the maritime interests
ol tha United Btatcs the decadenco of
that brunch ot the American merchant
marine, employed in foreign commerce
is stated at length. Tbo tahle show
ing tbo nationality of tonnage entered
indicates that since the year 185G there
lias been an increase in the tonnage
onicred at American pons ot every
nation except our own. Tbe causes
ot this decline are mentioned as fob
lows: First, tho cost of building iron
vessels, has during tbo last twenty
years been loss in Great Britain than
in tbo United States; socond, tho ship
owners of other countries are able to
operate vessels at less cost than they
can bo operated by American ship
owners ; and, third, under tho act of
Congress ot May 24, 181:8, foreign
vessols.with thoir cargoes are permit
ted lo enter at American seaports from
foreign countries upon precisely tho
samo terms as to port charges, tonnage
dues, and duties upon imported mer
candise as apply to American vosscls.
It is fuilhor shown Hat there is a
lalling off in tho number of vessels em
ployed in the domestic tradd. This is
practically accounted lor by the in
crease iu the line of railways and the
deflection of commerce from wator
lines to rail lines. Tho quoslion as to
the moans of promoting the ship
owning intcresl of tho country is a
complex one. Sotno of tho points
which havo an important bearing upon
the question are, iho relative cost of
material and the relative rates of
wages paid to laborers in Great Britain
and in Iho United Slates; tbo quality
of stcol and iron employed in ship
building in tbo two countiies; the
rclutivo ratos of wages paid to officers
and seamen ; Iho relative advantages
which aro or may be enjoyed in tho
two countries with respect to duties
upon imported material used in ship
building or in tho supplies of ships;
tbe amount of local or Slate taxation
upon ship property in comparison
with sych taxation in Groat Britain
upon tbo ships oi that nation; and the
discriminations made by each foreign
country in favor of Iho transportation
of the mails in vessels carrying its
Pompons of the Asclepias, or Milk
Weed, tenderly tinted iri blush, green,
bull, lavender, or lull in theirexquisilo
natural purity, are very effectivo in
wall, table or hanging baskets; or
grouped with other flowers to hold or
fasten any light, thin draperies Straw
hats, buttered and dinged, but not torn,
buvu the brim turned up at sotno curi
ous angle, and then havo either tho
inside of the crowns, or tho outside, as
tbo case may bo, filled with dried flow
ors, the finer terns and sotno ot tbo
pompons we have spoken of. Theso
may either hang upon tho wall or be
placod on tho centre table upsido down,
or otherwise, according to tbo disposi
tion oi tho flowers. Theso aro both
pretty and comical. Among tho largo
designs we find circular baskets wilh
parasol from tho centre theso aro of
straw tbo basket will bo tilled with
cut flowers standing quito high, and
tbe outside ot tbo parasol will also be
decorated wilh blooms, while tbe in
terior will bo linod with amilax or ferns,
a delicate spray outlining tho handle.
Tho satchel in rough straw, standing
open filled wilh Qowera, is a graceful
form of farewell lo a friend starting
upon a journey. In the palettes and
easels some very charming designs aro
promised. Theso will bo in while holly,
and will have pleasant and appropriate
sentiments for different occasions in
illuminated lettering on the left aide,
wilb perhaps a bunch of lily of the
valley in tho aperture for tho thumb,
while tho right outer edge of tho palette
will be outlined with jacqueminot roses,
violets and a delicate fern. If in the
sentiment painted on the left any par
ticular flower is mentioned, it will, of
course, predominate in tbo urrango
raont. "William, do you know why you're
like a donkey ?" "Like a dunkoy ?"
echoed William, opening biscj os wide
"No, I don't." "Do you give it up ?"
"1 do." "Because your better half ia
stubbornness itself" "Thai's not bad.
Hal Hal I'll give that to my wilo
when 1 get homo." "My dear," asked
William, a be aat down to supper,
"do you know why 1 am like a don
key f" He waited a moment, expect
ing his wife to givo il up, but she did
not. She looked at bun somewhat
oonimiseratiitgly as she answered, "1
suppose because you were bom so."
