®I)C Volunteer.
J'UBIjISIIKI) EVERY THURSDAY MORNINU
BRATTON KKNNKBY
Di m'K-SOtTH MARKET S^UARK
Terms;—Two Dollars per year If paid strictly
I a advance; Two Dollars and Fifty Cents If paid
within throe months; after which Three Dollars
will ho charged. These terms will ho rigidly od.
hered to In every Instance. No subscription dis
continued until all arrearages are paid, unless at
thoontlon of the Editor.
protesßionai Caros.
| JNITED STATES CLAIM
AND
nEA L ESTA TE A GENO Y.
wm! b. butler,
ATTOUNKY AT LAW, t ’ ,
"o'lflco"Tii T-Valilclm’troTisSl’Soul’irtTanbvoFSlivei’
Carlisle,Cumberland comity. Fomin.
Applications by mall, will receive Irtimodlnto
attention.
Particular u( lon I lon given to the selling or rent
ing of Real Estate. In town or country. In all let
ters of Inquiry, plcAso enclose postage stamp..
.Inly 11. IS7o—tf *
171 E. HEI/rZBIOOVER,
'ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
O.VRLISTjK, Pa,
ajr-omco oh South Hanover .Street, opposite
Benfz’s dry goods store.
Pec. I. )*««.
.rfUMRICH & FARICER,
' ATrouxjsrs at la ir.
Ofllco on M.vlu Street, hi Marlon Hall, Car
lisle, Pa.
Doe. 2 IS*E .
Q E (). S. E ICI
ATTORNEY- AT-L A W,
OlUtu: with H. Hepburn. Jr. .
Mist Main Street,
nAHLISLK, PA.
Fob. 2,71—ly
WKEN’N'EDV, Attobn'my m-Law
, Carlisle, Pnnna. Ofllco sumo ns that ol
tlio "Amorloau Volunteer.”
Deo. 1. IK7O.
DR. GEORGE S. BEARIGHT, Den
tist. From the BnUhnnre CnUene of Dental
Suraor.u. Oniconttho residence of his mother
East Leather Street, three doors below Bedford
Carlisle, Penna.
Doe. 1 IrflTi.
ihats auir «Hai)S
U R I V A l 7
OP ALL TIIK
A FAV STYLKti
OF
ll A T 8 AN D CAPS
I'lig subscriber has'.Hist opened at i¥b; 15 North
flunover direct, a few doors North of the Carlisle
Deposit Bunk, one of the lamest and best Stocks
nf 11 ATS and CAPS ever ollbred In Carlisle.
rfllk Hal*, of all style# and qualifies,
Stiff Brims, different colors, and every descrip
tion of Molt. Hats now made.
The Dunkard and Old Fashioned Brush,con
stantly on hand.and made to order, all warrant
ed to giro satisfaction.
A fall nssot tmont of
MEN'S,
ROY’S, AND
CHILDREN'S.
HATH.
I nave also added to my Stock, notions of dillor
ent kinds, consisting of
LADIES’ AND GENTLEMEN’S STOCKINGS
Xcck yi.-’v, Ninpemters,
Collar. t, Gloves,
Pencils, Thread,
Scwinu Silk. > Uinbrelhu; Ax
PRIME SEGARS AND TOBACCO
ALWAYS ON HAND.
*>lvo mo ft cull, and examine my stock ns I fool
ccmllclent of pleasing all, besides saying yon mo
ney
JOHN A. KELLER, Agent,
No, loNprlh Hanover Street.
Get. 1870.
pATS AND CAPS T
lit) YOU \V,IST NICE HIT OB CAP ?
IP so, Don’t F.vtn to Call on
.r. g. callio,
•iVO. 29, WESI MAIN SVRIiET,
*Vti«re can bo seen the finest assortment of
■H ATS AND CAP S.
over iwonght to Carlisle. Ho takes great pleas
ure In Inviting ills old friends uud customers,
and all now ones, to his splendid Just re
ceived from New York and Philadelphia, con
sisting In part of line
SILK AND OASSIMERB HATS,
besides an endless variety of Hats and Caps of
the latest stylo, all oUwhich ho will soil at the
T.owiut Oath Prices." Also, his own manufacture
flats always on hand, and
HATS MANUFACTURED TO ORDER.
He lias Co best arrangement for coloring Hats
and nil klnns of Woolen Goods, Overcoats, &c., at
the shortest notice (as ho colors every week! and
on the most reasonable terms. Also, a fine lot of
choice brands of
TOBACCO AND CIGARS
always on hand. Ho desires to call thoattentlon
of persona who have
COUNTUY FURS
to sou, as he pays the highest cash prices for die
same, , , , , •.,
Give him a call, nt tho- abovo number, his 'ld
stand, as he feels coulldeut of giving entire sa .is
faction.
f'et. IS7O. . ____
i?[RUIiUVSi, SCC.
K JAMS OAMt'BELL. \ W. l'\ lIENWOOU
ELEN WO OJ),
PLUMBERS,
in thetown.nllof which we arc selling cheaper
and at smaller prollta than any other big store
in the United States. . , . .
Give us a call and you will savo a good deal of
moneyluybur purchases. &
No. IS North Hem verSt. | NoT - 10 n -
GAS AND STEAM FITTERS,
CARLISLE, PA.
BATHTUBS,
WAT UR CLOSETS,
'WASTE BASINS.
HYDRANTS,
LEFT AND FORCE PUMPS,
CISTERN AND DEEP WELL PUMPS,
GAS FIXTURES.
GAB SHADES A ND GLOBES Act., Ac.
Lead, Iron and Terra Colta Pipe,
CHIMNEY TOPS ami FLUES,
All kinds ol
BRASS WORK
lor steam ami Water constantly on inuul.
WORK IN TOWN OR COUNTRY
promptly attended to.
attention given to orders for
inaieriai-or work Irom a dlstunce.-<ta f •
Having special advantages wo aro prepared, to
furnish , _ _
COJPPER WORK
to all descriptions for RtllL houses and other
purposes at homo or at a distance.
COPPER PIPE
furnished to order either drawn or brazed.
$ k I £ I § k k k k
ep, 1, 70~ly
TjIRESH ANDPRIME!
CLEAN, FAT AND JUICY.
SMITH’S
OYSTER SALOON,
IN THE VOLUNTEER UUILDINO
South Market square,
”Johnny”rtmlth Is now opening superior Oys
ters, received twice a week, which ho sells at
groat reduction In price, , , niwl fnr
His tables are kept neat and clean and lur
ul-shi'd with all the necessary accompaniments.
Families supplied with first quality of Ovslus
on short not co. The celebrated NEWARK.
BEER. and MASSEY.ds COLLINS’ BXULADEL-
PiliAAliE on draught.
Give him u trial and ho will endeavor loglve
satisfaction to all. jno. 13. SMITH.
Oct. 0,1870—1 v
J L. STERNER & BRO.,
LIVEBY AND SALE STABLE
BETWEEN HANOVER. AND BEDFORD ST..
