licricon
eiioovii
VEY-Al
RLISLE, PA.
ith Hanover
store.
ARER, ATI
l AT LAW, llftl
•to unoccupied
>f the Court Hoi
1 s. SEAIUGHT, X
o Baltimore College of D
10 residence of his mo
, three doors below Bed
INDEK, Homceopat
co No, G, South Mnnovtr
>y John Leo, Esq.
>1
Two Dollars por year If paid strictly
Dollars and Fifty Cents if paid
svnnco, Tw® ftttor w hi c h Three Dollars
tlla 'K-JS 0 Th8 so terms will be rigidly nd
[M [SSy Instance. No subscription dis
til to la ov” r u nrronrngoB are paid, unless at
ipUou of the Editor.
professional Clarlis.
r'nvumaa. i-ahkeu
(JMRICH & PARKER,
i ATTORNEYS AT LAW. > ■ .
[],-o on street, la Mavlon Hall, Car-
'I Ut I
Ckllii||
lUitijj
ic?“a'.-i6os-
jv’ITED STATES CLAIM
AND
Ah ESTATE AOJEjVUY!
M. B. BUTLER,
attorney at law,
iu "it Story of InhotTs Building, No. 8 South
lover Streep Carlisle, Cumberland county
£sions, Bounties, Bade Pay, So., promptly
ipllcatlous By mall, will receive Immediate
rtSnrnUontlou given to the selllno or ront
/, Si rotate, In town or country. In all lot
fcf Inouiry, please enclose postage stamp.
V II. W-W
j 3. BEmiIOOVEB,
LTIO RNEY-AT-LA W,
CARLISLE, PA.
•Office on South Hanover Street, opposite
itz’s dry goods store.
(c. 1.1H05.
&j;-SHEARER, Attorney and
v rouNSKLLon at Law, lias removed his
pto tlib hitherto unoccupied room lu tiio
111 Fust corner of the Court House.
h.2S,
KENNEDY, Attorney at Daw
Carlisle, Pouua. OOlco same ns that ol
'Uuerlcau Volunteer.”
jc. 1. JSM
L. SHRYOCK, Justice of tlie
rc'icc. Offlco No 8, Irvln’Bltow, Carlisle.
1i9,»-iy
SEOR&E B. SEARIGHT, Ben-
Fwm the Baltimore College of Dental
Mllcu at tho residence of his mother
ier Street, throe doors below Bedford
lisle, nmua,
fc. 1 ISlw.
Jr. J. S. BENDER, Homceopathic-
I’liYSlclnn, Olllco No, G, South Hanov«r at.,
Lrly occupied by Jolm Leo, Esq.
fua J, iiuu— iy.
ES. B. HIRONS, Axxoiinhy and
COUNSELOR AT LAW,
FIFTH KTHIS'ET, BELOW CHESTNUT,
’ Cot. Library.
PHILADELPHIA
■it ii, lB(iii-iy
jOBEKT OWENS, -
SLATS ROOPBR.
D DEALER IN SLATE
LANCASTER. PA.
All Work Guaranteed.
Orders Loft at this Ofllco wlllVrecolvo
li'ipt uttcutiou. ■ October M, ]StlS)—ly.
ana Caps
HESH SUMMER ARRIVAL
Otf Alii. THE .
A JSW STYLUS
OF
HATS AND CAPS.
e subscriber Ims Just opened ftt iVb. 15 North
ortr Street, a few doors North of the Carlisle
wit Bank, one of the largest and best Stocks
ATS and CAPS over oQbrc'd in Carlisle.
Dk Hats, Casslmore of all styles and qualities,
I Brims, diUbrcut colors, and every descrip-
EofSoft Hats now made.
fca Dimkard and Old Fashioned Brush, con-
Itlj* on hand and made to order, all warrant
>g!vo satisfaction..
A full asset tmont of
MEN’S.
BOV’S, AND
CHILDREN’S,
HATS.
ve also added to my Stock, notions of difler-
Itlmls, consisting of
■IKS’ AND GENTLEMEN’S STOCKINGS,
. Ties, /Suspenders, • .
• (.Ulan, Qloi'cs,
Pencils, , Thread,
&'ewitfo Silk, • ■ ’ Umbrellas, <tc
DIE SEGARS AND TOBACCO
ALWAYS ON HAND,
ve mo a call, ami examine my stock as I feel
Ideal of pleasing all, besides saving you mo-
JOHN A. KTILLER, Agent,
. ' No. 15 North Hanover Street.
iiy, 1869.
ATS AND CAPS !
'l.I WANT, A NICE HAT OH CAP ?
Ik ho, Don’t Fail to call on
J. ,G. C AXiliXO ♦
’ NO. 29. WESI MAIN STREET,
icie can be seeii the finest assortment of
HATS AND CAPS
r brought to Carlisle. Ho takes groat pleas
m luvltfug Uls 'old friends and customers,
all new ones, to his splendid stock lust re
ed from Nqw York and Philadelphia, con
ing in part of fine
SILK AND CASSIMERE HATS,
ides an endless variety of Hats and Caps o
latest stylo, all ot which ho will sell at th
''cd Cush I‘rices. Also, his own nmuufactur
hits always on hand, and -
HATS MANUFACTURED TO ORDER.
0 has the best arrangement for coloring Hats
1 all kinds of Woolen Goods, Overcoats, «fco., at
shortest noffee (ns ho colors every week) and
the most reasonable terms. Also, a flue lot of
,ilre brands of
( TOBACCO AND CIGABS
• avs on hand. Ho desires to call the attoutlo
iierious who have
" COUNTRY PURS,
dl.iishopaysthehighest cash pfloesfor Jie
Ivehlma call, at the above number, his dd
ml, as he feels confident of giving entire sa .Is
lion,
lay, 18(19.
Hoots anti Sdjocs.
AVID STROHM,
W. D. SPONSLER,
JOHN W. STROHM,
NEW A.BTB f ORB1AI!
OOT, SHOE, THUNK AND HaT
BTOBE.
NO. 13, SOUTH HANOVER STREET.
1. , CAKLIStE, PENN’A.
lew doors South of InholTs building.
> o have just oponoothe largest ana beat stock
boots and shoes
poured In Carlisle, and continue almos
,*y to receive such goods In our lino as every
i.£*V an k* Our stock consists in all kinds and
riotles of
m? o \V>-’-^ ls -. e 5 Childrens’strong Leather
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY.
iMfecellattemts.
rp h e
FIRST MORTGAGE RONDS
OF THE
Chicago, Danville & Vincenne
IJAIL K O A D
Total amount to bo Issued,
Capital Stock paid in,
Estimated Cost of Road (MO miles),
Estimated Earnings per annum,
Not Earnings per annum,
Interest on the Loan per annum.
Amount of Bonds per mile of Rond,
Amount of Interest por mllo,
Amount of Net Earnings por mile,
The Bonds follow tho completion of tho Rond
—have tho Union Trust Company of N. Y. ns
theirOtnclal Register and Transfer Agent—and
nro sold at present at 05 and accrued interest.
