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.SAITITEL WEIGHT, Editor and Proprietor.
VOLUME XXX, NUMBER
PUBLISHED EVERY SATURDAY :HORNING
gince in Carpet Hall, YurlA-ve,ilcc; ncr of
Arrant and Locust slrccle.
-Terms of Subscription,
C a e Copy perannuma f paidin advance,
• •• •• It 1101 paid within three
.enonthsfromeommeneementoithe year, 200
4 Caxi.test a C , acip - sr.
No.tobseript 101 l received for a le— time than 'IK
.I.lonthn; 11111.1 no paper mil be di-continued until all
rrearnesare patctolaless at the optionollilC pub
t*lter.
irrAloneymaybe - calittedlo iuutl althepubli,"ll
cr , b risk.
Rates of Advertising.
mitunr c[6lines) one week,
three weeks. - -
each a tote(' ue 1111 nle rt ion, 10
[l2! ineq]one week JII
three wee.hq. it 00
t t e.Cl3.o..equenit ncertion.
Largesulirertisenient tin proportion
A. attend dieeciu nt wi 11 be made to (parte rly, ha If
sarly.ori,early ttlyertisemwho are EltiCll3Coldined
o their bu-mess.
DR. 110 P F
DENTIST. ---OFFICE, Front Slrect 4th door
rout Locust. over o..)lor cDot nud'4 I took store
Colambi , . Pa. ID Entrance, bet wee)* the Book and
IDr. Herr's Drug oture. (August 21. I 2.11 e
711051 AS 'WELSH',
TIISTICE OF THE PEACE, Columbia, Pa.
OFFICE, in Whipper's New Duilditt2, below
!Hack's Hotel, Frain street.
Ca - Prompt mammon given to ofl business entrusted
to his care.
November 2b, 18.57.
C. W. MIFFLIN,
DENTIST, Locust street, a few doors above
Inc Odd Hall, Columbia, Pa.
Columbia. May 3. 18311.
H. DI. NORTH,
A TTOUNEY AND COUNSELLOR AT LAU
Cl Columbia. Pa.
Col lectioa. rornptl y made In La ncastel and Vorl
sountieft.
Columbia. May 4,1850.
J. W. vistrEß,
Attorney and Counsellor at Law,
Col .mbiA, 72a.
Colurnim,:tNepirmb , r !I
HOTTENSTEIN. M. D.,
lIRGLIN IND PllrslCtlN, Columbia, Pa.
‘...; Office 111 We rooms labrlv occupied by Dr L
Fabert. :11,ny 14, 1,:.:9-11.
S. Atlee Beckins, D. D. S.
DRACTICE•4 Ihr ovr.iiive. r-ormeal and Mechma
t..M VAT:11'1111 , 111% ol hir 1,1 1.1 • y
Orrtca cocu-i "I reel. lief ewe II the Franklin liou- ,
and l'a“ Office. Columbia'. Pa
May 7 1-fiO
CHEWING TOBACCO.
T HENRY I' PA I I LEW-, I.oc 41. street. oppottite the
Franklin Ilou coo be hurl t.!1513..k LEA I% cON•
CREB., and ~.evvrul other brans + of the beet ch ew ,,,,
Tobacco, to which the attetroon of chewers is ins tied.
May I.
Al l'ol2Tl•:Dl,uhut ., , ulo, Giotto', Double Extract
.1 for the hontllrerethef, at
FIRY (at HEN , .
Orpn,,t, lintige. rto“.
Tell. ]9.'59
B—
___
ROOMS.---100 Du, Brooms, at Uitolesalr
or Delon. at El. PFAlll,l.:lt's3,
Dec 12 Irra I.oeu -I .oreet.
SINE'S Compound of Syrup of Tar, Wild
Chet ry ond Octal hound, (or the t roc t f Cr,u2,),
tkaa6, Whooptug Cough, Crotio.ar. .it
D1.:1.1.E71"S
Family Medicine Store, Odd Fellow.' [lull
October ^_3. 1,54,
Patent Steam Wash Batters.
T(II.:SE watt known Bo a re krvi
hand at II ENItY l'I , A111.11:1t 9,
I.oc u‘a .trrel. Opposite the
Colantimi, July IN, 1a37.
pals for sale by the bushel or larger gun
thy by 17. F. A 1•1•01.0,
Columba Dec '25. 1:,:58. Canal Bain
TOBACCO and Scgars of the best brands.
wholesale and retail, at
13111.7"CER'S'
JUST ill stare. ttir,lt lot of Dielimr, rraiitirld
culebratell Vegeto . .tle Cattle Powder and for Nal. by
it. NV t 1.1.1 A
Front street, Co:uolloa
Sept. 17, 11-59
Soap
Coxes of Duffer Brown Sop on hand and Rd'
(;)
ti sale ow at the cornet of Lord and Union Sts.
Augu , t. 6 ISO
Suffer no longer with Corns.
