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(From Chambers , Journal
Locked In.
It was on a leaden-looking evening in Oc
tober, 1858, that the fast sailing packet Con
ciliation steamed out of the hat tor at Holy
head. Dark clouds were gathering overhead
the short, chopping waves, slapped the sides
of the resetl impatiently, and the thick black
smoke shot straight from the funnel to the
receding shore, as if anxious to escape from
the restless t urbulence of the we ter, and from
a sooty canopy over dry land.
There were but few passengers en board,
and a drizzling rain sent them beiow. One
~,gentlemanfiloac stood hisground upon the
:quarter deck, and, comfortably encased in a
_mit of oil-skin, pt.ffed his cigar in defiance
of the,weather. Ile was a tall, fair-haired
man, witli bright eye, drip, high-bridged
nose, and light, wavy moustaches, through
which was seen a good-humored but sarcas
tic mouth. Ile accommodated himself to
, the motion of the vessol like an experienced
traveler, and, with well gloved hands deep
in his capacious pockets, looked as the
steersman, the funnel, the lights upon the
distant pier, and the vibration beneath him
and about him, with an eav and cllnforte
ble nonchalance of mariner that seemed pe
culiar to him.
Upon an obsequious and curly-headed
steward—who kept e pining on deck, and
then diving down into the cabin upon those
purposeless errand.. which would appear to
be the continual employment of those func
tionaries when on duty—passing near the
traveler he said: "Have you come to tell me
that I musn't smoke?"
"No, sir," said' the steward, with his
usual deprecating smile; "you can smoke if
you chose, sir; there's nobody on deck but
you.
"Very few passengers tomight,"renmkod
the gentleman.
"Yes, sir, very few, sir," repliel the stew
ard; "you're the only cabin pa,ssenger
aboard."
"Am I?" said the gentleman. "Then
I suppose I shall hive my choice of berths?"
"IVldehever you please sir, when you
come below. We've only one other passen
ger, and she's IL lady."
"Ah!" said the gentleman; Inking down
the skylight, as if to see his fellow traveler
were in the cabin. "I am afraid we shall
have a rough passage."
"Yes, sir;" answered the acquiescent
steward; "it does look very dirty to the
wind'ard, sir;" arid he dived duwii again.
The traveler lighted a fresh cigar, tossed
away his old one, looked at the white foam
in the vessel's wake and resumed his march.
lie was natur. lly a gregarious, companion
able sort of a fellow, find of society, argil
merit, the shock of opinions, and collision of
ideas. He had hoped to meet some other
well traveled man, with whom he could have
smoked and chatted. He felt that he should
bore himsolf alone, and began to think about
the lady who was his solo companion in the
boat.
"1 wish I knew her," thought he; we could
converse some hours away. Twenty years
ago, I should have considered this quite an
adventure. What fools men nre in their
salad•daysl I should have thought that it
was fate that had thrown us together, be
cause we were destined for each other.—
Perhaps she is married, or old, or disagreca
•We. I shall be horribly bored until we
reach Kingstown."
After half an hour's more walking, he
looked down the sky.ight once again, and
BIM a lady seated in the cabin taking tea.
°She doesn't suffer, at all e' ants," he
look
to.himself; "I may as well have a
:,look at her:" arid he finished his cigar, and
'descended the brass bound steps leading to
" the "candy."
The lady about whom he felt so interested,
...yew-over thirty years of age, and despite a
L i pa4id complexion cod languid, mournful
eyes, possessed great beauty. Iler manners
were elegant and refined; and a tinge of ez
a halation in her face and voice heightened
, the sense of subdued sentiment that hung
*round her. Overwrought sensibility and
sensitive nervous organization were written
-in the constant play of her short, thin upper
iiPOltad the .perfect taste of fun' diess, eons.
• plated the charm of a very fascinating, in..
valid.
When the gentleman entered the cabin,
she erne seated - eV:he table. waited on by a
• buttling and active et . ..warders. Lie took off
his esp—as it were—al her, and hisonibar
sassed himself of hie oil-skin covering. Ile
~coughed in token a hie pre.ence, but she
took tio,Dotiee, but continued playing with
her teaspoon, all unconscious of his en
trance.