IN THE HEAR OF BENTZ HOUSE
CARLISLE, PA.
flavin? fitted up the Stable with now Carrl-
BQ3, «tc.. I mu prepared to furnlsn lim-class
turn-outsat roaaouubie rales. Parties taken to
and from, the springs.
April 25,1M7.—2y fa
4 ~ ...1 . 4 .
IT . 4
' .' et...-, 1.•
4 4 1 . : '. . i
..1 -,.
‘4. j
C. .
••• 3 ' S i •
'' • I
, 5 ,..
.3 4 -N. '.:•,
. • . .
. .
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY.
J0«SI (SooUa.
GOODS!
DRY GOODS!!
—AT—
- HARPER’S
South Hanover St. y
NEW STOCK OF . FALL GOODS,
T take pleasure In offering to my patrons and
the public, a stock of
DRY GOODS,
complete In every branch, and m*t excelled In
quality, beauty, and cheapness. I have now
open a beautiful slock of
FASHIONABLE DRESS GOODS,
comprising Black Silks, Black and to wed All
wool Hops, Black and Colored All T \ool Pop
lins, Black ami Colored Wool Delaines, Black
and Colored Merlnoes, Rich Plaid Poulins. Mer
ges. Velours, Fine Tainlso, Bombazines, Pure
Mohairs, new brand of Double Warp'Black Al
paca, for beauty of color, wight of texture, and
prlco.it takes tbo lead of any Alpacas lu tho
market. r
Fashlouablo Shawls.ln new styles of Stripes
and Plaids.
Long and Square Thibet Shawls, all of which
I offer exceedingly cheap.
: BLANKETS,
White ami Gray. Bargains -guaranteed,
FLANNELS,
in every variety.
LADIES 1, CLOAICrNGS—BIack Reavers, Volve
teens, Whlto Corduroy. Opera Flannels, Plaids
for Circulars »
WATEII-PUOOF! WATEK-PROOF!
House Furnishing Dry Goods, Table Linens
Pupkins and White Goods.
• All the popular brands of Domestics, at prices
.to meet the lowest quotations.
Merino Vests, shirts, and Drawers, for Ladles,
Misses, Men. and Boys.
Knitting Yarns, Zephyrs, Germantown Wool,
Persian Wool, and Ralmoial Yarns, Hamburg,
Edgings and Insertlngs, Thread Laces, Gnlpno
Laces. Linen amt Lucp Collars, Kid Gloves,
Handkerchiefs, Felt, Balmoral,and Hoop Skirts,
Corsets, and a general variety of notions.
CLOTHS AND CASSIMERES,
I'ltrs f Furs'! Furs!
No hesitancy In saying that the prices will ho
as low as any in town.
All goods bought at the head of the market,
for cash, and superior Inducements will' c offer
ed at the Cheap CaslrStore,
Cor. JJanovcr and Pomfrel Sis.,
„ THOS. A. HARPER.
Oct. 20 70 -
e goods:
Wo have Jnst returned from tho city, with
another very heavy stock of Goads, making our
stock the largest ever held In Carlisle, by any
othet House. We have extra good and thick
BLACK SILKS, COLORED SILKS,
SILK POPLINS, ol all shades.
SILK AND WOOL EPINQLINES
WOOL REPS,
WOOL PLAIDS.
, ALPACCAS AND DELAINES
MOURNING- goods.
nil kinds.
‘lndeed I can, for the very same ex
pression came over your face then that
was on it just mow.. The very, first night
my father brought you (o our cottage,
the very first moment when you and I
spoke together, you started and looked
round on all sides, arid your face hud just
the expression it had an instant ago. Am
I right, dear?*
„ i ‘You are right, Elsie,’ he said gloom!
QUILTS AND COVERLETS, | )y
PLAIN AND FANCY SACKING FLANNELS,
WATER PROOFS AND CLOAKINGS,
CLOTHS AND CASSIMERES,
Carpets anil Oil-Cloths,
DOMESTIC goods
in great variety
Shawls, Gloves, Hosiery, <t-o.
Wohavoasawholothe most splendid assort
ment of Goods oliudde of the cities. Wo have
the very best and most liandsomo
SASH RIBBONS,
rpHE OLD established
STOVE JIND TIMBE STORE,
James McGoxiigal,
No. 83, South Hanover Sl„
(Adjoining mail' & Sons' Grocery Store.)
CARLISLE, PA,
After an experience of over thirty years in th
Stove and Tinware business, In Carlisle, the un
derslcnod feels contldont that his rocommonda
lion of Stoves has some weight with the com
inanity. Ho now offers the celebrated
EMPIRE gas burner
which he feels satisfied Is the best Base Burner
In the market. U Is handsome, throwing a
cheerful light around the room; theio are no
clinkers oven with the worst coal; the heat is
reflected lo the door and strikes the feet Instead
of the lace: the gas la entirely consumed ; all
dust la curried ofTby a back pipe; Ithaca
tilutlng damper by which rooms may bo kept
thoroughly ventilated ; and ft produces as great
heat from os'small a quantity of coni as any
Stove ever oderod to the piildic. '
Ho also oilers the “COZY LIGHT and the
“ BEACON LIGHT,” both Huso Burners, hlghh
recoin mended-bylrll who .iray o used thein . All
these Base Burners are Insured for three 5 eats,
and If they do not work satisfactorily ma> bo
returned. Also the following well known
COOK STOVES:
NIMROD,
IRONSIDES.
FARMER.
DIAMOND SLA I E
and others
These are all warranted and may bo relu f l *®£
If unsatisfactory. Hundreds of thorn have been
pm «,) by mo in this community, and their
PO A P nffis“rc 3 V raayb=an fi aonat my .slab-
Bailment and references can bog Won to parlies
using them.
SPOUTING AND ROOFING,
attended to In town or country.
iU'lmlrlng done on
Oct. 18,70—0 m No. Kl. South Hanover 81
mHE OLD ESTABLISHED
"Purnitifro and Bedding Warerooms,
OP H. U. LEWIS
nro tin) cheapest In «io oily. Ho Is now selling
I’urlorSults In Plush, tlalr Cloth, Pops or ler
ry; Walnut Chamber Suits In oil
Chtlago Furniture, all styles , Bedding and Mat
tresses various sizes; cheaper than Auction
prices, Carpets, every variety, •
1 Come and seo and bo convinced. You will
save money by giving us a call before pm chas*
ing elsewhere. «. n. LlflWlß.
No. H3O and 1431 Market St.
Next door to corner of Fifteenth Street.
March 2,71-8 m
IEI
IpoeticaL
THE HAWK'S NEST.
BY BRET HAUTE.
~NYo_ch,qcli;,C(l..O).u;..paccrT-tUe..red road-sharply.
rounding:
Wo hom'd'tho tioublcd ilow^
Of tho dark olive depths ef pines, resounding
• A thousand feet below;
Above tho tumult of the canyon, lifted,
The gray hawk'breathless hung,
Or on tho hill a wing shadow drifted
Where furze ami thorn bush clung;
Or where, half way, the mountain side was fur
rowed
With many a seam and scar,
Or some abandoned tunnel dimly burrowed—
A mole hill soon so far:
Wclooked In silence down across tho distant
Unfathomable reach,
A silence broken by the guide’s consistent
f R,And realistic speech;
•'Walker" of Murphy’s bleu* a hole* through Pe
ters
For telling liim ho licit; ;
Then up and dusted out of South Horullea
Across the long Divide.
