I®I)C American Volunteer. \i H PUBLISHED EVERY THURSDAY MORNING 4' H If W '”W Imß I w I B i | 7 BRATTON tc. KENNEDY. 18, p I I B/ B 111, ■/ H I I 'I I" I I |”1 |IB H i S I S I i / Bs I office-south^bex» w *nr,. AJiJi/ /vL llliJL/ JL JLJi/ JSUi JlJi JlJf IU IL. JlJi Hi ll/ Tkhus:—Two Dollars por year IX paid strictly V v v v xr v v V v v'v 'nT / Nr Xr NT \r ' A xr -^r in advance; Two Dollars and Fifty Cents If paid within: three months; after which Throe Dollars will ho charged. These terms will be rigidly ad- _____— bored to In every Instance. No subscription dls- continued until nil arrearages are paid, unices ai ho option of the Editor. fftofessUmat iffacfts. 4 DAM KELLEB, Attorney at Law, Carlisle. Offlce with W. M. Penrose, . Rheem’s Hall. October B,lBo7—Cm* P IJNITED STATES CLAIM & AND I? .REAL ESTATE AGENCY! § W'M. B. BCTLEK, AITORNHY AT LAW, Office In 2 ar i aSa s )rt D- IeI R embraces every style, length Sihi . »r /or Indies, Misses and Children. Also, » r f s >TADE TO ORDER, altered and repaired. Ask for* 4 Hopkins’ Own Moke,” and be not de ceived. See that the letter “H" is woven on the tapes between each hoop, and that they are •• W. T. HOPKINS, MANUFACTURER, 628 ARCH STREET, PHILADELPHIA,” upon each tape. No others ate genuine. Also, constantly on hand a fall lino of good New York and Eastern made Skirts, at very low prices. . WHOLESALE AND RETAIL, at thcp PHILADELPHIA HOOP SKIRT Mana pr 18,1807 10m, WILLIAM T. HOPKINS. Drug grtcrc. DRUGS! DRUGSI-Dr. D. Cornman having to relinquish on extensive practice, as well os Eta Drug business in the city of Pitts burg, several years ago, on account of 111 health, has now opened at No. 88 N. Hanover street, be tween the oGlce’s of Drs. Klelfer and Zltzer, a DRUG STORE, where ho has and is receiving ev ery few days a pure stock of Drugs, Chemicals, Dye Stuff* and everything generally kept in a well-regulated City Drug Store. Prescriptions carefully compounded and family receipts will receive special care. Tho Dr. can be consulted at any hour, at bXAffico, back of his store, or at his dwelling. No. ILdN. Hanover street, after store hours. Remember the place, No. 88 N. Hanover Street, Carlisle. ™ . BR D. CORNMAN, Bept. 12, Igtf—Jy BY BRATTON & KENNEDY, J&oteg, STintoarc, &c. w ANTED! WANTED Messrs. WALKER & CLAUDT, AT GOEGaS’ OLD STAND, IN REAR OF RHEEXTa HALL, TO SEE TOE LARGEST S'roCK OF STOVES AND TINWARE EVER OFFERED IN CARISEE As the season Is approaching for house-keepers and others to look for a GOOD STOVE, wo would beg leave to call their attention to our stock of COOKING STOVES, among which may bo found the following now lu the market s REGULATOR, . , QUAKER CITY, . NOBLE COOK, SUSQUEHANNA, NIAGARA, COMBINATION and EXCELSIOR PENN, all of which are warranted to bo the best ROASTERS AND BAKERS, with all the MODERN IMPROVEMENTS, W© would call especial attention to the REGU LATOR OOOK, which possesses advantages which should recommend It to all. It has a RE VOLVING TOP, by which arrangement the cook can reverse the cooking utensils to any position desired without the NECESSARY LIFTING. It Is decidedly the best cook stovo in the market. Messrs, Walker & Clnudy have also on ha»d a largo stock of OFFICE, PARLOR DINING ROOM STOVES may bo found the celebrated BASE MORNING GLORY!!! THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OFFICE AND PARLOR STOVE EVER OFFERED TO THE PUBLIC. Too much cannot bo said in praise of tho MORNING GLORY, which so far has taken tho load of all other stoves In the market. It Is a gas consumer, barns its own cinder, and requires very little attention after the Are Is made, It be ing so arranged that it wiU FEED ITS OWN COAL! For proof of what wo have stated we would re fer all to the following gentlemen of Carlisle and vicinity, who have had the MORNING GLORY in use fast winter, ami will cheerfully testify to Us merits: JOHN CAMPBELL, GEO. WEISE. DAVID RHOADS, W. B. MULhIN, Ehq.. H. L. BURKHOLDER, JOHN DUNBAR, J. M. WEAKLEY, Esq., JACOB RITNER, Ac. Wo would respectfully ask those who wish to mrchaae a No. I stove to call at once and cxam- THE MORNING GLORY! Wo also have on hand tho MORNING GLORY HEATER! WHICH CANKOT PAIL TO GIVE ENTIRE SATISFACTION! FISHER’S FRUIT CANS constantly kept on hand and for sale. . Our stock of TINWARE is complete In all Its branches and will bo sold at reasonable prices. TIN ROOFING AND SPOUTING AND GENERAL JOBBING, Sheetings, Ao, promptly attended to and done In the most workmanlike manner. JBSP* Do not forgot to give us AN EARLY CALL I August 1,1507—5 m, JAMES M'SONIGAL, ICANtTFACTURHII AND DEADER IN A.W.BENTZ. STOVES, TIN AND SHEET-IRON WARE, South Hanover St., Adjoining Jilalr & Son's Grocery, CARLISLE, PA. The subscriber thankful for post favors, re spectfully Informs his friends and tho public, that he bos now on band a largo supply of the latest and best improved COOK and PARLOR STOVES, . HEATERBand RANGES. In the Stove Department wo desire to call par ticular attention to the following, comprising as they do, tho very best Cook ana -Parlor Stoves now in use: NIMROD, QUAKER CITY, EXCELSIOR, PENN, NOBLE COOK, NIAGARA, SUSQUEHANNA and IRONSIDES. . To speak at length of the different Stoves would occupy too much apace,.but we deem it necessa ry to call the attention of the public to the EMPIRE GASBURNER. This truly wonderful Parlor and Office Stove la so constructed that tho cheapest quality of coal (Limebarner's), can be used with success.