With a glance at the mirror, that betrayed
a knowledge of the possession of a good ap
pearance, and a smoothing of a well tied
cravat the gentleman advanced towards the
table, and coughed again. The vessel gave
a slight lurch, and the tea service clattered
at the same time. The lady looked up saw
the ;liew canter, and bowed slightly.
"I fear we are going to have a rough pas
sage," began the male traveler, when the !
lady shrieked, and would have fallen had
not the stewardess ran forward to her sup
port. The gentleman turned pale and red,
and pale again, and trembled in every limb.
"fling some water," he said, after a
moment's pause. "Don't be alarmed; it's
the—the surprise—the sudden—Let me"—
lie wetted his handkerchief and laid it on
her forehead, while the stewardess ran for
her smelling bottle. By the aid of their
united exertions, in about five minutes the
lady recovered, and looked about her as if
just aroused from an unpleasant dream.
"Better leave us!" said the gentleman.
Si 0
00:12
"Do—do you know the lady, sir?" asked
the stewardness, hardly knowing what to
do.
"Know her? Yes."
"You're o n ly got to call, mum;" said the
stewarJess. "Can I do anything more,
mum?"
"No—no, thank you." said the lar&y:
"I'm quite well now. You need not trouble
yourself farther."
The stewarde•s quitted the cabin. leaving
the two pas.engers staring at each other in
mute wonder.
•'Good God, Maria; is it you?" sail the
gentleman.
•'lt seeinq alma+t imposAible it eats be
you," answered the lady in low faltering
tones.
"Are you—better now?" inquired tile
gentleman. "Can I get anything for you?"
"Nothing, thank you—if it 'be really
yru."
"It seems like a dream," continued the
gentleman—"to think that after ten years,
wo should meet on board this boat! It is
the moot unexpected accident."
"Accident?" repeated the lady with an
inquiring look.
"Accident? Yes; really accident!"
"Are you sure that you did not know that
I was coming op board this—"
"new could I?" interrupted the gentle
man. "I only lataed at Southampton last
week. Not a soul I knew was in London;
so I took a run over to Dublin to visit Vincy
Maguire. It's the most impris:ible adven
ture, to think of' man and wife, ten years
apart, meeting in the c.tbi n of— Are you
going, Maria?"
The lady had risen from her seat. "I see
no reason for my remaining," she said roi
etly.
"If you cannot bear to breathe the same
atni , )sphere with no, I will retire," said the
lin:hand. "I will not turn you out of the
cabin: go on deck."
"The lady looked up to the skylight
above her, un which the rain was pattering
Furiously.
"Impossible to stny on deck in a night
like this," said she, with a thirst return of
the interest "r a. wife.
'•Think you for that t 4tlaria."
••I did not mean that," she explained
hastily: "1—"
"You are unkind not to let me think you
did," said the husband. "At all events,
since we have met in this strange way, do.
not let us meet as enemies."
"Enemies? No!" smiled the lady.
"Yield to a suggestion of mine for once,"
continued the husband. "You were taking
tea—don't let me deprive you of that; it
will refresh you; or"—his face lighted up
with a bright idea—"suppose we take tea
together?"
"Together!" echoed the lady.
"Oh! don't be alarmed" said the gentle
man; "you shall pay for you own, and I for
mine, and we'll have it on different tra:is, in
the most tonic manner possible."
Despite the rapid beatings of her heart,
the lady could not repress a smile, of which
her husband took immediate advantage by
ordering tea for himself at the table oppo
site his wife.
Mr. and Mrs. Thirlby had been married
in the year MI Miss Ilarbrowe wits a
noted beauty, and Francis Thirlby a some
what erratic bachelor. After a honeymoon,
and three or four other moons more of on,
mixed sweetness. spent abroad amidst grand
old ruins, crumbling, columns, and colossal
statue., like ghosts of greatness passel
away, under dreamy skies and over pent
volcanoes. they returned to cold and cloudy
England—its tempestuous summers, mild
though murky winters, and gracefully con
cealed domestic hurricanea.
"A year passed. and among old friends,
old haunts, and old associations, easy going
Mr. Thirlby became the usual careless hus
band, engaged more with his Greenwich
dinner and clubs than home. unless he gsce
a party, when he would shine with his cu.-
turnery brilliance. When alone with his
wife, he appeared absorbed in meditation.
