American tolu^m. ! ■* PufitteWriDJ'iivsnv- By Jolin B. Bratton. T;E R M S vSuoaonipTtoN.—Ono Dollar and Fifty Cents, i paid in advance j Two Dollars If paid within the Voar }i and Two DolUrs and Fifty Cents, if not paid within Uio year. Those terms will bo rigid ly adhered to In every instance. No subscription discontinued until nil arrearages are paid unless af the. option of the Editor. AnVEaxiflEMßNra —Accompanied by the Cash, and not‘exceeding one square, will be inserted throe times for one Dollar, and twenty-five cents for each additional Insertion. Those of a greater length In proportion. JoD-PniNTiNO—-Such as Hand Bills, Posting Bills, Pamphlets, Blanks, Labels, &c., &c.» exe cuted with accuracy and at the shortest notice. |fatttral THE BURSTING 01? THE BOD. Spring is coming—Spring is coming! With hyr sunshine and her shower j tlonvon Is ringing with the singing Ortho birda in broke and bower; buds arc filling, leaves are swelling, Flowers on field, and bloom on tree; O’er the earth, and air, and ocean,. Nature holds her jubilee. Boh then stealing comes a feeling O’er my bosom tenderly j Bweet I ponder as I wander, For my mu'diigs are of thee. bpring is coming—Spring is coming! With her morning’s fresh and light} ’With her noon of chequered glory, Rky ofbluo ami clouds of white, balm and gray night falls, when light falls, From the star-bespangled sky, While the splendor, pale and tender, Of the young moon gleams on high. Still, at morn, at noon, at oven, Spring Is full of joy for mo, For 1 ponder, ns I wander, And my niusings are of thee. Still on thee my thoughts an* dwelling, Whatsoe'er thy name may be j Beautiful beyond words telling, Is thy presence unto me. Morning’s breaking finds thee waking, Wandering in the breeze’s light i Noontide’s glory mantles o’er thee, In a shower of sunny light 5 Daylight dying, leaves thee lying In the silvery twilight my; Stars look brightly on then nightly Till the coming of the <1 »y. Everywhere nud every minute Feel I nonr thee, lovely one; In the dark and in the linnet 1 can hear thy joyous tone ; Bud and blooming, mark the coming Oflhy feel o’er vale ami hill ; And thy presence, with life’s essence Makes the forest's heart to HU. J,ow before thee. 1 adorn thee, Love creative, thee I sing : Now I meet time, ami f greet thee By the holy name of Spring! GO AHEAD. Go ahead—and do not tarry. Nought Ih gained by standing still; What though you and times miscarry, Let no fears your bosom fill. Search the causes of your errors, Gather wisdom from the past, To the winds give idle terrors. And you’ll gel ahead at lust. Go ahead—in useful daring Let your motto he “ I’ll try Tie who ever is despairing, Bankrupt heart ami hopes is nigh. What, though yon and wealth Ik; strangers — Onward, upward he your aim. And those real or fancied dangers Soon you’ll put to (light or shame. Biiaffllnnroiw. EXTRAORDINARY COURAGE. Tile following Interesting story, roB|K,-diiig Hie conduct of a young Pullwh oilker, serving with the French army in Spain, i» related bytbcDuch jPAbninles, in tho fitli, or lost published \ uhimc of her memoirs : \riun Murat w.us In Madrid, he had occasion to hciiJ some special desjmlches rapidly loJnmM In Lisbon. These despatches were ol the utmost importance, and all tlio roads leading from Mad rid to the Portuguese Capitol were covered by gueriU-is, or by regular troops commanded by oflkers who h ul acted an Important part in the Spanish revolution, ami who thus compose the army. Murat mentioned tho diflkuUy to Baron Stron ogoft’, the Russian Ambassador at the Court ol Spain, who had remained ul Madrid- It Is well known that at the period here referred to, Rus sia was the friend rather than Ibeully of I 1 ranee. Baron Slroinigolf, the (train! Duke ol Berg, tho t he eon Id suggest a pUu for the transmission of the despatches. “ Admiral Sinlnvan,” said tho Baron, “is in the Port of Lisbon. Semi to me »uc of your most intelligent nf Polish lancers. lie shall pul on Ilussiun uniform, and 1 will give him despatch es lor tho Admiral; you cm give him your in structions verbally, and I will answer for It that all will bo right, oven though he should bo taken twenty times between this and Lisbon. Tho in surgent unny is 100 anxious to secure our neutral ity to bo the flrst to create a ground of rupture.” Murat