— It barns continuously and the lire is easily kin dled. . It Is capable of heating one room below and two rooms above. There Is no dust and no escape of gas, and an actual saving of coal, which in two or three seasons will pay for the stove. The Empire has many valuable qualities which con only be fully appreciated by seeing It lu op eration. Wo claim that it Is far superior to any other Stove now In use, and wo feel satisfied that we can convince all who will favor us with an examination of tho Stove at our shop of this part. Wo have on baud a full assortment of Repairing promptly attended to. Roofing done at the shortest notice. Spouting will bo put up on reasonable terms and with despatch. I (Please give us a call at No. 83, South Hanover Street, adjoining Blair’s Grocery. JAMES M’GONIGAL. , Sept. 10,1SC7—Cm PLAIN and FANCY PRINTING of KVEiiY description neatly executed at tho yoDWTOEB Office, EVERYBODY TO CALL O'N CHURCH ALLEY. AND MORNING GLORY. SOLD BY WALKER & CLAUDY, Solo Agents FOR CARLISLE MORNING GLORY. WALKER & CLAUDY, Oorgas' Old Stand. TINWARE IWkaL AUTUMN. There Is a glory on the earth to-day, There is a spirit in changing trees, There is a soft, lowmnrmur in my heart, And on the breeze. Sweet Autumn sheds a gentle influence now, Tho world is clad in beauty and In light; The sunshine shimmers softly through tho trees, And all bright. Some spirit has mode love to every flower That breathes its life out on the passing breeze Borne magic hand has thrown a witching grab Upon tho trees. For nil tho blossoms blush—they seem rare gems From tho bright land of dreams. In earthward flight, • .. ’ Some Seraph’s wing has swept the trees and loft Gleams of its light. Aljovo us bonds the silent, cloudless sky, And o’er Its depths a lone bird wings Its flight; Seen for one moment, then like glided hope, It fades from sight. The Spirit of the wind has struck his harp, But altered Is fcho music of tho lay; Tbo notes arc wailing, and tho burden is, “Passing away.” Wo lovo to Unger out. The deep, blue sky Seems nearer now than when thefeummer's here; Tho rustling leaves a molting murmur cast Upon tho ear. Yes, there Is music In the fallen leaves; They breathe the spirit of the mighty Past; They wake a chord In each heart ns they sigh “ Bright days fly fast.” eti)fferiffartiongt. IN THE WRONG HOUSE. ’Twos rather late when I started for my boarding house -in Seventh street in a locality where all the houses 1 wore alike in a row.' It was a dark night and somewhat windy. A street lamp flicker ed here and there, and though 1 was not intoxicated, the liquor I haul imbibed, at Dominico’s, had got slightly into my head. That made no difference, howev er; so, when I arrived at the house, I in troduced the night key and opened the door. To my surprise there was no gas burning in the hall. Was it so late«that the lost lodger had gone in ? I had-hard ly closed the door before a woman had her arms around my neck, and was kis sing mo. ‘Oh, George, I am.so glad you have come.’ This was followed by another exqui* site kiss. What did it mean ? The thing was getting interesting. Sho was a deli cious armful, but I could not tell whether her color was of the recognized standard. However, circumstances required me to say or do something, so I kissed the lady in return, and muttered: * You are. quite, affectionate to-night dear.' ‘ Why, no, George, not more so than at other times. But you smell of liquor!— I do wish you would not go to Domini co’a.’ ' It is a bad place, X confess, Nellie.' ‘ Why—l—that is—l mean—l spoke at a venture,' I blurted out honestly. 1 1 don’t understand you. You are ven turesomely drunk, that’s all. Have you no spices about you to chew? But you spoke of Nellie—how did you know sho hud come V ‘ I—l divined it.’ ‘ You did? Well she’s here.’ A paused ensued, so I asked : ‘Bow did she come? 7 * In the train leaving Germantown at 6. But come up stairs, George, she is wait ing for you. Here hung my hat bn nothing, the rack not being in Us place, and groped along the wrong side of the hall for the stair-way. ‘Why, George, you drunk in all ear nestness. Over this way. Give me your hand. -Now steady. * It was a warm plump hand, and I held on to it with more pressure than necessi ty required. I began to get a glimmer of light. I was not drunk but got into the wrong house. Hero was a predicament for a bashful young man! But what was I to do? Nothing that I could see, but face it out. % My name was Qcorgo for ono thing, and I had been to Domiuico’s; but I had no marriageable sister, and I knew of no Nellie nor any other lady who would have come down to see mo in the train leaving Germantown at 0. On tho landing my guide opened a door leading to a room just as impenetrably dark. ‘Are you here yet, Nellie?’ ‘ Yes, Jennie,’ answered a soft half frightened voice, from the far end of tho room. So my 1 make believe’ sister’s name was Jennie. 1 always liked that name; it is sweet, yet elastic; abrupt, yet modu lated; natural, yet artificial, (wide spin ning machinery.) ‘ How do you do, Nellie?' I said. ‘Quite well,’said she. ‘ Why don’t you kiss her, George,?’ in quired the little witch Jennie. Tho intimation was sufficient. The lips were as lucious as a peach—l envied George the I—George tho genuine. I again got my improvised sister’s hand in mine. There was a ringon it, and I was determined to have it, . ; ‘ How long are you going to stay ?’ I asked Nellie. ‘A week.’ ‘George you are taking my ring,’ chimed Jennie! ‘ You promised me a pin and ear-rings. When is that new set coming ?’ 4 1 ordered them to-day.’ ‘Oh what a dear good brother! (An other delightful hug.) ‘You shall have a kiss for every dollar they cost you I’ I was getting reckless. 4 They cost me five hundred dollars,’ X said. ‘Now George, you know that ain’t so I Will you take the kisses now or wait un til you get them ?’ 4 I’ll take them now.’ ‘ I’ll bail her/ said Nellie. ‘ No,’ replied Jennie, ‘ I’ll pay them in instalments.’ ‘ With a payment now to bind tho bar-* gain/ said I. ‘ Don’t’ spluttered Jennie, ‘ I have not got the jewelry yet. It is a sin to waste your kisses on your sister. Why don’t you kiss Nellie?' ‘Thank you,’ I said, kissing Nellie several times. I did as I was ordered. What else could a man with a strong disposition to oblige have done? ' ‘But why ain’t you in bed girls?’ I asked anxious to get at the meaning of the unreasonable interview. 4 Had you not better light the gas ? ‘ What would that bo for?’ said the in comparable Jennie. • Gas is expensive gas has gone up—is riz., We are soon go ing off. We don’t care for you. But don’t you kuow why wo sat up for you.’ 4 Can’t imagine.’ 4 Well, to-morrow evening there is a fancy ball at Mrs. P *—'• ’a.