®|)C American Volunteer.
ciTiILISIXED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING
nr
BBAWON Ac KENNEDY.
OFFICfi>*SOHTII OABKET SQIIABE.
I’Eims:—Two Dollars per year If paid strictly
m advance; Two DollotwAnd Fifty Cents If paid
within three months* after ; Whloh Three Dollars
will bo charged. These toriMvflif behlglclly ad
hered to In every Instanced ' Nd satiacrlptlon dis
continued until all arrearages are paid, unless at
ho option of the Editor.
iJtofessatonal dartts.
JOHN B. MILLER. Attorney at
Daw. Office in Hannon’s Building, opposite
tuo Court House, OarMe, Pa.
' Nov. u, :wi7.
A DAM KELLER, ATTORNEY AT
Law. Carlisle. Office with W. M. Penrose,
jtsq., Uheom’s Hall.
Octobers 1807—«m*
JJNITBD STATES CLAIM
REFILL ESTATE AGENCY!
WM. B. BUTLER,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
Office In 2d Story of Inßoffis HnlldlnS, No. 3 South
Hanover Street, Carlisle, Cumberland county,
P p“ nylons, Bounties, Bach Pay, *c„ promptly
'°AppUoatlom> by mill, win receive Immediate
nt attention gluon to the Boffine or rent
ing of Real Estate, In town or country. In nil lot
ters of Inquiry, please enclose postage stamp.
Jaly ll t I«o7—tf
SB. GEORGE S, SEARIGHT Den
tist. From the Baltimore College of Dental
■try. Office at the residence of his mother,
East Louthor Street, three doors below Bedford,
Carlisle, Pen no..
Doc. 1, 1865.
T M WEAKLEY, Attorney atLaw.
»I Offlao on South Hanover street, in the room
formerly occupied by A. B. Sharpe. IS-sq.
Til E. BELTZHOOVER, Attorney
p . and Counselor at Law, Carlisle, Peuna.
Calico on Bouth Hanover street, opposite Bonu s
Store. By special arrangement with the Patent
Office, attends to securing Patent Bights.
Dec. 1,1805.
r*HAS. E. MAGLAUGHLIN, Attob
at-Law. Office In Braiding formerly
.Stioup&d by Volunteer, a few doors South of Han
non’s Hotel.
Deo. 1,1805. •
TOHN, C. GRAHAM, Attorney at
J Law, Office formerly occupied by Judge
Graham, South Hanover street. Carlisle, Ponna.
Deo. 1,1805—ly. .
MC. HERMAN, Attorney at Law.
. Office in Bheem’s Hall Building,
of tho Court House, next door to the Her
ald" Office, Carlisle, Ponna.
Deo. 1,1805. .
SF. SADLER, Attorney at Law,
, Carlisle, Ponna. Office in BuIWJnK for
“occupied by Volunteer, South Hanover
street.
Dec. 1, 1865. __
W KENNEDY Attorney at Law.
. corlisiu. Penna. Office same as that ; ol
;he ••American volunteer,” Bouth side of tho Pub
i Ic Square.
Dec. 1 1865. ___
IOHN LEE, ATTORNEY AT LAW,
North Hanover Street, Carlisle, Pa.,
L* el). 13,1800—ly.
I AMES A. DUNBAR, Attorney at
J law, Carlisle, Penna. Office a few doors
AVest of Hannon's Hotel.
Dec. 1.1805.
LI. J. u. BIXLEB offers >iis profes
bloual services to tho citizens of ,Carlisle and
V Main street, opposite the jail, in the
room lately occupied by L. Todd, Esq.
April 11, 1807—ly
salntss, Set,
TTABDWARE, IRON, NAILS, &c.
AT HENRY. SAXTON'S
OLD AND
CHEAP HARDWARE STORE
EA 9 T if A 1 V a TR EE T,
next doob. to the cobman house.
I have Just returned from with the
largest and best selection of HARDWARE over
oilered in old Cumberland, and am able to sell
the following articles a little lower than else
where in the county. All orders attended to per
sonally and with our usual promptness. Goods
delivered to all parts of the town jree t of diaroe.
i Isuumered. HoUed and English lie lined iron,
x, 'cMxe-dhoe Iron, Russia Sheet Iron, Burden s
H. vseand Mule Shoes, Norway Nad Hods, tlan
?*, -von'u Cast-Sieel English and American Blister
Hr... \t JdteJgli Bole Steel, Spring Steel, carriage
§p r l.^gMdm , riago Axles, &c. Tho-largcst assort
ment 6a
CABUIA&B & WAGON*FIXTURES
jet offered, such as
SPOKES,
HUBS,
FELLOES,
BO IPS
PLAIN and FINISHED SHAFTS
SLEIOH HUNNEBS, Ac., &o.
5,00 BAEBEIS
itoaendale. rtcptland and Hancock Cement, all
warranted&eidL Douglas’Olid Lowing a
IBOSr ASP £-'ftAIN PUMPS.
P.OWDISR.-A full Btook of Dupont's Book,
Itiilc aud Duck powder, tii&epy I' use, Picks, Mat
locks, Drills Crow-bars, Sledge, 4to,
1,000 KEGS HAILS,
which wo wUI sell low, Couutry merchants sup
plied at. inuuataotureiu prices. •
PAINTS.— m J-'OUM Of tuo following brands ol
White Lead and
WhcUwrilCs french Zinc,
Liberty, American do.,
Buck, Colored do.,
Crystal, Snow Wlhile df.,
Mansion, Florence do,
of ©very description, Dry and In Oil
11 Viimi_.fr nd tubes, also, Gold Leaf, French and
iirohze
OILS AND VARNISHES.
Linseed Oil, Turpentine,
. Sperm do., Coach Varnish do.,
Fish do.. Furniture do.,
Lard do., White Demur do.,
Lubnc do., Japan do.,
- .N eats Foot do.. Iron ft Leather do
Alao:'EUvtty, ( Litharge, Whltlug, Glue, Shellac
Uoßin, Chalk, Alumu, (JopP eriui i ilorax, Madder,
Logwood, &0.. So. HENBY SAXTON.
Sept. 13.18C1S -
Miller a bowers,
SUCOKWOBU TO
. LEWIS F. LYNE,
•Forth Manover Street, Carlisle, Pa .'
jDoaiwa ifi American, English and Gorman
HARDWARE,
Saddlery,
Coach Trimmings,
Shoe Findings,
Morocco and Lining Shins,
Lasts,
Boot Trees
and Shoemaker Tools
of every description, JBolld and Brass Box Vices,
Bellows. Files, Rasps, Horse Shoes, Horae Shoe
Soils. Bar ana Boiled Iron of all sizes,
HAMES, AND TRACKS. w
Carriage Springs, Axles, Spokes. FeUo#%-Hubs,
4cu, Ac. Saws of every variety, carpenters’ Tools
ana Betiding Material, Table and Pocket Cutlery,
Plated Forks g,rni Spoons, with on extensive as
sortment of Hardware of ail kinds and of the best
manufacture, which will be sold wholesale or re
tail at the lowest prices. We are making great
Improvements In oar already heavy stock ol
floods, and invite all persons in want of Hard
-\\vare of every description to give us a call and we
: |Vre, confident you waU he well paid for your trou
-1 Hoping that by atrlct,attention to business and
.•a dispoaiUou to please ail we will bo able to
jffiq'lnfoln the *opaUwoh Of the old stand.
iDeo, 1, 1805<
m it.t.wr. * BOWERS.
