, IfTfl# ' lUft 111 Ilf iff
~»C T. UUBM T W A nE. ilr JV <
ro Dollars per year If paid strictly " •,■ >s
rwo Dollars and Fifty Cents If paid
nonths; nn«r which Three Dollars •
„1. These terms will ho rigidly ud- ‘ “ - ~ " "' ■ - -- -' i ■ ■ —■' ■ .' -' - ~ ■; — 1 ■ * . ■ ■■
ery Instance. No subscription dis* _ ,
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY. , CARLISLE. PA., THURSDAY. JANUARY 27, 1870. VOL. 56.-
ifrs>Biniial tfarDs. ~ significantly. And a newtriumpti was I
ZTi'T, I wm it pAitif'frw ~ In the Bpiukle of hcr e.vo when she saw •
C»]bor : Wallace lips ourl with derision, byebv.dew
“ rAttn.i<n t - andsaw'scorn and contempt In his every n CFNP .
TTORNEYB AT la ir, festuie. During the forenoon Of the Col- , v . ;
ttin ati eet, in Marion Hall. Car- This beautiful American writer, lowing day EUen observed Ola- „
« Miss Priest, has commanded tho admiration of ra Edgefloi. and Giles Hapgood, out in
~ ArT aur.v a r nil readers during tho many rounds it lias made one of Uie ford paths, walking very
A |wroi . t " of the nfiwsnnpor and magazine press tho last rin dn-arm aud appureutly en
■aw. oflice in Building formerly ton vt , nrtt nv. „,»„r i,,,,,,, ♦* *, 7 very earnest conversation
iluiuoor, a few doors South of Wet- ton years. To those who have Inst Intimate f or 'Wallace Parker an**
friends—and who has not?-somo of tho alia- }„; Klnw #•
,• slons are Inexpressibly affecting. Manyamols- Vr-u
-urn ’a rm ’cj oi * nvt«» toned eye will fodow the lines: He OIU see I
BTATJES CXrAIJVr rt ;. ,- , - ed tha*-
, Over the rlver.lhey beckon to mo,
AND : “ Loved ones who’ve passed to tho other side;
7PVTATPJ A nTP T\rr* vi ~ .gleams of their snowy robes I see,
Dutivn - ’ 'Butliilßlr voice., are lost In the dnahlne
. B . B U i LiL R , There's one with ringlets of son*''
attorney at law, ,* v And eyes tho reflection of he
:y of InhofTs Building, No. BSouth it- He crossed in the twP*
it, Carlisle, Cumberland county And the pale mis* ’
antics, Back Pay, &o„ promptly rr^Y e B ? w
~ inogn
by mall, will receive immediate **
ontlon given to the soiling or rent
ite, In lowu or country, in all let
please enclose postage stamp.
tf ' After years of experience and
- been proven to be a sure r**
LC/IXOOVi'.R, Indigestion.
UVEY-AT-LAW,
caulV'LE. Pa.
Routh Hanover Street, opposite
;ds store.
Attokney at Law
Rlieem’s Hall Building, In the
I House, next door to tho “Her-
Isle.Feana.
iEAREH, A'ITORNr.Y and
.lor at LAWi hfts removed Ills
llierb* nnocmipied room In the
ier of the Court House,
EDV, Attobnky at Law
. Penna. Olilce some ns thutol
Volunteer.”
IHYUCK Justice nf th©
licb No 3, Irvin’s How, Carlisle.
HE S. idEARJGHT, Den
i the BaHivmre OoUeye of Dental
it tlio residence of his mother
eel, three doors below Bedford
BENUEH, Homoeopathic
Olilce No, a, Smith Hanover st.-,
ed by John Loo, Esq.
H.IUONS, Attorney and
ySELO/Z AT\ a w.
IthEtr, BELOW CHESTNUT,
Cor. Library, -
Philadelphia.
m'ENS, ' ' r
?B ROOFER.
ALL It IN til, ATE,
IN CASTER, pa. .
Vnrk Guaranteed.
eft nt thlß omoo will receive
[I. October 14,1K09—1y.
s anti (Cans
FMTuTrTRRiTTTL
OP ALL THE
EW STYLES
AND C A P S .
has just opened at No, 16 North
few amirs North of the Carlisle
(J of the largest and beat Stocks
*f* ever offered In Carlisle,
mere of all styles and qualities,
ent colors, and every desenp
iow made.
nd Old Fashioned Brush, con-
Mo U ' V rd ° r . “U warrant
ill assortment of
.
OY’S.AND
CHILDREN’S.
to my Stoek, potions of dllTer
ltl|> of
IENTLEMEN’S STOCKINGS,
Swtpenilrra,
Gloves,
Thready
whir; Silk, Umbrellas, <to
ARS AND TOBACCO
’AYS ON HAND,
md examine my stock as I feel
mg all, besides saving yon mo-
JOHN A. KELLKtt, Agent,
No. 16 North Hanover Street.
ATa AA ij (JAi J d !
‘J VIIU WANT A NICE HAT OB CAP 7
If so. Don’t Pail to Call on
; J.G.OALLIO,
BO.IS. WBHI MAIN STUJiET,
lecuu btHpeii the fluent a«Mortmeut of
hats an d caps
brought t° Carlisle. He takes great pleas
.ll 11V 1 ug hls old friends and customers.
«.i 5t« w ,lla apleudld stock Just re-.
ft&wnMalS'* and pll,l “ del P h ‘ a - <=°»-
“ ,LK UABHIMERE ■ HATS,
t,??o U . u ? u “ ,0s » vurleiy of Hats and Caps o
“, te ,v l h ,J^ u i all ol which he will son at th
ew man thrives. Aim*,- Ulu own manafaotui
toinnhvaya on hand, and
UATB M A.N U KACT U RED TO ORDER,
• l|i “‘ die best arrangement for coloring Hat*
81l kinds of Woolen Goods, Overcoats, <fcc., ai
auoriest notice (as he colors every week) and
be most reasonable terms. Also, a line lot ol
cebrnudsof
tobacco and cigars "
iya oil bund. Ho desires to call thoattentio
ctßous who have
COUNT It Y. FURS
; ll.asho pays the highest cash prices for. Ue
tilm a call, at the above number, his do
ij^ 4 feels confident of giving entire sa .is*
aj,UM.
iioms aiib 5>l)oc0.
iVID STKOIiM,
W. D. SPON6LER,
JOHN W. STIIOHM.
SEw VV U 1* OI*IJI. V It
OT, SHOE, TRUNK AND Ha'l
STOKE* -
*O. W, SOUTH HANOVER STREET,
l» Fkijn’a.
tomi. of liiiiutl’u building.
mm'justoiJtmuU tUe largest unu beat stool*
" BOOTS AND toHOES
ivi^r r<r( V^^ 4rllMle » and continue almos
ly, rß <«eiyo buuli t'lHJilb lu our line ua ovcr>
• •■ooki- * --
iWelrieal.