- Nellie just came in tho nick of time, didn’t she?— We have selected costumes —one for you. You’re our property boy,’ you know. We will start out shopping early in the morn ing. Tho time is short.’ ‘Oh, plauguo your shopping,’ I said yawning, after further chattering the girls retired leaving me tostretch out my full length on the sofa, as they supposed. Butaminute afterwards I was in the hall below. A door opened from a sitting room or parlor, and a masculine voice asked, in a low tone; ‘ Is that you Kemble ?’ I was somewhat startled. What was coming next? Kisses up-stairs—perhaps cuds below. No doubt it was tho origi nal George, so I answered as a venture: 4 Yes, G^rge. 1 ‘ All right, hero is a plate. Put it ‘up CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY, OCTOBER 24,1867. tho spout,’ somewhere in Gotham. Take care you are not tracked. Meet me in Franklin Square at 7 o’clock on Satur day evening. I will do tho ‘ nice thing’ by you. Get all you can for it—enough to meet that deuced ugly check.’ ‘I will try, George—or all will bo up between you and the Governor.’ ‘That’s so, Kemble. It seems tome your voice sounds strangely to-night.’ ‘Does it? I caught cold somehow or other.’ ‘Good night, Kemble. Keep tho ap pointment.’ I assented. I went out tho door with a heavy par cel in my arms. There was a mystery about the matter. George, the son so liberal in his provincialisms, bad got in to a scrape through a’ check, forgery or otherwise. It had to be met—and tho {date was on the way to tho pawu-bro cers. Not quite, for it had been deliver ed to Kemble, the accomplice. The uextevening the following version of the alTair, varied somewhat in each particular journal, made its appearance, showing tho surprising cxpauslvencss of reportorial genius: DARING BURGLARY. ‘ Xiust night a most daring burgulry was committed at tho residence of Mr. Abraham Farrell, in Franklin Square.— In view of the boldness and frequency of such occurrences it behoves our citizens to bo on their guard. Tho follow gob into the second story window,, by climbing* up the spouting, ejpdently, tho paint be ing rubbed off here and there. He rob ,bed the house of silver plate and other valuables, to the amount of five thousand dollars. What is the most singular and tho most audacious of all is, that he came into a room in which a daughter of Mr. Farrel happened to bo at the time. Imitating tho voice of, and pretending to bo her brother (aided by the darkness) lie play fully slipped a diamond ring from her finger. After chatting awhile, she retir ed, leaving the scoundrel to take a nap upon tho sofa. The movements betrayed an intimate acquaintance with the house and family. He however made a narrow escape; deliberately making his exitc at tho front door. JVIr, Farrel heard a noise, got up and reached the hall just in time to get-a glimpse of the fellow, mid discharged his revolver at him; tho ball entered the door frame just above his head. A man was noticed brawling about tho house In tho early part of tho evening, and, no doubt is the same fellow that recently, robbed the house of Mr. Fales, in Walnut street, and broke into the clothing store of Bell & Co.’ .With feet elevated and with a cigar in my mouth, I road this in my cozy little lawyer’s office. I laughed heartily; I had not supposed that I was so vlllian ously brave, or had made such *niracu lous escape. Ah. the reporter is a great man! A man makes a meagre, disjointed speech from a balcony, it appears in print and he is astonished to find how gram matically correct it is, how- germain to the subject it is, how sentontiously coup led. Superb, eloquent. and oratorical.— Tho reporter can damn one with empha sis or hoist him on tho shoulders of pub lic opinion, transmuting him from a demijohn to a demi-god. I took the tiny ring out of my pocket book, looked at it, thoughtof Jennie and sighed. There had been such abandon In her kisses, so much of mesmerism in the touch of her hand, that I determined to cultivate her acquaintance, and ‘ bang up my hat’ in the Farrel mansion in the place where the hat rack really was. Tho newspaper report revealed to me the name and residence of captivating amoret. Xu going up Vine street, on tho evening in question, I hild gone half a sduaro too far, and instead of turning up Seventh' Street, turned up Franklin, which Is between Sixth and Seventh. While reading the account of the bur glary, Cummings* tho chief of police, with whom I was quite intimate, passed the door. I called him in and related tho circumstance. He was apractical joker, and laughed immoderately. I . showed him tho plate' which X had locked up in my desk. ‘Keep quiet a day or two, Tait, there is more fun in this affair,’ ho said. On the afternoon of the siune day, a short, portly, red faced, irritable, old gen tleman, dignified my office-room with his presence. Ho stood up to me 'narrowly, wiped his red face with a, red silk hand kerchief, tapped the lid of his snuffbox, and said: ‘ I am Abraham Farrell'’ ‘How do you do, Mr. Farrell!’ I said extending my hand. * Take a seat.' The name of the visitor made me foil uneasy. Why had ho come to me ? ‘You are no doubt aware that I was robbed the other night,’ said Mr. Furrel, ' So I learned from the papers/ 1 All of which lie with the usual per sistence. Hot a single account approxi mates to the truth/ ‘ In what way Mr. Farrell ?’ ‘ln every way, in toto. They lie egregriously. The'robber did not climb up the spouting; he came in at the same door he went out. He did not palm him self off on my daughter as her brother and-my son, consequently she was not robbed of any diamond ring. I did not aeo him neither did I fire atbhn, conse quently X did not miss him/ 1 Perhaps you were not robbed either,’ I said. ‘ Oh, yes I was; palably, scandalously: I have come to you to have it ferreted out/ ‘To me! Why, I am ho detective,’ I said with surprise. Hd Wiped his face and took a pinch of snuff, threw up his hand dpubtingly and said: ‘Oh yes you are, Mr. Tait, Cummings sent me here—the chief of police/ Bo Cummings was bound to do me a good turn. What better way to become intimate with Jennie than by playing detective? 