T the I.oidco Mortar Drug Store you can procure
AA WI article a limit In warranted to remove Corn, to
4 hours, without ',um or wrciteNs,
Fly Paper.
pupf . U . l F llT:riiele of Fly Paper, for the &tiro,
&c.,
Jet.: been 14•CeiVeJ tat the
Vrttg Store of
R IVILLIAMS, Front a trcet ,
Columbia, July 30,1919.
Harrison's Columbian Ink
1 1'1" nud ant corroding ithr,t.ieph,:,,.
quantity, at the Cannily :Wedwine there, and blacker
yet Is that gagn..ll tient Voloth.
Columbia. Jane 9, 14.59
Ifri3.WIN"4I.OIS":, syryp,
grem/y laminate Ibc piocesu of teething by re
d:lo(.ll:gatiamation..u;la)llllf pa •pa-modie action,
vcry.-I.on nine. For Ir.
It. \VILLIAVa`,
' , role .11001, Columbia.
Sept.ll, 1859
"REDDING & CO'S Russia Salve! This ex
tremely popular rro.nctly tor the cure of external
ailments a• nuts , ior hy
M. WILLIAMS. Front 61., Columbia
f ept. 21,
GRAIN GROWERS can carry oil their bust
!we.. 11111.1 •111 . 1 . ,..1111i1 li 11(1111111.1011. ire"
from frock Borne forty vittey.trtl. t•et oto the 1,1 , 1
.eoroo See tatlvertt.enietit of 11.Immonion La ads,
a not her column.
- p
ERSONS wonting change of climate for
henui, Sec lidVelll 4 elll,ll of ii/M111,1,10. r,
in anotln.r column y Y 1,5•0,n
cZALT by the Sark or Bushel, and Potatoes
11. large or •rnall ziliv amen-11cl'
of This(' and VIIIOII [Jou 8 VI
RA NUI PA NN I EXlrlie lb a lid Son everk.L.g
perfume. at (ARM' I:l;NN't 4 ,
Feb. W. %W. Opposite Cola. Bralge. Front
CISTERN PUMPS.
subscriber han a large .ilock of ("intern Pumps
JL and Raton, to Mlle!' lie calk the utteution of the
:politic. He in prop.ured to pot them up for tt , e lit mm
•lu b suottiol mod <intl.! riug /114.,111Cr.
PFAIILER,
Locll.l •trret
rpecember 12,0,57
FANCY TOILET SOAPS.
ifflllEfinedtlon.orno..in vf Fancy ToneL SOlpi, ever
.1.. faltered to Columbium., at
ItIIY,CRID:S'S,
, Deb 10, "50. Oppelite Cola, !fridge. Front
CTiVen G n' ; a 6 F. ‘ x ‘ ..lr A n T et t a :n to b r Y al l e e 1 1 :111 1 1:1k Ci e u r n e r l:n7 ro; I te
once or. pound, or 111 any.psnot.tyiaae -nil puee ßnes,„.bueer.
o
114 4.
alFeb 12.'50. 01 , 110 , 1 C Coln, rm.!
Just Received and For Sale,
Al libls. (:snood 1 1 1.1-n”, 1,0
2ut, Flour; 231.L1a. Nn. 1 Lard Oil of be-t
11011 bus. Ground Muni Salt. by
11 F. PrOLD.
No.l and:: Canal Itll.ol.
March 26, '59.
IMO'SCocoa Cooler o Celebrated Black and .Green Teas,
8 and Chocolat. , at f Third
and Utlloll Ptrcel.. 111ov :20. '5.4
,GRAIIAM, or, Bond's Boston V Crackers,
or for
oyapeptic•,llool ra.•ker, f 1 , 1-
valids and flit:died—new articles in Columbia, at
the Family Medicine Store.
April 16. tr3a9'
.---- •
Teas.
A FItESII supply of the selebralcd Tca• of Jon
co.. El,.laflelpllia (Or -ale I.
1.0 S., II E. I;IIUNER.
Aug 6, 't9 Coiner of Third oral
EnTh is.
California
DT DATA, TATLOIC.
Oh, fair going laud, the youngest, Intrust far
CM]
Of which the world can boast,
.V . 11050 gnartJinn planet, evening's silver star,
11:nines thy golden coast!
How art thou conquered. framed la all the pride
Of auvitge beauty t•till:
Ilow brought, oh, panther of the ftplendld hide,
To htiow thy Nia,terti
SD 3
No more thou sitiect on thy tuwny
In indolent repOw;
pOtlr't the cry alai of a thou.,nml fills
Down from thy hoit•e of snowt•s.'
But where the wild oats wrapped thy knee , In gold.
'rhe ploughmen! drives his share,
And whele.through conons deep, thy streams are rolled,
The miners arm is bare!
Yet in thy tup,thus rudely tent and torn,
A nnttler -erd shall he;
Mother of mighis Inea, thou shun not mourn
Thy lost viretnny !