They bear examination and comparison, bet
tor, it is believed, than any other now before the
public. In tho fixed and unchangeable elements
of Safety, Security and Pt'ofU.
They beargoodlnterest—Seven percent. Gold
for'forty years—and are secured by a Sinking
Fund, and Fiist.Mortgagoupon the road, its out
fit, and not income, the franchises, and all pres
ent and future acquired property of tho Compa-
depend upon no now or half-settled ter
ritory for business to pay their interest, but,
upon an. old, well settled, and productive coun
try; assuming that a rallrood built, through tho
heart of such a region offers bolter security for
both Interest and Principal than k road to he built
through, tho most highly extolled wilderness or
sparsely settled territory.
This Railroad possesses special advantages, in.
running into and eut of tho City of Chicago, an
important Railroad and Commercial Center; In
running througha lino of villages and old farm
ing settlements in the richest portion of tho
State of Illinois; in running near to deposits of
Iron Oro of great extent and value, and over
broad fields oi tho best coal in tho Slate—which
mining interests are its monopoly. And besides
the local and other business thus assured, there
-will bo attracted to this road tho considerable
traffic already springing up “From the Lakes to
tho Gulf;” os with Its Southern Connections it
forma a Trunk Lino -15 miles shorter than any
other route from Chicago to Nashville. ’
These Bonds nro therefore baaed upon a Real
ty and a Business that a few years must inevi
tably dbuble—and competent Judges say treble
—la value. - ...
‘ Governments selling while the price Is high
pay well If-put into these Bonds, and Trust or
Estate Funds can bo put into nothing better.
Pamphlets, with Maps, «tc., on hand for dis
tribution.
Bonds may bo had directly of us, or of our
Agent In Carlisle. A. L. SPONSLER.
No. —, Wesf'Maln St,
W. BAILEY LANG & CO,, Merchants,
51 Cliff Street. New York,
Agents for the sale of theßonds.
Jan. 27,-lWU—2m
/CITIZENS OF CUMBERLAND
\J COUNTY. , . , . , ,
\Ve have now on hand and just received from
the cities, and from manufacturers, the largest
stockof now, cheap, and good goods to bo found
In any two stores In.tbe valley.-
Wo have the best assortment of
CLOTHS, CASSIMERS, SATINETTB,
JEANgJ, FLANNELS. TICKINGS,
GINGHAMS, PRINTS, .
MUSLINS.
DRESS GOODS,
Silks, Herlnoes, Repps, Dolnlues, Alpacas,
Coburgs, Plaids and Stripes.
RIBBONS', HOSIERY, GLOVES;
Zephyrs,
Towels,
Yarns, ' ’
Linen and Cotton Table Dlapqrs,
CLOAKINGS, low prices and lino
HANDKERCHIEFS, COLLA RSaud CUFF
Velvets, Trimmings and more notions than
Can bo found anywhere under one roof.
FUBS AND QABPETS,
Oil Cloths, Druggets, Rlimls, Coverlets, Quilts
Hoop and Balmoral Skirts,
S H A W L S,
•of ovory description. lu fact a splendid assort
ment of Roods, and more given for the dollar,
than anywhere else.
WOOL,
At the highest price taken In exchange. Give ns
a cntl
Oct. 28.1801).
! WAR!! WAR !!!
1,000 MEN WANTED
The undersigned will sell his entire stock'
FURNITURE at public sate at his room,
On Friday, March 25, 1870.
conslstlngof a largo assortment of HOME-MADE
FURNITURE, warranted to be of the beat mate
rial and workmanship consisting in part of eight
Walnut
DRESSING BUREAUS,
Marble Tops, fine glosses, seven Walnut Dress
ing .Bureaus, plain, 14 Bureaus, good quality,
without glass, 40 Walnut Dining Tables, 10 Wal
nut Breakfast Tables, dive Walnut Secretaries,
with Book Cases, four Walnut Extension Tables,
from-H to 12 leetlong, eight Walnut Pier and.
Centro Tables, with and without marble tops,
three Wall Hat Racks, three Cottage Suits,
FIVE WALNUT WATNOTS,
largo and small, 10 Walnut Closed Wash Stands,
Marble Tops, 10 Walnut enclosed and open
Wash Stands, 10 Sideboards, walnut and popular,
Sofas and Chairs, all kinds,
FIFTY BEDSTEADS,
some full French, Jenny Lind, Japanese, Cot
taco and common, and a variety of other artl
clpa in the trade too largo to enumerate. All to
ho sold without reserve.
N.B.—Until the day of sale I will continue to
sell Furniture at COST. * ~ ,
Sale to commence at 0 o’clock, on said day.
when terms will bo made known by
DAVID SIPE.
Feb.2i, 1870—ts
.1870. 1870.
SPRING AND SUMMER IMFOTA
TION.
B‘l B B O N S ,
MILLINERY AND STRAW GOODS
ARMSTRONG, GATOR. & CO.
IMPORTERS AND JOBBERS OF
BONNET, TRIMMING & VELVET RIBBONS
Round Silks, Satlus and Velvets,
Blond*, Nets, Crapes, Ruches, Floivcrs, Feathers,
O II N AMENTS,
STRAW BONNETS AND IIATS^
UNTRIMMED,
SHAKE# isOODS, &c.
237 an cl 230 BALTIMORE STREET,
BALTIMORE, MD.
Offer tho largest Stock to bo found In this
Country, and unequalled In choice variety and
cheapness, comprising tho latest Parisian nov
°lOrdors solicited, and prompt attention given.
Feb. 2i; 1870—2m*
The new article of food.—
For twenty-live cents you can buy of your
Druggist or Grocer a package of Sea Moss Farlne,
manufactured from pyre Irish Moss or Carrageen
which will make sixteen quarts of Blanc Mango,
and a like quantity of Puddings, Custards,
Creams, Charlotte Russo. Ac.. Ac. It Is by far tho
cheapest, healthiest and moat delicious food In
the world. RAND SEA MOSS FARINE CO.,
53 Park Place, N. Y.
r£IHE MARY INSTITUTE'.
Carlisle, Penn’a.
A BOARDING SCHOOL FOR GIRLS.
Tho Ninth Annual Session will begin on Wed
nesday, September Ist. For circulars or any
April 22,1509— lj
rPHE MAGIC COMB will change and
I colored Hair or Hoard to a permanent blade
drbrown. It contains no poison. Any one can
use it. One sent by moll for 81. Address
MAGIC COMB CO., Springfield, Mass,
Jpn, 0,1870-8 m
»
Mirth, awake I Tho day Is dying;"
Hall fvlth Joy tho starry hours,
While tho frolio colors flying,
■ Dash tho snow in pearly showers.
Light tho laugh, the pleasure nameless—
Wrapt in robes from distant plains,
Where the bison, huge and tameless,
Roves the lord of vast domains.
