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Vroftssional& Nusiness (t iris.
11...1. B: BRUMBAUGII,
. tI. jog perionnently located at Huntingdon, offers
~. +4.1..11 sort ices to the community.
three, the 'MC as that lately occupied by Dr. Laden
on Hill etieet. ap10,1366
-nit JOHN McCUTIOCH, offers' his
IL/ profeqsional per ices to the citizens of Huntingdon
°nice ou Hill street, one door east of Heed's
Drug Store. Aug. 28, '55.
T 1• ALLISON MILLER,
Mae removed to the Brick Row opposite the Court House
T, J. GREENE,
l• DENTIST. 441 04 ..
Olflco rernswed to Leieter's Now Dul!ding,
Dill street, Huntingdon.
JOHN S. MILLER, Proprietor.
April 6, 1870.
A P. -W. JOHNSTON,
.SUR if; INSURANCE AGENT,
ausTisa DON, PA
OfEire on Smith street
cT A. POLLOCK,
ctit VEYOR &REAL ESTATE AGENT,
• HUNTINGDON, PA.
Will attend to Surveying in all its branches, and w 111
buy and vell Real Estate iu any part of the United States.
bend for menial, dec29-tc
SYLV ANUS BLAIR,
ATTORNEY AT LAW,
111.6iTINCIDON, - PA, -
•Ottice on 11111 street, three doors west of Smith • y5'69
J. HALL MUSSER.
lAIUSSER & FLEMING,
Office second floor of Lebter's building, onII erect.
Seribious end other claims promptly collected. my2o'69
A GEENC Y FOR COLLECTING
CLAMS, BOUNTY, BACK PAY AND
All v.ho may Love any claims against the Government
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ux moDox, PA
ALLEN LO VELL,
Special attention gisen to Collections of all kinds; to
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under which nano they will hereafter conduct their
IT.TOR.N.LYS AT LA IV, lIUNTINGDON, re.
PENSION,. amd all claims of soldiers aud soldiers' hells
rigainwt the I.,..veiniatnt, will be promptly prosecuted.
lla 17, I,4•—ti.
P. M. Lytle & Milton S. Lytle,
ATTORNEYS. AT LAW,
Uaro'l.tnied a ras tuorrllip under the name and tent
P. M. & M. S. LYTLE,
And bare removed to the oMce on the south side of
11111 atict.t, tom th deer NN est of ',with.
They NV lii attend promptly to all kinds oh legal host-
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JOSEPH 4.13 T,
MANUFACTURER OF AM/ DEALER IN
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Of nll sizes and descriptions,
ALEXANDRIA, HUNTINGDON CO., PA.
June 9, Ilteh—tf
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77 , . WOJUS,
A. MILTON liPEity
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pAPER ! ZtPER! PAPER II !
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.tr4-Apply to Henry Le'eta., Proprietor of the "Broad
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ft do 1 month
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WM. LEWIS, HUGH LINDSAY, Publishers.
HOW TO CURE CONSUIVIPTION.
THE PHILOSOPHY OP DR. SCHENCK'S 011 E lT
MEDICINES.—WiII people never learn to know that
diseased liver and stomach necessin fly disease the NMI°
system t The plainest principles of common sense tooth
this and yet there are hundreds Sr ha ridicule the id. a,
and continuo ill the comso Inhich almost inns tinkly
brings them prematurely to the grave, Lining ne the
majority of the people do, at complete variance with tho
law, of nature, it must be apparent to all that. snorer or
later, nature m ill revongo herself. Hence wo find that
poisons en lie indolge to excess in the use of very rich or
indigestible food or intoxicating drinks. /mortality pay
a heavy penalty in the end. The stomach becomes dm
orderekand refuses to net the liver fails to perform its
functions, ill spopsia and its attendant evils follow, and
still the suffering indin Wools persist in clinging to the
thoroughly exploded idea of the pact. Dr. SCHENK'S
medicines are recommended to all such. They bring sere
and certain relief wherever they are used n, du acted,
and all that is necessary to establish their reputation
with every ailing man or woman in the lentils a flur and
impartial trial of them. Let those who are skeptical on
this point, and who have permitted interested percent to
prejudice them against them now celebrated remedies for
consumption. discard their prejudices, and be governed
by the principles of reason .and common sense. If the
system is disordered depend upon it, in nine cases out of
ten the seat of the disorder will be found in the stomach
and liver. To cleanse and invigorate the stomach and to
stimulate the liver to healthy notion, use
SCHENCK'S MANDRAKE PI LLS.—The daily increas
ing demand for these pulls In the beet evidence of their
value. Thonsamis upon thonsands of bOXOB are sold daily.
Why? Simply because they act promptly and efficiently
Invalids who may not find it convenient to call on Dr.
SCHENCK in person are informed that full and com
plete directions for use accompany each package of the
3IANDIIAKE PILLS, PULMONIC SYRUP AND SEA.