“Wo ran him out of Strong’s' and up through
Kdcn, '
And ’cross the ford below.
And up (his mountain (Peter’s brother leadin’),
And mo and Clark and Joe.
“ Ho fou’t ns game ; somehow, I-dlsremeraher
Jest how the thing Kem round ;
Horne say ’twns wadding, some a scattered ember
Prom Arcs on the ground. ■
“ Hut in one minute all tho hill below him
Was Just one sheet of flame;
Guardin' the crest, Sam Clark'mid I called to
him,
And—well, tho dog was game. ,
“ H’o made no sign- the Arcs of hoi! wore round
him,
Tho pit of hell below;
Wo sat and waited, but we never found him,
And then wo turned to go.
“And then— 5 ou see that rock that's grown so
briskly
With chapparel and fan—
Hnthln’ crept out—it might have been a grizzly,
It might Uov been a man.
“Bn thin that howled and gnashed Us tcetli nml
shouted
In smoko and dust and flame;
Bathin’ that sprang Into the depths about U,
Grizzly or man—but game.
“That’s all. Well, yea, it does look rather risky
And kinder makes one queer
And dizzy looking down. A drop of whisky
Ain’t a bad thing right hero I”
ffikcltacm
THE TREAD DF INVISIBLE FEET.
‘ Yes, Elsie, 7 lie said, and he ahrugget}
his shoulders. ‘ I don't want to conceal
anything from you* Twice it disturbed
me before while I was with.yon; but I
did not think it worth talking about,and
T didn’tkriow that you observed anything
strange in my manner.’ .
*Oh,.yes; T have quick eyes, dear, for
airthot concerns you.- Shall I tell you
when it was that you had this fancy be
fore In my company?’
: ‘lf yon can, Elsie.’
'The next tinje,’ the girl went on, low
er! timber tone, nnd lookingon the ground,
‘was the evening here, when—you know
—when yon told me-’
‘When I told ymi that I loved you,-
dear girl, better than all the world !’ said
Cleveland, shaking off In the excitement
of the recollection all thegloom and pain
of the moment—‘when I told you the
truth, my love, which I will say' now
again and.again. If you willonly listen to
me. What do I care about such non
aeneical whimsies .ns these imaginary
footsteps I am ashamed of myself, Elsie;
and I don’t know what vou cun think of
me. Never mind—and forgive me, Elsie.
You have chased a-way-the ghost, I don’t
hear a sound of her confounded footsteps
any more:’ ,
‘//er footsteps, Christe? Is the ghost a
woman, then ?’ b
‘Why, yes, dear—at least a light.,trend,
you know; something like the tread ot a
woman, or a child, perhaps. 1 suppose
all ghosts trend lightly, don’t they ? Be
sides; there is no mischief, they say, but
there is u woman in it; and X suppose
the snme rule holds good with ghosts.—
But, man, woman, or fiend, it’s gone
now, Elsie; nnd, please. let us- not waste
our lime hy saying any more about it.’
And he began to speak rapidly and ve
hemently about their approaching mar
riage and their prospects; but in the
midst of his talk he paused every now
and then for a*moment, and seemed as
he was listening nervously for some
sound.
it wns—growing dark, ami the lovera
soon returned to "the cottage, ami Cleve
land presently had to make his way to
the house in the village where he had
taken a bedroom ; and so Elsie and ho
were separated. He was very tender
and affectionate to her on their pa: ting ;
and she returned Ids affection with frank,
maidenly acknowledgement. And, why;
then, did she go up lo her bedroom with
a sad and soared face, and shed some sil
ent, bitter tears?
Why did she do this? She herself
probably oonld not have told the reason
why in any distinct, intelligent words.
She was a girl of education and sense,
and she no more believed in gliosis than
does Prof. Huxley or Herbert Spencer—
But there was something in the manner
of her lover which surprised, puzsled and
pained her. Why was he scared by im
aginary sounds 7 Why did he not speak
more fully and freely to her ? Had he
not entire confidence in her? Whyshouid
lie feel pain of any kind which she must
not bo permitted to assuage? Wns there
any secret meaning in all this which she
must not yet know; and would that se
cret endure after their marriage ?
Lei me do Elsie Ireland justice. No
mean ami miserable suspicion of the man
she loved entered Into her generous soul.
Brought up not in city life, she had not
learned the Ignoble lessons of universal
suspicion and distrust; ami having given
her heart to Christie Cleveland, she had
given him her confidence ami faith to a
degree which would doubtless appear
unspeakably ridiculous and preposterous
in the eyes of a young lady from Fifth
Avenue. New York, or Park Lane, Lou
don. But It was enough to bring tears
to her eves that there should bo any
source of dlaquletudo to Cleveland which
evidently might not ho fully set forth and
explained to her. And so, loving him
and believing in, him no less than ever,
she felt that a heavy shadow, the first
during their courtship, had thing itself
ondnouslv over her; and being, afler all,
only a girl, she could not repress her
emotions, ami she wept.
When next the lovera met, however,
Cleveland made no illusion to the occur
rence that evening, and Elsie said noth
ing, and began gradually to think but
Mlllo about It. Some happy days and
weeks passed uwny, during which these
two met evening after evening’, ami
talked over their future and their love
without any disturbing sight or sound to
mar the sacredness of their association ;
ami Elsie felt more closely drawn to
Cleveland than ever.
At last came the evening when, the
final arrangements being made, and it
was to bo in the following week; ams
CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, MARCH 30, 1871.
th© lovers left the house' for a short ram
ble towards the sen.
From the moment they left the cottage
Elsie saw with pain and alarm that
Cleveland’s face grew haggard and
gloomy, and that his manner was distrait .
At last ho stopped suddenly on the strand
ami groaned out.
hea'v€ii' > "El&l6rl dfth‘ , t'~heaT lf aTiy’
longcrl Human nerves could not stand
It. The horrid visitation is sent fo pub
lish me and take me from you, or perhaps
to save you, poor child, from me I'
Elsie looked up into his face with an
expression of' horrified wonder. A ter
rible doubt was working in her mind,
and must have signified itself through
her eyes, for Cleveland replied to It:
‘No, Elsie ;I am not going mad. lam
quite sane—so much the worse for yoil
and me! Inin ascoundrol, not a madman.
I am not fit to marry you, and the angels
have senttheir visitation to preserve you.
I thought first It was sent by devils to
torment me.’
‘Whatisit? What doyou mean ? Why
(Jo you talk so? Do you think I could
believe anything bad of you ? Not if all
the ghosts came out of their giaves to
swear against you! Not I, dearest, I
know you better than any of your ghosts.’
, She was endeavoring to talk cheerily,
poor girl, and thus to reassure him, and
herself as well. But she was. much
alarmed ami shocked, for'all her conll-,
dent words. .