ERUGSj DRUGS.!—Dr. D. Common
navies to relinquish an extensive practice,
/ell y nip Jjrug uUblutisH in the city oI flits*
[, several yearn ago, on account of ill health,
now opened at No, 36 N. Hanover street, be*
tweeu the odice’s qf Drs, Klott’er and Zltzer, a
DRUG STORE, where he has and xs receiving oy
cry few days a pure stock ot Drugs, Chemicals,
Dye Stuffs and everything generally Kept in a
well-regulated City DrygtdLore. Frescnptious
carefully compounded and family receipts will
receive special care. The Dr. can be consulted at
any hour, at Bln office, bade of ins store, or at his
dwelling. No. 113 N. Hanover street, after store
hoars. Jlemember the. place. No, 80 N. Huuover
Street Carlisle.
’ DR. D. CO UNMAN.
Sept, li, 1807—ly
pAINTING AND * !
PAPER-HANGING!
Tho undersigned has resumed his regulnr busi
ness of PAINTING AND PAPEIMIANGING.—
PLAIN AND
FANCY PAINTING,
SIGN PAINTING,
LETTERING, Ac.,
NEATLY EXECUTED AT SHORT NOTICE
Residence and Shop No. 91 North Hanover
street, Carlisle.
July 1L ISffr—Gra
TjIVERY VARIETY of Cooklnjr Uten-
AJ bus. Tin, Sheot-lronnnd Japnnnetl Ware, for
Rupp, No. 68 North Hanover
Sfrerf, OarlUte,
Oot, 81,1807—tf
BY BRATTON & KENNEDY.
grtobes, dinumre, &c.
ANTEDI WANTED!
EVERYBODY
Messrs. WALKER & CLAUDY,
AT GORGaS’ OLD STAND,
CHURCH ALLEY,
/<V REAR OF RIIEEMS HALL,
TO SEE TUB LA HORST STOCK OV
STOVES AND TINWARE
EVER OFFERED IN CARISt/E,
As tho season is approaching forhouso-kcopors
and Others to look for a GOOD STOVE, wo would
beg leave to call their attention to our stock of.
COOKING STOVES,
among which may be found the following now in
tho market:
REGULATOR,
, QUAKER CITY,
NOBLE COOK,
SUSQUEHANNA, *
NIAGARA,
COMBINATION and
EXCEIjSIOR PENN,
all of which uro warranted to be tho best
ROASTERS AND.BAKERS,
wUh all the MODERN IMPROVEMENTS.
We would call especial attention lo tpo REGU
LATOR COOK, which possesses advantages
which should recommend it to all. It Ims a KE
VOLVINQTOP, by which arrangement the cook
can reverse tho cooking utensils to any position
desired without tho NECESSARY LIFTING. It
is decidedly tho best cook stove In tho market.
Messrs. Walker A Claudy Imre also on hand a
targe stook'of
OFFICE, PARLOR
DINING BOOM STOVES
among which may bo found the celebrated BASE
BURNING
MORNING GLORY!!!
MORNING GLORY.
G SOLD 31Y O
o »
g WAIKEII & OF.A-UDY, a
a IT- C
5 Solo Agents O
b t*
2 °
o FOK CAULISr.II. 2
a P
MORNING GLORY.
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OFFICE AND PAHLOB STOVE
EVER OFFERED TO THE PUBLIC.
Too much cannot bo said In praise of the
MORNING GLORY, which no far has taken the
lead of all other stoves In the market. It la a gas
consumer, burns its own cinder, and requires
very little attention after tho flro Is made, It be
ing so arranged that It will
FEED ITS OWN COAL!
For proof of what wo have stated wo would re
fer all to tho following gentlemen of Carlisle and
vicinity, who have had the MORNING GLORY
in use fast winter, and will cheerfully testify to
Its merit*; _ .
JOHN CAMPBELL, GEO. WEISE, „
DAVID RHOADS. W. B. MULLIN, Esq.,
H. L. BURKHOLbER, JOHN DUNBAR,
J M, WEAKLEY, ESQ., JACOB RITNBR, Ac.
We would respectfully ask those who wish to
F lurchose a No', 1 stove to call at once and cxam-
QO
THE MORNING GLORY!
Wo also have ou hand the
MORNING GLORY HEATER!
WHICH 043W0T PA-fh TO GIVE
ENTIRE SATISFACTION!
FISHER’S FRUIT CANS
constantly kept on hand and for sale.
Our stock of TINWARE is complete In all Its
branches and will he sold at reasonable prices.
TIN ROOFING ABD SPOUTING
AND GENERAL JOBBING,
promptly attended to and done In tho most
workmanlike manner.
j93T Do not forget to give us AN EARLY CALL I
August 1,18(17—6m
JAMES M’GONIGAL,
ItANUFAtrTURBR AKD DEALER IK
STOVES TIN AND SHEET-IRON WARE,
South Hanover St., Adjoining JJlair it Son's Grocery .
CARLISLE, PA.
The subscriber thankful for past favori. re
spectfully Informs his friends and the public,
that be has now on hand n largo supply of tho
latest and beat Improved
COOK and
PARLOR STOVES,
In the Stove Department wo Uosiro to call par
ticular attention to the following, comprising an
they do, the very best Cook and Parlor Stoves
now In use*
NIMROD,
QUAKER CITY,
EXCELSIOR, PENN,
NOBLE COOK,
NIAGARA,
SUSQUEHANNA and IRONSIDES'.
To speak at length of the dilforent Stoves would
occupy too-much spaco, but wo deem it necessa
ry to call tho attention of tho public to tho
EMPIRE GAS BURNER
This truly wonderful Parlor and Ofllce Stovo
Is so constructed that tho cheapest quality of
coal (Llmebnrner’a), con bo used with success.—
It bums continuously and the lire Js easily kin
dled. It is capable of boating one room below
and two rooms above. -There Is no dqst and no
escape of gas, and an actual saving of coal, which
In two or three seasons will pay for tho stov e.
The Empire ha# many valuable qualities which
can only bo fully appreciated by seeing It in op
eration. We claim that It is far superior to any
other Stove now in use, and wo feel satisnsu that
wo can convince all who will favor us with an
• examination of the Stovo at our shop of this part.
We have on hand a full assortment of
TINWARE,
Repairing*promptly attended to. Roofing done
at the shortest notice. Spouting will bo put up
on reasonable terms and with despatch.
Please give ns a call at No. 83, South Hanover
Street. aJjomin a ßlalr’BG [ oc |3 -. j[iGoNioAri
Sept. 19,1567 —Cm
O. A. SMITH.
PLAIN and FANCY PRINTING of
EVERY DESCRIPTION neatly executed at tUe
VQWTWTBER Office.
llw American Munteer
TO CALL ON
AND
WALKER & CLAUDY,
Gorgas' Old Stand.