62 500 000
2 100-000
4 600 000
2 630 300
879 70S
176 000
18 000
•I 260
0 281
High above us swims tho crescent,
Sharp the air and clear the skies,
Circling vapors, irrldescent,
From the glens and brooks arise.
On the foaming leader dashes, "
■ Swift the sloighers seem to fly,
While Aurora flames and flashes,
Firing all tho Northern sky*.
Through the suow crests In tho billows,
Over bare and breezy swells, ‘
Fleet Is every steed that follows,
Jingle Jangling all the bells.
Over ice rifts sharply twanging,
Pqst tho frowning, Assured height,
Whore tho pointed pondaufslmnglng,
Silver shimmer in tho light.
Underneath tho forestarches.
Hoary with the touch of time, '
Whore tho oaks and bonding larchej{,
Jeweled blaze with moonlit rime.
In the dim and far recesses,
Echo dwells,'the banished
Mocking-still, she still transgresses,
Flitting through tho winding glade.
From beneath tho cracking bridges,
See tho struggling waters flow;
Sparkling round the frosted ridges,
Ribbon streaming through the snow
Seel the wood lire, redly gleaming,
On the cheerful window plays.
Lighting roomy halls and beaming
From tho Inn of other days.
Here, with song, and dance, arid chorus,
Swiftly by tho moments run,
'Till the morning ruddles o'er us,
Tinted by the rising sun;
Pleasures past. Airis, how fleeting
All our Joys rind comforts are,;
( TJnio Is like a wave
Bearing nil things bright and fair.
Scarce wo raise tho brlmmina measure,
Scarce the sparklingnectnr sip.
Ere the counter wave of pleasure *
Bears it rudely from the Up.
IRteelkimnt^
‘By the grace of God, I am what lam,’
I was bpi-n in. London, and remember
nothing hut poverty—stalking crime and
absolute want. The houses where I
lived were ail in various stages of fllth
and decay. Whether the-old blear-eyed
man who kicked and commanded me
whs my father I never knew. Whether
the woman who sometimes fed'and often
beat me was my mother, I cannot say.—
Ail I know is, that I had a miserable
drag-about life of it, going round- after
cold victuals, knocking smaller boys
down to get the contents of their broken
baskets, and bunting for rags in the gut
ter. •
I suppose I Was rather a good-looking
boy; they call mo good-looking now for
an old man. 1 know I was smart, com
paring myself with children as I see
them. ’ -
Of course I was like the rest of my class,
I could fight a little, swear a little, ana
steal a little, and eat a good deal, that is,
when I got the chance, which was sel
dom. I was ignorant—l didn't know
one letter from another, and didn’t want
to. What did I care about education—l,
•who never saw a book from one year’s
end to another? And love, gratitude,
hope, I could of course understand neith
er. Nobody loved me, therefore I loved
nobody. Nobody had over made me
grateful—had over held out hope to me.
Some strange impulse ‘was given me
oue day. I waited up, sprang from my
bundle of straw, and involuntarily the
words came from my lips, ‘I am going
to do something to-day.’ What that
something was I had not the remotest
idea, but I-’put; on my apologies for
clothes, and sallied out iu my vagabond
way whistliug, caring for nobody.
It was about noon, and I had not yet
tasted a mouthful of food. I was.hungry,
and skulked about grocery shops, hop
ing I could get an opportunity to take
something that would, stay my .appetite,
till I felt in the humor for begging.. Pas
sing round the corner of a public street,
laaw a genteel-looking man, standing at
his horse’s head, gazing about him some
what perplexed. ‘Boy,’ ho cried, won’t
you take oare of my horse for half an
hour 7’
BENTZ i SO,
’Yes sir,’ said I.
‘I think it was the first time that. I over
put on the‘sir.’
There’s a man!’ ho exclaimed. I’ve
got considerable fruit here and you must
guard it well. ‘Here’s a couple of peach
es for you; just stand here quietly-‘-no
body’ll distuib you .’ •
He wpnt away, and I stood for a while
till I was tired. Then, thinks I, ‘l’ll get
a hatful of the fruit and run.’ But for
the first time I felt an instinct of shame
at the suggestion.
‘He trusted me—he saw I was a mean
looking fellow, too; but he trusted mo
and I won’t abuse his kindness.’
. Something like this reasoning ran in
my head, and I squatted down on the
curb stone, feeling the importance of an
honorable trust as I had never felt such
a thing before. Presently some of my
fellows came along and hailed me. I
told them to go on. They peered about
tho cart, and saw the sunny faces of the
peaches. ’We’ll have some of them,’
they said. . „ , .
‘No you won’t says I. ‘l’m put in
charge here, and I won’t see tho first,
thing stole.’ With that they began a
rumpus. They reached over the cart.—
I struck them, and used such efforts that
they all came pell-mell upon me, and we
fought till the blood came; but I van
quished them.
Just then out catno tho proprietor.—
’What’s the matter?’says ho.
‘Oh, nothing; only I had to fight for
your stuff'here,’ says I.
‘You did, ph? You’ve got a black .eye
for it.’ .
‘No matter,’ says I. ‘I meant them
boys shouldn’t steal a peach, and they
didn’t neither.’
‘Weil, you've good pluck—here’s a
crown for you.’ '
My eyes stood out. ‘-A whole crown,’
Wes; do what you please with it, but
I'd advise you to buy a pair of shoes,’
'Thauk you,' says I, with, a beating
heart. ‘lt pays to be good, ijon’t It ?’
He smiled a curious smile, ashed mo
several questions, and ended by taking,
me home with him.
Home! I thought I was in heaven,
albeit I had seldom heard of such a place.
My heart beat heavily every time I dared
to put my foot upon thoso rich carpets.—
The mirrors were something now to me.
The next day there came a man to see mo.
I was washed dean and had on a good
suit of clothes. Bays he‘Youngster lam
going to where you live.-jind probably 1
shall make a bargain with your people.
I want a boy, just such a bold eleven boy
ns you are, and if you bohavo yourself, 1
promise you that you shall have as pleas
ant a home as you desire. 1 ■ ,
Well, that was good. I hardly dared
to speak or breathe, for fear of breaking
thb illusion. I never was so happy 1
was that day. They gave me light tasks
“to do, I wished they were- more impor
tant. From that day I was treated as
one of tho household. Tho man was a
widower, and had no children; conse
quently, I beoantp tq l)hn as a non, He
educated mo handsomely, and when i
iWlkaL
THE SLEIGITIUDE,
THE MISER'S STOUT,
CI
CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY. MARCH 10, 18T0
was twenty-one lie died, and' left me
threS thousand pounds.
• Well, I considered myself a rich man.
I gloated over my wealth ; It became as
an idol to me.. How to increase it was
now my first desire. I consulted compe
tent men, and under their counsel I put
my money out at interest, bought stocks
and mortgages.
I grew wealthier, my business (my
benefactor had stocked me a fancy shop)
prospered, and I was in a fair way, I
thought, to marry JLuoy Manning.
