t American Volunteer. .i : * * As/Si ’" ♦ l 4 ■ Jl_ P ll# ' I|| #|*|(f*i||| ■;;/ ..' Ill||! : 111|T##r v Xviii-ir' •I'V W-W- •■■• >months; after which Three Dollars >Si - , i fed* These terms will be rigidly ad- w ~ k visry Instance. No subscription dU' : ' ’ Qtil hll arrearages are paid, unless at T 1 " ,th ° EJltor -- ■ ■ BY BRATTON & KENNEh v oresgionai ©arcs. ■■■"" 1 D STATES CLAIM . JiflCbtCal. and JOOPIANI' fMuh ESTATE AGENCY. ■ • U WM. B. BUTLER, j , U, ATTORNEY AY LAW,- ' Hrfia Franldln House, South Hanover Stroe* Ciunberland county, Ponna. „,^B^^UoDSjpy_majj, t wUl r recoAy:o-in ; imt;iliate attention given to the selling or rent- Ha/Rml Estate, In town or country. In all let- Inqniry, please enclose postage stdmp. |Kl?ll.l87Q-M *■ - * - 1 - ■fiT BEIiTZUOOVEU, w ATTORNEY-AT-L A fy, |1 CARLISLE. PA. on South Hanover Street, opposite ’a flry goods store. 1.1565- ' MRIOEC -& PARKER, " * " attorneys at la ir., ‘on Main Street. In Marion Hall, Cur ’s. ‘ • . 2 1863- fo. e. E iM-1 g . ’ attorney- at-l a w, IS. Office with S. Hepburn, Jr. K 9 East Main. Street, |l CARLISLE, PA.. JfiU,7i-iy , , ... . Hr KENNEDY, Attorney at Law ■V . Carlisle, Penna. Office same as that oi ■-American Volunteer.” - ■«.!, ]S7O.' Hr, GEORGE S. SEARIGHT,’ 1 Den] ■I tiht. From ■ the Baltimore College of Lenta ■W. Office at the residence of his mother ■tlxmthor Street, three doors below Bedford ■llile, Ponna, ■*.l 1865. ’ • . . I IBats ana fflans RE S H ABB I V A L ' or ALL TUB ft EW STYLES HATS AND 0 A JP S. Be sabHcrJber has Just openoa at No. 15 North tow Street, a few doors worth of Che Carlisle loslt Bank, one of the largest and best Stocks BATS and OAP3 over offered In Carlisle. Ilk Hats, Casslmore of all styles and qualities. üßrlius, different colors, and .every descrlp. BOlSofc flats now made, Eo benkard and Old Fashioned Brush, con* Elly on hand and made to order, all warrant bylvo Satisfaction. ' . _■*. A fultassoitmont of I • GI3NXB, BOY'S, AND i CHILDREN'S, 1 - HATS. . ire also added to my Slock, notions of dlfler- Ulnds, conalsLing.of DIES' AND GENTLEMEN’S STOCKINGS vnti, ’ Sutpenaert, ' Collars, Gloves, Pencils, , 2hread f Sewing Silk, Umbrellas, do RIME SEGARS AND TOBACCO ALWAYS ON HAND. lire mo a call, and examine my stock as I feel ifideat of pleasing all, besides saving you mo* JOHN A. KELLER, Agent; No. 16 North Hanover Street. Net. WO. FATS AND CAPS I DO YOU WANT A’NICE HAT OB CAP 7 if so. don’t Fail to call ok J. G. CALLIO, NO. 20. WESf IdAIN STREET, lire can be seen the finest assortment of HATS A-ND CAPS r brought to Carlisle. He takes great pleas* i In inviting his old friends and customers, lillnew ones, to his splendid s»ock just re* red from New York and Philadelphia, con log in part of fine SILK AND OASSIMERB HATS, ildes an endless variety of Hats and Caps o* ■ latest style, - all ot which ho will sell at the Cash Prices. Also, his own manufacture RaUalwaysonhand. and . BJIAHATNUFAOTURED TO ORDER. [ahoytiie best arrangement for coloring Hats 1 all binds of Woolen Goods, Overcoats, &0., at ■shortest notice (as ho colors every week) and the most reasonable terms. Also, a fine lot ol alee brands of ' TOBACCO AND CIGARS nytf on hand. Ho desires to call the attention persons who have OOUNTR Y FURS wll, at ho pays the highest cash prices for die me. f • fs’ T l ’ Hve him a call, at the above number, bis ild ma, os be feels confident of giving entire satis cilon. Cc(.lb7o. #c. § ’§•. § 9- § IMES 0 AMPBELL... | W. P. HENWOOD mPBBLL~& IIENWOOB, PLUMBERS, iS AND STEAM FITTERS, No, 18 North JXuntver St. 'CARLISLE, PJA. VHTVBS, WATER CLOSETS, < ' wash basins, hydrants, LIFT AND FORCE PUMPS, ' CISTERN AND DEEP WELL PUMPS, GAS FIXTURES, “SHADES AND GLOBES Ao., &o. i Iran and Terra Cotta Pipe, chimney TOPS lind FLUES, .Ail kinds ol R A. S S WORK it«am and Water oonatahtly.bn niind, ft ' 'ORK IN TOWN OR COUNTRY to-Trnh, .Wtaptly attended to, «flrffi edlata »ttontlon given to orders for wnal or work irpm a distance.