HEATERSand RANGES.
COAL IN THE FA It INTERIOR,
The very important faGt is now clearly
ascertained and established that mineral
coal, in vast and perfectly inexhaustible
quantities, exists along the eastern slope
of the Rocky Mountains, from the head
waters of the Missouri to the Rio Grande,
and beyond it—from Montana to the
western border of New Mexico.
At the meeting of the members of the
Academy of Natural Sciences and other
gentlemen, held at their hall, on Broad
street, on Tuesday evening, Dr, John L.
Le (Joule made some highly Interesting
remarks upon the coal-beds which he baa
examined during the pastsummer* in tiffin
vicinity of the route surveyed by General
W. W, Wright, chief engineer
cilic Railway, Eastern division, from Fort
Wallace, on the Smoky-hill river, pass
ing by Lyon, on the Arkansas;
thence up the Purgatory, crossing the
Raton Mountains; thence via I* 1 ort Un
ion, Los Vegas, Canon Blanco, Canon
(Jarnucl, and Valley of the Rio Grande,
to Fort Craig.
The main sources of mineral fuel on
this line are two: First, The great beds
of tertiary coal which occur around the
western end of the Raton Mountain and
the neighboring foot hills of the Rocky
Mountains; second, The beds of early
cretaceous coal of the Rio Grande valley.
The first coal basin consists of an im
mense thickness of coarse sandstones first
munilesling themselves in some of the
ravines of the Raton, about twenty miles
east of Raton Pass, but soon becoming
visible rn the Hanks of bite mountain,
continuing through the pass, and loan
unkuo \n distance west of it. This for
mation lies nearly horizontally against
the base of the Raton and Rocky Moun
tains, extending along the latter from the
Arkansas river at Canon city to the vah
ley of the Little Cimarron on the south.
In the Raton Pass the coal beds, which
are quite thin in the Manco del Burro
Pass, begin toassuiheimportance. About
six miles from Trinidad, a locality on the
side bank of a small stream, was exam
ined and sections drawn, which exhibit
a total thickness of about live feet of good
coal separated into lour beds, placed near
together. Other beds were found above
the one examined, but no thorough ex
ploration of them could be made. Near
the top of the Pass are also beds of about
the same thickness, but near the south
ern exit of the Puss, iu cations connected
wall upper waters of the Canadian, here
called Red river, these beds occur in still
greater magnitude, being eight feet thick.
All these are, however, of trilling nature
compared with the great beds found in
tiie canons of the Vermcjo valley, which
showed in one locality ten feet of coal in
two beds separated by teu incites of slate;
the same strata were found on the other
side of the canon one half mile distant,
and in other canons several miles farther
west. I was afterwards informed by Mr.
Maxwell, the owner of the tract upon
•which these valuable mines are situated,
that he hud seen the same or similar beds
a long distance above the point to which
we traced them. Further south, other
thinner beds were seen in the canons be
tween Vermejo and Maxwell’s, of the
thickness of three mid four feet of good
coal. Bej ond the Ponejo, near Maxwell's,
the high table lands containing the coal
beds disappear entirely, and the only sed-,
imeutary rocks iu view are the early cre
taceous sandstone, capped in places with
middle cretaceous limestone. The thick
led of coal which is profitably mined at
Canon city, was not visited but the ex
tension of the high table land of tertiary
sandstone iu that direction could be plain
ly seen ; it is therefore probable that, if
the future necessities of the region re
quire, similar beds may be found uoftl}
of the Raton to those that ar.e known
south ofit*
The Raton Mountain lies partly in Col
orado and partly in New Mexico. The
tilth parallel runs directly through it. It
is on the line of the Union Pacific Rail
way, Eastern Division, about midway
between Pond Creek, on the Smoky-hill
river, and Albuquerque, on the Bio
Grande. It is a broad and irregular maw
of volcanic matter, running mainly from
north-west to south-east, some fifty or
sixty miles. Although near to it, it ()ops
not properly belong to the Rooky Moun
tain system. There are several passes
through it, one of which, the Trlnobera
is suitable for a railroad, or the road may
be carried around ts eastern base. The
Purgatoire river drains the northern
slope of this mountain, and flows north
eastwardly to the Arkansas; the Verme
jo and Little Cimmarou, on which the
greatest of these coal-beds are found, drain
the eastern portion of the Rocky Moun
tains south of Hie tyaton, and unite in the
Can ad lan n ver, the great southern brgncjj
ol the Arkansas.
The sicoud coal basin is found lu nu
merous exposures of somewhat inclined
strata of early cretaceous age, ou both
sides of the Rio Grande. The beds of
coal are from live feet to five and a half
thick, excluding the contained slates.—
South of Santa Ee, near the Placer Moun
tain, one of these beds has been overflow
ed by a stream of gray trachyte, and baked
into an anthracite, presenting all the ap
pearance of Pennsylvania anthracite, but
somewhat less dense.
These ci elaceous and tertiary coals are
commonly spoken of as bituminous.—
They are not so in reality, not softening
at all when burning, and'showjpg up dis
position to coke. They burn easily, with
muen flame, exhaling a peouliarodor, and
leaving a greanft-or Teas quantity of ash,
according to the purity of the specimen,
Tire ash is frequently quite light, resemb
ling the ashes of wood,
Ry slight variations in the form of the
furnaces from those in use in the Eastern
States, these coals can be used for all me
tallurgic or manufacturing purposes. In
fact, coal of similar qgp, aqd frequently
of far inferior quality, is extensively ifseq
in Germany. '
The importance of these beds of min
eral fuel in the supply of our continental
railroads, and in the development of the
mineral wealth of the Interior of the con
tinent, cannot be overestimated. With
out them, the operating of a railroad
would be almost, If not quite ImpmpMpa
ble. Witli them, good and sufficient
supplies of fuel can he obtained at distan
ceswhich will divide nearly equally the
spaces to be passed, so that not more than
IUO to 150 miles of transportation will at
any'place bp required. ... .
Dr. Le Gmite , 's remarks were illustra
ted by specimens from the different opal
mines mentioned. Ho also Stated that
in the vicinity of several of the mines be
examined, valuable deposits of iron ore
existed. Hecoucluded by referring brief
ly to the coal-beds of Denver, some of
.which are extensively worked, for the
purpose of supplying the towns in that
neighborhood. One of the beds he had
visited was vertical, and 16 feet thick. —
Another horizontal one was 11 feet of
good solid coal.
Dr, Leidy then read a letter from Dr.