‘Listen, Elsie, no man. like me could
care much about the visitation of a ghost,
even were it n ghost, unless something
.within his own - heart ami conscience
.made his nerves weak. This..wretched
Round which I fancy I hear just at’this
moment—only the sound of a girl’s feet,
child—isonough lomakoa pitiful coward
of me; and I have not led a coward’s life
for the moat part. No, Elsie, my love,
you must not marry me, you must have
nothing to do with mo. I wish for your
sake, that I hud been down at the bottom
of the sea before ever I saw your sweet,
beautiful face, before ever I was tempted
into forgetting the past by loving you
and thinking that you could love me.
Good God I have I destroyed your life
too ? J
For Elsie turned too. pale, and seemed
so like one about to fall in a swoon,'
that Cleveland bad to catch her in his
strong' - arms, and allow her to rest there
a moment. But she quickly grew firm
again, and spoke with .Bometldug like
coherence, if not composure*
‘Christie, Christie dear, can you not
speak to.mo frankly? Tell me what all
this means. Let mo judge. Am I not
to be—was I not to bo—your wife, and
can you not trust mO? Oh, E entreat you
' —tell me all, I am no child, arid before
you send me away from you I ought at
least to know the reason why. You shall
not break off In this way, for I love you,
Christie!’
That Seemed to the poor girl to give
her a supreme aud resistless right—to be
the utterance of a command that 1 might
not be questioned. But Cleveland only
looked at her with haggard face, and eyes
that were almost void of meaning; and
his lips trembled, and Ills whole aspect
was that of one who »s unmanned by
supernatural terrors. It was a strange
■and a sad scene. The sea-shore, with
its heavy, gray,slumberous waves coming
lazily in; the sultry dark clouds of a
•summer evening, when the air is over
charged with electric fluid, aud a storm
is near; the two lonely figures on the
strand-the dark, pale, haggard manj
and the imploring girl clinging to his
arm.
Suddenly voices were heard, and two
other forma appeared in the distance.
‘Your fat her. and mother, Elsie/Cleve
land whispered. ‘For Heaven’s sake do
not say a word to them. Not now—oh,
not now!’ '
Recovering something of composure,
with n strong effort lie gave Elsie his
arm, and then walked slowly and silent
ly.: lo meet the Roland pair. Then Cleve
land murmured some excuse about hav
ing to go into the village to keep an ap
pointment, and ho left Elsie with her
parents. She watched him as he strode
along the strand. His head was bent;
once lie stopped for an instant, and al
most turned round, but he' evidently
would not allow himself to look hack,
and he presently disappeared.
That was a sad walk for poor Elsie—
the saddest she had over had. But she
would not submit, at tiro cost of any
mental torture, to allow lief father and
mother, as yet, to know anything of what
had happened, or of her state of mind.—
Mr. Roland was a sweet tempered, placid
feeble man, ut'erly useless in any crisis
or hour of. distress. Mrs. Roland was a
plain, practical sort of a woman—what
people call a sensible woman—who could
hardly sympathize with any but mate
rial and tangible sufferings. There was
nothing yet which Elsie felt that she
could possibly confide to her mother. '
Oil, how tedious, tantalizing ; tortur
ing, that long evening was I How dis
turbing the noise of the children ! How
disturbing their endless questions I How
weary everything seemed! How weari
some everybody! How profound a ro :
lief poor Elsie felt when she could escape
to her own room I All through that ag
onizin'? evening it had seemed to Elsie
that life had left lo her no higher hope,
ambition, aspiration, Ilian a wish lo bo
once more in her own room alone.
At lust raised to tiio height of this poor
sad ambition, she enjoys it by throwing
herself on her bed, and pouring out plen
teous, passionate tears. Suddenly she
starts up—she had not undressed—and
luns to the window. For site bad Just
heard sung, in a low, veiled tone beneath,
the air and some of the words of
of a song she loved, and which Cleve
land used to sing to her in ins full,
sweet tenor. She knew it was Cleveland's
voice which now sang in low, suppressed
notes under her window.
Yes, ho was there. The cottage was
low, and he could almost touch her win
dow. He sang to summon her. She
raised up the window, whispering, ‘Oh,
my dear Christie!’ and Jeaned out
‘Elsie!’
‘Love!’
'Child, don't call me by such a name
until you know ail. Yes, I have made
up my mind, and I will tell yon all. This
is what I came now to say. Then you
shall judge and sentence me. If you oau
endure mo I shall believe that God, too,
will forgive me. If you condemn mo
and cast mo off, I shall only say thatyou
ore right and just. To-morrow you shall
hear from me. Good night, and God
bless you!'
He was goue.
Does it seem otrango tint Elsie drew
back inlo ber room Willi a sense of re
lief, almost a feeling of delight? Cer
tainly site went to her feat hopeful and
almost happy, for she could and would
not believe that ber lover bail done any
thing which could render him forever
unworthy of her. This Innocent Judge
could not believe in utter guilt, and was
already prepared to pardon.
"Next morning brought—not Cleveland
—but a long letter from him, written in
ids clear, manly hand - the hand of one
to whom writing is no pleasure or light
task, and who, when lie says much with
the pen, must bo profoundly in earnest:
‘This is a sad stoiy, dear Elsie, but I
must tell it. I shall feel the better for
telling it, whatever comes; and I. shall
be belter able to bear the worst.
Two years ago, Elsie, I was in one of
the Pacific Islands trading. A nativeglri
was foolish enough to fall in love with
me. She had been educated a little by
some of Hie American -missionaries, ami
could talk English well. I liked her,' too
T was fond of her in a sort of a way,
but I could not bring her with me and
bind myself to her for life. I was
glad when tire lime came for me to go
away ; and I am ashamed to say I did
not tell her, fearing scones. But she
found it out, poujicreaturo, and hid her
self somehow on board the ship, and she
came out when we were far away to sen,
and ran to me. I was ashamed and Sur
rey and angry; and I am afraid I spoke
some sharp words to lief. Him looked me
full in the face—l shan't soon forget that
look—and then ran to the side and leap-
ed overboard. As I sprang to the bulwark
I saw her face again rising out of the sea,
and her eyes met mine again* and there
was the-same look in them—so full of
disappointment and despair. The sun
was just down, the sea was running high.
I saw the poor thing’s face that moment
and never again,..
"'"’pf cburaoTThrew myself in to the sea
—riot many better swimmers than I, and
I .did iny best to find her and save her;
and they had the boats out in a moment.
Ail to no -pmpose, we never saw a
lock of her hnlr again above the waves.
There was hard work enough for tbe
men to pull mo out of the water—l did
not want to bo saved. But they dragged
me but somehow.
were tho footsteps that of even
ings. just after sundown, haunted mo
when I was most happy with you. I
don’t—at least I didn’t- believe In such
things any more than you do. But say
it is only my guilty conscience haunting
me, and not a ghost, is that enough,
Elsie, to mak.e me unworthy of you ? For
though I never wished to harm that girl;
though I never thought sho would take
the thing to heart —I am her murderer ail
the same. She killed herself because of
me!
