•Amfrifan ilolunlwr.
VOL. 47*
AMERICAN VOLUNTEER. I
PDDLIBIISD KVBRT THUnSDAT MdRNIKO HIT
JOIM D, BRATTON.
TERMS.
i Sudsciption.— One Dollar-and Fifty Cents, paid
in advance;.Two Dollars if paid within tho year;
pod Two Dollars and Fifty Coats, if not paid within
tka yoar. These terms will bo rigidly adhered to 4 in
every instance. No subscription discontiauoduntil
all arrearages are pud unless at tho option of thfc
Editor.
Ad vehtiskments— Accompanied by the cash, and
.V,o.t exceeding one square, will be insetted throe
times for One Dollar, and twenty-five cents for each
Additional insertion. Those of a greater length in
proportion.
JoD-PuiNTiN’G —Such as Posting-bills,
Pamphlets, Blanks,. Labels, <fcc. &c., executed with
accuracy and at tho shortest notice.
iim-STH-AT HOME SOCIETY.
MONDAY NIGHT.
Ohl loro, I am glad you've come,
‘ Thosuppor’s almost cold;
Rut.here’s a nice warm bit for you,.
I don’t intend to scold. .
Xonr office closed, all b'usiiioss done,
Your books laid on the shelves.
How pleasant if will be to pass, .
This evening by ourselves.
HUSBAND.
My lovo, my dearest lovo, you know
How happy I should be.
If I could pass my leisure hours
In sweet commune with thcc; ’
Rut (hero ho sighs) you know wo must
Obey stern duty’s call, .
And this night, dearest, just this one,
I must be at (ho hall. . • -
TUESDAY NIGHT,
My lovo, Miss Cricket takes to-night,
. Her benefit, and so, ’
As she is bno I much admire,
I'd really like to go.
HUSBAND.
You shall my lore. Stop, I forgot,
'Tis Tuesday night, I swear;
A special meeting’s culled to-night,
I really muat bo there. -
WEDNESDAY* NIGHT.
Dear Charted, it’s been so dull to-day
Without you, I confess, 1
“Lot’s draw thu table to the firo
’ And liuvo a gamc of ebesfi.
HUSBAND.
I would,accept your challenge, lovo, ..
And grant your sweet domuud,
Rut Wednesday is our Lodge, you know,
'And I must he on bund. • ■,
THURSDAY NIGHT,
WIFE.
Welt, love, what shall wo do to-night,
Road or atteud tho play ? ■
Or.have a little.priva’te talk,.,
, The first for many a day ? -
HUSBAND.
Just as you please, I'll soon bo bock;
Business of very great .
Importance, love, comes off to-night;
X must.not let them wait.
FRIDAY NIGHT.
WIPE.
My lovo, just clasp this pin for me, /
And, 6'Aarleff, pray band my shawl;.
You.know you. promised me .
Tg take mo to thp ball. 1 J
HUSBAND.
I know ! did; but really, lovo, i
.1 bad forgot it nil,.
And promised £ would go to-night
Some members to install.
I hate to disappoint you, dear,
■ T kuovr It is provoking,
Rut when you spoke of it to-day
1 really thought you joking.
SATURDAY NIGHT.
WIPE.
Hero, take the baby, Charted yoX\ day
lib’s lain upon niy lap;
This evening you can wiitoh him while
I take a lithe nap.
HUSBAND.
Poor little thing, bow pale bo looks;
I hope ho won’t get worse
There's an election held to-night, . .
JSlso I’d stay at home and nurse.
SUNDAY NIGHT,
WIFE.
Dear Charted, hero are your cloak and h/it,
And overshoes, all warm;
I hope you won't stay late to-night,
There's such a dreadful storm.
HUSBAND.
Not stay out lato I you don’t suppose
I really could intend .
To leave my dearest wife alone
, Her evening hours to spend,
Jjiat place my slippers by the fire,
And wheel, the cheerful light
Right by. my coey rooking-chair,
Ire U ttay at home to-night /
MMlmms.
HAPPY KITTY MILLER.
“ That child is crowing as wild as a; colt,”
tras the remark I hoard from my Aunt Lucy’s
Hne, as,l looked up at her from the lowest
stop of the piazza, where I was frolicking
vrith'two big dogs. **
‘‘ Yes, and I’m afraid, her mother won’t
fllank us: fur it," was Uncle John’s reply,
she s racing and romping from morning till
night, and I think the best thing we can do
is to send her to school,* 1 '
~ Oh’ Uncle John 1” j began to remonstrate,
but Hector and Bounce rushed at meaimulta
nbously and overpoworodmo with their car
08S0S so that I could not finish my sentence,’
how X had been sent into the country that
so, that I might got strong nnd hear
ty, in view of the long winter, school months
m store, and to be thus suddenly deprived of
my lawful rights, seemed to me the most un
just thing m the world. I pouted, I frown
ed, and Toned, but all to no purpose; myun
tt,^ a r d a j nt , s P e , e . di , l y mado “P their minds
that T a tra!n!n g. and decided
Hnt t A ! 10U l d 6° to 8011001 one half of every
’ 80 1!l ? next Monday morning,
a n ° ,ghbor ’? dau ghter, called for
Snhv ' h a now roadm g book and geog-
StSSrt. a very suHen lace, I startl’d off
Wisorabl v l?l S?h i Ir 88, 14 s ®omed to me n
rably plain building, with the roughest
kind of seats and desks, tut when the lessons
were given out, if it had not been for my sul
ky mood, I should have, laughed outright.
