ij ()c American Doluntecr.
PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING
BRATTON Sc • KENNEDY,
OFFICE-SOUTH MABHET SQUARE.
mantra .—Two Dollars per year If paid strictly
Two Dollars and Fifty rents If paid
,n three montha: alter which Three Dollars
i h«ohßree«l. Thpro uirmj will bp rlslrtly ad-
loin every Instance. No subscription dit>-
b .inniwl until all arrearages are paid, nuless at
KfflS of the Editor.
ptcifesistoiial (ffatUs.
r p mrAfßimr. • i wm. b. barker.
IVuMBIGH & PARKER,
H ATTORNEYS AT hA TTr
Ofßofl on Mala Street, la Marloa Hall, Car*
ll jte’o. P 2 U isns- ' ■
tjnited states claim
AI{D
BEAL ESTATE AGENCY!
M. B. BUTLER,
ATTORNEY AT PAW,
nfflceln 2d Story of InhofTa Bulldlnß.No.BSouth
Hanover Street; CarllslOj Cumberland county
* Bounties, Back Pay, Ac., promptly
C Alligations by mall, will receive immediate
al ffldnilVar attention given to the spiling orrent
inffof Real Estate, In town or country. In all let
fprsoflnnulrv, please enclose postage stamp,
jniy n. ißff7—if
ri E. BELTZIIOOVKR,
'ATTORNEY-AT-LAW,
CARLISLE. Pa.'.
tep'Olßro on South Hanover Street, opposite
Bentz’« dry goods btore.
4*Dpc. 1. IWfi.
WM. J. SHEARER, Attorney AND
CouNSßi«W)iy at Law, has removed hlfl
ofllro to the hitherto unoccupied room in the
North R'i»t corner of the Court House.
Jan. 28, 'fift—lv . - ' •
WJ KKNNEDYV Attorney at Law
W , Carlisle. Penna.' Olllce saiho na that ol
Iho “American volunteer.”
Dec. 1 180 U
FAMES u. GRAHAM, Jk.,
• ATTORNEY AT LAW,
NO. 14 SOTUH HANOVER ST.,
CApi.ISLE, PA. ,
OFFICE— Adjoining Judge Graham’s.
March 81, IWU-tf
*TTI L. BHRYOOK, Justice of the
hi, Peace. Olllce No 8, Irvin’s Row. Carlisle.
April 29, ISM—ly . -
£R. GEORGE S. BEARIGHT, Den
tist. Frtrm the Baltimore Cntteue of Dental
trw. Office at the residence of his mother
East fjouther Street, throe doors below Bedford
Carlisle, Penna.
Dec. 1 1805.
B. REYNOLDS, M. D;
Graduate of HAHNEMANN MEDICAL COL
LEGE, Philadelphia. .
OfTlro, West Leather St., at residence of his
mother. Carlisle.
Jim© U. 70—ain* 1
ER. I. Y. REED, Homeopathic Phy
rtlcliiu, has located In Carlisle, Olllco next
r to St. Paul's livaimllicftl Church, West
Leather street. Patipnta from a distance please
call In the fnronoon.
March 17, lb7*)-<Jm*
JjUnVARD SHILLING, M. D
PHYSICIAN. AND SURGEON,
aVo, 28 Eiit Pom/rct Street,
CARLISLE.
Dr. Shilling was associated with Dr. ZUzer, In
tUls pbice. for a year or so, ami Ims been practic
ing in Dickinson township, for three years.« All
professional business promptly attended to.
April,?, 1870—3 m •
TTTES. B. HIRONS, Attorney and
* ’ COU.VSEnOfi AT /. 4 W.
FIFTH STREET, BISLOW CHESTNUT,
Cor. Library. *
Philadelphia.
CoM, IFflO—ly
#?ats ano *Sapa,
CiU M MKU A It HI VAL
OF ALL THE
A-Eir STYLJZti
OP f
hats and caps.
The subscriber lias just opened at No. 15 North
Burner Street, a few doors North of the Carlisle
Dimio.hU Batik, one of the largest and best Htocks
of ilA'frt and OAFS over offered In Carlisle.'
Silk Hats. Casslmere ofulUtyles and qualities,
fiillf Brims, ditlereui colors, and every descrip
tion of Hol t Hats now made.
The Dunkard and Old Fashioned Brush, coa
stuntly on hand and made to order, all warruut
ed to give sulisfaulloQ.
A. full assoitment of
MEN’B,*’
BOY’S, AND
. CHILDREN’S.
HATS.
have also added to my StooK, notions of differ
eatkinds,consisting of
LADIES’ AND GENTLER!EN’S STOCKINGS ,
iVfcA - 'lies, Suspenders,
Collars. Gloves :
Pencils, Thread,
Hewing Silk, Umbrellas, do
PEIME SEGAEB AND TOBACCO
ALWAYS ON HAND.
Give me a call, and examine ray stock na I feel
eomident ofpleaslng all, besides saving you mo
ney, •
JOHN A. KELLER, Agent, ‘
No. 15 North Hanover Street.
.May, IWSO.
J.JATB AND CAPS J
DO YOU WANT A NICE HAT OR OAF ?
IF SO, DON’T FAIL TO CALL, ON
J. G. OAL DIO, °
NO. 29. WES 2 MAIN STREET,
Wherecan be seen the finest assortment of
H ATS AND CAPS
over brought to Carlisle. He takes great Pleas
ure lu Inviting his old friends and customers,
and all new ones, to hla splendid stock lust re
ceived from Now York and Philadelphia, con
sisting In part of fine
SILK AND OASSIMERE HATS,
besides an endless variety of Hats and Caps of
the latest style, all bt which he will sell at the
Loweil Cash Prices.’ Also, his own manufacture
Hats always on band, and
HATS MANUFACTURED TO ORDER.
fie has the best arrangement for coloring Hats
and all kinds of Woolen Gouda, Overcoats, «fec., at
tne shortest notice (us lie colors every-.weekj and
on the most reasonable terms. AJso. a flue lot ol
choice brands of
TOBACCO AND CIGARS
always on hand." He‘desires to call thoattentlon
to persons who have
COUNTRY FURS
to sell, as ho pays the highest cash prices for' he
same. , . ~
Give him a call, at tbo above number, his dd
stand, os he feels confident of giving entire so ,is
faction.
May IuOU, . '
iJoota anti Shoes.
gTKOHM & SPOiNSLER,
Ao 13, South Hanover Street^
CARLISLE,/.FA.
.Thankful for the patronage extended! them
floret iforo, il» nmv announce ,tlieir usual, large
Bluox ofdPUING arVTLiid of
BOOTS AND SHOES
FORJ
WDIE3'JAMD MISSES','
ItQENTa' AND BOYS’,
YOUTHS’ AND CHILDS’,'I
winch arc unrivaled for comfort and beauty
Aiao
TRUNKS AND VALIS3E3,
MEN AND BOYS’ HATS,
All of which will be Hold ul small pr.iUts. Call
o»o mul all umlaut a full euaivaloirts. lor your
ineiiey.