Why
la It that Dr. Iloback’s Stomach Bitters Increase
*a,6ale overy year ?
Because
They arethust cmUbluatl'm over ma le
Why
Do the Druggfats recornraead Dr, Robaok’s Bl
tors to their customers?
Because
After years of experience and *rlat they have
been proven t« be a auro cure for Dyspepsia and
Indigestion.
Why
Is It that Physicians use and recommend Dr.
Robuck’s Sugar-coated Blood Pills? •
Because
'They know the Ingredients of which they are
made.
Why
Are Dr. Roback’a Blood Purifier and Blood Pilll
tji© best remedies taken together fot the care os
all diseases of uhe blood?
Bcause
The Blood’ Purifier la tho only article In the
market which contains the celebrated costly
Drugs imported expressly from Sweden for Its
manufacture, and tbe PUIs conta n the active
principle of Podophyllum (Mandrake Root,) and
Is a substitute for Mercury.
Why
Are Dr. C. W. Roback’s Stomach Bitters, Blood
Purifier and Blood Fills the three-greatest rem
edies the world has ever known 7
Bcause
After eleven years* experience and trial thesales
haVe Increased enchand every year, and thous
ands of letters [unsohcltcu] of the remarkable
cures they have performed bear witness. Read
tho letters In Local Column of Cures by these
medicines,
, Novmber 18,18fi9—ly.
CITIZENS OF CUMBERLAND
COUNTY.
We have now on hand and Just received from
the cities, ynd from manufacturers, the lutgest
*took of new, cheap, and good goods to be found
m any two stores In the valley.
Wo have the best assortment of'
CLOTHS, CASSIMEIW. BATINETTB,
JEA-'S. FLANNELS,TICKINGS,
GINGHAMS, PRINTS,
MUSLINS.
DRESS GOODS,
Silks, Merinoes, Repps, Delaines, Alpacas,
Coburgs, Plaids and Stripes.
RIBBONS, HOSIERY, GLOVES,
Zephyrs,
Towels,
Yarns,
Linen and Cotton Table Diapers,
CLOAKINGS, low prices and fine
HANDKERCHIEFS, COLLARS and CUFFS.
Velvets, d rtminings and more notions than
eau be found anywhere under one roof.
FTJBS AND CAB PETS,
Oil Cloths..Druggets, Blinds, Coverlets, Quilts
Hoop and Balmoral Skirls,
SHAWLS,
of every description. In fact a splendid assort
ment of goods, and more given for the dollar,
than anywhere else.
WOOL,
at the highest price taken in exchange. Give us
a call
Got. 2H. 1860.
/ 'I KOqERIES, &0.
The subscriber begs leave to Inform the oltl
zeas of Carlisle ami vtomlty that he has pur
chased the Grocery istore of D. V, Keeny, No. *K
M)uth Hanover Street. Carlisle, where he will
carry on the Grocery Business us usual. -His us
•mn men! is varied, and consists in part of
QUEENBWARE,
GLASSWARE,
STONE and
EARTHEN WARE,
CEDAR and
WILLOW WARE
TEAS.
COFFEES.
SYRUPS.
SPICES.
FANCY SOAPS,
ROPES,
TOBACCO,
FISH.
OILS,
HALTERS,
bEGARS,
SALT,
POTATOES,
DRIED AND CANNED FRUIT,
JOHN MEAL, BUCKWHEAT, FLOUR, FEED,
mrf a foil assortment of artlclos.usualiy kept In
\ first-class Gmcery store. Give him a cull, ana
<utlHfactlon will bo guaranteed.
1 ooi, 10,1809. JOHN HECKMAN.
QHEAP COAL! CHEAP COAL M
The subscriber Is prepared to deliver, by the
car load, to Llmehurneru and other consumers
long the line of the Cumberland Valley Rall
>ad, tbacolebrated
HICKORY SiIAHP COAL!
at the
iOWERT PO'VIBLE HATES FOR CASH
This «’oal is of very superior quality, and will
e furnished ut prices which will defy all compe*
tlon.
Tbo subscriber will deliver Coal at Carlisle,
nrlntf the current month, at the following
dees per ton of 2,000 lbs.:
PEA •:
NUT . v .
BTOVE.
.S 3 15
■i 65
.. 5 65
EGG 6 55
.nd to other pomu of the road, he will deliv e
uddiug-ur deducting the expend in freights.
The above rates will be tmbjeot to the rise or
ll of prices, euoh month at mo mines.
OEUUOB ZINN,
Office ooi. Main and Flit His., Carlisle, Pa.
Deo. 28,1U89.
OA/m # Aoeuta wanted for the Priest
• vUv and Nun. This moat exciting and
net eating book, by a popular authoress. Is now
iudy, huu liiuse who wish to canvass lor It
hoiild apply Immediately fur circular, (with
itump enclosed,) nutting territory desired, expo
ience, dtc. agents wauled everywhere for this
vnd other flrsi-cl ss books and engravings, by
JHITTE.sDEN <S McKJfTANEY, 18Un Chestnut til,,
’hlludelpblmi'a.
Oct. 21, iwo-Sm
AMERICAN AliE.—Tlii* American
Alo brewery, formerly Gebhart’s, bus been
■ c-opeued by C. O. Fubur, who la now ready to
amply this Justly celebrated brand ol Ale to ilo*
-51 a, ualiious and Private Families, at low rules,
le delivered in ail parts.of Cumberland, Ad
übor Perry counties. . 0. C. FAbJSU.
ivv. IS , iStjO—Sin.*
\TINEUAIt.— How mucle in ten liouiv
V without Urugn. For circulura, uddreaa L.
irttjE, Vinegar WorJu», Oromw«U, Conn.
Jh&« a, ItfflMW.
This beautiful poem, by an American writer.
Miss Priest, has commanded the admiration of
all renders during tbo many rounds It has made
of the nfcwsnapor and magazine press tho Inst
ton years. To those who have lost Intimate
friends—and who has not?—some of tbo allu
sions are Inexpressibly affecting. Many amols<
toned eye will follow tho lines:
Over the river. I hey beckon to mo,
Loved ones who've passed to tho other side;
.gleams of their snowy robes I see,
Bubtljolr voices aro lost In tho dashing tide.
There's one with ringlets of sonny gold,
And eyes the reflection of heaven's own blue,
He crossed in the twilight grey and cold,
And the pale mist hid him from mortal view.
We saw not t he angels who met him there,
The gates of The City we could not see;
Over the Kiver, over the River,
My brother stands ready to welcome me.
Over the River the Boatman pale
Carried another—the houNChold pot;
Her bright curie waved In the gentle gale;
Darling Minnie, I see her yet!
She crossed on her bosom her dimpled hands,
And fearlessly entered the phantom hark; .
We watched It glide from theallver sands.
