IjjpSftmetiwnUolunteer
jUSHEP EVERY THURSDAY MOUNINO
jjBATTON <Sc ICEN'J'TKD'Sr.
JIIBKET SQtABE.
..■—Two Dollars por year if paid strictly
/fl* 1 9 ’ . two Dollar* and Fifty Cents If paid
«l f S months; after which Three Dollars
«> SS. ThesMennn will he rigidly ad
115*. in every Instance. No RUlrficrlptlon du»-
$ !!Ji until all arrearages are paid, nnlesa af
ft™ Sfti»wit«.-
ptofeoo {nna l <SatUa.
p HWIHICH. I WM. B. PARJUSU.
IJMKICH & PARKER,
ATTORNEYS AT LAW*
pj c6 0Q Main Street, In Marlon Hall, Car
fSJtmr
kited states claim
AND
EAI SJSTA TE ‘A &EJVOTt
M. B. BUTLER.
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
«in2dfltoryof InhofTa Bulldlnp, No.Sßrmth
never Street, Carlisle, Cumberland county
Sons, Bounties, Back Pay, Ac., promptly
ppUcfltlons by mall, will receive immediate
IfUcatar attention given to the selling or rent
of Real Estate, In town or country. In all lot
iof Inqnlrv, please enclose postage stamp,
nly 11.
E. BEETZHOOVEB,
‘ATTORNEY-A t-la w.
CARLISLE. Fa.
on South. Hanover Street, opposite
nil's dry goods store. •
w, l.
rTJtf. J, BKEARER. ATTORNEY AND
V COTTNBELr.oR at Law, hftB removed hIR
Ata the hitherto iinoccnpljpjr.rooni In the
ih East corner of the Court House.
bo. 2S, ’ftft—lv
KKNXEDV, AttohnkY at TjAW
y . Carlisle, Ponua. Ofllceenrao os tbato]
f'Amerloan volunteer.”
i im ■
AMErf H. GRAHAM, Jk.,
attorney at law,
no; 14 SOTUH HANOVER ST.,
CARLISLE, pa.
/PlPE—Adjoining Judge Graham’s,
—arch 81, JB7o—
L. BHRYOCK. JiiMtice of tb'e
. Pence. CU&bb No 8, Irvlu’B Row, Carlisle.
112). IMJ9—ly
R. GEORGE S. 9EARIGHT, Den
tot. From the Baltimore College of Dental
Ty.- Ofilce at the residence of nla mother
Louther Rtroot, throe doors below Bedford
We.Penua.
'.1.1KH5. .
M. B. REYNOLDS, M. D.
dnnto of HAHNEMANN MEDICAL COL*
t-, Philadelphia.
Ire, 21 Went Leather St., at residence of his
her, Carlisle. •- •
sell,
B. I. Y. REED, Homeopathic Ph.v
ildan, has located tn Carlisle, Office next
to Rt. Paol'M Evanulllcal Church, West,
herfltreet. Patients irom a distance please
In the forenoon,
re U 17. I«7U-«m*
VVABD SHILLING, M. D.
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON,
*Y o. wLjCaAt Pom fret Street,
'■ OAUMSLE.
ifihlUlnß was assbolaiecl with Dr. ZUzer, In
pj*cs. for a year or so, and has been practlc-
In Dickinson town- .i.» ia • yenis. All
'Svimml business p oomllv attended to.
)ril7,lB7o—Sin
ES. B. HIRONS, Attokney and
COUNSELOR AT I.A W,
FIFTH BTBKET, BELOW CHESTNUT,
Cor. Library,
PIITL.ADEf.PIII A
Jijats anir •ffaus
RESH SCM'MERABBrVAL
OF ALL THE
JV J2W BTTLEB
HATS AND CAPS.
' subKcrlher has just opened nt JVb. 15 2Vor/A
w Ww/. a few doors North of tlio Carlisle
dt Bunk, one of the largest and best .Stocks
VTSunrl CAPS ever offered In Carlisle.
{ Hots. Cnsslmere of all styles and, qualities,
Rrlms. different colors, and every descrip
tion Hats now .nude.
* Dunkiinl and Old Fashioned Brush, con
ly on hand and made to order, all warrant
give satisfaction."
A full assoitment of
MEN'S,
BOY’S, AND
CHILDREN’S,
HATS.
e also added to ray Stock, notions of dlffer-
Juris, consisting of
IBS’ AND GENTLEMEN’S STOCKINGS,
■/im, Suspenders',
Collar*, Qtoves,
Pencils, Thread,
Sewing Silk, ’ Umbrellas', &o
UME SEGARS AND TOBACCO
' , ALWAYS ON HAND. ..
o mo a call, and examlne ray stock as I feel
lent of pleasing all, besides saving you mo*
JOHN A. KELLER, Anent,
No, 16 North Hanover Street.
r.
VTS AND CAPS r
) YOU WANT A NICE HAT OR CAP ?
IP SO. DON’T FAIL TO CALI. OUT
J. G. OALLIO,
NO, 29. WESI MAIN STREET,
recan be seen the finest assortment of
HATS AND CAPS
sroatjht to Carlisle. He takes great pleas*
n Inviting hln old friends and nustomers,
II new ones, to his eplondldstock last re.
1 from New York and Philadelphia, con*
S In part of fine
YOUTHS'A'Sd CHILDS’,
L«ro unrivaled for comfort and beauty
TRUNKS AND VALIB3ES,
Men and iiors l hats.
which wifi bo sold at small profits. Call
oa all and got u full equivalents ft>r your
*ll, W 1870—iy
. . ,
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, .
• .
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4( •,' .
.. . , ~.... ....,,, --,.: ..:
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.;
C . . ...-. . •
. • .
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, '.
' 11l 1 5. , •
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• 41., .
_
. . . .
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY.
21c? ffioofcS.
qheap dry goods,
CHEAP DRY GO
AT THE
NEW STORE,
D. A. SAWYER,
D. A. SAWYER,
Irvine's Corner.
Bargains la
LAWNS.
QUENADINEB,
HERNANIB.
' * BEREQES,
paras»® c ws -
Piques,
Marseilles,
LOOK AT THE PRICES.
O AEICOE-t, qis a JO 12LT
Mir lins. . nQ, 8 10’ rn’
GINOHASIS, T 2& u 15’ • w' 4,
TICKINGS, U, 18, 27
Ghoapest Pants Stan . la o town
Cheapen! Cloths and Casstmers lu 1 a town
Cheapest Hosiery In t> town
Cheapest Gloves and Handle’s, in th town
Cheapest Notions, all hinds in ’own
DRESS Gt) O D S ,
Cheapest DeLnlnes In the town
Cheapest Poplins . jn the town
Cheapest Alpaecoa black A col’d in' the town
rl!o!f!! 6a 5 ? aoU * FanoySlll£ “ In the town
Cheapest Japanese : m tha tow “
WHITE GOODS,
Cheapest Piques Pig, striped In the town.