Hayden, dglpfi Cheyenne City, giving a
bricl hut very intereblipgstalement oftlie
great cuul field ou the head water# flf the,
Platte, around Cheyenne City, on the
line of the Puciflc Railroad of the Platte,
estimated at live thousand square miles
in extent. The veins are of eight to
twelve feet in thickness. Dr. LeConle
traversed the mure southern field for a
distaneeof from 120 to 136 miles. The in
termediate fields north and soqth of,Dan-,
ver are uot included.in eilhokt.. . . ,
■ Tim specimens exhibited by ,Dr, Le
Conte, taken from the heavier veins, very
much resemble the bituminous coal of
Western Pennsylvania, being compact,
blacit, and lustrous. But they are very
different, uud were formed at later peri
ods. They are nut lignites, neither are
they bituminous. When first igfjitcd
they give out a clear, bright flume, hut
uot much smoke- They do, not melt at
all, and therefore cuuilQt be converted
into.cukc; and when tile volatile, matter
is consumed or expelled, the remainder
continues to hum as anthracite .or.ehar
ccai burns, until all the combustible mat
ter is consumed, mid. a small remainder
of earthy mutter-tu the form of ■ ashes la
left. Messrs. Williams & Mess, analyti
cal chemists of this made a careful
CARLISLE* PA., THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 28. 1867.
analyses of a specimen of Raton Moun
tain coal with the following results:
Moisture, at 212 Fahrenheit,
Sulphur,
Volatile matter,
Fixed Carbon,
Ash,
100 00
This coal, it will be perceived, ia re
markably free from sulpuur ; it la there
fore admirably adapted to the smelting
and working of Iron, with extensive
mines of which, in New Mexico, and also
in Northern Colorado, it is ip immediate
contiguity. But of the coal in the latter
locality we have seen no analysis. For
-the smelting of iron ore it must be used
in a raw 6tate, as is largely and success
fully done with theseral-bitumlnoua coal
of the Shenungo and Mahoning valleys
in Western Pennsylvania and Eastern
Ohio. This New Mexican coal, although
not even somi-biturainous, is shown by
the above analysis to contain all the con
stituents of a first-rate fuel.
The Live Man.—The live man iz like
a little pig, he iz weaned young, and be
gins tew root arly.
Ho iz the pepper sass of creation—he
allspice ov the world.
One live man In a village iz like a case
ov Itch at a dlstrlkt skool—he sets every
body tew scratching at oust.
A man who kan draw. New Orleans
mollaasiss iu the month ov January,
thru a half inch augur hole, aud sing
4 Home! sweet home!? while the mollaa
siss is running, may be strickly honest,
but ho ain’t sudden enutf for this cli
mate.
The live man iz az full ov buzziness az
tho conductor ov a street kar—he iz often
like a hornet, very huzzy, but about what
the Lord only knows.
. He lights up like a cotton faktory, and
hain’l got euuy more time to spare than
a skool boy buz Saturday afternoons.
He iz like a decoy duck, always above
water.and lives at least eighteen months
during each year.
He iz like a runaway boss, he gits the
whole ov the rode*
He trots wheft he walks, and lies down
at night only bekauso everybody eist doz.
The live man iz not always a deep
thinker; ho jumps ut kouklusions, just
az the frog doz, and don’t ahvaz iaiul at
the post he iz looking at.
He iz the American pet, a perfect mys
tery Cew foreigners; but he huz done
more (with charcoal) tew work out the
greatness ov this kuutry than enny oth
er mau iu it.
Ho izjist az necessary az the grease on
an axeltree*
He don’t alwuz die ritch, but alw&z
dies bizzy, and meets death a good deal
az an oyster duz, without making enny
fuss. —Josh BlUings.
Kind Inquiries.— Cousin Kate was a
sweet, wide-awake beauty ol about sev
enteen, and she took it into her head to
godo wu to the Long Island to see some re
lations of hers who had the misfortune to
live there. Among these relations theye
chanced to be a young swain who had
seen Kate on a previous occasion, and
seeing, fail deeply In love with her. He
.called ut the house on the piazza where
she was enjoying the evening air in (Tom
pauy witli two or three of her friends.
The poor fellow was so bashful that he
conld not find bis tongue for some time.
At leugtii he stammered out:
44 How’s your mother?”
44 Quite well, thank you.”
Another sileuco on the part of Josh, du
ring which Kate and her friends did the
best they could to relieve the monotony.
After waiting about fifteen minutes for
him to commence to make himself agree
able. he again broke the silence by —
■“How’syour father?” which was an
swered much after the same fashion os
the first one, and then followed auother
alienee like the other.
‘How’s your father and mother?” —
again put in the bashful lover.
“ Quite well, both of them.” This was
followed by an exchange of glances and
a suppressed smile.
This lasted some ten minutes more, du
ring which Josh was fidgeting In his seat
and stroking his Sunday hat. But at
length another question came—
“ How’s your parents?”
This produced an explosion that made
the woods ring.
A Curious Love Btory.— A very cu
rious love story Is told by several of the
ancient writers respecting Egirvard, a
secretary to Charlemagne, and a daugh
ter of that Emperor. The secretary fell
in love with the princess, who at length
allowed him to visit her. One winter’s
.night he stayed with her very late, and
in tbp noontime A deep snow had fallen.
If ho left his foot marks would be ob
served. and yet to stay would expose him
to danger. At length the princess re
solved to curry him on her back to a
neighboring house, which she did. It
happened,, however that from the win
dow of bis bed-room the Emperor saw
the whole affair.
|n the assembly of ills lords on the fol
lowing day, when Egirvard and his
daughter wore presented, be asked what
ought to be done ( o the man who com-
Eelled a King’s daughter to carry him on
er shoulders, through frostaudsnow, in
the middle of a winter’s night? The lov
ers were alarmed, but the Emperor ad
dressing Egirvard, said: Had’st.thou
loved my daughter thou ghpuldpt have
come to rae; tfcoq art worthy of death,
but I give tboe two lives. Take thy fair
porter In marriage; fear God and love
one another.
An Agent of the Lord.— Deacon
Blmes was an austere man who followed
bysterlug, and was of the hardshell per
suasion. The Deacon ‘ alius made It a
pint 1 to tell his customers that the money
which he received for ‘isters’ did not be
long to blm» * The good father made the
f Isters.’ ’ said the deacon, ‘ and the mon
ey la nls’n; I’m only a stooart.’ One
Sunday morning the old fellow was tear
ing round from house to house with a
suspicious bit of currency In his hand,
and more than a suapiclou.of rage in his
fnoe. Bam mi» (ft 1 ! slven film a bad
fifty cents, and lip 1 W#sl|'tgo|r»i tp rpeet
ln' till that ar wan fixed up. 1 1 Why dea.
con,' eald one olhla customers, whom he
had tackled about It, ‘ what's the odds?
what need you care? 'tlßu’t yours, you
know : you are only a steward ; it Isn't
your 1088.’ The deacon shifted his shoul
der. walked to the door, unshipped his
quid, and said i '* ¥ms, tkfif ? B ° >. but *[
you think that I’m going fo stand hy and
see the Lord cheated out of fifty cents
you’re mistaken. I don’t foster no such
feelinK* •
A Lady making a morning call dis
covers her married female aaaualntance
making tremendous lunges with a broom
stick under the bed. Conversation
breaks forth:
; ‘Good morning, madam. Ah, you
have a troublesome cat under the bed ?
