iSlie llolimtcer PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY MOUNINU • XJ HATTON & KENNEDY , DFFKE-SOIITH market square. terms s—Two Dollars per year If paid strlotly !n advance; Two Dollars and Fifty Cents If paid ‘lrlthln three months; after which Three Dollars "in dp chanted. Those terms will bo rigidly ad h.'rfifl to In every Instance. No subscription dib miiilnuod nntl l all arrearages are paid, unless at tlieoptlon of the editor. iJrotessinnal c atos*. JJNITED STATES CLAIM AND HEAL ESTATE AO EE GJ VVM',, B. BUTLER, ATTORNEY AT r,AW, Oftirc in Frnrlilin-Honpe.-PotJTirHfi'bbvcrStrco*’ Carlisle, Cumbeihipd counly. Penua. Applications by mall, will receive imrfiedlato attention. * Particular alien tlon given to the Belling or rent ing nf Ileal Eatate, In town or country, in all let ters of Iminlry, please enclose postage stamp. julyll.lWO-tf TAMES H. GRAHAM, Jit., ° ATTORNEY AT LAW, NO.U SOTUII HANOVER ST,. CAnr.lSIiF. PA. OFFlCE—Adjoining Judge Graham's. March 31. IS7U—tf Jjl JE. UELTZHOOVUIi, 'attorney-at-law, CARLISLE. PA. * iJ3*onico on South Hanover Street, opposite Pctit/.’H dry goods store. • Pec. I. iwfi. jj UiMKIGH & PAKKEJJ, ATTORNEYS AT LAW. • OilK'o on Main SUoot, iu Marlon Unll, Car' lisle, Fa. . Doc. 2 WOS— WM. J. SHEARER, Attorney and Counsellor at Law, has removed his nllire to the* hitherto, unoccupied room . in the North East, corner of tho Court House. . Juu. 2S, ’(ill—ly W KENNEDY, ATTORNEY AT LAW , Carlisle, I'tmua. Olllco sumo as lhatol tho "American Volunteer.” Dee. 1 ISM. ' ■ eu. GECIIGE S. SEARIGHT, Den -rrsT. From (he linttimore Codeufc of Dental ■«•//. Ofllceal the residence of his mother Ktusi Louthor Street, three doors below Bedford Carlisle, Denim. Doc. 1 ISGS. .ana iffavrf jp K K 9 H A XI K I V A h OF ALL THIS A 751 r STYLJIA 11. A T S AND CADS. . Tiie subscriber has just opened at No. 15 North Ihiiuvcr Street, a few doors North of the Carlisle hejMJsIL Bank, one of the hugest and best Stocks ■if HATS and CADS ever oll'ered In Carlisle. Silk Hats, Cussimero of allstyles and qualities, Still' Brims, dlUWent colors, and every descrip tion of Soft Hals now made. The Dunkurd and Old Fashioned Brush, con stantly on hand and made to order, all warrant ed to givo.HiitlHluctlon. A full assoi tmeul of MEN’S, BOY’S, AND . . CHILDREN'S, hats; I nave also added .to my Slotnc, notions of difler en kinds, consisting of ' LAD.ES* AND .GENTLEMEN’S STOCKINGS Ncck Suspemters, OHlurs, Gloves. Pencils, 'thread, ~ iiewinu Silk. Umbrellas , dre KRIiME, SEGARS AND TOBACCO ALWAYS ON HAND. fill vo mo a call, and'exnmlno my stock ns I feel coniklent of pleasing all, besides saving you mo ney JOHN A. KELLER, Af/ent, No. 15NorLh Hanover Street. Oct. 1870. JJATS AND CAPS! DO YOU WANT A NIUE HAT OR CAF ? If ho .Don’t Fail to Call on 'J. G. CAL'LIO, NO. 2U. WES 7 MAIN STIihKT, W’luuo can bo Keen tho llncst assortment of HATB.A N D CAPS cvtr bnmi'liL to Carlisle- He takes great pleas ure in inviting his old friends and customers, am! ail new ones, to his splendid stock Just re ceived from New York and Philadelphia, con sisting in part of line SIUC AND CASSIMERB HATS, besides an 6ndless variety of Hats and Caps of the latest style, all ol which he will sell at the Lowest Criih Price*. Also, his own manufacture Huts always on hand, and HATS MANUFACTURED TO ORDER. Ho has t’“-*'hest arrangement for coloring Hats and all tciiius of Woolen Goods, Overcoats, Ac., at tue shortest notice (as lie colors every week) and on the most reasonable, terms. Also, a line lot ol choice brands of TOBACCO AND CIGARS always on hand. Ho desires to call thoattcutlou of persons who have OOUiNTRV t’URS to sell, as he pays the highest cash prices for lie same. Give him a call, at tho above number, his dd -Hand, jus he fools coulldent of giving entire satis faction. '’ct.hTO. linotfi flnD gTKOHM A BPONBLER, No Itf - , A Hanover Street . CARLISLE, PA, Thankful for the patronage extended* thorn borotofore, do now announce their usual largo Mock uf SPRING STYLES.of BOOTS AND SHOES FOR IiADIES* AND MISSES’,’ GENTS’ AND BOYS’, YOUTHS’ AND CHILDS’, which are unrivaled for comfort aud beauty Also TRUNKS AND VALISSES, MEN AND BOYS’ HATS, All or which will ho sold at small profits. Call ouaand all aud get a full equivalents for your Ulnupy. Oct, 12 IR7o—ly Q H i 3 A P COAL! 5 U ots. REDUCTION, On current market rates, TO FAMILIES: , Nut. Egg. HICKORY SWAMP, 84 25 86 so WllllEßllY, -160 5 73 UNi.or.K, § 4 60 5 75 WRENS VALLEY, . 