1 could have hugged my thoughtful and discriminating friend. ‘ Mr. Farrell lam an attorney, as you know, and the job hinted at is not in my line, but—. ■ Nbtprofesslonally X suppose/ ‘ Ho, but as Mr. Cummings has seen fit to recommend you tp me I shall under take the case/ ‘ Aud what will you require ?’ ‘ As a compensation ?’ ‘Ho,’ (gruffly.) * Oh, yea,’ said I. 1 Well I will require a patient truthful telling of the affair by every one connected therewith, and a carte blanch admittance to your house for a fortnight/ ‘ You shall have it. You shall come and go when you please, do as you please, question who you please. Only recover me the plate and identify the thief/ ‘I will try. Tell your sou George to call hero this evening. He can be of some assistance to me/ The son called in. the evening. Mo tioned him to a-seat. I commenced business at once by leaning over the table and asking, while looking into his face. ‘ Mr. Farrel, how ’much' money is it that you are in need of?’ ‘X! In need of money! Ido not under stand you’ he exclaimed. * A bit of. paper, check or otherwise, forged or genuine, is given you much an noyance. .It may be a trifling thing ;apro ionged existence may make it a wretch edly serious one.” '*l cannot divine yourineaning," said the fellow, brazen faced. Look hero, Mr. Farrell, your father has'selected mo to ferret'out that bur* glaiy. lam already at work. The soon er you and I come to ah understanding, the better it will be for one of us, which will be you in all probability. Night be fore last you gave a young man named Kemble a package in your father's hall. Now while I will not say that you are the thief, I will inquire what was the sum. which you wished to realize by that operation? Youcertaiulyundcrstandme now I , Young Farrel trembled and changed color. He answered, slowly and huskily; ‘ Two thousand dollars.’ v ‘ Now you are getting explicit. If I give you a check for that amount, will you give me your individual obligation therefore and promise hereafter to keep out of such abomkiablo character-compro mising, scraps?’ ‘I promise both, and will, in addition, allow you to consider me ‘ yours respect fully.’ * Well, here is the check.’ And shall I be compromised about tho plate?’ ‘ Not if itis recovered: not in any event if I can help it.’ As the reader may imagine, I was an admirable detective, so far as that par ticular case was concerned. I became in timate with Miss Farrell during that fortnight, interested her in mo, and be came a favorite. In due time I Informed ho old gentleman that I had recovered ho plate, but had not secured tho’thief. 3o came to my office, and I unlocked the leak to hand over to, him tho valuables. The old gentleman charged mo with naking a fool of him, struted up and Imvn the room, rubbed his rod face, laid is hand once or twice on his abdomen, rnd then started off, threatening ven geance. \ Wasn’t lin a predicament? The sweat s\ood on me in drops. Just then Cum npngs passed, I detected a twinkle in his ejo. He was the only man to whom I hid shown the plate, or who knew where I.had kept it. A minute-after I had him by the shoulder, and bustled him play fully into the ofilco the chief of police had come the joke ‘ practical 1 over me.— I recovered the plate and sent. it to Far rell, but it cost mo half dozen bottles of champagne. George Farrell became thoroughly re formed, graduated at the Pennsylvania Medical College, isapraetising physician in the West, reliable and patronized, and ago redeemed his obligations for the two thousand. It is hardly necessary for mo to state that ho married tho lady who had come up to seo him in tho train that loaves Germantown at £5, How did I prosper with Jennie? And did she find out the audacious fellow who stole her ring? Oh yes, I forgot that! “Wnltc U|», Solomon I’* “Wake up, Solomon, it’s time to get up,” shouted young Harry to hlssluggish brother, onb fine Juno morning, as ho jumped gaily out of bod, and began dress ing himself. ■ “ What time is it?” yawned Solomon. “Nearlysix,” replied his brother, “and mind, Sol, wo start at seven.”. “ It’s too early to get upyet,” said Solo mon. “ I’ll snooze till a quarter to sev en.” So the lazy fellow turned round, and was soon fast asleep again. When he awoke, his room looked full of sunshine. Tho house was very quiet, too, and rub bing his eyes, he mutered— “ X wonder if it is seven o’clock yet ?” Crawling out of bed, ho dressed himself and went down stairs; there was nobody in the parlor, nobody in the sitting-roomi nobody in the dining-room.. “What can bo the matter?” thought Solomon, as he mug the bell for the maid to bring him his breakfast. “Where are they all?” ho asked as soon as she appeared. * “ Gone to the city,” replied the maiden, “ They started two hours ago.” “ Why, what time is it?” “ Nine o’clock.” “Nine o’clock! But why didn’t they call mo?” “ You were called at six o’clock, aud wouldn’t get up. Your father wouldn’t have you called again. He said ho would teach you a lesson.” “It’s too bad?” cried Solomon, drop ping his head ujwn the table and burst ing into tears. -• it-was.ton bad tpat_thelazv boy did not learn the lesson ol that morning, so as to turn over a now leaf in tho book of life. I am sony to say, he did not. He loved sleep. He bated work. He was the slave of lazy habits, and is to this day. What sort of a man will Solomon Slow coach be? Well, if he don’t die of idle ness before he becomes a man, ho will be a shiftless, good-for-nothing fellow. Ho won’t have any knowledge, because he is to lazy to study; nor any money , be cause he is to lazy to work ; nor any good character, because he is too lazy to con quor himself. Wake up, Solomon! Wake up my dear boy 1 Shake of the chains that are upon you ! Be manly, be wide awake, be some thing! If you don’t wako up, you will soon bo a lost boy. Wake up Solomon, wake up! If you don’t, you will make a shipwreck of your life. A CONSCIENTIOUS SVOIITSMAN. On Turkey river, a few years ago, lived Amasa