®l)e American Volunteer.
PUBLISHED EVERT THURSDAY MORNING
' BRATTON 'to KENNEDY.
office-south market square,
«mb—Two Dollars per year If paid strlotiy
vane©: Two Dollars and Fifty Cents If paid
“fhlntbreo months • after which Three Dollars
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t l,° o option of the Editors.
IpotticaL
WOMAN’S LAUBH.
BY GEORGE ADAMS.
I've pondered over every sonnd,
Whose echoes thrill the soul, -
l»vo searched those melodies profound
Whose numbers round me roll;
But sought in vain the raaglo spell,
“Whloh'bldS'cach car© depart, • -
When ripples from fair woman’s lips
The Joy which fills her heart.
There’s music In the summer breeze
And the glad water’s flow,
I hoar amid the forest leaves
An anthem, soft and low;
Bat when from woman’s ruby lips
Is borne npon the air
lior overflow of happiness,
She reigns unrivaled there.
The ocean’s wild, majestic tone
Resouhds from clime to.ollme.
The noble organ fills the soul
With harmony sublime;
But these must ever yield the palm
When woman’s heart sets free
From love*llt eyes and teeth of pearl
A flood of ecstasy.
That laugh can guide >vlth Joy tho clouds
Of sorrow, tollaud'lpaln j
• Can cause ttib deserts of the heart
To blossom o’er again; '
Can melt the fetters of the world-
Its coldness and itsprldo ;
Can lift the veil from fortune’s face, .
And cost her frowns aside.
Therlnglug laugh the echoes wake
O'er earth, and sea, and land ;
It links the mingled sons of time
With angels voices fair;
Call this no more “ a vale of tears,”
, With gushes, fall and free,
From woman’s lips, and eyes, and soul,
That heaven-born melody.
IPMarats.
CURINQ A MIHURITE.
11 Dear, dear I no toast—eggs boiled as
hard as brickbats, and the coffee stone
cold I”
And Mr; Peters rose from the table in a
temper by no means amiable,, and,rang
tbebell violently. There was no answer.,
He rang again, a third and a fourth time,
when he went to the door and called,
“Maria, Marla ?’’
A slight, pretty little woman, dressed
in a soiled, rumpled wrapper, with hair
In a state of direful confusion answered ,
his summons. ■ i
She had one of those bright faces which
nature intended should be decked with''
continual smiles; hut now all Its rose in
bloom,’ it was drawn to its full length,
and the large blue eyes had a serious or
rather doleful expression, totally at varl-i
ance with "their usual joyous look. Her
voice, too, had lost its melodious, ringing
sound, and was subdued to a dismal
whine. ,
“ What Is it, Joseph ?”
1 Where’s Bridget?’ /
• Gone out for me. I want more white
ribbon for my ascension robe,’
Mr. Peters said a very naughty word
and then‘continued:
1 Cold coffee, hard eggs, breakfast not
fit to eat.’
‘I wishwhined his wife, ‘you would
think leas of temporal and turn your at
tention to the great end of life.’
‘ Hang it, madam, I like to enjoy mj
life when I have It. Here was X the
happiest man in the United States with
a pleasant home, a chatty, cheerful, lov
ing wife, and loving children; and now,
since you have joined the Milierites,
what am I ?’
‘Ob, Joseph, if you would only come
into that blessed circle.’
‘Oh, Maria, If you would only come
out of it. Where! afe the boys ?'
‘ I’m sure I don’t know,’
‘Are they going to ecbool to-day ?’
‘ No, dear Joseph,'
• For what reason, Madam?’
‘My dear! the teacher has given up the.
school and is turning her attention to'
more exalted objects. Oh, Joseph, turn|
now, while there’s time. You have still!
a week, for preparation and repentance.’ ’
•Repentancel Well, when I take up
the subject ft will take more than a week
to put It through.’
And Mr. Peters put on his coat and
took up his bat,
‘ Joseph,' said his wife, ‘ you need not'
send home any dinner. I shall be out.
and I’ll take the boys over to their
uncle’s to dinner.’
Joe. made no answer, except the em
phatic manner in whioh he closed the
door, was one. Muttering with his
anger, he strode into a restaurant to
make a breakfast- Here he was hailed
by one of his friends, Frederick 86m-'
mers, who looked, up. as he heard Joe’s
order, . . -
‘ Hallo !’ he cried, ‘here? What are
you doing here at breakfast time? Wife
sick, Joe?’
. ‘No,’
‘Had a quarrel?’
‘No.’
•’Gone to town?'
“ No.’
“Then why don't you breakfast at
home? Chimney on fire?’
' No.’
‘ Well, what the thunder is to pay?’ (
‘ Maria has joined the Milierites.'
Fied gave a long, shrill whistle and
then said:
‘Going to ascend next week?’
‘Yes, and if I don’t commit suicide in
the meantime, you may congratulate me.
Cun’t.get a decent meal, children run
ning riot, servants saucy, house is all
confusion, wife got the blues, either
quoting the speeches of the elders at me,
or sewing on a white robe and groaning
every third or fourth stitch. Bang it all,'
Fred, I’ve a great mind to take poison or
join the army.’ !
' H'm 1 h’m 1 You give an enchanting
picture, but I think I can suggest a cure.’
‘ A cure?’ '
‘ Yes, if you will take my advice I will
’make your home pleasant, your wife
cheerfull, and your children happy,’ :
‘Do It!’ plied Joe. * I'll followyonr
word like a soldier under his superior
officer. vWbpl shall I do?’ ■ - ■
At ■ tea Mr. Peters entered hla home,
Whistling. Marla was heated at her sew
ing, and there were no signs of prepara
tion for the evening meal.
‘ Maria dear,’ said Mr. Peters,
ready ?’