475 580 Baltimore coal. 50 000 Coal delivered toulL partaor the town at the nliovo prlata. TO LIMEBURNERS: « Nut. Pea. “ICICOUY SWAMP, S-100 33 00 125 3 25 " -125 5 23 IA’KENS VALLEY, 150 550 t i® r( * erH NubJoef. to any changes In tho market at utne ui shipment, ~I'armer.snucl Llmebnrners, along the lino of ounnberlund Valley Uullroiul, furnished Co A[ tlt P | „' , llni?ly low rates. Ardors llllud with despatch. n „, _ GEORGE ZINN, ucl * 2n,7o—tf Gillen,co**- V iinmul PlttSls, RUCTION, Mr. XT’. A. lIABRIS, ‘iH, r J np . r,y un Auctioneer of tho city of Harris irg, has been licensed u United States AUCTIONEER, for Cumberland county, and would take n ''V no, hud of informing his friends that ho Is inn 'n‘ !, l l ° CRY SALES, upon the most Uea fcoiiutjtfi forms. ~*,J vll, K hud considerable experience as an tb 1,0 prides himself upon giving on i>(m Ml ,llc tb>n to nil parlies who may engage x i,Remember, my icims will ho made as o Was possible. All orders left at the p U A K K li I N HOUS E , • or ut the hkaim t e u • s or ric k , ttUlbo promptly attended to; or address, K A. iIAKIvIS, Carlisle, J*n K ep. 8,7U-tl , , . , . :_r,* 'Ay' , . . . . ... ell. . , ' . • . tI . • 1' 14 ) 10 IL,: r'f I /* 'i © , 7. • ' S. f.l 40 , i : , ..Y... :1 . ~ s\» 1 1 1 . '' '. •-.. ' ." '. I ) vl . t I • I . . •• 1 :t , ' NI 4 '1 1 ID - AT -- I - . . c._ , , . k --, i .t 1 .. 1 il , ( . '% a. ..., . 111 .• t s,J• . , t I Jr, J• • -' 4 ‘-•., r' s , - 1 i . rl . e• ,..„.... , .., . . . . . ~ . BY BRATTON & KENNEDY, <9c» (Boons. GOODS! NEW GOODS II •AT THE (lIEJP DRY WDS STOIlli, D. A. SAWYER, Opposite the Martel House, Has justopened alargo and well selected stock FALL AND WINTER DRYGO O D S , embracing overyvarlcty of design and fabric. Black Silks. Colored silks, silk Poplins. French lopllny. Lhipress and Mixed Poplins, Wool Serges. Wool Hops, Velouis, Victoria Plaids, Sluaitand Hob Roy Plaids, Colored Poplins, Al pneens. A superior brand of Black Alnaccns. wlilch for weight, lustre, and price excels uny other In the market. • 3 DO ME STIC GOODS, MUSLINS, 0 14, 8, 10, 12U. 15 CAI.IJOEH. ip;-;. 8, ID, I25, 15. 18. 25 DELAINES, 15, 18, 20, FLANNELS, FLANNELS, Ali tho best makes at tho lowest prices. BLANKET DEPARTMENT, A fresli stock of Whlto and Colored in from the mills.- Very cheap, ’ CLOAKING CLOTHS, Velveteens, Water Proof, SI.OO ami upwards. SHAWLS, SHAWLS, Broehft Shawls. Thibet Shawls. Striped Shawls and Blanket Shawls. Price* away down. NOTIONS IN ALL VARIETIES, Breakfast Shawls, Ladles’ and Childrens’ Merino Vests, Men’s Moilno shirts. Wove Yarns Zeph ors, Hosiery, Laces, Embroideries, Gloves. Jou vlns Kid Gloves. FURS! FURS! FURS I Fresh stock In from the manufacturers, less than city prices, ’ A full 11 no of Men’s and Boys’ uasslmers.— bolts made to order at lowest price's. We wit h over.\ body to call and examine onr cheap stock and got some of tho bargains, as you can save 2c per cent. • * <3, *O. D, A. SAWYER. D UY GOODS! DRY GOODS!! HARPER’S South Hanover SC., NEW .STOCK OF FALL GOODS, I take pleasure In ottering to ray patrons and tho public, a stock of DRY GOODS, complete in every branch, and not excelled In quality, beauty, and cheapness, I have now open a beautiful stock of FASHIONABLE DRESS ' GOODS, comprising Black Bilks, Black and Colored Air- Wool Reps, Black and Colored All-Wool Pop lins. HJack.and Colored Wool Delaines, Black and Colored Morlnoes, Rich Plaid Popllps, Ber gen. .Voiool*«, Fine 'lionise, Bombazines. Pure Mohairs, new brand