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:SAW:ILL ViritlGEr, 'Editor and. Proprietor.
VOLUME XXXIII, NUMBER 10.]
PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY EDIPaIiG.
Office in Carpel Hull, Yorliticestoorner of
- :l ,7 rontar..d Locust sheets.
Terms of Subscription:
Coryyperanturn,i fpaidin advance.
• tf not paid sylibin tit roe
month srrome omracueementoftlie year,
9. .a 0 33.1t15i Ca. 0 40.1::b5r.
• riot übscript ton received for Ice., tinter tlitm i.rx
-mucks; and no paper will he discontinued on 111 all
rereceraverreputd,uulcseut the optionOfthe pub
ttiter.
I . l7Wor.errtayi, mittc dlt mail on hepdblish
r.t t rtuk.
Rates of Advertising,
Runts CC, ineslone week,
three weeks.
eachtuhsevendosertion, 10
[l:2 inesjoueweek. 50
three weeks, 1 00
tt eachrtubsequen insertion- 25
' Large rid'vereisemelltrul proportion
A iherall iscotrut wil Ibe mode to yourtcrly,bulf
early.or:uarlytdrertitersocho are rtricti)confined
otheir husiness
DR. HOFFER,
DENTIST.---OFFICE'y Front Street 4[hdoor
Win Locust, over Nry ytor & 111 cDonald , s Book store
Columbia, Pa- IrrEutnulce, basne a. Jolley'. l'ho
°graph Gullery. [August:a,
THOMAS IVELSII,
JUSTICE OF THE, [ICE, Columbia., Pia,
OFFICE, in W.ippers New Mudding, helm'
Black's [lota!, From sweet.
Mr -Prompt attention given to all business entrusted
to his care.
November 29, 1&57.
M. M. NORTH,
A ITORNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAW
coluinbia.pn.
Collections promptly made Lancaste t and York
'Guineas.
Columbia May 4, 1950.
J. W. FISIiER,
Attorney and Counsellor at Law,
COtumbill, Septemberln36.ll
S. Atlee B ekius, D. D. S.
DRACTICEt; the Opecubee, rg,ieut and Meehan
J. ieul Departmesau of Deo balry;
o F p u , I,o,u,t.treci, bet wetly be Franklin ilou , r e
and l'ea Olfre, Columbia,
3iiiy i. 1.•450.
Harrison's Coumbian Ink
.fiThi WI/ i• a •uprrior o rt ein, permanently black.
and nal eorro.ling the prn. rmn be land 111 11111
liar Niedocke 6tore, and OlteLer
Cl s C.:"10-11 (foot Volt-It.
Colanalp,...bao• V. 1:15d)
We Have Just Received
DR. CUTTER'S Improved Chest Expanding
and shoulder Itrace, for lonplrinno,
Inn! ['Mani SLlrt Supporter told • ltrnee for Lud,n.,
Suet the amele that ta wantad ut ttiitrite. Coop,
timid .re thriu nUFumiip Medicine Store. Odd rn:towsr
[April!). I:159
Prof. Gardner's Soap
I,VE have the riew Sat; land soup bur those who the
TV lint °limn it from the :row, Atha; 11 i, plea ft&
to the skirt, and 10111 take grot , e .put. (rote Woolen
Goods, tt to ‘lte..r.ttiare ua ttuttthwx. (kw 'yam fist she
worth of your money at the Fatuity ittediebie Store.
Columbia, June 11,1859.
or L ßond's Boston Crackers, for
Uy-peplies, nod Arrow Root Craeliersr, tor:ib
valids and rhilthen—new urtieles in Columbia, al
the nunily Meilieme Store,
April 10. 18.59.
QPALDINIPS PREPARED CLGE.—The want of
such all aniele is felt so every Coolly, 011 d note
it too lie supplied; for mend/og fuunture, china
ware, °monism:ll work, toys. ke., there is nothing
superior. We have (Good it toed lo rep:thing toasty
whirls have been useless for wombs. You
JIM V.',1111 It cat the
ta.oollAr EMILY MEDICINE SPORE.
IRON ZLIVD STEEL 7
filllESabe.criber.liave received a New and Large
J. 'Stuck of ell kse,te d xm.+ot
BAR IRON AND .F.TEL !
They are oou•taitly gape:tail with •lock iti thig branch
of his 1at....Mew... it'll! Call 11111141 it 1a cusionier. in Jorge
or small qualaitieb, at the too eat lutes
RUM PLE& SON.
Locu.t street below Secoial, Columbia, Pa.
RITTER'S Compound Syrup of 'liar and
1C,41 Cherry, fur Conght.i;ol,l,.& e. 4nle
Ire (Jokier' 51r3riar Dragjtord, Front at- luly2
A TER'S Compountl Concentrated Extract
A
Sarßapttrilla for the cure of SeroMa . t Kong',
Evil. Raid till veroloinvii fri!.. l / 4
freviVed and for vide by
Front Pit .Ciatontaa..
Rapt. di, IS d,
FOR SALE.