1 1 don’t know,’ was the answer. 1 1
have bten out all'day attending meet
ings.’ ,
* h. Very well, never mind* Attend
.meetings 1 You are resoived thon to
leavenext Wotk?’
fflw Mtriran Boltmter
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY.
1 Ob, Joseph, you know that I must go
when 1 am called,’
' ‘ Yes, my dear, of course. Well I must
resign myself, I suppose. By the way
my dear, has It ever occurred to you that
I shall be left a widower with three chil
dren 7, I think I am a handsome man
yet, my love,’ and Joe walked over to
the glass, passed his fingers through bis
hair, and pulled up his collar. Maria
looked up In surprise. l
___• You see,.my_dear, it Is rather a rollef
for you to go quickly, you know. It Is
so wearing on the nerves to have a long
illness; and besides, my dear, there will
be no funeral expenses to pay, and that
Is quite a saving.’
Mrs. Peters’ lip quivered, and her
large blue eyes filled with tears. Joe
longed to quit his heartless speech, and
comfort her, but be was fearful the de
sired effect was not yet attained.
‘Bo my dear,’ he continued, ‘if you
must go, I have been thinking of getting
another wife.’
‘ What!' cried Mrs. Peters!
• Another wife, my love. The bouse
must be kept in order, and the boys
oared, for.’.
The grief was gone from Marla’s face,
but her teeth were jet with a look of;
fearful wrath.
‘ Another wife; Joseph Peters! Anoth
er wife!’ ■ .
‘Yes, I think I have selected a good
successor. I deliberated a long time,
when I was a bachelor, between her and
yourself. You will like her—she is your
bosom friend I’
‘ Whali Sarah Ingraham?’
1 Yea, my dear, I think that on the
day you ascend I will marry Tier.’
‘ What I that good-for-nothing, silly,
empty-headed old' maid, the mother of
my children 1 What!’
1 Weil my dear, it seems to'be the best
thing I can do. I don't want to leave
my business and go courting, and she
wtll have me I know!'
‘No doubt! Ohi you great brutal,
hateful—’
• Stop my dear; don’t .fly into a fury.—
We will try to spend our last , week in
happiness. Oh, by the way, I have a
proposition to make to you;’
'Go on sir I Do not spare me.’
‘ Ah, yes, that is the very thing X wish
to do. X know your mind is entirely en
grossed with your accession and I wish
to spare you the care of the bouse. Sup-'
pose you invite Sarah here to-morrow, to
stop a week!’ t
•What!’
‘And you leave the house in her
charge ail,day. That will give you plen
ty of time to go out, and she can learn
the ways of the bouse.’
‘What!’
• And my dear, little ones. It may be
the last I shall ever ash of, you, Stay at
home one or two days, and show her
around, where you keep things, and so
on, so that she won’t have any trouble in
keeping.it after you go. You will do
this to oblige me, won’t you, Maria?’
Mrs. Peters for an answer rolled up,
the ascension robe into a ball and fired It
at Joe. The cotton, scissors, work- bask
et and table cloth followed each other in
rapid succession and he was unable to
fly. Then Maria’s rage found vent in
words.
‘Sol you are going to marry Sarah ?
the reason you whistled so nice
when you came ini But you shan’t
have the gratification I I will stay if It’s
only to spite you I I won’t go! I tell
you, Mr. Peters,that I won't go!’’
• But my dear, you must go, if you are
come fori’
‘ I wont go!'
1 But consider my dear.’
‘ I won't go I'
‘ But what will Sarah Ingraham think
of it?’
• Sarah I Don’t dare to mention Sarah
to me again ? I—lI —oh I—l am fairly
dhoking I’ andtbe little 'woman threw
herselfin a chair in a fit of histories.
Next morning Mr. Peters met Fred in
the street.
‘Well,old boy, how goes it?’
‘ Fred,’ was the reply, ‘ I am the hap
piest man in the world. I have regained
my little wife and domestic peace, and
got rid of a busy tattling old maid, who,
under pretence of loving my wife, was
everlastingly interfering in all our house
hold arrangements.’
' Then Mrs, Peters will not ascend will
she ?’
‘ If Sarah iato be my second wife, and
step-mother to my children, Mrs, Peters
baa concluded that on the whole, she
won't go.’
A Family Remarkable Fob-Twins.
—Near Jamestown; Russel county, Ky.,
there lives one of the most remarkable of
families. Mr. Jeffries, lately attending
the United States Court in Louisville, as
a juror, tells the story. He says that he
was married- before he was seventeen
years old, and his wife being only five
daysyoungertban-himeelf. —They-lived-
togetherseven years without children,<
when his wife gave birth to twins—ahoy,
and a girl. In the fifteen years which
followed nineteen children were born to
a happy couple, each of the first three
births being twins, and each subsequent
birth alternating' between twins and
single births until fifteen years were ao ,
compilsbed, and nineteen children com
posed the family circle, seven pairs of
twins being born during the time. Ur.
Jeffries is only forty-five years old, and
is still youthful in appearance, and very
stout. Hls wlfe never, bad better heplth
in all'berlifethan at present, though she
will not weigh one hundred pounds. Her
greatest weight at any time was one hun
dred and ten pounds. The boy of the first
twins now weighs one hundred and slx
ty-two pounds, the girl one hundred and
twenty-five pounds. All the boys who
are grown have; made large men; the
girls are of a good size and all the chil
dren healthy. But five out of the nine
teen have filed. ■ Mr, Jeffries baa ten
' brothers, all of whom are latgo hum, nnd
within the families of the eleven braid
ers there are thirty-seven pairs of twins,
making seventy-four twin children to say
nothing of the host Of single births. Five
of Mr. JeffVle’s children are married, and
added to all these singular facts, not.
withstanding the absendeof silvery looks
on bis head, he is the grandfather of five
children. , .
‘is tea
A Western paper thinks that women
would not make good statesman. " The
question of. the age”. always troubles
iham.