-d' Jsli£ Spoclft * advantages we aro prepared to OOPPER WQBK JrDoiM B D» r lP tlons for SttU Houses tf Poiea at dome or at a distance. ■COPPER PIPE' to order either drawn or brazed. • A A i: * '4 -.4 ■ ft * * OTIONS WHOLESALE AT °ITT PRICES, •LOVES conBtantl y on iiftnd such ab : - 'suspenders, , r . KECK TIES and SPrsss« Cambric and 1-lneu Handker-' a . n . d I>fl P er Collars and Cams, onij 2 t B A, Iraida. Spool Cotton. Walletts *as n r ,,„5 I ?, Uar i'i wrapping Paper and Paper Perfumery, BUoo Black. ,e Segars. of the house of laroal.’ Whereupon the little man arose again and, in answer, said, in a very loud voice: 'Yes, and if I'd been a fat one, you would have found mo lung ago.’ The effect upon the audience can be better imagined than described. A Fahmeii’s Bi.undeu.— A farmer re cently drovo bis old mare into Lexington, Kentucky, leaving her colt at home. On bis return, which was after dark, he put her out in the lot where the colt was, and thought it was ail right. In the course of an hour or two, a servant came in and told him the mare was fighting her_colt_aod .would not allow it to par take of the maternal font. This Irritated him so that' hosald ho would llx her, and out he went to carry his threat into exe cution, He caught her and tied her head up to a tree as highus be could rcaeli, and brought the colt up. But with all that ho could do, the obstinate nag would kick the. colt away. At last, after worrying for some time to no ellcct, and almost despairingof success, he happened to take another look-at the beast, and found, to his astonishment, that be had iuadvdft ently brought a horse belonging to some other man, and it was no wonder that he did not succeed in his undertaking. He had to make the trip back to town that night to make the exchange, and be did not get to bed until after midnight.;! SISTER BROWN GRATIFIES'HER CURIOSITY. We suppose everybody who Jives In a citypr large town has sometimes wonder ed what those curiously painted images are made of, that staud by certain shop doors, with a bunchjpf cigars in one hand, while they Invite the customer to enter with tjip other. Sdmo pf them are ns aud we often.wonder why such VulgaF images are used tq attract customers. Slater Brown was one of the primes! and moat correct maiden but sbe was very curious, and prone to gratify her inquiring mind, to the utmost, and that was why we were all glad when she met with.the following contretemps.* She was going homo from an*ovenlng lecture rather late at night for a,siugle lady to be upon the street alone, when It occurred to her that it would be a good opportunity for her to examine the new Indian image that-had been setup on the. street, and which had puzzled her a good deal. She had often asked oi what it was made, but had received no satisfactory answer; Qud had determined, when an Opportunity did piesenl itself, to examine the curious figure The opportune moment had arrived. Sister Brown looked in every direction, aud feeling certain she was'not observed, ■ ndvaucedl.tbwards wbat she supposed to be the image standing iii the shadow of a deep recess, but what, unfortunately, was a policeman ! Sister Brown gave him a pundh, and piuched bis arm; then sho.gavo another pinch, all of which the policeman bore in silence. - Then she attempted to take, hia hand-to feel for the Cigars, when, to her horror, ho returned the pressure with right good will. The astonishment of the maiden lady can bo imagined but not described* when a grum voice cried out : "Sister Brown, what do you want of mef" The policeman said he had seen a good many folks travel, but he never saw a woman, measure the ground as Sister B. did when she weut rouud the corner. She was cured of her investigating spi rit, greatly to the relief of the neighbor-, hood where she resided, for the policeman described, her examination of his portly person iu a rannuer’that turned the poor woman to great ridicule. . Sister Brown says when she looks at •hop windows now. that if there is any thing in the. world she hales, it's Injuns and the / There are more people thpn poor Sister Brown who would be benefited by well dceorvod ridicule, if nothing but ridicule will cure them of their impertinent and ill-timed curiosity. Tip Top,, a " local” in St. Louis,’ has been getting married, and his brother lo cal of the Democrat gives him the fol lowing “good notice "Some people get married and some don’t. Some prefer maids and some pre-. fer widows—that is a matter of taste.