Parker, a worthy itinerant minis ter of tho Methodist church. Besides be- ing a Usher of men he was a fisher of fish, aud also delighted in the pleasure of the chase. To him one fine Saturday night came another son of Nimrod, Jack Wa ters. Jack woke up the minister by cull ing to him from the outside. The parson put his head out of the door and recogniz ed his friend at once. . “Mr. Barker,” saj’s Jack, “line night for coon hunting. Can you come out aud have a shot?” A muffled protest in a feminine voice was faintly heard inside the house; but the good minister was too ardent a hunt er to yield even to petticoat influence. A moment later he appeared at the door in hunting trim, and the two men started off, although the protest was repeated more strenuously, accompanied by the apparition at a window of a head encased with-a ruffled night-cap. Spite of the flue night, however, aud tho skill of the two hunters, luck was against them; aud several jiours.had passed before they met with anything worth taking homo. At last the parson descried a flue coon in a tree. Being a sprightly parson, and agile, he climbed up after the animal, followed it to quite a height. At lost, getting a good chance, ho leveled his gun. “ Why don’t you fire?” hoarsely whis pered Jack. after waiting several miuutes, during which the parson remained sud denly transfixed, neglecting to pull the trigger. “ I say, Mr. Waters,” he replied “ what time is it? Remember this is Saturday night.” “ Ho it isn’t,” says Jack, looking at his watch, “it’s Sunday morning. Just live minutes past twelve. Now, file quick, you won’t have such a chance again.” “No, no,” replied the minister, “it won’t do, Mr. Waters. Too late, now; wo must come"again.” “ But just give tho coon a crack,” ur ged Jack. “ Can’t do it,” said the minister, slow ly descending. “Recollect what tho commandment says: Remember tho Sabbath day to keep it holy—coon or no coon.” Fast Young Ladiks.—ln order to boa fast youngiady, it is necessary to lay aside all reserve and reiinemont—everything that savors ol womanly weakness, to have no troublesome scruples but bo ready to accord an appreciating smile to the broad est joke. There must be no feeling of de poudance on the stronger sox; but, by adopting as far as decency permits, mas culine attire, masculine habits, and mas culine modes of expression accompanied by a thorough knowledge of slang, and a fluency in using it, these ladies show themselves to be above all narrow pre judices. There must bo noihluklngabout other people's feelings; if people will be thin-sninod let them keep outofthe way at aH events, Should “mamma" raise her voice in feeble remonstrance, the fast young lady impresses on her that “ she is no judge of thesomutters. Xu her school days, every one was slow; but it is quite changed now." In shoat to sum up, to be a fast young lady, modesty, delicacy, refinement, respect for superi ors, consideration for the aged, must all be set aside; boldness impudence; irrever ence brusqueness, and we fear too often heartlesuess, must take their place. “ HOY LOST.” Ho has black eyes, with long lashes, red checks, and hair almost black, and curly. Ho wore a crimson plaid jacket, with full trousers buttoned on ; had a habit of whittling, liked to ask questions and was accompanied by a small dog. It was a long time since he disappeared. I have a very pleasant house and much company. Everything has such an or derly put away look—nothing underfoot, no dirt. But my eyes are aching for the sight of whittlings snd cut paper on tho floor, of tumbledown card-houses; of wooden cattle and sheep; of popguns, bows and arrows, whips, toys, go-carts, blocks and trumpery. I want to see boats a rigging and kites a making. I want to see crumbs on tho carpets, and paste spiled on the kitchen table. I want to sec tho chairs and tables turned tho wrong way. I want to see candy-making and corn-popping, and to find jack-knives and fish-nooks among my muslins. Yet these things # used to fret mo once. They say “ how quiet you are here.’ Ah! one may here settle his brains and be at peace. But my ears are aching for tho pattering of little feet; for a hearty shout; for a shrill whistle ; fora tra la la; for tho crack of little whips ; for the noise of drums, fifes, and tin Crump ets. Yet these things made me nervous once. They say, “Ah I you have leisure ; nothing disturbs you. Wbnt honps nf sewing you have.timo for?” But 1 long to be disturbed. I want to bo coaxed for a piece of new cloth for jibs or mainsails, and then to hem the same. I want to make little flags, and little bags to hold marbles. I" want to follow my little Charlie all over tho house ; teased for a bit of dough for a little cake, or to bake a pie in a saucer. Yet they say, * Ah! you are not tired at home. How delightful to bo at liberty for concerts, lectures aud parties* No confinement Cor you.” But 1 waut confinement. I want to listen for the school-bell of mornings, to give the last hasty wash aud brush, and then watch from the window nimble feet bounding away to school. I waut fre quent rents to mend, and # tb replace lost buttons. I want to obliterate mud stains and paints of all colors ; want to be sitting by a. little erlb'of evenings, when weary little feet are at rest, and prattling voices arc hushed, that mother may sing and tell stories. They don’t know their hap piness then, these mothers ; I didn’t.