Cheapest Marsallles in the town
Cheapest Percales in ihe town*
Cheapest Chintzes in the town*
}<l!^ p L a » Embroideries*Laces in the town.
Cheapest Collars* Cuffs In the town
Cheapest Table Linen, in the town
Cheapest Aapklns, <to. in town
. A splendid article Pique 25 ota. AH other
. ln proportion. Com© and examine for
yoursoUca, No trouble to show goods. Our
motto Issmall profits and quick sales.
T*>eao goods have been purchas* d tor cash, a’t
present gold prices, and wecoo sell you new
Koods twenty-live pe cent, less than they will
ch i rge you for old goods at other stores.
June 2. ISTIi. D. A. SAWYER.
J)RY GOODS! : DRYGOODS!!
attractive specialties
HARPER’S
PSPlllllt DRV GOODS STORE.
.Pure iasfid during tne greatest depression In
low prP es et * co> *r e»pondlßgly
i.'BESB GO OD S ,
comprising all thd novelties of the season.
MOURNING AND
SECOND MOURNING GOODS,
BLACK STLKH, BLACK SATIN TAMJSES,
ip extra quality. Pure Mohairs, Biaok Aipaccas
(Specialty.) • *
WHITE GOODS,
Piques In great variety and latest styles.—
French Muslins, Nansooks, Bishop
ahd \ Ictorla Lawns, Tarletons, Ac,, <kc.
HOSIERY AND. GLOVES la great variety.
Guipure Laces—best and cheapest stock In
town. Real Valenciennes. Thread Laces, In*
sertlngs, Hamburg Embroideries and Lace
Collars.
LFNEN GOODS,
Linen for suits,
Linen Ducks and Drills,
Pillow Case Linens,
«... . Linen Sheetings,
Whltb Holland for Blinds,
Table Linens and Napkins,
Doyllc Towels,
White Spreads, Ac., «£o.
•BOYS’ CASSIMERES and • MEN’S WEAR,
newest styles, less than regular rates,
SPECIAL NO TICE I
LLAMA lace POINTS? 8
-LLAMA LACE SOCKS.
BEDOUIN MANTLES.
' SHETLAND SHAWLS
THUS. A. HARPER.
_ » _Cor, of Hanover and Porafrotbta.
June 23,187 U '
Q.BEAT COMMOTION
DK.Y GOODS,
Oo account of the redaction In Gold, the Dry
Goods Merchants who understand thelrbußlness
and the certain signs or the times, have reduced
Cheptlceot theirgoods correspondingly. Tfcesub-
Bcrihers have Just received from the cities a
largo and full assortment of all kinds of
FOREIGN & STAPLE GOODS,
which they win sell lower than they have done
since ISOI,
SILKS,
Wool De Lalnes, Alpacas, Poplins, Serges. Bom
bozlnes, Tamiao Cloth, Grenadines.
FLANNELS OF ALL KINDS,
Plain and Fancy, Linen Table Diapers. Cotton
do., Chocks, Tickings, Ginghams, Counterpanes
EMBROIDEBIE
a fall lino; White Goods In great variety,
HOSIERY, GLOVES, TRIMMINGS
and a fall stock
DOMESTIC GOODS,
Calicoes, Muslins, by the piece or yard; Grain
bags,
CLOTHS, CABBXMEBB, &o„
CARPETS, ,OI„L CLOTHS,
Bruegels, Window Shades, Matting'
MILINEBY GOODS
of all kinds. Including Ladles and Childrens
Hats imdSandowns. andtho best assortment
and best quality of line Klbbona In the county.—
Kid Gloves, (best make,) Jewelry, Fancy Goods
and Notions in great variety. This
MAMMOTH STOCK OF GOODS
tno largest in this section of country, Is offered
a. prices that defy competition, and all we ask
is a fair examination by good Judges of goods to
satisfy the public that this is the place to buy
and save money.
LADIES* UNDER WEAR,
A nice assortment of Ladles' Under Clothing
very handsomely stitched and trimmed ai
reasonable prices.
WOOL taken m exchange fjt goods.
BENTZ A CO.
At Che old Dry Goods stand established Feb
in ry Ist. 104'
March 80 —7(l
The following beautiful pcom wo copy from
tbo Memphis Bulletin. It Is rarely wo flad such
contributions la tho columns.of a newspaper. It
Is sweetly, beautifully sad :
Raise my pillow, husband, dearest—
Faint and fainter comes my breath ;
And the««e dhadows stealing slowly, ,
Must. I know, be those of death.
Sit down close beside mo. darling,
Let me clasp your warm, strong hand,,
Vonr’s that ever bos sustained met
To tho borders of this land.
For your God and mine— onr Father
Then shall over lead mo on—
While upon a throne eternal,
Sits His loved and Holy Son ;
I've had visions and been dreaming
O’er tho past of Joy and rain,
Year by year I've 'wandered backward,
TUI X was a child, again.
Irvine's Comer.
Dreams of girlhood and the moment
When I stood your wife and bride,
Howmy heart thrilled with Love’s triumph
In that honr of woman’s pride.
DreamSTTf-tbee and all the earth-chorda
r Firmly tw»«-*» ••♦•Mutiny nenrt—
bn i the bitter, burning aegnlsh.
When I first know that we mnst part.
It has,pns«ed—and God has promised
All thy footsteps to attend ;
He that’s more than friend or brother.
He’ll be with von to tho end.
There's no shadow o'er the portals,
Lending to my heavenly homo—
Christ has promised life immortal,
And ’tls He that bids me come.
When Ufa's trials wait around thee,
And Its chilling hlllnws swell;
Thoul’tthank heaven that! am snared then,
Thonl’tthen feel that“all iswell,”
Bring onr boys unto my bedside ;
My last blessing let them keep—
But ihe're sleeping, do not wake them •
*’ .They’ll learn soon enough to weep.
Tell them often of their mother,
Kiss them for me when they wake,
Load them gently in life’s path-way,
Love them donbly for my sake.
Clasp my hand still closer, darling,
This, the last night of my Ififo ;
Answer when yon call me “wife;”
Fare thee well, my nobio husband,
Fntnt not 'nenth the chnsl’nlngrod.;
Throw yonr strong arm ’round her children
Keep them close to them—and God.
i&rtlllartouz.
• ■ From the Overland Monthly.
THE STOUT OF THE SECOND HATE.