‘ ' • Troublesome caff no ma’am, it’s
that sneabliiß liH?!)?!”! ,n *s e < al }“ f ,
have bins out, op broaU ovepy boue |n bis
body.’ ,
i ‘You will, eh !' said a faint voice under
the bed. 4 Now, Susy you may rave and
pound and rave, but I'll not come out
from under this bed while I’ve got the
spirit of s'man about me!' ' ■
jQr “ Amol|a, (Vi|' thee—yea, far tbeor
at thy command— -I'd tear this eternal
firmament into fragments. I'd gather
the stars oneby one os they tumbled from
the regions of ethereal space and put
tbeih Into my breeches pocket. I'd pluck
thesun, that oriental god of day, that
traverses the blue.areliof heaven in such
majestic splendor. Ild tear him from the
Sky and quench his bright effulgence In
the fountain of my eternal love fqr t||oe!”
’ • Amelia-"Don'tQqatayns Adolphus,
It would be so very dark I" ;
BSr An editor dt a dinner table, being
asked if be would take some pudding, re
plied In a fit of abstraction, ‘ Owing to a
crowd of other matter I am unable to
find room for It.”
Ifnrlkal.
MY I.OVE AND I.
And we Rat In tho quiet evening,
All alone, ray love and I,
Aud she played on her organ softly,
And I listened silently.
For sho sang rao a gay song sweetly,
LUco a chorus of wedding chimes,
And oh! in tho muslo ringing
Game tho thoughts ol other Umov.
In a dream 1 was still beside her,
la the summer woods and dells,
And I led her on In tho sunlight
To tho sound of village balls.
Aud she sang mo a grave song sadly,
That was soft, and sweet, and low,
Of tho godd book’s golden promise.
That wine and oil should flow.
In a dream I was still beside her
And I saw her, yet; the same,
Though tho promise was for others,
And those good things never came.
Then she saug mo an old song softly,
Like a sigh from n dying breath,
And ’twos only tho world’s old story
Of love, and life, and death.
And I thought as I sat beside her.
Ah I heard her gently sing,
That with such sweet thrilling voices
The choirs ofnngels ring.
Bo wo satin tho quiet evening.
All alone, my love and I,
Aud she played on her organ softly.
And I listened silently.
[Dublin University Magazine.
4Ntbriffaitcatts.
THE I.OST WILL.
The scenes lam about to describe occur
red about the year 1880, to a respectable
family by the name of Culverton, in Or
ange couuty, New York.
The Cuivertons hail lived in the old
family mansion and enjoyed the revenues
of the family estate for many years, with
out the slightest doubt that they had a
right to it, when suddenly there started
tip from goodness knows where, an indi
vidual who laid claim on the property,
and seemed likely to prove his claim to
all but the Culvortona themselves.
! It was certain, Jabcz Hardy was the
nearest relative, aud certain that Mrs.
Culverton was only a grand-niece of Hi
ram Hardy, deceased ; but the Cuivertons
Had lived with the old man for years, aud
lie.had promised, time and time again to
leave them everything. He had even de
clared that his will was made in their fa
vor; and that such a document was ac
tually in existence, Mr. Culverton could
not doubt; but diligent search hud been
made in vain, and Jahez Hardy, whom
the old man never saw, was to take the
place of people lie loved so fondly, and
who had been his comfort in his last
hours.
*‘ It was a shame!” said every one.
11 A cruel, wicked thing!” sobbed Airs,
Culverton. **
And Mr, Culverton, who had never ex
pected a reverse, was quite crushed as the
pending lawsuit progressed.
A thousand times n day ho said :
44 How providential it would be if uncle
Hiram’s will would turn up at tills mo
ment.”
“ I wonder how he ct>n rest, poor man,
with such injustice going og.”
But no matter what they said, dr how
they managed, no will was found, and
Jabez rubbed his.hands in triumph.
It was strange that while matters were
in this condition, one so deeply, interested
as Mrs. Culverton necessarily was, should
dream of anything else; but dream she
did, night after night, of an entirely dif
ferent subject.
. Inevitably, for a week at least, she had
no sooner closed her eyes than she found
herself in an intelligence office, full, of
all ages aud nations, and face to face with
a girl of small statue, with white Scotch
features, and singular blue eyes, wide
apart and staring, who (Jesired U4O situa
tion of cook.
At first she did not Hkc the girl, but in
every dream she found her aversion van
ish.
After a few moment’s conversation, and
invariably, it had began to melt, when
the girl looked at her and said:
“ I’d like to hire with you ma’am.”
It was always the same office—always
the same words were uttered—until Mrs.
Culverton began to think there must be
something in the dream.
“ Though it can’t come true,” she said,
“ for while Johanna remains here I shall
never hire another cook.”
And just $3 she said this there was a
scream in tlie kitchen, and the little girl
ran in, frightened outof hersenses, to tell
how Johanna, lifting the wash boiler, had
fallen with it and scalded herself.
' Mrs. Culverton followed the young girl
into the kitchen,and found Johanna in a
wretched condition ; and tjie doctor be
ing sent for, she was put to bed and de
clared useless for her domestic capacity
foratleueta month tocojno. Atempuary
substitute tnusl be had, and Mrs. Culver
ton, that very afternoon, went to New
York to find one at the intelligence office.
Strange to say, in the bustle she had
ouite forgotten her dream, until she sud
denly stood face to face with the very girl
she had seen in it. A small young wo
man with very singular blue eyes in a
white face, and whose features betrayed
Scottish origin. Sho had risen—this girl
—from a seat in the office, and stood be
fore her twisting her apron strings aud
courtesying. '
“I’d like to hire with you, ma’am,”
she said.
The very words of the dream, also. Mrs.
Culverton started, and in her confusion
could only say: *
“Why?”
The girl blushed.
“I don’t, know,”'sho said, '‘only it
seems to me I’d like to live with you.”
It seemed a fatal thing to Mrs. Culver
ton, but sho put the usual questions and
received the most satisfactory answers,
except as to references.
it jJot I can't emniqy you witlinqt refer
ence” said Mrs. C., knowing tpat fate
had decreed that this girl should take a
place in her kitchen.
“ If you can’t I must.out with it,” said
the girl. “There’s my lady’s name,
ma’am. She will tell you I am honest
and capable; but she turned me off for
frightening the family.”
” How?” Risked Mrs, Culverton,'
‘‘Bpeihg ghosts!” replied the girl.—
»» Every day I saw a Uttle child in while
playing about the bouse; and all said
there was no such child there, though
there had been once, but ho was dead, —
Mistress said I pretended to see it for the
sake of Impertinence, and she discharged
me; but I knew by her trembling that,
she thought I had seen a ghost. I went
to a doctor and he called ft optical delu
sion, that it would soon pass away ; and
sum enough, I have not seen It since X
left the house,”
It was a queer story; hut Mrs. Culver
ton believed it, and before she left the
olilce, bad hired Jessie to fill Johanna's
place, for the space of one mouth from
that day. That eveniug sho came and
went tb work with a will.
Dinner time passed comfortably and
tea-time came. T(iq gqlYeptqns) never
at« anything’ hnt a. biscuit or a oake at
this meal, and oups were handed about
In the sitting room’. Jessie came In at
the appointed hour with her tray, served
every one, and then stood smiling before
Mrs. Culvertou as site said :
“ Please oia’nm, let me pass you.the old
gentleman has nut yet been helped. Yes,
sir, In a minute.”