— Each horn of the dilemma has its advan tages. One advantage possessed by a widow is, that she has graduated—has her eye teeth cut, and knows what’s what. A virgin has everything to learri, and it requires patieuce aud pdraeverenco to in struct her. Our golden haired friend, George Center. Brown, the sensational writer, preferred a widow. He picked out the best one in the city—Jenny S. Jenkins—and on Saturday the twain were made one. The affections of the lovely widow have for sopae time centered in Center, apd she was his’n from center to clrcumfereuce. Three exquisite children, ready made, assist materially in cetnent ing the union. ’TIa sweet to be called ‘papa’ by cherub lips, on one’s wedding day. The evening went off* smoothly— skies serene—friends iu good spirits, and nobody hurt. AVe congratulate our sen-, sational friend upon securing the mono poly of so handsome an ‘item.’ Long mai* ho wave. .Aaron Bimu’s Grave.— The dying wish of Aaron Burr, the second Vico President of the United Stales, was, that he’might, when dead, lie at the feet of bis father, Aaron Burr, and of his grand father, Jonathan Edwards. His wish was granted, and a place was made for him in the college division at Princeton. Eor a number of years bis grave was visited by hundreds of travelers, yet there was nothing to mark it.. Not one of all the friends of Burr was left who cared to mark the grave, until one night, in 1856, unknown toanyone.a plain marble.sJub, with the-name of Aaron Burr upon it, 1 was placed at the head of hla grave. That is the foundation for the finale of Harriet Beecher Stowe’s novel of “The Minister’s Wooing.” So great was the Interest in this one grave, that in 1860 nearly one half the gravestone had been chopped off by visitors and carried away. The stu dents took up a subscription arid caused the erection of a wirecageaboutthostone, which was thus preserved in its broken, condition. • Experiment wit i r Light —Choose a room where the suu shines in through the window, and then block out all the light by means of a shutter or.otherwlae, taking care that all cracks are stopped. Then cut a hole about six luebes square in the shutter, and stop the hole With two or three thicknesses of rich deep blue or bluish purple glass. A broad beam of deep bine or purple light from the atm will thus stream down into the otherwise dark room. Then hold iu the deep blue light a bottle or other article made of uranium glass. Ornamental bottles made of this glass, which is sometimes called “canary” glass, because of its light yellow color, are commonly on sale In the chem ist’s shops. They are ruade to hold smel ling salts, and may cost slxpopce to three shillings each. .The blue light should be deep and not very brilliant. When the uranium glass bottle is held in it, the bottle will appear to glow with great beauty, with all the brilliancy of a glow worm, as If-white hot. • • Getting a Check.— There Is a check man at the Littlo Miami Railroad Depot who won’t admit but that they can check baggage to any point desired. The other day a traveler came to tne check-man and said bo wanted his true k checked to Rome. ‘What Rome?’ said the checklst. ‘Rome, Italy,’ was the reply, accompa nied with a wink to the by-standers.— ‘Can you check here!* .. ‘Certainly,’ said the. man of checks, going to the wardrobe where he keeps them and making a great rattle among the brass promises to give up a trunk.