Doliwteer. ,'?f'-|m \ 1 ? ** j*, l¥ < ll if a a *
■■ '•■■ -| 11 •■•r|-’jA' J E.V. • 'IH if ”If -'-dp- ■ !■ iI ’ I i ifltf' I' It■ ■ ■ li‘ fix fix 1^
H übatton « gmsK»Y. lS|f .I I I I 111 f | | | II II 1 i!| II I Sill I ST I I
H" ~i-FICE-»OBXU IUBEKI SQCAIIE. ' vjf," ’ /^/ /^T
H „-.vrwo Dollar, per year if paid Blrlotly • ;jiiol 1 ■ V • , «
UoUantwid mvvfuutu wud :,ln -;■
||^.d v «ue";.,\v,,,iu»: alter wnicn 1 Oreo Dollars
Hmiiuo o niiw* terms win Ue rigidly ua-
Ban uocuurgeo. mstuueo. No suuocripnou du-
Hl''" l W J, U ,mUluh nrrearugCß ale puul, unless ill UV ’’
S. toe Alitor. ■ n
Ij^toteßSlonal
R.Tiii^sr~T^w“- u - ‘‘ akkeil
UMIUUH & PAUKKU,
A’TTOJtNJiiyii AW hA n •
H^, Uco on Mum otieel. m lUiu iun Hull. Lftf
u*»- ... _j : l_.
MaUI.aUUHI.IN, AITOR
■ ' ~i lwll. OUlce m Uuiimug loriuerly
m •Voluu'M>Bi,»towduut»buuili 01 W
Hfetw'iel.
■ ■— :
ci'i'A'X'J&b (JliAiM
and
■n EA 1> ES TA 2 £ . A QBNC Y /
WS 11. B. BUTE Hit,
Hj| • ATTOMNK* AT UW,
H,,„.„ odstory of luiioiTb Dunning, No. 3South
B?°°v°r duwt, Carlisle, Uumnonaud county
B. U „Soub, bounties, Back Pay. Sc., promptly
BSStlou" by mall, will receive Immedlulo
given to the selling or reut-
lleal tslalo, in town or counuy. in an lel
885, „i i^juiry, pleaao oheloso postage stamp,
Bfjqly U. iwli—l‘
ij7u, BEmiMtOVMtj
W‘ AXIOM juai-AX-LAW,
H C/ilVi-iJLOimb. Jt'A,
H on South Uunover treat, opposite
BttiAl’b ul > K°° Ub bloVe ’
Mf Leu. 1. U** '
■I n tIEKAIAN, Atooknuy at I.AW,
KVI umco.u itueviu'B Han umining, in tne
H TJL o*i Uie Court Huusu, next dour to tuo Hor-
Hr iMleo, Uarlmlc, aeunu.
H|tlec. 1. Ibßl*
■FTTm I SH KABliiß. ATI-OKNEY ANU
HW CaU.sueLLull AT Law, Imi* lomuved nin
tuo Uitherl- unoecuplou room in tUo
HJnU Last corner ol Hie court Uoubo.
■juu. a, ’nu-lv ■ - - . . .
Hu IOiNNiiUV', ATTOHNEY AT Law
BW Uarliaiu, Ponua. omco oiuno u» mat of
H''American Volunteer."
t. law • ' '
Rl riHKVUUK, Justice of Hie
KTi Pouco. ulUce No 3, Irvin’s Itow, Carllß.o.
i|j!i 28,
Bab. OEUKUIi S. SIiAKiUHT, Hen
■li mT. t'rom Uie tialtunurt fJoUvyt uj Denial
mtrueru. UHlußiil the realUeuco oi nl« mother
■Lai Louibor Street, three doors below BecUord
■Krll.ilo, Peuua.
■l)ec.l IH«3. ’
Hvu. J 'NHET
U. B. BEN- li f Hoiucooputhio
/ I'hymclau, Uillco No, 0, tiouth Huiiover hU,
m«iiy uucUpioa by Joiiu Leo, Lsq.
luuoa, iwy-iy.
INDEPENDENT
h) ETEC II VE PO L ICE.
telegraph promptly attended to.
Up.if—til.* McUAta'NKY SriANNO.
DOB EXIT OWENS,
SLATE ROOFER,
liYX* DEALER IN HE ATE,
LANCASTER, PA.
All Work Ouaranleed.
*j- Orders 'Left at this Ollice will receive
iromptatteulkm.. October li, JSOU—Jy.
Jurats anil (Caps
RESH HUMMERAKBI VAL
OP ALL THE
NJB W HT Y L ■ '
OF
HATS AND CAPS.
the subHorlber bos just opened at No. 15 North
tower Street, u few doors North of the Carlisle
tyKwlt Bank, one of the largest and best Blocks
FUATS and OAFS ever offered (u Carlisle.
Silk Hats, Oasahnere of all styles and qualities,
iilff Brims, different colors, and every desenp
ioQ uf Soft Huts uow made.
Tbp Uuukurd and Old Fashioned Brush, con-
Isoily on hand and made to order, all warrant-
Uo uWe satisfaction.
A full assortment of
MEN’S, '
-BOY'S, AN D
e CHILDREN’S.
HATS.
have also added , to my Stock, notions of dlffer
ut kinds, cunslbtmg of
IAUIES’ AND GENTLEMEN'S STOCKINGS,
fa* Via, ■ ■ Suxpetidera,
CWtars, Wove*; . ■ •■.
Pencil*,' ’ 27 tread,' .
■v Sewing Bilk, Umbrella*, &e
PRIME BEUARB AND TOBACCO
ALWAYS ON HAND.
Give mo a call, and examine iuy Block os I feel
ooßdeniof pleasing all, besides waving yon mo
ney,
JOHN A, KELLER, Agent,
. . No. ISNorthHauovertilreet
May, IBM,
jjATB AND CAPS !
BO VOD WANT A NICE HAT OB CAP ?
If bo. Don’t Fail to call on
J. G.OALLIO,
' NO. 29, WEtil MAIN XTIiKET,
Inhere can be seen the finest assortment of
HATH A.ND CAPS
fever brought to Carlisle- H© taken great pleas
ire In iuvitlug bis old friends and customers,
inilull now ones, to his splendid stock Just re
eved from New York and Philadelphia, cou
nting la part oftlne
. HliiK AND CABBIMERB HATS,
lenlcleu uu endless variety of -Hats and Caps o
bo luteal style, ull ol which be will bell at th
iMioal Uatfi price*. .Also, his own manulactur
ij.fluts always on. band, and .
, manufactured to order.
. He buji thb best arrangement fur oulurtug Hats
md all kinds of Woolen bloods, Overcoats, dec., at
be Bliorical notice (us he colors every week) and
m the most reasonable terms. Also, a line lot ol
boice brands of •
tobacco and cigars
tlvrays ou huud. He desires to cull theatlentlo
o persona who have
CO.UNTR Y PURS
etell, as ho pays the highest cash prices for the
9imj.
Ulvehlma call, at the above number, bis dd
wua.as he feels couhdeut of giving entire sa .is*
Huy.nuini ' > ’- I '’
ISoots anb Sljoea..
•A.VID STROHM,
W. D. SPONSLER,
JOHN W. iSTiIOHM,
NEW AND POPULAR
BOOT, shoe, TRUNK AND, HaT
STORE-.
NO. 13, SOUTH HANOVER STREET,
Carlisle, P&nn’a. . .
Ifew doora Sonia oflnholl’s building.