She resented his want of assiduity, he re
sented her resentment. She had been an
only child; so had he. Neit..er would be
the first to yield! E ich was largely endowed
with the fatal gift of sarcasm, and used it
mercilessly. They stabbed their mutual
happiness with epigrams. and battered down
their home with the artillery of bitter words
Mouths passed is fierce Morino sad low.
•
"NO ENTERTAINMENTIS SO CHEAP AS READING, NOR ANY PLEASURE SO LASTING."
COLUMBIA, PENNSYLVANIA, SATURDAY MORNING, DECEMBER 9.8, 1861.
ering threatening calms. The last provoca
tion was given. Mrs. Thirlby was jealous.
She left the house, and shortly after a sepa
ration was agreed upon.
Mr. Thirlby, finding his fireside cold, and
his home merely furnished apartments, re
solved upon adopting 3 career. He had in
terest at the India House, and obtained an
appointment in the Civil Service. Years
had passed. He lied returned; and as he
looked at the wife he had once so loved, and
had so strangely met, he felt that he could
have begun his courtship once again; the
,last fourteen years were annihilated; she
was before him; the old charm floated
around her, and felt his heart liquefy as he
traced the well remcmtered features and
their play beneath the swinging light in the
close, trembling, rocking cabin.
Mrs. Thirlby sat with her eyes fixed on
the tumbling sea—externally calm, violet
eyed, impassive, and grand. Her husband,
leaning his elbow on the table, and his head
upon his hand, said; "Upon my word, Ma
ria, you arc looking handsomer than ever!"
A flush of pleasure surged up to Mrs.
Thirlby's face; she beat it Intek again
bravely, but could not resist a slight smile,
for she felt, with the self consciousness of a
handsome woman, that her husband had
spoken truly, and as he thought.
"This is a remarkable meeting is it not?"
continued he, hardly knowing what to say,
yet disliking silence inure than hazarding
something commonplace. "By the way you
have a servant with 3"n, (tarn% you?"
"No," replied the lady.
"Nu! How's that?"
•"llarriet had never seen the sea in her
life, and refused to embark. She said we
were sure to he drowned; so .1 came without
her."
•'llona odd?" said the husbund:•—''there's
not a single passenger—l mean in this cab
in—but ourselves."
"We arc single!" said the wire, relaxing
to a smile.
•'Of course we are—at present:" said the
husband.
"And mean to keep so," continued Mrs.
Thirlby, observing that her husband's eyes
were fixed on her's with an expression of
deep interest. Finding that his earnest gaze
was noticed. that gentleman swallowed
nearly a whole cop of tea at a draught.
•'I haven't enjoyed my tea so much for
years," said h^, putting down the empty
cup—"l may say ten years."
It was always Mr. Francis Thirlby's prac-
tice to jest when he was in earnest, until he
felt his way, and his antagonist's power of
resistance.
"Shall I be indiscreet in asking what m.s.
tire you have in visiting Ireland?" he asked,
finding that no reply, verbal er facial, was
made to his last observation.
Mrs. Thirlby poured herself nut a second
cup of tea, and said: "I am going to pass a
few mouths with— Oh!"
Shc shrie'ied with pain. Thirlby rose
ith anxious and perturbed countenance.
"What's the matter?" he asked
"I hare scalded my hand," replied his
ex-wife, applying her lips to the part af-
- All , tx me." said he, about to take hold
of the injured 111E1111)er.
"Thank you, no," said the lady hastily
withdrawing it. -I permit no interference
with what is entirely my own property."
The Nee of the husband turned red, and
the wife felt the erne! pressure of victory.
"Better put a littlu dry soap on it; bc,t
thing in the world for a scald," said he, "I
have some in my bag."
"You are very kind," answered the wife
touched with the attention.
"Not at all, Maria," said Thirlby, follow
ing up his success with the Christian Immo.
"I am something of a traveler now, and
am always provided with these little
forts—l should say necessaries."
lle opened a black leather bag, scraped
some soap on a clean white handkerchief,
and applied it to Lis wife's hand tenderly
and carefully. Ho saw the wedding ring
shine over the white skin, and gave ever so
small a sigh as he tied a knot just above it.