They were not half ns long as those I had to
learn at the city school, and I had gone over
them all before, but I would not say. so, and
I purposely missed and blundered at first, be
cause I could not bear to be tied .down to
books and a hard seat, when I wanted to be
playing in the open air. I was cross and un
tamable, and I knew the girls all disliked
me, besides which, I was such a trial to the
Eoor school mistress, that I came very near
oing dismissed altogether, even from that
little country school.
Kitty Miller was the great favorite, and
homely and unprepossessing as she looked to
me, she was welcomed, more heartily when
she made her appearance in the morning, than
any other girl in school. She had a freckled,
sunburnt face, and always wore the. cheapest
calico, dresses, so I was sure that neither
beauty nor, riches'made her attractive, but af
ter a while I discovered what my willful
blindness prevented my seeing before, that it
was her contented, happy disposition, her
universal good nature, which made everybody
love her. She never complained of anything,
was always ready to bo of service to others,
and she even persuaded herself into my good
graces, by joining mo in the tearing race homo
oneway with Hector and Bounce.
I began to like Kitty, and think that with
her school was endurable, and when one day
Aunt Lucy told me that she and Undo John
were going away for a day or two, and that I
might stay at Mrs. Miller’s, I was quite de
lighted at the prospect Aunt Lucy’s last)
words, as she loft me at her neighbor’s gate,
were,
•“ Now, try and learn Kitty’s secret of be
ing happy.”
It was Thursday evening, and T expected
to stay until Saturday afternoon, so that
night we went to bed early, in anticipation of
A school day, and longer lessons than usual on
the morrow. I feel asleep almost as soon as
my head touched the pillow, and I did not
hear a sound until early in the morning,
when on opening my eyes, I saw Kitty dress
ing and,learning her spelling lessons. I was
about to jump out**of bed, when'she turned
around, and seeing my movement, said, “O,
you need not stir .'for. half,an hour;. I have
some things to attend ■ to, and must be ,up
early.” ■ ,v
I closed my eyes for another nap, and the j
next thing that roused 1 mo, was a child’s voice
in the adjoining room; the partition was thin,
and by the talking, I ascertained that Kitty
was dressing her little brother. I could hear,
her cheerful, pleasant voice, saying, “ Now be
a man, Robbie, and have your face washed—
that’s it,” as a splash and*.a laugh followed,
“ only we mustn’t make a noise, for wo have
company this morning,.and Robbie is going to
have a clean frock'and apron, and better than
clean face;' If anybody should want to
kiss him.’-’ . -
It was her winning, coaxing manner, that
made Robbie so willing to be dressed, and
when that. *"7’* .o VO r,.1. bo urd, bor-ikip down
stairs, and his little feet pattering along after
her. I thought it must be time for ,mo to rise,
but I had hardly comhienced dressing, when
I heard a* voice, under the .Wiridow calling
“ Chick, chick,”- followed by the tapping of a
spoon against a tin pan, and looking out, I
saw my little friend again, feeding a whole
score of feathered creatures, while she turned
her head to exchange a* pleasant “good morn
ing” with Jarvis, their hired man.
My toilet was made in a hurry, for I feared
I was the laziest one in ‘the house-—so when
J. hod lied my apron strings, I went down into
the kitchen, where Robbie was already in
stalled, with a basket of * clothes pins before
him, which he was . dexterously fastening
around the rim of a wash basin. Mrs. Mil
ler’s hands were in a bowl of meal, but she
had a cheerful word for mo, and told me if I
would come and sit by the dresser, she would
show me how to make johnhie cake.. I had
often seen the process at Aunt Lucy’s, but it
was the baking it this morning that particu
larly interested mo. Mrs. Miller took a small,
smooth board, and spread the mealy batter
over it; patted it down with her hand, and
then stood it up endwise before the wood-fire,
with a flat-iron against it to keep it from fall
ing backward. I expected to see it tumble
flown every moment, but for a wonder it stood
upright, and in'all its various turnings, nei
ther slipped off nor fell down: -
l am sure no breakfast ever tasted half so
good to me ns that one at Mrs. Miller’s with
her hot coffee and fresh bread, and the john
nie-cake baked on a board.
After the meal was over, there remained
two-hours to school-time, yet Kitty was occu-
every moment; she’helped her mother
wash the dishes, fed her little white kitten,
and then disappeared mysteriously for about
fifteen minutes. I had not thought what she
might be doing, but a little while after, when
I went up stairs for the purpose of tidying
our room, I found it already swept, the bed
nicely made, and everything in readiness for
another night’s rest.
“I suppose we can play how,” said I to
Kitty, as I went down stairs, for I could see
nothing to be done. Kitty laughed—a merry,
happy laugh—and shaking her head, answer
ed; “O, I never get time to play in the morn
ing."
WIPE.
WIFE.
WIPE.
That seemed very hard to me, who had so
many idle moments on my hands, but I did
■ not say so to her, hut offered to help her in
whatever sne had to do. She took a large
. basket, and as we were going to the garden to
■ gather the vegetables for dinner, I asked her
when.she found time to learn her lessons.
. “0,;_I learn them by.snatches," said she:
—“ a little here, a little there, though I never
oap tell when I study them.”
, “,® ut don’t'you get tired," I’inquired, "of
■ having something to do all the time?"