WEED TONlC.—These medicines will cure consumption
unless the lungs nro so far gone that the patient is entire
ly beyond the mach of medical relief.
It may be asked by those who me not familiar with
the virtnes'of these great remenlies,ellow do Dr. Schenck's
medicines effect their wonderful cures of consumption 1"
The answer is a simple one. They begin their work
of restoration by bringing the stomach, liver nod bowels
into an active healthy condition. It is filed that cures
this formidable disease. SCHENCK'S MANDRAKE
PILLS act on iho liner and stomach, promoting healthy
secretion, and removing the bile and slime which trove
result, d from the 'ninth° or torpid condition cf those or
gans, and of the system generally. This sluggish state
of the body, and the consequent accumulation ofthe tin.
healthy substances named prevent the proper digestion
of food, and. as n natural consequence creates 'disease,
which result, in prostration and finally In death..
SCHENCK'S PULMONIC SYRUP mid SEAWEED TON
IC, semen taken regularly, mingle with the food, and the
digestive organs, make good and rich blood and as a nat
ural consequence, give flesh and strength to the patient.
Let the faculty nay what it may, this Is the only true
cure for consumption. Experience has proved beyond
the shadow oh a doubt, and thousands aro today alive
and well who a few years since were regarded as hope.
less cases, but who were induced to try Dr. SCHENCK'S
remedies, and were restored to permanent health by
One of the first stops the physician should take with
a consumptive patient is to int igorrto the system. Now
how is tine to ho done I Certainly not by giving medi
cines that exhaust and enervate—medicines that impair
Instead of improve the inactions of the digestive organs
Doctor SCHENCK'S medicines cleanse the stomach and
boucle of all substances m Inch are calculated to irritate
or weaken them. 'they create an appetite—promote
healthful digs stion—m.dte good blood, and, as a conse
quence, they tuvip,ot ate and strengthen the entire sys
tem and mote especial ly those parts a biell are diseesed
If this cannot be done, then the case must be regarded as.
If the physician finds It impossible to make a patient
feel hungry, if the deceased person cannot par take of good
nourishing food and properly digest it. it is impossible
that lie can gain in flesh nun strength; and it Is equally
impossible to tiring a patient to this eond Mon so long as
the liver is burdened with diseased bile, and the stomach
laden with unhealthy slime.
Almost the fleet ecolost made to the physician by a
consumptive Erotica; is that lie will prescribe medicines
that will Minty the cough, night sweats and chills, which
are the Earn aitendsnta mt COleraMpliall. Bat Ilia should
not be done, so th cough is only an flirt of patine to
relieve it , ell, ninth e.tts and Chilli ale Calleed
by the diseasid lung, 'line teniedles ordinarily prescrib•
ed do Mere halm than good. They i mote the functions
of the stomach, impede heal tny digestion, and aggravate
rather than cone the di4f ace.
There is, after all, nothing like facts IN bh It to sule,tan
tiate a roqitton. nn I It i. upon facts that De. Schonek's
relies. Nearly all Mho have taken his medicines in or
tordance Kith his dit ect ions !MVO not only been cored of
consumption, hut. front the fact that these medicines act
Kith wonderful power upon the d ige , t meat galls, patients
thus currd veeddy gain flesh. Clean.log the system of
all boron dies, they lay the famalation for a t,olid, sub
stantial attuctu Restm ing the, twoas to health.
they create an appetite. The food in prop r•r7.,
led ;the quantity of blood is not out) tufta.a.ed, but i
mode licit and strong and in the faro of each a condition
of the system all dilSeVs unlit he banished.
Fllll tliteLtion9 necotoptly each of the medicines, AO
that it is lot alo-olutely necessary that patienta eiltould
nee Dr Sell ENCIC lwron+ally. luJrw they desire to halo
their longs u..; lin hied. For thh purpose he is at it in Of.
tier. No 15 North Sixth St.. corner of Commerce, Phila.,
every Sattirolny. from S A. 51. until 1 I'. 31.
Alll leo is 1;1,911 wtlhaul ell/II go. but for thorough es
°ruination with the Ite.pironicti I the charge is
Price of the Pulnionic S 3 rap an , l Scow, ell Tonic each,
$1 50 per bottle, or $7 50 a half ,town Mandrake fills
25 cents c a Los. For sale by all d,ugginty. Ap.l2ly.
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iileasogico um a cull.
Mtrchart t Tailor.
Iluntiu,Glm, Pa., April itb,.lss).
I RIP VAN WINKLE, M. D
Alt Aftor-Dinnor Prescription.
Ild.en by the Xassarbusetts Medical Society, at their Nut
log kid May 25, 1870.
Old flip Van Winklo had a grandson, flip,
Of the paternal block a genuine chip;
A lazy, sleepy, curious kind of chap;
Ile, Into lon grandsho, took a mighty nap,
Whereof the story I proposo to toll
In two hi el cantos, if you listen well.