Q we Uttvo Juai opened the largestanu beat stock
-BOOTS AND &HOE 3
petered Id Carlisle, and continue almost
«'»y Ui receive such gdods lutlur imu uu every-
.wuuu. Oar stock consists iu all kinds and
'WWwof • -
Ulsaea and obtldrens’strohu Leather
cSf* 'Y«mou**' Uluses and Chiidrdiis T Lasting
u„ B » Womens’ Ulove Kid, Turkey ami h'reucn
• Mens’ and Boys’-Calf. UulT and Kid
3ii.“' Me Qd Buys’ Cull uucl Half Cougress
aad Boys ‘ Lasting iiaitersaud
WSMeuatajd Boys Calf and Bud uxiord
ufr* “Uffl dandats, Uusklus -and overshoes;
Mr«. »i Womens’ Gout, Welt and Carpel blip
•Snai?** * iiuyM ’ umi Übiidrwn*’ J*'ur ua*d box-
JfUUNiOi, of olldlzea and prices; Traveling
Valises. tonetber wiin-a due
ns.puude, WbloU we wmseliitosuit the times,
uSuVHf 5 ,?^ AMD,,At ALhfi BltOaiTb, * f
U i,.tJTherefore, m’lssuiug our cumuli
ne*i ♦ r ei * i.ersonal mvuatiou to ail m
leuUni? ” Ui auii l°ob througunuf stock without
diia UUJ °P oimgatluus to buy unless suited m
y.fl 11 / u ud price. We shall always try u> deal
i n ,i onelu a straight lor wait! muuuer,
tnj),.** Ve every customer a full equivulaut lorhls
thtir-fr Wtj nope all will uvutt themselves Ql
- . CAr .uret oppoi tunny to .cull aud see us.
John burner, '
- ' MERCHANT TAILOR,
Snildlng. hear Rheem’s, Hull, Car
eitiM. Cl bus Juft relumed from lb.: Eastern
wllh Uie luraeal und m«»8t
COMPLETE ASSORTMENT OF
p ALL AND WINTER GOODS,
““““ling otjgi,
clothE
.CASbIMEUER^
-'l,,. t ' U r? L ’ hlrl ? Oocxla, do., over brought
bnqu™* mußlB cu “ lpr "’°
Wtfe.SOH.anfl •
Q ftha'n„,_ J \. AJJB.tIOAN MAMUPACTUKKB.
tUlanudo*. ■
loti* buns -if a praot teal cutt- r of
•ftajTOsa afc'j r or J u t u ;A wurmut p " rreol
out c?’ 1
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY.
Miscellaneous!.
J^XTRaOUDINAKY
INDDcAbEEMTS !!
Every b'bdy Invited to'call ami «oo our large,
and beautiful stock of
FALL AND WINTER GOODS,
which Is now open for the inspection of pur
chasers. Hememher wo closed out all oar Hum
mer Goo- a at auction, and we will now continue
to sell all our Full and Winter Goods at
AUCTION PRICES
Wo are determined to close out this stock o
goods regardless <>f cost. We guarantee to save
every ‘purchaser twenty-live per cent, on every
dollars worth of goods. Now take warning, and
don’t purchase until you see our goods and
prices.
Forty patterns Fancy Silas at $1.50 to 3L75.
worth $2 25 to $150; French Merinoes, 50c.; ueBT
English Merinoes,soc.;all wool
Hiik Poplins,sl.2s; Black Alpacas,Bso.; all wool
double Hhuwls, 83.50; beautiful cloth Coats, 85.00.
A lull line
*•»
MOURNING- GOuDS,
that will be Sacrificed in prices. Bhawls, Furs.
Cloths, Cttssimeres. Blankets, Flannels. Ac., at
such prices as will astonish you. 300 yards
BEST HOME MADE BAG CARPET,
very cheap. We aro still taking more Carpel
Rags at full market prices.
Do hot neglect to call and see bow much money
we can save you.
W. C.BAWYER & CO.,
In the Bentz'House, Bust Main St..
September 50, IBOU. Carlisle, Feuna.
iIEM
CITIZENS OF t UMBERLAND
COUNTY.
We have uow on hand and Just received from
the cities, and from manufacturers, the largest
stock of new, cheap, and good goods to bo found
In auy two stores in the vul ley.
We have the best assortment of
CLOTHS. CAHSIM BIH, SATINETTH,
JEA S. FLANNELS, TICKING
‘ GINGHAMS, PRINTS,
MUSLINS.
DEEBB GOO^PS,
Silks, Meriuoes, Repps. Delaines, Alpacas,
Coburgs, Plaids and Stripes.
RIBBONS. HOSIERY, GLOVES.
Zephyrs.
Towrls,
Yarns,
Linen and Cotton Table Diapers,
CLOAKINGS, low prices and fine'
HANDKERCHIEFS, COLLARS and CUFFS,'
Velvets, Trimmings and more notions than
oan be found hny whore under one roof.
FUBB AN JO CAMPETB,'
01) Cloth's. Druggets, Blinds, Coverlets, Quilts,
Hoop and Balmoral Skirts,
SHAWL 8,
of every description. In fact a splendid assort
ment of goods, and more given for the dollar,
than any whore else,
WOO
at the highest price taken In exchange. Give ns
acajl , r-; BENTZiCO.
Oct. 2-;iB6U.
18119. 1809.
IjIALL AND WINTER IMPORTA-
TtON.
RIBBONS,
MILLINERY AND STRAVY GOODS.
AItMSTBONG, CaTOR. * 0 0;,
237 & 230 Baltimore street,
BALTIMORE.
IMPORTERS AND JOBBERS OF
BONNET AND TRIMMING RlBEON^p**^
VELVET AND SASH RIBBONS,
BONNET fcILKS, SATINS and VELVETS, ,
Illusions, Blonds, Laces , Hushes, Net's, and Crapes,
French Flowers and Feathers,
STRAW BONNETS AND LADIES’ HATS
' ' TRIMMED AND UNTRIMMKD,
Silk, Velvet and Felt Bonnets, and Hats,
SUNDOWNS AND BHALER HOODS.
The largest Stock of Millinery Goods In this
Country, and unequalled m choice variety,
which we offer at prices that will defy competi
tion.
ORDERS SOLICITED.
Oct. 11. 186D-3U
p ROCERIfiS, Sec.
The subscriber begs leave to Inform the citi
zens of Carlisle .and vicinity that he i as pur
chased the Grocery store of p. V. Keeny, No. .s
South Hanover,Street, Corllslei,whore he will
carry, on the. Grocery Business aa usual. ills as
sortment in varied! and consists la part of
QUEENS WARE,
GLASSWARE,
, STONE and
EARTHEN WARE,
' CEDAR and
WILLOW WARE
TEAS,. •
COFFEES.
SYRUPS.
SPICES,
FANCY SOAPS,
ROPES.
TOBACCO,
FISH,
OILS,
HALTERS,
oEQARS,
BALT,
, POTATOES.
DRIED AND CANNED FRUIT,
CORN MEAL, BUCKWHEAT. FLOUR, FEED,
and a full assortment of articles usually kept in
a flrat-claas Oioeery, store. - Give hun a call, ana
satisfaction will be guaranteed. XT
Oct, 10, IN®. JOHN BECKMAN.
TV O HUMBUG! _NO HUMBUtiI I
obrlstldhTohofT, of Carlisle, has the sole righi
as. Agent for Cumberland tkianty. Pa., lor tb»-
sale, wholesale, of a new Burning Huia Culled
KINO’S .NoM.-EXPLOSIVB BRILLIANT ILLUMINA
TING -tLUIu, which is superior to any thing ever
Introduced, add can supply Ihe trade through
the County ,wholesale, This Fluid Is obeupui
than Hdrosdne or any other oil or compound in
uSe, emits no bud odor or smell,-and 'sper/ectlj
-harmless. all others wishing to
see and to teat ibe article will please call at m>
CHRISTIAN JNHOKF.