200 Ono . Frgetioli Matches, vcry low fur cash
IL. W 11.1.1 All 4
Dutch Herring!
A Isfy one fond of u good MmHg Ull be supplied at
S. P. I:IIERI.I'..IN'S
Nor. 19,1419. Grocery Etore, No. 7t Locurn st.
DON'S PUSS OHIO CSTAWBI BRINOY
L
rpm.: 11'1 NES. especially (or Alcatel:les
aJ ehteretnetital purpa.e.t. et the
Jaht.2S. rAmtLX it,IMICINF:S7OIIII.
NICE RAISINS far 8 cts. per pond, arc to
be had ol.ly ui
1:74113121.11IN'S Grocery Store,
Morel, 10, ISOO. No. 71 Locus! aireet
GSEED S:
AUEN —Fresh Barden Seeds, war
runted pule,of nil k•it.ht..tu.t tecewed rt
katEttLEIN'S grocery Store,
To. 71 Losust street.
Aliarcle 10.16(10
POCKET BOOKS AND PURSES.
ALA KG I.: lot of Fitts nod Common ?onkel Books
and L'Ufbo4.al trutn IS snots to two dollars emelt
lit ulquorters and .:ewe Depot.
Columbia. April 14.1 ;GU.
A EEW more of those beautiful Prints
schtzil vetit Ire •old chenp,
SAYLOR ar. NicUrnstALLYS
MOE
Just Received andEor Sale.
1500 SACHS Ground Alum Salt, ID large
or smuli XL
A PPOLD`.I
Wnrelinu.e .
Mlv.S.' 60
C OLD CREAM! OF GLYCERIN& —For the cure
and picvenuou fn chapped howl.. Acm rur sale
GOLDEN MORTAR DRUG STORE.
Dec 3,1359. FlOlll. greet. Columbia.
Turkish Prunes!
.. r R a first rate orrisroot Proi:csyou quiet Ito to
N.". gr ISW. Grocery Z.r . ot•C, k 4 1 4 1 -hi.
Locustst
GOLD PENS, GOLD PENS.
JUST received a large and rove a.sortoltid or Gold
Penn. of Newioa nd Grigwold'ot manufacture. ut
VLOll.k. McDONdIArS !Judi: More,
Agri/ 14 l'rout .t rect. above 1.0eu44
ritEsa. citocEßlEs.
tir Ft continue to sell the heti og,,,,ytt syrup, IV WIC
IP and Brown ttlagetrs.trood Colleer und Choice Teo..
to be hod Col4llllUtd. at the New Corner `diore. OP
pante 001 Fellows' flat!, and at the old stood o.ljout
itir the •tilc. 11. C. F*ONDNUISIIIITH.
Began, Tobacco, ac.
A LOT of Sewrate Segues. Tobacco and Snuff will
be Schad at the 141lle of the subacriber. Ile keeps
Otdy a foal...ate article Cell it.
$. F. EBERIXIIPS Grocery Store.
Locum st, Colombia, Pa,
Oct B,Xt i
CRANBERRIES,
lg' Ev 7 ',leap Prunes, New Caron. at
AI Oct. VO. Lunn- A. M. RAMBO'S,
SA RDINES,
W oe : 20 14;a1 for sole by Coeo. . jo•t
$. EIMILLEIN. re
No. 71 Loea•t
CRANBERRIES.
aTUST Tecee4 a tread" tot nf Cranbenias aniVew
m Carrania, at No. 71 Locatt streaL
.ocg, 7t le6o. e. E. ESE RLEIN
Vittuj.
When Thou Steepest
We Cif A IILoTTE IMONTE.
el 50
When thou sieepeq. lulled in »igin,
Art thou lost in vacancy?
Does nu elicit inwurti
Softly breaking. Lill on ince?
Does no deem on quiet wing
Flout a moment innd that ray,
Touch some nnoccring menial mriztg,
Wake a note and puss away
MU
%%lien thou wateliest, ns the hours,
Mute and blind. are -needing on,
O'er that rayless path, where lowers
Muffled midnight, black and lone;
Comes there nothing hovering near,
Thought or half reality,
'Whispering, marvels in thine ear,
Every word a mystery.
Chanting low an ancient lay.
Every plaintive note a spelt,
Clearing memory's cloud, away,
Showing scenes thy heart loves well!
Songs forgot, in childhood sung,
Airs en youth beloved and known,
'Whispered by that airy tongue,
Once again are made thine own.
De it dream in Ituure.ed steep,
Be it thought in vigil lone,
Drinkotet thou hot a rupture deep
l'ro,r. the getting, 1.1.3 thine OWII?
All thine own; thcu•need'st not tell
NVhltt hiight form.ttly stunther ble.l,
All %hula own; remember well
Night and shade ware round thy rest.