The times were hard when Itip to manhood grow ;
They alwa.3 e will be when there's work to do;
Ito tried at farming—found it rather slow—
And then at teachl og—u hat he didn't know;
Then took to hanging round the tavern bars,
To frequent teddies and loug•nine cigars,
Till Dame Van:Winkle, out of patience, vexed
With preaching homilies, having for their text
A mop, a broomstick—aught that might avail
To point a moral or Intern a tale,
Excleitned—"lltave tr I NOW, thon, Mr. 'V. I
He's good for something—make him an M. D.l"
The die was oast; the youngster was content;
Tboy packed his shirts and stockings, and ho wont
How hard ho studied it wore vain to ton—
ne drowsed through Winter, nodded over 8011,
Slept emend with Cooper, snored aloud on Good;
Heard heaps ofleetures—doubtless understood—
A constant listener, for ho slid not fail
To carve his name on every bench and rail.
Months grow to year si at last ho counted throe,
And Rip Van Winkle found himself M. D.
Illustrious title! in a gilded fratno;
ne set the sheepskin NNith his Latin name,
Ripum Tim Si - W/Im, quern—We SChnitS—know
Idoneum east—to do so and so.
Ito hired an office ; soon Hs walls displayed
His new diploma and stock in trade,
A mighty arsenal to subdue disease
Of various names, whereof I mention those;
Lancets and hoagies, grant and little squirt,
Rhubarb and Senna, Snakeroot, Thoroughwort,
Ant. Tart., Yin. Catch., Pll. Cochiro and Black Drop,
Tinctures of Opium, Gentian, Henbane, hop,
Poly. Ipecncuanhte, which for lack
Of breath to utter men call Ipecac,
Camphor and Hine, Turpentine, Tolu,
Cubrebs,"Copeevey," Vitriol—white and blue,
Fennel and Flaxseed, Slippery Blot and Squill,
And loots of Sassafras and "Sassarrill,"
Brandy for colics—Pinkroot, death on worme—
Valerian, calmer of hysteric squirms,
Muck, Assnfoatida, the resinous gnm
Named from its odor—well, it does smell some—
Jalap, tbat works not wisely, but too well,
Tell ponied, of bark and six of Calomel.
For outward griefs ho had an ample store,
Some to euty jars and pinnate, or more;
arab/tit simplex—housewives oft compile
The same at home, and call it "wax and ile ,"
Mupienfunt I?eshumunt—chango its name,
The "drawing salvo" of many on onetont demo ;
A rgnth : Atieras, "Spanish
Whose virtue makes the water bladder rise—
(Some nay that spread upon a toper's skin
They draw no water, only rain or gin)—
Leeches, sweet vermin 1 don't they chars, the sick 2
And sticking-plaster-410W It hates to stick I
EnVastrum Ferri—ditto Pieis. Pitch:
Washes and Powders, Brimstone for the--which
Scabies or Psora, is thy chosen name
Sines 11111111cm:um's goose quill scratched then Into flame,
Proved thee the source of every nameless 111,
Whore solo specific is n moonshine pill,
Till saucy science, with a quiet grin,
held op tho Aran., crawling on a pin.
—Mountains have labored and have brought forth mice,
The Dutchmen's theory hatched a brood of—to ice
Fro well styli said them—words unfitting rtnlto
For these fair precincts and for ems polite.
The surest foot may chance at last to slip,
And so at length it proved with Doctor ltip•
One full.siml bottle stead inion the shelf
Which held the medielnii that he took himself ;
Whate'er the reason, it most be confessed
Ile tilled that bottle oftener than the rest;
What drug it held I don't presume to know—
The gilded latol said "Elixir Pro.''
Ono day the doctor found the bottle full,
And, being Mit sty,•took a rigorous pull,
Put back the "Elixir•' where 'twos always found,
And Lad oid Dobbin saddled and brought round.
—You know those old•timo rhubarb-Colored nage
That carried doctors and their eaddle-bags;
Pagncious boasts I they stopped at every place
Wintro blinds were shut—knew every patient's CIISO
Looked up and thought—the baby's in a lit—
That wont last long—hell soon be through with It:
But shook their beads before the knackered door
Where some old lady told the story o'er
Whose endless stream of tribulation flows
For gastric griefs and perlstalie woes.
What Jack-o'-lantern led him from his way,
And wheat it led him it were hard'to say;
Enough, that wandering many a mile
Through paths the mountain sheep trod single illo,
Wercomo by footings such as patients know
Who dose too freely with "Elixir Pro."
Ile tumid—dismounted, slightly in a heap,
And lay, promiscuous, lapped in balmy Bleep.
Night followed night, and day succeeded day,
Dot snoring still tho slumbering doctor lay.
Poor Dobbin, starving, thou , upon his stall,
And straggled homeward, saddle-bags and all;
The villago people hosted all around,
Dot nip was missing—never could be found.