, Ido not remember when it was that, the
second mate first, began to show hie de
monstrative admiration for our pretty
fellow-passenger. It was Dick Hnlliday
who called mv attention to it as a capital
j 'Ue, while we were yet in the Mediter
ranean—a fortnight or so.after we sailed
from Leghorn. We two were leaning on
the quarter deck, Just before dusk, when
..Mias Ellis came on deck. “There’s the
candle,’ said Dick, ‘and presently you’ll
*ee the moth.’ In the course of the next
five minutes, Mr. Jones, our second mate,
lounged over from the opposite side of
the deck, and entered into an animated
conversation with the young lady on the
interesting topic of sharks. At least we
judged so by her questions, which were
put in such a clear, sweet voice that the
wind, loth to part with the musical tones,
indiscreetly carried them to within.our
hearing. ‘He’s a sort of death’s head ,
moth, in point of bemity,’ continn-d my
friend; ‘ but he’s neither too ugly nor to*«» I
old to suffer an uncomfortable singeing ’
I had a half formed idea that I rather
liked the second mate, and a very certain
conviction that T particularly admired
Mary Ellis. As I disliked to see the man
make u fool of.hlmsolf. or the girl appear
In the very discreditable character of a co
quette, Dick’s moth-and-candle theory
annoyed roe. J therefore took the liberty
of totally disbelieving it, and should have
continued to do ho had not the evidence
gradually become too plain to be mista
ken. .
There were four of us in the cabin-
Dick, Mias Ellis, her father and myself.
Why we hod taken passage from Leghorn
to New York in a plww-aailing, marble
laden ship, instead of returning home by
a quicker and more fashionable route,
does not pertain to the present story. As
the only lady passenger, Miss Ellis nat
urally was the chief object of interest to
my friend and myself. Her father was
old, ill. and unable, to play whist, and
was consequently an extremely unlnler
eating fello\V.passenger. Fortunately he
kept his room pretty closely,-and we saw
very little of him. But.his daughter was
the brightest and most bewitching little
woman that ever made a long sea voyage
notonly endurable, but delightful. She
was twenty-five, aelshe f,ar kly confessed,
and bud spent the last three years in
traveling with her invalid father. She
wua good tempered, never dull or dispir
ited, and though frank and bright in her
manner, never transgressed the limits of
maidenly propriety. She wasqulteaware
of the fact that she was extremely pretty,
and she had an irresistible tendency to
wards innocent fliraithm. Had I been a
younger man, or had Dick not possessed
a wife and a quantity of children at home,
one or both of us would certainly have
rehearsed the world old drama of Idle
love, with Mary Ellis in the leading fe
male role, as the critics would say.
As for Mr. Jones, he was the last man
whom any one would have deemed capa
ble of seutiment of any sort. He was old
for although he said lie was only thirty
five, rough weather, and a wild,dissolute
life had made him much older than his
years. His complexion was nearly the
color of mahogany when it la thoroughly
oiled, though It lacked the polished sur
face which is generally associated with
the article In Us manufactured state. His
hair was grizzled and unkempt, and an
ugly scar which stretched across his fore
head—the.memorial of a desperate fight
with a mutinous crew—added nothing to
his beauty, Still bis eves were clear and
piercing, and his features athletic and
manly. I suppose there are women who
might possibly have*fallen in love with
him. The Duchess Josiune moat certainly
would.
When one came to scrutinize Jones
spiritual as distinguished from Jones phy
sical, it was still more difficult to under
stand how he could have the amazing
self-conceit to imagine that MUs Ellis
could regard him with anything but the
barest toleration. He was a bold, quick,
skillful sailor, a man born to command
the refuse of humanity that man our
merchant vessels. He woshard and cruel
to thelazynnd Ignorant, aud aa a swearer,
eclipsed any one whom I ever heard in
the develiah intensity of bis innumerable
oaths. He was a totally illiterate man,
and ids want of knowledge of navigation
made it impossible for him to rise above
a subordinate station in the profession.
His conversation hud a certain spice of
shrewdness and homely good sense, but
was a perpetual defiance of Linclluy Mur
ray and ail hia works. Ufa code of mor
ality was summanlv comprehended in
two rules—never to be drunk oteeaand
always to obey orders; This was certainly
a pretty sort of fellow to take a fancy to a
refined and delicate girl. To do him Jus
tice, be was brave and manly in his eta*
tiou ; but what right had he to look,
except from an infinite distance, at aweet
Mary Ellis?
It would have been amusing, had it
not made me indignant, to note how the
man watched for, her appearance. At
every step that from the com
panion-wuy he would :tlirn with a look
of expectation in bis fuceihat the dullest
witness could not fall to understand.—
When she did appear, he would soon
contrive to carelessly approach her, and
would never be absent from her side, ex
cept fur a few moments at a time, while
the two were on deck. He was perpet
ually bringing mattresses for her to rest
SfwtoL
upon, ami shawls to wrap around h°r I
huve known him to keep a sailor In the
mfjszen chains for hours ata time catch
ing floating bits of sea weed and stray
fish for heramuaement, What was
more creditable to .him, he never abuse-1
the men In herpresence, and rarely swore
while she was In hearing. More than
once, at the warning touch of her hand
upon his arm, he dropped his raised hand
and suppressed the half-uttered oath he
was about to launch at some unhappy
'fellow who had committed an unusually
irritating offense against the Jaws of good
seamanship.
The motn-and-candle business went on
for several weeks. Mary Ellis was,‘or
affected to be, totally unconscious of the
conquest she had made. Neither Dick
nor myself felt at liberty to remonstrate
with her in behalf of the peace of mind
of the second mate. X did, however, ven
ture one day to warn Mr. Jones of the
attention that his, conduct had attracted.
We bad grown quite friendly by this
time, and I fancied that the kindly in
terest f took in. his welfare would rather
flatter him than otherwise. He listened
to what I had to say, with his bonds
thrust Into his pockets and his gaze di
rected miles away towards the far distant
horizon. * And so, Mr. Jones/ I'con
rJurted, vyou must see that this sort of
thing woil'b ut». tuo rmiy in quite uui 01
your sphere, and either don’t suspect that
you core particularly for her, or else she
is amusing herself at ycurexpense *
He turned and looked at me silently.
‘ Mister/ sold he, at last, slowly and re
flectively, ‘ like enough.you mean It all
right. So I won’t get mad about it. But
you’re making the biggest fool ofyourself.
Talking to mo about your spears I Why,
I’m a man, aln'.t I, and a white man, too?
She’s a woman, ain’t she? What’s yer
spear got to do with my bein’ perlite to
the young woman? I expect she gels tired
of your infernal jaw sometimes—l know
X do, anyhow, and she don’t mind lis
tenen’ to me a bit, for a healthy change.
What I think of her ain’t vour business, I
u >r anybody else’s; hut I ain’t going to I
let any man say that she’s a playin’ it on
me. Now you’ve got your course, and
.that’senougb. Idon'taflnw no interfrr'n
from passengers, nor nobody/ And he
walked away.