was delighted with tho scheme. He .requested the commander-ln-ehlof of tho Polish troops, who I think was Kmshiski, to select for him u bravo and Intelligent young etllcor. Two clays afterwards the Polish commander sent to the Cirand Duke u young man whom he declared u ould answer with his head. He was named Leckinskl, and was only eighteen years (if ago. The Grand Duke of lU*rg was not a little oiiUhcd lo find the young’oltlcer manifest the utmost eagerness to undertake an enterprise ol more than ordinary peril, for In the event of Ids being discovered Ids fate was certain—mid that ] wum death. Murat, brave us he himself was, e.nnld not help pointing out to Leeklmtkl the danger ho was about to encounter. The young Pole smiled and said, “If your imperial highness w ill give me your orders, I will pledge myself to execute the mission. I thank my General for having selected mo from my comrades, eve ry one of whom was emulous for the favor.” Tile Grand Duke nugured well for the young man’s courage and Intelligence, lie gave him Ills Instructions, Daron StronogofT supplied him with despatches to Admiral Shdnvan, The yimug Pole was equipped In ft Uusslau uulfortrt, and set out for Portugal. During the first two days ho pursued Ids Jour ney without molestation j hut on ‘.the afternoon of the third, day lie was attacked by a party of Spanish troops, who unhorsed and disarmed him, and conducted him before the general command ing tlio military force of the district. Luckily i for the adventurous young Polo, that General [ was Castanos himself. Lecldnskl was perfectly aware that ho was lost if suspected to bo a Frenchman. Consequently : ho resolved within himself not to utter a syllable w of French', oud *o speak only Russian mid Gcr « nmn, which languages ho could speak with fliclll ' t> ty ' , Tllo ms *y Imprecations of tho troops,who conducted him to Onstanos,sufficiently convinced Turn of the fate that would await him should ho i*&° “ lBC °venjd. Tim horrible death of General ,v ’ho only a few weeks previous had pur ged In torture, for no other offence Ilian, ot- i raiding to Join Jnuot, might woU huvo shaken Death Itself-may bo bravod, but moot it by 1 ft torture, Is more an tho bravest man cun contemplate ,wlth In-, ffbromm. , “ Who are you?’* said Gaetanos, addressing o Vole In French,.which ho spoke with perfect loucy, having boon'educated at Sorre/.e. Looklushl looked steadfastly uthla Interrogator ado a replied, lu German, M I do not ttUnfllftmU’. ” ~. ■ , •. , ... Gastnnos hlmsolf understood and spoke Gor an} hut apparently not wishing to take.an fle >’e part in tho business, ho called one of the: BY JOHN B. BRATTON. VOL, 40. officers of his staff, by whom the examination was continued. The young Polo gave bis answer alternately in Russian and German, and kept himself cautious ly on lus guard against dropping a single word of French. He had no easy part to piny, for in the little apartment in which the examination took place bo was pressed upon by a crowd of persons all thirsting for his blood, and manifest ing a most feroclous eagerness that ho might bo found guilty—that is a Frenchman. The furious excitement was increased by a cir cumstance which threatened to involve the mall in an inextricable difficulty. An aid-de-camp of Castanos,onc of the fanatical patriots so numerous in the Spanish war, who from the moment of Lcckinskl’s arrest had decla red him to he a French spy, rushed into the room in which the examination was going on, holding by the arm a peasant dressed in a brown jacket and high crowned hat, surmounted by a long red feather. Having worked his way through the crowd, the officer placed the peasant before the Polish officer. ' “Look at the man,” said ho, crs shop windows !of Col. Archibald Ybll, of Arkansas. The were on a strike, and had been driven by a re- .Judge had taken his spit for the first time; volutionary movement into society. IVe use The first-case on thfc docket was culled, and the term “ favorite” for the want of a better, 1 1^0 plaintiff stood ready. Hen. Smoot arose for for we cannot conceive that such a thing as we ’ tj ic defendant, and reiiulrkcd, in an over-hearing have pictured, can really and honestly be a fa- j tone; vorite with the ladies. He is, wo think, rather j •* Q ur witnesses arojfthscnt; and therefore, I