"Drownded," they guessed; for more than half a year
Tho pouts and eels did taste uncommon queer ;
Some said of apple-brandy—other somi,
Founds strong flavor of New England ram.
—Wily'ean't a fellow hour the fine things said
About a fellow when a fellow's dead
The hest of doctors—so the press declared—
A public blessing while his 11th was spared,
Truo to his country, bounteous to the poor,
In all 'things temperate, sober, Just and pore;
The best of husbands ! echoed Mrs. Van,
And set Ler cap to catch another man.
—So ends this Canto—lf it's quantum cuff.,
We'll just stcp hero and say we're had enough,
And leave poor Rip to sleep for thirty years;
I grind the organ if you lend your ears
To hear my second Canto, after that
We'll send around the monkey with the hat.
So thirty years had past—bat not a word
In all that time of Rip was ever heard;
Tho world wagged on—it never does go back—
The widow Tan Was now tho widow Mac—
Franco was nu empire—Andrew J. was dead,
And Abraham L. was reigning in his stead,
Four murderous years had passed in savage strife,
Set still the rebel held his bloody knife.
—At last eno morning—who forgets tlto day
When the black cloud of war dissolved away I
The joyous tidings spread o'er land and sea,
Rebellion done fort Giant has oaptuted Leo!
UP every flagstaff sprang the Stars and Stripes—
Out rushed the Extras, wild with mammoth types,
Down went the laborer's hod, the schoolboy's book—.
i'llooraw !" he cried—iitho robot army's took l"
Ali! what a limo I the folks all mad with Joy;
Each fond, pale motlter thinking of her boy;
Old graphalred fathers mooting—Have ice board?
And then a chola—and not another word;
Sisters all smiling—maidens, not Ices dear;
Iu tionibling poise between a smile and tear;
Poor Bridget thinking how she'll stuff the plums
In that big cake for Johnny when becomes;
Cripples afoot—lbeannalice on the Jump,
Old girls so loving they could hog the pump,
Anna going bang! from °very fort and ship—
They banged co loud at last they wakened Rip.
I slime the picture, how a man appears
ITlto's teen asleep a scoro or two of years;
Yea all have seen it to perfection done.
Ily Joe Van Wink—l mean Rip Jeffelson,
Well, so it was—old Rip at last came back,
Claimed his old wife—the present widow Mae—
Had his old sign regibled, and began
Topreollte rby tie on the MS, Will:dim,
HUNTINGDON, PA., TUESDAY, AUGUST 9, 1870.
BY OLIVER WENDELL HOLIES
SOBIC wteki .rent I,3—it war not long to wait—
And "please to call" grow frequont on the slate,
Ile had, In fact, an anclunt mildewed air,
A long gray beatd, a plentorear lack of hair—
The musty look, that always recommends
font good old doctor to his ailing Wends.
Talk of your science! after all Is raid,
There's nothing like a Imo and chilly Load,
Ago lends the graces that are sure to please—
Finks IN ant their doctors mouldy, like their cheese
SO ltip began to look at people's tongues
And thump their briskets (called it "sound their lunge,")
Brushed mr his knowledge smartly as ho could,
Read in old Cullen and in Doctor Good,
The town was healthy; for a month or two
Ile gars the sexton little work to do.
About tbo time wbon dotpday heats begin,
Measles and mumps and mulligrabs set in ;
With autumn evenings dysontery came,
And dusky typhoid lit bis smouldering flame;
The blacksmith added—the carpenter was down,
And halftime children sickened in the town.
The sexton's face glow shorter than before—
The sexton's wife a brand new bonnet wore—
Things looked quite unions—Earth has got a grip
On old and young, in spite of Doctor :tip.
And now tho Squire was taken with a
Wife gave 'Lot drops"—at night an 'lndian pill ;
Next morning, feverish—hcaltime gott ing worse,
Out of hie head—began to rave and curse;
The Doctor soot for—double quick ho eame ;
Ant, Tart. gran. duo. and repeat the same
If no et cetera. Third day—nothing now;
Percussed his therax—sot him cussing, too— ,
Lung-fever threatening—something of the sort—
Out with the lancet—lot him blood—a quart
Ten leeches next—then blisters to his side;
Ten grains of calomel—just then ho died.
The Deacon next required the Doctor's care—
Took cold by sitting in a draught of air—
Pains iu the back, but what the matter is
Not quite so clear—ss ifs calls it "rheumatic"
Rubs back with flannel—gives him something hot—
" Alt I" says the Deacon, "that goes nigh the spot."
Next day a rigor—run, my little man,
And say the Deacon sends for Doctor Van.
The Doctor carne—porcusaion, as before,
Thumping and banging till his ribs'wers sore—
" Right aide up the flattest"—then more vigorous raps,
Fever—that's certain—pleurisy, perhaps,
A quart of blood will aa.se the pain, no doubt.
Ten leeches next will help to suck it out,
Then clap a blister on the painful part—
But first two grains of Anthnonium Tart.