Thy human children restore the grace
Gone wII h thy f i ien lute.;
The scald. harbor,. beauty of 111 t face
Shall round to elos.dc Tiara.
And Order, Justice. Social Law shall curb
Thy Ullt3ltled enercie•iJ
And Art and Science•, with their dreams superb,
11E01= thou• unmet ease.
l'he marble. sleeping in thy rnouninins now,
Shall live in scalp urea rare;
Thy native oak shall crown the sage's brow—
Thy 1.,,y the re:n Cs hair.
thy tziwity bill: -hall bb rd their purple tame,
Thy yteld their. 00;
And Vo=w, with he: , loqurttce (brine,
Per•uude thy son , to tail.
Iltamer, us he trims Ins beum,
No happier lend Omit e.
And liarm slain trod her 4.1 d Ari uttiun dream
Restored ngulu in thee'
gtirttiDites'.
All about a Coin
[CORRERPONDEXC'E or TIM' T.
Co 3131ER,E:i j"Crn="l. OF
You publit•li this morning an article im
cuins and coin collecting. I am given to
the love of curiotn, coins to 3 self, and noth
ing tempts me farther than the prospect of
nlding one to my cabinet, especially no
Ainericati coin, a pine tree shilling, Gratih3
copper, ur other memorial of our own coun
try. It was such a prospect that led ate out
of my way on the h oneward trip from the
White nnuitains to a quiet village, the lo
cality whereof I need u t mention with pre
cision. My ft lend, the village doctor, wrote
me long ago that if I would come and t•ec
him, he would give me a quart measure full
of coppers about which he knew nothing,
hut which some one had pronounced valua
ble, Su I went, and he gave . me the cop
pers, and some or :am were rare and curi
ous, and were valuable additions to my col
lection.
We were sitting, in the evening, before a
blazing lire; though it was but the first
of September, it was nevertheless very cold,
when the Doctor took from his medicine cab
inet a little case, and front the case a sm.dl
gold coin.
"What would you give to add that coin
to your collection?"
I examined it. It was but a common
gold half eagle, of not very early date, and
I tossed it back to him with a mile.
"You don't value it?"
"Five dollars," I replied.
you coin collectors have an idea that
your coins are-valuable because they are
rare. If a die break in the Mint when
only a proof coin has been Struck, that coin
forthwith becomes pricelcz-s. But my
friend, it is possible that coins may be as
valuable fur private associations, as fur pub
lic historical reasons. I have sometimes
thought of making a collectiun of coins by
taking one out of every fee I get that is
specially worth remembering. Then 1
would catalogue them thus: 'Dead,' saved,'
'lunatic,' or with some word to remind one
of the story that bangs by them. But that
coin yonder shall ho the crown piece of the
collection."
And then the doctor told mo a story.—
But to appreciate it, you should have seen
us, the group of listeners, and you should
have, too, the twinkle of my friend's eye
now and thea, by way of gesture. Fur he
smoked his pipe as he talked, and did not
louse hand or foot; only lips and eyes.
"That coin was a fee I once gut for n
winter night's service to an old man. It
was nearly midnight. The night was furi
ous; blustering aluud, and cold as the ther
mometer could allow it. That is, the mer
cury was in the bulb, and as my instrument
only measured twenty below zero, I cannot
guess how much below that it was. These
winter nights of ours aro arctic sometimes.
I was in bed. Thanks to a hard day's work,
I had dosed every one of my patients studs
factorily before the cold gray Sunset, and
had passed the evening cozily by the
side of my candle in front of a roaring fire.
"I had drawn my bed out from the cor
ner into the very middle of the room;
heaped on a pile of logs that sent their
blaze flashing up the chimney, stowed away
myself under the covers, opened the last
number of the Edinburgh, and relapsed into
a condition of perfect calm.
"now tine wind roared outside; laughing.
.housing, shrieking around the corners of
the house, dashing itself like a thousand of
—bays—through the branches of tine trees,
raping the limbs against the claphoarding
of the h..use, as if kome one were sawing
pine boards for kindling wood; in short. ut
teringall those sounds that a winter storm
"NO ENTERTAINMENT IS SO CHEAP AS READING, NOR ANY PLEASURE SO LASTING."
COLUMBIA, PENNSYLVANIA, SATURDAY MORNING-, DECEMBER 17, 1859.
utters in the up country, and which are
musical and melancholy, cheerful or dismal,
precisely as the tone of the listeners mind
may be.
"Scarcely had I read ten lines, when a
thundering rap shook the house.
"Query; shall I be at home—or away?—
Shall Ibe in, or out? Answer: lam out
visiting a patient across the hill; not coming
home till to-morrow. I'll try it, at all
events. And thinking thus, I ldew out the
candle and listened. Blowing out the can
dle was not of much use when such a blaze
was on the hearth. I think there was more
light after I bed put it out. And the next
instant I beaud under toy window a voice
that was exceedingly thrilling,
" 'Doctor, Doctor—oh, Dr. Strong, do
wake up.