tolerated as a convenience, a sort of toy to trifle ; demand that tbo.casO be continual until the with, when the men of their acquaintance are : next term iu the course.” too busy to escort them to balls, theatres and .. the affidavit li filed, for not till then operas, or too much immured iu graver pur- can I entertain a motion for continuance.” was suits to flirt the evening hoursaway with them. jj ie m j]d reply of the Judge, lie generally dances well, because this is an “Do you doubt ray iToitl as to the facts?” accomplishment which does not require the aid Qpn. Smoot exclaimed, sharply, ami invoiunta of the head : and, ns a good partner is essential j HUy raised his hnge flfrord cane, to a proper display of grace in a lady, he is in at a u 4 »» replied 1 the .Indgo, with his universal demand. By his self satisfied air, his j blandest smile, “ but.thc law requires that the , smirks and smiles, you discover at once that ho i facts justifying ft continuance must appear on has not the remotest idea that his dancing is t record, and the Cofirt&as not power to annul the only quality which makes the fair girl | the law, nor any trill ib sec it annulled.” hanging upon his arm tolerate his senseless jar- ] The Judge’s calm aid business like tone and , gon ana mindless conversation. He fritters a- I manner only served toirritate the bully, and be wny the best days of his fife in the most trilling J retorted, shaking hfs sword cane iu the direction , pursuits. Never thinks of laying up a Store of' 0 f (j l 0 bench : knowledge for future use, when the glory of kid | .. Whatever may be‘the law, J, for one. will, gloves is departed, and tlie black curls of which , , 10 t hear it fVom tho lips of an upstart dema hc was so proud, become touched with the frost I goguc and coward.”. & of ?[> c ' t , . I Judge Yell’s bluowcs shot like lightning; >\e cannot imagine a more pitiable condition'but he only turned, to the clerk, ami said: than that of a superannuated l.eau. Tho van-1.. flcrk, you will enter a fine of fiftv dollars ity of bis youth has not vet departed, and with | n g a i nBt General Smoot, as I- see him named on Sn r! H pml T c ? CRIr ° 1° lV* p h,s l ,0 1 5,, ! 0 1 11 Wlth imy docket, fora grosacontempt of Court: and ’ iZ' is r ms r l; ; U,r, , ~ru ? wuhri ' cu -'«»»«w ™ r T" „■ " S | dl ', y n B ?. m ', for ' I llctmdhanllyconitfuwctttal theonlvv. when k . mß ‘ H . ll ls - Gi-ncrfli Smoot \VOB nishinp: towards him, <*llo, » U hi “ fca, " rcs vonlcfwhcre ho coul.l not" r ' t ) l “ n . B in " ralb - aad “ r " U ‘ a “ tarns anmtoo* harbor and tailor, devoto . iX'ghnccw fIU on the ttntetn of l the balance oflus worthless life to tho care and , lhc ~u J B fo n wig to Unow how hr would adornment of his no less worthless person. j brook t g o TOmto£ of tho dualist's licrcc I assault. But none, .however, could detect tho slightest change in ha appearance. Ilia cheek grow neither red norvwvite, nor a nerve scyncd mist might show, scrutinizing tho effervescence of soma novel mixture. •He s sat perfectly still, with ftStofTofpairitcd iron in'his right hand. Smoot ascended .the platform, and immedia tely turned ; ft trcmcrtdobs blew with bis cnor-j mous sword’canc, full at the bend of his foe.— 1 At that blow five hundred hearts shuddered. | and more Hum a dozen ybiccs shrieked, for all I expected to sec his victim’s bead shivered into j atoms. The general astonishment then may be ( conceived, when thfiy beheld tho little stall’ de- j 1 scribe ft quick curve, and the great sword cane | j flew from Smoot’s lingers, and fell with a loud ] clatter at the distance of twenty feel m the hall. Tho baffled bully uttered a cry of wrath, j wild as that of some wounded biast of prey, and snatched his bowie knife from its sheath — 1 hut ere it was poised for*the desperate plunge, 1 the little iron staff cut another curve, and the [ big knife followed-the sword cane. He then I diew a revolving pistol, but Indore be bad time to touch the trigger, lus, gnu was struck pow j crless by his side.. -. j And then, for the first tunc, did Judge Yell j lictray any perceptible emotion. He slumped I his foot till tho platform shook beneath it, and I shouted in trumpet tones?