• 'Tills is the story. Elsie, But for this
I have not been a bad sort of a fel low
ask any one who knows me. , If you do
notshudderat meand hatemo, and shrink
away at the thought of touching my hand
—if you could still bid me hope, could lell
me some time—any time—l‘may be for
given by j’ou. by heaven—then I shall
feel my smil lightened of a fearfiil‘load
find I think, perhaps, after'nil, I might
yet make not such a bad husband; But
if you are otherwise resolved, lAhnll how
my head and say that yon are right, and
that I am rightfully punished,and Ishall
not repine; and shall always think that
but for my own crime you would have
loved me.
‘Elsie, take your own time and think
of it; and if you can still love mo send
rne one line, one word; say Come! If
not, send me back this letter of mine
without a word, and I shall accept my
sentence, and own that it is just.
*1 am either way, one who loves and
blesses you.
•Christie ( leveland.*
Many, many tears did Elsie Roland let
fall over this letter. But sad though it
was, it brought her deep relief. Shecon
sulied no adviser, but her own sou) and
Heaven. Neither told her to reject the
manly heart which had poured out its
penitence and made its appeal to her.
She wrote to him at once:
‘Come tome me, dearest! Tins story
is your, secret and mine. No one else
has any right to know it. Let it be my
happy task to keep painful memories and
haunting footsteps from you for the fu
ture.’
And Elise succeeded. Never more did
Cleveland start at the sound of a ghostly*
tread. The love of his wife encompassed
him, and the shadows of the past faded
away.
AH ALPINE HORROR.
The English papers publish accounts
of a terrible catastrophe in the Austrian
Tyrol, as follows;
‘‘Theßchlosberg,” a Vesuvi'an moun
tain overlooking the small market town
of Hobenems, Tyrol, fell in, burning two
principal streets of the town and burying
over 900 persons; also destroying the
principal church.
If this telegram is genuine, the disaster
will prove to ho hot volcanic as reported,
but the falling of an avalanche. Hohon*
ems is a pretty,little town in the circle of
Vornrlberir, in' the Austrian Tyrol, It
contains 2,000 inhabitants, and is built in
a valley at the' foot of the Schlossberg, a
projecting crag of one of the immense
peaks of the Noric Alps which gird the
Tyrol,-and extend beyond Vienna and
past Lemberg, in Oallioia. The snows of
this year have been deep in Europe. Of
late there have been heavy rains*, and the
water courses haVe been full. The
indeed, of the higher peaks, do not melt
until the summer; but those in the viol*,
nityof the Selllossberg melt much earlier.
It is probable, that by these means the
'foundations of the huge mass wore’ loos
ened, Ami that tli.o whole crag slid down
upon the town over which it hung. This
lias happened before in Switzerland, and
Is always liable’to happen whenever the
stralnilcallon of the crag and the slope of
the mountain incline in parallel lines.
It must bo remembered that in the con
figuration of the Alps the liases are of
sandstone ami limestone. Then come the
slates and the metaphoric rooks, ami
the primeval unstratified granite towers
hlghestof all in theceutrul peaks. When
ever a landslip does occur, it is always
the stratified rocks, that'is the sandstone,
wblch'slide away from the mountain ami
break Into huge fragments, which again
break Into smaller ones, ami -cover the
valleys beneath the waves of lava.
This has probably happened to Hohe
neins.and the shattered houses have been
sot on fire by the burning hearths and
ovens.
Managing a Husband —‘‘ How do
you manage your husband, Mrs. Croaker?
Such a job as T have of it with Smith !”
“ Easiest tiling in the world, myjlear;
give him a twitch backward when you
want him to go forward, For instance,
you see. to-day, I had a loaf of cake to
make. Well, do you suppose because my
body is in the pastry rooip that my sou!
need bo there, too? Not a hit of it. lam
thinking of ail sorts of celestial things
the while.
"Now, Croaker has a Way of lagging
round at my heels, and of bringing .me
plump down, in the midst of my terlnl
flights, by asking me the price of the su
gar I’m using.
"Well, you see, it drives mo frantic !
and when I woke up this morning, and
saw the furious storm, I know I had him
on my hands for the day, unless I man
aged right ; so I told him that I hoped
lie wouldn’t go out and catch his dealli
such weather; that if he wasn’t capable
of taking care of himself, I should do it
for him; that it was very lonesome rainy
days—arid that I wanted him lo stay at
homo and talk with me ; at any rale he
mustn’t go out; and I hid his uriibrel.a
and India rubbers. Well, of course, he
was right end up, (Just as I expected !)
and in less than ten minutes was streak
ing down street at the rate of ten knots
an hour. p..-
“You see there’s nothing like under
standing human nature; and no woman
should he married fill she Is thoroughly
posted up in this branch of her educa
tion.”
Young ladles contemplating matrimony
should ponder well this advice of lire ex
perienced Mrs. Croaker*
. A New Game.—A hand of rustic wor
thies were seated round the tavern lire,
ono winter’s evening, consisting of the
blacksmith, the shoemaker, the tailor,
the constable, and the school master.—
After they had drank and smoked to
their heart’s content, as well as uxhausted
all the ordinary, topics of conversation,
the pedagogue proposed a now kind of a
game, in which each ono was to propose
a question, and whoever proposed one
that lie himself could not solve, was to
pay the reckoning for all Dick Dolt,
whom every one thought a fool, was
picked out for I lie first question.
"Neighbors," said Dick, drawling his
words, and looking ineffably stupid, "yon
have seen the way squirrels dig boles;
can you tell why tboydon't throw any
dirt?"
That was a poser; and after a long cog
itation, even the schoolmaster was com
pelled to give it up. It then devolved on
Dick to explain.
‘ Tile reason is,’ said lie, • that they be
gin at tile bottom of the hole.’
‘Stop—stop!’ cried the pedagogue, who
was surprised out of all prudence iiy so
monstrous an assertion ; 'pray, how does
tin-squirrel get there?’
■All!’ shouted Dick, • that’s a question
of your own proposing. You're In for
the drinks, master.’
WEDDING CUSTOMS.
[From Hearth and Homo.]
Tho hytpcnlal customs prevailing now
and hitherto among various nations, are
■as novel -as they are numerous. Sir John
Lubbock and Edward Wood have devot
ed mqch attentlon-to ’tbQ...aubjflct,,.amt
communicato raany«entertaining facts in
thejr published works. At*'The Jarrow
Church, in Northumberland, England,
there is a chair In which all in the vicin
ity becoming brides'set themselves when
the marriage ceremony is concluded, that
they may be happy wives and mothers
of many children. .In Derbyshire and
Wiltshire, breo*hTves were formerly deep
rated on the occasion of a wedding, the
supposition being that the bees were
knowing to the ceremony, and wished to
participate in tho festivities* In one
locality of Yorkshire, when a newly-mar
ried couplollrst enter their home, a friend
brings a hen, and makes it cackle, “ lo
produce good luck to tho pair.” In tho
north of Eneland, it is considered most
ominous of misfortune to ho married in
groom. If there Is an odd number of guests
at a wedding, one is sure to die within
tho succeeding twelve mouths. The
sneezing of a cat was anciently considered .
by some Englishmen to ho a lucky omen
to a Indy who was to bo married the next
day. Inthesixteer.th century, a wedding
sermon was preached at the marriage of
almost every person of consequence. In
the Insc.cenUiry, celibacy was frequently,
punished in some parts of. England. •
Under date of 1731), the parish register of
Hilton, in Dorset, contains the following
mandate : “ Ordered that all young un
married persons above seventeen years of
age do forthwith go to service or he pro
ceeded against according to law.” In
the re’gn of Edward the Second, a toll
was exacted from women married at
Skipton, The order read: “.Every bride
■coming that way should either give her
left shoe or 3s. ‘id. to the forester of Orook
ryse, by way of custom,of g’aycloys,” In
the days of Mary. Queen of Scots, (In.
bridesmaids carried the bride In the bed
chamber, undressed her and lay her in
bed. They were then compelled to throw,
away all tho plus taken from her cloth •
iug. “Woe be to tho bride if a single one
is left about her; nothing will go right.