Ono night Undo Harvey, keeper of
a poor house down in Maine, was
waked by the groans ol ononl the old
men. "What is the manor t" ho asked.
"I'm dying, Undo Harvey," said the
old man. "I'm dying; go and got me
a doughnut; I must bavo suthin' to
pass away the time."
Altor listening to the various ills to
which penplo were exposed bronchitis
in Florida, yellow lover In Now Or
leans, lightning In the pine lands the
laziest of the group, pushing back his
hat, remarked : "Fact is, it' rather
dangeroui livin' any whar."
"Doctor, my daughter seems lo be
going blind and she's just getting ready
tor her wedding, tool Oh, dear me,
what' do be donor" "Let her go
right on wilb lite wedding, madam, by
all means. If anything tan open her
eye marriage will "
MORE HISTORY RECOX
STRUCTED. Unless tho wholo fraternity of histo
rians Is promptly supproiBcd history
itself will be dry enough to repel all
investigators bat statisticians and
goats. Tho character ol Pocahontas
has been smirched with ink, Goorge
Washington's littlo hatchet is pro
nounced a myth, "ThoSkcleton In Ar
mor," found under tho stone tower al
Newport, is said by some skeptic lo
be as untrue to sample as the great
stone giant, and now tho late lamented
Captain Cook is having hi laurels
torn off at a rate that, could bo know
what is going on, would mako the
groat explorer wish he nover bad lived
at all. As a man who circumnavigated
tho globe before the days of steam,
and while Bhip supplies could not be
purchased Id assortment at every out
ot tbe way port in tho world, tho tap-
tain has a certain reputation, but his
nnmo is most effectively kept alive
through successive generations of
young students by tho story lhat ho
was Killed and eaten tiy tbe sundwieb
Islanders. But now comes a historian
of Honolulu and declares that the Cap
tain was not eaten at all. It ia admit
ted, probably grudgingly, that be was
killed and dissected, according to native
custom, anil ii its heart was hung on
treo to dry ; from thence it was stolen
and eaten by a hungry nativo who
mistook it shades of tbe mighty, arise
and avenge the insult mistook it for
the heart ot a pig I Not contont witli
thus demolishing ono of the most eon
spicuou landmarks of modern history
as comprebonded by the younir the bis
torian goes on In a cold-blooded way
and even denies that the islanders wore
cannibals at all. In Iho face of such
heart-sickening iconoelasm the public
can do little more than wring its bands
hopelessly and determine to keep its
eyes shut in the future land embrace
Us few remaining darlings more tightly.
THE SAXD MAST.
ITS WOItUERFUL POWER IN CUTTINO
AWAY OI.ASS AND STONE.
Among tho wonderful and useful in
ventions of tho times is tho common
sand blast Suppose you desire a piece
of marble lor a gravostono. You cover
the stone with a shoot of wax no thick
or than a waler ; then you cut in the
wax the name, date, Ac, leaving tho
marble exposed. N"W pass it under
the blast, and the sand will cut it away.
Kemove tho wax, and you have the
raised letters. Take a piece of French
plate glass, say two feet by six, cover
it with fine lace, and pass it under the
blast, and not a thread of the lace will
be injured, but tho sand will cut deep
into the glass whorovor it is not cover-
od by the lace. Now remove the laco,
and you have evory delicate and bean
tiful figure raised upon the glass. In
this way beautiful figures of all kinds
aro cut in glass and at n small expense.
The workmen can hold their hands
under tho blast without harm, oven
when it is rapidly' cutting away tho
hardest glass, iron or stono, but they
must lock out for finger nails, for they
will be whittled off right hastily, if
they put oo stool thimbles to protect
tbe nails it will do littlo good, for the
sand will soon whittlo them away ; bnt
it thoy wrap a piece ot soft cotton
around them they aro safo. You will
at once see the philosophy of it. The
sand whittles away and destroys any
hard substance oven glass but does
not affect substances lhat aro soft and
yielding, liko wax, cotton or flno laco,
or even the human hand.