Last, with a dose of cleansing calomel
Unload the portal system—that sounds yell!
But when the sell--sumo remedies wore tried,
As all the village knew, the Stoke died;
Tho neighbors—"this will never do,
lin's killed the Squire—he'll kill the Deacon too,"
—Now, when a doctor's patients are perplexed,
A consultation comes in order next—
know what that is 1 In a certain place
Meet certain doctors to discuss a case
And other scatters, such as weather, crops;
Potatoes, pumpkins,. lager boor and hops.
For what's the use? Theta's littlo to he sold,
Nino tunes in ten your lu:weans good us dead—
At boat a talk (the secret to olieclose)
Whore Oa te men guess and sometimes one man knows
Tho counssl summoned came on ithout delay—
Young Doctor Green nod shrewd old Doctor Gra3 -
Ttloy tired the I" says Doctor Green
iiTbat's downs fight murder' cut his throat you mean!
Leeches! tho reptiles I IVliy for pity's sake,
Not try an adder or a rattlesnake ?
Blisters! entry bless you, tboy'ro against the low—
It's lank assault nod ballet y if they draw I
Tin trate of Antimony P shade of Luke,
Stotonchs bun pals at thought of sock rebuke!
The portal systoni I What's tho noun about ?
Unload your 1101.011. 1 Caloniel's played out
You've been asleep—you'd bettor sleep away
Till some one calls you—"
"flop l" says Doctor Gray—
" Tho story Is you slept for thirty years ;
With Brother Green, I uw•n that it appears
You must havo slumbered most sinning sound;
But sleep oneo more till fhb ty years come round,
You'll lied HO lancet to Its honored place,
Leeches and blisters mimed from disgrace,
Your drugs redeemed from fashion's passingseorn,
Aud counted sato to give to babas unborn."
Poor sleepy Rip, M. M. S. S., M. D.,
A puzzled, serious, saddened man was ho ;
boom nom the Deacon's house bo plodded slow
And filled ono bomber of "Elixir Pro."
"Good-bye," ho faltorod, "Mt,. Van, my dear I
I'm going to sleep, but wake too once it year;
I don't like bleaching In the frost and dew,
I'll take tho barn, if all the same to you.
Just once a year—remember I no mistake
Cry, 'Rip Von Winkle, time for you to wake!'
Watch for the week in May %Olen layloeks blow,
Pot then the Doctors meet, and I most go."
Just onto a year tho Doctor's worthy damn
Goes to the barn and shouts hot husband's name,
'Tomo, Rip Van Winkle!" (gin ing him a shako)
"Rip! Rip Van Winkle! time for you to wako I
letylocks in blossom! 'tis the mouth of May—
The doctor's meeting is this blessed day,
And coma chat will, you know I haul you swear
You'd never miss it, but bo always there!"
And so it is, as over- year comes round,
Old lOp Nan 'Winkle hero Is always found.
You'll quickly know hint by his mildowed air,
The haysetd sprinkled through his scanty hair,
The lichens growing on his rusty suit—
I've seen a toadstool sprouting on his boot—
Who says I lie t Does any man presume—
Toadstool t No matter, call it a mushroom.
Where is his seat:4 Ho moves it every year ;
But look, you'll find him—ho is always hare,
Perhaps you'll track him by a tibia' you know—
A certain flavor of "Elixir Pro."
Now t than, I givo:you—as yon seem to think
Wo can drink heal Ws without a drop to drink—
Heal th to tho mighty sleeper—long live he!
Our brothor B. S., M. D.
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
Life is like a race where some suoceed,
While others arc beginning; •
'Tie luck in some, in others speed,
That gives an early winning
But if you chance to fall behind,
Ne'er slacken your endeavor ;
Remember, though you are surpassed,
"'Tis bettor lute than never 1"
And if you keep ahead, 'tie well,
But never trip your neighbor;
'Tie noble when you can excel
By honest, patient labor:
But if you are outstripped at last,
Press on as bold as ever ;
Remember, though you are surpassed,
"'Tie better late than never I"
No'er labor for an idle boast,
Or victory o'er another;
But while you strive your utmost,
Deal fairly with a brother;
Whate'or your station, do your best,
And held your purpose over;
And if you fail to do the rest,
''Tie better late than never !"
Choose well the path in which you run,
Succeed by noble daring ;
Then though the last, when once 'tie won,
Your crown is worth the wearing;
Then never fret if loft behind,
Nor slauken your endeavor,
But over keep this truth in mind,
''Tie bettor late than neverl"
Lot your wit be your friend, your
mind your companion, and your
tongue your servant.
A. nu tnilch cow is stepmother tew
°very rueu's baby.
4, ti ~,., •
4 .1 _...„.
t,., 6 4 ".• \ 4.