Add all bur sunshine grew strangely dark. '
We know she Is safe on tho other side,
hero all the ransomed and angels be;
. 4 Over the River, the mystic River,
My childhood’s Idols are.waltlng for me.
For none return from those qnlet shores.
Who crossed with the Boatman cold and pale;
Wo hour the dip of the golden oars,
We catch’a gleam of the snowy sail,
•And ml they have passed from our. heart—
They have crossed the stream and gone for aye
We cannot sender tho vail apart
That hides from our vision the gates of day;
We only know that their bark no more
Shall sail with onrs on life’s stormy sea;
Yet somehow I hope, on tho unseen shore,
They watch and bockonand wait for me.
I And I sit and think when tho sunset’s gold
I Is flushing river and hill and shore,
I shall one day stand bv the water cold,-
And list to the sound of the boatman’s oar ;
I shall watch for the gleam of the flapping sail,
I shall hear the boat ns it gains the strand,
I shall pass from slght'wlth tho Hontman pale.
To the better shore of the spirit land I
I shall know the loved who have gone before.
And Joyfully sweet shall tho meeting be,
When ove?tbe River, the peaceful River,
The Angel of Death shall carry rael ■' *'
Histdlaiwmw.
CAUGHT IN 11KII OWN TRAP.
Ellen Lamprey and Clara Edgerfon
were walking slowly along a vineeio
howered path In Newport.- The latter
was moody and thoughtful, while the
former wbb watchful of all that transpir
ed about her. By aud by a gentleman
entered the path not far in advance, and
approached them—Ellen saw him, but
Clara did not.
‘Here—let ns step into this arbor. Oh I
what beautiful flowers. Seel 1 And thus
speaking Ellen Lamprey rather dragged
than led her companion into the arbor.
Tbe gentleman passed, and there was
a cloud upon his brow. Some thing had
evidently wrought unpleasantly upon
his feelings. Ellen marked the fact, and
an exultant expression, flashed up into
hei face. She had accomplished her ob
ject.
The gentleman was Wallace Parker,
a young man of good family, whose
father had recently died intestate. The
elder Porker hud onee been wealthy’but
a financial crash had swept away his
fortune, and hurried himself to thegra\e>
So Wallace had entered upon the prac
tice of tbe Law. nnd was struggling hard
to earn name and fr.me In his own right.
Weary and faint from hard study he had
come down to Newport to restand reou-
Eerate; but lie could not stay long, for
e had not the.means.
In happier days, when he had been
prospective heir to half a million, be had
often met Clara Edgerton, and ha i learn
ed to love her, though no words of love
had ever been spoken. In fact, that they
had been almost too young then to seri
ouHiy venture upon such a topic. But
they were older now. Wallace was tour
and twenty, and Clara.'only five years
younger. And now they had met again
—he tinder theoloud of misfortune, while
she held'ln her own right a fortune
greater than that which his father had
lost. * ‘
Is it a wonder (hat a. hundred men,
joung and old, paid especial court to
( lara Edgerton? And 1h It a wonder
that a man like Wallace Parker, should
have been backward in claiming her es
pecial notice? >
Ellen Lamprey had ro heart (o love,
but she funded alluce Fsrker : sbeliad
penetration enough to see that he was a
better man than were most of those to
whom the. ladies of .fashion paid court,
and, furtliHrmore, she saw the possibili
ties be would surmount, and could look
forward to the bright career that he was
opening before, him. She was a crafty
girl*, and calculating. She could not
hope to entrap a wealthy lover who was
young and handsome ; so she meant to
entrap Wallace Parker if she could.—
She knew that there had been an inti
macy between him and Clara In.the
other times, and she could plainly see
that their hearts yearned toward each
other still, however much the young
lawyer hlmaeif may have been In the
dark, Btie*bad a game to, play. Sbe
knew very well that Wallace had come
out Into the garden in the hope of meet
ing Clara. She had not only prevented
the meeting, but she hud made it appear
to the gentleman' that the lady had pur
posely avoided him.
*1 declare 1 —there goes Wallace Parker
—and he didn’t even give us the honor
of a salute! cried Ellen, alter the young
man had passed.
Clara started, and looked up, and pres
ently said. —
He bus no heart for anything but his
profession.’
‘And he will need to stick to his pro
fession a long time before he can resume
bis old stand in society,’ suggested Edeu.
‘Yea—yes.’ It was all Clara auswered
and she was again thoughtful.
That evening Ellen Lamprey met
Wallace Paiker upon the veiamia, and
he offered her his arm. He could do no
less seeing that she had sought his side,
Ellen adroitly . led the conversation
until it touched upon Clara Edgerton.
‘By the way, Mr. Parker, 1 hud always
thought that you and Miss Edgerton
were good friends.’
. *1 trust we are friends still,’ returned
the gentleman, in a low, hopeful tone.
‘I had Thought bo,’ resumed the plotur,
‘until she avoided you to day, in the
garden, and I should *i>ot have thought
ho much of that if she had nut, when we
were alone, spoken—But I had better
keep my own counsel-’
Wallace Parker was human, and be
wlcbed to know what Clara Edgerton
had said of him. At lenutb with much
apparent reluctance, Ellen told him,—
‘Blie said you had no heart.
‘What I Hid : Clara Edgerton say
that?’ .
BENTZ & GO.
‘Yes. Anii shesald you would have to
Htiok to your profeaajou a luDKti.me.bo
fore you could regal a the poallion you
Imd lust in society.
'Oh! Iliad not thought that of her!
but what elHe could 1 expect? Bab!
they are a cold uud heartless oet I*
‘You do not mean that Miss Edgorton
is cold and heartless?’
yiio is under the influence. She must
ho'or bhe would nut have spoken those
words.’ ' . .
‘Well, well,’ said Ellen with a light
laugh, ‘she la very soou to be under a
new influence, she goes from here to be
inarriHr lo Mr. Hapgood.’
‘To Giles Hapgood ?'
‘Yea—the b »uKer.’
‘Bui he is old em u 'h to be her father.’
’And worth a million I’ added Ellen
l'oefirai.
OVER Tin: RIVER
significantly. And a new triumph was
In the sparkle of tier eye when she saw
Wallace Farker'.s lips curl with derision,
and saw ecorn and contempt In his every
feature. During the forenoon Of the fol
lowing day Ellen Lamprey observed Cla
ra Edgerloi. and Giles Hapgood, out in
one of the footpaths, walking very co ily,
arm-in-arm aud apparently engaged in
very earnest conversation. She bunted
for Wallace Parker, and brought him out
into the balcony that he might see it.—
He did see It and his look plainly show
ed that he was unhappy; and Ellen
Lamprey fancied that h» looked to her
for sympathy—that his heart was warm
ing toward her as it shrank away from
the love of Clara. She determined to
loose no time.
During.the afternoon of that same.day
Ellen drew Clara out Into the garden,
and after a llght'run of by-plav,she oare
follv introduced the subject of Wallace
Parker.