“Yes, oi)oo in a while,’’ said Kitty, “ but if
1 played .whenever I wanted to, mother would
have to work a great deal harder to make up
for it, and I should not'be so happy.” 1
It was a pretty long walk. to the school
house from-Mrs. Miller’s, and of course Kitty
was busy with her lessons, excepting at recess,
until one o clock, when we both went home
she like myself attending for only half a day’
Her fingers flew then until tea time, gem
ming towels, mending Robbie’s torn frOck
and gathering currants from the garden for
the^ evening meal; but never once did an im
patient look cross her face, nor a hasty word
escape her' lips. She wont about everything
with as much pleasure as if it had been real
pastime, while I, who had nothing to do but
fo to school a part of the day, had oven grum
led nt that. Truly, I was learning a lesson,
[ and I; wgs glad that my aunt Lucy sent me to
find out Kitty’s secret. As the next day was
Saturday, she had a little more of a holiday
but all the morning and a part of the after
taents WAS tUSy ' n housel,old arrange
" “t?. she said to me,
Now, when I finish darning those stockings,
r/r“ e ?A n< i Bm , ng !n th ® bnrn - ° r piay out
of doors; but as her task was accomplished,
there'came patters nf rafh oft the' windows,
i and tvo had to give up going put. So wd went
• up into the garret, where all kinds of old and
• dilapidated things were kept, and wo rum
• aged' out frocks and hoods, in which we
; dressed ourselves, and imagined we looked
, like our grandmothers. Then we took the
press-board and slid down the garret stairs^
1 but this-made such a clatter that wo had to
give it up; and then for about half an hour
we were as quiet as we had been noisy just
before, for. we discovered three little blind
kittens in the crown of an old hat, over which
dabby u kept a zealous watch,but we each
took turns in holding and when
wo finally gave them up to their anxious
mother, we still kept, our seats listening
silently to the patter of rain, that came down
on the shingle roof, until Robbie's voice at the
foot of the stairs interrupted us, and by his
prattle we found out that a lady had come.
It proved to be my Aunt Lucy, who was look
ing for me, and after thanking them all for
their care of me, wo went back together .to
Uncle John's big farm. ,
Kitty's industry had shamed me, and I
went to work with a good will to do something
for others, and I did not complain after that
of having to go to school. Her secret is mine
now, and when I,went homo after that sum
mer in the country, I felt much bettor satis
fied than I should have done had I romped it ■
all away. My acquaintance with Kitty has
been a benefit, to me all my life, for she proved ■
to mo that if I would be happy niyself, I could
not find a surer way than in giving pleasure
to others. . . 1
Early Vegetables.
Many farmers are deterred from Attempting
to produce, very early vegetables by an erro
neous idea that the making of a hot bed is a
complicated and difficult operation, while it is
just as simple as making a hill of corn. Every
man who has a garden of whatever size, if he
will once try the experiment of making a hot
bed, will, we venture to predict, find tho task
so_ easy, and the result so satisfactory, that he
will never forego the luxury afterwards. All
that is necessary is to make a pile of horse
manure two. and a half feet deep, with tho top
level or sloping a little to the’ south, then set
a rough frame made of four hoards nailed to
gether at the corners, upen the bod of manure,
till the frame with six inches of garden soil
and cover with a Window ot glass. Any old
window will answer the purpose, hut it is bet
ter to have the bars of tho sash run only one
way, and to have the glass laid in the manner
of shingles. .
Tho best plants to force are tomatoes and
cabbages, which may he transplanted from
tho hot bed to the open air without any trou
ble. Wo have removed tomatoes when they
were in blossom, and had them all live. If
melons or cucumbers are forced, they should
be planted in flower pots, and in transplant
ing them you turn the pot' over upon your
open hand and give it a gentle'thump, when
tho earth comes out n a solid lump and tho
roots are not. disturbed iu tho least. While
tho plants are growing, they should ho wa
tered frequently, and in wared days tho’sdsfi
should be raised to give the plants air. . Wo
have found the growing of plants under glass, ,
from a small hot-bed, four feet ■by six, up to 1
d largo grapery for raising the Black Ham
burg .and-Ffontignao grapes, tho must satis
factory of all horticultural operations. Hav
ing the control of the climate both in boat and
moisture, the plants can ho made to grow
with a vigor which they rarely if over exhibit
.in the open air, A hot-hed should be made
from four to six weeks before the time of
planting corn. —Scientific American.
Romance of a White Suave. —According
to the Carlo Gazette, a fugitive, named Henry
Lee, alias Henry Jones, the property of W.
C. Faulkner, of Tippah county, Mississippi,
was arrested On tho 7th in Mound City, and
delivered over to. the custody of his master.
Mr. Lee, alias Mr. Jones, thinks he is a white
man; and if the matter were to bo determin
ed. wholly -by color and appearance, some
folks mightpoin him in the conclusion. Ho
says that his parents wore white; that they,
dying when he was very young, left him in
charge of a slaveholder in Alabama,. who
raised him in slavery, and taught him to be
lieve that he was a mulatto. He further
claims that his name was changed, so that
his relatives might never seok to reclaim him
from bondage. He arrived at Mound City
six or eight weeks ago; and secured employ
ment at the marine ways. ■ He was generally
recognized as a white man,' and by some was
thought a “.magnificent follow.”
