St&footelilng A tittle. BSlss Fltrancy, an elderly maiden, ..accused Mr, Cleaver, the gay young man. who was ac customed to carry homo marketing, with having forcibly kissed her in tho entry of her ownhouso. Mr. Cleaver, altbongh proud of his personal ap pearance, woa short, very short, considering his whiskers 5 his height, oven in French hoots, reached only to four feet eleven inches. Miss Fitzanoy, on tho contrary, typing fond of ex tremes, ran np a foot higher, and staid there, being of remarkably rigid deportment. She swore tho abbreviated yet amorous butcher kis sed her by assault, and hauled him up for it. Batcher, with some , expression of disgust, mere emphatic than necessary, denied the charge. Butcher wasfat, lady wasn’t. Clea rer had an antipathy to what ho termed ‘scrag gy’ women, and vowed ho hadn’t kissed her, and wouldn’t; money wouldn’t hire him to. Being cross-examined, lawyer inquired of tho lady tho circumstances, when, where, how, &c. Lady replies with particularity. On Monday, momlng at ten o’clock, in the entry j resisted ah she could, but ho persevered, and triumph- ed. ' • Lawyer asks s ‘Did ho stand on anything but the floor t’ ■. No, he stood on-the floor; no chair, stool, or anything else, being brought into requisition.’ * toy dear madam, this is impossible! Ton are twelve inches taller than be. How conld he reach your lips ?, Lady hadn’t thought of that {'but she was not to be trapped by tho glibbest lawyer of them al \y so sho replies: 'Oh I ah! well I know ;ycs, to bo sure, but then you know XscrootcAcd a Utile I* Roadside-Confab. “And bo, ’Squire, you don’t take your coun ty paper?” •‘No, Major. I got tho city paper on much better terms s and’so I take a couple of them.” “But, ’Squire, thoso county papers prove a great convenience to us. Tho move we encour age them the better their editors can make them,” •‘Why, I don’t know any convenience tbuy are to mo.” “Tho farm yon sold last fall was advertised in ono of thorn, and you thereby obtained a custo mer. Pid you not 7” “Very true, Major, but I paid three dollars lor It.” “And made much jgpro than • throe dollars by it. Now, if your neighbors had nut main tained that press and kept it ready for your use, you would have boon without tho means of ad vertising your daughter’s marriage in ono of those papers. Did that cost you anything f” “No, but—” “And your brother’s death was thus pub lished with a long obituary notice.” “Yes, yes, but—” . “And the destruction of your neighbor Brtgg’a fiimse by Are. You know these things were ex aggerated till the authentic accounts ol our newspapers set them right.” “Oh, true, but—” “And when your cousin Splash was out for the Legislature, you appeared much |gratiflod at his newspaper defence, which cost him noth ing.” “Yea, yes *, hut these things are nows for the readers. They cause people to take papers.”, “No, no,’Squire Grudge, not if all arc like you. Now I tell you, the day will come when some ono will write a very long eulogy on your life and character, and tho Printer will put it in types, with a heavy black line over it, and with all your riches this will bo done for you as a grave is given to a pauper. Your wealth, lib erality, and such things, will bo spoken of, but the Printer’s boy, as ho spells tho words in ar rainging the typo to these sayings, will remark of you: ‘Poor, mean devil, ho Is even spong ing for an obituary I’ Good morning, Squire.” A Fatal Case.— Polly Smith was a terrible plain woman. She would have borne off the] jack-kriifo from all competitors, and given them the odds ot Ufly to start In tho race. She was endlessly complaining of her ailments, to the no small annoyance of such listeners as she claim ed to hold, and no ono was more annoyed than old Dr. Bolus, a comical old fellow of her neigh borhood. Meeting Mrs. Smith ono morning, ho ventured to saluto her with tho usual compll moot—with (ho accustomed, “how d’yo do 7” “Why, doctor, feed putty mizable, lhank’co. My old complaints are troubling me. There never was a creature suffered more than I do.