of Double Waip Black Al paca, for beauty oi color, w-lght of texture, and price, it lakes the lead of any Alpacas In tho market. Fashionable Shawls, In new styles or Stripes nml'Plaids. ; Long and square Thibet Shawls, ali of which I oiler exceedingly cheap. BLANKETS, White and Gray. Bargains guaranteed. FLANNELS, in every variety. ’ LADIES’ CLOAKINGS—BIade Beavers, Velve ts'ns, White Corduroy. Opera Flannels, Plaids for Circulars WATER-PROOF I WATER-PROOF I House Furnishing Dry Goods, Table l.lneus Napkins and White Goods. All the popular brands of Domestics, at prices lo meet Hie lowest quofailons. •Merino Vests, whirls, and Drawers, for Ladies, Misses, Men and Boys. Knitting Yams, Zephyrs, Germantown Wool, pprsltuWooJ, and Bulmoial Yarns. Hamburg, .Edgings and Insertlngs, Thread Lares, Gnlpue Luces. Linen ami Lace Collars. Kid* Gloves. Handkerchiefs, Felt, Balmoral,and Hoop Skirts, Corsets, aud u general variety of notions, CLOTHS AND CASSIMERE9, Furs 1 Furs i Furs ! NohfSltnncy Insnylug that the prices trill be as low us any In town. All goods bought at tho head of tho mnrkct. for cosh, and superior inducements will bo offer ed at the Cheap Cush more, Cor. Hanover and Pomfret & is., THOS. A. HARPER. Oct. 20* 70* E W G O O D 8! • Wo havo just returned from trio city, with another very heavy stork of Goods, making our stock the largest ever held in Carlisle, by any othei House. Wo have extra good ana thick BLACK SILKS, COLORED SILKS, SILK POPLINS, ol all shades. SILK AND WOOL EPJNGLINES 'OOL REPS, WOOL PLAIDS, ALPACCAB AND DELAINES, MOURNING GOODS. all kinds. PLAIN AND FANCY SACKING FLANNELS WATER PROOFS AND CLOAKINGS, CLOTHS AND CASSIMERES* QUILTS AND COVERLETS, Carpets, anil Oil-Cloths, domes tM.c goods lu great variety. Shawls, Gloves, Hosiery, Mother's Grave, 1 os the most appropriate one I could And, I sung it with much pathos for my heart was full of grief and my eyes ol unshed tears. I rose from the. piano, and glunc- 1 ed at papa and his new. wife. Her eyes were full of tears as she said to me In a low loue: ‘You sung it with much feeling,Nellie; probably more because you cun sympa thize with U e author, uud I cun sympa thize with both. I have no mother, uud I too have loved— "To sit and weep Beside dear mother’s grave ” This was so different from what T ex pected that I could not reply, and merely bowed my head. As we entered the break fast room the following morning, Mrs. Gordon took the head of the table, and, foolish child that I was, felt the angry blood rush to toy face. I had occupied that place six months—ever since I had donned long dresses—and I thought she took mamma’s place and mine to. After papa lias gone down town, and Mrs. Gor don Florie and myself were leflat home, she chatted so pleasantly with us that I had almost regretted the part I bad deter* mined to act; but when the gardener came in, and directing bis remarks tome, asked if he should take up all the dahlia, roots for the winter, I grew angry and said : ‘You con ask Mrs. Gordon. I shall not direct yi u any more about the flow era.’ I did not look at her to notice the effect of my words, hut Florie said her facecolored. However, her voice was calm as she said, *1 will go into the garden in a- moment 9ud teii you,’ and taking a shawl she parsed out, leaving me asham ed that I did not speak in a less ungra cious manner. I need not mention every little act of hers that slowly hut surely undermined the prejudice that, I bud against step mothers which I had Imbibed from early childhood. A few weeks ufiershe became a member of our household she tapped at my chamber, and after coming in ui.d eiuing a low.moments, which was spent In pleasantconversation, she said to met ‘Was not one.of those portraits of your m()t . ' * * jother taken from the parlor, Nellie?' .'The one over the table was,' 1 replied, I hung it there a‘few weeks ago;’ ‘Well, If you a e willing I will replace it/ she continued, ‘so that all the.family cap have the same pleasure