1 A AAA Agents wauled for the Prlesi
XUjyvv andN.un. This most excltlug uud
mtciesuug book, by a popular authoress, Is now
ready, and those, who wish to canvass for u
should apply Immediately for circular, (with
stamp enclosed,) stating territory desired, expe
rience, &c. Agents wanted everywhere for Um
and other fl'-«t-cl«bS'booHs.uud engravings, b>
ORITTE.nDKN JfciMcKINNEY, i-'Wo Chestnut St.,
Philadelphia, Pa.
Got. ‘B.-INJO-Sm
KEMOVaL..— E. HHOWER, dealer
In all kinds of FOHEICIM AND UOME-Tit
U. Rb, has removed ids store to toe epuclouf
room In the ** Volunteer Bußdlns." uhect)>
Routh of ttie Market House. Carlts'e. His ns*
uortineut of liquors is very complete, nnd mud.
larger than heretofore. His old customers uuo
the pnhlio ingenoral, are Invited to give him u
cullatblsnewstand,
oct7.im
$ ocllcill. ’
[Prom the ReUtfonte Watchman,
TELLUW LEAVES-
BY J. U LONDON.
Windsaro Blnhlng in the woodland,
Making mournful melody;
Bringing now their autumnal offerings.
Bearing yellow leaves to mo. '
Yefifbw leaves, whereon are written
Histories 01 our life’s decay;
How w© befure'llie winds of Heaven,
Will ere long tyj bojue away.
I have felt love's flowerets falling
Cold and bueless on my heart;
And o'er my thoughts recalling
Beenes that memory bids depart.
But these faded emblems dropping
From the silent maple tree,
Bear upon their faded bosoms,
Lessons of eternity.
On the yellow leaves around me, .
Linger names that still I love—
Linger there in formless beauty
. Naa.es that 11 e cun ne'er lumove.
Echoes linger In their lUbllo,
Voices of some unknown strand,
Bcem to wnisper of tne loved oucr
In that iur ulf mystic laud*
HE’S GOING TO PROPOSE.
He went up town to-day, girls.
With a very business air;
He’d oiled up his mustache, girls,'
Ana purled well his hair.
There's something in the wind, girls,
Whichever way It blows;
And IT; tejiyou whutit Is, girls:'
He’s going to propose!
He’s taken to curious ways, girls, %
Sighing and looking blue;
And—only think of this, girls—
He’s writing poems, too.
At times he’ll evemihluk, girls.
And then hosohei grows;
I know the reason why, girls :
He’s going to propose 1
Sometimes he's confidential.
' A ud says Mai la’s fair:
And praises Bessie’s hazel eyes,
And (leuiiie't, flowing hair;
And says Alice Is angelic 100,
Admires Lucinda's nose;
I knew how It would eiid, girls
He's going to propose 1
Illfottllattftiits;
A CASE WITH A LADVIS IT.
I-had just taken possession of the worst
room in Diggs’ tavern—iwos u young
lawyer on my tirsi circuit, ami Diggs kepi
his best accommodations tor the old sta
gers—when ihe words,‘l say, Bill, 1 and
Tom Mansfield burst upon me at the
same instant.
« Tom and I had been cronies from
time we had commuted our first juvenile
trespass on Deacon Roxley’s watermelon
patch, till we afterwards studied the ac
ilou. uf that name together in Judge
Thompson's office.
*1 say Bill I've got a case ami want
your ushibtance in it."
'Ah!' said 1, in a consulting tone.
*A wiUcuse,' he continued, ‘full of the
cice»t kind of points, and the prettiest
woman in the world for a client 1’
‘What about fees? ’ 1 inquiied by way
of keeping up protessiouai appearances.
•Hear the mercenary wretch I' he ex
claim-U. ‘lf we succeed, there'll be
plenty of of money ; if we don't, 1 it will
be a noble cause to lad In.'
I ‘That's wiml they said of the dashing
young**hip that broke his neck trying
to make two-forty time with the chariot
of the sun, but itdiun’ticeud his neck.'
‘Coiilouudyuur mythology; business is
business. Let me state the case.'
•Well, state away,’
This was it
John Andrews had settled in the coun
try when it- was yo ng. He had grown
with its growth, and was the proprietor
of halfudozen Janus, and one fair daugh
ter which ho loved passing wed-’
His wife, the partner of the earliest and
severest purt'ou ol his struggles, huddled
many years heture, and his daughter had
hecim.e mistress .ol bin house While yet a
chid.
As ECfle increased in years, her father
prospered ; and when at length he found
nimself the posessor of wealth, the ambl;
lion so common under such circumstan
ces, of elevating his daughter to usiuiiun
in life above that which she had been
reared became a ruling passion. The first
thing was to buy her a splendid educa
tion, and like other not over good judges
of the article, he was governed in Ids
choice more by the gaudiness of the col
oring than by any quality ol the texture.
At the end of the usual period, Etfle
whs sent home 'finished * —that Is, in ev
ery respect in which shecouldbe, totally
spoiled In one thing only she remained
the same—her love for her father had de
fied even the power of fashionable educa
tion.
A h; use was purchased in town, of
which Effie was made tho mistress, and .
at which Mr. Be>don, o young gentleman
of city antecedents, and whose character
was thought too good to have anything
so vulgar as a visihle calling, became a
frequent and hot unwelcome visitor.
had just brains enough to think of pro
viding f‘>r the future by a scheme by
'which Miss Andrews, and her appur
tenances, constituted the central feature;
Accordingly, he sighed and lied and
fawned and flattered, till Efile’a foolish
little heart relented.
Hutouedifficulty remained lobe en
countered. How to conciliate the rough
old backwoodsman, theie was the rub.—
He had permitted niu daughter to amuse
herself wuh the young dandy, much as
he would have allowed her to play with
a monkey or poodle. But could he have
brbught himself to tolerate the idea of
tier marrying anybody, yet awhile—for
the possibility pf such a remote future
contingeu"V may have occasionally sug
gested Itself— Beldon was about
die last person on earth in connection
with whom it would have been enter*
tallied-
When that ventleman, therefore re
ported at headquarters and implored .the
puiernal sanction of hisauli,he received no
ducli thing ; *»n the contraty, quite the
reverse. 1 Indeed, ne only escaped being
kicked out of doors by a speedy voluntary
departure.
When Efflo tried to talk, her
over for the first time in hls'llfo 1 be flew
in a passion with heraud she dared not
iciiew ihe subject;
But Love, the tittle pagan, pays no re
spect to the. filth commandment. The
officious interference of friends and guar
dians only renders him the more impa
tient and unruly; and the present in
stance was no exemption. Clandestine
interviews were arranged; accidental
meetings took place at the houses of
mutual friends, till the whole ended in
the gentleman proposing an elopement. 1
Kttie,.alter piotesting that ;»he could
not possibly mink ufsuohathing, and
lifter many vain attempts to conjecture
what people'would say, at lust with grace**
inNiesiteiicy • J
Huge, frenzy; despair, are .weak words
to descilhb the emotion of JohVAhdfewd 1
when he found.that his house;had been
rubbed of its chlc-'cet treasure.*' HuMJiwb
impujue'was pursuit. -It was night'Wheu
ueoset by a 'trusty
Scotchman, lung in his employ and con
fidence. as, the two galloped a'ong, Mr.'