— All those things I called confinement once. * A manly figure stands before mo now, ho is taller than I, has thick whiskers, wears a frock coat, and bosomed shirt and cravat: Lie has just come from college,. He brings Latin and Greek in his coun tenance, and dust of tho old philosophers from the eating-rooms. Ho calls mo “mother,” but 1 am unwilling to own him. He avers that ho is my boy, and says that he can prove it. Ho brings his little boat to show the red strings on the sail (it was the end of a piece,) aud tho name on tho stern —Lucy Low, a little girl of our neighbor’s, who because of her long curls and pretty round face, was tho chosen favorite of my boy. The curls were long since cut ofl, and she has grown up a tali, handsome girl. How his face reddens as he shows mo tho name of the boat. Oh! I see it as plain us if it were written in a book. My little boy is lost in my big boy, in a long white nightgown, lying in his crib, with mo sit ting by, holding his forehead, watching his eyelids drop, and listening to his deep breathing. If I only had my little boy again, how patieut I would be? How much I would hear, and how little I would scold! I can never have him back again; but there are still mauy mothers who have not yet lost their little boy, I wonder if they know they are living their beat days; mat HOW IS tlie time to really onjoy Ihoir children! I think if I had been more to my little boy, I might be more to my grown up son. Seldom does a live Dutchmangefc tho credit of more smart things than arc set down to him in this catechism that he puts to a journeyman printer: A Dutchman sitting at the door of his tavern in the'Far West, is approached by a tall, thin Yankee, who is emigra ting westward, on foot, with u bundle on a cano over his shoulder. “ Veil, Misthcr Valkiug Stick, val you vant!” inquired the Dutchman. “Rest aud refreshment,” replied the printer,. “Supper and lolchiu, I reckon ?” “Yes, supper anil lodging, if you dease.” “Peyoa Yankee peddler, mil chewo ay in your pack; to sheat to gal ?” “Ho, sir, I am no Yankee peddler.” “ A slngiu-muater, too lazy to work?” “ Ho, sir.” “A shouted shoemaker, val loves to measure te gals’ feet and hankie bettor tau to make te shoes?” “ Ho, sir: or I should have mended my own shoes.” 4 “A book acheut, vot bodder# te school committees till they do vat you wish, choosfc to get rid of you ?” “Guess again, sir. I am no book agent.” • “To toyfels! a dentist,- preaking the people’s jaws at a dollar a shnag, and runniu offmit my daughter?” “Ho, sir, I am no tooth-puller.” “ Phrenologus, den, feeling to young folks’ heads like so many cabbitch?” “Ho, I am no phrenologist.” “ Vel, ten, vot the teyfels can you bo ? Ohoost tell, and you shall havo.te best sassage for supper, and shtay all nigid, free gratis, mitout- a cent, and a chill of whisky to start mit in te morning.” “lam an humble disciple of Faust a professor of the art that'preserves ail arts typographer, at your service.” “ Votsch dat?” . “A printer, sir; a man that prints books and newspapers.” “ A man vot prlntsb noosbpapers! Oh, yaw! yawl ay, dat ish it. A man vot printsh noosbpapers! Ynwiyaw! Vaik up! a man vot printsh noosbpapers! ✓ f viah.l may bo shot if I did not tluk you vas a poor teyfel of a di.-dmick school master, who varies for notlin, and boards round. I tought you vus him.” . LAW TER9IH. Hot long since an eminent commercial lawyer related the ensuing anecdote as an illustration of the “composition” which sometimes entered into the selection of a jury:. , “ I had a very important case," said he, “ involving some eighty or a hundred thousand dollars. It was a protracted case, owing to the complicated interests involved In it, and altogether a very tedi ous trial. When it was finally given to the jury, the judge remarked to them, as they Were about leaving the court-room for private consultation, that if, during the progress of the case, ally terins of law had been used or any rules stotml, that thdy did not fully understand, tho'court was fully prepared beforehand to make all needful explanations. Upon this, one- of the jurors, a man with a high, bald head, and a calm blue eye, upon whose sense of justice X had greatly relied, (for he paid the strictest attention to the entire arose and said: “I bolievo I understand all (he rules liathavo been laid down, but there are two terms of law that have been a good deal used during the trial that I should like to know the meaning of.” “Very well, sir,” responded the judge, what terms of law do you allude to?” “Well.” said our model juror, “the word; I mean, arc ilie dcfcmhnii I" Wasn’t (here a chance for a u»iu to “come by his own” in a law-snii where mch a juror was the principal memner of the “august body ?” Well, Johnny, what kind of cake do you like?” “ Why, I like sponge-cake, and pound cake, and plum-cake, and any kind of cake but stomachc-achc— that I don't like at all, I don’t.” VOL. 54.—N0. 19. CORRY O'LANUS ON PniSTEttS’ NTHIUIEIS. Tho Journeymen Printers of Brooklyn, who had been receiving 37 cents per 1,000 cino. aomo wooks ago, in consequence of tho high prices for food ana reins, aeciami that,they were not able them selves and families by their labor, and thereupon reported their wants to the employers, who informed them their de mands could -nof bo acceded to. This brought on a strike, and for a few days put the newspaper publishers to some In convenience. The crisis has b-epn got over by tho employers consenting to pay the rato demanded—4o cents per I,[JOO eras. Wo understand that they refuse fo re-employ their old men, and are putting new men in their places. Corry O'Lanus —a writer on The Brooklyn Eagle } who has amused tbo readers of that paper for a number of years by a weekly letter, in which he tells in his peculiar way tho street gossip—explains below how tho strike affected bis Interests: Dkar Eagle: I was much distressed when I heard of your family troubles — that your compositors had gone off on a strike. I recollect when our cook struck some years ago, the family got up and found no breakfast waiting for them, and tho pic ture Hashed upon my mind of tbeconster-. nation of tlio people of Brooklyn sudden ly deprived of their Eagle. And was my weekly epistle to bo seen no moru, umi joy vuiilsh from Saturday nights henceforward T The thought was uot to b.o endured. You know how I came to the rescue, and advised all my personal friends to rash to your assistance. O’Pako.was out Of tgwn—but, as ho don’t know how to set type, this was for tunately of no conscquenao. O’Bliquc, who was borne a typo-sticker, went to work with manly devotion. And it was touching to behold our ex postmaster pull off his coat and do a square day’s work., It is said that his feelings were