you do. I think your forehead resembles her’s very much/ she added, as she stepped in a chair and took it down. I had not a word to utter. I felt that I was killed with kindness; yet, after all this, I endeavored to maintain that re* serve of manner that I had determined should ever characterize my deportment toward her. The time for the closing of the school came, and I asked papa Jo get me an expensive set of coral and gold or- natuents to wear. ‘I will think of it/ he returned ; but when wo were alone he auid to me: ‘Ellen, If you call my wife mother, X will net thpMH for you. -I do Hot like to hear you call her Mrs. Gordon, es pecially before strangers.’ ‘Very well/ x returned, *1 can do with out them ; they are not absolutely neces sary to my happiness. 5 The morning of the'exhibition day came and as I was leaving the institution I saw Mrs. Gordon come outof thejewel-. er’aand walk hastily home. I followed, vexed and almost angry- I thought to myself, ‘if 1 call her mother at dinner, pupa will notice it ami get me the orna ments while I am dressing, and 1 cun wear them to the exhibition this after noon and to the party this evening. T wonder what Emma Andrews would say if I should us I told her I never would, whije I-lived, and I won t, so lbat’B de cided. 1 Dinner over, I went tip to my room to dress, fo. the exercises were 10 commence at twth As I stood hy the table, I noticed p email kid ease, with a slip of paper on it. I opened the paper, which boie my name on the outside, and read : ‘Will Nellie accept tills from her friend, Alice Gordon ?' In the box lay the long coveted ornaments in their satin bed. This last act of forbeuiunceaiul love was more than ev« n I could endure, a d I sobbed bitter ly, while conscience upbraided me for the past I, did not wish to 'go down, and as Klorie was dressed I wrote on a slip of paper: Accept the thunks ofyour daugh ter Eden,’ and she carried It to mother, as I (hen determined to call her. In a lew moments I heard steps ap proaching, and turning I laid my head on herslioulder and murmured: ‘Forgive me, mother.* Gently she smoothed back the heavy muss of hair from my forehead, T did not do this to buy your love, Nellie,' she said. ‘I hope you would have plveu that without this testimony of affection.’ From that day the moat perfect confi dence existed between us, and I ever found herulrue friend—a faithful advi ser; And now, though a decade of years have passed away, I-still remember the ion of satisfaction that rested on tier face, at the result of her labor-of love, when I yielded to the dictates of my bet ter nature, and gave her a daughter’s love and respect. A little child whose lips have just learn ed to speak that .sweetest of all words — mamma—is sleeping iii her tlny-couch at my side; and when I think of the future; of the little one God has committed to my cure, 1 pray to the Great Disposer of all human events, that if I be called to leave her, while yet her feet are id the thorny paths of childhood uud youth, that she may find as faithful a friend through a stepmother, as she whom in my early youth I learned to call by that name. This wide and unfounded prejudice against the class referrrd to has caused much unhappiness in' many families. Let ull who have the care of children do ul) In their power to disabuse their young minds of such a feeling. Experience has taught me that onejnay find a true, faithful mid loving friend even in the person of a stepmother. How this Timber Goes.—The present Consumplionof wood in tin United States is enormous. One hundred and fifty thousand acres of the best timber Is cut every year to supply the demand for rail way sleepers alone.