— Faina and achesidei/s Testimony. —Edward Gibbon, tho celebrated Infldol historian, wrote as follows to an aunt, towards tho closo of bis jlfo: <lC. GEORGE Z. BIU3TZ, WILL perform all operations upon the teeth that may bo required for their preservation. Artificial teeth inserted, from a single tooth to an entire act, on the most scientific principles. Dis eases of the mouth and irregularities carefully treated. Office at the residence of his brother, on North Pitt street. Carlisle, March 28, »R. 1.. C. LOOMIS, WILL perform all operations upon tho'Tecth that arc required for their preservation, such as Cleaning, Filing, Plugging, &c M or will restore tho loss of them, by inserting Artificial Teeth, from a single tooth to a full set. ttF"Offlco on Pitt street, a few doors South of the Railroad Hotel. < N. B. Dr. Loomis will be absent from Carlisle he last ten days in each month. Carlisle, March 23, 1854. I>r. George W. Xcidlch, y~IAREFI7LLY attends fo nil operations Upon V 7 the Tedth and adjacent parts that disease or Irregularity may require* He will also Insert Teeth of every description, such ns Pivot, Sin gle and Block Teeth, and teeth with “continuous Gums;” and will construct Artificial Palates, Obburations, Regulating Pieces, and every ap pliance used In the dental art. Operating room at the residence of Dr. Samuel Elliott, East High street, Carlisle. March b, 1854.—tf. E'li'o Insurabcc, THE Allen and East Poimflbormigh Mutual Fire Insurance Company! of Cumberland county, Incorporated by an act of Assembly, is i.ow fully organized, pud in operation under the management of tbe following Managers, viz; Daniel Daily, Win. R- Gorges, Michael Cock- Un, Mclcholr Brennetnan, Christian Stayman, John C. Dunlap, Jacob!ll, Coover, Lewis Hycr, Henry Logan, BcnjainipH. Musscr, Jacob Muin ma, Joseph Wickersha'lh/Alexnndoj Calhcart. The rates of insurance are as low and favorable as any Company of thoittad Ify tl\o Stale. Per sona wishing to become members are Invited to make application to the Agents of the Company who are willing to tvalt : upoif them at any timo, BENJ. H.ROSSER, President * Hkkry Lcqak, Vice President, Lewis Hter, Sectary. * Michaei, Cocklin, TreQBur6r. March 23, 180 L AGENTS. Cujidehlano Cocntt. —Rudolph Martin, Kcw Cumberland; C. B. Herman,Kingstown; Henry Zcaring, Shirerannstown; Charles Bell, Carlisle; Dr. J. Ah!, Churchtown; Samuel Graham, West Pcnnsboro; James McDowcU,Frankford; Mode Griffith, South Middleton; Samuel Woodburn, Dickinson; Samuel Coover, Benjamin Haver stick, Mcchanlcsburg 5 John Shcrrick, Lisburn; David Coover, Shcpherdstown. York County .-UJobn-Bovanan.Dillsburg ; P. Wolford, Franklin; John Smith, Esq., Wash ington; W. S. Picking, Dover; J. W. Craft, Par adise. & Lochman. Members of the Company having policies about to expire, can have them renewed by making ap plication to any of the Agents. WHITE lUlil ACADEMY 3 miks West of Harrisburg , Pa. THE Seventh Session of this flourishing In stitution will commence on Monday the Ist of May next. The advantages which It affords, it is believed, arc of a superior character, and parents and guardians nro respectfully solicited to inquire into its merits, before sending their sons or wards elsewhere. It is favorably situat ed 5 the instructors are all competent and expe rienced men ; the course of instruction is exten sive and thorough*, and special attention is paid to the comfort and health of the Students. te^ms. Boarding,Lodging, Wishing and Tuiti lon in English, and yocal Music, per session, (5 months,). Instruction in Ancient and Modem Lon . guogca, each, i 5 00 Instrumental Music, i 10 00 For circulars and full particulars, address \ I). DENLIHGEB, - Harrisburg, Pa, March 0,1864. WAIX PAPfcB FOR *lll3 nauoit. I HAVE Just received my Spring Stock of Pa per flangings, which surpass In style, quality and price any that has ever been exhibited in Carlisle, I respectfully solicit a cull from thopor sons in want of Hangings of any descrip tion, as I am confident my assortment far sur passes any In the Borough, and In'stylo and price has but/ow rivals in the city. 1 only ask of the public to call in and examine my assortment be fore malting their purchases, aa I am confident mv chased designs cannot fail to please the most fastidious. . JOHN P. LYNE West tide of North Hanover at. Carlisle, March 28, 1864. ; FIRST ARRIVAJL OF HARD WARE I THE subscriber having returned from the city, has just opened for the Spring trade ft largo and well selected stock of Foreign and Domestic Hardware, embracing everything usually found in that lino of business. The attention of friends and the public generally is respectfully directed to the assortment -on hand, assuring them that goods of oil kinds will bo sold for cash at a very small advance on manufacturers prices. Carpcnlera and Builders —are invited to exam ine the assortment of Locks, Latches, Hinges, Bolts, Screws, Glass, Putty, Oil, Paints, &o Remember the old stand, in East High street, where they arc for aalo che»p. Ry March 28, 1858. Take BfoUcc, THAT all poroons about commencing houso kcoplng, and all In want of thcmcangot supplied with knives fit forks, spoons, ladles, coffee-mills, pans, kettles, band-irons, &c., at a very low rate, by 11. SAXTON. March 23, 1868. ___ PLOUGHS.