April, 12 lb7d-ly
Qandidate for SHERIFF I
the underalgaod Is always open for sTntm fa
vors, ami win nave no objection wiiutevor to bo
fl caiidlUtUe lor dherilf, ll ms Democratic frtomis
Bee dt to nominate mm. In tue meantime, as It
» ms custom to stay at nome and attend to bis
hwu business, It will be impossible lor him to
can upon his irlonds in various purwor tljo coun
w- and n,j requests them all to call at hi* Uhup\
H East Loutnor street, Carlisle, wnece he is
always prepared to furnish the neatest Ills in
and tihixi, of any estvbllshmeut in the
county. Ho is now working up tn • very iiest of
touit at roducou prices. Extra Heavy soles sap*
pu«)d to oar countr> irloudswuo don’t want to
flcpesteroil with candidates. '
Maccn ld. itfyb—Uni. ADAM DY.SERT.
. ,
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1 I ti utter
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY.
JDn) Moolis.
QHEAP DRY GOODS,
CHEAP DRY GOODS,
AT THE
NEW STORE,
D. A. SAWYER,
D. A. SAWYER,
Irvine's Corner. . ..Irvine's Comer.
Bargains In
LAWNS,
GRENADINES.
• HERNANIS, •
-* BEREGE3,
LACE POINTS,
• HUMMER SHAWLS,
LACK CURTAINS.
PARASOLS, PANS, &c.
Piques,
Marsaiiles,
LOOK AT THE PRICES.
CALICOES, CV£, 8. • 10, VTA,
MU LINS. (itf, H. 10, VTA,
GINGHAMS, VJA, 14, 15, 17,
TICKINGS, H. • 18, 22, ' 2.'
Cheapest Pants Stall » In the town
Cheapest Cloths and Casahnors In fho town
Cheapest Hosiery In tho town
Cheapest Gloves and Handle’s, In the town
Cheapest Notions, all kinds in tho town
DRESS GOODS.,
Cheapest DoLalnea In tho town
Cheapest Poplins -in the town
Cheapest Alpaccus block A qol'd In the town
Cheapest Pluck <t Fancy Silks In the town
Cneapost Japanese in tho town
WHITE GOODS,
Cheapest Plqnes Fig, striped In the town
Cheapest Mursailles In the town
Cheapest Percales jn iho town,
Cheapest Chintzes ' In the town.
Cheapest Laces Jn the town.
Cheapest CollarsCuflh In the town,
Cheapest Table Linen In the town.
Cheapest napkins,Vtc;
A splendid article pique 25 cts. All other
goods in proportion. Come and -examine for
yourselves. No trouble to show goods. Our
motto Is small prollla and qulclc sales.
T'es o troofls have boon purohas l d for cash, at
presen gold prices, ami we cda sell you new
goods twentv-ilve po cent, less than they will
ch <rgo you for old goods at other stores.
I). A. SAWYER.
June 2. IS7O,
GOODS! DRY GOODS!!
attractive specialties
HARPER’S
POPULAR DRY GOODS STORE.
Puro'insed during tne greatest depression In
the market, and to bo sold at correspondingly
low prices.
DRESS GOODS,
comprising all the novelties oTtbo season.
MOURNING AND
SECOND MOURNING GOODS,
BLACK SILKS, BLACK SATIN TAMIRF.R.
In extra quality. Pure Mohairs, Black Alpnccas
(Specialty.)
, WHI T E GOODS,
Piques In great variety ami latest stvles.—
French Muslins, Nnnsnoks. Cambrics, Bishop
and A ictoria Lawns. Tarlatans, <Ec., &c.
HOSIERY AND GLOVES In great variety.
Guipure Laces—best and cheapest stock In
town. Real Valenciennes: Thread Laces, In
sertlngs, Hamburg Embroideries and Lace
Collars.
LINEN GOODS,
Linen for suits,
Ltneu Ducks and Drills^
Pillow Case Linens,
1 Linen Sheetings,
Whlt-j Holland for Bllmls,
Table Linens and Napkins,
Doylio Towels,
White Spreads, &0., &g.
BOYS’ CASSIMERES AND MEN’S WEAR,
newest styles, less than regular rates.
SPECIAL NOTI CE I
Opening of
LLAMA LACE POINTS,
LLAMA LACE ROCKS,
BEDOUIN MANTLES,
SHETLAND RHAWLS
THUS. A'. HARPER.
Cor. of Hanover and Pomfretbts.
June 23,1871.'.
QREAT COMMOTION
DRY GOODS,
On account, of thb redaction In Gold, the Dry
Goods Merchants whounderstand their business
and the certain signs ol the times, have reduced
the price oi their goods con espondmgly. The sub
scribers have just-received from the cities ft
largo and full assortment of all kinds of
FOREIGN & STAPLE GOODS,
which they will soli lower than they have done
Blnce 1861. .
SILKS,
Wool Do Lalnes. Alpacas, Poplins, Serges, Bom
baziucs, Tammo Cloth, Grenadines.
FLANNELS OP ALL KINDS,
Plain and Fancy, Linen Table Diapers,- Cotton
do.,Chocks, Tickings, Ginghams, Counterp anes
EMBEOIDERTE
a full lino: White Goods In great variety,
HOSIERY, GLOVES, TRIMMINGS
and a full stock of
DOMESTIC GOODS,
Calicoes, Muslins, by Iho ploou or yarj j Grain
bUg3 ’ CLOTHS, CASrfIMERS, &o„
CARPETS,'"OIL CLOTHS,
Druggets, Window; ahades. Mattlug'
MXLINERY GOODS
of all kinds, Including Ladles and Childrens
'Huts nud Sundowns, and the best assortment
-Hiid best quality of line Uibbons In the onunty.-
Kld Gloves, (best make',) Jewelry, fancy Goods
and Notions In great variety. This
MAMMOTH STOCK OP GOODS
mo lamest In this section of country. Isolfereil
a nrices, that defy competition, and all wo ask
Shu lair examination by good Judges of gondfl to
satisfy tbo public that tblsistbo place to buy
ami save money.
LADIES’ UNDER WEAR,
A nice assortment of Lo/lles’ Under Clothing
very handsomely stitched nnd trimmed at
reasonable prices,
VYoOL taken m exchange A cO .
At the old Dry Goods stand established Fob
ruury Ist, I<JW.
March o —7O
SOMEBODY’S 1.0 VERS.
Too meek by half wan ho who came
A wooing mo one morn.
For he thought, so little of himself
I learned to share his scorn.
At night I had a suitor, vain
As the vainest In the lan 1;
Almost he'seemed to condescend
In the offer of hls hand. '
In one who pressed his suit, I missed
Courage and manly pride; ,
How could I think of such a one
As a leader and a guide ?
And then there came A worshipper
With such undonhllng trust
Thnt when he knelt ho seemed not worth
Upraising from the dust.
The next was never In the wrong,
Was not too smooth norrough;
So faintless and so good wos he
That that was fault enough.