Sweet Lucy Manning I the most art
less, winning maiden in all the world to
me) I loved her deeply, dearly. She
was blue-eyed, auburn-haired, her dispo
sition was that of an angel, and' I had
plighted my vows to her.
One night.! was.invited to the house
of a prosperous merchant, and there I
met a siren in the person of. his niece, a
black-eyed girl, whose charms and whose
fortune were equally splendid. She was
an heiress in her own right, site was
beautiful and accomplished.
Heavens, what a voice was hers—pure,
clear, sweet, ravishing I I was charmed,
and she was pleased with me. Alas, I
met her too often! In her presence I for
got my gentle Lucy; she magnetized,
thralled me.
It was triumph to feel that so beauti
ful, gifted, and wealthy a woman loved
me—me, who had been brought up in the
purlieus of a city, who had known misery
and corruption all tho first years of my
life.
Gradually I broke off my intimacy
with Luey. I received no token from
her, she was too proud, But that cheek
grew pale, that eye languid, and though
I seldom-met her, I knew in my heart
she was suffering, and branded myself a
villain.’
At last she knew with certainty that X
wag to marry Miss Bellair. She sent me
a letter, a touching letter, not one word
cfT upbraiding, not one regret., Ob, what
a noble soul I wounded ! But she could
calmly wish me joy, though-the effort
made her heart bleed, I knew it did.
1 tried,'however? to forget her. I could
not. Even at my giagnificieht wedding,
when my bride stood before me, radiant
in rich fabrics and glittering diamonds,
■ the white face of poor Lucy glided in be
tween, and made my heart throb guilti
ly. Oh, how rich I grew I Year after
year I added to my gold. My miserly
disposition began to manifest itself soon
after my marriage. I carried my |gold
first to banka, and then to my own pri
vate safes. . „ ,
• 1 put constraint on ray wife, for very
generously she made over her whole for
tune to me,'and began to grumble at the
expenses; I made our living so frugal
that she remonstrated, and finally ran
up large bills where and when she pleas
ed. Against this I protested, and we had
open quarrel, more than once.
My clothes grew shabby, I could not af
ford to buy new ones, although the in
terest of my investments was more than
I could possibly spend for rational living.
I grew finally dissatisfied with every
thing but my money. I neglected my
wife, and grew careless of her society.—
Several gentlemen came to my house,
among .them.a. wouldbe author and ce
lebrity, He came, I- thought, too often
for my good name, and I ordered my
wife to discontinue his company. She
refuged and I locked her in her room.-
How she managed-to set herself free I
never knew; but in the evening, when T
returned, she was gone from the house.—
That caused me some uneasiness; not
much, for X was soon absorbed in talcing
account of my gains.
It was, perhaps, nine in the evening, I
had just managed to take up a paper for
a moment to read out its business details,
when tho door opened, and in. oatrio my
wife, dressed bewltebingiy, as if just
from an evening concert, followed by
that moustached celebrity. 'Good even
ing, iny dear,' she said in the coldest way
imaginable, and placed, eA chair for hor
friend. ‘Stop.!’ I cried; my jealousy
aroused; that man sits not down in ray
bouse.' ‘That man—a gentleman and
my friend-, shall sit here if I please!'
said my wife, firmly.
My passion was excited then as it nev
er was before, and I collared the scoun
drel. He was my match ; hut my wife
put a dirk-knife that she drew from a
oaue into his hand, and lie stabbed me.—
I fainted, and I remembered nothing
more til) I found myself on a bed in my
own chamber,, watched over by my
housekeeper. . .
‘Where are they?’ I gasped.
’Gone!’ was ail she said. ■
It occurred to me then, like a flash of
lightning, that somebody was near me
at the time I was wounded, that ray keys
wore about my person, and that I had
been robbed, perhaps, of all my availa
ble property. , .
The thought threw me into au agony
of feari I ordered my clothes to be
brought to me. The keys were there.—
Taking ono of thorn out, X tola M™,
Halo, my housekeeper to go to my safe,
and briug me tiie papers that were there..
She returned, her face white with terror,
to was nothing there, all the
little doors were open. ■ . , ,
‘Robbed! robbed!’ I yelled with im
precations, and again my senses desert
ed me. *
Brain fever ensued. For weeks 1 Jay
deprived of reason, literally treading the
verge of the grave. One morning I was
conscious only of a sinking,'deadly feel
ing, as I feebly opened my eyes. Was it
an angel I oaw standing beside me, her
soft eyes full of pity, looking down upon
me with the most.ooraralserating gentle
ness. For a moment I thought I might
be in heaven; but no, I reasoned with
myself—l loved money too well. My
treasure was all of the earth, earthly.—
Again I opened my dim eyes. The vi
sion seemed wavering now, but oh, did it
not wear the beauty of sweet Lucy Man
ning 7 A quiet, unutterable peace took
possession of my entire being. I forgot
wealth, health, everything. My past
life seemed blotted out, and I was again
innocent, untouched by the griping hand
of avarice, true, loving, and loved—and
Luoy Mannjng was my idol.
But I recovered slowly and at. last, as
my strength surely returned I missed
her. As soon as she saw I could bo left
with safety, she had left me ; and oh, the
blank—the dreadful blank! I wandered
around my „rooms, now so desolate, and
saw the many evidences of my miserly
habits. ...
I know not why, but towards roy wife
my feelings seemed to have undergone a
revulsion. I fear I hated her. Bbe had
nearly beggared mo, a had_ deceived and
shattered my Health, destroyed all my
hopes. „ ~ .
Months passed before I was able to es
timate the damage that had been done
me. Every means that could bo put
forth were used for tho discovery of my
money, but all In vain.
One night I sat by the fire, a cheerless,
disappointed, and lonely, man. I had
been thinking thoughts that only burn
ed my Brain, but did not purify my heart:
If I had only married sweet Lucy/a
said again and again, ‘ nil thja had pot
been so.’ .
My housekeeper came in with a letter
an unusually largo package it was, and
as it bore a foreign postmark, I opened it
with a trembling hand ? What was that?
A rustling, crumpled bank-note 1—
Another and another came forth, until
there laid upon my knees twenty bills of
tho largest denomination. A few tremb
ling lines accompanied them t
“My Husband: lam dying! My
disease—there Is no need in telling you.
Forgive - mo, and accept this enclosed as
a faint effort toward restitution. It is
not much over half of what we took from
the safe. The rest is—l know not where.
lam deserted. Farewell, forever!”
An ioy chill thrilled me. It seemed ns
if her spectral presence was near me. I
shuddered as 1 rolled the bills together,
and throw tliegd across the room.
“Lie there, curse of my soul!” I cried.
“Lie there till I have conquered myself!,
ay, if tho victory is not won till you are
rotten!”
I shut tho door up and scaled |t, and
fpf sly pjopths J tQll§d a penniless
mau, till I'psrfiaily redeemed myself.—
By managing; cautiously, I placed mv
business on |a successful. footiug, and
began life again, a new mau.