— Durkoo’s colbrnted York Flows constantly on hand—also, Craighead’s and, 1 Plank’s make—all for sale at [ March 28, 1858 THE subscriber having just returned from the ci{y with a full and handsome assortment of all kinds of Hardware from tho very bCßtronkors and well selected," is now opening at hla old Stand, in North Hanover street, next door to McGlaughlin’s hotel, where ho invite all that are in want of good' and cheap Hardware, to give him a call and sdfc and Botisfythemsclves off tho truth, os wo are determined to sell at o smaU'ad-, vance. Small profit and quick solos is tho order of the day. ■ To Builders, Carpenters and Others, A ftill stock of white, mineral and japaned knobs locks and latches, hinges, screws, window sash and shutter springs, etraight£ncckcd and barrell ed bolts of every kind j mill, cross cut and circu lar Saws; hapd, pannol, ripping and back Saws, bright, black and blue augurs; chisels, broad, pointing, hand and chopping Axes, of different makers} hatchets, planes and piano bits, steel and iron squares, files, rasps, brads, spikes of all sizes. Jo Soldiers and Coach Makers. Our stock consists of a complete assortment of articles In your line of business, such as brass, silver and japaned mounting, carriage.trimmings, broad pastering and seeming laces, fringes,plain and figured canvass oil cloth, top lining cloth and serge lining, white, red, blue and black patent leather} dashers, silver and brars plate, deer hair, rosetts, hubs, follows, spokes, > bows, ellptic springs, iron axes, malleable castings. ' To Cabinbt and Shoe-makers, A' full stock of shoo kit arid findings, boot mo rocco, Huing and binding skins; lasts, tacks, pegs hammers, pinchers, French morocco, superior copal varnish, japan and black varnish, mahog any and maple vanoera, moulding, bedding, resets glass, mineral and mahogany knobs of every kind and stylo. To Blacksmiths, Farmers and Others t 51 tons of assorted bar iron, warranted of the best quality; A splendid assortment of bar and rolled iron, hammered, horseshoe bar, band, round and square Iron; cast, shear, spring, En glish and’Americon blister steel,- English wagon boxes, carriage boxes in setts, anvils,-vices, files, rasps, horse shoo nails, &c. To Housekeepers, A bcautlftil assortment of cheap fancy goods, such as waiters, trays, plain and fancy knives, forks, butcher knives, steels, brittannia brass candle-sticks, brUtania & silver table and tea spoons, plated butter knives, preserving ket tles, smoothing irons, iron and tined tea and oval boilers, iron frying and bread pans, washboards, tubs, churns, buckets, iron pots, wash kettles, stew pans, &c., &c Carlisle, March 23, 1854. £jSjStw Aßli TIIE subscriber has just returned from the Eastern cities, and lias opened at his stand in North Hanover street a new and full assort* ment of HARDWARE, and now invites all per sona Id want of good Hardware at reduced price to give him a call as ho con accommodate all from a needle to an anvil, anc at prices to suit the times. To Housekeepers.—A great assortment of housekeopingiarticlcs, such os brass and enamel preserving kettles, frying pans, hake pans,'waf fle irons, smoothing irons, shovels, tongs, wait ers, trays, forks, knives, carvers, steels, butcher knives, rpoons, plated tea & table spoons, pocket and pen knives in great variety, razor and razor straps, se.ssors, shears, spades forks rakes, hoes, tubs, water cans, painted buckets, wash boards/ improved patent cistern pumps and load pipe. Brushes, —A largo assortment of whitewash, dust, sweeping, horto & painter’s brushes. luon.