Woe also to the bridesmaids if they keep
one,of them, for they will not bo married
before'the Easter following at soonest.”
The Irish peasantry, when too poor to
purchase tho wedding rings, hlr« them,
of jewelers, who keep them to loan for
such occasions. Formerly, the Irish bride
presented to her betrothed husband a
pair of bracelets made of her awn hair.
The natives of the Isle of Mali always
curry salt in their pockets when being
married, under the belief that it brings
luck.
.“ Bundling,which at one time pre
vailed in Pennsylvania, was Introduced
from Wales, where It Is said to have ori
ginated in a scarcity of fuel.
During the last century it was custo
mary in Prussia to throw broken crockery
ut the doors of newly married people, In
’ancient times the French were married
on the doorstep, and not. as now, within
the church at the altar- A few years ago,
marriage brokerage was quite extensive
ly carried on in Paris, and the brokers
regularly advertised in the papers, also
guaranteeing to suit every taste and tern
pe,rnipnt. Formerly, a- young man was
held in great reproach in Belgium who
should marry a woman much older than
himself. The bride always wore red
gloves with three pieces of silver in each
of them. In . Genoa, a young man, oh
becoming engaged, was compelled to pre
sent his betrothed with a boquet every
morning until they were married. In
Venezuela, when a young man formerly
asked for the hand of a gir/, her fatffer
gavehim a very hard stone to pierce.
On his completing the.task, the lover’s
request was granted.
Home of the marriage customs of the
old Puritans of New England were not
Fss novel than those of their English
-ancestors. Mr. Wopd tells us that in 3605,'
the h'cal aulliorities at Eaatham, (Mass.)
voted that every unmarried man in the
township should kill six blackbirds or
three crows yearly, while they remained
single, ami Hint, as a penalty for not obey
ing the order, ho should hot get married
until he hud destroyed the requisite num
ber in arrears. In 17fi8, the Assembly of
Maryland laid a tax of five shillings a
year upon all bachelors above 2> yt-avs of
ago who were possessed of one hundred
pounds.
In Malabar, the marriage ceremony
consists simply in tying a thread round
the neck of the woman. In Benares, in
the East Indies, uncouple, wishing to be
united, would formerly wado into a deep
stream, along with a priest and a cow,
and the priest tied Che man and woman
together by their ,dollies ; they then, on
walking round the cow, were pronounced
man and wife. According to Herne, the
•Hudson Bay Indians have been in the
habit of wrestling for wives, the strongest
currying off the fairest. “A weak man.
unless ho is a good hunter, and well be
loved, is seldom permitted to keep a wife
that a stronger man thinks worth liis
notice. The custom prevails throughout
ail their tribes, and causes a great spirit
of emulation among their youth, who,'
upon all occasions, from their childhood,
try their strength and skill in wrestling.
Among the Chinese and Abyssinians,
lifting a bride over u door stop constitutes
the ceremony. In Australia, no man is
permitted to marry a woman whose fam
ily name is the same as his own. Persons
bearing the same family name, although
not related, are strictly interdicted from
marrying each other in China. In Wes
tern Equatorial Africa, father and son arc
frequently married to the same woman.
In his journey to the shores of the Polar
Sea. Capt. Franklin says, that among Die
American Indians of the fa,r North, it is
considered extremely improper for a
mother in law to speak or even look at a
i-oii In law, and when she has a commu
nication to make to him, it is the polite
thing for her to turn her buck upon him,
and address him only through the me
dium of a third person. And among-the
Mongols and Calmucks of Asia, a woman
is not allowed to apeak to her lather In
law,or to ait down in hlapresence. Some
of our Indian tribes formerly killed one
Infant on the birth of twins, probably on
the supposition that one strong child was
belter than, twq weak ones.
SUKSirisu and Shadow.—Hero we are
subject to continual change; ournnthway,
at present, inayneem brightly illuminat
ed l>y the glorious rays of hope, and fond
anticipation ot a more glorious future ;
ere long comes the bitter frost of disap
pointment ; our hopes are blighted, and
our prospects forever destroyed. Thus
sunshine and shadow. If we trifled witli
the merriments of yesterday, to-day we
droop among the shades of discontent; ns
flowers bloom but to fade, so do we live
awhile, subject to the sunshine and the
shadow of life, and finally fade fer tile
tomb.
Sunshine causes shadow, and we, in
Ilio voyage of life, are subject to the same
vicissitudes: the mirth and jolily of onr
-ay companions may have enlivened our
minds in the past, and onr being render
ed happy in their presence ; at present
wo move in a dill'erent circle, and lie
shaded by the frowns and the deceptive
smiles of a deceitful and.selfish commu
nity ; it seems, too, Hint they who seem
to enjoy tbo most sunshine are the first
to lie shaded by its shadows.
Numerous tilings convince us that all
arc alike subject to the sunshine and the
shadow of Hie; the wise, the good, those
who have the highest stations in life,
oven down to the most degraded, those
whom grim penury stares in the face.
All tilings convince us that none are free
from the vexutionsof tillsdoubtlul world.
Would we then trifle.with the worthless
bubble reputation ? No ; give us rather
purity of character, and mind, glowing
with pure knowledge, that would leach
ns to hear the toil and heat of our jour
ney here, and not to recoil, if we observe
a shadow across life’s pathway, but letus
remember that hero we must have the
shadow, if we eujoy the sunshine.
VOb. 57.—N0. 42,
FRIGHTFUL SCENES IN THE JURA.
Her von Wlckedc, of the Cologne Ga
zette, describing an excursion ho made
from Belfort fo Pontarlcr, says :
“Heaps of forsaken corpses mouldered
away among' the busheu and in ditches
-by..UiQ-.blgh..road. ..far~fro m-Moat?
beliard, a doctor and myself fobnd eight
Frenchmen dead in one house,'and they
were already in an advanced stage of de
composition. Among them a wounded
man, still alive, and who cried'out for
help in a most lamentable voice. We
took him out with some ditllculty, and
laid him in the open air. He'was a little;
man. scarcely seventeen years of age, a
student.of Avignon. A Prussian grenade
had torn his two legs helow the knees.