After this failure t tried him with no
more advances. Gradually I became con
vinced that Miss Ellis was, in reality, a
heartless coquette, who was amusing her
self with a conquest so out of the ordina
ry way as to interest her from its very
oddity. The cbnvlclion.that she was ac
tually capable of this petty cruelty made (
me necessarily reverse my oplnionof tier, |
and I censed to regard her with the warm
admiration witlrwhich she had at firat
inspired me.~
, The voyage grew dull ami tiresome.
As it drew toward a close, I began In
chafe at any lull of the fair wind that had
followed ur nearly across the Atlantic,
and to lose ail patience at the first breath
of an adverse breeze. I have not yet men
tioned our captain, for the simple reason
that lie hail hardly been seen bv any one
I of us since we had left Gibraltar. He was
an ill tempered, lit mannered fellow, wl o
disappeared in his cabin as soon us we
j weredearof the Straits, and entered upon
a quiet course of retired drunkenness, in
which he persevered throughout the voy
age. The mate navigated the whip, and
was In every wav an intelligent and com
petent officer. I never dreamed that we
were not proceeding on our course as
rapidly as fhe ship could be sailed, until
one day I saw the mate chalk certain
figures on a hoard, and hold them Up to
the sight of a passing vessel. Hm peopre
immediately answered by displaying a
series of totally different figures, the sight
of which elicited a hearty oath from the
mote, who said to Mr. Jones.. ‘I knew
our chronometer was wrong, but when
the old man is sober enough to talk tie
swears a blue streak if I say anything
about it’ ’
Mv newly awakened suspicions that
we were not in the, most enviable situa
tion were unexpectedly verefied that very
night. I hail felt unwell during the day,
and, soon after dark, went to my slate
room which was in the house on deck,
and lay down in my berth. Presently I
heard voices from the to my.i
room. Of course, I ought not to hove I
permitted myself to hear—for listening is j
hot the proper term to apply to my in
voluntary share‘of the confidence which
tho second mate was bestowing upon
Mias Ellis—but I could not easily help
myself.
They had evidently been talking some
where else, and had sheltered themselves
beneath the lee of the house in order to
continue their conversation unmolested.
Mr. Jones was speaking when I first be
came aware of their close proximity to
tuo.
I Alt DYING
•I’m agoin’ to tell you tills,’ ho said,
* because you are not like,other women,
that’ll boiler-and raise Ned the minute
they think there'a any danger. You’ie
brave, if I know what’s brave in a gal—
and I ought to by this time; I want you
not to say a word about this to yer father,
nr anybody, for It ain’t my business to
tell passengers anything; but the fact is,
we may go ashore any time to-night, and
I want you »o be ready.’
*Go ashore to-night I’ she cried, lov
fully. ; J J
*Ohj that is too goodf Why, I thought
we were a hundred miles from land.’
‘You don’t git my meanin,’ lie replied.
‘What I mean to say is this : The mate’s
chronometer Is all wrong. He and I have
suspicioned it fob a week back, and to
day we got the longitude from the bark
you was a lookin’ at, and If they was
right, we’re close on the coast.’
- ‘ And what of -that? Shan’t we get
home all the quicker?' she asked, gaily.
‘ Don’t ye understand ?’ ho answered.
* The old, man—the captain, I mean—ls
gottiu’ sober, and he’s told the mute net
fo change his course, or to taka a rag «fl*
her. First wo know we’ll run slap on
to Haltcxua beach, and if it comes on to
blow—and it's o goln’ to sure—we’ll go
to pieces so quick that the old man wou’t
get a chance to get drunk again.’
*D6 you mean that we are iu danger?’
she asked In a lower tone.
‘Yes, I do; butdon’t you get frightened.
Mehbee we’ll get through the night; hut
if we don’t, and anything does happen,
come straight to me. I’ll boon deck.and
I’ll lay down my life foryou, Mias Mary,
God knows!’
She asked him quickly: 'Why do you
mind what the captain says, if he is not
sober? Why don't you and Mr. Caswell
(the mate) do what you think heat?’
He laughed grimly. ‘l’ve been to sea,
Miss—man and boy—for twenty years,
and f never went avin’ my superior offl
eers’orders. The old man says to drive
her, and that’s the end of it. And if be
drives her ashore, it’s bU own lookout;
and If It wasn’t for you I wish he would.
When he loses a. ship or two, mebbe hie
owners will get sober men to navigate
for ’em.’ - *
•I’m not afraid, Mr. Janes,’ answered
the girl. ‘Ff we are wrecked I will do
just as you tell me. You can’t think how
I thank you for telling me the truth.’
Mr. Jones was quiet for a moment, and
I heard her dress rustle, as though she
turned to go.
* Walt a bit, if you please, Miss,’ said
the second mate. *1 want to say one word
to you.’
After a pause be began : ‘Miss Mary
you’ve no need to tell me what lam as
one of them old chaps that's in the cabin
with you did, once, eince we’ve been out
o’port. I know Juat what I am better’n
you and he could tell me if you waa (o
try your beat and keep It up, right on
end, fora week. lam an ignorant brute
that ain’t fit to touch yer dress—let alone
yerhand. T do my duty when I am at
sea, and X get drunk and play when
I’m ashore—and that’s all there’s o’me.
But, you see, I never had no bring’ up.
I don’t know who my mother was ; and
I’ve been kicked around Cherry street,
when I was a boy, and knocked round at
nea ever since I was big enough to know
the end of a marlin’spike. I ain't so
bad as some of the sailors thinks I am ;
but I’m a hundred thousand fathoms be
low you. All 1 want to tell you is Jest
CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 1870,
lieved from the weight of the top-ham
per, the ship rose somewhat, and drove
further in upon the sand. The seas
Ixarded us Jess frequently, but the ship
pounded on the beach with a violence
which placed her iu imminent danger of
bieakingnp.
When he had done what he could for
momentary safety, Mr. Jones called the
crew and said: ‘lf any of you want to
try the beat, you can do. it. 1 shan’t—
You can’t be no more use here, but it’s
the safest place foryou. However, If you
want to take the boat, I won’t stand in
your way.’
‘We’il take the boat, Mr. Jones,’ re
plied one of the men. ‘Sh’ll go to pieces
in half an hour; and you’d better come
with us.’ •
‘Not I,’ returned the second mate, *1
don’t take no boating excursions in this
weather. Wear away the boat if you
want to, and good luck to you.’ Aud
then turning to the passengers, he coik
tinned; ‘lf, you take my advice, you’ll
stop aboard. Bhe’ll last some time yet.
but ihem fellows in the boat ’ll be
swamped in ten minutes.’
‘We stay with you,’ said Mary, walking
up to Mr. Jones, and placing her little
hand In his rough, brown paw. That
settled the question for her aud the rest
of us,
The men cleared away a leaky boot
that lay bottom upward on the house
amid ships, uud, ousting off, vanished in
the darkness. Mr. Jones told ua to keep
where we were, while he , went ait for a
moment.