‘He w ill not remain here much longer,’
she said ; and for one lam glad of It. I
can endure almost anything better than
treachery.’ •
•Tn aotiery !—and on the part of Wal
lace Parker 1 r 1
•‘Tes:’
•Whotdoyon mean, Ellen ?’
‘Since it has come to tills, Clara, I
wilt speak; I accepted Mr. Parker’s prof
fered arm on the veranda last evening.
We spoke of you. I had supposed that
yoi were on the most friendly terms;
but judge of my surprise, when he an
iii unced m me, in direct and unqualified
terms, that you were cold and heartless I’i
•Did Wallace. Parker say that?’ The;
voice was startled and quivering.
‘Yes—aud I expostulated. But he
persisted. He said you were throwing;
yourself away under the very worst of;
influence.
•O, Ellen, I .cannot believe that Mr.
Parker spoke soberly.’
A brilliant idea, struck the plotter.—
She would make a bold move.
‘My dear C ara,’ she said, ‘ln orderthat
you may know exactly bow be can speak,
of you, suppose you near him for your
self? If you will take your seat In this
arbor this evening, X will lead Wallace
Parker this way, and he shall speak of
you as be pleases.’
At first Clara Edgerton refused to list
en to the proposition ; but after a time
she surrendered. She did really wish to
know If Wallace Parker disliaed hei.—
The blow would be a cruel one; but she
had better know the truth, even at the
worst. Soshe finally said that she would,
be, in the arbor at nine o’clook'. .
Ellen Luniprey had no doubt of her
success. She had so far won upon Park
er, that be was ready at any time to wait
upon her at her bidding, and she felt
sure, if she could lead him to the garden,
that she could draw fn ra him bitter
words agaiost Clara. But one of her
most poten t weapons was to he wrenched
from her without her knowledge.
That, evening, os Wallace Parker had
sauntered, out upon the drive-way after
tea be met Giles Hapgood, and the bank
er was muttering olid cursing to him
self.
‘Eh I Hapgood! What on earth is the
matter? Blocks down 1'
‘Down flat?’ returned Hapgood, rally
ing.
•Have you lost heavily?’
.‘I have lost heavily, and for all time.’
‘lamsorrv.’
, Presently .the banker looked up with a
grim smile,
•It isn’t money, Parker. O, no,—not
quite so ban as that. I fancied this af
ternoon, that I had lost my heart; hut I
;uess I shall And It again. You can
seep a secret?’
‘The secret of a friend is with me a
sacred trust.’
‘Then, my boy. I’ll tell you frankly,—
Clara Edgerton has refused my bund 1’ ■
•Refused jon?’
‘Aye, and that isn’t the worst of it. —
When I asked her why she had allowed
me to bask in the sunlight of her smiles;
she fell to weeping, and begged me to
fnraive her. Hhe said she sought it at
the'huuds of a father! Egad! think of
it! What a cut. eh?’
‘But she was honest.’
‘Bo she was, my boy. She had clung
to, me, taking, shelter under my gray
hairs—that she might escape the per
s-cutibn of attention from the hundred
and one fulsome flatterers that hovered
around her." This afternoon I could
have cursed her; but now I can only
curse my own stupidity, while Ip have
oome’really to honor and respect the
pure hearted glrT who was willing to
place so much confidence in Giles Hap
good.l
The approach of another party inter
rupted the conversation, and Wallace
shortly after returned to the house,
where Eden Lambert met him upon the
piazza. ' Ho would have avoided her, but
site took his arm, and claimed him as
her prisoner; and by and by she led him
to the aarden. .Little dreamed she. oa
she prepared for the attack? what he
beard within the hour.
When they had entered upon the
flower flanked avenue, Ellen spoke of
Clara Edgerton. She spoke at first sync
pathizingly and lovingly—then piling
—and then she gradually . verged upon
the condemnatory.
The arbor was now not far distant, and
she must make a final stroke. This she
d d by speaking of Clara’s approaching
marriage with Mr. Hapgood, at the same
time adroitly working in a repetition of
the storv she had before told of the lady’s
harsh treatment of himself
Tim arbor was readied, and Ellen
stopped for her companion’s reply. Him
felt sure it. would be a blttei one.
Wallace took ber. .hand and
looked down into her face- He hull
beard the words hut they had not so
much place in bis mind as hud other
words which he hud that evening beard,
from the lips of Giles Hapgood.
‘Miss Lamprey;’ be said, slowly, and
almost sternly 'you and I hud belter
come to an understanding at once.' I
am willing to believe that you ore mis
taken. At all events, I will never be
lieve that Miss Edgerton could willingly
or intentionally speak ill of me until X
can hear and judge for myself. When
you first told me whatsit© bud— *
‘OfMr. Parkerl In mercy’s name!’
But Mr. Parker did not heed the in*
hrruption.
What Clara had said of me,,l was
grieved; bull am sure you must have
misunderstood her.
Ellen Lamprey trembled like an aspen,
and could nut speak.. Her' companion
continued
•Never, while I can help it, shall the
bright vision of Clara Edgertou, as a
pure and blessed spirit of light, be wrest
ed from me. As God is my Judge, I bfe
lleveberto be incapable of deceit. Hut
if B be bud faults, I do not wish to know
them. 1 took her Image into my squl
years agrvaud 1 wish to bold it there, en
shrined in purity. Had not dire misfor
tune come upon me I would dare to go to
her, and ask her It she despised me, but
now-now—’ _ • :
•She can speak without the asking 7'
sounded a voice from the arch of the ar
bor. ‘OI Wallace—how blind you have
been I—how blind I Aud all these years
1 have bad no heart, no love that was
not yours I’ -
Aud Clara EHgerton advancing from
ihe sheltering' bower gave bei 1 hand' to
Wallace Parker, aud rested - her head
upon bln bosom ; while Ellen Lamprey,
almost bereft of sense, shrank away to
ihu lioubo, her etepa totterlug and uncer
tain, like unto the etepa of oue who ie
drunken Willi much wine.
On the next morning without her
breakfast, Ellen Lamprey fefl .Newport.
She could nut bear to witness the happi
ness of the pdr ebe had sought to put
forever asunder, nor did ebe date.to re
main alter the story of the ridiculous
muuner in which she had gut caught in
her own trap should have leaked out.
In the Joyous event which legitimate
ly grew out from all this, Giles Hapgood
did himself infinite credit aud honor.—
Xle demanded and received the privilege
of acting as groomsman at the wedding,
••'
OUT UMIVND.
BY REV. DE WITT TALMAQB.
Scene: A crisp morning. Carriage
with spinning wheels, whose spokes glis
tened like splinters of the sun. Roqn
horses, flecked with foam, bonding into
the bit, ibeir polished feet drumming the
p vement in challenge to any horses that
think they can go os fast. Two boys run
ning to get on the back of the carriage.