It took many a year to wear off my old
habits of parsimony, but every effort gave
me a new and agreeable pleasure. Mean •
lime Lucy Manning became dearer to mo
than she bad eve«- been in the flush of
youth. I entreated her forgivness, hum
bled myself to a confession, tested myself
in all ways, and convinced her at last
that I was as worthy now as ouco I was
only in seeming.
On the day of my wedding, I opened
tho sealed door. The bank-notes lay
where I bad flubg them, I took them
up with the pride of a conqueror, and
placing them in her hands, exclaimed,
HThey-aro ho longer my- masters; use
them as you will.” i
Now I am a man /—redeemed from the
thraldom of covetousness. I have three
blooming children, Lucy is an a’ugel of
goodness, and I write myself as I did at
thee beginning, “ By tho grace of God, I
am ,what I am.”
JOHN CHINAMAN.
There are now more than one hundred
thousand Chinese on the Pacific coast—
and still they come. As they ■ will un
doubtedly form a large part of the pftpu
lation of the United States before many
■years, the question' whether' they will
form a valuable acquisition or not is an
important one. A writer in. tho Atlantic
Monthly, gives some interesting facts con
cerning the character and habits of this
peculiar people.
. John began as a house-servant, and he
still finds most of his employment in that
capacity. As a natural cook he has no
equal, except iu tho Frenchman. His
person ho keeps religiously clean, wash
ing himself all over every day in the year.
At first, housekeepers say, he may mix*
his bread by filling his mouth with wat
er, and then blowing it out ever the flour;
but a little training soon cures him of
this. He is ready to sweep, to make beds,
and to walk of errands—for John is deli
berate, - and seldom runs. Entrust chil
dren. to his care, and he will dandle them
in his arms, or trundle them iu their car
riages, or amuse them with playthings,
with the same calmness, sobriety, and
jatience which he would bring* to the
building of the Great Wall. Labor is so
abundant in his native country that he
haq.’Knott in do everything with
the nicest cleverness; wun Cu» —.Sue ab
solute thoroughness. He is mighty in
the laundry. Ho does up shirts like an
artist, and never forgets to'sow on the
buttons.
John has always taken kindly to min
ing. In vain did tho State impose an
extra and ,unjust lax upon him ; he paid
it—when he was obliged to—and con-
tinued to work like a beaver. In vaiu
did*white men drive him out when he
found a rich lead. He only'fell back to
delve away in some abandoned placer ;
and If he Earned one dollar a day he
would save more money in tho course of
•the year than the American who took out
five dollars from richer diggings;
> But ho could not be exclusively house
servant, washerman, and miner. Grad
ually he took up other pursuits. Ho
proved extremely useful as a farm hand;
and He has pressed more and more into
that employment.
In me remote antiquity of five years
ago, half a dozen Sacramento gentlemen
began to build the Pacific Railroad,—
White labor was not merely costly ; it
was absolutely unattainable. Chinamen,
therefore, were brought in, and in tho
spring of 1865, they began to swarm upon
Aiarroo liko fli*a n|inn a linnoyfinmh.
So deep was the hostility against them,
that it was found necessary to give them
military protection until their growing
numbers enabled them to defend them
selves. At last twelve thousand were
working upon the road. But for them
the locomotive would not have rolled
across the continent for two years yet.—
The company after four years of trial,
reported that tnev had proved nearly as
efficient as Irish laborers for the hardest
kind of work, and far more tractable and
trustworthy., Strikes', drunken brawls,
bloody riots, were all unknown among
them. They are working upon the new
roads which are beingbuilt in California,
and ultimately will be engaged upon all
our great public works. After five years'
experience, they are found perfectly sat
isfactory as Operatives, and they are now
employed in nearly or quite every ono of
the dozen woolen factories on tho coast.
John makes hoots and shoes, and cloth
ing, ami all the cigars that are mannfac-.
tured -in California. He peddles fish,
fruit ami vegetables. He finds abundani
employment in the great orchards and
vineyards of the Golden State. Give him
a cluster of grapes or a pear for a sample,
and ho will pluck from trees and vines
•all fruit, nt t.ho oam«j stage of ripeness,
with the greatest precision.
Occasionally he appears in the obarac
ter of a merchant. He is at the head of
some very heavy San Francisco firms,
which are brandies of* old houses in
China. Here, he is noted for exactness
and fair dealing, and often for high com
mercial ability. A dozen of the Chinese
merchants of Ban Francisco are men of
great wealth; some are partners in Hong
Kong firms which are reputed to possess
a capital of fifty million of dollars.
John presides over several large estab
lishments,filled with knick knacks from
Japan and China, which visitors from
the East purchase to take home as curly
osities. Most of those articles illustrate
his ingenuity and marvellous patience.
There are tables and work-boxes, each
composed of thousands of bits of highly
polished,, many-colored woods ; glove
boxes of lacquered ware, resembling pa
picr machc % which sell for two dollars
and a half and three dollars, gold; hand
kerchiefs of grass cloth, embroidered by
hand with infinite pains; countless vari
eties of children’s toys, including many
curious and intricate puzzles; sleeve but
tons and breast, pins;, card racks of vari
ous material; wooden and metalic coun
terfeits of insects and reptiles, so perfect
that ono half tears to handle them lest
they should bite his fingers; gay Chinese
lanterns covered with paper and as largo
as market baskets: fire crackers; torpe
does which explode with a report like
that of a twelve-pounder, chop sticks,
writing desks, and a thousand other ele
gant things to please the fancy. In wait
ing upon 'American customers, Johnny
shows himself tho polished merchant.
Ho Is an adept in the simble art of not
~ioo'~)\iuch; He-proffers a Chinese segar
(execrable in flavor), and is grieved if his
visitor does not lake at least a few whifts
from it. If*tho purchases are liberal in
amount, ho makes a judicious discount
in the price, and perhaps throws in some
trilling gifts. He is 'attentive, but not
over-pressing; cordial, but never imper
tinent, and he speeds tho parting guest
with a good-by so polite and friendly that
it leaves a pleasant flavor in the memory.
His advance .into the highly skilled
Industries iu sharply contested, but his
'sure progress demonstrates that all things
are his who has patience. His path has
been smoother toward the raising of silk
worms and of olives, the culture of tho
tea plant, tho making of wine, and tho
other new and peculiar industries of the
coast, which seem capable of boundless
expansion, and are well adapted to his
training and capacity.
He is a born gambler. Whatever ms
age or condition, games of chance—with
ludicrously trifling stakes—possess a wild
fascination for him. Ho Is an inveterate
opium smoker also, although lie himself
condemns the,habit while he indulges it.
Ho is strictly temperate, however, as to
tho use of intoxicating drinks, and his
honesty is proverbial. Gov. Blaladol, of
Nevada, says that ho leaves ids house for
weeks'and sometimes for months in th“
sole charge of his Chinese steward, with
out the least apprehension. Such trust
is not uncommon, though of course it is
‘sometimes abused. No Chinese beggar
is over seen in the streets of San Fran
cisco; tiud no Chinese patient in the pub
lic hospitals. And the flrat Chinaman
• unable to read his own language has yet
to make his appearance in 'California!