Slkepino at the Bbakks. People
ho have neither the knowledge de
rived from observation, experience or
conversation with railroaders, of what
the duties of weary and tired brnko-
mcn on freight trains consist, can form
no adequate idea of tho terrible strain
which their proper discharge is upon
the physical endnranco of the men,
especially in inclement woathor. It is
a rulo of the road, that all brnkctnen,
with conductor, must be on the train
when in motion. Only tho hind flag
man occupies the caboose, which he
leaves tho moment the train stops, to
go and flag. The brakoman's plane ia
on the top of a car or on a bumper,
while the train Is in motion, where he
must stand, pelted by rain, hail and
snow, and swept by the pitiless hnrri
cano. Worn out and weary by con
stant watching, many ol these men fall
asleep, wilh their arms and legs wrap
ped around the bars of the brake, and
lamp hugged close to his bosom. In
this dangerous position the brakoman
snatches a moment's sleep a short
dream perhaps of loved ones at homo,
as his bonumbed body is swaying to
and fro over a yawning chasm, to fall
into which is a sure and horrible death.
Il is beyond human endurance lor men
to resist sleon. All know the danger,
bat few heed it, and the consequence is
niBny a poor, brave sleeper at his post
of duty is dashed under the wheels of
his train and crushed and mangled to
Tn Cabb Girl or the Period.
Tho holiday season it rich in delights,
but It brings eortain torments that fre
quently tone down the general average
to an extent that to some pooplo pre
vents its being to glorious a timo alter
all. Conspicuous among it drawbacks
is tho cash girl at tome ot the large
stores, llcr duties consist in taking
purchases and monoy the formor to be
wrapped and returnedwith such change
as may be duo. Generally she con
sumes so much timo at thia occupation
that iho enure stock ol the purchaser a
patience is consumed ; but this it but
part of tbe annoyanco. Often she oc
cupies seats placed in front of tho
countora for tho benefit of tho custom
ers ; tho banter the saleslady, who
frequently returns the attention in
kind, Instead ol attending to purchas
ert; she expresses her opinion of all
earthly affairs aa freely and loudly a
il she bad boon employed to relieve the
tedium of shopping by a free loetnre ;
sho play with others of her kind, play
fully tossing baskets and other light
artic les about, regardless of whom she
may bit, and makes of herself a nui
sance in genoral. Uor employer would
nnd it to bis Interest to suppress ner
vitality in sotno decree; moat of the
customers can find annoying children
without leaving homo. A. I . Jleralit.
Hardly tub Thing. It is laid that
farmer in tbe country and working
men in Western cities are salting down
fold coin. This is all right. In tho
day of ad vcnily this old stocking hoard
is an excellent reserve to draw upon.
Tbia disposition on tho part of tbo com
mon peoplo to become their own bank
era is not at ill wonderful, Thoy do
not forgut tho variable greenback or
the industrious Greenbacks Plenty
of gold and sivor for change, and lot
of wheat and ooro, puts the proprietor
Dye's Government Counterfeit lie
teetor eay :
"Tho doublo eagle of tho United
States, is a largo, thick coiu, and has
therefore been lamporcd with to make
a lalso ptoce, which Treasnrv experts
doclare 'the worst fraud we have to
"Tbo hull eagle has been extensively
"Tbo quarter eagle, although too
thiu and small for sawing and filling,
has, however, boon mutilated, bored
and stuffed by another process ; also,
extensively counterfeited in various
"There is a dangerous whito metal
counterfeit of tbe silver dollar of 1878,
having the size of the genuine coin, an
excellent impress, good color and tine
general appearance when new irom
tho die; but it assumes a leaden dprit i
ted color after being bandied, and isj
113 grams too light. Another coun-j
lerteit of the silver dollar of 1878 is ofi
German silver, and so heavily plated
that it resists the chemical test, unless
previously cut into or scraped ; though
presenting an appearance calculated to
deceivo, this piece may be detected by
the scale or an expert hand, on Bo-
count of its lightness, in reproducini?
dies for coinage of the silver dollar of
lais, tbo artist mado some slight
touches of alteration, causing an ap
poaranco of variety .in the coin ; theso
small deviations should not be regard
ed as indications of a counterfeit piece
"Tho silver bull dollar has boon fear
fully countcrleited ; false half dollars
of ovory kind may be found of almost
any date since tbey wero first coined.