~.:„..,..:, , ~.„
John Quill's Farm Experience,
A GOOD STORY
If you take my advice you won't
practice agriculture for a living. This
thing of being a farmer is all very
nice for you to rend about, you know,
but if you get in the business you will
wish you had been born in an orphan
asylum, and died in your second sum
I don't want to obtrude my private
affairs on the public, but I'm like an
awful example in a temperance lec
ture, you understand, and if I can save
any other men from my fate, why I
am going to do it. bly advice to all
men is, be an honorable organ grinder
or an ex-President, or a gorilla, or go
into the cold victual business, or ped
dle matches, but don't agriculture.
I bought a small farm in New Jer
sey, and became a husbandman. I
stocked the estate with all the appa
ratus, and as I didn't know any more
about farming than a goose does about
four dollars a week, I engaged a man
named Stoddles as my constitutional
advisor. Stoddles professed to be up
to all the horbolic dodges, but I must
confess that after eighteen months I
consider Stoddles a fraud. As an ab
solute failure he is a perfect success.
In the first place there was not a
drop of water on the promises, and
Stoddles said he would advise me as a
friend, to dig a well. So I got a lot
of tools and begun. Wo hadn't dug
more than six feet before wo struck
solid rock. I wanted to slant her off
to one side, but Stoddles observed that
was the rock on which the State of
old New Jersey was founded, and we
would have to blast her.
So we blasted her and got one of
the finest earthquakes you ever saw
in your born days. It shook down 2
chimneys and lightning rod, and Stod
dies was struck on the head with a
falling of a brick.
We dug in that well for a week, and
we struck everything but water. I
could have got coal, oil, gold, marble
and marl or anything else out of that
excavation, but I was looking after
cold water just then, and I would not
want, to touch anything else. Stod
dlos took mo aside at the end of the
week and confidently advlsed me to
stick at it; for,' said he, 'you know if
you can't get water at first, if you
keep on you're bound to strike water
on the outside, and then you, have a
sure thing of it: you have got it all in
your own hands, you understand.' •
Stoddies put me in mind of a man
who grew carrots so long that the
Chinese pulled them through by the
roots from the opposide of the globe
before ho got a chance at them.
My oxen were singular oxen. They
both seemed to have St. Vitus' dance
in their tails, they could never keep
It annoyed me, for I was afraid
every minute they would work loose,
and no decent farmer, you know,
wants to bo wandering around with
bob tailed oxen. So I tied a stone to
the end of each tail to keep them
down, and this worked well enough
until one morning when the flies were
bad, and the near ox got his brush up,
stone and all, and liked to have brain
ed my oldest boy. I've got the tail
tied to his off hind leg now, and if he
wants to switch it, he's got to lift him
self off the ground. And it's the same
way with the hens. I bought a lot of
hens on purpose to lay eggs, but they
are not on that lay. Every ono I've
got seems to feel that she is out of her
normal sphere if she is not setting.—
That old speckled bon of mine has
been thrown up in the air, soused iu
cold water, put under a barrel, and
had all the inducements held out to
her to knock too, but she has a good
deal of firmness of character, and she
is now trying to hatch a door knob
and grindstone handle, and I think
, I planted some onions some time
agb, and I waited all summer to see
thorn bear. But they didn't. After
they had gone to seed, Mr. Stoddles
said that onions grow under ground
and I ought to have them dug out.
Next year I planted some tomatoes,
antras'eoon as they Oomo_l began dig
ging for them. Mr. Stoddles said that
I had ruined all the plants, for toma
toes grow on the top. Why don't
they have all things alike, anyhow ?
What's the use of ono growing in the
ground and the other out of it? Why
there ain't any. I planted potatoes
last year, but they didn't grow. "Nev
er you mind," said Mr. Stoddles, "them
is all right." But I was naturally im
patient, and so after waiting seven
months, I wont out and dug for ono
and there it was, in the very spot
where I put it, looking so familiar and
natural that I sat down and cried like
Then I dug them all up; they had
kept first rate. There don't seem to
be much profit in it. Mr. Stoddlos re
marked that they were not a prolific
variety, and I don't think they wore
Don't ever keep bees. I have some,
but Stoddles accidentally sat on one,
ono day, and ho made such a bowl
about it that tho whole hive swarmed
on me and scared mo out of my senses.
I like a sociablo bee, but there is such
a thing as overdoing cordiality.
How aro you on parsnips ? I advise
you not to cultivate them. A man
gave mo some seeds, which ho said
wore a good variety. I planted ono
to try it. It was a double rooted kind
—straddled out like a fork in the road.
When it got ripe I thought I would
take it up, but it wouldn't come. I
tackled that parsnip with a monkey
wrench, a crowbar and a cross cut
saw, but it never moved au inch.—
Stoddles said it was on account of
them roots, and I had bettor have
them extracted with gas. He said he
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TERMS, $2,00 a year in advance.
thought "very like them roots ran
around the globe, Hip the equator, and
clinched on the other side."