We watched him carefully working
his way aft to tire wheel-house, which
was still standing. Presently he came in
sight again, carrying a life buoy. Wo
knew for whom it was intended..
But Just as he bad passed beyond the
line of danger, he was struck by a mighty
wave time tore him from his hold and
dashed him against the stump of the
main-mast. Receding, the waveJeft him
clinging to a bolt, but unable to rise.—
Dick and I dragged him forward and laid
him with his head In Mary’s lap. The
bravo fellow never lost his hold of the
life-preserver.
Ho was insensible fora few moments,
and on coming out of his swoon said:
‘Tell her to keep this on, We must be
near the shore, and if she holds together
till daylight they may be able to get a
line to us.’ ‘
'But you are hurt, dear Mr. Jones?’
cried Mary.
‘l’m done for. miss.’ ho answered,
shortly. My leg’s broke, and my riba
Is stove in. Why the— don’t some
body hist that lantern where It can be I
seen?’ I
tills. There’s never a man amoni? all the
lot you’ve ktfowd thutcould begin to love
you ns I do. For God's sake, don't look
°** me * ain’t such a fool as to
think that you could ever keer a straw
for me, hut I can't help tellin you how
true and honest I love you. I’d die hap
py for you, Miss Mary, even If I knowd
you'd never think of me again. I never
meant to tell you this, nudil'll never say
another word ahout'it. But, my God I'
■when I think of how X love you, and
how there’s, fifty thousand Atlantic
oceans between ps, I get wild. I've
thought of it some nights, Miss Mary,
till I couldn’t hear it auy longer. I'ye
juet jumped forerd and gone to lickin'
the sailors to, keep from* coin’ crazy
and ’ •
'Mr- Jones, Mr. Jones,’came the sharp
call of the captain, cutting short the poor
fellow’s confession. -
‘Ay; ay, sir!’ he answered, and wont
to meet Ids sober, blit by no means sane
commander. ‘Why haven't you got the
to’ gallauts’ls set, sir? Didn’t I 101 l you
to give her all she'd carry?’
‘The fore to'gallaut-yard’s a little
sprung, and I wasn’t sure of its bearin’
the sail,' he aus vered.
‘Settha fore and mizzen-to’-gallants'ls ?
said Mr. Jones.
the captain; don’t you start a sheet un
til I give you the worth’
The top gallant sails were sheeted
home and the sails hoisted. The wind
whldh ’had heeu blowing strongly allday,
hud freshened as the sun set and was now
blowing a stiff gale from the eastward. —
The ship staggered and plunged under
her press of canvas. The captain walked
the deck with a quick, nervous step. He
was intensely irritable, from the effects
of his prolonged debauch, and, though
quite sober, was goaded by his unsUuiug
nerves into a reckless impatience that
found relief only In the excitement of
driving his ship to the uttermost of her
capabilities. I listened with uneasiness
to the howling oi the Wind through the
rigging, and debuted the question wheth
er logo to sleep and so forget the dangei
we were,ln, or to goon deck and make
myself uncomfortable hy • watching for
ll.e danger which X apprehended. My
decision was quickened by a sudden or
der Ironi thocaptaiu. ‘Mr-Jones, set the
iirdn royal.’
‘Set the main royal, sir?’ repeated the
astonished second uiale, in a doubtful
tone.
‘Set the main royal, sir. Do you hear,’
roared the Captain. ‘Loose all three of
them, and set, them instantly. If you
don’t know how to sail a ship with a fair
wind, J'lf show you.’
Mr. Jones hesitated uo longer. In a
few momenta the royals were spread to
the gale; but before the yards were
trimmed I was oh deck.
Miss Ellis had disappeared, and the
second mute w»«s evidently averse to con
versation. I noticed that a man lingered
near the mizzenrigging after the rest of
the watch hudgone forward. 80, too, did
the Captain, who walked abruptly to the
sailor and demanded to know what he
was wailing for.
‘Mr Jones ordered mo to stand by tlio
halyards, sir, 7 answered the man.
‘Ho forward !’ yelled the Captain. ‘Mr.
Jones, I want you to understand that
when I’m on deck I can sail this ship
without any interference. Let me see
any more of it and Til put you in irons
for mutiny; by p
, Poor Mr. Jones gave no answer. Him
self the inost intolerant and cruel of dis
ciplinarians, he did not resent the ratine
of his commander. When that amiable
officer, turned away, his. subordinate
passed over to the other side of the deck,
and leaned silently against the bulwarks.
An hour passed away.. It was a star
less night, and to the danger of running
ashore was added as a
possible collision with some passing ves
sel. I thought of this ami was about to
pick.my way forward, to satisfy myself
that the look-out was not asleep, when
thesi cond matesuddenly placed his hand
to Ilia ear and bent forward, as though
listenin'.' intently. In . another moment
a sharp, piercing cry rang from, the fore
castle—‘Breakers ahead I*
‘Let go yer royal and to gallant hal
yards, tore and aft!’ roared the second
mate. ‘Stand by yer topsail halyard.—
Man the port braces; some of you ; and
stand by to alack (lie starboard braces.—
Cull all hands, ‘Boutnbip!’
But, while the light sails were yet
fluttering in .the caps, and before the
yards could be swung, so as to-change
the vessel’s course, she struck heavily,
bows oil—the main and fore topgallant
masts going over the side and dragging
the mizzeu topmast with them. At the
puiuo moment an enormous green sea
hoarded us on the quarter sweepihgaway
the wretched Captain, several of the'
crew, and the first mate, who was on
deck, a few seconds* after. she struck.
Luckily, I was too far forward to receive
the full force.of the wave, and, as soon
os the deck was clear of. water, Mr.
Jones made his w ny over to my side and
said, ‘Go below and bring the gal forward
to the . forecastle. Steady, now; and
don’t get yourself overboard.’
By narrowly watch lug our opportunity,
Dick, Mias Ellis, her father and myself
managed to gain the ■ forecastle. Mr.
Jones, hare headed, and with his cout
ofl; was busilysuperlntondingthecutting
away of the masts ami the clearing of
the wreck, which was thumping against
the side with dangerous violence. Re-
i Wo took the ship’s lantern, which was
still aglow, and fastened it to the head
of the foremast, which had been broken
Just at the slings of the yard.
‘I hope you fellows knows wlmt to do
.If they gits a*Hue aboard?' ho asked,
doubtfully.
Wo assured him that wo did. Then
silence fell upon us, us we sat waiting for
death, or the dawn.
We were huddled together under the
lee of the bulwarks. The old gentleman
said never a word, but from the frequent
movement of his lips, was doubtless pray
ing for our safety. Dfok, who was the
coolest of men, filled and lighted bis
pipe, confidently expressing his convic
tion that the ship would hold together
until daylight. Mary was silent, strok
ing with gentle hand the weather-beaten
brow of the second mate. Did her ten
derness spring from remorse at having
won his love; or was it possible that she
really cared for him? Who shall know
the mysteries of a woman’s heart?