Tho most dangerous falso half dollars
aro those of 1841, 1842, 184:!, lSb'O,
1872 and 1876.
"Tbo silver quarter dollar has been
counterfeited almost every date since
it has been coined. The most dan
gerous false quarter dollars are dated
'Counterfeit dimes aro numerous
and of various dates. Falso dimes of
compound metal or brass, stiver washed
orplatod, dated 1848, have boon passed
freely. False diiuos dated 1853, 1875,
1876 and 187" bavo been extensively
"Even tho cent has been counter
fcited, and tho small copper und bronzo
currency extensivoly corruptod. Tho
counterfeit cents aro excellent copper
imitation of the lawlul coinage ol the
l nited Males Mint, and wero struck
from dies originally made for tho ptir
poeo of manufacturing copies ol nniqne
and rare cents of such dates as com
manded high premiums among cob
lectors, nutnismalologisU and ami.
RULE OR Rl'lX
It is not our intention in usine tbo
above caption to apply its lrgitimute
meaning to anyone in particular; but
tho principle is so fully developed in
some individuals that a short editorial
may bo of some benefit to those most
3ocply involvod in this evil. Tbero
aro very lew communities without
thorn, they are not only to be dreaded ;
but tbey entail a curse on all with
whom thoy are associated. It is not
difficult to detormino as to who thoy
are; wherever found, they fuel disposed
to do all the taking thcmselvos and lool
insulted should any one presont not
givo attention to their harangue of self
praise and egotism, which is all they,
as a general thing, indulge in. Igno
rant on all subject of interest to- tho
community at lat go, thoy indulge in
heaping vituperations and abuse upon
all who differ from them in opinion.
Thoy have no sympathy for anything
that is good, and bonce ohurcho and
all organizations for moral reform coino
in for a full share of their onvy. Why
is all this ? Tbe problem is of easy
solution ; because they cannot rule,
they try to ruin. Generally speaking,
could the secrets of tho family over
wnico iney havo absolute control, bo
known, their tyrant would perhaps, be
much more self evident, it is difficult
to tell whether there is power enough
in tho grace of God ever to infltienco
their minds for the better. One thing
is certain it scarcely verreachc them.
It it did tbey would soon bo found
trying to measure arms with Johovuh
because they could not bavo tho rul
ing of tho universe 7'yrtnf Timet.
A LittleCannibal. Tbe Ellsworth
(Mo.) American tolls this story : There
is living at the house ol Capt. Means,
of Milbritlgo, a girl about nine y oars of
age, whoso history is remarkable. Some
time within the presont year an Amer
ican vessel cnllod at a small island in
tho Pacifio Ocean lo procure water.
This island was inhabited by cannibals.
They brought aboard thia littlo girl to
sell lor the Captain's dinner, offering
to prepare her for cooking il he would
nuy. I ho captain told them he would
buy bor, but chose to kill bis own
meat. Site was bought, and tho Cap-
lain afterwards meeting t'ipt. Moans,
gavo her lo him. Her complexion is
not unlike tbo North American In
dian's, bnt the sbapo of her face is
different, being quite round, forehead
broad, eyes largo, with largo teeth,
pointing somewhat outward, which
has a tendency to cause ber lips to op
pear thick. Chin very sinsll and re
treating. She is ot good form, with
very small hands and feet Sho still
believos the will bo killed and eaten,
and when alrajigors enter the house
she clings to Mrs. Means, and begs of
bor not lo let them have her.
