URBDAY MORNING Ac KENNEDY. (TO ItiBHESQVABE. Dollars per year If paid striotly > Dollar* and Fifty Cents if pal jib*; utter which Three Dollar* These term* will ho rigidly ad* Instance. No Kahncrlptlon die- I) arrearages are paid, nnless nl iltor. V%B .1. B. PARKEH EK, tRNEYS AT LA 1T... sill eel. in«Marloa .Hall, Car- 2 LA W, _jLBR, Attorney at Wetzel's Building, opposite lule, Fa. • N E, .N, Attoknby at Law. Hull Building, In the line, next door to the “Her- Penntf. HER. Attorney and it Law, ban removed his unoccupied room in the ho Court House. TTOKNKY ATX.AW pmce mime as that o STATES CLAIM AND ESTA TE A QENCY! M. B. BUTLER, ATTORNEY AT LAW, iry of (tuioir* Building, No.BSouth >et, Carlisle, Cumberland county, mntlos, Back Pay, 4c„ promptly by mull, will rocolve immediate Mention given to the selling orrent 'au», In town or country, in all let* , please enclose postage stamp. SUM M EKAHBIVAL OF ALL THE NEW UTYEE& T S AND 0 A P.S'. riljor has just opened at No. 15 North ?ct, a few doorti North of tho Carlisle k, one of tho largest and best Stocks ' CAPS ever offered In Carlisle. Casslmere of all styles and qualities, different colors, and ©very desorip* T ats now made. ard and Old Fashioned Brush, con iuikl and made to order, all warrant- UlsfuctioD. A full assortment of BOY’S, AND CHILDREN’S. HATS. Jtlcd to ray Stock, notions of differ- JflHtbllDK of tNB GENTLEMEN’S STOCKINGS, /Suspenders, Gloves, Wtls, I7i rcuct. Sewing Silk, Umbrellas, do BEGARB AND TOBACCO ALWAYS ON HAND. jnll, and examine my stock os I fee* pleasing all, besides saving yon mo* JOHN A. KELLER, Agent , No. 15 North Hanover Street. WANT A NICE HAT OR CAP ? so. Don’t Pail to Call on J. G.CALLIO, . 29, WESI7 MAIN HTR.KET, jp seen the finest assortment of ATS AND CAPS J S| ll l <> Carlisle. He takes great pleas ,(iviunjr tils old friends and customers, lew ones, tii i his splendid stock Just re rrnn New York and Philadelphia, con n part of fine ILK AND CASSIMERE HATS, (in endless variety of Hats and Caps o £f£ .• nI which he will sell at th i ’’ rnc.cs. Also, liis own manufactur always on hand, and rw MANtrj<'ACTITUED TO ORDER. l^ r)e p S fi? rr . an> » oment for coloring Hats kin Isof Woolen Goods, Overcoats, 10 MAIN STREET, CAIILiUI.G, PA, Tho undersigned, having purchased and en tlrely re-titled, and lurnl bed ane > throughout, with first-class furniture, this well known uuu old established HuTEL, solicits tho custom of the community and traveling public He Is well prepared to furnish first class accommoda tions toall who desire to make a Hotel their homo, or pleasant temporary abode. Iho cus tom from the surrounding country is respectful ly solicited. Courteous and attentive servants are engaged at this popular House. GEu. Z BENTZ. Proprietor N, B.—A flrst-Clnss Livery is connected with tho Hotel, under the management of Messrs. Jos. L. Sterner, & Bro. April 29. IB(J9—Gm r'tARfUAGES. A.B.SHERK has now on hand, at his Carriage Factory, N. E. corner South and Pitt streets, C AUKI AGES, BUGGIES, SPUING WAGONS, and everything In bis line, on band or made to Older. He is determined toget up the best work turned out In this section of the country; Noth ing hut tho very best stock goes iuto-buggles or carnages of his manufacture, . Repairing ami Painting promptly attended to. May 20, lSfl>-6in ■ . TjnNE CLOTH INCK ISAAC LIVINGSTON. NO. 22, SOUTH HANOVER STREET, Oaiilislb Pa, - I Invito the attention of my olu customers and the publio at large, to my large ana Brilliant stock of BUMMER GOODS, for men, > # outh, and boys’ wear. My custom de partment comprises tho finest and most-select of Cloths and Casslmeres, while my array of BEADY MADE CLOTHING Is carefully and most tastefully gotten up. 1 cannot ana will not be undersold. ISAAC IJ VI NORTON, NO. 22, NORTH HANOVER STREET. Carlisle. 43*1 am still selling the Florence Sowing Ma chine. May 18. 1860- VTEW LIQUOR STORE; JOHN HAtINON. N. E. CORNER HANOVER AND POMFRET ST, (A leu doors South of Beutz’s Stole.) Pure ftye Whiskey, Best Common Whiskey, Pure Holland Gin, Ginger Brandy, Port Wine, ,-, Sherry Wthe, Jammila Rum, > •. . ~ .Raspberry Syrup,. • Champagne B. TAYLOR’S BITTERS—INHOFF’S*£r GLASS BITTERS. Mny 13.1W0—ly J. L. BTiSRN JS R ’ 8 LIVERY AND &ALE STABLE BETWEEN Bi.WVBRAVD llSmPO'tD —4t ATOTICE TO THE PUBLIC,-Having \y learned that O. D. and V. R. Yauoy - lalm to hold a note of mine for fourteen thousand dol lars (8)4.0 0), given In Cumberland County, Pa., on or about the fifth of February, 1880, which note bears on///two Indorsements, viz: one of 82,000 and one of $4,000 and that they claim a balance due on sala note of 83,400. This, there fore. is to notify and w irn all persons against buying or trading for said note, or any interest therein, ns the same bos been by me paid in full, and will be repudiated and contested, n • matter by whom presented,-' JSVAO GEBHAHT. ■' In nlon, .Missouri, June 16,1809, July 1,1h69.—6w AWOBP TO CO NR U MPT 1V EB. Being a short and practical treatise on the nature, causes, and symptoms of pulmonary Consumptl »n, Bronchitis and A slbma, .And their prevention, treatment, and omo by - in halation. Bent by mall free. Address Q. V-ANHUMMELL. M. D., is. West Fourteenth street, N, Y, June 10, ISOS—ly " R —Dineußesol Jj women sancoHstally, careby applying to *TvBELLA MARIANNO M. D.,225 North 12tb St. Philadelphia. Pa. •lot SHH.—lv* CAN HE CUKED \j by Dr. O. Q. Harrison's !fnv Procc*t of "treat* menu fall or addrtas 'Dr. (X f}, (jarrUon, 211 iNaino Eighth 'Street, Philadelphia Pa. • &fkmprf*w**** ®bc American falnntccr jfurnituw. &c. * prll 25.1807—2y fWhral. [Flow Packard’s Monthly,] ONE KISH BEFORE WE PART. BY HO WARP GIjYBON. One kiss before we parti But one for love’s sweet sake! To sweeten, for my heart, The pain of this mistake, Youi hand Is In my own, But youV head is larncc} away; For the first time and the Inst, One little kiss, I pray I Nay, though you love mo not, Apd stab me, saying •* Friend !’ Nay ; though I be. forgot Before a fortnlgbt’s end— Still let mo kiss tbo lips That traitors are to love— Whatl nothing but your hand I And that within Itsgiove? " Because the,past was sweet; Becnuseyou mesodear; Because no moie we meet In any future year— Behind, aud make me g*lnd, - Just for a moment's space— Think I I shall be so snd, And never see yonr face! r One kiss Before we part! And to you limiting meant? Though I be gone, your heart WII keep Itsold content. Nay, not your c tcok—your Ups— I claim thorn as my right— Small guerdon for gre'it love— Before we say good night. Ali t shy uplooklngeyesl Not true—though blue and rare— How dare you feign surprise To know I hold you rtea*;? What coyness will not yield, Yel boldness, sure, may take— • Well, then, If not for Love’s, One kiss for Friendship’s sake! One kiss before we parti One little kiss, my dear! One kiss—to I elp iny heart. Its utter loss to bear, On° kiss—to check the tears My manhood scarce can stav ; Or Ihns—l make Jt '• Yes!” While you are saying “ Nay J” tifiitireiTanoto. THE DOCTOR OF BUAI. Among the .many curious tales the troubadours have handed down to us, we are told that there was once u country man who, by dint of hard labor and the exercise of great prudence, had acquired a sufficiency of means. Besides lots of wheat and a large quantity of wine, he hud no less than eight oxen and four horses in his stables. Notwithstanding his comfortable position, however, he woul*‘ not marry. .His friends and neigh bor reproached him with biu celibacy, but he r excused himself by saVing that when he came m-ross the kind "of a wo man he wanted he would marry her.— His fpends, to help him, resolved to search about for such a woman. There lived a few mi'es off an old chevalier, » widower and very poor, who hud a beautiful and clever daughter. The girl was old enough to be married, but as it huppobed that the father had nothing to give her, nobody ever thought it wolth his while to woo her.. The friends of the countryman having, presented them selves before the old chevalier, he speedi ly yielded compliance to their wishes: uod rbo jiirl, w«o u M wood and would not disobey her father, found herself forced to comply. The countryman was delighted at the prospect, of such an alli ance. He determined to lose no time, and pressed the marriage forward with ail baste Hardly, however, were they married, than he perceived that he hud made a great mistake—that in short, he could not have done anything more fool ish than to take to himself such a wife. When, for instance, he was working out in the fields, what wouhMns wife do. she' was so accustomed to sit at homo In idle ness? He knew, besides, that the priest, whom every day was Sunday, would not scruple to be witli lier.us>oiten us it suit ed him. VVliut, then, w-uhl become of the stupid husband? And.yet, what was the stupid husband to do? “If, in the morning." ho thought to himself, “I pick a quarrel and strike’ her, she will cry all the day through —• Now whilst she la crying it is certain that she will nutshe ll) the humor to listen to* the talk ot any gallants. When I return I will be quits with her by asking*her pardon, and I kuuw how that Is to be ob tained " ; Fired with .this splendid idea he loudly called for dinner. Wlmn the hieal waft concluded, he approached his wife and struck her such u blow upon her face that the marks of ids lingers remained fmv printed oil her cln-ek. Nor was this all. fancying lie had not given her cause to cry long enough, he hit tier four or five more blows and then went out into the fields. The poor little creature fell' to crying very piteously, and with her hands duid crosswise on her im-om loudly lamented her hard fate. “Oh father!” she cried, “ why did yon give mo t«» such a muu ? Had we not bread enough to eat, poor as we were? Why was Isi blind as to con sent to such a marriage? O beloved mother! had I not lost you I would not How have be- n so unhappy. What will oecome of me?” She remained incon- xolahle throughout the whole of the day, crying, as her husband had anticipated, until his return Then his fltsl effort was to conciliate her. / “It was the devil who tempted me to strike you,’’ he exclaimed. He swore never again to raise his hand to hep, threw himself at her feet and begged her pardon with so humble and dejected an air, that the wi>e, touched with :plty, promised to forget everything that had happened.* But the countryman who saw wa- his straieuem, re solved to put it iuto execution iig-uuj On rising tiie following ipornhig he omie more picked uquarrel with hie wife, and' repeated .We are not journeying any place in Particular,?* said they, VThe.truth ,is.. we are searching for a skil'ful doctor,/anu we mean to travel evenluturEiiglaiw should.we not find hue here. the king’s daughter, ia ill. ElghMaysago, whilst ealliig'-a'unic fish; a : honostucktiu her throat,' and It-lt her lncupahle, df swallowing. Every remedy tlmt.Cku he, 1 suggested has bedn -applied to her,.but wilhout ava.M. She cun neither eiit nor sleep, and her sufierlngs are terrible.— The king wild is in dospidr, bus ordered us to searcii about for snmp ope capable of curing li e princeps. If hd lpsea bpr he will cIlo.” J • ’ “ Ymi have no need to travel any fur ther," exclaimed tile wife. “ X know the very omn you wuut. Hu la a great doc tor.” "la itpoaalble? You are not deceiving us?” ' - ■ ■ “ No, I ana telling you the truth ; but, unfortunately the doctor of whomi apeak la a very singular sort of pernon.