He is quick and eager to learn. He
reckons nimbly and accurately, not with
♦the pencil and paper, but with marbles
strung upon wires, as in the abacus used
for teaching ar!tlimetlc to young learners.
The leading churches of San Francisco,
of the various denominations, have es
tablished Chinese Sunday schools, which
open everySuuday at noon nndcoiitinue
in session for two hours. Woman, of
course, takes the brunt of this, as of most
of good works. A large proportion of
the teachers are young glris and young
married women. Blackboards and sim
ple atlases, the primer, the spelling-book,
and the New Testament* as a reading
book, preinuse. Here, for the first time,.
"John” encounters woman in a higher*
character than that of a.slave, and ac
quires for her a new and affectionate re
spect. After she has taught him one
Sunday, he looks eagerly for her coming,
and will not bo put off with a stranger,
even of the lordly. A gentleman, visit
ing one of these schools, found one hun
dred and seventy pupils present. He was
given a class of two—the usual'number.
One was a Chinese youth who bad ar
rived in this country only three davs
before* and had never seen an English
book. In one hour by the watch, this
| lad learned the alphabet so perfectly that
he could go through it glibly, either way,
and could naine any individual letter flic ,
moment the pencil pointed,to it.
A Chinese servant in San Francisco
lately assisted, his mistress to perfect a
great improvement in the sewing ma
chine. by which the needle can he thread
ed while running at full speed-hut in
general Joints ingenuity is imitative.
The question of giving a vote to-this
strange people will not soon trouble us,-
for John seldom'or never comes oxpectr
ing to stay. He proposes to accumulate
two hundred or three hundred dollars—
sums which in his eyes constitute wealth
—and then to return home. He brings
to California a pious horror of having his
bones rest anywhere save with the bones
of his fathers ;and when he dies on our
soil his remains (sometimes his embalm
ed body, but usually his bones, boiled
and stripped of flesh, that he may be
packed compactly in boxes, to reduce the
cost of transportation) are always sent
home, five thousand miles, for burial
Mmldcnins' Mccimijism of Thonylit.
Our brains are seventy year clocks.
.%r all, then closes tiie case, and gives the
key into the hand of the Angel of the
Resurrection. T«c-tac! tic-tao! go the
wheels of Thought; our will cannot stop
them; theycannotetop themselves; sleep
cannot still,them ; madness only makes:
them go faster; death alone can break
into the case, and seizing the ever-swing
ing pendulifm, which we call the heart,
silence at last the clicking of the terrible
escapement we have carried so long be
neath our writhing foreheads. If w®
could only get at them, as we lie on our
soft pillows and count the dead beats of
thought after thought and image after
imaoe jarring through the over-tired or
gan ! .Wifi nobody block these wheels,
uncouple that pinion, cut the string that
holds these weights, blow up the infernal
machine with gun-powder? What a
passion comes over'us sometimes for si
lenco and rest—that this dreadful me
chanism, unwinding tho endless tapestry
of time, embroidered with spectral figures
of lifeand death, could have but one brief
holiday ? Who can wonder that men
swing themselves from beams in hempen
lassoa ?:—that they jump off from para
pets into the swift and gurgling waters
beneath ?—that they take council of the
m .Houxt Wl.O IkAO Ullf f A IlffAM Ula .vr...* .
peremptory monosyllable, and the rest
less machine is shivered ns.a case that is
dashed upon a marble floor ?, Under that
• building which we pass every day there
are strong dnngeons/where neither hook,
nor bar, hor bed cord; nor drinking ves
sel from which a snap fragment may be
shattered, shall by any chance bo seen.
There is nothing for it, when the brain is
on fire with the. whirling of Its wheels,
hut to spring against the stone wall and
silence them with one crash. Ah, they
remembered that—the kind city fathers
—and the walls are nicely pndded.iso that
one can take such exercise as he likes
without damaging himself. If anybody
would really contrive some kind of a le
ver that ono could thrust in among the
works of this horrid automaton and check _
them, or alter their rate of going, what’
would the world give, for the discovery ?
Men are very apt to try to get at the ma
chine by some indirect system or other.
They clap on tho brakes by means of
opium, they change the maddening mo
notony of the rythm by moans of fer
mented liquors. It is because (he brain
is locked up and we cannot touch its
movements directly, (hat wo thrust these
coarse tools in through any crevice by
Will ell Uicy nmy lemjli Uits interim - , uUui
Us rate of .going for awhile, and at last
spoil tlie machine. —Oliver IF. Holmes.
’..How TO C.KLEJJKATJ3 Ann: visits-* lines
of Weddings.— Anniversary
appear to be yearly growing into more
general favor. They may bo made pleas
ant festivals if it only be understood that
etiquette and good breeding do not de
mand tbeacknowledging of an invitation
to these weddings by presentation of val
uable gifts. Members of the family or
very Intimate friends are tho only per
sons from whom such gifts may be re
ceived. Invited guests may not absent
themselves from such agreeable enter
tainments because a false conception re
quires them to contribute rich and costly
presents. For amusement orso.ciabiMty,
trifles in paper, tin or wood may bo of
fered by casual as well as personal friends
on the occasion of these commemorated
weddings.
- The paper wedding, the first anniver
sary of the is honored hut by
few. Invitations have been issued on
peculiar stylo of gray paper, resembling
thin pasteboard. The presents in keep
ing are paper, books, portfolios, engrav- -
ings, &o.
The wooden wedding is the fifth anni
versary. Tho invitations are printed on
•-thin cards of wood, about as thick as four
sheets of Bristol board.
The tin wedding is the tenth anniver
sary, Invitations have been issued on
tin, but tho most»artistic stylo Is printed
on oxydized tin bronze, or iu black on
large unglazed cards or not© sheet, with
monogram in dull silver on invitation or
envelope. A field of tin bronze on the
lower half of the note sheet, with letters
in black, produces a pleaslng effectr'
Tho crystal wedding is tho fifteenth
anniversary.. It has not been frequently
observed in this country. Cards have
been printed on crystalized paper, with
envelope to match, and tho monogram
has been’in silver relief.
The linen wedding has been inaugurat
ed for tho twentieth anniversary, and
should any be observed, an Invitation on
linen would ha appropriate.
The silver wedding is tho twenty-fifth
anniversary. It is very popular,apd has
at times been observed, with a repetition
of the marriage cererhpny. The invita
tions aro on the finest * note paper, and
printed in silver.
Tho golden wedding Is the fiftieth an
niversary. The invitations are on paper,
printed in gold.