One of them, with a spring, suc
ceeds* The other leaps and . fails, and
fa) s on the part of the body where it is
most appropriate to fall. No sooner has
he sttuck the ground than he shouts to
the driver of the carriage, l Cut behind!'
Human nature is the same in boy ns in
man. All running to gain the vehicle of
success* Some are *pry, and gain that
fur which they strive. Others are slow,
and tumble down : they who full crying
out against those. who mount. 1 Cut be
hind /'
A political office rolls past. A muUi
tude spring to their feet, and the race is
in. Only one of all the nan. ber reaches
that for which he runs No sooner does
Jie gain the prize, and begin to wipe the
sweat from his brftiv, and think * how
grand a thing it is to ride in popular pre
ferment, mm* (he disappointed cmull
datesoryont; Incompetently! Stupidity!
Fraud 1 ' Now. let the newspapers and
platforms of the country * Cut Behind/'
There Is a golden chariot of wealth ro)
ling clown the street. A thousand people
are trying io catch it. They run. They
Jostle. They tread on each other. Push,
and pull, and tug! Those talk most
against riches'who cannot get them. —
Clear the track for the racers ! One of
the thousand reaches the golden prize,
and m'unis. Forthwith .the air is full
of cries: ‘Got It by fraud,l Shoddy I Pet
roleum aristocracy! His mother was a
washerwoman ! X knew him when he
blacked his ohn shoes! Pitch him oIT
the back 'part of the golden chariot! Cut
1 Behind I Cut Behind V .
It is strange there should be any rival
ries among ministers of religion, when
there is bo much room for all to work.
Butin some things they are much like
other people. Like all other classes oi
men, they have one liver apiece, and
here and there of them a spleen. In all
cases the epigastric region is higher up
than the hypogastric', save in the act of
turning a. somerset. Like others they
eat three times a day, when they con get
anything to eat. Besides thfc*, it some
times happens that we And them racing
tor some professional chair or pulpit.—
They run well-neck and neck—while
churches look on and wonder whether it
will be ‘Dexter* or the 1 American Girl ’
Bowels plunge deeper, ami fleice is the
cry, 4 Go long ! Go long!'- The privilege
ofpreaching the Gospel to the poor on
five thousand dollars a year is enough to
make a tight race anywhere. N One only
mounts the coveted place; and forthwith
the cry goes up iii consociations and sy
nods —‘Unfit for the place! C m’t preach I
Unsound in‘the faith! Now is your
chance, oh, con Terences and presbyteries,
to Cut Behind!'
A fair woman passes. We all admire
beauty. He that says be don’t lies. A
cantingmau, who (old me lie had noad
inimtion lor anything earthly, used in
stead of listening to (he sermon, keep
squinting over board the pew where sat'
Squire Brown’s daughter. Whenever.
Gnd plants a rose in parterre on human
cheek we must admire it, whether we
will or not. While we are deciding
whether we bad bettei take the dfihlia P
the duhlip lakes us. A slur (Toes not ask
the astronomer to admire it; but just
winks at him and he surrenders with all
his telescopes. The fair woman in soci
ety has many sateiites. The boys all run
for-this prize. One of them, not having
read enough novels to learn that ugliness
Is more desirable (ban beauty, wins her.
The cry is up: 4 (She paints! Locks well!
butshe knows it! Good shape! but won*
der what is the price of cotton ! Won’t
slie make him stand around ! Practical
Jy worth more than black eyes! Fool,
to marry a virago P
In many eyes success is a crime. 4 1
do not like you,’ said the snowflike to
the snow-bird, ‘Because,’said the snow
flake, 'you are going up and lam coming
down!'
We have testate that the map in the
carriage on the crisp mprning, though
lie hud a long la.-h whip, with which he
could have made the climbing boy yell
moat li Btily, did not cut behindt He
was an old man : in the corner of his
mouth a smile, which was always ready
to play as a kitten that watches for some
one with a string to offer the slightest
inducement. He hearjJ the shout in the
rear, and paid: 4 Good morning, my eon*
That is right; climb over and sit beside
me. Here are the reins; take bold and
drive. I was a boy imsell once, and I
know what tickles youngsters.’
Tlinnk God, there are so many in the
world that never 4 cut behind,’ but are
ready to ,ci vo fel'ow a ride whenever
he wants it. Here is a young man. clerk
in a store. Be lias small wages and a
mother to take care of. For t □ years he
sTiiggles to get Into a higher place. The
first of January comes, and the head of
the commercial house looks round and
say , ‘Trying to get up, are you? And
by the time three more years have pas
sed, the boy, sits right beside the o’d
inan, who hands over the reins, and says,
4 Drivel’ for the old merchant knew
what would tickle the youngster. Jon
athan Goodhue was a boy behind the
counter ; but bis employer gave him a
ride, anq London, Canton and Calcutta
heard the scratch of his pen. Lenox,
Grlnneli, and the Asplnwells have car
ried many young men on the high road
of prosperity.
Then* are hundreds of people whose
chief Joy Is to help others on. Now it is
a smile, now a good word, now ten dol
lars. May such a kind man always have
a carriage to ride In and a horse not too
skittish. As he goes down the hill of
life, may the breeching-strap be strong
enough to hold buck the load. When
he has rlden to the end of thd earthly
road, he will have plenty of friends to
help him unhitch and assist him out of
thecaniuge- On that cool night it will
be pleasant to hung up the whip with
which he drove the enterprises .of a l*fe
Lime, and feel that with It he never‘cut
behlnu' at those who were struggling.
She Never Leaves Him —Look at
the career of man as he pusses ih rough
the world; a man visited by rnlsfortuue I
Hnwoflen Is ho loft by his le'low-meu to
sink under the weight of affliction un
heeded aud alone 1 Oue friend of bis
own sex forvets him, another abandons
him, arid a third betrays him ; hut wo
man, faithful woman, follows nim In bis
affliction ; braves the changes of feeling,
his temper embittered by the disappoint
ments of the world, with the hignest.;of
all virtues is resigned patiently ministers
to bis wants even when her own aie
hard pressing; siie weeps for him, tear
lor tear, in bis distress, and is the 11 rat to
catch and reflect a ray of joy, sbouiii oue
light up his countenance hi the midst oi
bis suffering ; and she never leaves him
In bis misery while there lemalns one
act ol love, duty, or compassion tube per
formed. And ut last, when life aud sor
row come to an end, she follows him to
thegruve with an ardor of affection which
death Itself cauuut destroy. .
The Common Way.—A Western cor
respondent gives the following incident
of one of his missionary tours on the
Western borders ol Minnesota. Meeting
a youngster of twelve, we asked him;
■Do you go to Sunday school 7’
•No.*
•Is there one to attend 7’
•No.’
‘Have you a Bible 7’
‘Ho.’
‘Are yon trying to be a Christian V
. Hu did not know what that meant;
so we eal , ‘do you pray 7’
No; X was not brought up In that
way.’