unnec essarily lacerated by having to set up the advertisement for proposals for Nicholson' pavement. This must have occurred through a mis take in the hurry of giving out copy. Not expecting this emergency would 1 ever arise, I never learned to set typo; but a man don’t know what ho can. do till ho tries, so I asked your foreman, J. Buckley, to lot mb have a chance, as I wanted to got my letter up. Ho said X could have a “sit,” told mo to take a “ brevier case,” and lead my matter,” so that It would 1111 up. Ho then gave mo a “stick” and “rule,” which set me up. in the printing busi ness. / Except that I didn’t kuow iho different boxes where each letter Is kept, and oc-, cupied some time in finding them: got involved in the spaces, couldn’t hud any stops, got some of the letters upside down,, and the capitals somewhat mixed; I got along first rate, considering the practice I had had. I pied the first stickful I set up in try ing to empty it on a galley, and had to set it up again, I bribed the Devil (print er’s) to empty it for mo. . Mr. Buckley thought I would make a printer in time, and advised me to go somewhere and learn the business, then come back and ho would give me a job. As I want the readers of your paper to sec that I can set typo, the foreman said he would put my take in hero. mY sEt, printers snouLDu’OtPut oN ANy nlrs. unymxlYcim .sot tYpo.wllo}£uownmiXtlliujj. A'tl Yo’Vo got to Q.O intoPlojiuPtiie I/viijers, AKtf set Them UP in A rOw WITH SpascS tmd nj.opa,. -:. Us JUst a.s EaBy wl IoN yoU know how To dolt nSany Thing ElSo you UaVo Wot 2’o fookOUTaNdKoUholu'lXrorS riGUTsipo UPh, Which As You shit THeui Up. SrDE CIQA\M* IsvHTtLB dIFICUIt aT UKsf. llOgg Tuck trying To rouD a nraispnpWr hUiud in/y on Yomt Hgvu r Whloh 18 not vorA Easy h3jl/i you Uhccl To If then yoU havo Got To nmkn ALI yO\u LlnEs even* adp xlglltln tho OonmncwHicliTho PrlNtoits QIUL " .fJ39.iiU3'liJ''m{7*tji'" Lings Are SomotiMKs an Huau toJuSTIFV ns Sonomon”S Conduct whieir May rcfEr to printers, whO go On t BtrlKoS J suddenly.* 1 have Set AW tills UP In 2 Ilonvs & AhAlfJ As tho foreman said he would like to get the paper out this week, am! ho was afraid if I kept at tho case all day there would be so much matter set up that he couldn’t get it all in, I knocked off and called it half a day. But I shall not give up the printing bu siness. After the brilliant progress I havo made this morning, the evidence of which is before you, I shall pursue the study of the art, ami learning that there is a printing oiTlcc in your vicinity for sale. I think I will buy it out and learn tho-busincss at my leisure. It is a good thing to know how to set type. LI is likewise a very respectable busl icss.' Franklin was a printer before ho took to boiling lightning, signing the Declara tion of Independence, and the foreign embassy business. But he never went on strikes. Ho was a philosopher, and there is no philosophy in strikes. I havo great regard for printers. Particularly for the printers of the Ea gle. oflico, who have set up my letter dur ing tho past four years. Consequently, 1 wouldn’t put anything in tho way of their welfare. But newspapers nuist.be printed. The wants of the American people are not to bo trifled with,and the mechanical genius of this ago rises equal to any emer gency. So I give tho compositors fair warning that if they don’t go to work at once X will invent a machine which will obviate all further necessity for their services. It will be a wonderful triumph of .me chanical genius; aii you will have to do will be to put your copy In a receptacle like a iottpr-box, turn a eruuk, ami it will come out in typo ready for the form. f hud thought of a steam foreman fodo the rest of tho work—make up the form and send it to the press—but, as Buckley is a pretty good fellow, and has a largo family and a mortgage on his house, I won’t abolish his occupation yet a while. If you want any more assistance to set up type, send for me. , You see what I can do. Yours in any emergency, Couuy O’Lanus. SST* There was a dry old fellow out in Jefferson county, in this State, who call ed one day on the member of Congress elect. The famity were at breakfast, and tho old man was not in a decent trim to bo invited to sit by; but he was hungry, and determined to get an invitation. “What’s tho news?” inquired the Congressman. “ Nothing much, but ouo of my neigh bors gave his child such a queer mime.” * Ah ! and what name wasthut?" “ Why, Come and Eat.” The name was bo peculiar that it was repeated. “ Come and fiat f u “Yea, thank you,’* said the old man, 1 don’t cave if I do,” and drew up to 10 tabic. . . “ Old Uncle Spmkor,” well known up in the voJley of the Mohawk, once re lated a misfortune which had happened to his son in this wise: “PoorHans’ he hit himself mit a rat- tlesnake, and vaah sick into his ped, speechless, for six waks in der mont’ of AugoosL; and all his cry vash ■* Vatcr, vatorl* Und ho couhln’t cat nodlng, ex* cept a Ummllc- de», midout no sugar into Tim Bishop of Wurtzburg once asked a sprightly shepherd boy: “ What are you doing here, my lad?” “Tending swine.” ' “How much do you get?”— “ One llorin a week. “ I also am a shop herd,” continued the bishop, but I have a much bettersalary.” “ Thatmay bo; but then, I suppose you have more swine under your care,” innocently re plied the boy. Bate© for 3liWertising ADVEimsKMENTS will bo Inserted at Ten Cem per line for the first insertion, and live ccnF per lino for each subsequent Insertion! Q,imf ter/y, half-yearly, and yearly advertisements in scried nt a liberal redaction on tho above rales Advertisements should bo accompanied' by tin Oisii. When sent without any length of time Bpeeiflcd for publication, they will bo continued .until ordered out and charged accordingly. JOB PRINTING. ODDS ASH ENDS. „ Gl ' N *' lD ,s l havo more than the slings of old, ... .iVrvxxnaufleajaan way home- Champagne is the cause of many real pains. Punch Is the cause of many unfriendly punches. . The fellow- who wrote “Ask me no more,” was probably “ full.” ' Ale causes aillngs, and