So we got a yoke of oxen, and hitch
ed them on, and the old vegetable
came along with half a ton of rock in
his grip, and then it was so tough that
you couldn't make an impression on
it with a cold chisel.
I suppose you are not bothered any
with crows. Well, I am. The crow is
a vivacious and sagacious bird. Our
crows combined the acute intelligence
of human and condor. I sowed a
patch of corn last spring, and went to
tea at night feeling sweetly and calm
The crows held caucus that evening,
and fell in for grub on my corn. There
wasn't a grain left in the morning.
I sowoa some more and harrowed
it in; you know what a harrow is—an
exaggerated curry-comb. Well,strange
to relate, the crows missed just seven
grains of that corn, and precisely that
number of stalks came up, and
bly I should have got in a crop of two
or three ears to the acre, if the cows
hadn't broke the fence, and ate it be
fore it came to any thing. Mr. Stod
dies says corn is a poor crop. I should
think it was.
As I couldn't got water from the
well, I concluded to take it from the
river. So I laid down a mile and a half
of pipe and set a hydraulic rant to
force the water along. It worked first
rate, but the trouble is, I can't stop
the ram. After I got enough of water
in the tank, the ram kept on pumping
and the water overflowed and drench
ed the house, and flooded the kitchen,
and finally arranged itself into a first
class cascade out of the garrett win
dow. It is going yet, and I sleep in
the barn. If you hear of anybody ad
vertising for a magnificent water-fall,
let me know, will you ?
And then as to horses. I know that
man whose horse went so. fast that
when he stopped him suddenly it turn
ed the haio the wrong way,. but that
is not the forte of my horse. My
horse's weakness is backing. As a
back er I -never saw hid equal. He
would back from here •to Kansas if
you'd lot him. He sedins to think
that is the way nature intended him
to go. I always hitch him up with
his head over the daSh board of the
wagon, and he trots along first rate.—
That is, he used to. For last Wed
nesday I tied him to a tree, and he
got one of his fits on him, and backed
clear out his hide, which ho loft bitch
ed to the tree whilehe pranced his old
carcrss over the asparagus bed, and
died. But as he had the glanders, and
worried with tho hots, and bothered
with the blind staggers, and besides
having the heaves, and being •sprung
in the knees, it was just as well.
Steddles says that is the best day's
job he ever did. If you know a man
who has a taste for farming—some
regular feeble minded, glibboring im
becile or an idiot who wants to buy a
place recommend him to me, will you?
I want to sell out cheap. I'd rather
have a domfortable situation in State
Prison than to be gardening here in
this kind of style.
The Shadow of Life.
Wo have rarely met with anything
more beautiful than the following,
which wo find in an old Now . Yorlt -
"All that live must die;
Passing through nature to eternity."
Men seldom think of the .great
event of death until the dark shadow
falls across their own path, hiding for
ever from their eyes , the faces of the
loved ones, whose living smile was
the sunlight of their existence. Death
is the great antagonism of life, and the
cold thought of the tomb is the skele
ton in all our feasts.
We do not want to go through the dark
valley, although its passage may lead
to Paradise; and, with Charles Lamb,
wo do not wish to lie down in the
mouldy grave, oven with kings and
princes for our bed-fellows.'
But the fiat of nature is inexorable
There is no appeal or repeal from the
great law that•doomo us all to the dust.
We, flourish and fade like. the leaves
of the forest, and the frailest flowers,
that blooms and withers in a day, has
not a frailer. bold on life than the
mightiest monarch that .has over
shook the earth by his footsteps. Gen
erations of men 'appear and vanish
like the grass, and the countless
tudo that swarms the world to-day,
will to-morrow dis'appear like foot
prints on the shore':
"Boon as the' rising tide shall beet,
Each trace will vanish from the sand."
In the beautiful drama ,of lon,,the
instinct of immortality, so eloquently
uttered by the death devoted Greek,
finds a deep response in every thought.
flu soul. It is nature's prophesy of
life to come. When about to yield his
young existence as a sacrifice to fato,
his betrothed Clemantho asks if they
shall not meet again; to which he re
plies : "I have asked that dreadful
questiob of the hills that look eternal;
of the flowing streams that flow for
ever; of the stars, among whose
fields my raised spirit bath walked in
glory. All were dumb. But while I
gaze upon thy living face, I feel there's
something in that love which mantles
through its beauty that cannot wholly
perish. We shall meet again, Ole
LOVE or IiATURF:—He who has a
love of nature can never be alone. In
tho shell ho picks up on the shore, in
the leaf fading at his feet, in the grain
of sand, and in tho morning dew, ho
sees enough to employ his mind for
hours. Such a mind is never idle
He studios the works of his ➢faker,
which ho sees all around him, and
finds a pleasure of which the devotee
of sin and folly can from no concep
JOB PRINTING OFFICE.