Ho had remained in this state seven days
without being attended to; wlthout.water,
and entangled among all these coipaCa.
He had wrapped up his wounds In the
rags of his uniform, and the cold had
stopped the hemorrhage. Ho had crawl
ed up to his companions, and had taken
bits of biscuit out of their pockets, which
aullicod for his subsistence, and ho had
slaked his burning thirst! by drinking
the groat. Hakes of snow that fell In at the
window. He had Jived thus a week.—
The unhappy man has been taken to
Switzerland, and the doctor thinks that
lie may recover.
“Horseflesh is now the principal article
of food of the inhabitants of the (*minlrj ? ;
and I have myself seen a bevy of famish
ed women throw themselves upon a dead,
horse like a pack df wolves, and tearing
it with all sorts of instruments, swallow
morsels quite raw. I have even been U Id
hut T do not vouch for tho-truth of this
—that the unfortunate people have eaten
human flesh, taken from the remurns of
the dead soldiers. • This is the eighth
campaign I have been through, but in
neither Algeria, nor in Italy, nor in Bo
hemia, nor even in Sleswick, have I seen
sights so humble.”
A Haskkt ok Cidkil—Many years ago,
in the .State nf Rhode Island, there wisa
tribe of Indians called the Narragansetts.
They were a shiftless net. In summer
they lived cliielly on potatoes and such
other food as they could raise; but in the
winter they hud to beg from\ho white
people.
One cold afternoon in December, an
old •Indimit with a willow basket in Ilia
hand, came to the door of a funnor, uiul
naked for a drink of cider.
The farmer had often given him cider
before; but this time beseemed to have
had already move than was good for him,
and he told him, with a smile, that ho
would give him all that his basket would
hold.
Without saying a word, but with a
shrug of his shoulders, the Indian turned
from the door and went away. Pie knew
well'enough that a willow basket would
not hold any older, but be knew also Low
to make his basket bold cider in a very
short time.
Going straightway to a running stream
near by, ho dipped Ida basket in the wa*
ter, and'then hung it up in the air until
it was frozen hard. Then he dipped it
in the water again, and let it freeze a se
cond time. This process was repealed
until the basket was so thickly coated
'with ice that It did not leak u drop.
The next morning ho presented him
self again at the farmer’s door, and asked
for his cider. Much surprised and amus
ed at the Indian’s ingenuity, the farmer
tilled the basket as ho had promised, ami
the Indian curried oil’ his prize, and was
greatly pleased at the successor his plan.
Alone.—Alone*! ah, bitter sundering
of the golden bands and liiiksthatfonned
the chain of joyous homo circle, whose
oft-tried tenure love ami goodness render
ro elastic ami so firm. Alas ! the boltsof
death and the cankerous rust of earth's
deep sorrows have liven and destroyed
the mystic cordon and Its mortal couplets!
Alone! nay, not alone; for .still in
memory I wander the homes of those
whoso loving hearts beat in unison aud
fellowship with mine, ami whoso tears
mingled with my sadness. Oh, happy
cottage homo of childhood's sunnyduys,
when visions fraught with joy and pleas
ure wove their’beauties ’round each soul,
ami thrust out cares and tolls that sought
to dim and sadden boyhood’s merry morn
ing!
Alone! .not all alone; for each little
turf home, made and fashioned by bauds
that knew them not, cometh the sweet
spirit voice of those whose wanderings
have led them onward to- their immor
tal ami glorious possessions,- A mother’s
prayer, a father’s kindly chiding, and a
sister’s tenderness, are all remembered,
and thoirsweet memories create a friend
ship that bad its birth,with angels. Thus
ami not alone, for in thedark and chilly
night of earthly pilgrimage, the star of
eternal hope ’illumines my path way, and
the sacred teaching of that heavenly
home-group rekindles the smouldering
embers ofaflectlon Upon my heart’s altar.
.String Fashions.— There is nothing
of novelty or interest (o remark In even
ing dresses at this reason, but Ihedinncr
(oiiotles strike one ns models,of simplici
ty ami elegance, A demi-trained skirt
of rich, heavy silk, or Irish poplin, a
jacket cut with basques, and flowing or
mlTleil sleeves, a oolhuelto of rare old
live, and ruOLa of lace at the wrists, or
lace under sleeve#.
The spring suits will consist mostly of
walking skirt and new casaqiie, which is
arranged with basque lappels at the back,
and fullness winged at the sides.
We shall not have long walking dress
es for the street, that may ho depended
upon. I believe an attempt of that kind
would create a rebellion. American wo
men all over the country would rise eu
masse to resist it.
The* long reign of the hooped skirt Is
over: very few are worn now, and the
few .that are in use are so small that they
are not perceptible to the naked eye.—
The Victorian hulr.cord skirt,, which con
sists of haircloth, into which cords are
woven, has superseded them, to some ex
tent, and is really a very pleasant rand
convenient substance
A Desirable Trio.—Some sensible
person has eiven publicity to the follow
ing waif, which Is cerfalnly appropriate
anil beautiful:
Three things to love—Courrgo, gentle
ness and affection'
Three things to hale—Cruelly, arro
gance anil Ingratituile.
Tlircc tilings to admire—riitelleetual
power, dignity and gracefulness. 1
Three things to delight in—Beauty,
frankness and freedom.
Three things to w|sh for—Hcallh and
friends, and a cheerful spirit.
Three' tilings to avoid—ldleness, lo
quacity and flippant jesting.
Three tilings to pray,for—Faith, peace,
and purity of heart.
■ Throe tilings to eiuilend for—Honor,
country and friends.
Three things to govern—Temper, and
tongue and conduct.
Three tilings to think about—Life and
dentil and eternity.
A Sivoui.Aß Iti:i,ATioNsmi‘.—A friend
who man ted a widow, explains how ho
got mixed up in relationship; ‘1 married
a widow who had a grown up daughter.
My father visited our house very often,
foil in love with mv slop daughter and
married her. Ho my father beoamG. my
son in law, and my step daughter my
mother, because she was my lather's wile.
Sometime nlterwards my wife had a son
—lie was my father's brother in law and
my uncle, lor lie was the brother of my
step mother. My father’s wife, that was
my step daughter, had also a eon; lie was
of course my brother, ami in the mean
time my giaudehlld, for he was the son
of my daughter.
Bed is a bundle of paradoxes; we go to
it with reluetancetyel quit it with regret:
and wo make up our minds every night
to leave it early, hut we make up our
bodies every morning to leave it late.
Bates for
Advkrtisem ENTfI wui bo inserted at Ten Con
pet lino lor the first insottton, and five cen
per lino for each subsequent Insertion. Qnat
crly half-yearly, and yearly advertisement* In-'
ortqd ata liberal reduction on the abovo rate!
Advertisements should be accompanied by th •
Cash. When sent without any length of tlm
specified for publication, they will be continue*
until ordered oat and onarged accordingly. |
JOB.PRTNTXNG.
CAUD3, handbills, oibovlaiis, and every oth
er description of Joi?Hnd Card Printing.
©bus artu 3SuD».
What metre is best for a valentine'
Meet her by moonlight alone.