—A largo stock of hammered bar iron, rolled iron of all kinds, hoop iron, sheet iron, round, square and band Iron, English wagon boxes, and steel of all kinds. « Paints, oil, varnishes, turpentine, glue, &c.. Glass of all sizes. , To Shoemakers A full assortment of Mo rocco, Linings, Bindings; patent Goat Skins, Lasts, Shoe-thrcac, PegS, Knives, and Tools of all kinds. Blake’s Fire Proof Paints of different colors. To Carpenters. —A full assortment of planes, saws, chisels, gages, squares, braces, hills, bench scrmvs, augurs apd augur bitts, hatchets, &c. ~ To Coacuhakeus a Saduleus. — A first rate assortment of carriage trimmings, such as laces, tassels, fringes, drab cloth and satlinett, head linings, imitation enameled leather, patent leath er curtain oil cloth, plain and figured; Dusker Irons, Lamps, Axles, Springs, Malable Castings, Bent Felloes, Hubs, Bows, Philips’ patent boxes for wood axles, flno brass, silver plated and Ja pan harness mountings, Saddle trees, "Whips, and every article used by Saddlers very cheap. 3. P. LYNE. Carlisle, March 22, 185-1. Cheap Books & Fancy Articles* SW. lIAVESTICK lias just received and is • now opening a splendid display of Fancy Goods, to which ho desires to call the attention of his friends and the public. His assortment cannot be surpassed in novely and elegance, ond both in quality and price of tho articles, cannot fail to please purchasers. Ills stock comprises every variety of fancy articles, such as Ladies Fancy boskets, Fancy Work Boxes, with sowing Instruments. Paper Macho Goods, . ♦ Elegant Alabaster and Porcelain Ink-stands and Trays, Fancy ivory, pearl & shell card cases, Port Monaies of every variety. Gold Pens and Pencils, Fancy paper weights, Papertics, with a largo variety of ladles’ fancy stationary, Molto seals and wafers. Silk and bead purses, Ladles’ tiding whips elegantly finished, PerAimo baskets and bags, Brushes of every kind for tho toilott, Uoussol’s perfumes 6i various kinds, Musical Instruments of all kinks and at all prices, with an Innumerable variety of articles elegantly finished. Also, an extensive and elegant collection of hooks. $66 00 comprising tho v&rious English and • American Annuals for 1854, richly embellished and Ulus trato I Poetical Works, with Children's Pictorial Books, for children of nil ages. >,Hia assortment of School Books and School Stationary is also complete, and comprises everything used in Col leges and tho schools. lie also calls attention to to his elegant dislay of Lamps, Oriandolc*, &c. t from the extensive establishments of Cornelius, Archer and others, of Philadelphia, comprising every stylo of Parlor, Chamber & Study Lamps, for burning either lard, sperm or cthorlal oil, to gether with flower vases', Fancy Screens, &c.— His assortment in this lino Is unequalled in the borough, Fruits, Fancy Confutianey, Nuts, Preserved Frulta, &0., in every variety and at all prices, all of which nro pure and fresh, such as can bo coufldonly rocomntendod to his friends and the little folks. Remember the old stani’ opposite the Bunk s. IV. lIAVERSTICK Carlisle, March 28,1864. Travelling trunks.—i am now ro colvlng a largo assortment of well made Leather Trunks. Bolling low nl tho cheap store of CHAS. OGILBY. Carlisle, March 28, 1854. DR. C. fi. BAKER, Respectfully offers his professional ser vices to tho citizens of Carlisle and surroun ding country. Ofilco and residence In South Hanover street, directly opposite tho Volunteer ofilco. March 28,1854.—tf. AFRESH supply of Paints, Oils, Varnishes, Dye Studs, Glasses, Putty, Sash Tools, &c. Also, Baking Soda and Bryan's Pulmonic Wafers, for tho euro of Coughs, Colds, Asthma, Consumption, and nil other diseases of tho Lungs, for sale at B. J. KIEFFER’S. Carlisle, March 28, 1864. EMBROIDERIES. Just received a largo as sortinont of cufik, undcrsleovos, spencers, collars and ruffling. Shawls.— A lot of handsome Spring Shawls, for sale very cheap. Gaiters. —Blade and fancy colored Gaiters, just received and for sale by Wclso & Campbell. March 28, 1854. SAXTON’S THE MARRIAGE,STATE? Shall Mfappintea nnd Htnllh, or JUtttru onA ' SicltittMii, attend it t .MOST STARTLING CONSIDERATIONS! Reflections for,the Thoughtful, Strange that countless hyman beings exist and drag througb.