. Value op an Explanation. — A certain
king, it is said, sent to another king, saying:
“ Send me a blue pig with a black tail, or
else—”•
. The other, in high dudgeon at the presumed
insult, replied;
“ I have not got one, and if I had—"
On which weighty, cause they, went to war
for many years. After a satiety of glories
and miseries, they finally- bethought them
that, as their armies and resources were ex
hausted, and their kingdoms mutually laid
waste, it might ho well enough to consult
about the preliminaries of peace ; but before
tms could be concluded, a diplomatic explana
tion was first, needed of the insulting lan
guage which had formed the ground of the
quarrel.
could you moan/' asked the sec
ond king .of the first, by saying, “ send mo a
blue pig with a black tail, or else— V*
“Why/* said the other, “I meant a blue
pig with a black tail, or else some other col
or."
“But,” retorted he, “what could you mean
by saying, ,'J have not got one, and if I
had?—”’ b
“ Why, of course, if I had, I should have
sent it I” an explanation which was entirely
satisfactory, and peace was concluded ac
cordingly.
Western Politics. —Do you support Abo
Lincoln? No, sir! Do you support Douglas?
No, sir! Do you support Bell, then? No,
sir! What! do you support Breckinridge?
No, sir 1 shouted the screamer,' I “ supports”.
Betsey and the children, and it’s mighty hard
screwin’ to git along at that, witli corn at 60
cents a hushol.
O" A fellow on tho race course was stag
gering about with more liquor than ho could
carry.
“Hallol what is tho matter now?” said a
chap, whom tho inebriated individual had
just ran against.
“ Why—hie—why, the fact is, a lot of my
frionds have boon hotting liquor on tho race
to-day, and they have got mo to hold tho
stakes,”
• Mountaneobs. —Old Burdy lived in Alle
gheny county, and being down in the city,
some one said to him;
“ It is quite a mountainous country, where
you live, Mr. Burdy, is it not?”
“ Why, no," said the old man, “ it ain’t ex
actly mountaincoug, but its,rather ahilltano
ous country, that’s a'fact.”
“OUR COUNTRY—MAY IT ALWAYS BE RIGHT—BUT, RIGHT OR WRONG, OUR COUNTRY."
CARLISLE, PA., THURSDAY MARCH li, M
Scene at the Patent Office..* Down-Caster in
Search of a Berth,
The "Washington States and Union relates
the following amusing incident:
As the time for.the new administration ap
proaches, the crowds who throng to Washing
ton increase: Those Who make them are not
altogether disinterested. [Some are on office
bent. Curious ways seine of them have of
finding out whore best to drive their stakes—
that’s so • what pbst would best suit their ge
nius. It has even conic to this; that 'some
have gone as far os to look into the different
dopartments in advance,-and to make inquiry
of the incumbent clerk as tp the probable time,
&0., of his decease as such. "!' An instance of
this kind happened the other day at the Pat
ent Office. A long, slab-sided, rickety, car
roty-topped individual from ‘Neicw England,’
with the richest Yankee patois, walked into
the Library of the Patent Office, presided over
by Professor Jillson,, late of Columbian Col
lege, _ an urbane gentleman, fine scholar, no
politician, but with a sense of humor.
‘Wa’nl, stranger, kin I look at books hero ?
’Spose they’re public property V
‘Certainly,’ said the Professor." ‘What book
would you desire ?’
And the Professor marched towards the ca
ses of heavy French and German tomes, which
ho has to sift for the benefit of our inventors.
‘Wa’al, I’d like to see the book they call tho
Blue Book.’
‘Ah, sir, I’m sorry wo hav’nt it here. You
aro at liberty to, read v any-0f the books which
we have.’ .
‘Fact is[ I want to.find Opt tho best berth I
can, expectin’ Mr. Lihkih to pitt me in when
ho comes into peower. I rayther like this berth
stranger; 'spose yon don’t 'speot to stay, hev ?
What’s the salary f eould’ut you let me know
as to the dooties ?’
1 Tam sorry, fritind, to say tho salary hardly
pays for the duties. It is only what you,
would earn by close labor in a corn-field out
West.’
[Never mind' that; .what’s the dooties?
Think I can do’em/ : :
T aranot well enough acquainted with your
acquisitions to answer. ’First, I have to keep
an eye to all the books here.’
‘Well, that’s not'so hard
that as well as any/ ' j
‘Next, have to niake indexes and read proof
of Patent Reports.’ ■ •
. ‘That would come, I guess, by a little prac
tice.’ ’ ■ 1 ■ ~
‘Then,’ said the’Professor, with a merry
twinkle, ‘I have to, translate for the use of the
office from these books, of which I have
to commit to memory, and from the various
ancient and modern languages, including San
crit, Hebrew, Hindoo, 1 Swedish, French, Gor
man, Choctaw, Kickapoo’-^
Before the suave Professor had finished his
inventory, 'his-nffico-seekind interlocutor had
his hat on, and precipitated! himself into the
corridor, with a hasty : '. .V ■ ■ ,
‘That’l do stranger. Gooff day/
; ■r:' , v . •-A Foadsldij Moany, y _ ... ■
And so, Squire, yiSluoj/txake&country
paper?” , , " ( V ,
No, Major, I got.tho city napers on much
better terms, so I take n couple of them.’
‘But, ’Squire, the! country! papers often 1
prove n great convenience to;us. The more
wo encourage them the bettor the editor can
afford to make them/ T j
‘Why, I don’t know .off any .convenience I
they are to me.’ 1
, ‘The farm you sold last nil was advertised
m one of them, and thereby you obtained a
customer.. Did you not?’ (
[ fo r^ r^true ’ Maj° r , butljpaid three dollars
‘And you made more thkn three, hundred
dollars by it. Now, if yblirj neighbors had
not maintained tho press and kept it ready for
use, you would have been without tho means to
advertise the property. . ]Jut I think I saw
your daughter s marriage in those papers, did
that cost you anything?' I
. ‘No, ; .