"Very simple words, but very thrilling. I
say. She—it was a woman's voice—must
have come in at the gate, climbed once at
the side of the house, and braved the ter
rors of my dog Cicero, an eloquent dog in
good weather, and a profound coward too—
hence his name; I say she had dime all this
to get under toy uindoty.
“I sprang to the en•enlent. I did not
know the toice, too trl.. cnuid resist IL Wo
man's appeal in such eircumstanceq All
the sashes were fattened down and ~,tuff..d
with cotton. I could see no one, ;
my face cht-sely as I could 11, , nin•t the Om , .
So I shouted, "wait a moment," and, plun
ing into a pair of pantaloons, I opened the
door of my room.
'•The air of the passage near] r knocked
mite down. It was terrible to a man in a
thin shirt and a pair of trousers. But
I went down in the dark, and opened the
back door.
"There was a faint misty rn,sallight nver
,veryilling. The sun:A- stnria lca. , ; nearly
osor. The 01:1 'in.') was tin .aigh
,Iriving clouds, and iy it.: light I saw lying
nn my doer step a taationless farm.
•'She had Callea there, exhausted. It was
the work of an itistart to seize and lift her,
and carry her up stairs to my warm room,
chafe her hands and her face with some
whisky, (I had it remarkably convenient)
and with sundry similar applia :lee.; vocal/
the spirit to o•haL scented at first a marble
statue.
"I w•as a bachelor of thirty-eight—but no
one in town knew that. I passed always
f;.r a widower. My- house was large and
roomy, but I occupied it alone, with only an
old black man and his wife fir servants and
housekeepers. They were bah deaf, and
if the trumpet of the angel. wakes them
when the day of rising comes, it will do
more than 1 was ever able to do with a
conch shell before five in the morning.
"I hiked in some perplexity at my pa
tient. She was very pretty. She was more
than that—she was magnificent. I had
read of beautiful women—l had seen beau
tiful women. If I was a country doctor, I
had been about the world a little, and
once danced in the Pitti Palace with a Grand
Duchess for a partner. That is not saying
much, to any one that knows the freedom
of the Court of Tuscany, but it sometimes
told well in my country practice.
"But I had never seen anything like this.
She was a tall, fine'y formed person, look
ing now as if twenty-four or five, bat when
she had partly recovered. evidently not
above twenty. She had suborn hair—per
haps you would call it red. It was in
heavy masses, gathered back from her fore
head. She was perhaps a little larger in
farm than was necessary to the perfect out
line of beauty, but that was not to be no
ticed when she stood up and Walked.
"After a little I restored her. When the
blood catne tingling It, her cheeks and neck
rind finger ends, she was superb. She rose,
looked about her astonished, ns well she
might be, to find herself where she was, and
fir an instant she seemed confused and over
cern°. She staggered to a seat, but brush
' ing her small hand across her face, as if to
sneep away some mist, she appeared to see
through it all in an instant.
"'You are Doetor Strong?'
; "'I am that person. madam, and trust I
can be of service to you.'
"'I believe I fainted on your step.—
I remember calling to you, and then
sinkine; down. Pardon me—it is e) strange
dent I scarcely yet recall my errand. It is
a terrible night, but yen most go with are
Doctor. My father is very ill, and I c tine
for you myself. We must be iu haste; have
I been lune. here?'
"Not five minutes—but will you tell me
while I throw on some clothes—who is tour
father, and who—'
" 'Who am I. lam a queer messenger,
you think, at midnight, for the ;Doctor. My
poor horse must be nearly frozen. I will go
down and look after him, while you get
ready—no—do not be troubled about me—
lam perfectly strong now. I did not faint
from weakness. It is a fault, a failing, a
disease I have. I am well now—only has
ten, doctor—hasten.'
"In three minutes I found her at the door
in her cutter, and we drove off over the
white road, plunging through drifts, dash
ing down hill and up, like the very wind
that wits behind us.
"When we were fairly qtarted. I began
to question her and now learned who the
w as. For it was strange that any one with
in my beat should be unknown to me,
pecially any one like this beautiful creature
oh; was ten miles to her home. Old Doc-
tor P.. who killed the pe,ple in ►hat neigh
borhood with ineredtbl. doses of eabenel, I
had taken a..twenty grain dose himself, and
Was paSt the help of any one but the sexton.
Hence it became necessary to cell me in
any important case occurring thereabouts,
since I was the nearest physician.
"Miss Duncan was the daughter of an
old Scotch farmer, an elder in the Presby
terian church just one mile farther on. Ile
was a man of whom I had heard, but whom
I h.id never seen. His family I knew noth
ing of. I now learned that he had hut one
daughter, who, with the 'ciliate servants,
formed the entire household. Ile had been
ill for mune time, but was suddenly worse,
and she had come for me, alone at midnight,
driving her horse over the wildest part of the
country.