- j “Mr. Clerk, you will blot this ruffian’s name, 1 as a foul disgrace, from tho roll of attorneys. — ■ Mr. Sheri ft; take this criminal to jail.” The latter officer sprang to obey ihoummlate, and immediately a scene of confusion ensued, that no pen can describe. The brnvoes and myrmidon friends of Central Smoot gathered around to obstruct tho Sheriff, while many of the citizens lent their aid to sustain the autho rity of tho Court. Menaces, screams, and hor rid curses, the ring of impinging and creasing ( steel, alternate cries of rage and pain, all cum- 1 mingled with the awful discharge of fire anus, | blended together ft vivid idea of Pandemonium. . But throughout tho impetuous strife, two 1 individuals might bo observed us leaders iu the whirlwind and riders of the storm. The new | i Judge used his little canc with terrible cfficicn -1 cy, crippling limbs, yclsparing life. Bill Buf : foa, imitating tho clemency of his honored friend, disdaining tho use of knife or pistol, actually trampled ami cruslud down nil opposition, roaring at every furious blow—“ this is the way to preserve order in Court,” ft sentiment which ho. accompanied with peals of laughter, fn less than two minutes the party of tho Judge triumphed, tho clique of Gen. Smoot suflbrid disastrous defeat, and the bully himself was homo away to prison* Such was the debut of Archibald Veil in Ar kansas ; and from that day his jiopulnrity ns a man, as a Judge*,* as a hero, and n» a politician, went on rapidly and brilliantly increasing, till ho eclipsed all tho eldest ami most powerful names. A Carious Passport. Peter Henry'Bruce, hi his curious memoirs, Russian was closed, was put between the fin gers of the corpse; “We.N. N.,do certify by these presents, that the bearer hereof hath al ways lived among us as became a good Chris tian, professing the Greek religion, and although he may have committed some sins, he hath con. fessed the same j whereupon he hath received absolution, and taken the communion for the remission of sins ; That he hath honored God and his saints ; that he hath not neglected his prayers ; and hath fasted on the hours and days appointed by the Church : That ho hath al ways behaved himself towards me, his Confes sor. in such a manner that I have no reason to complain of him, or to refuse him the absolution of lus sins. In witness whereof, I have given him these testimonials, to the end that St. IVter. upon sight of them, may not deny him the open ing of the gate-to eternal bliss!”— Southey's Doctor. The Ihisii Soldier. —Frederick of Prussia, hud a mania for enlisting gigantic soldiers into the “ Royal Guards,” arid paid an enormous bounty to his recruiting officers for getting them. One day a recruiting sergeant chanced to spy a lliburnan who was at least seven feethigh; he ac costed him in English, and preq omd that he should enlist. Thu idea of a milUl ry life, and u largo bounty, so delighted Patrick, that bu ut once consented. “But,” said the sergeant, “unless you can speak Gorman, the king will not give you so much.” “Och, and be jabots,” said the Irishman, ‘sure it’s I that don’t know a word of German.’ “But," said the sergeant, “throo words will, bo .sufficient, and these you can learn In a short time. The king knows every man In the Guards, and as quick us he sees you lie will ride up to you and ask you throo questions 5 that, hla ma jesty will ask you how old you are. You will say 27—next, how long have yon been in service, yon must reply three weeks—dually, if y-flMvor„ \ylu> do nouncoa tho growth of tho beard and mpualAchu movement, have boon popipafed, by a apomug young gentleman to a pack of harriers, wjloso grout delight is In miming down the hair . — Punch. CARLISLE, PA,, THtt ' THE PROG. Of all tlio funny thUigs that live, In woodland, marsh, or bop, That’croep the'ground or fly the air, T i Uc The frog-r-tlie'BCionfiflcest Of Nature's handiwork— Tlio frog that,neither walks nor runs, But goes It wUlla jerk. With pants and.cdnt of bottle green, And.yollow fancy rest, Ho plunges Jnto.miid and min— Alllu Ids Sunday best. When ho alts down he's standing up, Aa Paddy O'Quhm once Rind: And for convenience sake lie wears His eyes onthotop ofbis head. You ace him sitting on a log, Above the f‘ vasty deep,” Yon feel inclined to. nay “ Old (’lmp, Just look befdrtN'ou leap.” You raiao yourctwto bit him on ins Bui or Ad< Gks’l. llousTpM.