TAE" GLOBE JOB OFFICE"
the most complete of any in the couptry, end pc*
eemee the most ample %Minim, for promptly executing t 9
the best style, every variety of fob Printing, inch it -
- BILL HEADS, `
LABELS, &C., &C., &C
CALL AND EXAMINE ePECIMENS OP WORE,i
LEWIS' BOOK STATIONERY A: MUSIC STOKE:
Payment of Pensiong,
Among the most important of the
acts passed by Congress at the lute
session,was that providing for the pay
ment of pensions quarterly to pension
ers and for the regulation of fees to
be paid to claim agents for the prose
cution of claims for pensions arid
.Said act become a law
July 8, 1870, and prescribes in sub
stance as follows :--r
SEC. 1. Pension agents shall prepare
and transmit within 15 days preceding
the 4th of March, June, September
and December, in each year, vouchers
for quarterly payments to pensioners
direct, who, on or after said 4th day
of March, may execute a return and
return the said vouchers and none oth
ers to the said pension agents.
EEC. 2. Upon the receipt of such
vouchers, properly executed, and the
establishment of identity of the pen
sioners entitled to the pension, the
pension agent shall immediately for
ward by mail to the said pensioner di
rect, and no other person, a check
payable solely to the order f said pen."
sioner, except when the pnesioner is
required to appear personally and re
ceive the pension.
Silo, 3. No pension shall under any
circumstances he paid to any one but
the pensioner entitled thereto, except
in case of pensioners legally disabled,,
when payments may be made to guar,,
dians, and in case of pensioners resi
dent abroad, when payment may be
made as provided uodei• previous
Sc.E 4. Pension agents shall receive,
for all services rendered to pensioners,
including postage, 30 cents, payable
by the United States • and no more
shall be received by them, under the
penalty of $5OO.
SEC 5. The Secretary of the Interior
shall provide blank vouchers, to be
used as above stated, and regulations
SEC. 0 Pension agents and their au,
thorized clerks shall take and certify
affidavits of all pensioners who may,
appear before them for that purpose,•
and givelthe 'check for the pension to
the pensioner personally; and for tali.
ing any such affidavit falsely and
corruptly, the affiant shall be deemed
guilty of perjury, the penalty being
imprisonment fur five years or less,
and a fine not exceeding $lOOO.
SEC. 7. The fee of an agen't or attor
ney for the prosecution of a elaim fOr
pension or, bounty-money shall not ex
ceed $25. The agent ,or attorney
must file, without cost to the claimant,
with the Commissioner of Pensions,
duplicatearticles of agreement, duly
attested setting forth the fee agreed
upon. When no such agreement is
filed or approved by the Commission,
or, thepo shall be $lO and no more,
SEC. $. - For a contract for demand
or receipt or retention of any compen.
sation greater than above stated, the
penalty shall - be a fine of $5OO or less,
or imprisonment for five years or lest
or for. both.
SEC. 0. The Commissioner of, Pen %
sions shall forward to the Pension,
Agents the certificates of pension, one
of the articles of agreement, if approv.
ed by him, and directions as to the,
payment of the fees.
SEc. 10. The Pe:pSions agents shall
deduct from the amount of foe if any,
and Ihrwarcl the same, less 30 cents,
as directed by the Commissioner,
THAT WONDERFUL PRATER.—Whinta
Why' that ono your mother taught.
you. Did you ever think, short though
it be, how much there is in it? Like a'
diamond in the crown of a queen, it
unites a thousand sparkling gems in
It teaches all of us, every one of us,
to look to God as our parent—" Our
It prompts us to raise our thoughts
and desires above the earth—" Who art
It tells us we bitist reverence our
Heavenly Father—" Hallowed be Thy
It breathes a missionary spirit—
" Thy kingdom come."
And a submissivO, obedient spirit—
" Thy will bo done. on earth as it in
And a dependent, trusting
"Give us this day our daily bread."
And a forgiving spirit-" Forgive us
Our trespasses as We forgive those wh9
trespass against us" ,
And a cautious spirit—" Deliver us
And last of all an adorning spirit— ,
°For thine is 'the, kingdom, and the
power, and the glory forever and ever:
Now is it not both a wonderful and
e beautiful prayer? Jesus, 'our dear
Saviour, taught it, and who could
better tell us how to pray to His Fathi
or and our Father, to_ its God and
'Here, Alfred, is ao apple; divide it
politely with your little sister.' How
shall I divide it politely, mamma ?'
'Give the largest part to the other per.
son, my child.' Alfred banded the ap ,
plo to his little sister, saying, 'Hero,
sis, you divide it yourself.'
Two young ladies and an Irishman
wore convereing on ago, when one of
them put the home question, 'Which
of us do you think is the older, Mr. B.; 7'
'Sure replied the gallant Hibernian,
'you both look younger than each
'I am suro you live in paradise, my
dear fellow, since your marriage,' was
the would-be complimentary remark.
of a friend. Tho reply was 'No; in
paradise there is no such thing as
If a man haint got a well balanced
bead, I like tew see him part hiz hair
in the middle.