Chicago ia studying physical geog
raphy to find oot tho fountain bead of
the water in thoir artesian wells, which
rise in a stand pipe nearly a hundred
feet higher than the level of Lake
Superior ; or about 72S feet above the
level of tbo Atlanllo Ocean. But, as
peculiar and difficult of explanation at
thia may be, it is insignificant com
pared with the physical wonder, Lake
Chautauqua, which is 1,2!H) fuel higher
Iban the level of the Atlantic, and nas
no visible inlet. Where does it get it)
A philosopher graphically illustrates
the difference between a blunder and
a mistake "When a man puts down
a bad umbrella and takes up a good
one," saith Josh, "he makes a mistake,
but when be put down a good one
and take up a bad one he make a
"Well, well," taid Billington, niaice-
lically, "re mosn't be too severs oo
the young fellow. I suppose I was
a big a fool as any of them when 1
wa young "lo, replied toast.
"and you are not an old man now,
Wishing to pay his friend a compli
ment, a gentleman remarked : "1 hear
yoa bare a very industrious wife."
lea," replied the friend, wilb a ntol
ancholy etude, "she it Dover idle. She
alwayt And something for m to do."
HOW, TIE GOT OX A filllRT.
Tna Balleu'l Monthly.)
' 1 wish, my dear," taid Mr. Spoop
ondyke, rolling ovor lazily in bed, "I
wish you would take tho stud and
cuff-buttons out of the shirt I wore
yesterday, and put them into a clean
one for mo."
"Ol course 1 will, you poor, dear,
tir"" man," said Mrs. Spoopondyke,
"aa If thore were anything 1 wouldn't
do for you."
And sho dove lo Iho bottom of tbe
drawer and fished out a shirt ho had
carelully slowed away under all the
rest, becauso he didn't have a collar to
fit it. Then sho adjusted the studs and
sleeve-buttons, and the tore and alt
collar buttons, and laid il across the
back of a chair.
"I sometimes wonder how I used lo
get alung as a batchelor," said Mr.
npoopenUyko as be pulled on the shirt.
"Do you know, my dear, my duily life
was made miserable by iny shirts?
But now" ... --'
And he kissed bis wife alhVtiunalcly,
while sho beamod with delight, and
bustled around to get everything in
readiness, so lhat he might have to ask
Mr. Spuopeiid ku hullom-d an I ar
ranged everything until be cuiuu lo tho
collar part of the business, and then lie
"Whcro'd you find this shirt, any
way ?" he asked, stretching bis neck
and looking at himself in the glass.
"How fur did you have to go to wrench
thia garment from obscurity, eb J
What bavo you done to the neck of
Ibis thirt, anyhow ? 1 haven't not a
collar that will go half way round tho .
Mrs. Hpoopendyke nntlorcd up, and
examined tho shirt in front, and then
looked at tho back, and finally thrust
ner nana netween tho Kind and neck
of her liege.
"1 soo what it is," she said. "Yon
haven't pulled tt down tar enough."
"Pulled it down ! Pulled it down I
Where do you think this collar goes
on, Mrs. Hpoopendyke 1 Around ihe
waist? Mttybo you think I wear a
collar for a liver pad. Whore'd you
got it? Whcro'd you find il?"
"I lound it in tho drawor wilh the
rest ol your shirts, my doar. Theie's
nothing tho mutter wilb IU" And she
palted the band on both side of tho
neck, and then ho gave it a gentle tug.
"Thore," she continued, smiling thro'
her anxioty, "now it's all right."
"Oh, yes!" returned Mr. Spoopen
dyke, with a fearfully sardonic laugh.
"Uf. course it' all right. All you've
got to do is to grin at any thing, and
that makes it all right. Look at it,
will you? Just look at it. Don't you
see the collar won't meet by a foot and
a ball? Grin at it onco more, Mrs.
Spoopendyko. Just grin at it. it'll
come all right. Just grin, will you?"
"Perhaps it's shrutik," said Mrs.
Spoopendyko, stroking tho band ten
derly, and looking at it with a statis
cat eye, as if calculating how much
tbo shrinking might have affected it.
"That's what il is," relurned Mr.
Spoopendyko. "Now you've struck it.
It's shrunk. When it was new. it
nearly choked mo. Now it's shrunk
up like a barrel-hoop. I'm going lo
hire you out lor a telescope, Mrs.
Spoopendyko ; you can see further and
more than a minister's wife at a sew
ing circle. Oh I It's shrunk ; that's all.
lis shrunk. Now you pull on one
side, and 1 will on the other, and we'll
stretch it back smaller, (ret bold and
pull, will yoa ? It's only shrunk."