"I will not pause new to relate the sub
ject of our conversation on the way over.—
I have said I was. a bachelor. I think that
up to that time I had loved but three wo
men. One was older than 1, and married
before I was of age. The nest was a child
who never grew old enough to love me, and
the next—but never mind that.
"My companion was not only beautiful.
I learned very shortly that she was well ed
ucated, a tine scholar, that site had traveled,
had read Winch, fln.l was an accomplished
woman. The charm of all she said, was
indescribable. It was no place for senti
meta, that sleigh in the tempestuous ni 4 lit,
but before I reached the old Elder's house,
it was a fixed fact—l lured fur the fourth
mid the last time.
"You think I speak in a triflins , tone. I
knen there is not the app:Parance of sincer
ity in what I say. I know as well t hat I
ant serious when 1 say that I loved Jane
Duncan that night before I reached her
father's house. 1 will be more serious here
after, ler I ant now to relate a serious fact
in my life.
"It was a dimly- lighted room in which
the gaunt old man lay. As I entered it,
there was a sickening odor of medicines,
which contrasted so foreibly with the cold
clear air without that I was at first over
'powered. Miss Duncan hastened to his
side, before I was fairly in the room, and
. asked in a low voice if he was any worse.
''Nay, nay, child—no w o r se, if G o d
please, but nearer rest—nearer home—near
er her—come in, Doctor. It was a wild
whim of this dear child to seek you this
bitter night. I would have forbidden it,
but who could forbid the longing of a young
heart like hers, loving her father as .he
loves me. I think yuu will hardly do me
any good. reel nty wrist a little while,
and see if you think you can bring back
blond to this feeble heart.' ,
"His pulse was fearfully low. I was only
astonished at the strength of voice he had.
It was vain to prescribe for him. I could
only recommend sthnulants, but these he
refused,
"I watched him till morning, and as day
broke in the east I raw that the hour of his
change was urns ing.
"'Lift me up and let me look at the sun
rise over the fields.'
"We lifted him, plaeing pillows around ,
to support the thin, tall frame, Just oppo
sit the bed was a window looking out ott the I
farm be had tilled fur fifty years, and be- '
youd it, over the forest against the gray sky
now clear and calm, was the spire of the
church that stood in the graveyard. I have
often driven by that field of little hills, and
wondered whether I knew any who were in
' the dust there.
"'Jane, my child, your mother lies yon
der. where the sun will rise directly. In
the long years of my after life I have seen
the day come up above her grave every
morning, lying here, and tilf San-Jaye I have
watched here till the sun rose, and thought
never with pain of this hour. lam content
and glad, very glad, my dear child.'
"Thy daughter sat on the side of the bed,
with the old man's hand in her own, not
sobbing, nor weeping, but calm, serene;
angel-like in her face and firmness of soul.
I stood a little way oft, watching them.
"'Dear little Jennie, my snow-bird, as I
call her, born in December. You were a
snow-bird last night; (looter, I thank you
sincerely, I think I am nut going to last
very long.'
"He became more pale, and sank back
suddenly on the pillows. Jane sprang to
her feet and leaned over hint. A smile
',None over his countenance as he caught her
gaze fixed earnestly ou his, and then he
whispered, ' Read to me, child, read thy
mother's psalm'
"She read the Io4th Psalm. As she
Caine to the last verse the sun came up
above the hills. The first rays touched the
ferehead of the Old Elder. lie smiledagain,
repeated aloud, 'Bless thou the Lord, oh
my soul,' a sharp, swift pang crossed his
countenance, his hands were clasped, his
lips moved an instant, and then tho old
man had gone to his old wife in the land
were martyrs and saints abide in serene
glory.
"Three months passed swiftly after this
occurance. You may be well assured I did
not let them go without visiting the farm of
Elder Duncan occasionally. The march
winds were cold and harsh that year. I drove
not one night toward the end of the
month. It was blowing a gale, hut I had a
warm hearth before me, and I let the horses
hare their way.
"When f passed down the lane, darkness
hod come on. But we,thc horse; and I, knew
the way well, nod we did nut hold np.
lon't know to this day precisely how it hap
poned,but,instead of fiuding myself dismoun-
tirq-, at the door, I woke in a large room that
I had never before seen, and found myself
Covered with blood, clothes nearly all taken
off, my arm and two ribs broken, and Jane
Duncan, pule as a ghost, standing over me.
"They had brought me into the first room,
which was hers, and there I lay a week be
fore I could stir. How I studied that room,
tracing her graceful thoughts in all its
adornments. 'What delicious dreams I found
clustering in the folds of the curtains'.—
What eyes of angels looked on me from the
ceiling! What starlight that was which stole
in at the window, and shrank back startled
and frightened when it found that her pu
rity was not there, and only a rude villne
doctor, moaning on the bed of his discontent.