“ The— old—gpqtleiqaq!" cried Mrs.
Culvortou.
“ VeB| ma'am—hphlqd you iu the cor
ner there, please.’
'' There's no gentleman, young or old,
there,” said the lady. "I oau’t imagine
what you took for one."
Tile girl made no answer but turned
quite white and left the room. Mrs. C.
followed.
At first she could extort ho explanaton,
but by and by the girl declared she saw
an old gentleman sitting In an arm chair
in the corner, who beckoned to her, and
she fancied in a hurry for his lea.
14 What did he look like?” asked Mrs.
Culverton.
“ He was thin and tall,” said the girl—
-41 his hair was white and very long, and
.1 noticed that one of his knees looked
stiff, and a thick gold-headed cane beside
him.”
44 Undo Hiram?” cried Mrs. Culverton,
44 upon my word you’ve described my
great grand-uncle, who bus been dead for
twenty years.”
Jessie began to cry.
4( I shall never keep a place,” she said.-
44 You will turn me away now.”
44 See as many ghosts ns you please,”
she said, 44 as long as you don’t bring
them before my eyes,” and went back to
her tea without saying a word to any of
tho family on the subject, although she.
was extremely mystified.
Surely if the girl had never seen her
uncle Hiram—which was not likely, con
sidering that he had been dead nearly her
whole life time she must have seen
something in the ghost line; and if In
deed. It were undo Hiram’s spirit, why
should he not come to aidthem in their
trouble? Mrs. Culverton had always
had a little superstition hidden in hei
soul, and she soon began tobelievc this
version of tho case.
The next morning sbe went into the
kitchen and shutting tho.dour, said to
Jessie:
44 My good girl, I do not intend to dis
miss you, so be quite frank with me. I
do not believe that these forms are optical
illusions. I leel sure that they arc actual
spirits. What do you think ?”
44 1 think us you do, mu’am,” said the
girl. 44 Our folks have always seen ghosts,
and grandtuther hud the second sight for
teu years before he died.”
u lf you should see the old gentleman
you told of again,” said Mrs Culverton,
41 be sure ami tell me. I’ll keep the story
from the young folks, and Mr. Culverton
would only laugh ut it; but you describe
my dour old gruud uncle, and m3’ belief ia
you saw him.”
The girl promised to mention any thing
that might happen, to her mistress; and
from tlmt du3’ uu interchange of glances
between them aud u subsequent confer
ence in tho kitchen was of frequent oc
currence.
The girl saw her apparition seated on
the sofa iu the parlor, sealed at the din
ner-table, walking in Che garden, and so
life-like was it that she found it impossi
ble to refrain from passing plates and cups
and saucers to it, to the infinite amuse
ment' of people who saw only empty air
in tho same spot.
By and by she invariabty spoke of her
ghost us the old gentleman, mid was more
affected by his presence than by that of a
living being. Xfitwas uu optical illusion
it was the most singular on record.
But all this while—ghost or 110 ghost—
the figure never spoke, and never did any
thing to help the Cuivertons in their di
lemma, and the lawsuit was nearly ter
minated, without the shadow of a doubt,
la Jabez Hardy's favor.
Iu three days all would be over; and
the Cuivertons who hud earned their pro
perty, if ever mortals did, b3’ kindness
and attention to their aged relative —
whom they truly loved and honored —
would probably be homeless.
One morning, Mrs. Culverton sat over
her breakfast after the others had left the
room, thinking of this, when Jessie came
in.
41 I've something to tell you ma'am,”
she said. 44 There's a change iu tho old
gentleman.”
44 What do you mean?” asked Mrs.
Culverton.
“ I’ve seen him twice at the foot of my
bed in the night,” said the girl; “and
though he always, before me, has been
kind and pleasant looking, now he frowns
and looks angry. He beckons, me to go
somewhere, and I don’t dure, in the night
time.”
•• You must,” said Mrs. Culverton. “I
know ho will cume again; and I’ll sit
with you*ull night and go where you go
It may be of great use'to us all, Jessie,?’ .
“1 shan’t be afraid, ma’am, if I have
company,” said Jessie, in the most mat
ter-of-fuct manner, and carried out the
breakfast things.
Ail day they never spoke on the sub
ject; but, on retiring, Jessie found her
mistress in her bedroom wrapped In a
shawl.
“I’m ready, you see, V she said. And
Jessie merely loosened some buttons and
hooks and lay down, dressed.
Ten o’clock passed—eleven —twelve.—
Mrs. Culverton begun to doubt, when sud
denly she saw Jessie’s eyes dilate in a
most peculiar manner, aud, in an Instant
more, the girl said ;
“ Why hero hp is, ma’am !”
“ There’s no one there,” said Mrs. Cul
verton.
“ Ou, yes, ma'am! I see him,” said the
girl.
“ He’s in great excitement, ma’am; he’s
taking out ills watch to look at, and the
chain is made of such bright yellow hair,
I thought at first it was gold.”
“His wife’s hair,” said Mrs. Cul
verton. “It was hurried with him. You
see old Uncle Hiram. Does lie look at
me?”
“ Yes, ma’am ” said Jessie.
“ Uncle,” said Mrs. C., “ do you know
me after all these years
“ Ho' nods,” said the girl.
“ Have you come to help us—dear un
cle?” said the lady.
Uncle Hiram was described as nodding
very kindly and beckoning.
“ He wants us to follow him,” said the
lady, and took the ligiit. The moment
she opened the door Jessie saw the fig
ure puss through it
Mrs. Culverton still could see nothing.
Obedient to the girl’s movements, Mrs,
C. descended the sairs and stood |n the
library.
The ghost paused before a book case.
“He wants me to open it,” said Jessie.
“ D 0,50,” said the lady.
“Ho signs to take down the books,”
said the giVl.
Ami Mrs. Culvcrton’s own hands went
to work. Book after book was taken
down—novels and romances, poems uml
plays.
A pile of volums lay upon the library
carpet and still the ghost pointed to the
rest till they, were all down.
“ He looks troubled, ma’am. Ho seems
trying to think,” said the girl. “Oh,
ma’am, he’s gone to the other case !”
Ami so to cut a long story short, the
four great book cases were emptied with
out appaieut result.
Suddenly Jessie screamed :
“He’s in the air.. He’s risen, ma’am
to the top of the case. He wants me to
climb up.”
“Get the steps Jessie,” said her mis
tress—ami Jessie obeyed.
On the very top of oqe of the coses, and
covered by cobwebs, she found au old
German book, and brought it down.
“This was there,” she suiif. Mrs. Oul
verton took it iq bur hand, 'and from be
tiyecn the leaves dropped a folded paper
fastened with red tape and sealed.
The lady’picked it up, anil read on the
outside these words:
“ The hull will and tettamrnt of Hiram
Hardy.'
. For a little %yl)i|u "1)0 could only weep
and tremble) soon she found words:
, o Uncle," she said, “in the name of
my husband, and my dear chlldien, I
thank you from ray soul. Dues he hear
me, Jessie?"
“ Yes ; he nods and smiles," said the
jrJl'l,
“ Will yon let unclo?” said
Mrs. Cnl\piiviib ' . .