"Poor little hand!" said he caressingly,
as he bent his head down towards it.
"Thank you; that will do rery well!" re
marked his wife, putting it under the table
"Nothing like sort soap," said he, smiling'
"Nr answered the lady, with placid dig
nity.
"How the boat pitches! AR you are
wounded, shall I do the honors?" said he.
"You are very gannet," she replied.
"Wasn't I alwayer he asked, us he re
seated himself.
"Always," replied the wife; "but, not to
m e."
"My dear Maria -"
"Pardon me; you are forgetting yourself."
"Not at all." replied the husband, stout
ly. "I repeat it. - Why were you and Iso
unhappy together?"
The vessel strained and pitched as he
spoke, and order were given upon deck, and
the wind howled, and•the rain beat down
on the skylight above them.
"There's a storm coming on," he remark
ed, ruttier unnecessarily.
"I am afraid there is," replied the wife.
"But answer my question."
•'What question'?" .
• Oh, you know," said ho irritably. "I
asked you why we were always so unhappy
together." .
"I might as well ask you why you were
always so unkind?" said Mrs. Thirlby.
'•I recognise you there," said the husband;
"you answer one question by asking anoth
er. I remember you always did. It used
to irritate me."
"Everything I did used to irritate you,"
interrupted the wife calm and provoking.
"When it was irritating," amended Mr.
Thirlby.
"You found it so," said the lady, with
feminine emphasis.
"Of course it was me," said the lady,
with feminine emphasis.
"Of course it w.us me," returned the hus-
band; “I was the villaiu—ka.tattal4 always
ME
'•\n; I was the teroiag.tnt— wi VOA always
are!" repeated the lady.
“My love, you Were always gem], and
right, and pious, and vin0.,...," said
Thitl
by, his love of sarcasm 1: ere.in tig his bet
ter settie. "You were always provokingly
proper--all broken hearted submission,
meekness, mildness, and down-east eyes, as
if advertising to the world. Look here!
my monster is breaking my heart; nut that
I complrin, oh, dear, no; I ant too good for
that. Ile is killing me, and I am rather
glad he is, I am so angelic and resigned!"
Mrs. Thit by knit her brows; f.,r a moment
she hesitated between quitting the cabin
a n.l replying. Temper triumphed, and she
spoke.
"If so, you pursued the opposite tactics,"
said she. "You were all smiles, frankness,
julity and good humor—to the world; a sort
of proclamation of: See what a fine, gener
ous, upon hearted fellow I am, and yet my
wife—my wicked wife—is miserable with
me! Oh, thank Heaven, lam not your wife
nJw!"
The ship lurched again, and Mrs. Thirl
by's; tea cup fell to the floor, but without
breaking.
"You needn't get into a passion," said
her husband, 'nor upset the tea things;
you're not at home now, you know."
"I did not upset it!" said the lady angrily.
"Yes, you did!"
"NO, I didn't.'
"Yes, you did!''
"I did not sir!" reapeated the lady, tap
ping the table authoritatively with her un
damaged hand, and so knocking oft the
other cup, which broke into a dozen of
lEEE
"There,' said the husband, picking up
the fragments carefully, and arranging
them before her, 'perhaps you didn't break
that either?"
It would be impossible to describe the ex
tent to which handsome Mrs. Thrilby was
put out by this accident. Her face darken
ed, and without lu-ing its beauty, lonke•l a
thunder gterat—the ex-eyed Juno wrathful
with Jupiter.
Thirlby trie,l to wall: the cabin. "Time
has not subdued that awful temper then?"
said he.
"Nor the recollection of your ill-usage,"
she replied. "Neither ten years nor ten
hundred can do that."
'Ten hundred!" he remarked; you'll be
a fine old lady by then."
"And so will you,' retorted the wife;
'you're more than forty now."
••Well, if I ate;" answered the husband
.1117,1;13-, •'you're five-and-thirty—no chick
en either."
One of the chief reasons that matrimonial
differences are so bitter is, that each party
k so well informed of the enemy's weak
S; d c.
"Why, positively you're bald," said Mrs.