-—• He iaatlghlly touched in the head,! fear. Although lie la un extraordinary geniua (lift medlpjne, he aeema to thoroughly do- U*t Urs (wJsosa. -'ify offn Xmpy.igluula CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY* JULY 15,1869. tlmt uule-a you beat him heartily you will not gei him to act for you.” “Oh I” they answered, t* if he only needs cudgelling. We’ll give It to l.lm*— i He couldn't be In better bauds. Only tell ns where he live*.’' The wife indicated the fields in which the husband was working, and wishing them farewell, entreated them noLto tor get the essential condition of their un dertaking. They thanked hfcr, and arm* tng themselves each with a big.stick, made towards the countryman. Having saluted him. they informed him that they came from the king, and com manded him to tollow.them. ' What for?” he asked. “To cure the Prlnce'sa'Ada. We Have beard of your skill, and we havecome to fetch you In the klng’M n tot.” The countryman replitu that.lie ; was; onlv a laborer, and If the king wanted his services in that capacity he would'he happy to devote them to him. But as to medicine, he swore upon his honor that ho knew nothing at all about it. “ I see, one of the king's messengers to the others 41 that civility will not succeed here. He evidently wants to be beaten.” Saying this he alighted from his horse, tne other ' followed him, and grasping their sticKs they commenced beating the country man with the heartiest zest. The hopeless laborer'commenced by roaring at them for their cowardice—two to one —and their cruelty ; hut finding them too strong for him, he threw himself up on his knees and swore to obey.them.— They thereupon mounted him upon one of their white horses and conducted him thus to the palace of the king. The illness of the princess had thrown the king into a state bordering upon dls*. traction. The return ol.tlie two messen gers inspired him with hope, mid ne ur d» red them to be oouduoted'into his pres-> ence that he might learn how successful they hud made Tn their inquiries.. Hav ing sounded Hie pral&es of the wonderful but eccentric doctor, they theb proceeded to narrate now they hud'found and the method they employed to capture him. ** 1 Confess,” said the king, “ thUV I never heard of a doctor like'this-before. But since it liTiiecessary.'thut he. should hehiqteii before he will cuie the princess,: let him be beai-en.” Having ordered the princess to descend, he bade the country-* muii to approach him/ “'My friend,” he Said, “ this is the lady whom you must cure.” The wretched countryman threw him •seh upon life tehees mer*. cy, swearing tty all that was holy ihut ne knew nothin)? whatever of medicine. The«*uJy reply of .the king waa to »*l*nal to two tall sergeants who were shunting hy armed with sticks; They made a dart at the countryman, and seizing him by the arms, rained- upon hint a perfect shower of blows/ '• Mercy ! mercy I” he yelled. I’ll cure her, sire; I’ll cure her.” The princess stood before him pale and dying, indicating her sufferings by point ing with hei huger .down -.her open uiouth. The countryman began to pon der within himself bow he should effect this cure; He plainly saw that there was no backing « ut of 11, but that he must either succeed or perish imin flogging. “The bone,” sa.d lie to hunaell, “ is in the throat;' If 1 could only succeed in making her laugh; the chances are that I might dislodge it.” . Impressed with this notion, he request ed the king to order a large Are to be lighted in the 'hull, and further desired to be left alone wi h the princess. When the hail deserted.he partially undressed tier, told her to seat herself near the fl?e t jmd ’commenced tickling her, making all the lime such hideous giimaces that in spite of her suffering the princess sud denly hurst out into a shriek or. laughter. At the same instant the bone flew out of berthroat and fell upon the floor. Pick ing it up, tiie countryman flew to the doorcryiug, “Sire, sire, here it is! here itis!” “I owe you my life I” ogled the klmr, in a transport of joy. Aud he promised Co give him in reward for his services handsome present" of gowns and cloaks it was a custom among the kings and princes of that period to make presents of cloaks aud dreases at Michaelmas and Christ mas to the nobility attuclied to their courts. Sometimes the acceptance of these presents interpreted into a wll iingnt-ss to enter into one year’s service, wiili the king who ofttred them.; A chevalier thus apparelled wa-calied&ohev elierdu Hoi. The countryman thank* d him.. He declared, however, that be only wanted permission to return to his home, teigiiing that his business greatly needed ed his presence. Invuin theking bffer ei lnm bis friendship' lin'deptreated him to" remain. He answered that. 1 he' Was pressed,;-(that when ihe left there was ; positively no bread lu< the (house,.and. that it Wi s>imperative >die should carry ; wheat to the mill;; But ouaßignuf for; tlie 'kiiig which brought Che.two ( .sergr : emits about him auain,- the. countryman cried for.iuercy, promising' to rent da. nut only a day, but for ever, if he were;deslr ed. Thereupon they conducted him in to a in which he was wished and shaved mid habited in a magnificent* clonk. All this time, however, he was meditating a plan to e.-cape, and cnm loried himself with belie* a practical 1 opportunity would soon be presented;. . - u The cure he had effected achieved for him in no time a great reputation. No sooner hud it been noised abroad than upwards of eighty sick persons belong ing to cue town presented themselves at the gales of the chateau, and besought the king to put in a good word (or them with the doctor. The king having call ed him, “ My- friend,” said he, “ I re commend these persons to your notice. C ure them all at once, if you please, as I wish to send them buck again to their homes,” “ Sire,” replied »he countryman, ‘‘ un less heaven cures them 1 cannot.. There are too many.” . .. “ Let the two sergeants be brought,!’ exclaimed the king. '; At the approach of these two formida ble persons the poor wretch, tremb. ing in ©very limb,'volunteered not only to 1 cure the eighty sick persons, but the whole world In the bargain, even to the last man. He begged the king and all those Who.were In good health to leave the . haU as they h, ‘‘Afy friends,” he said, addressing them 1 with great solemnity, “it is no trifling favor to accord, Unit of giving 'health ‘to, so many people in so short a lime. ! There is only one way I know of effecting, ageueral cur* amongst you, and that ii, of choosing the one who is most seriously ill and throwing him into ,the-fire. Where- he is consumed, the jhdigs will be distributed amongst you all •toswallow. ‘There ei)y is extreme, but heat} on the/result.” Saving- this, he sternly conteipplated the pumqiiidlug crowd, aa.jf esaininlng their condition. But amongstthera a>t tliVre was not one who lor the whole of 1 Normandy would have allowed that his. inafaday':vvas serlpus;: The doctor ad .dressing one ofnhem, exclaimed, “ uie lookjng palo and ,111; yquaeem to .havoithe* must serious disorder of , ,them '-n - . Jilr, M . • * “I, sire ? On my word, J. never felt better in qiy life than I do at this mo ment.” ' • ; .'‘Then whatdoyou here,’you villaini'! #rleU thedoctor; y - •• ■>. . ... • j .y Without unawprlDff, the. alpk man opened ihedoorandlook to hU heele,— The ' king; who- was' outside, perceived the sick .mail . leave thehall. *i Are you cured ? f ”be asked. “Yeslslref” A mo ment after, another sick man appeared. **'Aud yon ?’* 11 J am alsp cured.’’ , What Was the result of this mahcpuver? •Tber« Was not a single snifl;,old oryoimg, maid or leuiule/vvho Voald cniiaeut to being reduced to iishe*. ‘ All iefti swear* lug they wdre all cured. 1 1 ; ; ThedeUgflied klugreturnedtothe hall to congnttulatethedoctotf H# waa nnmzHl and filled with admiration at the shill that in so short a time could work so many miracles. “ tfire,” exclaimed the doclor. “ I have an amulet poHnesMul of a wondrous vir tue with which I work my cures.” The hint? overwhelmed him with •presents; He assured him of hi* eternal friendship, and permitted him to re turn to his wile, on condition however, that when he was wanted he should nut be urged.to come only by the use ol the stick. The countryman now hade adieu .to the king,- He hud no longer any oc casion to be a luhoref; and no Jomter. therefore, cared to beat his wife*' To Ids d> Ing day, botyeyer, he,never knew how he hud been made a,doctor. ' ■ It may be hardly 7 necessary to inform the reader that upon thin story’ Mollere founded hie play. “ Le Medeuin Muigre Lul. M A sopa wl at similar, story is re lated of one Cardinal de Bar, who own ed u ho-pltal which proved very uure munerative from the. numbered nick people thutcrowded it. Disguising him* self us a doctor,' be dec ared that hecouhl not save them unless he who was. most sick among them consented to be,killed, that his fat might be converted into an ointment with which to cure Lite others. Hardly had he made his proposition when the hospital became deserted. linns and tlio Wecoys, Everybody about Tfmliuctoo, up to Yuba county, knows Hans Himmeitau- Ben.-or as he Jp. more usually called “Dutch John,” a good-hearted jovial Teuton, once well off, but . now reduced to the position of a Flume Guard. Hans goes, out hunting once in a while. He went after ducks not lone since. Ypu c-ui’tget him to go after them again. Tnemison Is, this. Some of'the boys played him a trick. They got a couple of wooden dec«»y ducks and fast ened them with a string In the edge ol some bushes in a little, pond near the town, where they could be seen as the wind wafted them out the length of ihe string:.. - Hans was told that a couple bf wild ducks were In the pond, and hurrying to his quarters be got his gun, loaded- it heavily, and crept down within rauge.ol IheduoKS. Taking good aim, bo fired, and the ducks were sent with a rush buck into the bushes by the shot. : - Huntf .lhougiit, of course, ho itad kill ed them, but stopped to load, in case were only wounded. Meantime the wind blowing through Ihe bushes pretty sliurp, blew them out on the water to the length of the*string again “Der tyful! I shouted dem looks once!' said Hans, in astonishment. ‘‘Now dey schwims odt likes dey were never '•hot with a gun, not at all! Dander! I makes’em hell solimeil dia time!” Amt again he took a deliberate aim, and let fiy. Tiie force of the shot instantiy drove the ducks in outofsightaguin, and Hun*, dropped Ids gun to go after them. Hut befoie lie hud got twenty yards, lie saw to ids astonishment that the were swimming out us before, unharmed. He halted, in wonder, hull terror. “Mein cot!” he muttered. “Two limes I shouted detn tain looks! and two turns dey come out yust us pefore. I dink de\ is de tuyvel’s own looks! X tries again - zee If I tout!” And again, with a double charge of both powder and shot in his gun, Han drew tor the ducks. He fired, and went end over end wi h the recoil. When he got up, nota duck was in sight. “i shooot’ em all[.to pieces d»t time’” he cried; as he rubbed his lame shoul der. . Just then out floated the ducks again. “Mein cot in hi minds! Tey is ter tuy voi’a Ux-kcs! groaned Hans. “Three tunes I shoot’em all over lead, and dere day is alive!” “111 bet you fifty they’re dead!” creid Tommy Newbert, with a smile. “Himmei—can’t X see dem schwlm !” cried Hans ‘•Two iiity you’ve riddled—them —and two fifty Ui* y’re deid,” cried I’otn. “Hemmelh! Ibetjou