URCIE PEIEB’S STRATAGEM.
'I tell you It's all nonsense,’ eald undo
Peleg. ‘Charity—benevolence—pity I
It’s all played out I Your 'big falre may
be all very nice, but people don’t come:
there because they pity the poor ; they
come because it’s fashionable I’
'Horatla Mere ebook her pretty bead
'You see child,’ said Uncle Peleg, ta
king snuff, ‘you’re on the wrong plat-|
form ever to get a peep behind the dur-j
‘tain." * You’re an helress. nnd you’re
'tolerably good looking, and have a way
about you that people like, and therefore:
the world puts Its best foot forward, soj
far as you are concerned. If you were I
Mrs. Sikes, the washerwoman, or Betty,
the orongewoman, you’d see quite a dlf
ferent.aspoct of things.’
‘Nonsense, uncle,’ said Horatla, still
unconvinced. ‘Be a good darling, old
Uuole Peleg, and let me have the JW
omphe do Orande strawberries In your
south garden border for my refreshment'
table, Betnember, I’m to sell strawber-;
idea and cream, and I want my table to
look the beat dn the room.’
‘Who do yon suppose will buy your;
strawberries, at the outlandish price!
you’ll put upon them ?’ he demanded;
sourly.
‘Everybody,’Horatia answered sauci
ly. ‘Come Uncle Peleg, be generous and I
graceful, and say that I may have them.’
Uncle Peleg again took snuff.
•On one condition you con have
them.’
‘Horatia clapped her white, rosy
bands.
‘And that- I .’
' 'Just wait until you hear,’ said the old
man, dryly.. ‘You can’t have my fifty
quarts of Triomphe de Grande strawber
ries, each one as big as a pigeon’s egg,
until you’ve first sold a dozen quarts
from door to door.’
‘Horatia opened her brown, wondering
eyes like twin wells of hazel light.
‘I, Uncle Peleg ?’
'You, niece Horatia I And I am to
specify the houses where you are to go.’
‘lt will be fun,’cried Horatia, with a
gay laugh, 'l’d Just as soon do it as not.’
'Perhaps it will bo fan, perhaps it
won’t,' said Uncle Peleg. ‘At all events,
I want you to get one glimpse, at least,
of life through a strawberry woman’s
eyes.’
‘Am I to be disguised, Uncle Pe
leg ?’
‘To be sure you are, Miss Horatia Mere
would have no difficulty in disposing of
her wares; a friendless strawberry girl
is different.’
‘All the more delightful—a regular
tab lean vivant!' cried Horatio, merrily.
‘Weil, Uncle, where am I logo ?'
■l’ll write down a lietof names for you,
that shall be called out of your dearest
friends—Mrs. Montague, Mrs. Dysart,
Miss Ferris and the like.’
•They will alii buy,’ cried Horatio.
‘We'll see,’ Uncle Peleg said. ,‘Are
you willing to buy the Triomphe de
Grande st such a price as this, Horatia ?’
‘At any price, the girl answered
gleefully.
•Yon don’t know how disagreeable you
Will find It.’
‘lt will be a perfect adventure !’ said
Horatfa, recklessly.
‘But mind, you’re to keep it a secret.’
•As the grave,’ his mischievous niece
answered with mock solemnity. .
Miss Horatio Mere would scarcely have
been recognized by her nearest friends,
when she was dressed for the curious
part she was to play ‘for one day only,
as she declared. A calico dress ; thick
boots in- which her tiny feet felt un
wonted clumsy, a much-worn water
proof cloak, borrowed from Mary Ann—
the. cook, and a worsted hood enveloped
in ,a faded black veil, and a basket bang
ing over her arm—these were the details
of her costume.
Strawber-Wes /’ she cried, raising her
sweet voice to‘o. above.’ -Ob, Uncle
Peleg, it will be such a Joke I’
And she tripped away delighted at the
prospect of playing at the realities of
life.
Uncle Peleg looked after her rather
doubtfully, os he resorted mechanically
to his unfailing panacea for all human
ills or perplexities, the snuff box.’
I’m almost sorry I sent her on such ah
unpalatable errand,’ he said to himself;
‘but it’s just as well she should learn to
see the world as it really is. Her life has
been couleur de rose, and no wonder.—
The strawberries will be a dear bargain
after all I’
While these eccentric reflections were
passing through the old man’s brain,
Horatla Mere had already reached the
first house on her list inhabited by Mrs.
Montague, a lady who had always pro
fessed the sweetest nnd moat saint-like
character, whose voice was so soft and'
low, and who spoke in 'six syllabled
words of Websterlan elegance.
Mrs. Montague herself was in the hall
as Horatla rang the door-bell.
'lf ye please, ma'am,' said Bridget,
■it’s a girrel soilin' strawberries—will we
buy-a quart 7’
Strawberries indeed 1 and at the up-'
per door 1’ shrilly cried Mrs. Montague,
in a voice that almost for an Instant
compelled Horatla to doubt the lady’s
identity. ‘Don’t you know better, girl,
than to bring your trumpery wares to
the front door ? What do you s'poso
basement bells were made for? Clear out,
this minute 1 What are you standing
there for ’? Don’t you bear what I say ?’
And she took bold of Horatio's arm
and assisted her progress with a vigorous
push. ;
Mrs. Dysart came next—an elegant
widow With an Ivory pure complexion ;
curls like the tendrils of a grape vino,
wb6se obstinate rings she was always
lamenting. This time our heroine knew
better than to go to the front steps, and
made her way meekly to the area boll.
‘Strawberries, Is It?’ said the little
girl who came to the door. ‘l’ll ask the
misses.’
Mrs. Hysart herself presently came to
the door, and Horatla startled to see the
marvelous dissimilarity between Mrs.