"Let me put a stitch in it, suggested
'Put a stitch in it.' It don't want
anything mote put in it, I tell you. It's
got too much in it now. What do
yoa think this thing ia anyhow V A
bed quilt, eb? Well, it's a shirl Irom
tbe shoulders down, and it's a dozen
and a half shirts from tbe shoulders
np. Vvhcro'd you gel it any way?
ho told you this was the shirt I
wanted ? Ever hear mo say anything
about this shirt? Ever hear me allude
to this shirt?"
"Well, i thought" '
"Undoubtedly, Mrs. Spoopendyko ;
unquestionably. You thought. That's
the troublo with you. To much mind
altogether. Next tall 1 am going to
build a wing on yon, and start a col
logo. You thought I p'r'aps your ex
alted reasoning suggested a shirt wilh
a collar-band thai would go aiouud
your ideas. Well, what are you go
ing to do about it ? Uow're you go
ing lo fix it? Going to stand there all
duy, like a duck in tho mud, while 1
futlen up to fill this measly thing ?"
"Suppose you try on another shirt."
suggested Mrs. Spoopendyke, timidly.
"That's it I .Now you're thinking
again. As it I badn'tshirt enough lor
six! Gut out some more sbirts, Mrs.
Spoopendj ko. Get 'cm all cut. Man
wants but littlo bora below, and wants
that all in shirts. Pull 'em out I Blast
tho thing!" '
It i-i i pl
"There, nowl" said Mr. Spoopendyko,
as he hauled the wrock off and kicked
it under tbe bed. "Now, Mr. Spoop.
endyke, p'r'a you are satisfied. I've
busted the blamed thing for good."
Mrs. Spoopendyko crawled under
the bed, fished out tho torn garment,
rescued the ttuds and sleeve-buttons,
and introduced them to another shirt,
with which Mr, Spoopondyke arrayed
himself in silence.
"Another time, Mrs. Spoopendyko,"
said bo at length, "I'll thank you to
let my shirts alone. I never bad iny
troublo when I was a batchelor, and
hereafter you won't interfere with my
things unless I give special instruc
tions. You understand me?"
"Yes, dear," smiled Mrs. Spoopen
dyko sb sho followed her lord lo break
fast. A Bomance in Old Style A nice
littlo romance appears in tho columna
of the Springfield Republican. One of
tho rosiest maidens in lhat city, while
hurrying to the depot to take a train,
tripped, and so graoelnlly recovered
herself at to win tbe admiration of a
very substantial lookingold gentleman.
He assisted the young woman on the
train and to a seat beside himself.
Conversation followed pleasantly and
acqnaintanco ripened fast. On parting
at a station not many miles west ot tho
city tho couple exchanged addresses.
Tho old gonlleuian proved to be a
wealthy Chicago merchant, who open
ed a correspondence with tho heroino.
She apparently wrote as agreeably as
she talked. Letters winged their way
bctwoon tho city by tho river and tbe
city on tho lako. Then came a propo
sitionnot ot marriago, but that the
worthy ton of the suscopliblo parent
be admitted to the correspondence.
The father gradually draw out of the
field, and the son m,ore than mado his
place good. Then came an offer ot
murriago. It was accepted. Threo
souls aro happy, a brilliant wedding
and luxurioua borne are in prospect,
and tbe railroad officials have been
greatly puzzled of lato by the number
of Springfield girls who areatumhling,
with more or loss grace, aboard trains
bound for the groat and glorious West.
"Etiquette" writes us to inquire if in
our opinion It would be proper for bim
to support a young lady if she was
taken with a taint even il bo hadn't
been introduced. Proper, young mau,
certainly prop ber by all moans.
Clavlani Sun. .
Why are a lover's visit to bi sweet
heart Ilk a snceissfal newspaper?
Because they oomme.no weekly, then
bocomo semi-weekly, then tri weekly,
and then daily wilh Sunday supple
ment. When doe a ton Dot take after kit
father? When th father lake alter