But one. the last of all who came,
I know not how to paint;
No angel do I Pee to him—
He scarcely calls me saint I
Ho hath such sins and weaknesses.
As mortal man befall;
He hath a thousand faults, and yet
I love him with them all I
Ho never asked mo yea or nay, «
Nor kn»lt with mo one hour;
But ho took my hand and holds my heart
With a lover’s tender power. .
-And I how. as needs I must, and say,
In proud humility,
Love’s might Is right, and I yield at Inst
' To manhood’s royalty I
WALLS Z41,111' DUO.
FRANK’S STRATAGEM.
BY FLORENCE V. ROGERS.
Misfl Amanda Melbourne was forty—
or professed to he. With a lady, veracity
on that point is generally good; so we
will chronicle her as four times fen.—
Forty summers hod left ,a wonderful
bloom on her cheek—or else it was a rab
bit’s paw lightly touched to a mysterious
pink powder, in an oval box with.lid nil
covered with gilt anti French words, and
conveyed, therefrom to theshallow cheek
of the youthful Miss Amanda. Her.
teeth looked splendidly. Rhe said it was
natural to the family; her father’s teeth
weteail sound when ,he died at the ad
vanced age of seventy. Ro most of the
people envied that natural beauty of her
family—a set of splendsd teeth, but T
learned she paid money for them; and
spirits* that walk when
In the town
"Night, driven along by the hours, has reached
The*nilddle of Its orbit,”
would backup the assertion, had they
taken an airy stroll through Miss Mel
bourne’s chamber, at that hobgoblin
hour; for there they reposed in a,tum
bler of cold waler every night, on a table
near her bed. Rhe was very precautions
to place the stand near her bed. in case of
tire I suppose, for I verilv beheve she
would have, perished In the flames rather
than let the world know that her strong,
sound teeth decayed, and dropped out? in
u single night.
Ami then those tresses! black, glossy
and heavy. She sported a waterfall, too.
Miss Amanda'dhi, voluminous an any
girl at seventeen; bn l the waterfall with
its beaded net. decked the aforsaid stand,
each flight‘also, and adront piece coiled
Itself uround the aforesaid tumbler.
The e was another article that mingled
with the group of ‘make ups,' on that
stand there was a pair of them.
T will lell you how I learned the above.
One morning F had rlien early andsienp
ed from my window to the roof of the
piazza, and weut round to her sleeping,
room window. It was very warm weath
er and Miss Amundu had been so dis
creet as to leave tier window open and
curtain .up* bp I opened the blinds to
hid her good morning, and O horror!
there lay au old lady, white headed,
toothless, clieekless. I might, almost- say,
for there were two deep holes where her
cheeks usually were. The sun shone full
upon her shallow face ami kissed her_
while eyebrows, and I hastily closed the’
blinds for fear ofawakenlngher. and hur
ried back to my apartments. The array
on the stand had not. escap d my notice,
and had I not seen them, I should h ive
been in great doubt whether that great
grandmother looking woman was Mias
Melbourne, forty, or some ancient, di
lapidated relation .of* whose arrival I had
not yet learned. But I knew the teeth,
graduated beads on that net, etc., but
what in the name of art was that pair of
things beside them*
Curiosity was strong nt eighteen, so
taking off my slippers, I glided round to
her window again and peepecl through
the blinds.
Miss Melbourne was sitting on the
edge of ibe bed, trying to shake off
‘death’s counterfeit’ t>y rubbing her eyes
and giving musical little yawns—occa
sionally varying the performance bv
stroking her shoulders, as if coaxing off
the rheumatism. *
At this juncture mv handkerchief had
almost disappeared in my mouth, and
both hands were dapped to my sides, to
prevent explosion which might give
warning to the enemy that I was in am
bush ; for I was bound to discover where
that pair of pearl-shaped gutta-percha ar
ticles went, on M'iss Melbourne.
While waiting for that denouncement,
I beheld what surprised me still more.—
As I live, Miss Melb< time reached down
and brought from under the bed an artifi
cial lepl I always noticed a fault about her
walk, but T thought It was au atterant at
the ‘Grecian wiggle,’ so fashionable
nowa-daya.
At this juncture T was shaking visibly,
and the handkerchief performed but half
duty, for te-he was audible several times.
Just then appeared my dear Frank in
the garden below, and commenced pelt
ing me with gravel stone. Saucy fellow
t«» take advantage of my powerless posi
tlon. __ . •
‘Qond morning,’ he shouted ; but I
only shook my head at him and placed
my fingers on my lips.
4 What arc you doing at that window ?
Where are vom slippers?’ were theques
tions* that followed when I .enjoined si
lence. 1
Turning round to give him a frown,
and show my displeasure In the mo-*t ef
ficient and silent manner, I beheld him
clambering up the trellis saying—
‘lfthere’s anything special to see, 111
see R.* „
I leaned over the edge of the piazza,
and took out my penknife and embroid
ery slsaors my only weapons.
‘‘Now, Frank/ I whispered, ‘if you
don’t get down immediately, I II cut
your Anger and clip your moustache.—
• And as Tie was still rebellious, I su'ted
the action to the word nnd drew blond on
that dear hand, and dipped off the turn
ing up hairs of the extremity of his
uioUHtncho. 0
‘By Jove!’ he exdalraed, as be wiped
the wounded baud on njy span clean
white wrapper. .
With.that I gave him a gentle push
which considerably accelerated his down
ward movement. . .
Once safe on the ground he looked up,
his face filled with alarm.
‘What alls you Kate? gone crazy t
looking in people's windows, slashing olr
without mercy, a fellow's whiskers, and
chopping up. his bauds 1 what In time is
“‘‘Now. Frank,’ I whispered, ’go away,
be u good boy. lam making a disc >ve
ry. I will tell you all about it bye and
bye/ and back, I tripled to thei blinds.
Miss Amanda was now adding the
filial
BY FUEBE CARY.
CARLISLE, PA., AUGUST 4, 1870.
finishing touch to her bead gear, and py
heart sank for fear those mysterious jir
tides had dope, tbelr duty. No, flipro
thev were,on the bureau.and Miss Aman
da took them up and slipped both Into
her mouth—one each side! Then line-
held a sudden plumpness to her face
the mystery wag out; and I left just
the rabbit’s paw descended to the <
box. ’ I
‘Humph!’ I ejaculated, as I enb
my own window, ‘she stretches
cheeks over them.,to paint more ens
Just as an artist stretches bis canvass 1
frame ’
But what a predicament I was in I
wrapper must be changed.’ My hail
In Disorder.whftro little slivers in!
blinds had caught It; my pet ham
chief, with Its red stripe and fluted
der, very much resembled a dishol
but. It was worth it —the discovery I
made was of Inestimable value to m<
Frank was. my lover and a (tear ond
one,. My uncle Henry was Mies del
bourne’s lover. This was my unle’e
house, and Miss Melbourne was her on
a visit. Uncle Henry had met h«rat
some watering place, and she
vated his bachelor heart, and thouglme
was fifty-five he appeared as foo isb o\or
her as my Frank did over me.