“He hua gone,” said the Kiri,
has kissed his hand and gone.”
And so ho hud for good; for from that
moment ho was never seen again by mor
tal eyes,
Nobody believed the story of bis ap
pearance. But the will had been discov
ered, without doubt, and the .Culvertnus
were no longer in danger of explosion
from their old home. There they lived
and died, and Jessie remained uqt|| alto
VOL. 54.—N0. 24.
married ; ami all her life received every
kindness from the family, who were In
debted to her singular peculiarity for
their comfort and happiness.
Whether Uncle Hinuu’s spirit really
came back to earth or not, la a question ;
but Mrs. Culverton always asserts that it
did. and quarreled with every one who
ventured to doubt the assertion.
C'OURY O'r.ANUS’ KPISTLK
Coticerulnc flic Elecllon»..o’l , «lic , « Trl
nmpii—l>T«oppoln(cd 4'nlcnlo(lOn»—ArU»-
llc—Din. O’Lann'a n« nu ArlUl*~l*lkeiTl«e
Tlicmlsloclo—Polltlrnl Reflections.
Dear JEaole : You are probably aware
of the result of the election.
It was n big thing lor the Democracy
Ami for the men who were elected
My vote hasn’t been canvassed yet,
but I don’t think it will change (he re
sult.
I don’t propose to contest Kalbfle
isch’s claim to the olllce.
X believe ho Ims been elected Mayor by
quite a majority.
Bliss and Talmage together took away
votes enough to defeat me.
Bliss thinks he would have been elec
ted if he hud not been sick, and had been
able to be around.
It was a disadvantage, but he had a
capital Bellows to blow for him and treat
the boys..
I feel as sorry for Bellows as I do for
Bliss, because he loses his clerkship.
Bellows is a tip top clerk, and if I had
been elected Mayor and hadn’t promised
the place to half a dozen other fellows, I
would have retained him. .
Unlike Biiss I wasn’t sick before elec
tion, but X felt xather unwell the next
day.
The excitement you know was a little
too much for me.
I understand theto has been a good deal
of sleknesson the .Republican ticket since
Tuesday.
The weather has been so changeable.
Mrs. CVLamis is quite resigned to my
defeat.
She regards it as a blessing in disguise.
I prefer my plcssings plain.
Disguise is suspicions.
The only eomlort was
O’PAKE’S TRIUMPH,
which was not at all disguised.
HU majority was tremendous and.the
X'esult overwhelming.
The Hon. Miles O’Pako is not at all
changed by his elevation.
He bears his honors meekly, still re
cognize his old acquaintances', and will
drink with them when they ask him.
I think I shall retire from politics.
Politics is not my forte; I have never
made my expenses at it.
Literature suits sue better, and I am
going to publish a book, and if every
body who didn’t vote for mo on Tuesday
lust will buy a copy, I will forgive them
and retire on the profits.
The parties who made preparations for
mo in the expectation of my election,
and calculated on a blow but at my man-!
sion, have my sympathy, but I can’t un
dertake to pay for the baud.
I understand that an artist in the stono
cutting way, named Bull, has been chis
eling out a statue of mysell, and lathe
event of my being elected, was going to
bring it over here anil exhibit it at Mor
ris’ gallery.
As I was defeated this design was frus
trated, but in order to turn his work to
account, Ball now announces it as the
statute of Forrest the tragedian, as my
Roman ancester, Cains Marcus Corio
lanuH.
This design is favored by tiie personal
resemblance between me and Forrest—
we have often been mistaken for twins,
and X once narrowly escaped a six week’s
engagement to play muscular tragedy at
a Broadway house, tho manager mistak
ing me for Edwin.
lie only discovered his mistake when
1 named tho terms, five hundred dollas a
night and half the house.
The manager knew thut Ned never
played for less than a thosand dollars
and dll the house.
There la much resemblance just now
between me mid my Homan namesake.
Talus M. had done the State some ser
vice, —he was one of their “ boys in blue,”
and wanted to be a Council, which was
the same as Mayor of Home.
lie was supported by the army and na
vy association of Home,<>ut the Homan
Democracy went buck on him, packed
the primaries and deteuted him.
The great Coriolanus got mad and left
the city.
He fell in with a party of roughs, call
ed Volscians, out on a target excursion.
They sympathized with C. M., and
with assistance he thrashed all the Ho
mans he came across in the suburbs, and
then marched to Homo, and made Home
howl, ' ,
The Homans gat sacred, which served
them right, undaentMrs. (J. M. C. O’Lun
us out to coax C. M. to letup on them.
Dike a dutiful husband he told his wife
to-go home and mind the children, and
he'd attend to his business.
The Homans then got his mother to
call on him. The old lady,"who was a
very determined character, and an advo
cate of female snilruge, hud brought her
son up to habits of obedience.
She told her son that she would regard
it as a personal favor if he Would leave
Home alone.
To oblige the old lady he said he would
let up on Home, concluding with the im
mortal observation taken down bySlmks
peure, who reported the proceeding in
short-hand; M Mother you have saved
Home, but it’s all up with your offspring. 1 ’
lie got the Volcians to retire under
pretense that they were going to take a
drill k.
Hut some of their leaders discovered
they imd been sold, and one of them
named Tally U’Fiddyus, foreman of Vol
sci Kngino Co,, No, li, picked up a light'
With Coriolanus . and cut him witii a
cheese knife, from the effects of which
he pegged out.
It is a very affecting story.
Whittaker, in all the confidence of a
child of art, had prepared my picture for
tiie Governor's room, to be hung up
alongside of Mayor Booth’s.
But the city can't have that picture
now-
ll will grace my private collection of
works of art, which now comprises sev
eral family photographs, our marriage
certillcate, neatly framed, and u scarlet
poodle on a blue ground, worked hi wor
sted by Mrs. O’Lunus when she was only
lifted! years old,. Which was regarded at
the time as displaying wonderful genius
in one so young.
Mrs. O'Lamis has artistic tastes.
Biie is very loud of painting, and every
spring site paints all the door-sills and
Wash-tubs in the house.
tilie does the sills in yellow and the
tubs in green, with an artistic eye to con*
trust.
If she l ad been born in the male sta
tion of life I think she would have been
very successful h\ the sign painting hiu-
seems Intake after .h a
mother, in a propensity for art.
go far this taste has not been judicious
ly exercised. He got hold of u pot of
paint his mother had sent for, to decor
ate the kitchen dresser, and painted the
cat blue.
This leil to a misunderstanding with
his mother, and since then his taste for
painting has been restrained.^
Bull was speaking ot polities.
Outside of my defeat the result of the
election was gratifying,
Tiie Enipife stute 1* redeemed:
The groat Ring master was knocked
out of time, a.nd the next time he will re
memtier llml m.»desly is tho p.diny,
and give somebody else a chance.
There was Dennis O'Keefe, too; he
wanted to have twooillees at oneo, but
hU constituents didn’t see it; they pre
ferred Mr. O’Keady, who Ims been to Al
bany before.
Our mutual friend, Carman, made a
brilliant run for Alderman.