Nothing looked upon thy bed
Save the lonely wetett-tlgat'tglcam;
Nut a tviii•per not :1 :read
Seared thy Spurt'. &Haiti dream
Sometime, when the midiii.;h: gale
Urealliad a taaau and then was
Scented the stieii o th main to fait,
Checked by one ecvliitie Limn;
Felt its ail external
Rotted in moonll3ltt,.lllolC thine eye;
Then tby spirit's waning, tetn,;s
Quivered, tretnoleal, -jtk cad to Sly;
Thea Lb' abjurer, wildly bnelltag,
Looked Where, mid trun-eentleney,
Star to star vett, mutely letting
Heaven's resolve arid fate's tket en.
Ole it longed for holier fire
'fhao tit. spat Is its earthly slit ilie;
Oh: it soared and h nrlter, higher,
ought tU rCuCli U home divine.
flopete.s (peso! •cull weak and weary
flagged the pititon droo,ted the plume,
And again ill easlite,i dreary
Came the bullied wanderer home.
And ugain it t ura:sl fur socohol,g
To 1.111613/ZI)Vd bioken d•oona;
rutlica euneul smootltiag,
Thought rolled on her monied stre.orn.
I hove fel; ibis
Sweet and known to oci.te out me:
Still 1 felt a naghL,) Nealutg
Each dark day 'e despondency.
[Cornhill Maim:tine
grtuting,
Why Tompkins Married
The mushroom villas which form a sort of
fairy-ring round louden, increasing in cir
cumference month by month, aro not per
haps entitled to that rusticity which their
names affect. Bobadil Bowers and Clemen
tine. Cottages are to bona file Devonshire
residences what bamon and' Clarissa are to
actual shepherds an I shepordesses; still,
there are make-believes—mock-turtle soup,
for instance—which are much better than
the realities they represent, and I do
wish that some literary genius would pluck
up courage to beard Carlyle, and write a
defence of Shams. A shepherd in the flesh
eats onions, which his biscuit-china repre
sentative does not; and though a rural re
treat in Wales or Westmoreland is very
pleasant in its way, bow far it is from the
club!
No. 1 Morley Park Villa, my present
home, is certainly not an ideal house; in
style of architecture it bears a strong re
semblance to those mansions which the
young are accustomed to draw on their
slates when they are supposed to be en
gaged in arithmetical calculation; and the
walls, which are but one brick in thickness,
are plastered over with some composition
like icing .if n Twerth-cake, which trill peel
air every winter, to the great disarrangement
of the words Morley Park 1.11/as, which are
stuck up on the forehead of my house, and
which wriggle sideways and topsy-turvy as
the cement loosens until they resemble He
brew rather than Christian characters, so
that our abode has occasionally been taken
fur a synagogue. Nor am I quite comfort
able about the foundations, for we were
rocked in an alarming manner by the gales
last November; nor did the logical sugges
tion of Mrs. Share, of No. 3, "that if the
villas had intended to fall they would have
done so long ago," entirely reassure me.—
But what are these trifling drawbacks when
balanced against our advantages? Our vil
las ate within twelve miles of Hyde Park
Corner, ten minutes walk of the railway
station, and a quarter of a mile of the
Thames. They are eight in number, each
surrounded by about half an acre u£ garden;
and these gardens are none of your newly
laid out plots, with a few baby laurels, and
embryo rose-trees dotted about them, but are
gay with mature flowers, fringed with thick
shrubberies, and adorned by lime, chestnut,
and cedar trees of fifty or sixty years stand
ing, which throw a grateful shade over
mossy lawns, where thrushes and black
birds hold their diets of worms. Behind
our villas lies a nobleman's park; while the
road in front, by which they are approached,
divides them from a farm in a high state of
cultivation. Report speaks of fabulous
sums offered by building societies for this
park and farm, which have all been hiiherto
refused; and - so, despite our proximity' to
London, ire are slightly pastoral, and sur
rounded bye. faint halo of poetry and pigs.
"NO ENTERTA.INMENTIS SO CHEAP AS READING, NOR ANY PLEASURE SO LASTING."
COLUMBIA, PENNSYLVANIA, SATURDAY MORNING-, OCTOBER 5, 1861.
It was in June, and shortly subsequent
to my marriage, that 1 first took up my res
idence in Morley Park Villas. The sun
was shining, the birds were singing, the
roses were--and the north-easterly gales
were not—blowing; and altogether the weak
er points of the place were not perceptible,
while the strong ones came . out in bold re
lief, so that I began to think that I had
stumbled upon Paradise, and to prove Toy.
self equal to the situation, took up garden
ing. I have no curiosity in my compo-ition
and so I cannot tell how I came to be water
ing in the shrubbery which divided our gar
den from that of No. .9. t.ne evening. There
were no plants there which particularly
required that attention, and thera were oth
ers elsewhere which did; perhaps I was is
an absent fit; perhaps I was fated to know
who our nest door neighbors were; anyhow,
there I found myself sprinkling the hardiest
of laurels and glancing over the hedge.