Dysart of society, and Mrs. Dysart at
home. Her skin was sallow, wrinkled
and blotched, here and there, from the
too frequent use of powerfhl cosmetics,
her hair was screwed up Into little popu
lates secured by plus, making a perfect
ahevaux de frise of her bead; her beauti
ful figure was lathy and straight like a
pump draped In oallool
• 1 of course not at this
Mdtoii of the year,' said Mrs." Dysart,
CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, JANUARY 18, 1872. ;
snappishly. ‘ I’m not made of money 1
And she slammed the door in Horra
tla's face.
' Miss Ferrara will buy them at all
events,’ said Horatla to herself. ‘Lucille
Ferrara was always, noble-hearted and
generous.’
‘ How much are they ?' said the fair
Lucille, coming to the head of the base
mentstairs, in a dishabille of greasy cash
mere and a soiled white apron.
‘ Eighteen cents a basket.’
• Pshaw I’ said Lucille, superciliously.
‘ As If I was going to pay such a price
as that! I’ll give you ten 1’
‘ They are unusually fine,’ said Hora
tio, timidly.
; I shan’t give a cent over eleven I’
Horatla turned away.
1 1 wonder you fruit girls have the face
to asb such a price I’ said Mias Lucille
Ferrara, fingering her purse strings.
• Twelve, there—and that’s more than
they’re worth!’
• I cannot sell them under the price I
have named,’ persisted Horatia, shrink
ing firom the sharp, glittering eyes.
‘Go about your business then I’ said.
Lnollle. ' I’ll see the whole tribe of yon
starve, before I’ll he imposed npon sol’
Horatia felt herself disenchanted. Could
It be possible that this shrewdish miser
was her soft-voiced friend, Lnollle Fer
rara?
• Perhaps Uncle Peleg’s views of hu
man nature may not be so very much
amiss, after all,’ she said, with a half
sigh, after she bad made some half dozen
or more pilgrimages, and more than half
of her berries remained unsold.
Miss Parker’s bouse was the last on
her list. Horatla had let it remain until
ail the other places bad been visited, she
herself could hardly have told why—per
haps because Justus Parker had been
her partner in the. ‘German’ the night
before. She liked Justus Parker—yet
she somehow distrusted bis gentle, nice
and smooth manner.
- 1 1 am afraid it’s all put on,' she said to
herself. ‘But Uncle Peleg wgs deter
mined I should go there, and I will not
shrink, now that the ordeal is so nearly
over.’
The servant requested her to go up and
see the young lady herself— 1 she’s in her
own room mostly.’
Horatla had heard of Laura Parker’s
lingering spine disease, although she
never bad seen her. And her heart heat
slightly as she ascended the softly-car
peted flight of stairs, carrying her basket
of berries.
Justus was sitting on a low chair be
side his sister’s sofa, at the farther end
of the room; be rose and came forward
when the stranger entered.
, This basket is too heavy for you to
carry,’ he said, taking it from her and
moving forward a seat, with a,sort of
unconscious chivalry.
* It is not sd heavy as it seems,’ said
she, somewhat bitterly, 1 and if it were I
am nothing but a strawberry woman,’
‘Butl suppose a strawberry woman,
has feeiiuga and sensations like other
people,’ said Justus Parker, smiling.—
‘ Bit down a moment, while my sister
looks at your fruit.’
‘You must be very warm,’ said Laura
Parker, gently. ‘ Lay back your veil.—
Justus please ring for a glass of water.—
Horatla accepted the water, but refused
to unfold her veil. It was altogether too
good a medium for her to observe the
quiet tenderness with which Justus
Parker treated his invalid sister—the
open Bible on the table, tbe fresh flowers
by tbe sofa, all mute tokens of thought
ful love and care.
Miss Parker bought half a dozen bask
ets of berries, without a word of excep
tion to the price.
1 They are the finest I have seen this
year I’ she said. ' You must come again
when you have more.’
Horatia Mere’s cheeks were burning
when she made her escape at last both
basket and heart considerably lightened,
■ Well unolei’sbecried gleefully, when
she at length arrived at home, 'I have
earned the Trompe de Qrande’e /’
1 Have you been to all the places?’
■Yes, alii’
And she told him her adventures, with
playful humor,
■Not a bad day’s work,’ said Uncle
Feleg, laughingly.
Miss Horatia Mere bad the handsomest
refreshment table and the best sales of
any young lady at the fair, and Justus
Parker was her,favorite customer.
The result of the fair, not an uncom
mon one, if ail reports are trne, was one
wedding if not more. Horatia Mere was
married to Mr. Parker; but not until
after the honey moon did be know of
bow bis aristocratic little bride had . sold
strawberries! ‘
‘.Was it wrong of me?' sbe asked, wist
ifully. ■
‘Under the circumstances, no, ’ an
swered Mr. Parker, gravely.
Mabbied’ Froi, Up.—ln Virginia,
where the law fixes the marriage fee at
one dollar, there is a reminlsence of a
couple who for many years ago, called on
a parson, and requested him to marry
them.
‘Where is my fee?’ said the old func
tionary.
The parties who were to unite their
fortunes, did so at once, and found the'
joint amount to be twenty-seven cents.
‘I can’t marry you for that sum,’ said
tbe irate old gentleman.
‘A little bit of service will go a long
way,’ suggested tbe male applicant.’'
‘Ah, no,’ said the parson ; 1 you don’t
pay for tbe size of tbe pill, but for the
good you hope it will do you.’
Tbe lass, intent on marriage, began to
weep, but the parson was inexorable,
and the couple turned sadly to depart.—
Just then a happy thought seemed to
strike tbe forlorn maiden, and she turn
ed and cried, through her tears—
‘Please, sir, if you can’t marry us full
up, won't you marry us twenty-seven
cents worth 7 We can come for the rest
some other time.’