No, I will not say that. I was content; I
would have been content to stay there fur-
ISEES
But, one evening r said to her that I was
ashamed to be so long occupying her room,
and keeping her out of it, and that next day
I would get away, mid back to my own
place.
"What, to that large, dismal, dreary room
of yours?" said she.
•"Ali, you have seen it, haven't you?' I
said and then,with a sudden thought, I asked
her to go hark there with me; and she went:
and yonder she sits laughing at you: and
that's all the story."
"But the fee, doctor—the coin?"
•'Oll, that wag a notion she had from het
fathei's old-country habits, that the dueler's
tee should lie paid on each visit. She gave
it to toe the inoining, he died. I wish azure
of my patients had tile same notion. But
I couldn't spend that coin. Don't you
wish you had it in your cabinet?"
No, I did not. For any coin that hail a
voice anti could tell its story would become
famous. What joy and sorrow, glory and
infamy, had thehalf eagle been the price
of before the Doctor took itl
How to Catch Him or Her
A cast number of aggravating, questions
are to be met with in the columns of our
daily and weekly newspaper; but of all the
printed provocations know, the inquiry,
"Are you thinking of getting . married?" is
the most so. Why unoffending bachelor's
should be unceremoniously hauled up by an
entire stranger, and questioned respecting
their "intentions," or bashful spinsters re
quested to declare the secrets of the heart,
1 know not. But so it is, and persons in
terested in the disposal of upholstery to
young housekeepers are permitted to outrage
the tendere.t feelings without ever being ex
pected to blush at their own impudence.
Still, if there is the power to wound by
advcrti.ement, there is also a healing balm
to be obtained from the saute source, as
witr.ess the mowing:
"To >he trimzezrriel: If you wish to marry
send a stamped, addressed envelope to the
adcerti•er, who will put you iu possession
of a secret by means of which you may win
the affections of as many of the opposite sea
as your heart may de , ire. This is suitable
fir wither sex, for the old or young. rich or
par, of unprepossr•sing appe.tra nee, or oth
erwi•e. Addreqs Mr. Wright, Clayton
street. We.,t. \owea•tle-on-Trne."
Every day did this adverti , ement stale
me in the face when I opened the Staiidanl;
and if, in place of that organ, I iuvested my
daily penny in the Tekiraph, the same
words, bat with a different address append
ed thereto, were equally conspicuous.
Now I seas thinking- of getting married,
and I did wish to marry; but, unfortunately;
Clara Maria, to whom I had been for some
time engaged, didn't. I dare say she was
thinking- about it; but she was in no hurry,
and having hooked her fish, preferred play
ing with the same before finally landing it.
In the meanwhile, my feelings might be fit
tingly compared with those of the angler's
finny prize, fur whom, struggle as he may,
there is no escape. Thus situated, it may
easily be supposed that the above quoted
advertisement possessed a peculiar fascina
tion for me, and that I longed to know the
secret which would render me quite irre
sistible.
All my efforts to shake of the :nfluence of
this mysterious announcement proved inef
fectual; and at length, unable longer to con
tend against it, I sent stamped, addressed
envelopes to both the advertisers, and await
ed the result of my applications with in
tense anxiety, qualified by exultation at the
thought of my approaching triumph over
the self-willed arbitres of my ddstiny. And
there was another feeling in my breast,
namely, a desire to revenge myself on the
young woman who thus trifled with her af
fianced husband by postponing, indefinitely,
the fulfilment of her pledge. I might, per
haps, in the plenitude of my power over fe
male hearts—but it is not well to tell too
much, and I will only intimate "Our Squ , re"
has an only daughter, fair and young, and
that my worst enemy must acknowledge that t
lam "good-looking." Possessed of youth, '
good looks, and that were!, what might not
be effected?
By return, I received back ins two enve
lope,,, eac h o f which contained a circular.—
That from J. C. C.—, Stoke, Newington,
London, contained only the italicizal words
more than that of th.. Seweastle ontleman,
and his charge was two and-sixpence. In
other respoets, they both ran as follows:
To the Unmarried 6 - Both Svres: You
are alre-tdy aware, through the tnedium of !
the public pre 9., that 1 am prepared to im- ,
part a secret of the gre,atest importance to
you, by the posseaeion of which secret you
81,50 PER YEAR. IN ADVANCE; f . :12,00, IP NOT IN ADVANCE
will he enabled to obtain the only true hap
piness in life, viz: that of the married state:
and which is the gruod aim and duty of
every human being to enter into.
"Before proceeding any further, I must
state that I hr.-.-a eonnt.ction with any
person advertising, nor do I know anything
of any matrimonial office or association.