Thirlby, who had not before perceived the
shining scalp in the centre of her husband's
cranium; "Yes. quite bald at the tope
Mr. Thielby turned white with passion
—he NV3i it very vain man—and walked up
to her 81 if about to make some overwhel
ming reply. Unfortunately her hair was ps
black, as lustrous, and as reh as ersr.
Ills wife guessed his intention, arid said
tggr.ivetingly: •'Pour old wan, scus lie
bald then?"
4 •lf. , a know y,,a wane als‘ay.; a beauty,"
,veered the husband.
Mrs. Thiriby rose ir-in bar sent and bow
ed, as if she said: - I know;" which irrita
ted her husband more than ever.
"As lovely sts afflicted." continued he.
"At all events," replied the lady, that
Mrs.
"Silence, madam!" thundered the husband.
"Yon have too often repeated that lady's
name and I forbid —"
"You forbid, indeed!" cried the wife.—
"And pray, who are you that command me?
Why should I not mention that worn:m*6-
1 be;; pardon—lady'', name? Who is to
prevent me? Not her lover, sir," she con
tinued,• lashing herself into, a rage, 'Wheel
be has ceased to he my husband."
"By Jove!" said Thirlby, "this is as it
used to be; but, as you say, we are sepa
rated:" and he bent his head over the table
and droned: "For this and other mercies,
Heaven make us truly thankful!"
Mrs. Thirlby tore the handkerchief front:
the scalded hand, and threw it across the
table—the fragments of soap fell into the
sugar basin.
"What noble veogeancel" continued be
in a pompous tone. "Mat greatness! whet
magnanimity of soul!' and what a brilliant
repartee! 'Pon my word, this is refreshing!
What a meeting, after ten years' absencel-
The breeze without, the row within. Any
one could swear to us for 111281 and wife!'
-*Not your wife now, •girl' ' • •
"No, not my wife now. As I Paid a min+
et"' ago: for this and other mercies -"
The lady rose to her feet. "Do noon=
sole me, sir," she paid. '1 hare been it
peace for ten years. Do you raise my feel
ings that—that—that—"
"That what?" asked tho husband
Poor Mrs. Thirlby began to feel the ef
fect of the motion of the vessel. "I—l—l
don't feel well," she gasped.
"Ah! excitement," said the ltubband un
concernedly.
"No, sir, the sea—l mean the tea. I
shall go to my berth. When we get to
Kingstown. you can see Franky end —"
"Fr.' nkyl ‘Vhu's Franks?" tudc.ed tI:
husband.
'rliiriby lucked him full 41 the face
a.; itils%vereni: "Your s.lll, sir!"
Another lurch of the vessel threw Mr.
Thirlby into a seat as he repeate4, "My
sun!"
He hardly understood the meaning of the
words.
'Your son and mine," said the lady; "My
dear, dear boy Frank."
Something rose to the husband's throat
and eyes as he 1 , 11,e1 li t I:11
down at his lag 10-t ...de, a- tits lc,. -tot , 41 • f
the cabin flour hokted or lowered her.
"ILI wits horn three months after your
departure," continued Mrs. Thillhy.
"Why did I not know it?"
"I kept it out of the papers purposely,"
said the wife.
"And you called him Francis," said the
now thoroughly humbled husband.
"Yes—after his father."
'Thank you, Maria: that was kind.
'My duty—nothing more,' said the lady.
'How old iv he!'
'Ten in August—on the fifth.'
'God bless him,' said the father: 'is he
handsome?'
'Oh! very—very handsome,' said the
mother.
'A—at elflike me!' inquired the father.
'Like what you were—very.'
'And in his nuinner?'
'lle is passionate in the extreme; like
what you were—very. Here is a letter I
had from him last Thursday. lie is on a
visit to my cousin, who was married to
Colonel O'Grady three years ago..
The father took the letter. and held it
under the shaking lamp. The gale had
blown itself into a perfect storm, and be
could hardly keep upon his feet as he read
the large school-boy hand:
"Mr near:, DEAR Mauxta.—l am so glad
that you are so stun coming. I have no
news. I em quite well. Freddy's pony
hurt one of his knees yesterday. We go to
Sandy Mount et ery day. Aunt sends her
loVe—so does Freddy. God bless you.
"Your affectionate Faxxx.m."