This was too much for tbe parson. He
married them ‘full up,’ and they went on
their way rejoicing.
r :'A gibii forced,by her parents Into a
disagreeable match,/with ah bid man
whom she detested', when the clergy
man came to that part of the ceremony,
where the bride is asked If the bride
consents to take the bridegroom for,her
bnsband, said, “Oh,dear, no, sir, but
you are the first person who ,has asked
my opinion about the matter.”
WE REAP WHAT WE SOW.
For pleasure or pain, for weal 6r for woo—
*Tls the law ot one being—we reap wbat we sow,
We may try to evade them—may do what we
wlll-
But onr acts, like oar shadows, will follow as
still.
The world Is a wonderful chemist, be sure,
And detects in a moment the base or the pure,
Wo may boast of onr claims to genlas or birth,
Bat the world takes a man for Just what be.ls
Worth,
'Weatart to the fortune or fame, -
And then, when, we fail, the world bears the
blame; / .
Bat nine times In ten, ’tie plain to be seen,
There’s a “screw somewhere loose" in the hu
man machine.
Are yon wearied and worn (n this hard, earthly
strife ?
Do yon yearn for affliction to sweeten yonr
< life? .
Remember, this great trnth bos often been
proved.:
We must make onrselvea lovable, wonld we be
1076 d.
Though life may appear as a desolate track,
Yet the bread that we cost on the waters comes
back.
This law was enacted by heaven above:
That like attracts like, and love begets love.
We mate onnfclves • heroes and martyrs for
gold,
Till health.beoomes brokep and youth becomes
old, '
A hi did we the same for a beautlfhl love.
Oar lives might be music for angels above I
We reap what we sow. Oh, wonderful truth !
A truth bard to learn in the days of our
youth, ■ '
Bat It Etolnea ont at last, as " the band on the
wall,” '
For the world has Its •' debit” and ” credit” for
all.
THE TRIOK OF A SPY.
ADVENTURES OP AN ARMY DETECTIVE.
[The Cincinnati Commercial, in which
the following story originally appeared,
pronounces it true, says that all tbe par
ties are supposed to be Hying, and some
of them reside In that city. Tbe names
are consequently 'fictitious.]
I sat in tbe office of Dr. Munson, chat
ting of things in general. - Finally the
conversation changed, and the late war
was talked of, called out by a picture of
Bberldan’s ride, that hung over tbe man
tle.
‘I believe I never told you how I fig
ured as a detective during tbe war 7’
said the doctor.
Wo.’
'Well, Twill tell you of one Instance
that happened in this city, and if you
choose yon can write it out for publica
tion. : Tbe papers only got an Inkling of
it at the time.’
■Very well, spin your story.’
We give tbe doctor’s story as near as
we can recollect it:
I was, at the time of whir h I apeak,
stationed in Oinolnnati; I held a cap
tain’s commission, being in the adjutant
general’s department. Previously while
in Washington city, I bad become well
acquainted with Secretary Stanton. One
day I received a letter from him asking
me to employ half a dozen of detectives,
and set them to work bunting up deser
ters, and to perform such other duties as
might from time to time be required of
them. I employed several of our best
known officers and put them to work.—
We sent several renegades back to their
regiments, but had done nothing of im
portance, One day I received a dispatch
from Stanton to look out for Mrs. Long
mead, living, when at home, some miles
north of Oinolnnati, but in an adjoining
county- The Secretary said he bad it
on good authority that Mrs. Longmead
was 'carrying dispatches from the enemy:
Without giving the detectives a hint of
the news I had heard, X told them to no
tify .me of any fresh arrival of ladies at
the hotels.
I knew Mrs, Longmead very welt as
she attended the same college with me
at Oxford some years ace.
A detective notified me that there was
a strange lady stopping at the Broad
way. He gave a description of her, and
Ifeltsureit was ' Mrs. Longmead, al
though I told him be was mistaken, I
then sent for another detective, whom I
bad selected for the purpose, and I told
him to take board at the Broadway and
watch the movements of a certain lady
dressed in black. A few days after this
occurrence another detective, came and
reported that two ladies had arrived from
the country in a back, had taken pas
sage in the steamer Glendale, bound
South. Further more that they bad an
extra amount of baggage. The Captain
was notified that bis boat must not leave
without orders.
The following morning two officers
were send to the boat with orders to
converse with the suspicious ladies, if
they refused to allow their baggage to
be searched, .to bring them up to the of
fice under arrest. An hour afterward
the officers came to the office with the
ladles and, two large trunks. I. of bourse,
affected Ignorance and inquired the cause
"of“tEe“trouble. They told a very-plain
tive story. Then I inquired of the offi
cer What It ail meant, and he said they
had opium in their trunks. 'Only enough
for family use,’ retorted the younger of
the ladies. I examined the trunks and
found fifteen pounds of opium and a
large amount of quinine.
When the ladies entered the office, I
recognized them as being the motherand
sister of Mrs. Longmead, although I did
not make myself known, seeing that
they did not recognize me. Mrs. Schuyl
er and daughter were In. trouble at the
Idea of being caught with contrabands of
war in their possession. I told them they
must consider themselves under arrest,
and as we had no military prison suita
ble for the incarceration of ladles, they
must choose a hotel, where they would
be kept in a room under guard. They
made choice of the Burnet House, and
thither they were conveyed in a hack.
I was assisting Miss Schuyler into the
hack, and defending her skirts from con
tact with iho wheel of the vehicle,, I be
came aware that her dress was unusually
weighty however, I said nothing Just
then hot when we reached the Burnet
House, I told the young lady she must
retire and take off an undergarment
which I named. She feigned indignity
at my rudeness, but I told her none was
Intended, hut the skirt I must have. Af
ter many tearful protestations and as
surances, that I had already everything
she had that was contraband of war, she
fidatly retired to her room and brought
me her skirt—such a one it was I On
examination, I found it contained nearly
$l,OOO worth of quinine. As I learned
afterward, two of them bad been three
months In quilting the quinine Into the
garment.