Hours hud passed, whqp Mr. Jones sud
denly opened his eyes and asked, ‘Has
anybody seen anything of the boat yet? 1
I looked over the side, and, by a singu
lar coincidence, caught sight of a boat
drifting by us, bottom upward-
The second mate actually laughed. ‘I
gone with them fellows it a' heeu all day
with you by this time.’
He relapsed again into silence, and ap
parent insensibility. When next he
spoke his mind was evidently wander
ing. 'I tell yon,’ he suddenly cried, In a
voice that startled us with Its wild Insani
ty, ‘that chronometer's,wrong, and we’ll
he ashore before morning. And ii that
pretty young oreetur's drowned. I’ll
drown the old man myself, so help me
God.’
The night passed slowly on. The wind
gradually lulled, and the sea perceptibly
went down. ‘Daylight will soon be
here,’ cried Dick, ‘we shall be saved yet.
Mr. Jones raised his head and looked
out into the night. The culm ami reso
lute look had-returned'lo his eyes. ‘I
see the dawn, boys,’ he said. ‘Stick hy
the ship* The sea’s going down, and
you’re as safe as If you was ashore.’
‘We wou ; t go ashore without you, Mr.'
Jones,’ sai<i Mary. ‘I will nurse you day
and night until you are well.’
‘Nursin’ won’t do me no good, Miss
Mary,’ he answered, ‘You needn’t take
me ashore. I’d*a great sight rather'he
hove overboard as soon as tho breath’s
out of me.’
‘lt’s growing light fast,’ said Ditk.
after another pause. But the second
mate never opened his eyes.
‘Miss Mary,' tie whispered in a faint
voice, ‘l’m again’ now. Just let me hold
your hand, if yon don’t mind.’
Dick and I did not (.venture to approach
nearer to the awful presence of Death.
‘l’m dyin' miss, but I'm glad of it.—
I couldn’t have lived without the sight
of you; and I am happier now than I
.ever was before.*
I lie tears fell again, and the sweet girl
bent over and touched her pure lips to
the forehead of the dying man.
A bright smile softened his stern,.worn
face. * May God Almighty pay you for
your-goodness.* he Whispered huskily.
I don’t know where I am again’ to, hut
if ever you come there, you'll let me 100 l
at you sometimes, won’t you ? I’ll nev
er bother you, -but I could not bear to
li«vo you cut me:’
A dull report came floating from the
invisible shore.
‘There’s the gnn,’ cried Mr. Jones.
•‘ They see'our light ashore, and they’ll
have a surf boat here before long. Good
bye Miss Mary. you’ll make it all right
for ino up aloft, T know. Tell ’em yon
kissed me when I was dyin.’ They won’t
be hard on me If they know that. Make
somebody take the mate’s log book
ashore. He was all right; but the
the lubber that wrecked this ship with a
fair wind. Let me look at your eyes
once. My God ! how I have loved ’
And the second mate was dead.
Cheerfulness.—Our great American
humorist. Josh Billings, manages to sea
son his frivollies with a great deal of
poetrV and good eouud sense * in the
rough,’ which we do not always get from
m'Te pretentious writers. On* of his rer
Cent sayings is, 'Wise men go thru tills
world as boys go to bed in the dark,
whistling to shorten the distance.’ There
aie embraced in this, less than a score of
words, good sense, poetry, religion, and
that dim outcropping of humor which
shows that It is entirety unalloyed from
other metals. There would ho much
more sunshine in this world If-wo our
selves did not obstruct the ray's that
would enliven our hearts and homes. We
are constituted too much as our houses
are—with a dark green blind oh every
window; which is kept closed far too
much of (he time. Keep the blind open
—much consists in being ready to receive
the sun. It will come from behind the
pun much quicker. And that cold east
wind? Suppose It does blow raw and
chilling, giving almost every bone a pre
monitory twang of rheumatism ? So
much the more need of cheerfulness. If
the wind blows the sea-fog around and
above ua, hiding the sun’s rays from us,
we can have a sun of our own by simply
concentrating the rays of cheerfulness
around us,, and building a fire of its
warmth in our hearts. If we are always
showing a disposition to borrow trouble
and are ever anticipating even worse luck
than comes along occasionally, we shall
find plenty of lb to come at the.bidding ;
but the exorcism of cheorfulnesscou verts
even the foggiest east wind Into a refresh
ing breeze from Eurus, and even paints
rainbows on Its outposts, and BpeakSi , 'ln
whispers of faith, of the glory reflected
on the Sunny side of the darkest cloud.
The Laboring Man.—On our home
ward way at noon and evening, we. fre
quently see a niechuulo or laborer with
the marks of toil upon his person or his
garments, walking with manly tread to
ward the litt’espot where are sheltered
his loved ones. The poor exquisite, whose
dainty nose turns upatthe mere mention
of a mechanic’s name, aud who would
faint outright were his velvet paw to feel
the iron pressure of oue of these, stalwart
heroes of the world's workshop, could not
think love an inmate of a poor man's
cottage* But should he, as we do every
day, see groups of bright faced children,
their countenances radiant with joy, rpsh
out on the side-walk, and run with dis-.
tended aims to welcome papa, he would
change his opinion. A child's love is
the crown of a good man’s life, and he
whose children is ever waiting to give a
welcome kiss, cannot he wholly .bad
Thouch we may be placed in the most
humble circumstances—though there
cannot be found .in all the circle of our
friends and acquaintances one who is
brave enough to defend our good name
from the venom of the slanderer—yet so
long as the good woman of the house and
her little child extend to na a loving wel
come, we need not despair.
Great Salt Lake has been a sort of
mystery to scientific and geographic, ex
plorers. It has been supposed that Its
waters were kept at a uniform level by
the process of evaporation, since no out*
let was known, and yet It was fed by ma-~
ny streams from the Hooky Mountains.
Recently, however, the mysb ry Is
thought to be solved In the discovery of
a subterranean outlet-..,., Jn a voyago on
the lake a schooner was caught in the
vortex of a mrelatrom. The Captain of
the vessel states that during tho deten
tion caused by tbe accident the deck was
fur lower than the water outside the
whirlpool, and he owes tho safety of his
’vessel and mon to tho stiff breeze which
fortunately sprung up at (hat time. The
noise of the waters as they desoeueded,
denoted that some mighty airless cavity
below gave strength to the suction, and
tbe surging, frothy foam above was like
the boiling of a frothy cauldron. It is
Inferred that this la the safety valve of
th£ Great Salt Lake, and that probably
there may be other similar outlets.
VOL. 5T.-NO. 13.
Grief of Spotted Toll over tlio ftontti of
Ilia Favorite Nqnnir.