Mcrryon Spare, Daublin, Ireland
The letter wav read and re-read till the
lines became blurred and indistinct, and a
deep sob heaved up from the fathers heart
as he stretched forth his hand to his wife
and said: "Maria forgive me!"
But Mr. Thirlby remained silent and im
passive.
"For the sake of our boy," he urged, "the
child of whose existence I was unaware—
till—till—forgive met"
"Do you wish to keep the letter?" inquir
ed the wife.
"With your permingion. Do you over
speak to him about mc?"
"Often."
Maria, let as be friends!"
Mrs. Thirlby answered slowly and deliber
ately, with a pause between every third or
fourth word: After an absence—of more than
ten years—meeting so unexnectedly—you
could not control— your violent and, sarcastic
ti.,ture—l will Nor be—its victim. I par
don what is past—but when I leave this
boat—we never meet again!"
•'Maria"--he tried to take her hand, but
she withdrew it—can't you forgive me!"
"The past—yes: the future I will not
trust in your hands. As I said when, we
leave this boat—"
The stewardess entered the cabin sudden
ly by the stairs leading to the deck. The
door was heard to lock behind, and there
was a noise overhead as of shutting fasten
ing. She staggered forward, and said in a
low, resigned, but trembling voice: "If you
wish to pray, do so at once; we ate expected
to go down every minute!"
'Filially looked at her fir an instant, then
taking his wife up in his arms rushed to the
cabin door.
"We are fastened down!" said the steward-
Alas with terrible (mimes.. "The crew is
in the rigging. I shall go to my cabin and
meet it there. Oh, pray far your soul's sake,
for we have not long to live!" She went to
her own little cabin at, the side, and shut
the door.
Husband and wife were locked in each
other'. arms. How poor and paltry seemed
their enmities and jealousies, their poisoned
arrows of speech and verbal victories:—
Eternity was near them, and about them,
lashing at their shaking vessel's sides, how
ling for theta in the seal the ship palpita
ted like a timid hare. as though eager to
offer human victims to appease the hungry
elements, and rave itself. Neither spoke;
but a long, endearing kiss proclaimed mu
tual forgiveness—then heart beating against
hoor hand in band, their fingers interwia•
'ed within each other, they knelt and prayed.
in his height of health and pride of sarcasm,
Thrifty sometimes scoffed at religion, and
ridiculed 'his wife'S strict observances with
eousidemble humor—wise, 'he felt sure that
she was right, and cheek 46 cheek and lip
whip uttered fervent prayers for heavenly
parduwand tier sarety.
+Only once during •the night the world
musteback to hit, when he sobbed oat
:labial never see my boy?"
81,50 PER YEAR 'M ADVANCE; $2,00 IF NOT IN ADVANCE
And minute after minute. each longer
than the last, passed away, every succeeding
shock and lurch of the frail boat, they ex
pected to feel the floor sink under them, and
the water pour into their cushioned sea
tomb.
A violent crash shook tho ship from stem
to stem; the cabin lamp fell shivered into
ntotn:;, and all was darkness. They clutch
ed tightly hold of each other, and thought
their thou had come.
The night passed. A ribbon of grey light
iu the horizon separated sea from sky; the
grey grew whiter and more bright—it was
morning. Husband and wife looked into
each other's haggard faces; they had thought
they should never see them more.
The daylight was on inespressible relief;
they should not perish in the dark. Light
was the breath of Heaven. They were not
for,.:otten!
“Think you there is any hope?" whisper
ed the wife, almost afraid to trust the sound
A 01%%1 Vike.
As she spoke, there was a noise upon the
deck, mid the sound of sea and wind,
and str.iining boards and croaking cordage
grew more audible. The cabin door new
open, and the steward, wet as from a bath.
and his face bleeding. looked in. "All right!
he gasped: "we're saved!—saved! Where's
my missus? Jane, dear, open the door—
we're saved, I tell you!"
The stewardess opened the door, and both
couples repaired tz the deck.
"We shall weather it, praised be Gad!"
said the white-haired captain. "Who would
have thought this six hours ago?"
"Maria!"
"Hush! we have received a severe and
proper punishment for our presumption and
our crime.',
A steam tug came out to their rescue,
and carried them safely into kingstown
liar
bor.—There3 was a smiling lady, a mous
tached gentleman; and a handsome yellow
haired boy awaiting them.