‘And,your brother's death with a long obit
uary notice. And the destruction of Mr.
Iti£g s house by fire. You know these things
are exaggerated till tho authentic accounts of
the newspapers set them right,'
, ‘O, true, but—' ?
‘And when.your cousin. Splash, was up for
tho Legislature, you appeared hiuch gratified
|at his defense—which cost hinjt nothing.'
‘Yes, yes; but those things are nows to the
readers. They cause tho people to take tho
papers.'
‘No, 'Squire Grudge, not if all were like you.
Now, I tell 'you, the -will surely come
when somebody will write a long eulogy on
your life and character, and the printer will
put it in type with all your riches, this will
lie-done for you ns a grave is dug for a pauper.
Your wealth, liberality, and all such things
will ho spoken of; but the printer's boy, as he
spells tho words in - arranging the type to these
sayings, will remark of you—‘Poor mean dev
il, is ev(jn sponging an obituary!' Good
morning, 'Squire!'
Heart .Cherries at the West.—Some
years ago .strong hopes were entertained that
the Mahaleb would prove a valuable stock for
all the heart cherries \Vhcrii grown in the
western states; and prevent that failure which
has so generally attended their culture. This
hope has not been realized' to much extent.
The editor of the Ohio .Farmer expresses the
following opinion in relation to another stock,
the common Morello. We hope to see the
experiment thoroughly tried...
“We have strong faith in the success of
the sweet cherry on the rich soil of the West,
whenever it shall.come to bo worked on the
Morello stocks and near the ground. Unlike
the Mahaleb, it does not force the first year's
growth so rank, and if any thing it tends to
permanent dwarfing more perfectly than the
Mahaleb." . .
He alsomiakes the following remarks in re
lation to two late varieties originated bv Dr.
Kirtland.'
“ Downer’s Late, bears no comparison in
quality or sizo to Ked Jacket or ICennicott,
and as a market cherry will not be grown
when these and some others become bettor
and more generally known.” —\ Country Gen
tleman.
Must have Married Young.— ln the
Court of Correctional Police, recently, h, lady
by\io means young, advanced coquettishly to
wi wl f noss stan d. to give her testimony.
What is your name? Virginia Loustatot.
Your age? Twenty five. [Exclamations of
incredulity from the audience.] The lady’s
evidence being taken, she regained her place,
still coquettislily bridling, and.the next wit
ness was introduced. This one was a full
grown young man. Your name? said the
Judge. Isadora Loustatot. Your ago?—(
Twenty seven years. Arc you a relative of
the last witness ?. I am her son. Thunder 1
murmured tho Magistrate; your mother must
have married very young..
jtSf The light of friendship is.like the light
of phosphorus--—seen .'plainest when all around
, is dark.-
We hov said it was night. And onet for all
we say agin:
It was night.
In the fore room of widder Tuttle’s house
sat widder Tuttle’s only darter—Serefeenor.
To R ay that Serefeenor Tuttle—such was her
name likewise her natur—was a lovely gal,
would bo several rows of apple trees away from
her case. Her raven tresses were redder than
her nose, expressible eyes, teeth—grinders,
tothers being out—probably ivory. Add to
those the form of a syrup, and you hev one of
them gals kalkerlated to make a man strike
his father and kick Jiis grandmother, break
the ten commandments, and pretty much eve
rything else. "
, Leastwise, so thought Jemes Perkins, ns he
knelt at her feet that cold, cold, cold night.
“ Fairest of the fair sects,” implored the
youth, “hcor mo swnr?”
She said she would.
And he sword.
“May I be whittled inter kindling -wood, 1
swore Jemes, “may I be used stuffing sarsi
gos if I ever—",
Hero the strain caused by kneeling was too
much for Jcmos’ onmentionables. Thar war
a rip, thou a tear, and Jemes kerflumuxed,
A deadly palor surfused the classic counte
nance of the lovely Serefeenor.
“ Oil, grashus 1” she cried and then swoon
ed. ,
•And then Jemes he swooned too.
Then—as if this had been the signal—thun
der bellowed, .lightning flashed, and the wind
roared in the chimbly.
' ** Jemes—Jemes,” at length called Sorefee
ner, in the gossamer tone of an expirin treo
tode, “ this arc the lyin gale.”
Then life once more returned to the dyin’ I
youth, Fora' single moment he sat on the
hairth ; gracefully as a Roman soniter a fol
.djn his toggy did gather his cote tails round
liis torod trowsis—sorrowfully did ho gaze
■hpon the face of his beloveds —and solemnly he
replied: ■ . . •
“It kaint be so—it’s too airly!”
Hardly had die seesed sneakin’—or more
properly speakin, skasely had he dried up
when the door opened,, and !! !*»***ggy
; guess could do
Some years ago in Newcastle county, Dela
ware, an Irishman was knocked down and
robbed. He'accused a man of having .com
mitted the_ robbery, and in due time the case
came to trial. The Irishman being upon the
stand, was cross-examined after.having sworn
positively to the 1 guilt of the prisoner, by one
of the keenest lawyers, and something like the
following was the result:
“ You say the prisoner at the bar is the man
who assaulted and robbed you ?”
“Yes."
“Was it by moonlight when the occurrence
took place?” '■
“ Divil a bit.iv it.”,
' “ Was it.starlight ?’?.