I saw a young man with a rod face and a
wide awake, lounging on a garden seat in
his shirt-sleeves, with a long pipe in his
mouth, Dell's Life in his nand, and some
brandy and water on a table before him,
and was turning away in disappointment,
when a peculiar movement of his head made
me stop, stare, set down the watering-pot,
and slide off to the left, to got a better view
of his face, while a feeling of tarts, cricket,
and switching-blocks stole over my senses,
as I recognized an old school-fellow; a man,
too, whom I had often wished to hear some•
thing of, for he had been a character. rather
a bad one, if it is true, but still original and
eccentric, and I hare a peculiar weakness
fur the society of people who are unlike the
maas of their fellow-creatures. So I called out
"Tompkit.s!"
"Indloal Come round, and have some
thing. Whu are you?" was the indiscrimi
nately hospitable reply.
S t I went round, and presently he recog
nized me for it so happened that I had once
done him• a good turn, and one of his extra
ordinary pwmliarities was memory for that
sort of thing.
"Well," sail he, when old reminiscences
had made him commttnicative, "du you know
I hare got a wife in there?" and he pointed
to the house.
"Indeed: Ittro you been married long?"
"Pretty well about tiro months?"
am sure I congratulate you. lam in
much the same position myself. Our wives
must become acquainted."
"Fur goodness sake don't bring a lady
near me!" he cried; "[ hare escaped from
al! that sort of thing at last. Why what do
you suppose I got spliced for?"
"Love?"
"Gammon: Do I look, now, like a fellow
who would do anything so romantic as that?"
I must confess his appear:toe° was not
that of fish likely to raise to any "fancy
9ies;" so I suggested the matrimonial
ground-bait; "'Money!"
"Nut a farthing. I had to set her up in
clothes and hair-brushes for the wedding.—
No, I married for peace and quietness."
"Never heard of so paradoxical proceed
ing in all my life before. Suppose you tell
me all about it."
"Well, I will. You remember me at school?
I was not very happy there. The waiters
were forever wanting me to learn Latin and
Greek, and my tastes did nut lie in that di
rection; the boys, too, were rather particular
fellows about dress and ni inners; and as I.
did not come up to their standard in those
matters, they used to treat me in a swan - -
cilious sort of way, which always made me
feel uncomfortable. Even when they wart
ed to barrow my money, or get toe t., treat
them, they called ore '.Good Tmpltio...!" or
"Honest old buffer!" or ti,Ml2 half-p.uroniz
lag name or another, which antlered me es
ccedingly, for I never could be sure when
they were laughing; at me. I would hare
given anything sometimes for a go ).i
down
right quarrel with one of my polite tortuea
' tors; but the fellows knew better than to
push me too far, for I was strong and wiry,
and could spar, not to mention that toy guar
dian (my parents were dead) let me have
plenty of money, and neither boys nor men
are apt to quarrel With those they can get
anything out of, if they can help it. Perhaps,
being a shy sort of fellow, I imagined a '
good many slights which were never intend—
ed. Anyhow; I did not live comfortably
with either masters or boys; I always felt
alone as it were, and made no friends; and
so I used to skulk off in play-hours to Tom
Badger's yard, where we kept our dogs and
hawks, you remember; and there I would '
spend hours with the Bilbury Chicken, and
Joe Noggins the pigeon-fancier. They
would sit and drink with me, and bo grate
ful for what I gave them. They koked
upon me as a gentleman, listened to what I
had to say, and gave in to my opinion; and
I felt at my ease with them, which I never
did with you fellows. At last, old Snitcher
got an inkling of my habits, and I had to
leave. My guardian was in a violent rage
when I got to his house,mnd went on about
proper pride and station, and so forth, till I
got angry in my turn, and repaid him with
some i nso l en ce; upon which he said I was a
reprobate, arid he would have nothing more
to do with me; whereat I gave him a. cheer.
"lie did not keep his word however, fur
he sent me to a private tutor, whose groom
was a capital fellow; and soon after I had a
commission in a light cavalry regiment.—
That was worse than school. I never could
titiderstand my brother officers; for, though
.
they would swear and drink like coal-beavers, ,
there was always a something about them
which I could not pick op, and which I can
not explatn or define; and when thrown off
my guard by the general freedom from re
straint which was apparent after mess
sometimes, I wa.s continually saying or doing
something - which brought them all up. as
kite and grave as parsons, I overheard one
of them say one day: •Poor Tompkins,
what a blackguard he but one must make
albm•auces for .neh a glod natured fellow.'
and I know that was just the feeling they
all had about me. I should have been
much happier prirate trouper—if I
cull hare kept rooderatery sober, that is
than a. tar ,•tutor. lion• I used to long to
go and jo n toy men, when I passed them
drinking at the beer shops! However, that
was quite out of the 11:110StiOn, 60 I made some
acquaintances amongst the farmers round
about our quarters, and had a quiet house
now and then with them. If there had been
a war, and some fighting to do, 1 1 think I
might have won some respect in the regi
ment, and then perhaps I should have done
better; but as there was no prospect of ac.
tive service, I sold out when I came t f age.
for I had five thousand a year, a•nd. where
was the use of stopping in the army till I
should be turned out of it?