beer stretches many upon their bier. Brandy brands the noses of those who can not govern their appetites. The man who wrote "I’m saddest when I slug/ 1 jvps a fool to sing much. The chap who sung “Ah 1 don’t min gle,” takes his whisky straight. Whisky is the key which many gain an entrance into prisons and almshouses. Ip you can say nothing good of one say nothing at all. The language of flowers—” Well, I’m blowed!” Why is Glllot accountable for much alsLioueaty? Because ho makes people steel pens, and says they do write. A "Western Man soys ho always re spects Old ago except- wlicu nume one sticks him with a pair of tough chickens. Why are young ladles generally bad grammarians ? Because few of them are able to decline matrimony. What is the difference between a man hitting his wife's nasal organ and a wo man knitting stockings ? One hits her nose, and the other knits her hose. What is the difference between a saw mill tender, and a sailor? One goes to see and the other goes to saw. A Wheeling M.D. advertises a French medicine, one bottle of which will enable a person to talk French in three weeks. The chap who wrote to his folks to ‘ Take mo homo to die,’ got better and concluded to remain where ho was. A Man advertises a now patent stove which saves three-quarters of the coals, while tub osfaesitmakes paysforthe oth er quarter. Wjjat 1b the dfiTerenco between one. who walks and one who looks' up a flight of stairs? One steps up stairs, and the other stares up steps. The man who wrote to his love ‘Am I not fondly thine.own?’ found her in the arms of a rival one night and con cluded ho wasn’t. The girl who sang, *O, Charlie Is my darling,’ saw him one night with another feminine and don’t sing It os much us she did. The fellow who tpied to got up a con cert with the band of his bat. is the same genius who, a few weeks since, played upon the affections of an unknown lady. A Printer, in setting up tho sentence, ‘ Wo are but parts of a stupendous whole,’ by mistake of a letter made it read, * We arc but parts of a stupendous wbalc,’ A Little One, after undergoing the disagreeable operation of vaccinatipn, exclaimed, “ now I won’t have to be bap tized, will I?” * I have lost flesh,’ said a toper to his companion. ‘No great loss,’ said the other, ‘os you have made It up in spir its.’ The man who sung, ‘O, breathe no more that simple air.’ went into the smoking car where tho air was more mixed* There is said to bo an old lady down on Long Island so very fat that the neighbors use her shadow for griddle greasing. To keep her from slipping out of bed, her husband roils her in ashes. The editor of a paper out West, who has just failed, says he died with all the honors of war, ana retired from the field with colors flying—the ShorilTs flag flut tered from two windows and the door. ' In Sweden none but Indies of a certain degree are permitted to wear bonnets!— Such a law would apparently well suit some of our ladies, who seem to be very anxious to leave their bonnets behind them. During Bragg’s retreat from Middle Tennessee, two rebel soldiers stopped at tho house of Mr! K , and one of them proposed a trade fora very flue horse, but thought that a large white spot ou tho horse’s forehead lessened his value some what. Quite a laugh was premo Court, not long sindt*, by an ofll cial, who, when the called out for tho crier to open the ccmit, said, — “May-it please the crier can’t •cry tb-day, because his wife is dead!” pf One of tho boys in a New Orleans school was asked, after various definitions had been given by others, mostly quit© correct, what was meant by the verb to tantalize? He replied; “It was to ask a great many questions and then criticise the answers I” A fellow coming out of a tavern one frosty morning, rather top heavy! fell on the door step. Trying to regain his foot ing he remarked : “ If it be true that the wicked stand on slippery ground, I must belong to another class, for it’s more than I can do.” x A countryman going to market with a load of pork was met by $ young girl, who very genteelly made hlrti a low cour tesy, when hp 1 exclaimed: “What! do you make a courtesy to dead hogs?”— “No sir,” answered tho girl,. “ to llvp ones I” A couple of neighbors became so In imical that they would not speak to each other; but one having been convertedat a camp meeting, on seeing his former en emy, hold out his baud saying: “How d’ye do, Kemp ?” “ I am humble enough to shake hands with a dog.” A young lady who was reading a nov el was asked by a gentleman how she liked the style. Reviewing the incidents In her memo ry, she replied, “ the stylo? the stylo?— O, sir, I’ve not come to that yet.’’ Pat, said Judge- Sniff to his neighbor, in a sleeping car, you would have re mained a long time in the old country before you could have slept with a Judge. Yea, yer honor, and ye would have been a long time in the ould country before ye’d been a judge. A young man was frequently caution ed by bis father to vote for “ measures, not men.” He promised to do so, ami soon after received a bonus to vote for a Mr. Peck. His father* astonished at his voting for a man whom he deemed ob jectionable, inquired his reasons for do ing so. Surely, father, said the youth, “you told mo to vote for measures, ana if Peck is not a measure I don’t know what is.” Plump Women. —The New York Ga zette concludes a plea for ‘ plump women’ as follows: But whatever education our girls have, let us haveHesa of it. Ameri can girls are notorious for their pallor and frailty and tendency to wither and lose their charms at an early age. This country has no greater want at the pres ent time than of plump girls and plump womenn. Let us have them plump ami healthy, whether they know anything or not. Wo can teach their children what they do not know, if necessary; by all means let us have rosy, blossoming, solid women. The Pacific railroad Is not half so important to the prosperity of this country as the aggregate avoirdupois of its \Vomou. The female sex of America ought to weigh at least half os much again as it does. to fake a wiml-lni