Tt will he remembered that during
Spotted Tail's visit to the East, bis be
loved • Wawonalssa 1 sickened and died.
He reached the Whetstone Agency, the
headquarters of his tribe, two days after
she was buried and immediately had the
remains disinterred, A correspondent,
says it was a painful sight lo see the pro
found and bitter grief which took posses
sion of .the chief as he looked upon the
dead face of her ho had loved so truly
and so well.
* Over the usually stoical features of the
i stern warrior, great tears coursed like a
torrent, while his broad breast shook and
heaved with Us great agony. He caught
the inanimate form in hla brawny arms,
calling her by all the endearing names
with which he had been wont to awake
the Joveifght in her dark eyes in days
gone, while he rained hot, passionate
klssesupon the dusky marble of her dear,
dead face. At the time the gentleman
from whom we derive our information
left Whetstone, Spotted Tail was giving
expression to his grief in a manner pecu
liar to his people. All the presents and
trinkets of every sort which he had re
ceived while on his Eastern Journey he
buried, affirming that they were ‘bad
m«»djnifw,» responsible
tho death of his wife. Many \>i tueue
presents were of great value, yet we
understand that he reserved not a vestige
of any gift made him while abient on the
journey spoken of. '
He had also discarded all his feathers,
ornaments and clothing of every sort,
except the breech-clout, and subjects
himself to all sorts of personal discomfort .
and humiliation. He has smeared' bis
body with'grease and filth of one sort and
another, and lacerated his person with-’
knives, sharp sticks, etc,, until ho Is a
frightful sight to behold. Anon he will
stand with his arms folded across hi>
chest, gazing at the sun for two hours at
a time, wbllb not a muscle of hjs body
moves an atom ; then he will clasp' bis
hands before him, and with eyes bunt on
the ground, ho will.commence a mourn
ful chant which he will keep up for
another hour or two; this Is followed by
throwing himself upon the ground,
where ho will roll and tumble about in
a perfect paroxysm of rage until he be
comes completely exhausted, when he
falls asleep, only to repeat the routine of
mourning upon bis awakening.. Since
his return home he has not washed him
self once, and as the dirt in which he
rolls readily adheres to the grease with
which Ida body Is smeared, it can he
readily imagined what a filthy condition
he is In.
Thus mourns this untutored savage for
the loved and lost: and rude, uncouth,
and even rldlculxfs as are his expression'
of grief, they are none the less sincere and
heartfelt, and therefore entitled to our re
spect, if not our approval.
The Parisians and Their German
Beer-.— -A Paris letter says: A teirible
piece of news for thirsty Paris is just an
nounced. The numerous cafes supplied
with Bock beer by the great bouse of Dre
her&Co., Vienna, exhibit in their win
dows a pluca«d stating that in conse
quence of the war no beer is to be had bv
the usual railways, that the slock is out.
and that their numerous customers must
l)e good enough to wait for the comple
tion of arrangements aeton foot for bring
ing German beer to Paris by way of Switz
orlaml and Italy. It is only in the best
houses that this momentary scarcity will
be felt. Bv far the greater part of the soi
cWtani bocks consumed in Paris are muuu
featured In this city or the environs'
There is.an enormous brewery of “Vien
na” beer at Pantin, the suburb made fa
mous by the Tropmann murders. I be
lieve the interests of this, brewery have
rather suffered by the notoriety of its ex
ietehce. But for Tropmann its product)
would have passed off as true “hock”
more easily than they do now. But, al
though the Paris brewers cannot produce
beer so good as those of Munich aud Vi
enna, or even a 6 the “bocks” ofStrasburg,
their efforts to rival the genuine article
have very much improved the average v>
the beer brewed in Paris. Borne years
ago Paris beer was a vileflatutent, sapon
aceous deception. Now a very palatable,
refreshing and not unwholesome prepare
at lon of malt, and possibly of hons, though
I believe other bitters are moreconimon
l.v used, Is a very general drink. Tire
French cannot understand the beer as a
concomitant to a repast. With (heir
meals they must have wine. But lu tin
evening, among the better classes, far
more beer is drunk iu Paris than in Lon
don.
How Females Should Kiss.—Hard
ly any two females kiss alike. There is
as much variety in the manner of doing
it as in the races and manners of the sex.
Borne delica’o little creatures merely
give a slight brush of the Up. This is n
sad aggravation. We seem about to have
a good time but actually get nothing
Others go into it like a hungry man into
beefsteak, and seem to chew up our
countenances. This is disgusting and
drives aaay a delicate lover. Others
struggle like hens burying themselves hi
the dirt. This is won by great exertions
and is not worth the trouble it costs,
we are In favor of a certain shy
ness, when a kiss is proposed, but it
should not ho continued too. long ; and
when the fair one gives it, let her ad
minister it with warmth and energy.
Let there be a soul in It. If she close her
eyes, and sigh deeply immediately after
it, the effect is greater. She should be
careful not to ‘Slobber* a kiss, but give it
as a humming bird runs his bill Into a
honeysuckle, deep but delicate. There
Eh much virtue in a kiss when well de-
livered. We have had the memory oi
one wo received In our youth, which ha*
lasted us forty years j and we believe il
will bo the last thing we will think ol
when we die.
Somebody remarks that that man
should be fed on two*ltpa~ the rest of bis
life.
Henry Clay. —Tn his day It was. the
habit of the pollto world of the capital,
dressed In their gayest, to repair to the
Senate Chamber, to listen to him when*
ever he spoke.-. Clay was everybody’s pet.
No man bad ever such admiration aintfo.
No man has over got habitually such
brilliant and splendid audiences for his
orating ns he. These were days of grand
debate, wh a n the press bad not gained so
much prestige, before oratory had given
way in Congress to the reporters. There
were no very lofty flights then, and you
could not prick an orator, like a bubble,
with a witty sarcasm. Olay never dlaap
pointed. He would not have dared* Bui
he dared things that no other man then,
or now would dare. At the end of a brll*
Haot passage, ho would pause deliberately
and walk six steps across the aisle, to
Robert J. Walker’s snuffbox; and taking
a pinch gracefully between his Unger and
thumb, return to hlsdesk, and put It with
such ineffable distinction to his nostrils,
the whole audience was ready to burst
lntoapplauso> With any other man, that
would have been ridiculous. But Clay
made It sublime. It was the great king
going to bed In the presence of his ad
miring courtiers.
The Bloom of Age* —A good woman
never grows old. Years may pass over
her head, but if benevolence and virtue
dwell in her heart, she is as cheerful as
when the spring of Hie firstopened to her
view. When we look upon a good wo
man we never think of her age; she looks
as charming as when the rose of youth
first bloomed ,on her cheek. That rose
has not faded yot; it will never fade. 11l
her neighborhood, she is the frieud and
benefactor. In the church, the devout
worshiporand exemplary Christian. Who
docs not respect and love the woman who
has passed her days in acts of mercy and
kindness—who has been the friend of
man—whose life has been a scene of kind
ness and love, a devotion.to truth and re*
llgidu ? Wo repeat such a woman can
not grow old. tibe will always be fresh
and buoyant In spirits and active in
bumble deeds of mercy and benevolence.