Mind Youh Own Business.—To toll a
man to his face to mind his own business,
would bo considered equal to knocking
him down. And yet it is one of tho
simplest rules of conduct, and the most
useful that mankind can adopt in their
intercourse-with each other. There Is a
great deal of the Paul Pry spirit in the
human heart, or wonderful inquisitive
ness injcgard to tho personal and private
affairs of friends and neighbors. This
spirit makes more mischief in tho com
munity than ulmostany other cause,and
creates more malice, envy and jealousy,
than can 1 be overcome in a century. Let
every man mind his own business, and
there will not be half tho trouble in tho
world that there la at present.
VOL. 56.—N0. 39
In The Wrong: Place.
Several tlm’es incidents have been re
lafed of gentlemen, under the .influence
of liquor or from absent-mindedness, get
ting into tbo wrong house. An incident,
however, occurred a short time ago in
the Crescent City which came near end
ing in a tragedy. A gentleman' being
late down town and a little confused by
adverse mercantile speculations, appli
ed his latch-key to the wrong door, and
found himself in bis neighbor’s house.
‘Who’s there?’ was fiercely demanded
of him from the head of the stairs.
‘Who the mischief are you ?’ was the
wandering reply.
‘Get out of here, I’ll shoot!’ was the
next salutation.
‘Well, on my word, that^s
quized the merchant •
‘Cool or not, you’d better leave!’
'l think I will ?’ thought the merchant
‘as he slammed the door to and went
after the policeman, Returnirig with
the officer he hit the right door and got
into his own residence. But strange to
say, no intruder could be found, and no
challenge met his advance. High and
low the house was searched,
the appearance of any on© Could be dis
covered. His wife was awakened and
protested she had heard no one.
You didn’t hear a man screaming at
tno from the head of these stairs a mo
ment ago I. Have you been long asleep ? ;
‘Only for a moment.’
‘And you say again 3*oll heard ‘ho
one ?’
■‘No one, ray dear.’
‘Didn’t you hear a man shouting as if
he’d waken the dead and threatening to
shoot me?’ • -
‘Obi mercy, no I' exclaimed the good
lady, now really alarmed.
‘Why, mum, I heard him in thbstreet,’
interposed the officer.
‘Oh, William, he wasn’t in here,’ cried
the lady
The citizen was nonplussed. ■ What
could It mean ?
‘Betsy,’ ho said, ‘l’ve lived with you
for forty years; you’ve been faithful in
poverty and riches, and I can’t' think
"you have commenced deceiving me at
this late day ; but deceit or truth, you
may shoot me if there wasn’t a man in
this house.’
There was energy in every word of the
sturdy citizen, and he believed it ns ho
did his religion. .His neighbor being on
the qui vivc, from the late disturbance,
was listening to the.loud voices, and just
t*u vuia luoialTl (>MUio out uu uiiO
gallery. He beard the last words and
being greatly excited him'self, replied
with equal energy:
‘Yes, and blame me if 1 didn’t And
one in my house .” .
‘Wbnt! In your house?’
‘Yes but when I threatened to shoot
the fellow ran.!
Explanations now ensued, and the dif
ficulty was finally adjusted. The strange
mistake was accounted for, and the rec
onciled neighbors shook hands and went
to bed.
Japanese Shoes. —Three varieties of
shoes are worn in Japan, a brief descrip
tion of which may interest the readers.
1. There is the straw shoe. This con
sists of a strong mat of straw, made to fit
the bottom of the foot, and .fastened by
strings going through the matand around
the ankles. The Japanese horses, what
few they have, are shod with straw, in
precisely the same way. Tbe«mat being
made to fit the bottom of the horse’s foot
ami turn up a little at the sides, is fast
ened on by means of strings going round
the leg above the hoof. 2. The second
kind of shoe is made of cloth for the up
per part, and this is attached to, a sole of
leu an men uncu. jltus is the most
common shoe of the Chinese also. Then
instead of our gum over shoes, the Japs
construct a rude sandal of wood, the bot
tom of, which .fits the shape of the foot,
and across the bottom are two transverse
sections, one near the toe and the other
near the heel,,forming two huge corks, a
too<cork and a heel cork of wood, four
inches long and an inch thick. The
whole is constructed of one solid piece of
wood, and kept on the foot by raeuns.pf
a strong rope or string fastened to the top
of the sandal like the hail of a kettle,
under which the foot is thrust to the in
step, and the pedestrian is enabled to
move “high and dry” overamuddy road.
Two impressions in the soft earth, four
inches long and one inch wide, and four
or five inches apart, are all 3*ou see.,
The Will of an Eccentric Sports
man.—A well known character in Paris
ian circles, and founder of Ihe French
Jockey Club, Coupt de Chateau-Villurd;
died a few monlhs ago, leaving behind
him a considerable fortune, the disposi
tion of a portion of which, by reason of
its eccentricity, is just now under consid
eration by the Paris tribunals, at the in
aUlllVU uftlio Onmt'n two }JIUW 11-up Ullll
dren, the offspring of his first marriage.
It seems that during his life-timC.dhe
celebrated French sportsman was in the
habit of burying his old bounds in a par
ticular incldsure on his estate, and that
ho had erected over them a monumental
column, inscribed, ‘To myTrue Friends.'
The Count, however, desired to carry
his affection for these members of the
brute creation a step further, and to bo
buried beside them, and gave this direc
tion in his will, leaving, moreover, a sum
of sixty thousand francs for the erection
of a handsome mausoleum, within which
were to bo. disposed the statues, busts and
other works of art at his chateau of Vll
lard, together with all the portraits of his
female-friends. A further sum, sufficient
to produce two thousaad francs a year,
was to boset aside for the salary of a
keeper of ufoproposed mausoleum. The
widow ofifcre Count desires that the pro :
visions di the will may he strictly ful
filled’, .and has instructed counsel to sup
port her views before the tribunal that
will judge the case.
Wouldn't he Sprinkled.—About
thirty-two years ago, there .resided in the
town of Hebron, a certain Hr. T., who
became very much enamored of a beauti
ful young lady, a resident of the same
town. The Doctor was a strong Presby
terian,and his lady-love a decided Bap
tist. They were sitting together one
evening, talking .of their approaching
nuptials, when the Doctor, remarked ;
‘I am thinking my dear, of two events
I shall number the happiest of my life.’
‘And what will thev be Doctor?' re
marked the lady.
‘One is.the hour when. I shall call you
wife7for the first tittio;' : -
‘And the other?'
‘lt is when wo shall present our first
born for baptism.’
‘What, sprinkled ?’
‘Yes, my dear, sprinkled.’
‘Never shall a child of mine bo sprinkl
ed.’
‘But mine shall.’
‘They shall bo, hey ?’
‘Yes my love.’
‘Well, sir, then I can tell yc u that your
babies won't ’bo my babies. So good
night, sir.’
Tun Duty ot a Mother.—She should
be firm, gentle, kind, always ready to at
tend to h‘T child. She should: never
laugh at him, at what ho does that is
winning,* never allow him to think of
bis looks, except to be neat and clean In
all his habits. She should teach him to
obey a look ; to respect those older than
himself, she should never make a com
mand without seeing it is performed in
the right manner. Never speak of a
child’s faults or foibles, or repeat his re
marks before him. It is a sure way to
spoil a child. Never reprove a child
when excited, nor let your tone of voice
bo raised when correcting. Strive to in
spire love, not dread ; respect, not fear.—
Remember you are training and educa
ting a soul for eternity.