"fitter this I gave gentility a fair trial,
fur the uncle who had been my guardian got
hold of me , and persuaded me to go down to
an estate I had in Norfolk, where he and
his family came and kept house fur me; and
all the county folk gave dinners and
to which I was dragged, and at which the
people male a fuss about me, and tried to
marry me to their daughters, till at last I
could stand it no longer; so one night I
lowered myself and a carpet-bag front my
bed-room window, and went to London,
where I got into what you fellows call "low
company." Ido not think I spoke to a gen
tleman—certainly not to a lady—for a year
and a half. What swt of people did I asso
ciate with? Why, all sorts_ I went up the
river with bargemen; I patronized sparring
cribs, and never missed a fight; I took the
chair at different clubs of small sporting
tradesmen; I did nut care, so long ns I was
with a set of fellows who were my inferiors
in education and fortune, and who looked
upon the as a bit of a swell. That was the
sort of life for me; and I dare say you won
der how I ever came to give it up. Well,
as I was never what you may call sober at
that time, I have no clear notion of what the
row wits about; but there was a row. You
see, I ran through a good deal of money—
how it went I cannot tell; some fighting-men
who played at cards may have had some,
and I used to drop a little pigeon-shooting
and skittles; and then some foolish fellows
got a cheque for five pounds from me, and
turned it somehow into one for fire hundred,
bat did it so clumsily that it was detected,
and there was a shindy, which got into the
papers, so that my uncle and a set of other
relations, who hal before attempted to make
a gentleman of me, care to bear about it,
and they got o pack of lawyers and doctors
together, who took a mean advantage of a
little touch of delirium [reflect's. It was made
out that I was nut fit to be trusted with the
n•nuagernant of my own ,ffairs, and For three
months I was treated just as if I had been
cracked; seen when I was declared all
ri,,tht again my relatione 'would not let me
alone: thew 'wide 1)/P take a !um.° at Brighton,
where they i t cone and stay %ritil wo,
mud bo re nu' to death, partioularly au r.).1
aunt, who waic we read tract., and nitu
',lid I wag a brand, and it was her I»isNion
to pluck me. As far as I can make out,
that has been the mi , sion of st good many
people! You may wonder why r put up with
all this; but there were Pllveral reasons fir
it. You t-etz., my node really had done me a
qervioc. in re.ouing a g:‘ , ol .11e0 of my prop
erty front the m tlx , of u set of turnkey lend
ers, who were Lopping it up pretty r,i,t, and
di I not like t r flv in !tiB face; then
oavy offollow, apt to be lead by
the note, and Br;gl.ton was not such a bad
place after all; fur I had made friends with
the fishermen, and used to go out with them
in their smacks. Capital fellows some of
those sailors were, who could tell stories and
sing songs by the hour together. They were
the beet companions I ever met for one
thing, that they were just as jolly without
drink—and they never got drunk at sea—as
with it, which was never the case with the
set I got mixed up with in London.
"The man I liked hest of them was an old
salt of the name of John Rudd, who had a
small craft of his own, in which I have spent
many a rough night, far happier in my pea
jacket and sou'-wester than I should have
been dressed up in a white choker and a
stiff black coat, in one of those solemn draw
room-rootus into which my relations were
forever trying to drag me, and from which,
to their intense disgust, I used often to es
cape to a quiet pipe and glass of grog at old
John's cottage, when be was on shore,
"Sometimes, too, when he was at sea, for
he had a wife and daughter who always
gave me a hearty welcome, and who were
much pleasanter people to talk to than any
of the fine ladies I met out in society, in
whose presence I felt shy and awkward, and
afraid of saying something I ought not.—
Mary Rudd was always bright and cheerful,
and seemed glad to see me; and it is nice
somehow to see a pretty girl look pleased
when you come into the room. Not that I
got at all spooney, you know, not a bit of it;
I never even talked any nonsense to her, for
I always thought, in a vague way that if I
married at all, I mast, as smatter of ociarea,
choose a lady, but I did nut mean to marry;
and as for anything else, I would hare kick
ed myself if I had dreamed of such a thing.
flowerer, it seems that my relations took
their own view of the object of my vi=its to
the &lds, for one morning my uncle and
former guardian came into my room with an
extra grave face.
" 'Glad to see you,' said I; and that is
one of the nuisances of pulite society, one
has to lie so! 'What Mill you hare?'
"'Thank you,' said he, with the ,ort of
bow the Duke of York's Column would make
if introduced to the 'Victoria Tower. 'I have
not come here for the purpose of r artakhrg
of your hospitality, but to speak to you on a
a subject of serious - importance.'
" 'Halloo,' thought I, 'what is in the
wind now?' for I knew from experience
what all those fine words betokened.
" "Vhose nearest related m you in name
an& blood,' he went on, 'and' motet
ha upholding the 110[10r of the family, have
lately met together fpr the con-iderntion of
certain matters concerning yourself.'