Bhe was very rich, and f sometim®
thought her estate on the banks of tie
Hudson, where he had vi-ited her seve
ral times, weighed something in the bri
ance, with uncle’s love; but If so. ,b
didn’t betray. They were soon marriei,
and she had'shown considerable
rity in the ’house whose mistress I had
been so lone, and moreover, had turned
up her nose a little higher thau natun
mode it to turn at my Frank.
‘A graceless scamp,’ I heard her any :
one evening, to Undo Henry, *ls tha
boy who visits Kate.' Explanation
Frank covered her poodle with burs, am
Miss Melbourne’s mold was two dnva ex
trading them from his fleecy covering
add.she .knew the culprit. ‘Yea,’ sh<
continued, 'a graceless scamp, and Hnr,
ry, deaK (my dignified uncle ‘Harry
dear!’.) if he is to become a member o
your family, 1 think I shall go back ic.
Maple Hall (her home), and. resign my
sweet hope.’
A short argument here ensued, but un
cle got the heat of It. Peeing which way
the wind blew she Anally sided round,
and concluded.to look over Frank’s, mis
demeanors, with the tirinl hurst of, —
‘T alwaj'S did hate a West Point popin
jay I there were several at Haratocra last
summer; but TMI never loov.c nnr. cent
of property to her if she marries him.—
I haven’t a relation in the world, hut I'll
found a hospital before heshall.Bqunndeii
my money after I’m gone.’
A flood of tears would have followed !
she had not been afraid of the paint; n
it was she carried tier handkerchief b
her eyes, and gave a couple of hysterica
sobs.that would have done justice to i
first-class act ess on the,stage.
Hereupon my Uncle Henry stroke!
that wig—l wish it had dropped off—ani
said,— !
•I’ll see about. it’
So *we were enemies, she and I,
that moment. If I could get her out o'
the house and uncle disenchanted.
That evening I unfolded our prospects
to Frank, and we knew, in words, many
a military plan to rout the enemy, and
gain our old ground with uncle, for he
certainly showed signs of going over with
the old maid, in opinion And he even
called my dear Frank, Mr. Thornton, on
several occasions.
Now if there was anything uncle de
sjltsed H was deception. ‘ J
**Dou’t’ he exclaimed, once to me, when
Tie caught me crimping mv hair. ‘Yod
can’t add to the beauty of those beavj
black braid? by those frivolous cHmpjf
stuck upon ynvr bend. Be natural, gtrl.l
■ And he wos going to marry a w man
so natural ! what would he do, the first,
morn of '.he honeymoon, to find Mis*
Melbourne so transformed ! bald headed- ,
one-legged, bleached eye-winkers, _ and
without those—the—the—that pair of
things!
So f thought, ns f donned a fresh dresy,
smothered mv hair, and opened my
drawer for a clean handkerchief. Then
I went down stairs. T
There was no one about, save the ser
vant letting the sunlight Into the draw
ing room, and dusting the furniture; so.
I stepped out to find Frank, and disclose.
I caught the glitter of brans buttons
through the shrubbery, and ran round a
turn In the walk to meet him.
‘0 FrankT I hegan.bntsnddenly
ed, for that was not ray Frank.
‘Beg pardon,’ he said; bowing low,
‘but Is Mr. Thornton in ?'
Then he grabbed me, and kinned me.
I was'on the point of screaming for
Frank, Uncle Harry. MUs Melbourne,
and the whole! household, ns visions of
murder, abduction, etc., flitted through
my brain, when Frank’s old musical
laugh rang out, and.he exclaimed, — I
‘How do you like a kiss without fl
moustache?’ . ,
‘Mercv I’ I exclaimed, ‘are you renlw
Frank Thornton ? Such a homely mat,
my dear Frank? Oh. denrl how yfu
look without a moustache; Pve invital
my cousin Madeline from New York,|o
visit us, and she will see you. and Ip
told her how much you look like X»ofi9
Napoleon! Oh,'dear, what madeyoujlo
it?’ i
‘I only cutTofF half,’ he smilingly tfi*
swered—it was a real sweet smHe he hdl;
I had never seen the whole of it befoij—
‘this side,’ and he pointed lo the left site
of his upper lip, ‘You cut the oilier
yourself. Do you suppose that I Was
going about one-sided?’ I
‘Now T got used to it,’ and I stopped to
take a criticizing view, ‘I don’t mini It
so much ; but let It grow as soon as ioa
sihle, for it was your moustache I fel in
love with.’ fj _ . .
He knew I liked it; and cut it oi to
plague me I know; fori shall alwnysle
dare I only clipped theends; why dhu t
he trim the other side to match?
‘Never mind, now; I’ve got sometime
to tell you,’ I said, ns I sat down on the
grass.
Frank sat down opposite, and cjm
menced to rock to and rro putting ortnis
tongue, and exclaiming. ‘ond-er, and'er.
In imitation of the way young ladies\eil
a confidential story to each other.
‘Well, vou tell the story.’ I said.
•Dear Kate. I am all attention,’ aid
he leaned back nonchalantly ; and strok
ed his-upper Up! , . _ _
‘Bless me, Kate!’ he exclaimed,
wish that I had a moustache; I ahan -
know what do with my hands.’ ,
•Well. Miss Melbourne is not Miss Mol
bourne,’ I said.
‘Who in the deuce is she then ? Mn
Henry Wayland?’ And Frank starte
up In alarm.
‘No, nor ever will be,’ I answered, am
Frank fell'back on his elbow. ‘She I
an old woman of sixty, ami she paints
‘I always knew that,’ he interrupted.-
‘I naked her to smell the new, dellcloa
perfume on my handkerchief, and pres*
ed it against her cheek, to see what wa
wuat.’
‘No wonder, she hates yon. you sauc
fellow,|and.' I resumed, ‘she wears fals
teeth* upper and lower set, and
*T know, that too,’ he Interrupted.—
•The unperset drbpped down the othe
day, at the table, and clicked on her tea
cup .while drinking. 1
♦And,’ T again commenced, ‘she wear.-
false hair— *
‘I knew that too,’ho exclaimed. That
port of bandalette she wears got moved a
little, and the wig slipped, and I saw u
patch of shaved head hereand he point
ed to thatportiou of, his head where the
parting commenced.
‘And,* I said, holding my patience, for
a woman always gels vexed, when she
finds out that she cannot astonish h
such an instance, ‘she wears two things,
in her mouth! 1
I paused to witness the effect,of such
an announcement. ;
‘Plumpers, Jove!’ and Frank rolled;
over on the grass, and roared. i
‘Well, if you know so much about'
Miss Melbourne, you may toll the rest,’
1 exclaimed thorougly vexed.
.‘Dear Kate, gh ou. False hair, teeth,
paint and whitewash, I knew she had;
Init the plumpers; and he burst into
another roar until I warned him to be
mreful, and not burst off any of those
brass buttons.