Why nrc our ironclads like unmarried
Indies? Because they are open to engage*
.menu
What weapon does a young lady ro :
semble whose.acquaintances pass with
out noticing her?—A cut-taas.
A sharp girl wants to know If the
woman’s rights movement Includes the
right to do the courting; If it does; she
is in for it. as the men in her vicinity are
very bashful.
A little boy, returning from Sabbath
sch- 01, said to his mother, ‘This cate
chism is too hard. Ain’t there any kit
ty-chisui forlltty boys?’”' ■
What cord is It In which you can find
knots Hint no man living ever tied, and
no man living can untie? Why, a cord
of wood.
‘ HF.RK’b the banisters but where are
thu stairs,’ ns the drunken fellow said
when he felt ids way around the bed
stead in tbe dark. .
Ax eastern man lias sued his barber for
cutting off* Ida moustache. The barber
said ho didn’t see it. Several similar
casualties are liable to occur here.
Mauv had a little lamb,
, It Jumped up to thosky
And when It landed on its foet
Cried, ‘ How is that for high?’
Tin: editor of the newspaper, out tow
ard Buko Champlain, has discovered a
wav of keeping eggs from spoiling. His
method Is to eat them while they are
fresh. -
A C.»a lksuuko farmer, whoso pew rent
was raised to Si’o, exc/aimed; ‘Great
Ctcsnr, here’s a nice state of affairs—the
Gospel going up and pork going down, —
What’s to become of us?’
In answer to a correspondent, writing
to a country editor, asking If he might 1
send him something to ‘ fill up with,’ the
editor replies, 4 Certainly, let it be a bar
rel of Hour and a quarter of beef.’
•l>Af»X, ought a teacher to flog me for ;
what I did not do?’
‘Certainly not, my hoy, replied the
father. .* Well, said the Jlttlo fellow, he
did to-day when I didn’t do niy spin.’
An exchange says: ‘ A white man in
one of the bar rooms of Alabama, the
other day, oilered to pay for d quart of
whisky if a negro present would drink
it. The offer was accepted, aud the dar
key is now a colored angel.’
Ax old bachelor says that giving the,
ballot to women would not amount to
anything pracllcally.because they would
keep denying that they were old enough
to vote until they got too old to take any
interest' in politics.
A* little boy, in the; infant class
of a Sunday-School was asked by his
teacher if ho had learned anything dur
ing the past week., 'Oh, yes,’ said he. —
•What have you learned ?* ‘ Never to
trump your partner’s trick,’ was the
reply, . .. .
The following epitaph may bo found
on u tombstone in Vermont:
Am she went, and be she gone,
Ami are I left here all alone?-
OH! cruel fate, thou bo’ot unkiAUV'
To take she Urst and leave I behind.
‘ Can’T you manage to give my son one
of J.ho prizes dt the' exhibition ?’ asked a
mother ol a teacher. ‘No, madam, was
the reply. ‘Your son will stand no
chance; 1 ho obstinately persists in Idle
ness.’ ‘ Oh, hut then,’exclaimed the fond
mamma, * If that’s the case, you can give
him-a prize for perseverance.
Lawyhh- 1 How do you identify this
handkerchief?’
Witness—*Jiy its general appearance
and the fact that I have others like it,’
Counsel—‘That’s uo proof, I have got
one in my pocket just like it,’
4 1 don’t doubt that. I bud more than
one of the same sort stolen.’
The other day, in a rural town, an in
quest -wps held over the body of a man
who had been killed by a horse. After
hearing the testimony of several witness
es, the jury retired and soon returned
with the following -verdict: ‘That de
ceased came to ids death from the effects
of a wound in the head, caused by ahorse
shoo in the hands of a horse.
‘lsay milkman, you give your cows
too-much salt.’, ‘Why, how do you
know how much salt I give them? ‘I
judge from the appearance of the milk
you have brought us lately. Salt makes
the cows dry, and then they drink too
much water—that makes their milk thin
you, know.’
An irascible old gentleman was taken
with sneezing in the cars lately. After
sneezing iu u most spasmodic way eight
or ten times, he arrested the paroxysm
fora time, and extracting Ms handker
chief, he thus indignantly addressed his
nasal organ : ‘ Oh, goon—goon ; you’ll
blow your infernal brains out presently,’
A Dutch woman kepta toll gate. One
foggy day a traveler asked, ‘Madam, how
far is it to B : ?’
• fshoost a leetle ways,’ was the reply.
‘Yes, but how far?’ again asks the
traveler. .
‘Shooata leetle ways’—more emphati
cally. . •
. • Madam, is it one , two, three, four,
or five miles
The good .woman ingeniously replied,
• / tinks it is /’
The testimony of s a daughter of the
parties to a recent Indiana divorce suit
seems conclusive : “ Father got mad be
cause mother starched his stockings.—
Mother picked up the stockings and bit
father on the head with them, and it
sounded us though they were sticks of
wood. Father than stuffed a hot wheat
calc© down mother’s throat, and then
mother bet the dog on father, and twisted
the dog’s tail to make him bite harder.”
When Horace Greeley traveled In En
gland ho was impressed with the value
of drainage, ami immediately got off an
antithetical agricultural proverb to the
effect thutjfa man don’t drain bis farm,
his farm would drain him. Then Horace
went to Lombardy, where he witnessed
the fructifying influence of Irrigation by
means'of dams; whereupon he added
artof her proverb to his store of terse say
ings : “If a man don’t dam bis farm, his
farm will d—u him.”
An old lady, who was in" the habit of
declaring alter the occurrence of an unu
sual event that she had predicted it. was
one day very nicely 1 sold by her worthy
spouse, who had got tired of her contin
ual * I told you. so. 1 Bushing into the
house, breathless with excitement, he
dropped into his chair, elevated his hands,
and exclaimed, ’ Oh, wife, wife, what
what do you think? Theold brlndlecow
lias gone ami ate upourgrindatoue! 1 and
the old lady was ready, and hardly wait
ing to hear the last word, she broke out
at the top of her lungs, 'I told you soi X
told you so! You always would let it
stand out.’
A bright young lady of Indiana, on
hearing of the approaching marriage of a
friend, gat down and dashed ofl the fol
lowing, ‘ to rid her mind of the conscious
ness Of neglected duty’:
■My Dear —r : 1 hear you and
will soon ho joined by the holy bonds of
matrimony, and erb yon have quietly
passed iijtn his.hadda I wish to give you
a few words of advice. Ho-kind to him,
for Irani! one Unit must ho treated tender
ly or fiulu awiiy. ■ Jjovo iiliu nuicli, for
lie is worthy of ail trust, honor, and love.
♦And when' you'stand to be united, he
ever , ready with your own strong arm ;
In the excitement of the scene he may
ex'lmuM his sensitive ugturo, and, unless
viirt lend him your aid, ho may faint
away. Treat him ca,reful|y. Make the
tires for him. Saw his wood for him.
Wmk for him. Walk for him. Kill
vourseif foil him. .Then, if onyourdeath
lied ho thanks yon, humbly .accept his
thanks, and depart in peace!'
Admirable woman ! .
i