" 'Very kind of them, I em
"'And they have requested me to convey
to you their earnest remonstrance audunani.
mous resolution. We are all grieved to see
that you retain your unfortunate Predilec
tion for low company. Now, Robert, how
is this? Have you not the blood of an old
family in your veins?'
"'Pet haps it is begining to run thick, like
a barrel of beer near the bottom,' I suggested.
"'Did you not receive a polite education?'
" '0 yes; I was kicked by the bays aho
were bigger than myself, and was just as
polite to those who were smaller.'
'"Did I not get you a emumission in n
crack regiment? and, in short, have we not
all done what we could to make a gentle
man of you?'
"'Certainly you have, end very much
obliged I am; but you see I am unfortunately
but a sow's ear, and article utterly unsuited
fur the manufacture of a silk purse.'
"'I fear you are right; but do not make
the task utterly hopeless by contracting this
low marriage.'
" 'What marriage?' cried I, in great aston
ishment,
"'The report has reached us that you are
about to take fur your wife a female of the
lower orders—a creature of the name of
Rudd, a fisherman's daughter; and lam
deputed to inform you that if you inflict
this last disgrace upon your family, we shall
feel it to be our duty to repudiate you alto
gether.'
"'Wait a bit,' said I; let me clearly un
derstand you. Do you mean to say that if
I marry Itudd's daughter none of you will
come near toe again?'
"'That is the decision we hare arrived at,'
he rei lied.
nut my cousins come and stay with
me as they hare done?'
•• •Certainly not.'
" 'Will no on ask tne out to dinner-par
tics?'
"jr%N balls, nor concerts?'
`As far ns we are concerned, you will be
debarred from all society.'
"'You would not rut the in the street?'
fear it w,n3hl be nor pai Ilryj an '3'
du erect that.'
'Then,' crio'l 11:1.• hsnlan the
" '111,14'
,I•, it!'
" What? Are yoni, Then, infatuated
ai4 to sire np all your family for the sake ot
this girl?'
"'lnfatuated! not a hit of it: the idea never
catered my t01,,d untill you put it there.—
Alony thanks for the hint, old gentleman:
I'll go and make her en offer at once!'
"And. so I did, and married her within
the in onth, and I have riot soon or. heard of
one of my relations since. It is delightful:
I Imre no one to hither toe, one I do just as
I like—Eli, what is it, .Jane?"
"If v'iu please, sir, wants to sryeak
to you."
"Eh? MI say lam corning. You 'Co."
ho aided, turning to me, "my wife i‘ a bit
jealous of this," and he tappo f the qpirit-ca.e
which stood on the table; "and though, of
course. I ern not ruled by her in any way,
yet still 1 t,,ink it better during the first
months of our marriage to let bed down
easy; but I see there is no use trying to
humbug you, you era in the same boat, poor
fellow!"
`Nesse, sir, missis says —"
coning immediately. Good-by, old
fellow; glad to have a chat with you iu this
way: but, I say, don't
[From T.ble Traiu
A Light Dinner for Two.
Many years ago, when railways were
things undreamt of, and when the journeys
from Oxford to the metropolis were inevita
bly performed on that goodly and pleasant
high road which is now dreary and forlorn,
a gentleman and his son, the latter newly
flushed with college fame and university
honors, rode forth over Magdalen Bridge
and the Cherwell, purposing to reach Lon•
den in a leisurely ride. A groom, their
only attendant, carrying their scanty bag•
gage with him on n good stout cob, had been
sent on in advance to order dinner at a well
known roadside hostelry, where Oxford nag.;
baited, and where their more adventurous
riders frequently caroused, out of reach of
any supervision by Principals or PraProc
tors.
$ Q . 41 1 1: ". b, ;i t : l / 4 11 1 / 4 1 1 / 4 :1 1.7
Pleasant is the spot, well approved by
past generations of Freshmen, picturesque
and charming to an eye content with rich
fields, luxuriant meadows, and pretty
streams, tributaries of the now adolescent
Thames, whose waters had not at that date
been polluted by barge or lighter at that
point of its course. The neighborhood is ,
famous for its plump larks; and whether in I
a savory pudding, swimming with beef-steak
gravy, or roasted, a round half-dozen togeth
er, on an Iron skewer or a tiny spit, those
little warblers furnished forth a pretty ad
junet on a well-spread table, tempting to an
appetite somewhat appeased by heavier and
more substantial vianthl. dine host at our
roadside quarters hod a cook who dressed
them to a nicity; contriving to produce or
develope a succulency and flavor which
meaner practitioners would scarcely have
deemed practicable. Now Martin, pursuant
to his troi-teC.s instructions for securing a
repast of duel:, :ql , l the dainty lark, finding
the landlord brought ( ~ Zt ef,ffil hi, shady
pareh.b3r the clatter of the horse's hoots en
the well-beaten , road, announced tho ap
proaching arrival, and ordered dirmer.
"illy master wishes to find a couple of
larks, and a dozen of ducks, well roasted, on
his arrival at four o'clock."
"Did 1 understand you rightly, young
man?" said• Buniface.