• ‘I was eutlrely ignorant of the .plum
pers, and any thing further,* he answer
ed soberly.
l‘Well,’ I said, rising, ‘I shall not tell
ybu the rest.
[Then I just walked ofTintotho house,
ajid Frank, rather crest-fallen, came
after.
Breakfast was ready, and Uncle Way
laud had already escorted Miss Mel
bourne to the breakfast room. A crisp
good morning was ali lie deigned Frank
and I.
Miss Melbourne could afford to smile a
little* as undo was gradually being won
over to her side, so she looked over her
shoulder as she parsed through the door
and said,—
*A beautiful morning. Hr. Thornton.’
‘But not more lovely than yourself.
Miss Melbourne,’ he answered, gallantly
bowing low to keep from'laughing; for
I pinched his elbow, and asked him if
he knew how much the plumpers were a
set.
A compliment told on Miss Melbourne,
it almost counter-balanced the poodle
burs, etc., and when lie invited her and
uncle join us in a sail that afternoon,
she exclaimed,.that she should be very
happy.
During breakfast I could not keep my
eyes from her, wondering ho v she engi l
• peered all those things. Bless die ! how
could I eat toast, talk and laugh, at the
same lime, with thirty-two bought teeth,
and those other things; all to be kept
straight! I think I should sit still and
decline fond on the plea of sickness, and
try the power of suction to Us uttermost..
She began tc look like a woman of ge
nius to me.
As we arose from the table I saw by
various signs such -as pointing your
thumb over your shoulder, and jerking
your head .in .a certain direction, that
Frank wanted .mo to step out into the
garden again instead of joining Miss
Melbourne, as I usually did for an hour
or so every morning.
, ‘Now,’ said Frank, as we stooped down
ostensibly to examine a certain. flo,\y.pr
within (he border, for Uncle Henry and
Miss Melbourne; came out immediately
behind us, the morning was so tempting.
‘l’ve got a splended plan, and we’ll make
kit work to a charm.’
[ Then ho hurriedly n>v llu- -p«*»■*' T
was to perform. I clapped my hands
and exclaimed, — ‘
‘Grftoll ! good !’ .
•What is It that pleases you so; Miss
Kate?’ simpered Miss Melbourne, as she
swept by on uncle’s arm.
‘Oh, nothing,’ l answered, ‘only’Frank
says you look-younger than I do; ami I
know I am twenty-two years your ju
nior.
Frank, sotio voice,
‘lf not fifty.’
Mias Melbourne smiled sweetly on
Frank, hut , uncle frowned: He knew
Frank thought anything but that, and
did not relish the ‘goak.’
But the plan !. let It unfold itself.
We had dined; and I was in my
chamber airing for the sail.
I should have worn my pretty laced
boots and made Frank carry me over
-the wet places, usually, .but now I put
mmy rubber ones. 1 should have worn
tiy gipsy hat with its vine of green
eaves, usually, but now I wore las*
summer's ancient affair, and look off
my empire head dress, rings and watch,
for I had a pare to perform that after
noon.
I met Miss Melbourne in the drawing
l*oorp, radiant with tr« t-h paint, a rich
India shawl wrapped about tier, iviy
coiHClence smote me.
• VMtv do you wear thatshawl madam?’
lasted. ‘You may soil it.’
Fmnk got behind,her and shook his
hea«i;di»approvingly at me.
‘Sji is rich eWugh to get another,’ he
whirred, as Miss Melbourne took a
part/ig survey ut.herself before tbe mir
ior:/and if you say anything more like
tha/you will explode tbe whole con
cert.’
•fou don’t look near as pretty as that
ha*,’-said Miss Melbourne tome, draw
i lid on her lavander kids.
y don’t care.’ I replied, ‘lf Frank don’t.
I jv as afraid if we lingered till nightfall
tip. dampness might take the stiffness
oit of the other.’
j What a lie! but it was necessary to our
plan.
Ho we crossed the fields and came in
light of the river. Miss Melbourne and
Uncle Wayland were ahead and we cul
prits brought up the rear several paces
tehind.
‘Kate,’ said Frank, ‘you can fib with
the most innocent look of anyone I
ever saw. Kee Miss Melbourne’s silk
aiid that pattern hat. How is..-your
cournge now?’ ;
‘My courage is all right, hut It is kind
of too h&l Isn’t it?’ and I looked rather
wavcnngly up in bis facts
; ‘Now Kate,’ said he gravely, ‘we’ve
planed and we must execute. We both
hide her; she hates us. If we can hurry
lier hack to Maple Hill let’s do it. Ojicc
place her in a ridiculous light before Mr.
Wayland, and his love will go down to
zero, if not lower.’
‘Well,’ X assented, ‘go ahead, I will be
prepared.’
We were now at the boat. Miss Mel
bourne was handed in and seated, and I
sat down demurely by her side. Frank
and uncle used all their strength to
push off, and soon we glided down the
stream, and sailed till the'pile of clouds
i|i the west were crimson tluted by the
setting sun.
Miss Melhourne hinted at return, ns al
ready the early duo began to tell on her
bonnet strings, so we turned about.
We were then within a half-mile of
landing. The wind seemed suddenly to
get fresh and flap our sail, w hich was
propitious for our plan. •
Nearer and nearer wo came to the
shore, and I knew that the moment was
fast approaching by the stern look that
settled on Frank’s face. Another flaw
of wind, a mismanagement of the sail
known only to Frank, and over went the
boat.
A scream from Miss Melbourne, and
she was splashing in toe water; I was
an expert swimmer, and grasped Miss
Melbourne about her waist with one
hand while, Frank righted the boat and
clambered in. Uncle came up on Miss
Melbourne’s other side. His sole anxie.
ty was for her, knowing I was a perfect
duck iu the water.
Frank grabbed Miss Melbourne first
by her waterfall, but ales! her one hun
dred and ten avoirdupois could not be
held by a dozen halrpius; but there
Frank stood in the boat, with a waterfall
iii Ids hand, minus a head. Quick ns
thought he threw it overboard, and
grabbed Miss Melbourne’s front hair.—
Alas ! of!* that came, and Frank, stand
lug in tho boat looked like an Imliau
chief fresh from a scalping expedition ;
and Miss Melhourne. looking like*any
thing but a watersprite, threw her head
Lack on the bosom of uncle’s whitecoat
which was already pink with the fastly
disappearing bloom of Miss Melbourne’s
checks, ami fainted.
Her mouth opened, and Franklin hie
frantic endeavors to save her, somehow
or thonther got his fingers into hpr
mouth, ami extracted both sets of her
teeth, and Miss Melbourne, incapable of
longer suction, let the plumpers roll out
upon Uncle Waynard's breast.
j l guess the spark of uncle’s love went
put with the plumpers, for he smiled*
/and said: „ . fVI .
‘Frnnk, ifyou can find nplace that will
hold, pull her in.’