hat. But how we Proves it? You can’t catch’em ? . “Yea, come along with me, and I’ll catch them lor you?” There was some tall aw.earing in Dutc.l when Hanspaid overthes2.sU, and found out how lie hud been sold* it you want to see a mad Dutchman, just say “ducks” to Hans, and you’ll be accommodated. A PROTESTANT COW. Paddy Murphy, and bla wife Bridget, after many years of hard Übop in ditch- Ihg anil wishing, had accumulated u sufficiency to variant them in purchas ing a cuw (of course, they bad pias.) wliich tiiey did at the finst opportunity. As*lt Vas bougiit of a Protesianl lupgh bor, Paddy stopped on his way homo at the house of toe priest, and procured a bottle of holy water with which to exer cise the faise faith out of her. “Isn't.she a foine creature?” asked Pat of the admiring Bridget* “ Jest hold her till i fix the shed.” To save the precious fluid from harm, he t ok it into the house and sot it up in a cupboard until he had ‘Mixed’’ tilings. Then he returned ami broitghrthe bot tle hack again, and when Bridget was holding the rope, proceeded to pour it upon her back. But pour Paddy had made a slight mistake. Standing wiibin tin) same closet was a bottle of aquafortis, that had been procured fora fur different purpose, ami as it dropped on the back ol the poor cow, and the hair began to smoke and (lie llcsh burn, she exhibited decided up pcarancesior restlessness. “ Tour ;on more, Paddy,” shouted Bridget, as she lugged at the rope. “I’ll give her enough, now,” quoth Paddy, and be emptied the boile. Up went the heels*)f the cow, down went her head, over we it Brid el and a half-dozen of the “ chitders,” and away .duslied the infuriated bovine down the street, to tho terrors of all the mothers and the delight of the dogs. Poor Paddy stood fora moment breath less* with astonishment, ihon clapping his. bauds upon his hips looked sorrow fully, and exu'uimed: jabbers, Bridget, but isn't the Protestant strong in her—the baste!” Howto Learn English.—Tu a vol ume printed by iSenhor Jjjse de Kornseeu, with the avowed object Td teaching Hie Portugese to speak English, the happy reader will bod matter that would pro voke »u anchorite To laugh until the rocks ring. We have never 1 met any thing more Intensely ludicrous thau some extracts which are given in Once A Wcck s and copied into hittle'a Lioin# Age The book Is must pretentious.. lu preface tue writer scores without mercy, lits unfortu nate predecessors, who have attempted to do that which he professes to acuotup-. liuli with faultless precision. After do ing some familiar proverbs in rare style. ,the author proreeds to give some speci mens of dialogues for practical use. The following is q. sample ; ..Dialogue is-hoa to Ride A House. Here is a horse whohaveabad looks. Giveuni another, 1 wili not than-He uoi stall know to march, he is puisy, he is foundered. Don’t you are ashamed to give mo jade as like?. He is unshoed, he is'with.nails up ; it want u> lead ty. the farrier. ;J4e gq hum, lie disable.” . • Lot us pnuk. Go us more fast never i was seen a so' muchbad beast ; he will not bring forward nor to put bucks.” “Htreck him tiiQ bridle, hold , him the reins shortest. Pique sirougly make to march him.” “I have pritked him but I can’t enough, to make march him.” “(jo down, i shall make march.” M Take cure that bo not give you a foot kick’s.” “Then he kick’s for that £ look. Look here 1 know to tame him." “PAY AM YOU GO. BY ALICE KOBRINS. There’s a world of old maxims In use by man* kind. But few of the whole, sir, to my mind; Tlio boht of them all,"for the high and the low, Is the old fogy maxim of "pay ns you go.” The maxim Isf-hort. but’lwlll ever be sweet; Tisoasy to learn and’tis quick to repeal; ’Tib suited to all rich or pour, friend or loe — This :rne progress maxim of “pay as you go.” With this honest text, sir, laid bare In my hand, I went ea-*t ami west, and all over tho I and; Each man that 1 mot with concluded ’twos so. All preached, butfew practiced it-“pay as you go,” I called nt tho White House, through thick aud through thin, With a nod of tho head, Grant Invited mo In; “Pear nephew,” said I, "specie basis please toe!” “Pear undo,” said he, "pleoKe.to pay os you go.” I passcfj through tho brokers, aU over thebanks, Heard awful hard swearing, saw very sly pranks; aald a Bear; ’•Uucioaam, shall wo weather the blow?” I mot an old baker, his arm full of scores*’ His lingers all chalked horn Hit Lacks of old doors. •Why m It." i asked, “that your bread Is dough?” ‘TIs tho kneady sir,” he answered, "of pay as you A butcher aud drover together passed bv; Their scales, like old Huinon's wore posted up high, fn sorrow I asked, “Will'll always be so?" Their only reply was, "Just‘pay as you go.” 1 wont in groat hnsto to mi counselor, Brief; “Hurd up my dear limb, cun’l you give us re lief ?” Q,uoth lie; “My old client, yoilr con and your pro la error ilejnrr; so 'pay as you go," OtIC UAI. I must write it; if nobody ever reads a line ol it, X must, while it is all new and tresh in my mmd, write out the history of the lust two weeks and the description of “our gal” us Hany calls her. Our gal first made her appearance in tlje lmu»e two weeks ago la>t Monday, and I hulled her bumd face and stout figure with most beany welcome. Lit' lie aid X realize—but to begin at the be ginning. 1 was, I am a very young housekeeper, yet theoretically I do know something of the ana and {-deuces then— unio appertaining. I was married about two years ago; but wu have always hoarded until how, and wlienil started in my pretty Lou e, with two good girls, ami everything new, I fancied that clock worn would be a mere wandering vaaruut compared to the regularity of my piocet-dings.* ‘*l was on a {Sunday tnoruing, 1 as the song- says, that my troubles begad. 