-rOito whoso letters have sometimes appeared in ihqNew York Evening Post, and wild ia n man of Wit, n« VyeH na a man of enlightened political views, vVrites thus of one of tlio iiloat remarkable men now in public life: “ I do not know.whether wo shall ov«r make tlio Texan Senator our President, lie needs position lees than any, I know, fur his fame. 1 believe that tho-ftituro romancer—the Walter Scott or Bunina of tho next century—will regard lilni as tho most roibantlo typo of the spirit of adventure, of tho democratic energy, and of the bold statesmanship of (ho age. Mr. Webster, and all thp public.men wliq luivo modeled Ihem selves after tho British parliamentarians, will bo forgotten—merely beebuso they were Imitators; while Houston, and Old Bulliuu, and Old Hick ory will bo remembered for 'their Individuality of character, ami be, regarded as types qf (ho heroic ago of the republic'.' Would that they •wore not rather exceptions to tlio mass whom they redeem, «Axt-A.OitowiHO I Att-A-Gnbvri.vO I”—OIoso tildloßopidcalobsorvort, who amuflo themselves in wutclilng every little turn and change .that takes place In tho ovvlaldi)'world, declare that lliey can plainly hoo indications of' a Beard and, Moustaohd sprouting on the Face' of'Nature M prom Uda they augur iUvorublyof the succors of tho anil-razor movement, since Nidure herself )s lending her countenance to It!—Punch.' iitttite. :SDAY, APRIL 6, 1854, Midnight veiled the heavens with infinite blackness, as Hans Von Rosenbaum stopped from the orgied halls of the Kihkel Lager Hans Zum Sana and Unis. Tlie foam of the beer still dashed Ids wild beard, and the murmur of the evening breeze mingled in his sou! with theme mories of cries for ‘anoder pretzel!’ and ‘pring in dc lager!’ and the trilling of harps and pi anos—for it had been concert night. ‘ Kat-ft-ri-nn!’ he cried, from the bottom of his heart and voice,—‘ Kat-a-ri-na !—komm heraus!’ • The breeze sighed in the leaves —the waves rippled—all was bUU 1 Once more in agony arose that cry—‘Kat-a ri-na?’ Deep from the recesses of the second story window murmured an answer. 4 Nix komvx kermis I ’ ‘ Vot! you vonl koin out?' roared Hans, in all the grief of rejected love. ‘ Den you goes mit ter toufel and ho dondcred ! CJotrhimmd krcuzscochocksciiworcnoth!’ A bi*i<*k flew from his hand, skimmed through the misty air—there was a jingle of broken glass —a cry m female Dutch—and-—nil was silent. • * * Still wanders in dark midnights, the spectral form of Hans Van Rosenbaum a* round that dwelling, still rings from the win dow the ghostly ery of nix komm kermis! still wings its way on the night wind a phantom brick hat: and still the benighted traveller hears at last a low dismal wail in Dutch. All things in heaven and on earth are Ve-echoed and re flected in their ghosts or in their shadows. Kissing.—Kissing, it seems, is not actionable at Lnijin Ontario County, New York,according to the following, from the Messenger there i Vanvoorlus us. Uuws, assault with intent to fciV, It appears that tin? parties to the suit, with a largo number of others from the towns of Bloomlleld and Victor, went on an excursion to Niagara Fulls, lust summer, by railroad. On the return trip, feeling somewhat frolicsome, ns young people frequently do on- such occasions, it was proposed and unanimously adopted by the Indies present, that on Mr. Haws, the delondimt, should lie imposed the duty of kissing all the la dles in the party. Like a true martyr he quietly .submitted to the flat, and g dltuitly, it is said, did he accomplish the lent so far as those in the one 1 car wore concerned. Ho was then offered a pre | minm if ho would bias Miss Vanvoorhis, the plaintiff in the adjoining car,first. He proceed -1 ed there in company wilh-a Indy of the party, nvtm introduced him, and iiomndertook the job ; tint Miss resisted—she was hot to bo kissed by any ‘‘such ugly, good-for-notuing, nohow”—not she ; and especially as she had on board a I , but no matter. She brushed him hack. Noth ing daunted, he returned to the attack a second tune, and hut for the interference of u third per- I son. he might have succeeded in the attempt ; I and as it was, he was compelled to retreat, leav -1 lug the “enemy In the possession of the field.’ 