‘Bolter let her drop,’ ventured the
saucy Frank, pausing a moment as If
for consent, anti then bo took her in his
arms* and laid her at the bottom of the
boat. . , lt
Undo and I were In a jiffy, with tho
helping hand of Frank. There lay Mlt-s
Melbourne, shorn of all her glorv, and I
was just thinking I would (ell undo
about the other artificial article When
Frank exclaimed :
‘For heaven’s sake what is that? 1
There was Miss Melbourne’s artificial
leg lying two feet away from tier, on the
bottom of the boat and. under uncle’s
feet; In the rush it hud become uu fast
ened.
‘Good Heavep’s!’ exclaimed uncle,
'will this woman come ail to pieces be
fore we can get her home?’
‘l’ll run home and bring down n bush
el basket to convey her in,’said the cruel
Frank. ‘I guess there is about two pecks
of her whou we come to gather up the
fragments.’ i ,
Wo landed before Mias Melbourne
came to herself. Uncle had gouefor the
carriage. I guess he did not care to bo
proseht when she revived. She partially
opto ed her eyes and said:
‘Where am I ?’
• ‘Calm yourself, ray dear madam,’ said
Frank, soothingly. ‘A part of you is
here, a part drowned, arid ’
But she heard no more, for clapping
her hands on her head, and gnashing
her uuras, she collapsed again.
Uncle came back In a few... moments
and w© entered our carriage, and were
driven rapidly homeward.
She revived, coming up the avenue,
but ‘pliancy her phelinks,’ as uncle lift
ed her to the house, to see Frank coming
along withthe logon his shoulder and
saying.:
'I am sorry, my dear madam, this ac
cident occurred. That flaw of wind took
me unawares. But, tUank Heaven, you
a.©safe.’
It is needless to add that- Miss Mel
bourne departed ns soop as recuperated
energies cuine, and refused to see uncle
at all, of which' he was heartily glad ;
and t don’t think he baa scaicely looked
at a woman since.
, A few days after, Frank came in and
'*brew something on my lap. I took it
up. thinking it was a pretty shell,-and
lo! if was a glass eye;
‘Where did this come from?’ I ex
claimed, dropping it.
‘Why, X was bailing out the boat, and
found that in the bottom. 1 guess she
deigned fainting to hide the hole this
fitted! 1 .said he, placing it among the
shells on the whatnot.
‘As a work of art I admire that wo
man,’ he said, after a pause, ‘but ns one
of nature's beauties I admire ray Kate.’
And he dropped on his knees at my
side.
Christmas came and and .a wedding.
Wn would have h*’^ n niurrlcil ÜBforß, nut
I wa'ted tor a husband with a moustache.
It had got back to its old proportions, and
I had the felicity of bearing Cousin
Madeline say:
‘Oh, Isnt, be handsome ?’
Curiosities of llrcntrtlnjf.
The taller men are, other.thlnga being
equal, the more lungs they have, and
the greater number of cubic inches of
air they can take in or deliver ata single
breath, it is thought that a man’s
lungs are sound and well developed, In
proportion to the girth around the chest;
yet observation shows that slim men, a«
a-rule. will run faster and furthe*, with
less fatigue, having ‘more wind,’ than
stout men. If two persons are taken in
all respects alike, except that one mens-
ires twelve Inches more around thechest
than the other, the one having the ex
cess will not deliver more, at owe full
breath, by mathematical measurement
than the other.
The more air a man receives into his
lungs in ordinary breathing, the more
healthy. he is likely to be; because an
important object in breathing is to re
move impurities from the blond. Each
: i.runt 11 is (Jftiwn pure into.the lungs; mi
Its outgoing the.next instant, It is so im
pure, so perfectly destitute of nourish
ment. (hat. if rebreathed without any mi
mixture of pure atmosphere, the man
would (lie. Hence, one of the condition*
necessary to secure a high state of healjh
is. that "the rooms in which we sleep
should he constantly receiving new sup
n'ics of fresh air. through open doors,
windows, or fire places.
If a person’s lungs are not well, devel
opment may be Increased several inches
inn few 1 months by dally outdoor run
nings with the mouth closed, beginning
with twenty yards and back, at a time,
increasing ten yards every week until a
hundred are g..ne over thrice a dav. A
substitute for ladies and persons in cities
is running up a*airs with the mouth
closed, which compels very deep inspira
tions, in a natural way, at the end of the
journey. , . • ••
As consumptive people are declining,
eacli week is a witness to theiKinablllty
to deliver as much air at a single out
breathing as the week before; hence the
best wav to keep the fell disease at bay
Is to maintain lung development.
It is known that in large towns, ten
thousand feet above the level of the sea.
the deaths by consumption are. ten times
less than in places nearly ou a level with
the sea. Twenty-five persons dioof.con
sumption in the city of New York where
only two die of that disease in the..city,
of Mexico. All know that consumption
does not prevail in hilly countries and in
high situations. One reason of this is,
because theie Is more ascending exer
cise, increaslngdeep breathing; besides,
the air being more rarified, larger quan
tities arc instinctively taken into the
lungs to answer the requirements of tho
system, thus at every breath keeping up
a high development. Hence the hills
should be sought by consumptives, and
not low, fiat situations.— Hall's Health
2'racta.
. ■ Couldn’t Find, the Verdict.—At a
recent session ofone ofthe courts of South
Carolina, an entire negro jury was em
panelled. A case was brought before
them, the witness examined, and the at
torneys made their respective arguments.
The judge, after laying down the law
and recapitulating the testimony, gave
the papers into the hands of the foreman,
a rather intelligent looking darjeey, with
Instructions as soon as they found a
verdict, to brin" it fn without foil.
Thirty minutes or more elapsed, when
the jury returned, headed by the foreman
and stood before tbe judge.
As the foreman appeared to hesitate,
the judge inquired :
‘Mr. Foreman, have you found a ver
dict?’ "
•No, Massa Judge, we habn’t found em
no how,’ replied the ebony juryman,
‘lr’s a very plain case,’ said the judge.
‘Can’t help it, massa, couldn’t see it,’
replied ebony again.
•On what grounds ?’ inquired the
-jUdee
‘We didn’t look into the grouns, Massa
Judge,’ replied the foreman ; ‘de-osslfer
did not take us out iwto the grounds but
lie took us into a room and locked us in,
and told us when we found de verdic* he
wood leave us out, so we began to find
de verdic and search ebery uook. corner,
and crevis, and ebery ting fins was in dat
room, hut we fouud no verdic—no nuflfin
ob de kind dar.’
A Thought by tiir Way.—The path
of life is like a winding )»no t ln which
the traveler must be content with seeing
hut a few.glfeps before him, not knowinu
whether rounding the next curve he may
meet with a friend or foe. Thus it.ls in
life. Man can reckon only on tho pres
ent moment, unconscious of what the
next may bring forth; hut must walk
on* trusting to tho hand that has brought
him safely round so many curves, feeling
thankful that Infinite Wisdom has de
creed tho future should be hidden, lest
on beholding all the perils ami dangers
of the way at ones, ho should despalr-of
ever surmounting them.