- For railroad bridges, repairs and cars, the annual expenditure in wood is thirty-eight millions of dol lars. In a single year theiocmnotives In the United States consume fifty six mil- lions of dollars* Worth of wood. There are, in the whole country, more than Your hundred thousand artisans In wood; and if tiie value of their labor is one thousand dollars a year each, the wood industry o( (he country represents an amount of near ly live hundred millions of dollars per annum. It will bo seen, therefore, how expen sive are (he interests dependentuoou the production of lumber. Probably laws will have eventually to bo enacted by the leg islatures of the different States to prevent .such destruction of the forests as will bo likely to result in natural injury to the country, and it may Le necessary to en courage tiie planting of forests to meet the demands of the tuture. That waaucheerful ‘Fifteenth Amend ment*' wj.ien he was arrested for stealing half a carcass of mutton from a stall, but us a defense, that since he became a voter ho thought ho ought to ‘take sides some where,* TIXE OItKEN I.ANTERN. , I think I am safe in saying that Paul Stanford hated me from the time we were little boys at sohoo) together* up to the ; period of which lam going to tell you. Unfortunately we hud always in some sense' rivals. We were nearly of \ the .same age—our tastes were some* what similar—our circumstances In life much alike, and we were In the same classes and studied the same hooks. Probably it was more bt cause I applied myself Qloser to my studies than he did. that I outstripped Paul, and under all circumstances where scholarship was concerned, boreoff the prize. Naturally, be was quite us clever us I was—a little more brilliant, indeed—but he lacked ap plication, and we all know that to be come a scholar requires tlmeand practice : ami hard study, even if one Is a genius iu the begiuuinv. Paul had one decided* advantage over Qie. 'He was handsome and graceful, and all the.girls in the vicinity made him aware of ic. He was self-conceited, naturally—and the adulation be received made him vain. Nothing makes a fool of a man more speedily than to have the women make too much of him. Gay, and gallant, and courteous, he was to them all; but he coveted the love of only one. Florence Wayne was a sweet little brunette of two or three and twenty, and all the ypung men in town were in love with her. She hud only Jived in Marley two years. Her native place was Philadel phia, but her father’s health requiring a change of air, they had come to Marley and established themselves In u pretty cottage out on the Po % nal road. Florence was accomplished In no or dinary degree, and she hud traveled a great deal, which is after all the best way to educate one’s self. In Philadelphia she had moved in .the first society, but she did not hold herself above taking purl in our rustic merry-makings, and at the buckings, aud apple bees and dunces she was tlie life of.the company. To do Florence justice, she none of her suitors; was klud and cour teous, nothing more. As for me, 1 hud been a beauty-worshipper always, and when I met Florence VVuyne I saw for the lirst lime my ideal woman. My heart went rom me and never came hack again. In my wildest dreams Iliad nev er imagined ever so faintly 'that such a glorious vision ever could come upon me in dull, prosy old Mariey, where nothing ever did happen year in and year out. 1 hud seen very little of tue world, and was shy and awkward, aud the passion I feit for beautiful Florence, did not tend to make me less embarrassed iu her pres ence. The factofit was, the sight of her confused me to such a degree that! was al ways making myseif ridiculous before her, and 11 she hud not been the.kindest hearted girl iu existence, sue would have indulged iu many a hearty laugh at my expense. • • Once I summoned up courage enough to invito her to ride with me. I had as fine a horse as there was In the country, and a good buggy, and might have en joyed myself if 1 had not been so awk ward. As it was, I had trod on Florence’s i drees, struck her bonint with my elbow ; In getting Into the carriage, switched the whip in her face, and did a score of other i things which I would have died to pro ven t, She made me so terribly conscious ■ that 1 possessed hands and feet that must' he disposed of some way, and how this disposition was to be accomplished wan the question. Paul Stanford loved Florence.also, but his love, did not make u fool of him us mine did of me. He was always just so polished and brilliant, ami could say his wittiest things with the dark eyes ofFlo rence full upon him—just as well as if site had beeu a thousand miles off. Oh, how I envied him his easy, quiet non chalance, aud how chafed and irritated I was by the patronizing air he assumed toward me. But at last fate gave me a chance to do Florence a service—to prove to her obliterated. In order to alleviate tin* pangs of thirst, it is customary to. bathe the pigeon’s feet in vinegar,.so ns to keep them cuoj. The instinct by which the carrier pigeon is guided has never re ceived a sufficient explanation, as other birds possess equal and even greater pow ers of vision, but cannot he trained to. carry messages.' When the carrier is let loose, it rises spirally in the air to a.great height, and then proceeds to its home at the rate of thirty miles an hour. The earner pigeon is of a remarkably large size, being fifteen inches in length.from the point of the bill to theend ol the tail. The naked skin on tlie bill Is very large, and is covered with red fleshy excrescen ces; the, eyes aresurmumled with abroad circle of naked red skin, and the wings reach nearly t the extremity of the tail. The carrier pigeons are trained at an early ago by being at first taken a few miles from home and then let loose; the dis tance is gradually increased until the birds acquire great facility in carrying mes.-ages. An actual postal system, in which pigeons were the messengers, was established • by the Hultan Nonreddin' Mahmoud, who died in 177 - Tins pig eon mail Jas'ed eighty-four years,or until 17oS, when it was destroyed by the Mon gols, who had captured Jiagdad. Soldiers’ Homesteads —We do not know whether soldiers are generally aware of £the fact or not that they are entitled to homesteads, at a very small outlay of cash, in the alternate leserved sections of public lands along Western railroads. According to an ollicial state ment from the Commissioner of Public Lands of the estimated quantity of these reserved seven sections still undisposed of, and now subject to entry under the homestead and pre-emption law, there are 4,350,000 acres in Minnesota, 1,550,000 acres in Michigan,'soo,ooo acres in lowa, and 2,050,000 acres in Wisconsin, of which the West Wisconsin Railroad, from To mah to Lake St. Croix, is credited With 000,000 acres, and the St. Croix and Lake Superior Railroads with 550,000 acres.— Under the Jaw passed last July, every soldier, or seaman, or oflicer, who has served ninety days in the Union army, or navy, is entitled, on payment of a fee of $lO, and other usual small commissions to the land nllices, to enter a quarter sec tion of land, not mineral, of any of the even numbered sections within the rail road land grant limits of ten miles on each side of the line of the road. This law oilers a chimed'to every soldier who comes within its provisions, of securing a homestead of one hundred and sixty acres of good land, which would coat a small fortune in any of the Middle States, for the trifling sum of perhaps $l5 or $2O. Every soldier who can command that sum should avail himself of the chance thus ollered to secure a permanent home. An Unwklcomb Bhufkli.ow.—A man in Petersburg, Va.. was recently awaken ed by a curious sensation about the face, when ho wasamazed to find his body en circled l*y a huge black snake, and the head of the reptile in close proximity to his mouth. The snake was evidently in haling the young man’s breath, or was endeavoring to insert his head into his mouth, and it was the cold contact with the face that awakened him. The young man. terribly frightened, made a desper ate effort to tree himself, when the snake unwound itselfatid escaped Shortly be fore going to sleep, the young man drank a quantity of milk, and it was supposed the snake was attracted by its odor in his breath. UKAIi AND a loving wife to her husband,‘will you nev er learn, my dear, the difference between real ami exchangeable value?’ The hus band, tired Of political economists In pet. llcoats, replied, ‘Ah, yea, my dear, I know yoni great learning and many vir tue-. That’s your real -villuo. But 1 know aUo thut none of my married friends would change wives with me. That's your exchangeable value.’ An American traveller says that when the Kev. Mr. Spurgeon, of Loudon, gets excited, bo ‘howla like a wilderness.' Uatca for SUpcrtfsing. be mscrtcdatTen ecu por line lor the flrsl Insertion* and flvo cen porllne for each subsequent Insertion, Quar o.rly half-yearly, and yearly advertisements In erted at a liberal redaction on the above rates Advertisements should bo accompanied'by the Casr. When sent without any length of time specified for publication, they will bo contlnned nntllordercd ont and onarged accordingly. JOB PMNTINO. UAHD3, Han Dnti.na.ctnotTi.Ans p and every oth description of Jon and Gaud Printing. OirbrjEf anir JSirtus. Tins Is beautiful autumn weather. November and December are the em bers of the year. Pigs arodooicred the wrong way—they are killed first and tlren cored, In Tennessee (lie farmers goad their tardy oxen with old bayonets. Punchinello thinks the English mis sion at present an ‘omission.* Pleading at the Bar.—Begging for a drink. Love is an internal transport. So is a canal boat. We are of those who sincerely hope that the “theatre of war*’ will soon bo closed for repairs; A new style of hat feather is said to be so long that it may bo twisted about the neck, like a boa. . Fame Is like a shaved pig with a greas ed tail, and it is only after it has slipped through the hands of some thousands, that some fellow by good luck holds on to it. * I see the villain In your face,’ said a Western judge to an Irish prisoner. ‘May it please your honor,* replied the prison er, 'that must he a personal reflection.* 'Bill, you young. scamp, if you had your duo, you’d get a good whipping. *1 know It, daddy; but bills are not always paid when duo.’ The United States census reports that tlier- is n servant maid of 'sweet sixteen* at Evansville, Indiana, who owns real estate valued at $50,000. Josh,Billings says that ‘the lion and he lamb may possibly snmlirae lay down n this world together for a fu minutes, mt when the lions kutna lo git up the uuh will be mlssen.’ There is no such thing as a menial of fice when yon put a true man into lt. A B menial ofliee Is an office with a mean mau " i it; and it makes fodUlereuco whether ; is a king’s office or a scavenger’s office. Aunt Susan says men were in one country, ami ail the wo men In knottier, with a big river between them. Good gracious I what ipta of poor women would be drowrJod.’ A .lawyer in Terre Haute lately went tors have dug three bullets out of his frame and say there Is another one that they can’t find which will probably kill him., • Dick pays no compliments to lively Sail; she says she don’texpocl them from that quarter; you’re fishing for a compli ment, my girl.’ ‘No, Dick, not in such shallow water.’ An ill. matched couple Svere always quarreling. One day the wife pointed to a cat and dog that lay together near the stove, and said; ’Look at them; they don’t quarrel.' ‘Ah,’ growled the hus band, ‘tie them together, and see.' A western merchant is down on the newspapers. Ho says: ‘Tbur ain’t no sens in noospuper advertising so long as a man is'smart enuffto tend to his own bizniz, and kin stand at the doreand hol ler the fellers in.’ ’ The editor qf the Greenwich (N, V.) Journal has a novel way of making the winter pass oil quickly.. Ho gives a hank nolo in the full for ninety days; and he says spring comes as soon as he wants to see it. Sir, said a lamllulv to a boarder who had sent.up his enp for the seventh time, ’Von must be very fond of octree?’ ‘Yes,’ inadamo, I am,’ ho replied ‘or I never should have drank so much water to got a little.’ . A shut up.—A Paris banjeer showed Demidofl a pin of Malachite, and asked him whether it was not beautiful. ‘Very,’ said the prince. I have a mantle piece and a door made of exactly chesame qual i y.’ Candid.—‘-How much water do you put in your milk-?’ asked u man ofaboy, who delivered on one of the milk routes. *Wo don’t put any watM* in it,’ replied the boy. ‘What do you put in it then?’ ‘lcesaid the candid youth. • A gentleman advertised in a Charles ton paper, ihe other day, for three swift ■writers,' The types made it three swift waiters. Such a crowd of negroes sur rounded th*» office the next morning that the editor mistaking their motive, was about to bundle up and leave by the back door. In Massachusetts, recently, a wealthy bachelor married, off hand, a beautiful young lady, whom he caught inspecting cook Moves at theStaio fuir. Since then you can’t get within forty rods of the 'stove department* for the crowd.of prettv girls. Thu following is a contemporary’s de scription of a Western lynching: ‘ Mr. Lyon, of lowa, who owned several horses belonging to other'parties, recently dis located his vertebra*, while performing trying feat’s at a rope’seud, for theamuse ment of a large crowd.’ The ladles of a church in Chicago ad vertise their third annual hot dinners, at Metropolitan Hull, continuing through the week, from 12 to 3 each day.’ When you cannot have strawberry festivals.why not get up a taking substitute ? The parish of Lemlngton, Illinois, was disturbed Sunday before lust by the non arrival of the pastor, when the sexton rose in his seat with awful solemnity and said : ‘There has been a duplex ar. ival of the mall.. Our worthy shepherd has two little lambs added to his dock. Twins brethren, twins. Let us pray.’ ' Fanny Fern comes to the defence of old maids in this style : ‘The fact is the Modern Old Maid is as good as the Mod ern Young Maid, and a great deal better, to those who have outgrown bread and butter.- She has sense aa well as fresh ness, and' conversation “and repartee as well as dimples and curves.’ ‘1 hope you will be.ablo to support me,’ said a young'lady while walking out one day with her intended, during a slippery stale of the pavement, ‘Why, yes,’ said the somewhat hesitating swain, * with 1 some litt‘e assistance from your father !’ There was some confusion and profound silence when the lover’s colloquy had ended. A ckhtain party from Down East came to Storm Lake, Wis., the other day, to view the farm he had purchased having paid §4.50 per acre forlhe whole of section 10. range, etc. He found that bis farm was in the very centre of the lake, many feet under water at thp shallowest point. He takes no more stock in real, estate In that immediate vicinity. It is too badly watered. A Hkooklyn man is accused of visiting a restaurant, when Impecunious, and ta king a seat at the table with a portly countryman, who was discussing a 26 cent plate of hush. The Brooklynite call ed for and ate a live dollar dinner, then gracefully handing a paper he had been reading to the countryman, dexterously changed checks with him and went off, *M v dear Mrs Jones,’ said Mrs. Brown ‘come near to my bedside; lam dying and I wish to say a few words to you.’ * ‘Yes,inarm, * sighed Mrs. Jones. ‘Well Mrs. Junes,’ ejaculated Mrs. Brown, ‘you and I have had a good many tifla in our day, and now I part with you in peace; can you forgive me?' *Yea inarm,’ sighed Mrs. Jones; Jindeed, in deed lean!’ ‘Am I forgiven ejac ulat ed Mis. Drown. ‘Yes maim,' respo ndod Mis. Jones with difficulty, in i ,*onso quence of the intensity of her un* gulsli; and then she attempted to weep b er * ay out of the dying woman's room. . Stop a moment, my dear Mrs. Jones,* e ald the expiring Mrs. Brown, ‘l've another word to say. I wish to have ' under stood that If I get well everyth goes back, aiid we stand op the BR mO old ground.! ‘Suppose all the