"Mamma!—my dear, dear mamma!"
cried the young gentleman, with undisguised
ec,tacy.
"Franky, my own. Here's papal"
"Papa!" said the boy, rounding hid eyes.
"Papa from India!"
"Yes, dear."
"Mr. Thirlby!" said Mrs. O'Grady.
"Ilad you forgotten me, Elinor?" that
gentleman.
"Mamma, why hasn't papa been with
you before, when--"
"Hash, dear!" said the mother.
Mr. Thirlby did not return to India; and
both his and his wife's name are always set
down for a handsome sum in all subscrip
tions for life-boats or preservations from
shipwreck.
Doestieks Sees Santa Claus
I've seen him
Ile looks exactly like a big Dutchman,
with a pressure of six quarts of lager to the
-square inch, and a funnel on his head to let
the steam off. When I was just beginning
to bloom into pantaloons and bud into brass
buttons, I got my first idea of Santa Claus
from Damphool, who was thcu about as high
49 a bitching-post, and expected a •"big
thing" for his New Year's. The little Dam
phool, I remember, used to speak very low
down in his stomach when he talked to me,
and always took care to wink at little crino
lines, and spit a great deal when I was by,
by way of showing, I suppose, that he was
a venerably-experienced man of the world.
and only had me along to convey an idea of
the numerical respectability of his family.—
Little Damphool had a weakness for peanuts
and when I would pay for a pint in our daily
walk., ha would help me to eat them with
such a look of compassion that I often had
to wipe away tears of humility with a bor
rowed half of his apple. I always paid fur
the apple. S rtnetimes we wbuld make a
princely meal on taffy-candy. Damphool
said that taffy-candy was excellent fur a cold
and he always had a dreadful cough at the
sight of a confectionery. lie bought the
candy always, and—l paid for it. Some
times we would stroll as far as the Park on
Saturdays, and then Damphool would risk
me to take an oriental draught of ginger.
beer. After drinking his share, I remember
be would suddenly see something on the
Museum that he never noticed before, and
look it it so hard that he couldn't see me
feeling in toy pockets. By way of doing my
share, I always paid fur the beer.
But I was going to tell you bow Damphool
told moo about Santa Claus. It was the day
before New Years', in the year eighteen hun
dred and none of your business. and 1 had
just been taking some ginger-nuts with
Damphool at my own expense (Us pocket
book was in his other trouser's pockets),
when be suddenly asked me what Santa
Claus was going to give me. I said I never
heard of him, and he said didn't I? And I
said no, I didn't. Damphool frowned to keep
his cap on. and was so overcame that be had
to have some root beer. I paid f,,r it because
be was sick. When he came to (three cents
a glass), he informed me in strict confidence
that Santa Claus was a good judge of rem
derail, and brought presents down the chim
ney on New Years' eve fur mu and other
boys. lle said Santy kept a toy shop in the
moon, and supplied the young angels with
peg-tops and celestial drums.
I was greatly im7ressed with this rerela
den, .for my parents had too mach good
sense -to delude' me with the silly holiday
talk. I went home and made on my mind
to situp all night, and told my moth', I
[WHOLE NUMBER 1,636.
wanted to see Santa Claus; sho said.
"Nonsense, child," and put me to bed.
cried, and father came to comfort me. Ile
used ael oothing strip of leather. I tried to
go to sleep, but it was no go; I lay awake
till everybody else was asleep, and then got
up and went to the tire-place to watch for
Santa Claus. Remained there wide awake
until I woke up with head in the ach-pan,
and one arm around the coal scuttle. Saw
somebody coming, and said, "Is that you,
Mr. Santa Claus?" The nest thing I re
member, I was in hol, feeling as though I
had been sitting down on a red-hot gridiron.
That was the last time I ever sat up to see
S.tnta Claus. It wasn't a good thing to do.