A BA.CHRLOU says that all he should
ask for lu a wife would be a good temper,
health, good understanding, agreeable
physiognomy, figure, good connection,
domestic habits, resources of amusement,
good spirits, conversational talents, ele
gant manners and money I
YOL. 51-NO. 8.
MAROAUETN MISSION.
‘Ages Grovwiys lhat every woman has
a mission. What do you suppose my
mission Is, mamma?'
‘Mission, indeed I* laughed ’ Mrs. A 1
leyne. looking proudly at her pretty
daughter. * I suspect, inv dear Meggy,
your mission is to flirt and dance.’
Mrs. Alleyne was wealthy, and Marga
ret was her only child. Her whole life
was spent In rendering her daughter hap
py, so Miss Margaret was petted to the
heart's content. To look as pretty and
bewitching as possible, to behrrayed like
Solomon in his glory from morning till
night,, to pass her time In an endless bug*
cession of Belgravian gnyety,: was-her
child’s mission, according to Mrs. Al*
leyne’s idea; so Margaret received all
the gifts fortunesbowered upon herqulte
os a matter of course, and enjoyed life as
her mother expected she would do.'
At last Margaret met her fate, to the
great wonderment of her friends, In the
person of John Graham, a wealthy young
merchant of Baltimore; for Margaret Al
leyne, with her bahy faee and coquettish
manner, was the person In the world
you would imagine' the grave business
man would iove, and he the moat un-
all her suitors to carry off the
bell6.' But Margaret did love her lover;
be was so gr/ive and clever. £O, amidst
' the congratulations of hfa. friends and the
tears of her parents, John Graham-bore
his fair bride off to his home.
He was very much in love with pretty
Margaret. The soft, rose Hushed face,
the lender blue eyes, the cringled golden
hair, never lost their charm for him.—
But he, never dreamed that this little*
fragile creature could share the burdens
with him. No, that dimpled face was
only made for smiles, so he Indulged and
caressed her, hut his cares he bore alone.
The large fortune left by John’s father
had been doubled by his energy ; but now
by the simultaneous failure of two or
three firms he hud trust ;d, at.d the vil-
lainy of a confidential clerk, the wealthy
merchant saw himself upon the brink of
ruin. Love rendered Margaret keen
sighted; she. quickly perceived that all
was not right husband; his
wan. haggard face frightened her. But,
dearly as she.loved him,'she was too
proud to seek his confidence; so both
were wretched, though each endeavored
tocqnceal if from the other.
When John saw that ruin was inevita-
ble, he. wrote to Mrs. Aileyne, frankly
disclosing the state of affairs. The rnoth
ur iliatutAh flmr li*.p Uuugiu at* ul.ai.i.i
turn to her ; her husband could claim
her when fortune again smiled upon
him ; but in the meantime, Margaret was
better with her; to spare»her anxiety, it
was better she sbou d not know of
her husband's difficulties.
With a heavy heart, John agreed to all
Mrs. Alleyne’s demands. Margaret's
love was the only brightness left in his
life; but, of course, if sbe could be happi
er with her mother, he could sacrifice It.
His stern* pule face, ami constrained
manner affected Margaret painfully when
be told her he desired her to accept her
mother’s invitation.
*He no longer loves me—he wishes me
to leave him,’ the poor child cried after
wards, in a passion of tears. But bef re
him she presented Ja calm exterior, and
Joi'n Graham thought thal his young
wife, like the rest of the world, was ready
to desert the ship.
So Margaret returned to the house of
her girlhood,'calling ad her pride to her
assis unce to enable her to apneur indiff
*reiu; hut her heart was runt by bitter
pangt. for ahe had persuaded herself that
her huab»*rvi no longer loved her. Whole
nights spent in xturs leave traces ; pretty
Margaret grew'pale and thin, and Mrs.'
Aileyne began to fear 'that «ir. !»«»•
tendcnesp could not constitute her
happiness. Still the girl nev
er'complain* d, but bore her burden in
proud silence.
One night. Margaret was at a ball given
by an intimate friend. She had danced
a great deni, and being very tlted, sat
’down near an open window;.a heavy
curtain entirely concealed her* Two
gentlemen were standing near, and she
heard the conversation distinctly.
* So John Graham, of Baltimore, is
bankrupt? I was very sorry to her it; he
is a most honorable fellow,’ said one.
‘ Yes,’answered, theother; * I saw him
last week ; he looks wretchedly. Yon
know he married Miss Alleyne, a pretty
Uttie doll without nn idea, ami, wl|ht in
worse, without a heart; now she has
deserted him in 'his adversity. It is
rather hard when a man’s own wife will
not aid him to bear his troubles.’
Margaret’s heart gave a great bound. —
How,she had misjudged him! how true
and tender he was! He was alone in
'rouble; surely her place wasatbisside*
Then, heedless of comments, she left
her hiding place.
The next duy, John Graham’s stately
mansion was to be sold. had taken
gr at pride,in his home; a thousand ten
der associations were connected with
.every room. Now, with a heavy heart 4
he wandered through the deserted apart*
menlfe. Here whs . Margaret’s piano,
which he had given*her; the pictures
and statuea they had chosen together;
every article appeared like, an aid friend
then feeling of intense desolation crept
over Kim—be was so utterly lonely. The
strong spirit was almost crushed* He
threw himself upon the bed, and wept
like a child. A quick step lip n the
stairs, a rustle of silken robes, a glad cry,,
then clinging arms twined about his
neck, a soft cheek was pressed to his,
tangled golden curls mingled with his
dark locks. WusiLa dream? He pressed
her close to make sure of the reality, and
kissed her with such passionate fervor
that Margaret wept for foy.
‘Margaret, my wife—Margaret!’ he
sobbed.
*Oh, John, how cruel yon were to send
me away! But I’ll never leave you
again, darling.’
When they had both regained calm
ness, John Graham explained to hie wife
that the next day the house was to be
sold—he could not take her into lodgings
—perhaps 'she had better leturn to her
mother. But Margaret firmly refused.
‘Any place that is good enough for you
John,'is good enough for me. My place
is with you. I can assist you more than
you think,’she said.
Then Margaret commenced the battle
oflife In earnest. It Is not easy to turn
from a life of pleasure.and luxury to one
of comparative poverty. Margaret at first
.did not find her path strewn with roses ;
there were difficulties to be encountered,
slights to be endured, ease to be sacrificed
but she bad a brave heart, and love had
changed the gay, careless girl into the
tender, self sacrificing woman, She
became her husband’s closest friend, his
belt adviser, the sympathizing confidant'
of all ids plans; ever ready to cheer in
moments of depression, the first to rejoice
In his success. •
John Graham is a wealthy man again
now; su cess has crowned his ollorts;
but he ever b.esses the adversity which
taiu;bt him to know the real value of his
wife*
Bo Margaret found her mission ns a
devoted wife and mother, much to her
mother’s amazement; and John Graham
lound bo had married not ; a pretty
butterfly of fashion, but an earnest,
loving woman. ,
A mast Eli 'who hud several appren
tices was accustomed to feeding tlioiii
quite lar ely on bean soup. Thiswas
all well enough at first, but after a little
wliilo with each successive soup a
smaller number of beans appeared. Ono
day at the table, after the good man
had said grace one of the hoys, alter a
scrutinizing glance at his dish, was seen
to suddenly rise from his chair and
commence to strip.