"The plan I propose you should act uron
is my own idea, and it is a plan by which
thousands may obtain that happiness which
they base hitherto sighed f,r in vain. 1
now beg to inform you that it is in toy pow
er to put you iu possession of a secret, by
means of o Nell any person, whether old or
young, rich or poor, of unprepossessing up
pearance or otherwise, may gain the affec
tions of as many of the opposite sex as their
hearts can desire; :yid not only do I under
take that you shall be enabled to enter into
is matrimonial engagement, through my
means, but I also promise that should you
act upon the instructions that I ant redt‘ .
forward the marriage will taro out a i.at•i •
one: for, in addition to the secret I It,
named above, I will send you full part:o--
lay.; of the only way of ir-certain ing a pet -
sou ' s true character and dispositioa. t,e , e
secrete, once known, can be acted up ,n Lt
a per-on of the dullest understlnding; there
i s n u t th i n sli g htest possible chance of di;-
covery, and failure is impossible, The plan
is original and can be ollaired fi we »lc only,
and front no other per.lnn.
“Thme persons Ns bo apply to the for the
above information may rely upon the GU;, t
est seere-y being pre=en cd, and I flatter
myself that in each person who receives toy
Ilan I shall gain a friend.
"I have decided on making my charge for
the above important secrets so low its to al
low of all classes availing themselves of
hem. Therefore, on receipt of two bid]•
lingo and sixpence, (which may be remitted
in postage stamps,) and a stamped, addressed
envelope, I shafl be happy to forward them
to you.
"Many per, , ons will, perhaps, disbelieve
what I have stated:and put me down as an
adventurer speculating on the credulity of
the public. This can hardly be wondered
at, considering the numerous schemes that
arc gut up fur the purpose of fleecing the
unwary; but I beg to state that classing me
among persons guilty of such conduct, w dl
be doing me a great injustice, fur what I
have promised I am ready to perform to the
very letter.
"Should you have confidence enough in
my honor to apply for any information. you
may rely on receiving it by return of po-t.
"NV ith best wishes fur your welfate, I am
faithfully yours, &e."
I turned from one circular to the other,
like that animal which, relishing a di ,,, ert
of thistles, is unable to choose between two
.riecituotii of that favorite dainty. Ac thieve
said circulars, which I hod parched by
the expenditure of two swims apiece,
lif
fered only in it few word., and even the type
of both were exactly the same, I thought i ,
just poscilde the "fin tiler ixfornmtion"
might tally in litre nmonem so E resolved to
select the cheaper, and accordingly sent
twenty-four postage stamps to Mr. J. Wright.
moreover reflected that the possesnimt of
one such ail-powerful secret would he suffis
cient for my purpose.
It did not come by return, though. In
fact, three days passed before it arrived, and
in the meanwhile nn event occurred which
rendered the information useless, so far as
was concerned. Whether I had been so far
I affected by the prospect of posse.-ing un
limitedpowers of captivation that I had be
came unusually independent in manner, I
know not. But this I do know that Clara
Maria was graciously- pleased, after a mere
hint on my part, to name an early day for
our wedding. She is now Mrs. John Walk
;
er, and, I am proud to say, conducts herself
so much to nay satisfaction, in her new p,l
- that I can pass the Squire's daughter
'without tine shadow of a shade of regret.
i But I 'flatter myself Ido not resemble
; that celebrated dog in the manger, familiar
I ; to readers of Cantos. On the contrary, lam
; willing to bestow the valuable "secret,"
I which I have bought and paid fur, on all
bachelors and spinsters who may chomne to
avail therselves of it. Still, I should like
everybody to try and guess my secret—to
pause, having read so far, and allow the
mind free scope for a few moment., in order
; to conjure up visions of cabalistic mysteries.
lof wondrous charms written on parchment,
and in unsightly hieroglyphics, to be worn
; round the neck or otherwise suspended, as
Ithe migician who penned the same should
direct. / guessed a thousand things, and I
; resolved that if the secret should come in
the shape of a lore-philtre, I would try it on
old Jowler, the house; dog, to make sure of
its being harmless, before administering any
to a human creature. My guesses were,
however, all futile. Old Jowler's digestive
organs have suffered no disturbance through
any experiment of mine, and the honest
beast basks in the sunshine, and snarls at
the passers-by as usual.
The wonderful "secret" arrived in the
shape of a pamphlet of—including preface,
title-page, and the reverse of these, which
were blank—twenty-four pages. The bro
chure, with its envelope, weighed rather less
than half an ounce, and was entitled "Mat
rimony Made Easy; or, How to Wrin a Lover."
In Two Parts."
To judge from the, title, thought I, this
little book will supply a want in litrratare.
A dramatist has already told. us "LiaW to
Keep liice;" the author of this instructs us
[WIIOLL NITHBER
huw to cafe; him. Tie thing is therefore
eualp:Cte
The preface is a gem in its way, and is
thus worded:
"My ellief design in this publication is to
make myself useful, and I am fully aware
that if my advice is followed, my aim will
be fulfilled.