But I saw hint last Christmas Eve. I
board in a street that would be Fifth avenue
if the city was turno•l the other way. I and
Damphool had been out, and Damphool was
so sure that the Croton main would burst
again that we drank enoug , i water to keep
us mildewed for a week. The water tasted
very strong of the pipel, and when we came
out of the reservoir, (I saw bottles there,
but Damphool said it was the reservoir, and
all respectable families have private bottles
of water there,) we walked very carefully
on the side-walk, so as not to crack the
pipes down under them. I left Damphool
bargaining with a barrel of potatoes to take
hint to am,gli's lecture. Went 111311/e. My
room is on the first flier, if you don't count
the roof, and is connected with the front
parlor by three pairs of stairs. flung my
lint on tne servant girl's lamp, and went up.
Fat Dutchman in my room standing on both
sides of the bureau, with two coats and
three pair of pantaloons over his arm.—
Said he was Santa Claus, and wanted to
find a good place to pat my presents. Would
cone again when I was asleep. lie • went
out together, and left me trying to cover
mysell up with a rocket-handkerchief under
the belief that it was a sheet. Nest morn
ing, missed all my tailor's e dlaterals. Can't
account fur it, but I've seen Santa Claus.
Yours, disconsolately,
• Dor.sricKs, I'. 8.,
AN ASTONISHED CLERGYMAN AND A CAN
DID MENDICANT.--Walking up Chesnut
street yesterday morning, we were overtak en
by a reverend clergyman. Erroneonsly sup
posing that reporters sometimes run oppo
sition to their own lines, the clergyman
asked the news. The clergyman ° and the
reporter continued their walk to the corner
of Thirteenth and Chesnut streets. At this
point a bard looking customer arrested their
progress. The stranger was a globous spe
cimen of the genus "loafer." Ile was illy
dres-ed, illy behaved, and his entire ward
robe would have been rejected ns too :testy
for use by the lowest dealer in carpet rags.
Moro than this, the odor exhaled froM his
person was not a perfume, and there was
dirt enough upon his face and hands 'to
make a large sized mud pie.
Ile was a polite vagabond hoWeiir... 110
touched his hat deferentially, and opened
out:
"Good morning, gentlemen." •
The clergyman started. The reporter re
turned the salute.
"Gentlemen," continued the loafer, "I
ain't on the whine. I ain't a bit hungry,
and I know it's no use humbugging a class
of people like you."
The clergyman appreciated the compli
ment and asked the man—
"What is your wish?"
"Why," said he, "I'll tell you. I ain't
goin' to come the hungry dodge on you—l
don't want nothing to eat. I want my bit
ters, and d—.l badly too. I seed you was
sporting men, and I know'd you'd tuad&r
stand me. Giro us a firo, gentlemen, I know
you can feel fur a man that hasn't had a
drink for two days."
The minister, at the idea of being taken
for a sporting man, was struck aghast, and
stood upon the sidewalk a picture of utter
horror. The reporter handed the loafer a
dime, and the twain resumed their walk.—
We can understand the feelings of a starred
mail when a dish of meat is placed before
him; we can appreciate the gratitude of a
wounded soldier when a canteen of sr:aerie
held to his lips. Ilat such an expression of
joy and gratitude as that whiehi wretillea
the face of the thirsty tippler of yesterday
we never before saw upon human face. Tho
reverend clergyman admitted to us that in
all his esperience he never felt.n•eimilar
sensation. lle even forgot in. it the oddity
of the beggar's mistake in to.king.him for a
••sporting character."
giarA few days since Saxe; in snaking a
speech at a flag raising in Albany ..conclud•
ed his remarks by proposing . three .cheers
fur the young gentlemen of- East , Albany
who had procured the nag. As tho.cheers
were about to bo given. the chairman of the
occasion amended the proposition of Mr.
Saxe, so that the cheers ,wentapjor the
young ladies as welt us the young gentlemen
of East Albany. After the,:obeers Saxe
gave as an apology, for.omitting ;to speak of
the young ladies.in his origirml, proposition
ft.r cheers that he thought the younggentle
men always embraced the young ladies,.
EigrAt3ly dear," said a. lively anarried
lady M . her lord the Iltblit day,,'Wdy• dear.
I hope you have noJobjectiOrn. miter .being
- weighed?" Certainly tilitoilij dii 7 -yots ask
me the question?" r••Clulr 1.6 we,..v k i. d ear .
if you would Itlicnrsolit to' hi idtt y :Nreigle
onee." ' " . . -