— Returning in a minute, he said to the traveler: ‘Sorry for it, air, but our checks for Rome, Italy, happen to be all out now.— Check you to Constantinople.’ ‘All right; give me a check to Conslau-- tioople.’ .‘Certainly. Let's see your ticket.' According to the strict rules of the company the chccfc-ered man had him there. On Sunday two gentlemen were stand ing on astreet corner in Sloningtou Conn., engaged in conversation, when one of them remarked to the oilier; ‘How plain ono can hear the ringing pf the church hells in Mystic, this morning; did you ever notice it? 1 'Yes, 1 was the reply; ‘I have noticed of late that tho sound ol the hells could he heard more distinctly since the'opening of the uow You see that It has shortened between'the' two villages. 1 ‘That’s so; I did not think of that till you spoke,’ was the,reply ; and tbey-hoth walked on, mutually pleased with having solved the dllllcult question. ’Chauley! what is osculation?’ ‘Osculation, Jeuuy dear, Is a learned expression, queer, For a nice seusatiou, I put my arm> thus,''rouud your waist, You need not fear— There’s no one here— Your.llpa quite near— I thou— ‘O dear!’ ‘Jenny, that’s osculation.’ VOX,. 57:-m 49. EARLY RECOIIEOTim OF CARLISLE. It may bo of Interest, to many of the residents, and; especially; to tlnfte who were born and reared in Carlisle and whose recollections extend to those per iods I now record, to note -past events and to call to umid reminiscences of its history. In front of tho Stone house, ■now" occupied ■by-Wrar-BenlZr-stood, ih the winter of 1821, a largo,'frame tavern honed, occupied by Robert McPherson, 'father of William. It was burnt down, with heavlyndl the contents that winter, and although a lad of but six years, re member well this conflagration; A NOTED PERSONAGE. Molly McCaully or Molly Pitcher of Revolutionary fame, who, when her hus band was killed at tno battle of Mon mouth, took his place at tho cannon, lived at what was then called Laugher idge’s corner, corner of Bedford and North Streets. During my mother’s protracted Illness summer of '22, Molly was my- careful attendant. She was tbeu nearly 70, very passionate, and as I then thought,, cruel, judging from the many switchings she : gave me. She died many years afterwards and was buried ns'she deserved, with military honors; OTHER NOTED rEnSONAOES. George Baggs, a largo, heavy, muscular man, lived with James Noble, father of John. He too was a butcher. He was somewhat deranged, caused by a stroke on the head, fond of-whiskey and of to bacco, a alavef to the latter. Twist tobac co; tbenprinolpnlly used, was very cheap and was sold, by the yard. Every small shopkeeper had a yard's length measured off on the counter to measure tape and tobacco. George usually had' a foot of twist hanging from his mouth and was very filthy; his breast and clothing al ways besmeared with the saliva. At periods of his- worst hallucinations, he walked the middle of the streets, never oh the pavements, singing hie favorite song—‘gliddy, glow, glaw, glaw,’ Some times a monotone, at other times wltlv great;emphaais. his 'glaw, olaw, QLAWI’ At suoh tipes, we.boys were afraid of him, for ho became vicious. Every one, whom he did notkn.ow, heoalled‘Bill’. I . do not remember when or where he died; The next was Isaac Hildebrand, a tall, erect, vicious looking man-and also de ranged. Ho often came to Carllslowlth a large drove of dogs, tied In pairs, of all kinds, sizes and colors. It was. amusing to witness Isaac leading ids dogs, along the and especially, when the town dogs attacked his; then, with his long pole he carried, with a horn on the end, for their protection, would beat off intruders successfully, Strange dogs were afraid of him, tor he was dressed oddly and he used his pole without any compassion. Hildebrand made a busi ness of stealing, trading and selling dogs, but would buy none. When he passed along the streets wlthhis herdof canines; the owners of all decent dogs, would shut them up, . . Next, was Jenny White, a victim of plighted