“ What are you about there, Thom
as?' exclaimed the master, in astonish
ment.
‘ Uoin’ to divo for a bean 1’ was the
reply.
Beans were plenty after that.
Hatco for
adwnTisurciTTS will be inserted a t Ten Cent
per lino for Hie first Insertion, and flvejcen*
per lino for ea<ih subsequent insert on* tfcnar
erly half-yearly, and yearly odverlls im exits In
serted.at a liberal redaction on tho above ratca
Advertisements should be accompanied by the
Gash. Wnen sent without any length of tlmo
specified for publication, they will be continued
until ordered but and onarged accordingly*
JOB PRINTING^
OARDfI. Handdilm. ctRotrLARS, and every
er description of Tor ami Harr Printing.
SUNDAY MORNING Iff BED.
When the tiresome week Is over.
Wearied limbs then nsk for case;
No grim (ask Is then beforeyou.
No one but yourself to Please.,
How delicious, then..the fooling
That dawns through tho drowsy headj
Of 4 rest unbroke, nnmimmoned,
Sunday morning In tho bed.
And such fancies throng around you,
Half asleep and half awake.
Dim defined,yet alf so pleasant—
Fancies like tho dawn, opaque.
, Waking, dreams of love and fortune,
Brighter far than can bo said,
__ Qlvoafortaste.of olyalum,
Sunday morning In the bod.
And tho early sounds contrasting,
Add still more to tho repose,
Praise who will the early risers,
Sweeter still’s the morning do*o I
Labor, bustle caro all banished.
And tho onlv sound you dread
Is the break fast bell’s rough clamor,
Routing from the Sunday’p bed.
Poets slngof early morning, •
Healthful, active, fresh and fair,
Riches reaped. Industry's harvest,
In tho morning’s carlv air— ,
Well, In week days let’s admit It;
Think how'soon one’s life Is sped, t
Lot poor mortal’s Joy unhindered,
. Sunday mornings in the bod.
BREVITIES..
Smoking carriages—Engines.
A blncKingrbrush—A nigger fight
1 Watts on the mind?’-
nothing.
What port of leggings would you
explore the Nile with?—Alligaiteral.
Motto for an old bachelor—Be just
and fear knot. . ,
What is a resit Going out of the
choir for refreshments during sermon
time.
When a large widow weds a little
man, should he be called the widow’s
mite? He might.
Slbfp, fe life’s nurse, sent from heav
en to create us anew day by day.
generous of men—it is a pleasure, with
them to ‘ fork over’ their grounds.
1 We all owe something to our coun
try,* said the Briton Who went abroad
without having paid his income tax.'
Miss Prim, of doubtful age, said she
is a fort that never will surrender. We
are afraid she is too well forty-fied.
When is a scolding woman most of
fence-1 ve?—When she’s as deaf as a
post, and rails.
Ip a tailor agrees to put braid on a
coat, does he always consider the agree
ment binding? H
Dtggory says he always respects old
age except when some one sticks him
with.il pair of tough chickens.
An appropria'e hotel for old maidqto
stop at—The mansion (man-shun) house.
The latest thing in necklaces is a chain
with pendants of Brazilian bugs in gold.
Another style has pendants or cobwebs,
in which a fly is caugut.
ed and tied in a wood. One, in despair,
cried out.
*Och, I’m undone!’
•Said the other, ‘Falx, then I wish
you’d come and undo me!’
A resident of New Orleans has re
cently swallowed six false teeth, and
now bolts his food apd takes the risk
of. the teeth doing the chewing.
Axady who was not a Shakespeari
an scholar, hearing the * Merry Wives
of Windsor’ highly praised, inquired
how many wives Mr. Windsor had.
To any one who can say ‘Shoes and
socks shock Susim’ with rapidity and
faultless pronunciation, four times run
ning, a large reward will bo paid.
.An exchangenotes, as the most ? har
rowing’ sight it ever saw, the spectacle
of a.dress suit of black harrowing in a
field with a tali plug bat on.
1 0, Tommy ! that was abominable in
you to eat your little sister’s share of
the cake!’ ‘ Why,’said Tommy, ‘didn’t
you tell me, mu, that I was always to
tak&hor x>art?’
who prefer stale bread can
have, their tastq gratified by sending to
Pompeii, where thevhavo loaves which
were" baked over Teigßicen hundred
years ag£.. ■ ■
a great general, whojyas
braver than he was wise, a friend of
Jeddy’s said: *He did not invent gun
powder, but he’s not afraid to smell it.’
A little boy of five years of age •
while writhing under the tortures of tb
ague, was told by his mother to rise P
and take a powder she had prepa*edo r
him. ‘Powder! powder!’ said h« ri “
sing upon his elbow, and putting-> n
roguish smile, ‘ mother, 1 ain’t a* UQ *
An Irish heari’g of a
friend having a atone coffin j>ade lor
himself, exclaimed:
By my sowl, an’ that’s a jood idee.
Shure, an’ a stone coffin ’udhist a map
his life-time!’
A funny chap in Indiana thought it
would be amusing to pav the ghost,
and ‘appeared’ to a famer who had so
little respect for his appearance that Ke
almost killed him. Ho came out In a
sheet, and was carried honio on a blan
ket. /
A little four-year old boy sat alone
on the piazza, when a new physician
came to see his sick mother. The doc
tor naturally wished to make acquaint
ance, and said: * How old are you my
son ?’ ‘i am not old, lam new,’ said
the boy.
Thebe once lived In a village not
more than three hundred miles west of
New York, a certain man who had a*
largo family, ahd little ‘ treasures’ were
continually being added to his board.—
One diy one of his littlp boys happened
to be in a store, and was thus interro
gated by a young man present: ‘ John,
how many brothers and sisters have
you got 1’ ‘I don’t know,’ answered
the boy, ‘X haln’t been homo since
morning.’
A country girl once went into the
city to pay a visit to one of her old and
best friends; this friend was married to
a rich city merchan'.and a leader of
fashion. In city etiquette, of course,
the visitor was verdant, and made nu
merous mistakes. Her friend wished to
initiate her into the 1 mysteries,’ and as
they wore going to a largo ball, gave
her the following instructions, viz:—’
‘ Eat only one small cake and ono sau
cer of ice cream, and when your atten
d nt presses you to take more, answer
that you have masticated a sutilciency,
and more would bo a superfluity.’—
Things went on very sumothly until
her attendant asked her to partake of
more refreshments, when, to the horror
of her friend, and amu-emont of the
company,she answered iu a loud voice:
4 X have evaporated insufficiently—and
any more more would go flippity-flop-:
pity.
4
h
u
ising.l
’—Too often