Hates for
ADvxaTisKMKKTs win os inserted at Ten 'Cent
por line tor the first Insertion, and five ceos
per line for each subsequent Insertion. Qua?
erly half-yearly, and yearly advertisement* In
serted at a liberal redaction on the above rates
Advertisements should be accompanied by the
Cash. Wuensent without any length of time
specified for publication, tbey will be continued
until ordered out and oumrged accordingly.
JOB PRINTING.
UAuds, riAHpßLLi^,circulars, and every
er description of Job and Card Printing.
Onus of iiltecatute.
DLARNET.
If lovo Is on Innocent thing, my dear,
My heart then Is Innocent, too,
For sure it contains tho dtvll a thing.
But love for an anool-—that’s you. •'
ah’ all of tho dny
It’s tho whole ef my lay,
This lovo I am bearing for you.
This lovo It bo fills up my heart, my dear, 1
. Sure there’s room for naught else to creep In;
So It’s not from the good of mysolf you seo,
That ray heart is kept free from oil sin.
For while thinking of you
It’s no ovll I do.
So my heart Is kept free from all sin.
Then you are a talisman true, my dear.
To drive from mo evil away •
£hd os charms of tho kind are usually worn
’Round fbo neck, do you mind, every day.
’Twould- bo well, do r’t you seo, '
For you ever to bo
Round my neck, like a charm, every day.
, A Quick Trip—to trip on an orange
peel.
. Money is hard to get—But easy to
BpOUU. - v
baf- bar further prbgress—A misquito
Can a little girl weeping bo called a
crisis ? ■ .
r This weather la getting a trifle monoto*
lOUrf.
The most difficult thlfig to remember-*—
the poor. ,
Pooh Belief—being relieved of one's
watch.
Sun* dry matters are to be found every*
where. J
•The swiftest arm of the military ser
vice—Tho fleet.
An lowa mah aptly advertises: "Kero
seuo and coffins."
People who go to the theatre to laugh
are often seen in tieis.
When you get a stitch in your side—
Send for a sherry cobbler.
To have a bang up lime—bo present at
a steamboat explosion.
Dyeing for DoVE—Coloring -your
moustache to please a woman.
The beacheritcs at the sea sides are
not all of Henry Ward’s style.
Corn i"ed in Che market as ‘steady.’
out now about the corned ?
A clock may go on tick, but it isaure to
meet Us engagements on time.
Because a man singe bass, he should
not be pronounced a low character.
You’be a man of figure, as the maths
maticiau said to the duuciug-mustef.
The most desirable receptions for this
warm weather are cool receptions.
.Each wooden leg Is but a proof that
the glories of war have an artificial end.
When a man gets so low that he will
»ot even harrow trouble, his case Is des
perate. •
May not the sun bo arrested as an lu-
ITihf s * uce I* l .*** burning up every-
A child Is the beginning of what lie will
he; an old man the remains of what he
has been.
Why is an address on board a ship like
a bracelet? Because it is a deck oration
(decoration.) '
“ You are too no-lng by half,” as John
w-'ihmln -nM to Hannah Marla, when
she refused him, •
When did Noah go into the wine busi
nesss ? He made port about forty davs.
alter the deluge began.
MeteokO-LOGicai, Queby—When is
•J I ,® worst weather for rata and mice.
When it rains oats and dogs.
Quite out of season—for.a lady to pre
sent a gentleman with the mitten at the
present tropical period.
Why does tho minister .have more
wives than one else?' Because he often
marries a couple at a time..
ffHL fellow who attempted to ’‘cloak
ills sin,” found that he couldn’t begin to
get a garment large enough.
Louia Napoleon wishes' to identify
himself with the ‘'Marseillaise" in order
to be considered as the national him.
A constant reader writes to ascertain if
the cold shoulder so often given to poor
dependents is baited or roasted.
It doesn’t follow because a man is after
a cobbler that bo wants his bootatapped.
The tap may bo iu another direction.
’ The ln,ea t hall’ restorer out is that of a
thief, who stole a quantity of wigs and
afterwards returned them to the owner.
Over (on thousand “first bales’* of cot
ton have arrived in New Orleans. Some
imiiuatioua don’t raise anything but first
bales. ,
Good. — A Fifth avenue Jady, grown
suddenly rich, sailed for Europe the other
day, for the purpose, as she avowed it, of
haying the portraits of her three children
painted by the old masters,
Cincinnati baa base ball On the brain.
Recently a President of one of her base
ball clubs resigned, and a Cincinnati pa
per says his resignation at such a crisis as
this is to be regarded as a national cala
mity.
Such is the habit of borrowing money
In Chicago, that the Michigan Central
Railroad have two large painted signs in
their depot, us follows 'Caution to pas
sengers—do not lend your money to stran
gers.'
Tun conduct of the husbafid who beats
his wife bents anything ; but that-of a
man who slaws the door In the face of
his wife’s relations bangs all.
The editor of a Missouri paper asks his
readers to excuse the looks of his paper,
as he is iu bed from the effects of a fight
with a delinquent subscriber*
A Norwegian fatherand mother, with
twenty-one children, lately arrived at
Sheyboygan, Wls. The rest of the family
Is.expeoted by the next steamer.
Why are sheep the most dissipated an
imals? Because they gamble In their
youth, spend most of their days bn the
turf, the best of them are black-legs, and
they are sure to he fleeced at last.
The worst yet: An exchange got off
the following horrible conundrum;—
‘Why is an empty champagne bottle like
an orphan ? Because it has lost Its pop.
‘ Thk counsel,’ said a learned judge,
will do well to pluck some of the feath
ers out of the wings of his imagination,
and slick them into the tali of his judg
ment’
Whatever exception rpaybe taken to
some of tbe details of drebsea of the ladles,
it cannot Justly be said that there is any
thing low about tbeir heels.
The Hublime Porte has taken the step
to the ridiculous, in establishing a new ‘
fire department in Constantinople, now
that there’s scarcely anything left toburn.
A tradesman, having sunk his shop
a couple of feet, announces that, In con
sequence of recent improvements, goods
will ho sold considerably lower tbau for
merly*
A woman lecturer says, that woman's
sphere Is bounded north by her husband,
on the east by her baby, on the south by
her mother-lndaw, and on the west by a
maiden aunt.
The Detroit Free Press says: ‘Senator
Browulow Is still hangiig around Wash
ington.’ Very likely : but It Is not the
sort of banging wo should like to see him
do.