"This pubhcativu, however trivial it may
he in buik, has cost-me much htud y , labor
.uul persohal espericnca. As I ha: e nut ad
vanced a sintle proposition but .1:o,!/ as is
foun , le , l Nvhich hts
I, ':!ort Nvc , ll allalyze.l 1 , 'ige-te Lc :June:-
niu:e•— , :., 1 Lane b en to
Lvoid i:Att.tt
natuve.
duly appreeititeJ, I remain ,eadorl.: , du
ruted t•errn:u
Prib:l))lv the "renter's tlev , )ted servant"
1.4 felolut !h t' his book, if 5:,1,1 for the
1 1 : . , ,11 T. ,lri sacra lir price—
u; e
roe% are a!lt tj Cflitle
LS
ht" (IP CD
' I n:!1 t,, or..tthe tirQt.
Es-u, t - nn% cominencos,
;or ho re:noo;7,ers , p6te. ,?qpn-tt:
"Mr. W, hissing. undertaken the re-ponsi
, Lk duty of acting as ad, iser to those per
song wishing to marry, will con
addressing himself to his fair friend.
''ln the fir-t place," he say., "having
made rap your mind as to the man you
would like for your husband, you must gain
his good opinion. This is very easily done,
[mush more ca , ,ily said, Mr. W.] for in en
tering into conversation with him, you must
lead hint to speak of his tastes and his pur
-1 suits, and appear deeply iuterested in what
he tells you; allow him to talk as long as he
thinks proper, occasionally giving him your
own ideas on the subject, which must, if
possible, tally with his. Should he be at
all bashful, you must endeavor to draw bins
out, [suppose the lady should be bashful,
too?] and, having already discovered his fa
vorite pursuits, must converse about them
as much as possible, and encourage him to
do so also. You can then ask his opinion of
anything you may happen to think of, and
lay great attention to his reply. Should
his on the subject meet yours, you
will, of course, take care to let him know it;
should they not do so, you can give your
reasons for disagreeing with him. This
will lead to a pleasant discussion, and it
mdters not who has the hest of the argu
ment in the end."
rr, , m my awn l er•nnal experience I consid
er the di4eu, , ion which Mr. W. recommen,l4
shnnl.l net he lightly entered upon. It is,
t) my notion, very much like the ice marked
and, num humane motives, I
In; to 2:1J;.;oz:t that this of breaking
it, in c,,urtship, filer:ts a similar title. In
fit there i; much of the author's counsel(
which I regret to state that I am quite unn
blo to emlurse. F,,r instance, he tells hia
I .... !ter r.TaN. - -n, — Now,
where can be the use of advising those
charmingly /T.-rational beings to reranLa
what nature has rendered impossiLlei
These is cortal..ly u!..di•gi,.. in that part
of the a bo ve (imitation which advises the
lady to net the good listener; but then, think
of the difilonit task it imposes! Fancy, if
ym can, a lady 1 atiently permitting a gen
tleman to talk as long as he thinks proper!
is there not a tinge of hypocrisy in
the counsel, "to appear deeply interested"
in a I yarn, of which, perhaps,
vii are II nuiteralTly weary? Dot to our
ntutt•mq:"—
"At f.!‘ery Meeting 301.1t111.1 , :t Crit - lun.YOr ti
stg:tert.nin whi:t let been doing sinco you
la t rate him."
Now I strton.,:ly su.pectt that stwh ques
t:oning n•.nt'.d I.e, to c is the Inas% ttnpalatn-
blO, nr t I niontims itruwrt;lo
I,!ret to
LCinF pnt ihr , »gb , ne‘e, in this
and fl•r inact with a re
buff, for n Hot] k. or zulth , r has forgotten to
propare her.
: t rr , , , 11:!t2 tho
"Sh 0,11 he hove anything you do
not .ti,prere, of, candidly tell hint so. gi%ing
a good. rear , u for your tlisappr,,cal."
Suppsse, for instance, that the gentleman
Sou torte mide yyur mind to have, br;
escorted Miss 13rown to the theatre, and you,
Miss June=. disapprove of that mark of at
tention, thinking it may interfere frith your
partieuhir tietrs, would it be nthisr.ble to
tell him so?
"If possible, lead him to speak of his
fa•oily; in future meetings, inquire after
them; you moist suit your tastes to his, talk
I about eo crything tic likes to talk about, nod
!avol , l everything lie avoids. always appear
cheerful and happy in his presence; speak
well of every one, above all things never
speak ill-natured of a female friend. You
must always be devoted and affectionate
towards your own family, and neat in your
dress; never allow au improper word to be
spoken in your presence, &e. Act thus; and
a proposal of marriage will be the result."
This certainly sounds very orthodox and
proper, but will hardly bear looking into.—
To tell a young woman to seem cheerful.
whatever she may feel—to be devoted, af
fectionate nod neat, for the sake of getting
a husband--is very much like bidding her
act a lie, and she will have a reward for so
doing-
In Mr. 1,17.'q adric to toe lords of the era•
.bor n a irnilar cour,e of conduct is rec'•
ommende 1, with such nditicn• se the cre•
10A-ing;
INT
' J.
:z2nti;:n,
SRI
EN