1 I We believe, however, that no finally succeeded \ by a coup d*efat'\M obtaining tho coveted kiss, i which so highly incensed the young lady that In stead of giving it buck to him again, with interest ! like a sensible girl, sbe < brought this suit for damages. The unhappy result is, tho lawyers “pocket” tho damages, and sho Is compelled to “norket tho insult’*— the iurvintlio ca«o finding Acfibh:'' " ■ -i ■; *■ - , '- y 1 Tub Cent and the Eaole.—Simon Holdfast was not a liberal-minded man. There wan no danger of his ruining himself by extensive chari ties. Still, whenever there was a collection ta k.™ «P f c , hl,rch -, or * PuMic meeting, he Tnfe r-ABCBOT CiSKOK mB -jv,™ always took care c, g,rc S omeU..ng. ' A t , x y pTcservJtl at It looked well to give, somythtne^.eformedmixodme aml there was no,ores! pul lie ■ uf „.| lich there of imu ti you gave. He hated ostenU- | n ], ] an(l a V(TV conqidqalilr nfuihat. ofuilee. I lion, for his part. 1 'j'ho weight is forty tons, and it is nllowea to’lhr lie always put a mil in lua pooled, on such an t } ir Jrvrnrt-.st piece of ordinance of the same de occnsnm. 1 eople might think from the rattling noHotioti in the world. This splendid gun was that it was gold, or at least silver. Mr. Hold- ! t j |C wor „f (Jhulehv Koomy Ivhan, an officer in fast was about to attend an evening meeting for slTvia . of ]| oo;i ;dn Ni/nm Shull, at Ahmud a charitable purpose, lie accordingly deposit- Themmihl in which it was cast is still id in Ins lest pocket, as lie suppsed, the usual , t . x } s tcnce, and lies neglected in the garden of liberal sum. > . the tomb of the founder, which has been con -1 hisdie deposited m the box iviln an air of vertw j j u j 0 quarters for an Knglisli officer. — conscious liberality lighting up Ins face. .-phis m „ umK)Sc d to l,a\« been taken in 'When be reached holm:, lie had occasion to gj ia j, open his pocket book, when,’to his cnnstcnia- 1 } tion. he discovert d a cent carefully laid away in a recess- The eagle was nowhere to be found ! (Jooil Heavens'" exclaimed Simon, “I'vi* gone and given an ay ten dollars to that rurstd charitv—an amount which, properly laid out. would Imvc nerved for a thousand occasions of the same kind !” ~ Simon sal dim n quite overcome, but it couldn’t be helped. As an offset to this extravagance, ho has dee.ided to reduce the wages' of his ser vant girl till the amount was made up. . Tnn Worst or It. — “Wo you want any ber ries, ma'am ?” said a little boy to a Indy one day. The little follow was very shabbily cloth ed, and bis fool were bare ami travel stained.—- In both hands he hold up a tin nail, full of ripe raspberries, which were prettily peening out I from amid the green leaves that lay lipnlly over 1 them. Thu Indy told him she shou\d hkc some; and taking the pail from him, she stepped into the house, lie did not follow, but remained be hind, whistling to some canaries banging in their cage on the porch. “Why do you not come in, and sec if 1 men suru your hurries right f" said thu lady, " how do you know but wliat I may cheat you I” The hoy looked archly up at her and smiled. “I am not afraid,” said ho. “for you would prt ike worst of it, mo'ian." “(iot the worst of it!” said slio, “what do you mean i" “Why ma’am, I should only lose my berries, and you would lie stealing ; don’t you think you would got the worst of It ?’ f A Skiivant (Inu. tub Motiikiioi' Qi'kk.vs. —During tho reign of Charles 1- of England, a country girl came to I/ondoii and hired Jiureclf to carry bier from a warehouse- The hrewer, liking her looks, took her into his family ns a servant, and after a short time married her.— When he died ho left her the hulk of hid prop erty. She won recommended Ao Mr. Hyde, as a skinful lawyer, to arrange her Imslmml’s es tate. Asher fortunowaslarge,Hyde, who was afterwards Karl of Clarendon, manned her.— Their daughlcy Was the wife of James 11., and mother of Mary ami Anne, Queens of England. pinn, a private wonl. Wlicn you go a courting, llnd out, ns soon as possible, wheth er your allbctions are being plnntai inoro in a bundle of dry goods and things generally, than in a pulsating heart hemmed m by warm ribs, and nil that. Maliyn fellow him laid himself out for a full made woman, and only found ft very extensive assortment of cotton, whalebone, and similar delusive institutions. Just look over tho goods before going to tho purfiOlu [£?