•What way were you brought up?’
'O, Just the common way.’
NAPOI.EON AN A HATER.
Napoleon bated much and bitterly. He
bated Pichegrue. he hated Moreau, he
fated TouHsaint L’Ouvertnre—Oho poor,
biave black man—be hated hN brother
Louis, lie hated Madame do Stnel. lie
hated Pitt, he hated the Queen of Prus
sia, he bated Sir George Cockhurn, he
haled Lord Batbhurst, be hated Sir Hud
son Lowe—not a verv.loveable man un
der any circumstances, it may be admit*
ted ; but still it was a little too bad of
Napoleon to loathe the unhappy Gover
nor as ho did aa soon as he set eyes upon
him, and after ids first Interview with
him, to send away untasted a cup of cof*
fee, declaring the Govern* r's very looks
had poisoned it. But I have no wish to
re-open that old St. Helena sore. Let
by-gones be by*gone».
The camp-bed at Longwood was not
Ipreclsely a bed of roses; and at fifty-one,
ruined, banished, in jail, separated from
your .wife and child, blistering on a rook,
or shivering in a leaky bungalow, with
your coat out at elbows, mutton at two
and-eleven pent)' a pound, and no saiid
oil obtainable—with the knowledge of
having slaughtered a good many inno
cent men, and left many thousands of
widows and orphans—with all Ibis, and
an ulcer eating away your it is
rather hard not to he ul'owed to bate
your neighbors with feverish fierceness.
But the earlier hatreds of Napoleon
were far less excusable, and they were
the worst of all hatreds—the little ones.
He was pettily Jealous of Moreau and
Bernadette. He was afraid of the shrewd
ness, and .envious of. the wit of Madame
de flfael, ami hated bef accordingly. His
dislike of the patriot of St. Domingo was
as ludicrous as it was wicked, and, with
infernal ingenuity, he caused the bot
blonded negro, accustomed to swelter in
the tropical sun, to be cooped up In a
cold, damp casemate, there to have chilis
and rheumatism tin he died* He bated
his brother Louis pettily, miserably, be
cause Louis was quiet, unambitious, and
; conscientious, ancl, caring nothing for his
crown, was still determined to do his
duty to his subjects after he had been
on a throne. He hated Sir Sidney Smith,
too, with a mean, personal hatred, be
cause he drove him (rom before St. Jean
d’Acre. He hated Duels, because he
would not pen fawning linesin his praise;
and Admiral Brueya—whom he would
In-ve struck with a horsewhip, at Bou
logne, had not the Admiral laid his hand
on his sword—because Brueys, as a sailor,
knew his duty better than be.
I suppose there is not, among English-;
men, a greater fanatic lin hero worship, i
and a more enthusiastic worshipper of 1
Napoleon the Great, than I am. It there
can be demigods—if Hercules was one,
so, too, was Bonaparte., But I can not
be blind to the fact, immeasurably great
os was ray hero, he pondescended to hate
In a very mean and paltry manner* Bu
are there not spots on the sun ?
A. FRANK CONFESSION.
A farmer living in Oxford county, In
the State of Maine, went down to a town
not a thousand' miles fiom Portland, for
the purpnseof purchasing .a yoke of oxen,
an he had been informed that there was
a lot of very fire stock for-sale bv one of
the wealrhy land owners of the place.
Arriving in the bent farming district of-,
the Cumberland countv town, our friend
met a man driving an ox-team, of whom
he inquired:
‘Can you inform me .where Mr. Wall
lives?’
1 There's a number of Walls live around
here. Which one did you,wish to find?’
returned the stranger, who was a large,
stoutly built, keen-eyed man, habited.ln
homespun, but bearing in his general
appearance unmistakable, tokens of ease
and comfort so far as finances were con
cerned.
* I don’t know what ms Christian name
is.’ pursued our friend'? ‘but he Is the
owner of some very fine oxen.’
‘Well,’ responded the stranger, ‘they
all own pretty fair oxen.’
* But the one I wish to find has oxen
for sale.’
* As for that. sir. I guess they’d any of
’em sell If they could get their price.*
‘But.’ exclaimed the Oxford county
man, ‘the Mr. Wall I wish to find is
quite, wealthy. 1 ' -
‘Yes, well I reckon there ain’t any of
’em very bad otT,’ repllie l theptbe*, with
a nod.
4 My Mr. Wall,’ continued our friend,
hesitatingly, ‘has been represented to
me as being a very close-fisted man, and
not scrupulously honest in all bis trans
actions.’ .
With a curious twinkle of the eye, and
a gentle pat upon the.haunch of his near
ox, he said, 4 To tell you the truth, sir, I
guess they’re a close-fisted Retail around
and JC never heard that h.one-ty run In,
the family. Tsn tthere something else?’
.* Yea,’ replied the searcher for oxen,
desperately, ‘they say he„hdsb«en caught
in the act of robbing his own brother’s
chicken coop.’
. The stranger bowed and smiled.
4 lguexa I'm the man! Come with me
and I’ll show you as fine a Jot of cattle
as you can find In the State; and If you
know what oxen are, there’s no danger
of getting cheated.’ .
Living by the Day.—l compare says
John Newton, the troubles which we
have to undergo in the course of the year
to a great bundle of faggots, far too large
for us to lift> , But God does uot require
us to carry the whole at once. He mer
cifully unties the bundle, and gives us
first one stick, which we are to carry to
day, and then another which we are to
curry to-morrow, and so on. This we
might easily manage, if we would only
take the burden appointed for us each
day ; but we choose to increase our trou
bles by carrying yesterday’s sack over
again to-day, and adding to-morrow’s
burden to our load before we are required
to bear it. William Jay puls the same
truth In another way. We may consider
the year before us a desk containing three
hundred and sixty live letters addressed
us—one lor. every day, announcing its
trials, and prescribing Us employments,
with an order to open dally no letter hut
the letter for the day. Now we may he
strongly tempted to unseal before-bund
some of the remainder. This; however,
would only servo to etnliarrass us, while
we.should violate the rule which our
Owner and Master has laid down for us.
‘ Take, therefore, no thought for the.mor
row, for the morrow shall take thought
for the things of Itself’
A Japanese Execution.— The officers
of the United Bta-tes steamer Delaware
were permitted' lo witness a Japanese
crucifixion at Yokohama, which is thus
described:
When the prisoner who is to be oruoi
fled hud been placed on bis bank, on a
stout wooden cross prepared for the ooca
slon, ho was securely lashed thereto, but
not nailed. Then the sentence was read,
and two stout men, with long spears,
came forward. The one on the right side
of the doomed man struck the point of
his spear In very deliberately abont two
Inuhes and just under the ribs. Felt
about awhile with it to ascertain that it
was clear of all bones, and then with a
powerful thrust upwards the head of the
spear was sent through until it appeared.
on the top of the right shoulder. The
mao on the left aide then did likewise.