On the morning following that on
which I had made the arrest, I entered
my office a little late, and. as I expected, (
found Airs. Longmead, sister to one pris
oner and daughter of the other. I did
not seem to recognize her,’but took a
seat and inquired if there was anything
I could do to promote her welfare.
'Yes. aJr : I have callecl to get a pass 7
to go to Nashville.’ '
‘You do not need a pass, madame. Our
troops hold every point between thleand,
Nashville.’
. ‘I cannot give you one, but If there Is
any trouble you can get one at Louis
ville.’
’But 1 understand that yon are arrest-.
> Ing ladles righfc.bcre in Cincinnati.’'
’YeSf We did arrest. ,yonr mother and
sister, yesterday* Mrs. Longmead.’
The .eoljflt was instantaneous. She
sprang to her feet with all the fury and.
maligni.ty of .the tiger in her eyes.
‘How ijare' yod: sir, address me as Mrs.
Ltmgmead,? l‘doh;t know yon sir.’
I 'Ah, pBrhdp{i you' r6member ohe oer 7 .
i tain ii aob Munson, biford, some years.
:ag°.’
‘ ‘I have not the faintest ides who you
;are. Ton are laboring Under a great '
mistake, for my name Is nbt Longmead.’
■I know yon do not register at the
: Broadway under that naihe, but never
theless your real name Is Mrs. Long
mead.’ •
’At the Broadway I When did I ar
rive there ?’
‘Oh Thursday last.’
‘And what do you suppose doing with
mo ?' .
‘I shall be compelled to place you un
. der guard, so.glve me tbe keys to your
trunk,,and I will havekyour baggage
; searched.’
Mrs. Lqngtpead acknowledged that she
was oaugpt, aqd requested to be sent .to
the Burnet Bouse, with her mother, and
sister, and. thither we did send her.
I now telegraphed to Stanton that tbe
birds hadkeen caged, and requested that
they be turned over to the commander of
this department, which was accordingly ,
done.
The General always took me along
when he visited them at 'the Burnet
House. I talked to Mm. Longmead,
while tbe General talked to tbe mother
and daughter. How It so happened that
in the General’s younger days Mrs. Long
mead had been his sweet heart, and never
did I see a woman so artfully wrap a man
around her flngure as Mrs. Longmead
did Gen. .• The result was that
these three female spies went soot free.
It was during these conversations that
Mrs. Longmead confessed to me the part
she had taken.
When tbe war began she went to Can
ada, and there by some means obtained
papers certifying that she was a British
subject. She then went to Washington
and obtained the signature of the British
minister, and then to Mr. Stanton, and,
on the strength of her paper, obtained a
pass through the Union lines to Rich
mond. After .transacting her business
she came west and approaching the Union
line oh the head waters of Big Bandy,
was halted and conveyed to tbe
quarters ot tbe distinguished Indiana
General. She rode In a carriage, and bad
quite a retinae of servants, representing
herself to be an English woman suffering
from rheumatism. The general com
manding, hoping to blu II her, proposed
to send her to tbe Surgeon General of the
department for examination. Nothing
daunted she thanked him and requested
that she be sent immediately. The sur
geon had her carried up to bis office, she
affecting much pain. She removed her
shoes and stockings. Her feet and an
cles were mush swoolen (not from rheu
matism, bnt from walking.) The learned
surgeon took up bis stethoscope and plac
ed it to her heart. She was more than
.a match for him here, for she was
the only person, I had ever met
who conld cause her own heart
to palpitate when she choose. Tbe doc
tor listened but a moment, threw down
tbe instrument and begged her pardon
for doubting her veracity. She was car
ried back to her carriage, and given a
pass and sent northward rejoicing.
At another time she bad some dis
patches to send southward. There was
a regiment of soldiers going up the Ken
tucky Central railroad that day. Dressed
as an Irish servant girl (and sbe could
assume the character to perfection,) she
succeeded in getting one of the soldiers
to pass her on the train os his wife.
After'the train bad started, the author
ities of Cincinnati learned that sbe had
gone, and suspecting her errand, tele
graphed to Lexington, giving a descrip
tion of the woman, and ordering her ar
rest, but, by some means, no action was
taken until tbe next, morning. - In the
meantime the train had arrived at Lex-
ington. Airs. Longmead walked two
miles into tbe country, burrowed a horse,
rode twelve miles farther, and meeting a
man on the road whom she knew, gave
him her dispatches, and told him to de
liver them at a certain confedera Gene
ral’s headquarters. She then rode buck to
where tbe horse bad been borrowed, and
afterward rode to Lexington, and unmo
lested, took the afternoon train for Cov
ington. The authorities, learning that
sbe had gone to tbe country on her arri
val at Lexington, were in hot pursuit.—
When they got Into Lexington she was
far on her way. A dispatch was forwared
to a prominent Covington detective to
arrest her by all means on her arrival in
that city. Some friendly station operator
placed a copy of this dispatch in her
band. She was then In a great strait
but she did not despair. Seeing Yieelle l
Coombs, wile and daughter, sitting a few.
seats ahead of her in the coach, sbe sat
down near them, and soon drew the la
dles into conversation. Sbe told tfaetn
that her husband was a soldier, and that;
she had Induced him to desert, and for
this, offence she was to be arrested on her
arrival at Covington. Her pitiful story,
with many tears, enlisted tbe sympathy
of the ladles, and finally of tbe venerable
Kentuckian himself. At that tinie the
rear door of the rear oar of an incoming
train was always kept looked,;when ar
riving at the depot. . .
Arrangement was made that this door
should not be looked on this occasion.—
When the train arrived Mr- Coombs as
sisted Mtp, Longmead off the rear of the
car, while the detectives watched thfj
4 '
VOL. 58. --NO. 32.