Andrews’ borne stumbled/precipitating
* ms rider to the groum’, and 1 (ailing hea
vily upon him. He was takt?n up Insen
sible, and carried fo the nearest house. A
physician was summoned, who pro-,
oouheed the injuries of a most serious,
out not necessarily fatal character.
As soon as ioiisciousuess returned lie
lispatuhed a messenger for a nephew of
uis. a lawyer «« not very good repute, re
siding in i* neighboring tfbwn.
When Mr. Jackson, the nephew, ar
, rlved t lie wua left alone wUU Uls unoie, at
CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY. NOVEMBER 11, 1869.
the latler’s request. At the end of an
hour, the doctor was Riimmono'*, and re
quested by Mr. Andrews to note Ills sig
nature to a paper, to which he then affix
ed his name, declaring It to be his will,
and asking the doctor to subscribe to it as
a witness, which waftdone. ■
On bis nephew’s suggestion'that anoth
er' witness was requisite, Mr,; Andrews
named MaoPherson, the Scotchman, and
requested the doctor to send him in. .
MaoPherson,. it seems, had been ton
some errand ; but us soon us he retimed,
tile doctor communicated Mr. Andrews’
me-sage, and went himself to attend a
sick cull, in the neighborhood; nut deem
ing his presence there Immediately nec
essary,
VV lien he came bach, he was astonished
to find his patient dead.’ Such a tesult
hud not, indeed, been unanticipated, but
its suddenness look him by surprise.
By Mr. Andrews’ will, which was pub
ll-hed some days af'er bis death, Ins- en
tire property was devised to his
nephew, who had attended him in his
last moments. was In due
fo. m. True. MaoPherson, due of the
witnesses, pursuant to a previous inten
tion, hud sailed to Heiitland shortly after
the funeiul, end was not .present before
tlie Judge of Probate. But his handwri
ting was proved, and lire evidence of the
remaining witnesses was quite satialae
tory.' He had seen the testator append
his.signature, and beard him declare the
paper was his will, and was positive that,
at the time, be was of sound mind - and
memory.
Under all the circumstances,one would
have thought that the young husband
would have been unremitting lu lender-,
ness and sy mpstby towards bis sorrowing
bride, who had sacrificed so iiiueh fur Ills
sake. And so he would, bad he devotedly
loved her. but be did nut.
The fact Is, his whole heart and soul
and mind were occupied with a previous
attuotiiueiit—not,from another; the faith
est possible from that—its object wss
himself. Tills attention, wiiioli wasoftlie
most ardent description,"liud met with a
blighting disappointment in bis wife’s
hiss of fortune ; and with her unceasing,
grief and continued self-aeousatiiiu—she
ofiered no reproaches to him—he hud but
little patience and soon gave her to un
derstand as much. The 'man wno, a
month before would have been ready to
put on mourning bad she lust her favors
ite canary, turned Ills buck upon her in
the hour of real affliction.
When ut length he was found dead in
his bed, one morning, after a nightof ca
rousal, the ooronor’a jury said it was the
* act of Qod’—his blessing you will cull
it. ,
. Effie’s cousin, instead of making any
provision for .her whose rights he bad
so .unrighteously supplanted, leit her
wholly dependant on others, and had
she not fouud a home in the house of uu
old and tiled friend of-her father, she
might have gone forth a shelterless wan-
Ueier. , ■ '
Tom Mansfield; who had casually
made the acquaintance of the young
„ jvh ow, became warmly interested in
ner cau*e. and guided, probably, more by
sympathy than judgment, had com
menced uu action to contest the will made
under the circumstances just related.
Ana this was the cose in which he
wished my assistance.
We sat up nearly all night in coosulta
tioir. There was a point which we both
thought a ‘beautiful’. oac, aud we devoted
our principal efforts to s rengtheuing It.
Ours was the first case in the morning.
Arrayed against.us were three of the old*
est and ablest practitioners of the circuit-
Jackson bud plenty of money now, and
was himself no fool in * putting up a
case.’
1 felt a Utile nervous. It was roy first
case of any importance' I too, as well as
Andrews’ will, was about to be"
placed on trial.
My courage revived a little when our
cdeut came in, escorted by Tom, Mio in
troduced me os his associate, and handed
her to a seal near ‘dir table. Pretty as a
'pink, as she sat facing the Jury, where
Tom had placed her, 1 felt that our case
had another * beautiful’ point in it.
Almost immediately the trial begat).
The evidence varied a litue from that
already deluded. The attending physi
cian was very decided in his opinion that
the testator, at the time of signing the
paper in question, was In the full posses
siou of his mental faculties.
The signature of the absent witness
was sworn to hy Mr. Jackson himself,
who further testifieithat the deceased
had requested MacPbeisoa to witness
the instrument, ut the same time declar
ing it to be tiis will.
At Tom’s instance. I subjected this
witness toasearohing cioyy examination;
bu* he stood fire like a salamander fly.—'
tie swore that the testator bid not only
dictated every line of the will, but ha 1
heard It read, and had twice read it oxer
himself before executing it. I gave up
in despair.
At length the evidence closed, and 1
rose to present our point.
. It was put la the shape of a motion to
direct a verdict for the coutestaht, on the
ground that tne witnesses hud nut sub
set ibed In the presence of each other.
I was about to adduce arguments and
authorities,, when the Judge interposed:
* The rule you claim undoubtedly was
the law. But a recent statute has changed
it. The witnesses need nut sign in each
other’s presence.’
A hasty examination proved His Hon
or was right, and our mam point was
done for.
To our great relief the court adjourned
for dinner. We were to sum, up in the
afternoon, the h&k, on our side, wa> as
signed .to me, but I felt it was hopeless.
X was determined, however, to take what
satisfaction I could out of Jaeksou by
abusing him. us soundly as the rules of
the court would allow. And, after ad,
who could tell? The Jury might take
the bit iu their mouth, aud give a verdict
in spite of the law aud the evidence.—
Responsibility became amazingly light
when divided by twelve.
Ou the reassembling of the court, I was
a little surprised as well us annoyed at
Tom’s absence. Could it be be was leav
ing'me in tbe lurch, and staying away to
avoid the mortification of our final de
feat?
I had just risen to address tbe jury,
when somebody plucked me by tbe
coat.
It was Tom, bis eyes fairly gl> amlng,
aud his whole frame lu a tremor ot ex
citement.
, ‘What's tfco matter?’ I whispered.
• *MacPher*ion?s here.’
*Whail the other witness?’
*Ye», Just arrived not an hour ago ?’
‘But will it help us to call him ?’«
‘Trust me for that. Put him on the
stand at once.’
‘What shall I ask him?’
‘No matter; you can’t go far wrong:
if you miss anything, I’ll prompt yon.’’
Tom was evidently full of some myste
ry with which he was bent on taking
everybody by surprise, including my
self. • ,
In ,a few words I explained to tbe
court our reason for warning to icopen
; the testimony. Jdckaon turned pale,
anjj whispered nervously to his'counsel,
but they shook their beads; our upplica*
turn was one that would be granted, of
course. ... [
‘Call,your witness,* said the Judge.
V ‘Boqufd MucPlierkbu V shouted Tom.
Tne witness, a,, brawny,, honest, faced
Scat, Advanced to the stand,, and was
Sworn, " , ~
‘Uo.ubetd.’ Tom whispered.
‘Mr. MuoPhe sou, look at the signa
ture,' aqd tell us if that Is youis.’