Judging distances. —Thistle sbme
what a dllllcult task, w 6 have ktiown a
man to be “far gone" even at his own
threshold.
♦
Hates for
advertisements will be inserted at Toil Coni
per lino for the first Insertion, and, five cents
per lino for each subsequent Insertion. Qanr
erly half-yearly, and yearly advertisements In
serted at a liberal redaction on the above rates
Advertisements should bo accompanied by tbo
Cabii. Wnen sent without any length of time
specified for publication, they will bo continued
nutllordored out and onarged accordingly.
JOB PRINTING.
Cards, Handbills, OipooLars, and every olh
ordescrlptlontof Job and Cajid Printing,
I do not Ilko to hoar him' pray
Who loans at twonty-llvo per cent,
For then I think the borrower may
Bo pressed to pay for food or rcht,
.And In that boolc wo all should hood,
Which says the lender shall bo blest,
As sure ns I have eyes to read
It does not say "take Interest.” ■
I do not like to hear him pray
On bonded knees about an hour,
For grace to spend aright the day,
Who knows hla neighbor has no flour,
I’d rather see him go to mill.
• And buy the luckless brother bread,
And see his children cat tholFflli;"'
And laugh beneath their humble shod,
I do not like to hear him pray,
“ Bet blcsalugs on the widow bo,”
Who never seeks her homo to say, /
“ If want overtakes you, come tome.”
I hate the praycr t *so loud and long,
That’s offered forthe.prphap’sW&il,
By him who sees him crushed by wrong,
And only with the lips doth feel.
No one or
I Co not, Uko to hear hot pray,
With Jeweled car ami silken dress,
Whoso washerwoman tolls all day
And thou Is asked to ‘’work for less.”
Such pious shavers I despise;
With folded hands am} face demure,
They lift to heaven Ui,elr •‘angel eyes,’’ •
Then steal the earnings of the poor.
• 1 do not like such soulless prayers;
I f wrong, I hope to bo forgiven ;
No angel wing them upward hears—
► They’relosta million miles from heaven
Texts for sinners—Pretexts.
Net profit—A%aherman’s.
- Clerical loans—Lent sermons. 1
Unredeemable bonds —Vagabonds,
Stump speech—Uttering a challenge.
The scene of disasters—Kerosene.
Popui-.au diet in Utah—Spare rib.
The largest rope in the world —Europe.
Harmless pugilism—Striking atti
tudes.
The greatest army contractor—Peace.
Strange bed-clothes—Three sheets in
the wind.
* lmOwi- works—A naiiW eyes.
Never lose an opportunity, ofan um
brella.
PT is pleasanter to see than feel a lad3*’s
cull.
Misers are. ahva3*s civil, for civility
costs nothing.
People who let the grass grow under
their feet—Aeronauts.
What is the greatest want of the age
—Want of funds.
Cheap generosity—Giving a man a
piece of your mind. *.
Wanted—A fresh covering for the
bells that have peeled.
Be contented with your lot, especially
at a public auction. .
When is iron the most ironical—When
it is a railing .
The public singer that draws the best
—A mosquito.
‘Should auld acquaintance bn forgotr'—
Not if they have 0101103*.
A sUEi’EREK complains that squeaking
boets ‘murder sleep’ in church.
W Jim-s It) i\ siiuvti uau-puuu nuo a OlfU
cage —When there’s a jierch in it. •
It is said—ironicalty, perhaps—that
blacksmiths forgo and steel ©very day. '
Why is an overworked horse like an
umbrella ?—Because it is.used up.
Why is a four-quart jug like a lady’s
sidesaddle? Because it holds a gall-on.
Editors out to be able to live cheap—
they get ‘bored’ for nothing.
People speak of the suu’s breaking
out. Will they account for the spots on
its lace?
It is a mistake to suppose that the sun
is supported by its beams.
“Come out hero and I’ll lick the
whole of you,” said an urchin to some
sticks of peppermint in a, confectioner's
window.
Wiiat is the difference between a
fisherman and a lazy school-boy? One
baits lus hook, and the other hates his
book!
Rome lawyers resemble folks who can
sleep in any position ; it isaimmaterlal on
which side, they lie. ...
Why is the Suez Canal like an unmis
takable snub?—Because it is the cut di
rect.
It does not follow that one is bound to
abstain from fiesh to become a vegetari
an—:all flesh is grass.
Why is a wax candle like a contented
man ?—Because it never.wants nuffin.—
Why do young ladies'whiten their fa
ces ?—Because, they think the powder
will make them go off.
A Nevada editor says that his back
window looks out upon a den of rattle
snakes, and Umt there is generally a wild
.buffalo bull til the front door ready to at
tack him.
A thief who broke out of jail in Ohio,
the other day, being captured, told the
sheriff that he might have escaped, but
he had conscientious spruples about trav
elling on Sunday.
, AN old lady on a train, not fur from
Lafayette, hearing, the brnkeman sing
out “Eubank’s cut!” sailed to the door
and asked, “Is he butt much.”
A man wli% married a particularly
plump specimen of womau-kind being a
bit of a wag; told her one day that she
filled the measure of hia matrimonial
joy full,- for she was beauti-ful duti-ful
and arm-ful.'
The Wabasha {'Wisconsin) Herald,
speaking of the qualifications of a candi
date for the office of coroner, says: “He
will sit on a corpse with more real abili
ty and grace than any other man of our
acquaintance.”
A gentleman taking apartments,
said to the landlady,' *T assure you, ma
dam, I never left a lodging but my land
lady shed tears.' T hope it was not, sir,"
because you went away without paying,’
saidthejandlady.
An Indianapolis councilman in a receu
speech said : “ Any judge who would
issue such an order as that of Judge
Hines la a jackass 1’ Forgetting himself,
a lltto further on, he added, “And I am
the peer of such a man 1”
•Ik you had eighty years to live, how
would you spend it so as to bo perfectly
happy hero below ?' asked a French wri
ter, and answered it himself: ‘The first
thirty years as a pretty woman ; thirty
more as a great General, and the rest as
a bishop.’
A ci.kug vman addressed his female
auditors as follows : ‘Bo not proud that
our blessed Bold paid your sex the dis
tinguished honor of appearing first to a
female after resurrection, for it was only
that the glad tidings might bespread the
sooner.’
The happiest place on earth is home ;»
therein are the atreetlons of the bean
cherished and strengthened, and In the
well-regulated family circle only is true
contentment found. “A wanderer from
home, pleasure’s beckon in vain,” and
the youth, in whatever part of the world
ho may bo in, always casts a lingering
look and a tender thought to the home
of his childhood, Its pleasant scenes. Us
sunny momorlos and fond associations.
ot Eitccatiice.
PRAYERS I DON'T.EIKF.