He polled live more voles than I did in
the Eleventh Ward, ,
Tiie muntague Hallers take their defeat
very much to heart*oh, and reluae to bo
Botes for
ADVKUTIBEMENTO will bo Inserted at Ten CenU
per lino for the drat Insertion, and five cenU
per line for each subsequent Insertion. Quar
terly, half-yearly, ond yearly advertisements IA-
Kcrted ut a liberal reduction on the above ralta.
Advertisements should be accompanied by tbe
Cash. When sent without acr length'of lime
specified for publication, they .Will be connived
until ordered out and charged accordingly.
JOB PHINTmO.
Cards, Circuit nS, and every eth
er description m Jod and Card Printing execu
ted In the neatest stvlo, at tow prices.
comforted.
They tire not used to it a* I am.
When they arc they will take it phi*
loaophicully.
Or cine conclude like sensible men to
let politics alone.
Yours resignedly,
CORRY O’IjANUS. .
ODDS AND ENDS.
Female gymnastics—Jumping at au
oiler. 1
•An ominous placard for a drdg store-r
“Bye Stuffs.”
A Rhymer,! like a hen, is apt,to cackle
over his lay.
A Nameless negro of Savannah, Geor
gia, voted the bill of faro of a restaurant.
“Pray, madam, why do you name
vour old heii Macduff?” “ Because, sir,
I want her to lay on I”
Petroleum shares are defined by Pope
(not the General,) os “ parts In one stu
pendous hole.”
What Is (he difference between truth
uml eggs? “Truth crushed to earth will
rise again,” but eggs won’t.
Use Ik indeed second nature. Tho rat
tle ot a thousand-trains falls to awaken
the confirmed railway sleeper.
Tin-: wives of statesmen and the hus
bands of actresses are said to be the sad
dest people.in the world.
A Story is told of an Indian who, bav-.
ingsecn u gentleman with wig and spec
tacles, exclaimed in amazement, "him
two scalp* four eyes, by golly I”
Holmes, among other good things,
says that “easy crying widows take new
husbands soonest; there is nothing like
wet weather for transplanting.”
When people are sworn In a court of
Justice they, kiss the outside of the book,
doubtless because they consider an oath
a “binding” matter.
Amos Lawrence said when asked for
advice: “ Young man, base all your ac
tions upon a principle; preserve your In
tegrity of character; and in doing this,
never reckon the cost.”
The editor of a paper out West, who
has jlist failed, says he died withall tho
honors of war. mid retired from the held
with colors flying—the Sheriff’s flag flut
tered from two windows and the door.
An old toper was heard ti e other day
to advise a young man to get married,
“ because then, my boy, you’ll have
somebody to pull off your boots when you
go homo drunk.”
“The only liberty cap,” says a clever
and witty author, “ Is a nightcap, in it
men visit, one third lives, the land of
sleep—the only land where they are free
and equal.”
Marked figures are becoming the rage
in Parlsl They huvea masked fighter In
the athletic arena, a masked hor eman nat
the (J)mmps Elysses, and a masked swim •
men.
At a church collection for missions, the
preachornaid:— ** My Christian brethren,
let us caution those who put in buttons
not to break out the eyes; it spoils them
for use, and they will nut puss among the
heathens for coin.”
Thebe is an old saying that a “ fellow
feeling makes us wondrous kind.” But
that is not always the case. When wo
find a (ellow feeling for our watch, we
arc by no means inclined to be wondrous
kind.
In Sweden none but ladies of a certain
degree are permitted to wear bonnets !
Such a law would apparently well 'suit
some of our ladies, who seem to be very
anxious to leave their bonnets 'behind
them.
Keep a brave heart. It matters little
whether the sun shines on you or not, if
you have the sunshine within. Don’t
pout and complain of “ nasty weather,”
but see the storm or the misfortune in
the face. Look trouble out of counte
nance.
On the headboard of a grave in the
Sparta diggings, California, is inscribed:
*• In memory of John Smith, who met a
violent death on this spot in IS hundred
and 40 too. He was shot by his own pis
til. It was not one of the new kind, but
an old fashioned barrel, and of such is the
kingdom of heaven.”
A Teacher In. Springfield, Massachu
se' is, wlihe conducting an examination,
among other questions, asked the follow
ing :
“ Why is the pronoun ‘she’ applied to
a ship ?”
To which one of the boys rendered the
following answer:
“Because the rigging cost more than
the hull ”
An Irish priest wishing to explain the
nature of a niinte.le to a skentical parish
ioner, gave him a trennndoua kick.—
“Did It hurl ,\e?" asked the reverend
fariier. “Hurt?” exclaimed the victim,
tenderly solacing the aggrieved region
with ills hand. “ Weil, then,” said the
clergyman, complacently, “It would have
been a miracle if it hadn’t hurt yel”
-An industrious tradesman having a
new apprentice, awoke him ata very ear-
Iv hour on the first morning, by calling
out that tiie family were sitting down to
the table. “Thank you,” raid the boy,
as lie turned oxer lii_tho bed to adjust
himself for a new nap, “thank you,
but I never eat anything during the
night.”
A Modern A mazon on her way to a
convention asked for n seat in a crowded
car. An old gentleman with k£en eyes
inquired:
“Be you one o e the woman rightera?”
“I be,” answered the undaunted hero
ine. ' ’ ,
“ Do you believe that n woman has the
same rights as a man ?”
“ I do!” (emphatically).
“Well, then, stand up and enjoy ’em
like a man!”
“Taken.”—A pretty and witty young
lady who went to see the “ Black Crook,”
a night or two since, in company with
her intended husband, xvus much'annoy
ed by the Impudent staring of aiellow
witii a rented opera glass who sat oppo
site to her. Getting outof all patience at
his persistence, she snatched from a re
served seat one of the cards which 1 #ir In
large letters the word “Taken,” and held
it up before her. for the information of
her unkn «wn admirer. It Is hardly nec
essity to say th * gla*s dropped inslanter,
and t.ie follow used the balance of his
time in looking at the ballet-girls..
A Young lady and a Good Templar in
a California town entered Into a lively
discussion, in the Lodge of which slit'
was a member, on tho subject of cider
drinking. She was very fmd of sweet
cider, on no account could she be per
suaded to shiin It. Addressing an anti
cider drinker, she said: I love cider;
It is a necessity with me, I must have It.
If tliis Lodge deci«ies we must not drink
it, I shall eat apples, and then get some
good looking fellow to squeeze mo—for I
toil you I-cannot live without cider.”
Tub Rev. Mr. Blank had traveled far
to preach toacongregationatSmUhvllle.
After the sermon, bewailed in patient
expectation for an invitation from some
one of the brethren to dine with him;—
But he waited in vain. One after anoth
er departed, until tho church was almost
us.empty as the minister’s epigastric re
gion. Summoning up resolution, the
hungry clergyman walked up to an el
derly gentleman, who was just going out
of tiie door, and accosted him,
“ Will you go home to dinner with me
to-day, brother?”
“ Where do you live ?”
“ About twentv miles from this,”
“ No.” s,»sd the man coloring, “butyou
must go with me,” • „ ~
“Thank you—l will, cheerfully,”
And he went.