•ills,’ : ‘ ’
. ‘Bo you know the signature to the
right oi |t? J
‘Yes; phut’s the signature of Mr. An
drews/
‘Did you see him write It?’.
‘No; but I am well'acquainted with
his buna.’ . .
‘Were! you requested to witness that
paper.’ 1
‘Yes,’ ,•
‘By whom V
‘By Mr. Jackson/
"Did Mr. Andrews say anything about
*No ; he was dead when I came in.* *
was no cross-examination.
'I submit .the case without argument.’
I enid, resuming my seat.
Our senior opponent was one of those
lawyers with wno'ra it is a mutter of con
science to show light tq a the Inst. In a
brief sp**ech he addmiited it to be essen
tial that, both witnesses should have
signed their names before the testator's
death; but claimed that, inasmuch as the
testimony of Jackson and MacPiierson
was in direct conflict on tins question, it
must be left.tothe jury. .
'Certainly,’ answered His Honor. But
when be had concluded his charge, there
wusu’t much of Mr. Jackson or his testi
mony left.
The Jury gave us a, verdict without
leaving the box.
Tom, lam sorry to say, behaved very
unhandsomely in the, divisions.of the
spoils*
Although I was liberally paid, he took
the widow and her whole fortune for hia
share.
As for Jackson, not being quite a<
Judus, h« didn’t go out and hang him
self. But at the rate he is going, it will
take more law than tie knows to keej
him much lougerout of the penitentiary,
FXFTEEN FOLLIES,
Fir«t—To think that the more a man
eats the foster and stronger be will be-
come.
.•. Second—To believe that the more hours
children study at school the faster they
learn.
Third— I To conclude that if exercise is
good lor the health, the more violent and
exhausting it is the more good is done.
Fourth—To imaging that every horn
takeu from sleep is uu hour pained. .
Fifth—To acton the tion that
the smallest room In the, house is large
enough to sleep in.
Sixth—To argue that whatever remedy
causes one to feel immediately belter is
" good for” the ayatem, with* ut regard to
more ulterior effects. The "southing
syrup,” for example, does not stop the
cougti of children, and d ies arrest diar
rhoea, only to caus j , a little later, alarm
ing convulsions, or the more, fatal inhu
mation ot the.-bruin, or water on the
brain, at least, always portraits the dis
ease.
(Seventh—To commit an act which is
felt iu itself to be prejudicial, hoping that
somehow or other it may be dune in your
Case with impunity.
Eighth—To advise another to take a
remedy which you have not tried ou
yourself, or without making special i..
quiry whether all the conditions uru
alike;.
Ninth—To eai without an appetite, or
continue to eat alter it has been satiated,
merely to gratify the taste.
Tenth—To eat a hearty supper for the
pleasure experienced during the briei
lime it is passing down the throat, at the
expense of a whole night of disturbed
sleep, aud a weary waking iu the morn
ing. .
Eleventh —To remove a portion ol the
clothing immediately alter exercise, when
the inost stupid drayman iu New York
kuowslbut if he does not put cover on
bis horse the 'moment he ceases work iu
winter, he will lose him In a few days by
pneumonia.
Twelfth—To contend that because the
dirtiest children iu the street* or on the
highway, are hearty and healthy, there
fore it is health v’ to be dirty ; forgetting
Unit.continuous exposure to tnepureout-.
door ir iu joyous, uurestraiued activity,
is such a powerful agency fur. Health tba«
those who live thus are well, in spite ol
rags aud tilth. .
• Thi£ eeutu —To presume to repeat ia
ter'lu life; without injury', the indiscre
tions, exposure aud intemperuiic u widen
ip the flush of youth were practiced with
imnunity. '
fourteenth—To believe that warm air
is necessarily impure; or that pure, cold
air is necessarily mure healthy than con
fined air, of muse aud crowded vehicles;
tbe latter, at t ie most, can only cause
laiuliug and nausea, while entering a
conveyance after walking briskly, lower
ings window, thus* while still, being
exposed to a draft will give a cold iiilal
libiy, or an attack of pleurisy or pueu
mourn which will cause weeks ami
Shut js of spfleriug, if not actual death
within four days.
Filteeuth—To * Remember the Sabbath
by working harder ami later ou Sat
urday than any other day in the week,
with a view to-sleep iu e next morning,
and stay ut home all day to rest,.con
science being quieted by the plea of Dot
feeling very well.— Hall's Jour.of Health.
A Priullutf oilice incident.
We remember an incident, rather amu-
Bing iu itself, which, moreover, exempli
fies the wonderful celerity with which
papers and hooks are printed. An old
woii.au came into the Elmira Gazette of
fice some years ego, when that noble man,
the lamented G. VV. Mason, was propri
etor- The venerable Judy took from her
pocket a coVvfiess bibfe, its pages worn
mid torn by constant study of the sacred
word; Said she to Mr. Mason, “My old
eyes ain’t so young us they used to be ! 1
can’t see to read my old bibie, and it’s
nearly worn out. Can’t you print me
number in larger type?" “ Yes," salu
Mr. Mason, with u merry twinkl iu his
eye, “of course we do al kinds ol prim*
lug here. “ Ido I’ve heard,” said, the old
iad>. “ When do you want your new
bibie?" said Mr. Mason. “.Well, X reck
on I’d iiketo take it back with me. I five
quite a way oiuiu t e country, and would
like to get away in uu hour or so.” Mr.
Mason hesitated a moment, aud then
said, *.* All right, X will have it in an
hour.” Pioiuse in her thanks the old
woman departed. No sooner was site
gone than Mr. Mason slipped out, went
to u book store, bougutu good bibie, wi.h
large prim, foi a dollar. In the course
ofau hour theoid Judy cume buck. 4 (Jot
that ere bibie doue.yet ?” said she. “Oh,
yes,” said Mr. Mason, us he handed her
the book he hud bought. Theoid woman
ileliberaielyTuok out her specs, critically
examined the bibie, inside and outside,
aud exclaimed, “Mussa to me! Well, I
never; it’s just the thing—zuctly amts
my old eyes. How much is it?’’ “A
dollar, ma’am,” Mr. Mason replied.
“Cheap enough, I declare,” claimed
the still moio delighted old Judy, as she
took out Jier haudKerohiei, uutied.u knm
iu one corner ot the sujue. aud handed
Mr. Mason ills dolisr. As she went out,
proud as a princess, over her new bibie,
she was heard*to exclaim ; “ Weil, now*,
it this printing ain’t a wonderful thing,
suuday ! how.ou alrth they do it, I canT
for the life of me tell.” Mr* Mason was
very fond of relating this incident after
wards— Elmira Gazette.,
jjgy 11 Bridget, wnai.Uid the mistress
say she would i.ave for dinner?”
“ Broil tbe lousier.”
“ Broil tne lobster 2 Are you sure,
Bridget?”
“ Entirely: get the gridiron.”
Mary gut the giidirou ana placed itou
the fire, bhe then placed the live lobster
uu tiie gridiron. Intermission of five
minutes, aiter which the dialogue was
lesumed as follows:
. •• Bid you broil that lobster, Mary ?”
“JJiviltho broil! The more i poked
tbe’fire,’the more he walked off. The
baste’* haunted; T’ll try no mure. No
good wi I cume from cooking a straddle*
bug like that.’,’
“Aud where Is the lobster?”
“Bivilakuow X kijow ! Tbe last X
saw of him he was going out of the buck
dour with his tail < at hull-must, like a
wild maniac that he was.”
Bridget Started lu pursuit o'f the wild
maniac, and was still after him when
onr informant left.