: platforms between the twooara, and Mrs.
Coombs and her daughter came: near be
ing arrested. Mrs. L. having alighted
‘ nuQ 0001U5 ei*is*«*«si uwa»j,»«u w
lit, and JnUaped In, told the driver tp 6hr- ;
ry her to Newport tarry as quick as pos-
j ßible, which he did. There sbe alighted,
I' paid him, crossed over on the ferry, and.
walked up the bank. She entered the
Pendleton car, goinfe east as far as Kem
per lane. She walked up to the top of
the hill. . Here everything being quiet,
she had time to pause and' reflect. Tak-'
log a survey of the country, and shap
ing her course, sbe at once set out and
walked more than la dozen miles to her
home, where she arrived’ before morn
ling.
Mrs.' liougmead told me that when her
mother and sister took passage on the
steamer Glendale, the latter bad impor
tantdispatches concealed in a barrel of a
email Smith & Wesson pistol; but no
sooner did she find that they would be
[arrested, than she Walked to the state
jroem door, tired off the pistol, and threw
it into the river.
‘What has become of this family of
;epies7’ wo asked, for we had be
come quite interested In the story.
•Thedoctor replied: •
. ‘As soon as the warolosed they packed
.up bag and,, baggage end . went to Vir
ginia, where, I. suppose, they are now,
living.’ "
A OUEER WIU-WAB THE MAN INSANE?
A short time since, Mr. Wm. Dunlop,
of Galrbraid, Colborne township, C- W.,
depated this life, leaving the following
as his last will and testament. It is now
being Contested in chancery ib the dis
trict of. Huron, on the. ground that the
testator was insane.
In' the name of God, Amen, I, Wil
liam Dunlop, of Galrbraid; in the town
ship.of Colborne, and district of Huron,
: Western Canada, Esq., being in sound
health,, and my mind just as usual,
which my friends who flatter me say Is
no great shakes at 'the best of time, do
make this, my last will and testament,
as follows : , .
Revoking, of coure. all former wills, I
leave the property, pf Galrbraid, and ail
other landed property I may. die pos
sessed of, to my siatSrs, Ellen Boyle Sto
ry and Elizabeth Boyle Dunlop, thejfor
ruer, because she is married to a minis
ter whom (God help) she hpnpecks ; the
latter because she Is married to nobody,
nor Is she likely to be, for she is an old
maid and not market-ripe ; and, also, I
leave to them and their belr'my share of
the stock and implements of the firm ;
provided, always, that the inclosure
around my brother’s grave be reserved ;
and if either 1 should die without issue,'
then tire other to inherit the whole. I
leave my sister-in-law, Louisa Dunlop,
ail my share of the household furniture
and suph traps, with the exceptions
hereinafter mentioned. I leave my sil
ver tankard to the eldest son of old John,
as the representative, of the family ; I
would leave It to old John himself, but
he would melt it down to make temper
ance medals, and that would be sacrilege;
however, I leave my big horn snuff box
to him; be ban only make temperance
born spoons with tbrt.
I leave my sister Jenny my Bible, for
merly the property of my great great
grandmother, Bertha Hamilton, of
Woodbaii, and when she knows as much
of tbe spirit of it as she does of the let
ter, she’ll be another Christian than she
is. I also leave my late brother’s watob
to my brother Sandy, exhorting him at
tbe same time to give up whiggery, rad
icalism, and all other sins that do most
easily beset him, I leave my brother
Allen my big sliver snuff box, as I am ■
informed that he .Is a rather decent
Christian, with a swag belly and a jolly !
face, I leave Parson Chevatsse (Maggie’s
husband) tb.e small box I got from the
Sarrnia militia, as a small token of my
gratitude for the service be has done tbe
family in taking a sister that no man of
taste would have taken. I ’ leave John
Cadeel a silver teapot, to the end that he
may drink tea therefrom to comfort him .
under the affliction of a slatternly wife: 1
I leave my books to my brother Andrew,
because he has been so long a jangiy
■ wallon, that he may learn to read with
them. I give my silver aup, with a
sovereign in it, to my sister, Janet Gra
ham Dunlop, because she is an old maid
and pious, an d,therefore, will necessarily
take to horning, apd also my granny’s
snuff-shell, as it looks decent to see old
women taking snuff. In witness whereof
I have hereunto set my baud and peal,
the 3lst day of August, in the year of
Lord, one thousand eight hundred and
forty-two.
Mrs. Anna M. Ebert, wife of a
wealthy cigar manufacturer in New
York, lately died the victim of strong
drink. With the exception of her pas
sion for llqnor she was a most estimable
woman, but would act in a viol out.man
ner when giving wayto thla went noaa.
About two years ago she left home under
its influence to throw herself under the
wheels of a railroad train, but was fol- ,
lowed by her husband, who prevented
the fatal act at the last moment. She has 1
often threatened to shoot her husband;
and son; and frequently taken a revolver
to bed with her. At such times her hus
band would fasten himself in his sleep
ing room away from her until the frantic
mood was over. About a year ago Mr.
Ebert was troubled with headache; for
which his physician recommended acon
ite, a deadly poison. About ten daysago
a one ounce vial, sufficient to kill ten
persons, was missed from its usual place.
A few days after, upon returning from
one of bis business trips, his wife was so
furious'that he with bis son and two
other young men barricaded themselves;
in a room, which she tried vainly, for
two.hours to force open. She then bade
her son good-bye, and went to her bed
room, where she was found dead the next
morning, and the empty aconite vial
standing on the piano near her door.
A Stboncj Hint.— “ Well father, I’ve
left Brown’s for good,” said a boy, as ho
entered the bouse.
“ What’s the matter, Edmund ?" said
the Father.