The victim, who was a mere hoy, yell
ed fearfully. He bad murdered bis
■outlier by stubbing her thirteen times.
After the two spears hail been thrust
through him, a third man came forward
with a spear and thrust it through the
criminal just whore he had stabbed bis
mother. Thirteen times the spear went
through Ills body, and the terrible per
formance ended.
“Fapa,” said Mr. Brown's youngest
son the other day, “cun I go to the cir
cus?” “No, my boy,” affectionately re
plied Mr, Brown ; "hut If you are a good
hoy I will take you to sue your grand
mother’ grave Ijils afternoon.”
Wnbn«9A’« Lake—An Indian History,
Ourcorrespondent writes; About three
miles from th a village of Greenville, In
the county of Montcalm, State of Michi
gan, Isa small lake now known as Wa*
bassa’s Luke. It Is a handsome iittle
sheet of water, with a fine shore free
from swamps or brush, and affording a
pleasant resort to the lovers of piscatorial
sports.. There is a rftmautlc yet truthful
history connected with It, which sounds
more like an Indian tradition of centu
ries ago than an actual occurrence of fifty
yeais since. While on an excursion, u
few days ago, I gathered the following
story, and its truthfulness h»s since been
vouched for by other early settlers: ;
A tribe of Indians was thep encamped
on the shore of this lake near its outlet,
a small blit beautiful stream of tne same
name,, and bad Just been paid by the
government quite a large amount of gold
and silver, which they took to their
camp, as was tb*dr oust* m, undivided,
held Incharge by their chief “Wubasaa.”
On arriving at their camp and spreading
their gaily colored blankets out admir-
ingly, together with their trinkets; pur
chased at the station, some of the tribe,
warmed more or less by fire water, de
manded their portion of the gold. Dis
putes arose as lo'the relative share of each ■
Some claimed more than an equal share,
claiming to have contributed more to the
protection or general good, glory or dig
nity. of the tribe. High words iwere
about to be followed by bloodsliedy when
their chief demanded silence, anirpio
posed to them 10 wait till the morrow
should cool their excited bra! ns, and they
could listen to reason aud words of coun
sel from older men.
A truce was finally effected, and quiet
once n orq,reighed throughout the camp,
when the chief, regarding the gold as a :
cause of evil instead of a blessing, stole
quietly out, carrying the pot of gold witli
him, and entering a canoe, padded quick
ly and noiselessly to the centre of the
, lake, where he consigned the pot of gold
to the deep waters of the lake.
In the morning he did not deny what
he had done, but was iq the.midst of a
speech, telling them of their folly in be
ing, like the pale faces, slaves to gold,
When, with a loud whoop, the entire
hand set upon him, murdering him, and
mutilating his body in a horrible man
ner. Uia grave is still shown, and many
have seen .his sou return to the grave,
within the lust twenty years, to modrn
overit. Greedy hands haveoften search
ed for tile lost gold, but to no purpose,
for tlie waters are many hundreds of feet
in depth, strange as it may seem for so.
small a lake-a mere pond. But the story
is often thld of the “Pot of Gold In Wa
baaaa's Lake." —Detroit Free i'reas.
Elegance Does Not Make a Home.
—I neversaw a garment too fine for man
or maid; there never was a chair too
good for a cobbler, or cooper, or king to
sit on ; never a home too fine to shelter
the human head. These elements about
us, the gorgeous sky, the Imperial sun,
are not. too good for the human race.
Elegance fits man. But do we not value
these tools of housekeeping a iitlle more
than they are worth, and sometimes
mortgage a home for the mahogany we
would bring intuit? I hud rather eat
my dinner off the .head of a barrel, or
dress after the fashion of John the Bap
tist in the. wilderness, or sit on a block
all my life, than consume all myself be
fore I got to a home, and so much pains
witli the outside that the inside was as
hollow us an empty nut- Beauty Is a
great thing, but beauty of garments,
house and furniture is a very tawdry
ornament compaared with domestic love.
Ail the elegante-in the world . will not
will not make a home, and 1 would give
more for a spoonful or real love than for
whole ship-ioada of lurniture and all the
gorgeousness that all the upholsterers
In the world could gather together.—'
Theodore Parker.
A Good Mother.— Sometimes one
bears It said of a good wife and mother
that “ she’s a regular home body." The
phrase is simple, but what a world of en
nobling qualities it indicates, and what
a universe of frivolitieslt excludes. Tlfe
matronly home-body Is indeed “Heaven’s
bestgift to man.” Dasfainv ladies, whose
mission it Is to set the, fashions, won't
you look in upon your gentle sister as
she ‘sits in her well-ordered nursery
making the children happy with her
presence? Note bow she adjusts their
little difficulties, and admonishes, en
courages, Instructs, or amuses them, as
the cose may require. Do you think any
nursemaid could produce such harmony
in that little ciicie? Issbe.notau en
chantress? Verily, yes, and her charms
are “ love stronger than death," for those
sweet young faces, where you may see
her smiles and frowns (though she seldom
has occasion to frown,) reflect in glee and
sorrow, like sunlight and cloud shadow
in a quiet pool. What she is, she wilt
teach her daughter to be; add blessed
are the eons that have such a mother.■
A Double Man.— All the stories told
of the Siamese twins hardly equal this
of the. Scotch double man, of whom the
following account is given by the JRerum
Scoliurum Historic; » ,
During tke reign of James 111., of
Scotland, and at his court, there lived a
men double above the wrist and single
below that region. ' The King caused
him to be carefully brought up. He
rapidly acquired a knowledge of music,
the two heads learned several languages,
they debated togethe , and the two upper
halves occasionally fought. They lived
generally, however, in the greatest har
mony. When the lower partof the body
was tickled, the two individuals felt it
together, hut when, on the other hand,
each individual was touched, oue alone
felt the fact. - This monstrous being died
at the ago of 28 years. One of the bodies
died, several days before the o^her.
An urchin of six or seven years went
into a barber-shop, in Haeine, Wisconsin,
and ordered the barber to cut his hair as
close as shears would do it. He wasp
asked if his mother ordered it that way.
“No," said he, “ but school commences
next week, and we’ve got a school inarm
that pulls hair, and I’m bound to fix her
this term, you bet i"
A young man recently sent a young
Indy residing in the vicinity of Portland
a large corn broom as a weddh g present,
bearing the following inroriptlou :
“This trllUnEgtttncrppt'from me;
Its “bo ITI recommend,—
In sunshine use the brush}/ part,
In sUornu the c'hrr end I ’
The maddest man in Indiana lives at
Patoka He told his wife he was going
down the cellar to commit suicide, and
did go down and fired a broadside Into a
pork barrel. His wife kept right on
knitting, and after a while the man came
up stairs swearing that she hadn’t got
any feeling. The woman felt awful bad
when she found be bad been fooling her.