16?*A. pious old lady was asked why
she named her dog “Moreover.”—
“Wliy,” said'she. putting ou tier spectu
c es to find the place iu iter Bible, “it is
a Bible name. Here, Moreover the dog
came and licked hi* sore*,”
DOILY.
X WKSTKRN, DROVER’S STORY.
My name is Auihuny Hunt. lam a
drover and 1 live miles away upon (he
.Western prairie. There wasn’t a house
iu sLnt when we moved there, my wile
uud I, uud now we haven’t many neigh
bors, though those we are good
oueu.
Uue day, about ten y‘*ara ago, I went
away Horn homo to sell some tlity head
ot cuttle-flue creatures us I over saw. I
was to buy some dry goods and groceries
before 1 came back, uuu Übove uii, a doll
iur our youngest Dolly ; she hud never
uud u store doll ul her own, only the rug
babies hei mother made her.
Dully could talk ol naming else, and
wenl dowu to the very gale lo cull after
me lu**buy a big one.” Nobody but u
parent can undeisiuud how lull my mind
was oi 'but toy,'and hww, When lue cut
ue were sold, toe flrst tiling, X burned
of! to buy Dolly’s noil. 1 found a luige
oue.witu eyes that would open and shut
vvueu you puhed a wire, uud Uud it
wrapped up in u paper and luckedit uu
der my arm, whi.e X i.ad the pu.o is of
cuticous uud delaine and leu uuu sugar
put up. Tueu, luie us u \vas, 1 slurteu
iur lt might have been more
prud -ut to stay mini muruiug, but 1 leu
anxious to get buck, and eu o er to hear
Dujiy’s prattle about, ner doll.
■ 1 was muiiuted op. a steady-going oid
horse ul mine, and pretty well loaned.
Night set lu beiore 1 was a mile from
town, uud settled down du;K as pitch
while i was iu the middle of the dark
est hit ol road 1 know ot. 1 could have
icit my way though, 1 remembered it so
Well, uud U was almost that When the
storm that hud been brewing, broke, uud
pelted tne rum iu torrents, live miles, or
may be, six, irum home yet, Too.
X rode on as fust as 1 could, but all of a
sudden 1 ueul'd a little Cry like a child's
voice, i stopped abort uud listened—l
ueuid it again. 1 called and |tanswered,
i couldn’t see a thing ; all was duik us
pitch. I got down and lelt about in lue
grass—called again, uud again was an*
Tbeh 1 began lo wonder. 1 m
not timid, but i Was Known to be u dro
ver and t uuve money about me. it
align 1 be a trap to catch me unawaies
uuu rob uu') mu der me.
Xam not superstitious—not very ; but
uow could a leal chad be out on tueprui
tie tu bucu u uigut, ut such uu hour ? It
might be mule luun numuu.
'l ue. bit ol coward mat hides itself in
must men showed iieeif to me then, aua
l Was half inclined to run away, butuuce
more 1 hvard that cry, aud said X:.
•*li buy man'nta tiorejinouLa, An
thony Hunt is not the muu loret it die ’'
i t*euicuea again. At last X betuought
me of a hollow under tneuin,uoa g>oped
ilmt way. .Sure enough, 1 louhd u iltue
dripping tiling thul Luouned and a »bbe i
% as i took it it m my anus. X culled my
nurse, and the beast came to me, and X
muuuled, aud luCKed the little soaked
tuing under liiy coat as Well us X could,
promising to lake it home to mammy. It
oeemed lued to death, and pretty soon
cne-i itself to sleep aguiusi my bosuiu.
Xt had slept theie over an hour. When X
saw my owu windows. There were lights
in them, aud i supposed my wile had lit
them lor my sake, out when 1 gut into
me door-yard 1 saw something was the
mutter, aud stood stilt with a dead ftjar
oi heart hve minutes before: i could jut
me latch. At lust X did it, and saw the
ruuui ml! of neighbors, aud my wile
amidst them weeping.
vv ueu sue saw me she hid her face-
“On don’t >eil him,” she said, “it will
km him.-’
“What is it neighbor ?”
Ami one said, “Nothing now, I hope—
what’s that in your arms ?”
“A puvf, lusLcaild,” said X. “I found
iiou the loud. Take it, will you, I've
turned falnl,” ami 1 lined the sleeping
tuiug uud saw the lace ol my own ennd,
my owu Dolly.
It was my darling, and none other,
that X hud picked up upon the drenched
ro^d.
“My little child hud wondered out to
meet “daddy” uud. the doll, while her
mother «vus ut work, and whom they
weio lamenting us oue ueud. I thankee
Heaven ou my kuess beiore them ail. It
is not much ol u etory u ighbors, but X
mink ot.it alien in the uiguis, and won
der, how 1 could bear to live now'll X nud
not slopped when X heaid the ory lor
uelp ou the road, the little baby cry,
uurdly louder tnau a squinel’s cnitp.
That’s Dolly yonder with her mother
iu the meadow, u girl wuiTu saving 1
ihmk, (nut then I’m her lather, uud par
tial, may be) —tne piettiesl aud sweetest
thing this side of the Mississippi. .
The one liny lu beven.
Tne one day in seven is the day of
real. Ana the question' rises —what is
rest? XI only sleep or inactivity, that
waul is already provided for. Nearly u
third of our lime Is thus spent; more,
-than a third with most people m sleep
and refreshment. The seventh day i»
n. addition to all this, audits ob-ervauce
is probably the oldest customer m the
world. The Hebrews in theireuriy histo
ry are leierred to us men who already
-lecognized the Sabbath or the rest of the
neVeuth day. Its observance
upon them as the lioulinuatlun ot an old
iiiolituiiuu, not the couimeucement of u
new. Tne day of rest is intended for the
relief o! oiir powers iu their activity. Xu
a word, it is repos- by the change ot men
tal occupation, not the cessation of all
employment. The Christian, it'd the
good man of every laith;. finds rest by
release from the daily cares of the warn
ing day world, uud the turning of the
mind uud thoughts in a different direc
tion from ihodui.y routine. The person
Who ia interested in the religious and be J
uevu'eut employments proper to the first
day of th« week, may be as much occupi
ed uud engaged on that day as ou any
oilier, uud slid rise relreshed upon the
second day, leelii g that helms enjoyed
an intervu. of repose.
The repose of (Sunday is an escape from
the monotony of our dully lives, aud in
the consciousness that It is not only a
privilege but a duty on that dtiy to dis
miss all business and all mercenary caie
for the morrow. He who understands
iheduy, and duly values it, rises above
tbe sordid conditions aud requirements
of labor. Heisu prince for one day.—
He is indeed, belter than a prince He,
is a muujeijpvejJ,. I*y,
neVofr the Creator , from the sentence.