"Ol" said the varlet pettishly, "in Ox
ford no landlord needs twice telling;" and
betook himself to the stables, looking for
ward to the enjoyment of a tankard of good
house-brewed No—no brewer's iniquitous
mixture—and the opportunity of shining
with some lustre in the tap, or the kitchen,
before country bumpkins, eager to listen to
a man like himself, who had seen racing at
Newmarket and Doncaster, and high life at
Bath and Cheltenham. Meantime his mas
ters came leisurely along the road, nor
thought of applying a spur, until the craving
bowels of the younger hon:cman, w ho s e di
gestive organs were unimpaired by college
themes and examinations, suAgestel a Lick
of provender; and, their watches, when con
sulted. indicating the near approach of the
dinner hour, they broke off their chat, and
soon drew rein at their place of temporary
sojourn.
Finding the cloth laid, and the busy
waiter's preparations nearly complete, they
glanced with satisfaction to a table of some
what unnecessary dimensions, considering
the limited extent of the party, which our
young Ilellenist would hare described as a
"quality." Just as our travellers were grow
ing impatient, the landlord, having previous.
ly satisfied himself, by obsequious inquiry,
that his guests were quite ready, re-entered,
bearing a dish with a bright cover, and
heading as good a procession of amnesties,
t each similarly laden, as the limited ro
sources of his modest establishment admit
ted. The large number of dishes rather sur
prised the elder of the twain, whose mind
was less absorbed by the suggestions of ap
petite; and, having, dispatched the sole at
tmilant left fur a bottle of the best Madeira
the cellar could supply, and mk jug of that
malt liquor for which the house had obtain
ed some notoriety, he proceeded to look un
der the formidable range of corers. Seeing
under the first a couple of ducks, be :mid,
I"Conic, this is all right!" but finding the
nest, and the, next, and still the next, but a
repesiti,,n of the coml., either with or with
out the JroJ seasoning, In fairly stood
aghast, when six couple of goodly docks
stood retealed before biro. The young col-
legiarr's mirth was great, his laugh hearty,
at the climax of two pretty little chubby
I larks which closed the litre of dishes. Ap-
I de sauce and gravy, broccoli rind potatoes,
stood sentries, flanking the array. Upon
his ringing the bell with no gentle baud, the
huullord himself stepped in from the puts
sage, where be appeared to have awaited
surrior rm.: arid, in answer to a question the I
reader may easily anticipate, replied that
the sonata's order precise, and that it
was impariently epented ripen his own hes
itation in iterrept:rrg it. The respe,oability
of the laml/md, and the et ident truthfulness
lof his manner, stayed all fortiror questions.
But the elder gentleina.l said firmly that he
should not pay for what had been en absurd
11y provided, alleging tl.at no two, ur even
three, persons could t.o found who would do
'justice to such pros isirms. The landlord,
like Othello, "upon that hint spoke," for he
saw a faint chance of righting a somewhat
difficult matter.
"0, air," said he, "I think I could find a
man bard by who would not consider the
supplies too much for his own appetite."
"Produce him," said the guest, "and settle
the point; fur, if you du, I will settle the
whole."
The anxious landlord said no more; but
left in searclt of a neighboring cobbler,
whose prowess with the knife and fork was
pro-eminent in the vicinity. Meantime, our
hungry travellers sat down to dinner with
such good will, that each of them had dis
posed of one of the regiment; and in a joint
attack, a third fell mutilated, leaving but
fragmentary relics. A lark apiece was a
mere pi-it-deal joke; and cheese, with celery,
1
left nothing further wanting to appease
those cravings which had prompted them
. to
action. Whilo these little matters were m
progress, the landlord had found the shoe
maker, and told his story.
t•Wcll," said Lapstone, "this is plaguy
unlucky, for I've just had a gallon of broth!
Such a famous chance, too; for if there is
anything I auk particularly toad of, certain
ly duck is A weak point, sir!"
[WHOLE NUMBER 1,624.
Bonifnee, thinking it his only chaiiee,
urged him to try; and the man of bristles,
nothing loth. consented. On being duly in
troduced, orders were given for setting to on
the spot, to insure fair play, and defeat any
supplementary aid, ore deposit in any other
pocket, save that with which the savage in
a nude state finds himself provided—the
stomach. While the travellers sipped their
wine, and trifled with their dessert, the
voracious cobbler fell heartily to work on
the row of eight ducks before him—one
having been sent down fur the undeserving
groom, whose blunder had proved n godseratt
to the loan of leather. 'Wisely eschewing
vegetables, and eating scantily of bread, the
diejecte monbra of the doomed ducks rapidly
yielded up their savory integuments. llut -
flesh is weak, and cobblers' appetites are
not wholly unappeasable; so that while the
fifth victim wes under discussion, a stimti- •
last, in the shape of "n little brandy," wo
requested; and when the was but s;ow
ly and more slowly disappearing, poor
stone, who began to think further progrers
impossible, was seen whispering to the land- -
lord. The gentleman loudly demanded u hat;
the fellow was saying.