“ Not a whit; it was so,dark that you could
mot have scen your hand before you."
“ Was there'ahy light, shining from any
house near by
“ Divil a bit iv a house was there anywhere
about”
■ “Well, then, if there Was no moon, stars,
nor light from any house, and so dark that
you couldn’tsee your hand before you how are
you able to swear that the prisoner was tho
man ? ■ How could you see him ?”
■ “Why, yer honor, when the spalpeen
struck me, the fire flow out iv me eyes so
bright you . might have seen to pick up a pin,
you could.”
The court, jury, counsel and spectators ex
ploded with shouts at this quaint idea, and tho
prisoner was directly after declared not guilty.
Ami mat. Economy.— As a Yankee pedlar of
the genuine Connecticut breed, was one day in
front of a country tavern, watering a raw-bon
ed horse, whose ribs might bo as easily coun
ted as marbles in a boy’s pocket; a roguish
looking horse-jockoy accosted the pedlar,
thinking to have some fun with him, as fol
lows: '
“ I say, I rather imagine it dm’tcost much
to keep that ere orittor in feed, does it?”
“Mai now, what would you give to know?
I make it a rule never to trade for nothing.”
. ** Wclh” said the jockey, “ If you can feed
him on anything cheaper than laths and brick
bats, and support life, I’ll treat.”
“ Done!” said Jonathan, putting both hands
into his pockets and looking up into tho jook
ey’s face. “I’ll take yer up! stranger. I
just gets a lot of shavings and a pair of green
spectacles on tho animal’s nose, and tho fool?
isli creature thinks its grass! At that rate
ho cats a barrel a day! Now, stranger, I’ll
take a sweetner, if you please.”
O.vc Drop at a Ti mrv—Have'you ever
watched an icicle ns it formed? You. noticed
how it froze one drop at a time until it was
a foot long or more. If the water was clear,
the icicle remained clear, and sparkled bright
ly in the sun, if the water was but slightly
muddy, the icicle looked foul, and its beauty
was spoiled. Just so our characters are
forming—one little thought, or feeling at a
time adds its influence. If each thought be
pure and right, the soul will bo. lovely, and
will sparkle with happiness; but if impure
and wrong, there will bo final deformity and
wretchedness.
SZ7T,Two little niggers wore playing in a
cornfield when one of them exclaimed:
“ Lordce! Pete, I sees a whoppin’ bic
toad I” ' 11 b
“ Whar ’nth ’c ? Sam, I can’t see ’im.”
“Why thar—right thar! Whar am yer
eyes, nigger?’’
“Don hit ’im wid do hoe."
Sam wholed away and brought Pete all up
standing on one leg.
“Why, you dratted-fool nigger, dant was
my foot, and I seed ’im all de time.”
E®“ A young man having lost his watch
key, and being weary of looking for it, re
marked that be supposed it had gone to h—II
by this time.
“ Well,” observed his father, who was near I
by, “ be contented, for you will bo quite like-1
ly to find it again."
fl®" English travelers complain that they
are so much hurried in ouf hotels, and so lit
tle in our stage coaches. An Irish traveler
took a different view of thooaso. Honest Pat
came in at 1 o’clock, and was called up in half
an hour. “And what will ye charge for the
lodging ?" “ Twenty-five cents,” was the re
ply. “An’sure twas kind of ye to call me
soairly, if I’d slept until the morning I’d not
had the money to pay the bill."
figy With a double vigilance should we
watch our actions, when we reflect that good
and bad ones are never childless, and that,
in both cases, the' offspring goes beyond the
patent, every good begetting a-better, every
bad a worse'.
“Jones and Serefeener. ,)
do Amusing Law Case.
General Cpss at Home,
From tho Detroit Free Press, March 2.
The return of General Cass to his home in
Detroit was made yesterday the occasion of a
large and enthusiastic demonstration on the
part of citizens of all classes, who united in
a cordial display of the respect and esteem
in which they hold his services and character;
the demonstration was of a kind seldom ac-|
cord<S(iS)6o men in public life; the weight and
position of the principal participonts belong
ing to a standard which constitutes in itself
a compliment of the highest order. Wo feel
assured that never on any similar occasion
has n body of our citizens comprised so much
of solidity, wealth and respectability, as that
which yesterday morning took the cars to
meet and escort homeward the venerable
statesman, whoso close of office has, probably
for the last time, found its close.
At the close of an address Of welcOmo by
Mr. Emmons, General Cass replied in the
[ following words;—
“Sir: The kind reception which my fellow
citizens of Detroit have given me, on this my
return amongst them, has impressed mo with
profound emotions,of gratitude. The recol
lections and associations which press upon
me, render it impossible for mo to do' little
more than acknowledge their kindness. My
political career is ended, and I am warned
that in the course of nature my life ap
proaches its termination I come back to the
scene of my early labors, and cares, and ex
ertions, endeared to me by many an interest
ing association, to remain among you till, in
the providence ot God, I shall bo called to
meet that final change that sooner or later
must come to all. A yOung adventurer in
this great region of the Northwest, it has:
roved to me, as to many others, not oijly a
add of promise, but a land also of perform
ance. You have been pleased to refer in
terms of commendation to the service I have
been called upon to render to this section of
our common country. I have indeed seen it
advance from a weak and exposed colonial
condition to its present position, possessed of
all the elements of human power and prosper-
ity. - ■ • • ,
“I have tut one regret to encounter in re
suming my place nmonjj you, and that arises
from tho.porilous crisis m which our country
is involved. You do nie butjiistice in attribut
ing to moan earnest desire for the preservation
of this Union and of. the Constitution, the
great work of our fathers, and which has se
cured to their sons a greater measure of free
dom and jprosterity than any nation over en
joyed before us. I can scarcely persuade
myself that I'am not oppressed by some fear
ful dream, when I reflect upon all that is
passing in our country, and upon the position
in which this groat republic is placed; sud
denly struck from the summit of its prosperi
ty, and with a future before us which no man
can contemplate without the most serious
alarm. In all history there is'nothing like
it. ‘With no external enemy to trouble Us,
with no internal oppression, with none of
those visitations ot pestilence or famine -or
other evils by which nations are often pun
ished for their offences, we have recklessly
‘put to hazard our inestimable blessings, and
are entering thatpath of discord, and division
and border disputes, which, if there is any
■truth in history, must lead to most disastrous
consequences. Ido not allude to this fearful
subject iii any partisan spirit. Ido hot seek
to investigate the causes which led to the pres
ent state of things.