“ By the sweat of thy brbw shale thou
eat bread.” Tbe Sunday rest Is the rich
est reward of iabor, the best uud most
certain wages of industry to those who
appreciate the privilege and kuow how
to improve It. The rest of Sunday is the
comfort of hope. The man vho thinks
and who believes forgets hia mortality,
and rejoices in tne light of the promise
of an undying life. Ho is ennobled by
manumission from the ordinary condi
tions of existence, and carries with him
from Ms Sunday rest new st'ength for
week day struggle. If the Sunday rest
were designed to bean addition of ou<-
.seventh more to the third of the lime
which nature exacts for physical recupe
ration, we mi. ht dispense with the sun
on that day—us too many do, by dosing
away Us hours. Bui Sunday is cue day
lor rest for the live mm, and he who
sleeps is dead for the lime. Sunday is. a
cheerful, aud. properly spent, uu ennob
ling. strengthening day, and be who
would secularize it would rob uaof our
best inheritance.
pgp" An exchange states, as an exam
ple of orthographic acquirements, that a
prize was recently ottered to any member
of the Connecticut 'XVuchers' Institute
who wou'd write and spbll correctly the
following sentence : “ It is uu agreeable
»Igm iw witness the unparalleled embar
rassment of a harassed peddler attempt
ing to guage the symmetry of a peeled
onion, wh uh usibyl has stubbed with a
polimrd, leguailess of the inuendoes of
the liliesof earnelian hue.” Thiiiy-elght
teachers competed, but not quo was sue*
CMSfIU. '
YOL. 56.-m 22,
NKCOM> .lIAhIIIAGIM.
liy a-Lody correspondent lo thoßochester Union
Custom tolerates this abominable social
evil, if it does not approve it. It) cannot
do less, when the lax state of public mo
rality makes divorces even not only pos
sible, but easy of accomplishment. Mar
riage t>y many is ho longer regarded as a
divine Institution, but simply an alliance
to be entered into, and dissolved, at the
caprices of tolly, lust or convenience.
There are nutfew peisons, comparative
ly, but that believe in the immortality ol
the soul; and that those who have goue
before us to tbe spirit land will be recog
nized, and iiuid the same relation to us,
when we meet them there, that they uld
Utre—therefore, to siic'i, a marriage for
all eternity. A, plurality of wives or.
husbands, in the world to come, must ex
cite tlie same horror which it dues in all
right-minded persons when such a state
of things is contemplated here. In ttii
light I view it, 1 cannot divest the idea
in.iu my mind that tbe contiacliou 01
more than one marriage by the same per
son is not less than a kind of polygamy.
How ugouiz.ng and terrible it must be
to u devoted.and tender, wile* when sepu
rated irom her partner, in the halcyon
days of their wedded life, after waiting
many l .ng years in the spirit land fui
.the neat left behind, to tihd perhaps two
or three later wives of her husband seat
to her bef re his arrival; and when hh.ul
length comes, to have her claim disputed,
orac.l-o.se, receive only a moiety or that
love which her priority should claim u> u
whole.' Aside from this there are other
considerations connected with secoua
marriages which are not less repelling.
JFnst marriages are usually contracted
when youth, love and romance c mem
the union with a tenderness and sacred
neas which no taler period can approach,
the human heart ours out i ills bestuuu
purest oblations upon.a first union, uuu
all other connections of the kind are in
comparison only ridiculous, burlesques
upon the institution oi mairiage. The
neari cun never yield but to one tbe di
vine glow which distils the true elixir oi
wedded life. When this one is removed,
the fountain is dried up In this world, and
ub rod wedded by a second love cun again
make itfiow with ua original abundance
and sparkling purity.
How ridiculous, mioical iniquitous then
are all marriages save lUe first! How ad
herent- the bare idea of a connection ol
tins kind must be to all such as are bask
ing in the happy fruition ol a first union 1
To think lor matinee, at some future da>
that a beloved wile or husband may be
Temuved and others step into tUeir places,*
at their boards other hands to.preside;
at their firesides new faces lo uuifle «»r i
trowa up>m them; the arms that em
brace them and cue kisses they receive
to be bestowed by mercenary and selfish
interlopers^
Wueu death takes away.a beloved'wife
or husband, the bereaved Instead of cast
ing around tor one to fill the
place, should five ou the memory.of theii,
loved ones; look Jpmi the atfiictiou as
only temporary ; bear the lost one ever in
mind ; shape eveiy act us though theii
eyes Were upon them; uud as tnoy pro
ceed onward, neailhg tbe goal, their
jove should be constantly increasing so
as to be fully*prepared lor that reunion
Which will be dual and eternal
X line! In' Unlloous.
The quarrel was between M.X); Graud
pre uud M. le Pique, ami the combat
came ott at, or pernaps we should say
above, Paris, in May, lao3. Being, bom
meu of elevated minds, they agreed to
tight iu balloons; uud lu order to give
nine tor their preparation, it was deter*
luiued that the duel should tube place ou
that day and mouih. Accordingly,ou the
3d of May, the purues met at a field ad
joiuiug the TulJeries, where their respec
live balloons were ready to receive tuem.
Each; attended by a second, ascended his
cur, loaded with blunderbusses, as pistols
could not be expected to be efficient in >
their probable situations. A great mul
titude attends*', hearing oft; e balloons,,
but little dreaming of their purpose; tue.
Parisians merely looked lor the novelty
nf a balloon race. At nine o’clock |the
cords weie cut, and the balloons uscadded
majestically amidst the shouts of the
spectators. The wind was moderate,
blowing from the north svest,. uud they
kept, as,Jar us could be judged, wunlu
eighty yards of each other. When they
had mounted to ihqhelgtitof about nine
hundred yards, M. ie Pique filed hi
piece iiieireotually ; almost immediately
the'\ lire was returned by M.
Grundpre. and penetrated hiaadve^ary ? s
balloon, tlie consequence of which was its*
rapid descent, uud M. le Pique and his
second were hpth duvhed to pieces.ou a
house-top, over which t[ie balloon fell.
T' e victorious Grundpre then mounted
alolt iu the grander stylo, and descended
safe with his second,anoutHeven leagues
from the spot of ascension.— Chambers'-
Journal,
Some miserable old bachelor has
started the story that a disconsolate wid
ow lately went toaspiritual medium and
was put in’cpmmunicatlou with the ghost
of her depaned husband, with whom the
following colloquy ensued: “My dear
husband, do you know me?” “Yes*”
“ How long since y«>u left your sphere ?”
“ Ever since I left the body“ Do you
regret your depur-ure?” “No.” “.Are
y«»u happier than when you lived with
me ?” “ Yes, fur “ Where are
you, my husbaud?” “/n//-/! 11
An ignorant but well-meaning
mail, having been placet! on tbe commis
sion of the peace in a rural district, do
dared, on taking his seat as a magistrate,
i hat It would be “ his most anxious t-n
-deivor to do justice without fear, favor or
affection ; in short,” said, he, emphati
cally, “i will (akecare that on th s bench
I will never be partial or impartial.”
'Ugy* A Western paper says: “ 8..8
thinks it provoking for a woman w.'io
has been working all day mending her
husband's old coat, to.find a love letter
from another woman iu the pocket.”
To whiuli a coiemporary answers;
,“ Perfect nonsense! There’s lint a wo
man under the sun but would thid the
letter i eiore she began to mend the coa ;
then it wouldn t bo mended at all.”
i ,i \ V v j » \ / i .• \ v * A
Bar Sir WulterScott, meeting an Irish
beggar iu the street, who importuned
liim.lbr a sixpence, the grout’unknown
not having one, gave him a shilling, ad-'
ding, with a laugh, “ Mind, now, sir.
you owe me sixpence'” “ Ocn, sure
enough,” said me beggar, "and God
grant you lilo till 1 pay you I”
StaTA. friend relates the following:—A
mile or iwo frnin town he mot a boy on
horseback crying with coM.
• •Why don’t you got down and lead
him ? that is the wily to keep warm.”
"No." said tile law "it’s a b-b-borrow
ed boss; and I’ll rwe him If I freeze.”
B@r “ I wish I had your head." said a
lady one. day to a gentleman, who had
solved for her a knotty point.
"And I wish I had your heart,” was
the reply-. . . ,
“Well,” said she, "since your head
and my heart can agree, I don’t see why
they should not go Into partnership.”
And they did.