"Sir," said the landlord, promptly and
cunningly, "ho says he wishes there were a
half-dozen more, for he is just beginning to
enjoy them."
"Confound the rascal's gluttony," said
the travellers; "not a bit more shall he hare.
Put the remaining couple by fur our supper;
for we shall not /care your house till to
morrow;" an arrangement affording much
relief to the shoemaker, and entire satisfac
tion to the innkeeper.
She Will and She Wont
DUestieks seems to be resuscitate:
marriage, though too much di4posed
tate his mother-in-taw. Ho say.:
"One reason why it is dillienit to ;'.rase
women is that she seldom knows horse!"
what she wants. In most cases it is as hard
to satisfy a woman as it would he to content
a captain who should toll you to steer his
ship and wouldn't tell you whether he want
ed to go to Jersey or Japan. They wouldn't
be satisfied whatever you (b.
"Especially in the matter of war.
"Particularly in the matter ofthe present:
war. Your wife, or mother, or sister, or
whoever may lie the woman that owns you,
refuses to be content, no matter abut you do.
Ifyou dont join a military comp .ny, sha
sulks, insinuates you ore a coward, tiir:, ,
up her nose, and 'wishes she was a man.'
If you do join said company, sloe Rk:,1,11
about the expense, grumbles about the loss
of time, and growls whenever you go to
drill—though in spite of her growling, she
always saves the choisest part of the dinner
when you do come.
"Then she laughs nt you, and calls you,
a 'dressed up monkey,' the first time she
sees you in uniform; and then, as soon as
you are gone out of the house she rushes
over to Mrs. Jones to tell what a 'splendid
officer' her husband is, and how magnificent
he looks in his new military dress.
"Then if your regiment is ordered away,
and you insinuate that 'business affairs' will
keep you at home, all her fire is blazing in
an instant, and she upbraids you far 'back
ing out' at the critical moment, and insinua
tes that you aro e. `play-boy soldier,' and
then she wishes that she were a man—she•d
show folks how to tight. Then, when you
finally mak,' up your mind to g., to thr, , ~,,t,
of war, she bursts i til wet tears lis hicil spot
your new uniform and tarnish the gold iiten
i 1)n your sleeves), and thinks yt.m 'might to
I he ashamed to go iitraril loove your family.'
She seas she 'don't 1,01101 e you care a straw
; for your mire, or a cent for your Fcccot-eilit
dren;* she 'knows you would rather Le any
; where than nt home,' mid 'wishes she wet 0
a man, she'd tcacli the Pi ;.-ident. Letter than
to send men away feint their fam Mei.'
"Then, when the day comes fur you to
start, slic';vows that she will 'never speak to
i 3 ,00 ag a in Wpm persist in going.' Then,
when you take a paper out of your poel:.et,
and pretend to read a furlough frun tl,O
commandant, excusing you, and giving yort
leave to stay at borne; she throa a her apron
over her head, sits down an the fluor, 21.12,1
howls aloud, 'to think that she -Could have
a coward for a husband'—'that her husband
should be afraid to go to the wars.' And
j then, when you tell her that it's all a mis
, take, and that you are going after all, she
bowls louder than ever, because she 'knows
• you will be killed.' or she foils it in her
bones that you'll come home with two wood
en legs, and then huwean you take her to the
Academy on opera nights? Then she resorts
in turn to every one of the immense list of
female tactics to keep you at lionie—.4ie
wishes she was is man—she gets mad—sho
sulks—she threatens to go Inane to he:
mother—she coaxes—she 'won't eve.: live
with you another day'—sho scolds, she en
treats, and as a last resort, she faints—in
this ease sho always falls into your arms, if
you make an offer to cutcb her; if yon don't
offer. and it is early in the morning, and rho
hasn't made her bed yet, she'll falls on the
I bed; but if the bed is made up nicely, she'll
fall on the carpet so as not to muss the hod:
if the fainting dodge don't work. and you
still are resolved to go, she cows she•liatect
you and that shell never speak to you
' again,' and then, to prove the bitterness of
hor hate she pies off and packs your !Liter
-1 sack full of all the dainties stud delicacies of
the season; then, fitter all, at the very last
, moment, she comes and throws her arras
I around your neck. and whispers that she
loves you best of all in tan world,' and that
Ishe'll 'he such a good girl till you come back:
and that she'll *take such good oare of the
i children.' tied that 'you tonst'at fret about
her,' and that she'll write every blasted day,
and that you must write just as often csYetu
can. and that sbelovets you best, beer, beak,'
and a thousand little messages only for yoe,
but all kind and loving and all toll withoot
a tear, fur she doesn't cry now until you are
out of the house; and when you are' gone
sho veers like a shower bath for half an
hour, then suddenly stops short, wipes her
rye.., and doesn't waste another tear till she
sees you again. 2
'That's the way they all dn; and:talk d.
peacefully as
. you can, she is a'ver ttatiefied
in her heart tilt she um you. is =Ana