1 was dressing lor church, when my cnuiuber-m ud came up with a rueml countenance. * ll you please, Mrs. Harvey, I’m go ing. ’ • * Going!’ I exclaimed. ‘Where?’ 1 Toleave, ma’am. Home. I’ve got a spell of neuralgia coming on, and I’m going home to lay by.-* * Hut you cun lie down here if you are sick.’ ‘ Weil, ma’am, I ain’t to say sick, ex actly, hut I’m fixing ior a turn.’ ‘ A lurn ?’ * Yes. I nave neuralgia in spelts, and I always feel ’em coining.’ Words were vain Go she would, and goshedid. I went into tiie kitchen to explain to the cook that she must do double duty for a time. She was a per fect termagant, and to my utier amaze ment she wheeled round with the cry. .‘Gone! Jane gone I Will you get another girl?’ * Certaiiijy,’ 4 To-day?’ * How can I get a girl on Sunday V ‘And to-morrow wash day! Well, I’m not going to stay to do all the work. You’ll eitherget another girl eaily to morrow or X’JiJeave!’ * You’ll leave now, in the shortest space ot lime it take- to go from here to the door,’critd Harry from the sitting room, wiiere he had overheard us. With many insolent speeches she de parted, and inconvenient as it was, i was glad to see Her go. Ol course there was no church, and I begun to get dinner. Hurry, like a mas culine angel as he was, look off his coa', and came down to help me, with an as surance that he actually could not sit ■"till and h*ar ti*o cooa use the tone she did one instant longer. -It was a merry day. Harry raked toe Ure till hisglossy brown curia were powdi red with gray, which, premature sign of age was pro duced, he assured me, by' ‘ care, and not the weight o» yearn.' He peeled pota toes so beautifully that were about ic- big as bullets, after ho hud taken off ilie skin an Inch thick all round. Pies were •the only article ol cookery with winch I was particularly acquainted, so I made a meat pie, two apple pies, and short cakes ior supper, which we ate with the din ner at six o’clock. It wus> late enough when we cleared up, but at lust all was done, but at lust all was done but one thing. Hurry was in the bath-room re freshing himself w >eii I discovered ihat tiie coal was ail gone. I hated to call him d *wn for lie had worked hard all day, so I look the scuttle ami went down in the cellar myself, laughing to think how he would .-cold wiien lie knew it. lama weak woman, and mg very strong; bull filled the big scuttle ami tugging away with but!) bauds, started up stairs. i* was at the top, my labor nearly over, when somehow, I cannot (ell bow, 1 lost my balance. X reeled' over, and the heavy thing can.o with me, down to the o atom of thes’uirs. 1 lull it crushing iiiy foot. I heard Harry's call, and then tainted. I know now, though X did not then, how he lifted me iu his strong arms, ami carried me up-stairs, and toe touch ol Lite cold water which he poured over me, is the next tiling I remember. As soon us I was conscious and able to speak, X let him go for a doctor, lament ing that mother und Lou were .both out of town for tlie su « mer. . Well, well; .it was a weary night; no time to scold, Hurry said; so he petted, nurse i, and (ended me, till my heartach ed with its.fulness of love ami gratitude. Morning found me, my fractured ankle in a box, lying helpless in lied, and Harry promised to send lor a girl imme diately. So, after this prolude, I come Lo‘ourgul.’ Oil! I mn-t tell you how Harry made me a slice of butteted toasts ior break fast, by buttering the bread on both sides, aim then tousling it. Xt was about nine o’clock when my new girl came. Harry bad given her a dead-latch key, so she entered ami came op to my door. Her knock was the first peculiaiity that startled me. One rap, loud us a pistol shut, and as abrupt. ‘ Come in V ,4 . Willi a sweep the door. Hew back, and in ilie space stood my new acquisition.— Stop a moment. I must des rjtie her.— She'was Very lull, very robust; ami very ugly. Her thick hair grow low on her forehead, and h.-r complexion was uni formly.' red. Her features were very large, and her: mouth full, (her only beauty) of white; even teeth. Still the mce was fur Irdm stupid. The mouth,, though,large, was flexible and express ive and the big black eyes promised in telligence. But oh how can 1 describe in r ‘ ways,’as Harrv calls them? fijhe stood for an instant perfectly motionless, then she swept down in a low, and real ly not ungracwui courtesy. ‘ Madam,’ she said in a deep voice, 1 your most obedient.’ * You are ’ 1 said questionably. * Your humble servant.' This was not * gelling ou’a'bit; so I said— ‘You are the girl Mr. Harvey sent from the In elligence Odlce ?’ 1 j an* that woman,’ sue said, with a VOL. 56.—N0. 5. flourish of her shawl; 4 and here Is tm cert ill cate of merit,’ and she took a pa per irorn her j-ocket. Advancing 1 with u long s’ep, a stop, another step and stop. 1 un.il she reach'd my bedside, she hand e»* me the paper with a low bow, and then stepping hack thtee steps she stood waking lor me to read it, with hands* clasped and drooping, and her.h?od bent as 11it were her death warrant. It was a well-written properly worded note trom her former mistress, certifying that she was honest and capable, and 1 really had no choice but to keep her, so I told her to lind her room, lay oil her bonnet, and then come to me again. 1 was half ulraid of her. She was not drunk, with those clear black eyes ahi nim so brightly,but her manner actually savored of insaiity. However, i was helpless, and then—Harry would come as early as he could, and I could endure to wait. , ‘Tell mo your name,’ I said, as she came in with the stride and stop, * My name is Mary,’site said, In a tone so deep that it seemed to come from the very toes of her gui era. * Well. Mary first put the room in order before the doctor comes.’ Oh, if words could only picture that scene I , Fancy this tall, large, ugly woman, aimed (I use the word in its fui* use) with a duster, charging at the furniture if she were stabbing her mortal enemy to the heart. Bhe stuck the comb into the brush us if she were I saying, ‘Die traitor!’ and piled up the boons as it they were faggote for a fu neral flame. Bhe gave the curtains a sweep with her hand us if she were put ting back tapestry fora rovul procession, ana dashed the chairs down in then places like a magnificent bandit spurn lug a tyrant in his power. But when she come to the Invalid she was gentle, almost caressing in her man ner, propping me up comfortably, making the bed at once easy and hand some, uuoarranging my hair anil dress with u periect perception of my sore con dition. And when she dashed out of the room, I lurgave the air with which eb ' returned aim presented a tray to mo for the sake ot its contents. Buch delicious tea and tuasi, and such perfection of poached eggs, weie an apology for any eggs, were uu apology for any eccentrici ty oi manner. 1 wue thinking grateful ly of my own comfort, and watching her bung up my clothes in the closet in her own style, when the dinner bell rang. Dike lightning she closed the closet door, caught up the tray, and rushed huwh stairs. From my open door I could hear the following conver sation, winch 1 must say rather uslouish eu even me, already prepared for any ec centricity. Dr. iiuibrook was my visitor, and of course his,first question was— • How is Mrs, uuryey this morning?’ In a voice that was the concentrated essence ot about one dozen tragedies, my extraordinary servant replied: 'What man art thou ?” js the woman craZj ? cried the doctor. Day not that flattering unction to your soul! cried Mary. *Heml—y. s—' said the doctor, mus ingly. Then, in his own cheery, brisk tones, he added: ‘You are the new ser vant, 1 suppose?’ *Bir X win serve my mistress till chill death shall part us from each other.’ - ‘Hem! Weil, now, in plain. English, go (ell her I am here.’ ‘I go and i! is done!’ was the reply, and with the slow atrl .eand Imlt, I heard her cross the entry. Bhe Was soon at my door. ‘Madam, the Doctor wails!’ she said, standing with one arm out in a grand altitude. ‘Lei liiui come up,’ 1 said, cboklug wiili la ghler. * bhe went down again. *tSir, from my mistress I have lately come, to bid you welcome, 'and implore you to ascend* bhe waits within yon chamber for y our coming.’ Is it to be wondered at that the Doctor found his patient in perfect convulsions ol laughter, or that lie joined her in her merriment ? •Where did you find that treasure?’ he asked. ‘.harry sent her from the oflice.’ ■■ 'btage-siruck evidently, though where she picked up the fifth-cut actress man* ner remains to he seen.' The professional part of his visit over, the Doctor st iyed jor a chat. We wo r e warmly discussing the news of the day, wueu—whew! the door flew open, and iu stalked Mary, uud announced with a swing of i»er arm— * 1 he butcher, Madam !.” I saw the Doctor’s eyes twinkle, but he began to w rite in his memorandum book with intense gravity. ‘Weil, Mary,'l said ‘he Is not wait ing ?* ‘The dinner waits !” she replied. ‘Shall 1 prepare the viands as my own judg ment shall direct, or will your Inclination dictate to me. ‘Cook them as you will, but have a good dinner lor Mr Harvey at two o'clock. ‘Between the strokes Twill wait his dppetlte.' And with another sweeping curtsey, she left the rbum, the door, as usual alter her exit, stand ug wide open. She was us good as her word. With out any orders from me, she took it. for granted that Harry would dine-up stairs, ■mil set the table in my room. I was beginning to let my keeu sense o* the lu di' ious triumph over pain and weari ness, and I walcheu her strangling the laugh till site was down stairs. To see her stab the potatoes, and behead the celery, was a perteot treat, and the air of a martyr preparing poison, with widen she poured out the water, was perfect. Harry was evidently prepared for fun, for he, watched her as keenly as I did. Not one mouthful would she bring to me, till she had made it as dainty as could be; mustiing my potatoes with (he movement of a saint crushing vipers, arid buueritig my bread in a manner mat fairly transformed the knife into a dagger. Yet the moment she brought it lo me all the affectation dropped, and no mother could have been more natu rally tender. ISvidently, with all her nonsense, she was kind-hearted. it look but "im cl ty to dnd that we had Secured a perfect Measure. Hvr cooking was exquisite enough for the palate 01 an epicure; she was neat t" a nicety, aud I soon found her punctual and trust won liy. Her attention lo myself were, touching in their watchful kindness. Sometimes, when the pain was very severe, and I could only lie suffering ami heipless, her large hands, woutd sm *ah my huir.sotiy, and her v*lce became almost musical In its low mur- al .rings of “Poor child! large, strong frame, and consciousness 01 physical superiority Cu me in my liny form and helpless state, roused all the motherly tenderness in her nature, and she lavished It upon me freely. 1 often questioned her about her for* trier places, and discovered to my utter amazement that she never was in a thea- tre, never saw or read a play, and entirety innocent of a novel reading! 