“ Nothing In particular,” replied Ed
mund, “ but Mr. Brown threw out some
hints, and talked bo insinuating, that I
oouldu’tstand It.”
" What did he say, my son ?”
Why be allowed that I robbed the
money drawer—and Insinuated as much
aa l was a liar and a thief—and he hint
ed. that if I didn't evacuate hia premises
at once be would hick me out; so I
thought I might as well, come home.”
Hotw lot llitoctHsmQ,'
i wm so uuerted at Ten Cnu
per line for the first insertion, and five cents
per lino for each subsequent Insertion* Quar
terly, half-yearly, and yearly advertisements in
erted at a liberal reduction, on the above rates.
Advertisements should bo accompanied by the
Oa&h. When sent without any length ol time
specified for publication, they will be continued
tmtllordered out and cnarged accordingly.
JOB PRINTING..
OAfins,HAin)BmM,oiEctTiiAßS;and every oth*
er descrlotton of Job and OAitn Printing. -
©irtjs anttOnfca-
Bull works—the rise In stock* -~ A ,
r j The woman question—What did she
haye on?
() The best illustration of perpetual
motion that we know of is a woman’s
tongue when talking of her baby.
Josh Billings says: “Idon’t reo
koleckt.now_ov .eyer hearing ov.twp ..
dorgs fighting, unless there was a man
or two around.
“ Jake, lend me ten dollars till I sell
my dorg?”. Jake , replied soothingly
and sympathetically,: “ Oh, Jim, I
wouldn’t sell him. ■
A lady editor in Wisconsin adver
tises in her own paper for a husband.—
She says be must be a printer, and pos
sess means sufficient to buy a new press.
Thebe is good reason why a little
man should never marry a bouncing
widow. Ho might be called “the
widow’s mite.”
To converse with the spirits—day a
sixpence on the thble at a grogshop,
and they’ll show themselves quicker
than you can say beans.
A Green Gay girl won a bible at a
lottery the other evening, and the next
morning traded it fora self adjusting
pannier.
Though a taste of pleasure may
quicken the relish of life, an ‘unre
strained indulgence leads to inevitable
destruction.
Mb. Carver, doing the honors Of
the table, said to one of the guests; a
fashionable dressed girl of the period,
“ X see that you have plenty of: breast,
Miss, but do have a little more dress
ing!”
An old lady, being taunted with pur
chasing a young and poor man for a
husband, justified herself by saying that
it was not good for a man to be a loan.
“No cards” are affixed to marriage
notices because the parties play all their
cards)before-marriage. This Isa new
theory, and will be generally accepted.
A well known writer says that a
fine coat covers a multitude of sins. It
is still truer that such coats-cover a
multitude of sinners.
Garibaldi is writing a book of his
life, which is only to he published after
his death. There are some people who
are very Impatient to read it.
A western rhymer says ho writes
only when angels trouble his soul. We
don’t know that the fact of his own soul
being troubled gives him the right to
trouble the souls of other people.
Landlady (fiercely) “ You musn’t
occupy that bed with your boots on.”
Boarder—“ Never mind, they’re an old
pair. I guess the bugs won’t hurt ’em.
Let ’em rip, anyhow.”
. “liANDLond, you do me too. much
honor ; you let me sleep among the’ big
bugs last night.” “Ob, don’t be too
modest, my deaf lodger; I doubt not
they have your own blood funning in
their veins. -
“ Shrouds 1” exclaimed an old lady,
who was listening to an old sea cap
tain’s story. “, What do you have them
at sea for?” “To bury dhad calms in,
ma’am,” replied the old salt.
Professor Agassiz,, before starting
on his scientific tour boldly predicted
the discovery of sauroids, pycnodonts,
pempbiges gampsonyches branchbiop
ods and belemnithrsquids. Let ns see
if it will turn out so.
: “George,” asked tbe teacher of a
Sunday school class, “ who, above all
others, shall you wish first to see you
when you get to heaven ?” With a
face brightening up with antici
pation, the little fellow shouted, *' Qer
liah!”
The nomenclature of Massathusetts
towns has improved with time. Dud
ley’s name in Its greener years was
Ohargoggagohgmanchagagogg. Marl
boro’s had even more liquid melody in
those days, Oggnlomkongquamesut.
“ Will you have the kindness to
hand me the butter before you ?” said a
gentleman politely to an ancient maid
en ? “lam no waiter,sir.” “Is.that
so. I thought from your appearance,
you had been waiting a long time.”
. It is said that when Brigham Young
was asked the other day which son he
had at West point, the conundrum so
staggered him that he was obliged to'
refer to the family record to solve.it.—
“ Do they miss me at home ?” is not
much sung in that family.
When you see two young persons ,
seated in the centre of a pew in church,
yon may make npyour mind thatithey
are engaged or going to be; but when
one is at the head and the other at the
foot of the pew you can immediately de ;
termine that they are married. ■
At one of hla lectures George Fran
cis Train shouted, “Now, then, anybody
can ask me questions.” Whereupon
an old lady got up and said, “ Mr. T.
I would like to know what makes a
pot leg always burn in two In the mid
dle?” The great American, traveller
was nonplused. ,
A Norwegian lady bias arrived In
Milwaukee with some twenty of her
children. She says there are so many
accidents she didn’t think it'safe to
bring them all on one boat, as In case of
a wreck she wouldn’t have any heart to
commnce life In a new • country. ■ She
expects the rest of them shortly.
Tub Croup Season.—This is , the
croup season, and as croup is a disease
tii at requires more prompt relief than
can he afforded by the physician, who
has, to be sent for, it will be well to bear
the following simple remedy in mind •
Take the white of an egg. Stir it thor
oughly into a small quantity of sweet
ened water, and give it In repeated
doses until a cure is .effected. . If one
egg is not sufficient, a second or even a
third one, should be used,: , ;