A Learned doctor, referring to tight
lacing, avers that it is a positive benefit,
inasmuoh.as it kills hll the foolish girls
and leaves all the wise ones to grow op
to be women.
A ■’Lecturer at Paterson, New Jersey,
asked the audience in stentorian tones,
“What did Moses say?” The answer
came from an hundred throats at once, as
follows: “Shoo, fly 1”
“You bachelors ought to be taxed,’
said a lady to a resolute evader of the
matrimonial noose. “I agree with you,
madam,” was the reply ; “bachelorism’
Is a great luxury.
A contemporary appals oyster eaters
by describing tbe ouster as a '‘marine
acephalous mollusc of the lamelll-brau
chiate order of the genua ostrea.”
Rates tor
per line for the first insertion anti five oeptt
por line for each subsequent Insertion. Qnu>*
erly half-yearly, and yearly advertisements In
serted at a liberal redaction on the above rates
Advertisements should be accompanied by the
Cash. When sent without any length ot time
specified for publication, tboy will be continue
nntllordered out and onarged accordingly.
-NO. 33.
C'AHds, Handbills. Giboclabs, and every oth
er de*rpMou of Job and Cakd Printing,
A' man of many parts—a publisher.
A smart thing'—a mustard plaster.
If love is blind, how can there be any
love at first sight?
What is the difference between a
pill and a hill? One is hard to get up
and the other is hard to got down.
. Common sccnt%-musks, and night
blooming cereus.
“ ip you beat me I’ll call out the sol
diers,” as the drum said.
What is the form of an escaped par
rot ? A Polly gone.
Every man would rather be hand
some than good.
It is an ill house when the'hen is the
talking bird.
What word contains all the letters?
The alphabet.
What ten); would it be weil if wo
couldall dvfelHn? Cbn-tent.
When must Time bang up his scythe?
W hoti he shall bo no mower.
_Do you know any word that contains
all the vowels? Unquesti nably.
Yotr can always find a sheet of water
on the bed of the 'ocean.
When was St. Paul a pastrycook? •
When he went to fill a. pie (Philippi.)
Miss Jinglrsby says the best way to
get a sweet husband is to marry a con
fectioner.
'1 he most bashful girl we ever knew
was one who blushed when aaki-d if she
had been courting sleep. '
Don’t take too much interest in the
affairs of your neighbors. Six per cent
will.do.
“ Jake, lend me ten dollars till I sell
my dorg.” Jake replied soothingly and
sympathetically, “O, Jim, I wouldn’t
sell him 1”
A young lady went to a photograph
artist recently and wished him to take
her picture, with an expression as if
composing a poem.
. A witty lady, being asked her opin
ion of moustaches, replied: ‘ I always
set my face against thekn.’
“My son," said a tutor of doubtful
morality, but severe aspect, putting his
hand on a boy’s shoulder, “ X believe
Satan has got hold of you,” “I believe
so, too,” was fhe reply. **
A Pittsburgh man looked at a Chi
cago woman without his opera glass,
and has been sued for a breach of pro
mise.
Some of the strong minded women
denounce matrimony, because they say
there is something childish in it.
' After much investigation ft has
been demonstrated that the right man
in the right place ts theone who spends
his evenings at home.
A handsome girl at Utica went de
ranged the other day, because her pa
rents wouldn’t let her marry a fellow
seven feet high and red head.
Wives are often foolish enough tosit
up for their husbands, but you hear of
few husbands who have the patience to
sit up for their wives.
An bid lady being in a store at Wa
terbary, Connecticut, recently sat down
and reached.out her half frozen feet ,to
the Herring safe, remarking, “she al
ways did like those air-tight stoves.”
A Boston chemist advertises 1 thus:
“ The gentleman who left his stomach
for analysis, will please call and get it,
together with the results.”
Moscow has the largest bells in the
world—one weighing 250 tons; and the
other one hundred and fifty-one thou
sand pounds.
Pleasant to open your wife’s jewel
box, and discover strange gentleman’s
hair done up as a keepsake. We,
know of nothing that makes an ardent
temperament feel more “ knifey.”
A iS,x>Y complaining that her hus
band was dead to fashionable amuse
ments, he replied: “But then, my
dear, you make me alive to the ex
pense.”
Hve was the only woman who nev
er threatened to go and live with her
mamma; and Adam was the only man
who never tantalized his wife about
“ the way mother used to cook.”
A dandy swell in New York is in a
fix. His pants were made so tight for
him that he can’t get his boots on, and
if he puts the boots on first, he can’t
get the pants on.
A Canadian postmaster had a keg
of damaged powder, and to see if it
was good • for anything he threw a
lump into the fire place. It cost his
widow $250 to put a new roof on the
post office.
I think I have seen you before, sir,
said one gentleman to another. “ Are
you iot Owen Smith?" “Oh yes,”
replied the other, “ I’m owin’ Smith,
and owin’ Jones, and owin’ Brown, and
owin’ everyhody.”
When an ill-natured fellow was try
ing to pick a quarrel with a peaceable
man, the latter said : “ I never had a
fuss except with one man; ho was
buried at four o’clock; it is now half
past three.”
“ What a fine head your boy has,”
•said an admiring friend, “ Yes,” said
the fond father, “ lie’s a chip of the old
block ; ain’t yousonny?” “I guessso;
my teacher said I was a young block
head.”
“ Alas I” said a moralizing bachelor,
within earshot of a witty young lady of
the company, “ this world is at best but
a gloomy prison.” “ Yea,” sighed the
ra- rciless minx, “ especially to the poor
creature deemed to solitary confine—
ment.”
A story is told of a young lady
teacher at a Sunday school, who a few
Sundays ago asked a youngster what
matrimony was. He mistook the
question for purgatory, and promptly
answered: “A place or state of punish
ment In this life, where s..uls suffer for
a short time before they go to heaven.”
A husband advertises thus: “My
wile Maria has strayed or been stolen.
Whoever returns her will get his head
broke. As to trusting her, any body
can do so Jf they see fit; for as X never
pay my own debts, it’s not likely I’ll
pay her’n.’’
The prints the follow
ingadvertlsqnnnt: " whereas, my new
bat was taken from a rack in a burlier
shop, on Broadway, last evening, and
an old one left In its place, now this is
to give notice that If my hat is not re
turned to me, before sundown tp-day,
with the cost of this publication, I will
forward to the wife of the person who
took it, the letter found concealed In the
lining of the old one.
A wag, having a dispute with a man
who kept a sausage shop, and owing,
him a grudge ran into hlsstoreuneday,
as he was serving several customers,
with an immense dead cat, wiihh he
suddenly deposited on the counter,
saying:
" Tnis makes nineteen; as yon are
busy now, we’ll setile another t.mo,”
and he wis off Id a twinkling. The
customers, aghast soon fo lowed him,
leaving (heir sausage behind.
will be meerted at Ten uem
JOB FEINTING,
(sms ot iUteratute.