affection. She was tall, walked slowly and crept, was indifferent, inof fensive and very reticent. She would seidom-speak to any one and answer no questions and always wore a melancholy countenance. Jenny always wore her favorite colored dress, white; and as In ventions for giving dress a set, exceeding the proportions of the wearer, were then wholly unknown, hers bung loosely, without ony appendages or other outside cavering; generally bare-headed, or wore an old straw bat. She died many years afterwards at Comberland co. Poorhouae. , The-last was Betsy George, also de ranged. trhe was a short, fleshy woman and rather too social and good-natured for most people*. Wherever she was acquainted sho visited often, an i.mposi tioji on those who lot her come in and remain. ’Loquacity was largely develop- an incessant talker but no sense in It. She was of good-disposition, fond of company and of friends, or of all who. entertained her., Always on the walk from bouse to house. Betsy died at the poorhouse. ' CA{3UA LTIES, The 4th of July then was celebrated, b> men and boys, and doubtless, this annu al festive occasion was rendered the more attractive, on account of the /ate .war with Great Britain, having been ended witli success to the American arms, only a few years before. July 4th 1824 was ii sad day in Carlisle. The celebra tion was held at Sponsler’s Grove, near Henderson’s niill. An iron cannon bursted, and. Frank Guest, a boy of my age, killed and Gen. Edward Armor wounded in the foot, that maimed him for life., I saw Frank’s terrible wound in the licad, a corpse and woe at his fu neral. The next celebration, Ju 182-5, was held at the 'Garrison. In company with my father and younger brother, I saw Mi chael Dawson, a candidate for Sheriff, astride acannon, when it was discharged, and, saw the charge put in that caused the death of Dr. John Given and of Wm. Bell. And, such a charge, loaded to the muzzle with mullein leaves, clay and brickbats; my father said to us, 'you had bettor go home, I am afraid the cannon will burst,’and it,did. We left quickly, and had not reached the end of the Gar rison lane when I heard the shrill, dead? ened report and in a few minutes, one rode hastily past for a physician add said. 'two men were killed l’ We returned and mot a wagon, containing the lifeless body of Wm. Bell and saw the wound la his breast that took his life, The inden ted locust tree, struck with a pieco.of the exploded cannon, marked for many years, where Dr. Given was killed and where my fathef imprudently sat, leaning against the tree and caught the injured man as he fell. In the evening X saw the corpse of this esteemed, promising young man,, brought in on a bearer to James Given, his father’s residence, and, I was at the funeral. Jefferson Worthington lost his arm, a few years afterwards, on a similar occa sion, while engaged, either loading or swabbing the cuuuon, at a Democratic celebration, hold up the spring. Thus ended the casualties of 4th of July and thus ended the recklessness of politicians; for, on the occasion of the bursting of both cannons, many were almost Insens ibly drunk, especially at the Garrison. More anon. IV. Milks. Williamsport Pa, April 29, ’7l A pool, a barber, ami .v-bald-headed man were traveling together. Loosing their way, they were forced to Bleep in the open air, and to avert danger it was agreed to watch by turns. The lot first fell on the barber, who, for amusement, shaved the fool’s head while he' wassloop iug. Ho then awoke him, and the fool, raising his hand to scratch his head, ex claimed: ‘Here’s a pretty mistake ; you have awakened the bald-headed man in stead of mo,’ There is a man in Dacoiuh, lowa, so penurious, that when shelling corn, a kernai flew into a wood-pile, and he re moved several cords of wood to llud It. A neighbor, standing near, dropped a Jicnml near where the searcher was look ing. hut when ho found it he said: ‘You can’t fool mo with that small kernel; the lost was a iargerpno I’ That was a delightful economy of the Irishman in the pit of a Dublin theatre, who, seeing some people about to throw an obstreperous follow in the gallery over the railing,and, being much exasperated by a had oruhpstra, cried out at tiro top of his voice; ‘Don’t waste him; kill a lld dler with him!’ A short time ago Mr. Thomas Carlyle startled an admiring American by telling him that “ you are rushing down to hell with a fearful velocity; the scum of the world has got possession of your country, and nothing enti save you fromtbe devil’s clutches.’ Not a very cheerful Idea, but it, alas I is too true. ~ Rates for ‘ ADygßTtapcicsTa will Do inserted at Teuton t . pot Uno for tho flmt lns6rtlbn, aii(l flVe oeht ! ' : per line for each subsequent Insertion. Qaar* - oil; half-yearly, and yearly advertfeerfebtlTln ortod at a liberal redaction on above grates 'Advertisements should bo accdinpatilod by the Cash. When sent without afiy length of tine speclfledfor publication, they ■will bo continued untllordored out and cnargedaccordingly, *" ; JOBPRINTING. - ; ;•••,;V cards,HANDDihuj,OißOuzAics) andovery 6ther> ■ er description of Jon and Oahd Printing, For tho Volunteer. 1 1 WoVAfcr {9 the Only female In creation thatslngs. ‘ ! :’•»> How lohg does a widow mourn ?' 'For : a second, • ' .1 r.- ,r . V Our creditors, it Is said, are the* most steadfast followers of our fortunes! . ' as a human substitute for bard labor. ■ ‘No, I atn not lazy/ said a vagabond on . a hot day; ‘but, you see, I was born tired.*, Mankind should learn temperance , from the moon—the fuller she gets, the shorter her horns become. ' ! When Is. a Chinese the moat llk& a’ vegetable? Why, when a cue cumbers his head, of course. A paper'out West has for its motto:— ‘Good will to all men who pay promptly. Devoted to nows and making money.' A man In Portland wanted to gain ad . mission to a panorama at half price, on - the ground that he had but one eye! ' A man in Council Bluff la both a li quor saloon keeper and an undertaker. Oho business hcls the other, . . When a married man becomes ‘corn ed, 1 It. is perfectly right that his wife should puli his ears! , , , -!., ; ' Harsh words are hailstones,which,lf melted, would fertilize the tender plants, they batter down. , We are told there is nothing made la. vain. But how about a pretty girl? Isn't she maiden vain? ' ! Why Is al man never knocked down against bis will ? Because it Is impossible . to fall unless Inclined. ■ It is said that hunters, after shooting a duck, may.'.by Jumping into the river af-. ter It, get two ducks! . 80!—A Chicago widow who has burled ‘ , two'huebands, insists that the law.of the . land entitles her to a third. ’ All efforts to make hay by gas light have failed; butit is discovered that wild ' oats can be sown under Its cheerful lays.. A paper called The Tobacco Plant has recently been started in Liverpool. It • must be r good paper for i puffs.’ You hive very striking countenance,;. ■' as the donkey said to the elephant, whoa r he hit blip over the back with his trunk,' ;, , The man who got wise by eating sage . cheese, lias a hrotbuc who proposes to, be- ■ ■ come skillful in the fashionable dances by dieting on hops, : True,—Dr. Walkingpest is; a Cincin nati physician. He might have bis name.','' changed to running soi;e, or falling sick ness, If ho considered It an ,Improvement. • An old Greenland fisherman said he could readily believe that orookodiles , shed tears, for he had often seen whales blubber! A voice cornea from the Washington Territory, saying, 'Send ub wives 1’ And a thousand unhappy Benedicts respond, ‘Take oura!’ ‘Mr. Smith, la B a man to be trusted?’ *1 know of no ono more so. He is, to bo trusted forever—he never pays.