-We oq. do. the boasts of the Hold, of the insects oftho earth, evincing no more thought or reflection than though the. noble faculties of uund were not vouchsafed to thorn. Many such ore husbands and fatbofs. upon whom no dependent the health, the well-being,' and* the happiness of a confiding and affectionate wife, with perhaps a family of children. ' HOW OFTEN IT HAPPENS THAT THE WIFE LINGERS FRO hi YEAR TO YEAS (n that pltlablo condition"os not oven for one day to foci the bnppy and exhilarating influence Incident to the enjoyment of health. She may not bo an inynlld confined to her bed. or oven to her room; as bor pride, ambition ana energy Induce and nerve her to take personal charge of her household, ovon when bor health will not admit of It; hut she is nevertheless perceptibly linking from day to day, and always ailing. Thus, day after day, and month after month Iran* spire. Her health daily sinks, till finally even tbo A>pe of recovery no longer remains. And thus THE'BLOOMING BRIDE, But a few years ago In the flush of health and foutb, and buoyancy of spirits, rapidly, and appa rcnlly inexplicably, becomes a feeble, sickly, de bilitated wife, with frame emaciated, nerves un strung, spirits depressed,' countenance bearing the impress of suffering, and an utter physical and mental prostration. Sometimes this deplorable change may and dots arise from organic or constitutional • causes. Eat oftenor, by far oftenor, to gross and inexcusable ignorance of the simplest and plainest rules of health os connected with the marriage state, the violation of which entails disease, suffering and misery, not only.to the wife, hut often Hereditary Complaints upon the Children “ «JNTO TUB THIRD AND FOURTH GENERATION,” rrmiflinUdiig CONSUMPTION, SCROFULA, 11VPOCUONB111A, INSANITY, GOUT/ KING'S EVIL, ami other diseases, as a DREADFUL INHERITANCE And must this continue 1 Sbnll wo be wise to til that concerns the cuttle of our fields, our horses, our stoop, our cows, our oxen, the nature ana character of the soil no possess, the texture and quality of oi\r goods am) merchandise ; but In all that concerns ourselves ns human beings, with human functions and passions, subject to great derange* moot, involving our future pence ond'.happiness— io all that concerns the health and welfare of tbs wife of our affections, and the mother'of qur chil dren ; in all that concerns the mental and physical well being of those children, wo should bo ha* tnprsnd in the darkest and BENIGHTED IGNORANCE, JACOB SENEIi AS CULPABLE AS INEXCUSABLE ! How long shall this ignorance prevail an nroduo* tivo of its hitter fruits 1 How long shall the wife and mother bo Ignorant of the nature, character and causes of the various womb and sexual complaints, embittering her days by suffering—suffering often prolonged to years, eventuating in a complication of diseases utterly and hopelessly Incurable 1 Shull wo for over close our eyes to the physio logical science by which wo may arrive at an nndorstandlng of ourselves os men and women, subject to serious life-long enduring diseases, ana perpetuating them to our children. LET EVEBY WIPE AND HUSBAND FONDEB No husband or uuTc need 6« tgnmunt of tcluit eoncen\s them mo.it to know to secure their health nnd hajryiuess. 'Jlatt knowledge is contained tn o (ittft toorfc rntftfrd TUB DIARRICD WOMAN’S PRIVATE MEDICAL COMPANION, DY DR. A. M. MAUIUOBAU, pnopessoH. of uiskasks op women. Out tfiindrtdlh Ftdiliun. I OnrJ , ftp ‘i4o. Prict SO ftii/ • fON PINE PAPER, EXTRA HINUINO, 00-1 Fir*t pulWi«licd (n (347 j and it it not SURPRISING OR WONDERFUL, Considering Hint RVK K Y FEMA I. K whether MAItKIICU OR NOT, run I Mire acquire a full Knowledge of the un tuns, character ami causes of ln-r complaints, with the various symptoms* ami (hat nearly HALF A MILLION COPIES should have been soft ft is impracticable to con vey fully lho s various subjects treated of, as tlnTy are of a nature strictly intended for the married, or lUoao conlomplalitig marriage. * UPW Alius OP ONTi lIUNDUKD TUOU- Have boon SENT DV HIAIE* within tho last fow months. CAUTION- TO THE PUBLIC. HE NOT DEFUJiUORD I Buy no look utilo» 0 to tho finest Fur and Silk Hats, fln< ‘ it must suit every one who has M i to getting the worth of bis money- H* fl ° ’ Moleskin and Beaver Hats, nro unsurpassc lightness, durability and finish, by those oi other establishment in tho county. . n Boys’ lints of every description constant") hand. Cull and examine. „._ nTIT TVM. U. TJIOIH* Carlisle, March 28, 1860. ——^ Alpacas.— j«»i received »lot ofun od, Changeable, and Wack Alpacas, will bo sold cheap. N. W- WOODS, March 28, 1861.