■ A Western Justice of tho Peace ordered a witness to “comp up amj bo, sworn." lie was informed thht Ihb person was deaf mid dmi>b., don’t r iai -Aa-loti&ta they thought me a Mexican Colonel, 1 was good company for anybody,” Voshon considered himself a sort of western rival of the Into Thos. S. Anners, of Philadelphia, whom ho described as “ a very pompeous man.” To Poiik Matkius.—U in said that the Jews. Turks, Arabians, and all those who observe the precept of avoiding blood and swine’s flesh, are Infinitely more frte from disenso than Christians; more especially decf ami the so-forths, We should as soon think of seoop ingnut tho Atlantic Ocean with a bean pod, as turning vice into virtue on a cavernous stomach. 11, formers will make a note of it. [T.7*.A little g-frl was tliken by her father to witness tlio reprcsrnlntimi of Uncle Tom’s Cab in, nt the National Theater, on Monday last.— When nucalioued os (o wliut she thought of it, she replied that who liked it wry, well, all but the Inst part, whgn they took I nde Tom up to heaven with n rod whirl on f A 0000 Hit.—A young lady, of our city, occasionally appears on the pure in male attire. An observer says she looks well enough to pass for n man, if Mho was only a little more modest? That's not n ball puli'fur corduroy.—Cinctn nuh Umoni.d. ffy* The woman who neglects her husband's dilapidated shirts, to attend sewing circles, and make flannel shirts and moral noukut handker chiefs for the heathen, is “ kiimer” mndo up in bml style. The sooner she starts for the South Sea Islands tho belter for Mr. "Brown. A Roquv;.—:A man who cheats \u short mea sure, is a nwoctfrslcM rogue. Unless ho gives short tucasuro in wheat, then ho is a rogue in groin.' Or, in whisky, then ho is a rogue in spirit. If ho gives a had title to land, ho is g rofii'V in-derd. And If ho 'cheats whenever ho can, ho is in deed, in spirit, and iu grain, ft measureless scoundrel. _ i T»b Bulk op oho says, .“Thoro nm exceptions to fever/ « ltt; ilw rule of throe ; that is nova* M y™r Income is to your .expenditure, so dchl? be’to your easl/ondiund; and consequent. ability to meet them." (Dbi)s aiib onfe' XT Act considerately [C/’NcVcr spcak/lightly.of i [£7* Illuminated letter—VaJcniincs/ XT Old jokes, like old [£27** Extensive plagiarism-Robbing a book store, ', ' -,' i j fCT* Storm}- March has taken its'departure. ‘ March, March away!’ 1 "•’> O* Avoid, as you would a pick-pocket, tho man who says 4 the world oirw him a living. , (XT* Punch speaks of venison as the ‘dear do* parted.’ ’ > . (C 7“ Programme of tho weather, last week— Mud, rain, wind, snow and sunslunc; . t CCT* Lengthened sweetness longdrawb out— a pretty girl seven feet tall.. *' (£7* It is astonishing how some ladies grow pale before a wash-bowl.' • ' - ■* •'' K7*Thc man who Ws teeth with tho point of a joko is in town.’ ; i ; O" A slanderer of the fair sex undertakes to prove that Satan was a woman’ homed -Lucy Fir. (Lucifer.) ■:< : • (XT* Dr. Adam Clark said: “IflwftS tomako an offering to the deril, it should boa.toaated pig stuffed with tobacco.” , (£/”■ A first class surgeon knows no more.a- Iwut kindness than a short horned Durham knows about the Psalms of David. ; •• O* Our adversaries think they refute us when they reiterate their own opinions without paying any attention to outs. The man who gives his children-a habit of industry, provides for them better than by giving then) a stock of money. [CT' Money spent in advertising, like seed somti In piod ground, will return, some three, some four, and some an hundred fold. * : 1 If yon would bo pungent, be brief, for it is with work as with sunbeams, thomore they are condensed, the deeper they burn. (TT* “ Married well,” means, now-a-days, yoKmg two fools together, with plenty of mo ney or land to justify tho folly. [TT* An elopement took place the other day which caused some consternation. A-dog ran awny with a newly married man's rib —ofoeefl OtT'Mrs. Partington say’s that’flour rises so fast, there isn’t the least need of •emptings* in making bread. TT Fishermen, it is said, possess extraordi nary medical powers, for they never attempt to rmc a h.>h until it is dead ! 