1 had become bo used to her manner, ami no longer feared she' was insane, when oneeveuiug my gravity gave way utterly; uud fur tae first lime X laughed in her luce, cJhe had been arranging my bed self for the night, and was just leav ing the r> om, holding in on* baud an empty pitcher, and lu the other . my wrapper. Suddenly a drunken. man in the street .called out, with a yell'that really was startling, though by no means mysterious. Like a flash Mary struck an altitude. One loot adva ced, he> body thiowu slightly forward, the pitch er held out, and the wrapper waved aloft, she cried out, in a voice of penect terror— ‘Gracious heavingb! * What hideous screams is chose?” Gravity was gone. X fairly screamed witu laughter, uud her motionless atti tude uud wondering face only increased the luu. ‘Go down, Mary, or you will kill roe!” I g'asped at lust. Xo aee her UraudUh a dust-brush would »trike terror te the heart of the west Rates for 3itoertiotng ADv*RTißrjf*NTO win r>e inserted at Tea uont por line tor the Unt insertion. and live cent per lino (or eaob HQDMoquout insertion. . c. From the Washington papers of Friday we take the following additional particu lars: Yesterday morning, uo of tbo*3 terri ble outrages wnich. iu other parts of the country, where the people have less re spect lor the law, is usually avenged by lynching* took place near the northern UOtluilry uf titc oity< - X* »pue»re that three of the daughters of li w D. B Nich ols, formerly well known us the superin tendent ol the coutrarmiid camp at Twelfth aud Q, streets, and more recently a clerk iu the statistical bureau of tbc Treasury Department, have, since the establishment of Howard University (colond) been pursuing their studies there, with oilier white pupils, and n > id lug at Kendall Green Barracks. r J icy usually took Boundary street for t.ieir road, leaving it at about Fourth sh eet, and passing up the iaue to Mr. Moore’s house, to a ny-palh directly to th*» Uni versity building. Yesterday they left home about 8 o.clock, aud took the.usual road, chatting cheeriudy . until they reached the tune uelore meutlo ed, (back ol the oldCatholio Burial Ground,) wnen a stalwart and very bluett negro, who hud been lying iu ambush among t e husoes, sprang out befoie them, and, seizing tne eldest one, a well grown young . Judy of about seventeen years, threw .her i.owd. Her sisters aged about thirteen * and fifteen years, went to un-i with Slicks aud stoics beat , him to ■ make bi n desist from his hellish pur pose, aud added their screams to those /t of the victim u b mg some one to the' rescue, but dl > not succeed iu dri ving him oft unit* hj hud committed a crime for. which a is to be hoped he will be yet made to sulf r. Theyuaurf ladies, who are well grown and look much older than they really are, made tneir way •»«ok to their fither’s residence," aud Uo immediately gave information to Lieut. Johnson, who* with some of his men, went in search of the miscreant, but have thus lar been unable to arrest him, al tliouj. b t ey have a clue which may yet led to his arrest aud conviction. A Word to apprentices.—Appren ticeship is the most important *tuge of life through which a mechanic is called to pass; it is emphatically the spring season of bis days—the lime wiien he is sowing the seed, the iruit of which.he is to reap In lulure years. If you spare no labor in its proper culture, he ls»ureof. Obtaining an uoundaut harvest; in the. culture of the mental soil, you follow the examplaot many la tilling t ie earth, and carelessly and negligently does his work, like them, be will dud (he seed n : time past, and his ground only bringing forth weeds and briars Lot the young up* prentice bear iu min , wnen be com* mences learn l ng any business, that all hopes of success in the future are doom ed to fade away like the muruiug mist, unless he improve the golden season. Let him bear in mind that he can become master of his business only through the closest application and the most perserv iug Industry, uud that unless he does master it, he may hid farewell to all the visions of future prospects and success.— The apprenticeship is the foundation to the great mechanical edifice; and -urely ii the lound tion of a structure be not firm, the structure itself crumbles and lulls to the earth. Then young friends, study well ail the brunches of your bus iness, both practical and theoretical, and when the umo shill come lor you to take an ucdve part iu life, you will not lull to he of use, not only iu your own particular business, but iu society. Mirth A Medicine.—l know of noth ing equal lo a cheerful' conversation, for* restoring lone of mind and body, when bo h have been overdone, fcsomo great and good men. on whom very heavy cures and toils have been laid, manifest a Constitutional tendency to relax into mirth wneu their work is over. Nar row minds denounce the incongruity ; large hearts own God’s goodness in tiie fact aud rejoice iu the wise provision made for prolonging useful lives. Miith, aher exhaustive toil, is one of nature’s instinctive eff rts to heal the part which nus been racked or bruised. You cannot too sternly reprobate a frivilous Jlie ; but it the die be earnest for God or man, with here uud tnere a law.* of niirthlul ness piot r u; “X know de reason, massa,” said Pete,' “when you go duck shouting, uud kill one duck and wound another, don’t you run after de wounded duck ?“ 1 “Yes, Pete;” uud master wondered what was coming next. “Well, massa, dat is de way wid you uud me; de debbil has got you sure; but us ho uiut sure ot me he chasesdis chile all de lime.” ► There was a man living out West wao was so very thin, that whenever he heard ot the constable coming after him, he wouid run into.the house and climb down the barrel of his gun uud go one eye oh him through the touch hole/ B6T* A little boy, in giving an account Co ms brother uf t«.e Garden oi Eden, said: “ Tne Lord made a gurduer and put him iu the gardeu t • take care of h r .i aud to see that t obody hurt anything nr routed bills uu the trees.” JOB PKINTINU.