“But I indulge in.the hope that, before it 1
is too late, there will bo a determination
through the whole country—a firm deterinina
tion—-to cultivate feelings of friendship and
harmony, accompanied by the manifestation
of a spirit of conciliation mid compromise, of
justice, indeed, which may lead to the hope
that, if the work is earnestly and promptly
undertaken, we may succeed, under Provi
dence, in re establishing the integrity and
the blessings of the Constitution, with the
patriotic co-operation of the whole American
people.”
Forbidden' Fruit.—M. Noel, a French aj
riculturalist, speaking of the introduction of
the potato says: This vegtable was viewed by
the people with extreme disfavor when first in-
traduced, and ninny expedients were adopted
to induce them to use it but without success.
In vain did Louis. XYI wear its'flower in his
button hole, and, in vain were tubercles dis
tributed among the farmers; they gave them
to their pigs, but would not use them for
themselves. At lastParmentior, tho chemist,
who well-know the nutritive properties of the
potato, and was most anxious to see it in gen
eral use, hit upon the following ingenious
plan: Ho planted a good .breadth of potatoes
at Sablons, close to Paris, and paid groat at
tention to their cultivation. When the roots
wore nearly ripe, he put notices around the
field that all persons who stole any of the po
tatoes would bo prosecuted with the utmost
rigor of the law, and gens d'annes were em
ployed to watch the field day and night, and
arrest all trespassers. No sooner wore the
roots thus forbidden, ns it were, by authority,
then_ all persons seemed pager to eat them,
and in a fortnight, notwithstanding the gem
d’annes, the whole crop was stolen, and with
out doubt, oaten. The now vegetable bavin**
been found to be excellent food, was soon after
cultivated in every part of the kingdom.
llow to Meet Si-andeu.— A black smith
having been slandered, was advised to apply
to the courts for redress. lie replied, with
true wisdom, “ I shall never sue anybody for
slander. I can go into my shop and' work out
a better character in sis months than I could
got in a court-house in a year.”
Some graceless scamp has presumed to
say that “ it is woman, and not tier wrongs,
that should be redressed ! The fellow ought
to suffer the torment of being invited out to
tea, or to a sewing circle. - I
!T7" A Widow lady, sitting by a cheerful
fire, in a meditative mood, shortly after hor
husband’s decease, sighed out; ‘Poorfellow,
how he did like a good fire 1 I hope he is gone
where they keep good fires !'
E7* Deliver us from temptation is npoti
ion loss dwelt upon than give us our daily
ircad, and yet, without such deliverance, tlio
road is not worth praying for.
Good morning, Mr. Honpeck, have you
any daughters that would make good type
setters ? ° J 1
Not exactly, but I have got a wife that would
make a first rate devil.
SSy One of .the most important, but one of
the most difficult things for a powerful mind
is to be its own master; a pond may lay quiet,
in a plum, but a lake wants mountains to
compass and hold it it.
, Thwo is a man in Greenbush—says
the iroy Aews —who believes in rotation of
crops. Oho year he raises nothing; the nest
year weeds.
useful Domestic receipts.
Backed Beans —Few. people says the Ger
mantown Telegraph, know the luxury of baked
beans, simply because* few cooks properly pre
pare thtem. Beans, generally, dre not Cooked
half long enough. This is our method: Two
quarts of middling-sized white beans, two
pounds of salt p.prt, and one spoonful of mb
lasses. Pick the bonne over carefully, wash
and add a gallon of boiling hot soft water;
let them soak in it over night;, in thß morn
ing put them in fresh water,, and boil gently
till the skin js very tqpder and about to break,
adding a - teaspoonftil ofsaleratus, Take
them up dry and put thcql in your dish'; stir
in the molasses, gash the,pork and ,put it
down in th'o dish, so as to, have the beans cov
er all but the upper surface; turn in boiling
water till the top is just covered; bake with
a steady fire four or five hours,' Watch then!;
and add more water from time to time Os it
dries away.
To Roast Beef. —Choose that which has a
fine, smooth grain, rather fat, arid that of a
whitish color. The frit three ribs arc good
—the sirloin the best. Wipe it clean, but do
not wash it. Put a little salt on it and'place
in an oven to bake; baste itofton,... It should
supply its own grease, A piece of seven
pounds should take about an hour, or an hour
and a half, to roast, allowing that it is pre*
ferred a little rare. To moke good gravyi
pour off carefully the grease, stopping with
a spoon any floating gravy. Thou add ft lit*
tie water and boil, and pour over tho roast or
in tureen, as desired. Horseradish is' con
sidered the epicure’s relish, with roast hoof.