0“ 'The roan who had a ‘fellow feeling,’ frit the loss of Ins purse, on examining his pocket shortly afterwards. ITT - The fellow who tried to fix up his coffee with the ’ milk of human kindness,’ says it is ten times weaker than the chalk and water dealt out from cans at six cents per quart. PTT 7 ' An Irish gentleman lately fought a duel with an intimate friend, because he jocosely as serted (hat he was liom without a shirt on hiu back ! \TTXi is remarked hy something of a wag. that where twenty persons have Stomachs, but one has brains ! bunco brewers grow rich while printers remain poor. Philosophical-that! ITT* Poor relations Umt have been flung aside, often turn up and prove of ralucwhcn least ex nechd—like bank notes that Imvobccn found, before now, in a waste paper basket. ITT* An English Imry. in a criminal ease, is said to have brought m the following verdict: “ Guilty, with some little doubts m to whether he is the man.” ItE7* Of all happy households, that in thohap piest where /a/sebood’is derer thought Of.' 'All peace in broken up when once it appears that them is a liar in the house. OCT* A Yankee Ims invented a machine for extracting the lies from quack advertisements. Some of (hem are never seen after entering the machine, as only the truth comes out. £7* When Falstaff called hisjVjcnd “Mifio Ancient Pistol*” docs he intend to intimate that ‘ that respectable individual was an old sou ofa guijr „ ■■ liumlml people, or tfao whaToV,.: world, are bibbers of cheers, but not inebriates. {£7“ Hood, in an article of singular humor, states that the phrase 4 republic of letters/ was hit upon to insinuate that, taking the whole lot of authors together, they had not a single sov ereign among them.” [TT* The latest mode of “ popping the ques tion,” Ik to do it with a kintfof laugh, ns if you acre joking. If the girl accepts you, enough s«ul: if »hc docs not, you can say you were only in ton. [C7“ A gentleman travelling iu Ireland, said loan importunate beggar, •• you have lost all your teeth.” The beggar answered, ‘‘An’itS time I’ll parted with ’em, when I’d nothing fbr ’em to do.” Exactly So. — U is every way creditable to liiuidlc the yard slick ami to measure tune; the only discredit consists in having n soul whose range of thought is ns short as Inc slick and as narrow us the tape. (P7* Byron gives this account of a parly with Sheridan :—lt was tlrsL.silent, then lulky, then argumentative, thru disputatious, then unintelligible, then altogether}’, then inarticu lately. then drunk. tp/- The people who send money to newspa per ollices, with a request to “send flic paper as long as the money lasts.” are respectfully informed, that, generally speaking, the money don't ’ last” long. l\yT' An Irishman, wanting to mend the roof of his lum.se, wrote to his ncigld»or to lend him his hul'ln. His letter ran ns follows:—“ heml meyoiir lather.” Themessengcrreturned with u shaving Ih>\ ! IC'-X’tinrh says, ■■ Tho sun iu called mascu line from his supporting and sustaining tho moon, and in finding her the withal to shine a way its she does at night, and from his being obliged to keep aitch a family of slaja besides.” people in some countries arc complete cannibals. In one of the South Sen Islandsthcy are inlmiiinn enough to cnt tlie ilcsli of snw-httT mch, mid iu another, they delight in poupa nuylo from the jouds of nightmares. . ■ . ID? The lihodo Island 'ghtyf all ’sing. -, A friend, laic from there," says they aiug i-Uctu* selves to'slecp at night, and. hqnever heard any thing likeit, sincahc was benighted in a swamp out West I : ’ ’ , dT” It a incurious fact that nearly nil tho most eminent colemporory British essayists, have owed to Atnericun editors tho.first cojjqo lion of their works, and to American critics, tlio best exposition of their genius. 'I in?* You rarely, if ever, see n politician with smooth hair, a great scholar with Buqlmir, an artist with redhair; a fop minister with long hair, or on editor ,whose hair js carefully adjusted. • 1 - • (py*Womenaro like horses—tlio gayci; tho harness they have on, tho better they ,fed. Wo got this from ah old bachelor, -who wss' early pressed in love, and pfrerwards U«> pawn-broking business. r ( r ;; $y Ladies who have a disposition' to phnlnli their husbands, should: bear r in mind that oft Utdcwiwui.nuushiuQ will melt, on iddo .mvmj} quicker than aycßMlor Kmdr nls‘l : t'H ; moro J likely to prevent tbun incrcujjo nose-pulling :u I J ..1 ?:J