®SrA small man having been dubbed
"the little rascal” in the community
where bo lived, was asked one day iu
public why he had been so called.
“To distinguish me from my neigh
bors,” he at once answered, "who are all
great rascals." .
jSrSays Kate to her new husband,
"Jonn, What rock dues true love build
upon Umilli John, and grinned from
ear to ear, “Tuo rook of yonder cradle,
dear.”
Slates for
ADTKETiHKiaarra will bo inserted »t Ts» cent
per line tor tho ant' insertion.'’ end Ore -coats
per lino tor eacb snnaequeut Insertion. tlo*r
erly bolt-yearly, and yearly advertlsemente in
sorted ato liberal redaction on tbe above rates
Advertisements, sboiild be aooompanled by tbe
CAsh. VVnei) sent trltbont any length of time
spec'iiled for publication. they will bo continue
until ordered out and cuaigod acoordlngly.
JOB PRINTING.
Cades, IlANUiiil.uj, Cihculars, and every eth
er description of Job and CAun Printing,
onus Amh bhos.
—Tho phantom sale—A mock auction.
—A, table of interest—Tho dinner ta
ble.
—PJaco for cheap boarding —A lumber
yard;
—Light win
dows.
—The lady who knit her brows Is now
devoting her attention to a pair of socks.
—What occupation does everybody be- r
gin life with ? A minor’s.
—Flnmaveather—as the purchaser said
of his q^tton.
—When a man runs for office, what
kind of a sweetmeat does be become? A
candidate.
—The hen Is a generous fowl. For
every single ket nel of corn she .will give
a peck.
—“ Ail a matter of form”—The pre
vailing extravagance of women.
—The liberty of “ the Press.”—Having
your pocket picked in a crowd.
—“ Well, what is it that causes tbe salt
iiess of the ocean 7” inquired a teacher of
a bright little boy. “ The codfish,” re
plied the little original,
• —Why is an infant like a diamond?
Because it is a‘.’dr, , Ulo thing.”
—Why are plain spoken people like a
knife that won’t cut? Because they are
hluut.
—Disgusting meanness—to tan a dog’s
hide with his own bark. , • *
—One of. the most "solid men of Bos
ton,” does not weigh over on<- hundred
pounds- ■
—The husband who is two feet taller
than his wife can easily overlook her
slyirtcoiuiugs.
—All over Town.—“ Jane,” said a wag,
“it’s all over town.” "What’s'all over
,owu?” “Mud !” Jane’s eyes dropped.
—A landlady in Boston, it is said,
makes her biscuit so light that tho lodg
ers can see to go to he'd by them. Haves
kerosene.
—There is a'mah who has such a good
temper that he hires himself out in sum
mer to keep people cool. .
—“Did you draw the late
lair?” said Biggs to Jiggs. *“Druw any
thing, eh? Didn’t I draw my wallet
about twenty times ?
—Why 1 is laziness like money ? Be
cause me more a man has of it, the mere
ho wants.
—When does a farmer double up a
sheep without hurting it? When he
folds it.
—"I am going to draw this beau into a
knot, os the lauy said at the hymenlal
alter. .
—Wliy is a badlyreondacted hotel like
a llildle 7—Because it is a vile inn,
c—l calculate you doc ’t recollect wheth
er it was a frame or a brick’’house, dew
ye?”
—An ingenious mechanic advertises
that be manufactures “drums that can*
uot be beat.”
—A person of experience crystalizes
the wisdom be can acquire in that way
in the following sentence: “Courtship
is bliss, but matrimony is blister.”
—“Them soldiers must* be an awful dla
boueat set,” said an old lady, “for not a
night seems to pass that some i sentry is
not relieved of hla watch.”
Mr. Joshua killings says: “One of
tbe/uoniesi-seeuee -lever see, wuz -two
old maids waiting on onh sick widower.”
There Is a mauin Brooklyn so hot
tempered, that be burns his shirt to a
cinder iu one day’s wearing.
. —Can a civil engineer inform us how
it Is that the mouths of rivers are larger
thau their heads?
—The politician who threw defiaucein
the teeth of his enemies, has been obliged
to pay a bill for dentistry.
—The latesf natural curiosity is a dog
which hasa.whisflo growing affbe end
of bis fail. He caiis.himself when want
ed.
—An Indiana school-mistress, finding
that she had power to administer physi
cal punishment, gave it to a pupil in the
shape oi a strong dose of Turkish rhubarb
—“A lecture will be delivered fn the
open air. aud a collection taken at the
doortodelray expense,” appeared recent
ly ou a poster “out West.”
. —Lady Lucan was heard to say & very
neat thing to, Mrs. Sheridan“ You
must certainly be a very happy .woman,
madam, who have the felicity of pleasing
the man who pleases ail the world.”
—A wag speaking of the embarkation
of troops, said. “Notwithstanding many
of them leave blooming wives behind,
they go away in transports.”
—“Why, Mr, Jones,.are you firuuk?”
exclaimed Mrs. J., as her husband came
-.luggerlug iuiothe house late at night.
“N—no, my dear,” said Jones “n—not
d-runk, but only diz—dizzy fr—from look
ing at the f* I—iellows go round on their
velocipedes!”
—A cotemporary describing a dance at
a village in tbe neighborhood, said : “The
gorgeous string* of glass beads glistened
oil the heaving bosoms of the village
belles, like.polished rubies on thedeiicate
surface of warm apple dumplings.” •
—The ancients used to venerate the
“ashes” of departed ancestors; the mod
erns follow the example, showing great
ailectiou for the “dust” of theirs.
—“Please accept a look of my hair,”
said an old bachelor to.a widow, band
ing her a large curl, “Sir, you had bet
ter give tbe whole wig.” “Madam, you
are very, biting Indeed, considering, that
your teeth are porcelain.”
—"Bobby, my love,” said a silly moth
er to her darling. Whom she had been
urummlug with tarts and other good
things, "cdn you eat any more?’- “Why,
y-e-s, mamma,” was young hopeful’s hesi
tating reply, "I think I could if I stood
• up.”
—“ Do you retail things here ?” asked
a green looking specimen of humanity,
us ne pokedbis head mtoa store on Main
street the u(her day. "Yes," was the la
conic reply. “Wal, then, I wish you
-would retail my dog-lie had It bit off
about a week ago." •
—Mark Twain thinks that soda water
is unreliable for a steady drink. ,It Is too
gussy. Tue next morning afterdrinking
tniriy:eight buttles he found himself full
el gas uud as tight as a balloon. He
hadn't uu • article ol clothing that he
could wear except bis umbrella,.
—A Rocky Mountain paper publishes
an obituary of "Him," chief, of. the
Washoe Indians. It says that be was a
"good,' thbugh very dirty, red nm ■'. He
possessed a well-balanced bead of hair,
uud stomach enough for all be could get
to eat. ms regard lor the truth was no
table—ho never meddled with It. He
Jett no will, and his estate consisted o‘f a'
pair of boom.”
—“Where were you, Charlie?” "In
the garden, nm," "No—you have been
swimming—yea know I cautioned you
about going to me creek. I will nave io>.
cui reel you. Look at your hair how wet
it Is.” "Ob, no rau, that Is not water; If .
is sweat.’.’ "Ah; Gliarile, I have caught 3
you libbing; your s(ilrt Is wrong able
out.” Boy triumphantly—"Oh I .did,
that Just uow,iuu,climblug the fence I”
affl*’tcruth scatters its affections with a
liberal uand, like u yuuug heir, Iguutoht
as yet of the value tdWs poMeuiona.