Some prefer mustard, or both.
■ Luncheon ,welj, together ond
teacupful of butter, aridqtWo oups.of .potVddr*
cd sugar. Add the yolks of throe .eggs, and
one cup of milk, and one cream
tartar, or one. teacup of sour,, milk, Sift to ;
this enough flour to make i£,puoh n consis
tency as will allow it toq.be poitted
into the baking tins. After the,, add one*
half teaspoonful of soda, previously mixed
ini one tablespoonful of warm water, and the
whites ot three eggs, beaten to a.qtiff froth: '
A few currants or raisins added are an im
provement. It may be seasoned,with lemon
or vanilla, Bake half an hour.' YoU may
look at it in ten minutes after putting in tho.
oven. •
Jennv Lind Cake.— Beat well together one
coffee-cup of butter and one .poppd of pul*
Termed sugar. Mix thoroughfe,,’ ~To four
cups of flour add two teftsponnftlls.-.of cream
tartar, o.nd sift gently over the caka, stirring,
all the time. Add one teaspoonful of Soda,
dissolved in one tablespaonful of warn! wa
ter. Mix it well. Stir in gently the whites : .
of six eggs beaten to n stiff foam.’ Yoiiiiiay
flavor with lemon. Bake slowly. . .It,should
bo put in tho oven as soon as possible after
putting in the soda and.whites of eggs: ■ T
To Make Savory Balls. —Mipqh guy kind
of cold meat very fine; add ,nn equal quantU
ty of broad crumbs; season ,with salt,, pdppor
add sweet horbj.J.boat up two or : tlise<segg*{
mix the whole in a mass and make up in balls.
Bake them till they are nicely brown and
serve them hot. They may he fried in but*
ter.-
To Restore Faded PahasoLs.—-Spqtige tit A
I faded silk with warm water and , gqjip, then
rub them with a dry cloth, nftofw/trd iron*
them on the inside with a dry oloth/rtfterward
iron them on the inside with,, a .smoothing
iron. If tho silk bo old it majb bo improved
by smoking with spirits, in which case tho
ironing should be done on the right fflde; thin
paper being spread oyer to prevent glazing.
Baked Apple Dumplings.—l’jireand.coro
the apples, and cover each with biscuit-dough
or pastry. Have ready a tin basin with hot
molasses and water—three payts water and
one part molasses. Bake them about three-
quarters of an hour.
To Make Yeast.—One quayb,flour; on®
tablespoonful of sugar; ditto salt.. Boil six
potatoes in three quarts of water till quite
soft; strain them through a seivo ; when milk,
warm add a pint of yeast to rise it.
Cheap Cake.—One table-spoonful of but
ter, one egg, one cup of sugar, one-half cup
of buttermilk, one-half teaspoonful of soda/
and flour enough to make a stiff batter. Fla
vor with lemon.
A Thought fou Young Men.—More may
bo learned by devoting a few moments daily
to reading than is commonly supposed. Fire
pages may bo read in fifteen minutes, at
which rate any one person may peruse twen
ty six volumes of two hundred pages each in
a year. You may say you, have none to guide
you. The best scholars : qud men of science
wilj toll you by far the njost valuable part of
their education is that which they have given
themselves. Volumes have been, filled with
tho autobiography of self taught men. Think
of Fronklin, the printer; of Linne the shoe
maker ; of John Hunter, tho cabinet maker;
of Ilerschol, the musician; of Donald,' the
weaver ;of Turner the- printer; of Burritt,
the blacksmith. Love learning and you will
be learned. Where there is a will there is a
way. _ .
Begin at once, take time by the forelock and
remember that it is only the first stop that
costs, end having begun; resolved to learn
something every day. Strike tho blow, and
avoid the weakness'of those, who spend hnlfdf
life thinking what they will do next. Always
have a volume near, you which yon may catch
up at such odd minutes as are your own. It
is incredible, until trial is, made; how much
real knowledge may.be acquired in these bro
ken fragments of time, which are like tho
dust of gold and diamonds.
Nest Thing to an Angel upon Habt!*.—
’ A gentleman walking through Knigtsbridge
I on Sunday overheard the following convorsa-
I tion between a man and a woman, who- op
| peered as if-just come from some pleasure
I trip into the country :—Woman—“Blow mo,
I Bill, how tired Ido feel. I’m as miserable,
too, as a starved herring. What a miserable
world is this! I wish I’d never been born, and
now that I am born I wish myself dead again;" ;
Man—“ Why, Bet, what’s the matter now 7
What are you grumbling about?” .Woman— .
‘‘Why, don’t I tell ycr I am ns miserable' as a
rat?” Man—“Miserable,indeed 1 Why,-what
on earth would ycr have? You was drunk
on Monday, and yon was drunk again on
AVednosday, and I’m blessed if yea havn’t
had pretty near enough to-day. If thaf ain't
enough of pleasure for yor I don’t know what
is. I suppose you wants to bo a downright
hangol here upon earth.”— English paper.
BSy “ Mind your own business,” 1 is a» old,
a somewhat homely maxim; but nevertheless
one that contains a dcal of useful instruction.
Men who attend to their own affairs usually
.find themselves profitably employed, and in
the end avoid much vexation that is insepera*
bly connected with an officious, meddlesome
nature.
CSS“ Did you ever know a woman that
Would not think you intelligent, if you said 1
her children were pretty ?
NO. 41