* Some ingenious biped has a machine . to make a man rise-eafly in the morning. A young Benedict says n six months old baby can beat It to death. A*WEiiL known and lively lady nov elist of rank Is said to be about to publish a fresh book, with the amusing but most decidedly novel title, ‘Naughty,Naugh ty, but So Nice/ ' At a spiritual circle tho other evening a gentleman requested tho medium to ask w bat amusement was tbo most popular. In the spiritual world. The reply was, • Reading our own obituary notices/ ‘My brethren,’ said a country preacher, ‘we caunotaufliciently marvtlatthe wiso • forethought of Divine Providence in placing death at the end of life, in order » to give us time to prepare for it/ A little boy three years old, who has a brother of three mouths, gave as a rea son for the latter’s good conduct: ‘Baby doesn't cry tears because he doesn'tdrink any water, and lie can’t cry milk.’ A precocious boy, iu a public school out West, who stands high in geography, was recently asked by Ids teacber'where Africa was located. He promptly‘an swered, ‘All over the United Stales*’..- Two fashionable young ladies of Hart*- ; ford, Coqn., have been laid up for repairs from wearing blgb-heoled shoes, and the doctor thinks, he lias got a job that will last him a year.' A fellow,' who fell in love with a very beautiful girl last winter, was cured by, visiting her lately and finding her face covered with freckles os big as chocolate .drops, such love is only skin deep. Upon receiving the s3,ooolife insurance upon a school teacher recently deceased in Massachusetts, bis legal heirs at once banded over the amount to a young lady to whom he was engaged to bo married. ‘Bill Jones,* said'a bullying urchin to another lad', ‘next time I catch .you alone I’ll flog you like anything. ‘ WeiV-sfild Bill, ‘X ain’t often- much alone; .1 comr r monly have my legs and flats with mo.* The ‘eternal fitness of things’is again illustrated by the purpose of affixing Mr, Grant’s ‘phiz’ to thecustom house-stamp on cigars. It. is only meet that Ulysses I. should go down to posterity in smoke! Younq lady (to Mr. Septimus. Softing ton,)—*Oh, Mr. Sdptimusl It was too bad of you not to accept our invitation to din ner on Sunday. W-e only had a piece of roast beef, but if you had come we should have had a goose I A Geneva lady, whose 'husband had to go to the lodge every night, because he was on an important committee, followed him to a masquerade ball the other night, and led him home by the ear. This item ia going to open the eyes of lots of mar ried women, . Quite a large number of the cadets who have just graduated at "West JPplnt have already entered into the bands of matrimony. Thole excuse is that they are so used to discipline and ordsr that they can not get along without it. At a charitable meeting, recently held in Bt. Louis, a lugubrious committeeman read a report on the condition of destitute widows. ‘Are you sure, brother, 1 asked the chairman of the meeting, < tbat.yod have embraced all the widows?’ The brother rather thoughtho had. How True !—Persons who are always cheerful and.good-humored are very use ful in the world ; they maintain peace and happiness, and .spread a thankful ■ temper amongst ail who live about them. Therefore always cultivate a cheerful temper, and you will he guy and happy - . Mr. Constant, of Michigan, ‘soaked 1 , his bed clothing with kerosene, got in, covered - himself up, su'd then set lire to it. Tills was his Constant habit till he died very shortly after ho lit tbeiidrst L mulch. How true it is that‘all t,he.fools are not dead yet? 1 The Detroit papers have discovered a new and effectual mbthbu'of driving the. poor organ grinders’away from their in land town. Every day or two they have a small paragraph like, this : ‘.‘The organ grinders in Memphis make about $lO a day, and*he gentlemen from Italy floeir, to that devoted olty. 11 u, . !«» .< - A citizen of Harrisburg, being' unex pectedly called upon to address a Bumlay school, rose to his fee tin some confusion, and after several, desperate but vain, at tempts to say something appropriate, be hoarsely raurmuaed, ‘Dear children, nev er foot with powder I 1 aliiii=l ® ims; anft^njrs.-